#just a small rant about it lol
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I hate Harry he’s a horrible friend,selfish,and manipulative but then he looks at you with those babygirl eyes and you’re just like “aaaww he’s so baby,he’s precious, he’s my blorbo ❤️”
DONT FALL FOR THE BABYGIRL EYES IT’S A TRAP
#tssm#tssm harry osborn#harry osborn#the spectacular spider man#spectacular spider man#the spectacular spiderman#spectacular spiderman#this isn’t to hate on Harry or Harry enjoyers this is just a small rant about me being conflicted on my thoughts on Harry lol
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can you draw edgar and scriabin playing on a park like brothers for the vargastober? ty!
Day 7 - Play stupid games
#My art#Requestober#Vargas#Edgar#Scriabin#I cannot tell you how tempted I was to make a Les Enfants Terribles reference for this prompt lol#I knew it'd be too much to ask for a daily challenge tho lol so single tube-tunnel for these two!#How /did/ Scriabin get up there tho - did he fly up? Think himself up there? Actually crawl up there?#He generally keeps his abilities pretty realistic when he's a kid which is very cute haha ♥#But even if he did cheat his way up there it's also a very charming thought to realize only in that moment that he's very small and scared#Got himself into a situation he didn't think through and was bad for him! That tracks lol#Edgar goes on a quiet rant about playing safely and Scriabin just ignores him haha#There's also something cute about them both agreeing to cheat for a moment and Edgar pulling him down into the tube with him hehe <3#''Just close your eyes and fall through!'' ''Catch me!'' It's cute 💕#Kidverse is always cute tho ♪ And sad - but mostly cute!!#Also you know this is Requestober over here right? X3 I'm not doing Vargastober this year!#Shoutout to disposal-blueeee's prompt list tho :) Very cool!#One of these years I'm gonna do a doodle for every chapter of Vargas ♫ There's enough to choose from! Lol
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i wanna quit my job so bad but i like having money obviously i just gotta make it thru the holidays at least jesus christt. it shouldnt affect me so much but i hate it so much its not even hard but still draining
#the work itself isnt that hard but dealing w customers sucks (unsurprising) and its v monotonous#but even more than that interacting w my coworkers and my managers stresses me out so much sometimes i just break down and cry after.#it reminds me sm of highschool where i was miserable and stuck in my head always cuz i couldnt tell if ppl thought i was annoying or stupid#i feel like i always say the wrong thing or come across as weird/off putting. like i just feel so so stupid constantly#when i just wanna b friendly and get my work done so i can go home.#sometimes i make small mistakes n this one lady keeps correcting me but can be quite harsh and nitpicky abt it#and gets visibly annoyed and starts telling me off but im still new cuz they just switched me to a new department. like pls im trying#actually nvm the work itself is that bad i hate standing for so long cuz the pain in my legs also makes me wanna kms#no logical reason to me why we cant have a chair to sit for even a few minutes here n there. employers are just fucking assholes#my managers have this fake niceness about them too it actually disturbs me. but im sure most managers r like that LOL so insincere#ok 2am rant abt work over . if anyone actually reads all that mess
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Sigh I swear the bar is so low with writing sometimes.
I’ve just been remembering how much it bothers me when there’s no lasting consequences or acknowledgement for things. When everything resets like nothing ever happened at the start of the next episode, or even the next scene sometimes. How cool and rare it was that Wally’s arm was in a cast for a whole 5 episodes of Young Justice. How relieved/excited I was when Mulder actually still had bandages on his fingers the episode after he broke them because FINALLY something carried over! Or when Hook was leaning on someone for support in the background after the fight scene in Pan. How impressed I was to see Katniss still crying hysterically for Rue a few scenes after her death. How surprised I was to actually see a hint of the effect of Echo’s extremely traumatic experience when he panicked in the medbay. How my heart soared when he insisted on rescuing Gregor because omg he’s acting in a way that makes sense for his character! Clinging to every small scrap we get to see of clones showing real emotion when so often they seemingly never bat an eye at their losses and never mention their fallen brothers again.
I love these shows I swear, but it just gets so frustrating! Like I’ll literally be so nervous no one will be affected realistically, or react like a human, or behave in-character and then I get so excited on the rare occasions they do. And then I realize wow the bar is so low, shouldn't that just be, you know, writing 101?
Like I remember some episode of some show (the Seeker? Or something idk) where a character was captured and tortured and not ten minutes after being rescued his friend was like “hmm you sure are quiet today” like YEAH I SURE HOPE HE IS?!
#is it really too much to ask for??#lol is it any wonder we turn to fan fiction to fill in all the gaps?#clones wars/bad batch just in general needs so many more hugs and tears imho#sometimes i’m so grateful for omega bc it’s like the writers think she is allowed to react like a real human just bc she’s a kid#she and wrecker seem to be the only ones “allowed” to initiate hugs#they basically dedicated a whole episode to her dealing with echo’s departure and that was amazing!#echo reacted when cut mentioned rex#gooood#but when rex actually showed up? when he mentioned FIVES?! Not so much!#and isn’t the whole point of tcw that the clones AREN’T expendable?#That they aren’t emotionless interchangeable droids and their lives aren’t meaningless#So how come the writers so often treat them like they are? Narratively at least#and i get if they’re trying to keep things less intense by skimming over grief stuff#but like stop killing people then? Lol yeah these shows haven’t been for kids in a loooong time#like did you see the s7 finale? Don’t act like you don’t know how emotions work filoni et al#this applies to so many shows and things obvs but you know what’s been at the forefront of my mind lately lolll#venting#small rant#pet peeves#writing#writing pet peeves#x files#young justice#the hunger games#tbb#the bad batch#the clone wars#tbb echo#Pan 2015#i know literally no one cares about that movie but that detail stuck out to me lol
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™
but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡ i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on 💀 i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????
#my dad is like#you can't just be in your room all the time then what's the point of you living here if ill be sitting here all alone then#and im like bhai what#mom also says this to me she always wanted to sit and rant and she used to say you never talk to me#both of these people don't even fucking get it that they're not even interested in me listening to me#mom just wants a sounding board for her venting and dad just wants someone to pretend everything is okay and happy all the time and#the only important things in life is the immediate present and food and making money and stuff#i swear this is why i feel so ????? about myself my identity like no i can't describe myself#because there is no myself there is just a white sheet of paper where people can write whatever they want#im so tired man#why can't they just go and live with each other and leave us kids out of it 😭🙏#like i genuinely am getting teary eyed about such a small thing but god. i want to have my own life so bad. im sick of feeling all these#complicated emotions guilt and anger and pity and obligation and duty like just god pls fuck off#people my age are so fucking mature and put together than me so confident so clear about their path#have friends partners breakups parties just so many new memories#and im just stuck.#and im fine with it now because i get it studying is really important and this is quite basic requirement to be perfect at#atleast my syllabus to survive in this industry#but then. let me do that only. please don't make me pretend to like you like spending time with you and everything#ive hated you for like. idk 14 whole years. since the first time you hit mom in front of me#i remember it so well like my childhood broke that day you slammed her into a wall for some stupid fight and her hair was all messy and#untied and you shouted so loud i thought surely everyone can hear. and then you left to roam around the city at night with your friends#i remember this because my mom and my sister sent me to check up on you with the excuse of a painting of a parrot that i had made#i didn't understand anything back then#but yeah fuck you fuck you fuck you for being so fucking delusional thinking i love you or something#ive prayed to god that you die and i still do#it would directly mean 4 people being happy#anyway#dni#this was meant to be fun and short lol fuck
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I went to the grocery store with unbound/unbadaged self-harm wounds on display, and it was actually okay??? No one called the police or anything????
Sometimes I forget that the censorship of mental illness and it's effects, while entirely valid and very important in certain circumstances*, is an entirely social construct and is not enforceable by law.
#don't mind me#self harm#mental illness#lol i hurt myaelf for the first time in a long time today...#mine#*blah blah blah i am aware that planting the idea of self-harm in the head of a small impressionable child is careless and unethical#i was a nanny and i am an auntie and i have never told my bebes where my scars (quote p: 'those bumps!') came from#that would just be the height of irresponsibility#anyway.. all to say that there are times and circumstances in which covering and/or lying about selfharm scars is the right course of action#but that doesn't mean I should have to hide them all the time to be considered employable#...sorry#rant over
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you ever see a callout post or w/e where it's like. yeah okay when i see these (hopefully not faked) screenshots i can see why you'd interpret it the way you did. BUT this is also like the worst possible way you could read it if you don't give op any benefit of a doubt because you already decided they're awful. like sometimes someone isn't evil they're just not good at phrasing themselves and if you dedicated even 30 more seconds to reread what they said without attaching your own expectations you will likely be way less angry about it
#there is A Big Blog that shall not be named who posts a lot of these#but i know they posted lies before. or rather they took things so out of context and slapped a label on the person who posted them -#- to immediately turn you against said person. and if you read it w/o that label in mind this is a perfectly neutral text#and i KNOW they slap these labels needlessly bc i know some people they called out and they straight up lied about them#(as in. said they have x political opinion when they're very openly and vocally y. this sort of thing)#and this is all in the purpose of starting a smear campaign on way smaller blogs to ig drive them off the site#bc. idk. they disagreed with them on one thing? or liked a meme they happened to find disrespectful?#or maybe being a big blog like that just makes them believe their own hype and so every assumption they make is always right. who knows#moral of the story is if you get pissed at someone give it one more minute before you attack them#not bc it might bite you in the ass later (tho hopefully it will them) but bc we're all human and this shit is actively making life worse#like we are not making it as a society if we can't be civil in such a basic way even on such a small scale 😭#yeah ok sorry rant over. closing anons bc i don't want anyone to interpret MY words in the worst possible way lol
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Anyway, because I'm considered a bigger creator within the mogai community and I have a responsibility to address things given my bigger audience-
Please remember that Tumblr, especially LGBT Tumblr concerning discourse and intracommunity issues, is a hyper niche, reactive, violent, sensitive community with next to zero basis in reality at large and you should not take any of its opinions as absolute fact. Especially the mogai community's opinions.
A lot of people on mogai Tumblr talk big game with very clearly fake the-whole-bus-clapped stories about the real world concerning acceptance towards mspec monos, Neopronouns and Xenogenders and it's my job as an adult and guiding voice to remind people these experiences may happen but rarely do and you absolutely should not just tell random people you use purr/purrs pronouns or your a bi gaybian or you identify as Chronosian or other things like that because it's really fucking dangerous even in hyper progressive places like new york, cali and Detroit. It can be deadly in many many small towns, including ones in progressive states. Especially dangerous in non accepting states.
I don't say this to burst your bubble or ruin your hopeful world view but many stories of acceptance are fake, even if some are true, most of the community is underage and just cause your teacher may approve of your Soniccharic identity, doesn't mean they won't tell your transphobic parents. It's scary and dangerous out here for trans and gay people rn and I won't be one of the idiots who tell you to run and frolic with your Xenogender pins Infront of increasingly hostile transphobes. I want the younger gen z trans people to survive and I won't lie to you about the reality of the battle we all are staring down concerning project 2025.
Most of the people telling these stories live in progressive states and do not tell you about the failed times or exaggerate the acceptance they supposedly received. I'm telling you from the mouth of someone who grew up in a tiny town in South Ohio with less than 1,000 people, it's still just as dangerous as it was 10 years ago. I still get followed in my home town. I still get stares in my home town. My actual home town, a place I grew up in where people knew me as the gnc dyke for a good while in my last 2 years of school. Do not spread this shit around to everyone. Nex didn't think they would become a victim, Brianna didn't think she would be one of the unlucky ones, plenty of those we've lost did not think they would die in hate crimes. I almost died in two of the hate crimes I've experienced.
You need to be really fucking careful and although I love than Neopronouns and Xenogenders are becoming more accepted by the larger LGBT community, you need to be very very VERY careful about what you do, what you wear and who you tell what because word spreads fast in suburbia and hate spreads faster. You do not want to be wearing a pin the day some white cishet magat decides he's tired of the "pedophiles" and chooses you as the first victim because you were the first he saw. Don't hide who you are but Be. Fucking. Careful.
#clover speaks#im not being a doomist and i wont stand those allegations but some of yall telling these kids and teens the world is totes cool#with no-c paras and therians and bi lesbians have lost the plot and are gonna get these kids killed#especially considering i grew up very rural and none of the advice about presenting trans could possibly apply to me#thats why i say urban and even semi urban lgbt people should not be giving advice to rural lgbt people#nothing you say can apply to us because it is that dangerous#i still get followed as a fucking 23 yr old adult around my town#the one time an lgbt club tried to get established at my highschool the posters were ripped to shreds and there were both#bomb and shooting threats#people talking about setting the school on fire so they could quote pop the faggots one by one as they came running out#im so happy you live in a privileged Massachusetts school district with loving teachers who accept your system identity#please dont encourage the children in alabama and ohio to follow suit because you will get their naive asses killed#urban queer advice dosent apply to rural lgbt people#thats another thing ive seen be said by urban lgbt people that queer is no longer a slur used that way and has been totally reclaimed#great guess half my family and all my achool bullies were really just showing solidarity and i took it the wrong way#say youve never truely felt mortal danger in your small Christian home town cause your ex told pple your trans without saying it#like really#the privilege just jumps right out#that was the stupidest so and so is terf rhetoric to date and yall tme people just scarfed that shit down#ill never drop that veiw because i and many others can attest to it#surprise queer can be a slur an identity and a community all at the same time shocking ik#and if your offended because people are calling your identity a slur i ask whats dyke and faggor now#cause thoss were reclaimed waaaayyyyy before queer was and you still acknowledge their status as slurs#infact i remember seeing maps of slur usage on twitter from 2020 when that discourse was popular and queer#was the bigots favorite slur for us not dyke or faggot#i cant believe the brain rot on this site sometimes#itd be so funny as entertainment if yall werent using it to question and harass lgbt people with ptsd over it for litteral years#ik because i was one of the people harassed :)#i dont forget this shit so easily#sorry for the rant lol
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So I finally read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Lynn Truss after hearing it referenced often but never checking it out. It was a fun read (although slightly prescriptivist in places, a bit alarmist about the internet's effect on the state of punctuation, and way too mean about my beloved smileys, which I can begrudgingly forgive in a book published in 2003), but it made me realize something.
I've been taking my mom to appointments at this hospital for a couple months now, and every time we've gone into the building, I've been mildly uncomfortable, but never enough to really think about why. I've always got other things on my mind when we're at the hospital. But today, with punctuation on the brain, I finally realized what's been bothering me. The buildings are labeled "Doctors Building One" (and two, three, etc.). This is annoying, but I was willing to rationalize "doctors" away as a plural noun intended to be a modifier. But then. THEN. I went on a walk through the building and noticed that although the signs on the outside of the buildings and over the doorways all say "doctors," the directional signs INSIDE the building all say "Doctor's Building One." Like, one singular doctor, possessive, owns the building. "Doctors" already wasn't great. "Doctors' " would be ideal. "Doctor's" is kind of a travesty, and to add insult to injury, they couldn't even commit to a single travesty. They had to be inconsistent about it, too.
If I've learned anything from that book and others, it's that even the best attempts at objective standardization are often going to have to resort to "well, I just like it better this way" at some point. I've made peace with that. I'm even beginning to be okay with the decision to not use the Oxford comma, as long as it's consciously made. But if there's one thing I still can't stand and don't think I'll ever be able to, it's an inability to commit to the bit. If you realize you've messed up your signs, either replace them all, or make all your new signs with the error and write it off as a stylistic choice. Just don't do this.
#pickle pontificates#post where my personal tag is actually applicable lol^#i really hate when stories don't commit to the bit either.#that's like one of the number one reasons I tend to drop or dislike stuff: it sets up a premise and doesn't deliver on it#or it shies away from the goofy or dramatic or heavy implications or genre conventions that it comes with#for what reason? because the author thinks it's cringe? or unmarketable? or the special effects budget was too small? or it's aimed at kids#it depends on the situation#but man. i really don't care what you do as long as you're all in. whether i love it or hate it at least then i can respect it#okay rant over#had to get that out on tumblr because everyone i know in real life just blinks sympathetically when i complain about stuff like this#and here i at least got it out and now people are free to scroll on by XD
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hey. i love you *transports you to WC3-Vanilla warcraft lore*
#my beeeg headcanon design rant in tags..#i like designs that give sylvanas a rotting face we deserved that in canon#so i mixed her fucked up mascara from the BFA/SL with that idea#looks splotchy and cute#shes covered in small bruises and scratches that never heal that sorta just. accumulated#her chainmail armor is actually a neck brace#so her head doesnt fall off lol#nathanos looks about the same as he did in vanilla#except i tried making his face more ... ghoulish??#his mouth is twisted into a smile bc of the missing flesh he's so Joker#also mustache. important.#okay--#let me preface#cannot stand modern sylvthanos#but i love ''grumpy one x the one person they like''#they shouldve capitalized on that more.#I LOVE ZOMBIES!!!!! AND I LOVE ZOMBIES IN LOVE#goodnight.#sylvanas windrunner#nathanos blightcaller#warcraft#warcraft 3#world of warcraft#my art
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"She's not even saying how much it hurts!" Scary doodler team up when actually
No words version under cut
#camera creates#tw body horror#dndads#dungeons and daddies#scary marlowe#felt like drawing my doodler design tbh#episode 12 is actually one of my favs so#i think scary deserves to be mean and angry but not with willy#also it is film reels in-between their heads but small details are difficult :/#ask to tag#in case there are more horror tags i should add lmk please!#read the words L-R btw. idk if its confusing or not but#anyways i think scary doodler team up would be a malevolent similar situation#(not the blind part but i do think the doodler would regrow her hand and have control over that. also the doodler wouldn't be good)#(i am just ranting about this now lol)
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#okay small rant in the tags LOL#I have noticed an increasing number of people critique my first drafts in my videos#without me asking#and it’s gotten me thinking about critique etiquette & also#why writers feel the need to critique every piece of writing they see#especially when establishing themselves#which is relatable because I used to do that ALL the time#I was such a little shit!!! like insufferable!#and while the critiques in these comments don’t bother me because … I don’t care#what does bother me is this ideology that we are allowed to critique an unpublished work just because#someone has been vulnerable enough to share it#I made the decision to share my first drafts on my channel in December#because I think more writers need to see that writers who’ve been#writing for a long time like me#(10 years)#also make all the mistakes they do too#and that if they just keep practicing#one day they’ll also be writing for 10 years#anyway it’s hard to be a creator online sometimes lmao#not trying to be all woe is me about it but#I asked my audience if they like seeing first drafts#and everyone said yes I believe#so it’s important to me that people continue to see those drafts#but I would like to throw a can of tomato soup in the air#every time someone critiques those drafts when I haven’t asked#like i make actual videos where I ask people to weigh in#I’m not adverse to critique LMAO I love it! it’s fun!#but I am very VERY against critique that wasn’t consented to#writing is a very intimate thing#& it’s a skill to know when it’s your place to critique it or not…… I have more thoughts but anyway
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saw a post that sucks so bad. i will now proceed to seethe about it for the next 30 minutes 👍
#i speak#an imageset about how corporations are the major polluters with the last slide being 'you arent causing the climate crisis. but you can-#-be a part of the solution' with everyone in the rbs saying 'good post but the last slide sucks'#even if youre one of those people who believes that their life doesnt have to change at all in a more sustainable world#(which is WRONG btw western lifestyles are so wasteful and systemic change is inherently linked with individual change)#isnt like. actively protesting against those companies 'being a part of the solution'#like what youre just gonna wait for the people in charge of shell to have a magical change of heart and shut the company down??#you cannot call yourself a climate activist and only share posts about how its actually THESE guys we have to blame#and never do anything actually concrete to help#ok rant over people who just refuse to take responsibility for small actions like voting or composting and how much they can genuinely help-#-piss me off lol
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there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)
Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos
#im gonna be a fait bit busy today so I cant make it rn#also wont be making it tomorrow as there's another strike happening then [ill make a post on that later too btw]#but i want there to be an account just of stuff from the vids or of the ones he posts on twitter#as for the shipping thing#i wish ppl wouldn't be so rude with things sometimes man#my stance is basically the same as CJs. interpret it however you'd like just don't show it to ppl who are uncomfortable with it#also don't harass or be a dick to people who do or don't ship it#im glad it died down since then at least & that there's not a bunch of hate going around#this fandom is simultaneously really nice to be in & also really draining sometimes#tho it definitely isn't the worse. ive been in a lot of ones that are a LOT worse than here. big & small#place is actually quite nice mostly. despite some things that deserve needing to be called out [like some of the ableism toward Heart]#I think things would be a lot better if people just let others do their own thing. as long as its not like. fuckin illegal or offense#or against CJs boundaries. just let others vibe out in there own corner#ain't that what we all said when TH purists complain about CJs covers? No ones forcing you to consume the content. is all good#just stay where you're comfortable! if anyone's forcing you to look at their stuff then they're the issue. and that goes both ways#again just listen to what the guy said. don't show it to people that don't like it. don't harass people who do it don't like it. an like#just be groovy#sorry for the rant this has just been on my mind for months now#im generally very neutral on things but i hate everyone just yellin at each other when there doesn't need to be yelling in the first place#again this place is hell of a lot better than other spaces ive been in#its a main reason this is the first fandom I've actively participated a shit ton in#im actually using discord & talking [a bit] to other ppl for once lol#idk man i like it here. Just don't make a reason for people not to like it here#again apologies for the rant op. this has just been on my mind for some time & i really don't want shit being blown up again#also apologize if anythins spelled wrong or sounds like nonsense#shitty keyboard + dyslexia + not being able to edit tags can make dumb results lol#moss rants#[atlas asks]
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Me: well I don't have any counting compulsions
Also me: (anytime I have to count anything) *recounts it at least 3 times because I think I counted it right... probably. but now I'm not sure and I have to check*
#i dont think i considered this might not be normal until just now#this might actually be why physically sitting down to fill out a math sheet is torture to my soul#but i also know math just fine. its just the anxiety about counting things wrong#its worse when theres physical things involved though like when im cooking because im convinced#that im gonna majorly fuck up#idk if this is normal or not but i straight up count to 5. normally and correctly. and then suspevt i was wrong#and have to redo it again and again until i get so frustrated that i have to convince myself whatever it fucks up cant be that bad#i think it would be a big problem if i was counting something important or anything at a higher number though#but thankfully the most important thing i count is cups of rice that go into my rice cooker lol#also still doubting wether i have ocd or not but goddamn. the word 'probably' has single handedly impacted my brain chemistry forever#i think... probably :')#god forbid i be sure of anything ever#lmao oof i just remembered some things. time for a small tags trauma rant i guess#so I remember never being sure of anything ever as a kid. for some reason i was so anxious and unsure#that the only thing i thought i knew to be true for sure was my faith in my religion#lol needless to say... i deconverted at 16-17#now idk for real man. i was wrong about the only thing i was certain of#not sure how to recover from that#obviously im never going back to that religion. it was so incredibly harmful idk if i could even put it into words#but at the same time... im not sure why i doubt everything#or more accurately im not sure how everyone else DOESN'T#how can they be so self assured? how can they know anything? how are they#how is anyone so sure of something that theyre just at peace with never thinking about it or doubting it or questioning it#ive never had that i dont think
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