#julia dive spencer reid | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eunoiaflow3r · 4 years ago

Text

julia, dive

spencer reid x reader

aaron hotchner x reader

this is part 4

complicated (series)

a/n: okay, so this might sound confusing but i swear it’s not. the beginning half JULIA is spencer’s pov before he explains.

the ending half DIVE is hotch’s pov before Y/N ends up choosing.

i didn’t want to split it up into 2 parts because i felt like THAT is confusing. you should read both halves but this is kind of the transition into the double ending thing. also ignore that it says “julia” that’s the name of the song by lauv. dive by ed sheeran.

word count altogether: 2k

warnings: language? also not proofread.

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JULIA

word count: 1k

my hesitation and holding my breath i led you to the garden of my loneliness wish that you left before it all burned down

i’m sorry what I do to you i push and pull and mess with your head then get in your bed cause I’m weak deep down. i wish i never lied to you i never meant to hurt you like that and if i could go back i’d leave you alone

“I can’t always be there for you JJ. I just can’t.”

“Why not? Because of Y/N? I thought you broke up with her.”

“Yeah and I fucking shouldn’t have.”

Spencer was angry. He was at JJ’s house while she complained about him and what he wasn’t doing for her. Her kid was at his dads house and that gave her all the more time to yell at him for no reason. He was tired. Life a few months ago was so tiring and here he was, depressed, lonely, and....mad.

“You shouldn’t have?” JJ questioned - clearly appalled.

“Yes, I shouldn’t have. It was a fucking mistake. This whole thing was a fucking mistake.” he said trying not to scream at her like she was him.

“A mistake? I’m a mistake?”

“I’m leaving.” He needed to go. He needed to clear his head. He needed to get you out of it. He wasn’t sure if he ever could.

“You’re leaving? What about Friday?”

“You’ll go by yourself.”

And then he left. He had such a headache too. If he knew it’d all just end up in one huge fight he wouldn’t have come to her house at all. Her problems are not his problems and he didn’t need to be berated about it. He had bigger things to worry about.

He needed to sort out his priorities. He needed to see you.

He’s been so sad these past few months and he didn’t know why until about a week ago. He stopped doing things for him. He stopped caring about you.

He started putting JJ’s needs and wants above his own when he shouldn’t have. If these past few months have proved anything to him it’s that he’s fucked up. Bad. And he needs to fix it. He has to fix everything. He has to see you.

After showering and getting ready he headed over to your apartment. He knocked to your door for a good 3 minutes before one of your neighbors started shouting at him “She’s gone! She moved out!”

Oh no. “Wait, what?” his voice cracked. “Where to?”

Your ex neighbor rolled her eyes. “Why would I know?”

Spencer left. What was he going to do? Did you leave the city? The state? No. You couldn’t have. You promised to meet him on Sunday. Granted you promised half asleep, but you still said you’d be there. So everything was fine. He was fine. He just needed a coffee.

On the way there he thought about all the things he would say to you in just a couple days time. How would that conversation even go? Would he have to get on his knees and beg you to take him back? Hopefully you weren’t still kill - worthy angry at him. Hopefully all would be fine.

After he ordered, he turned around at the sound of the bell on the door jangle.

It was Jack with his friend and his friend’s mother Ana. Where was Hotch?

After getting his coffee he made his way over to the three. “Hey Jack!”

“Oh hey Spencer!” Jack said as he hugged Reid. Spencer nodded to Ana and then waved at her son.

“Where’s your dad little man?” He hadn’t seen Jack for a while actually. It seems like he’s gotten so big in just a few months.

“He’s with Y/N.”

Spencer nearly dropped his coffee.

“He’s what?” he asked.

“They went to go see a movie. Dad said it was a scary movie so I couldn’t go.”

A movie. Hotch and Y/N went to go see a movie. Alone. Not with other friends. Just the two of them. On a date. Was it a date? Was Y/N on a date with his boss? His boss of all people.

And yeah, he knows you’ve known Hotch longer but still.

Still.

All was not fine.

When Spencer got home he nearly started crying. His heart hurt so much and it hurt even more when he realized this was all his fault. Everything was his fault. He was losing you if he hasn’t already.

Have you fallen for Hotch? Were you two dating?

Spencer couldn’t fall asleep that night. He tossed and turned in his overly large bed and layed down hungry. He didn’t have the heart or the will to make himself dinner. He just wanted to fall asleep and forget everything that’s happened. He wanted to forget everything that he’s done. All the trouble he’s caused. He wishes he could just create his own separate reality where everything is fine and then escape to it. Where he was living now was not where he wanted to be. He wanted to be with you.

There was such much he realized he fucked up. Decisions and choices he realized that he regretted making. How was he going to fix this? He needed to fix this. He had to change things.

When he drifted off to sleep he couldn’t help but grab his pillow and wish that he was holding you. He knew something was wrong after he broke things off with you. He thought he was doing things right. He thought he was doing you right. But now he looks back at what happened and he realizes that he’s done everything wrong. Not since the phone call, no, but since the day he first met you. His first mistake was made when he ever suggested to keep you guys quiet.

And he’s beating himself up over it. All of this could have been avoided if he would have just been honest. If he had just talked to you and told you how he was feeling, and why he was making the decisions he was making, maybe none of this would ever have happened.

But the truth is he wasn’t completely sure why he was making the decisions he was. He didn’t really know why he made the decisions that he made. But you needed an explanation.

And he had 2 days to give you one.

DIVE

word count: 1k

i could fall or i could fly, here in your aerolplane i could live, i could die, hanging on the words you say and i’ve been known to give my all and jumping in harder than 10,000 rocks on the lake

so don’t call me baby, unless you mean it don’t tell me you need me, if you don’t believe it so let me know the truth, before i dive right into you

Aaron Hotchner sat alone on his couch with a glass of water lazily placed in his hand. The TV was on but he wasn’t really paying attention to it. In fact, he had no idea what was even going on.

Every time he tried to think of something else, or someone else, his mind would always end up coming back to you. Always.

He couldn’t decide if he liked that or not. He’s never really felt so consumed by someone else before. He’s never been in such awe. It’s like he’s in a trance.

But truth is, he’s scared. He’s afraid to get too attached. Not only is his feelings on the line, but so is Jack’s. He could handle rejection (maybe) but Jack? Jack loves you. You’re the closest thing to a female role model that Jack has and if you decide to leave? What will he do? How will he help Jack? Aaron knows you have this thing with Reid you have to sort out. He knows you’ve been avoiding him and he knows you plan to meet with him soon to discuss things.

He’s afraid that once you get there you’re going to realize that Spencer is the one for you. He’s afraid of what will happen if he has to let you go. He’s not going to beg you to stay, but he’s scared of losing you. He won’t say it, he won’t admit it, he’ll, he doesn’t even want to think about it, but he may be in love.

And there’s nothing he can do about it but sit here and convince himself not to drink.

There’s all these decisions to be made and he can’t make them. It’s all up to you. And while you make those decisions his heart is in your hands.

And that’s why he’s afraid.

“Yeah?” He picked up his phone as soon as it rang.

“New case. They need us.” It was JJ. It must’ve been important.

“I’ll be there soon.”

This is just what he needs. Work to distract him. Work is good at doing that. His only real concern was seeing Spencer. It wasn’t that noticeable, but there was definitely a small rift between them. They haven’t really talked about it, the situation, and they probably wouldn’t. Even when you’d choose.

“Why do you look like that?” Rossi asked Hotch.

“Like what?”

“Like a statue.”

Hotch didn’t reply. Everything was getting to his head. You two actually hadn’t talked in a few days too, and that was worrisome. It was only because you were getting situated in your new place, and he was trying to give you space but still he missed you.

Emily noticed something was wrong with Hotch too and that got Spencer’s attention.

“Girl problems?” Emily asked.

“You make it sound like highschool.” Hotch laughed.

They were all on the jet back home. Hotch and Emily sat together, Morgan and JJ, and Spencer sat alone.

“Everything is so mixed right now. I don’t really know what to do.” Hotch said, sort of confiding in Emily.

“Do you love her?”

Spencer was definitely listening in now. Hotch was silent for a minute. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

When they got home, Hotch put Jack to bed and went straight to bed. He was exhausted. He couldn’t stop wondering how all this would pan out. He never thought he’d be in this position. He wasn’t really in control...of anything. He hated that feeling. He was always in control. He always knows what’s going to happen. He doesn’t this time.

The next day he decides to go and see you. He missed you, and he really wanted to talk to you. After dropping Jack off he headed to your place. When you opened the door after he knocked three times he could tell you looked really frustrated. He looked down at your hands and noticed you trying to untangle your headphones.

“You need help?”

“Please.” you handed the headphones off to him, kissed him on the cheek, and went back to your kitchen to put the rest of your dishes away.

When he stepped into the apartment fully he noticed you added more decorations. It really made it homey and it was totally - you. He loved it. It only took him about a minute to untangle your headphones and when you noticed you were upset. Okay, not really but it took you an hour!

“Thank you.”

He smiled in response and pulled you in for a hug. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his around your waist. His head went to your neck and he kissed you lightly there. You ran your fingers through his hair and you guys just stayed like that for a moment. Even though neither of you were saying anything, you were saying everything. Between your breaths you were communicating. With every squeeze around your waist, tug on his hair, and light kisses, you were saying what you needed to say.

Aaron didn’t leave that day until around eight. You guys went to see a movie, it actually wasn’t bad in his opinion, ordered some takeout, and drove around for awhile just looking out at everything and enjoying each other’s presence. You didn’t really need much to be happy.

When Hotch went home that day he realized that whatever choice you made he’d be okay with. Even if it doesn’t work out, and he can’t be romantic with you, and it would be strictly platonic, he realized it’d be okay. He would be upset, sure, but he’d understand. With everything that has happened these past few weeks, he’s come to realize that you’re his best friend. You’ve always been there for him and if things don’t work out, he knows you’re still going to be there.

He cherishes your friendship. If he’s not the one for you, he still wants to be able to hang out with you like you’ve always done. Nothing really has to change. Everything would be okay.

—————————————-&————————————

idk why this took me so long but yeah - idk if i’m liking this. originally there wasn’t supposed to be a happy ending with spencer but i’m really trying for there to be one. i know you guys want one lol.

btw i love JJ. it seems like i don’t but i do. i don’t ship jeid though loll.

feedback always appreciated. thank you guys.

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