#just ask you to bring more bubble bombs whenever you visit

[deerspherestudios]

Hello! I got this app since I wanted to see more content of Mushroom Oasis and I absolutely LOVE your game! Make sure to take care of yourself!🩷 Alright, this is kind of random but I’ve been wondering what will happen if I gave Mychael a bath bomb to try out? Would he be freaked out? Or would he love it?

He would be thrilled by it! Seeing a ball just fizzle and bubble up before his eyes like that would convince him magic was real. He wouldn't even bother with the bath itself, he'd just toss them in for entertainment if you bought him a bunch.

Admittedly he might try eating one too.

[romiantic]

𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐬/𝐨

this includes eren, levi, armin, connie, and jean

reading: black!fem!reader

genre: fluff

a/n: decided to bring this back while I’m redoing my page so don’t mind

━ 𝗘𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗝𝗮𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗿

Y’all would definitely a power couple, the ones that rule the internet

You know those cute ones you find on Pinterest? That would be y’all, definitely De’arra and Ken vibes

Eren would be such a teaser, he would tease you like all the time, and definitely a tickler no matter how many times you tell him to stop

Every time you feel insecure about trying new colors or different hair styles, he’s gonna always convince you to do it

You would literally debate on big chopping your hair and he’ll convince you to go for it cause why? You’ll look beautiful no matter what

I feel his favorite old movie would be boyz in the hood

Randomly, he would scream that “RICKY!!” line like all the time

Eren would definitely let you braid his hair or let you try cute styles you find

Oh and you would do the style on yourself just to match and take pics, POWER COUPLE TINGZ 🥰

Eren would not take wash day seriously for his life 😭 mf would add either too much or too little of deep shampoo or keep splashing water around the shower, meanwhile you’re trying to deep condition your hair

Don’t worry, he’ll apologize after you beat his ass (you barely won though)

━ 𝗟𝗲𝘃𝗶 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻

Y’all would definitely be one of those rich couples

You know those rich aunties that are living their best life in bora bora while sipping mimosa? That’s y’all

You and Levi would live in like a mid-size mansion or a beautiful penthouse that has a nice view

Y’all bed is nothing but fine black or royal blue silk

All you two both know is Chanel, Dolce and Gabana, Prada, Givenchy, Armani, the list goes on

You two don’t know the broke life, y’all wouldn’t even dare to touch or enter the Gucci store

Only the fanciest restaurants for the fanciest couples

Wash days would turn into a bubble bath with you laying on Levi’s chest and him washing your hair for you while you’re sipping wine and ranting on about anything

I KNOW Levi be giving some bomb ass scalp massages, feel like his fingers were sent from Heaven

Now when it comes to actually getting your hair done, he’s running background checks and doing the utmost to make sure your hair tech isn’t a scam

Let someone talk about his beautiful wife, him AND your security guards are beating their ass

Now if y’all had a kid, WHEW CHILE 🚶🏾‍♀️

I feel like the world would try levi and give him a bad ass baybay kid (hopefully y’all know what I’m talking about 😭) or a prissy kid with his attitude

Either way, the kid is getting their ass whooped from either you or him

Now don’t get me wrong, he would be very overprotective of his kid and only accept THE FINEST for his kid

━ 𝗔𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻 𝗔𝗿𝗹𝗲𝗿𝘁

You two would be those cute aesthetic couples, more so on the soft boy/indie vibes

You guys would have picnics dates like allll the time, of course, you don’t mind since this gives the chance to appreciate and learn more about one another

Everyday Armin would give you a fun fact he learned about us black folks, sometimes the fact would even shock you

Armin would definitely be a fan of the Black Panther Party

Wash days would just be him helping you and soft music playing in the background

Armin would take the time to do deep research about our culture

Your family would love him so much, he would always get snatched up by either your baby cousins or aunties every time you bring him to the cookout

Every time you get your hair or nails done, he’s always there next to you, chatting up a storm

The girlies in the salon shoot a glare cause of course they’re mad they didn’t bag a loving boyfriend like Armin

If he’s not there, he’s FaceTiming you or asking for pics in the end

Sometimes he’ll go above and beyond and wear outfits to match your new do and take pics

Every time you’ll feel down or not yourself, he would buy you small gifts like flowers or your favorite food to make it better

If that doesn’t work, he’ll let you sit or lay on his lap and listen to you rant, even if it’s about the most trivial thing

━ 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲 𝗦𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿

You two would be those goofy couples that roast each other all the time

You would say a minor thing like his shirt is inside out and he’ll joke about something about you, now y’all going back and forth till one of y’all almost die from laughing

You ever wonder why your bonnets go missing? It’s because of your boyfriend

The mf would walk around the house wearing it likes it’s nothing and misplace it

Until one day you catch him wearing it

You: Connie why are you wearing my bonnet?

Connie: They’re cute and I think I look good with them *insert lightskin face*

You: Boy give me my shit back, no wonder I keep losing them

Your biggest hype man EVER no matter what

You could just be washing the dishes in an oversized t-shirt, shorts, and a bonnet and he’ll hype you up

He just loves seeing your beautiful face 🥰

Now when you get your hair and nails done, he’s definitely showing you off, especially on Instagram

He’s taking multiple pics and multiple stories like a photographer and you’re out here feeling good about yourself

━ 𝗝𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗞𝗶𝗿𝘀𝗰𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗶𝗻

Y’all would a chill couple, those couples that just mind their business and love each other

Every once in a while you guys would update social media, barely though

You two definitely do y’all skincare routine together and take cute pictures

Super indecisive whenever you ask him what color or hairstyle you should try next

At first, he would be nervous to ask you to help wash your hair but washed over it and decided to ask you, of course, you said yes

Just like Levi, Jean definitely gives one of the best scalp massages EVER

Except his massages would send you to sleep and you’re just laying on his chest, lightly snoring, while his fingers work magic

I feel like he would talk about having a kid of his own a lot. He would be so happy to have a mini mixed him running around (not to the point where he’s fetishizing though)

Dates with him would mostly consist of something chill like visiting an aquarium or staying home and watching movies

Jean would definitely have thousands upon thousands of questions if you were to show him a black movie though (especially a tyler perry one)

At this point, you would have to tell him to write his questions down so he wouldn’t interrupt

shoutout to anon cause this was my first ever request

decided to bring it back while I’m redoing my page

not to brag but it was my second biggest post also

bye babes, drink your water, stay hydrated, and remember that you are the baddest bitch on the planet 🥰 no matter what ANYONE says

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰 𝟓:𝟔 💗

© 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟣 𝗂𝗓𝗎𝗄𝗎𝗌𝖽𝖾𝗄𝗎. 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾𝖽

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 1

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren't a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner's 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: none

Song → 18 by Anarbor

A/N: if you couldn’t already tell, I have planned this as a series/full story. I was torn between writing it on here or on Wattpad or something, but ultimately decided on Tumblr . . . but let me know if you would prefer it on another platform as well! Also, this series will eventually include smut/NSFW content but that will be tagged appropriately when the time comes. As always, I hope you enjoy. 

Next →Part 2

Slamming the front door behind yourself on your way out that morning, you quickly stuffed your earbuds into your ears and cranked your music as loud as you could to drown out the sounds of your parents yelling after you and, consequently, at one another after you had dropped the bomb about your new job on them seconds before you had left, giving them as little time as possible to shame you for it.

After graduating high school and turning 18, you had decided it was time to take your life into your hands, which wasn’t too easy while you were still living under your parents’ roof, but you had to start somewhere and that somewhere was getting a job at the local corner store, Sakanoshita Market. 

You knew that your parents wanted you to go to university and ‘make something of yourself’, but you also knew that you could never truly be happy under their dictatorship-like ruling, so you decided to get a job, no matter how shitty, save your money, move out as soon as possible, and go from there. 

It was definitely going to be a process, and not an easy one, but all you had to do was take it one step at a time.

Rounding the corner and seeing the market in the distance, you felt your nerves begin to bubble inside of you a little. Sure, you had gotten some part-time jobs here and there during summer vacation before, but you had never gotten a full-time job before and had never needed the money from a job like you did now. Before, the cash you made was for extra spending money during the summer and school year, but now the money you would be making would be funding your future. It seemed like a lot of pressure to put on a job that entailed stocking shelves, checking out customers, and cleaning. 

The lady who had hired you had basically explained that since she was getting older and her son, who had been maintaining the place previously, had gotten a new job, the store needed someone to learn the ropes and take care of the place on a daily basis; and since you were young, a fast learner, and didn’t have anything else in your life besides work, you were a perfect fit. 

As the shop doors slid open smoothly to welcome you into the store you had been inside countless times in the past, you suddenly felt completely out of place in the familiar market. Now that you were an employee instead of a customer, the atmosphere had completely shifted. Instead of heading right for the fridges to grab a drink like you usually did, your eyes shifted immediately to the front counter where a figure with its feet up hid behind an open newspaper.

Just like every other time you had visited while the store owner’s son was working, he did everything humanly possible to avoid interaction. Usually, you would have appreciated not being bothered while trying to scan the shelves, but since this time was different, the lack of acknowledgement was slightly unnerving. 

“Ahem,” you cleared your throat, hoping it was enough to catch his attention. It was not. Instead, he flipped the page of the newspaper and you watched as a hand emerged from behind the paper barrier to flick the ashes from his cigarette into an ashtray sitting beside the register. 

Eyebrows furrowed, you really wished that the shop owner herself had been there to greet you for your first day instead of her seemingly useless son. “Hello.” You stepped up to the counter, the feeling of not belonging sinking deeper into your bones. 

Slowly, the newspaper separating you from the man behind the counter lowered and the shop owner’s son glared back at you, eyes half-lidded as if he were seconds away from falling asleep and the cigarette from before hanging from his bottom lip. This was far from the first time you had interacted with him, but you would be surprised if he remembered you as a customer even a little. Whenever he checked customers out, you could tell he was running on autopilot. 

The man’s eyes drifted down to your hands, which were resting on top of the counter now. Noticing you didn’t have anything to purchase, he cocked a brow. “Need help finding somethin’?” 

“Ugh, no,” you answered. “I’m the new employee. I’m supposed to start today.”

His eyes scanned you once more, this time more thoroughly, and you swallowed hard. Feeling as if you were being observed under a microscope, you slid your hands off of the counter and stuffed them into your pockets self-consciously. 

As he inspected you inch by inch, you took the time to take a closer look at him as well. With dyed blonde hair, two earrings in his left ear, an apparent nicotine addiction, and a noticeably flippant attitude toward his job, he was the definition of the type of man your parents would kill you for bringing home. Somehow, this only made him more intriguing. You wondered if he really was as disinterested in everything as he seemed or if it was just this job he thoroughly hated and became someone a lot more interesting when he wasn’t behind a counter.

“How old are you?” he asked out of the blue, catching you off guard a little. While he waited for you to answer, he set the newspaper to the side, dragged his feet from the counter top, and patted out some of the wrinkles from the white apron he had tied around his bright orange sweatshirt. 

“I’m 18,” you responded, not sure why it mattered but also not seeing any harm in answering honestly. 

Seconds later, the door to the back of the shop and storage room opened and the familiar face of the woman who had hired you stepped into view. “Oh, Y/N!” she greeted happily; much more enthusiastically and welcoming than her son. “Sorry about that, I was just getting some last minute things together.” She eyed her son out of the corner of her eye and noted the fresh embers in the ashtray. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“No, I just got here,” you told her. 

“Good.” She smiled sweetly before turning to her son. “Well, you can head out now, Keishin. Thank you for watching the counter.”

“Yeah,” the man, Keishin, grunted as he untied the apron from around his waist, slipped it over his head, and hung it up on a hook behind the counter. “See ya.”

With that, Keishin left, leaving you and his mother alone. Wasting no time, Mrs. Sakanoshita, whom the store was named after, got right to work on teaching you the basics and gifting you with a white apron of your own to wear while on the job. Since it was the middle of the day and the customer flow was relatively slow, she introduced you to how the register and scanner at the counter worked before moving on to unpacking boxes.

Just like you had promised on your resume and during the interview, you were a quick learner and Mrs. Sakanoshita was more than pleased to see you picking up the job quickly and efficiently. 

By the time the after work/school rush of patrons picking up items on their way home had begun, you were feeling confident in your abilities and, with your boss by your side to answer any questions you may have, you checked out customer after customer, building up muscle memory for scanning items, collecting cash, opening the register, handing out receipts, and sending customers on their merry way. 

All in all, the job was quickly growing on you. You liked the fact that, for the most part, you were the only employee on duty, so when there weren’t any customers in the store, you could work silently on unpacking boxes without having to worry about making small talk or being friendly with any coworkers. In fact, as far as you knew, the only people who worked at the store at all were you, Mrs. Sakanoshita, and her son, Keishin. 

It seemed as though you had really landed a sweet gig. 

After showing you how to lock up, Mrs. Sakanoshita headed home for the night, leaving you to finish stocking the shelves and cleaning the shop before you would head home as well.

Now that you were truly the only person left, you walked over to the old radio you had spotted on the counter during training that day and fiddled with the dials, trying to get some music playing to accompany you during your evening chores. After some careful handiwork and enduring some horrendous static and high-pitched screeching while searching for a station, you settled on what sounded like some old instrumental music and got to work on stocking the remaining shelves.

Throughout your shift, you quickly learned that the store got quite warm during the day and you had needed to tie your hair up to keep the back of your neck from dripping with sweat. The night wasn’t much better either, especially since the lack of customers so late meant that the doors rarely opened, keeping the cold night air outside and the warm store air inside. 

After finishing the last box of supplies, you exhaled and wiped your brow. You were exhausted, that was for sure, but you still had to sweep. 

Deciding to take a quick break, you turned toward the floor-to-ceiling fridges at the back of the shop and pulled open the door, sighing happily when the cool air hit your skin. Exhaling slowly, you snickered when you saw your breath fog up in front of you face. 

“You’re letting all the cold air out.”

You shrieked when you heard a voice in your right ear and slammed the fridge door shut, jumping back in the process. Thanks to the music from the radio and the loud hum of the generator that kept the fridges cold, you hadn’t heard the front doors slide open or the footsteps of Keishin approaching you.

“Jesus!” You clamped your hand over your chest. “You scared the shit out of me!”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Sorry?”

“What are you doing here?”

Keishin glared at you. “You work here one day and suddenly act like you own the place?”

Realizing how rude your question had come across, you composed yourself and rephrased. “What I meant was, your mom didn’t say you were coming back.”

Pointing upward, Keishin sighed, disinterested. “I live in the apartment above the shop.”

“Oh.” Things started making much more sense and you suddenly felt pretty embarrassed for how you had reacted. 

“Yeah . . . oh.” He rolled his eyes, but it didn’t come across necessarily rude but more like he was exhausted and you were adding to said exhaustion. “Why were you standing with the door open anyway?”

As he spoke, he stepped toward you. At first, your feet felt cemented to the floor and you didn’t move. But when he persisted closer, you eventually stumbled back and Keishin opened the fridge door you had been standing in front of to grab a beer from inside. With drink in hand, he eyed you once again, waiting for an answer.

“It’s really hot,” you said, gesturing to his orange sweater. “I don’t know how you wear that thing in here.”

Looking down at his apparel, he just shrugged. “You’ll get used to it.” He turned and started for the counter, presumably to pay for the drink he had just taken. “In the future, stand outside if you’re warm.”

“Okay.” You nodded, mindlessly tailing him. You had to grab the broom from behind the counter anyway, but that was the furthest thing from the front of your mind at that moment. If anything, you were still trying to calm down a little from being startled and now being alone with your boss’s son. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He popped the tab on the beer, settled into the stool behind the counter, and downed at least half of the drink in a few large gulps. 

You watched him, probably a little too closely, and as you did you found yourself reexamining the features you had taken note of earlier that day: the dyed blonde hair held out of his face with a thin black headband, the natural brown hair that peeked out from the roots, the two small silver hoop earrings in his left ear, the scent of cigarette smoke that clung to him like how the smell of rain clung to the air after a heavy storm. 

Noticing your gaze, which would have been nearly impossible to miss, Keishin quirked a brow at you and held out the can of beer toward you. “You want a sip?”

Startled from your thoughts, you shook your head. “I’m only 18.” You reminded him.

“Oh, right.” He withdrew the can and took another sip, this one much smaller than the first few. “Then why are you looking at me like that?”

Eyes wide, you thought quick to come up with an excuse. “The broom.” You pointed to the item behind him. “Can you pass me the broom?”

After handing you the broom, Keishin pulled a slip of paper and a pen out from his pocket and started writing and scribbling things down, sipping the remainder of his beer occasionally and ignoring you completely. 

Trying to avoid staring at Keishin anymore than you already had, you started sweeping at the far end of the store and left the area around and behind the counter for last. Eventually, though, you had worked your way back over to the the silent man and was forced to clean the floor behind where he was sitting, trying hard not to disturb him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a glimpse of what he was so focused on; it looked like a crude drawing of a volleyball court. “What’s that?” you asked, the words leaving your mouth before you realized you were being rude again and snooping.

Keishin, however, didn’t seem angry or annoyed in the slightest. “Volleyball positions,” he huffed. It was clear he was growing frustrated.

“You play volleyball?”

He shook his head and looked over his shoulder at you. “I used to. Now I coach the boy’s team at Karasuno.”

“I went to Karasuno,” you said mindlessly, just trying to make conversation at that point. 

He hummed in response and turned his attention back to the sheet before him. “Did you play volleyball?”

“No. Soccer.”

“Do you still play?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Do you still play volleyball?”

“With a neighbourhood association sometimes . . . but not really.”

“Why?”

The corners of his mouth curling up into a smirk, Keishin looked back to you once more. “I asked you first.”

“It’s not a good answer.” You leaned against the broom handle and sighed. “Don’t have the time.”

“You’re young and just graduated high school. You’ve got nothing but time.”

“Not with this job.”

Keishin scoffed, folded the paper, and shoved it back into his pocket with the pen. “Speaking of which, why would you take such a boring job at a store like this?”

You just shrugged. “I need the money.”

“Don’t you live with your parents?”

“That’s the problem,” you said, noticing the confusion on his face. “I told you it wasn’t a good answer.”

“Do they know you work here?”

“Do they know? Yes,” you answered truthfully. “Do they like it? Absolutely not.”

Keishin grinned at that before finishing his beer and tossing the empty can into the recycling bin beside the front door. “So you’re one of those teens, huh?”

You frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Trust me, kid, pissing off your parents just for the sake of it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“You think I’m doing all this just because I can?”

“Aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Why then?”

“That story’s too long and convoluted for me to recite right now . . . especially to some old dude I just met today.”

Keishin chuckled under his breath, hands stuffed into his pockets as he headed for the door at the back of the shop so he could head upstairs to his apartment. “’Old dude’,” he repeated, clearly amused. “Don’t forget to lock up before you go home.”

As he turned his back to you, your curiosity got the better of you. “How old are you?”

Stopping in his tracks, Keishin pulled out a carton of cigarettes from his pants’ pocket along with a lighter. After placing the smoke between his lips, he lit it and inhaled deeply. “Too old for you, sweetheart,” he spoke while exhaling, smoke spilling from his lips as he smirked at you. 

With that, he disappeared into the back. You wanted to shout after him that you had told him how old you were without hesitation when he had asked, but you stayed silent instead. 

As much as his presence unnerved you and his superiority complex aggravated you, you still found yourself inexplicably drawn to him. Maybe it was because he seemed completely disinterested in you, or maybe it was because he was everything you were always told to stay away from. 

The one thing you did know, however, was that if everyone around you was going to keep trying to convince you they knew how you should live your life better than you did, you were going to prove to them just how they wrong they were one way or another. 

[linkemon]

Hawks (Takami Keigo) x Reader (selfship)

Selfship made for AgusiaSzczygie on Wattpad with a special wish for a lot of fluff. It has a little bit of word games which are impossible to translate from Polish to English.

Friendly reminder that English is not my first languge. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here.

¤ You are Keigo's girlfriend. Everyone knows it. After all, Number Two Hero has always been in the spotlight of the media.

¤ At first he was afraid to announce your relationship to the public because of you. But when he did, he went all the way. He took away the microphone during the interview, introduced you, and kissed you in front of everyone. Finally, he added that your lipstick tasted nice and went out of room taking you with him.

You were worried that you might be hated by jealous female fans, but you were pleasantly surprised. The vast majority of Japan found you to be the cutest couple, and wished you good luck.

¤ Your peace of mind is a great asset. It allows you to survive all of Hawks' wildest ideas. Including the romantic, but very sudden, flights over Musutafu.

You like extreme attractions, so his dates involve the weirdest places and activities. Bungee, shooting-range, go-karts and roller coasters are just the beginning of a long list.

¤ Keigo thinks that children clinging to you is the most adorable view in the world. He often teases them, telling that now it's his turn to enjoy you.

He himself did not have a very happy childhood and is therefore eager to visit your family.

¤ He compliments you every step of the way. So much that sometimes you have to ask him to keep his beak shut...

¤ You will never freeze again. Whenever he sees that you are cold, he surrounds you with wings. Feathers keep you warm, and he has an excuse to hug you.

¤ Your poor circulation in your hands is the perfect reason for him to hold your hand non-stop.

¤ Hawks calls you: Princess, Sweetheart and Sugar. He wish you'd respond with something similar, but since you referred to him as a Chicken, he prefers not to bring it up ever again...

¤ It's perfect that you don't eat meat. Hawks loves it. He's always glad to have more chicken nuggets left.

You once asked him how he feels about eating it since he is partially a bird. He swallowed a nugget and said that something like this would never stop him from eating this divine food.

¤ You know each other very well when it comes to eating. You transfer food from one plate to another. You don't have to eat what you hate the most! People in restaurants mumble quietly that you are the cutest.

¤ As you are an abstinent, you often have to refuse alcohol. Takami always deals with people who are too insistent on persuading you. From then on, they always remember your preferences.

¤ You like sports, which fits perfectly with your boyfriend's work. You train together. He especially likes running in the nearby park. You raced more than once. Sometimes he gives you a head start and clumsily pretends you were faster. The prize for winning is a kiss from the loser, so you both come out victorious anyway.

¤ Hawks can be jealous of the attention you pay to animals. He knows you love them, but you realize that he won't last long waiting for you. He begins to grumble like a little child.

¤ He knows you like bathing, so he showers you with gifts related to it. He buys fizzy bath bombs, lotions and oils in various scents and colours. When he sees that you are having a bad day, he will prepare a bathroom for you. A bathtub full of bubbles, rose petals, candles and your favorite book. If you prefer his company, he doesn't mind joining you...

¤ Takami likes you in every set of clothes and tells you every day that you are beautiful. You go shopping together and look for something that you'll feel comfortable wearing.

¤ He loves your natural face. At the beginning of your relationship, he was tricked into thinking that you were much younger.

¤ Keigo is worried about your safety because of his secret mission. That's why he hired a bodyguard to protect you. You even have special phone line so that you can always communicate with him in case something happens.

¤ You are a very cute and sweet couple. You often show affection for one another, be it at home or among strangers. Spontaneous gestures and words dominate your relationship.

[mojwisungie]

imgn | breaking point

req (from: anon) �� : Can I request angst where jeno and the reader are dating but mark secretly likes the reader too and one day he gets so jealous to the point that he blows up on and yells at her (in front of jeno/everyone)?

☄︎ summary: mark seeing you happy with jeno turns him to a walking bomb and one touch from you sets him off ☄︎ pairing: mark lee x reader, lee jeno x reader ☄︎ lou.note: aaaa i did my best to make this angsty anonie ,, enjoy reading ♥

jeno is content with how things have been

youre happy = he’s happy

the fact that both of you trust each other brings him so much relief

like have you seen his fanbase ??? HUGE 

you openly communicate so whenever one of you feels the slightest worry, you tell the other about it :’)

no toxicity found here ❤

jeno knows you only love him and no one else, and its the same for you

he’s been busy with promotions for the past few months

its almost like its never ending with nct 2020

and tbh he’s glad to be around every member more now

and ever since you’ve been visiting him (making sure he doesnt push himself too much beyond his limits), he’s never been so content

jeno feels proud of having you as an s/o bc he never has to worry about you whenever youre around with his members

he’s just thrilled to have you around, and besides him

mark is delighted too

he knows youre off limits, but he cant help himself with his crush on you

dont get it wrong, he’d never pull a move on you

his game plan is actually to distance himself so he wouldnt be prone to falling for you more

but its so difficult for him when he’s on the same unit with jeno

you’d chat him up when your boyfriend leaves you two on the couch to film his parts

you’d call him over sit beside you and jeno during lunch

and everytime he refuses, you will just plead again for him to join you two

this drags on and on

bc mark doesnt actually know what to do

he definitely wants to create space between you and him, but he doesnt want to reject your friendly gestures

but his heart aches a little bit more as he gets reminded by the fact that you love jeno, and he does too

and now he’s so conflicted

bc he knows that he wouldnt be able to contain the jealousy bubbled up inside him

and the last straw was when you, jeno, and him were waiting in a room with no one else

it was actually just you and your boyfriend at first, but he only knew that when he opened the door

you invited him to sit beside you just to kill time before their next agenda at work

and he finally decided to reject your offer, as he knows that soon enough he’ll feel like he’s thirdwheeling for the hundredth time this year

you hold his wrist in attempt to convince him to just talk with you and jeno

but he pulls back rather harshly

and when you try to ask him again, you get cut off as he shouts,

“I said no! How many times do I have to tell you that I dont want to hang out with the two of you?!”

Jeno stands in front of you as he doesnt need to see you to know how shocked you are by what his hyung said

he apologizes and reasons out that you both just wanted him to relax as he knows their work is tiring

but he also gets dumbfounded when mark answers with,

“You two dont get it do you? I like Y/n. And what I don’t like is that you always have to remind me. So if you want me to be happy as you two are, just leave me alone.”

the tension definitely was different when mark and jeno had to go on set again

but before that, you told jeno that maybe mark does needs some space

and so he did

you also stop going to their work, opting to just get food for them and their managers via delivery when you know they need it

mark soon catches on, and at first he was still frustrated

things take a turn when he realizes jeno doesnt deserve to not see you when he’s tired from his work

and you dont deserve to stop yourself from seeing your boyfriend just because it might hurt him more

the guilt mark feels escalates when sungchan asked jeno why you havent been visiting

bc he hears jeno makes some excuse just so they wont know the real deal

before they go home to their respective dorms, mark makes sure he talks to jeno

he expects it to be difficult, bc he knows it wont be easy for jeno to believe when he says he’s trying to move on

but jeno being himself, he knows how pure mark’s heart is and he also knows he’s telling the truth

through shy words, mark asks if he could eat with you and jeno sometime to formally apologize

and when you guys do go out on a lunch, it felt like he’s smooth sailing

you accept his awkward sorry’s and tell him the space he asked for was alright

as time passes by, he notices that youre definitely jeno’s other half

he wouldnt be the right one for you ever bc he gets to witness how you and jeno are perfect for each other

mark realizes that he’ll meet someone soon, and it’s definitely someone who isn’t you, but he knows they’ll someone made for him.

[jasontoddiefor]

Title: I measure every Grief I meet

Summary: Batman arrives in time and Jason spends hours buried beneath his father’s corpse, crying and begging and bleeding before Alfred finally manages to contact someone to come bring them home. Ethiopia is a constant in most universes, but who dies isn’t written in stone.

AN: Y’all remember when I said I had big angst coming? This is it. Have fun!

There were three truths to being Robin.

1.      You are the distraction. The hits they see coming but don’t expect to hurt. The bright light, the laughter and the joy.

2.      You are half of a whole. Batman and Robin are a team, which is why you shouldn’t fly on your own.

And most importantly:

3.      Batman will always catch you, no matter what.

Jason had held onto that last truth even when the Joker wouldn’t stop beating him and all he wanted to do was scream. His legs were on fire, the few steps he had taken had been worse than any beating he had endured before. Jason knew that once the adrenaline wore off, he wouldn’t be able to move them at all. All Jason wanted to was scream, or better yet, take the fucking crowbar and hit the Joker right back with it until he was lying on the floor, blood slowly collecting under his head-

But Jason couldn’t. He had to endure, had to save his energy until Bruce would come and get him.

He’d make it.

Jason knew he’d arrive.

Bruce always did.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Jason saw the Joker returning from the back of the warehouse. He tried to keep his breathing even like he hadn’t started struggling to push air in and out of his lungs hours ago. He wanted to shut his eyes, spare himself the sight of a future filled with broken bones, a blood-drenched uniform and pus covered lacerations. But Jason had to stay awake, stay aware. The moment he lost consciousness of what was done to him, he’d lose whatever advantage he still had.

Even if the said advantage was only knowing what weapon the Joker had taken to his bruised body. Instead of the anticipated object of torture, the Joker returned holding onto a coat. Instead of stopping beside Jason, he walked towards the entrance of the warehouse.

“Okay, kiddo, I gotta go,” the Joker began to speak. Jason noticed how rough and low his voice sounded. He’d never heard it so deep. Usually, it was as high-pitched and disorientating as nails on a blackboard, screeching birds, a violin played by a beginner.

“It’s been fun, alright. Well, maybe a smidge more fun for me than you.”

The Joker shrugged as if he were talking about daily trivialities. “I’m just guessing since you’re being awfully quiet.”

He watched Jason just a moment longer, his eyes too sharp, too calculating. There was madness in these green pits of poison, but it wasn’t the kind found before the jump into insanity. This was afterward, calculated unhingedness betting on sudden terrifying inspirations for an even more gruesome plan.

“Anyway! Be a good boy, finish your homework and be in bed by nine. And hey! Please tell the big man I said hello.”

The Joker finished putting on his coat. The jarring of the door mashed with the Joker’s laughter, the sound still echoing in the silence that followed.

Jason allowed himself two short breaths, then he rolled backwards to get on his feet. His… everything protested vividly with pinpricks against him moving. He managed two wonky steps forwards before crashing to the ground again. His body begged for rest, but the door was right there. Jason just had to keep moving forward.

He’d get out of this.

He would go home and apologize to Alfred for running away without another word. Ask Babs to teach him that cool kick she did on their last joined patrol. Call Dick and tell him he’d like to just hang out sometime and try out this whole siblings package that came with being Bruce Wayne’s son.

Jason would go back home and hug his Dad and promise to never ever take on such a dumb and dangerous risk headfirst again. He’d honor the ‘you’re worth more than the mission,’ whispered at his bedside when Bruce thought Jason was asleep.

Hot tears ran over Jason’s cheeks. He lifted his right arm and pushed himself forward. Then he moved his left arm, bare skin scraping over the dirty floor of the warehouse. One arm after another, Jason slowly crawled towards his freedom.

It’s a trap, his ever vigilante sub-consciousness whispered. It sounded like a starved child begging for food on the streets. The Joker’s right behind that. He’s waiting for you. He’ll grab your ankles and drag you back inside again and laugh and laugh and laugh.

He didn’t slow down.

Jason was choking on his own spit and blood, but he didn’t dare stop even for a second longer than necessary. The way over to the door took ages so that he could hardly believe it when he actually made it. Reenergized, Jason jogged the door handle, but it didn’t move.

The door didn’t open.

Hysteria bubbled up in his mind, emerging from his throat as barely contained whimpers. He just wanted out, he wanted to go home.

Sobbing, Jason leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Everything would be alright. He was still here, but the Joker wasn’t. Bruce would find him in no time. He was Batman. They were a team. They didn’t- shouldn’t leave each other behind.

And if not for that fucking ticking noise, Jason would be able to focus on that as well, instead of crying like a child. The noise kept distracting him, reminding him painfully of every second passing away while Jason had to wait for rescue. Like the world’s most annoying countdown, the ticking continued.

Jason opened his eyes and turned his head so fast that he became nauseous.

A small black box covered in tape and wires was lying innocently on the wooden boxes to Jason’s left.

Tick. Tock.

A Bomb.

There wasn’t even a minute left until it would blow up. It would set the sky ablaze, burn everything in reach to ashes and Jason-

20.

Jason was right in the middle of it.

17.

He’d die.

15.

Bruce would be too late and he’d die.

13.

The door to Jason’s right crashed open. A shadow, tall, dark, imposing and so familiar.

“Jay, son-“

“Bomb!” Jason screamed and Bruce didn’t even bother to search for it. He pulled Jason close and began to run. The warehouse and the bomb to their back. Jason’s head was resting in the crook of Bruce’s neck.

He exhaled.

Fire torched the earth.

X

Jason’s ears were ringing. 

Everything was silent, yet the screaming in his head wouldn’t stop. It assaulted his mind like the crescendo of an untuned violin. Small fires crawled over the remains of the warehouse to his right. The flames must be cracking, whispering of destruction, but all Jason heard was the terrifying emptiness of a high-pitched whirring.

Jason coughed and tried to push air into his lungs, but all that seemed to slip in was ashes. The air smelled of burned flesh and the weight on his chest made it impossible to move. 

“B?” Jason rasped.

He needed Bruce to get off. They had to start going; staying close to explosion sites was dangerous, especially in their condition. Bruce would have to carry Jason. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take another step on his own. Bruce had shielded him with his body, but the shock from the fall to the harsh ground hadn’t improved Jason’s wounds either.

“Batman?” Jason tried again. “We need to move.”

Jason could barely make out his own words. He knew he was moving his mouth and his tongue, so he must be making words. Why wasn’t Bruce reacting? “Batman!”

Silence still. Terror seized control of Jason’s voice.

“Bruce, please, wake up.”

He didn’t know what to do. Jason could count the times Bruce hadn’t been able to act on one hand, and then he had been mind-controlled, or sick. Not like this. Unmoving. The smell of burned flesh. As still as the dead-

Jason’s heartbeat accelerated, he thought his heart was about to claw itself out of his ribcage.

“Dad,” he said. “Dad, please. Wake up. I need you to wake up, don’t leave me here alone. Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry, please. I promise. Wake up. Wake up, wake up. Dad, please, wake up-”

X

Jason woke up in a hospital. The smell of antiseptics stung in his nose and his throbbing head made it difficult to open his eyes.

The world was silent.

Jason had been to plenty hospitals since he had been adopted. Bruce supported many hospitals, if not all of Gotham’s clinics, and took to visiting regularly. Jason had tagged along whenever he’d felt like it. Most of the time, he would sneak away to the children’s wing and done cartwheels for the youngest – or snuck in sweets and snacks that were better than the gross cafeteria food.

In all his visits, though, even on the intensive care station, the hospital had never been this silent.

Jason forced himself to open his eyes, and to his relief, his sight wasn’t immediately assaulted by bright white light. His room was as dark as night in Gotham with plenty of shadows that looked just vaguely human enough to scare you. The curtains were drawn and the only source of light was the TV in the corner, running the news from what he could tell.

Vicky Vale stood in front of a building Jason recognized as the Wayne Enterprises' main office. More people surrounded the plaza around it, bringing flowers, candles and balloons.

Jason must be in Gotham again. When had that happened? He’d been in Ethiopia with Bruce just before-

A sharp pain exploded in Jason’s head and he instinctively raised his hands to massage his head, an action his ribs immediately protested against.

Bruce.

He had to go check on him. Surely he was close. He was always there when Jason felt unwell. Jason had woken up so often at night with Bruce asleep at his bedside. He was probably just down the hallway.

Jason pushed the blanket off his bandage covered legs and tentatively sat his feet on the ground. He didn’t have any crutches, but the IV stand would do as well. He braced himself for pain when he shifted his weight to his feet, but thankfully only a dull numbness greeted him. Given his injuries, Jason knew standing shouldn’t be so easy. They must have given him the good stuff.

Jason gritted his teeth and took his first step. He hated painkillers.

Soon enough, Jason opened the door and reached the busy hall of the hospital. People were chatting away, running around, moving.

Jason couldn’t hear a thing, nothing but a very low rumble he wasn’t sure he was just imagining.

One of the nurses spotted him and began talking, but Jason still couldn’t make out any sounds.

“Where’s my Dad?” He said, or perhaps he shouted instead. In his panic, it might have been either or both, Jason couldn’t tell.

The nurse kept talking, moving towards him, so Jason took a step back. “Where is he!?”

There was a hand on his shoulder and Jason, all injuries be damned to hell and back, was ready to flip whoever was playing this fucked up prank on him. His hand was already at the other’s wrists, and if he hadn’t turned around in the last second, he would have followed through with it too.

“Alfred.”

Seeing Alfred amidst the chaos washed all tension off Jason’s shoulder.

“Alfred, what’s going? Where’s Bruce- Alfie?”

Alfred looked so tired, exhausted beyond his years. He had always been an unmoving constant in Jason’s world. The closest they’d get to immortality without Ra’s al Ghul he had joked with Bruce. For the first time since Jason had seen Alfred, there was nothing graceful about the butler’s age. He looked exhausted in the same way Bruce did when the two of them had to bury another child after a long night.

Alfred’s mouth moved and words must be coming out.

“I can’t hear you,” Jason said, desperation clinging to him. “Why can’t I hear you?”

Alfred was silent.

X

They went back into Jason’s room and soon after a doctor came to them. She was holding a tablet and typed out what she was saying, painstakingly slowly in Jason’s opinion. He’d been here for two days already apparently and went through a lot of surgery. They’d take him down to another station to get his ears checked out now.

“Where’s Bruce?”

Jason made sure to speak slowly, pronounce every syllable correctly without Crime Alley’s drawls. Maybe they all just couldn’t understand him properly. He felt as if he had asked this question a thousand times already. He just wanted to see his dad.

Alfred’s face was ashen and he put an arm around Jason’s shoulder.

Jason didn’t get it.

And then, when he read Alfred’s message on the tablet, he thought he had forgotten how to read as well.

Master Bruce had already passed by the time you were brought to the hospital.

Jason’s shoulders trembled and he began to laugh. High-pitched, he assumed, but he couldn’t tell because he couldn’t hear and couldn’t read too apparently because his dad wasn’t dead.

Batman couldn’t die.

X

It was Superman who had found them, supposedly.

Jason didn’t recall anything but his own pitiful begging until his tears had exhausted him and he had let himself be welcomed by the merciful emptiness.

They’d been kidnapped by the Joker.

[Lie: Jason had gone to the warehouse by himself.]

They had managed to escape.

[Truth: They had been outside.]

They had been caught by the blast.

[Truth: The heat hadn’t touched Jason but it had melted the Batsuit to Bruce’s skin, scorched his skin black.]

Superman had come across them by chance.

[Lie: Alfred had taken an hour until he had been able to connect to a League member. And then another thirty minutes until Clark Kent could get to them.]

Jason had been unconscious when they had been found.

[Truth: He had spent 83 minutes and 47 seconds buried in-between rubble and his father’s corpse, breathing in ashes and blood. He’d been awake for almost all of it, choking on his tears and his words.]

Jason was lucky. He was alive.

[Lie: He woke up with nightmares, words on his tongue he couldn’t speak. It said “Sensorineural Hearing Loss” on the white paper sheet the doctor had handed Alfred, but all Jason really saw punishment befitting the crime. He hadn’t listened. Now he wouldn’t ever hear again.]

Bruce Wayne was dead.

[Truth: Gotham was mourning, pouring flowers and light all over the streets for its favorite son. They didn’t even know yet that Batman was gone too.

And so was Robin.]

X

When Dick stepped onto the Watchtower, he was capital P Pissed. The Titans weren’t the League’s children’s club they could order around like they wanted. Dick knew the League respected them, but this first generation of heroes only ever acknowledged their boundaries when it benefited them. This was why Dick had left Gotham in the end.

Bruce could be proud of him as much as he wanted, but as long as he still expected Dick to come each time he called and follow every other like a perfect little soldier, there was nothing left in Gotham for Dick.

He had practiced his speech on the entire way back. He’d give Bruce a piece of his mind, maybe force the League to stick to some kind of regulations.

The words were stuck in his throat the moment he saw Superman.

No matter what, Clark Kent was always a rock you could lean on. He carried so much weight on his shoulders and rarely let anyone see his weaknesses. Bruce had called his behavior foolish and necessary at the same time.

Dick was vaguely aware that if there was anyone Clark confided in, it had to be Bruce. The thought that Clark must have terrible days too had never really occurred to Dick.

Clark looked grim, and so did the rest of the League.

Founders meetings didn’t happen very often since the heroes were already busy enough. Yet there all of them were, with the notable exception of Batman.

“What happened?” Dick asked.

It was Wonder Woman who spoke up first. “Two weeks ago, Robin and Batman confronted the Joker in Ethiopia. The Joker managed to escape and has so far escaped the League’s grasp. Robin has been severely injured, but is recovering steadily.”

Dread filled Dick’s thoughts. “And Batman?”

Diana stood up and walked over to Dick, taking his hands into hers as she had always done when he was young, walking around the Watchtower while Bruce was in surgery.

“Batman passed away on the 27th of April. We tried to reach you faster. His funeral is today.”

X

There were paparazzi everywhere. They were screaming his name, trying to get his attention, and Dick tried to block them all out. Kori squeezed his hand and helped him move forward. His side was still hurting from the battle he’d been in hours ago. All of it felt so surreal and fake.

Dick had seen Bruce injured plenty of time, but he had never expected those injuries to mean anything besides a little more physical therapy and another disapproving look from Alfred.

Dick knew death - it was a part of their lives.

He didn’t expect it to ever haunt him personally again. Not like this.

(He had healed before hadn’t he? Those wounds had closed, yet here they were again: wide open.)

They had reserved the first rows for family and friends. If Alfred looked bad, Jason looked downright horrible. He was sitting in a wheelchair, makeup partially hiding bruises and scars. He hadn’t bothered to cover up the bags under his eyes. Babs and the Commissioner were at the front, as well as Oliver. Dick could spot Selina in the crowd and various other Justice League members in civilian uniform. From the Kane family, only Kate had shown up, wearing a suit. Her hair was as bright as Dick remembered it from the last time he had seen her.

His relationship with Kate had always been strange. She wasn’t that much older than him, but Bruce had always treated her differently. She was his cousin and Dick was his-

Dick bit on his lips. He wanted to look at anything else. Everything but the closed casket in front of him.

He failed.

He needed to check the autopsy files later, see what had actually happened. The League’s report hadn’t even scratched the surface.

The music began to play and everybody stood up.

Dick would go to the Batcave and search for an explanation. Something about this didn’t add up in his mind and he would figure it out.

X

Jason didn’t know what the hell all the people were talking about. He didn’t even know why so many people were at the funeral. The family’s circle of friends hadn’t been all that big. Most of these people were only here for their own benefit. After all, they hadn’t been there when Bruce had-

When he-

They hadn’t been there.

Never mind Dick who looked like he was paying about as much attention to it all as Jason. Jason had excuses at least. He couldn’t hear what was going on, wouldn’t for a while longer until his ears healed the little bit they might still, and he’d get hearing aids. Jason had already cried plenty for his father. Screamed and raged too, threw books against the wall and hoped he would grow satisfied by seeing everything crash and burn.

He’d only felt horrible afterward, cried because he had damaged the Anne of Green Gables book Bruce’s mother had bought decades ago and Bruce had entrusted to him.

This funeral was useless. Jason had never been to a funeral, he only knew where his mother, where Catherine Todd, was buried thanks to Bruce researching it. Jason hadn’t been involved in her funeral. He had been searching through trash cans, looking for food.

He should have stayed in Crime Alley.

He ruined everything he touched.

X

The Cave welcomed Dick home. The familiar moving shadows embraced him, eyes watched his back and the low whirring of the Bat-Computer powering up echoed in his ears. Kori had gone back to the Titans after the funeral, they needed her more than Dick did at the moment. He would have gone with her too if he’d gotten access to the Cave immediately. But Alfred had decided to be difficult about it all. He had pretty much outright forbidden Dick from going down to the Cave. It was only after Alfred had gone out with Jason a week later to get the kid his hearing aids that Dick could finally sneak it.

Because of course he had to hack the system to get access. Damn Alfred’s paranoia.

Dick had spent many hours in the Cave, but he’d never really been alone for long. To know that he really was the only person here was strange, to say the least.

Quickly, Dick headed for the Batcomputer and opened the archive. He searched for the files that set up this whole Ethiopia mess. If there was one thing Dick had to be thankful for considering his vigilante upbringing, it was the many hours Bruce had spent with him, teaching him how to organize exactly. Bruce was a neat freak, and his own files were all categorized per date, case, duration, participants, crime and so on. Dick used a similar if slightly simplified filing system and had more or less forced his teammates to adapt to it.

Dick grinned triumphantly when he found the beginning of this particular case. He’d have to cross-reference it with the undercover cases later on to figure out what Bruce needed to disappear for.

Dick knew he and Bruce weren’t exactly on speaking terms right now, but he’d thought that for instances such as faking the death of your civilian persona, he’d have gotten a note, a call, anything.

Emotionally stunted as Bruce was, he wouldn’t just disappear on Dick like that.

He’d promised Dick.

The more Dick read, the more confused he became. Where was the hidden plot?

Groaning, Dick pushed himself away from the Batcomputer and marched over to the cabinet with the paper files. It was impossible to hack the computer unless you were Barbara Gordon, but Bruce still kept some of the critical data on paper so that you needed access to the Cave to read those files, and the Cave could withstand WW3. If there was anything more profound to it all, then surely the secret had to be hidden in-between these documents.

Dick carefully combed through the different cases, forced himself to read on where Bruce’s elegant handwriting turned into short chicken-scratches. More often than he expected, Dick had to stop and go to the mats, burn away the images of torn-apart bodies, thin children with no clothes, and horror stories of Gotham’s dirty streets. Dick had known that Gotham could be this cruel, but Bruce had never let him see these cases.

At the very end of the pile, Dick had to admit that there was nothing on these blood-stained pages that explained Bruce’s actions.

Frustrated, Dick went back to the computer to check the recordings. He still hadn’t gone through all the audio files because he usually didn’t have the patience to sit down and listen for a longer duration. And most of the time, the audios were pretty useless as well.

Dick dropped back into the massive chair in front of the computer. It was big and comfortable, he’d fallen asleep in it when he was younger and waiting up for Bruce to return home. He’d always woken up in his bed the next morning.

Dick opened up the file and it began to play.

“Bomb!”

Static.

“Jay, Jay, you’re okay-“

And the rain started pouring.

X

The manor was loud when Alfred and Jason returned. After the two weeks of mostly total silence, every sound had Jason jumping at his own shadows. His hearing aids worked as well as they could, though Jason still had troubles with certain sounds. Alfred had suggested visiting Lucius in the next days, have him take a look at them.

Jason thought he was comfortable hiding away in his room for the foreseeable future, but before he could voice such thoughts, Alfred was ushering Jason into the kitchen.

It had been a quiet, peaceful May day outside. Sunshine warmth and bird songs.

Alfred wanted to make him a hot chocolate either way and Jason was sure it was more for Alfred’s sake than Jason’s own. He wondered if drinking the hot beverage in silence was their thing. Instead of talking, they hid away in the kitchen, drowning their sorrows in sweetness as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.

The kitchen was already occupied when they entered.

“Master Dick,” Alfred said, his tone almost wary.

Jason didn’t know what for. Dick had stayed away from everyone in the past weeks. Or he had stayed away from Jason at least, and in such a big and empty house, Jason was pretty much everyone. If Dick wanted to join them for dinner now, it wasn’t Jason’s place to protest.

(Though there were several things on Jason’s mind he wanted to scream at him.)

“I’ll be making hot chocolate for Master Jason and I, and I prepared lasagna for dinner. Will you be joining us?”

Dick's eyes were blue.

Barbara had made jokes about it. It had been Jason’s first time meeting Batgirl and he’d tried to impress her with a rather amateur flip. She’d smiled at him regardless.

“Gosh, B!” She had said. “Are you sure you’re not cloning yourself to get such a talented little Robins?”

Dick’s eyes weren’t blue anymore. They were stormy gray, tidal waves and hurricanes, rage, and anger.

“You’re the reason Bruce is dead,” Dick said.

His face was impassive, but his look made Jason freeze up on the spot.

“Master Dick-“

“He wouldn’t be dead, if not for you,” Dick continued, now rising to his full height.

Jason used to wonder how people could be intimidated by the ever-smiling, joyful and perfect Dick Grayson.

He didn’t anymore.

“I-“

“You got my Dad killed!” Dick shouted and lunged forward, his hands at Jason’s collar.

Not even Alfred’s shocked protests could drown out the sounds of explosions in Jason’s head because Dick was right. Jason had been stupid and reckless and only he was to blame that the two of them were orphans once more.

“I know,” he said when he finally found his voice again. Dick was still caught up in his righteous fury. “It’s my fault. I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- I didn’t- I’m-“

Dick let go of him and stormed out of the room.

Alfred stayed with Jason, put his hands on his back and let him cry into his neck, all while whispering sweet but useless reassurances into Jason’s ears.

He knew he was to blame.

(He wished it would have been him too.)

X

When Dick could finally feel again, he was halfway across Gotham in his Nightwing suit.

Bruce was dead.

He was dead, dead, dead deaddeaddead-

He had promised. Bruce had promised that he’d never leave Dick. He wouldn’t die, he wouldn’t make Dick bury another parent. Oh god, he had buried his father, Bruce’s burned body had been in that coffin, Dick had just stood there and watched as they killed his father a second time because he hadn’t known-

“Breathe, Dick. Look at me. Dick, can you hear me?”

Dick wanted to throw out another cheap line about hearing. He wasn’t the Robin who had lost his hearing. He’d only lost his father, his wings, the one person who’d always catch him, be it when he was falling from chandeliers or buildings. Even when they had been separated by different cities, Dick had been aware of Bruce’s shadow lingering somewhere nearby.

“Dick, son, are you alright?”

“No,” Dick replied. “I’m not okay, Uncle Clark.”

Dick held onto Superman’s cape. Clark’s heartbeat was a slow and steady one, grounding.

“I know. It’s alright.”

“It’s not. He’s really gone, isn’t he? Bruce is dead. And I wasn’t fast enough. I shouldn’t have left him or Gotham. I could have stopped this. If I’d been-“

“Here? Faster?”

Dick slowly let go of Clark. He wanted to rub his eyes, wash away the tear stains, but he couldn’t. Years of being told to never take off his mask had stuck.

“It wasn’t your fault, Dick,” Clark said. “You couldn’t have known. You weren’t even on-planet. Don’t blame yourself.”

No, Dick couldn’t have known. But he should have. He and Bruce had been partners, even if Dick had left to stretch his wings and Bruce had brought Jason in – he’d still been Dick’s partner. If not for Jason, Bruce wouldn’t have gotten into this situation in the first place, but Dick couldn’t change the premise. That too was a lesson Bruce had taught him early on.

You cannot change the situation, only the players.

So who had been there, or rather, who hadn’t?

Alfred must have suffered terribly at the other end of the comm. Line. Listening to his son’s last words trying to organize a rescue-

Dick tensed.

“Look, if there’s anything you need-“

 “You said you were listening,” Dick interrupted softly. He had screamed his throat sore just hours ago in the Cave. “You promised, Clark. You said you always had an ear on my father’s heartbeat and you didn’t.”

What was the Justice League even for if they weren’t there for each other? A whole world to protect and they couldn’t even keep one of their own safe.

“Dick-“

Dick turned around and stared into the black void of Crime Alley beneath him. He couldn’t look into Clark’s face anymore. See his worry and pity and guilt. He should have just been faster instead.

“Go away, Superman. Your kind isn’t welcome in Gotham.”

Dick jumped.

And for the first time in years, he was wondering how he’d reach the ground.

X

Jason fucking hated his hearing aids. He hated a lot of things recently starting with his pain medication, the press and the fact that Gotham still seemed to be holding her breath even though it was all over already. Bruce was dead, and so was Batman.

He didn’t know what everyone was waiting for anymore.

Jason dragged himself out of his bed and room for lunch. Alfred insisted that they ate together, what for Jason didn’t know. He wouldn’t be able to sit in the same room and cook a meal for his son’s murderer.

(Because that was what he ought to call himself.)

Dick hadn’t returned to the manor in the past weeks or, if he had, Jason hadn’t seen him. The past had proven once already that he wasn’t the most observant person or a good judge of character.

Jason sighed when he reached the top of the staircase. He hated walking them up and down every day, but he wouldn’t tell Alfred about it. Jason was causing enough trouble as it was.

Once he reached the bottom, he sat down for another few minutes to catch his breath. He’d lowered his medication dosage and was paying for it now. He just wanted to get off them as soon as possible. He hated taking the little white pills, they brought up too many ugly memories.

Jason continued on to the kitchen. They didn’t eat in the dining room anymore, Jason didn’t know why.

Maybe the table was just too big for them.

When Jason stepped into the kitchen, the smell of burned flesh assaulted him. He couldn’t even make it to the sink. He just toppled over and threw up right on the kitchen tiles. He heaved until his stomach was empty and only fluids crawled up his throat. Alfred’s hands were on Jason’s back, but they weren’t enough.

“Everything will be alright, lad. Breathe with me, Jason.”

But he couldn’t.

He just kept on hoping for air when he was drowning in the deep waters.

X

Alfred tried to make Jason go see a therapist.

Jason thought it was stupid and promptly voiced it. He hadn’t meant to start shouting, but by the time he had realized what he’d done, it was already too late.

Alfred didn’t bring it up again, but he gave Jason access to the Cave again.

Jason hadn’t been in there since before Ethiopia and he only got as far as the first case holding the Batman suit.

(He didn’t throw up again, but it was a close call.)

He had hurried back upstairs, nearly running past Bruce’s bedroom. He hadn’t meant to stop and stare, but he couldn’t help himself. Slowly Jason opened the door. He knew the door usually screeched every time you moved it. Bruce hadn’t wanted to oil the hinges because it alerted him whenever someone opened the door. Jason had thought the explanation was bullshit, but Bruce had been awake every time Jason had crawled into his bed at night.

The sheets smelled like they always did.

Jason woke up screaming.

X

Maybe hiding away in Barbara’s Clocktower was cowardly, but Dick didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t return to the manor, despite Alfred’s many unanswered calls and voice messages. Barbara hadn’t said anything against him staying with her either, yet. She had handed him a pillow and a blanket, pointed him into the direction of the sofa and that was it. While she worked, Dick did coffee runs, cooked, cleaned or spent hours staring at the ceiling like it could tell him what is next step should be.

And every night, without fail, Dick put on his suit and headed outside, chasing crime out of Gotham’s streets and venting his frustrations.

He knew he shouldn’t go out when he was so full of rage, but he didn’t know how to stop.

(Bruce used to be the one who decided that they should have a movie night every time Dick was too angry for patrol. He hadn’t noticed it as a kid, but now Dick knew what his father had been doing and he missed those times.)

“Are you staying?” Barbara asked one morning when he returned.

Dick was still wearing his suit, his hair was shiny because of how much he had been sweating.

“What?”

Barbara didn’t look away from her many screens. She was calculating something, observing Arkham on another screen, Blackgate on another, and the listening device was recording a conversation and sending it straight to her server.

“Are you staying in Gotham or returning to Blüdhaven? I need to know so I can script patrol routes accordingly.”

The question caught Dick off-guard. “I don’t know.”

“Then make up your mind.”

Dick threw his hands up in the air. “Can’t I get just five minutes to think about it?”

His tone must have been harsher than he had intended. When Barbara turned around, she looked downright murderous. Her auburn hair appeared to be on fire with the light of the screens behind her. Dick had never believed that her injury would interfere with her capability to be an absolute terror. Still, he had never expected to be at the receiving end of her righteous fury.

“You’ve had more than five minutes already, Dick. You’ve had hours, days, weeks. I need to know now so I can start setting up an actual working system for Gotham!”

“What gave you the right-“

“What gave me the right!?” She interrupted him. “I’m Oracle. Bruce left his city to me. I’m supposed to know it all and right now I’m the only reason Gotham hasn’t been devoured by gang wars already, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up when working with uncertainties. Tell me now if you’re staying or leaving so that I can do my work.”

She was breathing heavily and her eyes, though her glasses hid it well, were red-rimmed. When he thought of it, Dick had never seen Barbara sleep in the past weeks.

“I-“ He glanced at her screens. There was a robbery going on in City Hall. “I need to go.”

Dick fled.

X

Nightwing caught the robbers still in the act. He quickly knocked them out and put them into cuffs. The police would arrive in the next fifteen minutes, Dick was sure. The night was as clean as it could be in Gotham, and with summer underway, Dick didn’t need to feel bad for leaving the robbers right there on the ground.

Dick had perhaps apprehended the robbers in a much harsher way than he could have, but he was just so angry. He wanted something to hurt. Others, his hands, his heart – he didn’t care as long as he was feeling anything that wasn’t the dark pit clawing itself open with razor-sharp nails.

Dick moved further south, as far away from the Clocktower, the manor, the Cave, the Grave as he could. He hadn’t patrolled in Gotham in such a long time, every change caught him off-guard. Not all of them were massive, but Dick expected a house where there was none or empty space where there now rested a small playground. When Dick reached the docks, he was almost thankful that the old warehouses were still standing. Some of them had been torn down to make space for newer ones, but the oldest was still standing. Dick had fond memories of falling asleep its rusty roof while the sun rose and Bruce was sitting next to him.

He had always woken up in his bed again, except for the times Bruce also hadn’t made it up to Dick’s room again and had just let Dick fall asleep next to Bruce.

Gotham’s sunrises were beautiful. The polluted air made the colors all that more vibrant. Almost neon. The prettiest there were.

Nobody would carry him back to his room.

His father was dead and Dick hadn’t had the chance to apologize to Bruce and come home again.

He should have never left Gotham.

X

When Dick fucking finally showed his face again, he looked just as angry and grim as the last time Jason had seen him. There was a different edge to it though, the same kind of exhaustion Jason had been able to trace in Bruce’s face after bad nights.

Jason had taken to working on his homework in the Cave. Up in the manor, he couldn’t concentrate. Everything looked so normal like nothing had changed, like Jason hadn’t brought everything down crashing.

In the Cave, surrounded by the familiar smell of sweat, machinery and leather, Jason could breathe and focus. He caught up on schoolwork he’d missed, vowed to excel at it for the praise he’d never hear again. Dick suddenly showing up there wasn’t part of the plan.

Alfred hadn’t allowed Jason to drop the speech therapy. Jason frankly speaking didn’t see the point of it. He already knew the basics of ASL and with the adjustments Lucius had made to his hearing aids, Jason was alright. The world wasn’t silent anymore, even if it wasn’t as loud and clear as it used to be, but Jason could make up for it. He’d managed on the streets with broken bones, bruised ribs and scraped knees.

He didn’t understand how meeting with some lady with eyes filled with pity was supposed to improve anything – or what the point of going to that equally stupid children’s group was. He didn’t fucking want to interact with any of them and he most definitely didn’t want to be stuck there for two hours every Saturday. He could be using his time more productively, studying, researching, tracking that fucking clown down since the Justice League was apparently too god damn incompetent.

Jason didn’t need any help.

He wasn’t just born with a mistake, he was the fucking mistake. It would be better for everyone if they stopped trying to fix it and just left him alone.

X

Dick didn’t know what the hell Jason was doing in the Cave. He had no right to be there, but since Alfred was apparently letting him in there, Dick couldn’t kick him out either. And the brat was stubborn. He glared at Dick every time he entered the Cave, but Dick’s presence obviously wasn’t enough to make him leave or speak up.

The kid was just always there, observing, judging.

It was worse than Barbara’s anger when Dick had returned to her to apologize – after a week of sleeping in Bruce’s safe houses. She had been right. Dick needed to step up and act to protect what he had abandoned. During the night, he refamiliarized himself with Gotham. He needed to know every corner, every territory, every gang and very loose brick if he wanted to do as he once did: fight and bleed for this city.

Batman’s absence had shifted Gotham’s carefully crafted balance into disorder. The Rogues were careful still, but soon enough Batman would have been gone too long for them to still care about repercussions. They would just lash out and injure whoever their closest target was.

None of this would have happened if Dick hadn’t left. He needed to fix it, try to stitch up the bleeding wound of Bruce’s absence. He could do it. He had to.

Bruce used to believe in him.

Dick hoped that despite his own flaws, his father had never stopped.

It wasn’t easy to pull up the schematics of the batsuit, but it got more bearable with every word Dick read. Bruce had made a lot of changes since Dick had been Robin, continually improving his armor. A lot of it wouldn’t work for Dick, his fighting style was too different, but he too could adjust. He owed it to Bruce.

The cape had to be shorter, the armor lighter.

Time to get to work.

X

Jason hadn’t known what Dick was doing in the Cave, not until Dick had asked Alfred for help. The butler wasn’t pleased with whatever Dick was attempting – probably something stupid – but he was still helping him, if reluctantly. It reminded Jason of the times he and Bruce had snuck away from galas to go on patrol.

“Do you think it will hold up?” Dick asked Alfred. Jason watched them out of the corner of his eyes, tried to make it seem like he wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying. They were a little out of his reach, it sucked that he couldn’t hear them. He should look into tweaking his hearing aids, giving himself a broader range, he thought as he subtly moved closer to the conversation.

“It should,” Alfred replied. “Though, I’m not sure you’ll be able to fool Gordon.”

Dick snorted. “There’s no fooling him. He knows exactly who we are. He just lies because he’s a cop and all cops lie. He’s just one of those who knows what the line should be.”

And then Dick picked something up from the table. Long and dark fabric fell to the ground, the bat-symbol reflected the light it caught.

It was a batsuit. A new one.

“No.”

Jason didn’t notice he had said it out loud until Alfred and Dick both turned to him. Jason stood up from his chair and walked over to Alfred and Dick. Dick might have the advantage of years of training, but he hadn’t been forced to steal for his survival. Jason snatched the uniform right out of his hands.

“Hey!”

“You don’t deserve this,” Jason hissed. “You have no right to walk in here and put on his mark again!”

With every word Jason said, his voice grew louder, stronger, more resolute.

Dick’s storm returned full force and he stood up straighter. “Now, you, listen to me-“

“No! Fuck you!” Jason didn’t back down, not this time. He knew he was a screw-up, but Richard John Look At Me I Can’t Do No Fucking Wrong Grayson didn’t get to pretend he wasn’t. “You walked out of this and you don’t get to come back. The only person who can allow that is dead and you don’t fucking get to wear his uniform. You’re not Batman! You can’t be!”

“And you can!?” Dick shouted back.

His wrath was impressive, but Jason wouldn’t let him take this away from him. He would fight and bleed and suffer if that meant that Dick wouldn’t ever touch a uniform.

“You don’t belong in Gotham, traitor!”

 “And you don’t belong in the manor!”

“Master Jason! Master Dick!”

Right now, Jason couldn’t care less about what Alfred had to say. He had vowed to protect Gotham and all the treasures left behind. He didn’t care about what happened to him, but nobody would tarnish Batman’s legacy with cowardice and weakness. Not as long as he was still standing.

“Fuck you, Grayson! Bruce chose me!”

Maybe he wouldn’t have if he knew what it would lead to. Or perhaps he would because Bruce had sat at Jason’s bedside, read for him, made him breakfast, didn’t get mad when Jason accidentally broke expensive vases or put stickers on the ancient wooden floors.

“He was my dad too and he wanted me. He was mine and you don’t get to take him away.”

Then, before Dick could think of a reply, Jason quickly ran off towards the stairs, the suit still in hand. He’d throw it in the trash, ruin it and ensure nobody could ever wear it.

Jason didn’t even manage step one of his plan. As soon as he was out of the Cave, he blindly ran upstairs, planning to cut his path to the kitchen short, but unfortunately, Jason still wasn’t healed completely, and not as fast as he knew he could be.

Dick caught up to him and gripped his shoulder when Jason was going at full speed. Jason fell backward, tumbling right into Dick’s chest.

“What the hell, Dickface!?” Jason shouted, he clutched the uniform as tight as he could, but Dick was stronger. He jacked it out of Jason’s hands like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Now you listen,” Dick said.

Jason looked up, ready to stare straight at a tidal wave of fury, persist and tear it down, but Dick’s face was blank. No anger, nothing.

“You don’t know anything about Bruce and me.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jason challenged. “I know plenty-“

“You know nothing,” Dick replied, his voice tethering on the edge of dangerous. “And here’s the deal: You don’t say anything about it and I don’t make sure you never step on Gotham’s rooftops again.”

Jason stared at Dick in disbelief. How was this supposed to even be a threat? Dick couldn’t stop Jason from doing jack, no matter how hard he might try.

“I’m sorry, Grayson, did the truth hurt your feelings?”

Dick looked like he was reaching the end of his patience. Good. Jason wanted him to lose it, to prove he was just as much of a mess as the rest of them.

“Shut. Up. Jason. Just shut the fuck up. Bruce would be ashamed to hear you speak like that.”

Jason snarled and stepped forward to push Dick, but the older man avoided Jason by leaning to the right, evading him easily.

“Well, he isn’t here anymore! So who cares!?”

Dick moved away from Jason, mustering him again with that cold expression Jason couldn’t place.

“Gotham,” Dick then said and walked back into the direction the two of them had come from.

X

Bruce chose me!

Dick pulled the uniform close to his chest, inhaled and expected a scent he never entirely could forget. Sometimes he’d walk through Blüdhaven, catch it and get thrown right back into one of his fondest childhood memories. When he had been younger, he hadn’t understood how much work having a protégé must have been for Bruce. He had to make his files and the cases he allowed Robin to investigate childhood friendly, train him enough so that he wouldn’t have to worry every time Robin left his line of sight.

He was my dad too.

Of course, Bruce being Bruce, he would worry nevertheless, that was just in his nature. He wasn’t the poster child of articulating his feelings or thoughts very well, but Dick had never questioned that Bruce cared about him. He had proof of that buried beneath all the gruesome Ethiopia files he had hidden so deep down in the archive that nobody but him and Barbara would ever find it.

He wanted me.

Bruce would make Dick run laps until his legs gave out for how he’d been acting in the past weeks. Jason was fifteen for god’s sake and what had Dick done? Screamed in his face that it was Jason’s fault Bruce was dead when really, nobody but the Joker was to blame.

Dick didn’t have to like Jason, he didn’t know if he ever could, but he could start treating him like the victim instead of the offender. He was a child lashing out at everything and everyone he could get his hands on, Dick had to be patient.

Putting on the uniform for the first time was a strange feeling. When Dick looked in the mirror, he thought he was seeing someone else. His brain caught up only slowly, measuring the height of the vigilante in the mirror against what he knew Batman’s actual height was. The cape was too short, the waist too narrow and the chin not angular enough.

He was mine.

Dick looked like a child playing dress-up. It would have to be enough. (He would make sure of it.)

X

“The Signal has been lit again and for the first time in months-“

Switch.

“-Calendar Man escaped last week-“

Switch.

“I thought I wasn’t seeing correctly, but there he was-“

Switch.

“Batman-“

Switch.

“-Batman.”

Switch.

“-Batman-“

Switch.

“-Robin?”

Jason stopped flipping through the channels, which were all reporting the same thing. Batman had finally returned and caught the villain of the week. The people were celebrating, but Jason didn’t know what for. It had taken Dick much longer than it would have Bruce to capture Calendar Man. One person had died still. Batman hadn’t made his great comeback, he was lying six feet underground and maggots were eating away his skin. Dick was a terrible replacement and Barbara was the only reason he was functioning at all. Without Oracle’s help, the first scuffle he had gotten involved in, would have ended deadly.

“And still we wonder: What happened to Batman? And where is Robin? The Joker, too, hasn’t resurfaced yet and his madness looms like a threat over Gotham’s skyline. Many speculate-“

The TV cut off.

Jason looked to his right where he found Alfred holding the remote.

“You shouldn’t watch such rubbish, Master Jason,” Alfred said.

“Why? It’s not like they’re saying anything wrong. As soon as that clown comes out of his hideyhole, Dick is done for. He’s barely holding it together as he is.”

Jason pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. Where is Robin? The question echoed in his head. He was curled up on a comfortable sofa and the heavy blanket resting on his shoulders kept him warm. His wounds had healed, all of them, and he was almost back in shape. His legs still hurt more than they ought to when he didn’t land a role or a jump a hundred percent correctly, but that was to be expected. Bruce wouldn’t let him out on the streets yet, maybe in a week or two.

But he couldn’t.

Robin had caused all of this, he didn’t know how to fly anymore.

“Master Dick is trying his best,” Alfred said.

He took off his gloves and put them on the table in front of them. Then he sat down next to Jason and put one arm around Jason’s shoulders.

“His burden isn’t yours to carry and neither of you should feel like you have any weight on your shoulders at all. You are not to blame for the action of others.”

Jason bit on his lip until he could taste blood on his tongue. “But I am. I did this. I ruined it. I got him killed-“

His eyes burned. He had cried so often in the past weeks, when was it finally enough? He hated it, he wanted it to stop, but nothing he ever did went according to plan.

“You did not. You were trying to do an admirable task and save another person. Bruce wouldn’t want you to keep hurting yourself like this. He definitely wouldn’t blame you, either.”

Jason buried his head in Alfred’s chest as if that could stop the tears from flowing. They burned hot on his cheeks and his shoulders trembled as he tried to choke down the sobs.

“It will get better, Jason,” Alfred murmured. He held Jason close, both his arms acting as a shield, protecting Jason from the outside world. “It will get better.”

Jason wanted to believe it.

X

Blüdhaven was a terrible city to protect. Everybody was corrupt and Dick could count the people he could trust on one hand with a couple fingers still left over. However, Blüdhaven was also a lot smaller than Gotham. It wasn’t called Gotham’s little sister just because it inherited its gangs, it was also only roughly a third of its size.

Gotham was a lot more work than Blüdhaven. When Dick had started going out as Nightwing, the high amount of hours and sleepless nights that went into acting on your own had caught him slightly off guard. The first weeks hadn’t just sucked, they had been the worst.

Dick felt a lot like he was eighteen again, standing in front of a wall so high he wasn’t sure he could climb to the top. Dick wasn’t even working by himself, he had Oracle and her Birds of Prey. Catwoman too had taken up a much more active role, keeping check of East End. Her relationship with Bruce had always been a little strange, and it hadn’t gotten any clearer now that Dick was an adult and could understand parts of it. However, Selina Kyle had always been absolutely clear on the fact that she was no vigilante and certainly no hero.

Her more recent actions sung a different song, but Dick wasn’t going to ask her about it. He was grateful for all the help he got.

Batman’s mantle was a heavy weight, one Dick wasn’t sure wouldn’t suffocate him one day. He’d need to slow down a little, or the stress would catch up to him. His body was already a stunning blue and green pattern- there was no need to add any red to it because he couldn’t catch enough sleep.

Alfred wouldn’t be able to handle it and he already had his hands full with Jason.

Dick hadn’t seen him in the Cave lately, though he knew the teenager still sneaked in to look at the computer. Jason did a good job of covering his tracks, but Dick had been in this business longer than Jason. It had been almost twelve years now.

It felt like an eternity and a half.

Dick dropped in Bruce’s chair. (No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of the big chair as his own. Dick had hang on it when he was a child, climbing all over Bruce while he was trying not to spill any hot tea on Dick. It was always going to be Bruce’s throne to Dick.)

“Alright,” he muttered. “What does today’s schedule have for us?”

Barbara forwarded him any info she gathered. Some of it was already marked down as taken care of, but other cases were filled with more gaps and holes than Swiss cheese.

“Arms dealer, drug trafficking, …” The list went on and on and Dick had no idea where to start. It seemed like the moment he took down one operation, another was there to take its place.

Dick didn’t like the silence of the Cave, never had. Back in Blüdhaven, Dick would play musing while he was solving cases and before that, when he had been Robin, he had always been talking with Bruce – or at Bruce. His grunts and hums might not have been the greatest replies, but they had been enough for Dick. He missed them. The silence ate everything up.

Until it didn’t.

“Dick!”

Dick wasn’t prepared for Barbara’s face to suddenly show up on the computer screen. Her eyes were wide with shock, fear. Her breathing was uneven and shallow, signs of a panic attack.

“Barbara, what’s going on-“

“The Joker. He’s back. One of my camera’s picked him up. It’s him, I know it, Dick. It’s him, he’s back.”

Dick could feel all the blood drain from his face. For a moment, he was frozen. All the years of training him out of the habit seemed to disappear.

(“Fight or flight, chum. Choose either, but never freeze. There’s no shame in running away.”)

The cold determination took over.

“We’ll get him,” Dick said. ‘I will end him,’ he thought.

He suited up.

X

Jason carefully monitored Dick’s progress. He still sucked, but the fact that he needed Jason’s help was becoming painfully obvious. Jason had thought about abandoning Dick, but then he might as well burn Bruce’s grave to the ground.

Dick was trying to keep Gotham standing when Jason couldn’t. He had to help him or people would get hurt and die. Gotham needed Batman and if Dick was the only viable candidate, then Jason would ensure he wouldn’t come back to the Cave with more bullets than blood in his body. Jason left notes on the Batcomputer, correcting Dick’s records and adding background information Dick couldn’t have because he hadn’t been there when it happened.

There was no way he’d know the Irish and the Russians hated each other because of some Romeo-and-Julietesque drama that had gone down a year ago. So Jason put it in Dick’s rainbow color-coded files and highlighted it thrice.

Jason didn’t own Dick anything, least of all an apology.

He had been right with everything he said.

But they needed to set terms or Gotham would go to hell.

Jason walked down the steps to the Cave deliberately slowly, going through his speech word for word. Yes, he had written an actual speech and learned it by heart. He didn’t want Dick to catch him off guard when Jason struggled to find the words. Alfred was currently out running some errands, so it was the best time to confront Dick.

Jason knew it hurt Alfred to see the two fighting. The butler had enough worries already and Jason didn’t want to add to them.

When Jason reached the bottom of the stairs, he stood still for a moment. Analyze the situation first, figure out where Dick was and what kind of mood he was in.

But Dick was nowhere to be found. Jason frowned and tried to recall whether Dick should be anywhere else, maybe with his Team?

No, he had resigned from the Titans or something. He had had a massive fight with his teammates about his decision to stay in Gotham, not that Jason was supposed to be aware of that.

“Grayson?” Jason shouted. “Are you here?”

Nobody replied and Jason was starting to get worried. “Hey, Dick, come on. This isn’t funny. We need to talk.”

Jason walked further into the Cave, but he still couldn’t spot Dick anywhere.

“Where did you-“

Jason’s words were stuck in his throat as Jason glanced at the Batcomputer screen.

He was back.

He was back, he was back, he was back.

Jason belched, but nothing came out. Hellfire burned the earth around him, there was a heavy weight on his chest and the Joker was laughing and laughing-

Dick.

He must have gotten the Joker alert and ran after him on his own, without Jason, without back-up.

The Joker was no fool, he would know that Dick wasn’t Batman. He’d barely take a look at him and he would make Dick pay for it.

Jason couldn’t let that happen.

He scrambled over to the changing room, that horrible sound chasing him. Jason hadn’t worn Robin’s colors in months. He wouldn’t fit the uniform anymore. Somewhere in-between his panic, he recalled that the spares, Dick’s old Robin suits, were still kept in at the very back behind Jason’s.

Bruce had never said why he had kept them. They were old, Dick wouldn’t use them again and Jason’s had all been upgraded. They would have to be enough today.

Jason fastened his utility belt and headed for his bike.

He couldn’t waste a minute.

Thirteen seconds left.

Jason drove out of the Batcave faster than he ever had.

He needed to find the clown and end him.

X

The Joker usually hauled up in the Amusement Mile. Even when he was locked up in Arkham, people didn’t dare to go there in fear of stepping into the Joker’s traps.

Dick would likely head there first.

The Joker wouldn’t be there. It would be stupid to head to his main base immediately. They knew Joker had more hideouts, but they had never been able to track down all of them. He would restock first and then-

Where would he go?

Somewhere he can plan, somewhere familiar.

The Joker had known that Bruce had been on his way to Jason and he knew that whoever was wearing Batman’s mantle now, it wasn’t the real Batman. What was the likely conclusion if Robin and Batman hadn’t been seen since Ethiopia?

Death.

Joker would be pissed, he’d be furious. His Batman was gone and now a new one had taken the scene. One who didn’t share any history with him yet. He’d want to change that, recreate what had existed once.

Jason cursed. He knew where the Joker was headed. He thought about calling Dick or Barbara, notifying anyone, but-

He could end this.

Jason could ensure nobody would ever get hurt by the Joker again.

He drove on.

X

Dick was one setback away from indulging completely in his panic. The Joker wasn’t in his usual hideout, nor anywhere near it, and Barbara had lost track of him. The Joker could be everywhere, planning to blow up more than just one warehouse this time, and they didn’t have a single lead.

 “Dick,” Alfred’s voice rang over the comm. “Is Jason with you?”

He sounded out of breath like he had run a marathon. Dick’s grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“No, why should he?”

Please, Dick thought. Not now, not this.

“He’s not at home and his bike is missing, I fear he’s decided to follow you.”

Dick’s mouth dried. No. No, no, no, no!

“O, can you track him?” Dick asked. “Jason’s bike has a tracker, right?” Dick’s bike used to have a tracker so he wouldn’t be able to sneak away. Of course, he had figured out how to disable it, but if Jason was even half as terrified as Dick right now, maybe he wouldn’t have thought of it.

“I’ve got him,” Barbara replied. “He’s- it’s parked in front of Ace Chemicals. I’m rerouting the police there. Hurry.”

Dick didn’t need to be told twice.

X

The Ace Chemicals plant was dark. They were currently right in the middle of rebuilding the whole area and roughly half of it was already done. They had started with the newest parts, fixing them up and enlarging them. A lot of their production had been shipped overseas, and if a few adjustments here and there were enough, they could simply tear down the old buildings and warehouses.

Jason didn’t even waste a second to consider where exactly the Joker would go, it was obvious. He had no interest in the new building, it held no memories for him. No, he would head to the old part. Maybe he had sneaked in, just like Jason, through the damaged fence and entered the old building through the backdoor.

The lack of security cameras was a bit confusing, but not too unusual. Enough dark deals were made in the shadows of big corporations. The less supervision there was in general, the more plausible deniability did the heads of such companies have. Jason was mindful of any security still, but he encountered not even one guard on his way through the building. Everything smelled like chlorine and disinfectant. It reminded Jason of the hospital and he hated it. He tugged at his cape and held it over his nose in the hope it would lessen the sharp scent at least a bit.

It didn’t.

The warehouse was cloaked in darkness. The only light source was the moonlight shining through the dirty windows. Jason’s patience was running out.

“I know you’re here,” he hissed. “Stop hiding, you coward.”

Jason walked into the middle of the warehouse, his back exposed. He was open to any attacks, but he was sure that the benefits outweighed the risks.

At first, nothing changed, but then a shadow moved and by the time Jason could see the trademark violet suit, he also heard the Joker’s footsteps and clapping.

“Oh, look! The itty-bitty birdy found me! Where did you leave your new Bat?”

Jason had been right. The Joker did know that it wasn’t the same man under the mask. He took out two Batarangs, one for each hand.

The Joker leaned forward as if to examine them closer. “Those again? I thought we had already established they’re not useful, especially if I step a little on those fingers and toes.”

Jason was accustomed to the fire burning inside him. It flared up, tainted his vision red and urged him to move forward through all walls and bodies.

He couldn’t feel its warmth.

Instead, ice spread through his limbs, its cold burning like the flame, if not even more damaging.

“That reminds me!” The Joker said. “Do you think we should have another session? Our first one didn’t end as planned.”

And suddenly, the Joker was upon him. Jason stumbled back, but he couldn’t catch his balance in time and dropped to the floor. The Joker grabbed Jason’s shoulders and when he tried to lift his head, the Joker smashed it to the ground.

“You! Ruined! My! Game!” The Joker shouted in Jason’s face. “You useless little birds always do! The Bat is mine and you keep hogging his attention. Life would be so much better with you gone.”

The Joker sighed theatrically and leaned back. “I imagined how sweet it would be. Just me and Batman forever and ever without you little pests interfering.”

The Joker’s nails dug into Jason’s arms so harshly that he must be drawing blood. Jason whimpered. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, he’d had a plan, a goal. He couldn’t let the Joker ruin it or him or anything else ever again.

“But you! You had to get in-between us! I figured Batsy’s gonna be sad for a while, but then he came back all wrong. So I have to make him right, I’ll fix us. You won’t make me mad again, will you, Robin? I had fun the last time, but I think I might be angry today. People don’t like me being angry, it hurts them.”

The Joker’s green eyes gleamed and he began to grin. “Or maybe that’s why you came back? No daddy at home to punish teeny-tiny Robin for getting him killed?”

Jason could taste blood on his tongue. He hated the Joker. That was the reason for the cold, he was the reason. Jason had been angry at others before, but nobody but Willis had managed to make Jason so furious he lost all control, but the Joker?

This was hatred.

Jason screamed and with all the strength he could measure up, he pushed himself off the ground, toppling the Joker over. Now their roles were reversed. The Joker was lying on the ground, helpless like prey and Jason was holding the weapon.

He would kill him.

Jason would kill the bastard and make him pay for every crime he had ever committed.

“You-“

A loud crash interrupted Jason. The right wall of the warehouse just smashed open when a familiar black car drove through it.

Dick jumped out of the driver’s seat.

“Robin!” He shouted, then his eyes zoomed in on the Joker lying beneath him.

“Hello, big bird,” the Joker sing-songed. “Nice upgrade you got there, but it’s not all done. I was going to help you but then this little bird interrupted.”

Jason used his right hand to push the Joker’s head forcefully to the ground.

“Robin,” Dick repeated, this time softer. “Let go of him.”

“No.” Jason hissed. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Dick said and took one step forward, then another. “You don’t want to do this.”

“I don’t want to do this? He ruined everything!”

Why didn’t Dick understand? If they got rid of the Joker, everything would change. No more torture, no more nightmares, no more pain.

Jason was going to fix everything. “He has to die.”

 “B wouldn’t want you to do this,” Dick said. He held his hands up as if to show that he wasn’t going to forcefully take the decision out of Jason’s hand.

It almost made Jason want to laugh. Bruce had shown him a couple maneuvers he could do easily while

“No more death,” Jason said. “No more destruction. The world is better off without him!”

Beneath him, the Joker laughed maniacally, his face twisted into the ugly impression of a smile.

“Shut up!” Jason shouted, but the Joker wouldn’t calm. He only became more and more hysteric and Jason just wanted it all to end!

“I said, shut up!”

“Ja- Robin,” Dick tried again. “Please. You don’t-“

“I’m right,” Jason said. “I’m right. He should die and I’ll make him stop.”

Dick fell silent. The Joker’s laughter surrounded them both. If Jason wasn’t here, Dick wouldn’t know whether he’d be able to knock the Joker out and put handcuffs on him. Hell, if Dick were in Jason’s position, he didn’t know if he could do it. He wanted the Joker gone as well. Preferably slow and painful, so he’d suffer like Bruce had.

But-

“B wouldn’t want it,” Dick repeated. “I want him gone as much as you do, but Batman and Robin don’t kill.”

Gotham would fall apart as soon as they shed blood like that.

“I know it hurts and he should suffer, but you shouldn’t have to pay the price. Dad loved you and he wanted you to be safe. This is the opposite of that. You don’t have to agree, you don’t even have to think my way is the right one, but you know he’d hate himself for being the reason you’d have to spill blood.”

Jason’s hands were still holding onto the Batarang. If Jason really wanted to kill the Joker, Dick wouldn’t be fast enough to drop it.

“He deserves it,” Jason whispered. “He killed our Dad and he deserves it.”

Jason dropped the Batarang. His arms went slack at his side and Dick used the opportunity to move in. He pulled Jason away from the Joker as fast and gentle as he could. He draped his cape around Jason’s shoulders and kneeled down next to the Joker. Dick jammed a syringe with sedatives in the Joker’s neck and cuffed his hands together.

Maybe the dosage was a little higher than usual.

Not enough to make sure he wouldn’t wake up again, but to ensure he’d drop immediately and his insane laughter would die.

“Oracle, police?” Dick asked. He was moving on autopilot, directing Jason away from the body.

“Outside, my father’s there.”

Good.

“Let’s go back home,” Dick said softly. At his side, Jason only nodded.

Dick carefully maneuvered Jason out of the warehouse and towards the Batmobile. When they arrived back home, Alfred was already waiting for them. He pulled both of them into a bone-crushing hug.

“My boys,” Alfred said. “Don’t ever do something like this again. I’m not sure my heart could take it.”

Dick put his arms around his grandfather, squishing Jason in the middle. All of them were here and all of them were alive.

They had made it.

Dick was home.

X

“There is something I want to show you,” Dick said. “I- I didn’t want you to know before and, fuck. I’m sorry. This wouldn’t have-“

Dick was struggling to find the right words. Would it have changed anything, he wondered, if he had given Jason this beforehand?

Jason wasn’t moving from his spot on Bruce’s chair, still wrapped in Dick’s cape. He was just staring into space, tear tracks still visible. Alfred had wanted them to go upstairs immediately and not step in the Cave for the next ten years, but Jason needed to listen to this.

Dick sighed. Now or never.

He opened the Ethiopia file and purposefully didn’t look at Jason. Then he hit play.

X

“Jay-“Bruce's voice played and Jason breathed a sob. “Jay, you’re okay. It’s alright. Don’t cry. Sssh, I love you. You and Dick. I love you, I-“ He coughed. It was a wet and ugly sound. “I love you, I love...”

The recording cut off.

Jason hit replay.

Again.

And again.

And again and again and again and just once more. He just had to be sure that he wasn’t mishearing Bruce’s words, that he was committing them to his memories until he could quote this terrifying declaration.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Just once more.

Rewind.

X

Jason was sitting in the circle with the rest of the deaf kids. He knew their names, some of their hobbies and roughly how much of their hearing was impaired. He had never bothered to pay any attention beyond that or involve himself in any way. More than once, he had brought a book to these sessions and had refused to look up from it.

He thought of all the puns about deafness Dick had made on the way to Jason’s appointment. Not all of them had been good or fun – two have them had fucking hurt, but Dick had apologized and it was okay.

Getting better.

Something like that, at least.

‘Is there anything you’d like to share today, Jason?’ The therapist asked like she did every Saturday.

She wore one of her awfully colorful dresses and smiled softly, hopeful. Jason didn’t get how she could do that for weeks without growing resentful. If Jason didn't absolutely shut down, he avoided eye-contact and replied with a quick ‘no’ and, if he was feeling especially crude, told her to ‘fuck off’ in the most vulgar way possible.

‘Yes,’ Jason signed for the first time. ‘I’ll be spending the evening with…’ He dropped his hands in his lap, took a breath, then picked the sentence up again. ‘I’ll be spending the evening with my older brother. I don’t know what we’ll do yet, but I hope it will be fun.’

Poison Ivy had escaped Arkham yesterday. The last few times she had escaped, she hadn’t done any significant damage and Jason still had a biology test to study for. Sometimes, Ivy was down to answer his questions when they were driving her back to Arkham. It would be pretty great if tonight was one of those nights.

X

“So,” Jason said. “I’m thinking.”

The buzzing in his ears annoyed the hell out of him, but he couldn’t get it to stop. He'd have to wait until they were back home.

“Oh, dangerous,” Dick shouted from where he was lying beneath the Batmobile, trying to figure out what Ivy had done to stop their car.

Jason rolled his eyes and wrung out his cape once more. Everything was cold and wet and sticky. Ivy had been seriously pissed by the plans for a new factory at the edge of town. So much for getting her to tutor him.

“I think I should exchange my mask for something that covers my ears as well because my aids were not made for being thrown in Gotham River.”

Dick moved out from beneath the Batmobile, looking at Jason in a slight panic. Even though the mask covered his head, it was fairly easy for Jason to tell what he was thinking.

“They didn’t get damaged, did they?” Dick asked, signing while he was it.

Honestly, Lucius had made them. If getting dropped in the water once was going to fry them completely, Jason wouldn’t trust any of the equipment they were using.

“They’ll survive the night,” Jason said. Even if everything sounded a little bit like static. ‘And don’t speak and sign, your signs are shit.’

‘Sorry.’

“Anyway, I was thinking I should get a helmet…” Jason trailed off. Something or someone was moving on the roof of the building in front of them.

“Robin?” Dick called.

“Be right back,” Jason replied and angled his grapple so that it would pull him onto the roof. He shot it and whoever was on the roof was already running backward. Oh, hell no!

Jason landed smoothly on the roof and after a short sprint, he caught the person, who turned out to be much shorter than Jason expected.

Kid-sized, really.

“Hello,” the kid squeaked nervously. He couldn’t be older than twelve or so, Jason thought. “Nice to meet you?”

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“Eh…” The kid glanced at the camera he was holding. “Maybe?”

Jason raised a brow, pretty unimpressed with the kid so far. Though, he couldn’t just let the kid go and ignore that he had caught a maybe twelve-year-old with a camera on a rooftop. At least it wasn’t a video camera, so no possibly incriminating videos spoiling Batman and Robin’s identities for the world.

“Gimme that,” Jason said, already pulling the camera out of the kid's hands.

“I don’t show them anybody!” The kid insisted when Jason turned the camera on and looked at the most recent photos.

As expected, the last one was of the two down in the alley, but the ones before that were close-ups of the dynamic duo fighting Ivy. Ivy had destroyed an entire – fortunately abandoned – building in her rage. To get pictures of that…

“Who are you?” Jason asked. He didn’t make it his habit to intimidate kids, but if they got involved in such dangerous situations, he needed to know why. “Who is paying you for this?”

“Nobody!” The kid said. “I just do this for. Uhm. Fun. My name is Tim. I’m your neighbor.”

The words registered in Jason’s mind about the same time as they did in the kid’s as Tim slapped his hands over his mouth and paled.

Later, when Jason would be ranting about Dick’s overreaction at Bruce’s grave, he’d maybe admit that he could have dealt with Timothy Jackson Drake differently and that knocking a twelve-year-old out shouldn’t ever be anyone’s first instinct, but right now?

Right now, Jason already had the knock out gas in hand and was only vaguely aware of Dick having reached the rooftop.

[backoftheroomandnotbelonging]

What more can you give? (YUNGBLUD x reader)

A/N: A little something for the Black Hearts Club this Christmas, hope y’all have a good one!

Dom has been working on a new album, to the detriment of his health. You force him to take Christmas off.

You knew Dom was passionate. It was one of the attributes that drew you to him initially; but seeing everything else he cared about fall to the side so that he could finish his latest album was something you knew Dom would want intervention for. Remembering his excitement whenever he makes a breakthrough made you smile. Your smile falls just as quickly when you think about how he’s so easily immersed and sucked into his music. He has tunnel vision; you’d unconditionally support him but even you had to admit it was difficult to, especially so close to the holidays.

The holidays had always been a controversial time for you. Growing up despite always having ‘good’ Christmases, they always feel a little off, a little fake, to you. You dreaded your first Christmas with Dom. It was your second Christmas after leaving home and you’d quite enjoyed that first year of just you alone. Maybe ‘dreaded’ was the wrong word, you cherished every moment with Dom and loved spending secluded winter moments with him but this hyperactive puppy on Christmas Day may be too much for your lack of enthusiasm. You really didn’t want to ruin his holiday, especially right now. No matter what you felt, you wanted to make this Christmas as laid back and ecstatic for him as possible. He needed some time, an excuse, to let loose and be silly and not have to think so much. He needed to lose the furrowed brow.

--------------------

As the season progressed it became more and more evident that drastic measures were going to have to be taken.

The morning after your work Christmas party (an event you had managed to get Dom to spare some time and headspace for) you woke intending to perform your traditional lazy morning in bed routine. You say tradition but for the last two months it had fallen by the wayside but, since you and Dom had purposely scheduled the day to be free, there was no better time to recommence it. You stretched under the pale frosty sunrays that spread across your duvet, humming with satisfaction as a cold chill tingled against your upper arms and elevated the warmth of the rest of your body. The lazy grin stretching upon your face was yearning to be nuzzled between Dom’s shoulder blades but as you wriggled around to find his body, your ankle met the brisk chill of the bedsheet. The duvet had been cast aside and the bed was empty. Now you didn’t feel quite so blissful because sat on the pillow, his pillow, was a pink post-it note reading:

Darlin

Gone to the studio

Luv ya!

You smiled at the sentiment before reminding yourself that this was now a common occurrence. Therefore, you rolled your eyes and flopped back down onto your pillow.

--------------------

A week later and you’d come down with the flu. For the best part of three days you were practically comatose on the couch: wrapped in a duvet, high on paracetamol and binge watching American Horror Story. You had hives blotching your body, moments when your vision would blackout and extreme skin sensitivity, as well as the usual symptoms. Dom had given in to your demands that he not see you until you were over the worst and you suppose, in some sense, he was grateful you were holed up at home because it meant he could burn himself out at the studio without your physical interference. Not that he didn’t care, he maintained constant contact and care for you…just from a distance. He’d given you what you asked for and you were especially thankful as it gave you the perfect opportunity to discuss a family visit with Sam.

--------------------

“Love? You home?”

“Yeah, just in the bedroom.”

“Whatcha doin?”

“Dominic. Baby, you know I love a cuddle but I’m trying to pack…”

“What we packing for? Are you leaving?”

“Oh, stop it, if I was leaving would I pack your boxers? I’ll tell you right now the answer is no. We are packing to spend a couple days with your parents.”

“But I got studio-“

“Uh- no, you don’t. That studio time never got booked. You can be as angry as you want but this is an intervention. You’re taking Christmas off. And it’s your mother’s birthday so…”

“Why? You understand how much this means to me.”

“Does it mean more to you than family? You’ve got to remember that everyone celebrates Christmas. Maybe Yungblud wants to be in the studio but don’t you think Adam, Tom and Michael might want to be home for the holidays?”

“I just…”

“I know, darling. I do. It means everything to you; we all know how dedicated you are and how much the fans mean to you. But take a second: close your eyes, breathe and look inside yourself. Dom, baby, you’re burning out. Please, please, just take a few days out with me.”

“I will, love.”

--------------------

By late Christmas Eve you were back at Dom’s apartment. He’d enjoyed catching up with his parents and messing about with his sisters but had declined the opportunity to stay for actual Christmas Day because he wanted your first Christmas together to be alone and shamelessly romantic, or so his mother told you after the New Year. The entire journey to London was spent with Dom’s USB in the radio and him trying to find the lyrics to match the earworm he’d already recorded.

He then proceeded to spend the night on his laptop with headphones and composition software, only moving to sleep when you hauled him up and claimed that his present would be replaced with coal. He was out like a light. The second that boy sunk into the mattress he was gone. It made you frustrated because it proved that you were right. You loved him dearly, of course, but he was a stubborn bugger – absolute in the belief that he wasn’t too tired and too overworked so could continue his new routine. Idiot. Wouldn’t listen to reason or accept help and now he’s passing out to sleep instead of just sleeping like a log.

--------------------

You were jarred awake to the tones of ‘Last Christmas’ by WHAM. You smiled beneath the blanket covering your face; it was Christmas. The mattress was empty next to you, again, but you knew Dom wasn’t far. And that he wasn’t working. With that reassurance in mind you burrowed deeper into the covers and allowed the gentle beat of the music drift you into a state between awake and sleep.

The floorboards began to groan but you couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes fully. A gentle thud sounded as something was placed on the stack of books by your bed. A kiss was planted on the crown of your head. The floorboards creaked and the door squeaked as it was left ajar.

You prised your eyes open and saw a steaming mug of tea atop your battered copy of ‘the Help’. A warm fuzz filled you as a sleepy smile emerged. Shuffling to sit by your pillow you reach for you tea, cradling it in your hands and resting it against your chest. The smell and warmth bringing immediate comfort to you; the steam felt therapeutic against the dry skin of your face – the English winter wind is brutal. You stayed curled up with your drink for the next half hour. Dom had evidently unearthed the Christmas album from where you’d hidden it and you had to admit the stream of festivity in your ears was making you light up. The children in the flat above yours were scampering about, letting out excited yells and being shushed by their parents; it made you think of how your future Christmases may one day be…

--------------------

Once the dregs of your tea had been drunk, you made a move. Swinging your legs out of bed you hissed at the cold floor and reached for the oversized pink socks you’d smuggled out of the latest Yungblud merch collection. Deciding already that you’d need another layer, you found your favourite cardigan strewn across the foot of the bed. Now amply protected from the elements you ventured out of your bedroom towards the source of the noise.

You’d intended to make Dom aware that you were awake immediately but the serenity of the scene you walked in on made you freeze. Dom was filling the coffee machine, unloading the dishwasher and clearing surfaces for the midday bomb that would be two young adults pretending to adult and cook an entire Christmas lunch. The domesticity and thoughtfulness in his actions warmed your heart. What made you tear up, however, was the sight of his shoulders.

(And not just because his unzipped hoodie was sliding off his shoulder giving you a…view.)

As he bopped around the kitchen, all bent knees and dramatic wrists, the swaying flow of his shoulders was effortless. For months they had gathered tension and rigidity, and now it seemed he no longer held the weight of the entire world there. Dom suddenly began to spin, arms out and laughing. Your stomach swooped causing a bubble of laughter to escape. As ‘Christmas (Baby Come Home)’ played out he stared at you. Up and down. You got shy in the doorway. His boyish grin returned, with the full force of his teeth behind it.

The opening chord of ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’ began and you could tell from the twitch of his lip that your moment of silent reflection was over. He swung the mug from your hand, while twirling you, to place it on the side before bringing you close. For the next couple of minutes, the pair of you jumped and dropped and lively slow danced until you were breathless, sweaty and giggling.

--------------------

Dom collapsed over you: arms flung over your shoulders like dead weight, head resting beside yours and legs each side of one of your own.

“I’ve been in my head. I’m sorry.”

“Dom-“

“No, love. I went too far. Balance is hard for me cus I just wanna throw myself into everything 100% always but I neglected you and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Dom. I understand that about you; not just that, I love that about you.”

“The thing is, you might want to take that apology because it’s all I have to offer you today…”

You chuckled, “What more can you give me? These past few days you’ve given me the trust to make judgements for you. That means everything to me.”

“Well…you’re my favourite. And I’m going to keep you forever.”

[littlemarvelfics]

Ghost: Chapter Six

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Word count: about 2,300

Warning: descriptions of abuse

A/N: I hope y’all are still enjoying this story! I’ve been writing a lot more lately so I might start posting a bonus oneshot here and there in addition to the Wednesday post. Thanks for reading! Comments are always appreciated! 

You and Steve spent most of your free time together over the next few weeks. You went out on coffee or dinner dates and walks through the city. Steve would visit you at work, sitting alone in a booth for the majority of your shift. The two of you would spend nights on your couch, Winston tucked on your laps, watching movies or TV shows that Steve had wanted to catch up on.

That was the position you found yourself in tonight. You were sitting on your couch, snuggled under a blanket with your head resting against Steve’s shoulder while he scratched Winston who was sleeping in his lap. Breakfast at Tiffany’s played in the background as Steve cleared his throat.

“So, I have a mission to go on tomorrow. I have to leave in the morning.”

You straightened up and faced Steve.

“What? Where? Why are you going?”

Steve leaned forward and kissed your forehead.

“It’s better if you don’t know any of that.”

“But you’ll be okay, right? How dangerous is it?” You could feel the panic starting to bubble in your chest, and it seemed Steve could sense it too. He turned to face you completely, Winston jumping off his lap in the process.

“Hey, hey,” he said, rubbing his hands up and down your arms. “It’s gonna be okay; it always is.”

You sighed but nodded in agreement.

“I promise,” he reiterated. “I’m coming back to you. I can’t leave my girl behind for too long now can I?”

“‘My girl’?” you questioned with a quirked eyebrow. “Awful presumptuous of you Rogers.”

Steve’s cheeks started turning pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I guess I haven’t really asked you yet. And I know dating is probably different now and we haven’ know each other--”

“Are you asking me to go steady Steve?” you asked, cutting off his rambling.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“One condition,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and situating yourself in his lap.

“Anything,” he answered quickly.

“Promise me you’ll be careful. I’ve heard stories involving you and jumping from planes without a parachute.”

“Promise,” he said with a chuckle.

The next morning, Steve untangled himself from you and got out of your bed while you shifted around to get comfortable in his absence. Steve looked down at you and smiled, knowing he was falling in love with you. You snuggled closer into the pillow he had been using, inhaling deeply. Steve couldn’t help but admire you, messy hair and makeup-free face, still soundly asleep. He knew it was fast to call it love, but he couldn’t deny that’s what it was. Steve knew you were always worried about your past; he had woken you up from a nightmare on more than one occasion. But looking at you now, you looked so peaceful. He didn’t want to wake you, but he knew you would want to say goodbye before he headed off for his mission. He crouched down by the side of the bed and ran his thumb over your cheekbone. You instantly nuzzled into his hand, bringing a smile to Steve’s face.

“Baby? Wake up Y/N.”

You let out a groan.

“Nu-uh. Too early. Come back to bed.”

“I can’t sweetheart. I gotta head to the compound.”

With that, you opened your eyes and sighed.

“How long will you be gone?”

“No longer than a week.”

You got out of bed and walked him to your door when you realized you were still wearing Steve’s teeshirt that he had worn under his sweater.

“Oh shoot, lemme change out of this.”

“Nah, keep it,” he said, taking your hand to stop you from leaving. “It looks better on you anyway.”

You looked down at your feet and felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Steve out a finger under your chin and lifted your head until you met his eyes.

“Take care of yourself while I’m gone beautiful.”

“You too,” you sighed, wrapping your arms around Steve and pulling him down for a kiss.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

And with that, he was gone.

The week seemed to drag on, especially since you hadn’t been able to talk to Steve since he left. You went through the motions and wondered how the super soldier had so easily found a place in your heart. Ever since Will, you had been guarded, not letting anyone in until you were sure they wouldn’t hurt you like that. Whenever your mind wandered, it wandered to Steve. To his laugh, his snores, the way he held you at night and the way his shampoo smelled.

One night while you were walking around your apartment dressed in Steve’s shirt and a pair of PJ pants with your hair in a loose braid over your shoulder, you heard a knock at the door. You dumped some food out for Winston and walked over to the door, looking out the peephole. Seeing it was Steve, you eagerly opened the door, but your face dropped, and you let out a gasp when you saw all of him. His hair was dirty and disheveled; there were cuts in his uniform and blood smeared everywhere.

When Steve finally looked up to meet your eyes, you winced. There was a black eye forming and a cut on his forehead. His usually bright eyes looked dull and wet with unshed tears.

“Steve…” you said at a loss for words.

“Hi,” he said with a hoarse voice. “I’m uh… I’m back from the mission. And to be honest, I didn’t want to be at the compound, and I didn’t want to be alone either. I just wanted you.”

“Okay,” you said, gesturing for him to come in. You opened your arms to hug him after closing the door, and that’s when the dam broke. Steve practically fell int your arms, burying his face into your neck.

“Steve, honey, I need you to sit on the couch for me,” you said, pulling him along with you.

Steve sat on the couch and pulled you into his lap, holding you firmly until his breathing started to even out. You leaned back to look Steve in the eye, running your thumb along his cheekbone.

“Steve, why don’t you go take a shower, and I’ll get you some fresh clothes from your place and make you a cup of tea or something?”

Steve nodded silently before digging around for his key, dropping it into your waiting hand. You slid off his lap, and he slowly rose from the couch, making his way to your bathroom. You quickly filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove before going over to Steve’s apartment. You grabbed some clean clothes for him and then went back to your place, sticking your arm into the bathroom to drop the clothes off.

The kettle started whistling soon after you dropped off his clothes and you poured a cup of tea for yourself and Steve, bringing them into the living room and setting them on your coffee table before getting settled on the couch, waiting for Steve to join you. A few moments later, he did plopping down beside you, leaving a gap between the two of you, so you weren’t touching. You reached out and put your hand on his knee, trying to comfort him. He flinched at your touch and pulled about quickly. You furrowed your brow in confusion.

“Steve--”

“I’ve never done this before,” he whispered, cutting you off.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, when I was growing up, I was taught not to do this. Not to be weak in front of your girl.” He turned to face you. “I’m supposed to be strong for you, Y/N. I promised I would be strong for you,” he finished with a sigh. You grabbed both of his hands in yours.

“Steve, I never want you to feel that way okay? If we’re doing this relationship thing, it needs to be an equal partnership. We support each other. Sometimes I need you to carry me through the day. And sometimes you need to be carried. That’s how it goes Steve. I care about you so much, and I want to help you.”

Steve nodded but stayed silent, avoiding your gaze.

“You know, before my mom left, she would do this thing when I had a bad day. She’d let me lay my head in her lap, and I’d stay there until things were a little better. I know a failed math test can’t compare to whatever happened on that mission but would you like to try it?”

Steve hesitated before slightly nodding. The two of you shifted yourselves until Steve had his head in your lap, facing away from you as you ran your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly. You started absentmindedly humming a song until eventually, Steve took a breath and started talking.

“The mission was going okay; we were getting it done. Then on the last day, we were walking to an area we thought was abandoned. Bucky was on the comms in the middle of cracking a joke about how eager I was to get back to you when some kind of bomb went off right next to him. I didn’t even think, I just ran. And for a minute, I swear to God I thought I lost him again.”

You were at a loss for words, so you just kept running your fingers through his hair.

“He’s fine now, just a concussion and some cuts and bruises. But for a second when he was laying there, I was back in 1945 watching my best friend die and I just… couldn’t do that again. But I held it together. Right then Bucky needed a Captain, not a best friend. So I got him back to the jet where Banner could check him out. He said he would be fine and we made it back to the compound with no issues and they got him all fixed up. I was standing there staring at him, and everything just felt too cold. But you, Y/N, you’re warm. You’re so warm, and I needed to see you.”

“It’s okay Steve; you’re always welcome here.”

Steve kissed your knee and then turned, so he was on his back, looking up at you.

“I think you might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispered earnestly.

“You know I was recently thinking the same thing about you.”

Steve smiled up at you, and the two of you continued talking until he finally fell asleep. You kept running your fingers through his hair, admiring the handsome face in front of you finally relaxing now that he was asleep. As you sat there for a while longer, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to when you had tried to comfort Will for the first time.

You walked into Will’s apartment, kicking off your heels as you went. You had just been to the funeral where they buried Will’s mother.

You had tried getting Will to talk to you, but nothing seemed to work, so you left it alone-- until he starting drinking. His back was to you as he stood at the bar cart, pouring the dark liquid into a glass with ice.

“Will? Maybe you shouldn’t be drinking right now; you haven’t had anything to eat yet today.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do,” he hissed.

“Will,” you sighed, placing your hand on his shoulder.

Suddenly, he whipped around to face you.

“I said ‘Don’t fucking tell me what to do’!”, he roared, smacking you across the face, the sound being drowned out by the crash of the bar cart falling into the ground.

“Now look what you made me do, you stupid bitch!” he said, hitting you once again. This time you fell to the ground, the force of his slap knocking the wind out of you.

“Clean it up,” he said, downing his drink in one swallow. “I’m going to lay down.”

You blinked away the tears that usually came with memories of Will. Looking down at Steve, you thought of the similarities between the two men. Both handsome, strong men who vowed to protect people but that’s where their likeness stopped. Somehow, you already knew that Steve would never raise his voice to you, much less hurt you in any way. The realization brought you a sense of calm and relief you had only ever felt with Steve.

Will watched the pair on Y/N’s couch from the comfort of his own living room. It had been almost a week since he had broken into Y/N’s apartment and installed the covert surveillance cameras to keep an eye on her. He watched at Y/N ran her fingers through Steve’s hair. Weak. That was all Steve was. A weak excuse of a man. Showing up at Y/N’s door crying? Pathetic. Y/N needed someone to take care of her, give her a purpose, tell her what she needed. She had never been able to figure it out on her own. That’s where Will came in. He knew they belonged together and for the most part, her behavior hadn’t required much correcting, but now she was in for it. How dare she think she could just up and leave him? After all he had done for her? That dumb little bitch. But it wouldn’t be much longer until Will got her back, the cameras were the last step. Now that he knew he routine, it would be even easier to take her back and make her understand just how good he was for her. It would only be a few more days.

[jacpotts]

No More Drama | Juliac

Who: @heyjuliette , @jacpotts

When: Saturday, May 18th

Where: The WHS gymnasium

What: After months of awkwardness over Julie’s ex, Jac and Julie finally address the bad blood that has been between them their whole lives. 

Jac was having a lot more fun at this baby prom than she'd anticipated. Of course, at first she only chaperoned to keep an eye on Teegan, but he seemed to be faring well by himself. She'd even broken her tradition of wearing a sensible pantsuit or jumper and opted for her own recreation of the famous 13 Going on 30 party dress, so maybe that was what was making her feel so spry and fresh. She was able to maintain a professional demeanor as a chaperone, of course, but she felt so light. It all reminded her of a way simpler time. When the familiar opening chords of (You Drive Me) Crazy started blaring through the speakers, though, Jac knew that her professional demeanor had to come down for a small dance session. She started pumping her arms upward and out, but didn't get too far before accidentally elbowing someone next to her. "Oh! Pardon," she started, before noticing it was Julie...In dog ears. "Oh! Juliette...Pardon. I -- um," she gestured to her head with a furrowed brow. "...what's so early 2000s about being a dog? Are you the Beverly Hills Chihuahua?"

Julie wasn't really much of a chaperone type person. If anything, she was still the type of girl that needed to be chaperoned. But after Mairi had enjoyed the Valentine's ball so much that she hadn't stopped talking about it for weeks after, Julie couldn't resist signing up to chaperone the Morp so that Mairi could have another fun time at a dance. However, Julie had forgotten how old the youngest castle kid in Walt was and hadn't expected to see anyone from home at the dance. At least until she got elbowed in the middle of keeping her eyes on Mairi learning to spin from the Morp DJ and found out that Jac was also chaperoning. "You're fine, Jacqueline. Whatever." Julie replied, stepping back rather than actually wanting to engage in an interaction with her least favorite person. "No. Mairi wanted me to be the Tinkerbell to her Paris Hilton." Julie replied, politely but reluctantly, gesturing towards her little girl up at the DJ booth in a short blonde wig, tiara and pink dress. "What are you? Vomit?"

Jac followed Julie's gesture to see Mairi up at the DJ booth giggling and learning from the DJ, and her heart sunk. She put on a smile, albeit a sad one, and clasped her hand over her heart. "Of course she knows about Paris Hilton," she chuckled, unable to hide on her face how much she missed babysitting the little girl. "I'm Jenna from 13 Going on 30 during the party scene!" She held her arms out and twirled, feeling the skirt bubble up around her hips. "I don't usually wear dresses out, but this felt like more of a costume party anyway." She held her small purse meekly to her chest and gave a sigh. "As long as I've got you here, Juliette -- I wanted to let you know how much I miss being around Mairi." Of course she could see her while Crannog was there, and in passing whenever she would visit. But it wasn't the same as babysitting. "And not that you'd let me know if she missed me, too, but I can assume she does. This is all kind of getting a little petty and out of hand, don't you think?"

Julie Julie might have felt a little shitty about how she'd banned Jac, seeing her now and knowing full well how much people, especially those who were damn near family like Jac was, tended to love her daughter. But in Julie opinion, it would've been too much of a bitch move if she hadn't upheld Crannog's decision that dating would only confuse Mairi, right down to the letter. "What can I say, I like to keep my baby cultured." Julie looked over Jac's outfit once again and shrugged as if she'd never even heard if that movie before (even though she absolutely had). Jac looked nice, of course. But Julie would rather die than let her ever know that. "Bold of you to assume that Mairi even mentions you, but okay." Julie didn't look away from Mairi, to answer Jac. Just in case some of the truth about how Mairi occasionally asked for Jac to babysit would be visible in her eyes somehow. "There's nothing petty or out of hand going on, Jacqueline. Crannog was the one that came up with the idea that dating anyone would only confuse Mairi in the long run. I'm just listening to him. If I wanted to get out of hand with you by now, you know exactly how I'd go about it."

Jac raised her brows at Julie's subtle dig, but kept her shoulders high. She hadn't known that Crannog had said that...But maybe he didn't consider what they were doing to be dating. Which she didn't have time to overthink and agonize over in her woman-brain that wanted to run to him immediately and ask if they were dating or just hooking up or what. "Well, I didn't know he'd said that but...People change their minds, Juliette. Have you two discussed whether or not he's changed his mind? I think I'm kind of different than him or you bringing home some stranger. She's known me her whole life." She didn't even think to mention that maybe it'd be more confusing for a child to have two parents who weren't together but also didn't seem to be romantically interested in anyone just for her sake. "I really don't know what I've done to make you dislike me for so long. I've wanted nothing more than for you to consider me family and maybe if you had, I'd find some reason not to pursue Crannog. But considering how you've never treated me like anything but the daughter of the help, I can't do that."

Julie turned to Jac finally and raised an eyebrow at her question. "We discussed it at the dance and it's barely been more than three months. So doubtful." Julie crossed her arms and momentarily considered just walking away from Jac and not entertaining anymore conversation. But part of her wanted to keep talking just so in the end she could remain the bigger person. "If Crannog won't be with mewho's known Mairi for longer than she's been alive, there's absolutely no say you'd ever be the exception to the rule." Julie narrowed her eyes at Jac's claim that she didn't know what she'd done to make Julie hate her so much and stepped a bit closer to the other girl. Even though they were both the same height, Julie had worn higher heels and knew exactly how to hold herself to seem intimidating anyway. "You don't think I hate you because your mother's my family's housekeeper, do you? I genuinely could not care less who's kid you are. I didn't like you when we were kids because every time I wanted to hang out with my twin brother, you were always in the way. And somehow twenty fucking years later, you managed to get the literal love of my life away from me. As far as I can tell from the De La Betes and the Potts, that's not how either of us was raised to treat family. So why should I have ever treated you like something you're clearly not?"

Jac nodded, bringing her arms down to her hang by her sides so as to appear calm and casual and not at all tense like she was definitely feeling. " 'Won't" be with you? You make it sound like you've been trying to get back together," Jac rolled her eyes knowing that that idea had to have been preposterous. Crannog would have told her...right? And then Julie mentioned the real reason she had been so awful to her their whole lives, which Jac kind of already figured out on her own, but there was something gratifying about hearing the juvenile reasoning straight from the other girl's mouth. "That hardly sounds like my fault at all. And besides, you had the rest of your life to be around him after I left but then you ran off to join the circus or whatever, so it looks like we both still abandoned him." She let out a shaky breath, then, realizing the rest of what Julie had said. "...The love of your life? Julie, I -- " she stammered, her heart sinking as her brain tried to comprehend that idea. She softened, stepping closer to the other girl. "...Julie, I did not know that. I just assumed that if you were living together and not together, that it was over for good. If I had known -- if Crannog had known, we would not be doing this. You should tell him you still have feelings."

Julie glared at Jac's eyeroll but didn't bother to correct her statement. She had an old ass wound to get off her chest and it was a little more important. "It felt like it when I was a kid, especially when you had so many brothers and all I had was my twin and my way more fragile little siblings. And an orchestra is much more interesting than whatever you did for years, so don't even start." Julie crossed her arms over her chest and stepped back when Jac softened and stepped closer in a way that was a lot less confrontational than she had. Julie knew how to do weird tense conversations with Jac, not whatever the other girl was trying to do right then. But then she couldn't help but let out a loud bitter laugh. "Crannog does know. I told him on New Year's and then he was making out with you a month later. So yeah, you are doing this with him knowing full well how I feel."

Jac didn't necessarily see what her having so many siblings had to do with Julie and Rainier's relationship, but she conceded anyway. "Juliette, you know that what you and Rainier have is irreplaceable. I could never take your spot and would never even try. I got a little overzealous with the realization that I'd found my soulmate, but I was also like -- five," she chuckled bitterly to herself as the walls seemed to come down between the two of them, which made the dropping of the bomb that Crannog knew of Julie's feelings fall even harder. "Oh," was all she could say for a second, finally letting her woman-brain do its worst in her head. "I really didn't know. Men, right?" She tried to joke, but knowing that both she and Julie felt so strongly for Crannog, just lumping him in with the shitty majority felt wrong. Even if it was true. "And here I thought you were just being a spoiled little princess who doesn't know how to let go of an old toy. I'm standing down. You two have something to work out, and I'm just complicating it." It stung to admit, but now that she knew Julie's side of the truth, it was necessary.

Julie rolled eyes this time and uncrossed her arms to flip her hair over her shoulder. "I know that now, Jacqueline. But I was like barely older than you and by the time logic had kicked in that it was a little psycho to always be pissed about my brother having a pal, I'd already made up a million other stupid petty reasons to hate you." Julie shrugged, her lips quirking up into a hint of a grin as she realized just how funny it all sounded out loud. And she almost laughed for real when Jac attempted to make a joke about Crannog. But since Julie did have something of a heart behind all the crazy, she did sort of feel bad for Jac in a way she'd probably feel gross about later. "I wouldn't give me that much credit. I'm totally a spoiled little princess who doesn't know how to let go of an old toy. But I think that old toy might just be my soulmate?" Julie had noticed that Jac's mention of Rainier as her soulmate didn't sound like something that wasn't true anymore and she didn't know exactly what she'd do with that information just yet, but she would think about it more if it ever came up again. "Thanks for stepping down, Jac." Julie said, testing out using Jac's nickname for the first time...ever? "I know the dick was probably bomb."

Jac noticed the twitch in Julie's smile and felt her own do the same. This was all so...stupid, now that they were fully adults. "Well I'm sure all one million couldn't have been made up. I do tend to -- I don't know, leave the lid peanut butter jar just oh-so slightly unscrewed?" She could think of a million reasons of her own to hate herself, definitely, but they were more introspective than funny. Her brows cocked up when Julie used the same terminology about Crannog that she had used about Rainier. Hearing it like that...Well, if she hadn't already stood down, she would've right then. Imagining, say -- one of the Lumos girls falling for Rainier...Just the thought nearly had her breaking out into hives. She almost placed a gentle hand on Julie's shoulder, but stopped short when she made the comment that fully sent her over the edge into laughter. Once the gut-busting subsided, Jac wiped the corners of her eyes where tears of hilarity had built up, and sighed. "....It kinda was, not gonna lie. But I'd prefer to have a clean conscience over all the 'bomb dick' in the world. And to finally have a moment with you where I don't feel like I'll leave with a knife somewhere in my body that wasn't there before."

Julie actually started to grin at Jac's response and shrugged. "Well I think your accent is a little cray sometimes but it's still not worth all the energy of hating you." Julie joked, now that they were trying to get along it was really nice to laugh together about silly shit and their now mutual ex's dick like gal pals. Like a little taste of what their lives could've been like for decades now if they'd had learned to share a little better. "I don't think I have anything on me tonight, so you would've been fine either way but yeah. I like not wanting to leave you with a knife somewhere in your body." Briefly Julie wondered if they should hug or something to really complete the moment, but then her gaze flicked up to Mairi again up at the DJ booth before returning to Jac's face. "Uh you wanna come say hi to Mairi? We should be going back home soon and she has soooorta been asking about you."

Jac laughed out loud this time, shrugging. "I will agree that my accent is pretty cray. You got me there," she nodded. This was nice -- she'd never thought about what it could be like with Julie without them hating each other. She almost made another quip about the knives before Julie mentioned Mairi. Her heart nearly burst at the mention of getting to say hi, and even more at the confirmation that she had, indeed, been asking about her. "Really?!" she asked gently with a sigh, gazing up at the little girl at the DJ booth. "I'd love that," she nodded in Julie's direction and, without thinking, threw her arms around her in a hug.

[spacematriarchy]

Sorry frendo sending you a lot sastiel for the asks: SFW: 1, 2, 11, 14 NSFW: 1, 2, 4

Who cooks? Dean They both cook, it’s not 100% on one person, but......... Cas isn’t....... good. He’s bad at it. Real bad. Sam needs to cook whenever possible (without undermining Castiel’s learning process!) because otherwise sooner or later the house would burn down when Cas forgot something in the oven.

Who’s the messiest? The cleanest? I feel like mess irritates both of them, and they both don’t keep to much excess stuff around. Cas is overall messier because he just loses track of like... his own physical existence?

Baths or showers? Together or separate? Any bubbles or bubble fights? Sam showers more, because it’s efficient, and Cas kind of adopts bathing as a form of self care like a teenage girl who just discovered bath bombs (though he showers when necessary or especially convenient). Mostly seperate, day to day, but Castiel makes a habit of dragging Sam into nice lovely bubble baths. Bubbles often :) but no bubble fights. It’s just an excuse for warm, relaxing cuddles.

Who is the highest maintenance? Does the other mind? Sam is shockingly low maintenance - he takes care of himself (when in a good mental state) but expects very little from others. Castiel is low maintenance as an angel, but when human he’s easily irritated and whiny. Sam doesn’t mind terribly - it doesn’t go too far and it’s actually kind of cute (plus Sam gets the wonderful chance to make Cas feel better

NSFW

How often do they have sex, if at all? mmmmmmm they fuck like bunnies, my dude

Who brings ideas? Who initiates? At first it’s largely Sam. Cas’ sex drive is kind of -vague hand motion- and he doesn’t know the ins and outs of how sex is supposed to work. Later on, though, Cas kind of outgrows Sam in terms of new ideas/kinks because he doesn’t understand where “normal” stops.

Oddest place they’d have sex? I think semi-public sex becomes a thing for them just because Cas doesn’t know where the line is and Sam is too into him to turn anything down. Parked cars in the middle of the day, bathroom stalls at TGI Fridays... to pull something out of nowhere, I’m gonna say the weirdest was in an otherwise empty hospital kitchen when visiting a morgue.

[whitemoonkitteh-blog]

Honoring Nott

Want to honor Nott? Keep your negative comments to yourself please. These are my own personal ways I honor Nott. Please add to the list if you have other ideas on how to honor Nott.

🖤Tell Nott your secrets. She is the keeper of secrets.

🖤Thank Nott for blessing us with the mesmerizing sight of the beautiful stars.

🖤Call upon Nott when doing spellwork, she is the goddess of magick.

🖤Dedicate your spirit work to her.

🖤Doing anything with ghosts make sure to call upon her for help or just dedicate this to her.

🖤Sit in darkness and reflect on your life.

🖤In honor of her sit in darkness, solitude, and silence. Meditate for awhile, think of Nott. Focus on the darkness, the night, and the magick you feel while meditating.

🖤Take a walk outside and admire the stars, darkness, and the moon.

🖤Lay on the ground at night and watch the beautiful stars. Stare at the mesmerizing moon.

🖤Before going to bed, take a minute, and close your eyes and fall into a trance of darkness.

🖤Dedicate each night to Nott.

🖤Dedicate any spellwork done at night to her.

🖤The dwarves call Nott “the goddess of dreams”, so dedicate your dreams to her.

🖤Dedicate sleeping to her because the elves call Nott “the goddess who brings joy in sleep”.

🖤Dedicate anything involved with alchemy to her, she is the goddess of alchemy.

🖤Practice using black obsidian scrying mirrors in honor of her. She is the goddess of the obsidian mirror.

🖤Learn how to gain more wisdom in your life. She is the goddess of wisdom. Dedicate this to her.

🖤Whenever you see a shadow dedicate it to her, she’s described as a shadow goddess.

🖤Leave a picture of a black chariot pulled by a winged black horse in honor of her.

🖤Whenever you see dew and frost you should be reminded of Nott and her black horse Hrimfaxi. Hrimfaxi is responsible for scattering dew and frost. Bless the dew and frost in honor of Nott and Hrimfaxi.

🖤Dedicate your dream spells to her.

🖤Create a spell in honor of her to bless your dreams, rid you of nightmares, etc.

🖤Learn about the cosmos in honor of her. She is the goddess of the cosmos.

🖤Talk to the supernatural and dedicate this to her.

🖤Learn more about supernatural entities, spirits, and/or ghosts in honor of her.

🖤Ask Nott if she could bless your dead loved ones. She is the goddess of death.

🖤Practice divination in honor of her.

🖤Make a sigil for Nott.

🖤Take a walk through a cave.

🖤Make a moodboard in honor of Nott.

🖤Looking for a lost item? Ask Nott for help finding it, her name means “hidden”.

🖤Sing a song dedicated to Nott.

🖤Appreciate the nighttime in honor of her.

🖤Offer rose water to her.

🖤Make some chamomile, lavender, rose, valerian, or other herbal sleepy time teas in honor of her.

🖤Take a magickal bath, fill your bathtub with water, and then add crystals, skin-safe oils, black rose petals, black bath bomb, bath salts, bubble bath soap, and milk. Turn all the lights off and bathe in the dark with only a few black candles lit.

🖤Visit a graveyard or cemetery.

🖤Veil your hair for her.

🖤Decorate your altar with representations of horses, graveyard dirt, anything to do with nighttime, representations of stars, representations of the moon, skulls, quartz crystal wand, fur, bones, horns, grave rubbings, dried roses, black shrouds, black and white candles, black roses, and an obsidian mirror.

🖤Learn about burial types, tombstone symbols, graveyard tendings, and assorted death related topics. Dedicate this to her.

🖤Dedicate your outfit to her, dress in black, blue, and/or white.

🖤Living life to it’s fullest is important to Nott. She doesn’t like you to live a half-life dreading death, so taking care of yourself mentally and physically are devotion acts.

🖤Place black roses on your altar as an offering.

🖤Pray to her.

🖤Create artwork for her.

🖤I’ve found she likes candles or incense of lavender, rose, musk, vanilla, and anything that smells really strong like death.

🖤Write a poem about her.

🖤Create an online shrine of her.

🖤Set up an altar dedicated to her.

🖤Dedicate a piece of black agate, jet, lead, obsidian, cook agate, moonstone, quartz crystal, hematite, or onyx to her.

🖤Use divination to talk to the dead.

🖤Use graveyard dirt in your practice or altar.

🖤Leave offerings or say devotional prayers under the new or full moon.

[timetosparedarling]

You’re a ginger? Jason Todd xxx Reader

You are sitting on the couch, counting the drops. Everything is quiet and you think about him, how he is doing, his anger and his smile. The knife in your hand was your mothers gift. Not the real one though but still, she was something to you. How long has it been since your departure? Six months? More, it has to be more. It hurts like it has been more. The couch is dripping, the man beside you is begging you for... His life? You are not angry or at least you keep telling yourself that. He won’t tell you the name but he doesn’t need to. You found what you were looking for. It is time to go home now.

‘‘Do you really have to leave now?’‘ You two were bathing in the sunlight as it was setting down. Jason was playing with your hair as if he has never really noticed it before. ‘‘I’ll be back in no time. Trust me, you won’t even notice. In a week there will be a new hottie warming your bed.’‘ He chuckled as you got up and went on the balcony to light yourself a cigarette. ‘‘ Did you really just say hottie? I had no idea I am dating my mother.’‘ ‘‘Which one?’‘ You really shouldn’t have said that but the shock on his face was definitely worth it. You knew you should have left then but the moment you felt his breath on your neck and his arms around your naked body ... An additional hour doesn't hurt anyone, right?

The plane is landing. It has been a while since you entered the country legally or at least people knew you were there. The first time you escaped you had to swim for days only to be found by a ship owned by the people you were running away from. At least they took you away from that horrible island. Your so called aunts made military look like kindergarten and the island wasn’t as friendly as your biological mother described it. No one is waiting for you at the airport. You remember the first time you visited Gotham. There is some kind of magic in visiting a place for the first time. It’s like making acquaintance with a potential best friend. You never know how it will end but you hope it won’t. Gotham reminds you of your ex girlfriend. The most beautiful thing you have ever seen that is constantly trying to kill you. Everything is different now. You are actually friends with the people who you tried so hard to avoid. The Bat family. You need to call Richard about that move he promised he would teach you and Barbara will probably kick your ass (or at least try) if you two don’t meet for coffee or patrol. But first, food.

‘‘Wait, you’re a ginger?’‘ He actually blushed. Why is there never a phone in your hand when Jason is showing clear and amusing signs of embarrassment? You should have stopped laughing since you two were on a mission for the Bat Boss and your laugh was clearly not doing doing wonders for your cover or your ability to breathe. The damn dress didn’t help with the last either. You don’t remember how the mission ended, you two probably kicked some ass and had a long discussion with the Bat Boss about brutality but you do remember the end of that night and what happened to that annoying yet expensive dress. You two were lying on the floor because beds are too mainstream and you laughed and laughed through the night waiting for the sun to come up. ‘‘I still cannot believe you are a ginger.’‘ ‘‘Really? I have come back from the dead and me being a ginger is the part you are having a hard time believing?’‘ You were still laughing when he literally rolled onto you and tried to shut you up with a kiss. He was never good at shutting you up but he had his moments. This wasn’t one of those moments. You just weren’t able to stop laughing so he started laughing too. ‘‘You helped me with my list.’‘ ‘‘ Your list?’‘ ‘‘Yeah, I have fuck Jason Todd and fuck a ginger. Now I can cross both at the same time.’‘ In that moment you knew but by the gods you would never tell anyone the truth. You chuckled and he gave you that ‘what dirty thought have you got now’ look. You didn’t tell him. You know, actions speak louder than words.

The Wayne mansion, best food in Gotham. Alfred made you lunch, breakfast? You never know what time it is these days. Maybe it was dinner already? Someone hugs you from behind while you’re stuffing your mouth with the best Bubble and Squeak cakes in the world. Judging from the height it could only be Damian. He starts asking you about the mission and you just throw him an USB key and pause your food slaughter just enough to say: ‘’ Made one just for you, little demon.’’ His reaction to the nickname is, as predicted, quite amusing. ‘’Why? You thought father doesn’t trust me with this kind of information, amazon princess?’’ ‘’No. I believe he fears your intellect.’’ Just a pinch less of sarcasm and you would have gone away with it. You should have stayed quiet. ‘’That was a nice hug though. Am I getting under your skin?’’ You have gone too far and really you should have punched yourself in the face for being so insensitive. Lucky for you, there is always a way to cheer little Dami up. ‘’Want to show Richard and the girls how real warriors fight?’’ If you weren’t as deranged as his father, his violence based joy would concern you. ‘’They are not here.’’ ‘’Why do you think your father installed cameras? It’s like those workout videos with less spandex and more blood.’’ 

He truly is a demon. You have never been more proud. You are also extremely happy that you can’t have children. They would have been worse. Much worse. 

‘‘Who are you?’‘ The night you met him and kicked his sexy little ass he asked you the same question. Who are you? You couldn’t tell him. Mainly because you are not so sure yourself. You were... are a lab experiment, a mixture of human and amazon DNA that shouldn’t be able to exist. Well, you know, if science doesn’t work, use magic. So they did. You are not complaining, the powers are great and the fact that you can make your bed with a snap of a finger is probably the next best thing. Funny, even thinking about that night makes you sarcastic. Later, when you two admitted  this was more than just friends with benefits, you still couldn’t tell him. You remember the training, the experiments that left those scars on your body, the pain when they invaded your mind over an over again. You never met the donors, they never knew you existed. Your mother was the sun that burned your skin during training and your father was the ringing in your head when they tried to tear your mind apart. And they did. They planted your parents’ worst memories. They wanted you to feel everything they felt in those moments. It was supposed to make you obey since they could bring them back whenever you thought of being a rebel. And it hurt. 

‘‘Stop messing around.’‘ The bomb was ready to explode. Jason, Damian, everyone was there. They would have all died. You heard the sound that made you brave for a few seconds. The bomb went off and you contained it. All that raw power. It would destroy at least half of the city and lets not talk about radiation. So you contained it, but that was the catch. You could feel blood pouring down as you tried to stop the explosion. You could either heal yourself or destroy it. Slowly, you could feel the explosion disappearing into nothing, making it smaller and smaller with every beat of your heart. Your blood can be duplicated if you know how. Sadly, they didn’t. The pressure disappeared and you fell to the ground. You thought this was it. You thought that you will die in the stupidest way possible, from a bullet wound. Your body already started healing itself and at this point it hurt like hell since there was barely anything left from you. You screamed and nobody could stop the pain. They could only watch and even that was too much for some.He was right next to you, holding you, shouting your name, as if that was going to make a difference. You passed out and woke up five hours later in the Batcave. That was when he asked you to move in with him and you still couldn’t tell him. You still couldn’t tell him the truth about who you are. 

You open the door. Everything smells like cigarettes and rotten food. The fridge is empty and the living/dining room is a mess. It’s 10.00 PM and nobody is home. You clean the kitchen (magic, remember) and you sit on the balcony with a cigarette in your mouth and a whiskey in your hand. You need it or at least you think you do. A few hours later you wake up in bed, in his T-shirt and nothing else. He is sitting on the end of the bed. You turn on the light only to be shocked by his appearance. He has red hair. Literally red, as in the dress of the sexiest woman alive red. You gasp. ‘’I wanted to surprise you. I stopped dying my hair and asked a friend to make them natural again. You know, for your list. But then you were gone for so long. I thought I would never see you again. So I kept them. As a reminder or something.’’ You can feel the tears rushing down your cheek. His beard has grown wild, like a garden whose owner died, but you can still see him. His beautiful jawline, those wonderful lips and those horrifying eyes that are breaking your heart with all the pain that they try to hide. He let his real hair grow to surprise you. ‘’Now you can really check of fucking a ginger.’’ You chuckle. He fucking did that. He made a joke while you were crying and he knows you don’t cry. The first time you did, he thought someone will die, most likely him. You feel the urge to flee and he knows that. He pulls you closer and you let him kiss you, again and again untill you forget why you are afraid. His red hair smells like blood and gun powder. He smells like death and judgement. You close your eyes and whisper his name. You pull him as close as you can and kiss him because admit it, he is all you thought about for the last half a year. You need him as much as he needs you and for the first time you are not being rational about it. You just need him to be here, with you, as long as he can, because if anybody understands how unimportant an innocent life can be to a crazy criminal, it’s you two. And for fuck sake you love him.

You can hear him breathing next to you, he is so calm and peacefull. It’s hard to believe he is a killing machine. And yet he let his ginger soul sucking hair grow for you. He opens his eyes. ‘’How did you know?’’ ‘’I spent the whole night at your bed when you got poisoned, remember? And I spent many night in your bed, so ...’’ ‘’Don’t tell me.’’ ‘’You snore a bit.’’ ‘’Nooo.’’ He pulls you closer and starts kissing you again. His red hair tickles your nose and your laughter fills the room. For the first time he stops and just stares at you, like he used to. You could see how he would smile at the gold dust in your eyes and raise his eyebrow at the beauty of your lips. You always convinced yourself he adores you but when he looks at you like this, you know this can only be described as a stupid, overglorified emotion such as love. ‘’You took my heart.’’ Cliche. ‘’Good thing you can’t take my soul.’’ He laughs and you are not afraid anymore. He won’t leave you and hilariously you won’t leave either. ‘’Jason, I need to tell you something. It’s about my parents.’’

[silvxr-speedster]

My Immortal

A/N: Okay, so I just wanted to let y’all know that this imagine is incredibly sad and intense and I don’t want it to trigger anyone so if you get triggered easily, please don’t read this! I hope you like it and I hope that this does the request justice!  I hope the person who requested this doesn’t mind that I changed it a bit. Please let me know what you think!

If you like to listen to music while you read, or you want to make this more emotional, listen to Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie, My Immortal or Hello by Evanescence :)

Prompt: Anonymous asked: The reader and Bucky have been dating for a while. They go to a mission in HYDRA and for some reason, everyone can leave the base, less Bucky, the base explodes and everyone believes Bucky is dead. The reader enters depression and departs the Avengers. She spends every day in the room, crying in room until there are no tears and remembering happy moments between the two. The pain is so much that she comet suicide, but Bucky appears before she passed out. Happy ending, pls! Thank you xx

“Okay, breach the back door in three...two...one...” Steve spoke through your ear piece. You took a calming breath and kicked open the door you had already unlocked. The whole team was involved in infiltrating a main H.Y.D.R.A. base. It was difficult work to make it to the base, past all the guards, but you, Steve, Nat, and your longtime boyfriend Bucky had made it to the base. You had snuck around to the back with Bucky guarding you while you picked the lock and waited for Cap’s  signal.

You took a deep breath and looked over at Bucky. During a mission, the two of you rarely acted more than teammates. It could jeopardize the mission and bring harm to the team if you didn’t. He clenched his jaw and nodded at you. You lifted your gun and quietly walked inside.

You furrowed your eyebrows when you started to notice just how empty the base was. “Cap,” you spoke into the ear piece. “I think they knew we were coming.”

You heard Bucky’s footsteps disappear down the hall to your right. Keeping your breathing steady, you walked into the first open doorway. You were greeted with a bare room that had only one thing in the center - a bomb. With just seconds remaining, your brain went into overdrive. “Everyone out, there’s a bomb!”

“What,” Nat shouted into the earpiece. “You’ve got to be shitting me!”

“Out!”

You turned on your heel and sprinted out. Just as your feet crossed the exit, you were flown into a tree with the recoil of the explosion. You coughed blood as you winced at the sharp pain in your side. You looked up at the building, taking in the destruction. “E-everyone out? Steve?”

“I’m here, Y/N.”

“Nat?”

“All good,” she breathed, irritated.

“Bucky?” Worry seeped into your mind as you waited for his response. All you heard on his end was silence. Tears filled your eyes as your brain processed what was going on. “Bucky?” Your voice cracked as you tried to stand. Your heart rate increased. Your side throbbed as a cry escaped your lips. You collapsed onto the snow-covered ground. “Bucky, please,” you rasped as you feared for the worst. You couldn’t lose him; he was your lifeline.

“I’ll look for him,” Steve answered. “Sam, get to Y/N and get her out of here. She needs medical attention.”

“No! I have to find Bucky!” Sam landed in front of you and shook his head. He easily wrapped his arms around you and lifted you up. “Let me go! I have to find Bucky,” you weakly fought against him, but  you could feel your eyelids dropping. Soon, the world went black.

Your eyelids were heavy as you awoke in the infirmary. A tube ran out of your arm and your side was heavily bandaged. Your throat was dry and you were alone in the room. There were many ‘get well soon’ cards, flowers, stuffed animals, and even candy around the room. It made you smile, but all you really wanted was Bucky.

Bucky.

Your heartrate sped up as you remembered the events before you passed out. Where was Bucky? A panicked scream edged its way into your throat and threatened to escape. You heard the machine next to you beep frantically as you tried to sit up. You winced at the pain in your side, but you continued ripping the I.V. needle out of your arm. You needed  to find him.

The door to your left opened, showing you Bruce and Tony. Tony immediately walked towards you and sighed. He started forcing you back into the bed as tears threatened to spill over your eyelids. “No,” you whimpered. “I need to see Bucky! Tony, please!”

Your panicked state created more beeping. Steve walked into the room, looking for the problem. His eyes widened as he noticed you wrestling against Tony. He walked over to you and helped Tony hold you down while Bruce gave you a sedative. “Y/N, please relax. You need your rest,” Bruce murmured, giving you an encouraging smile. “You have some internal injuries.”

“Bucky...”

Steve’s hand encircled around yours, making you look at him. Your eyebrows furrowed as you felt your limbs fill with lead. Steve shook his head, slowly and sadly. “He...he didn’t make it.”

You couldn’t form a thought as you looked into Steve’s eyes. They were bloodshot and filling with tears. Your heart rate couldn’t speed up this time and you felt your mind numbing. You wished that you could process what this meant, but your eyelids couldn’t stay open. Slowly, you were dragged into another deep sleep.

When you woke up, you were flooded with emotions, but numbed at the same time. You felt despair and grief, but you couldn’t cry. You stared at the bed, weakly, wishing you could scream or cry. You looked to your right to see Steve sitting next to you. He was reading the newspaper, but you knew he was aware of the fact that you woke up.

“He’s really gone...isn’t he?”

Steve didn’t look at you at first. You were afraid that you hadn’t actually spoken, but as the seconds dragged to minutes, you could see that Steve was holding back his tears. He finally looked over at you and shook his head. “We searched the entire location and inside the rubble. We couldn’t find him.”

A soft sob bubbled out of your lips as you clutched your chest. Now, you were really feeling something. Tears poured down your cheeks as you cried. You tried so desperately to breathe, but your sobs prevented air from entering your lungs, fully. Steve grabbed your hand as you cried, knowing just how alone you were feeling. “I-I don’t want to live without him!”

Steve didn’t say anything. He knew that no matter what he said, you wouldn’t change your mind on this. He knew that no amount of words could lessen the grief that was eating you whole. He traced designs on the back of your hand and listened to your sobs. “I’m here, I’ll always be here,” he finally whispered. “I won’t leave you alone in this.”

By the end of the week, you were allowed to leave the infirmary. The team hadn’t visited you, except for Steve and Bruce. You didn’t want to face them, but you knew you had to today. It was his funeral. You adjusted your black skirt and stared at your reflection. If you had just been a minute quicker, if you hadn’t let Bucky wander, if you had told him you loved him, maybe just maybe, you wouldn’t be hurting.

Your lip curled as you shook your head. Nothing would change the pain that was suffocating you with every breath you took. You continued to stare for a few more seconds before pushing the door to your room open and walking out.

You asked Steve to tell the team that you wanted to be alone when you walked to the cemetery where your love would be buried. He respected your decision and simply told you the time that the ceremony started. He informed you that it would be small and only the Avengers would be there. As much as the team knew Bucky deserved a special funeral, no one wanted strangers there. No one could really believe that after everything that had happened, Bucky had died so easily.

When you made it to the cemetery, you were alone. Bucky’s empty casket sat where it would eventually be lowered into the ground. It was black, shiny, and very much lonely. You grabbed a rose from the vase and set it on the top. A few tears slid down your cheeks as you rested your hand on the cold casket.

“I loved and I lost you,” you whispered. “And it hurts like hell.”

You weakly stared at where your hand rested on what would be Bucky’s eternal resting place. You shook your head as a sob bubbled out of your lips. You were alone, you’d always be alone.

The team arrived before you could gather the pieces of your soul and lock them away from their worried eyes. Wanda approached you, sadly. She didn’t say anything at first. She stood next to you and stared at the casket. “I know how ugly grief can be,” she said, quietly. “I want you to know that I am willing to be there for you. I promise.” She turned before you could respond and found her seat.

You sat down in the front row, next to Steve. You didn’t say anything to him and he didn’t say anything to you. You both were drowning in guilt and despair. A million ‘if only’s’ swallowed whatever thoughts you had. You found yourself wondering if Bucky would have lived if something about the mission changed whenever you allowed your thoughts to wander.

The priest began talking, but you couldn’t listen. You didn’t care what he had to say. What could possibly be said to comfort any of the Avengers? They’d given too much just to lose even more. You found yourself questioning your suitability with the team and your willpower to continue fighting crime.

When the priest finished, you were invited up to say a few words. You weren’t sure what to say, in fact, you forgot to even prepare anything. You took a deep breath and looked at Bucky’s empty casket. “I miss you with every breath I take. I miss waking up to your nightmares. I miss wiping away the tears you cried. I don’t want to continue without you. I can’t continue saving people if I couldn’t save you.’” You paused to sniffle and wipe away the few tears that escaped. You looked over at the team, taking in their worried stares. You took a deep breath and looked at Steve, pleading with him to understand what you were going to say next. “That’s why I’m resigning from the Avengers. I-I can’t keep fighting evil when I’m drowning in sadness. I hope you all understand. I just can’t.” Steve clenched his jaw, but nodded in understanding. Your lips turned upward as you gave the team one last look. Without saying anything, you turned and walked away from the cemetery and your family.

It was difficult to leave the tower and the team. Steve seemed to be the only one that understood your decision. Tony had tried to offer you money and bought you an apartment that was nearby. Wanda was constantly telling you how she survived the loss of her brother. Sam was telling you all about the importance of continuing without Bucky.

You wanted nothing more than to just shut out the rest of the team. As much as you loved them, you couldn’t stand their need to help save you. You sat in your living room, looking out the window at the blue sky. Not a single cloud hung in the way of the sun. It had been three weeks since you last saw Bucky. His face haunted you every time you shut your eyes. You couldn’t feel anything, but at the same time, you didn’t want to.

You stood up and trudged towards the bathroom. You filled the tub with scalding water, hoping it would remind you to feel again. You sunk into the tub, wincing at the hot water. You stared at the boring and plain white walls. You hadn’t done anything since you moved into this apartment. Hell, you hardly even unpacked. You held your breath and sunk under the water. For a brief second, you wondered what would happen if you starting breathing under the water.

You slowly floated back up to the surface of the water and shook your head. You couldn’t bring yourself to do anything, even end your life. The water was hot enough to burn your skin and your eyes, but you didn’t care. You let your eyelids slip shut as you tried erasing all memories of Bucky.

A knock came to the bathroom door and you fought the urge to groan. You didn’t care who it was, but you wanted them gone. You just wanted to drown yourself in your loneliness, even if you couldn’t literally drown yourself in the tub. “Go away,” you grumbled.

“Y/N,” a voice rasped on the other end of the door. You knew the voice. You knew it.

You shook your head, suddenly angry. How dare someone show up and impersonate your Bucky? You pulled the drain on the tub and stood up. You wrapped yourself in a robe, letting your hair drip on your shoulders and down your skin. You swung open the door, ready to yell, but the anger was knocked out of you, along with your breath.

Bucky stood in front of your door, bruised, weak, and tired. He scanned your face as relief swept across his features. He wrapped you up in his arms as a soft sob escaped his lips. You couldn’t process this. It had to be a dream. Your arms wrapped around Bucky as tears trickled down your cheeks. He felt so real in your arms.

“Bucky,” you whimpered, burying your head in his shoulder. “You’re alive.”

“I’m sorry,” he rasped.

You pulled away and looked into his blue eyes. “What happened to you?”

“I don’t know. I woke up in the snow and none of my tech worked. I couldn't contact you or anyone. I walked for days to find the nearest town. I had to find you. I had to come back to you.”

You stared at him. “I thought you were dead.” Bucky sighed and wiped away the tears that were streaming down your cheeks. “I quit the Avengers because I thought you were dead.”

Bucky pulled you into his arms. “I’m alive. I’m here, now, darling.”

[aeon-wolf]

Here Without You

It wasn’t the loneliness that bothered her. No, the youngest Luthor was used to that. She had lived that for almost her entire life. It was her own self-loathing. She would never regret doing what she did to get her a spot in Cellblock X. What she would regret would be that she never got to tell Kara why.

Or

Lena, for good or ill, gets sentenced to Cellblock X for life. But despite that, Kara still believes in her.

Angsty fic based on Here Without You by 3 Doors Down (Boyce Avenue cover). Recommend listening. 

Read here on AO3

Lena rest her head against the cold wall of her cell, her eyes closed. She could hear the screams and yells of the other members of Cellblock X. She knew that somewhere her brother Lex was sharing the same fate she had been subjected to. Except her sentence was life with possible parole, while his was 32 consecutive life sentences without parole. All in all, she got off much better than the other Luthors.

And she had one, Kara Danvers to thank for that. Lena found herself smiling at the memories of the bright and bubbly reporter that also had a strong and powerful side, though she knew that underneath, Kara was harboring some darker feelings and thoughts. Lena still recalled Kara’s last words to her. You’re better than this Lena.

Lena grimaced to herself, letting out a sigh. She wasn’t. Not really. She was a Luthor. It was in her blood. As the youngest of the Luthors, Lionel’s illegitimate daughter, she was bred for this. She did, however, take heart that the monster that was Lillian Luthor was not her blood relative. She didn’t share Lex or Lillian’s anti-alien sentiments, but she shared their cold-hearted ruthlessness. No matter what Kara Danvers thought of her.

Her thoughts always drifted back to Kara, even after the first hundred days of her stay in Cellblock X. A hundred days since she had last seen Kara. Lena shook her head to herself. Kara was the only person that she had ever come close to truly loving. The only person that had ever believed in her, no matter what. Always on her side. Even as she sat rotting in Cellblock X, she knew Kara was out there, no doubt thinking about her and blaming herself for not being able to save Lena. If Lena could say one thing to the beautiful reporter, she would say that there are just some people that can’t be saved. That it wasn’t her fault. It was no one’s fault but her own. Lena knew that.

She delved too far into lies and deceit. And when she was finally on the pinnacle of achieving her goals, she found herself nearly throwing it all away for her feelings for Kara. Sometimes, Lena would drift off to sleep and all she would see would be Kara’s face and the life they could have had. If Lena hadn’t betrayed her. But the ex-CEO couldn’t bring herself to truly feel remorse for her actions. She did what she had to. And in the end, she had lost Kara anyways.

Lena, like her brother, was confined to her cell, only being let out for two hours a day. It gave her a lot of time alone with her lonely mind. Time to think. Reminence. A tiny sliver of regret once in awhile. And Lena hated to sleep. Whenever her eyes closed and her head hit her pillow, all she ever thought and dreamt of was Kara. Her bright blue eyes haunting Lena.

As the days went by, Lena got more used to her new accommodations. It wasn’t the loneliness that bothered her. No, the youngest Luthor was used to that. She had lived that for almost her entire life. It was her own self-loathing. She would never regret doing what she did to get her a spot in Cellblock X. What she would regret would be that she never got to tell Kara why. Never got to explain. The public had been so ready to rid the world of the last Luthor that she had just been tossed into Cellblock X without another thought.

Convicted of attempted murder and murder which she deserved, attempted genocide, which was a bunch of bullshit that the jury had bought, assault with a deadly weapon and a whole host of other violent convictions, including a terrorism-related conviction. They would never know or understand that Lena was trying to protect aliens, not harm them. She was trying to destroy Cadmus. And while she had succeeded in destroying the majority of the organization, what was left managed to spin the media and the public against her, branding her as the last Luthor. Even Kara Danvers, otherwise known as Supergirl, couldn’t stop what was coming to her.

So Lena was confined to Cellblock X, perhaps for the rest of her life. Kara Danvers out there probably wondering where she had gone wrong. Lena looked up as she heard the door to her cell opening. She frowned, she had already been let out for the day. “Luthor, you have a visitor.” Lena frowned further, as far as she was aware, she wasn’t allowed visitors. And who would care about her enough to visit her? Kara was the only one that had believed in her, and after breaking the superhero’s heart so spectacularly before they parted, she was sure Kara would never want to see her again.

But to her surprise, the red and blue-clad superhero herself stepped into the cell. “Supergirl,” Lena said curtly. “Here to rub my imprisonment in my face?” Lena spat, a little bit bitter. The woman that had been plaguing her dreams, just waltzing into her cell. As if her own imagination wasn’t enough.

“Lena,” Kara said. Lena looked up into Kara’s deep blue eyes. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come sooner. It took a long time for me to be able to see you.” Kara said, sitting down next to Lena. The raven haired criminal flinched.

“What are you doing here Kara?” Lena said, a sharp bite to her tone. Kara blinked.

“I wanted to see you.”

“But why?” Lena asked again. “If anyone hears that you’ve been visiting a Luthor…” Lena trailed off.

“I don’t care,” Kara said sadly. “I want to know why.” Lena just shook her head.

“What does it matter? I deserve to be here Kara.” The superhero reached over to grab Lena’s hand.

“But you don’t. Not here.” Lena looked up into Kara’s blue eyes. She heart shattered a little bit at the sight of Kara’s sadness. Lena looked away.

“Kara. Please. Just forget about me. I’m not worth your time. Or your pity.” Lena tried. She didn’t try to save Kara, just for the stubborn Kryptonian to throw everything away on her. She thought her dreams of Kara were bad, but the blonde being here, in her cell, was ten times worse. She’d dream of Kara willingly every night if Kara would leave her be.

“You are. I believe in you, Lena. You just have to tell me why.” Kara insisted.

“You’re really missing something here Kara. I’ve been convicted and sentenced to Cellblock X. There’s no getting out for me. You and I both know that.”

“But…” Kara said, but Lena cut her off.

“There’s no but, Kara. I did what I had to. Now, please. Go.” Lena tried to push Kara away, but the blonde held her ground, gripping Lena’s hand tighter.

“Just tell me why.” Lena rolled her eyes. Stubborn Kryptonian.

“Cadmus was going to deploy another strain of the Medusa virus. I wasn’t going to let them do that. So yes, I did actually detonate a bomb in their headquarters. I murdered a lot of people, Kara.” Lena spat.

Kara sat in silence. Lena could only imagine what was going through her mind.

“You… You did what you thought was right at the time.” Kara said. “People died. But you were right. You can’t save everyone. You killed some to save more. You destroyed Cadmus to save aliens.” Lena just scoffed.

“A lot of good that did me. Cadmus still managed to have the last laugh. Lock up the last of the Luthors.” Lena snorted. “The public will believe what they want to about my family, Kara. It doesn’t matter that I was trying to do the opposite of what my brother did. They’ll always believe the narrative that Luthors are evil. I don’t get a second chance.” Lena felt Kara wrap and arm around her shoulder.

“It’s not fair,” Kara whispered.

“Life isn’t fair Kara, you should know that by now. Please, just go. You got your answer. Just leave me be.” Lena tried to push Kara again. Even though all she wanted to do was throw her arms around Kara, kiss her lips and cry into her shoulder. But she wouldn’t let herself do that.

Lena felt a pair of lips against her cheek before Kara unwrapped her arm from around Lena. “I’m not giving up on you Lena. I still believe in you. I still love you.” Kara whispered out the last part before stepping out of Lena’s cell.

The youngest of the Luthors finally allowed herself to let out a sob. She pulled her knees close to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on the top of her knees. As she drifted off to sleep, the same pair of blue eyes invaded her dreams.

Stubborn Kryptonian.