#just gonna start posting all the texts ik im gonna get one word answers to lmfao

[fr00tbats]

cant stop thinking abt this episode where wembley goes "aw, rocks 🫤" & i keep saying that to myself now

[willowistic22]

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for...  obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

-

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit. 

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

[isitthescreaming20syet]

Do all the numbers you coward

– disclaimer: i did this at like late at night o’clock, while trying to avoid my fourth breakdown that hour. and i didn’t have my glasses on. so . if there’s any spelling errors that i didn’t catch, let me know.–

ok cool. imma just pick a post and go at it then.

1. what colour are you’re eyes?

Usually they’re like a green/brown ig?

2. do you like your name? why?

Yes, I love my name. I picked it myself with the help of some of my friends. It comes from a couple different book characters who are both super strong physically and emotionally and they’re honestly an inspiration to me.

3. what is your relationship status?

…. single as fuck man. Is it too much to ask for a guy who is sweet and not pushy and bigger than me so I can steal his hoodies and be swamped in them??

4. describe your personality in 3 words or less

“another fucking breakdown??”

5. what colour hair do you have?

currently a really gross red, (well I think it’s gross but i just don’t like reds) but on Thursday I finally re-dye it and im gonna go green!!

6. how would you describe your style?

either I pull smth out of the drawer in the morning and hope it goes together, or I spend three weeks planning it.

7. what size bed do you have?

P sure it’s a queen? my dog manages to take up half of it and he’s the size of a bread loaf.

8. any siblings?

Ye, two half sisters!! 

9. favourite t.v. show?

The Umbrella Academy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10. describe your dream date

uhhhhh, smth outside? like a picnic. at night, but with plenty of lights. and star gazing!!!! bc spACE!!!

11. what colour socks are you wearing?

uh… one crew that’s white and purple and one ankle that blue and white…. 

12. how many pillows do you sleep with?

trick question!! I don’t sleep with pillows. I use throw/travel blankets and stuffed animals. I do have two pillows on my bed, but they’re for my dog to sleep on.

13. do you have a job? what do you do?

I do! I just started a week or so ago and I make drinks! ISTG IF SOMEONE ORDERS ONE MORE GODDAMN MINI SLUSHI IM GONNA KILL A MAN.

14. how many friends do you have?

hhhhh, i think i have abt 0. but in reality i probably have 10ish actual friends?

15. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve done plenty of shitty things but im not in a good place to answer this one rn.

16. what’s your favourite candle scent?

Another trick question! i despise candles and nearly anything that has a smell. good or bad.

17. three favourite boy names?

Klaus bc my boiiiiiiiiii

Ethan istg anyone i know irl brings this up you will regret it

Ashton

18. three favourite girl names?

ooooo boyyy,

Claire

Isabella (spanish pronounciation obv)

Vanya bc yk i had to make another reference but also it’s rlly pretty and just look at it!!

19. who is your celebrity crush?

ik it’s basic but cole sprouse is the first one that comes to mind.

20. do you read a lot? what’s you favourite book?

yes I read all the time bc reADING IS GOOD @dodo-likes-to-tumbl

my favourite book is probably Six of Crows.

21. top 10 favourite songs?

hhhooooohhhhhhhhkkkayyyyy not really any particular order:

1) Istanbul by They Might be Giants

2) Roaring 20s by P!atD

3) I Wait by Day6

4) Monster by EXO

5) Choke by IDKHBTFM

6)Tempo by EXO

7) Awkward Silence by Stray Kids

8) Chained Up by VIXX

9) Singularity by BTS

10) Get Cool by Stray Kids

22.  What is your biggest fear?

another one that im not able to answer at this time.

23. What’s your go to hairstyle/

Literally don’t have one. I get out of bed, get dressed, and go to school. I don’t do anything.

24. who is your role model?

Idk. I don’t really have one. I really look up to my sister, Ella, a lot. 

25. what was the last compliment you received?

idk, the most recent one I remember was my moms friends mom was going on about my hair colour even though I hate it and we were literally standing by the hair dye in walmart looking at new colours when she walked up and interrupted.

26. What was the last text you sent?

Confirming smth for a talent show group im gonna be a part of.

27. How old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? (if this is a shock or a spoiler for you, you’re either wayyy too young for this site or wayy too stupid) 

I was probably about 5 or 6? I had a lot of cousins who were older than me who liked to spoil things. I was able to convince my parents I still believed until I was about 11 tho.

28. what is your dream job?

Dream job? I thought I’d be dead in the trunk of a car by now!!

not really, but uhh idk

29. how many pictures do you have on your phone?

Idfk? five years worth ig?

30. have you ever peed in the woods?

Wtf kinda question is this? but yeah when I was younger. like 4-7 ish maybe?

31. Do you still watch cartoons?

Tbh not nearly as often as I’d like. I love Gravity Falls and I wanna get into Steven Universe, though from what I’ve seen it’s not a cartoon it’s art. 

32. Favourite dipping sauce?

no

33. What do you wear to bed?

Sweat pants and a hoodie

34. Have you ever won a spelling bee?

Nah mate. I can’t spell for shit.

35. what are your hobbies?

crying in the dark instead of doing my hw.

36. tea or coffee?

yes

37. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

hah “when”! idk if I do get married I’ll probably hyphenate or steal my sisters idea and do some sort of mash up of the last names, kinda like a ship name.

38.  do you believe in ghosts?

meh

39. what’s your biggest pet peeve?

People

40. the last person you called?

I facetimed @panickingposters

41. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

hah GAY

42.  what shirt are you wearing?

damn another trick question! I’m wearing my PFTW Tour hoodie.

43. what is your phone background?

lock screen is FoB lyrics - “ I love the world, i just don’t love the way it makes me feel”

and home screen is a space edit of the trans flag.

44. do you like it when ppl play with your hair?

As long as they do it right @goodmorningchicago

45. have you ever been drunk?

no but i wish i was

46. favourite lyrics rn?

“Like awkward silence..

caw

caw

caw”

47. summer or winter?

autumn

48. day or night?

sleep during the day, everything else at night

49. dark, milk or white chocolate?

k first of all? white chocolate isn’t even fucking chocolate. so that ones out.

second, milk chocolate is just sugar and milk. also out

Dark it is!!

50. who was the last person you cried in front of?

My therapist earlier today

[ten]

This is a mutuals mention game! u need to mention one or more mutuals that come to your mind at first when you read the following words (per word): flower, angel, love, smile, laugh, chocolate, sweet, cute, gorgeous, fun, sun, moon and stars 💓

i have over 10 of these in my ask box asjds sorry i’m rlly The Worst @ answering asks omg..

i’m gonna write a short message abt why i thought of you, and link a song that reminds me of you! this is to make up for my uhhh Lack of Interaction with my mutuals lately.. i’m vvv overwhelmed rn with school work and just generally Not Feeling Well (nothing serious- just not being able to eat properly, feeling nauseous, & headaches. BUT i’m already feeling a lot better so pls dw !! ilu) so i haven’t been the best at keeping in touch :( i’ll probably suck at replying for another week or two so here’s some love&appreciation so you aren’t too deprived of Haejin Love Hours !!

flower: @shyjiwoo​​

jiwoo we’ve only been friends for a short while but it really does feel like i’ve been close with you for So Long. you’re like a sister to me and you’ve already become such an important person in my life! you’re like a guardian angel who’s always looking after me and showing me that you care- even when i’m not the best at replying sometimes.. its smthg that i honestly appreciate vvv much :((( i don’t think i’ll ever be able to properly express how much i appreciate you but please know that it’s a LOT and that i can’t imagine my life w/o you in it. also ?? the fact that you indirect me in the tags sometimes and that you tag me in the softest text posts… pls i love it so much! and you always write “this is you” or say that the post sums me up- it always makes my heart so Warm. you really are my flower jiwoo !!! not to get Fake Deep but flowers remind me that spring is coming.. and spring is my fav season. like those flowers, getting a text or notif from you is like a reminder that someone (you) (my flower) (the loml) is Out There.. loving me and reminding me that better times are coming! ilu angel :’)

songs: spectacular, stay, walk you home

angel: @dlwlrna​

marie i love you so much!! i feel like even if we’re not talking 24/7 we have this like.. Connection ???? idk i just feel like you’re always present in my thoughts when i think about my friends and the people i love. you’re so genuine and full of 💗✨💕💞🌸💓💖 every time we interact my heart !!! just !!!!!!! oof :’) you’re really such an angel in my life and i hope you know that! thanks for making me feel so happy whenever we interact~

song: instagram

angel: @jihyo​

aree where do i even start !!!! if ‘mom-friend’ was one of the words on this list that would be the one i use to describe you. i feel like you’re so friendly, compassionate, and warm that you naturally take care of your friends to the best of your ability. i know im speaking on behalf of all of your friends when i say that you’re the type of person that everyone strives to become. i remember when i first got into kpop.. i was super shy and awkward but you were the one who made me feel so much more comfortable! getting into a new fandom without knowing anyone in it was super intimidating but you made me feel in place.. thank you again for being such a considerate person!!!! i love you so much and you’re definitely an angel- not only in my life, but in so many other people’s lives too! pls remember that i’m always here for you and that i’ll always consider you one of my closest friends. i value our friendship so much!!!! ilu aree ❣️

song: if only

love: @beretclub​

ale.. my wife….. i love youi feel like love is really Our Word. we should copyright it or smthg asjds honestly you popped into my mind as soon as i read this word because i really do love you so much. your presence in my life is so reassuring and soft, that i can’t imagine how i’d feel without you in it. ik we always talk abt this but.. we both have Complexes, and the fact that these don’t apply to each other is so pure. our love for each other is so genuine and real that it’s as if we really are an old married couple. i meant it when i said that you’re the only one who knows me well enough to share laughs abt astrology with- i’ve nvr shared as much as i have with you to anyone online. you’re such an important person to me, and although i know that you know that, i can’t help but reiterate time and time again. thank you for all the love you’ve given me this past year.. i hope our relationship will continue to grow from here wife 💛songs: miracle, 11:11, violet, thumping

smile: @kbsmusic​

aza you never fail to make me smile and feel loved. you have the ability of making ppl feel so loved and validated through the smallest of actions or a couple carefully thought out words. you genuinely always have me smiling at my phone or computer screen and it’s the Softest.. even though it may look insane to anyone who sees me irl! you’re the Light of My Life and i appreciate you so so so much. thank u for everything you do for your friends!!!! pls know that it doesn’t go unnoticed 💓

songs: through the night, pretty u, i’ll be there, kokobop(kokobop bc of the pics of minseok you sent me during that cb!! an unforgettable haeria moment)

laugh: @1milk​

kri !! my mb buddy & the iconic hyuna stan.. i love you so much 💗 we’ve been friends for so long and you’ve never fallen off my figurative ppl-i-love list.. you mean so much to me OOF !! i always associate you with A Good Time bc you’re so fun to be around, even if it is through text or sc. you have such positive and bright energy, and it rlly does show in everything you do! i love you so so so much and i honestly think i always will :’) thank you for making me laugh and smile when i’m feeling down.. i appreciate youwu

songs: babe, text me

laugh: @1kuzon​

miss keya.. yaba…. chem grind buddy…….. u Own my heart bih !!!!i don’t remember exactly how we started talking, but i recall that we’ve always been that Fun Couple- everyone’s friendship goals 😪😫💯 we haven’t been friends for a significantly long period of time, but you’ve already become such an important person to me. thank you for bringing my mood up when im not feeling the best, and for being here for me. i hope you know that im always here for you too! i hope that we can become even closer friends in the future keya :’)

songs: aomg, artist, drive

chocolate: @mujicafe​

miss alisha !!!! i love you !!!! you’re even sweeter than chocolate but ig this will have to do 😪💓 i remember when ale first introduced us to each other- ever since then i knew that we’d become close friends. you’re so genuine and it’s smthg that i really do appreciate! we don’t talk often since we’re both super busy and live in rlly different timezones, but i hope you know how much you mean to me despite this. i hope we’ll have more chances to text more and get to know each other better in the future!! iluuuuu

song: flower road

sweet: @kohyo​

ELLIE you really are the Epitome of Sweet.. it makes me so happy whenever you tag me in posts bc ellie ???? inventor of loving her friends ?? tagging ME ??? oof i’m honestly so grateful to be close with such an angel like you.. ilu :((( i hope that in the future, we’ll get the chance to get to know each other even better!

song: toc, toc

cute: @himeaegyo​ 

KAREN YOU’RE SO CUTE PLS !!!! epitome of being a soft stan, and Inventor of making ur friends feel loved :’) i remember i was feeling super down one night and you just Slid Into My DMs & instantly made me feel 1000000x better. we just Clicked as soon as we started talking and honestly ?? i’m so so glad we did! you make me so happy and seeing you on my dash is always a nice reminder of how lucky i am to be friends with such a loving cutie.. ilu karennnn

song: spectacular 

gorgeous: @breadloaf​

NIA >>>>>>> any other ig model out there !!! you really are such a gorgeous person and every time i see your selfies on my dash i fall in LOVE. DEADASS !!!!!! tbh, not only are you a visual goddess.. ur also.. u know…. pretty on the inside uwuuwuuw 💕 lmfao no but rlly. i’m so lucky to be friends with a mf angel like you- thanks for making me smile and feel Loved :’)

song: you are so beautiful

fun: @seok​

kai there are so many other words that remind me of you, but i thought of you right away when i saw this word in the list. you’re such an angel and you still manage to deal with me & my gemini ass personality asdjs i love you so much.. ik i’m difficult to deal with so i rlly do appreciate you with my Whole Self :((( whenever you randomly send me a text i swear my heart mf Bursts.. idk why but when i have a list of notifs im scrolling through, urs always manages to stand out and make me smile. our conversations are never dull and i rlly do have sm fun when we talk. i hope that we’ll always continue to become even closer friends bc i honestly do love you the Most :((

song: monday blues, made in china

sun: @1dreamy

tiana the literal loml :(( pls come to u*c faster !!!!! just like…. come take a plane and get here rn i stg! i miss you so much and honestly only happy/positive memories are associated with you. i can’t wait to take you to all my fav places and explore around v*n with you so we can find places we love together.. ngl even thinking about it makes me so excited. im literally filled with so much fuckin LOVE for you bih !!!!! i love you more than i love anyone else.. not to get sentimental but u have a special place reserved in my heart :/// you’re the sun bc i just associate you with brightness and Good Energy. like u know when kpop stans are like “uwuwuuw _____ is my sun !!! i love _____ so much !!!!!! they brighten my world and make me feel so energized!!!!!” ??? well. UWU BIH THATS ME AT YOU !!! pls you really do give me so much energy, motivation, and just.. All the positive emotions.  i literally have a mental list of places to take you the DAY you get here.. im deadass ready to Grab you as soon as ur plane lands. and Also ???? i hope that i can give you the same energy as you give me !!! that’s honestly my Aspiration :’) anyway i LOVE YOU TIANA !!!!! loml !!!! best friend !!!!!! my irl from Far Away !!!!!! i hope ur doing well on ur rock !!!!!!!

songs: gummy, deserve

moon: @4wonu

mimi i love you so much and im kinda lost on where to start bc you’ve become such a valuable and significant person in my life in such a short span of time…. ilu my prestigious all girls school buddy and supreme twin :(( we clicked so Fast and you’ve been climbing up my figurative best friends list ever since we started talking. i feel like even on the days we don’t talk as much im still Feeling the Love from you, and i hope you feel the same way! you really do mean the world to me and i hope we can become even closer friends in the future! btw thank you again for always texting me everyday, whether thats through a love meme or a simple ‘how are you’. i get super self conscious sometimes and i think my friends hate me when they really they just went a day w/o texting me asjds. anyway that was super run-on but i’m not gonna check over it rip MY POINT WAS THAT i love and appreciate that you send me ur Daily Dose of Love even when i don’t keep up with my end of replying. I LOVE YOU mi angle & honorary ring sis :’)

song: rainy night !!!! i love it sm thank u for the rec.. i always think of u when i listen to it

stars: @baekhyuns​

TAT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!! you really do mean the world to me and i’m so happy to be friends with someone like you. i genuinely care about your well-being and i hope that you know what i’m always here for you to provide some Love & Support when you need it! thank you for being such a sweet and love-filled person.. you nvr cease to inspire me 💓 oh and also !!! thank you for tagging me in the posts that you do! i love being tagged in posts by you bc it just reminds me of how lucky i am to know you. I LOVE YOU ANGEL !!!! 

song: timeless