#just feeling very resentful
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#just feeling very resentful#that when im stable im only ever just Stable and not like#happy. or even comfortable? even if something good is happening all i can think about and worry about is when it'll have to end#and it's not as if i'm even stable for that long in the first place?#idk how to even word how i feel 90 percent of the time in a way that accurately sums it up but it's not like. Good and Fine#sorr y this will sound so dramatic and emo i just don't know if happiness is possible for me really#i have spent all day lying around feeling paralysed by this feeling that something terrible is going to happen and idk whta to do with myse#but idk who to talk to because i feel like if i talk to ppl now they will just worry or feel burdened by it esp bc of The Thing#idk !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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my brainrot about these two can be measured in liters
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#ex bandmates#trolls oc#hed#les#my art#this drawing is very old already but i really wanted to write a oneshot to go with it#because i have story in my mind that led to this particular moment#but ALAS. no motivation for writing#lets just say he had a shit class meeting about their end of elementary school prom where he got singled out and everyone collectively...#...decided that he can't participate in the traditional dance because he's too short (unless. an asshole classmate proposed. he finds...#..a dancing partner in like the 2nd grade. and the class teacher looked thoughtful instead of reprimanding that student.)#basically no one not even his friends stood up for him and it made him feel like a class nuisance they were trying to sweep under the rug#living in vibe city made him such an outcast in general. he did a lot of crying over wanting to be a funk troll and fit in :((#and of course les would blame himself for every one of his problems#ughuguguhugh#i have shed physical tears thinking about these two idiots who can't let go of resentment for each other but also love each other so so muc#fuck i'm crying again#someone put me out of my misery
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well, good luck, babe. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.
#the boy's in love#it was supposed to be all art's smile bc of patrick#but he smiles too much#so...#anyway#i absolutely adore that no matter the way art feels towards patrick; whether he is annoyed; mad at him; resentful; jealous; etc.#he still can't help being so fond of him and smiling genuinely#he was never going to win his fight against bisexuality#so cute#art donaldson#patrick zweig#challengers#patrickart#artrick#artpatrick#i just realized that i'm becoming very biased towards art's side of the deal#when i was completely in love with patrick's at first#maybe it's bc not enough people genuinely acknowledge art's feelings idk
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when i'm writing something meta-y i like to look at what other people are saying to see if i'm forgetting a detail or something but that's impossible when it comes to joffrey because every single post is like "no he didn't even suspect for one moment that he was a bastard" oh so his clear switch up from "my uncle jaime" to "YOUR BROTHER JAIME" despite him constantly referring to tyrion, stannis, and renly as simply "uncle" means nothing of course "oh he isn't deep at all he's a cartoon villain" so the story cersei tells about robert almost killing him is completely irrelevant than, right right "joffrey isn't capable of love he's nothing but a sociopath" he literally calls out for his mommy every time he needs something my GOD
#joffrey baratheon#is this how the crispin stans feel.#a series where every character is complex but the 13 year old who seems both resentful and loving towards his parents is where we draw the#line. also. sociopath is not a diagnosis. it's not a real thing. it's a stupid ableist term used to dismiss the very real empathy issues#that many people - NOT JUST PEOPLE WITH APD OR NPD BTW - struggle with. not everyone w empathy problems turns into a murderer#i would hazard a guess that MOST people with empathy problems don't turn into murderers and some even adjust to life if given therapy#I'M NOT MAD. WELL I'M A LITTLE MAD.#people will tag with anti tags for everyone BUT him. i go into the joffrey tag an dit's just 'wow he sucks huh' never heard that before!!#getting on my soap box
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Lil' comic of a scene from a fic I haven't gotten around to writing.
(basically Vi and Jinx have reconciled, Silco is alive, and Vi is begrudingly finding herself beginning to look up Silco as a mentor/father figure. She accompanies him on an errand run, one of which winds them up at the old cannery, and emotions bubble up biiig time 🥲)
#y'know the 'makings of greatness' treasure planet scene?#yeah#arcane#arcane fanart#silco#vi#drawing#this is so messy lkg#just going to call these my post-it note doodles#vi with parentification issues resenting that she wasn't the soft image of their mother that powder likely needed#and still not knowing how to work through that - especially since she feels like jinx no longer *needs* her (even though she does)#and dad silco daughter vi just#hits something man#because they *hate* each other and they have every reason to#but there's just#aughghg#so much potential for character development with them#silco and jinx is codependent central and we love it but silco and vi is the hard hitting boundary setting raging arguments and i eat it up#very much hcing that silco sees his inner child in jinx vs. his angry young adult self in vi#and both of those effect his (somewhat disastrous / sometimes okay) parenting#it's a sliding scale
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I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that in canon the reason ghosts are destroyed by water is because water is constantly changing and never confined to one form, while ghosts are the opposite: unable to change, always remaining the way they were when they died. Genuinely one of ninjago’s best worldbuilding moments imo and also a fantastic way to look at ghosts. Of course you’re going to be angry if you’ve died and can’t move on from the moment of your death and the very thing that’s able to destroy you being the embodiment of change… A++ concept
#ninjago#ninjago possession#i like to think that the cursed realm and the departed realm differ in this way#like the cursed realm is full of such bitter angry souls because the very fact that they were sent there means they are unable to move on#instead they’re just there sitting with their resentment and all the anger and general Bad feelings that they had when they died#bc i also think that there were likely very few souls in the cursed realm who died peacefully#(another add-on but i also like to think that the preeminent likes to seek out people who died badly and have reason to be bitter to make#them a deal. ‘come with me and i will help you get your vengeance’ kind of deal)#anyways in the departed realm it’s more like. you go there specifically to make peace with your death basically. there’s no greater power no#stress just all the time you need to reconnect with the people you knew in life until you’ve accepted your death and are at peace
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on first watch as an anime-only, i remember feeling like ritsu kageyama's descent into evil in episode seven needed a little more air, more space to breathe. i... no longer do. if that slide down the slippery slope feels a bit sudden, there is a reason; and if you know what to look for, it's not actually all that sudden. bear with me here.
from the first episode, the anime sets ritsu up as shigeo's kind, solicitous younger brother. we don't see much of him for the first three episodes, but when we do, he's making bids for shigeo’s attention: helpfully straightening his spoon when it bends and deposits a bite of his dinner on the dining table; noting that he seems out of it and offering himself up as a confidant at least twice; checking in on him in the morning so they can both leave on time. (i actually love the anime for doing this. ritsu doesn't even show up as a character until maybe the middle of the manga's second volume?) except for the spoon, shigeo gently turns him down every time.
and yet. the interview ichi mezato snags with ritsu in episode four confirms a distance between the kageyama boys. you are not seeing things here. he initially refuses her desire for detailed information about shigeo’s powers, only indulging her to find out what shigeo’s been up to. ritsu holds those powers in such awe that he uses a rather hyperbolic phrase to describe shigeo for her: '世界の基本', or sekai no kihon, literally the standard for [his] world.
after he coldly walks out on her, she reviews what little she’s gleaned from their chilly meeting: he's hawt, at the top of his class, athletic, very popular... all things his older brother decidedly is not. the story establishes a duality here between ritsu’s image—indirectly revealed through mezato’s notes—and the reality of ritsu, sat hunched across from her, sullen, barely tolerating her until she coughed up the information she promised him. later on that evening, we see just how deep ritsu's awe goes... or rather, how snared up it is in resentment and envy as he attempts in vain to bend a spoon, just like shigeo did when they were younger. all the trophies of others’ esteem already gathering dust on his shelves don’t mean shit if he can’t have this.
ritsu intercepts shigeo as he leaves for class the next morning: no student council meeting, so an opportunity to actually talk to him. this is rare, his brother notes. and of course dimple is haunting shigeo. when the specter comments on their apparent closeness, the boy side-eyes him hard. this can easily be read two ways: ‘why the hell are you talking to me when no one else can see you?’ and ‘man, fuck you for sticking the knife in deeper.’ ritsu doesn’t ask about the cult meeting here or ever in the entire series. was he really all that interested in mezato’s news? no, he only wants to know why his brother doesn’t use his powers anymore. and this is the first time they’ve talked about this.
it’s such a neat little mystery, these breadcrumbs the story leaves for us until ritsu’s formal introduction in episode six. even though they share the same home and appear to be on friendly terms, the kageyama brothers may as well live on opposite sides of the planet. we don’t even get a sense of why this state of affairs exists until episode five, where teru chokes the breath out of shigeo and his pissed-off soul levels teru’s school before catapulting him into the stratosphere to reflect on his sins: several years prior, shigeo nearly killed ritsu (and possibly ended three much older boys) in an accident neither boy understands; fragments of memory flash before his eyes as his consciousness shorts out.
‘brother, you’re home late, sopping wet. here’s a towel. are you hungry? you seem down; is everything OK? if you need to talk, i’m here for you.’
instead of turning down this bid for connection like all the rest and turning inward again, shigeo actually opens up. he apologizes for the accident—for the first time—then asks for some clarity, since his memories of it are broken. and ritsu clenches the knob to his brother’s bedroom door tighter. he lies to his face, tells him to ‘get over it already.’ this after asking shigeo to confide in him again, no less: too terrified to be honest with him, too used to being shot down. this boy is soaking in fear he has no context for, and he heads downstairs to soak in it alone. shigeo at least has reigen to process his own fears with, though he never trusts the man enough to take full advantage.
ritsu has no one.
he’s already keeping up appearances at home and has been for years; over the course of the spring cleaning big cleanup arc, we learn the extent to which he’s been doing so at school.
(all those expectations of him weighing him down for so long… he can’t hold out forever.)
student council vice president tokugawa calls him out on trying to melt into the scenery like his brother; his considerable gifts make that impossible. said gifts, however, are so ego-dystonic for him that they’re yet another part of Ritsu Kageyama’s Big Lie. the academically-gifted, popular sprinter so many of his fellow students swoon over isn’t real: why does everyone praise him for things anyone could do? he doesn’t actually have friends, just associates. who cares about charisma? why does everyone think he’s perfect when the only thing he truly wants will never be his? and why does his locker leak chocolate every valentine’s day?
gentle reader. are you still wondering why he snaps when he finally gets his wish? and why it looks the way it does?
#mob psycho 100#mob pyscho 100#mp100#mp100 meta#mp100 analysis#kageyama ritsu#ritsu kageyama#character writing#storytelling#trauma#mp100 s1 rewatch#big cleanup arc#mob psycho 100 spoilers#no this boy is not 'edgy'#he's just terrified and resentful and very angry#he also doesn't trust anyone#not even shigeo#he still loves his brother despite everything and doesn't know where to put that among everything else he feels about him#also he probably would kill a man if given half a reason#subtlety. so much subtlety#i missed this and you might have too#分析#ritsuposting
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2.08 IT CHOOSES | 1.03 THE DOLLHOUSE
#yellowjackets#yellowjacketsedit#mistynat#mistynatedit#otp: you should be thanking me#otp#parallel*#i love parallels#inverseparallel*#mine#edit#*#tag meta#meta#wordles#HI HELLO I AM HAVING FEEEEEEELINGS ABOUT THIS TODAY#~#feeling particularly crazy about 1) the fact that misty stays more hands-off in the dollhouse; it's like she's learned more about how#she needs to handle nat - that forcing her is necessary to an extent but that it made a seed of resentment when they were kids#so misty knows better now to give nat a little bit of space and guide her instead of tackle her#(i am once again Thinking about misty treating nat like a bird!!!)#so instead of holding nat back in gif two - where misty runs toward her in 97 - misty lets her go and just watches after her#and 2) NAT PUSHING MISTY AWAY HURTS SO MUCH MORE NOW#because she didn't in 97 - when they were kids nat let misty hold her back let misty justify why she needed to let javi go and then focused#her anger about that inward at herself. but in the dollhouse nat pushes misty away!! she's turning inward again but she's letting her anger#out a little at misty! and misty takes it!! misty is her knight and it is her job to protect her queen and she tried to do that#until the very end
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Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach
#if i had to give each of louis relationship a theme loustat would be shame and loumand would be enabling#which are both really bad ways of “helping” a partner with an ed#lestats shame and anger tactics only make louis more resentful and less likely to eat#while armand having the little drinks and exotic animals and the human food dont actually deal with louis problem head on-#cus at the end of the day louis is still not eating enough#and i think they really exemplifies both of their trauma and abandonment issues#both of them came up chronically food insecure#lestat was put into the role of provider at a very early age and stayed in that role until he died/was turned#so for him rejecting what lestat gives is like rejecting lestat cus he doesnt have anything else to make him “useful”#and lestats reaction to rejection is anger and control so he tries to shame and control louis into eating more/human#while armand has been abandoned by literally everyone he loves up till this point so for him its like#ok i can make people dtay if i give them what they want and what louis wants is to not feel bad about eating and so armand does that#but it still doesnt get to the root of the issue which is louis having poor coping mechanisms for his grief and other emotions#like either way you slice it. louis is not meeting his nutritional needs. he eats drinks from one guy eats a fox or some other small animal#when he should be having like two dudes at least#and then he has human food which according to anne rice makes vampires vomit up their whole stomach content so...#louis imma send you to my therapist shes great#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#amc iwtv#lestat de lioncourt#ldpdl#iwtv 2022#armand iwtv#armand#loumand#loustat#like armand gives louis food he cant eat just so he knows theres something in louis stomach even for a short while
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had a really interesting convo yesterday about ethics and whether intent or results matters (eg if you tried to make an ethical purchasing choice but the business was actually exploitative as hell, does that "count") and very much came to the conclusion that sure, if you're concerned with your personal immortal soul, as a christian might be, then intention counts. but if what you're focused on is your impact on the world, then intention means nothing if the actions have negative results, right? (that doesn't mean you're to blame for them! you didn't know! but you also don't get "ethics points" for trying, you know?)
and this also got me thinking about the whole christian idea that sinful thoughts are as bad as sinful actions because. they're just not imo. maybe for the sake of your Immortal Soul they are points against you, if that's your jam. but in terms of putting good into the world, in terms of your impact on other people, the ONLY thing that matters is what you choose to do with those thoughts. there is no way that "was kind to someone who was pissing me off, for the sake of community harmony" or "helped an acquaintance with a task even though I felt resentful about the time spent doing that" is a Bad Thing for the world
and it made me wonder how much purity culture and thought policing is rooted in (mostly evangelical) cultural christianity and this idea that ethical choices are an individual thing because what matters is the impact of them on YOUR soul and not, you know, things we do because of what we owe the world around us / because of love for others / because a world where people are trying to put good into it is a hell of a lot nicer to live in than one where people are only worried about themselves
i grew up evangelical but like. fairly mild evangelical and even though there wasn't a big focus on hell and stuff, i definitely fixated on imperfect thoughts and behaviours that were putting absolutely no harm into the world, rather than focusing on what i could do to put good into it, and that individualistic vs outward-focused approach to morality has been something i've grappled with a lot as an adult. but i never really thought about it as simply as this and really that's what it boils down to. are you making the ethical choice because you're trying to put good in the world, or because it would make you a "good person" to do so? because the answer to that 100% defines whether it's the thought or the result that counts
#also i feel like Sinful Thoughts Are As Bad As Sinful Actions...#as well as being bullshit...#is just like a one way trip to moral ocd and a whole lot of guilt spirals#and i just don't think it's useful! you can't necessarily choose your thoughts!#you can however choose your actions because Good is something you do not something you are#ethics#i do think The Good Place did more to make me interrogate my evangelical upbringing and ethical assumptions than anything else#but also this idea of putting good into the world... idk. it's kind of encouraging AND scary#i don't think I'm naturally a very good person but i can choose to do good#i can be bitter and jealous and resentful and still help people and make their lives a little easier#and my feelings are not actually impacting on the world whereas my actions are#at the same time in a society built on exploitation and corporate greeed#it's hard not to be conscious of the harm my actions are doing without me trying#i didn't necessarily make an unethical choice but all of my choices cause harm to someone somewhere#living in the west and the global north and whatever you become very conscious of that
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Ariane Yeong having a crush on Erika Itou and not doing anything about it except eating her feelings for years. Send tweet.
#I think about them often#while I love Isita/Ari I wanna know more abt Erika#why is she so intentionally blotted out in game#to me it feels like Ariane’s trying to erase/forget her#to me anyways Ariane’s a very bitter person. I think she has a lot of regrets and idk what happened but I do like to think that Something#happened and deeper down she either resents Erika for something/just hurts too much from whatever happened between em#idk#I ponder this#I ponder them#I’m also tired as hell and this is just me going wheeee#lynx rambles#signalis#Ariane yeong#erika itou
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Soulmate aus are so interesting in an iwtv context. Like for humans it's easy, right? They get their soulmate mark, they find their soulmate, or maybe they don't, and they live their life. For vampires though? Do vampiric soulmates even exist? How could they when the soulmate marks are relics of their human life? When the other person who has the mark will be dead before their life as a vampire has even begun? Or were they always fated to become a vampire? Did the universe take that into account? Will they have to wait some hundreds of years for their soulmate to be born? Their soulmate could be anywhere, any time. Hell, their soulmate could be the person they just drained. Who knows. Even if they were somehow able to find them, what are the chances they'd stay together for eternity? It is eternity after all. Not even the universe or fate can guarantee that.
#but then like uggghhhh thinking about iwtv soulmate au fics and like. they're not soulmates or meant to be but they choose each other anyway#their soulmate could be rotting in the ground or not even in existence yet. maybe they knew them in their human life. or vampire life#but nothing is a guarantee. and isn't it much more profound to choose your own companion anyhow? to love and choose them?#(little do they realize that's what a soulmate is. and even though they might not have the mark it's the same thing. to love and choose)#thinking about louis and armand specifically. like both of them would have Feelings about this i'm sure#louis and lestat are soulmates ofc. ofc there's some string of fate strangling them and they have to figure out what that means#i feel like louis would be resentful of it. like he loves lestat obviously but their relationship is turbulent at best so during the lows#louis 100% resents the universe and god and fate for tying the two of them together#lestat would assume it's all sunshine and roses now that he's found his soulmate and kind of assume it'll automatically work out?#and they'd have to come to terms with the fact that while they are soulmates#their relationship and what it is and how it goes isn't preordained. they still have to figure it out themselves#meanwhile armand and daniel aren't soulmates#god armand doesn't know who his is and he is very like. not melancholy#but he definitely holds that in his chest along with the other things that were taken from him#daniel for sure met his soulmate but like it was nothing compared to armand#and daniel doesn't really buy into the whole romanticization of soulmates anyway#armand kind of does and once they start their relationship he'd definitely have angst about preventing daniel from finding his soulmate#in this universe that could be another reason he tampered with daniel's memories (assuming that's what happened in the amc canon)#to give daniel a chance to live a full human life. to give him the chance to find his soulmate#but then daniel lives a life. he meets his soulmate. and at the end of it all he still chooses armand#and claudia? she just wants someone to choose her. she doesn't care if it's her soulmate or not. she doesn't care about that#maybe she used to romanticize it. having someone guaranteed. but she's seen soulmates hurt each other. both in her human and vampire life#and she knows it doesn't matter what fate or the universe says. people's choices and actions are their own#and so when madeleine chooses her they don't have the marks but claudia thinks maybe this is what a soulmate is after all#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#claudia#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt
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the thing about Orym telling Dorian that he would feel differently if Ludinus had killed his brother instead of the gods is that, well, yes! things would be different if they were different!
#theres a valid point to be made about how dorians experiences are not universal. but also the gods as benevolent is the prevailing narrative#and dorian has just borne witness to the fact that this is a pattern of behavior of the gods when they feel threatened#it is at best a response that fails to meet dorian where he's at and validate his very justified anger at the gods#in a way that guarantees that this cycle of resentment and attempted diecide will just repeat itself#crposting#cr spoilers
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Babygirl I can concieve of stephcass dynamics you couldn't even imagine (arospec Cass not understanding why "probably bi but has a job so she doesn't have time to think about that" Steph apparently needs a man (she doesn't, it would just be nice) and doesn't want to platonically settle down with cass in their old age)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#stephcass#another sure to be no-notes banger#anyway I think steph and cass are both very. meh on labels#like i said Steph has a job (in my heart it's retail or like a fast food joint or something but in canon its just being batgirl/spoiler)#so she's not thinking about that rn#and cass was raised so outside of conventional society that she. technically understands why ppl want labels for things#but when you grow up in essentially a few rooms with just you and one other guy 90% of the time it just feels unnecessary in her heart#likewise she was raised so far from conventional romance and has such strong emotions about those she cares about#that she's just. not that interested in delineating romantic vs platonic feelings. She Likes You. Deal w/ it#steph on the other hand. oh boy steph#I'm not gonna say comphet I genuinely think she was deeply madly in love w/ tim and that's important to her character#but at the same time she's so. she's so#steph puts a lot of stock in her romantic relationships bc shes on a perpetual quest for connection and to be seen and appreciated#but. at the same time. she resents that part of her i think (at least early spoiler characterization does?-#-local girl desperately wants your approval and would rather be waterboarded than admit that to herself bc that's embarrassing)#so she's just kinda. acting like she's in it for the fun of it but that girl is searching for a soulmate#i genuinely think pre break-up she thought tim was the guy she was gonna marry. not consciously but if it were anyone it'd be him#and the whole ''married with kids'' thing IS something i think she wants. not every female character wants to be married/a mom#but Stephanie does imo#(also lets not even get into how much her breakup with tim SHOULD'VE effected her considering how it went down-#-and how that was never really gone into besides being hinted at in batgirls and kinda. dismissed in Tim's pride special-#-like on the one hand i get it bc of optics but on the other hands. he's really important to her! this should make her so much more upset!!#ahem. anyway#I'm not even the worlds biggest tim/stephanie guy i just think they're inch resting#and Cass. is close w/ Tim and Steph and should Get all of this since she's so adept at reading ppl#but like I said she's bad at categorizing platonic/romantic feelings in herself and doesn't totally Get it w/ steph#i should just write fic about this at this point these tags are too much
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MalleYuu Soulmate AU but one of them reveres the idea of soulmates and the other hates them
#I feel like it’s obvious which would be which#but also Yuu is a self insert so I guess you make them revere them#can’t really see a very lonely Malleus resenting the idea of a person who would love him being out there though#unless he just resents the fact that he hasn’t met his yet#or tie it to his parents somehow maybe?#whatever I’m writing this with him loving soulmates so it doesn’t matter to me#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst yuu#malleyuu
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I think Blue likes you. 👀
MASTER POST
Asks Start 💜
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#lego monkie kid#lego monkie kid fanart#monkie kid#monkie kid fanart#lmk#lmk fanart#lmk macaque#monkie kid macaque#blue and violet#honestly at this point the Mayor's feelings really can't be defined by words#its wayyyyy too complicated because it actually doesn't make any sense#like Macaque helped kill LBD so obviously the Mayor resents him for that- wants to KILL HIM for that#but at the same time Macaque still means a lot to them#just like how despite LBD basically killing Ling and ruining their past life Mayor still loves her- ITS SO COMPLICATED GUYS#but more toxic than anything else- this is a very unhealthy relationship#and Macaque also has mixed feelings too and is still victim because Mayor did play a part in what was basically his ensalvement to LBD#Mayor is convinced LBD is so great but Macaque was literally hurt by her and was tortured and stuff- and yet Macaque still tolerates them??#anyways I love shadowpuppet guys#this relationship will work out eventually#anyways the blue text is a quote from Mayor in Colours#second to last chapter
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