#just bex trying to figure some shit out with her granddads

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

what about love

this was meant to be my anti-Valentine's contribution yesterday but I didn't get it finished in time. BUT IT'S DONE NOW!

SPOILER WARNING FOR ALL THINGS BEX VERSE.

This takes place in her late teens so... all things bursting into life and probably most if not all of the it won't be like this for long series is already done by the time this takes place.

you've been warned.

On ao3 and below the cut (1737 words)

“Here you are, mi sol,” Ray says as he hands Bex a mug of his now-famous hot chocolate, a favourite of the entire family. He leans against the deck railing next to her and stares out into the yard. “Care to tell me why you’re spending Valentine’s Day with two old men?”

“Hey!” Caleb exclaims, affronted, from where he’s trying to close the sliding screen door to the porch. “I’m not old!”

Ray chuckles and knocks his shoulder against Bex’s. She turns to offer him a small smile in mutual amusement.

Bex shrugs, blowing lightly on her hot chocolate. She takes a small sip, holding back the tears that are threatening to escape. 

“What’s going on, mi nieta?” Ray asks gently. 

Bex curses his ability to read her, even here in the dark. Caleb comes and stands on her other side, mimicking both her and Ray’s poses leaning out over the yard. He doesn’t say anything, just offers his comforting presence. She looks down at the mug in her hands and lets out a deep breath. Now or never, right?

“I… I don’t know if I know what love is.”

Bex can feel both of the men turn toward her in tandem. She doesn’t look up but she can feel their stares boring into her. 

Ray sputters slightly. “Do we… Do we not show you we love you enough?” he asks, concern and hurt lacing his voice. 

Bex’s eyes widen with realization and she turns to him, almost dropping her hot chocolate when she tries to clarify. “No! “Oh god, NO! I feel loved by you. All of you. God, I know how much all of you love me. I don’t mean it like that at all!”

Bex sets her mug down on the railing. 

“Rebecca, darling, what do you mean?” Caleb asks gently as he places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

She turns toward him and leans back against the railing with a sigh.

“What’s going on, Bex?” Ray tries again. 

Bex looks down at her shoes and fiddles with her fingernails, a nervous trait picked up from her dad. She laughs drily to herself when she notices. She stills her fingers and shoves her hands into her pockets. Bitterly laughing again as she thinks of how much she can have in common with her parents. Just not this. Of course not this. 

“Bex,” Ray’s soft voice brings her out of her thoughts. 

She looks up at him, a pained expression taking over her face. 

“You know you can tell us anything, right?” Caleb adds. 

She looks back down at the ground. “I think I might be broken,” she mumbles.

Caleb’s eyebrows furrow and he crouches down so he can see her face. “Darling, no. Whatever’s wrong, you’re not broken!”

Her face crumples and Caleb immediately scoops her into a hug. He beckons over her shoulder to Ray who wraps both of them up from the other side. 

“Mi sol…” Ray attempts again, trying to console her but unsure of what she needs to hear right now.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” she gasps out between sobs. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Caleb assures her. “Whatever it is, we’re here for you.”

“But your Valentine’s Day. I…”

“Rebecca Rose Molina. You nothing,” Caleb insists. “We want you here. Anytime you want to be. Always.”

Bex sniffs and wipes her nose with the back of her hand. 

“Come,” Ray guides her back toward the house. They sit on the bench just outside the door and Caleb hands her the hot chocolate she’d left on the railing. He takes his place on her other side and exchanges a quick, concerned look with Ray over her head. 

“What’s going on?” Caleb asks again. 

Bex takes a deep breath and one final sniffle. She rolls her shoulders back, sitting up a bit straighter, as if trying to fill herself up with courage. “You know how I don’t really have any friends?”

Ray exchanges another look with Caleb and they both nod. “Yeah,” he says simply. 

“I don’t really think my brain… Or my heart, I guess? I don’t think they work that way?”

Ray’s brows furrow in confusion. “What way?”

“Like… The friends way. The love way. Not the way you two love each other. Or the way my dads do. Or Uncle and Tia. Or Uncle and Papa. None of it. I just… Emptiness.” She fiddles her fingers against themselves where they're wrapped around her mug.

“Emptiness,” Caleb echoes.

Bex nods, “Yeah.” There’s only a moment’s pause before she speaks up again, “Well, actually. It’s not really emptiness. It feels like it should be though.”

Caleb hums thoughtfully. “What does it feel like is there instead?”

“You guys. Our family. The things I like to do. I think maybe Riley? A little bit? I don’t really know. Everyone always makes such a big deal of their friends. Dating. I just don’t get it. And,” she takes another deep breath before continuing, “I don’t know. Our family is so much love all the time and it feels like I’m watching the same movie as everyone else but it’s in a language I don’t understand or something.”

“Have you ever tried to explain this to anyone before?” Ray asks. 

Bex shakes her head. She lifts her mug up to her lips to take another sip, scrunching her face up in disgust when the liquid hits her mouth colder than expected. Caleb lets out a light laugh and takes the mug from her. He sets it on the table beside him before turning back to Bex and Ray.

“Do you feel better now? Having told us?” Caleb asks. 

Bex pulls the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands and pulls her legs up so she can tuck her knees under her chin. “Yeah. A bit.”

“Well, I don’t know much about anything. But I’m glad we could be here for you,” Ray says. “Is there anything you need from us right now?”

Bex leans into Ray and he wraps his arm around her. “No, this is good I think. Thanks, Abuelo.”

“Any time, mi sol.”

“You know,” Caleb says after a contemplative silence, “I thought something like that once. That I might be ‘broken.’?

Bex doesn’t move from her position tucked into Ray’s side. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t surrounded by love the same way you are though so I don’t think I noticed quite the same. But it was just work for me. For a really long time. I didn’t really want anything different. People thought it was strange but it’s not unheard of for men to wrap themselves up into their work, you know?”

Bex lets out a soft chuckle, “Yeah, I know.”

“You changed everything for me, Rebecca Rose,” Caleb reaches over and gently flicks under her chin. He looks up at Ray, “and then I met your abuelo and well, the rest is history.”

“Gross,” she utters around a fake gag. They laugh with her until her face falls. “What if I don’t find someone?”

Ray squeezes her a little tighter and presses a kiss to the top of her head in reassurance.

“Do you want to?” Caleb asks. 

Bex shrugs.

“And what about…?" He trails off, not really how to ask the question he has. "So you and Riley then, you aren’t…”

She narrows her eyes at him, “I assure you, you do not want to know the details of mine and Riley’s relationship.”

He puts up his hands in defense and Ray chuckles lightly. 

Caleb sends her a knowing smile, “I think you should consider talking to your dads about this. Especially your Papa. Reggie might understand more than you’d expect.”

Bex directs a confused look his way, “Papa? But…?”

He silences her by miming zipping his lips closed. “Not my story to tell, darling. But I think you might have more in common than you think.”

“We’ll see,” she replies noncommittally. 

Ray lightly nudges her up with his shoulder. She turns to look at him. He has a slightly pained expression on his face. “Do you still… Do you think you love us? Your family? You said you don’t know if you know what love feels like.”

“I don’t know,” she says softly. Her fingers make their ways out of her sweater sleeves and she fiddles with them. “Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay, mi nieta,” Ray answers as he pulls her back into his side. “Of course it’s okay.”

More tears threaten to let loose and Bex sucks in a shaky breath, “I don’t want to feel broken anymore.”

“Honey, you’re not broken.” He presses another kiss to her head, “Look at us. Look at our whole family. How many of us do you think has ever felt broken at some point?”

She sniffles, “Yeah.”

“And do you think that we’re broken?”

Bex shakes her head.

“Exactly. We just all exist in different ways. That’s all. Your dads have been pushing against ‘normal’ since before they even knew you existed. And now look at us. The whole Molina clan. A beautiful mess.”

She giggles, “Flynn and Carrie aren’t Molinas. Neither’s Uncle Stevie for that matter.”

Ray flicks the end of her nose playfully. “Neither’s Caleb,” he whispers.

Caleb rolls his eyes and stands. “You know what he meant,” he says with a teasing smile as he gathers their mugs.

“And they’re all honourary Molinas anyway,” Ray adds.

“Yeah, I know,” she replies, the corners of her lips quirking up slightly.

“Are you two staying out here for a bit?” Caleb asks.

Bex tilts her head up to look at Ray in question.

“Yeah, I think so,” he answers for both of them.

Caleb leans down to press a kiss to the top of Bex’s head. 

He’s halfway through standing back up when Ray’s voice stops him, “Excuse me?! Where’s mine?”

Caleb chuckles lightly before leaning down to press a kiss to Ray’s lips. “You’re a big baby,” he teases as he stands back up. 

“You two are so weird,” Bex says a bit sleepily. 

“Yeah, well, so are you. Get used to it,” Caleb replies jokingly before walking into the house. 

He returns a moment later with a blanket and drapes it over the pair. He kisses each of them again.

“Love you, darling.”

“Thanks, Caleb.” 

“We’ll always love you, mi sol. No matter what,” Ray adds.

“I know, Abuelo, thank you.”