#just do it you coward i know you want to. im just a worthless woman anyway what’s it even matter. we’re both about to snap anyways. lol

[justalokifanaccount]

Episode 5-Play by Play Reactions (Spoilers)

Bruh I’m so friggin excited

Thanks for reminding me of mobius and Loki being pruned… I totally needed that

Man tom has really beautiful eyes

IM SO EXCITED FOR ALLIGATOR LOKI

Back in the TVA huh?

Upside down Dutch camera angle huh?

I really hope they introduce Kang, I mean, Ravonna IS Kang’s GF in the comics

Okay we left the TVA

Ruined New York purgatory?

Digging this soundtrack

Alioth??? Hello??? Who is you???

Ravonna doesn’t know either? Hmmm I don’t trust her

BRUH I CALLED IT!!! THEY CANT DESTROY TIMELINES THEY CAN ONLY CUT THEM OFF

I don’t believe her… if she really wanted to know who was behind this after watching the timekeepers prove to be fake then why on earth would she prune Loki then huh?

GATOR LOKI IS SO CUTE

Damn emotional Loki

“Which I’m heartbroken to report I didn’t even find all that strange.” Poor baby

Bruh stop trippin

Bruh I’m trying so hard not to laugh rn. The way old Loki is talking to alligator Loki is killing me. I have been watching Jessie recently with the kids I babysit and now I’m being reminded of Mrs. Kipling, the Asian water monitor.

Loki is so done with this lmaoo

Okay wow these subtitles are having big trouble keeping up and staying accurate…

Poor Loki lmao

Kid Loki killed thor oh my gosh

How??? Why??? But Loki isn’t evil!!! Well, maybe THIS version is I guess…

Oh hey Mjolnir

Wait what’s in the jar?? IS THAT FROG THOR? THROG?? OH MY GOSH IT IS

Bruh they all have glorious purposes

Loki don’t be a simp

Mall Santa throne

Miss minutes is back

Miss minutes is sus

I still don’t trust Ravonna

Called it

Treacherous biotch

She’s behind it I know it. Working for her BF Kang

She’s behind it bruh I know

Just one good memory?? AGHHHHHH MY BELOVED

She pruned herself!!!

SYLVIE MY BELOVED

Lmaooooo black Loki liar

Haha alligator Loki ate the neighbors cat

Bruh I’m getting major Paradigm vibes (you need to check out that game if you haven’t)

“But blades are worthless in face of a Loki sorcery” at least THIS man gets it

He missed his brother and of course the TVA goes “hahaha no you’re not allowed.”

God of Outcasts is better than the Loser Club don’t @ me

Sooo whats black Lokis past then? And what about more of kids Loki?

Lmao sounds terrifying as a woman Loki

Please don’t make Sylvie the crutch to save the day. Let tom hiddleston be the hero please

They’re gonna laugh at his plan

Called it

OH EVEN MORE LOKIS HOW LOVELY

PRESIDENT LOKI

Oh hey Sylvie

You in a nest?

Oh my

Girl you better run

Hahahahaha uh oh

Oh my! She’s sending stuff

MOBIUS OH MY GOSH YES

I’m calling it now it’s him

YES YES YES YES YES

HELL YEA MY GUY

Two tom Hiddleston’s

So how did he get an army

Lmao

The chaos is palpable

OH??????

WHAT

ALLIGATOR LOKI BIT OFF PRESIDENT LOKIS HAND AND THEN HE SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL

I’m not so happy about the way that ended. At least not with the girlish scream from president Loki… seemed wildly out of character.

I’m so confused

I have no idea how to feel

Lmao TVA Loki is so damn confused and over everything

Alligator Loki didn’t betray you!! He’s a good boy!

How do you know it’s a death sentence??? Huh??? Maybe it’s the answer!

Sooo does every single pruned person ever get sent here or his mobius also a Loki?

HAHAHA I CALLED IT! ALIOTH IS THE ANSWER.

Cannibals huh? Lovely

Hold on guys it’s Lokis love

“Is he a coward or is he being brave?” “Not too sure.” Same

REUNION BABY

Us as an alligator

Stop bickering

Please please please give Loki a good moment. Let him be badass please for God’s sake

What happened to the hunter from the last episode?

Oh here we are

Please they better not hurt her

I know she wasn’t trustworthy. Gosh I hate Renslayer.

She’s still tryna protect whoever gave her power. Renslayer I will revel in your defeat.

Man I’ve missed mobius

Mobius cares about Loki!!! Even Sylvie knows!

Wdym it’s cold? Homie your a frost giant

LOKI CAN CONJURE BLANKIES. New fanfic idea oh heck yea.

Lmao oh great they’re in denial about feelings

Awkward teens in love

You have Loki!

Oh gosh the awkward tension!

AWWWWW HE SHARED THE BLANKET

It’s like watching two awkward teenagers on their first date ever in their lives.

Yea loki but you were also betrayed by your father and home sooooo

Loki. You know you can be happy without ruling.

Together.

Oh my gosh my heart is loving the awkwardness

What the freak are those bird like things

Still better than the devils anus

I need Sylvie to teach Loki how to enchant

He’s sticking beside her

FLAME SWORD HELL YEA

Conjured a hilt. Can you please conjure a badass asgardian outfit too?

Burn it to the ground.

OH MY GOSH I KOVE THEM ALL

Hug

Hug

Hug

Please

YESSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

HE CALLED MOBIUS A FRIEND

Mobius how dare you call Sylvie your favorite

Tom you will always be my favorite

Reminds me kind of Dormamu

The skull in alioth looks like a wolf skull

Loki if you get yourself killed I’ll never forgive you

Is this where he does the come and get me?

CALLED IT

Flame sword babyyyy

What’s going to work? Teeeeaaaamwork

LOKI TEAM UP

HOLY CRAP THAT LOKI IS POWERFUL

HOMIE RECREATED ASGARD

HOLY CRAP

ENCHANT TOGETHER YESSS

OH MY GOSH

THIS IS SO COOL

Cmon Loki you can do it!!

Save old Loki cmon!

YESSSSSSAAAA

SAVE HIM PLEASE

Please

Pease

Please

Glorious purpose

Don’t die please

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

No….. MARVEL STOP KILLING OUR LOKIS FOR GOD SAKE

They did it! But old Loki is gone… and I’m sad…

Where’s kid Loki and gator Loki?

Are we not gonna see black Loki again? I was excited for him

Don’t you dare go to credits

YOU SONNUVA

At least it ended on a happier note this time…

But I miss old Loki already… please tell me he’s not dead… but I suppose since pruning already doesn’t kill them, it’d be cheap to have Alioth also not kill them..

Rest In Peace old Loki. You died with honor in battle… you will be in Valhalla. I know it.

I heard the Kablooie gum was a reference to Calvin and Hobbes and lemme just say that is the best thing ever

Dang no end credit or mid credit scene

Wow this was a crazy episode. Some parts I loved, some parts I was very much not happy with. Mostly the scene with president Loki. I hoped that would be much longer and that it would play more into the overall story, not just a throwaway scene to reference a comic and have a quick laugh. I’m fine with alligator Loki biting off that Loki’s hand, but not with the childish scream afterwards… that felt very out of character.

Can’t wait for the final episode!!! Nothing better happen to Loki or Sylvie. I hope we get to see the other Lokis again. I also want to know more about kid Loki and black Loki. Why did kid Loki kill Thor and how? What’s up with black Loki and what was his nexus event? We didn’t even get to learn about his hammer. I’m fine with not learning about alligator Loki. It’s fine to have that be a fun mystery imo. It was funny seeing throg very briefly too. But I have too many questions that I know won’t be answered in only one more episode which is disappointing. Maybe we can learn more in the supposedly confirmed season two? I hope so. I’m really curious about how they are going to wrap things up and what the fates of everyone will be. I hope this isn’t an isolated event that doesn’t tie into phase four at all. I really want Loki in Multiverse of Madness. Not just Sylvie although idk if we can get both of them in, but I don’t want this show to be Sophia Di Martino’s only appearance in the MCU.

I trust tom Hiddleston but I know marvel doesn’t always allow him to shine through as much as he could. I’m so hopeful for this show but my anxiety is also skyrocketing.

[queerlyhalloween]

Not to sound like the joker™️ but i hate western society. I know that hair and clothes aren't gendered, so do most of my mates, ive been working hard at unlearning the internalized transphobia that's just a part of being trans in the UK and actually ALLOWING myself to think about going on hormones and dressing in ways other than "ambigious as possible" despite the fact im non-binary

i grew myself a little mullet because ive not been working in the pub and wanted solid snake hair, ive allowed myself to look at my face and the long hair around it and not despair because i know that longer hair doesn't make me a woman, but the moment you go into a shop, or get takeaway or pass by people in the street its all "move out the way of this lady!" and "thank you, ma'am"

i dont want the gender option of 'other' on my ID i want to know 1 good reason why gender should be listed on an ID in the 1st place

ive just come back from the range and i had my hair up like some e-thot fuckboy, i had to go BACK to the range because they got my click and collect order wrong so ive got two members of staff looking over my order, im dressed in black jeans and a black masc-looking ripped shirt, mask covering half my face and as the manager's showing the kid who served me the receipt they go "oh I served that guy earlier" and the manager corrects them "its a lady". I say "im niether" and they both just stare at me like im a toddler. Im already panicking because the air feels the same way it did when some cunt came after me in the pub toliets. "dont worry about it :)" i say, they both turn back to the tills and completely ignore me.

Anyway, micro-aggressions, ive experienced a lot of them for many reasons over the course of my life and today ive decided to snap.

Not at the people in the range like, just in general.

I will never pass. That's just an element of trans euphoria i will never get to experience. Not right off the bat, anyway. Not where i live, and most likely not in my lifetime. Maybe for kids in LA or Brighton, and hey power to you guys man im happy for you, but people assume or guess m/f when they look at me and they will never get it right.

So when i see people on this site try and twitter etc rank "who's the most oppressed"™️ like a godamn smash bros tier list it blows my mind because of all the things you could spend your days doing thats what youre expending energy on?!

You could be the exact same age, race, sex, gender, sexuality, you could have the exact same disabilities, mental health conditions and money in your bank as another person on this site and you'd still never understand what they've been through. Our experiences, our families, our morals and lives are always gonna be different and the moment you try to write definitive rules on whose got it worse you've already lost and you're already wrong. Oppressed classes are not a fucking hivemind and pretending they are is only going to cause you more problems. I get the strong sense that some of you looked at the word intersectionality, went "ah yeah, i know what that means" having never read up on the matter, then proceeded to play the pain olympics.

And its creating a culture where kids feel the need to spills their souls online to justify living their lives!

You've not listed your disabilites in your bio so you're able-bodied. You're Irish but haven't listed your race so you're white. You're cis man so you've never played with gender and suffered as a result. You're asexual so clearly you're a cringeworthy baby who's never experienced a wrong-doing in their life.

The reverse is true too, if you list every aspect of yourself then you're automatically honest. The more opressed you are the less likely you are of causing harm to others. Psht, don't have a carrd in this day and age? What are you, a fraud? cishet white man playing make believe? Post a selfie or face the wrath of ozymandaus. What's privacy? It takes me 3 minutes to read the bio on this discourse side-blog so clearly they're an angel.

my mam abused me for years, she did the same to my brother when i left home at 18 and my dad drank himself to death. My nan, his mother, never believed me because my mam's a disabled woman with a lot of trauma, and at 14 how do you explain to the woman who takes you to the beach that it's WORSE because as she's beckoning you to the side of her bed so she can scream point blank in your face, or hit you, you're never truely sure, you're thinking about running away because of course she physically can't chase you but she can throw. And then where would you go if you did buggar off?

"You have to sleep sometimes" she used to say to me when I'd piss her off. Other days she told me horror stories about kids in care, and disabled people having their kids taken away, made me promise that I'd always love her and always be her baby, and I'd do that for her because she's my mam, she'd be satisfied then ignore me for a while. I grew up thinking that was entirely normal until i'd tell funny family stories at school and nobody would laugh. The closest I got to truely running away was when I changed my name and pronouns and her rejection, turned to vitriol one night and I so, so, nearly held a knife to my throat and simply fell forwards in the uni showers. Obviously I didn't do that.

But she's had a shitter life than me thus far so she's in the right, as the online black/white dichotomy states. I keep her at arm's length but I'm unable to cut her away without losing the rest of my family because I dared defy the role of eldest child and care for her as I've done my whole life, as is expected.

we need to take things on a case by case basis, and learn when stuff is none of our business.

"Hey! :) I see you've reclaimed (X) slur, without submitting the proper paperwork. Real quick tell me every trauma you've ever experienced or I'll write a callout post :) delete this anonymous message (as is your right) and i'll assume you as sus ❤"

you can only call yourself a dyke if on your 13th birthday, the moon's tender rays struck you through your bedroom window and gave you your first wet dream about girls.

Great, cool. I have no interest in calling myself a dyke, i cant call myself a lesbian because it makes me dysphoric, thats why im queer, but i can assure you that when 3 kids from catholic school pinned me under the bridge and threatened to cut me open for being a "dirty dyke tramp" they didn't play 20Qs with me first to check that i was actually a lesbian.

if your first thought is "well thats just misdirected homophobia, so youre not ACTUALLY a victim" log the fuck off and consider what's wrong with you. Because all our oppressors care about is sniffing out the wrong on you and beating it out, they dont care what breed of wrong it is.

so you're going to spend your day, the enlightened adult that you are, frothing at the mouth because some 15yr old dared call themselves butch despite them being OnLY a BiSexUAl? You're gonna say that trans woman deserves to be suicidal because yes she may be trans BUT she's from the UK, so clearly she loves her horrid country and government. You're gonna say that black lad deserves racial abuse because he's trying to focus on his studies rather than go to protests. That 19yr old who's living in poverty deserves it because they work for Amazon. Texans deserve to freeze to death because there are republicans in Texas.

You're going to harass a complete stranger coming to terms with the parts of themselves society has taught them are worthless at best because they're not doing it the way YOU think is right.

This post has not ended where I started it but I really dont care:

Some of you are so fucking desperate to be the bullies you never got to be in secondary school and it shows. But you're cowards. You can't just admit you want to divide and concur so you do it in a new woke way and when your time on this earth is done, you'll have commited the same pain that's been dealt to you and wonder why you died miserable in a world thats more or less the same.

okay to reblog but dont @ me for a debate because i have, like, real problems and will just block you

[fandom-queenliness]

The Breaking Part 3: Kagami

This is Part 5 of my Burning series, you can read the rest of it here.

Shoutout to @im-here-for-the-content for helping me with this!

This is shorter than my other pieces simply because Kagami does not beat around the bush and blunt as hell. Anyway, onto the pain!

The Breaking Part 3: Kagami

Kagami was not surprised when Chloe exited the elevator looking drained. She walked over to the chairs where they were seated and dropped down. Nino moved forward and asked how it went, and the blonde mumbled something about nearly snapping his wrist. Kagami felt pride at that. Agreste deserved to hurt for what he had done.

Marinette’s voice rang through her head and she flinched. The pain she spoke with—it killed Kagami. It made her want to break something.

A man exited the elevator and scanned the waiting room, when he spotted her he walked over, carrying a long object wrapped in white cotton. He bowed and offered it to her.

“Kagami-sama,” he greeted. “The package you requested.”

She nodded and grabbed it, holding it delicately in her hands. “Arigatō gozaimasu.” The man – an assistant of some sort – left.

Nino looked over to her. “What is it?”

“A symbol,” she answered, “a sword.”

Worry made its way onto his face. “Are you planning to kill him?”

She shook her head, running a finger along the black hilt. “I am not expecting it to ever be used. It is symbolic.”

Chloe’s head tilted but she did not comment. “Your turn. His secretary told me she wouldn’t announce you, just in case he calls security. She’s planning to quit after today anyway.”

Kagami nodded to the secretary, who was manning the desk a floor below Agreste’s office instead of her usual one right outside it. She held hate in her eyes for her boss.

She gripped the hilt of the sword and nodded to her friends, then headed for the elevator, jabbing the button. Her last look of her friends was Chloe wiping away tears as Nino comforted her.

Agreste looked up when Kagami walked in. He was holding his wrist close to his chest and she thanked Chloe for that. The betrayed look in his eyes was worth it.

“Agreste,” she greeted coldly, placing her package in the chair beside her. She remained standing.

He looked up from where he was leaning against the desk and grimaced. “Hey. Sorry, Chloe just dropped by. You think she’s mad?” He held up his bruising wrist jokingly and it set a fire within Kagami. He was joking, laughing, as his wife fell apart. The nerve, the selfishness—

She took a breath, steadying herself. She had words to say before her anger could be loosed.

“But can you believe it?” He asked, rubbing his wrist. “I thought Chloe would understand, growing up with politics and all. She at least should have understood why I would need to clear my name.” Agreste sighed. “She even thinks everyone would be against me. But you’re here, proving her wrong. I never would have expected she would…” he sighed and shrugged. “She’s just being dramatic. Hey, do you think I could use your phone to call Marinette? She hasn’t been answering my call—”

That was the final straw, assuming he had the right to talk to the woman he had hurt more than anyone else. Kagami held up a hand and he paused, puzzled.

With no emotion, she told him, “I am here to formally cut any connections with you.”

His smile dropped, he stared at her. “What?”

“I find myself unable to remain your business partner when you have committed acts that go against my morals and expectations of you,” she told him ruthlessly. A weight was lifted off of her with each word, like tiny anchors. “Any and all business between us is over. You will be getting calls from my lawyers later today.”

“Bu—but you’re my friend!” Agreste protested, sounding like a petulant child.

She held up a hand, and it took all of her mother’s training to keep it from trembling. “Are you addressing me as a business partner or a friend?”

“A friend. What else?” He said, still staring like a gaping fish.

“Excellent.” She pulled her arm back and punched him in the mouth. He fell against the desk with a dull thud.

“Wha—Kagami what the hell?!” Agreste shouted, holding a hand to his bloody mouth. She stared down at him, remorseless.

“You wanted your friend, well here I am,” she told him, spreading her arms. “I am the friend you lied to, the friend who loves your wife—evidently more than you do.”

Agreste scrambled away from her, behind the desk, trying to get out of her reach—useless.

“You are a stain upon your family, upon this world,” she told him, anger filling every word. “You betrayed your wife and friends. No longer can I look upon you without seeing a liar and a bastard.”

He tried to speak, made to put a hand forward but she pushed onwards. “You are without integrity, honesty and loyalty are absent from you.” She planted her hands on the desk and leaned forward. “You are a coward, you are weak.”

“I thought you would understand!” Agreste burst out, his own anger making itself known. “You grew up like me, you must understand what it’s like Kagami!”

“Keep my name out of your mouth,” she snarled over the desk. “I will not have cowards speak of me. Cowards who hide behind their family name and use their upbringing to justify their mistakes.” She slammed her fist down on the desk, making it rattle. “You are a grown man, you can no longer hide behind your father’s mistakes. Everything you have done is your own fault and you are weaker than I thought if you are attempting to blame it on a bad childhood.”

He stepped forward, glaring at her. “My reputation is all I have! Without out it— without it I am noth—"

“You think your reputation is all you have? What of your wife?” Kagami seethed. “Your friends? Your children? Or are those just things you may abandon, expecting them to remain where you left them? You are still that child who is blind to the harm he causes others, lost in your perfect world where nothing can go wrong. You are still that fool who is selfish enough to think Marinette will just fall into your arms, forgive you after a moment of anger. You won’t even let her feel anger! It’s been less than two hours and already you think you may speak to her.”

Marinette was worthless to him, she meant less than the words of others in his eyes. She was glad she had left her sabre at home, she would have killed him then and there.

She shook her head and stood up straight. “You expect her to love you no matter what you do, that she will accept your mistakes when she is the one hurt more than anyone else. It’s just like all those years ago when we went on that double date to that ice rink.” Oh, the silent tears Marinette had shed when she recounted it. Kagami wished she had realised then the pain Agreste was causing her. She would have told her to leave him before he hurt her even more.

“You were pining after Ladybug—Marinette herself—and thought it was acceptable to string me along, to ask me on a date when you were still not over her. I was fool enough to agree, to think I was helping you when all I was doing was enabling you. And you dragged Marinette along too, selfish even when you couldn’t see how hurt she was.”

Outrage flashed across Agreste’s face. “I didn’t know she was Ladybug! She never told me how she felt, how she—she was Marinette! And she agreed to that date, all on her own. It was her decision, you can’t blame that on me!”

“I can blame you for being blind!” Kagami shot back. “I can blame you for being selfish in every part of your life. I can blame you for being a characterless coward. I can blame you for so many things because you are idiot enough to not learn from your mistakes. I can blame you for playing Marinette’s heart then and breaking it now. I can blame you for denying her the chance to be with someone who cherishes her more than you ever could. Someone who has stood beside her and seen all the wrongs you have done and let her go regardless.”

Agreste gaped again. “Who—Luka? Marinette chose me over Luka all on her own! It was her choice!”

He still didn’t know about Felix, Kagami realised. He was still so blind that he couldn’t see the longing and love in his brother’s eyes whenever he looked at Marinette.

“You are a small-minded fool,” Kagami said instead. It wasn’t her place. “Marinette had options other than you then, and she has them now. She doesn’t need you, and only an idiot will think she wants you after what you have done. She has people who love her, and she doesn’t need an honourless husband.”

Agreste stomped forward, pointing a finger at her. “I—”

“You haven’t changed in all the years I have known you,” Kagami said over him. “You are still a passive aho. You are a child. You couldn’t even tell her of your disgusting deeds yourself, to her face you instead made it all public, so desperate to be seen in the best light you didn’t even pause to think of your family. The definition of selfish cowardice. Ruining any chance of leniency in an effort to avoid false drug charges.” She growled. “You’re an even bigger idiot than I could ever think. You have dishonoured your name and your family. You have tainted every memory anyone has of you with the betrayal you have committed. You have ruined anything and everything.”

“I—”

“Your children will look at you and they will see a monster. They will see you only as a shame. They will spend the rest of their life with the knowledge their father is a heartless beast that cared more for his own pleasures than them. You shall be their greatest regret, the man who tore their family apart over sex, not even love. You will no longer be their father, instead, all they will see is the man who broke their mother’s heart. They will hate you.”

He took a step back, eyes wide with shock before narrowing into rage. “Kagam—"

She didn’t give him a chance to speak, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down until he was sprawled across the desk. He let out a cry and looked up to her in fear. She grabbed his tie, pulling him up until he was nearly choking. “You are a stain upon this world,” she hissed. “An enemy to Marinette and her children. Your words are worth less than dirt. Nothing you say can be trusted after months of lies. You were weak enough to betray her, and you are no longer worthy to even call yourself hers. You have dishonoured her and everyone who loves you.” With that she let go of him, grabbed the package she had brought with her, unwrapping it and holding it up for him to see. The silver blade of the sword glinted in the light.

He gasped and scrambled away, pressing himself again the glass wall behind him in horror. “That—that’s a—”

“A wakizashi,” she finished ruthlessly. “The sword of ritual suicide. Samurai would fell themselves with their wakizashi to restore their honour.” She laid it down on his desk and met his eyes. “I leave you this not to tell you to kill yourself—even now I hold some regard for your health.” Her voice was bitter. “I leave this to you instead as a constant reminder of the crimes you have committed. The dishonour your actions have brought upon you and all who know you: Marinette, Emma, Hugo, Felix, Nino, Chloe, Alya, your father. Your mother.” He winced at that and she pressed on it. “You have dishonoured the woman who raised you by committing such acts against your family. You have dishonoured the dead and the living.”

She stared at him, at his shock and fear, and felt no guilt. “Goodbye Agreste. My lawyers will be calling.” She turned for the door.

He ran out from behind the desk, eyeing the wakizashi fearfully. As she touched the door handle he grabbed her arm. She froze, turning to look at him with only one eye.

“Please Kagami,” he begged. “We both know this doesn’t mean much. Marinette will forgive me, take back the wakizashi. See sense—”

She elbowed him in the gut and then kicked him in the ankle, putting all of her rage and loathing into the moves. He fell to the floor and she stood over him. She placed a foot on his chest and put weight on it, making him groan.

“Do not speak to me,” she hissed. “You are without integrity, without honour. Be thankful you are even breathing now.” She removed her foot, stalking to the door. She paused just outside, ignoring the looks some of the designers were giving her. Kagami stared down the coward she had once called friend with no regrets. “You are nothing.”

Adrien stared after her as she disappeared into the elevator, left lying on the ground with only the injuries she had given, the words she had said, and the wakizashi.

It felt really good to write this. Sometimes I wish I could punch Adrien too.

Anyway, next up is Nino’s part!

[gideon-cat]

Gradual Changes in life.

Throughout my life, I haven’t been a good person. The things I’m going to say in this will paint me in a bad light, and that’s because they should, because Ive done many shitty things. Some of it probably wont shock people, since they probably guessed it, or knew of it to begin with, but I digress. In between 8th grade, and my freshman year of highschool, I had to go to summer school, because I hadnt taken my schooling seriously. While there, I met a girl, who I asked out after a period of about 2 weeks. She was a very timid and shy girl, and I suspect she originally said yes either out of fear or losing a friend, or out of being too socially awkward to be able to tell people no. At this point in my life, I had only previously had 1 other “serious” relationship, and it hadn’t lasted more than around 1-2 months, so I had no idea what I was doing.         After a few weeks to a month into our relationship, which started in the greatest of places, a lunch room during summer school, the timidity between the 2 of us started to slowly fall off, and we became comfortable with eachother. We hung out more, I saw her family a bunch, they even invited me out with them to go to the halloween Mecca, where we shared our first, real kiss. I was ecstatic. I felt on top of the world. Here I was, a dumb teenager, a beautiful girlfriend, having fun, and no longer feeling depressed with my life. Highschool was in session by this point, and man, I was a stupid piece of shit fucking cunt. I wasn’t “nice” with the friends that I had. Alot of my “friends”, we had a physical friendship, where we’d punch eachother in the nuts, or mock fight, like all “sane” kids do, right? Except, I did that with everyone, even people I didnt know, and lost alot of friends and acquaintances that way.        Now, the biggest, shitty thing I did. I cheated. Multiple times, on this girl. I feel awful for it to this day. There is no excuse for it. It’s a terrible thing to do to a person. I lied to her face about it multiple times. I was a teenager, who didn’t understand what relationships were, surrounded by people who said “Yeah man, it’s cool to try and get with as many women as a possible, to be a player” And i blindly went along with it. I was too stupid to think for myself, or too self important to care. Day in and day out I would tell this woman that I loved her. That she meant the world to me. And she’d confide in me, and say the same words. She trusted me, and I betrayed her, and for that, I can never apologize enough. And the worst part is I never apologized to begin with, and still, to this day, havent. I’m too ashamed, too embarrassed, and too cowardly to do so. I went and kissed and made out with some of her best friends, right behind her back. Nothing ever went farther than that (Wow, what a paragon of faithfulness for only kissing her friends and not fucking them, woow youre such a good guy.) Eventually, we broke up, in a very volatile manner. I wasn’t the best with feelings, and I had bad anger problems. I treated her like dirt, afterwards, calling her a bitch and an asshole, and tried to sabotage a relationship she went into with a friend of mine, all because of jealousy.                    Everything is so disjointed in this, because I’m not great with words, or with expressing myself. It’s been several years since she and I broke up. We did awful things to eachother. Calling her worthless, her trying to get me arrested or expelled for things I didnt do. I don’t blame her for her anger towards me. I’ll probably never contact her again, or apologize. If I see her in public I’ll probably avoid her like usual. Im such a coward. Ever since that time, however many years its been. Several years atleast. I refuse to go into relationships, I avoid getting close to people romantically. I don’t think I’m worthy of someone’s love anymore. How can I be?            I don’t want anyones sympathy from this. I don’t really deserve this. I just need to write this. To get this out of me, to hopefully stem a little bit of the pain that I let eat at me. I don’t know. Maybe I am asking for someone to forgive me, to tell me Im not that bad of a person.           I’m a coward. And I’m so sorry that I betrayed your trust, and your love. I never deserved either, you were to lovely of a person to have been subjected to my shittiness.