#jrcmxtxm

[xeno-odyssey]

It’s time to come forward.

I've been going through a lot, lately. Ever since late June. I'm making this thread right now, and I hope I don't regret this. I want to make myself right again, and I feel like my mental health is deteriorating. So, here's the thread for my mutuals & friends:

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They used to be my friends. Very good friends I consider. But because of my behavior, I went too far and treated them poorly that they cut me out.

You might know that I interacted with @/Curvishsundown a lot. An artist I've known since Tumblr, and we followed each other on there and here for 4 years and became good friends with. You may know her because I interact & talk with her friends and followed other content creators she follows, and liked & replied to her tweets. Both main and art accounts.

I became too obsessive with her and her husband, @/JRcmxtm for the past 2 months. I made them uncomfortable and I kept "checking" on them too much on an alternate account.

I would see her liked tweets, and RT them. Liked & replied to each of them. Followed the people she knows, because I'm interested in their content. I went through her account and kept tabs on her. That's where the line was crossed, and I walked over it. They were unintentional. I never meant to be a stalker and watched her like a hawk. And you may know this if you've followed me for a long time, my emotional outbursts made her even more uncomfortable.

(Trigger warnings) When speaking to Sundown about this, I would shutdown. Draw a blank. I would...even contemplate sui/cide. It was too much for Sundown to bare and I put too much emotional baggage on her. So she separated herself from me. We moved forward with the fact that we needed the space. But because of how stubborn I am, I didn't respect her wishes. The conversation we had on Discord should've stopped when she said "Be safe." to me. I responded "I will."

But I still went through her account. I even kept sending her messages on Discord repeatedly for days. From July 16-17 to the 28-30. It was there the final straw was pulled, she blocked me. After a single day, I made a new alternate account on Twitter. I was LoopDusk, Corvin. I followed her and JRcmxtm again, followed their friends, and liked & RT'd their posts.

That's when JRcmxtm messaged me on LoopDusk, confronted me and found me out. To try and throw them off, I messaged JRcmxtm on my main to "block that guy". Now they won't speak to me anymore. I deleted my persona account afterward.

Still being out of line, I argued, bargained and negotiated with JRcmxtm that I wanted to be friends again. His answer was no. I sent Sundown two last messages through Discord. But now she's scared of me. And she has the right to be, and I don't blame her. I have unstable emotions, I break down, and I fear of being abandoned. She said her piece to me, and blocked me for good.

Curvishsundown and JRcmxtm is no longer affiliated with. And if you're affiliated with them and me, you should probably think about leaving me as well. She know's I'm not a bad person at heart. But I feel like I'm not a good man after everything I have done. So now, I have a distinct feeling she will be blocking anyone close to me. I don't blame her. If you're friends with me, I will allow you to take the time to think this over. I'm also friends with two other people they cut out of their life. That was about half a year ago or so.

Again, if you're mutuals/friends with me, I will allow you to think about my side of the story.

Sundown and JRcmxtm may no longer be my friends anymore, but I hope they know I still care about them. Sunny, Joshie, if you ever read this, I truly, honestly, genuinely am incredibly sorry. You deserved a better friend than me. I will always consider you guys my friends. So good bye. I hope you two will stay safe, even during the BLM protests.

Also if you're mutuals/friends with CurvishSundown and JRcmxtm, you don't have to unfollow & block them. Continue to support what they're doing. They have the best art I've ever seen.

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And if you want to read Sundown’s side of her story, you can read them here: https://twitter.com/CurvishSundown/status/1289373810412535810?s=20