#junghoon smut | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mrkis · 2 years ago

Text

the way life goes — bonus(pt.2). (n.jm)

PAIRING: na jaemin x reader GENRE: smut, angst, fluff, college au WORD COUNT: 14.3k

SYNOPSIS: you finally get inside jaemin's mind. flashbacks in jaemin's point of view could change everything.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: this is a bonus flashback chapter featuring unseen content from the original parts. jaemin's thought process can come across as confusing and it will remain confusing, he goes through a lot of up and down moments, heavy mentions of panic attacks and anxiety, emotional and lost jaemin, the return of you know who, explicit content, unprotected sex, daddy kink, choking, light make-outs

[series m.list]

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒]

Jaemin doesn’t know if you know, but he knows you’ve been avoiding him for almost a week.

You’ve been acting weird since you came back from getting breakfast the other morning, refusing to meet his gaze and even blowing off the promised movie you’d both watch, going straight to bed for a nap with no spoken words. You told him you were tired, that you were too exhausted from sleeping on the sofa and that you just needed your bed, but he didn’t believe that. It was a weak excuse, but he didn’t want to question it, not when he could see you didn’t want to discuss anything further with him. He still followed you though, he even came to nap with you and held you tightly as you slept, just for comfort, just to let you know that he was there for you.

It irks him a little that you didn’t tell him what was wrong that morning and now with you ignoring him like the plague, he was getting frustrated, maybe even a little annoyed.

Truthfully, he was starting to get busy with his photography projects, one of his finals coming up soon that desperately needed to be done but he still tried to make time for you. He called you almost every night and, thankfully, you answered a few of them. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t a long phone call, lasting around 10-15 minutes, enough time to get the both of you off whenever you called each other horny.

Other times he just wanted to talk. He wanted to ask about your day, about your assignments, wanting to know what you’re working on and if you’ve eaten already, but it never happened. Either the call would be cut short due to you yawning or the both of you being too sexually frustrated to hold a full conversation.

You both haven't slept with each other in a week and it’s fair to say that he’s a little desperate, but it's pushed aside by the intense curiosity on why you've been ignoring him. He won't admit that to you though. Not right now. He doesn't want to seem pushy in trying to get inside your head.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do for your final project?” He hears Junghoon ask from beside him and Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, not really caring about the final project this moment in time when he’s got his phone in his hands, bringing up your recent texts. Short and straight to the point, different from how you both usually text. His tongue prods his cheek in anger. “Trouble in paradise, huh?”

Jaemin raises his head and turns to look at Junghoon who’s a little too close to him, the deadpan expression on Jaemin’s face is enough for the latter to slowly move back in his chair, giving Jaemin his respected space with a gulp. He holds intense eye contact with Junghoon before bringing his attention back to his phone, thumbs vigorously tapping against the screen to send you a message.

jaemin: can u come over after classes today jaemin: i want to see u jaemin: i need to see u

you: what abt your photography projects you: i thought u will be busy all week too

jaemin: fuck that. jaemin: i want to be busy with you

you: idk jae..

jaemin: come jaemin: i mean it

“So… is there trouble in paradise?”

“You like to invade people's privacy a lot” Jaemin points out, shutting off his phone and shoving it inside his pocket as he side glances at Junghoon who seems a little offended at his jab. “You’re not good at giving people their personal space, are you?”

“I wouldn’t call it that” Junghoon frowns. “I’m just very intrigued and—”

“Nosey?”

Junghoon jumps straight in to attack, “My life is boring, okay? I’m living vicariously through you right now. You are sadly the only thing that’s entertaining in my life and you’re just going to have to deal with it”

Jaemin’s brows raise in amusement, the corner of his lips twitching as he tries to hide his smile and Junghoon huffs, finding defeat in the lack of Jaemin’s answer as he turns back to his computer, lip jutting out into a pout as he scrolls through his photography files.

This time, Jaemin smiles, hand moving over his mouse and watching the cursor glide across the screen. “There’s no trouble. We’ve just been too busy to see each other lately”

The sound of Junghoon’s chair scraping against the floor makes Jaemin chuckle, seeing Junghoon excitedly move closer in the corner of his eye, leaning on his elbow as he, yet again, invades Jaemin’s personal space but he holds back on any comments this time, allowing Junghoon to have his moment.

“Yeah?” Junghoon grins interestedly. “When was the last time you saw each other?”

“The day after Sunwoo and Yeeun’s party”

“That was almost a week ago” Junghoon gapes, his brows furrowing. Jaemin hums with a nod. “That’s tough… I mean, I’m not even with anyone, but if I wasn’t able to see my girlfriend for—“

“We’re not together” Jaemin cuts in and Junghoon blinks in surprise. “We’re just sleeping together”

“What?” Junghoon whisper-shouts, eyes wide as he leans closer to Jaemin. “With the way you guys were acting at the party, it seemed like you were more than ‘just sleeping together’”

“We’re exclusive” Jaemin adds. “Exclusive friends with benefits. That’s all it is”

“Did you become exclusive before or after that threeway kiss between her, Jeno and Miwoo had?” Junghoon teases, wiggling his brows at Jaemin who looks far less than impressed, narrowing his eyes at Junghoon and lips curling into a grimace to which the latter cackles at. “l’m kidding, dude. Relax… But this ‘exclusive-friends-with-benefits’ must be pretty serious, huh? I mean… when you and Eunbin—“

“You’re getting a little too personal, Junghoon” Jaemin warns, giving Junghoon a look that makes him cower back slightly, instantly throwing up his hands to say he means no harm but Jaemin’s already triggered, no longer wanting to discuss the topic anymore.

“I didn’t mean it like that” Junghoon frowns apologetically. “I’m sorry, man…”

“It’s fine” Jaemin’s answer is short, lips pressing together in a tight line and Junghoon sighs, pushing his chair back into its original spot as he focusses back on his work, allowing himself to accept Jaemin’s blunt answer of ‘fine’. But it wasn’t fine. It never was fine.

• • •

“Shit” Jaemin curses at himself, as he stares at the smallest of stains on his sweater from the two iced coffees he’s holding on a tray, having spilt some on himself as he tries to open the front door with his hands full. He manages to do it after a few failed attempts, choosing in using his elbow to push down the door handle and kick it open with his foot before using the same one to close it again, readjusting his camera in one hand and making sure the beverages are stable on the tray as he walks through the house.

He goes to head straight upstairs to wait for you but he comes to a halt when he hears your laugh coming from the kitchen. Jaemin didn’t expect you to be here so early and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his lips from hearing your laugh, heading straight for the sound but stops in the kitchen doorway when he sees you accompanied by Jeno and Jeno holding your hand.

His face twists in confusion, watching as Jeno squeezes your hand gently with the most reassuring smiles he has ever seen. His brows pull together as wonders on what Jeno’s reassuring you about, but the way you both laugh together as you pull your hand from Jeno’s and he chases it, that’s when Jaemin can’t help but clear his throat to grab the attention in the room.

Jaemin doesn’t take much notice of Jeno looking at him when he’s got you staring at him. His heart flutters slightly as you make eye contact with him, a weird feeling washing over him that almost makes him feel a little bit uncomfortable, but he decides to welcome it with open arms if it means he gets to be with you today. He’s missed you, more than he’d care to ever admit. He wants to talk to you, to finally ask about your day, to finally ask where you’ve been and how you’ve been holding up with your classes… but he wants to do it alone. He doesn’t want Jeno here.

Jeno, being the saint he is, understands the message Jaemin silently gives as he raises from his chair at the kitchen island, shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants as he excuses himself, mumbling about how he was going to see Miwoo and Jaemin could almost kiss him right then and there as a thank you, but his gratitude slowly slips away when Jeno makes eye contact with him before dipping past, a quiet ‘you-need-to-talk’ type of look that leaves Jaemin even more confused than he already was coming in earlier.

It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to ask you to come upstairs to his room, muttering a small thank you as you open the door for him due to his hands being preoccupied and you even close it yourself which he’s thankful for again, carefully putting down his camera on his desk along with the coffee tray and handing one over to you, proudly showing the ‘iced toasted vanilla latte’ sticker thats plastered across the back for you to see.

You take it out of his grasp. “Thank you”

The corner of Jaemin’s lips turn into a frown as he realises you didn’t recognise he’s got you your favourite drink, feeling slightly defeated as his shoulders shrink, grabbing his own coffee with a small mutter of, “You’re welcome”.

It’s quiet between you and Jaemin, too quiet. It makes his head overcrowded with too many thoughts and questions, especially some regarding what was going on between you and Jeno downstairs. Was Jaemin jealous? Not exactly, he’d like to argue. He knows how close you and Jeno are. He knows that the two of you have been friends much longer than you have with any of the others… so it’s obvious you would be close. The threeway kiss he saw you, Jeno and Miwoo participate in at the party was definitely something that’s unable to escape his mind… but he knows you were all drunk. None of you were sober. It was just for fun.

So what exactly is the problem? He’s secretly nosey, for starters. He wants to know what you both were talking about earlier and, even though he doesn’t want to admit to it, he was confused on why Jeno was holding your hand and giving you reassurance… because what would you need reassurance about? It worries Jaemin a lot, he wants to be the one to reassure you. Is there something you’re hiding from him?

“What were you and Jeno talking about before I came in earlier?”

He doesn’t miss the way your eyes widen slightly before relaxing your shoulders. “It’s nothing important… He was just cheering me up, that’s all. My assignments are just getting to my head, they’re stressing me out a little”

Oh. Jaemin frowns at that, a ugly feeling settling in his chest at the thought of you being so stressed and worked up over your assignments, as he reaches his hand down to affectionately caress the back of your head, pushing you forwards carefully to lean down and press a chaste kiss to your forehead. Your frown matches his and he can’t help but feel as though there’s more than what you’re letting on, but he doesn’t want to stress you out anymore, he doesn’t want to see you be caught up in your worries.

“You work too hard, hm?” Jaemin coos in that voice he knows that you hate so much, but it makes you smile and his chest soars when he sees that exact smile creeping onto your face. “You need to chill out… your health is more important than some assignments”

“I know, but—”

“You’re smart and you know exactly what you’re doing” He cuts you off, not allowing you to make up any excuse. His hand resumes in caressing the back of your head, rings getting caught in your hair which you both snicker at, but he goes back into serious mode as he speaks, “Chill out with me today, okay? You can even nap on my bed if you want to… it’s all yours”

“All mine?”

“All yours”

• • •

Despite telling you to chill on his bed, Jaemin couldn’t exactly do that himself due to a photography project he had to work on. He did lay with you for a bit, trying to get you to talk about your day and what you’ve been doing since you’ve been so busy, but the one worded answers and the simple replies got under his skin a little. It seemed like you weren’t interested in having a conversation with him, to which he blamed you being so stressed over your assignments and potentially too tired. He yearned for you to talk to him, to tell him everything that's going on inside of your head and that he could help you… but with the lack of communication, Jaemin gave up.

He sits at his desk, the sound of him clicking his mouse and sighing to himself about mistakes being the only noises that break the silence you’re both stuck in. He glances over his shoulder a few times during his work, seeing you rotate between sipping the last remains of your drink, playing games on your phone and laying against the pillows while staring up at his ceiling mindlessly. Jaemin even looks up at the ceiling, wondering what’s so fascinating about his white ceiling that you can’t even find the words to talk to him.

It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to crack, pausing his work to swivel around in his chair to face you, the quietness and the lack of talking becoming too much for him to handle. He feels frustrated, horny, annoyed, maybe even a little upset.

“Okay, what’s going on?” He breaks the silence as he stands, abandoning his project as he makes his way over to you on the bed. You still don’t look at him which he sighs at, standing in between your legs that hang off the edge of the bed, his hands touch your thighs, kneading and groping the skin. His gaze turns hard as he looks down at you. “You’ve been weird this past week and there’s no point in trying to deny it either… I know you. What’s been going on?”

“Nothing” You mumble to him distractingly, eyes dazed. “I’m just tired”

“Do you expect me to really believe that?” He quirks his brow, tuting with a shake of his head as his hands grope your thighs harder, thumbs pushing into the flesh. “You think I haven’t noticed you actively avoiding me?”

“W-what?! No, I—” You stutter immediately, struggling to find the right words. He’s got you. So you have been avoiding him on purpose. “Jae, I—”

“I just want to play with you” His voice whines, his bottom lip jutting out into a pout at the thought of you avoiding him all this time. He feels annoyed and a little taken back, but with how horny he’s been feeling and seeing you stare up at him the way you are, he lets his annoyance slip away. You whisper his name, but he hardly pays any attention as he speaks again, “How am I supposed to play with you if you keep avoiding me and hiding from me, hm? That’s not nice… is it, baby?”

“No” You shake your head, your own arousal pooling in your eyes and Jaemin fights the urge to grin at how turned on you are right now.

“Can I play with you now?” He asks and you’re quick to nod your head, just as desperate as he is. “Then open your legs for me, baby”

The way you open your legs to invite him in makes Jaemin grin wickedly, gripping your thighs tight in his grasp as he pulls you down the bed. He grunts softly when the bulge in his shorts presses against you, his teeth digging into his bottom lip when he feels you lift your hips to rub yourself over his covered cock, the grin on his face widening. You’re so desperate for him… it’s cute.

You lean up on your elbows but Jaemin is quick to push your back down as he crawls on top, hovering over you with a tilt of his head. Something stirs inside of him as he sees the expression on your face, eyes wide and needy, mouth parting with small gasps escaping your lips. It’s something he’s felt before when he was with Eunbin, but it was always pushed to the side, something he couldn’t explore further into… but he would be willing to dive further if you were up for it too.

He swats your hand away when you try to touch his face and you obey, resting your hand at your sides despite him feeling the way your hips continue to rub against his. He sighs at your reaction with a tut, running his hand up your body and over your chest, ghosting over your neck.

“Look at you… so desperate” He rasps, tracing his index finger over your throat carefully, watching your reactions for any uncertainty or hesitations. Seeing none, Jaemin’s even more careful when he decides to wrap his hand around your throat, waiting for you to pull away at any moment but you melt into his grasp with a gasp. The corner of his lips twitch excitedly and he adds slight pressure, feeling you gulp beneath his touch.

He forgets for a few moments about the rings on his fingers hurting you and he panics, getting ready to move his hand away and get rid of the rings until he hears you moan. A pathetic sounding high pitched moan that sends his head into a frenzy. His mouth drops open in shock, never having heard that sound come from you before but he regains himself, shutting his mouth as he wants nothing more than to have you make that noise again.

“Baby, I’ll give you everything you want…” Jaemin says as he presses his thumb against the side of your throat, his hips beginning to rut against yours. He hesitates before he says his next words, but he wants to test the waters with you. “There’s no need to be a bratty little bitch”

“Fuck” He hears you moan out and he feels giddy, trying his hardest not to break character to giggle. He watches as your fingers curl around his necklace to drag him down, puckering your lips to press them against Jaemin’s but he’s quick to pull back, to keep a distance between you both.

“Apologise first” He says with a smirk, glancing down at your lips that press together tightly. “Apologise, and I’ll give it to you”

“I’m sorry”

His heart warms at that, fighting the urge to actually smile at your apology. He was hurt with you avoiding him, even though you must’ve had your real reasons that Jaemin will wait for you to feel comfortable enough to tell him, but he was still hurt.

“Sorry what?” Jaemin presses, wanting to go over the line and see if you’d be comfortable enough in delving deep in one of his fantasies. You’re quiet now, which makes Jaemin a little nervous. He doesn’t want to push you too far nor does he want to make you uncomfortable. He briefly remembers a conversation with you, how the two of you should be open with your kinks and fantasies and should at least try anything once.

He can see the cogs turn in your head as you figure out exactly what he wants you to say. You don’t show any disgust or hesitancy. You’re breathings laboured and Jaemin can still feel you gently humping his leg like a bitch in heat. He smiles at that.

“Baby…” He calls out tauntingly, adding extra pressure to the grip he has around your neck and you whine. “Are you going to say it?”

“I’m sorry…” You whimper quietly, your fingers tugging at his necklace again to pull him closer and Jaemin obliges, nodding his head, so eager for you to mutter that word. “Daddy”

Fuck. He’s done for. “That’s my good girl”

• • •

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you” Jaemin mutters in your ears as his arms slip under your body to hold you to his chest securely. He feels terrible when your face screws up in pain from the soreness that spreads through your body and he presses his lips to your temple as he lifts you up from his bed, cooing in your ear at your whining. He’s careful as he carries you into the bathroom, the activities from a few moments before taking a toll on his own body but he pushes it to the side to focus on you.

He’s gentle when he sits you down on the bathroom counter, leaving you for a brief moment to run the water to fill up the bathtub. Jaemin comes back to stand in between your thighs, grabbing the packet of wet wipes from the side and pulling a few sheets out and leaving them on the side for use.

Jaemin cups your face as he gently wipes at the mascara that has smudged around your eyes, face full of concentration as he’s careful not to poke and prod at any sensitive areas or even accidentally jab your eye. He’s seen this done by Jeno multiple times for Miwoo and he’s glad he’s taken some mental notes otherwise he’s sure he would’ve messed up horribly by now. He mutters a quiet apology as he sees you wince when his thigh accidentally knocks against yours, creating too much movement in your legs which you’ve voiced how sore they are.

His hands drop down to your thighs to massage the aches and pains, watching your face intently for any show of discomfort but you’re smiling at him thankfully, head drooping low from tiredness but he makes a noise of disapproval, shaking his own head as he cups your face.

“Can you stay awake a little longer for me?” His voice is quieter than usual and it startles him slightly, feeling that unusual but familiar sinking feeling in his chest, but he ignores it to focus his attention more on you.

“Okay” You simply answer with a murmur, nodding your head. Jaemin whispers a thank you as he presses a soft smooch to your lips, pulling back before he could even allow himself to get carried away in the feeling of your lips. He sees you trying to sway him back in but a nose of protest rumbles from his chest, shaking his head as he silently tells you no. You oblige with a pout but the smile soon comes back when Jaemin gently pushes his forehead against yours.

He moves back to briefly kiss your temple, arms slipping around your body to haul you off of the bathroom counter to help you into the bath, squeezing himself in behind you and resting your back against his chest comfortably.

Jaemin takes his time washing you, his hands light and careful whenever he touches your body, scrubbing you clean with your favourite scented soap that he kept in his bathroom. He coos in your ear when he reaches in between your thighs, cleaning away yours and his cum that sticks to your skin and even when you flinch away in pain, he calms you down, humming softly to distract you from the aches and pains.

That sinking feeling in his chest gets deeper, his head beginning to swirl with unspeakable thoughts and he finds it a little hard to breathe now, the anxiety that's slowly rising within him getting worse and Jaemin finishes cleaning you up before cleaning himself as quick as possible, soaping up his body and washing it away while trying to keep you awake, wanting you to be in bed to get a good night's sleep.

Jaemin climbs out of the bath first, grabbing a towel to secure around his waist before helping you out, covering your body in the most comfiest of towels and guiding you back into his bedroom. It doesn’t take Jaemin too long to dry your body, even trying his best to tie your hair out of your face, getting frustrated at the little baby hairs that slip out from the hair tie but he leaves it, dressing you in one of his old shirts and allowing you to get comfy under the covers with small comforting pats on your back.

You fall asleep in a matter of seconds which always seems to impress Jaemin, watching your chest rise and fall with slow and steady breaths. He, admittedly, finds you beautiful like this, bare faced and at peace in his bed. His fingers reach up to trace across your delicate features, smoothing over your eyebrows and eyelids, over your nose and across your lips. He turns his hand over to brush his knuckles over your cheek and down your jaw but he retracts when you shift in your sleep and yet again, that sinking feeling. That dark, deep sinking feeling is back again.

Jaemin shuffles back from you and off the bed to grab a fresh pair of boxers out of his drawers, pulling them up his legs and resting low on his hips, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, fighting off the heavy weighted thoughts that rest in the back of his mind. He collapses down at the edge of the bed with a huff, blunt nails pinching at his thighs to regain control of himself, trying his hardest to listen to the rain that pelts heavily against his window along with your steady breathing. It works for a little, his hands leaving his thighs to come together, mindlessly fiddling with the rings as he now stares out past his drawn blackout curtains, dark and gloomy grey skies staring back at him.

Something pulls at his chest again and drops low into his stomach, but it’s different this time, because he feels nothing but everything all at once. His body feels so foreign to him and he even slowly glances down at his hands, flexing his fingers to make sure all ten digits are intact and that he’s conscious. You have more or less fingers when you’re lucid dreaming, he reminds himself. He slowly raises his hand and places it on his chest, above his heart. You’re still beating.

If everything was working normally, why does he feel so shitty? Why does he feel so empty and lost? The sex wasn’t bad, it was the best sex he’s had in awhile and he was thankful you were open to indulge in one of his fantasies. He enjoyed it and most importantly to him, you enjoyed it… so what was wrong with him? Jaemin sighs in frustration, rubbing his face tiredly as he pushes himself off the bed to walk over to his mini fridge beneath his desk to grab a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and taking a few hefty gulps, the coldness soothing his tight throat.

His eyes look around the room, to his computer, to the polaroid picture, to the bed, to you, to the ring sitting on his bedside table. To that ring.

He stares at the dainty jewellery for a while longer as he gulps more water, finishing the bottle in seconds before his bare feet drag across the floorboards to his the item in question, carefully picking it up and examining it between his two fingers. His lips form in a straight line. Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing going on inside his head right now. It worries him a lot, knowing that every time he even spared a glance at the ring, there would be images popping up inside his head, past conversations echoing in his ears, dread and hurt filling his stomach.

It makes him sick.

“Jaemin?” He hears you groggily call out his name from beneath his blanket and he hears you shuffle around, undoubtedly looking for him. Your voice brings him comfort and it drags him back to reality, the thoughts that begin to overcrowd his mind disappear as fast as they came. He can breathe again.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?” He doesn’t answer at first, instead he swallows thickly and closes his fist around the ring with a shaky breath, reaching down to rip open his bedside drawer and throw the ring inside, slamming it shut with a loud thump that has his ears ringing. Jaemin winces at the noise, hoping he didn’t affect your ears as much as it did his.

He’s quiet climbing beside you in bed, crawling beneath the covers and resting his head on the pillow, turning to stare straight at you. Despite the only light in the room being the moonlight seeping through the gap in his curtain, he can see the curiosity and wonder pooling in your iris, a question laying on the tip of your tongue that he’s internally begging you not to ask yet. He’s not ready… and he’s worried about that. Will he ever be ready?

Jaemin exhales deeply, feeling the stress lift away from his body as his hand comes down to touch your cheek delicately, tracing over the skin before he messily tucks a strand of hair behind your ears, keeping it out of your face and away from your ears. His fingers come around to play with the ear that dangles prettily from your ears, smiling to himself when he realises you’ve forgotten to take it off before bed.

His eyes dart down to your lips, licking over his own just as he leans forward, caving into his urges of giving you a kiss, a kiss so gentle and soft that it makes Jaemin’s neck feel hot, especially with how your hand cups his face to keep him in place, holding him so carefully in the palm of your hands. It makes Jaemin’s heart melt.

He’s really missed you… and he hopes you missed him too.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐎]

“Are you alright?” Jeno asks cautiously as he looks up from his phone, watching Jaemin mindlessly swirl the spoon around in his cereal, not paying attention to the milk that spills over the edge. “Jae?”

Jaemin hums, turning his head to Jeno who’s pointing at the mess and Jaemin’s gaze drops down, curses under his breath as he quickly grabs a napkin to wipe away the spillage, throwing the wet paper into the trash with a huff.

Jeno’s brows furrow worryingly, curious to what’s going on inside of Jaemin’s head as he shuts off his phone, leaning his arms on the kitchen table in front of him, giving Jaemin his full attention.

“Dude, what’s going on?”

“Nothing” He immediately answers, but his eyes shut in defeat as he realises that this is Jeno he’s talking to, knowing that he’s not the type to drop the subject so quickly. It’s been a few days since you came over and the feeling he experienced after having sex with you hasn’t fully disappeared, it’s been lingering on his mind ever since and eating him alive, along with the ring that’s locked away in his bedside drawer. “It’s hard to explain”

Jeno gets comfortable in his seat, offering Jaemin a gentle smile. “Try”

“I, uh—” Jaemin’s clears his throat. “I had sex with Y/N the other day, the day you guys were talking in here before I came home, and I… I don’t know, it was pretty intense, I guess. We dove into something for the first time and I think I lost myself for a while, things felt weird—I felt weird… emotionally”

"Postcoital Dysphoria"

Jaemin’s face turns blank, not understanding a word that came out of Jeno’s mouth. “What?”

Jeno chuckles, the corner of his lips twitching upwards in amusement. “It’s postcoital dysphoria. I’ve experienced it a few times with Miwoo when we had sex. It’s just something that sometimes happens when having good, intense sex… It’s normal, dude. You don’t have to worry about it, you’re fine”

“I am?” Jaemin questions and when Jeno laughs at his response, Jaemin’s face drops into another blank expression which has Jeno laughing even harder than before. “Jeno, come on, I’m serious”

“I’m serious too” Jeno grins, “You’re fine. Your mood just drops after using so much emotion and stuff when having sex. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve freaked out too wondering if something was wrong with me but it’s normal” Jeno pauses for a moment, the grin dropping from his face as he looks warily over at Jaemin. “Although, If you’re experiencing that a lot then maybe you should talk to—”

“It’s only happened once” Jaemin is quick to add in, watching as Jeno’s shoulders drop in relief. Jaemin purses his lips slightly, feeling his own relief weight off of his body knowing that everything was okay. “Thank you, by the way… for telling me about that”

“No problem” Jeno dismisses with a shake of his hand. “I’ve been there with Miwoo”

“Yeah?” Jaemin’s brow raises slightly, remembering Jeno even admitted to that earlier. “Where is Miwoo anyway? Doesn’t she usually come over earlier on Thursdays?”

Jaemin instantly notices that Jeno’s tongue prods against his cheek in annoyance and Jaemin takes this as a sign to sit down, pushing his bowl of cereal to the side as he looks at Jeno worryingly. The relationship Miwoo and Jeno have has always been complicated, even to Jaemin. They bicker a lot but they always make up at the end of the night. The dents on Jeno’s bedroom wall from his headboard can prove that. They don’t stay angry at each other for too long, and even when Jeno comes to Jaemin for his support and thoughts, he’s never been this annoyed… or upset.

“We’re on a break, for real this time” Jeno mumbles, making Jaemin frown at this new information. “We had this stupid argument on Tuesday after our date, about how I wanted to dye my hair blue for fun and she said no, so we bickered about that… but it turned into something bigger”

Jaemin dares to ask, “How big?”

“Very” Jeno sighs, rubbing his face and running his fingers through his growing mullet sadly. “I’ve been stressed these past few days about college and some other stuff that’s been going on in my head. My professor has been wanting me and my group partner, Jungwoo, to come up with these designs that have been burning me out and… I don’t know, I talked to Miwoo about it and I guess I just wanted some comfort and advice from her, but she just brushed it to the side and tried to sleep with me instead to make me feel better that way… I didn’t want that”

“So it caused an argument between you two?”

“Yeah” Jeno nods, raising his eyes to look at Jaemin with a saddened expression. “I said some things I regret, really regret. I called her selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings… I was angry. I didn’t mean it”

“I mean…” Jaemin exhales deeply, twiddling with his thumbs as he tries to find the right words to say. “As much as that girl tests me, she’s not selfish… sure, she can be a little inconsiderate sometimes, but I know Miwoo well enough to say that she probably wanted to sleep with you during that moment because that’s the only way she knows how to make you feel better”

Jeno’s brows furrow at that, “Ouch?”

“We both know it’s the truth” Jaemin shrugs. “Look, dude, you and Miwoo have been together for longer than I can remember and you’ve always resolved any problems or issues with sleeping together… You don’t talk. You don’t communicate with each other because, let’s face it, fucking is so much easier than talking. But maybe that’s what you need, you know? You need to just… talk”

Jaemin’s voice quietens down as his own words sink in, realising how much he needs to hear this himself. He needs to talk to you. He needs to be honest instead of using sex as a way to escape. He slumps back into his seat, biting down harshly on his inner cheek, anxiously picking at the skin around his fingernails as the words settle. He needs to talk to you.

The thought about opening up sounds scary to him, that uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of his belly when he realises talking to you about his past will open up mending wounds. He tries to convince himself that maybe opening up to you about his relationship with Eunbin will help him heal… but there’s always that little voice of doubt in the back of his head that tells him it will all go terribly wrong.

“You good over there?” Jeno asks with a slight teasing tone and Jaemin meets his eyes, nodding his head briefly. “You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine” Jaemin gives him a tight lipped smile as his hand reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Jeno watches as Jaemin’s thumbs tap against the screen, pulling up your contact and clicking the call icon, bringing the phone to his ear.

Jaemin’s bottom lip gets caught between his teeth, biting down on the skin nervously as he listens to the phone ring, wondering if you’re even awake or busy but his thoughts are soon answered when the ringing stops and your voice comes through.

“Hello?”

“Get dressed. I’m coming to get you in five minutes” He immediately gets into it, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, the sound echoing in his ears with each heavy thud.

“What?” Your confusion is clear, it makes him smile a little. “What are you talking about?”

“I want to see you. I’m also thirsty so I’m taking us to get some coffee or something… my treat” His eyes darts towards Jeno who's still watching him with a smile, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “Just me and you. Get dressed”

“Okay, okay” He hears you laugh. “I’m hanging up”

“See you soon, baby” Jaemin lets out a shaky breath when you hang up, staring down at your contact for a little while before shoving his phone into his pocket. “Stop staring at me”

“Sorry” Jeno grins cheekily. “Just admiring the view”

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐒]

During the entire trip to the café, Jaemin had completely forgotten about the reason why he called you in the first place, to focus on the peaceful conversation he was having with you and how you practically floated to the counter filled with pastries and cakes once you both walked inside.

He doesn’t blame you, the smell of coffee and baked goods is overwhelming, but he still laughs when he sees your fingers press against the glass cabinet where the desserts were showcased, his own hand raising to the back of your head and cooing at your behaviour to which you simply ignore.

“Welcome to 7 Dream Café” Jisung greets with little to no enthusiasm, clearly tired of having to use the same greeting over and over again whenever someone comes to the counter. “Can I take your order?”

“Do you have to say that every time we come here?” Jaemin asks, eyebrows raising in amusement.

“Sadly” Jisung mutters angrily, adjusting the dark blue pinny around his waist. “Apparently it’s a good look for the company to greet customers with the cafe’s name, makes it look like we’re professionals and all that shit”

“Did they say that or Chenle?”

Jisung pauses, blinks and his lips curl into a grimace. “Chenle”

“He’s probably fucking around with you” You tell him once your attention is brought away from the cakes. “Where is that little gremlin anyways?”

“Out the back teaching the new girl how to decorate the cakes. He nearly dumped a whole bowl of frosting over her head when she fucked up his flower design” Jisung snorts, not bothering to hide is amusement as he wipes the fake tears under his eyes.

“You seem way to happy about that”

“I’m just glad it’s not me this time” Jisung grins happily as fingers tap against the touchscreen of the cash register at the most expert pace, briefly looking up at Jaemin. “You want your usual, yeah?”

Jaemin hums and nods his head, reaching for his card before tapping it against the glass cabinet. “And throw in two of those little cupcakes that she’s been eyeing up since we got here”

“Gotcha”

“Hey!”

Jaemin shushes you by pressing his finger to your lips, shaking his head with a smile before ordering you to go find a seat while he pays. You comply with slight hesitation and he watches as you head towards a table at the back before Jisung hands over the drinks. He taps his card against the reader before grabbing the drinks and following behind you, setting them down on the table as he sits opposite you.

He thanks Jisung once he comes over with the cakes before scurrying off to serve another customer and Jaemin grabs the fork, twirling it around his fingers as he examines the treat, deciding to cut off a corner piece and holding it out towards you to try first. The smile lingers on his face a little longer when he sees you beam and lean forwards to wrap your lips around the fork for the cake, humming in delight at the taste.

Jaemin brings the fork to his lips to suck off the remaining cream, keeping his eyes on you as he waits for your approval.

“Holy shit” He snickers at that and cuts off his own piece to try, only to widen his eyes in surprise at the taste that hits his tongue. He wasn’t a huge fan of cake, but the red velvet taste that hits his taste buds almost makes him change his mind completely. You grin at him from across the table. “It’s good, right? I’ve never tasted anything more delicious in my life”

“Eh…” Jaemin shrugs his shoulders as he takes in your form, eyes dipping low suggestively before a smirk appears on his lips, his mind overcrowded with the dirtiest thoughts and images. “I’ve tasted better”

• • •

“You know, you never told me about you”

Jaemin raises his head to glance at you across the table, brow lifting in curiosity at your words. “What do you mean?”

“About you… and Eunbin” There it was. The reason why he’s called you here in the first place. A sour taste forms in his mouth at the familiar name, tongue poking at his cheek, irritated at the thoughts and the feelings that come rushing back almost instantly.

His fingers tighten around his cup, the plastic crinkling beneath the force and he places it down before any damage could be done. He can tell you looking at him warily without even taking a peek at you and he breathes heavily through his nose.

“It’s just I’ve heard so much about her, you know? And I’ve heard how people talk about her…” You continue much to Jaemin’s dismay. “She seems really… sweet? I guess? It just makes me wonder what the hell happened between you both”

Jaemin looks up at you this time, fully regretting wanting to talk to you as he feels his stomach twist and churn uncomfortably. “Y/N—”

“Look, I’m sorry for bringing it up. Everyone knows her apart from me and It’s frustrating because I told you everything about me and my past relationship with Eric… I guess I kinda been hoping that you’d open up at some point and tell me about yours too, but you never did”

Just tell her. That voice speaks in the back of his head. He knows a great part of him wants to lay it all out on the table, to explain his relationship with Eunbin and how the breakup made him feel. But there’s another side of him that’s desperate to keep him quiet, to not let you in on his deepest thoughts and feelings, to not let you know how broken Eunbin had truly made him.

Yet, you make him comfortable. He’s been sharing parts of him with you that he hasn’t shared in a long time. He relaxes around you, allows his body to melt into the comfort of your arms or even your presence. But still, the thought of telling you about Eunbin makes his heart feel as though it’s twisting uncomfortably in his chest and that his stomach is being repeatedly punched.

Maybe he should just rip the bandaid off. Like he told Jeno, talking is important. People need to talk no matter how difficult of a conversation it could be… communication is key.

His teeth gnaw nervously at his bottom lip, sweaty palms rubbing against his thighs as he exhales deeply, leaning back in the chair as his head slowly begins to nod, folding his hands in his lap to prevent himself from shaking, “Okay. I’ll tell you about her”

You meet his eyes across the table in shock, “You will?”

“Eunbin and I were together for two years” He jumps straight into it before he allows himself to back out at the last second, fingernails digging into the back of his hands as you lean forwards to listen intently. “She worked part-time in this art store downtown so we would bump into each other every now and then when I needed to buy a new camera or a new scrapbook to put my photos in… I found her breathtaking. She was beautiful to look at and I plucked up the courage to ask her to be a model for one of my photography projects, and she said she would agree only if I allowed her to draw me for one of her art projects… so, we made a deal”

The way you’re smiling makes him feel sick, but he couldn’t stop himself from talking, the words pouring out.

“She was… god, she was like a breath of fresh air, you know? She never cared about what other people thought of her, she was just living her life to the fullest with no worries or regrets. She was constantly happy and I think that’s what made her so attractive and kinda perfect to me…”

This is where Jaemin pauses, throat becoming dry and eyes beginning to sting as he realises what he’s about to say next. His heart thumps, his stomach churns and he’s afraid he’s about to have a panic attack, but he swallows everything down as he sees you looking at him with concern and he breathes steadily through his nose.

“Eunbin, she, uh… she got accepted into this art school that she desperately wanted to get in and worked hard for. She would continuously be all up day and night creating different art pieces to send off. I was happy for her, you know, her art is fucking gorgeous” Jaemin can’t help but praise, a faint smile spread across his lips as he remembers how proud he was. She is a really good artist. He rubs the sleeve of his shirt across his nose when he begins to sniffle, trying his best to contain his emotions that are daring to slip. “But the art school… The art school wasn’t here. which I didn’t realise at first. It was in New York. It was in fucking New York and she took it without any hesitations, not caring about anything else even though we talked about it. She said that the art school was the most important and meaningful thing to her, and that nothing else mattered… and she just, she—”

He hears you sigh, “Eunbin left you”

“Yeah, she left me” Jaemin drops his gaze to the table, refusing to look at you as his eyes gloss over. “I was proud of her, I always was. I admired her for working towards her dream and doing whatever she had to do to get to that dream… but I didn’t think she would leave me so easily for it, you know? She slept with me, I woke up and she was gone. Her and her stuff. Gone”

“Jaemin…” You say his name softly. “I’m so sorry”

He didn’t answer you, he couldn’t, too wrapped up in his own head as the images of him waking up alone in a cold bed flashes through his mind, all of Eunbin’s belongings gone apart from the ring she had left for him on the bedside table with a note: ‘𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘺 — 𝘦’. He had crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash, and didn't even touch the ring for months.

He hated her, all of his sadness and betrayal turning to anger and hatred, blocking her number and deleting all photos he had of her, ripping the ones he printed from his camera. He turned into a lost cause, using alcohol and drugs to cope, even tried sleeping with other women to get his mind off of her but it never worked, he was still picturing her face and hearing her name. Jaemin would’ve been stuck in his rut if it wasn’t for Jeno who pulled him out of it before it got even worse, sticking by his side and making sure that he was okay.

He’s forever grateful to Jeno. He appreciates Jeno deeply.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor and your body heat engulfing Jaemin is enough to bring him out of his head, his own arms winding around your waist, head burying in the crevice of your neck as he melts into your embrace, allowing you to comfort him with soothing strokes on the back of his head.

He holds you tight, fingers gripping your shirt in fear that you’d suddenly disappear from him too after opening up to you about Eunbin, but he feels you reassure him when you squeeze him back. You’re not going anywhere, he reminds himself, trying to steady his erratic heartbeat. You’re not leaving.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄… 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄]

“Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?” You ask him softly as he reaches your apartment building, your hand gently tugging on his to try and coax him in. “You came all this way…”

“I just wanted to walk you home” Jaemin speaks quietly, giving you a tight lipped smile as your eyes meet his. Truthfully, he didn’t want to come inside. He didn’t want to be around anyone. He wanted to be alone at home in his room after the day he’s had, feeling drained from the conversation prior.

Jaemin wasn’t ready to have any more conversations or even discussions about anything, he just wanted to rest even though he knew deep down that if he walked with you into your apartment, you would allow him to rest in your bed for as long as he needed… but he didn’t want that, not right now. He needed to be home.

He sees how reluctant you are to let him leave but you respect his wishes with a quick nod of your head before wrapping him up in your arms. He exhales deeply as he hugs you back, relaxing at the way your fingers massage the middle of his spine but pulls away before he allows himself to get too comfortable, ducking his head low to leave a simple kiss on your lips before turning on his heel, desperate to make his way back home without any other word.

Walking into the empty house is a lot worse than Jaemin anticipated, the silence making him feel uncomfortable to the point he had to turn on his computer to play music in the background so the silence wouldn’t be too much for him.

He didn’t know where the others were, but he was thankful to not have them around so he didn’t have to talk anymore, allowing himself to sit on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, trying his hardest to focus on the music and not let any thoughts of Eunbin enter his mind.

A part of him was thankful he opened up to you, to let you know what was going on inside his head, how bad the breakup had affected him and his mental health, but the other part of him hated himself for reopening up healing wounds, a fear that maybe he was never going to physically recover from the heartbreak and memories.

The waterworks start before Jaemin can even register what's happening, cheeks wet with salty tears and nose blocked. He’s unable to regulate his breathing, the heel of his palm rubbing vigorously against his chest as he tries to breathe steadily through his nose and out through his mouth but fails due to the choked sobs that leave his lips.

His other hand that rests on top of his head fists his hair at the roots and tugs, the pain that soars through his skull bringing him back to his senses and the tears stop, the heavy weight on his chest and the tightness of his throat withering away into nothing. He can finally breathe again and he drops both hands to his lap, staring emotionlessly at the floor as he takes big deep breaths of air, allowing the oxygen to settle in his lungs.

He sits alone for quite some time, not bothering to move a muscle as his mind empties, numbing himself out completely, but his head perks up slightly when he hears the front door open and slam shut, heaving footsteps bounding up the staircase, loud enough to be heard over the music. Jaemin cranes his neck over his shoulder just in time to see his bedroom swing open to reveal a panicked and worried looking Jeno standing in the doorway, bangs sweatily sticking to his forehead, chest heaving rapidly.

Jaemin’s brows pull together in confusion when he sees Jeno’s shoulders drop in relief at the sight of him, stepping inside the bedroom and closing the door behind himself with a sigh.

“What was that about?” Jaemin asks in slight amusement, rubbing the sleeve of his shirt against his nose with a quick sniffle, hoping the redness of his eyes has faded away.

“She told me everything, about how you two talked about—” Jeno pants too heavily to continue, waving his hands around comically before plopping himself down beside Jaemin on the bed, elbows resting on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. Jeno makes zero sense to Jaemin right now and he cocks his head to the side, trying to figure out what the hell Jeno was talking about until it slowly sinks in. You must’ve told Jeno what happened. You must’ve told Jeno that he opened up about Eunbin and Jeno got worried.

Jaemin swallows thickly, unable to look at Jeno. “I’m fi—”

“You don’t have to lie to me” Jeno cuts him off almost immediately, raising his head to stare at him with a hard look. “Don’t lie to me”

Jaemin blinks, cheeks flushed, “I will be fine”

Jeno doesn’t seem convinced but he slowly nods his head in understanding, placing a comforting hand on Jaemin’s back and Jaemin reels away from the touch before allowing himself to relax, letting Jeno be the comfort that he needs.

It doesn’t take long for the tears to start swelling in Jaemin’s eyes once again and a frustrated groan leaves his lips, tilting his head back to try and suck the tears back in but his miserable attempts fail him.

Jeno smiles sadly as he cups the back of Jaemin’s neck to drag him into his tight embrace, one hand patting the back of his head soothingly while the other wraps around his middle. He waits for Jaemin to fight back, to rip himself out of his arms and say how he doesn’t need to be comforted like this, knowing how uncomfortable he gets sometimes with too much physical contact. But Jeno’s surprised when he feels Jaemin’s body slump forward in his hold, fingers gripping the back of Jeno’s hoodie as his shoulders shake with quiet sobs.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍]

It was the morning after Jaemin’s breakdown and to be honest, he struggles to look Jeno in his eyes after crying in his arms for about an hour straight. He feels awkward, maybe even a little embarrassed even though Jeno is the only person that has seen all sides to Jaemin and is always quick to reassure him that everything is fine, and that it’s normal to be comforted when things go wrong or even when he’s upset.

“Are you seriously not going to look me in my eyes right now?” Jeno teases as the pair stand next to each other in the bathroom. Jaemin brushes his teeth quietly, keeping his eyes glued on his reflection in the mirror, trying not to feel hot under Jeno’s gaze. “I’ve seen you ass naked multiple times and you’ve acted fine, yet you can’t look at me after you’ve cried?”

“Shut up” Jaemin grumbles between a mouthful of toothpaste, unable to fight off the grin that creeps onto his face when Jeno bumps his shoulder with his. “Stop it”

“Okay” Jeno snorts as he puts down his own toothbrush, wiping the remaining paste away with a towel before grabbing the can of deodorant from the counter. “Me, Yangyang and Donghyuck got an early class today but we both finish around 10. We’re thinking of getting some breakfast later with the others if you want to join”

“Maybe” Jaemin hums.

“Can you hurry the fuck up?!” Donghyuck yells as he bursts through the bathroom door in an oversized puffer jacket and a knitted beanie on top of his head. “I got Mark blowing up my phone asking why me and Yangyang are taking so long—that Canadian fuck has his notes written on my laptop and he’s not shutting up about it!”

“Why did you let him use your laptop?” Jeno questions.

Donghyuck blinks, “I smashed his on accident”

“It wasn’t an accident” Yangyang corrects as he peers over Donghyuck’s shoulders, lips spreading into a grin. “Donghyuck got bratty when he wasn’t getting attention”

“It’s Mark’s fault!!” Donghyuck argues back angrily, huffing as Jeno pushes against his chest to usher him out of the bathroom, bidding Jaemin a quick goodbye as the trio leaves for the morning.

Jaemin’s left alone once again, not really knowing where Shotaro and Renjun disappeared early hours this morning but he wasn’t complaining, he had the whole morning to himself before he potentially had to meet up with the others if he wanted to go for breakfast. He wasn’t certain if he even wanted to go, he didn’t really feel hungry and he wasn’t exactly up for any company, but the second his phone pinged with your name flashing across the screen from an upcoming message, he was eager to see what you needed.

you: hey you: i don't have classes today :) you: do you wanna do smth with me

His eyes widen slightly, not even thinking twice as he glides out of the bathroom into his bedroom, leaving his phone open on his desk while he rummages through his closet to find something warm to wear. I won’t answer, He thinks to himself, I won’t answer but I’ll show up at your door as a surprise.

He pulls out a clean hoodie from its clothing hanger, letting the plastic drop to the ground as he shoves his arms through the sleeves and the hoodie over his head, running his fingers through his hair to style it out before looking for some matching sweatpants. Jaemin’s almost out of breath at how fast he’s rushing around his bedroom, glancing at his phone to check the time as he yanks his sweatpants up his legs, tying the string securely with a grin.

He knows you’re probably wondering why he’s read the message but hasn’t replied yet, already getting giddy at the mere thought of surprising you at your home. Maybe he should get some coffee along the way for you both.

Just as Jaemin yanks open his drawers to find a clean pair of socks, his back straightens almost immediately as he hears a knock at the front door, finding it extremely unusual for someone to be at the house this early in the morning. He begins to wonder if maybe someone had the wrong house, or if one of Yangyang’s hookups had forgotten something during their last encounter, or maybe it was you that decided to show up since he didn’t message back.

His heart warms at the thought and he’s unable to stop the grin that creeps on his lips as he exits his bedroom, jogging down the stairs with his hands smoothing out the wrinkles on his hoodie, fingers ruffling his hair to look somewhat presentable as he nears towards the front door.

He wonders if you’re going to give him an earful for leaving your text on read, or if you’re just going to stand there with an unamused expression on your face like you had done in the past. Jaemin snickers at the memory, curling his fingers around the door handle to pull it open, eager to hear what you’d have to say, but he freezes halfway.

Jaemin feels his heart drop in the pit of his stomach, a high pitched noise filling his ears as he takes a staggered step back, his hand that’s still locked around the door handle turns white from his iron grip. His heart thuds erratically in his chest, breathing laboured as he struggles to consume oxygen, vision slightly blurred so that it helps him no longer look at the face of the girl that’s appeared in front of him.

He feels so dizzy that he’s thankful for the hold he has on the door, knowing that if nothing supported him he would’ve collapsed to the ground in a full blown panic.

Maybe it was all in his head, maybe the conversation of opening up yesterday made him crazy. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t have been real. She wasn’t really here, she can’t be—

“Hey Jaemin” Eunbin greets him with the kindest of smiles and her voice was enough to set him off. She lets herself into the house without any problem, wrapping her arms around Jaemin’s middle and squeezing tightly, a giggle fleeting past her lips despite him tensing up beneath her sudden embrace.

He doesn’t hug back, he can’t even move his arms. He can’t fucking register what the fuck is going on. It doesn’t feel real, none of this feels real but he knows that he isn’t fortunate enough for this to be a dream, to be a hallucination.

Eunbin pulls back from the one-sided hug to stare up at Jaemin who is now looking down at her, eyes wide. She looks different than what Jaemin remembers. Her hair has grown longer and she’s cut her bangs in, completely barefaced. She’s dressed in a white sleeved shirt with a green knitted vest over the top, paired with baggy denim jeans and her shoes that Jaemin remembers all too well. The blue butterflies and green aliens that she painted on her white sneakers in his room stares back at him.

“Are we going to stand here all day?” Eunbin teases him as she toes off her sneakers, leaving them at the front door as she slips inside fully, shaking the bag in her hand gently as she turns to him. “I bought breakfast bagels and coffee. There’s enough for everyone”

“They’re not here” Jaemin finds his voice, but it's quiet and hardly audible to the point that Eunbin couldn’t hear him as she finds her way into the kitchen. Jaemin closes the door almost robotically and follows behind, lingering in the doorway as he watches Eunbin place the breakfast bagels and coffee on top of the kitchen island. He coughs to clear his throat, trying to force himself to speak louder. “What… what are you—”

“I flew in early hours this morning, if you’re wondering” Eunbin answers the question that’s been sitting at the end of his tongue. “I got some breakfast and I came straight here, to see you”

Jaemin swallows thickly, “To see me?”

Eunbin seems confused, but she still smiles softly. “Of course… I missed y—”

“You shouldn’t be here” Jaemin cuts her off almost immediately, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t be here. I’m not—You’re supposed to—” Jaemin’s eyes snap to Eunbin’s face as he decides to lie through his teeth. “I have someone coming over. I have plans”

“Oh” Eunbin blinks, feeling slightly awkward as she taps her nails on the styrofoam cup that holds her coffee. She seems curious, “Who?”

“Y/N” He speaks your name before he can even think.

“The girl from your Instagram?” A smile spreads across Eunbin’s lips. “She’s Eric’s girlfriend, right? Or ex-girlfriend, I think? She’s the one that used to come around a lot with him to see Jeno. I didn’t know you guys became so close—”

“Excuse me” Jaemin doesn’t even give her time to respond as he’s already turning away from the kitchen door frame, heading up the stairs to his bedroom and closing the door behind himself quietly. His forehead thuds against the cold wood and he takes long, slow deep breaths, trying to calm down his nerves that are unbelievably heightened.

Fingernails dig into his palms as he tries to ground himself when breathing gets harder to control, vision disfigured as tears form across his waterline. His chest grows tight and the pain that soars is enough to have the tears rolling down his cheeks, throwing his hand over his mouth to cover the cries that escape.

He can’t believe that this is happening, that Eunbin is sitting downstairs in the kitchen acting nonchalant, acting as if nothing ever happened during their last encounter. She should be in New York. Why did she come home? He inhales and exhales deeply, hastily rubbing his hands across his face to get rid of the tears as he turns on his heel, spotting his phone sitting open on his desk.

Jaemin curses beneath his breath as he rushes over to his phone, seeing the amount of messages you’ve left behind and he feels silly when he realises he’s left you completely on read throughout the entire series of texts. He wants to apologise and he types out his sorry message before deleting it, unsure of how to approach this situation and his mind wanders to Eunbin downstairs, his heart rapidly beating again.

He needs to be gone from this house, gone from Eunbin’s presence. Maybe if he asks you to come over and you knock at his door, he can tell Eunbin that you’re here and that he needs to leave. He lied to Eunbin earlier about you coming over, so she’ll believe it when she hears the knock at the door and Jaemin can rush downstairs to open it and quickly leave so he no longer has to be around Eunbin, and he can finally be with you.

jaemin: come here jaemin: the house jaemin: please

Jaemin presses send quickly, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip as the little read notification appears at the bottom of his texts and his shoulders relax slightly, hoping that you didn’t leave him on read after his stupid mistakes and were on your way over. Please.

• • •

Hiding away inside his room isn’t one of his best ideas, perhaps it is one of his pathetic ones but still, he wasn’t ready to leave his room and face the girl that is sitting in his kitchen. She called for him a few times, asking if he was okay but he dismissed it by saying he was looking for something and immediately declined when she offered to help.

Jaemin doesn’t want Eunbin here, he knows that much. He doesn’t want her to be anywhere near him after what happened during their last encounter, it baffles him at how nonchalant she’s acting about it. His brows pull together in deep thought, wondering if Eunbin had a different outcome of that night in her own mind. Is he curious? Possibly. Does he want to actually talk to her about it? No.

He knew this day would come, where she would come back home from New York and he’d see her face every now and again on the streets or in certain places, but he didn’t expect it to be this soon and he most definitely didn’t expect her to show up at his front door looking happy as ever, maybe even a little excited too.

It confuses him, and he hates it.

Although relief floods his system when he hears the front door open and close, wondering if Eunbin got tired of waiting or even realised what Jaemin’s true intentions were and left, and hopefully for good. He slides off his bed, gravitating towards the window and sneakily peeking through the curtains to see if Eunbin was leaving down the driveway but his stomach twists when he sees the white car parked out front with nobody occupying the drivers seat. Eunbin is still here, he frowns deeply, but why did the front door open?

Deciding to investigate, Jaemin quietly opens his bedroom door to leave the comfort of his room, silently walking across the landing to the stairs where he carefully climbs down, not making hardly any noises as he tries to listen in on the conversation that seems to be happening in the kitchen. His brows pull together as he moves faster and his heart thumps in his ears as he begins to recognise the voice that’s replying to Eunbin, body tensing as he stands in the doorway to see you sitting at the kitchen island with Eunbin.

You weren't supposed to come inside, but yet he couldn’t blame you for doing so. You are used to walking in and making yourself home, the boys have all told you (Haru and Miwoo) to do so. It’s normal for you, it’s normal for him… but fuck he wish that wasn’t the norm, not today. He didn’t want Eunbin talking to you, he didn’t want Eunbin anywhere near you. For a reason, Jaemin is unsure why, but he hates seeing Eunbin engaging in conversation with you which is why he decides to make his presence known.

“Hey”

Your head immediately snaps in his direction and with your eyes finally locked on his, Jaemin feels the worries inside his head begin to disintegrate, the weight on his shoulders slowly lifting. He’ll constantly be in awe at how simple you make him feel at ease, but his figure tenses up when Eunbin’s attention is now brought to him too.

But he keeps his eyes on you. You are the only person in this room that matters to him right now, the only person in this room he can look at without falling apart and he drags himself over to you, fingers itching to touch your skin, to feel your embrace.

He fully believes you read his mind because the second he stands beside you, your hand lays on his arm and his body relaxes, allowing to lean his weight into your side, his arm coming around to wrap around your back, clutching the back of the sweatshirt of his you’re wearing and he smiles softly, rubbing the fabric between his fingertips.

This calms him, being beside you, touching you. And his heart warms when he realises how fast you came over to help him, he’s filled with the uttermost gratitude and he wishes he can kiss you right then and there, but his head rises when he’s reminded of the person who is sitting opposite the two of you.

Eunbin smiles when she reaches his eyes but Jaemin’s quick to avert his attention back to you with a thick gulp, watching your hands that now rest in your lap. He’s eager to slip his fingers between yours and tug you out of the house, to disappear for a little while.

“I’m sorry if I’m making things awkward, but…” Eunbin speaks up, disrupting the silence. She points at Jaemin first before she points at you which Jaemin isn’t fond of, eyes narrow slightly. “Are you guys, like, a thing?”

You clear your throat to speak first, “We’re—”

“We’re sleeping together” Jaemin tells her before he can even register what he’s saying. His lips press together in a tight line when he fully realises what he’s just blurted out, but there’s a twisted part of him that enjoys seeing the look on Eunbin’s face. His hand slips up your back to rest on your shoulder. “We’re exclusive”

The way you comically turn your head to look at Jaemin is enough to make him smile despite the ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach. He can see the uncomfortable look on your face and he’s regretful, not wanting to put you in such a position and he curses at himself for letting his pettiness get the best of him. He drops his left eye into a wink, hoping to silently reassure you and tell you everything is okay.

“Oh” Eunbin blinks, unsure of what to say. “How long?”

“A mo—”

The sound of you clearing your throat makes Jaemin stop and he looks down at you, a little confused but also worried, squeezing your shoulder in a gesture to ask if you’re alright but you ignore it as you give him a smile which he notices is not legitimate. “Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat… Anyways, I’m late so, uh, I’m gonna go. Bye”

The second you stand up from your seat, Jaemin is quick to grasp your hand in his. He sees how uncomfortable and panicky you look and his chest tightens, hoping to calm you down as his thumb grazes over the tops of your knuckles. He notices how your eyes nervously glance around the room, looking over at Eunbin who is already staring at you both and Jaemin sighs, cupping your cheeks in his hands to force you to look at him, not wanting you to feel intimidated under Eunbin’s gaze.

“Where are you going?” He questions with a whisper. He doesn’t want you to leave without him, he wants you to whisk him away to wherever you’re heading… he doesn’t want to be alone with Eunbin. “Don’t… don’t leave”

“We’re going to be late to get breakfast with everyone” Jaemin’s eyes widen and relief instantly floods through his veins when he hears the emphasis on the ‘we’re’, realising that you’re going to take him with you and he couldn’t be more happier. He removes his hands from your cheeks to lace his fingers with your own, ready to leave right then and there.

“Wait…” Eunbin speaks up before Jaemin can even begin to ask her to leave the house. He briefly glances over at her, watching as she rubs the back of her neck and gives a nervous smile, “I just got here… I haven’t seen you in months and you’ve been avoiding me. Can we just talk? Please?”

“I—” Jaemin gulps at the sad look Eunbin casts his way and he sighs heavily, running his fingers through his hair. He’s conflicted seeing the all-to familiar sorrowful look on Eunbin’s face, it disgusts him how much it pulls at his heartstrings and makes him feel like a shitty person. But with the hand that's locked in your own and your body brushing against his from the close proximity, he wants you. He wants to leave with you.

“It won’t be long, I promise” Eunbin promises him with hope. “Just for an hour, okay? I need to talk to you”

Jaemin’s silent now, staring at nothing in particular with his brows pulled together in deep thought, mind overcrowding with confusing thoughts and feelings that’s enough to give him a headache. His teeth bite down on his tongue with force, trying his hardest to focus on the pain to get rid of hushed voices inside of his head but he struggles deeply.

Closure, the voice in his head repeats. This could be closure. His eyes dart towards Eunbin who’s already staring back at him. Tell her how she made you feel. His forehead creases, lips forming in a straight line as his jaw tightens with a glare. Tell her how badly she fucked up.

“Fine” He nods his head once, “I’ll stay”

Jaemin turns to look at you when he feels your hand slip away from his grip, refusing to meet his eyes as your back straightens up, sending a tight lipped smile to Eunbin who seems content with his answers.

“It’s nice meeting you”

“You too,” Eunbin admits with a genuine smile. “I hope we can see each other again?”

Jaemin watches as you nod your head before bidding a quick goodbye, turning on your heel as you head out of the kitchen and Jaemin’s mouth open and closes repeatedly, unsure of what to say as he hurriedly follows behind you, latching his fingers around your wrist before you could open the front door and escape.

He presses your back against it, eyes filled with panic as they meet your emotionless ones, shocked that you’re trying to leave without even saying anything to him. Why are you mad? Did he say something wrong? Is staying not the right choice? Are you disappointed? He hates not knowing what’s going on inside your head, desperate for you to talk to him.

Jaemin’s hands shakingly come up to gently touch your face, pushing the strands of hairs neatly behind your ears as he dips his head down, trying to meet your eyes once again when you look away from him. Please look at me. He cradles your jaw, his thumb caressing your skin as he raises your head when you finally look at him and he leans in, pressing his mouth to yours in a slow kiss.

He feels your body react to him, instantly relaxing and curling your fists around the material of his hoodie to pull him closer and he complies, stepping forwards so his body is flush against yours, leaving no room for either of you. His arms slither around your waist as yours wrap around his shoulders, exhaling deeply when he feels your fingers tug at the hairs on the nape of his neck. The kiss is full of desperation, yearning, and he almost whines when you start to pull away from him, his lips immediately chasing yours but stops, opting to rest his forehead against yours as he tries to catch his breath.

“I didn’t want to stay” He tells you, wanting to explain his thought process to you. “But I think I need to do this for me, for closure” Jaemin’s hands rub the bottom of your back as he feels himself slowly go into a panicked state, wanting to calm himself down. “I need to tell her how I felt. I need her to understand that I—”

“You don’t have to explain it” You cut him off with a smile and he melts as he still feels you playing with the hair at the back of his head. “It’s okay, Jaemin”

Jaemin blinks softly, chest warming at the reassurance and he nods his head gratefully. He kisses your lips once again and he has the sudden urge to smile when he feels you kiss him back with your hand placed on his cheeks. He completely forgets about the person sitting alone in the other room, waiting for him to come back.

Truthfully, he doesn’t care about anything when he’s with you. You make him forget a lot of things that usually leave him in a rut. You help him breathe, you help him feel normal, you make everything seem worth it.

The kiss is broken and Jaemin opens the door for you when you’re ready to leave, leaning against the wood as he stares at you, something tugging at his heart as you give him a smile and he freezes, body stiff against the door.

“Y/N…” He whispers your name softly, teeth gnawing down on his bottom lip as his palms become clammy. “I, uh… I…”

“What?” You press with a giggle.

“I…” Jaemin swallows thickly, something heavy dawning on him. He’s come to realise that you are the most important person to him, maybe even more than Jeno and that leaves him in internal shock but a smile crawls onto his lips as he stares at you a little longer. Jaemin has always appreciated the things he loves, and he wasn’t exactly sure what kind of love it is, but, “I appreciate you”

• • •

“She seems really sweet” Eunbin admits as Jaemin finds his way back into the kitchen after seeing you off, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he leans against the countertop across from Eunbin, keeping his distance which she seems to notice almost instantly. “You can sit, you know—”

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin cuts her off with the question that's been swimming around in his mind, brows furrowing as he chews the inside of his cheek. He wants answers. He needs answers.

“I… told you. I came to see you—”

“But why?” Jaemin presses, frustration already beginning to build.

“I missed you” Eunbin admits, a sad frown displaying across her lips as she fiddles with her fingers. “I mean, I tried contacting you the entire time I was gone but you blocked my number”

“Why do you think I would keep your number after what you did?” Jaemin tilts his head to the side, staring at Eunbin who slowly sinks down into her seat under his gaze. “Do you even understand what happened? You fucked me and then you left. You didn’t tell me you were leaving, you just did”

“Jaemin—”

“Do you know how badly you fucked me up after that?” He seethes through his teeth. Jaemin doesn’t mean to get angry, but he struggles to control his emotions towards the girl that’s in front of him, wanting nothing more than her to understand what she has done. “I lost my fucking mind because of you and you were living your best life in New York”

“But we talked about New York after I confessed” Eunbin speaks with desperation in her voice. “We spoke about it and I told you that it was my dream to go, and you were supportive—”

“I was supportive of you following your dream. I wasn’t supportive of you lying to me about going to New York” Jaemin corrects, clenching his fists inside of his pockets and digging his fingernails into his palms, trying to keep control of his emotions, not wanting to break down. “You told me how the art school was the most meaningful and important thing to you, and that nothing else mattered…”

“You matter,” Eunbin quickly adds before she sighs. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Jae”

“But you did,” Jaemin smiles sadly. “I understand how important that art school was for you and I was happy that you got what you wanted because you worked hard for it… but understand from my perspective how shitty it was to find out that it was in New York and you leaving the day after”

“What I did was shitty, I know that” She admits, chewing down on her bottom lip as tears brim in her eyes. She looks down at her hands. “I shouldn’t have kept it a secret that it was in New York and I shouldn’t have left after sleeping with you… In my head, when we were arguing about it and I apologised, and then we slept together, I thought we were fine. I thought you were okay about the art school being in New York because you told me you loved me and you supported my dreams, which is why I left for it the next day”

Jaemin feels the sting as his eyes well up with his own tears and he tries to blink them back, “You thought we were fine?” That explains why she came here this morning… She thought we were still fine.

“I’m so sorry, Jae” Eunbin stands up from her seat, making her way over to stand in front of Jaemin who tenses up and leans further back against the countertop. “I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry for being so selfish… but please understand that it was never my intention to hurt you. Please”

Jaemin doesn’t speak. He can’t find the right words to describe how he’s feeling. But hearing Eunbin call herself selfish and apologise for hurting him left him in shock. He didn’t really expect Eunbin to feel this bad. Honestly, he was worried and waiting for another pending argument, to hear her tell her side of the story and stick with it, so having her admit her faults in front of him was enough to have the weight lifted off his shoulders.

Closure, the voice in his head speaks. You got your closure.

His head drops, chin touching his chest as he exhales before he slowly nods his head, an indication that Eunbin knows all too well. Jaemin accepts the apology, he hasn’t forgiven her for what happened and admittedly, he’s still a little angry, but he’s thankful for her verbal apology.

Eunbin smiles through her tears as she steps forward, wrapping her arms around Jaemin in a tight embrace for the second time today. Jaemin’s brows jump in surprise, listening as she quietly cries against his chest, clutching his hoodie desperately and Jaemin remains still, staring down at the top of her head with his hands still buried deep in his pockets.

#nct #nct smut #nct dream #nct dream smut #nct jaemin #nct jaemin smut #jaemin smut #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct au #nct fic #jaemin au #jaemin fic #jaemin angst #fic: the way life goes

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complete-in-ix · 1 year ago

Text

You've Got Diamonds For Teeth, My Love

Rated: M

Warning(s): Suggestive. Very suggestive. No smut, though

Description: Today is supposed to be a quiet day; one of the only days that could vaguely be considered "free time" so close to their comeback. Sumin had planned to spend it quietly in Jinsik's company, the two of them working on their own projects while in each other's orbit, because that's how most of their dates go to begin with, so why not kill two birds with one stone?

Unfortunately, Sumin's feelings—some new and some still unsaid from months ago—prove to be too much of a distraction for him. Then again, if it leads to them both discovering new things about each other, is it really such a bad thing?

(Read on Ao3)

Note if you don't use ao3 and can't see the notes I put there: I made Sumin trans and Jinsik autistic because I'm autistic and trans and I say so. I did the same thing with Jinsik in LYHSU, again because I'm autistic and I see him with my autistic eyes, however it should go without saying that I am not diagnosing him nor am I clocking Sumin, this is just my fun projection onto their stage personas.

It's unusually quiet in the dorms today. Minjae is holed up in his room, no doubt having been up since the previous night working on his own projects. Junmin has been dragged out by the four of the 05s for a day out on the town, though he only agreed to it on the condition that they come straight back home if they're spotted. All the better, really, considering their comeback is in less than a week. Speaking of the comeback, Hyunwoo has elected to stay in the practice rooms to clean up some choreo details that he claimed to be lacking in. Sumin thinks he's doing fine—especially considering his comparatively late start—but decided not to argue as he left. Jinsik is staying home to keep Junghoon company, so that leaves Sumin with the opportunity to be completely—well, almost—alone with his boyfriend for a whole day. It's not like they won't be getting anything done anyway; Sumin's got his notebook in his lap that he's drafting a new song in while Jinsik goes over his vocals.

Jinsik's voice is fucking gorgeous. Even while just going through warmups, he has Sumin mesmerized. It might be a bad thing, considering that he has projects to work on, but it's fine. There's no deadline yet, so he can afford to bask in his love a little longer. At this point, he's sure most Roadies have caught on to their relationship with how much he sings his praise for Jinsik's... Everything, really—not to mention their whole "honey-darling" thing getting exposed early on. It's not like he minds. From what he's seen while stalking his own searches, those who have caught on are at least graciously staying silent for their sake or are thinking that they're imagining things.

"Koong, koong, yeah no turning back~" Jinsik changes up his run at the end this time. He's surprised himself with how nice it sounds compared to his other practice runs, if the way he perks up like a happy puppy has anything to show for it. Sumin hides his smile behind his notebook. He'd hate to distract Jinsik with his feelings—which are very much not conducive to his practicing! Still, he can't resist the urge to compliment him.

"You should do that the next time we perform it live, jagi. Roady will go wild for it," he comments. He watches the blush dust Jinsik's cheeks, accompanied by that flustered half-smile he always has whenever someone praises him unexpectedly. Jinsik knocks his foot against his from the other side of the couch they've been sharing.

"Stop it. They'll go wilder for your killing scream—they have been, actually. Did you see how they reacted to the teaser?" Ah, Jinsik, humble and deflecting the praise as always. Good thing Sumin is persistent enough to keep laying it on until Jinsik accepts it.

"I did. I couldn't have done it without your voice leading me in, though." Sumin closes his notebook to seal his words in. He isn't going to get much work done at this point, anyway. Jinsik makes a sort of whining noise in complaint, staring off somewhere to the side instead of meeting Sumin's eyes. That's fine by Sumin, he knows how Jinsik is with eye contact. He won't force him. "I mean it! You have a really impressive high note before I scream anyway, Roady will love a double kill like that! I love it!" He crawls over to Jinsik's side of the couch, stopping just short of his lap. "I love you~ " he adds, just because he can.

"You're distracting me from my practice," Jinsik mutters, though his smile is audible in his words. He continues before Sumin can respond. "I don't mind, though. I was running words—out of the—running of—" he cuts himself off with an incoherent jumble of half-words, his tongue betraying him yet again. Cute.

"Take your time, jagi." Sumin reaches out to take Jinsik's hand, squeezing it in reassurance. Jinsik squeezes it back, fumbling with his free hand for his phone. He taps something out on his notes, passing it to Sumin after a moment.

"Was running out of words for 2day neway, if I kept going I wouldn't want 2 talk when the others get home :(" it says. Understandable, he's been practicing all their previous releases and every song on their upcoming comeback since they had finished lunch. Sumin expresses this much in the reply he types out on another line.

"That's fair, you've been at it for a while now. The others will understand though, you don't have to worry about that!" He passes Jinsik's phone back to him, watching his face while he waits for the reply. Jinsik's eyebrows furrow, and those pretty lips twist into a pout.

"Yea bt I wanna talk 2 them :( Idk it jst feels kinda unfair if I'm 2 tired 2 talk" Jinsik looks up at Sumin like a kicked puppy when he passes the phone back to him. Sumin's heart lurches in his chest. Jinsik is truly too sweet for this world.

"Jagiya, everyone would rather you be quiet and comfortable than force yourself to talk if you don't want to! If anyone gives you trouble for it, I'll scold them >:(" Jinsik's face breaks into a smile upon reading Sumin's reply. God, that smile. Sumin had already been enamored the moment he saw it. If Jinsik had looked like an untouchable angel before he smiled, then after he did, he looked like the sun's warmth personified; and Sumin was freezing . The way his eyes curve up into crescent moons, those adorable dimples, and his teeth... Those fucking teeth. So straight and white and a subtle sort of sharp that Sumin sort of really wants to feel sinking into his skin. He shakes the thought out of his head just in time for Jinsik to pass his phone back to him.

"You'll blow out everyone's ears lol" Sumin has to take a second to recall what they had just been talking about, having gotten more than a little caught up in his own head. Jinsik giggles as Sumin fumbles to reply. What can he say, at this point? Surely Jinsik has caught on to the state he's in, right?

"Uh. Sorry, head empty," Sumin stammers out loud, handing Jinsik's phone back to him with the cursor blinking on an empty line. Jinsik can't stop giggling as he types up his next message. Sumin bites his lip to hold back the rush of feelings that bubble up in his chest at the sound, all those soft and gushy sweet nothings that the others make fun of him for every time he lets them slip around them. It's not like he's embarrassed to be this in love, it's just... This is a side that only Jinsik can unlock. It's only fair that only Jinsik can see it.

"U were the one trying to distract me and now here u are~ U didn't even want to work on anything, did u? 🤨" Jinsik keeps grinning at him when he passes his phone over, his tongue sticking out from between his teeth like a playful puppy. This is not helping Sumin out of the pit he's falling into!

"I did, I was working on things!" Sumin whines out loud, pulling another round of giggles from Jinsik. Fuck it, might as well bite the bullet.

"But yeah I guess you're right... Since we're both distracted, can I just kiss you instead?" This time, Sumin is the one who can't face Jinsik while passing the phone back. It's sort of stupid how flustered he still gets even after they've been together for almost a year now. Then again, even after this long, Jinsik still finds new ways to thrill him.

Like now, when Jinsik's pocketing his phone instead of typing a new message and pulling Sumin the rest of the way into his lap. He reaches up to cup Sumin's face with his free hand, his thumb gently tracing over his lip in a silent request. Sumin's breath hitches.

"Please," he whispers. There's barely any space between them now, yet it's also far too much. Jinsik huffs out a laugh into that minute chasm between them.

He knocks his forehead against Sumin's—most likely to tease him for still being too shy to initiate it when he had been the one to ask for a kiss to begin with—and finally closes the distance between them.

Sumin melts into him instantly. Jinsik smiles against his lips, soft and sweet. It shouldn't be this easy to wind him up, but here he is falling apart just from one kiss and the warmth of Jinsik's hand on his face. Then again, it's been quite a while since they've had time to be alone together, and it'll be even longer until they get this chance again. Best savour the chance while they have it.

Sumin sighs against Jinsik's lips, still so soft against his own even though he feels like a dog straining at its leash. Jinsik takes it as a sign to deepen the kiss, tilting his head and slotting their lips together until Sumin's head is spinning.

"Jagi," he all but whimpers. Jinsik hums in response, those deep brown eyes staring into his with so much unbridled love that Sumin's breath gets knocked straight from his chest. Not the best thing to happen considering he had broken the kiss to catch it, but that doesn't matter. His want for oxygen is irrelevant, he needs Jinsik. It must be obvious with the way Jinsik grins at him, his tongue curling around his canines and setting Sumin's heart alight.

"I really want you to bite me," Sumin blurts out, breathless and dazed. Jinsik gives a choked yelp, drawing back in surprise. He doesn't push Sumin away, at least. "I-I mean! I just—um." Sumin flails for the right words to explain himself, looking everywhere but Jinsik's flushed face. "I really like your teeth?"

Nailed it.

Jinsik gives a flustered squeak, his hands instinctively coming up to cover his mouth. Sumin has half a mind to stop him but refrains. Jinsik has never handled being suddenly restrained very well.

"Please don't misunderstand, it's just... I've been thinking about it for a while—”

“I’d say it was Jinsik,” Sumin had said upon being asked who in his team should be MVP for short-forms. “At first he seemed a bit awkward, but as time went by he started to relax and his charm started to come out.” At this point, he had known he was starting to ramble. He knew it could be risky for him to spill his feelings so obviously, but perhaps if he kept his face neutral, made sure his tone was even—something he was much better at than the boy whose heart is in his hands—then perhaps it would be okay. “His teeth are so even, so when he was telling the camera his superpower and showing them off, it was so ravishing that I picked him.” Okay. That was definitely way too much to say. He at least managed to say it neutrally enough that the PDs behind the camera didn’t notice anything off. His rambling made it into the final cut of the episode, interspersed with cuts of Jinsik’s gorgeous smile highlighted by some ridiculous glitter filter. Thank fuck he at least kept it together externally in front of the cameras. Sumin still remembers what it was like to actually watch Jinsik grin like that in person; his eyes helplessly drawn to the way his tongue lolled out of his mouth while he stuttered and reset his mouth before retaking yet another line, grinning all the while. Once he noticed, he couldn’t stop. It was killing him.

“—and I just think I would like it?"

Sumin's doing an awful job at sounding sure of himself. Jinsik seems to agree, staring up at him like he's sprouted a tail. He drops Sumin's gaze after a moment. Sumin opens his mouth to explain further or drop the subject only to find all his words stolen from him at the sight of Jinsik lowering his hands.

Jinsik's tongue traces his teeth, slow and unsure. He gently bites down once he reaches his canine, its sharp point sinking into his flesh. Sumin's throat goes dry. Jinsik winces in pain, shutting his mouth and staring up at Sumin like he's been handed a gun and told to shoot. He doesn't let the eye contact waver this time, so Sumin knows it's serious.

"You won't hurt me, jagi. Your tongue is more sensitive than—" Sumin clears his throat to brace himself. "—I dunno, my neck." Fuck. Still stumbled. Jinsik drops his gaze, staring down at the coffee table instead. He seems to be fighting with himself over Sumin's suggestion. Sumin gives him another to alleviate his worry and fill the silence between them—not like they'd been especially loud before, he hopes. "I won't force you if you don't want to do it. You do know that applies to everything I ask you, right? If you say no, I won't be mad."

Jinsik nods slowly, his resolve finally returning to his eyes when he locks them with Sumin's again. He takes Sumin's hand, those pretty fingers wrapping around his wrist and bringing it up to his face. Sumin doesn't pull away, half suspecting Jinsik's intentions. As predicted, he presses his kiss-red lips to Sumin's fingers. Then, as not predicted, he parts them to place the first two fingertips between his teeth—not biting down yet, just holding them there. He hasn't taken his eyes off Sumin's for this entire exchange. The contrast between Jinsik's shy doe eyes asking him for permission and the blunt presence of his teeth already on Sumin's skin is so much hotter than he ever would have imagined.

"Yeah," Sumin chokes out, "go ahead." The words are thick in his throat and he's only half aware that they've even gotten out of him. Is this how Jinsik feels when he gets tongue-tied?

He doesn't have any time to contemplate the question before Jinsik's biting down; slowly at first, an almost imperceptible pressure that quickly blooms into twin pinpricks of pleasure-pain once he applies some real force into it. Sumin just barely bites down the whine bubbling up in his throat, but can't hide the shiver that rattles down his entire body. Jinsik releases him almost immediately, his eyes darting about in panic. Sumin rushes to reassure him.

"It's okay, I'm okay! It doesn't hurt," he soothes. "You can do it harder, I like it." His face burns with the admission, but it's not like he was lying. Jinsik raises his eyebrow, taking Sumin up on the challenge.

This time, he takes Sumin's fingers down to the second knuckle, parting them with his tongue until they're both directly between his teeth. He gives less warning and more force this time, emboldened by his first success.

Sumin can't hide his moan this time, slapping his free hand over his mouth to at least muffle the sound. Something darkens in Jinsik's eyes, reminiscent of the devil that Sumin sometimes sees while watching his fancams. He loosens his hold for just a second to let Sumin recover before closing his jaws around him again—the hardest bite yet. This one has Sumin slumping against the couch, weak with the want that's been burning in his stomach.

"What the fuck? " Hyunwoo's voice sounds from behind them. The combined force of Sumin and Jinsik's flinching nearly sends Sumin tumbling to the floor, saved only by Jinsik's arm around his waist.

"Can you not sneak up on me like that—" Sumin hisses, whipping around to glare at Hyunwoo. He hides his hand—his first two fingers slightly slick with spit—as quickly as he can, but the damage has been done.

"Can you not do that? At least not on the couch that we have to share?" Hyunwoo retorts. "You know what, I don't even want to know what you guys were doing, if you're not gonna stop, just take it to a room!" he storms off before Sumin can snap back at him. It doesn't stop Sumin from hissing a: "We weren't planning to do anything, but fine!" after him under his breath. He turns back to face Jinsik after a moment, somewhat shaky now that the adrenaline rush—both from being bitten and from getting caught—is starting to wear off. Jinsik gladly welcomes him back into his arms to hide. There's a slight shifting of Jinsik taking his phone back out of his pocket, and he taps Sumin's shoulder shortly after.

"Doesn't him leaving sort of defeat the point of us getting a room?" Sumin barks out a laugh upon reading Jinsik's message. Jinsik whines in complaint, lightly smacking Sumin's arm with his phone.

"Ah, sorry, I wasn't laughing at you," Sumin placates. He presses a kiss to Jinsik's cheek in apology, Jinsik melting against him in acceptance. "You're right, but we should probably move anyway. Now that Hyunwoo's home, we'll probably have more interruptions if we stay out here." Sumin is loath to leave the warmth of Jinsik's embrace, but he forces himself up and off the couch. "Do you want to keep going? We don't have to, I'll get back to work if you don't." Jinsik accepts the hand that Sumin holds out to help him up, although he just clings to Sumin in favour of going anywhere else. Sumin makes a questioning noise, unsure of whether he should leave Jinsik be or drag him to his room. He'd be lying if he said he didn't prefer the latter over the former, but he'd rather let Jinsik control the pace of their relationship.

"My room is farther from the others, let's go there," Jinsik's next message says, followed by: "I don't want to stop." The heat in Sumin's stomach—that had been significantly dampened by Hyunwoo's return—comes roaring back to life as he reads it.

All the words that he could say in response get caught in his throat at once, so he leans in to kiss Jinsik instead. Jinsik is quick to reciprocate, pulling him in by the waist and swiping his tongue over Sumin's lips.

Oh. He's eager.

Sumin's knees nearly give out on him at the realization, held up only by Jinsik's hold on him. They should probably get to Jinsik's room, fast.

"Mmh—jagi, come on," Sumin manages to stammer in between kisses. "Let's get to your room before someone else walks in." Jinsik growls against him in complaint, but he eventually relents, pulling back for just long enough to drag Sumin to his room and close the door behind them. As soon as the door clicks shut, Jinsik is back on him, all but tackling him onto his bed—thank god he's on the bottom bunk—and crashing their lips together again.

Sumin easily melts under him, pliant and weak for his enthusiasm. Jinsik has always thrown his all into expressing his feelings; crying when he's sad, laughing when he's happy—Sumin has yet to see what would happen if he gets angry, but just the thought of it sends a thrill down his spine like no other. This, though... Jinsik kisses him like he wants to eat him alive, all teeth and tongue that burns his desire into Sumin's very soul.

Jinsik wants him.

The realization has Sumin muffling a moan into Jinsik's mouth, blindly grasping at his cardigan to ground himself. Jinsik huffs a laugh against his lips, sultry and self-satisfied. He must be on a mission to single-handedly kill Sumin today. He guides Sumin a little farther up the bed to settle in next to him, breaking the kiss to slip the cardigan off. Sumin chokes on his own breath.

"Uh," he stammers. Perfectly articulate! Okay, can he really be blamed for losing his grasp on language at the sight of his boyfriend's arms? First of all, Jinsik is his boyfriend , second, he may not be as big of a gym rat as Minjae-hyung or Hunter but his arms are fucking nice . Third of all, Jinsik is kissing him again, so he has no need for words now, anyway. Jinsik keeps it relatively chaste this time, leaving Sumin to catch his breath while he leaves a line of kisses down his jaw leading down to his neck. Ah, right. He'd mentioned that earlier. Jinsik mouths over Sumin's pulse point, most likely able to feel his heart pounding through the sensitive skin there. Sumin digs his hand into the sheets, too shy to reach out and grab for Jinsik's waist despite their proximity. He's burning up, he realizes.

"Jagi—ah—hold on," Sumin groans, his speech slurred by the heat under his collar and Jinsik's ministrations. Jinsik immediately pulls back, his eyes shining with muted concern. It does little to mask how his pupils are blown wide open, something dark burning behind them that has Sumin biting back a whimper. He pulls himself together just enough to strip himself of his hoodie; the material much too thick and heat-trapping for what he's doing. Besides, he wants to feel Jinsik's touch. "Sorry, got too hot," he mutters, tossing it somewhere across the room.

Jinsik stares at him with nothing short of hunger . He still has a t-shirt on—they both do—but Jinsik's gaze is so intense that it feels like he can see straight through it; past his skin right to his jackhammering heart. Suddenly shy under Jinsik's scrutiny, Sumin crosses his arms over his chest, digging his fingers into his arms to hide his self-consciousness.

"What? My body isn't that built, is it?" he asks. He gives Jinsik a hopefully lighthearted smile, his eyes dropping away from Jinsik's eyes; down to his flushed cheeks, his kiss-swollen lips parted to reveal those fucking perfect teeth, the bob of his Adam's apple, the pretty jut of his collarbones. No matter where he looks, he can still feel Jinsik's gaze raking up and down his body like a floodlight.

Is this why Jinsik avoids eye contact all the time? He'd once told Sumin that it feels too personal, too searching when other people look him in the eye. Sumin is sure that had been true, but perhaps Jinsik had also been protecting everyone else from himself. If he feels like this just from Jinsik looking at his body, surely he would combust if their eyes meet. He manages to hide his eyes until Jinsik reaches out for him again, grasping his hand and gently pulling it away from where he had been digging his nails into his arm. He hadn't even noticed the pain until it was gone. He lets his other arm drop, forcing the tension to bleed out from his shoulders so Jinsik knows he still has a green light.

"Sumin," Jinsik sighs, his voice low and ever so slightly rough from disuse. Sumin's eyes snap back up to meet his; if he's speaking again, it's serious. Jinsik's eyes are fathomlessly deep pools of love and desire, flecks of concern flashing within the depths. Sumin's breath is punched from his chest. "You're beautiful. It doesn't matter how built your body is, I still want it."

Sumin chokes on his own breath. Jinsik does too, if the panicked tongue-tied noises that accompany Sumin's wheezing have anything to show for it.

"I mean—not like that, I didn't—yes like that but—" Jinsik's half-sentence ends in a whine that he muffles into his free hand. Sumin lets out a flustered laugh, squeezing Jinsik's hand in reassurance.

"It's okay, I get what you mean. Do you want to keep going?" Sumin asks, his smile coming naturally now that some of the tension between them has dissolved. "You don't have to say it out loud, just kiss me if you do."

Jinsik wastes no time in diving right back in, twisting his hand so he can entwine his fingers with Sumin's as their lips meet. He's smiling against Sumin's lips, kissing him with a familiar spark behind it that has Sumin's heart swooping. He's grown more daring with this latest break, his free hand seeking out Sumin's and guiding it to his own waist. Sumin flails for half a second until Jinsik's tongue returns and he's gladly digging his fingers into that soft warmth. He's tempted to dip his hand under the fabric between him and Jinsik's skin, feel the way his muscles tense under him, maybe dig his nails in and leave marks somewhere the stylists won't see. He refrains. Better to let Jinsik make the first move on that front.

As if on cue, Jinsik's free hand slips under his shirt—not far, just his fingertips skimming over the jut of his hip. Sumin still feels sparks from his touch. Jinsik starts to pull back—most likely to check if that's okay with him—and Sumin surges up to reconnect them. This is more than okay with him, Jinsik could do pretty much whatever he wanted and Sumin would let him.

"Please," he whispers, in case Jinsik needs more clarity. Jinsik grins at him, somehow adorable and absolutely wicked at the same time. He gestures for Sumin to wait, pushing himself up to the headboard and propping himself up with his pillow. Heat rushes to Sumin's face. He can't possibly mean—! All of Sumin's thoughts fracture into nothing when Jinsik makes a "come hither" movement with his fingers. That has absolutely no right to be as hot as it is! Sumin bites back a fucking mewl as he crawls into Jinsik's lap, heat pooling honey-slow in his stomach. He settles a safe distance from Jinsik—close enough to not risk falling off, but still far enough for some breathing room just in case—hyper aware of how his legs are bracketing Jinsik's hips.

Contrasting Sumin's expectations, Jinsik doesn't immediately start digging into him. He's slow instead, almost reverent in the way he slides his hands up Sumin's thighs and up his shirt. Sumin lets out a shaky sigh as those pretty hands skirt over his hips, one hand settling at his waist and the other continuing up to his chest until he can trace the scars there. He's painfully gentle, glancing up into Sumin's eyes as his fingers follow the lines left by Sumin's surgeon.

Jinsik tilts his head up at him. He already knows about this aspect of Sumin's life, but they've never really gone into extensive detail about it. Sumin can see the questions drifting about in the sea of love that are Jinsik's eyes. Is it okay to touch you here? Did it hurt? What was it like, having to deal with this before? Sumin only nods to answer the first, the rest can come later.

"Come here, jagi," Sumin murmurs. "Don't be shy." He drapes his arms around Jinsik's neck, playing with the collar of his shirt. He sort of wants to take it off him, expose the unmarred skin underneath and ravage him until he's fully marked up as his and only his. He refrains, though. He'll wait for Jinsik to let him first, and he has plenty of patience.

Jinsik, ever the sweet boyfriend, pulls Sumin into a hug. He sighs against the crook of Sumin's neck, soft lips brushing over his throat. Sumin shivers under him, yet again reminded of the sharp teeth hidden behind that softness.

"Love you," Jinsik whispers, and then he's pressing a kiss to Sumin's pulse point and sinking those teeth in.

"Ah—!" Sumin's gasp is far too loud for the space they're in; although it's not like he's in any state to care. He tangles his fingers into Jinsik's hair to hold him there, even when it starts to hurt. Jinsik releases him right when it's at the edge of too much, lapping his tongue over the bite like some kind of beast. Sumin keens, tilting his head to give Jinsik better access.

Jinsik practically purrs , kissing and biting his way down Sumin's neck until he's filling the room with his gasps and bitten-off moans. He soothes every bite with his tongue, the hand on Sumin's waist tracing patterns into his skin to ground him as he squirms.

"Love you," Jinsik whispers after a particularly hard bite. "Love you so much."

The hand that had been tracing his scars comes to rest over Sumin's heart, perhaps the only thing keeping it from beating out of his chest. Sumin would let him take it out of its cage any day, hold him while it bleeds and beats just for him. A year earlier, he would have been scared to be so completely at Jinsik's mercy; now it just thrills him all the more. Jinsik is good to him—too good, sometimes—he can handle a little pain.

"I love you too," Sumin sighs. "More than I can ever say." Jinsik makes a soft noise of dissent. He takes his hand out from under Sumin's shirt to press a finger to his lips. Sumin understands it perfectly: "Don't say it, then. Just show me."

He does exactly that, entwining his hand with Jinsik's and kissing him hard. Jinsik hums appreciatively against his lips, opening up to his mercy. Sumin nearly nicks his tongue against Jinsik's teeth, drawing a low moan from his boyfriend.

Oh. So this is how he had been feeling.

Sumin's world tints pink upon this first taste of control; he'd very much like to drown in it now that he knows the hold he has over Jinsik. He hardly lets himself up to breathe, diving in deeper every time he returns. With the way he now leans over Jinsik, he's forced to guide his hands to his hips to avoid hurting Jinsik's wrist; he has to dig his fingers in to ground himself at some points. Sumin hopes they leave bruises.

He shifts a little so he can return the favour, bracing Jinsik's neck with one hand while the other snakes up the side of Jinsik's shirt. He openly moans into Jinsik's mouth when he reaches the dip of his waist, toned and irresistible. He's going to have a hard time keeping his hands off once tonight is over. Jinsik shivers, ticklish under his touch. Sumin itches to dig his nails in. Would Jinsik like it as much as he likes Jinsik's grip on his hips? Would he squirm away from his hand, breaking the kiss to laugh? He lightly scratches down Jinsik's waist, just to test the waters.

Jinsik jolts at the contact, breaking the kiss with a gasp. Sumin's halfway to pulling back to ask if he's okay until Jinsik's squeezing his hips so hard they definitely bruise. The noise he makes is so desperate that there's no way that Sumin could possibly misinterpret it—especially not when accompanied by the pleading look in those dewy eyes.

"Do you like that, jagi?" he coos, even though he already knows the answer. Jinsik nods so hard that he nearly clocks Sumin in the jaw if not for his quick reflexes. He presses quick, insistent kisses all along Sumin's jaw; his form of begging when he isn't in the mood to speak. Fuck, he's so cute. Sumin obliges before Jinsik can start whining, leaning down to claim his lips and his waist this time. The kiss starts off gentle, a stark contrast to the blunt scrape of his nails in Jinsik's skin.

It's hard not to be a little rough from then onward. Jinsik's reactions are intoxicating; arching into Sumin's touch the harder and higher up his chest that he scratches, moaning into Sumin's mouth until he's sucking on Sumin's tongue to muffle himself. Sumin feels fucking feral. The heat that had been smoldering in his stomach has long blazed into something out of control, throbbing dully deep inside him to the beat of his racing heart. Jinsik is just as hot—both figuratively and literally—but it doesn't stop Sumin from pulling himself ever closer into his lap. He wants to be closer, wants to feel him until just touching isn't enough, until there's nothing between them and—

Oh.

Jinsik pulls back with a yelp, his entire body snapping taut like a puppet's. It takes half a second for him to regain control of his hands; another hand second for him to start pushing Sumin away. The sharp knife of alarm is quick to cut through Sumin's haze of arousal, though the whiplash in mood has him a little sluggish.

He scrambles to get off Jinsik's lap, his legs tangling with themselves and tripping him so he falls somewhere farther down the mattress. He shakes himself back to a state of semi-clarity, his chest heaving to catch his breath.

"Jagiya? You okay?" he asks. Sure the sudden rejection may sting a little, but something had clearly spooked Jinsik; his comfort is more important than Sumin's libido—he has his hands and a toy for that.

Jinsik makes a whine of distress, patting at the sheets in search of his phone. His eyes dart every which way, so quickly that Sumin feels dizzy just looking at him. He's still panting heavily—which would be incredibly hot in any other context than this clear panic. Sumin's stomach drops in dread. What had he done? What can he do?

"Jinsik, please breathe," Sumin murmurs shakily. "I'm not upset. You know that I'm not upset, right?" He rushes to reassure him, though there isn't much he can do from here but hope that his words get through to him. Jinsik doesn't do well with being touched during an upcoming meltdown. Jinsik gives a somewhat absent nod, half-choking on his own breath. It at least forces him to slow down slightly, a drop of clarity returning to his eyes. "Looking for your phone?" Jinsik nods again, heaving one last painful breath before swallowing and forcing himself to steady his breathing. His hands tangle white-knuckled in the sheets, unsuccessful in their search. Sumin remembers it had been in his pocket; one glance at Jinsik's lap is enough to tell him it's still there. Something else is also quite prominent that hadn't been there before.

Sumin's face flushes a deep red, and he turns his head away so quickly that his neck cracks.

"It's, uh," he stammers, clearing his throat. "It's still in your pocket." He spots the cardigan that Jinsik had discarded earlier and blindly tosses it in his direction; a little cover so they can both have a little cover from the, uh, situation at hand.

There's a strained sort of hum of thanks from Jinsik, then the room falls silent save for the frantic tapping of Jinsik's fingers on his phone. Sumin uses the time to calm himself down and think of how to respond to whatever Jinsik has to say. Realistically, he should have known something like this would have happened. Sure they've made out before, but never this intensely—not to mention ever getting this close to going a step further. It's a natural progression for a relationship, but they need to talk about these kinds of things first. Even though they had fallen for each other at first sight, they still talked just as friends for months, then talked through every step of their relationship once they—and the rest of the group—were unable to ignore their feelings for each other. They'd had plenty of conversations about how to properly accommodate Jinsik—that also ended up helping the rest of the group as a whole—and perhaps they could have had a few more conversations about Sumin's body and what he could or couldn't do with the others, but this... This is a complete blind zone for them both. No wonder Jinsik had panicked so badly.

Jinsik growls in frustration from his place at the headboard. Sumin glances over at him—the cardigan is securely over his lap and concealing their main source of stress—and is met with the sight of him glaring at his own phone, erasing another message.

"Jagi," he calls out, softly enough to not startle him but firmly enough that Jinsik pauses his typing. "You don't have to be so stressed out. I'm not upset at you. It's only natural that you panicked, we didn't talk about this beforehand. I'm sorry for startling you." He makes his way back to Jinsik's side as he speaks, careful not to touch him. Jinsik sighs, some tension visibly bleeding from his shoulders as he types up one last line.

"M really sorry for freaking out it ws jst 2 much yeobo m sry :(" it says on one line. The next line under it reads: "I know ure not mad bt I still feel bad for it since u obviously rly liked it" . The third and final line reads: "Ye we def still need 2 talk bcus I rly don't think I'm ready to do that yet m sry :("

"Yah, stop apologizing!" Sumin chides out loud as he reads through them. Jinsik flinches, but he at least manages a weak smile. "It doesn't matter how much I liked it, now I'm just worried that I was pushing you. How were you feeling?" he asks. Normally, he would take Jinsik's phone to type that up himself, but his brain is going too fast for his fingers at the moment and he needs to let Jinsik know that none of this is his fault nor would Sumin ever hold this to him as fast as he can. Jinsik takes it well, typing out a new message in response.

"I liked it 2, if ure nervous abt scratching me u rly don't have 2 worry bcus I liked that the most" Jinsik hides his face with his free hand while he shows this one to Sumin, although Sumin can still see the blush creeping down his ears and neck. He breathes a sigh of relief; that had been exactly what he was worried about.

"That's good, because I liked doing it," Sumin admits, his voice fraying a little at the edges near the end. He clears his throat to try again. "I liked it when you bit me. I already thought I would, but having it actually happen was a totally different experience." Jinsik's breath hitches, and he yanks the phone back to type another line.

"How long were u thinking abt that?!" It's Sumin's turn to blush this time. Would it be too much to admit it?

"Since we were making those first short-forms with Young Prince for Let's Go Xikers," he mutters. Jinsik makes a strangled noise in response instead of typing out a message. "That's when I first noticed! Then I just couldn't un-notice, and then I would watch your fancams for fun and you were always grinning so widely and showing off your teeth, so I would start thinking, and then—" Sumin cuts off his own rambling with a muted scream that he muffles into his hands. The bed creaks with Jinsik's laughter next to him, so contagious that he can't help but laugh as well, slightly delirious from the emotional rollercoaster that he's just been through. "Ugh, don't get me started on it, I'll work myself up again..." he groans into his hands.

As much as he's tried to talk himself down—and this conversation has certainly helped—he's still running quite hot. He should probably leave if Jinsik is still overwhelmed; he knows Jinsik prefers company to help him calm down, but if he still wants him during this, it'll do no good. Jinsik taps his shoulder after a moment, a new message displayed on his phone.

"I don't mind that part.. I don't want u 2 leave, I jst don't want 2 do more than kiss" Jinsik takes the phone back before Sumin can respond, typing up an addition at lightning speed. “As long as that's ok with u? If u want to leave I won't stop u bt I want u to stay" Sumin's heart melts at the sight.

"Of course I'll stay," he says with a smile. "I'm tired after all that anyway, I won't go as far if we keep going." Jinsik hums in contentment and pockets his phone to pull him into his arms. Sumin easily goes along with his embrace, guiding them down so they're lying down properly. He rests his head on Jinsik's chest, lulled by his heartbeat. It's still faster than usual, but at least not pounding hard enough to cause concern. Jinsik's hand comes up to play with his hair, gentle fingers undoing the knots that had been woven into it by their earlier action. Sumin all but purrs. He brings his own hand up to trace mindless patterns over Jinsik's chest that eventually morph into a repeating "I love you."

It doesn't take long for Jinsik to notice, and then he's smiling and pulling Sumin up to kiss him again. It's tender this time, still relatively heated but free of the urgency of all their previous kisses. Sumin sighs against him. He already sort of is, but still; he could get used to this.

There's a knock on the door before he can, though. They both freeze, staring at each other in mutual dread. If anyone else walks in on them like this, they'll never hear the end of it!

"Jinsik-hyung? Are you sleeping?" Yujun's voice sounds faintly from behind the door. They let out a sigh of relief in unison; Yujun will at least wait for a response before coming in.

"Yes, you were until he knocked," Sumin whispers, tugging the blankets out from under himself and tossing them over both their bodies. "Just roll with it. If he asks, I'm still sleeping." Jinsik nods, pulling out his phone to type out a message for Yujun. Sumin spots him saving his previous messages to him in another folder before opening up a new one before he's rolling over and shutting his eyes. If he can't help but smile in his pretend sleep, that's only for him to know.

===

Yujun can faintly hear a vaguely awake noise from behind Jinsik's closed door. He knocks again, just to be sure.

"Hyung? Can I come in?" he asks. Jinsik gives an approving hum, and he cracks the door open.

Jinsik's lying propped up on one arm, his phone held out in one hand with a message for Yujun to read. Next to him, Sumin is fast asleep.

"Sry, out of words today. We were just taking a nap, what's happening?" Yujun makes a little "ah" in understanding upon reading Jinsik's message. Everyone's been tired while preparing for this comeback, he doesn't blame him or Sumin for wanting a little more rest.

"It's dinnertime, Junmin-hyung bought takeout." Jinsik nods, pausing to glance over at Sumin before typing out his next message. Yujun's heart squeezes in envy. His hyungs are so cute together, when can he have something like that?

"We'll b right out, let me jst wake up Sleeping Beauty and we'll b right there" Yujun fake gags at how sappy his hyung is. Jinsik huffs out a laugh and halfheartedly swipes at him, but Yujun is quick to dodge.

"Couples," he mutters under his breath. "I'll let the others know you're coming, take your time!" he says as he steps out.

He closes the door behind him, and five minutes later his hyungs are trudging out of Jinsik's room looking at least vaguely put together for a couple of people waking up from an afternoon nap.

"Oh my GOD," Hyunwoo shrieks when the two sit down. "I knew you two were fucking!" Everyone else chokes except Junghoon, unbothered as always.

"Language!" Minjae and Junmin hiss in unison over Yechan's hysterical laughter.

"We were not ," Sumin growls, death glaring Hyunwoo so hard that Hunter half hides behind Seeun. Jinsik is fighting himself to form words properly, frantically tapping at his phone for a response. Yujun blinks in confusion.

"Yeah, they were asleep!" he cuts in. Then he catches sight of Sumin's neck. One side is entirely covered with marks, varying shades of pink blooming across his skin.

Oh god.

The stylists are going to kill them for this!

#you've got diamonds for teeth my love #xikers #sumsik #canon compliant #annual #technically the sequel to let your heart speak up but can be read as a standalone #it's 4am and i've been working on this for like a week good fuckin night

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