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mokocchii · 7 years ago

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The Kyman Fanfic Ultimate Guide (or in other words, how to be a kyman hoe)

So lurking in Kyman fandom for awhile people would ask, what do you recommend reading? Well, after much searching I conjured up a list in what I believe to be the best Kyman fics. As well since this is Kyman week might as well fellow fans read some good shit during this fabulously gay week.

Remember folks, my list is incredibly biased HOWEVER from reading countless kyman fanfics and engaging with fellow kyman fans, this is solely based on what I consider to be strong kyman fics in terms of story structure, writing style, characterization, and overall enjoyment.

RATING: E

we don't sleep when the sun goes down

by izzybusiness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450338

“Okay, will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Cartman finally yells, clearly at the end of his tether. “So, what, everyone here got struck by lightning and now you’ve got superpowers like some kind of all-gay Justice League?” Misfits AU.

Unwell

By cigarettestainedeyes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12319431

Kyle's being introduced to a whole new side of himself, the panicked side, the scared side, and he doesn't much care for it. Support comes from the last place he expected.

The Rules

By Creatortan

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13389867

South Park has many rules.

1) don’t try to get involved with Kyle Broflovski. You will face the wrath of Eric Cartman. Plus Kyle just isn’t interested, even if he pretends to be.

2) don’t try to get involved with Eric Cartman. You will face the wrath of Kyle Broflovski. And Eric isn’t interested and doesn’t try to hide that.

3) don’t try to get in between Cartman and Kyle. It never ends well. Just let them get it out of their systems.

RATING: T

Cant we just try?

By shortstackedchessecake96

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5187086

If Eric had his stubborn way, he'd deny his feelings forever. But Kyle's not going to let that happen.

Higher, Higher

By Sweeticing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518693/chapters/31008642

Bebe tries to use a love potion on Kyle, but the plan goes wrong when the potion makes him fall for Cartman instead. Good thing Cartman hasn't been pining for Kyle for eight years or anything crazy like that.

Cartman Gets bored

By sorrowfulJoy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13062774

Cartman gets bored at 11pm and tries to get his friends to come and spend time with him, texting fic

Secondhand

By SnyapticFirefly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7751491

Cartman does what he does best: peer pressuring impressionable Jews the only way he knows how.

Keep Your Enemy Closer

By guineabees

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123163

A story about what happens when a superhero and their rival have been living under the same roof without realising it.

I Won’t Fall For You

By shortstackedchesscake

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13247808

Just when Kyle thought turning up alone to a wedding - that was starting to feel like a college reunion - couldn't get any worse, it turns out Eric Cartman is invited too. But Eric may just be his saving grace, and Kyle decides to run with his inevitably crazy plan even if he thinks he knows better. But Kyle is a lot smarter than his college friends, he won't fall for Eric that easily... will he?

the coriolis effect

by briwookie

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544261

"There's nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex." Kenny would say, but Eric Cartman had always thought otherwise.

It just surprises him that it takes Kyle Broflovski getting drunk at a bar with another man to prove him wrong

Sunday best and broken glass

By cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2296934

Cartman doesn’t do nervous. He’s done plenty of fucking public speaking, public singing, public anything but tonight – tonight, he’s nervous. Maybe it’s because this stupidly means more than any of those other times, even though he wishes to fuck he could deny that. Because he actually cares this time. It isn’t based around some manipulation. Maybe it’s because Stan’s up there right now singing and playing electric guitar to Sweet Child O’ Mine like a lame-o, but he’s actually fucking good and all Cartman’s got is a dumb emo love song and an acoustic and a future bill for rejection.

Between love and hate

By izzubusiness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8239649

“Fuck you, whore!” Cartman yells, getting to his feet and stomping over to the other end of the room. “What the fuck are you even doing in my house?”

“What were you doing with Kyle’s tongue in your mouth?” Wendy counters back, and if Stan’s head wasn’t about to explode under the weight of everything going on, he thinks he might have high fived her for that wicked burn.

I said I wouldn't by I did

By captaindude

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2754203

In which Cartman is whipped and he doesnt even know it. but mostly sex though.

Redéfinition de l'individu

By Kymanlvr

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6481633/1/Redéfinition-de-l-individu

Kyle Broflovski is tired of his dull, unchanging life. But after he returns from being away from South Park for the summer, things start to spiral out of control, and everything falls apart. Mainly Kyman. Strong language and references to sex.

Don’t Touch Me

By Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5231878/1/Don-t-Touch-Me

When your life hits an all time low, things can't possibly get any worse, right? Not for Kyle Broflovski. Slash, Kyle/Cartman.

Respect My Authority

by Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5687376/1/Respect-My-Authority

There's only one thing you can do when a Jew tries to mess with your mind: play some mind games yourself. After all, all's fair in love and war. Kyman, slash. Cartman's POV. Companion fic to Don't Touch Me.

Boundaries

By cutie pie 9335

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6547130/1/Boundaries

Cartman finally crosses the line that Kyle had so carefully drawn. Kyman, amongst other pairings.

Afflictions and Affections

By PartiPooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10588091/1/Afflictions-and-Affections

When Kyle is sick, as per usual, Cartman pays him a visit. He even so much as looks after him, in his own bitter-sweet way. (Fluffy Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities.)

The Sorry Struggle

By Partipooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11152548/1/The-Sorry-Struggle

When Cartman does something bad to Kyle, he tries to say sorry - "tries" being the keyword. AKA, How Not To Say Sorry To Your Boyfriend. (Slightly Silly Kyman One-Shot; Rated T for profanities, slightly sexual scenes, and the follies and flatulence of youth.

if I didn't believe in you, we’d never have gotten this far

by orphan_account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11282883

Kyle and Eric are both getting tired of the 'no strings attached' asterisk attached to their relationship.

The Stag Prince

By Synaptic Firefly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4979806/chapters/11437663

A Swan Princess parody. Grand Wizard Prince Eric and High Elf Prince Kyle are roped into an arranged marriage. Honestly, who thought this was a good idea to start with? Eventual Kyman, slight Stenny, and poor Butters is a paladin.

RATING : M

Restraints

By Soul Flash

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867328/1/Restraints

“Goddammit, Jew...” Cartman breathed as he furiously began to work on Kyle's belt buckle, “Why'd you have to wear a goddamn belt today...?” Kyman. Graphic lemon. Contains whipping, rimming, frottage, dirty talk, masochism, and more.

How Long Till You Surrender?

By wettmark

https://archiveofourown.org/works/453686

Stan is self destructing, Craig Tucker might be gay, Butters can't handle Cartman's wiener, and Kyle just wants to get out of South Park without losing his mind, his best friend, or his virginity.

A Series of Left Turns

By ScribbleSibly

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088479/chapters/9208600

Kyle, now 17 and preparing to be a responsible adult, is drowning in the stress of his mundane life. Until Cartman gets an idea. Kyle POV. Heavy swearing and smut later on.

Perfectionist

By shortstackedcheescake96

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6452782

Kyle appreciates Eric's praise perhaps more than he really should. It is rare, after all. (All characters are 18+)

Backseat Confession

By psychelelicgoolash

https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907814

It was moments like these he wondered why he let that Jewish son of a bitch ensnare him like he did. How Kyle could just wrap him around his finger as he rolled onto his back, allowing Cartman full access to his unfastened jeans. Aged Up. Kyman. Smut.

Comfort

By NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5361029

Unable to sleep due to 'unfortunate circumstances', Kyle finds solace in the form of Cartman - but as is inevitable with these boys it's not as simple as a mere sleepover, and Kyle gets more than he'd bargained for. This fanfic is based on the events of the incredible blog 'Ask The Main Four' on Tumblr, and is totally canonical to the universe. NSFW Kyman smut, first time and delicious grinding warning.

Games

By NocturnallLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4932157

The card game was enjoyable at first, but it very soon became clear Cartman had much bigger ambitions for is 'alone time' with Kyle - despite his parents sleeping in the room down the corridor. Unable to resist, Kyle tries to contain himself and stay quiet... but it's much easier said than done, especially when the sex is THIS good.

Mission Accomplished

by NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3144293

Concerned about the imminent yearbook photographs, Kyle is intent on staying clean of hickeys - much to Cartman's displeasure. But Eric has never been one to back down from a challenge, and if he can help it the feisty auburn wont stay reluctant for long. Yummy smut with hints of fluff at the end. Kyman One-shot.

more than words can say

by NocturnalLament

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794164

After an innocent slip of the tongue, Kyle can't help but wonder if he'd put their relationship in jeopardy. After a summer of strange behavior and evasiveness from Cartman, Kyle wants answers... but the truth is something he never had expected.

One word to describe myself

By confunded

https://archiveofourown.org/works/604033

"Because he was mine, and in a way he always had been. He just didn’t know it. Yet." Your standard love/hate oneshot featuring our favorite frenemies. Established sort-of-relationship, Cartman wants more and Kyle is a tease. Fighting ensues. Super smutty, but maybe there's more to it than just some porn. Maybe.

Denial

By SchwiftyJerry666

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728942

At parties, when everyone's usually too high or drunk to notice or care, two enemies find that the line between love and hate is a very thin one indeed.

Express Love

By BookishTea

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8799361/chapters/20173393

Kyle misses his husband after a long and boring business trip.

Baby, Now you do

By charmzz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379967/chapters/30644319

Five years ago, Eric Cartman was hunched over him, with a fat hand on Kyle’s throat and the tip of a knife pointed between his eyes.

might last a day (minus forever)

by cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/420889

At twenty-five, Kyle Broflovski thought he had his life all planned out. He was living in Denver with Stan with a nice apartment and a decent job. Suddenly, his world is turned upside down when Stan breaks up with him and he loses his job all in the span of a few months. Now Kyle is back in South Park, living with his parents, and trying to figure out where he goes from here. Enter Eric Cartman, who always got under Kyle’s skin as a kid, and who was now about to do so again, in more ways than one. (A story about reevaluating yourself and your life. Or, How Kyle Broflovski Got His Groove Back.)

Go on, take everything (I want you to)

By cherryvanilla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5070895

In retrospect, Kyle should’ve seen it coming. In retrospect, he really didn’t. Sequel to might last a day (minus forever).

Fake it so real

By cherryvanilla

http://archiveofourown.org/works/266865

In which there is a party and seven minutes in heaven.

I am beyond fake

By cherryvanilla

http://archiveofourown.org/works/503667

It’s been exactly 24 hours since Kyle was in seven minutes in heaven with Cartman and he hasn’t thought of anything else but the feel of his lips and the press of his body. Sequel to Fake it So Real.

Disintegration (is the best album)

By dont_take_me_im_seriously

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325070/chapters/30499041

Kyle's Sunday morning began with an appalling marriage proposal and only got stupider from there. Now he's on the run from the government, stranded in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and contending with the idea that Eric Cartman might just have a heart to break after all.

Tough Luck & Tough Love

By kylebiased

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807146/chapters/31746348

Cartman bets he can break his previous bike-jumping record. Kyle bets he cannot. Cartman bets that if he can make said jump, Kyle will have to own-up to his end of their old fourth grade bet, and give him head. Kyle accepts this bet, since he obviously, cannot lose.

Cartman wins and now Kyle, is totally, screwed.

...Only thing Cartman never betted on, however? Finally realizing he's got actual feelings for Kyle.

Now, they're both screwed.

Put out the fire on us

By I_Already_Forgot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262815/chapters/16490188

Cartman cheats at a bet he'd made with Kyle and when the other refuses to pay him Cartman decides to get creative. Kyle knows not to let Cartman goad him into anything, but in the end his ego wins out and through a series of poor decision making they find themselves stranded in the woods all night, handcuffed together, bruised and battered. They have to work together in order to make it through and the near-death experience forces them to talk in ways they haven't before. The ordeal sheds new light on their friendship, and Kyle wonders if things will ever be able to go back to the way they used to be, or if he even really wants them to.

Hate

By Kymanlvr

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5953936/1/Hate

There are people in this world that would, upon first glance, have looked at them and called them enemies. A story about Kyle and Cartman, and how a series of events bring them closer together. Kyman.

Hiring Hope

By Partipooper

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10659998/1/Hiring-Hope

Cartman has a job interview to attend, and Kyle has worrying about him to do. (Fluffy & Smutty Kyman One-Shot; Rated M for profanities and sexual scenes.)

Time Bomb

by sweeticing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13009413

Cartman got therapy, Kyle has a hard-on, and New Year’s Eve remains a cause for celebratory champagne even if you’re locked in a bathroom with your worst enemy.

In my office, now

by mokocchii (yes i wrote a fic too)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14469690

Working for Mr. Cartman hasn't been easy. (Or has it?)

HONORABLE MENTION (If already a kyman fan you’ll get the joke)

Kyle in Chains

By DanniDinmont

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4676235/1/Kyle-in-Chains

Kyle has a problem, and it seems that there's only one solution to it. Slash, Kyle/Cartman.

I also wanna give a shoutout to these kyman authors, cherryvanilla, shortstackedchessecake96, partipooper, ScribbleSibyl, synapticfirefly, and NocturnalLament for their surplus of quality quantity fics. They’ve written more than what I mentioned on this list, so I highly recommend to read ALL their work regarding Kyman. I suggest to check both their AO3 and FF.net accounts for the full archives of their work.

Happy Kyman Week everyone!

#kyman #sp kyman #kyman week #south park kyman #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #kyman fanfiction #sp fanfiction

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sawyersick · 6 years ago

Note

1 through 69 because you gotta twin with me

OMG ASDFGHJKL

aight here goes bitchez

1. are you religious?

nahh but my parents sent me to church camp when I was in elementary school??? For the cheap childcare I guess???

2. what animal do you think you’re most like?

I haven’t thought about this much but I think a field mouse!!

3. how do you take your coffee?

never……………………… I hate coffee

4. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

my mom’s bosses son forced himself on me when we were 6 lol so I don’t count that……….. so 15 i guess (according to my friend, if there’s no hormones it doesn’t count lol)

5. museum date or aquarium date?

AQUARIUM AQUARIUM AQUARIUM

6. do you have any tattoos or piercings? do you want more?

Just my ears are pierced and I have a whale (badly) tattooed on my hip I’ll post pix if you want but its pretty uggo

I want another whale on the other side so I’ll be symmetrical and a triangle hand tat….. maybe an eyeball tat (a tattoo of an eyeball…. not one on my eye lol)? I’m not really interested in anymore piercings tho

7. favorite fruits?

strawberries!!!

8. favorite vegetables?

when I was 12 I ate so many carrots my skin turned orange and my mom thought I had jaundice

also I heckin love mushrooms

9. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect :(

10. do you cry a lot?

yeah lol at least twice a month minimum

11. who are your closest friends?

I don’t really have any? I’ve felt distant from my irl friends lately so idk probably just demo

12. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did the walk out for gun violence

13. do you play any video games?

helllllls yeah but I usually only play 3/ds

14. did you ever have an emo or scene phase?

yes and I think I’m still in it rip

15. what color is most of your wardrobe?

I think I wear a lot of blue! and black and white too i guess…… I’m trying to add more reds tho

16. what do you like to do for fun?

I bake and sew and draw! and listen to music

17. what is your biggest fear?

body horror tw for this one rip

being abandoned, being forced to do horrifically gross/unclean stuff, getting my eyes gouged out, getting the bones in my hands broken, getting acid poured on my face, the people around me dying, being forced to eat live slugs, getting my skin peeled off with a knife

18. name a subject you know a lot about.

whales/the ocean in general and baking!! and the band Liily

19. favorite fictional characters?

hm idk? Link and Zelda from LoZ, Clover and Snake and Aoi from 999, rhyme from TWEWY, Maka and Soul from Soul Eater, Storm from the Xmen, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Chun Li, the Kagamines, Rilakkuma

idk I just thought about characters I have merch for

20. do you read a lot? what are your favorite books?

I used to??? Haven’t had the time for it in a while though and I’ve been reading a lot of how-to books as of late….. I really liked the Legend trilogy though

21. how would you describe your style?

art style and fashion style would both be classified as “cute but tries to be edgy” I think

22. did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little? do you still own it?

Yes!! a pastel elephant with a rattle in it named Elephant (very creative I know) He’s in my stuff somewhere now and this question reminded me to go find him again

23. what’s something most people love that you hate?

hmmm…. sports? mustard? airpods???? idk

24. do you think you’re a good singer?

actually yes? I wanna be in a band but I’m lowkey afraid of singing in front of people I know but have no problem doing it in front of an audience of strangers hmu if you’re in the SF bay area I’ve written 6 punk songs

25. who do you live with?

my parents and cat

26. favorite desserts?

ice cream, anything with chocolate or whipped cream, creme brulee, lemon tarts

I’m not too picky though lol

27. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

realizing that I can actually do mostly whatever I want and most things have fewer consequences than I think

also cutting people out of my life that emotionally exhaust me

28. favorite makeup brands?

uhhhh whatever’s cheap and doesn’t make my eyes burn ig urban decay is good when I can afford it

29. favorite clothing stores/brands?

Goodwill??? I used to shop at f21 but I try not to anymore

30. what was your first job?

working at a lake teaching windsurfing and sailing and I still work there

31. do you take a lot of naps?

n o I absolutely h a t e taking naps and try to avoid them

32. what is your favorite part about your body?

hmm I have pretty good hair i think and sometimes my eyes? I have huge (genetic) eyebags tho which gets me down

33. are you more dominant or more submissive?

In day to day life I guess I’m more dominant??? like I make decisions when nobody else wants to :0 also idk intimately since iM aN aDuLt vIrGiN and pretty sex repulsed but probably sub

34. are you more outgoing or more shy?

outgoing but sometimes it makes me annoying

35. how tall are you?

short…………………………. 4′8/143 cm

36. what is your body type?

uhh hourglass????? maybe pear I got them Thunder Thighs according to the guy who got kicked out of drama club for peeping in the girls changing room

37. favorite flower?

calendula, sunflowers, lavender and dianthus!!

38. favorite planet?

Neptune??????????????????

39. what do you want to dress up as for halloween this year?

I wanna be the bride of frankentstein but in a shiro lolita coordinate to make her look ~fancy~ or the Nancy part of Sid and Nancy if I’m in a relationship by that time

40. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Ideally the same age and I’m wary of dating anyone more than 2 years younger or older than me but I’m more willing to date older than younger

41. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

yall know who it is already but

in a band, dark hair, kinda tall, very fashionable, coincidentally happens to be the same racial mix as me, good at art, very humble, really sweet, lives in SoCal, has a hand tattoo of milk and “aye yah” on his arm, paints his nails orange, wears a lot of rings, gets freckles in the summer, prefers vanilla over chocolate, ties his shoes the cool way

42. who is your biggest inspiration?

idk at the moment? I like to draw from many inspirations

43. do you have any kinks?

???????????????????????????????????

44. do you own any pets?

one (1) very loving cat

45. which celebrity do people say you look the most like?

……………………….. myself

I literally had to google mixed race celebrities and STILL none look like me lol

46. do you like sports?

not really except I weirdly like baseball

47. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Yes!! I won tickets to On Your Feet and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

I also won Hamilton tickets but saw it in SF yall should download the app

48. what is your favorite kind of food?

noodles!!

49. would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid?

MERMAID actually I have a mermaid tail too so

50. what is your instagram?

@wishwhale :)

51. glossy lips or matte lips?

glossy by default because I have chronically dry skin/lips so matte lips are sooooooooooooooo uncomfy but it looks good on other people lol

52. do you like cherry, grape, blue raspberry, watermelon, or green apple jolly ranchers the best?

grape because im weird

53. what are your best personality traits?

I’d like to think that I’m kind and sometimes funny

54. what is your ethnicity?

asian/white

55. what different hair colors have you had?

brown and brown with pink that was supposed to be purple

56. favorite disney princess?

Ariel! bc mermaid

57. favorite album of 2017?

Humanz by Gorillaz or Deep Dream by Daddy Issues I guess

I was weirdly obsessed with Feel Your Feelings Fool when it came out but I’m not really into it anymore though

58. have you ever had braces?

nah

59. favorite holiday?

Halloween! Because dressing up is fun

60. post a selfie.

how do I make this smaller anyways I don’t normally wear this much makeup but I’m going to a small show tonight

61. are you a good swimmer?

Yes!! I swim once a week at my local pool

62. do you wear jewelry?

I used to wear a lot………. like multiple necklaces and bracelets and rings daily but now I wear my ring every day and a necklace/earrings if I remember

63. can you play any instruments?

I’m learning guitar!!

64. do you have any siblings?

short answer is no but you can dm me for the long answer

65. are your grandparents still alive? how old are they?

just my maternal grandmother and she is almost 90! My paternal grandmother lived to 102 so I’m hoping for those good genes though (I think she would have lived longer because my family suspects elder abuse by my weird aunt)

66. who knows the most about you?

hmm probably Demo or Emily

67. are you a more quiet person or do you talk a lot?

I! Never! Shut! Up!

68. what advice would you give to your 13 year old self?

shut the fuck up you stupid bitch you arent cool

69. how many pillows do you sleep on?

two

#ask #ask meme #my face #shut up sawyer #long post #loooooooooooooooong post

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