#just Buggy being the one to fuck over a ruler or a couple of rulers seems very funny to me and in character

[ideas-4-stories]

All I have to say is that Buggy became a Warlord, which in that sometimes are sent to do bidding for the World Government.

All I see is Buggy doing something like Lloyd from The Greatest Estate Developer, because every Warlord had to do somethings for the World Government. Now all I can see is Buggy crying like Lloyd with another world government agent. Stopping when the doors open, and from there chaos has been unleashed upon that island.

Just imagine if he got a special thing that was endless money, to fuck with that shitty ruler. Because maybe they total disrespected him. And you know Buggy, he will take it personal. He'll be like:

Oh, you're goanna disrespect me or/and my crew? *laughs* that's not goanna happened again. ~ Oh, you don't care? *laughs* well you will. He finds every flaw this ruler has with their ruling and just mine at it.

Oh, you don't have enough clean water? *Has people built an amazing water channel(s) that are sourced with clear water for the people. Using the object that has all the money of kingdom*

Oh, you having shitty farming, because of the soil isn't good anymore or [some other reason]? *Buys things for more agriculture to the island(s), buying things that will help people understand what they need to do to make the most of their island without destroying it*

Oh, most of you can't read or write? *Precedes to buy things to build schools for all ages, as well as paying people from other places to come a teach them all for a good pay (better than they had before)*

Then for funnies, give some kids that lived on the streets some of the most expensive and most useful businesses. Getting them very loyal bodyguards to keep them safe and getting them things so they know what they are doing, so schooling for their new businesses.

Buggy loves using other people's money more than his own, bonus is that he's fucking over some royals because they think they're better than him. No one is better than Buggy-Sama!!!

[garden-ghoul]

appendix blog, part 1

“going straight from talmud to LotR appendices is probably the easiest transition ever”

There’s a little beginning note that explains why certain things were included and how various sources are quoted... good good historian formatting. 

The Third Age was held to have ended when the Three Rings passed away in September 3021, but for the purposes of records in Gondor F.A.I began on March 25, 3021.

See. This kind of bullshit. This is my favorite part because nothing makes a world feel more real than neighboring (ish) kingdoms disagreeing on how to mark time. Listen it’s fine, relativity dictates that events at different locations and different times can be “simultaneous” depending on how you look at it. The One Ring was destroyed at exactly the same time as Galadriel and Elrond’s boat set off from the Grey Havens.

I hope everyone who knows anything about relativity is mildly pissed. *I* sure don’t know anything about relativity, and am grievously misusing it. Er, right, I’m blogging the appendices.

THE NUMENOREAN KINGS

...this starts with an account of the creation of the Silmarils. Listen. LISTEN.

There were three unions of the Eldar and the Edain: Lúthien and Beren; Idril and Tuor; Arwen and Aragorn. By the last the long-sundered branches of the Half-elven were reunited and their line was restored.

Isn’t Arwen already a descendant of both lines. LISTEN!! Mr Tolkien!! What are you on about!! He even goes on to explain Elwing and Earendil’s marriage in the next couple paragraphs! Are the “branches of the half-elven” actually... half-elven mortals and half-elven immortals?? What do you mean “their line was restored”?? Is this some more monarchist genetic purity bullshit?? Gentle reader, I’m sorry for the absolute profusion of question marks, but I don’t really understand what he is obliquely hinting at.

The sons of Eärendil were Elros and Elrond, the Peredhil or Half-elven. In them alone the line of the heroic chieftains of the Edain in the First Age was preserved; and after the fall of Gil-galad the lineage of the High-elven Kings was also in Middle-earth only represented by their descendants.

Okay I really like this. After the first age there are no longer any pure noble lines of any particular race. Nobility, as we see in Rohan, just sort of happens organically. I know this is the exact opposite of what Tolkien wants me to get out of this, but I’m reading it as “nobility is arbitrary, and heritages have no inherent value, especially after their context has been lying under the sea for thousands of years.” 

There’s a bit about  the founding of Numenor and they mention Meneltarma. My favorite Meneltarma thing is that after the world was rounded it still presumably sticks up out of the ocean and has a view of Tol Eressea, and people keep sailing around looking for it. I’m not sure we ever heard for sure if Tol Eressea ended up on Middle Earth or in space when Numenor fell. Then there’s a list of rulers of Numenor. Anyone have sources on the last two ruling queens, Tar-Telperien and Tar-Vanimelde? They also mention the divide between Tar- kings and Ar- kings--the latter have Adunaic names, which explains what I’ve been wondering since I read the Akallabeth. The Faithful are even... linguistically faithful. Because of course they are, it’s Tolkien. Linguistic decisions are a primary method of characterization. I’m still mad Ar-Inziladun changed his name to Tar-Palantir when he re-Faitful’d. Inziladun is the coolest fucking name ever. PLEASE let elves learn about the letter Z. Also in re the execution of those speaking Sindarin on Numenor... I wonder what Tolkien thought about the way those methods of linguistic persecution were and are used on real-ass Earth? Did he hold all natural languages to be good and worthy? (most likely: no) It’s not like I need his probably racist opinions on this but I want him to see! Double standards!

They mention the palantiri, and I want to say quickly how rad it is that if you use them for one specific thing a lot they can get stuck on it. Their animating magic gets confused and trims the subroutines that allow them to look at other stuff. I’m fond of these buggy magical artifacts.

After this there’s a lineage of Elendil’s descendants in exile. I love the phrase “ship-kings,” and I hope Tolkien is going to explain why they are called that. Nope, he did not explain. Arnor ended up being divided into three kingdoms with silly names due to an inheritance spat. I remember someone (Tom Bombadil?) talking about small kingdoms, and I expect they will all be destroyed in the war against Angmar any day now. Oh no maybe they will destroy themselves! Just like any European fairy tale with three brothers, two of them are wicked and will not stop bickering over Amon Sul and the palantir there. While this is happening, the chief Nazgul moves in up north specifically to kill them all, but apparently they don’t notice and he has plenty of time to establish infrastructure and gather armies. Guyssss. Oh! And this is the place where they name him the Witch-King! Thank goodness that’s taken care of.

This one guy in the Good Brother kingdom tried to take over the other two Arnorian kingdoms, because they didn’t have the ~blood of Isildur~ ruling them. Bull! Shit! Who gives a fuck, man! Don’t conquer people this is basic fucking courtesy. ESPECIALLY not when Angmar is RIGHT THERE waiting for the Evil Brother kingdoms to try to secede and take advantage of your strife! Oh that king’s name was Argeleb though, a really good name, a good name for a star.

It is said that the mounds of Tyrn Gorthad, as the Barrowdowns were called of old, are very ancient, and that many were built in the days of the old world of the First Age by the forefathers of the Edain, before they crossed the Blue Mountains into Beleriand, of which Lindon is all that now remains. Those hills were therefore revered by the Dúnedain after their return; and there many of their lords and Kings were buried.

Hey. Rock on. Elves aren’t the only forebears who did cool shit and who we owe cultural continuity to. Ah then there’s this cool bit about how Ardevui (some king) had to flee Fornost and stay the winter with some snow people (!!) who gradually... warmed up to him, to such an extent that when Cirdan came to fetch the Dunedain there the snow people were like “nah stay till summer, then we can take down the Witch-King.” Ardevui didn’t listen, and almost immediately died in a shipwreck. But he did give the snow people a Foreshadowing Ring that probably is going to show up later. Ardevui was the last king of Arnor, but like, he had an heir. I guess the guy just wasn’t feeling kingship. Aragorn could have already been a king, except that hobbits didn’t really need any kinging and there weren’t enough Dunedain left in the north for it to be worth it. The royal line started a tradition of fostering their sons in Rivendell. So they’d be elvish enough to seem kingly, I guess. Elvish is like French, you’ve got to know it if you’re noble. We also hear about how Celebrian was tortured by orcs (why were there orcs in the north? has Angmar not fallen yet?) and had to go away to the West for her trauma.

And now we come to Aragorn II, the current king, who sometimes vacations in his country house near the Shire. But big folk are illegal in the Shire, so he never actually goes in. Just hosts exclusive parties at his mansion. Also we find out that Sam’s daughter Elanor is 1) very beautiful (presumably as a result of magic dust) and 2) a handmaid of Arwen.

Aha! Finally, ship-kings! They’re exactly what they sound like, a succession of kings who built navies and conquered stuff along the western coast. I just can’t bring myself to care that much about the Gondor section, because there’s no hobbits and so far Beruthiel hasn’t been mentioned either. It’s just a series of small wars with literally every one of Gondor’s neighbors. Oh wait no now we’ve got a bunch of Gondorrim being rude to some king’s wife because she’s of a “lesser race,” which caused a civil war. “No, no,” they reportedly said, “we’re just concerned her children will die when they’re 30, like normal humans.”

Then there’s a bunch more wars I don’t care about. Arvedui tries to claim kingship of Gondor, because Arthedain apparently have a tendency toward greed and too much respect for successions. Gondor just stopped talking to him and crowned someone else as king. Better luck next time, asshole. All right, here we go, one of the kings (?) from Gondor, Earnur, comes up to the Grey Havens to help retake Arnor and Cirdan and everyone go off on Angmar. Earnur almost kills the Witch-King but his horse is too cowardly. Glorfindel shows up and makes the prophecy that no man will kill the Witch-King. Okay, what? Since when is Glorfindel a prophet? Among elves that capacity is usually reserved for 1) mothers (and only in regard to their children) and 2) rulers of countries. Anyway after Earnur goes back to Gondor and becomes king he is laughably easy to bait by calling him a chicken, with the consequence that he rides to Minas Morgul to fight the Witch-King and gets tortured to death. He was the last king of Gondor, because mumble mumble blood purity hangups.

More wars, more wars. Duirng Denethor’s father’s reign a Mystery Guy from a Mystery Place shows up and is just really super good at fortifying Gondor, but he leaves as soon as he’s done enough deeds to make it safe. They call him Thorongil, but I kind of suspect it’s Aragorn. That would just make Denethor’s attitude toward Aragorn in RotK more hilarious, because young Denethor really resented how much everyone loved Thorongil more than him. This is also the origin of Denethor’s distrust of Gandalf, since Thorongil kept telling Ecthelion to trust him.

Oh I thought eventually there would be like a chapter break or something. TOMORROW is Aragorn and Arwen.

[ideas-4-stories]

Warning: A bit dubious consentish

Cross Guild Romance: Royalty AU. Buggy is the overlooked younger son of the king of a small kingdom, ostracized because of his nose. In order to secure protection from enemies, Buggy's father basically sells in in an arranged marriage to the rulers of Cross Guild Kingdom, King Crocodile and his prince consort Mihawk who have a terrifying reputation. Buggy is carted off to Cross Guild kingdom where instead of a warm welcome, he's whisked off to training to satisfy his soon to be husbands. The training is designed to make blushing virgin Buggy an expert in all things intimate without actually deflowering him in the process. He's taught to be meek and submissive. The grand wedding happens, Buggy is enthralled at the first sight of his new husbands, but also terrified. On their wedding night, Crocodile callously tells Mihawk to bed Buggy first just to get things over with. Mihawk looks completely disinterested and looks at Buggy like he's a chore and Crocodile's just waiting his turn. Instead of being disheartened, Buggy gets supper pissed off. He literally grabs an unsuspecting Mihawk by his hair, yanks him into bed, and forgets all about being shy and submissive as he uses all of his training to drive Mihawk absolutely insane and deflowers himself with his yellow eyed husband on HIS terms, all the while the two of them completely forgetting about Crocodile. Crocodile is gobsmacked by the show in front of him, not used to being completely ignored but enthralled by this unexpected turn. When Buggy's done with Mihawk, he turns fiery eyes to Crocodile and simply tells his husband king to get his ass in bed so Mihawk can have a show too. Crocodile obeys and has his own mind blowing experience with Buggy. Buggy however, breaks down afterwards and rips both of his husbands a new one for thinking they could treat him so poorly in the beginning and deliberately choosing to ignore him the moment he came to their kingdom. Crocodile and Mihawk aren't used to someone being openly furious with them, but they are genuinely apologetic and regretful and vow to make it up to Buggy. They earn his forgiveness eventually and even help Buggy get sweet revenge on his father for basically discarding him as a bargaining chip. Crocodile and Mihawk may be the rulers of their kingdom, but it's Buggy who loved and rules them.

Ooooooo I’ve seen a story about Cross Guild leader being kings. I think it was called Kings and Clowns, it’s a great story! All right back to this ask, younger son does that mean he has a brother or siblings? Anyway, what kind of welcome is that? WTF!?!

Further MORE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT TRAINING! Absolutely NOT!!! Truthly, I’m surprised that Buggy didn’t blow the place up a couple times, because if he did I don’t think he would of passed. Holy stars above and beyond, how did Buggy do it? We may never know…

Crocodile said WHAT!?! Bro did not just say that to Buggy, holy stars Buggy really showed that he shouldn’t be treated that way. I can’t but giggle at the expression I’m thinking that Crocodile has on his face!

Poor Buggy being whisked away for a weird training as soon as he came to his new home after being forced into a contracted marriage by his shitty father. I don’t like Buggy’s father in this AU at all! May Buggy have a wonderful time screwing over his father.