#just a bipedal dude again wtf

[dnightshade0]

Voltron: vampire lance trying to enjoy his blood.

I have this one Voltron AU where Lance ends up turning into a vampire and now has to adjust to his new life.

Important note: when this lance gets his blood, he gets it by catching wild animals, and carefully siphoning their blood through an IV into thermoses to drink later. without harming the animals. This lance has a bit of an issue when it comes to feeding. He doesn’t like the idea of killing for blood.

Lance is sitting on the couch in the common area drinking a thermos of blood when Keith walks in and sits down next to him.

Keith: hay, what cha drinking?

Lance: … um… blood?

Keith: no, I mean WHAT are you drinking?

Lance: … again BLOOD!

Keith: what life form did that blood come from?

Lance: ah, why didn’t you just ask that in the first place?

Keith: just answer the question.

Lance looks down at his blood, turning it in his hand and shrugging.

Lance: hm, meh idk some alien animal we caught back on the last planet we visited.

Keith: what did it look like?

Lance: idk some kind of weird purple hippo-like animal.

At this Keith gasps in anger.

Keith: WTF MAN?! HOW COULD YOU?

Lance: dude what’s your problem? Why are you getting so bent out of shape for?

Keith: HIPPOS ARE MY FAVORITE ANIMAL!

Lance: ok? And?

Keith: YOUR EATING MY FAVORITE ANIMAL!

Lance: omg are you serious right now?

Just then shiro and the others walk in, hearing all the commotion.

Shiro: hay, I heard shouting, what’s going on in here?

Lance: Keith is throwing a fit because I’m drinking his favorite animal!

Keith: HES DRINKING ALIEN HIPPO BLOOD!

Shiro looks so confused right now.

Shiro: … huh?

Pidge: only you two could create drama out of nothing.

Hunk: I don’t see what the big deal is. Lance has to eat too. And it’s not like he actually killed the animal to get its blood.

lance: THANK YOU HUNK!

Keith: still how would you feel if he drank the blood of something you liked? What if he drank the mice’s blood?

Pidge: Keith, the mice aren’t even large enough to serve as an hors d’oeuvre.

Keith: what about kaltenecker?! What if lance ate her?!

Lance: I would never drink kaltenecker Keith!

Keith: and why not?

Lance: cause she is like family! I’d never feed on family! And seriously Keith, I can’t just decide not to feed on everyone’s favorite animal. If I did that then I wouldn’t be able to drink blood from anything period.

Keith: so your saying it doesn’t matter what animal it is, you’d eat it regardless?

Lance: ok let me stop you right there. I may drink animal blood but I do still have my standards. There ARE animals I won’t drink.

Hunk: like what?

Lance: I draw the line at bug-like, cute adorable and babies.

Then Keith mumbles.

Keith: I bet you’d eat a baby hippo.

Lance: NO KEITH I WOULD NOT!

Keith: just you wait lance, someday the universe will exact karma upon you for eating a hippo!

Lance: for the love of god Keith! First off, it’s not an actual hippo! It LOOKED LIKE A HIPPO! Second, I didn’t eat it! I just had it donate a few pints of its blood and it went on its merry way! STILL ALIVE AND VERY MUCH NOT EATEN!

Allura walks in.

Allura: paladins! Get your armor on. We have a diplomatic mission on the planet kolslac. The kolslacians wish to join the voltron coalition and are requesting an audience with us.

Lance gives a sigh of relief.

Lance: OH THANK GOD! Saved by the princess!

Shiro: all right team! Let suit up and go meet these kolslacian diplomats.

(Later planetside)

Lance stood frozen in horror at the sight that awaited team voltron on the planet kolslac. The kolslacians as it turned out were a race of purple bipedal hippo-like aliens.

Lance was mortified.

Lance: (whispers) you gotta be kidding me!

Hunk: (whispers) dude, are you ok?

Lance: (whispers back) no I am NOT ok! I’m surrounded by a race of alien hippo people! This is Keith’s fault! He wished this! He asked the universe to punish me for drinking alien hippo blood and now I’m in hippo hell!

Hunk: buddy calm down! I don’t think the universe is really punishing you.

Lance: oh are you really gonna tell me that after the insane conversation we had about drinking alien hippo blood, that us coming to a planet of actual alien hippo people is just some random coincidence?!

Hunk: …um.. ok I’ll admit that is one hell of a coincidence and it surprises the heck out of me too but still, I really don’t think you’re in any danger here. These guys don’t even know that you drank alien hippo blood. So I think you’re safe.

Lance: yeah unless some mullet goes and rats me out to his new alien hippo buddies.

Hunk: I don’t think Keith would do that.

Lance: you sure about that?!

Hunk: …um…

Hunk then turns to Keith and taps him on the shoulder.

Hunk: (whispers) Keith you wouldn’t tell these kolslacians about Lance drinking “you know what” would you?

Keith looks at hunk then turns his gaze towards Lance and give him the most evil grin.

Lance: I am so dead…😰

Fortunately, the alliance talks go over smoothly without incident and surprisingly Keith says nothing to the kolslacians in regards to lance drinking alien hippo blood. Everyone goes home happy. But Lance, the poor guy. He suffered through the entire thing freaking out about if the kolslacians will want to roast him on a stake or chase after him with alien versions of torches and pitchforks. Or maybe even a mob trampling him to death with their big hippo looking feet.

When it was all over and team voltron returns to the castleship, Lance gives a huge sigh of relief. But as soon as he sees Keith walking in, he turns to him and shouts…

Lance: I HOPE YOUR FREAKIN HAPPY NOW! I’M NEVER DRINKING ALIEN HIPPO BLOOD AGAIN!!!

[gleefultogo]

Congrats on the broken arm kargo lmao. Ok so page 853 was posted and yeah it's messy as ever like most pages. The second panel is just a big "HUH?" moment because wtf is with that anatomy? Kargo could just have thrown his body to the ground or something crushing that smaller dog. why kill someone that way? Also how tf did he get him off his back? XD I'm curious now. plus there is just no possible way kargo could kill someone like that unless he was standing bipedal, which again still wouldn't work because he'd need to have enough time to balance himself for that killing. God all mighty the transitions are awful, also rogio shut the fuck up dude. you ain't fighting god over here. So we meet a dog who just so happens to be wearing "Metal" shoulder pads. I'm not even going to try and guess how these feral dogs crafted metal like that. but whatever. Ngl but those armor pads doesn't even look like metal to me, it just looks like a shiner leather pad he's wearing. Just the way kique colored it in, it's very dull looking imo.

anddd well that's about it for that page. I mean rogio gets the wind knocked out of him which I found satisfying cause that dude needs a reality check still. Ferah and f your door are also in a panel. but again it just all looks wonky as ever and tbh the battle is really boring. If these dogs had a set on death sentence for nordgerde then they are just as bad as the bounty hunters. No one can do their fucking jobs right apparently.

[pandavalkyrie]

The Last Jedi Compliment Sandwich

So we saw the 7pm premier last night. I have feelings. So many feelings. That I am now going to type out under a cut. Spoilers. Massive, MASSIVE spoilers I am dead serious.

The Good:

I think there is a consensus here, it’s beautiful. The scenes are all gorgeous, the colors are vibrant and intentional. The scene with the lightspeed crash was gorgeous and haunting. A+ visuals.

I actually can appreciate Luke’s character arc here, unlike what a lot of backlash says. He remembers what Obi Wan said about Anakin, felt like he saw history repeating, fucked it all up, and panicked. He had the weight of the entire galaxy on his shoulders, felt like he had to be perfect to manage it, so one bad slip meant he had to retreat in shame. I can actually appreciate that. He had a great turnaround, closure with Leia, a final stand with Kylo, and a good end. (Obvs his ghost ass is coming back in 9 like)

The theme of failure was well weaved together. Everyone failed in this.

I LIKE that Rey’s parents were a couple of scummy nobodies. She was the one putting the weight of her blood as something important, and the movie said no, actually, it’s not important. In before “that makes her more of a mary sue!” The whole sequence of her in the cave honestly threw me for a loop, I thought they were going to reveal her as a clone :/

The porgs were cute for like a few minutes. I liked the crystal foxes too.

You don’t make a movie in 2017 with a subplot about war profiteers being wealthy scumbags who take pleasure in the suffering of the helpless and literal slaves on accident.

Things that made me go hmmmm:

It was probably scripted, shot, and done before her death but the Leia fake out death scene felt really, really inappropriate. Idk man. It looked bad already, in the context of how we the audience are already feeling about her having her die and then ‘oops no actually’ felt fucked. Also ‘proof Leia uses the force!’ BITCH SHE’S USED THE FORCE SINCE EMPIRE WTF

“Forget the past” “Leave the past behind” “Let the past die” <-- Disney telling us to just accept that this is SW now and it’s time to move on y/n?

The filmmakers faking us out with Rey and Kylo was gross. For people who see it as abusive shit it was half a movie’s worth of eye rolling cringe. And folks who ship it walked away feeling it’s canon now. Despite that, you know, Rey clearly rejected him because he used her again and refused to step out of the darkness and at the end the visual of the door shutting between their faces pretty much said everything. Kylo sure does feel a way about Rey, but that feel ain’t love.

No on had a bad feeling about this.

How’s Lando? How’s he doing?

The Bad:

WTF was the tone of this movie? It jumped between plots and scenes and tone and emotions so quickly and at the end I feel like very little actually happened? It was too many stories happening at once. Anytime something emotional happened the movie quickjumped to a joke, it never let you settle into a feeling for too long.

The porgs shouldn’t have left the island, everything with them on the MF was awful cheese.

Does Rey have a character outside of being the human physical embodiment of hope? Everything about her, her motivation, her drive, it’s just hope. She doesn’t have a character arc, she has a ‘find the force and try to heal the boys’ arc. Even when we get the big reveal of her parents, we get like no feedback from her about it. Like, y’all...I’m starting to understand this isn’t Rey’s movie.

Hey. I get that chain of command says you don’t have to communicate plans to a subordinate but when you know you have a hot headed and impulsive pilot running high with emotions who is used to being close with the general maybe like, say something. Maybe actually yes clue him in. Also whhyyyy did she need to stay on the ship??? Yes eventually it’s to light speed it into the destroyer but before that it’s to drive it in a straight line? We got autopilot don’t tell me we don’t.

In a Mr. Plinkett video about TFA he points out that there’s no sexuality between Finn and Rey and he posits it’s because the diversity in the films is a completely empty back pat and they still won’t have the black guy kiss the white girl. I feel like Rose was written for the exact purpose of avoiding that. I like Rose. I wish she was here since the last film. Her entire arc is for Finn though. That storyline could’ve been between Finn and Poe. But like, y’all know why it wasn’t. :/

Not every scene needed a joke.

Shirtless Kylo to tease a fake attraction was bad.

I am actually upset we didn’t get any explanation at all about Snoke. Nothing. Where did he come from, what were his final motivations, he didn’t even have to be taken from a previous character or anything just give us something about this dude. Nope. He’s dead now, fuck you.

Luke milks a bipedal cow’s titties.

Per Ben: this movie is most likely what ruined Rogue One.

The Good Sandwich End:

Yoda was done well, was in character, didn’t feel shoved in or unnecessary. 

“...it’s salt.” is a gif that’s going to be used in online drama forever now.

The upscale version of the cantina song was good themeing

Rose was such a good character she deserved a better storyline.

It looks like we won’t have any dumb love triangle next movie like, Rey looks at Finn and there’s a short twinge but then she like, immediately accepts it.

BB-8