#jules being annoying on main

[tirednapentity]

not a day goes by that I don't think about Apollo's flashback and subsequent breakdown in the waystation bathroom and the way Jo helps him through it... "She treated me as if I were her seven-year-old Georgie, or one of her mechanical crossbow turrets—something precious but high maintenance. “I’m not going to judge you, Sunny. I’ve done a few bad things in my time.” bro are you Actually Trying To Kill Me,

[moralesluvr]

FABLE AND TRUTH 2 | billie eilish

୧ ‧₊˚ love was the law & religion was taught…. ↳ summary: you had always been raised on being poise, feminine, classy. but what was most important to your family was your religion— and it had embroidered itself into your daily life. but when it’s time to pick between feelings and faith, which will you choose? pairings & aus. billie eilish x fem!reader warnings. religious backgrounds & guilt | mature language | sexual content | substance use author's note. chapter two is here !!! wc. 5.4k

you could not stand drunk people. 

well, unless they were your best friends. 

after emma had dragged you out of the party, she stumbled against you, babbling on loosely about how some guy at the party was trying to flirt with her— and in less harsh words than her own, he wasn’t the most attractive. 

he had begged her for a dance and even offered to buy her as many drinks as she wanted, whatever the price— but she kept politely refusing. until he grabbed her and tried to kiss her, which definitely ended with his hand over a bruised and bloody nose, and every single curse word under the sun had come from emma’s mouth. 

oliver was nowhere to be found, but he’d checked in on the life360 that he was at some guy’s house, and that’s really all you needed to know. 

jules and naomi stubbornly filed out of the house soon after you and emma retreated to your car, the red-head fanning herself as she slumped over the front seat, “oh m’gosh…y-y/n….think i’m literally gonna fuckin’ hack right about now.” 

you let out a quiet groan as the car door opened, your two remaining friends falling into the backseat and carelessly tossing their purses into the empty passenger one. naomi held her head, while jules tried to cover her stained lips with a tattooed palm, “h-hey…we couldn’t find you…at all.” 

you couldn’t even be annoyed at them for being intoxicated, because you were the one that promised you’d attend the party, only as the designated driver. and you being you, you were always there for a friend in need, especially the people that you loved oh so dearly. so you cranked your car up, turning your queued worship music down, sliding your right arm over the passenger seat to back up, “guys, please please do not throw up in my car. i just cleaned it!” 

that statement earns painful groans from the three girls in the back, holding their stomachs as you sped off and onto the main road, carefully. you placed both hands on the wheel and tried to drive as slowly and heedful as you could, partially afraid that the night would end with vomit on your undyed seats and lipstick stains on your seat covers. but you took a deep sigh and looked in the rearview mirror, “anyone feel like they need to pull over right about now? please tell me now, i don’t really feel like cleaning throw up.”

“please….the diner on….just pull over.” jules swallows thickly, and you watch as the other two bold-haired girls nod at her statement in agreement. you swivel into a turning lane abruptly, tired eyes fixated on the sign that reads “GINA’S DINER.” it’s quick the way you pull into a spot, apologizing for how recklessly you turned into a spot— but you really needed to make sure that no one was going to ruin your clean car. 

you all file out, naomi nearly falling as they all hurriedly make their way towards the door, their heels clacking against the pavement as you locked your car and followed them in. 

a bell above you makes your appearance known, and you give the lady at the front an awkward, slightly apologetic wave. she doesn’t understand your gesture until she sees naomi, jules and emma rush towards the bathroom, stomachs clutched and faces washed with sickly expressions. 

“fun night, hm?” she asks you, southern accent so strong that you almost can’t understand what she’s saying. you just shrug at her, slipping into a front booth as you pull out your phone, eyes droopy and slightly achy. there’s a Bible notification, and you can’t help but smile, even in the midst of all this. it’s a verse from psalms, something about finding refuge in the Lord during chaos. you could definitely use that right about now. 

you tuck your phone into your lap and breathe deeply, letting the soft hum of the diner soothe your nerves. the air smells like coffee, bacon grease, and syrup, the kind of mix that shouldn’t be comforting, but is.

your friends are loud even from the distant, dingy bathroom, their laughter carrying through the thin walls as they recover from the night’s bad decisions, and it’s all masked quickly as you hear three in tune gags. 

you shake your head. 

emma’s voice cuts through the noise, something about how she could’ve totally taken that guy out even harder if she wasn’t wearing heels. jules and naomi laugh, and you imagine their glossy lips curling into wide smiles, mascara smudged and carefree.

“refuge in the Lord,” you mumble to yourself, tracing the edge of the laminated menu on the table, your finger settled on a plate of hash browns that mistakenly look like a cross, but you’re sure that it’s a sign. you smile to yourself as a waitress approaches— mid-50s, with tired eyes but a warm smile. “long night, sweetheart?” she asks, pouring water into a glass in front of you.

“you have no idea,” you reply with a small chuckle, rubbing the back of your neck. “but they’re my people, you know? i love them with all my heart.” 

the waitress smiles knowingly, nodding toward the bathroom. “i get it, honey. not many would be the driver for that crowd, y’know, but you’ve got something sweet on you. you’re a kind soul, i can tell.” 

you laugh, genuinely this time, glancing toward the bathroom door to make sure that they’re still in there, “thank you. and yeah, they’re a mess, but they’re my mess. couldn’t go through life without them.” 

she doesn’t really respond. she just places a coffee cup in front of you, even though you didn’t order it, and pats your hand sweetly,  “on the house, sweetheart. looks like you could use it.”

the warmth of the mug grounds you as you watch the bathroom door finally swing open, after what felt like absolute years. your friends spill out, looking slightly less disheveled, faces cleaned up but eyes still glinting with the remnants of the night’s mischief. they weave through the diner, collapsing into the booth with you like puzzle pieces falling into place.

“dude, holy shit,” emma groans, leaning her head back against the booth. “that bathroom was a war zone. i honestly deserve a real-life award for surviving it.”

“you deserve an award for not throwing up in my car.” you deadpan, and that earns a round of weak laughter, the waitress sharing a portion of it as she disappears into the back. you were serious, but your joke was light-hearted, and you slump your head against the cool surface of the table, letting it sooth your slight headache. 

“should we order pancakes?” naomi blurts, her lipstick hastily reapplied, and she cracks open a mirror to set it with a thick, pinky gloss, “i think we all need some pancakes.”

“and hashbrowns!” jules adds, pointing at the menu as if you’re about to argue. it was late— nearly three o’ clock in the morning, and you refused to drive these girls home and pay for a meal you knew they’d only eat half of before hauling to the bathrooms again. 

you just shake your head, sipping the coffee. it’s too bitter for your liking, but the caffeine jolts you enough to sit up a little straighter, “fine, but one of you better be paying. you guys are driving me absolute nuts.” 

emma’s hand shoots up dramatically, her movements still a little sluggish, but way better than before. “it’s all on me. it’s the least i can do after saving my own dignity from that creep earlier.”

you raise an eyebrow at her as naomi and jules snort, “pretty sure dignity doesn’t include nearly breaking someone’s nose, em. that was mean.”

“oh no, you weren’t there. he completely deserved that shit.” she says firmly, twirling her finger in the air like she’s drawing a halo over her head.

you lean back, letting their chatter wash over you like background music. emma’s wild stories, jules’s dry wit, naomi’s quiet observations— they all blend into something that feels like home. you’d never say it aloud, but moments like these are what make the late nights and exhausted mornings worth it.

still, as you glance at the phone in your lap and reread the verse from psalms, there’s a nagging thought in the back of your mind. something about balance. about faith. about how these nights with your friends, full of chaos and laughter and the occasional Bible verse for grounding, somehow fit into your life.

you love them. and you love God. but sometimes, it feels like both are pulling you in opposite directions, but tonight, in this diner, they coexist. the coffee is too bitter, the pancakes will probably be disgustingly dry, and your friends are a complete mess, but for now, it’s enough for you.

before the food comes, the three girls beside you decide that they need to make sure their stomachs are empty enough to eat, so they all get up, rushing to the bathroom and leaving you with just your thoughts. you distract yourself with some game on your phone before the bell above the door jingles again, and you glance up absentmindedly, thinking it’s just another group of drunk strangers coming in for some late-night pancakes. but it’s not. it’s billie.

and she’s stumbling. horribly. 

“oh, please kill me,” you mutter under your breath, straightening in your seat. as if on cue, emma, jules, and naomi all file out the bathroom, turning to look, their chatter dying down as they notice her too. she’s wearing extremely oversized jeans and a tank top that clings to her in a way that feels like it should be illegal, her hair slightly tousled, like she’s been through a windstorm— or, more accurately, a stupidly wild party. 

she’s got a girl and two guys with her, but they venture off somewhere else to slip quarters into an old jukebox, cursing loudly when they realize that the device is way outdated. you snort. you thought that was obvious. 

“isn’t that your girl?” emma teases, leaning over the table with a sly grin. she pokes your shoulder and you immediately shove her off, your cheeks hot and angry with a blush that blossoms to the rest of your body. 

“she’s not my girl, don’t say that.” you hiss, your but your statement’s really all bark no bite, per usual. but your heart skips a beat when billie looks up and locks eyes with you, her face lighting up in a way that’s both charming and disarming.

she weaves through the tables with all the grace of a baby deer, her steps uneven but determined to get to you. she drawls, her voice low and slightly slurred, “what are you doin’ here, angel?”

“billie…” you sigh, your voice tinged with exasperation and a little disappointment. after your conversation at the party, you had assumed that she wasn’t the type of girl to get drunk and stumble around, and it hurt you a little bit to realize that you were mistaken. 

“oh, don’t ‘billie’ me,” she says, sliding into the booth beside you, much too close for comfort. the scent of tequila and her vanilla perfume hits you like a wave, and you lean back instinctively, pressing into the seat. but she mimics your actions, her shoulder pressed against yours as she slurs, badly. 

“you’re drunk.” you point out, trying to keep your voice steady, but it’s broken. your skin’s hot and furious, and you can’t quite place why— all you know is that you’re mostly disappointed. your friends’ voices grow silent as they watch your encounter with the dark haired girl, and she just shrugs her shoulders at you nonchalantly. 

“m’kay,” billie drags, looking up at you with soft, hazy eyes, and you swallow thickly, “maybe a little.” 

she admits she’s had a little too much to drink, flashing you a lopsided grin. her finger comes up to boop your nose, but she’s so intoxicated that it misses it by an inch.  “but m’not too drunk to notice how cute you look right now.”

your friends exchange looks, barely suppressing their laughter. emma actually has the audacity to nudge jules, whispering something that makes them both giggle, and you feel embarrassed. you shoot them a glare, but it’s hard to focus when billie’s gaze is fixed on you like you’re the only person in the entire diner.

“billie,” you say again, this time softer, almost pleading her to stop making you look stupid in front of your girls, “you should…you should just go sit over there.” you gesture vaguely to the empty booth across from you, but she doesn’t budge.

“nah,” she says, resting her chin in her hand as she looks at you, and you take a good look at her, your eyes involuntarily narrowing. she looks like she’s been through it— skin glossy but dull, lips chapped and dry, her voice croaked and broken. she’s slow with her movements as she sinks further into the chair, “i’m good right….right here.”

your pulse quickens, and you don’t know if it’s from annoyance, embarrassment, or something else entirely. “billie, you’re making this really weird.” you mumble, your fingers gripping the edge of the table to keep yourself from touching her. 

“weird?…h-how’s it weird?” billie leans in slightly, her voice dropping to a playful whisper, “i’m just complimenting you, angel. that’s not a sin, now is it?”

your stomach twists uncomfortably at the mention of sin. of course, that’s where your mind goes. because everything about this feels…complicated. billie’s close enough that you can feel the heat radiating off her skin, and her eyes— bright and mischievous— make it hard to think straight. you just want her to go away, to disappear and never look back, to literally never utter a single word to you ever again. but she’s persistent, almost taunting you with her presence, and it’s like you can’t take your eyes off her no matter how hard you try. 

you hate this. you hate it a lot. you close your eyes, thinking and hoping that if you pray it hard enough, she’ll go away. like she’s an illusion, a ghost that’s just here for a distraction. but when you open your eyes, she’s still there, eyes fixated on you as she waits for an answer. 

“it’s not a sin, but…” you mutter, looking away from her gaze, eyes fighting to focus on something else, anything else, “…you’re drunk. you don’t really mean any of this.” 

“who says i don’t?” she shoots back, and for a moment, her tone isn’t teasing. it’s serious, almost challenging, and you want to just get up and walk out. but you can’t. 

your breath catches, and you’re grateful when the waitress comes back with your friends’ pancakes, breaking the tension. billie doesn’t move, though. she just keeps looking at you, like she’s waiting for you to say something.

“billie,” you try again, your voice softer now. “please. just…sit over there, okay? we can talk when you’re sober.”

she hesitates, her eyes searching yours, and for a moment, you think she might argue with you. but then she sighs, running a hand through her hair. “fine.” she says, dragging herself to her feet. “but only ‘cause you asked so nicely…so, see you around…”

she winks lazily at you before sliding into the booth across the aisle, and your cheeks burn as your friends erupt into laughter the second she’s out of earshot. your head turns sharply to look at them, and you feel your eyes swell with tears. 

“oh, my goodness, y/n,” emma says, clutching her stomach, mostly because she isn’t sure if she’s gonna throw up, but also because she’s containing so much laughter, “you were soooo red. dudette, she’s totally into you!”

“please, emma. stop it. she’s not.” you protest weakly, your voice barely audible over the girls’ laughter.

but the truth is, you don’t know if that’s true. and worse, you don’t know how you feel about it.

as you sip your coffee and avoid looking in billie’s direction, your phone buzzes again with another verse. this time, it’s one about temptation. you let out a shaky breath and close your eyes, trying to steady yourself, making sure your friends don’t see your tears. but they’re too busy laughing and digging into their food to pay it any mind, and you rest your head down, hoping you could just disappear. to go anywhere— to run and never look back, to hide, to forget everything that just happened in the past five minutes. 

the diner feels like it’s shrinking in on you, like the walls are closing in around you with every passing second. billie’s presence is magnetic— whether you’re looking at her or not, you can feel her. the way her arm drapes over the back of her booth, her carefree laugh echoing as she chats with the waitress, her eyes flicking toward you every now and then, and you always look away before your eyes can meet. it’s maddening.

your friends are still teasing you, of course— they won’t let anything go until it’s dragged out and so annoying that even they can’t stand it any longer. 

jules is practically doubled over with laughter, her face flushed as she wipes at her eyes. “y/n, be so fuckin’ for real right now,” she says between giggles, lightly tapping naomi on the shoulder to tune in, “you cannot tell me she wasn’t flirting with you.” 

“she’s drunk,” you speak again, your voice firm but your cheeks still hot. you wipe your eyes with your sleeve discreetly, blaming it on the air conditioning too high for your sensitive eyes. you sniffle, “it doesn’t mean anything.” 

“uh-huh,” naomi chimes in, smirking as she picks at her stack of pancakes with her fork, “right. and i’m the queen of england. both those things don’t make any sense.” 

emma, who’s been quiet up until now, leans over the table with a knowing look, like she can read something even you can’t. sometimes you despised that— you despised your friendship lasting so long that she could tell what you’re feeling before you even know yourself. she pauses, then gives you wide eyes, “hey…you like her, don’t you?”

“emma, no!” the denial is almost instant, too quick to sound convincing, even to your own ears. 

but you’re sure. 

no matter what, this is utterly wrong, for so many reasons. it’s nothing you’ve ever desired before, and it’s not right, and it’s just something that happens when you see people that are almost unearthly beautiful. man, woman— everyone has eyes, and everyone that can see knows that billie is drop dead gorgeous. but that doesn’t mean anything, it can’t. and it won’t. 

emma gasps dramatically, clutching her chest like she’s been shot, “oh, my gosh! you like the emo girl!”

“i don’t,” you insist, groaning as you bury your face in your hands, “can we please talk about something else?”

“fine,” emma says, but the smirk on her face tells you she’s not letting this situation go anytime soon, “but we’re circling back to this later, girlfriend— just so you know.”

you glance over at billie, hoping she’s too wrapped up in her own world to notice the chaos unfolding at your table, and definitely hoping that emma doesn’t see you do it. but of course, billie catches your eye and grins, her lips curling in that way that makes your stomach turn in on itself. 

you look away almost immediately, focusing on your untouched and horrible coffee. it’s lukewarm now, but you sip it anyway, hoping the bitterness will ground you a little bit. you find yourself caught in your thoughts until naomi taps your shoulder, making sure that emma and jules are too goofed off to notice. 

“y/n,” she says softly, her tone more serious now, “are you okay?”

you nod, even though you’re not sure it’s true. you hated to lie, but it wasn’t any of her business, and you didn’t even know exactly how you were feeling. you huff, “yeah, i’m just…tired.”

that much, at least, is honest. the night feels like it’s been stretched out for days on end, and the weight of everything— your faith, your friends, billie —sits heavy on your chest. you just want to fall into your bed and stay there forever, resting until the sun rises and falls a million times. 

“we should head out soon,” you say, glancing at your phone. it’s horribly late into the night now, and you know you’ll feel this exhaustion in your bones tomorrow.

but before you can usher your friends toward the door, billie stands up from her booth and strolls over to you, and you genuinely want to push her out of the way. but it isn’t like you, it never has been— so you stand idle in your spot by the jukebox, watching billie’s movements that are still a little unsteady, but her confidence is unwavering.

“y/n,” she says, her voice softening, “you leaving without saying goodbye?”

emma snorts, and you shoot her a warning look before turning your attention back to billie, “we were…um…. just about to head out,” you say, keeping your tone neutral. whatever emotion you show, it’ll be talked about in the car, so you try to remain as stoic as humanly possible.

“hmm,” she hums, tilting her head as she studies you. “you sure you’re okay? you’ve been awfully quiet tonight.”

“i’m fine,” you reply quickly, but your voice betrays you, coming out more flustered than you intended.

“you don’t look fine,” billie says, leaning down so her face is level with yours. her proximity makes your heart race, and you’re painfully aware of how close she is— close enough that you can see the faint freckles dusting her nose, close enough that her breath fans against your cheek as you shut your eyes, exhaling slowly to keep yourself calm. she giggles, “well…you do look fine, but—“ 

“billie,” you interrupted, your voice barely above a whisper. “you should sit down. or…go home.”

“maybe,” she says, but she doesn’t move. instead, she smiles, sweet and almost…tender. “but…. not before i tell you something.”

your breath catches, and you feel your friends’ eyes on you, the air around the table thick with anticipation.

“you’re…really something, y/n,” she says, her voice quiet but sincere, “i don’t know what it is, but…there’s just something about you. something good.”

the words hit you harder than they should, and you don’t know if it’s because she’s drunk or because she means it, or maybe even both.

“i—“ you start to say something but it’s too quiet, so you just start to rush out of the diner, embarrassment flooding your face as your friends attempt to follow you. but with the way they’re stumbling and how drunk they still are, their detour to the bathroom is definitely expected. 

as you step outside, the night air is sharp and biting, the cold shocking your heated face. you could stay in and wait, you think— but you don’t have the patience to, and you’re too embarrassed to walk back in and face whatever just happened to you. you’re starting to head to your car when you hear the door jingle opened, and you hope and pray that it’s your trio of girls, but you set your hopes a little too high. 

“y/n!” you hear billie call after you, her voice slurring slightly, but it’s the desperation in her tone that makes you really stop you in your tracks. you pause, half-turning, the diner’s fluorescent lights spilling out onto the sidewalk as billie’s figure emerges into view, her feet tripping over her own oversized clothes as she slumps against the run down, brick wall next to her. 

her jacket’s hanging loosely off one shoulder, hair messy but somehow still perfect in that careless way she always manages. she’s really out of breath, her hands on her hips as she steadies herself, and when her eyes meet yours, there’s a flicker of something calm, something sweet. caring. 

“you’re…really l-leaving?” she asks, tilting her head slightly, her voice dripping nectar as she looks at you, almost like she’s a little hurt at it. 

“yeah,” you reply, trying to keep your tone even, but it comes out shaky instead. typical.  

“i think i’ve had enough excitement for one night. i just want to go home and go to sleep.” 

billie takes a step closer, her jordan’s scuffing against the pavement. she’s hesitant before she speaks, “did i…did i say something wrong?”

the question catches you off guard, and you shake your head quickly. it wasn’t her at all, it was just how she made you feel. her words were too much for you, and the way she was acting— it made you squirm, it was bothersome, icky, awkward. you meet eyes with her from across the parking lot, and you shrug out, trying to get out of this predicament as quickly as you possibly could. 

 “no. it’s not that. i just—” you falter, crossing your arms over your chest, “i need some air.”

she nods slowly, her gaze dropping to the ground for a moment before she looks back up at you. “y/n, i wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. i-i just…sometimes i say things when i’ve had a little too much, but that doesn’t mean i don’t mean them.”

your heart skips a beat at her honesty, and you take a step back, trying to put some distance between the two of you.

“billie, you’re really drunk.” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, and the distance between the two of you that you created falls useless as billie steps closer, almost not hearing what you’ve said. 

“yeah, i am drunk,” she admits, a soft laugh escaping her lips, “but that doesn’t mean i’m lying.”

you look away, staring at the empty parking lot as if it’ll give you the answers you’re so desperately searching for. you run your fingers through the ends of your hair, fighting to keep calm. the only reason you don’t walk away and leave is because your friends are still in the bathroom. 

can they hurry up? 

“i don’t know what you want me to say,” you admit finally, your voice cracking slightly as you let out a choked, awkward laugh. 

“i don’t want you to say anything,” billie replies, stepping closer until she’s just a few feet away. “i just…i needed you to know that. you’re cool…y/n…there’s just something about you that....”

the confession leaves you speechless, your chest tightening as you try to process her words. she’s so close now that you can smell the faint scent of whiskey on her breath, mixed with something sweet that’s uniquely her.

“please, enough.” 

“i’ll stop,” she says quickly, holding her hands up in surrender. “i swear. i just—needed to get it out, you know? but i’ll stop now. sorry.” 

before you can respond, the diner door swings open behind you, and emma stumbles out, her arm slung around naomi’s shoulder as jules trails behind them, shoving a tube of lipstick in your bag. 

“ahh, there you are!” emma says, her voice loud and cheerful despite her disheveled state, “we thought you left us.”

you force a smile, grateful for the timely distraction, “just needed some air.”

emma’s eyes flick between you and billie, and her lips curve into a knowing smirk, “well, don’t let us interrupt! we’ll be on our way.” 

“emma.” you hiss, shooting her a glare, but she just laughs and waves you off, heading toward the car with naomi and jules in tow.

you turn back to billie, who’s watching you with an expression you can’t quite read, but you don’t have the energy to figure it out. you’re so tired and upset that you just walk away, leaving billie slumped against the brick walls of the diner’s exterior, hair wildly flowing in the wind as she watches you slip into your car, cranking the engine and pulling off and away. 

you really think you could cry right now. 

jules, naomi, and emma eventually fall asleep in the back, and you fight to stay awake the last five minutes of the drive as you start to drop everyone off at their dorm rooms, or at least near them. and then it’s you and a sleeping emma, her snores syncopated with the barking of the wind outside, and you quickly park and roll your windows up, taking off your seatbelt to turn around and poke your best friend. 

“wake up.” you whisper, prodding at her bare shoulder as she stirs awake, swatting your hand like a fly. she mumbles into the cushions of your seats, “mmmhmm, like— five more minutes.”

“we’re here, emma. we have to go inside, i’m tired.” you whined, rolling your eyes. although she’s annoyed, she sits up, wiping her eyes with the back of her palm. a sleepy grin is wiped across her face as she puts her hand out to touch yours, “i am…so sorry…for dragging you everywhere across town. you’re the best, y’know that?” 

you just nod in a silent thanks, squeezing her hand before opening the door and getting out, emma copying your movements. 

the two of you step out into the cold, the wind biting at your skin as you shiver and wrap your arms around yourself. emma stumbles a little, still half-asleep, and you reach out instinctively to steady her.

“you good?” you ask, glancing at her.

“yeah, yeah,” she mumbles, waving you off. “just…y’know, trying to remember how to walk.”

you huff out a laugh, your breath visible in the chilly night air. together, you trudge toward the dorm entrance, the sound of your footsteps echoing in the quiet.

emma fishes around in her purse for her key, muttering under her breath about how she’s going to “kill the next guy who offers her tequila.” you lean against the doorframe, watching her with tired amusement until she finally triumphs, holding up the key like a trophy.

“victory is mine!” she whispers dramatically, pushing the door open and gesturing for you to go in first.

inside, the warmth is immediate, and you let out a small sigh of relief, slipping off your shoes. emma kicks off her heels with an exaggerated groan, stumbling toward the couch. she collapses onto it, sprawling out like she’s never been more comfortable in her life.

“you coming?” she asks, peeking one eye open as you hover near the door.

“nah,” you say, shaking your head. “i’m gonna head to bed. i’m beat.”

emma gives you a thumbs up, already halfway to sleep again as you make your way toward your room.

but when you close the door behind you and sink onto your bed, exhaustion doesn’t come like you thought it would. your body aches for rest, but your mind is still spinning, replaying everything from the night.

you sit there for a while, staring at the wall, before finally pulling out your journal from the drawer beside your bed. the pages are filled with your handwriting, verses, prayers, and thoughts you’ve poured out over time. it’s a place where you’ve always felt safe, where you’ve always been honest.

you open to a blank page, hesitating for a moment before you start to write:

“God, tonight was…confusing. I don’t know how to feel about any of it. I want to do the right thing. I want to honor You. But sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck in this constant battle between who I am and who I think I’m supposed to be.

I feel so much pressure to have everything figured out, to make the right choices, to be good. But what if I don’t always know what that looks like? What if I mess up?

I don’t want to disappoint You. I don’t want to disappoint myself. But I’m scared, and I’m tired, and I just don’t know what to do.”

you pause, the pen hovering over the page, before finishing with a shaky, “Please, help me understand.”

closing the journal, you let out a long breath, the weight of your words still heavy on your chest.

you crawl under the covers, curling up on your side as the wind howls outside. the room is quiet, but your mind is so loud, filled with a mix of doubt and hope and a little bit of fear. 

and as you finally drift off to sleep, you pray for clarity, for strength, for peace. because even if you don’t have all the answers, you’re holding on to the belief that they’ll come. at some point.

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[thatscarletflycatcher]

Top 5 movies set in the present and top 5 period films :)

Hi!!! I got this ask and forgot every movie I have ever loved (and will probably remember them all as soon as I hit post). It also reminded me painfully of how inadequate my cinephile culture is; there are so many classics that I'm almost certain I will love if I watch them and that would deserve the spotlight so much!

So let's make these lists about interesting movies that I think are good as movies, and not think much if they are truly The BestTM. I'm also omitting Austen and other adaptations I already talk too much about.

"Contemporary films" (set in the present is a complicated concept. I'm picking them as "the narrative happens sometime contemporary to the movie's original release date"):

5. Music & Lyrics (2007):

This is technically a romantic comedy, but its strength relies on its love for music, its humor about the music industry, and a take on 80s nostalgia that is neither surrendered idealization nor complete mockery. It's one of the few movies where I actually like Hugh Grant, and the score is so well done! My one gripe really is that I think the movie would have been so much better if the leads have remained platonic? Sometimes I like to pretend they did.

4. Dead Man Walking (1995):

This is one of those serious, controversial movies professors pick for university discussions, in this case, the one about the death penalty. The movie tries (and I believe succeeds) to address without "solving" or dismissing the relationship between our horror at heinous crimes, justice for the victims and their pain, and the value of all human lives. Susan Sarandon is as always majestic in this one.

3. National Treasure (2004):

Tumblr loves National Treasure, but I love it specifically because to me it somehow captures the thrill, the exotic mystery (without gross Orientalization!) AND the nonsense of a classic Jules Verne novel -and Verne was one of the staples of my childhood- in a way that no Verne movie adaptation I have ever watched manages to capture.

2. State of Play (2009):

This one is mostly an excuse to cheat, because while the movie is a very solid political thriller (you know, one of those "you might enjoy even if you are not a fan of the genre), the original British TV series it is adapting is better. And both have great casts (Russell Crowe is probably more solid than Cal Macaffrey on the same role, but David Morrissey does a much better job than Ben Affleck. So, it goes both ways, you see).

Hot Fuzz (2007):

I have heard this one being called "the most intelligent stupid comedy ever made", and honestly, fitting description. I have joked before about this being my comfort movie and how funny that is because it is the gory story of a police officer being kicked out of his beloved job and sent into a town where everyone mocks and gaslights him and then the back end of the movie is a non-stop action sequence... but, listen, it is funny, it is, somehow, heart warming, you can tell everyone is having a ball, the editing is amazing, the pacing is just right, so many set ups and they all pay off, the story is satisfying, the characters -specially the main lead- are likeable, and their arcs also satisfying.

Period films:

5. Oscar (1991):

This is a very silly comedy set in the 30s, adapted from a play and you can tell, but it is a riot, and in my opinion one of the best Stallone roles ever. It makes me wish he had done more comedies in this style. It also has the always charming Marisa Tomei and the always welcome Tim Curry.

4. The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain (1995)

Another instance of a movie where Hugh Grant does not annoy me, it's basically what says in the tin and the right kind of thing if you enjoy the typical British period drama of beautiful landscape, small town shenanigans and restrained romance.

3. The Mask of Zorro (1998):

Much of what I said about National Treasure applies here, except that it is not at all silly, and it has many moments of great pathos besides being a really good adventure/superhero movie.

2. To Walk Invisible (2016):

This is a biopic of the Brontë sisters, just covering their peak years of authorial activity, to trace a portrait of their personalities and life situation. While my knowledge of Bronteana is not super extensive, from the little I have read of them in general, plus Elizabeth Gaskell's The Life of Charlotte Brontë, I feel like this was carefully and lovingly done, without heavy editorializing or overdramatization (I'm staring at you, Emily (2022)), or pitting the sisters against each other. There's a scene of Emily reciting her poetry to Anne in the moors that just got me in the feels.

Master and Commander: the Far Side of the World (2003)

There are few genres I'm as disinterested in as war epics, and few movies I love as much as I love Master and Commander.

It was harmed by coming out the same year as The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, but it is, and what I'm going to say will sound blasphemous to some, the better movie of the two. It is a war epic, and a slice of life film. It's the story of a friendship between two very different men and the tensions their personalities and job at sea bring. The cast is top notch, down to child actors. Some of the production details are insane. They made rope specifically for this film because the way modern rope is turned doesn't fit well with old rigging techniques. The cast spent many days together at sea learning the basics of how to manage the ship and work in their ranks and the way sailors and officers would relate to each other. The immersion this all creates is also insane. The sound design was marvelous as well, and the score truly inspired (I want to kiss the person who picked Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis as one of the main features of a 2000s movie adapting a 20th century novel about the Napoleonic Wars, the same way 19th-20th century Ralph Vaughan Williams picked up a tune by a 16th century composer to do his thing, to establish this thematic connection between past and present and the ways we look at and make History).

If you watch only one movie on this list, watch this one. It's worth it.

Ask me my top5/top10 anything!

[wildflowercryptid]

Hope its okay if I ask about your versions of Florian and Juliana, thanks ^ _ ^

- Are they siblings?

- What are both their personalities?

- Were they actually raised in Paldea? The MC's in the game are implied to originally be from Galar so I was just wondering that

- Which storylines from the game are each the of them the main character of?

I'm so sorry if I've missed out an info sheet on them hhhhghg

Thank u again!

oh, it’s more than okay to ask about them! i actually really like talking about my interpretations of the pokémon characters, but i just struggle to articulate my ideas a lot of the time. or forget to share them. i’ve been meaning to drop lore for these two so i’ll do that now!

( putting the answers under a cut because i kinda ended up rambling. oops. )

are they siblings?

yes, they are! juliana is the older of the two, but they’re actually super close in age ( with jules not even being a year older than florian. ) because of that, they’re pretty close and sometimes get mistaken for twins. they still bicker and annoy each other like any other typical sibling relationship, but they respect each other a lot and consider each other their greatest confidant. their relationship kinda ends up paralleling carmine and kieran’s own dynamic as siblings, with juliana and florian seeing each other as equals while the same can’t really be said for carmine and kieran.

what are both of their personalities?

while they’re both pretty level-headed, juliana is definitely the more outgoing and confident of the two. florian is more of the reserved type, someone who typically keeps to himself and would much rather wait in the wings than be center stage, ( too bad he’s basically the major protagonist of the story. ) they’re both fairly friendly, but he struggles connecting with others more when compared to his sister. essentially, they’re kinda like a dialed-back version of mabel and dipper pines. florian generally is a very sweet and open-hearted kid who tries to see the best in others, which often leads to his kindness being taken advantage of and getting pushed around easily, ( i.e. carmine convincing him to keep the secret about ogerpon from kieran. ) because of that, juliana is a little protective of him and isn’t afraid to step in when he struggles to stand up for himself. and while she does like to be seen as reliable, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t encourage florian to be more confident and advocate for himself more. he does end up growing more of a backbone during the timeskip, which makes her very proud. meanwhile, juliana is a lot more outspoken and doesn’t hold back when things need to be called out. she’s still just as compassionate as her brother and is extremely reliable, along with having a very strong moral compass. she definitely fills the cool, reliable older sister role pretty well.

were they actually raised in paldea?

they grew up in galar like what’s implied in canon, but the details are a little different. they’re actually paldean on their mother’s side, who was originally from cabo poco herself. their family decided to move from wyndon back to her hometown after their father lost his job at one of macro cosmos’s now defunct finance subsidiaries. luckily, he was able to land a new desk job in medali and now larry’s his boss. ( the two get along well, they talk about their kids during lunch breaks. )

which storylines from the game are each of them the main character of?

juliana takes on the victory road and starfell street storylines while florian tackles the path of legends and filling out the pokédex, with both of them coming together for the way home. initially, i conceptualized them as co-protagonists and they still kinda are… but florian has definitely taken on the role as primary protagonist with how much shit keeps on just happening to him. i would expand the specifics of how the path of legends plays out for florian and how his friendship with arven develops, but i’ve already rambled enough so i’ll try to talk about that in another post.

hope this answers all your questions and sorry if it's a little long, i've just gotten attached to these kids and have a lot to say about them.

if you have any other questions ( about the paldea kids or mjverse in general, ) please feel free to ask them! it might take me a sec to reply, but i'll try my best!

[grapebritain]

(to note, i haven't watched all of psych yet )

Like how i was speaking about in my last post, Shawn isn't just 'comfy in his sexuality' i don't think anyway. To me , it seems a lot more than that. Again, i could be projecting but I've seen a LOT of other people agree with the idea that Shawn spencer isn't 100 percent straight and i think ik why.

I think it's fine if straight guys make gay jokes ofc. ik i am technically bi myself, i do make a lot of gay jokes towards my friends and things and it is in no way romantically charged. Thing is, Shawn doesn't JUST make jokes in the show. sometimes he's 100 percent serious. To the viewer, the scene may be a joke, but the in world situation he isn't joking.

The main example i can think of is that one scene where Gus calls out the fact Shawn had a romantically charged dream about a fireman for example. Although it is, again a joke to us the viewer to giggle a little, you can see that Shawn starts getting very annoyed and serious about it , indicating that this dream he has was very likely a real thing that happened he didn't want Gus talking about everywhere which is just one of many questionable things i think that makes many viewers suspicious.

Also , bc i love me some Shassie, whenever Jules is romantically interested in someone else, Shawn starts acting a little bit flirtatious again towards Lassiter, like the episode where Gus is trapped in the bank he seems fairly glued to him most of the time when he can be.

I have nothing wrong at all with straight guys being comfy with their sexuality at all, but the way Shawn acts....idk there is something off with it that screams something else below the surface. I do think he likely has a female preference , bc obvs he is only ever seen dating women , but i don't think that makes him straight bc of it.

also just wanna add a final note that, i actually like how psych doesn't make sexuality the forefront of someone's personality for the most part, like Lassiter is pansexual but it isn't like....his ONLY trait, so i don't think i'd want the show 'more gay' or whatever. i just think it would be nice if they could confirm or smth that Shawn could be bi.

[eundiarys]

# THE WAY I LOVED YOU — short teaser

⊹ pairing — choi yeonjun x fem! reader.

⊹ warnings — mentions of getting injured/broken leg, not proofread sorry your girl is lazy

⊹ extended summary — not being to get over your highschool ex even after he broke your heart is horrible. it’s understandable though, especially since he was your first everything. but yn has decided that it’s time to get out of her shell and date again! lucky for her, there’s a perfect candidate for that as her company’s president son is head heels for her. but what if it doesn’t work? what if she still longs for the way he loved her? and what happens if he feels the same?

⊹ genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, academic rivals, enemies to lovers, highschool au (flashback), opposites attract, second chance romance, exes to lovers, etc.

SENIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL — 2018.

you walk back and forth infront of the room as you hesitated to enter. of course, with beomgyu just staring and quietly judging.

you were currently In front of yeonjun's hospital room, clutching the chocolates and a flower and feeling slightly guilty and unsure of your purpose for being here.

oh right, you “accidentally” kicked the ball too hard that it somehow got to choi yeonjun — and now he has a broken leg.

“gyu, can’t i do this tomorrow?”

“you said that yesterday. and the day before. and you also said the same thing the day before yesterday!”

“pretty please?”

“nope. that won’t work on me! now go!” beomgyu gives you a gentle nudge before shutting the door.

fine. i’ll go in. it’s my fault anyway….

in all honesty, do you feel bad? yes.

but do you regret it doing it? absolutely not. he’s just an arrogant competitive asshole!

after hesitating, you finally knocked on the damn door.

you thought yeonjun was the one who responded with the barely audible "you can come in!", so you entered.

“yeonjun? it’s yn!" as you set your presents on the side table, you shout softly.

“oh? yn?” a sweet voice responded. when you turned around, you see yeonjun who is glaring at you like crazy, next to mrs. choi, who was smiling at you warmly.

you had a small conversation with mrs choi, but after about 10 minutes she excused herself and said she had to meet a friend.

leaving you alone, with the devil.

you sat down beside him.

you’re quite enjoying this silence. you don’t think he is though.

“so… i heard jeon si-ah confessed to you.” you finally broke the silence between you too.

i mean, you’re the one visiting him in his hospital room anyway. He doesn’t have to say anything, and you were the one who wanted to come without him asking. so you should totally be the conversation starter!

“is that the main reason you came to see me? If yes, please get out. I liked it better when you were not talking.” he answered, making it visibly clear that he’s annoyed.

“don’t think like that.. it’s because i feel bad for kicking the ball too hard and somehow it ended right on your leg!”

“you sure that wasn’t just on purpose…?”

“100% sure. now, will you answer my question?”

“you didn’t even ask me a question.”

“come on, don’t be stupid! What do you think about Si-ah?”

he stayed silent for awhile. “she’s pretty, i guess.”

“you guess? bro, what else do you want? she’s rich and so are you, she’s pretty, has such a charming personality and —”

“she’s not you.”

you kept quiet. “what?”

“she isn’t you.”

NAVIGATE HERE! ‧₊˚ masterlist — next

© eundiarys 2023

jules notes 📝 LOL what do we think ???? feedbacks are VERY appreciated!!! enemies to lovers yeonjun HEKAKDHKAJA 😫😫 edit : did i forget someone why does the taglist look diffrent

taglist one ( open ) — @zuyairus @ddenoudepression @sserafimez @ox1-lovesick @reverbtunes @vernonweb @flwoie @ja4hyvn @xiaoderrrr @galaxyhalloes @j4y-lvr @taegyuul @trsrina @fairyytyunn @r7yu @taekwondoes @nshimura @pleasetellmenow @soobin-chois @jinsquishes @sakuzleaves @bomugf @ox1-lovesick @eulris @bunnystrm @haknom @txtbrainrot @bluebearybeom @cherriegyu @snowfalltxt @boba-beom @ihrtjun @hyeinszn

[mzannthropy]

“It’s really disgusting that Doss’ crazy adventures should have turned out like this. It makes one feel that there is no use in behaving properly."

I kinda see Olive's point here... oh dear, am I gonna be controversial again?

So, the way I see this book is that the real villain is not any person, but the clan's customs and traditions. I think all the members perform to some extent, but I don't think they're really bad people as a whole (I maintain that Uncle James is an abuser and Mrs Frederick ofc is an emotional manipulator with her silent treatment, though she's not a Stirling by birth, the rest are mostly boring or pompous or annoying, but nothing terrible). And I think Olive also performs, maybe more than the others, playing the role of the golden daughter, the perfect girl. The only other time we get Olive's POV, aside from this letter, is in the chapter when Barney is getting gas from Uncle Wellington while Olive's in the car. We learn that her fiance worries over insanity running in the family, and then she has an idea:

Wouldn’t it be splendid if she could induce the prodigal daughter to return?

She doesn't care about Valancy, she just wants to score points the the clan. Olive has followed all the rules correctly--yet Valancy, who has shamelessly broken them, gets to bag a Redfern heir and thus gains respect of the clan.

Natalie Lue talks a lot about performing and people pleasing on her Baggage Reclaim podcast and blog (which she doesn't update anymore, but there's plenty of material to read/listen to), I have previously shared an episode where she talked about the dark side of people pleasing--meaning that if you people please all your life, one day you're just gonna snap. It's essentially what happened with Valancy.

“I’ve been trying to please other people all my life and failed,” she said. “After this I shall please myself.

It's like that meme "are you tired of being nice, don't you just want to go apeshit?" I hope Olive and Cecil will be happy together, but it would also be interesting to see Olive, too, go apeshit.

Also, I have just remembered Clarissa Mao from the TV series The Expanse. She also did her best to be the perfect daughter of Jules-Pierre Mao (the Big Bad of the show), who favoured her rebellious younger sister Julie. One day it becomes too much and she goes berserk, trying to kill the main hero of the show. I really liked her character, though I never finished the show (maybe I'll go back to it).

[kibellah]

jules!!! 😈💗💖💗

i would absolutely love to learn about your bg3 oc & the choices they made throughout the story 💗🔥💗

idk too much about fallen hero but your character sounds so fucking epic 🥹

NAOMI 🫶💞💞🫶💞🫶

aahhh THANK YOUUUU <3 she is live laugh and loving her way through life!

🫴🏻 but let’s explore my beloved durge, florence 😈

she’s a red draconic sorcerer (everyone say thank you daddy bhaal for the magic)! her main party is shadowheart, astarion, and lae’zel.  florence and astarion were both guzzling down tadpoles the whole game, and shadowheart even joined in on the fun a little

 with her memory loss situation, she chalks it up to being cursed. so she decides good deeds = memory comes back. so she does all the "good" decisions in act 1, saving the grove, siding w the myconids, etc

she also sleeps with lae’zel and then at the party, she sleeps with astarion after he propositions her (she makes him say please first tho don’t worry). sex and romance weren’t really on her priority list, but she figures it doesn't hurt to have some people on her side in case she murders someone else LMAO

act 2 she's bit pissed that the curse hasn't been lifted yet but maybe murdering alfira in cold blood was a setback on the good deeds list, so gotta press on! 

when sceleritas visits her again in act 2 and tells her to kill isobel, florence is like wtffff. But then eureka💡. this must be the defining moment for her curse. she just has to not kill isobel and lift the shadow curse, then her own curse will be lifted

astarion and her make the deal with raphael to kill yurgir and so then astarion and her become official. so love wins (for now)

When shadowheart spares aylin and lae'zel turns against vlaakith, she’s like wow going against your god is so brave and awesome <- not going to get any kind of lesson from that

so act 3, and the bhaalspawn revelation, florence kinda goes into a tailspin but she did NOT see that coming at all. so she decides to avoid thinking about it and talking about it. She allies with gortash, blows up raphael with the runepowder bomb in the house of hope(rip)

ascends astarion bc well. powerful bf + killing 7k people at once? obviously bhaal would be proud (i like to think bhaal started playing i bet on losing dogs here and began to ponder why his spawn were all so fucking moronic) so astarion ascends and florence reluctantly agrees to become his spawn. bc it does sound kinda cool….but then he tells her to get on her knees and she breaks up with him (she can excuse sacrificing 7k people but she draws the line at getting on her knees). i hc they continue to have a weird on and off again thing that annoys everyone else at camp

she embraces bhaal bc she doesn't have much else going on and also she's terrified to say no. rip jaheria and minsc <3

and of course at the defining moment at the netherbrain, she realizes that she can't go through with this killing everyone business😭😭so she destroys the brain. at the docks, she takes her own life so she doesn't have to deal with bhaal's punishment

fly high florence🕊️ astarion will be exploiting your memory for centuries i'm sure

[monsterrae1]

20 Questions for fic Writers!

Thanks for the tag! @exhuastedpigeon

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

62!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

702,474 💀

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Buddie and sterek atm; but i have an outline for an andreil fic I promised to April and a Jo/Jules fic I also need to figure out for her

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Till now I always got by on my own (I never really cared until I met you)

You’re not my homeland anymore (so, what I defending now)

You’re on your own kid (you always have been)

Mark me like a bloodstain

Suddenly thunder and everything’s changed

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I just think it’s nice to give thanks back to people who read my fics 🖤

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I would say “I should go and find myself (before I ruin someone else)” because while the main Buck/Eddie had a happy ending, other Eddie was left all alone.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Mm probably “break my heart (or bring it back to life)”? Idk it’s the one that came to mind

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? Mostly annoying comments here and there but I wouldn’t say hate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah, I’m pretty meh with my smut, nothing too exciting. Except for the monsterfucking 😌

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! My very first buddie fic got translated to Russian, and currently Till now is being translated to French.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but April and I keep talking about collabing.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Sterek, the brainrot is just as strong as it was 10 years ago 😂

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My stucky gifted AU 🪦

16. What are your writing strengths?

Emotional scenes I think? Bringing emotions to the page

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fucking dialogue

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If it makes sense for the characters, sure why not

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Jonas brothers 😂

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

You can’t make me choose (it’s till now)

Tagging if they wanna do this @adiazhalloween @loserdiaz @hoodie-buck @buddierights @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @heartshapedvows @eddiebabygirldiaz @housewifebuck @elvensorceress @the-likesofus @spaceprincessem @spotsandsocks @shortsighted-owl @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @jesuisici33 @folk-fae @underwater-ninja-13 @honestlydarkprincess @bigfootsmom @giddyupbuck and whoever else wants to do this!

[lostfirefly]

You’ve Got the Same Dream as Me (Ch.8)

Hello, kiddos! The idea for this fanfic came to me from a dream (again) I had about a month ago. Тhe main characters were T. Cruise & H.Cavill (don't ask me why), but with a light hand they have been replaced. The main action of the dream took place somewhere in the sands. Аlthough this fanfic will feature Sir Crocodile and our beloved Buggy, the action shifts to the desert. No marines, ships etc. The devil fruit's abilities are preserved. Catch the Mummy and Indiana Jones vibes :) Different titles and names from the original source material will be used to emphasise the general OP's vibe.

Since English is not my native language, errors may occur. As always, feel free to share your thoughts :) 

And thank you to my dear @yujo-nishimura and @laurasoretta for believing in me :)

Description: Catherine, a librarian who is searching for the trail of her sister who went missing on an expedition. Notes in books and diaries lead her to Cairo. There she finds a retailer from an artifact shop who, in exchange for selling her a map and equipment, insists that Catherine take her along. They get into a little (or maybe a big) adventure.. 

Warnings: Catherine is still angry about the phrase Buggy said in Ch. 7 (he's a vulnerable idiot). That's why she can be a little annoying. F words. Croco x OC are two assholes. Adventures and fun are still here. Buggy x OC, Sir Crocodile x OC. Hope you enjoy it!

Words: 3262 (omg!)

The title is taken from «You've Got the Same Dream as Me» (Sonya Belousova & Giona Ostinelli) (One Piece, Netflix)

Taglist: @gingernut1314

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

• Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

"Oh, hi, sister!"

"Oh, hi, sister? Jules, are you fucking kidding me? You’ve been missing for almost two months, I come looking for you, and all you can say is, "oh, hi, sister"? Catherine could hardly contain her anger and slowly approached Jules. "What are you doing here? And why are you with the beehive?"

"Well, after breaking up with Pete, I decided to go on an expedition to clear my head.. There I met a man with a funny haircut in the shape of a three. He offered me an interesting case and good money. And this nice man is his boss", brown-haired girl said with a smile. 

"Oh, God! Could you please shut up?" Rika said with annoyance. She walked up to Jules and pushed her towards Catherine. "Welcome to the team of misfits."

"Heeey", Jules squealed.

"All right, ladies and the clown. Enough of this chit-chat and all this drama. Now you put your brains together, if you have them, read your maps, your diaries, and tell us where we're going next." 

Crocodile approached Rika. 

"You've done a great job, my love. Look and learn, clown, what kind of woman you should choose", Crocodile said with a sneer and kissed Rika again eagerly.

"Thank you! But I want to remind you that you hurt me at that old man's house," Rika returned the kiss. 

"It's still ew", Catherine said with disgust.

"Oh, fuck! You've tired me out this week," Rika stopped kissing Crocodile, approached Catherine and grabbed her shoulder. "You know how many times I wanted to punch you in your pretty face, so you'd finally shut up. Now be a good girl, go back to your loser's place and do what you've just been told."

"And when did you have time to contact Crocodile, Rika?" Buggy asked, taking Catherine’s hand and leading her behind him.

"About a month ago, why? Do you feel bad about me not being with you or something? No, thanks. I found the real man."

"Hell, please, no. Just curious. I don't understand why you need me."

"Oh, are you trying to sneak out, my clown boy? Well, somebody had to get us in here. Crocodile doesn’t know the exact way, and you've been here before, albeit from the other side, and you have our box. Plus, I knew you'd fall for the treasure and, obviously, the girl. So. Sorry, buddy."

"Will someone tell me what's going on here?" suddenly asked Jules and glanced at Buggy, "and who are you?"

"They are," Catherine pointed at Crocodile and Rika, "two bastards. And that brown-haired bitch I met at the airport. She gave me a flight ticket. And he..."

"What do you mean, she gave you the ticket?" Buggy interrupted Catherine and looked at her in surprise. "Did you just take the fucking ticket out of that girl's hand? Did you really think a random stranger would just give it to you?"

"Well...," she looked at him with round eyes and shrugged.

"God, you're even dumber than I am," he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Oh, yeah! And this is coming from the 'I don't need a plan' person," Catherine mocked Buggy, standing behind his back.

"That's enough!" Crocodile stepped closer to them. "Listen, clown. Please tell your girl and her sister to tell us where we need to go. Otherwise…"

He grabbed Jules with his hook.

"Okay, okay!" Catherine said, "I'll do what you want. Just don't touch her". 

"Catherine, don't!" Buggy hissed.

"I’m not gonna let some guy with the hook hurt my sister or you," - she said in a whisper and blushed slightly. "Come on, Jules. Let's take a look at the map". 

"Good girls. Laura, honey, stand next to that fucking clown. He's got powers and he could easily make a run for it," Crocodile sat on the floor and lit a cigar. 

"As you wish, boss."

Catherine and Jules sat on the cold rocks, shining flashlights on the map and diary entries. A light breeze walked through the space. They spent a long time going over the pages with their hands.

"Look," Catherine pointed to the coordinates in the diary. "We were here, here, and here. I think we're here now, right? The map’s drawn the path."

"First of all, I'm shocked at what's happening. What's going on? Second of all, what do you mean, the map's drawn a path? And third," Jules smiled wryly, "who's that guy with the red nose?"

"Fuck! I'm begging you, let's first get out of this fucking cave or wherever we are now. This is all your fault. If you hadn't disappeared, I wouldn't have come here and I'd be sitting at home with coffee right now, and everything would be fine." 

"Hey, I apologize for interrupting your family drama, but did you find anything?" Buggy squatted down next to them.

"Not yet. Why are you asking? Oh, you're worried you're gonna miss out on the treasure now? And then you can't get a girl for one night at the bar?" Catherine mumbled, turning the pages.

"Why are you so mad?" he asked in surprise.

"I'm not... I don't care about you and your late-sex life, actually. You could go out and fuck every girl in town in one night."

"Oh, wow, right to the heart!" he exclaimed in a mocking tone, but he changed it quickly. "Hey, listen. About what I said.. I want to ap--"

"How much longer are you going to suffer bullshit?" Crocodile asked with annoyance. "Any news?"

"Don't yell at me, the beehive! No upd.. Uh, wait. Buggy, hold the flashlight, please", Catherine ran her hand over the sheets and mumbled something to herself. "Hey, the hook man. Do you have the book with you?"

"Of course. Laura, give it to her," Crocodile said with a low voice.

Laura went to the bag, pulled out the book and handed it to Catherine. 

"Thank you, bitch," Catherine barked.

Reconciling the entries in the book and in her diary, Catherine continued to mutter something to herself and surveyed the space. She ran the fingers of one hand over the pages, the other hand drawing some shapes in the air. 

"What is she doing?" Jules asked Buggy with a whisper.

"I have no idea, I thought you knew. She’s your sister."

Rika and Crocodile watched Catherine's strange movements intently. 

"I got it!" - Catherine jumped up abruptly, grabbing the book and diaries and walked quickly forward. "Jules, look at the map. Are there any changes now?"

"I see nothing," Jules said, looking closely at the map. 

"Honey, you'd better tell us where to go next," Crocodile walked over to Catherine and took her firmly by the neck.

"Hey, let her go," Buggy walked over to Crocodile.

"Or what? All right, I can't cut you. But I can cut her. I can cut her sister. Or kill. You're not in a very good position right now, clown. So, save your heroics for some petty squabbling amongst lowlifes like you."

"You can threaten me as much as you want, I don't give a shit about it. But if you lay one finger or your hook on either of them…"

"Then what? Are you gonna kill me?" at that moment, Crocodile's hand began to turn to sand.

"Stop! Please!" Catherine took Buggy's hand and gave him a hard look. "It's okay. I’m fine. Anyway, the beehive, I have bad news for you. The map is useless now until we get out of here. It only points the way in daylight and, as I understand it, in direct sunlight. So, we'll follow the path where the road is drawn now, and if there's nothing further, we'll go blind."

Rika came over to Jules and looked at the map.

"I hate to break it to you, my love, but that bitch is right. So far, the path's partially drawn. I don't know why the fucking thing didn't draw it all the way through. You're not so stupid, are you, Catherine?"

Catherine rolled her eyes and started packing.

"What was that? His hand turned to sand. And what does that big man mean when he said he can't cut that guy?" she asked with horror in her voice.

"Ah, it's a side effect of the devil fruit," Catherine waved her hand, "I'll tell you later."

⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭

They walked along the winding rocky paths for over an hour, lighting the way with torches. The wind continued to blow through the cave, bringing smells of damp and rot. 

"God, I don't want to die in a cave and lie here like some pharaoh", Jules muttered to herself, shifting her feet heavily, "And at first that man with the hook seemed so nice."

"Bastards always seem nice at first. Don't they, Buggy?" Catherine cast a glance at the clown and adjusted her bag.

"If you have a problem with me, cotton candy, just say so," he said in a surprisingly calm tone.

"I don't have a problem with you, and I don't want to talk to you," she snapped.

Jules looked at them questioningly. 

"But you keep doing it, Cathie-pie", he said with a slight irony in his voice. "One minute you're mad at me, and the next..."

"Shut up, please, I hate you," she interrupted him with a quiet growl. "Shit, if you knew how much you piss me off, silly clown, I'd.... Ouch!"

Catherine didn't realize she'd hit a stone wall. 

"What the hell?" she touched the space in front of her. 

"Are you okay?" Buggy put his hand on her back.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine... But..."

"What happened?" Crocodile's voice came from behind her. "Where are we?"

"I don't know...," Catherine shone the torch on the wall. "We couldn't have lost our way. We could have taken a wrong turn… in theory... There are a million paths."

"We could have taken a wrong turn, huh? Are you kidding me?" Rika took two big steps and grabbed Catherine's arm. "I swear to God, I'll rip your head off if you take us down the wrong path."

"Get your crocodile hands off me!" Catherine tried to throw off Rika’s hand. "We're in a bloody ancient cave in the middle of Egypt. You think there's only one way in a cave like this? I’m really sorry that it's not lit up like a fucking highway. Just give me a minute. Jules, the map!"

Rika let go of Сatherine's hand and continued to stand by her side.

"That's why I love you, baby. For your temper," Crocodile walked over to Rika and put his arm around her waist. 

"It’s still ew, by the way," Catherine snorted and stared at the map. "Jules, the diary! Buggy, please, hold the torch. One more riddle is written here..."

Check the wall, and touch the floor, 

It can help to open the door. 

You'll be helped by a pillar of fire.

Just take it up a notch higher.

"And what does it mean?" Crocodile asked. 

"Well, you're supposed to be the smartest guy here, so think about it", Catherine said mockingly.

"I'm sick of you!" Crocodile hissed. "Laura, I think our redheaded smarty-pants is a little out of touch. Maybe a gun would help. Will you please point that pretty thing at her little sister?" 

Laura took out a gun, cocked the slide and put it to Jules' temple. 

"You’re truly a piece of shit," Catherine whispered. "If the four of you want to get to the treasure, shooting somewhere in the dungeon is not recommended. You'll turn to sand and escape, the clown will fall to pieces and escape too, and the four of us will be crushed by something heavy. No offense, but that's not how I pictured my demise."

"Very funny, yes," Crocodile grinned. "Now go to your blue-haired friend and open the door."

"Check the wall, and touch the floor.. a pillar of fire. Jules, Buggy, obviously, we need to check the walls and floor with the torch or the flashlight, there must be some clues there," Catherine said this with undisguised admiration. 

"I think you're beginning to like this whole treasure hunting thing," Buggy said with a grin.

"No, I just want to go home and be away from you," Catherine tried to sound serious. 

With the torch, Jules and Buggy lit every millimetre of the wall. Catherine sat on her knees and ran her hands over the floor. 

“You know, Crocodile, I know you're kind of mafia, but maybe you could help. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner you can get your gold”, Catherine said, probing the stone tiles in the darkness. “Check those rocks you're standing on, please.”

Crocodile snorted. Rika nodded her head slightly and they began to check the floor beneath them. 

"There are some drawings here," Rika said.

"Yeah, and there are some on the wall, too," Jules mumbled. 

Catherine sat down on the stone floor, Crocodile sat next to her. They both stared at the book. Rika and Buggy watched them both warily.

"Look, the hook, you see, one of the slabs in the book is marked with a sign. That's how the ancient Egyptians labelled something like a button, if I'm not mistaken."

"Buttons? To what?" Crocodile looked at Catherine questioningly.

"I don't know. Maybe it's your treasure behind the door, maybe it's sarcophagi with mummies or a bunch of man-eating scarabs. But you see, there's a drawing here. It's a diagram. We have to click on the pictures on the wall and the floor in the right order, I guess... But we need to find some kind of lever that activates it all."

"And if we press in the wrong order, then what?" Crocodile asked in a quiet voice.  

"Well, then we have a good chance of turning into mummies, and in a few hundred years local kids will be scared with scary stories about us." Catherine said, barely containing a nervous laugh. "Yes, I've always dreamed of dying next to the sandman and the clown."

Crocodile stood up and offered Catherine his hand. 

"Thanks, I guess," she said with surprise in her voice. "Okay, guys, we need to find a lever, a big button or something..."

Catherine and Crocodile continued to look at the book and diary while Laura, Rika, Buggy and Jules were exanimating the walls and floor. 

"People, there's another sign here," Laura said, lighting an obscure symbol with her torch.

"Wait, that's...," Catherine sat down next to her, "it's Seth's sign."

"How is Seth?" Crocodile asked.

"God, сome on! You're in Egypt. It's an Egyptian god."

"Then what do these symbols mean?" Jules' voice came from the wall. 

Catherine approached her. 

"Jules, sister, hold the book. Buggy, hold the torch and the diary," she began to run her hands over the wall and the pages again, muttering something to herself. 

"Anything?" Rika asked, coming up behind her. 

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't distract me," Catherine waved her hand away. "Guys, I get it. Look, these aren't just symbols. It's a puzzle. But not just a puzzle, a puzzle of myth. And a note that says "Beware of Seth".

"What myth?" Buggy asked in surprise.

"Osiris and Isis," Catherine said affirmatively.

"And what's it about?" Laura asked and Rika said together.

"Come on! Seth killed Osiris, Isis' husband, chopped him up and hid him in different places. Buggy, by the way, if you bother me, I'll do the same to you," she said with a slight smile.

"I'm sorry, what?" he raised his eyebrows. 

"Isis went in search of her husband's parts. The symbols on the wall and floor match the ones in the book. And if you look in the diary, you'll know in what order to press the buttons." 

"But what does this have to do with Seth?" Laura asked. "You know, I don't know much about all these Egyptian myths, but it seems to me that if something is mentioned in the text, you should take it into account." 

"Seth is the god of storms and deserts, that doesn't make sense," Jules said.

"But he was also considered the god of deception," Catherine whispered. "We need to press these slabs in reverse order. We have to find the lever and then start this infernal mythological machine." 

"There's something like a wheel in here, but to be honest, I don't really want to touch it," Jules said with excitement in her voice, pointing to a small object. 

Crocodile and Buggy approached the wheel. Turning it a few times they both looked round.

"And now what?" Crocodile asked.

Catherine looked at the book and started pointing with her hand. 

"Now we have to press the slabs in reverse order, that's what Laura, you over here, Jules, you over here, Rika, you on that slab, you two stand over there at those two slabs closer together. Just in case there's a door, of course."

She sat down on the ground, put the book next to her, and started rambling again. 

-Feet.. Arms... Body... Arms... Legs. Okay, first brown-haired bitch Rika. Then Jules. No, no, no, no.. first Laura. Then Rika. Then Jules. Then beehive. Then Buggy."

In that order, everyone pressed the slabs. 

"And what? Nothing happens. Are you sure you got it right?" Buggy asked with a distinct annoyance in his voice. 

"I-I.. I don't know, I hope so."

"If you decided to trick us...," Rika moved with a quick step towards Catherine.

Suddenly they heard a strange noise and the floor started to wobble. 

"Please tell me it was you who ran so hard," Catherine said with fear in her voice, getting up from the floor. "Oh-oh, that's not good." 

Slowly the walls began to fall down. The floor began to move more and more. 

"What's with the door?" Rika shouted.

"It won't open," Jules hit the wall with her hand. 

"Oh-oh, that's too bad!" Catherine looked around, dazed with shock. 

"Are you sure you read it right?" shouted Crocodile.

"Do you really have to ask that now?" Catherine yelled back. 

The heavy stone door began to open slowly. Crocodile and Buggy tried to pull it to move it, but to no avail.

"Yes! Yes! It's opening!! Hurry!" Jules took Laura's hand, and they slipped through the narrow passage.

"Catherine, hurry!" Rika grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the door. 

The floor began to slowly collapse. From the bottom of the cave came the muffled sounds of stone hitting stone. Catherine noticed the book that had been left on the floor.

"The book!" she broke free of Rika's grip and ran to get it. 

"Rika!" Crocodile turned into sand and picked Rika up. 

"Oh, Catherine, this was a bad idea. That's the dumbest idea ever," she muttered to herself as she watched the floor fall down in bigger and bigger chunks. 

Suddenly, she felt someone pick her up and book.

"You will be the death of me, cotton candy!" Buggy's flying torso threw her on his shoulder and carried her to the door. 

"Damn you and your chop chop abilities," she said, exhaling as she watched the remnants of the floor fall into the abyss of the cave. 

As soon as everyone was behind the door, it closed. 

"Is everyone alive?" Rika asked, lighting a torch from the wall.

"I think so," Laura and Jules squeaked in unison somewhere. 

Buggy lowered Catherine to the ground and put his body back on his feet. She looked around.

"Well. I have two bits of news. One, we're all alive. The second is that the way back is cut off".

[cannibalindsm]

Hi to the 3 Kurt Stachler fans that exist I wrote an extremely unprofessional “essay” (word-vomit) on him and his character and am finally posting it for all to see.

Read it HERE!!! Under the cut

Kurt Stachler is an extremely important yet extremely underutilized character in Kaze to Ki no Uta. His main purpose in the series is to be the comedic relief, as Kazeki is a very serious and heartbreaking manga. There's no harm in having a character used for comedic relief, but with Kurt's writing, and the importance he has in the series, having him solely be the "funny guy" causes him to fall short, as Keiko never expands upon him as a character and keeps him as comedy even after he plays one of the single most pivotal roles. The other minor characters, such as Carl, Pascale, Rosemarine and even Jules all get mini-arcs expanding upon their characters and motivations, the exceptions being Kurt and Nekka, and while both characters had their potential, I will be focusing on Kurt. Part of me believes that Kurt was boiled down to such a 1-dimensional is due to his size. Kurt is drawn to be a bit bigger than the other characters, who are all drawn in your typical thin anime body type. Even then, Kurt's body type fluctuates as the series goes on to make him look thinner than originally intended. The main reason I think this way is due to:

The Funny Fat Friend Trope.

The Fat Best Friend trope is a (annoying) common trope in media where the main character, in this case Serge, has a friend who is not conventionally skinny that only exists for the sole reason to be funny for the main character. They are a sidekick and oftentimes not fleshed out. Kurt 100% fits into this trope, but breaks away from it in certain scenes when he becomes relevant to the plot. However, when he is relevant, he is drawn thinner in certain scenes.

As I said before, there is nothing wrong with having a character written in to be comedic relief. Nor do I believe that the "fat funny friend" trope is bad in every piece of media , for example in certain medias that focus on satirical comedy where EVERY character is a stereotype can utilize this trope to where it doesn't come off as hurtful, the main difference there being that in these comedies - as mentioned before - EVERY character is based off something trope-y, no one is singled out. Kaze to Ki no Uta is NOT a comedy, and that's where the series falls short with handling Kurt. Having characters that are the comedic relief AND have issues is not impossible to write and having a funny person have issues doesn't make them less funny, but instead, makes them more human.

But what ARE some of Kurt's "issues" if any? He's impulsive and easily irritable, he struggles with jealousy (he is even called out for it at one point) and seemingly has some sort of issue with attachment and abandonment. There are all of these character points that are brushed off to the side or are treated as some sort of joke due to the fact Kurt HAS to be "the funny one." There's no chance for him to be explored on a deeper level because of the preconceived notion that the funny guys can't have struggles. Normally, this would not be a huge issue, as he IS a side character, but as mentioned before, Carl and Pascale are fleshed out and explored on a deeper level. Pascale is a wonderful example how a character can be funny and have deep-rooted flaws and issues, yet Kurt remains the one who "can't have issues."

Aside from his issues, Kurt has his personality strengths as well, which are ALSO under-explored due to the aforementioned FFF trope. Kurt is a very determined person when it comes to maintaining friendships, he's not one to leave someone alone. Even after he had his fight with Serge, he came back to check on him after learning he was hurt despite being upset with him. He's protective and is someone who doesn't go back on promises he's made (said by himself) Hell, being funny in times of struggle can ALSO be one of his strengths, IF it was balanced out with the rest of his writing.

In this section I will be expanding upon WHY Kurt plays an important role in the series and without him, some of the most important events could not have been possible.

In the beginning of the series Kurt holds disdain toward Gilbert but loves spending time with Serge, which is conflicting for him. His friend is important to him, but his homophobic ass does NOT like Gilbert, but as mentioned before, Kurt isn't the type of person to drop someone over him not liking someone else. He stays friends with Serge and in turn, begins warming up to Gilbert, and is even implied to have a small crush on him (see Kurt 119). BUT EVEN BEFORE THAT, even WITH his hatred of Gilbert, he was never one to go out of his way to attack Gilbert. During the scene where Jack (NOT Jack Dren, different Jack) is trying to force Gilbert to stick his hand in the fire, Kurt is one of the people who is AGAINST Jack bullying him. No, Kurt doesn't like Gilbert, but he doesn't want him to get hurt at the hands of others either. **Keep in mind that at this point in the series, Kurt had NO IDEA why Gilbert acted the way he did. He only knew that Gilbert seduced lots of people.

The ONE TIME where Kurt attacks Gilbert is during the Arles arc when Serge says he's going to leave to go back to Gilbert. Kurt gets upset and claim that Serge is "crazy about that dirty f-ggot!" Which results in the two physically fighting and Kurt walking off with Nekka out of anger.

THIS SCENE IS VERY INTERESTING!!!

In this time, nothing between Serge and Gilbert had been made official. Serge still wasn't even sure how he felt about Gilbert until AFTER Kurt suggested him being in love with Gilbert, which I assume was a joke made by Kurt (literally the 1880s equivalent of calling your friends gay as a joke). To Kurt, Serge is just simply friends with both him AND Gilbert. Serge had agreed to go to Arles with them, Gilbert was invited but declined. To Kurt, this was time to spend with a new friend and this wouldn't have changed much if Gilbert was there or not, either way, they were hanging out together. After Serge said he was going to leave Arles to find Gilbert, Kurt takes this as Serge playing favorites. Gilbert HAD the option to go with them, but he CHOSE not to, and now Serge was choosing Gilbert over the people he already agreed to spend time with. Kurt had already been established as a bit jealous, and this hurt him!!! The reason Kurt even called Gilbert a "dirty f-ggot" was him lashing out due to his own jealousy and hurt feelings, no it's not something to condone, but at the same time he's a 14 year old who believes that one of his friends just indirectly said Gilbert was more worth Serge's time, that hurts!! Kurt had NO IDEA Serge's feelings towards Gilbert, if Kurt was given the context and DID know about his feelings, I truly believe the Arles fight would not have happened at all.

After the fight in Arles there's a brief scene where Kurt and Serge glare at each other before walking away, where you can see that Kurt is eating one singular apple. Dude please eat something more, but other than that, this scene isn't relevant. I just want him to eat a Happy Meal or something.

At one point, during the time Kurt and Serge aren't talking, Serge ends up getting hurt and is bedridden for a bit. In this time, even while Kurt is supposedly mad at him, he takes his time Serge to make sure he's okay. He's NOT that petty and still sees Serge as a friend even after he was hurt.

After the Arles Fight, Kurt isn't relevant for a while, but he is shown to have warmed up to Gilbert. His disdain is shown less and less and he's seen more with the friend group where Gilbert IS included. He makes jokes and spends time with his friends and this time Gilbert is included in the antics. Gilbert isn't 100% sold on spending time with everyone, so these scenes are brief but it's important to note that Kurt and Gilbert's relationship is NOT as rocky as before, AND his relationship with Serge is back to normal. They're friends again!!

It's volume 11 where Kurt gains relevance again. Gilbert is beginning to spend more time with the group and the rest of the group is also trying to make him feel more included. Overall, their friendship goes from disdain to good friends very smoothly and naturally while also being something happy!! Which. Lord knows Gilbert needs some happiness.

BUT THEN THERE’S ADAM.

The entire deal with Adam in a nutshell is that he wants to hurt Serge, Gilbert uses his body to prevent this from happening. At first this entire ordeal is a secret, then somehow Serge learns the reality of the situation and want to do whatever he can to stop this. The plan is for the pair to run away somewhere away from Adam and Lacomblade for good. Adam hate club.

NO ONE is happy about Adam and in this arc. NO ONE. Though when Kurt learns that Serge wants his help with running away, he's hesitant because Gilbert is used to running away without being punished, but if Kurt was found out, he WOULD be punished, and he wasn't interested in that. That is, until, Serge explains WHY they want to run away and Kurt ends up changing his mind. He loves his friends and hates seeing them hurt, he wants this to escape even if it means he wasn't going to see them again.

THE FIRST PART OF THE PLAN, Kurt comes up with the idea that he'll take Serge's place during roll call in the morning so that Serge can go get phase 1 of the runaway complete (i forgot what it was, but oh well this is about kurt). According to Kurt and Serge, they have similar voices, he could say "here" for Serge behind the door so it appeared as if he was present, THIS ALSO MEANS Kurt was taking the fall at his own attendance expense. This SMALL detail is just another subtle way of showing how deeply Kurt cares for his friends and the lengths he's willing to go for them.

After phase 1, there's a break in the plan where we get MORE HAPPY CONTENT!!! A lot of the Kurt moments are very slice-of-lifey. He mentions missing Serge's stories and jokingly fights with Pascale. Everyone celebrates Gilbert's birthday and Kurt even gets him a frog as a gift since Gilbert mentioned liking animals. It's very cutesy and fun and is a nice way to show the friendship dynamic between the side characters.

Now, during the entire Escape Plan Arc, Kurt acts as a self proclaimed "bodyguard" to Serge and Gilbert whenever he's around. He makes it a point to stay with them as long as he can so that, if something happens, he'll be there. When Serge gets his arm hurt by Adam and is then subsequently insulted, Kurt is FUCKING PISSED and his first thought is to immediately to physically fight the guy (he doesn't but i digress). The Adam Arc is where Kazeki REALLY shows how much he loves his friends and how much he's willing to do to protect them, even if his protectiveness is shown in a comedic way (see Kurt 222). There's even a point where he's "put in charge" of Gilbert, bringing him to class, making sure he's okay, things like that.

THE SECOND PART OF THE PLAN. The actual escape plan route needs to be scoped out and Kurt volunteers to do this. He does this by literally going through the fucking sewer to find places that will be out of sight from the watchful eye of Rosemarine. Holy shit the dedication.

Remember how he was put in charge of Gilbert? Yeah. Well, he forgets his Bible in his room at one point and has to go back and get it, and in those moments where Kurt was gone, Adam got to Gilbert again. Which FIRST OF ALL, I'm killing Adam. BUT SECOND OF ALL, this shows how much of a threat this little shit was being. Adam was still willing to be gross with Serge around, but he never got close when Kurt was around. Kurt was ready to KILL.

Speaking of kill, he really IS willing to do so after he learns what happened with Adam while he was gone getting his Bible (see Kurt 237). He's absolutely PISSED OFF. I think this is a big moment as it shows just how much Kurts feelings have changed towards Gilbert. He went from someone who held disdain towards Gilbert but ultimately remained a disapproving bystander when he was being mistreated, to a friend who was willing to threaten anyone who hurt not just Gilbert, but ANY of his friends, even if that means putting himself at risk.

He's not JUST the guy willing to beat people up. He shows kindness through other ways, he makes tea, he continuously checks up on Serge and Gilbert, he plays games with them, he's both parts angry at what's happening while keeping a gentle composure around the victims of the situation.

THE THIRD PART OF THE PLAN. The carriage. Perhaps the single most important thing needed for Serge and Gilbert's escape, and who's behind it all? Kurt. He scopes out specific people that might have connections to carriage agencies and talks to them in secret, which is very risky. Any of these people he was talking to could rat Kurt out at any moment, and one of them actually DOES rat him out to Rosemarine, but LUCKILY AT THIS POINT, Rosemarine had HIS OWN change of heart and decided to keep the news for himself. That aside, they get the carriage delivered, Kurt fucking SUCCEEDED!!!!

And finally, THE FOURTH PART OF THE PLAN. The actual escape. During the escape, Rosemarine shows up to give Gilbert and Serge some money for Paris, of course, no one aside from Serge knows this. EVERYONE that was in on the plan assumes that the whole thing is a bust due to Rosemarine interfering. It's at this point Nekka pulls back on the plan and exits stage left, which upsets Kurt a lot since him and Nekka are good friends-in fact, this is the first time Nekka and Kurt willingly separated from one another-but he is also good friends with Serge and Gilbert. To Kurt, he thinks Nekka is being a coward, ESPECIALLY since he knew everything about Adam, but he let's Nekka go anyway. Pascale offers to take the fall, but Kurt refuses, saying he's not going anywhere and if Pascale is getting in trouble, he's getting in trouble too. They don't end up getting in trouble since Rosemarine was on their side, but on the chance that he wasn't, Kurt was still willing to stand firm in his position and actions in the escape plan.

This is the last we see of Kurt for the rest of the series aside from in Serge's flashbacks, and I think, while his last scene is a bit silly (See Kurt 262) it's impactful, and his last moment is him stating that he's not one to go back on promises he's made. His growth from a bystander to a good friend who's willing to risk his own safety for someone he used to call an enemy is something beautiful yet since it's Kurt, it's still treated as a joke. Every single event I described above was treated as a joke or something silly. Kurt is not allowed to be helpful in a meaningful way, that's Serge's job. He's not allowed to give advice in a serious manner, that's Pascale's job. He's not allowed to have conflicting emotions about not being able to see Serge ever again, that's Carl's job. He's not allowed to be upset about anything at all, because he's written as the comedic relief. Even when he supplied Serge and Gilbert with their sole means of transportation, it's treated as a joke, because above all, that's how Kurt is written. He is not written to be someone meaningful, he's written to be a one-dimensional joke.

Kurt's potential as the comedic relief AND a meaningful friend was wasted, he had the chance to be a fleshed out character, just like Carl, Pascale, Rosemarine, or any of the other characters were, but because of the trope he fits into, that potential to be a great character disappears and he falls back into the box Keiko designed for him in the first place as the Funny Fat Friend.

AFTER THOUGHTS I COULDN’T FIT IN:

-The way the Arles fight scene parallels with the Nekka-Kurt separation is so. Head in hands.

Kurt chose to separate himself from Serge after he chose Gilbert over him

Nekka chose to separate from Kurt after he chose Gilbert over backing out with him. Im SICK!!!

-All Kurt’s mentioned that I put in parentheses will be posted in a reblogged version of this post when I have access to my Kurt Folder

[tirednapentity]

Messy doodle because I am unwell about them rn

[itschlorosis]

okay i need to talk about this

i’ve been obsessed with silo for the last year, i read all the books (literally finish the third and last about 3 weeks ago)

even after i read wool, i thought the first season was good, it was a bit different from the book (mostly by giving sims so much importance when he’s barely mentioned in the books but whatever). overall, the characters were good, the pacing was good, yeah it was good.

but season 2 ? i don’t understand why they’ve made so many changes while Wool is, to my opinion, very easy to turn into a tv show. they have just completely gone elsewhere with almost everything ??

okay, now i’m gonna spoil the books

changing solo backstory into him being the head of IT’s shadow is so fucking stupid. the main element of his character is that he was a CHILD, a literal CHILD that didn’t understand anything that was happening and he kept being naive even into adulthood because he is STILL a child ! if you read the second book, we know that he has been outside of IT. he went to fish, to the farms and he even found a cat. so i don’t understand why they made it as if he was secluded, couldn’t even go to the stairs even if he wanted to !

also, i guess they want to introduce the children by making it seems like jules is being watched, but again, they are just kids. if i remember well, they don’t go that far from their farm and they only hurt solo because they were staying close to their “house”. im really scared about how they are going to introduce them.

now, i need to talk about lucas. three episodes in and where the hell is he ? i don’t remember judge meadow at all so im guessing they were not that important in the book. lucas not being bernard’s shadow, and so not being locked down to learn, also changes so many things in his development (but im pretty sure he’s not coming back in s2) and in jules’s development. like, shit, they development an entire relationship over the calls they pass to each other ??? that’s not meaningless.

not gonna talk about the rebellion, also remembered it being way quicker in the book. when are they gonna go up and team up with furniture ? when is IT going down to kill them ? shirley being annoying and dumb is starting to make me really mad, because she is not in the books.

wow, i had a lot to say right ? i’m just really mad.

fuck you apple tv.

[bodytalkbaby]

Ok but imagine early strokes, if they were already glued by the hip as young adults, imagine as teenagers, them hanging out at each other's houses just doing what stupid teenagers do but it's ok because they were together so it doesn't matter how stupid what they were doing was

right. RIGHT. i always think about the strokes as pre albert and post albert. so let’s talk about pre albert first. (this will all be rooted in rpf, so take none of this seriously). i’m just gonna ramble here because i’m more and have too many thoughts:

julian is back from boarding school. he still has a drinking problem that was not solved by boarding school in switzerland or wherever it was (nice one, john), he also hates school. i can only imagine how annoyed he must’ve felt living in new york again knowing that his family just sent him away. i can’t remember if nikolai went to the same high school as him BUT ANYWAY, he’s still friends with nikolai, and they both now have these little twerps named nick and fab following them around. their age differences are not big at ALL but i remember being a freshman, and thinking it was so cool that all my friends were juniors and seniors, so i can imagine that’s how fab felt. nick definitely did not gaf 😭 i feel like he probably said shit like, “you guys are so stupid, why do i hang out with you.” and they’re all like “wait. no why do you hang out with us???”… he doesn’t want to say that it’s bc they’re the people he cares most about and he loves them.

jules and nick have stated a few times that the high school they went to was weird. and when i tried to investigate a while back, there was this reddit thread that said the school was sketchy. i still have no idea what anyone means by this, but im sure they all bonded over being in a weird ass high school. that part of your life is already SO WEIRD, so i can’t imagine having a sucky school experience would help either. BUT THEY HAD EACH OTHER!!!! i wish i could’ve been a fly on the wall during one of their lunch breaks.

like just imagine… you have a quiet nikolai, a depressed & edgy julian who’s probably at peak I Hate My Dad, and then there’s baby nick would got into trouble and took nothing seriously, and then puppy dog fab would PRETENDED TO PLAY THE DRUMS TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. i’m sure they had other friends but i think their main group was just fab+nick and then jules+nikolai coming in to form a group together. they had the friendship group where if they were all over at fab’s, jules+nikolai would end up going home, and nick would sleep over at fab’s. they were just four gremlins who kind of new how to play instruments that terrorized nyc. the thought of them sneaking drinks into their houses, or someone’s mom coming in the room after they obviously just got back from smoking and they’re trying so hard not to cough. fab’s mom being so excited to hear about his friends and being shocked when she finally meets them but fab doesn’t care because he’s so unashamed of his love for them.

i think it also got a tad bit better for them once they began to graduate. i wanna say they were all in different classes but idk and im too lazy to fact check rn. also am i wrong in saying that jules never graduated??? well i couldn’t imagine that being a great time with his parents, but he had his friends and his lovely step father.

okay now for ALBERT. OOOH this just gets me. they’re all graduated, they’ve settled as much as a late teens/early 20s kids can settle. it’s obvious that they’re going to be friends for a long time, they’re a constant in each other’s life. they form a band and they’re getting serious about it but they still pretty much all of day jobs or they’re taking classes in college. life is okay but they’re missing something. and then here comes young and dumb, albert hammond jr.

he’s away from his parents, across the country, living in fucking nyc. he’s in college and he plays guitar and who does he see right when he moves to new york, that fucking guy from boarding school. that cool guy from boarding school who didn’t take shit from anybody, and drank like a sailor, and actually talked to him and invited him into his room. and hung out with him because they were some of the few americans there. and here he fucking was. next thing he knows, they’re living together and he’s in julian’s band. AUGH.

i love this little era of pre strokes because they’re so young but they’re even more lawless than before, but now they have rent due, and real jobs, and relationships. whenever i think about The Timeline, this is always where i imagine casamond starting. ALWAYS. julian’s been friends with the same people for YEARS. he’s free in a way but also stuck in all the same places he was in highschool. he wants to start a real band, in comes albert. albert, who he immediately reconnects with and they become even closer than they were before. he’s almost like an escape. he’s a fresh voice and listener. julian can rant to him, and he won’t get the same ideas spewed back in his face. i’m not sure how to really explain it but they’re just so domestic in this era. UGH I LOVE IT

[scoundrel-loves-baklava]

Greetings I am a spy

@averagebioweaponslover - main blog for rp

@lyndwrym - art blog

#brew spy speaks — brew spy rp

#brew spy answers — brew spy answers

Dni if your a TERF, antisemitism, Zionist, proshipper, or shitty person in general

Feel free to send asks or attempt to rp with this blog if you manage to be a baseline normal and good human being, however curate your own experience. I’m an adult irl and I post adult things although I will add trigger warnings when I can.

Also If a post isn’t a reblog you can assume 99% of the time the art @lyndwrym although if your curious look at the tags as I tend to tag my stuff with some variation of #mod art or whatever.

@blusiberian - coworker

@brew-dwellin-blu-felon - coworker (annoying)

@red-engineer-blog - ‘friend’ on the enemy team (I am not a traitor.)

@doctors-order-coffee - who told him to make an account

Below cut is some canon divergence stuff below

Brew spy is unrelated to the main tf2 spy. This is based on a sort of au/ sub group made by pidge based on the map CP_brew. The scout @brew-dwellin-blu-felon is not his son. Everyone on the red team works at a brewery and everyone on the Blu team works at a diner. Brew spy works as finance/ dose a lot of Pencil pushing for said diner. Brew spy’s nickname is Jules. Is this his real name or a name he randomly gave himself up in the air until it’s canonized in the blog. Jules prefers burbon over wine and his personality is a bit based on cannon spy and a bit based on my own whims as a creator. Spy is not a serious character and I will not be taking him seriously here. I also reblog a shit ton of spy related stuff alongside napoleoncomplex/ engiespy stuff. Jules pesters the other teams engineer all the time. He is gay.

As far as Jules sexuality/gender. He’s a gay ‘man’ <- nonbinary possibly gender fluid or agender. The mod is a nonbinary person but Jules is a very different type of nonbinary then I am.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: If Walls Could Talk (21x01)

Wow, I hate Catherine Fox so much! Kind of an uneven premiere in terms of the things I care about.

Cons:

Honestly there's kind of a cognitive dissonance to how much Catherine sucks as a character, and her marriage to Richard. How exactly is he managing to thread the line with all of his friends who his wife just fired? It's bizarre and it's irritating. She's so entitled and such a bully and she's so unambiguously wrong in this situation that it's hard to see the complexity of the situation. And I hate Jackson being on his mom's side here, against Meredith! No no no! I didn't hate the Meredith and Catherine scene about her health, but I just keep coming back to Catherine literally being the Big Business Baddie who is restricting access to life-saving knowledge. Yuck!

Lucas Adams is still the most uninteresting intern by a large measure, and I hate that so much of our time is wasted on his angst. When he shows up at the end to Simone's door and declares that he's not going to Chicago, I'm thinking... boooo. I wish you'd go, and I wish Yasuda would stay instead. She's a better character in every way.

I am not a fan of the setup for Richard's arc this season. Him lacking confidence about surgery, and Winston trying to encourage him? Honestly, it's just like... let this dude retire! It sounds like he really shouldn't be working anymore in any case! I liked that moment of him mentoring Winston at the end, but please just get him out of the OR post haste.

I did a full-body cringe when Link used a Harry Potter reference to try and cheer Levi up. Like first of all, let's not invoke Rowling for any reason ever at this point? But also it was just very patronizing and it felt like Levi shouldn't be so moved by such basic advice.

Jo and Link having a baby is still a big yuck for me, I will never support this pairing. And what with me not liking Lucas and Simone, and my utter lack of interest in Kwan's amnesia ex-fiancé, I'm kind of 0 for 3 on the main romances going on here.

Pros:

Except! Jules and Yasuda coming in with the steel chair! I was so happy that they actually went there with those two characters. They were tiptoeing around each other, and then they shared a lovely kiss against the lockers! I'm especially bummed that Mika isn't long for this show, but I hope we get some fun romance vibes here in the meantime. I honestly don't mind Jules/Kwan as a pairing, I think it's that Harry Shum Jr. has good chemistry with most scene partners I've seen him with. (Except on Shadowhunters where him and the guy he was in the romance with had like... negative one million chemistry lol sorry). But back to the girls - I hope we get some fun stuff with them for a while, even if it's ultimately doomed not to last for long. That cute little smile after the kiss was so precious.

Sydney Heron coming back onto the show is kind of a hoot. She's so fucking annoying, but like... in a way that makes me smile? I don't know. I love her as a common adversary for all these dark and troubled souls, and as a contrast to Bailey as a leader. I'd love to see the interns prove their loyalties to Bailey in the end!

Probably my highlight this week was with Bailey and Ben, honestly! It was so nice to see him back and playing supportive hubby, I'm thrilled that Bailey is going to fight for her job, and I love that the episode opens with her dreaming about slapping Catherine in the face. I mean, honestly. I get why you'd have the urge. I loved seeing her trying to make the best of things in the clinic, but really snapping into focus to help save the woman stuck in the wall. The moment when Sydney burst in and stole the interns back away from Bailey was hard to watch!

I continue to not give a shit about Jo and Link as a romantic pair, but Jo and Levi's friendship is still the cutest! Why is it that the relationships that are the most interesting and compelling on my screen in this premiere are also the ones I know will go away soon, due to actors leaving the show? Levi's joke about Jo needing to tell Link about the baby because he didn't want to raise this kid with her was so funny! Also, I do love that he got some confidence back, even if I hated Link's pep talk. Our last glimpse of him in the episode is going to talk to a random dude at the bar who was giving him a look. Get it, Schmitt!

I actually really liked Meredith in this episode. Probably in part because Nick was nowhere to be seen, and we all know he's the boringest character ever to exist. Her stubbornness is such a defining character trait, but I do think that overall she comes across as the reasonable one, here! Yes, she broke rules, but her cause is good and it turns out that she's right about what she's been saying this whole time. I love that she showed up to talk to Catherine out of respect for Jackson. That was a nice little moment, I love it when the veterans of this show stick with one another.

So, yeah. Lots of stuff that intrigues me, and lots of stuff that already bores me. Simone is too good of a character to be dragged down by Lucas's nonsense! And Link, c'mon buddy, you used to be a favorite of mine. Please stop being annoying.

7/10