#just gonna sob abt it
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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that one line about ramy's bangla being rudimentary made me absolutely sob (i'm bengali) and i wanna talk about why
there's so much to it both contextually with ramy's character as well as historically. contextually because ramy is fluent in 6 languages, an insane number of languages for one person but none of which are his mother tongue. he's described as a performer, one who knows he can't blend in so instead he stands out as a means to escape as much of the racism as he can. he gets lost in it that he almost forgets who he is; this is reflected in his language ability too – he gets so lost in his linguistic academics he just barely remembers the native language of his home place that he adores.
and honestly, you can't even really blame ramy for it at all when it was induced. it's the british who saw urdu, arabic and persian as more valuable than bangla, it's the british that make ramy put on this act so he can literally stay alive. and when you know the historical relevancies between urdu and bangla, it hurts so much that ramy was forced to forget bangla
very brief history context: after the partition, where british india was split into india, pakistan and east pakistan (now bangladesh) bangla was seen as inferior to urdu due to its hindu connections. bengalis experienced so much shit because of this (and bengali muslims are still dealing with the internalised cultural racism today honestly). pakistanis tried to make the official language urdu, even though literally everyone in east pakistan were bengali and spoke bangla, so bengalis fought back against it. we still celebrate that day today (feb 21)
so to have ramy be in this position in the 1830s where urdu was seen as superior to bangla, especially when ramy is a bengali muslim, is just extremely accurate?? and maybe it's bc we don't have much western literature where we talk about this but it's just so nice to have it acknowledged
the bangla language movement didn't happen until around the 1950s, over a century after babel's timeline, but the seeds are always there. while i do think it comes with both this islamic superiority tendency a lot of asians have (arabs i'm looking at you) and britian's imperialistic racism, i just love how it all makes sense
#babel rf kuang#ramiz rafi mirza#i'm still learning a lot abt my own culture so don't ask me for a lot of information about this lol#yk when i found out ramy was bengali it set my world off its course and i knew i had to read this book even if no bangla was discussed#i knew i was gonna get attached to him and I DID!#he just means so much to me and while he made me sob multiple times i love what kuang did with his character#also if youre pakistani lol don't try to defend yourself#you don't get to after pakistanis massacred so many bengalis during the bangladesh liberation war#babel an arcane history#babel or the necessity of violence#also i love seeing south asian characters become fandom favourites i know most babel lovers love ramy IKTRRR
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merch has arrived ….. merch is home TAT
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#SOBS . SOBS . SOBS#i have never been happier with a purchase i say this with my whole heart#🥺🥺🥺 my BABIES .#sm merch i never thought i could get my grubby european hands on …..#THE GOJO PLUSHIE IS SOOOO FUCKING SOFT BTW ???? just melts into your hands#and then sugu and kenny … and a smug little baby chicken#:’3#the sugusho stands might be my fav ….. he’s with his babyyyy#AND THE KENYAKU . finally … you are mine#was much tinier than i thought . but so cute :<#gonna give one of the volumes to my gay brother (he loves yuuta) i’m keeping the rest though#anyway :3c#for those it may concern (niku and scar)#i’m just very giddy pdhfkfk … was scared abt using a proxy but it went so well !!!!#bllk haul next month ..? maybe ….#(wallet cries softly)#ari noises ✩
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the way you drew kokichi .. i think im ascending to the heavens .. i see the light .. chest collapsing .. heartbeat flatlining ..
oho, a Kokichi enjoyer!! tysm!! it was my first time drawing him at the time so im glad i didnt fail him. i dont want to fail any of the kyoto group. i love them all!! even w my clear favoritism
he's nice too, a bit more expressive than Noritoshi so i can finally draw something that isnt :| or >:( even if it isnt by much- i like him too
I like how he's both a dick but also kinda sweet. He's a different flavor of tsun... i can use this. my knowledge on him is limited but FROM WHAT I SAW IN THE WIKI OH MY GOD???????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! KOKICHI!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#muta kokichi#kokichi muta#mechamaru#kokichi muta x reader#mechamaru x reader#? i guess#double post lets go im tryna be as fast as lightning#woah a non noritoshi post... crazy.......#my hands feel tingly and weird#my blog is so yume centric that my one track mind made you a love interest right off the bat#fuck it. everyone's in love w you unless stated otherwise#congrats. youre a harem leader/protag now except i have a strong bias towards one guy unless asked abt someone else#AND I JUST FOUND OUT MORE ABT KOKICHI???? WHY AM I FUCKING CRYING????? DUDE WHAT THE FUCK#OH NO THIS IS NOT CORRECT.. IS THIS WHAT SHIBUYA ARC IS???? DUDE#IM GONNA RIP OUT MY HAIR. THIS CANNOT BE. I CANT FAWN OVER ANOTHER CHARACTER W SO LITTLE SCREEN TIME AND CONTENT GOD PLEASE#HE GIVES SO MANY VIBES..... LIKE FUCKED UP 'i'll sacrifice the world for you' VIBES AND ITS MAKING MY BRAIN KRCHAKKRCHAKKRCHACK#kokichi muta... another hidden gem.... wipes tear#we'll treat you right kokichi... sobs. there there#null rot#cloaked cult member
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HAPPY NEW STAINMIGHT YEAR!!!
Santa Might and Stain the Elf except I wasn't able to do any art of em till Christmas and New Year so you all are getting those concepts :']
(if anyone wants me to yap abt them... Heh... Just lemme know and I will write a huge ass post 😼)
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Bonus doodle from *looks at the date* OCTOBER??? damn...
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#cj 24#I'm gonna miss this tag#art#doodle#school doodles#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia#toshinori yagi#all might#stainmight#akaguro chizome#stain mha#hero killer stain#santa might#stain the elf#LMAOOOO HAHSHFHSHHD#I'm actually sobbing#this being my last 2024 post ain't helping it#I'm writing this as I sit under a dinner table xD#I wish I could draw smth to the new year but I was too busy sorry gang 😔#I'm too busy to even text my friends let alone draw and post#and I still have ton of art from this year that I didn't post#damn...#also fun fact abt last drawing#I tried to redraw a newer version since my skill have chbaged drastically plus the doodle was just to get the idea on paper#and so I tried to redraw it... and it looked like shit 😭 idk man the pose just didn't work and I didn't have time so yeah...#I never planned to post this doodle but here we are lol :P#anyways HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU ALL!!!
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can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞
☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina
[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]
× yelan
Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.
Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.
The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.
She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.
Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.
"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.
"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"
× ei
Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.
..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE
Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.
She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.
But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.
"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.
Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.
"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"
She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.
Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.
Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.
× furina
Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.
Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.
Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).
She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!
Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.
Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.
"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."
The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.
"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!
..Maybe a little.
"Just warn me next time, please?"
#asks#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#yelan#furina#ei#THIS DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY INBOX UNTIL LIKE#NOVEMBERBIM SORRY IM ANSERRING IT SO LATE??????#tumblr working right is a miracle that will never happen#anyway can u tell i have. biases. there r so many characters I wanted to write for this (shenhe.........) but I forced myself to limit it#to 4 for my own sanity and everyones elses#also didnt know if u wanted just yan or sagau so I went for my specialty 🧍♂️#was gonna include my beloved cryo archon but decided against it#ei the pathetic lesbian that u r....mwah#I'm sorry this took so long it took me 50 yrs to figure out yelan.. 😭#i am still not confident abt my characterization of her but shes so good at her job even im confused abt her#reading her lore crying and sobbing in the corner. shaking her like a can of soda#checks note idk uhh cocky doesnt let herself form personal relationships charismatic uhhhhhhhh#idk dont ask me i just started praying and hoping for the best here#i think she'd get a kick out of getting reader into like. fudging rolls and shit. create an absolute menace out of reader#set them loose and see what chaos happens#just kicks back and watches it all unfold internally laughing her ass off#i didnt know whether to just do headcanons in uh. bulleted list or like#full on drabbles
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one thing about frank furter and elizabeth sparkle is that they do NOT play around when it comes to their homunculus creations that they harbor complicated feelings towards.
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#‘me and my pet freak’ and it pans over to a confused and dazed conventionally attractive critter with deerlike wonder in their eyes#BEFORE YOU START THROWING ROCKS AT ME. ELISABETH AND SUE ARE CUTE. AND IM A STUPID DYKE. LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE SHUT UP GET OUT OF MY HEAD#also i lowkey feel so bad for rocky he was just a baby. just seven hours old. and the only thing he has come to trust is a rush of lust.#he deserved better. he deserved to be loved and cherishes im gonna cry#in another life where frank doesnt go mad with power the castle inhabitants are all just a happy family#brad and janet come over sometimes. brad brings coleslaw.#and i knowwww i know abt the symbolism of the substance. i was so fixated on analyzing it when i watched it#so like now that im done ruining myself and sobbing over the deep and incredibly realistic messages of the movie#let me be gay and stupid in peace. i deserve it i think.#ALSO THERES THIS AMAZING ARTISTS WHO POSTS GORG ART OF THEM AND IM OBSESSED#IF NO ONE GOT ME I KNOW THEY GOT ME CAN I GET AN AMEN#AND THEY POST SUCH WONDERFUL GOLDEN WIVES CONTENT#feed me#feed me seymourrrr feed me all night longgg#okay tag rant over#macposting#rocky horror#rocky horror picture show#frank n furter#rocky#the substance#elisabeth sparkle#sue the substance#elisabeth sparkle x sue#elisasue#himejoshing out#goodnight guys
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I don't think I can ever emotionally recover from these
#the inherent romance of monaco parc ferme#seriously these murdered me i really can never recover from them#screaming crying THEM!!!!!!!! THEM!!!! THEMMMMM LOOK AT THEM!!!!!#jense's hand basically covering the breadth of seb's back im normal im normal im normal im normal im normal#the gif version of this you can only see seb's face and hes very fond too sob sob and they keep holding hands while theyre talking sob sob#THE WAY SEB'S CLOSING HIS EYES ANF RESTING HIS CHIN ON JENSE'S SHOULDER AND JENSE'S SMILE ABT IT#JENSE'S FOND EXPRESSION IN THE 2ND PIC LOOK AT THE WAY HES LOOKING AT HIM WITH THOSE FOND EYES IM GONNA CRY#pictures that make me need to get up and run laps around the room bcs im seriously gonna burst into tears#2011 sebson makes me roll around in bed kicking my feet and screaming#WHO IS DOING IT LIKE THEM!!! WHO ELSE WOULD TREAT AND LOOK AT THE GUY WHO JUST BEAT HIM WITH SUCH AFFECTION!?!??!?!??!#i seriously am gonna lose it when i watch the 2011 races i think i willl actually combust i cant handle it#('pictures that automatically make me think of Solar Flare')#(these are from before that fic takes place yet are the most romantic pics ive ever seen in my life)#(solar flare!mark was so right when he told jb that he and seb look in love in literally every pic of them together)#sebson#jenson button#sebastian vettel#sv5#jb22#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#formula one#2011 monaco gp#2011 monaco grand prix
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a bit old and a redraw of this, but i miss these guys
#critical role#ashton greymoore#fcg#fresh cut grass#rock and roll#love that tag for them#ashton is gonna be running around screaming cause fcg cannot be trusted alone#and HE REALLY CAN'T BE. that lil bot is just. deeply concerning.#love them so so much though like. he is the character of all time.#idk why these two have been on my mind more than fearne and orym these days which is odd cause 9/10 times i am thinking abt the exu duo#anyway if fcg doesn't get legs i will sob profusely#i want them to have legs and to have lil rollerskates that can pop out so he can scoot around#i think he deserves the world :')
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come here son i am going to infect you with my inosuke + kanao sibling agenda
(do not tag as ship)
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#kny spoilers#demon slayer spoilers#inosuke hashibira#kanao tsuyuri#ignoring aoi amd inosuke forever. i do not see it. sorry. it is bad. it annoys me#im not annoyed at aoi im annoyed that they paired two characters who barely ever interact ever togwther#and didnt give aoi any character or agency. shes just “inosukes wife” now.#its not good! there ks no foundation for their dynamic at all!!!#IM NOT GONNA RANT ABT IT TOO MUCH I PROMISE ;__; SORRY#i did finish the manga and i think its going to hold a very special place in my heart#i will cry. i dont cry too easily when reading stuff but when this gets animated i guarantee u i will sob#anyways. back to what i was actually going to talk about#KANAO AND INOSUKE SIBLING MOMENCE FORWVER!!! ATTACK!!! IM MOSTLY THINKING 2 RHE SCENE WHERE THE FIGHT DOUMA#i think thats his name right? douma?#NOTHING BRINGS TO CHARACTERS TOGETHER LIKE SHARED TRAUMA!!!!!!!!(joke)#*two#i imagine in my mind they would grieve together. they both have something in common. their loved one was killed by the same demon#not only that; but i just love their dynamic#and of course that chaoter cover where inosuke is still grieving over his mother and kanao silently supports him as they walk out#You ever remember how theyre all children. theyre just children. theyre kids. theyre not even 18 yet. you ever think about that
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nintendo het baiting w sidon and his fiancee only to pull the gayest shit ive seen in a While by having sidon renew his vows w link (they got married at the end of ruta’s quest in botw. obviously. clearly.) and giving him a power that lets him ‘stay by his side forever’. i see you husbands i am so glad your marriage is thriving. good for them. good for them. they also both have two hands for anyone who wants to pull any nonsense im js. there is room for yona she just has to understand link has held sidon’s heart for years first.
#idk it is just genuinely funny 'oh yeah uh this chara that we never met or heard mentioned in botw has been my childhood friend#and also we are engaged.#anyway so link is my best friend and when he went missing i was so worried i couldnt handle it and i love him the most in the whole world-#and also i wish we could stay together forever and he agreed so i used my sage powers to grant him a piece that lets him do that-'#i love them your honor. sidon tysm for taking such good care of my precious son i trust u and u alone w him in my stead#and ik u take that seriously thank u sidon. my king [bows]#totk#totk spoilers#legend of zelda#botw 2 spoilers#mine#sidlink#nah but fr i completed the water temple a few days ago and havent stopped thinking abt it since i loved it SO much#sidon is my favorite descendant by far bc he loves link just as much as i do so getting to fight w him like that#and having him being there cheering link on and encouraging him sincerely meant the world.#and seeing how far sidon himself has grown and aaaaaaaaaaaaa#im not gonna go into details beyond that bc i dont wanna spoil more than i have but. yes. yes i sobbed my EYES out#at the final cutscene of the story quest for the mission oh my GOSH
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hurt/comfort sugu fic WILL be posted tmrw >:3 i love you sugu nation i hope it ends up as a good meal or a nice achey treat for u <333
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#am abt to go to sleep…. gonna try to get started on it early tmrw#IT’S LONG FINISHED TO BE CLEAR but it’s super old so i gotta rewrite a bunch#anyway!!! sugu is very bf in it#very mommy#etcetc#he just wants to soothe you :(((#sobs i love him#ari noises ✩
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work song by Hozier but it's a mother-daughter relationship. is this anything
#I've straight up been sobbing abt this for like 4 straight minutes#like ok hear me out#“is that the kinda a way to face the burning heat / I just think about my baby” her child is her sole/main source of motivation#“no grave can hold my body down / i'll crawl home to her” her daughter brings her back from the edge- she basically saves her. I am CRYING#“when my baby found me/I was three days on a drunken sin” accident baby conceived during a bender this animatic basically storyboards itsel#“Nothin' in her room but an empty crib” DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY. cuz I'm gonna anyway#the weight of the responsibility she now holds for another human only becomes real to her once she sees the fully furnished nursery#“If the Lord don't forgive me/I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me” they are two women against the world. on their own basicall#“When I was kissin' on my baby” nothing particularly emotional here I was just imagining like peppering a baby's face in kisses n it's cute#“Heaven and hell were words to me” AGAIN. NOTHING MATTERS TO HER. EXCEPT HER DAUGHTER. OAUGH#hozier#work song
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This blog is gonna end up posting purely Prism stuff at this rate ..good lord
#i was gonna add more drawings of her but uhhh ohe i don't like and another I want to do a double page spread...i have a sillay idea..#but augh once again her concept art strikes....giving her a lab coat which is more blue than yellow accented....to contrast her canon design#genuinely there's something about her which just captivates me. like idk. her and juniper are definitely my top two at this point i think#like jj is so much fun to just. fuck up I can't state that enough. i can throw 1000 headcanons at him and they all fit ok#prism i can get more nuanced and i have a whole ass narrative of her time at the agency and her friendship with reggie like. AUUUUUUGh#but yeah god i have been on my fully coloured art bullshit right now idk why. then again i did finish all my art coursework so i feel free.#i can just yearn for roxana prism literally every page<3#im sat here just so. good lord. everythung abt her good lord. i need to be sedated#tranquiliser dart might work#head in hands. wild sobs. roxana prism i wish you were real.#ieytd#[agent moose's art]#roxana prism
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OK - so - new plan for mr felix is to monitor him over the next couple days since he is coming out of hiding, eating, drinking, playing a bit, squirrel watching, and even playing with his treat puzzle box and using the potty box. he has an appointment thursday with his normal vet. keep sending those good vibes thnx🕯️🔮🌠🕊️🤞💖
#I had a uh... lil break down earlier 🙃#I don't like taking them places that aren't their normal drs. I had such an AWFUL experience the last time I did like#it was so bad I can't even think abt it#but he's scratching on Santino's tower rn! trying to wake him up from his nap lol. so that's good. that's normal behavior!#I think he sprained his tail or something idk. otherwise he IS ok. I'm just trying to stay calm#my brother kinda had to talk me down earlier cause I was like. sobbing. he was like felix come on ur gonna kill ur mother#he is doing good with the stairs too. he jumped up on my bed earlier which was like !!!!!!!!!!#but now he's back to wanting to use the stairs so.... at least I have them#I'm gonna try to stay occupied while I watch him. cleaning. writing. on here. playing games. just anything to not sit and worry#if I have tasks I won't be literally insane so 🤷♀️#erin explains it all
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I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~
I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?
first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question
i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.
TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)
deep dive under the cut as to why
-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?
i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.
-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?
this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.
when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.
think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.
and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).
-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??
this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).
what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)
they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.
...however...
this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)
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and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):
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so...
<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.
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since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)
he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.
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<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).
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with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)
see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T
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to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)
note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.
note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.
-> Romance in No Home?
another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.
from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk
when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.
exhibit A:
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HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.
exhibit B:
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here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.
exhibit C:
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this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
-> what do i think?
first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).
as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.
there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.
technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)
<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.
all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.
#ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU ARE DELULU ENOUGH!! THAT'S HOW SHIPPING WORKS IN GENERAL. IN EVERY FANDOM.#anon. this shit fried my head. it 3.30am and my brain is not braining anymore. i love analyzing these two but goddamn is it HARD.#THERE'S SO MUCH NUANCE TO EVERY INTERACTION THEY HAVE *cry*#life's been hectic and this question demanded i sit down in 7 different sittings to get everything written down. hence why it took me a bit#i tried to write down all my thoughts and i don't think i managed. but i hope what i have here makes sense.#and i also hope i actually answered ur question. i feel like i got side-tracked and possibly missed the target.#no home#no home manhwa#eunyung baek#haejoon goh#ey hj parallels#meta#집이 없어#webtoon#god u guys have no idea how many times while reading i was like 'omg they're gonna kiss omg pls do'#only to keep reading and going like 'hoLY FUCK PLS DO *NOT*!! get away from him omfg!!'#the whiplash was fucking unreal. i remember honest to god SOBBING at 4am every time they fought <- that first time read was rough#also! if you agree/disagree/want to correct me or just talk about the topic i'm open to discussion/criticism. (just pls be nice abt it ><)#my ask box is open <3
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