#july was the last monthsary i had with my ex so yeah

[hooned]

hi jelly! hope you're doing great ♥ i choose 1, 10 & 74 for the sweetheart questions!

beccaaa!!! hiii bb!!! 💙🥰 i am, i am, thank youu so much!!! i just woke up from a brief but vv satisfying sleep!! idk why i'm awake already and tbh i stopped questioning it a long time ago 😂 my sleeping schedule is a mystery even to myself hihi. but here we goo!! yey!! 😚

1. Talk about your first love.

uhm are u ready bb? coz this is going to be a looong one. ✨

ok so i mentioned it briefly here in this ask. so basically, he's a classmate of mine in high school and i met him freshman year where i was a transferee. one thing that i could describe him as was that he's really vv funny. the kind of funny that could crack me up just with one line from him. and he's good, like waaaay good, in playing the guitar. so hmm freshman year we're really just hanging out, playing and exchanging stories together since he's close friend of my best friend. and he somehow ended up sitting right behind me so we always greet each other good mornings and goodbyes. we eat snacks and lunch together. everything was good!! UNTIL!! the summer of that school year happened, when he told me he liked me. YOUR GIRL WAS SPEECHLESS BRUH COZ...it didn't even cross my mind that he would see me like that coz i was never the best looking in our friend group (tho i do have my charms. jelly stop downplaying yourself 2020. 👌🏽) but he said he was serious!! and that he'll prove to me that he is!!

then sophomore year came and that was when he became vvv bold in showing me he likes me. i would always catch him staring, coz he wasn't being discreet about it. he'd always bring an extra umbrella for me (bec. i am one forgetful lass and i never bring umbrellas back in hs), he'd tell me i look pretty, did not deny that he liked me when asked by our classmates and teachers. he was bold in showing his affection. and i know that he's a nice guy. vvv nice. he makes me laugh, he always makes me smile. i like it when he's beside me and my heart flutters when he does anything remotely cute or romantic to me. so i know i'm already falling for him as well. big time.

BUT!!!! here comes the but!!!

we were vvv young at the time. like 14?? 15?? and i was on top of my class, my parents always told me not to focus on boys at the time coz i'm still young. so to cut the story short, my parents does not want me to be in a relationship. at all. and a short intro as to how i was as a teenager: i never break rules. i don't do things that make my parents angry because i am afraid of being reprimanded. so at the time, it was stuck on my mind that no. i can't. we can't. and little by little, that showed in my actions and with how i react to the things he does. i always say no when he asks me out. i don't answer when my classmates and my teachers tease me about him. eventually he caught on. then one afternoon after class, we were on the same spot on the rooftop. and he asked me if it's really impossible — me and him. he told me if i want him to stop, he will.

and bb. when i tell you that was the moment in my life i wanted sooo bad to break all the rules and just tell him the truth. tell him i don't want him to stop. tell him i like him too. coz if i'd risk it all, i would rather risk it all for him....but i was young. and i didn't want to upset my parents. and so i told him yes, he can stop. and wow. his face when he answered, "yeah, i understand." and then he went ahead. suddenly i was left all alone on the rooftop, sun setting, as i felt that painful sensation of something tearing inside me for the first time. my first heart break.

junior year and senior year was even worse coz i had to watch him drift farther and farther away from me. which i understand because he needed to protect himself too. he wants to get over me but we see each other every day, so what he does is talk to me less and less each day. until during senior year, he only talks to me when he needs to. it was sooo painful for the young me. coz i still loved him. loved him like how i did sophomore year. and there i was, crying over my broken heart caused by no one but me.

graduation came and we were all tears and snot. remembering the best four years of our lives. and we were hugging each other one by one. then suddenly i saw him in front of me and realized that may be the last time i'll ever get to see him for a long, long, time. i don't remember who went in for the hug first, and tbh I don't think it's important. i just remember hugging him tight, crying, unspoken words and all. and then just when i was about ti let go, i heard him wish me well, and by the end of it i heard him say he loves me. and that it never changed. AND RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT I WAS THINKING what is there to lose? it's a goodbye hug. so i risked it all and told him i love him too. those were the last words we've ever said to each other.

i've never seen him again ever since. given that i was always away for uni and he was also in a different city following his dreams. so yeah. we never really saw each other after that. which is reaally funny bec. we live in the same city. and even our friends from high school always say it's bizzare how we never saw each other after graduation. but yeah. he'll always be my totga (the one that got away) haha. he'll remain as a vvv beautiful memory.

this was sooo long i am sorry but yep. 💙

10. Opinion on love?

love is a beautiful, beautiful thing. it makes one do things they don't normally do. every day can be special, every moment can be memorable. love can hurt but it can also melt the pain away. this makes me sound so much like a hopeless romantic and i guess i am 😅 but yeah. i believe in love. i do i do i do.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

i just kissed my mother last night when she came home hehe. but if we're talking about romantic kisses hmm july of last year. 🙈

+ sweetheart asks ❄️