#jorge u have broken me

[mavenbeeee]

did anybody just violently sob through the thunder saga or was that just me

[cassayeee]

MY LITTLE SECRET (FINNICK ODAIR X FEM!READER)

warnings: porn with quite a bit of plot (i can never just write a oneshot), emotional sex, p in v, oral (f receiving), virginity loss, slight marking, mentions of killing, death, and suicidal thoughts (this is the hunger games), just be wary fr - minors stay away

notes: so this was a request from @theBridgetopanem on ao3 and, ugh, it's just so cute. love me some soft boy finnick. once again, very quickly edited so sorry for any grammatical mistakes. anywho - make sure to like, reblog, and comment! love u all <3

word count: 9.4k

summary:

No one truly understands the deception of humanity more than those who have the power to take it away. To push innocents against innocents and make sure nothing more than blood and broken souls remains where hope and naivety once stood.

It was a horrible nightmare in your mind – trying to think like them. Trying to survive. And the shadows that followed you out of that arena as people congratulated you for being a victor? Well, they knew what the absence of humanity really brought.

Fear.

OR

Finnick Odair is your mentor for the 70th Hunger Games and you can't help but find comfort in the man who is in your life solely to make sure you don't die.

The 70th Hunger Games, ready to begin.

Your name, reaped.

All hope, lost.

Voices flickered in and out of your consciousness as you made your way up to the stage. Of course, this happens to you in your last year of eligibility, why wouldn’t it? Time sped and slowed as it pleased, having no regard for your ticking thoughts. Nor did it care for your unwillingness to let it pass.

This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. Why is this happening?

You weren’t a Career. You had no special talents besides swimming and spearfishing. Swimming. How for fucks sake was that going to get you through the Games? News flash: it wouldn’t. Maybe spearfishing? But that was hardly a skill that could contend with previous victors. And it definitely wouldn’t help you against the Careers.

I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die.

As you curled into the dark spot floating at the edge of your vision, you barely heard the name of the male tribute announced beside you. Isaac? Ethan? Ian? Why does it matter anyway? You weren’t going to make it out of here. This was it. The ocean was draining, and you were being sucked down with it.

You barely noticed the Peacekeepers usher you off the stage and saying goodbye to your family was now a flicker of a memory. Siblings would never see you again. You would never be able to make them laugh in your family home or try to eat your mother’s insufferable cooking again. You would never be able to brush off fishing duty to go swimming with Annie or visit the town tavern with her again.

Oh, Annie.

Best friends since birth, the two of you were practically inseparable. Many of your other friends and family joked that the two of you must have been a soul split because of how alike you were. You did everything together, but the shining break in this storm was the fact that she wasn’t standing where you were. That your siblings weren’t. If it had to be any of you, you were glad that it was yourself.

But, fuck – you wish it would have been anyone else’s name picked out of the grim bowl.

---

Stepping foot on that train was probably the hardest decision of your life. Not that it was much of a decision, really. If you wouldn’t have gotten on yourself, the Peacekeepers would have gladly thrown you on there themselves.

You couldn’t say that you were too impressed with the interior of it. Honestly, it just looks like the Capitol threw up all over it. Yes, your family home was nicer than most of those in the other Districts due to the wealth of the area, but you didn’t care about all of that. The people made a house a home, and this train was nothing more than a moving coffin.

As your Capitol lapdog, Jorge, showed you and your fellow tribute into the lounge car, a head of bronze hair caught your eye. His arms were spread wide on either side of him as he lounged on the travel sofa – seeming to be as content as a summer’s day. You could almost laugh at the absurdity of it. But, before that mocking gaggle could make its way out of your throat, the man before you turned.

Oh, shit.

Finnick Odair. You needed no introduction of his, everyone in District 4 was aware of him after his victory in the 64th Games. Youngest ever and all that, you had to respect him for making it through. What you couldn’t respect, however, was his enjoyment of his Capitol fame. He appeared on screen at least five times a month at some prestigious party, the arm candy to some Capitol prissy who you really couldn’t bother to care about. Why should you when they laugh and cheer for children to die for their amusement? It was absolutely disgusting. 

Flashing you with a stunning smile, he popped a sugar cube in his mouth as Jorge motioned for the two of you to sit across from him. His sea-green eyes followed your movements as you stiffly sat before him, like a prized pet for sale. Your shoulders were locked tight as you stared back at the man before you. Tanned skin from hours on the coast and beauty that even the old Gods would envy, you couldn’t discount his looks. But you knew those could be deceiving. And anyone who wins the Games knows how to be deceiving.

“Hey, you two,” he began as he looked between you and… Ian? Yeah, let’s go with that. “This isn’t a position I want to see anyone in, but I’m here to help make sure you make it through whatever hellscape of an arena they have planned for you and get you used to the culture of the Capitol.”

You could feel your hands shake as this terror became more real with every word he spoke. He’s my mentor. I have a mentor. I’m really a tribute.

I’m going to die.

Every ill thought you had of Finnick was immediately disposed of. He was a lifeline in this – he knew how to win. And if you had to be deceitful, manipulative, hell, even seductive through this, you’d take whatever advice he had and hold onto it with your life.

Quickly grasping your hands together to try and still them, you showed nothing but vulnerability as you slouched in your seat. You could feel another panic attack coming on, but you shoved it down to deal with later so you could talk with Finnick. You weren’t going to waste a single moment on this train that didn’t provide you with some sort of opportunity to gain skills that would help you make it out of the arena.

Finnick saw how your composure changed as soon as he started talking and his heart broke a bit from the horribleness of this. He meant it when he said that he didn’t want anyone else to be in this position, for the Games to be a reality, but he would be damned if he didn’t make sure that one of you wouldn’t come out a victor. So, the three of you got to work and talked through the whole ride to the Capitol.

---

Finnick was betting on your spearfishing skills to get you through.

“The other tributes will be spread between those who know how to hunt, how to hide, and how to survive. I need you to be all three.” He stated.

The two of you were working together before your training began in the Tribute Center, stealing your last little bit of train time to work on hand-to-hand skills. Ian was off resting since Finnick was already aware of his expertise with tridents. Apparently, the two had known each other prior to all of this. Finnick wasn’t worried about him. No, he was worried about you.

“I’ve never hunted another person before.” You reminded him. “Fish are different.”

He was showing you maneuvers that could be used for deflection at this point. Utilizing the strength of the staff would be crucial, but since the Capitol provided metal ones in the arena, there was no worry about it breaking. Being in the proper position to block vital spots was up to you, though.

“Fish are small targets,” he nailed his trident against your spear, the reverberation racing up your arms. You continued to hold on. “Humans are bigger. More places to aim for.”

“But they can fight back.” You remarked as you readjusted your hold on the spear. “They can kill me just as easily.”

“Then be faster. Be quiet and quick and they won’t know you’re there until the damage is already done.” He urged. Setting his trident against the wall, he stripped off his shirt from the exertion and reached for a bottle of water to rehydrate.

Your mouth watered at the view. He was, in the simplest of terms, gorgeous. Taunt muscles built from years of experience stretched across his expanse as sweat trickled between the valleys of them. His Adam’s apple bobbed in tandem with his swallows and you were entranced by the movement. You don’t know what he did in a past life to be graced with a body like that, but you had to appreciate it if even for this one moment.

Shaking your head to rid yourself of the distraction, you grabbed a drink of water as well, taking the time to think of your odds. They’ve been getting better with Finnick’s instruction, but it was your intelligence and timing that would get you to the victor’s circle. Confidence was starting to brew in your veins, and you didn’t want it to go away.

Setting the bottle down, you grabbed your spear once more and took a fighter’s stance with it. Finnick noticed and lifted a well-manicured brow at you.

“I’ve got the defense positions down,” you started. “Now show me how to win.”

---

You tried not to stand out amongst the other tributes as much as you could, in hopes that they would view you as nothing more than some meek and useless girl. Your plan was that if you kept your head down, they wouldn’t view you as a threat. While that could cause some to view you as an easy target, it would also keep the element of surprise tidily tucked in your back pocket.

However, you stuck close to Ian as Finnick urged the two of you to attempt an alliance – granting the ability for at least one person to keep an eye on your blind spots. You weren’t naïve, though. Alliances were unsteady, especially if it came down to saving your own skin over the others. And there was no proof that Ian would even keep his word about meeting in the arena, let alone keeping you alive long enough to hear the first sounds of cannon fire. If you were a betting man, you wouldn’t bet on him.

But he did bring in two more members to your shaky alliance, Della Remfar and Billy Churl from District 10. Not Career-material by a long shot, but they were both highly adept with an array of knife work. And, to your knowledge, both knew the cleanest and quickest ways to stab, slice, and gut something – which could definitely come in handy.

Even after surrounding yourself with the three, you weren’t entirely sold on the idea of putting any sort of trust in them. You didn’t speak of anything personal, nor did you even attempt to learn anything about them. It would be easier this way. There can only be one victor in the end, and the memories of the fallen tributes should be left to be carried on by their own friends and families, not by someone who was an instrument in their death.

And, selfishly, you just didn’t want the chance of actually liking any of them to arise. It would be hard enough to kill strangers – killing friends would probably destroy you.

---

The training scores were being announced as you sat between Finnick and Ian. Nervously, you kept bouncing your leg up and down on the plush seat as you waited for your name to pop up on the screen.

Your show to the Gamemakers may not have been anything extremely special, but you would be damned if your new prowess with a spear would go unnoticed. Finnick’s teachings were nothing short of a blessing, and every time you lifted that metal bar, you had the unrestrained thought of making him proud.

It was strange, to find comfort in a man whose sole purpose in your life was to keep you from dying. He would do all he could to keep sponsors coming your way and leave you with all the knowledge and tricks he gained from his own Games. And you would survive. If you wished hard enough that you would live through it, perhaps you could wish it into existence.

A fool’s thought, but it didn’t stop you from looking up to the night sky every night and doing just that. It wasn’t a prayer, not by a long shot. If there was a God out there, you’d hate them with every fiber of your being for allowing their “children” to do this to one another without fear of repercussion. You were already in a living hell – it couldn’t get much worse than this.

Silencing your mind, you peaked with interest as Ian’s name flashed across the screen along with his score. An 8. That was solid. Enough to show the sponsors he was someone worth rooting for and kept the Careers off his tail for being too much of a threat. But it’s not like you cared that much when your name and picture finally appeared.

From pure desperation and worry soaking your veins, you grabbed Finnick’s hand in an attempt to calm yourself. You couldn’t even look at him, not as your eyes were glued to the screen in front of you. But Finnick looked at you.

He saw how scared you were – not just from the placings, but from the whole event. He couldn’t be surprised – hardly anyone made it through the Games without being completely terrified. Even in his own Games, he was fearful. Petrified, more like. No one wants to die like an animal and, besides the vicious, no one wants to kill another human being like one either. So, tightening his own hand around yours, softly rubbing his thumb on the back, he waited with bated breath for your score.

9. Oh, fuck.

“That puts you right around the Careers,” Finnick whispered to you.

You nodded your head, eyes still staring straight at some unknown point in front of you. Your hand was still wrapped around Finnick’s, neither one of you wanting to let go from the worldly anchor. In truth, you were surprised you had placed that high, and by the slightly jealous façade that rested on Ian’s face, you could tell he wasn’t too happy about it either. But Finnick, he just seemed to watch your facial response to it, ready to help you through.

There was no overwhelming emotion of happiness or disappointment, he just wanted to make sure you were okay. And, after turning your face to drown into his oceanic eyes once more, you were.

---

This was it. The clock was counting down as you and the other tributes stood atop your respective platforms waiting for the blood bath to begin. For humanity to disappear and pure unrestrained carnage to take its place.

Your whole body was shaking. Anxiety and dread were filling you up and overflowing at the top. You wanted to be anywhere but here. You wanted to be dead already to get it over with. You wanted to be with Annie and your family playing on the beach.

You just didn’t want to be here.

So, for a split second, you let your consciousness cover your mind with a memory. Something warm and happy that could perhaps get you through the next minutes or hours or days. And you indulged in it.

“Oh, yeah. My parents took us swimming all the time. For ‘exercise’ and all that, but really, I know they just wanted to spend time as a family whenever we could.”

You and Finnick were lounging in the main sitting area within your deck of the Tribute Center. While he probably should have made his leave already, he wanted to check on you after your training, and, without admitting it, desired to spend time with you.

The two of you were currently sharing memories of your families and friends and life. You don’t quite remember how the conversation happened, but it was just too easy to get lost in the words with him. A bittersweet thought of how you would miss him materialized, but you quickly threw it to the wayside so you could luxuriate in the presence of Finnick Odair.

“My mom was always about making sure that between work on the docks, out on the waves, or just helping with the catches, we prioritized one another. Blood is thicker than water, she would always remind us.” You couldn’t help the bright smile painting your face as you thought about how kind and, sometimes scary, your mother was. She truly loved life and insisted on making sure everyone in your family could see the beauty in it as well, if not a little aggressively.

“She once threatened my younger brother, Kade, that she would take away his slice of chiffon cake if he didn’t go out and play with his friends for a bit.” You disclosed. “She ate it right in front of him when he refused.”

You both laughed at the story, going on to tell him more about your siblings and Annie, who was practically your sister at this point. With each passing story, you grew less enthusiastic. He saw the way you started to deflate from the stories, sadness taking its place due to your current predicament of perhaps never being able to see your loved ones again.

He didn’t want those memories to sour from this, he wanted you to keep them treasured – shrouded in a golden cloud of light and love. With a sense of duty, he moved over from his armchair to join you on the loveseat you were curled into.

Your doe eyes followed his movements, curious as to what he was doing. He sat beside you; stern vulnerability layered on his features. With shrugged eyebrows and a twinkle of some unknown emotion in his eyes, he placed his hand on the side of your face, tenderly holding you in position.

“Don’t let them take this from you.” He softly insisted, fingers warming you where they rested. “They want to break you, to dull you, but don’t let them win.”

You blinked. Once. Twice. Before your brain registered that you should reply to him.

“Wh- What?” You stuttered out in a hushed voice, much less of a conversation than you intended, but you were still confused by his words and actions. He continued to look at you, stealing glimpses into your soul through your widened eyes.

“Your memories, your love. The Games are built to destroy you of it all, leaving nothing more than a walking corpse empty of thought and emotion.” He asserted. “But don’t let them win. When you walk out a victor, hold onto what you love most and remember that the Capitol can’t take that. They can try to take your humanity, what makes you, you, but they won’t.”

You were stunned into silence, thoughts running rampant, but one began to overshadow them all.

He thinks I’ll win?

“I know we’ve only truly known each other for a short while, but I’d like to think I’ve become a great judge of character over the years.” He confessed with a small smile. “And when I look at you, I see a genuinely good person. Someone who shouldn’t have been forced into this, who should have lived their life out in peace and bliss but will win because they have something to fight for.”

You didn’t want to speak, to breathe, for fear of stopping his expression. But your eyes encouraged him, so he went on.

“You. Fight for yourself, Y/N L/N. Fight for the memories you hold in your heart. Fight for the love you have to give. Fight for whoever makes your head rush. Fight for the feelings.” He whispered out, only for you. “Just, please, fight. I know you can win. You have the skills, the intelligence, everything. So, fight for everything and nothing at all.”

Silent tears were streaming down your heated cheeks from his honesty. You knew Finnick to be manipulative and cunning when he needed to be, but there was nothing but a boy who wanted to be heard in front of you. What did he have to lie for anyway? You’d be going into that arena either way, friend or not.

Your own smaller hand covered Finnick’s as he continued to hold your cheek. Your lids gently shut as you pushed yourself into the warmth he was offering, staying close to him. He watched you hold the part of himself he presented to you, and decided he should gift just a little bit more.

Lifting his left hand to sit on the other side of your face, he pulled you close to rest his forehead against your own. With shut eyes, the two of you breathed in each other as the intimate moment closed over you.

Even in this short period of time, you’d never felt as close to a person as you did to Finnick. He knew the position you were in, for he had stood there before. He knew your emotions better than you did and encouraged them as a power, not a weakness. He was a light in this dark world, and you’d protect that flame with your life.

Pulling his head back but still staying close, he expressed one last thing. “My secrets, Y/N. I’ll give you all my secrets if you come back to me. If you fight for me. I’ll fight for you every day of my life and it still won’t be enough if you don’t come. Back. To. Me.”

He practically shook with the truth of his words. He wanted for nothing more than time. Time with you. Time to truly learn everything about you. Something in him yearned for you since the moment you had met. Your strength, your smile, your brilliance. He wanted to bathe and drown in it all at once. So, he needed you to win. To dirty yourself as he still is. Then, perhaps, you could both learn how to wear the past together. 

For a short moment, all you could do was look at him. To take him in as he was, no mask atop his face. To see what Finnick Odair looked like when there were no secrets to steal. And then you quickly tucked yourself into his torso as you wrapped your arms around him.

“I’ll fight for you, Finnick.” You declared into his chest. “I’ll fight for more moments like this.”

He hesitated for just a breath before he enveloped his arms around you, holding you tight and taking in your presence. He would make sure that you get anything you need in that arena. And that he’ll be there to pick up any pieces you left behind when you come back to him.

---

Della was dead. Ian was dead. Tributes from all the districts were dead.

The only ones still living were you and Billy, and the clock was ticking away.

Ian stuck true to his word and met you far from the Cornucopia as the two of you ran for your lives. The arena was a swamp – dirty and thick with a putrid smell that you would never forget. But the cypress and tupelo tree bunches gave what cover they could as you deftly made your way through the duckweed covering parts of the watery surface. Della and Billy attempted to steal a supply pack out of the slaughterhouse, but only Billy returned. Sticking close to one another, you made it through your first night.

Finnick also did as he promised and made sure the sponsors gave you anything you needed: spears, bread, ointment for Ian after he ran through a thorn-filled brush and ripped his leg open, even just extra blankets and water bottles – he made sure you were always supplied. His heart was in his mouth every time he saw you on screen, each day fitting you worse than the last. Exertion and fear were already taking their toll on you with mud-caked skin, chapped lips, and hair that was matting faster than a sunset. But none of that mattered as long as you made it to the end.

Ian was the next to go with a slit throat as your group battled head-to-head with the Careers. Two of the four were down before it happened, giving you all a false sense of hope. It was in that second of distraction that the girl from 2 sprinted around and tore Ian’s neck open before you could even blink.

Without even thinking, you launched your spear right into her chest as Billy finished off the District 1 boy. The two of you were unaware that each had defeated a tribute, but as your breathing slowed and you turned toward him, the realization hit you like a train.

I have to kill him.

It was a sickening thought, one you wish you’d never have to think about, but one that was entirely fueled by survival. You made a promise to Finnick that you would return. That you would come back. And even with aching limbs and short breaths, you would fight.

So, fight you did.

Billy started making his way to you as you reached the District 2 girl and yanked the spear from her concaved chest. There was no time for sympathy, no time for feelings. Billy wasn’t your friend. Sure, he may have saved you from the guy from 6 and always made sure that you got your share of food, but he wasn’t your friend. He couldn’t be your friend.

You locked down your thoughts as the two of you met in a patch of hip-deep swamp water. The muck below was forcing your feet to sink lower and gave you little grasp, but you lived in the sandy ocean. You knew how to maneuver well enough to use it to your advantage.

You were smaller than Billy as he towered over you at some number over six feet – a sturdy build for a butcher’s life. Which was a disadvantage for the environment. As you could navigate across the ground without fear of adhering to it, he was stuck, weighted down into the pit of swamp.

As he struggled to turn to follow your movements, his hands were briskly releasing knives your way. Try as you might, you couldn’t miss all of them. One lodged in your upper shoulder as another grazed your cheek, nipping off the tip of your left ear. But he wouldn’t have an infinite number of knives, and you could be patient enough for them to run dry.

And when they did, you advanced. Flittering over to him, you adjusted your stance just as Finnick taught you – bracing your arms apart so they could give and move as needed. You caught him in the side at first, until he grabbed onto the other end of the spear and pulled you toward him. He was stronger than you. If he got his hands on you, he could choke you out or drown you as hastily as he wanted, so you couldn’t let him touch you.

As he hauled you closer and closer to him, you steadied yourself. You’d only have one shot at this, and if you missed, it was all over. Taking a deep breath and focusing on the one moment you would have for this to work, you waited.

Not yet.

He was reaching the end of the spear.

Not yet.

He was loosening his grip on one hand to stretch out toward you.

Not yet.

You could feel the heat of his palm as he began to place it on your good shoulder.

Now.

In a flash, you jumped up and around him, securing yourself on his back and throwing him off balance so he couldn’t lay hold of you. Spear forgotten; you grasped his knife still stuck in your shoulder. With a cry, you yanked it out of yourself and stabbed it into his neck. And you stabbed again. And again. Tears were streaming down your face like a river flooded as you made sure he was well and truly dead.

As his heavy body dropped, you released your death grip but not before you fell into the water with him. You closed your tired eyes as you floated in the combination of blood and sludge. Nothing felt real. You were a victor, and you didn’t feel real. For a moment you could almost see your consciousness floating above you in a haze, like you were the one to die rather than Billy. But as soon as it was there it was gone. Instead, a transporter floated just where you had been, and now it was grabbing the winner of the 70th Hunger Games up into its claws once more.

---

Finnick was the first to greet you with nothing but concern on his face. As everyone else tossed cheers and ‘congratulations’ at you, he held onto you and walked you from the crowd. And he didn’t let go even when you sobbed into his shirt, staining it with tears and blood.

A doctor had to stitch your shoulder and cheek and wrap your bleeding ear, but with the Capitol’s technology, it took less than 2 days to heal. And Finnick never left your side for those days, talking about nonsense and the sponsors and the Games and how your family came to visit but you were unconscious from the medication and everything else he could think of that he couldn’t talk to you about before.

You told him about your heart-wrenching fear at every waking moment and nightmares you would have each night in the arena. Sleep was unwilling to take you, and you hardly wanted it to. Not when the arena croaked and screeched with animals and tributes on the prowl. Nothing but pure survival was in your veins, and that feeling was reluctant to leave you even now.

When you were dismissed from the hospital, he didn’t leave your side then, either. He talked to your family and Annie like they had known each other for a lifetime already. It made you happy watching them together. All the people you loved right in front of you, and you were still alive to witness it.

Even with the dark cloud looming over you, they were still the sun’s rays shining through. Small, but strong enough to keep you going.

---

Weeks after the Games and your victory tour concluded, you were nestled in a small reading nook in your home in Victors’ Village. The Games still haunted you, but you found solace in books. In romantic novels that didn’t have death sentences or tyrannical leaders – just two people who were in love and determined to display that in any way they could.

It was a way for you to escape reality, if even for a fleeting moment. Surrounding yourself with friends and family could only help for so long, and more often than not, being around so many people had you reliving the fight between your group and the Careers. The heaviness of the air and the cacophony of sounds had your stomach turning and chest tightening. Usually, Finnick would notice and quickly relieve you of the event by sheltering you outside.

It was a rather common occurrence, which is why you were happy to be in solitude. You told your family that you’d like to live in the house alone, if only for a couple of months, but they were more than welcome to visit you – which your mother did. A lot. She’d bring attempts at dinners and pies, but you were grateful for her and never discouraged her love. You couldn’t imagine the pain that she went through watching her daughter almost lose her life in the arena, so you entertained all of her antics. Almost every time she visited her eyes would drift to where your shoulder scar lay beneath your clothes, and she always kissed the mark on your cheek before she left as well. The reminders were plain to see.

But your solitude was never truly lonely.

“Hot chocolate?” Your eyes broke from the pages in front of you to look at Finnick, who was now offering the delectable drink to you.

You smiled at him and nodded, shifting your position to reach for the mug of cocoa. He sat beside you, offering more warmth than just that in your hands as he glanced at the book resting in your lap.

“Pride and Prejudice, again?” He smirked. “You have a library full and you’re reading this for, what, the fifth time this month?”

You hit his shoulder with your own as you giggled into your cup. Taking a sip and humming as the warm liquid traveled down your throat, you set your cup aside to face him.

“It’s a wonderful story, what can I say.” You confessed to him.

“And,” He reclined back in his seat as he regarded you. “Highly illegal. I still don’t know how you got your hands on that.” Shaking his head, he took his own drink of the hot chocolate and evaluated you with a raised brow.

“Perks of being a victor, as you should already be aware of.” Your smile vanished. “You get secrets, and I get tales to bury myself in.”

Any trace of playfulness withdrew from his manner. Soft eyes looked into your own as he set his cup aside, reciprocating the action to yours.

“Y/N,” he whispered softly.

Before he could say anymore, you snuggled into him, hurting for the man before you. “I’m sorry, Finnick. I didn’t mean to bring it up, I just– I just can’t understand why they would do that to you.”

Your watery eyes finally traveled back up to his, as he caressed your head with a tender touch. Finnick had finally told you what his days consisted of as a victor – of forced touches and unwanted attention; he was used in the Capitol for his looks and composure. You didn’t take it well, seconds away from marching to President Snow and killing him yourself for putting loving, sweet Finnick through that pain.

It wrecked you even more to know that he dealt with it all for the people he cared about. For his family. For his friends. For you. And that there wasn’t anything you could do to stop it without putting everyone else in danger. The worst that was done to you was parading you around like a show dog on a leash to different events. Perhaps if you weren’t scarred, they would have wanted the same for you, but for once, you could count yourself lucky that Billy hadn’t fully missed.

“Y/N,” he spoke once more as he lifted your chin to gaze down into your eyes. “Please, don’t suffer for me. You know I would do anything to protect you from them, and if this is the cost, then so be it.”

You shook your head as you wiped the tears from your eyes. “You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have to do anything else for them. Especially not that.”

You couldn’t even say the words out loud, it was so repulsive. It made sense now, why he was always with new and different Capitol citizens at those parties. Why he never looked truly there in the way he handled himself. And it made you want to shove your spear into anyone who would ever try and do that to him again.

“It’s okay, Y/N, really.” He gently smiled at you the way he reserved only for you – with all the love and radiance he could put into it. “I get to spend the rest of my time– the rest of my life with you. That’s all I could ever ask for.”

“Finnick,” you whispered, hardly knowing what to say to him.

He gingerly brushed the hair back from your forehead as he placed a kiss upon it, hushing you. “For you, my love, I would do anything.”

Your body trembled in his hands from the emotion tumbling around inside you. After the Games, it was hard to let yourself get close to him, for the honest fear of losing him. But he was patient. He waited for you and took his time working through the tremors of the Games that still resided within you. It was hard, it still is, to make it through a day without finding yourself back in that arena, but being around him made it easier – more manageable. He was the part of you that kept you afloat and you were hanging on with both hands to make sure he stayed.

You lost yourself in his eyes – green and blue twirling in an intimate dance, the most beautiful you had ever seen. Truly, there was no other place you would rather be than with him. Every ounce of comfort that you felt stemmed from Finnick, and he felt just the same. To part with one another now would be to rip a heart in two, never fitting the pieces to another.

I love him.

It was a scary thought and, really, shouldn’t have shocked you as much as it did. You knew for a long time already that you did but admitting it to yourself was the true challenge. Everyone knew it, hell, Annie would constantly ask you when the two of you would just marry already – she had never seen two people as made for the other until she saw you and Finnick. But you were slow to let that part of yourself go. He already had your heart, but now, you would finally allow yourself to have his.

Tenderly, you reached your hands to cup his face – the slight stubble growing on his cheeks tickling your palms. As not to scare him off, you so slowly pulled his head down to yours. Only an inch apart, your mouths breathed onto one another, painting your lips with his scent.

“Y/N,” he ground out in a whimper.

“Finnick,” you echoed back. “I love you.”

The sharp inhale was the only sign that he had heard your small voice. That, and the urgency at which he bridged the gap between your mouths. A whine escaped from the back of your throat at how soft he was – how his lips molded into your own as if fated to do so. You were already addicted to the feeling.

Finnick wasn’t faring much better. His whole head was fuzzy with love and reverence for you as he pulled you up to sit on his lap, bringing you as close to you as he could. Tenderness soon turned into something more as he began to map out the curves of your body with his hands. As you gasped from his touch, he took the chance to sneak his tongue into your mouth, charting that territory out as well.

Happily returning the favor, you too began exploring the body of the glorious man before you. Tongues twisting, hands moving, both your breaths became labored as the need for even more started hazing both your minds. Pulling away for just a moment, you took your chance.

“Y/N,” he practically growled out as you began to shift your hips over his growing hardness. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re not comfortable yet.”

And you knew he meant it. While the two of you had never crossed that line before, you wanted to use more than just your words to show him how much you love him. You wanted to cherish him, to give him all of you.

“I want to.” You pleaded. Then, you quickly pulled away as a thought occurred to you. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about how you might feel about this. Fuck, Finnick, I–”

Before another word could leave your mouth, Finnick covered it with his own, pushing all the love he has to give into you. He coaxed you right back into the kiss, cradling your head close, softly rubbing the flat scar on your ear’s tip. Through a deep breath, he broke the tender instant to glance back at you. Your mind clouded until he spoke.

“Don’t ever think I don’t want you, Y/N,” he reassured. “There is nothing in this world that I want more than you. What happens in the Capitol doesn’t leave me broken, not when you’re still here. And, if you want me, you already have me – I just don’t want you to feel forced into it.”

As he explained his thoughts to you, his hands were delicately rubbing up and down your sides as to console any feelings revolving around your head. He loved you without needing something physical. You were more than enough for him without anything else than just your presence.

“I love you, Finnick Odair,” you confessed for the second time aloud. “And I want to be yours – mind, body, and soul. For as long as you should have me.”

As Finnick’s eyes grew watery from the words torn from your heart, he acknowledged just the same. “I will love you forever, Y/N L/N. And should I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, my thoughts will be filled with you. Only you.”

And with the words spoken and sealed in a lover’s embrace, you sculpted your lips around each other once more. Finnick was slow to undress you, taking the time to truly admire the woman that you were. Removing your top, he trailed his lips from your neck to the scar on your shoulder and drifted further down to your breasts.

You held your breath as you watched him take your nipple into his mouth, suckling and teasing the bud with his tongue. Sighing, you tangled your hands into his hair, urging him to continue his actions. Doing just that, he reached one of his hands up to fondle your untouched breast, coaxing out more whines from you from the feeling.

Unaware, your hips continued to grind down on his lap, searching for some sort of friction for the growing heat in your core. While you had reached highs on your own hands and fingers before, you never touched a man like this – let alone felt the urge to have every part of him in you. And damn it, did you ever want to feel Finnick fucking Odair.

As he switched between ministrations on your nipples, he groaned into you every time you caught on his swelling cock. His head was filled with nothing but the thoughts of you and how he wanted to taste and touch you. How he wanted to tempt out every little noise you could make as you reached your peak over and over again. How he wanted to drown in you.  

Giving into his raging thoughts, he flipped the two of you around so your back lay comfortably on the cushions beneath you. Hot chocolate cooling and book thrown to some corner in the room, it was just you and him. Nothing else mattered.

Wandering down your body once more, he rid you of your pants and undergarments, leaving you bare in the sun. You were a goddess to him. A picture of perfection. He would never get tired of gazing upon you. Even when the two of you had grown old and grey, you would still be the most beautiful thing, sculpted by the poets themselves.

You watched as his eyes traced your body, and you began to grow self-conscious. Before you could even attempt to close yourself off from him, he grabbed onto your thighs and looked deep into your lust-blown eyes.

“Please, don’t hide from me.” He begged you. “You are the most exquisite being, never forget that. I feel like the luckiest man in the world to be able to even glimpse your beauty.”

Sentiments swelling your throat, you nodded up to him and relaxed into his touch. Seeing your newly eased state, he kneeled on the ground as he pulled your legs over his shoulders. Gazing upon your core, a growl emerged from the back of his throat. Your slick heat was practically begging to be filled by him, and who was he to deny such a pretty little thing?

He kissed up the innermost parts of your legs, inching closer and closer to where you needed him most. Before you could issue a complaint to stop teasing, he licked a warm stripe up your pussy, and you gasped. Head thrown back and hands immediately finding purchase in his hair, you were hooked.

He nuzzled his nose into your clit as he began to touch your core with his tongue, forcing out mewls and whines from your mouth. Reaching up his hands, one gripped onto your legs to prevent them from wrapping around his head, while the other spread your lips so he could dive even deeper into you. Flicking and cooing, his tongue continued to taste your slick as he moaned into you from your flavor.

You began rubbing your hips up and down his face as you continued to chase your high. He was too good at this – you’d never last long at this rate.

“Finnick, ahh,” you chanted his name like a choir of angels, and your voice went straight to his cock.

Wanting nothing but his name on your mind, he inserted a finger to begin loosening you up. The slight stretch already elicited a whine of pain from you. His digit was so much longer and thicker than your own, and you had a feeling his length was even more so.

As soon as he felt you relax around one, he slipped in a second. Scissoring around your cunt, he sucked on your clit to keep you slackened. You already felt so full. But as soon as all the discomfort turned to pleasure, you wanted more than just his fingers in you.

“Fuck,” you moaned out. “Finnick, I, shit, I want to feel you.”

He sighed into your pussy at your pleading state. Closing his eyes, he continued slipping his fingers in and out of you, getting you even further toward your orgasm.

“Not yet, love.” He insisted in a gravelly voice. “I want to taste you on my tongue first. You can do that, yeah baby? Want to cum in my mouth? I know you can do it. You’re such a good girl.”

You whined as you shut your eyes and continued stirring your hips on his face. He placed his lips back over your clit and thrust his fingers even faster into your heat. The sound of his knuckles squelching against your wetness was driving him insane, but he wanted to– no, needed to taste your essence before putting his cock into you.

As you felt your climax crawling nearer, your pussy clamped down around Finnick’s fingers, not wanting to let go. Your hips became erratic as you felt the familiar tightening in your lower abdomen – rising from your toes to the tip of your head. Finnick moved and slurped like a man starved, aching for you to lose yourself on him.

With a few more movements and a cry loosened from your lips, you released right into Finnick’s waiting mouth. He cleaned up every last drop, not wanting any to go to waste. You continued to ride out your high as he removed his lips from your bud. Once he felt you tire from your spend, he slipped his fingers out of you.

You watched with hungry eyes as he licked his fingers clean, eyes rolling back as his cock leaked from the wonder of your taste. Moaning as he popped them out of his salivating palate, he quickly moved to rid himself of his shirt. Reaching his arms back behind his neck and tearing the shirt from his torso up around his head, his eyes never left yours.

“I knew you would taste absolutely fucking divine.” He proclaimed to you as he started stripping his pants off. “I bet you feel just as good.”

Gasping, you finally laid eyes on his cock. Thick and girthy, you had no idea how it was supposed to fit in you. While it wasn’t ridiculously long, the stature of it made up more than enough. And as Finnick saw you fixed upon his hardened length, he twitched, which made you whimper up to him.

Bending back down to hover over you, he covered your mouth with his lips, allowing you to taste the salty remains of your own release. Moaning into his mouth, you gripped onto his bronze locks once more, lifting your hips to graze your now swollen clit against him.

He groaned and swiftly grabbed onto your hips to push you down. Backing from the kiss, he asked you one last time, “Are you sure?”

Breathless, you answered. “Yes. Please. I’ve never been surer about anything.”

Staring into your eyes and seeing nothing but certainty, he nodded.

“This is going to hurt, at first.” He stated. “Just try to stay relaxed and I promise you, you’ll start to feel good soon enough.”

Bobbing your head, you dug your nails into his shoulders to brace yourself as he glanced down and began to line himself up to your still-sweating heat. As he pressed the tip into you, you inhaled a sharp breath. Finnick immediately looked up to your face.

“It’s okay. Breathe, my love.” He took his hand and caressed your face. Settling a tender kiss on your lips, you started to breathe normally once again. Taking it as his cue to continue his insertion, he pressed back into you.

Slowly, so achingly slowly, he rocked his length into you. Taking the time to pull back and forth, he was easing you through the tight pain in your cunt. You were biting down on your bottom lip and your eyes were sealed shut from the sting of it.

“Fuck,” he breathed out. “You’re doing so good, baby. Just a little bit more and, shit, I’ll be all the way. God, you’re so tight, fuck.”

Finnick was trying his hardest to go slow for you, but the way that your cunt was compressed around him was like a drug. He wanted more, he wanted to move, but he would never place his own needs above your own. He watched your face for any sign of unordinary discomfort, but he saw none, so he inched further and further until he was fully sheathed into you.

Groaning, he dropped his head into your neck and panted out. As you adjusted to his size, the discomfort subsided. Sighing out as well, you started to lift your hips in your attempt at receiving friction. Finnick moaned and bit down into the softness of your neck.

“Move, Finnick, please.” You whimpered into his ear, already drunk on the feeling of his cock in you. You were so full, practically pushed to the brim, but you wanted more of him. You wanted him to make love to you.

Listening to your words, he dragged his cock through your walls as he moved in and out of you. Feeling your warmth rub against him was nothing short of amazing – there wasn’t anything that would ever compare to the feeling of you.

The two of you moaned in tandem as he thrust a particularly harsh plunge into you. You were scraping his back, leaving red angry lines as you wrapped your legs around his fit waist. Even in your inebriated state, you couldn’t help but admire him. For more than just his handsomeness, Finnick was the most gorgeous thing inside and out, and you couldn’t believe that he was yours. You would do anything for him to smile at you, to give you soft kisses to your temple, to just be.

So, you took hold of his head from where it was leaving marks on your neck, and you clashed your teeth together in a heated kiss. He was quick to reciprocate and grip onto your ass as he continued drilling himself into you, mouth never leaving yours.

You were the one to break the kiss as you leaned back to moan from the feeling.

“Fuck, Finnick. I love you so much.” You were rambling now, high off nothing but the way he was making you melt into his arms. “Please don’t leave me. I couldn’t, ah, live without you. Need you here. Always here. Mmm, my Finnick.”

He continued his movements as he gazed at you, love and lust battling for dominance in his sea-green eyes. “I’ll never let you go, Y/N. You are mine as I am yours. God. I was made to be by your side. Oh, Y/N. To always be with you. Would never leave you. My heart, fuck, is yours forever.”

The two of you were incoherent, rambling sentiments of love and sweet nothings to the other. Both of your climaxes were approaching, wanting to cum at the same time as the other. Skin on skin and sweat dripping upon each other, this was a plea of love, a confessional. Never to leave, always to stay – your hands were tied together as Finnick kissed you softly once more.

In contrast, his hips picked up the pace, as his fingers found your throbbing clit once more, pushing you to reach the top with him. His movements became inconsistent as he grew closer, knowing you were on your way as well by the way you were clenching down on him.

“Come on, baby,” he cooed at you. “Cum with me. You’re so close, love, I can feel it.”

“Yes, yes!” you whined at him. “Wanna cum, wanna cum with you. Ah, almost there, Finnick, don’t stop.”

Moving your hips with him, you both panted as the light grew brighter. He sped his twirling fingers up around your bud, begging you to peak with him. And as the two of you whined and whimpered louder and louder, Finnick thrust hard and deep into you. With this one last push, you both roared a moan as you came in and around the other.

Slowing his motions, Finnick allowed you to ride out your orgasm as he spilled his seed in you. Your legs twitched around his hips as you came down from your high. Head tilted back, you breathed hard and fast as your heart pounded. Finnick wrapped his arms around you as he held you close, still buried inside you.

For just a bit, the two of you stayed like that – together as one. Your pants eventually withdrew and were left with nothing more than the beating of the blood in your veins. He tenderly pulled out of you, leaving you empty of nothing but the soreness in your hips. Rubbing small circles on the aching joints, he kept his head close to yours. He then started kissing all over your face, making you giggle.

Chuckling along with you, he saved you from the attack by pulling away and looking at you with pure love and adoration. Mirroring his visage, you tenderly stroked his cheek as he sighed into your palm.

“I’m going to marry you, Y/N.” It wasn’t a question, but a fact he knew true in his heart.

Your eyes widened at his words, stilling your actions for a moment.

“Not tomorrow,” he laughed at your shocked expression. “Perhaps not a week or month from now, but one day I will. And that day will be the happiest of my life.”

Tears brimmed along your eye line, but it wasn’t sadness blurring your vision. Joy, excitement, and love were making their presence known in this strange way, and you didn’t know how else to respond to his worrisome look except to smile at him. Smile with your heart and soul to the man who was everything to you. And he smiled back the way Finnick Odair only smiles at you: uninhibited and overflowing with fondness.

Nestling into him as he repositioned you both on the seat, you contently sighed into him. This is what you fought for in that arena. This is why you promised that you’d win.

For vulnerable moments like this. For nothing between you and the man you love except the warm skin of your bodies. For the chance to live and not survive. For him.

With those thoughts in your mind, there was only one way you knew how to respond to him: with your truth, not a secret, and not in fear.

“Yes, I will marry you, Finnick Odair.”

[grecoisms]

title: a heap of broken images (4/4)

pairing: kim wexler x lalo salamanca

rating: E

summary: 

"Funny coincidence, no? I leave this apartment, and they come to kill me two days later." "One might say you could not get your house in order." Kim says coldly, pressing all her nails into her palm with full force. Small crescents of small moons.

"You cannot say, or guess, for you know only A heap of broken images, where the sun beats, And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief, And the dry stone no sound of water." t.s.eliot - the waste land

They could have died.

Died so easily. 

As easily as one draws a breath.

The realization hits her like a gong gone off.

The realization comes after - 

locking eyes with Lalo and staring him down,

looking at the empty space he still occupied,

getting in the taxi and the ride itself, 

leaving adrenaline behind, again,

But the realization comes before -

Getting into the hotel bed,

Shaking from exhaustion,

Hugging Jimmy tight,

Faking a cough,

Calling in sick,

Sleeping in, 

Staying in,

Processing,

Surviving.

The day is spent in bed and recollection.

He thumbed his gun so naturally, Kim thinks, picturing Lalo with a repressed storm on his face and gun tucked in his belt. He spoke so politely, even though his very presence froze the place up, made Jimmy and her rooted to the ground. Speechless. 

Jimmy went out some time ago to get some food, but they promised to text each other every five minutes, something he was more adamant on doing than Kim, who felt how she felt usually after going on a rollercoaster. Slightly sick, insides coiled, head fuzzy. 

We almost died. 

He made Jimmy retell the story how many times? At least three. But the words were less crucial than his presence - for he actually came to listen to Jimmy's story, find the cracks, and then?

Then he would have shot them both dead. 

Except she convinced him. Or perhaps made him rethink his agenda. Matters not which. All that matters is he left, left to Mexico, or perhaps somewhere else, but is probably far-far away. 

Her phone buzzes from under the pillows. Kim peers at the screen, seeing Jimmy's name.

Just stepped in Walmart. Milk, cheese, sth else? 

If u see some tylenol, pls buy some, Kim writes back, head on the headboard, head in a fog, staring at the colorless painting hung on the colorless hotel wall. Staring, but not seeing. 

Lalo left only for them to leave the house as well, with shaking limbs and a shock worth several strung-out nights. Jimmy has more of a problem with dreaming than sleeping though: started mumbling, shaking in his sleep yesterday - please, please, I didn't know.

As for Kim, she has more of a problem with falling asleep. She keeps seeing the look Lalo gave her when she stepped between Jimmy and him; when she struck him down with three well-versed sentences, aim to be heard, aim to hurt. 

Later, in the dark, the hotel room feels foreign. A fever-dream. Kim scoots closer to Jimmy, touching his arm gently, to soothe him, calm him.

"I won't let anything happen" she whispers in the dead night, where the words might as well be a dream. Wish upon a star. "I'm here."

And he is gone. And he cannot hurt you. Even if his eyes seemed to pierce.

Eyes so dark.

Half-admiring, half-calculating.

.

She quits Schweikart and Cokely the next day, with the sole intent on focusing on two things:

Help pro-bono clients.

Turn Lalo Salamanca in. 

.

Helping pro-bono clients, of course, is way easier than trying to come up with an affidavit that won't put Jimmy and her in jail for at least a couple of years. 

Context matters, and since Kim's knowledge of criminal law has been superficial and whatever remained has rusted over the years anyway, she decides to consult some books at the Central Library. Asking Jimmy is out of question, especially because he is still jumpy at the mention of anything regarding the cartel, the desert or the name Jorge de Guzmán in general. His sunburn has started to fade, but the wound on his forehead is not in a hurry to heal. 

"Back in the biz" he sighs two weeks later, just as he sets his briefcase in the hall. They moved back a week ago, mostly because Jimmy insisted on going to work and repeating different versions of "everything is settled now, I don't think there is going to be a problem" - and well, because they actually missed their real bed, and in Kim's case, needing stuff like pens and skirts and various folders from home.

It's almost as everything is back to normal. 

Lalo nothing but a memory. 

And yet. 

Jimmy still mumbles in his sleep. He still awakes drenched in sweat. 

As for Kim, she insists on working from their bedroom. It's not that the kitchen or the living room has become spooky or uninhabitable, but when alone, she has become used to working from their bedroom, where light seeps in so tenderly.

No memory that taints the space. 

.

Whether it is fate or simply bad luck, Kim does not know. 

May changes to juvenile June - time flies. It has been what? A month since Lalo has entered their home, uninvited. 

The amount of pro bono cases double at the start of summer season, and Kim barely has time to eat, least to wander around Central Library to read through yet another book on cartel cases. One makes do with the time one has, and since the only time the library closes late is on Wednesdays, Kim makes it a routine to nap for twenty minutes in her car after work, then head to the Library and stay as long as eleven in the night in the silence of the books. Rubbing her tired eyes, praying to find at least one small parallel between older cases and the Salamanca case. What she found out so far is not from a book, but Jimmy.  Lalo's cousin, Tuco, is in jail right now. Real name, real case. But the cousin sounds labile, prone to violence, no control whatsoever, so Kim quickly shuns the idea of visiting him. Also, because she is sure that the moment she speaks with another Salamanca, she is dead.

And Kim likes living, thank you very much. 

But her time remains tight and because of that, her mood morose, and she, unmotivated. The hardest part is leaving Jimmy out entirely, but after reading a 1986 case where the lawyer of a larger gang in Chihuahua got away by a written warning only, he includes him - by name - in the document, watchful of the tone. Yet playing with the tone of the affidavit suddenly makes it personal, the exact opposite of what it should sound like, what it must be. 

After coming up with a particularly complex sentence and realizing Jimmy does sound guilty in all of this (Saul Goodman, known as Jimmy McGill, volunteered, accepted, got chosen by Eduardo Salamanca to collect the bail money) accentuating how thin her case, how brief her document, Kim throws her pen away, resisting the urge to scream on her way home.

Home is more or less a sanctuary. 

More so, because Jimmy is home.

Less so, because his mood is not the best either.

He still suffers from nightmares, regularly. Kim can hear it sometimes, the panting or lashing out against a ghost threat, a ghost danger. When she hears it, she shakes Jimmy up immediately, but there are other disturbing remnants in him: outages, as she calls it. Because sometimes, even during the most innocent of actions, like cooking soup, or watching TV together or starting the washing machine, Kim sees Jimmy transform - face dropping, eyes vacant, hands shaking - and she knows he sees not the flat, or her, or the screen, but the desert, vast and unforgiving. Something terrible has happened, or is happening, and he denies telling her. Kim cannot decide whether she is angrier at or sorrier for him. Right now, the two feelings are equal in her, arguing. 

"You're early!'' Jimmy is on the couch, fresh out of the shower, laptop in his hand. "You want to order Chinese?"

He looks a bit pale, as if not have seen the light today.

"Sure" sighs Kim, throwing herself next to him. "Anything important happen today?"

"Well. I kinda fucked up, Kim." he turns his head. "Khalil found me today. With that detective you mentioned."

"Roberts" nods Kim, tense. "What did they want?"

"Called me out on the fake family. No phone, no address. By the way, how did you find them?"

"It was buried in the back of your other folder, the red one. Got lucky."

The folder, alongside all documents regarding de Guzman's case (and Ignacio Varga's, coincidentally) was destroyed when they moved back to the apartment. Jimmy shred them to smithereens, but when Kim got a whiff of his plan, she insisted they burn the remnants as well.

  "Point is" continues Jimmy. "I...got carried away, and said Lalo's name."

"Shit" says Kim with a dry mouth. "Did they notice it?"

"Yeah, Khalil repeated his name back at me. Y'know... interrogation style."

"Shit" Kim repeats. 

"I acted confused, but I'm sot sure they bought it. I bet they ran to Ericsen right away."

There was a silence. The uncomfortable kind this time - sand in the shoes, sand in the eyes. 

Kim takes a big breath. 

"Okay. No point in panicking." This would, of course, accelerate some things. ''What if... what if this was a way out?"

"What... what do you mean?" Jimmy stammers.

Though feels he won't take it well, Kim leans forward, reaching for her husband's hand, still dry from the days spent wandering. How deep he still carries the desert with him, within his body!

Indeed, where can he put it down?

"Jimmy" her voice is soft, hushed. "If we fold now, we might have a chance to get out. It is your choice, always has been. But from where I'm standing, you don't seem so happy to have been caught in this."

"But..." Jimmy smiles at first, as if she was joking. Falters. "It's all good now. I just need... no, listen. We just need some more time. This will blow over." There must be doubt on her face, because he continues.

"Worst case, they're gonna be angry with us for a few weeks? And then - what can they do: shake their fists at us?" he waves, but it's half-hearted. "Come on!"

"And when it blows over, will it be really over?" she asks, sharply. "From where I'm standing, it looks like you are wandering around comatose, and it has nothing to do with the courthouse. It has to do with the desert."

"I'm just tired, that's all. Look, maybe I haven't drunk enough water in the past few weeks, and maybe, I should see a doctor. You were right before, maybe I will see a shrink, but.... Kim?"

His voice trails off, because Kim stands up suddenly, both alarmed and ecstatic. 

"Jimmy... the man. The man who wanted to kill Lalo!"

"You told me he killed him." her husband says, alarmed. 

"One of them. The cellmate. But the other one... the one from outside..."

"He is in the hospital." Jimmy's breath hitches. "In a coma."

"Listen. We might be able to solve this, without incriminating us further. Hear me out..."

.

Allegedly, the man who attempted to kill Lalo Salamanca in his cell (the very same man who almost got killed by him) is called Stephen Olarfsson, 39, an accountant born in Oregon. 

It takes her three days and - she avoids writing emails altogether - at least a dozen calls to track down the man. During this interval Kim is a chameleon: posing as a legal administrator, police clerk, member of the Neurocritical Care Society requesting a one-on-one with the patient, who she learns has woken up four days ago, disoriented and discomfited. He denies answering any questions and in turn, remaining chained to his hospital bed until the Rehabilitation Center of Rio Rancho discharges him, which, one of the nurses tells Kim's pseudonym, may take at least a month, but more realistically, three. 

Apart from the sever head-trauma (causing hemorrhage in his brain, rendering him comatose for a few weeks), the shiv which killed Lalo's cellmate has founds its way into him as well, more specifically his thighs and stomach (so he was to be operated twice at the end of the month and fed intravenously in the time being). 

He remains under close supervision, from both outside and inside of his hospital room. 

He remains silent, despite threats and pleads and deals. 

This suits Kim perfectly. She does not want to talk. 

She just wants him to deliver a message. 

 .

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong - is what Kim's mom used to say, usually after waking up hungover. Yet on those mornings, it was Kim tasting yellow acid in her mouth, as if she had been the one drinking. Bitterness, by any other name. 

It's the same acidic bitterness in her mouth when Erickson finds her one morning, coffee in her right hand, and flattery in her mouth, and Kim knows they are in trouble. De Guzman's name could only hold up for so long - it's a damn miracle it lasted at all. 

"Here" Ericsen says after leading Kim to her office, placing two photographs next to each other on the table. They are not shaking, her hands, but she puts them under the desk anyway, so that they wouldn´t betray her. "Same person."

On one of the photos is a black-and-white mugshot of Lalo, a close up of his all-angles face, mouth downturned. On the other, he is violently alive, all colorful, laughing, while embracing two older women in a garden. Maybe one of them is his mother, or perhaps both of them are his aunts - Kim cannot tell from the picture. She can only guess, and the smile on Lalo's face seems genuine in its warmth. But then again, Kim cannot quite tell.

"Who is Eduardo Salamanca?" she asks, easing the edges of the questions. For she knows him, seems like she has known him for ages, even though it's only been a month and a half. 

"A major drug dealer south of the border" it's different, hearing it from Ericsen. There is a slight bite to her tone, meant to criticize. "It seems Salamanca jumped bail, fled to Mexico where he consequently died in a gunfight. Half dozen people were killed."

Dead.

Kim resists the urge to stare at the colored photo again. 

When? she wants to ask, to get proof. It seems laughable, unbelievable to her, that a man like that would die, as if he was too much for death to bear. A month ago, he was towering above them, and staring at her with his knife-gaze, the gaze that seemed sharp enough to cut through her mask. And now -

The word is on the tip of her tongue. 

When? 

But instead, she says: 

"And?"

Ericsen looks strict. 

"I think there's a question here, Kim: How much did you know?"

The question is piercing.

Tell her, sensible Kim says. Here's the chance. 

Not like this, survivor Kim whispers. She won't believe you. Or worse, she will believe you - but not Jimmy. 

And without Jimmy McGill, Kim Wexler won't make a deal. 

.

Kim returns to the hospital the next week. 

Olarfsson, patient-assailant, is gone. 

Kim's note, the one which he gave him to deliver, hid it under his mattress and told him to try, that note is gone, too. 

Worse, as she leaves the hospital in a rush, confused if Olarfsson disappearing is a good or bad news, she spots a car that she has spotted before, when they returned home from the hotel. 

A blue sedan with two men in it. 

Otherwise forgettable. 

Until they are not. 

.

Jimmy's mood blackens in the upcoming days. 

Hearsay starts and all the other lawyers ostracize him - the news reaches her not through Jimmy, but from here and there after hearings. This is how she knows his shunning is widespread, ugly in its depth.

He needs cheering up, Kim decides. 

In fact, she needs cheering up as well. 

Deserves it. 

The plan presents itself in the form of Howard stopping her one day at the Forque Bar, voice polite but words biting, telling her to make her own decisions and insulting Jimmy. That is all it takes. 

Rushing home, an idea forms in her mind, ugly in its depth, but rewarding too, she knows. 

A well-deserved prank.

A lesson, if you would. 

Nothing too serious.

.

"They're gone" says a gruff voice, grave and gravelly. "The two men who were following you. They're gone."

Kim turns, there is almost no one in the elegant, but shabby little café. It's a dead part of town, dead part of the day. 

An old man looks back at her with shrewd eyed at the bar top. 

"Would you mind sitting down for a moment? And I'll answer any questions you have. If I can."

Once seated, he fishes a paper out of his front pocket, unfolds it neatly, and sets it in front of her.

"This" he says. "wasn't very clever."

It's Kim's note, the offer, crumpled, but still eligible.

July heat scorches the back of her clothes, makes it stick to her back, however she resists it, whatever she wears. 

"Doesn't fortune favor the bold?" she asks evenly. 

"Sometimes" the man agrees with a small nod. "When you busted my men, that was brave. Not wise perhaps, but I'll give you credit."

"Were you..."

"The one who hired Olarffson? No." he shakes his head, for emphasis. "That is why you should not leave notes like that around. And I would advise against leaving a note like that at the District Attorney's office as well."

Kim picks up her note, and puts in her bag, slow. 

"But the men who followed me" she asks, sharp. "They were yours, weren't they?"

"Yes. Both you and your husband. I'm not police. They are not investigating you either, in case you were wondering. I also know you have been doing things you should not be doing. But this is not what it is about."

"What is this about then?"

As if to brace himself, he man breathes in deeply. He has a tough look, but a calm kind of face. Grounding. 

"Lalo Salamanca."

"Lalo Salamanca is dead."

The old man says nothing.

And by saying nothing, Kim knows. 

.

Paranoia is just a fancy word for intuition - was another favorite saying of her mother.

The same intuition that made her find out about the attendant's men is now heightened three-fold. Now that she knows he isn't dead, it's as if the pavement, the canals, hell, even the high windows downtown grew eyes, watching her. 

Made of sterner stuff, he said. It echoes in her mind, her child self, the survivor jeers at it. It is a praise but so what? She thumbs the note she has written, the offer of information in exchange for information, so that she can see better, understand Lalo, who is very much alive, and could be anywhere in the world. 

So why is she so certain he is here somewhere, watching and smiling and knowing? Knowing what she does not? Sterner stuff, yet she is powerless. No move, no motivation given.

The note, she puts it next to the half-drafted affidavit. Both these papers, she puts in the cabinet under the fish tank, where they keep receipts, letter of guarantees and different sized rubber bands. Perhaps later she will have need of it, perhaps later, they can forget about it. 

When cornered, an animal will attack. Kim, with a beer in one hand, and a cigarette in another, cannot attack a fanthom, a ghost. Takes a great inhale of smoke and watches the board where the Hamlin-scam's planning stages are almost all ticked. 

A career-setback.

Or else, an attack. 

.

You never listen, Kim. 

It is true. She never listened to her mother, who she deeemed irresponsible and self-destructive in more ways than one. But then, how was she different? Where was the line, the line which she never should have crossed? Was it the Howard-scam? Or planning the affidavit? Or standing up against Lalo? Or going to the Detention Center to meet him? Or lying to Ericsen; laughing at Howard? Or marrying Jimmy? Where did it turn into a tragedy? 

She doesn't reflect on these questions yet. Not on the sunniest day of July, the last day of the month, when the prank has succeeded, the deed done. Sex with Jimmy has never been this amazing. There must be something to be said about the euphoria found in the vulgar, and Kim is basking in it, her worries near-forgotten, so is her guilt. She has had no time to ponder about the affidavit too much in the last couple of days, so deep they were into executing the Howard-prank. 

"Drinks?" Jimmy asks, half-clothed. 

"I will get some snacks, we have nothing now." yawns Kim, who wants nothing more than sleep for a bit, but it has been a long time since they celebrated anything. "Not even toothpaste."

She drives to the nearest supermarket. On the way, Howard calls her, which she declines with a scoff. Gets the toothpaste and the snacks, but also  washing powder, and a new set of towels for the kitchen, feeling festive, as if they have renovated their house, or else, moved into a new one. As if she should not hurry, because why would she need to? 

One of her clients, an unemployed guy from Nevada who moved recently, calls her, she takes it, tells him the basics, asks him to write an email, tells him everything will be alright. Calms him. 

Then she sees then Ericsen has called while she talked with Nevada. Calls her back with the patience of a saint. Ericsen just wants an update that she cannot give her, they talk of ongoing cases and how Jimmy fares, which Kim decided to color in a better light than it is. 

"Oh, I forgot" Suzanne says before hanging up. Kim, who has been in the supermarket for two hours now, starts to get a bit impatient. "Police in Chihuahua tracked Ignacio Varga. He was first spotted at the border, then near Albuquerque around a fortnight ago."

Vertigo claims her, suddenly. 

"That's great help, Suzanne. Gotta go now." she says, hangs up. 

The first sign: when she checks her phone again, she sees that Howard has not tried to call her again, nor did Jimmy. 

Not once.

.

Just paranoia, she repeats to herself, but goes over the speed limit anyway, rushing home despite her rational self soothing her. Nothing wrong, he probably fell asleep. 

The second sign appears though: her key gets stuck into the lock - with a creaking, splitting sound, as if something has already been forced into it. 

Kim will remember the sound for the rest of her life. 

It is stuck, however forcefully she wants to pull it out. 

"Kim!" Jimmy shouts from inside, and he sounds desperate, so Kim leaves her keys in the door. 

Decides to step inside. 

An act that cannot be undone. 

.

Inside is a slaughterhouse. 

She barely has time to register Jimmy's voice, which is shrill, begging her to run, when another person steps from behind the door, closing it, barring it.

  "Mrs. Goodman" beams Lalo, dominating the dmall space around him. Smile so wide, so wild. "So nice to see you again - come, join us!"

He has specks of blood on his face, but he does not seem to mind as he leads her to the living room, where everything is either overturned, on the floor, or bloody. Or all three. 

On the couch is Jimmy, crumpled and worn, so small. Around him are books opened and smaller storage boxes emptied on the floor, a mass of paper, most of them bloody, and god, where did the blood come from? She studies Jimmy who seems unharmed, though thoroughly shaken, like he was struck by lightning. Lalo does not seem to be hurt either - a bit tired and worn, but still very virile for lack of a better word. 

All she has to do, however, is to step closer. There lies the answer. Lies, literally, because Howard is on the floor, sprawled on the ground, a stranger, because it is not him anymore, only his body: bloody and unbothered by the happenings around him. Some of his blood has been mixed with water, diluting it, increasing its spread on the floor. The water comes from the fish tank that has been shattered on the floor, the fish dead on the ground, the cabinets in the kitchen with the utensils and the pots scattered on the ground, as well as the papers from the filing compartment, soaking in the salty water and the fresh blood. 

"God" Kim hears herself uttering the words, automatic and from far away. 

She cannot see the note or the affidavit on the ground. 

.

Once he sends Jimmy away, - because obviously he would send him to kill a man, as if the choice mattered - they are alone. Lalo simply makes Kim sit on the sofa, setting a glass of water before her. 

"Can I get something stronger, please?" she hates how weak her voice sounds. It's like her energy was inside this room and by destroying its order, Lalo decimated her powers. 

"Sure" says Lalo, amused. He has been walking up and down ceaselessly since Jimmy left, not one moment at ease. "Where you keep your liquor?"

"I thought you ransacked everything."

"You came home before I could get everything."

"It's above the fridge."

He whistles while stepping over Howard's body, on the way to the kitchen. 

"You have a preference, Mrs. Goodman?"

"Gin."

"Blue or red?"

Kim looks into the unseeing eyes of Howard Hamlin, close yet far, and she has a sudden urge to cry. 

"Blue."

He pours them both a glass and sits down on a chair, facing her. 

"Drink up."

He gulps his in a second, sighing when finishing. Waits until Kim finishes hers, stares at her with a pensive look, thumbing his gun again. 

"You were an only child, weren´t you?" he says after a second or so. "A lonely one, eh? You have that independence about you, real toughness, no fake macho shit. Could see it the first time you turned up, even if you were shaking down to your boots. Real courage. It's rare."

"Is this about Olarfsson?"

"Olarfsson?" smiles Lalo. "That the guy who I almost killed with my bare hands?"

Kim is very careful to keep her face blank as Lalo peers down at her. 

"Seems like you´ve been bad" he murmurs to himself, licking his lips. "and there I thought you are all goody two shoes."

He scratches his chin with the gun, then pushes his chair closer to the sofa, to her. 

"But then, you got me thinking."

The smell of him hits her nose this close: smoke, sweat and day old gasoline. 

"Gotta hand it to you, your mask is real good. Almost fooled me too. But then again, you have some tells."

"Tells?" repeats Kim, voice far, mind on the floor, next to Howard´s body.

"Yeah" he drawls, holding up his fingers to count, comical. "The first being married to Mr. Big Mouth. The second chasing me down in jail. And the third, well... I saw the look you gave me across the table. You throw that look around often?"

"I dont´t often dislike people." 

"Dislike" Lalo sneers, smile going cold. "Now that´s a funny word. You know what I dislike?"

He leans in, confidential. 

"Disloyalty."

Her blood curls. Whatever happened to Varga must be something terrible, and there is not an ounce of her that wants to know. Not this, nor where her note or her affidavit went. 

"Disloyalty is really ugly to me." continues Lalo breezily, as if they were having a coffee downtown, not playing russian roulette. "Hate and blood, that's part of the business, you know, but when you really trust someone - let's take your lovely husband, as an example, shall we? - it's all give and take. Al que a buen árbol se arrima, you know? And to betray a bond like this, well that's just a shame."

"Tell me what does this have to do with us?" Kim bites back. She can feel a swollen drop of sweat make its way down from the nape of her neck, and the blood of Howard Hamlin streaming its way to the carpet, near her feet. "You have asked for a service which Jimmy and I delivered. And now our business is done."

A deep cut appears in between Lalo's eyebrows: scorn. 

"I told your husband the moment I left that cell: this business between you and me is not over. Great things were waiting for us. And then you two spit in my face."

"The job you gave us" argues Kim with a heaving chest. "wasn´t easy and it wasn´t quick, but we did it - and we did not rat."

"You are a liar, Mrs. Goodman" Lalo says a bit too calmly for her taste. "First time, I almost bought what you said, I even admired it. Thought to myself: this Goodman is one lucky pendejo, eh? But then your esposo comes back and suddenly, you don't know nothing about anything, despite being top of the class."

Some of the blood reaches her left sock - wet and warm. 

What was that thing Howard told her some months ago, about forgiveness? Her mind feels a maze, but arguing gives some of her strength back so as she continues, so fear eludes her voice entirely.

"Threatening situations make people scared and desperate. And desperate people often look guilty."  

"A nice defense, councellor. Maybe that´s why you went running to a hotel, afraid I´ll come back here, huh?"

"Which you did." Kim points out.

Lalo spreads his legs in sitting, and leans in closer. His knees are just touching hers like at the garden at the Center, when Kim wrote her number on the map of his hand. When she thought him human. 

Lalo strokes his moustache before speaking.

"Funny coincidence, no? I leave this apartment, and they come to kill me two days later."

"One might say you could not get your house in order." she says coldly, pressing all her nails into her palm with full force. Small crescents of small moons.

Now, a snarl appears, yet Lalo manages some mirth into his voice - the contrast between his facade and his face quite disturbing.

  "As you kindly warned me so. How can I ever repay you, Mrs. Goodman?"

"You can start by not killing me."

"Is this what you think I'll do?" his voice is low.

The thudding of her heart becomes almost unbearable. When she looks up straight onto Lalo´s eyes, only to find him already looking back at her, a mirroring. The sliver of his brown eyes seemingly warm in the living light of the room - but it's only veneer. She knows by now it melts off easy.

"What you think I want to do?"

Without looking at the table itself, Lalo puts his gun on the far end of it, and rests his hands on the sides of Kim's head, caging her in. Then he bends even closer, breath blowing some here-there slips of her hair. 

"The worst thing that can happen?"

His pupils are so large, they seem to have devoured half of his gaze. 

Fear, Kim realizes suddenly, is a very lax word. She thought she was afraid before, but it is nothing compared to what she is feeling now. It's as if her body was falling off a balcony, or her nerves were stacked on each other, aflame. 

"Look -" she gives reason one last shot.

But he cuts her off immediately by pushing his hands from the sides of her head to the nape of her neck. Kim feels heavy and light at the same time. 

"We talked about family, remember?" Lalo says in a strange tone. "Family...well it's everything. And the people back in my home, well, they were part of my family. And every one of them is now dead, thanks to Varga, and that hijo de puta, and maybe, just maybe... " he thumbs Kim's temples as an afterthought. "Because of you."

Terror is a stone that sits inside of her. 

"That's insane" she whispers, looking down to Howard and then back at his murderer. Her face feels wet, and why is it wet? "You think we wanted this?"

Lalo angles his head to the side, examining.

"You might not have sent the men or pulled the trigger. But I'm sure you got a wind of what would happen. What has happened. And didn't tell me. Isn't that against law, too?"

Then with an almost uncanny gentleness, he caresses her face. 

"You should have run further away, you know?" he whispers. "Just like your mama made you run before, huh?"

Time freezes. 

It freezes with a special kind of carelessness, the one you don't expect coming, that makes the heart of you shudder.

Howard's voice, in her head: 

Your debt is forgiven, but anything else? That's on you.

"You look shocked!" Lalo continues, toothful of mirth in his mouth. "But I check on everyone I employ. People I want to work with in the long run, y'know."

It's not so abstract anymore, the terror in her blood - indeed, it has turned entirely tangible, something to become entirely. Terror, personified, chewing on her brain, devouring it whole. 

"Checked on your husband before Varga introduced us" then he points at her, just below her neck, near the jugular. "And I checked on you, too, just after we had that nice talk right in this room. Kimberly Wexler. Goodman's name doesn't suit you as much as your own does. Lots of, consonantes, hard on the tongue. Hard name for a hard woman."

He licks his lips. 

"How many schools did you go to, exactly?" he asks. It would be a very polite question, were he a polite man. Were this a polite scenario.

Kim opens her mouth to say something. 

But nothing comes out.

So Lalo reaches for one of her wrists resting on her lap.

"Hey, hey" he says, smile flattening. "Don't get panicky on me now, hm? We're just having a conversation. You, me, just like back in the garden."

His hand doesn't let go - his index finger measures her pulse. 

"You can ask me anything in turn. Talking is nice, no? As long as we're honest with each other. Mira!"

He holds out his other hand, for Kim to shake it. 

With a clammy palm, Kim shakes it, her body shaking itself into acceptance. This is not a dream. This is happening. Howard on the floor, a body, nothing more. Lalo sitting on the chair, in front of her, nearer than near, with frenzied eyes, oozing blood. 

"So... Kimberly! How many schools did you go to, exactly?"

"I can't... can't remember." Kim confesses, teeth chattering. "Twelve, or maybe more. Didn't reach twenty, I think."

"Dios mio! Hell of an education!" he cocks his head. "But that's not what made you smart, isn't it?"

Kim says nothing. Thinks nothing. 

Lalo continues. 

"Must have been hard, growing up with a mama like that. You moved cause of her job?"

"Not really."

"Did she have a lot of men to run around with?"

"No, I wouldn't say that."

There is a sharp flash entering his gaze now.

Knowledge. 

"But you moved because of her, no?"

"Yes" there is no danger in confessing this, at least.

"Was she a drunk? Or a gambler?"

"Bit of both."

Lalo hums, thoughtful. 

"And your dad?"

"My dad left when I was very small." her answers come automatically - all she need is time. Maybe some curiosity where there is no sympathy.  "Don't remember him."

"Must have been hard. I should know - I don't remember my papá either" says Lalo wistfully. "But he didn't leave."

"Did he die?" Kim asks, sure of the answer. 

"Yes, he was killed when I was four. My brother too, y'know." he reaches for the hem of Kim's blouse, a soft kind of material, blue. He inspects it with a tender sort of care, like he wants to imprint it in his memory. 

Jimmy loved the color of it, said so in the morning. 

"Only brother I had. Mi madre estaba tan triste, she got locked in a madhouse. Did you know that grief can make you insane?"

"That's terrible" says Kim, fighting the urge to be sick. Her mind cannot comprehend it yet, but in her soul, she already feels what is about to bloom in between them. 

"Yeah" Lalo says, still caressing the material, hands wandering near the skin of her abdomen. "You talked with Olarfsson?"

"No."

"And a gringo called Mike?"

"I do not know who that is."

Lalo hums again, the sound reverbarating on Kim's stomach, in her body.

"And does Goodman know?"

"Know what?" her mouth is so dry she has difficulty swallowing.

  Finally, Lalo looks up from her blouse to her face, clenching both of her wrist this time, his hands hot and his eyes dark. But only when he starts talking, voice raspy and an octave deeper from arousal, does Kim realize his strategy as a whole. 

"How much you want to be punished."

"That's not - " she tries, but Lalo raises one of his fingers against her face - his face severe in its fury.

"If you lie to me again, I´ll make Goodman eat that fish on the floor before I gut him before you."

Whether it's a revolt, an instict, it matters not.

What matter is it makes Kim spit on him.

For a moment, Lalo does nothing. Stunned completely as the wetness trickles down his face - Kim's spit landed just above his left eye, where there is a week old graze, perhaps from the day they tried to kill him. 

"Bien" Lalo's face is blank as a baptism. "If you want to play it like this."

He thumbs the spit away, eyes bright, and there, just next to the craving, there is an animal coming out of his stare now, gentle reminiscing and the light mannerisms all gone, gone with the spittle. And Kim can see clearly now how the dark window of his eyes have splintered, and something wild and mad had spilled in between the cracks. 

The hold on her hands is definitely painful now, she can feel his fingernails leaving red crescents on her in his wake. 

"Turn" it's an order. 

And he is reaching for the gun. 

Kim has been waiting for this move since he put the gun down in the first place. 

So when he moves to hold both her hands in one, she can feel his hold loosening a bit, and then, then she yanks her hands, preferably knocking him on the head. She also tries to kick him. 

But that never happens. 

Lalo is a seasoned one, it was clear from the first moment they talked. 

It's past talking now, and even in actions, he feels experienced enough. The moment she moves to dislodge herself, he halts his movement and kicks the coffeetable away, so as to drag her by the waist, down, down to the floor that is all bloody and watery. 

"Here she is!" he is panting, but his voice sounds triumphant. "¡Una mujer de fuego! I knew you were there somewhere, Kimberly."

He pushes himself on her so easily - and he is smiling again, the look on her face, the crack in her composure so intoxicating. 

"Fuck" Kim hisses, strained. Lalo's body is a bulk. But the heaviness she feels now, in her abdomen, is both new and familiar.

"I'm trying, Mrs. Goodman." he chides her, cruel again, despite the plea now in her eyes, because he invoked him again. 

Not him, he doesn't have a place here. Leave him out of this.

"What a temper you have, huh?" he moves deftly this time, moving her wrists into one hand, and pulling the hem of the blouse up, stroking the hardened skin there, seemingly a solid shell, yet soft nevertheless. Goosebumps appear on her abdomen as he caresses it. "The first time you got into trouble, you must have felt so bad. That made you do all the stupid things in the last few months?"

"At least I feel bad" Kim says dryly. 

"Yes, I'm sure it made a lot difference." he looks around, cocking his head. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"I really hope you will die soon and painfully" Kim bites back, childish. "I hope they shoot your brains out or else hang you by your feet to rot."

As this was an invitation, Lalo leans in to kiss her with a devouring sort of hunger, pressing his forehead to hers and cupping her breast. Her breath hitches when he bites on her tongue, hard. As she taste of copper floods her mouth, and she sinks her teeth into his lips as a rebuttal.

Lalo grunts. His eyes are pitch-dark, and his lips vivid-red when he breaks the kiss. 

"The moment you stood up to defend that clown of a husband, I knew. Almost took you on the spot. I got so fucking hard I got almost blind. Here, feel it."

Almost gently, he guides her hand to his trousers tenting. 

You still have weapons, y’know, says the dark and dead voice again in the back of her brain. Think fast, Mrs. Goodman.

So Kim palms his erection through the fabric of his jeans - hears him inhale, hard. 

"Qué inteligente" he drawls against her mouth, breathless. "Veamos que mojada estas."

So Kim helps him discard the rest of his clothes.

So Kim does not mind when he tears her blouse into two, and simply pulls her panties away, sticking two of his fingers deep inside of her, curling them. Does not mind when he groans against her neck when she pulls on his thick hair, dishevelled in their rutting because this is far from lovemaking, she wouldn't even call it fucking. It's something more violent, bordering on biological. 

A whimper emerges from her mouth when he sticks a third finger in her, and he leans in close to swallow the sound with a kiss, searing. He licks her teeth before sticking his fingers into her mouth. 

"Just get it over with" Kim chokes when he pulls his fingers out to lick them. Feels strung-out, feels seen. Does not like how Lalo keeps his eyes on fixed on hers, fixed on her - rooted, grounded. Does not like it at all. 

She thought he'd cease talking once he is in her, but he is only silent as he unbuckles his belt with one hand, and takes out his cock. There is little to no fumblings, but Kim wishes there would be so she could be prepared. Still, the suddenness and harshness of it all is quite fitting. After all, judgement and punishment rarely comes expected. 

It hurts, when he enters her - even wet, he is so big. She gasps into his mouth when he starts moving, resuming his speech. 

"Can you imagine" he breathes into the hollow of her pale neck, as he presses her into the floor, the woodboard hard on her back, her hips. His golden necklace is cold on her bare breasts. "What Goodman would say if he found out? That would be something, no? Him walking in while I'm balls deep in you."

It is almost vulgar, the sound between the meeting of their flesh, because she is wet, shamefully so, and he, so eager that he is now slipping inside of her effortlessly. 

"Enough..." she pleads, and when he smiles her down, she bites him on his shoulder, until she feels the skin break and the sinews shake and his shivering voice, low in her ears. 

"Enough?" he pulls out of her only to turn her over, on her stomach, only to hoist her skirt to her waist, and enter her from behind. "We're just getting started - or is this..." 

This time, his breath halts, as Kim feels her walls squeeze involuntarily, shuddering through her orgasm, throwing back her head, her ponytail slipping from its keep, the world with it too, falling apart. She feels as if she was being impaled, cut in half. 

"Jesús" his left hand finds her hair, gripping, then pulling. Her back arches instinctively, and she mewls despite her discipline, despite this being a game. Because it is still a game, a chess game. Isn't it?

He is close to climaxing too - she can feel it as he grips her by the narrow slope of her neck and drags her closer, skin on skin, want on want. 

"A woman like you, I could give her the world... ¿No lo quieres dulce, querida?" he bends to her right ear, his face next to her, their breath mingling. "You wouldn't have to act good, wouldn't have to act at all, you can be as cold...Don't you want it sweet though? Sweet from me alone? Cristó..." 

His cock swells, and then he empties himself in her, his cum hot in her womb, his body almost lifeless as his orgasm take him by full force. 

"It wasn't so bad, wasn't it?" he says, later, as he climbs down from her laid down body, resembling the corpse in the room, stiff and spiritless. "Miss Wexler?"

Kim turns her face away, and finally, finally, starts crying.

.

After, when Mike tells them that Lalo is dead, she also tells her he destroyed the note with the affidavit a long time ago. 

"Knew you would keep it." he shakes his hands. The dawning light seeps in, and Kim feels a thousand year old. "And some things, you should let go of."

"Thanks." it sounds empty, because it is. 

The apartment is a mess.

She wouldn't meet Jimmy's eyes, though he tries to catch her gaze. 

They have to leave, so that they can clean the place, Mike and his men. 

Most of the blood is Howard's, she wants to tell them in passing. Some of them is mine.

But there is a strange smell around the blood, heaviest in the living room.

Must be the same for them so it must means nothing for them. 

So she tells them nothing. 

Thinks of nothing. 

[underthewingsofthblackeagle]

The Murderess from the Grunewald (27): Preparing for War (3a): "The Monster in the Petticoat" (1)

“Hamburg / Alster” by StephanieAlbert 

Previously

Six months ago. One day after Jamie's fourth Attorney’s visit to Claire in prison.

         It was exactly 8:00 the next morning when Jamie arrived at the office. Tessa Lüttgenjohann greeted him and then asked:

        "Coffee?"

        "Oh yes, will you make me a whole pot?"

        "It's almost ready. I'll bring it right away."

        A few minutes after Jamie took off his jacket and made himself comfortable at his desk, Tessa brought the promised coffee.

“Kaffee” by  Luiz-Jorge-Artista

        "You're remembering having a conference call with Prof. Dr. Nerz at 10:30?"

        "Yes, but could you please remind me at 10:15?"

        "Sure. Is there anything else you need?"

        "No. But I don't want to be disturbed until then. I still have to work on an urgent contract. Please block the whole morning for calls, etc. And please register a visit to client Beauchamp at the correctional facility for tomorrow morning. I need to discuss important documents with her."

        "Will be done. Would 9.00 a.m. be ok?"

        "Yes, or does it collide with other appointments?"

        "No. I distributed your other mandates as you had ordered."

        "Good. I have to devote myself entirely to this matter. That is an absolute priority right now. Thank you.”

        Jamie nodded and signaled that the talk was over.

        Tessa also nodded and as she walked out, she wondered if in all the years she was working for “Fraser, Gowan & Coll.” she had ever heard such a sentence from James Fraser's mouth: 'I have to devote myself entirely to this matter. That is an absolute priority right now. Thank you.’? Tessa doubted it. James Fraser, as long as she knew him, was an attentive, conscientious, hard worker when it came to his mandates. He always showed 'full commitment' to clients and the passion with which he pursued his profession made him a boss for whom people liked to work. But since he devoted himself to the 'Beauchamp case', he seemed to work even more intensively and passionately than usual.

        Jamie poured coffee into his cup and began to work on the contract between Dr. Claire Elisabeth Beauchamp and the editor-in-chief of the ‘U-Turn-Magazine’. The work was relatively easy for him, as he had already negotiated and sealed similar contracts in the past.

        When Tessa Lüttgenjohann knocked on his office door at 10.15 a.m. and reminded him of the video conference, he was already able to give her his first handwritten draft. Then he went to the toilet. Back in his office, he looked into the mirror hanging inside his wardrobe, combed his hair, straightened his tie, pulled over his jacket and sat down at his desk. Jamie had already opened the page for the video conference and punctually at 10:30 a.m. he heard the signal that announced the call from Prof. Dr. Nerz's office.

“Monitor” by Free-Photos

         "Good morning, Professor Nerz," Jamie greeted the lawyer on the other side of the video transmission.

          "Good morning, Dr. Fraser," Nerz replied, wearing his characteristic golden glasses and his well-kept beard. Behind him, a shelf wall made of expensive wood could be seen, which was decorated from top to bottom with folios bound in leather. For a moment, Jamie wondered whether this shelf wall was in Nerz's office or in his firm's library.

          "Thank you for agreeing so quickly to advise me."

          "Thank you for putting confidence in our firm," Nerz replied. After the first ice had broken, the Hamburg specialist for media law immediately turned his attention to the matter at hand:

          "I read the dossier on Dr. Beauchamp's case, which your secretary sent in advance. And I share your conviction that the case has the potential to be inflated by the media."

          Jamie nodded. He had expected Prof. Nerz to confirm his fears. 

          "What do you think if we take a look at the first case in the history of Europe in which the media played a decisive role? We can then draw conclusions from this for the case of Dr. Beauchamp."

          "Gladly," Jamie said and nodded again.

          "Does the case of Violette Nozière mean anything to you?"

          "The name sounds familiar to me, but ..."

“Bücher” by JackPierce

         "Good. It's 1933 and we're in France. The world is full of crises. In Germany Hitler has seized power and you can literally smell that a war is coming. This is a good time for the newspapers because, in addition to information on world political events, people want to read more and more stories that distract them from these crises. A murder case shocks the Parisian society and, as a result, the whole of France. It is the so-called case of the "Monster in the Petticoat" and should become the most sensational case of the 30s.         The accused, Violette Nozière, grew up in the Rue de Madagascar in the 12th Arrondissement. Her father was Jean-Baptiste Nozière, who worked as a locomotive driver for the PLM railway company. Her mother is Germaine Nozière, now a housewife. Although her parents only come from the middle class, they try to give their daughter the best possible education. She is allowed to visit the famous Lycée Fénelon. This is expensive and not usual for a child from this class. However, the reports of that time show that the young woman preferred to spend her time with other young people in cafés rather than in school. She is also said to have had several friends, or rather lovers. It is also said that to finance her lifestyle, she stole money and other things from her parents and possibly other people.

”Violette Nozière” by Agence de presse Meurisse [Public domain] via Wikimedia Commons

         The family lives in a small, narrow apartment with only two rooms. Over time, tensions are said to have increased, leading to disputes, threats or blackmail. On August 23, 1933, Jean-Baptist Nozière and his wife were finally found lifeless in their apartment. Jean-Baptiste is dead, his wife is still breathing and can be rescued. The police investigate and after a week Violette Nozière is accused of murdering her father and mother. She is said to have intended to murder her parents with poison. She succeeded with her father and failed with her mother.           French society at this time is marked by the civil code, the Code civil, also known as Code Napoléon. And according to this code, the father is the pillar of the civil order. Imagine what a patricide means in such a society! Patricide is the worst of all crimes. And the crime was committed by a woman who is also the child. What a scandal!           But in the beginning, little is known and the newspapers can only report that two lifeless bodies were found in Rue de Madagascar. Violette Nozière is only mentioned as a daughter. Everything else is unclear. It could also have been a suicide. But then it comes to an interesting incident. When Germaine Nozière has recovered from the consequences of the poisoning in the hospital, the investigating police officer wants to confront the daughter with her mother. But Violette Nozière flees. And of course, that makes her very suspicious.           And now the bloodhound instinct of press is in full mode. Because, as I said, we have all the ingredients for a real scandal. And then, as now, there is this mantra of the press: If there are no interesting stories, one has to be found and made up. Violette Nozière is accused and the police search for her. And journalists who crave for sensations 'support' the police by also searching for her.           At that time, the press in Paris consisted of the so-called 'Four Big One’s’. These included 'Le Journal', 'Le Petit Parisien', 'Le Matin' and 'Le Petit Journal'. But in 1930 Jean Prouvost took over the newspaper 'Paris-Soir' and this changed the Parisian press landscape permanently. To stabilize the crisis-ridden newspaper financially, he increasingly relied on the printing of photographs. That was something that had been practiced in America for quite some time. And in 1931 he wrote media history with it. The paper published a total of nine photos on the title page. It is assumed that this 'Americanization' of the newspaper, as it was called, the use of the photos and also introduced large, shocking headlines, contributed significantly to its success. When Prouvost took over the newspaper, it had a circulation of 700,000 copies. He was supported by the well-known journalist Pierre Lazareff. And the success seems to prove the two men right. You know how it is, Dr. Fraser?"

          Jamie, looked astonished at his counterpart because he was still thinking about Nerz's historical lecture.

          "What do you mean?

          "Well, you know, Dr. Fraser, how the saying goes: “Numbers reflect success and those who have success are right," Professor Nerz said with a smile.

          "Oh yes, of course," Jamie replied with a clearly audible ironic undertone.

          "By 1937 the circulation of the "Paris-Soir" is increased to 1.8 million copies. This number should then increase again to almost 2.5 million copies. That was shortly before the German occupation of Paris started in June 1940. Photography had been known since the beginning of the century, but newspapers in Europe were still skeptical about it. This was to change with the "Paris-Soir". The journalists at the  "Paris-Soir" were of the opinion that readers should not only be provided with information for reading but also with pictures to look at. And of course, in the case of Violette Nozière, the readers also had the wish to 'see something'. Historians, lawyers, and media experts agree that this case also had a very voyeuristic component.

“Journal Le Petit Parisien, édition du 2 septembre 1933″ via Wikimedia Commons

         And here we come to an application to our case: Like Violette Nozière, your client is also a very beautiful woman. That, in any case, is what I see in the picture that you sent me together with the dossier. And she is younger than the victim. One cannot say that the murdered man, Dr. Randall, could have been her father, but ... such things fuel the voyeurism of the masses. We won't be able to prevent the media from taking pictures of your client each day of trial. Even in the case of Erich Honecker, who was severely sick, the court wasn’t able to prevent it. However, we can attack any other picture report. But we should talk about this in detail later.           Let us come back to Violette Nozière's story. She was arrested on August 28, 1933, in Paris and in the "Paris Soir" illustrates the report about her arrest with a whole series of pictures. This gives readers the impression that the newspaper is very close to the real events. And, of course, these pictures help to reinforce the dark impression, that the public has about Violette Nozière. And so the verdict is pronounced before the accused has even entered a courtroom! Now other newspapers and magazines too publish more detailed reports - and with pictures! They report about the case and - call the accused a poisoner. Some newspapers draw a historical line from the well-known poison murderers of French history up to the year 1933, thus reinforcing the impression that the accused must be a treacherous criminal.           You shouldn't be surprised if anyone writes such crap about your client. With historical comparisons, the columns of the newspapers can be filled splendidly, if one knows nothing else to say about the case.         Historians and lawyers also agree that the Violette Nozière case was the first case in media history in which a defendant was literally hunted. Cases such as the one in Paris in 1933 are the stuff from which serial stories are made of. Murder, sex, mysterious rumors and surprising twists in a criminal case, that's what a serial story needs. And it's exactly these serial stories that give the papers the big money because they bind the readers and make them buy one issue after another. And that's it what most media are all about: money. I think we agree on that.” 

         Jamie nodded approvingly.

         “The reader,” Nerz went on, “thinks that it is information that is brought to him. But basically, reporting on such a case is nothing but a pure money machine for most newspapers. The whole story is split into many small parts, which are then fed to the reader piece by piece. For cash, of course!          That, Dr. Fraser, won't be any different in the case of your client. If Dr. Beauchamp's case causes the nation-wide sensation that we expect, then we have to assign at least one full-time person to look through the media reports daily and check for violations of the law. We might even need two people to do it."

         "Whatever you need, Professor Nerz, use it. You don't have to worry about the costs. Our law firm will take care of that."

         "Good. If you don't mind, I'll send you the draft of a contract, which we can talk about later this week."

         Jamie nodded again.  

         "Let's go back to Violette Nozière. As I said before, the political situation, the world economic crisis, led people to look for entertainment, for distraction. And the media was only too happy to offer people this distraction, or rather to sell it. Basically, we are dealing here with a kind of movement that we also know from the Biedermeier era. The time of the Biedermeier era, the time after the liberation wars against Napoleon and after the Congress of Vienna was characterized by a retreat of the middle class into the private sphere. Personal security and private happiness were the top priorities for these people. And it was similar in 1933. As in the Biedermeier era, the focus of people here was more on the inside. That is why the interest in her case was so huge. Personal stories, such as the one of Violette Nozière's, seemed to be closer to the life of the common people than the reports about political or economic issues. Political or economic processes were decided somewhere far away from the people. And no ordinary person could fully understand these things, let alone influence them.          And so this ‘serial story reporting’ in words and pictures, if I may call it that, for the first time gave the people the illusion, that there was something evil, but that one could control this evil. Media fulfilled this human need, which combined horror with subsequent reassurance. And the people were willing to pay princely for it. Today it's no different, only the nature and number of media has changed. Do you watch television?

          "Not very often..."

          Nerz smiled.

          "Good for you. Nevertheless, if you look at television, what are the three most common types of programs that are offered? What would you say?

          Jamie thought for a moment and went through last week's television program in his mind. Then he said:

          "Crime movies, comedy, satirical shows, and... well, everything you'd call 'heart-pain' movies."

          "Exactly," Nerz replied with a smile. Then he continued:  

          "The situation is still the same. In view of today's crises - an impending war in the Middle East that could set the whole region on fire, the economic upheavals in Europe and the world as a whole, the ecological crisis - the majority of people are turning back to the private sphere. Comedies are the answer to people's need for distraction. Did you know that between 1815 and 1830 almost 300 comedies were premiered in the Schauspielhaus Berlin alone, but only 56 tragedies?

          Jamie, who had listened to Nerz with growing attention, shook his head.

          "No, but that's interesting."

          "You addressed the satirical programs on television."

          Jamie nodded once more.

          "Did you notice that some of the best-known broadcasts in this format started after the 2008 financial crisis and that since the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East, others have expanded their slots?

          "Really?"

          Nerz nodded and Jamie made a mental note to check this information. His counterpart continued:

          "As I said, the way in which criminal cases are reported and how they are portrayed in films can make the viewer feel as if evil is controllable. It's a kind of 'wash my fur but don't make me wet' mentality behind it. You can enjoy the gruesome horror of the deed, but in the end, everything is fine again because the perpetrator is caught and sentenced. If the world out there is already in shards, here with us everything remains in order! ‘Crime and Comedy' are a great way to close your eyes to the real problems of reality. Either you have something to be upset about or you have something to laugh about. I am not saying that the desire for distraction is not legitimate, nor am I saying that the media do not have the right to meet this need for distraction. But I also say that people can be manipulated through their needs. And when, in order to do this - and to make money with it - the fate of our clients is used, the red line is already crossed. That is why we will sue everyone, and if necessary we will go as far as the European Court of Human Rights, which wants to abuse your client's case as an 'egg-laying woolly sow'. You have me all on your side, Dr. Fraser."

Thank you for reading. Next time, read: “ The Murderess from the Grunewald (28): Preparations for War (3b): "The Monster in the Petticoat" (2)

[sexwithstilinskiandhale]

Elite 2x01 Thoughts & Recap

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 EPISODE 1 DO NOT READ IF YOU WISH TO NOT BE SPOILED BUT SINCE I'M A SLUT FOR SPOILERS I FIGURED SOME PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE NETFLIX MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY SOME INFO!

------------------------------------------

Okay SO

Overall this episode was pretty filling with explaining what the gang was up to since we left off in S1.

Samu is obvs. sad how things turned out for Nano and I agree with him saying Nano was partially responsible for Marina's death. ( let's face it, had he not needed the money M would've never had to steal the watch) Samu is also getting his face beaten up almost half the episode by Guzmán (😍) ALSO I LOVE REBECCA! i thought she was gonna be annoying asf (marina 2.0) but she's turning out to be really awesome and a great coach to Samu!

My boi G is broKEn 😣 over Marina, Nadia, Samu still going to their school, so unfortunatelly he decides drugs are the answer 🤷‍♀️

Nadia is B.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.l 💃 I was living for the scene where she came out and G could NOT take her eyes off her. VERY ANNOYED how Lu/ Guzmán relationship is still in the picture but go Nadia You do you girl!!

I was actually expecting Valerio (Lu's half? step? brother) to actually fall for Nadia but I WAS SO WRONG.

He is inlove with LU????!!!! THAT SCENE! (you'll know which one) it was very HOT! Dana Paola and Jorge Lopez have INSANE chemistry!!!!! I ship it!!!!! Like those 5 seconds were hotter than the whole scene with Lu/Guzman in the showers! I hope to see more of that 🤠

And lastly the Carla Polo Christian trio , I wish Carla died already she's the devil , Polo is getting what he deserves as the guilt is eating him up BUT MY BOI Christian 😭 i really hope we'll get to see him again! His character development was understandably f%#@ ed up for reasons , but I wAs still waiting for his bubbly happy bisexual self to come out again 😔

Thats it ! Not a lot of Omander not even a kiss (Aron Piper is wow. Hes so handsome) they had a conv. But u shall see that for urselves 😘

Let me know if u want me to continue these recaps! I try to not give away a lot just parts that stayed with me trough the end of the ep.

[lokisasylum]

Forever, You Said - a final playlist

Remember when I said this upcoming final chapter of “Forever, You Said” was going to have some heavy angst  and how Jimin’s story-telling was the hardest to write (way harder than Namjoon’s narrative in Chapter 03)? Or how my usual chapter playlist exceeded the 5-6 songs and was now up to 20plus songs?

Well, here it is since I won’t be able to write ALL of them on the chapter:

[ I Suggest you save it for when the chapter’s finally up :) ]

Sorrows Passing - Peter Gundry (Chapter Theme Song)

Scarred Heart - Vexaic (Between Soulmates)

Eternal Summer - MayDay (Jimin & Jeimien; past & present)

Flooded (Instrumental) - OZZIE (Jungkook awakens alone)

We’re All Gonna Die (Piano Session) - Hannah Trigwell (”I thought you left me…”)

No end, No Beginning - Poets of The Fall (”Come to me when you are ready...”)

A Heart Without Colour - Peter Gundry (”You wanted to know who I was..”)

Memories Flood My Eyes and Leave as Tears - Peter Gundry (”This is my story…”)

Bad Dream - Ruelle (”Everything happened so fast…”)

Kagayaku Sorano Shijimaniwa - Kalafina (”Give yourself to me...”)

Haunted - Evanescence (”He took everything away from me..”)

Through the walls - I Am Waiting For You Last Summer (”Being a vampire is a miserable and lonely business...”)

White Specter - Adrian Von Ziegler (The midnight circus - Tae & Jimin’s first meeting)

Witch Factory - Adrian Von Ziegler (Releasing the beast...)

Fake Love (violin cover) - Taylor Davis (A new friend, a new life)

Timeless - Jorge Mendez (Caution in times of conflict)

The Hooded Man - Peter Gundry (Seokjin)

Superstition - The Birthday Massacre (”His eyes haunted me…”)

Lithium - Evanescence (”We were falling apart without meaning to..”)

Before I Cave In - Too Close To Touch (”I knew he had won then…”)

I NEED U (piano ver.) - SMYang (”I need you…”)

Surrender - The Birthday Massacre (A vampire’s love)

I Bleed For You - Peter Gundry (”We’re even now…”)

Cement - Klasey Jones (”I never should have trusted my heart…”)

My Heart Is Broken - Evanescence (Tears of blood and rain)

SORROW - lynch. (”Now you know the truth…”)

My Blood - Echos

Relax (Instrumental) - OZZIE (No pain, no regrets)

Forever Rain (piano ver.) - SMYang (A world through new eyes)

Heartbeat (piano ver.) - SMYang (”As long as it takes, I’ll wait..”)

Don’t Let Me Go - RAIGN

This World is Ours - RAIGN (Ending scene)

Listen to it on Spotify

[jate-kara]

deliver hope

Carter. Kat. Jun. Emile. Jorge.

Thom.

Nothing’s forever. Not even family.

Warnings: implied PTSD, canon-typical language and violence

Word count: 1,989

--

“How do you think we’re going to die?”

Jun asks it late one night, when they’re on lookout and the rest of Noble’s asleep in the cave below. He’s perched on the cliff-face, turned away with his sniper rifle propped on his knee and his helmet set beside him. The city burns in the distance, a searing sunset in the starless sky.

“What?”

Jun snaps his head toward the inferno on the horizon. “How do you think we’re going to die?” he repeats quietly. Thom fights the sick churning in his chest and clutches his dog tags, running a thumb over the callsign: Noble Six. He’s walking in a ghost’s shadow, they all are, and Jun asks how they’re going to die?

In a damn firefight like the others.

“That’s a pretty morbid question coming from you,” Thom says instead, even over the ache in his lungs. “Why do you ask?”

Jun shrugs, a roll of the shoulders that tips him precariously toward oblivion. Thom wrinkles his nose and pushes his back against the cliff. Snipers are crazy bastards. “Seriously,” he presses, “I thought you were supposed to be the optimistic one.”

Jun snorts softly. “No. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be Jorge.”

“...right.”

“We haven’t been a team that long. You’ll pick up on it eventually.”

How do you think we’re going to die?

Thom only thinks of it later, when Carter’s convulsing and coughing up blood, heaving and writhing while Jorge holds him down and Emile drives biofoam into the blast wound. Thom only thinks of it later, when they’re all huddled in a medbay and Kat hasn’t let go of Carter’s hand since they were allowed the room. He only thinks of it later, when their first mission as a team is a line in a file in a record somewhere and Carter barely made it back alive.

How do you think we’re going to die?

He only thinks of it later, when he’s hunched over a coffee in the mess hall and Jun’s staring past him, lost in the abyss. They’re the only two awake at this hour, or at least the only two willing to tolerate another’s company. Thom doesn’t ask about the man he replaced. Nobles die violently – and often. Kat and Carter are all that remains of the original fireteam, dauntless and indestructible and too human to hold on forever. He watches them, so synchronous they don’t need to speak, and wonders what either of them would do if they lost the other.

“What?”

He didn’t say it. Or maybe he did. Thom blinks. “I...you heard me.”

Jun snorts, sets his mug down and passes it back and forth between his hands, fidgeting, fidgeting, uncharacteristically restless for someone that spends hours silent and still. “Carry on, I suppose,” he says at last, shrugging. “What else?”

It’s quiet, so quiet, but for the tension in Three’s shoulders you’d think they were still in the middle of a warzone. Thom rolls his eyes, lifting his mug agreeably and Jun flinches – a flash in the darkness he almost misses.

How do you think we’re going to die?

He only thinks of it later, when they’re onboard a Pelican heading for their next mission and Jun’s armor sits empty and silent and no matter how much Emile bitches and moans and prods and pries, Carter’s unyielding and unanswering. Jace-B434 fills in well, clipped and professional, but the air aches with the absence. For all of their complaining, the chatter is a comfort.

Jun comes back after a week away from the field, pale and tight-lipped and high-strung until Jorge drags him into a bear hug and Emile snipes – What, Carter finally letcha out of the brig for breaking noise protocols? He only thinks of it later, when he’s wandering the halls of the Dawn and nearly runs over Jun slipping out of the medbay. He gets the barest glimpse of the interior, of Doc Reynolds, resident shrink, and Jun scowls darkly, snarls Keep it to your damn self, and shoves by.

How do you think we’re going to die?

Not like this.

He only thinks of it later, when Emile’s on lifesupport, when the medics are caucused in a corner, He’s not going to pull through. Carter sits beside him long into the night, clasping his hand, brushing his thumb over the bruised knuckles, Stay with us, stay with us, you’re strong, Emile. They push him away when Four flatlines and even then he hovers, clutching the doorframe until his own knuckles turn white, clutching Kat’s grip when she pulls him away from the blood and the broken beat of Emile’s heaving heart. Let them work. Let them work, Carter. Emile’s stubborn. He’ll be all right.

He only thinks of it later, when Emile’s breathing steadily, regulated by a respirator. The medic makes the mistake of stepping in front of Carter, makes the mistake of barring his path.

“Commander, you may want to prepare yourself for the possibility he won’t wake u—”

“Get out of my way.”

The medic shrinks to the side. Carter retakes his seat, retakes Emile’s hand. They all stay beside him, rotating shifts so at least some of them are rested. Thom wraps a blanket and an arm around Carter’s shoulders when it’s his turn to keep watch. He doesn’t need to hang on for so long. He doesn’t want to let go.

“He’ll pull through,” Carter says hoarsely, rote by now, so raw right now. He leans into the hold and Thom pulls him as close as he can. “Thom—”

“‘Course he will,” Thom agrees easily. Carter clears his throat and shrugs away so Thom drops into the chair beside him and props his back against his shoulder and his feet on the empty table. Carter swallows thickly, blinking, blinking – breathing. Thom clasps his free hand and holds – and anchors. We’re with you. You’re not alone. “‘Course he will, Carter.”

 “Hey, boss,” Emile croaks eighty hours later, a thousand eternities, and Carter squeezes his hand between both of his own and doesn’t let go. His smile is so tired, so worn, but it shines like the sun after a storm.

How do you think we’re going to die?

Not like this.

He only thinks of it later, when Kat’s shaking in his arms and he’s stumbling across ragged terrain still screaming from a Phantom’s plasma assault.

“You h-have to...leave me,” she chokes, a garbled groan through her shattered comm. “Thom—”

“No chance in hell, Kay.”

She chuffs a strangled laugh. “I h-hate that...damned name,” she forces, swallowing thickly. “Thom--”

“Kat, come on. What kinda guy would I be if I just left you here?”

“A smart one.” Kat pauses, sucking a labored inhale. “We both—”

“—are getting off this rock alive.”

The drop zone is two miles east, through the seething plains and over the scorched sand dunes. Kat falls quiet, limp, lifeless, and he jostles her gently, enough for her to groan, enough to keep her awake, enough to know she’s still alive.

How do you think we’re going to die?

Not like this.

“You’re such a damn cowboy,” she complains later, when she wakes up in the medbay, held together by stitches and hooked up to a healing unit. “Jorge said you stole a Wraith.”

“Jorge left out the best part.” Thom slides into the other seat beside her bed, taking her free hand with a dramatic flourish that makes her laugh. Carter rolls his eyes, nudges him with a shoulder, I’m glad you’re okay. “Which is when I used the Wraith to trash their base and steal a shuttle.”

“Cowboy,” she repeats, deadpan, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on Carter’s legs.

“One of us has to have some style.”

“That wasn’t style. That was suicide.”

“Hey, I’m still here, sis,” he says without thinking, and she tries not to smile, shoves him and rolls her eyes.

How do you think we’re going to die?

Not like this.

He only thinks of it later, when Carter barks bomb and he hears it, he has to move, but he can’t turn fast enough, it’s ticking, ticking, ticking down the rest of his life, the exit’s blocked, barricaded by rubble, and his chest is churning acid. Trapped. Not enough time. Nowhere to go. Not like this. Not like this. Not for nothing.

“Thom!”

He hears Jorge, can’t see him, and then the wall crashes down like the bomb’s already detonated and he’s on the floor, crushed beneath. The room shudders, shudders, shatters; the building’s collapsing, an earthquake, an avalanche, and he should feel fire, should feel pain, should be seared from this mortal plain, but there’s nothing, nothing, nothing except Jun’s scream. Jorge!

They tell him if it had been anyone else the blast would have killed them, tell him Jorge’ll be all right, tell him it’s not his fault. “It was his choice to save you. Respect that,” Carter says, squeezing his shoulder, always their pillar, always his strength, and Thom nods numbly and hangs on.

“I’m fine, Thom,” Jorge says, hours later when the medbay’s quiet and dark because the rest of Noble’s been kicked out for taking up too much space. His eyes are boring, serious, and Thom bites his lip and nods. Jorge’s hand closes around his wrist, grounding, forgiving. It’s all right.  “I promise.”

How do you think we’re going to die?

Not like this.

He only thinks of it later, when they’re all together again and he didn’t realize how much he loved them until he almost lost them.

Fumirole’s burning around them and they’re outnumbered and the only way they make it out of this alive, they only way they win, is if they take out the super-carrier set up three kliks east. He straps the jetpack on his back and shoots to the sky, Jun and Jorge’s cover, Emile’s backup, Carter’s support. Kat’s their carrier, protect at all costs. They drive into the heart of the swarm and she sets her jaw and the charge and leaps into the fray. He wills her toward the grav-lift, wills her to their salvation. She has to make it, she has to toss it, then she has to run for her life, leap from above, and he’ll be damned if he’s not there to catch her for all of their sakes.

“Path’s clear—”

“Squad incoming. I’ve got them—”

“Cut through, cut through, cut through—”

She’s so close. She’s so far. He sees the Banshee screaming, roaring, but it’s moving too fast, shrieking toward her. The blast hits, Carter cries Kat!, and for a terrifying second Thom’s high enough above that he can’t see her through the smoke, she’s not moving on his radar anymore, Carter’s snapping Kat, respond. Noble Two, respond, and hell, she’s down and there has to be less than two minutes left on the timer.

How do you think we’re going to die?

Not like this.

She can barely turn her head, tilted just enough to catch his eye through the visor before it lolls back to the side, the last of her strength expended. She can’t speak, her helmet’s shattered, and she has to know it’s the only way but even with the spent set of her spine her protest screams.

How do you think we’re going to die?

“Thom?”

“Thom, damn you, what the hell are you—”

“There’s not enough time. You’ll never make it out.” A sniper rifle snaps in the background. “Damn it, Thom, are you listening?”

How do you think we’re going to die?

“Six.” Thom skids to a stop in the center of the ship, seconds, seconds, seconds to speak. Carter’s voice is hoarse, raw. “Thom, run like hell.”

How do you think we’re going to die?

He only thinks of it later – and he knows.

For them.

----

[chrancecriber]

Radio NET Bulgaria (December 18, 2022)

23:56 WAYMAN TISDALE - Front Runna 23:51 CHRISTMAS CAROLS - Happy Christmas 23:47 PATRICK YANDALL - I See You 23:43 DANNY LERMAN - You Take My Breath Away 23:39 JACKIEM JOYNER - Journey of Passion 23:34 EVERETT B WALTERS - Mom's Biscuits 23:30 DAVE KOZ - This Christmas (feat. Eric Benet) 23:25 REI NARITA - Monsoon in Crimson 23:21 NORMAN BROWN - Heart To Heart 23:17 NILS - Step Into the Beat 23:13 PETER WHITE - Bright 23:09 RONNY SMITH - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas 23:04 KIM WATERS - Reaching Out 23:00 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - I Need You 22:59 MO'JARDO - Sonador 22:55 SUPER8 & TAB, JAN BURTON - Free Love 22:50 GARY B - Easier (Marga Sol Sunset Remix) 22:45 SAGI REI - Fall Again 22:41 ELLES DE GRAAF, MOONNIGHT - Sunset Kindness (Chill Out Mix) 22:38 IDENLINE - At Sunset (Original Mix) 22:31 DEEP SECTOR - Rainbows (Original Mix) 22:28 LOST FREQUENCIES, FLYNN - Recognise (Acoustic Version) 22:24 VELVET DREAMER - Summer Breeze 22:18 DENIS SERGEEV, 4ONE - Merging Of Two Destiny 22:12 R.I.B - I Look At Sea Horizon 22:07 THOMAS LEMMER - Through My Father's Eyes 22:02 VIVIAN LACOSTE - Ibiza Magica 21:58 PRIME CIRCLE - As Long As I Am Here (Cafe D'Afrique Mix) 21:53 ABOVE & BEYOND, OCEANLAB - I Am What I Am (Original Mix) 21:48 MATT DAREY, KATE LOUISE SMITH - See The Sun (Original Mix) 21:43 BISCAINE - Sunrise At Paradise Beach (Original Mix) 21:38 LUSTRAL - Raven (Album Mix) 21:32 SYNTHETICSAX - Beach (DJ Rostej Remix) 21:28 ARMIN VAN BUUREN, FIORA - Waiting For The Night (Zetandel Chill Out Mix) 21:21 MENZI - Aufbruch 21:14 FLAER SMIN - Alone In The Dark 21:11 SCUBBA, IVETTE MORAES, RONAN - The Sweetest Taboo (Remix) 21:06 ADELE - Skyfall (Skerdi M & Angelo DownTempo) 21:02 MODJO - Lady (Acoustic Version) 20:59 SENSPROOF - Starflight (Alex Atmospheric Chillout Remix) 20:56 AUDIO BULLYS - Take You There 20:50 NO HORIZONS, SHEEMA - Summer Son 20:46 DARK MATTERS, ANA CRIADO - The Quest Of A Dream (Original Mix) 20:42 MARIUS NEDELCU, RED HEAD - Rain (Acoustic Version) 20:39 GORDON GECO - Fade In Away 20:33 DINKA - Hotel Summerville (Original Mix) 20:28 HESS IS MORE - Yes Boss 20:24 DT8 PROJECT - Hold Me Till The End (Unplugged Mix Lounge Edit) 20:17 LERRY MULLER, ANETTA GRANT - Dreaming (Original) 20:14 KYLIE MINOGUE - Wonderful Life (Acoustic Version) 20:11 ASSMONKEYS, LYCK - Embrace My Heart (Bassmonkeys & Jenna Donnelly Moonlight Mix) 20:07 EL SEGUNDO - Blue Marlin (Juan Padilla Serve Chilled Remix) 20:03 NURKO, AUTREY - So Far Gone 20:00 LEMON ICE - Hello 19:56 TYDI, AUDREY GALLAGHER - World's Apart (Album Mix) 19:53 TYDI, TANIA ZYGAR - The Moment It Breaks (Original Mix) 19:47 ATB - Let U Go (Schiller Remix) 19:43 LEO ROJAS - Flying Heart 19:38 D-PULSE - Velocity Of Love (Original) 19:35 RUTH ANN - Beautiful 19:31 KRONO, CIMO FRANKEL - Sweet Goodbye 19:27 SWEET EUPHONY - After We Close Our Eyes (Chillout Version) 19:22 BLANK & JONES, CATHY BATTISTESSA - Miracle Man (Afterlife Remix) 19:18 PIANOCHOCOLATE - Les Souvenirs (Original Mix) 19:14 ZETANDEL, TIFF LACEY - Cosmos (Original Mix) 19:09 IT'S DIFFERENT - Tell Me 19:06 AREA CODE 51 - Chillout In Paris 19:01 MARIE THERESE - Gin And Tonic (Pier-o Bossa Chill Mix) 18:55 SIMON LE GREC, DENISE GUTTENBACH - Touch Me (Original Mix) 18:51 LIZ KAY - Castles In The Sky (Kenny Hayes Nitelite Mix) 18:47 AHY O - Shine On 18:43 SYLVERING - Strangelove 18:40 LOWLAND - Seven Cities 18:36 EMMA HEWITT - These Days Are Ours (Zetandel Chill Out Mix) 18:31 THE PROJECT PARADISE - We Love You Moscow (D.A.W. Remix) 18:27 DAN BALAN - Chica Bomb (DJ Dan Karim Chill Mix) 18:22 GOLD LOUNGE - She's Arriving 18:17 TRIANGLE SUN - White Song 18:13 ANDAIN - Much Too Much (Zetandel Chill Remix) 18:07 SHERRIE LEA - No Ordinary Love (Arnold T Chill Mix) 18:03 ZAZA, JORGE NAVA - Broken (Chill Mix) 17:59 SOLID SESSIONS - Janeiro (Chiller Twist Blue Line Remix) 17:56 ZARA, SNATT & VIX - No Angel (Zetandel Chill Out Mix) 17:52 PELARI, COLLIN WEX, DOMINIQUE FRICOT - Oasis (CollinWex Chill Mix) 17:48 ALY & FILA, JWAYDAN - We Control The Sunlight (Chill Out Mix) 17:39 EUPHONIC TRAVELLER - Crescent Bay (Original Mix) 17:35 THOMAS ANDERS - You're My Heart, You're My Soul (Acoustic Version) 17:29 YIRUMA - River Flows In You (N-Drew Fate Remix) 17:26 DJ PAULBASS, DJ GORODNEV & P.KOLVINKOVSKY - Call Me (Lounge Mix) 17:22 DJ SHAH, ADRINA THORPE - Who Will Find Me (Acoustic Version) 17:17 MATT DAREY FEAT. TIFF LACEY - Always 17:13 DJ A - Let Me Love You (Andreas Agiannitopoulos Remix) 17:08 LEMONGRASS - Pacific 17:04 LEO ROJAS - The last ot the Mohicans 17:00 METAHARMONIKS - Star 16:56 BK JACKSON - Wait For You 16:52 DREW DAVIDSEN - Sweet Spot (feat. Eric Marienthal) 16:47 DEAN JAMES - When I See You Smile 16:43 JEANETTE HARRIS - Angels We Have Heard On High 16:39 DEE BROWN - Tie The Knot (feat. Lin Rountree) 16:35 STEVE OLIVER - Up Front 16:29 BRIAN LENAIR - What Child Is This 16:25 MARION MEADOWS - Pandora 16:20 EUGE GROOVE - Faithful Central 16:16 VINCENT INGALA - What Does It Take (Vinnie's Take) 16:12 DARREN MOTAMEDY - Ascension 16:08 JUSTIN YOUNG - Silent Night 16:04 ZOLBERT - One 16:00 ROCCO VENTRELLA - Swagger 15:56 GREGG KARUKAS - My Favorite Season 15:51 ROBERTO RESTUCCIA - With Every Turn 15:46 ELAN TROTMAN - Brighter Days Ahead (feat. Adam Hawley) 15:43 DAVE KOZ - Eight Candles 15:39 PAOLO RUSTICHELLI - Romamor (Smooth mix) 15:35 MARCUS ANDERSON - Let's Groove 15:30 DR. SAXLOVE - Greensleeves 15:25 TERRENCE RICHBURG - Treasures 15:21 NICK COLIONNE - Still Connected 15:17 U-NAM - Groove Paradise 15:12 PETER WHITE - Bullseye 15:07 BRADLEY LEIGHTON - Little Drummer Boy 15:03 JAMES LLOYD - Here We Go 15:00 JAZMIN GHENT - Amends 14:56 BRAD ALEXANDER - It's About Time (feat. Dee Lucas) 14:51 KIM WATERS - Stay Together 14:47 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - Just Feels Right 14:44 MICHAEL MCDONALD - This Christmas 14:39 RYAN LA VALETTE - No Limits 14:36 ED CALLE - What You Won't Do for Love 14:31 AARON BING - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 14:27 ERIC DARIUS - That's My Jam 14:23 DAN ALAN LEVINE - Our Kind Of Love (feat. Kim Scott & Jeanette Harris) 14:19 TONY SAUNDERS - Best Part 14:13 TOM BRAXTON - How Do I Live 14:09 TONY CRADDOCK JR. - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 14:04 CINDY BRADLEY - Wind Chill Factor 14:00 SHAWN RAIFORD - I Like It 13:56 VINCENT INGALA - Nasty 13:52 DONALD HAYES - Front Ground 13:48 RONNY SMITH - Smooth 13:44 LARRY CARLTON, PAUL BROWN - Soul Searchin' 13:41 HERB ALPERT - Let It Snow - Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer 13:36 DARREN MOTAMEDY - All About Love 13:28 RONNY JORDAN - Silent Night 13:24 WAKANA - Saxcess Story (feat. Greg Manning) 13:19 AL DEGREGORIS - The Other Night 13:15 ALEXANDER ZONJIC - Rolling in the Deep 13:11 KAYLA WATERS - Apogee 13:08 SHARMOND SMITH - Hark The Herald Angels Sing 13:05 SAM BASSMAN JENKINS - After Hours 13:00 GREGG KARUKAS - Barracude Bob 12:56 AL DEGREGORIS - JD's Groove 12:52 NICK COLIONNE - Nico's Ride 12:47 MARION MEADOWS - Mother Earth 12:43 NILS - Above the Clouds 12:40 SHIN GIWON CHRISTMAS CAROL COLLECTION - Winter Wonderland 12:36 MARCUS ANDERSON - Vanilla Mocha 12:32 ROD TATE - Dinner and a Movie 12:28 JOYCE COOLING - Christmas, Christmas 12:24 NORMAN BROWN - Just Groovin' 12:20 ROCCO VENTRELLA - Love 12:16 BRAD ALEXANDER - Because of Who You Are 12:11 KIM WATERS - This Is It 12:08 ART MORRIS - White Christmas 12:04 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - Lovely Day 12:00 VANN BURCHFIELD - That's the Way Love Goes 11:56 ED CALLE - River of Dreams 11:53 JAREZ - Lil Jazzy 11:48 ERIC DARIUS - Nu Trane Of Thought 11:42 SAM LEVINE - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 11:38 ANDY SNITZER - Only With You 11:33 NELSON RANGELL - Like No Tomorrow 11:29 FANTASIA - This Christmas 11:25 ROB TARDIK - Bounce 11:21 DR. DAVE, THE HOUSECALL BAND - Cecil's Groove 11:16 LOWELL HOPPER - You've Got to Get It (feat. G. Vernon Burrell, Jr.) 11:11 TERENCE YOUNG - Island Love 11:07 SHAKATAK - Jingle Bells 11:04 NICHOLAS COLE - Whodat 11:00 DEMETRIUS NABORS - Shine (feat. Randy Scott) 10:56 DARREN RAHN - Sonic Boom (feat. Jonathan Fritzen) 10:52 RICK HABANA - Smooth It Out (feat. Paul Brown) 10:47 PAUL BROWN - Let Me Love You 10:43 DAVE KOZ - It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas (Feat. Jonathan Butler) 10:39 GINO ROSARIA - Pool Party 10:35 DANNY LERMAN - Gotcha! 10:31 DR. SAXLOVE - Silent Night 10:27 PATRICK BRADLEY - Sip' n the Breeze 10:22 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Wake up! 10:18 3RD FORCE - Compassion Passion 10:13 MARCUS ANDERSON - For Your Glory 10:07 MARION MEADOWS - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 10:04 NILS - Tangie 10:00 NICK COLIONNE - Just Being Me 09:56 JODY MAYFIELD - Epiphany 09:52 PETER WHITE - Pedro Blanco 09:48 NORMAN BROWN - I Miss Your Groove 09:43 REZA KHAN - December 09:39 AL GOMEZ - Paragon 09:35 KIM WATERS - Morning Star 09:31 HERB ALPERT - White Christmas 09:26 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - One Call Away 09:22 NATE HARASIM - Iridescence (feat. Cindy Bradley) 09:17 GERALD ALBRIGHT - Split Decision 09:13 TONY SAUNDERS - All About Love 09:08 DANIEL D. - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas 09:03 NOTEWORTHY BAND - Surf to Smooth 09:00 PAUL TUVMAN - Here Comes the Sun 08:56 JEFF RYAN - Versace on the Floor 08:52 PETER HEROLD - Better One 08:48 JACKIEM JOYNER - Kineen 08:43 LOWELL HOPPER - Unconditional 08:40 SYLVIA BENNETT - Winter Wonderland 08:36 ZOLBERT - Ocean Breeze 08:31 NICHOLAS COLE - Let's Play 08:28 DAMIEN ESCOBAR - Do You Hear What I Hear 08:25 PATRICK YANDALL - The Beat Generation 08:21 NAJEE - Bottom To The Top 08:16 KEN NAVARRO - Wake Up Call 08:13 CHRIS BIG DOG DAVIS - It's All Love 08:09 MARIEA ANTOINETTE - My Favorite Things 08:04 HIROSHIMA - Daydreamer 08:00 ROB SABADO - Spice Of Life 07:56 PAUL BROWN, EUGE GROOVE - From the Ground Up 07:51 JEREMY HECTOR - Spray Bay 07:47 BONEY JAMES - Drumline 07:44 DR. SAXLOVE - O Come All Ye Faithful 07:40 PETER WHITE - In The Rain 07:36 MARCUS ANDERSON - 2.0 07:32 CASTELLA - Sleigh Ride 07:27 NILS - Georgy Porgy 07:22 CHIELI MINUCCI - Come As You Are 07:18 ROB MALETICK - In My Arms 07:14 MICHAEL SILVERMAN, ERIC MARIENTHAL - Clearwater 07:09 STEVE OLIVER - The Christmas Song 07:05 ERIC MARIENTHAL - I Believe In You 07:00 CRAIG SHARMAT - Nite Moves 06:57 ACOUSTIC ALCHEMY - Stealing Hearts 06:53 JOHN NOVELLO - Give You My World 06:48 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - Drive Me Home 06:43 LISA ADDEO - Touch Me In The Night 06:40 THE JT PROJECT - This Christmas 06:36 JEFF RYAN - Dusk To Dawn 06:32 JEFF LORBER FUSION - Curiosity 06:28 K.VIO, TIM TONIC - The First Noel 06:25 TOM BRAXTON - The J Factor 06:20 KENNEY POLSON - Innocence 06:16 MARCUS JOHNSON - Holding Back The Years 06:12 DEE BROWN - Surrender 06:09 VINCENT INGALA - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 06:04 DIRK K - It's On 06:00 DARREN RAHN - D-Luxe 05:55 DOMINIC CAMARDELLA - Shine 05:51 JIM ADKINS - Thinking out Loud 05:47 TIM BOWMAN - Tan Hermosa (So Beautiful) 05:43 SHAKATAK - Christmas Eve 05:39 ALTHEA RENE - Seven Years of Good Luck 05:35 RICHARD ELLIOT - Slam 05:30 BRIAN LENAIR - My Favorite Things 05:26 JODY MAYFIELD - Summer Rain (feat. Michael Tarpley) 05:21 JOYCE COOLING - Little Five Points 05:16 DARREN MOTAMEDY - Candleglow 05:12 ANDRE CAVOR - Without a Doubt 05:09 DAVE KOZ - Last Christmas 05:04 JULIAN VAUGHN - A Feeling 05:00 HIROSHIMA - Always Tomorrow 04:56 MARCUS JOHNSON - The Journey 04:52 BRIAN SIMPSON - Daybreak 04:48 MICHAEL BROENING - Summer In Blue 04:44 MICHAEL SILVERMAN, ERIC MARIENTHAL - Clearwater 04:39 DRIVETIME - Christmas Time Is Here 04:35 PETER WHITE - Play Your Guitar For Me 04:32 STEVE OLIVER - Watching the World 04:28 BEN TANKARD - Christmas Love 04:24 RAGAN WHITESIDE - In Love 04:20 KIM WATERS - Secret Romance 04:16 JOHN NOVELLO - I Can't Stop My Heart 04:12 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - You Look Good 04:08 GERALD ALBRIGHT - O Little Town Of Bethlehem 04:04 LISA ADDEO - She Closed Her Eyes In Paris 04:00 ERIC MARIENTHAL - Just Around The Corner 03:56 JEFF LORBER FUSION - Day One 03:53 KEITH ANDREW - Little Sierra 03:49 ROD TATE - Kool 03:45 MARQUEAL JORDAN - What Key 03:40 SMOOTH SOUL HOLIDAY - Angel's Serenade 03:36 MARC ANTOINE - Groovy Sunday 03:33 JACKIEM JOYNER - This Time Around 03:29 ANDRE DELANO - O Come All Ye Faithful 03:25 JAREZ - Its Over 03:21 VINCENT INGALA - Love On Hold 03:17 NICHOLAS COLE - Please Don't Say No (feat. Tim Bowman) 03:13 DARRIUS JAMAR - Heaven 03:09 AARON BING - Silver Bells 03:05 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - I Want Her 03:00 JAZZ FUNK SOUL - You'll Know When You Know 02:56 RICHARD ELLIOT - Secrets 02:52 DOMINIC CAMARDELLA - Life Goes On 02:48 JODY MAYFIELD - Manhattan Cafe 02:44 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Give And Take 02:42 ART MORRIS - Let It Snow 02:37 GREGG KARUKAS - Isabella 02:33 NICK COLIONNE - Circles 02:30 JOYCE COOLING - It's Feeling Like Christmas 02:25 JULIAN VAUGHN - All to Myself 02:21 ZOLBERT - Free 02:17 MARCUS ANDERSON - He Lives 02:12 QUINTIN GERARD W. - He Loves to Play for Yahweh (Bonus Track) 02:09 DAVE KOZ - Beneath The Moonlit Sky 02:05 BLAKE AARON - Sunday Strut (feat. Najee) 02:00 OLI SILK - Take Me Away 01:56 STEVE OLIVER - Global Kiss 01:52 JEFF GOLUB - Here Comes Santa Claus 01:48 ZOLBERT - On My Way 01:43 KIM WATERS - Bring It 01:39 KONSTANTIN KLASHTORNI - Forever In Love 01:34 RJC (Rhythm & Jazz Coalition) - Best Part 01:29 GERALD ALBRIGHT - O Holy Night 01:24 SPECIAL EFX - Another Day, Another Smile 01:19 JOE MCBRIDE, THE TEXAS RHYTHM CLUB - Lakewood 01:15 J. WHITE - Reborn 01:11 ROBERTO VALLY - Just Say Yes 01:08 SYLVIA BENNETT - Wrap You Up For Christmas 01:04 MARCIA MIGET - Moonbeams 01:00 MARION MEADOWS - Magic Men 00:55 SERGIO SALVATORE - (There's No Place Like) Home For The Holidays 00:51 TONY SAUNDERS - Theme for Ellen 00:47 JACKIEM JOYNER - That Good Thing 00:43 ADAM HAWLEY - I Don't Mind (Feat. Euge Groove) 00:38 JEFF KASHIWA - Free Flyer 00:34 ROBERT HARRIS - Standing by a Friend 00:29 AARON BING - The Christmas Song 00:25 KENNY PORE - The Road Chosen 00:20 KOOL&KLEAN - Begin Again 00:17 NICHOLAS COLE - Secrets of the Heart 00:12 JODY MAYFIELD - Doing The Do (feat. Jacques Lesure) 00:08 ANDRE DELANO - It Came Upon a Midnight Clear 00:04 DOCTOR X - Magneto 00:00 BLAIR BRYANT - Footsteps in the Dark

[fadedgilt]

RULES: tag ten followers you want to know better

I was tagged by @cifer!!!

STAR SIGN:

libra

HEIGHT:

5’3”

PUT YOUR ITUNES/SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 4 SONGS THAT POP UP?

1. the roughest trade- nils frahm

2. thank you- nujabes

3. Why should I love you?- kate bush

4. monochrome-lush

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST TO YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17?

"Ensuite, discutez de vos reponses avec un partenaire. Qui a propose les reponses les plus originales?” Obvi from my french textbook lol

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU?

I think i’ve had a poem before or maybe just diary entries an ex wrote about me

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR?

Ooooh weeks ago?

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?

I don’t have any really lol. I joke about a couple of celebs but I don’t care that much about any to say I have a crush. Willem Dafoe and Jeff Goldblum are cool old men tho

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE + SOUND YOU LOVE?

I hate the sound of loud motorcycles or trucks revving down the street, also just people being obnoxiously loud. And I love the sound of a dog barking in the distance:) also the sound of rain while i’m tucked inside

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

Yes, I have had a paranormal experience of two

HOW ABOUT ALIENS?

Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh

DO YOU DRIVE? IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED?

I barely drive now and when I do, it’s just to work and back during the summers. 3 years ago I ran off the road slightly cuz I was looking at my phone (horrible ik and i haven’t done it since). It was on a back road so no one was near me and my car didn’t have any damage thank god. Also, in 2010 I was in the car with my mom when she rear ended someone cuz they slammed on their brakes and she totaled her car and that experience was horrible.

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?

I never read anymore lol but the last book I finished was Stranger by Jorge Ramos and I’m currently reading a book called When Dimple Met Rishi

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE?

Lol yeah i love it

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?

Hmmm... I think it was last week when I rewatched To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. It’s such a cute movie. Also finished The Haunting of Hill House and even tho it’s not a movie, the episodes are an hour long each and it’s so fucking good u guys should watch it before halloween

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD?

I’ve never broken a bone but I sprained my arm in kindergarten when a boy pushed me off the monkey bars during recess!!!!!!

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW?

Literally my life is on autopilot right now where nothing interesting is happening and i wish i was dead butttt maybe just the fall weather rn? It’s cold and the leaves are falling here but idk. Maybe I should say my school work and grades cuz i’m freaking out about it right now and it’s all I can think about:/. Oh, also my boyfriend cuz he’s the best thing in my life rn and so cute.

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG?

oh hell yeah lol don’t fuck up with me cuz i forgive but don’t forget

IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Yes:)

P.S i’m sorry all my answers are lame and short i’m taking a break from studying french cuz i have a test tomorrow and i barely know the material so I’m going crazy right now haha!!!!

I tag: @uladat @laughandgrowfat @is0mers @coca-cola-communist @kodou @suftst @tan-dad @softrs @robdelnaja and any other mutual

[savinggod]

Saving kie god

I've been jumped by all possible dark and light

I've been jumped by dark watches that I put on court put by kie when they woke me told them that they do jump and take hole of bodies and take and miss use my body by timers

And do at this time have a bodies jumpers alone I walk

Alone I see

Alone I play

Alone I search

Alone I am without my family walkers of all

I join fix to tell them of sleep dreamers that stool afar

I have crosses on my hands and a cross on my eye right check eyes of the heart with wings on my nose I'm a golden child that's been raped by unexpected events but I too put them thee to court and I too made movies of jumpers that jumped on my faces and feet bodies thy too love and save at all means

I too got broken by the gamers 9

Of town I took plains and of towns they took my homes and took me and shocked me and I too loved a woman of the that died in a young aged I lost many woman's

I too live against the dark of day and of chains I put my self of metal of that u should not touch chains that u should not nay of touch cus I am of man of chains that u should not touch

Chains of unforbeending touch he has I is a golden child that soon lived of amoung lost lives I live in thee spirit world I too have stupid people that go in my homes and too use my foods and sleep with my friends and too they too don't belong here

And sleep with my peoples and over stay with lies god can u remove them lies against my odds I shows u the truth with what I hold and people that over stay and miss use Jorge and Luz in the other room and go threw my stuff and take money

And put timers and take this god kie should I show my powers and shut down those kids in my house over staying and lie to Luz and gorge and people in the other rooms of dark planets I have strangers that come in and take from people

Okay kie I will save sincerely god

Ps thank u God

[aemond1eye]

92 Truths Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose 25 people to tag!

Tagged by: @fakelov thanks dude

Tagging: @wlwraven @sunshinechristen @ambivalent-ghost @bisexual-inej @sarsastark @fightmewayne @bisexualpinkranger @morimurs @torontos @mattecontour and anyone else who wants to

LAST… 
[1] drink: water 
[2] phone call: I called my cousin alicia on accident 
[3] text message: “alright gucci” -jorge 
[4] song you listened to: growing pains - birdy 
[5] time you cried: uuuuh I think a few weeks ago??

EVER… 
[6] dated someone twice: no 
[7] been cheated on: I think? never got actual confirmation but I’m p sure 
[8] kissed someone and regretted it: no 
[9] lost someone special: no 
[10] been depressed: mate I’m depressed right now 
[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 
[12] forest green 
[13] the shade of orange the wildflowers that grow near my house are right now 
[14] u know when roses are not quite red but u can’t exactly call them pink either? that

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
[15] made new friends: yes they’re great 
[16] fallen out of love: yep 
[17] laughed until you cried: yes those are my favorite laughs 
[18] found out someone was talking about you: I don’t remember 
[19] met someone who changed you: yeah 
[20] found out who your true friends are: yep yep [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: what’s facebook

GENERAL [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: don’t have a facebook 
[23] do you have any pets: YEAH I have 2 dogs they’re both huskies kato and logan, and a cat (the light of my life) marshy 
[24] do you want to change your name: I always used to but now ive kinda just excepted it’s there and it’d be a huge hassle 
[25] what did you do for your last birthday: honestly cannot remember I think I just smoked w some friends and got pizza 
[26] what time did you wake up: 8:15am I hate 
[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watching imposters 
[28] name something you cannot wait for: last day of high school in 3 weeks 
[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: last night before I went to sleep 
[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish my brothers weren’t assholes 
[31] what are you listening to right now: my ceiling fan is pretty loud atm… 
[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah my dads college roommate, also I have a friend named tommy idk if that counts 
[33] something that is getting on your nerves: the bitchass kids in my english class like shut up for 2 seconds please 
[34] most visited website: the site I read comics from probably 
[35] elementary: our mascot was a golden bear, I got there all the time bc it’s where my mom works 
[36] high school: 3 more weeks can’t wait for it to be over I’m tired [37] college: havent started yet but I got in [38] hair colour: black [39] long or short hair: long 
[40] do you have a crush on someone: I have 3 and they’ve all been at it for at least 2 years when will they let me live 
[41] what do you like about yourself: im good at sports ig 
[42] piercings: just one on each ear but I want to get double piercings 
[43] blood type: I don’t know? my dads b positive so maybe that 
[44] nickname: family calls me mandy 
[45] relationship status: single 
[46] zodiac sign: leo 
[47] pronouns: I have literally no sense of self and don’t really mind any pronouns but she/her or they/them is what I use 
[48] fav tv show: ??? the last airbender ig 
[49] tattoos: eventually 
[50] right or left handed: left at first, now right, hopefully ambidextrous eventually

FIRST… 
[51] surgery: got my tonsils out when I was 3 
[52] piercing: ears 
[53] best friend: my kindergarten-4th grade best friends were miranda and lila 
[54] sport: soccer 
[55] vacation: went to disneyland a few times as a baby but first I remember is the grand canyon when I was 4 
[56] pair of trainers: I was a baby idk

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: pancakes in about 2 minuets 
[58] drinking: water 
[59] I’m about to: have breakfast 
[60] listening to: andi mack is on tv rn 
[61] waiting for: my pancakes to be ready [62] want to: eat my pancakes [63] get married: someday 
[64] career: idk I’ll probably be an engineer

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs 
[66] lips or eyes: both 
[67] shorter or taller: taller 
[68] older or younger: older 
[69] romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous I hate romance 
[70] nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS 
[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive 
[72] hook up or relationship: depends on the person 
[73] troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker i need entertainment

HAVE YOU EVER… 
[74] kissed a stranger: yeah 
[75] drank hard liquor: yeah 
[76] lost glasses/contact lenses: no thank gd 
[77] turned someone down: yes [78] sex on first date: never been on a date 
[79] broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so 
[80] had your own heart broken: nah 
[81] been arrested: nope 
[82] cried when someone died: nope 
[83] fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
[84] yourself: sometimes 
[85] miracles: a little 
[86] love at first sight: nah 
[87] santa claus: no 
[88] kiss on the first date: sure 
[89] angels: maybe?

OTHER… 
[90] current best friend’s name: karamvir, jasdeep, jacob 
[91] eye colour: dark brown 
[92] favourite movie: power rangers

[biofunmy]

A.L.D.S. Game 2: How the Yankees Beat the Twins

From 2016 to 2018, Didi Gregorius was a cornerstone for the Yankees. He played slick defense at his demanding shortstop position, improved his plate discipline and smashed at least 20 home runs each year, a crucial left-handed counterbalance in a Yankees’ lineup heavy on right-handers.

This season, though, was anything but smooth for Gregorius. He missed the first two months after having Tommy John surgery on his throwing elbow last fall, for an injury he sustained during last year’s postseason. And when he returned in June, Gregorius couldn’t quite recapture his pre-operation form on either side of the ball. Still, Manager Aaron Boone stuck with Gregorius even as he slumped heading into the playoffs.

All of that felt like a distant memory on Saturday as tens of thousands of fans chanted “Di-di! Di-di!,” and he obliged their request for a curtain call by thrusting both arms in the air from the dugout steps. He had just sent Yankee Stadium into a frenzy with a towering, third-inning grand slam, powering the Yankees to an 8-2 win and emphatically confirming that the Yankees’ bats may indeed be too much for the Minnesota Twins in this American League division series.

The best-of-five series will shift to Minneapolis on Monday, with the Yankees one win away from clinching a berth in the A.L. Championship Series. And if the Twins cannot neutralize even the Yankees’ struggling hitters, they have little hope of extending their postseason.

“That just shows you what this team can do,” Gregorius said. “We’re not just relying on one person.”

It was the Yankees’ 12th consecutive playoff victory against the Twins — the longest postseason streak by any team versus any opponent in major league history.

Seeking to contain the Yankees’ home run-blasting offense in their hitter-friendly stadium, the Twins turned to the ground-ball pitcher Randy Dobnak, who skyrocketed all the way to the major leagues from a low level of the minor leagues at the beginning of the season.

Dobnak’s story was captivating: He went undrafted, played in an independent league, was an Uber driver this spring to supplement his income as an underpaid minor leaguer, and skipped a few Twins games to get married in late September — a date he and his wife had chosen because it was after the minor league season.

The Yankees did not homer off Dobnak, but they wore him down with hard-hit singles and doubles. Twins Manager Rocco Baldelli hooked Dobnak after the Yankees loaded the bases with no outs in the third inning and turned to Tyler Duffey, a reliable reliever during the regular season. But Duffey was no better against the Yankees’ buzz-saw of a lineup, which began to pile on the runs.

Left fielder Giancarlo Stanton gave the Yankees a 2-0 lead with a sacrifice fly. Second baseman Gleyber Torres smacked a single to make it 3-0. And then Gary Sanchez was hit by a pitch, loading the bases again. When Gregorius hammered a 1-2 pitch down the right-field line, it was the fourth straight at-bat in which Duffey failed to put a Yankees batter away with two strikes.

In that third inning alone, every Yankee hitter aside from Gio Urshela either drove in or scored a run. The scoring outburst buoyed a strong performance from the Yankees’ pitching staff — led by starter Masahiro Tanaka, who allowed one run over five innings — against a powerful Twins offense. Tanaka, who lowered his playoff E.R.A. to 1.54, joined Sandy Koufax as the only pitchers in major league history to allow no more than two runs in each of his first six postseason starts.

“We were a little timid,” Twins first baseman C.J. Cron said, adding later, “We wanted to swing. We weren’t swinging with the same aggression that we have all year.”

But the star of the night was surely Gregorius, who was slumping like no other player entering October. From mid-August through the end of the regular season, he had a miserable .184 batting average across 30 games. It didn’t help that in August he dealt with finger and shoulder injuries, neither of which sent him to the injured list. Some metrics showed that Gregorius had regressed on defense. And given the versatility of D.J. LeMahieu and Torres, it seemed plausible that Gregorius might sit out against a left-handed pitcher this postseason.

“Just try to swing at strikes,” Gregorius said of what he had needed to improve. “That’s one thing for me right now, and be patient.”

Boone never stopped supporting Gregorius. The manager’s words before Saturday’s game proved to be prescient.

“I still maintain that the best is yet to come from Didi, and I know he’s going to have some big swings for us moving forward,” Boone said, adding that Gregorius was pressing at the plate and working behind the scenes to snap out of his funk. Boone continued, “Sometimes it just takes one at-bat, one swing to kind of turn it, and I believe that’s what’s in there for Didi still.”

That swing came, Gregorius said, on his second-inning single on Saturday, and more proof came an inning later. After he drove a high, fly ball to right field, Gregorius stood at home plate and admired his work before tossing his bat aside. He said he was happy that he had adjusted to Duffey’s high fastball as opposed to whiffing against it, as he had in the previous game. As he rounded the bases, Gregorius, stoic throughout his struggles, appeared to keep an expressionless face.

In the dugout, right fielder Aaron Judge urged on the cheering crowd by waving his arms. Dellin Betances, the injured star reliever on crutches who had predicted Gregorius’s grand slam to his teammates before the at-bat, smacked the top of the dugout roof in delight. Gregorius finally grinned as he high-fived and hugged his teammates, another Yankees’ victory all but assured with his breakout swing.

Here are the highlights of the Yankees’ win, as they happened:

8th Inning: It’s All But Over

The announced attendance for Game 2 was 49,277, and a good portion of them headed for the exits after the Twins went down in order in the top of the eighth, striking out two more times to raise their total to 12.

7th Inning: About That Slump…

The Yankees must be slumping — they haven’t scored in four innings.

Adam Ottavino entered the game for Tommy Kahnle and pitched around a double by the rookie Luis Arraez. Ottavino struck out Miguel Sano to raise the Twins’ strikeout totals to 10 through seven innings.

Didi Gregorius led off the bottom of the seventh for the Yankees and drew a walk. With a grand slam and a single already for Gregorius, it is an encouraging sign for the Yankees — like adding another diamond to a ring, so to speak. Gregorius finished the regular season with only one hit in his last 31 at-bats and was 14 for his last 85 over his final month of play for a .165 batting average (he then went 0 for 3 with a walk in Game 1 on Friday). The Yankees lineup is unrelenting, and because of his slump, teams might have seen Gregorius as the only hole in it — until now. With Sir Didi showing signs of emerging from the funk, the question is: How can anyone pitch through this lineup?

4th Inning: Twins Finally Muster a Run

Call it a rally, or perhaps as much of one as the Twins are going to get against Masahiro Tanaka. Minnesota scored a run on Mitch Garver’s R.B.I. single to cut the deficit to 8-1. The only hit Tanaka surrendered through the first three innings was Nelson Cruz’s broken-bat bouncer back to the box that Tanaka could not corral. The Twins did not hit a ball out of the infield until Jorge Polanco’s fly ball to left field leading off the fourth. Tanaka has thrown 73 pitches through four innings.

The Yankees actually did not score in the bottom of the fourth. This game is two hours old and they are not even halfway.

3rd Inning: Gregorius Blasts a Grand Slam

The rout is on. Didi Gregorius hit a grand slam to right off reliever Tyler Duffy, and it was such a no-doubter that right fielder Eddie Rosario never even pretended to go after it. The Yankees took a 7-0 lead and the celebrations were already underway.

The Yankees knocked Dobnak out of the game earlier in the inning when they loaded the bases with nobody out, and went on to score seven runs. Duffy replaced Dobnak, who allowed four runs in two-plus innings. Giancarlo Stanton hit a sacrifice fly and Gleyber Torres singled to left before Gregorius’s slam.

Dobnak’s short outing was fairly predictable. A recent Uber driver against this lineup? Rather optimistic of the Twins. The last Twins rookie to start a game in the postseason was Brian Duensing at Yankee Stadium in 2009. Duensing gave up five runs in four and two-thirds innings and his father was hit by a car outside the stadium (he was O.K.).

Gregorius’s slam was the 12th by a Yankee in the postseason, and first since Robinson Cano’s off Al Alburquerque of the Detroit Tigers in 2011 (WFAN’s Mike Francesa knew him as Alberto).

1st Inning: Encarnacion Delivers an Early Advantage

Yankee Stadium is alive with this late afternoon start on a crisp autumn day, and the Yankees wasted little time getting on Twins starter Randy Dobnak, the rookie pitcher who drives an Uber in the off-season. Fans were chanting “U-ber” when Dobnak got in trouble in the first inning. He gave up a run after D.J. Lemahieu doubled and Edwin Encarnacion later laced a one-out, run-scoring single, but the 24-year-old right-hander got out of more trouble — and quieted the sarcastic chants — when he induced a double-play ball from Giancarlo Stanton.

Masahiro Tanaka also used a double play to escape problems in the top half of the inning. With one out, he hit Jorge Polanco with a pitch and then could not field Nelson Cruz’s broken-bat comebacker. But Tanaka got Eddie Rosario to bounce a changeup to Lemahieu at first base and Tanaka covered the bag and caught Didi Gregorius’s relay throw in time.

Sahred From Source link Sports

from WordPress http://bit.ly/33bqPpN via IFTTT

[loud-snoring-os]

There is a section for every step of growing to give me the ability to grow the best marijuana possible I have been growing marijuana now with the help of Jorge Cervantes now for close to 10 years, I started out with the marijuana bible everyone speaks of. It has been an up and down battle with growing, but I could always rely on the bible to help me out. I now have stepped up in the arena, and moved into breeding, and felt I needed more information. I was informed about the presage of Jorge's new book, and knew I had to have it, upon receiving this book, I was blown away, by everything. There is a section for every step of growing to give me the ability to grow the best marijuana possible, from pest and disease control, to how to properly breed for the traits you want. Being an encyclopedia doesn't mean it's just for experienced users either, this book is presented in a format that will be understood by everyone, with high quality pictures and broken down detailed explanations. Jorge didn't just stop at the information about marijuana, he takes you on the journey that has been his life's mission and introduces you to the people that have been fundamental in the legalization and de criminalization of marijuana around the world. Go to Amazon

THE BEST! A remarkable piece of work, a true masterpiece Sir Jorge has created! An 'all you need' book to reference anything cannabis in a format that is easy to follow and understand. Brilliant and descriptive photos accompany the fountain of knowledge written in this book. One can genuinely feel the amount of effort put forth to produce such a gift to the cannabis world. Valuable information on not only cultivation but also for medical patients who need info on the different varieties that pertain to their individual needs. Included are the many modern ways to extract, consume and get the maximum benefits of the plant material. Scientific information included in many chapters to support the info. Go to Amazon

Couldn't have asked for anything better! A remarkably resourceful manual on EVERYTHING cannabis related. Got this book for my Grandma to read as her cannabis bible. She absolutely loves it. I took a look at the book myself and it was unmistakably clear as to why. It is PACKED with detailed photographs and information on just about every topic you can think of. If you have a question or concern, then you will definitely find the material you're looking for in here. Worth every single penny. Go to Amazon

experienced or novice needs to know to grow a great crop is in this book Everything any grower, experienced or novice needs to know to grow a great crop is in this book! It is long and full of details but the novice can easily pick out the basic info to start their first crop. The only shortcoming I have found so far is the information on LED lighting is outdated. At the time of writing the book I think the jury was still out on LED lights. There is some info on LED's but not much. Well the jury is in and LED lighting is a great choice so if you need lots of info on LED's you might look for a book with more current info on LED's. Go to Amazon

Really is the definitive guide for growing your own Packed full of great info on gardening indoor and outdoor. More geared for indoor. You'll find the same info repeated 3 or 4 times - maybe that was intentional - trying to drill in the important stuff. Great photos, a real lot of useful info on all phases of growing your own. I haven't finished reading the whole book yet, but plan to. Good suggestions and facts about each phase in the plants life cycle, and how to get the most out of your plants. A good reference book to keep around. Suggestions on monitoring equipment like pH meters, filters to keep bugs out of your indoor garden and keep from stinking up your neighborhood with the smell of fresh growing herbs (not everyone likes the fresh smell). Lots on growing organically - the best method, IMO. Also info on hydroponics and chemical fertilizing also. Go to Amazon

Great book to have Great book to have, as a go to! Getting into the grow business and needed some good knowledge books! Excellent information! Go to Amazon

Jorge does it again! Coming from a strong plant background, I am extremely pleased with this book. This is a definitive text for all levels of growers, even experts can learn something new. With tons of helpful pictures and explained tables and charts, all aspects of cannabis are represented and each chapter is well written. Jorge Cervantes leaves nothing out and does not disappoint. Highly recommend! Go to Amazon

Great book! I love the book and print form. It is a quality produced book on laminated paper with lots of great color pictures. I know it isn't available in digital format but I think it would lose something in digital. I have not attempted to sit down and read it from cover to cover, but what I have read is an easy and interesting read. I use it more as a reference for information. Since I am not growing MJ, the sections about setting up a grow tent, soil and nutrients are of the most use to me. The section about lighting goes into great detail and leaves no questions unanswered. All in all I think it's a great book well worth the cost. Thanks Jorge. Go to Amazon

Four Stars An Excellent compilation Five Stars Five Stars Five Stars Five Stars very nice book love it everything u need in ne book ... Love this book Everything you need to know about cannabis Just what I needed

[johnchiarello]

Corruption in Corpus Christi

THE CORRUPTION CRSIS IN CORPUS CHRISTI TEXAS-

 Chief Simpson- https://youtu.be/U-wycmX5WuQ

http://wp.me/a4V5qQ-Hu

.Judge Manuel Banales

.’We have warned you John- do not be in public’! CCPD to me- CCPD has also spread a rumor that I carry a gun- and am dangerous -are they documenting a record- just in case they need to act?

.Henry

.The Race

 Here’s a brief report from El-defensor- whole article below-

 Jul 4, 2009 - The Picture of Manuel Banales Almost Says"Maximum Sentences For Those ... has feared a sentencing by state District Judge Manuel Bañales, who's known for ... open his own Corpus Christi law firm, earn an estimated $10 million mostly in .... is a corrupt judge who crippled two men and buys prostitutes.

  Criminal history of judge Manuel Banales- https://youtu.be/p8d6W4fufvo

http://ccoutreach87.com/9-19-17-criminal-history-of-judge-manuel-banales-2/

.I read reports that he has been picked up for the solicitation of prostitutes

.And reports that he ran his car into a homeless man by city hall [past record]

 Scene of the crime- https://youtu.be/_56iLOYum9c

http://ccoutreach87.com/9-19-17-scene-of-the-crime-2/

.I did not connect the dots when I made this video- if you watch the last video- the dots are connected

 Update- https://youtu.be/yuHCnzY5wMA

http://ccoutreach87.com/9-19-17-scene-of-the-crime/ [update]

.CCPD spreads false rumors

.Dangerous ones at that

.Judge Manuel Banales- are the reports true that you solicited prostitutes?

 I think we solved the riddle [previously titled ‘sex with kids is wrong!’]- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_eEuTZunQg

http://ccoutreach87.com/9-19-17-i-thnik-we-solved-the-riddle/

.Children of God [cult]

.David Moses Berg

.Ricky Hernandez- victim of child sex cult [Maybe Rodriguez?]

.He made a video years later- killed the woman involved- and killed himself

.Jesus movement of the 70’s

.Kieth Green

.Judge Sandra Watts- and Judge Missy Medary just honored Judge Manuel Banales as a great man of integrity

.They have publicly stated they truly respect his values and life

.Whats wrong with this picture?

.Why would they do this- knowing the history?

  Final thoughts below-

 Here’s the link to patriot dad and tom Greenwell- https://thepatriotdad.wordpress.com/judge-tom-greenwell-just-what-would-cause-suicide/

 As I drove the possible ramps where judge Banales drove his car off the road- I finally got to the one where it happened. I actually stated on the video I had to drive down Leopard street- to access the ramp. I don’t like driving Leopard- because it is known as the ‘Red light district’ here in Corpus- and a lot of cops patrol this street. I was actually surprised it was this ramp that the judge wiped out on.

I figured it was the other ramp heading out of town- where maybe because you were in a hurry leaving town- yeah- you might speed.

But as I ‘investigated’ this case- I realized it was the ramp- going back into the courthouse area.

Anyway- after this video [Scene of the crime] I took a ride up towards San Antonio.

On the way back- I was thinking of a cult I studied in the past- because it too involved sex with children [Like patriot dad believes is happening with the judges and officials in Nueces county].

Sure enough- right when I got to the ramp coming into town- on the other side of where the crash happened- I remembered the name- [Ricky Hernandez] and stopped and made the last video [I think I solved the riddle].

As I made the video- on the side of the ramp coming back- I realized the judge- like my earlier drive- was probably exiting Leopard street at a very high rate of speed- which seems strange.

Earlier today- while simply googling Judge Banales name- to find the exact site of the wreck- I saw another report that he was once stopped for soliciting prostitutes.

Then I realized- why was the judge going so fast- was he possibly caught again- and evading the scene?

Which of course is a felony.

Was there an undercover sting operation- and did the judge panic- thinking he was caught again?

I can think of no other reason why you would be speeding like that- out of control- unless you were fleeing the scene of a crime.

Of course the cop would have gotten his license number- and then maybe that's when the wheels started turning- working within the system to simply cover up 2 crimes.

One being the crash itself- and the other being caught in a prostitution sting- again.

Either way- what the judge did- in the car crash- was indeed a serious crime.

 As I was simply googling Manuel Banales- to find the location of the car wreck- I came across multiple reports that claim judge Banales had been picked up for soliciting prostitutes- had a history of running into a homeless man by city hall- and how in these cases- because of corruption- he escaped justice. Some reports said he appeared before judges- who he actually hired their family members for jobs.

If all the reports are true- the corruption is even worse then I believed. Then I saw links where Judge Sandra Watts praises him for his integrity- Missy Medary honors him 5 days ago.

All of this is absolutely unbelievable.

The rabbit hole goes deeper than even I thought.

 Final thoughts- https://youtu.be/wsxfxta_D9U

http://ccoutreach87.com/9-19-17-final-thoughts/

 LAST NOTE- As I read the articles- I got mad. I got mad because if it is all true- then it shows a corruption in this county that is even worse then I thought.

I also read comments that were wanting the destruction of the judge.

If these allegations are true- the judge obviously should not be a judge.

There are no past reports that say he engaged with underage kids- which others think might be happening in the system here [Patriot dad].

But if the prostitution charge is true- yes- it’s a crime.

Should Manuel Banales be destroyed over it?

No- he should be restored- not destroyed.

But I read other Hispanics who are mad- they are mad because they believe Banales went after them- unfairly.

They are mad because- if the allegations are true- he should not be a judge- never mind going after others with a vengeance.

The best advice for the judge is this-

There is forgiveness with God- there is mercy.

I usually do not spend this much time- dealing with these issues.

In reality- as those who watch the videos can see- it drains me down.

So- if true- simply ask God for forgiveness.

If you struggle with sin- as we all do- then God forgives.

I attend the Catholic Cathedral here in Corpus Christi- I think I read in one of the posts that you attend as well.

If so- I would be glad to see you there- as a fellow believer in Christ.

Not a Mexican brother- or a Gringo brother- or a Black brother-

No- the kingdom does not have these boundaries.

No- I would be happy to see you as a fellow Christian.

And in the end- I hope the right thing is done.

May God bless your soul.

 John

 These were copied from other reports- I added the links to yesterdays post-

WATT IS EMBELLISHMENT?

AND

WHERE IS THE TRUTH?

THURSDAY, JUNE 5, 2008

BANALES IS GETTING AWAY WITH A THIRD CRIME?

Today Maximum Manuel is again trying to slither his way out of yet anothe crime. As we have reported before it is not the first time Banales has been protected. He reportedly failed to control speed while exiting off 37 and hit a young man (34) and knocked he and the vehicle 50 feet. Banales had previously hit a homeless person according to police sources and he refused to exit the vehicle a few years ago, was rumored to have been under the influence of alcohol, called Carlos Valdez to come and rescue him and no charges were filed against him and the homeless man received a civil settlement. In another arrest Banales was reported to have solicited a prostitute and was handcuffed but later released. Now in the most outrageous coverup the mainstream media was showing him in neckbrace, minimizing the poor young man's serious injury, in fact which may lead to death. IS BANALES ABOVE THE LAW? Banales has had a questionable past including representing Biker's on drug charges. Reportedly after getting them off he was given women as presents. Unbelievable. He lost judge elections 3 times and was about to be run out of town until his controller DARREL BARGER a defense attorney who employs all of his children and who has told many an attorney that he controls judge Banales and reportedly Banales pushes all cases aside when this man enters the courtroom. Now he has hit a young man, exiting at a high rate of speed and hit the car and knocked it 50 feet. Can you imagine the high rate of speed that Maximum Manuel Banales was doing? Reportedly, one of the workers had time to move out of the way and the other one didn't have a chance. The media is already circling the wagons and even SHERIFF KAELIN is on message to want people to feel sorry for this man. How many hispanics have been victim to his maximum treatment and sentencing after he has broken the law now at least 3 times and gotten away with it? The Defenzor consulted with an accident reconstructionist and that expert believes that the look of the vehicles and the high rate of speed well over 50mph that pushed the truck over 50 feet is very suspicious. If they do not charge him with excessive speed, failure to control vehicle and negligent homicide if the boy dies is an injustice and a coverup. WHY ARE THE WAGONS BEING CIRCLED ALREADY? Banales is the administrative judge in control of many courts and appointed by Perry (one of the few Democrats, but he also has licked the boots of the King Ranch and Armstrongs for so long (see the Fernandez battle for legitimizing the doctor as the heir of Miflin Kenedy) that he shut down with his good friends Jorge Rangel and Tony Canales. Now Judge Maximum Banales has hit and seriously hurt and possibly murdered a young man and TxDot employee. Justice must finally be served. But, unfortunately, and predictably the Defenzor predicts that the powers that be here will cover and coddle Banales once again. 1) Homeless man seriously hurt 2) hooker solicited 3) and now a reckless driver. GET THE EVIDENCE FROM BANALES' CADILLAC? With his fancy Cadillac where is the blackbox on the Cadillac? It can calculate how fast he was going! He was traveling at a high rate of speed, there is no doubt by the look of both vehicles. He was driving reckless and if the boy dies it is a homicide according to one local criminal attorney who wishes to remain nameless and also who corroborated that Darrel Barger bragged about controlling and having influence over Banales. INDICT BANALES! He is not the victim! The poor man who was working needs to be heard! Where is DPS investigating? This is not his first accident? Where is the D.A. investigation? DO NOT LET A COVERUP OCCUR. THE DEFENZOR feels for the family of the poor man. How dare the mainstream media make Banales the victim here when he caused an accident and was careless and has hurt an innocent man! STAY TUNED FOR MORE. BE REST ASSURED THE DEFENZOR WILL NOT REST UNTIL A COMPLETE INVESTIGATION SHOWS WHETHER OR NOT BANALES "MAXIMUM MANUEL" WAS RECKLESS DRIVING AND MAY HAVE KILLED SOMEONE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. FORMAL ARTICLE IN DEFENZOR TO FOLLOW. STAY TUNED.

Posted by HOMERO VILLARREAL

Posted by Jaime Kenedeno at 6:05 AM Links to this post  

 Banales car struck man in 1990 accident

Corpus Chisti Caller-Times By Jaime Powell

CORPUS CHRISTI - Eighteen years ago, a gold Chrysler Fifth Avenue driven by District Judge J. Manuel Banales struck a Robstown man with mental disabilities who was crossing the street near Corpus Christi City Hall.

Banales was not ticketed for the incident and the pedestrian, Francisco "Frank" Pena, then 31, was found at fault. He was taken to Memorial Medical Center with cuts, scrapes and a broken leg.

Banales and his lawyer, Ron Barroso, did not return phone calls last Thursday.

The Caller-Times filed a public records request with the Corpus Christi Police Department on June 9 seeking a police accident report and other documents related to the incident.

The police department wasn't able to fill the request because, under department guidelines, traffic accident reports are purged after two years, according to police.

An Aug. 20, 1990 police report obtained by the Caller- Times through other means Thursday afternoon and verified by Mayor Henry Garrett, who was police chief at the time, shows that Banales was traveling west on Leopard Street at 7:20 p.m. when Pena crossed the street, without the benefit of a crosswalk.

The report says Banales braked and swerved.

"This is an accident report that we generated at the police department at the time," Garrett said. "It's the real thing. It looks like the pedestrian was crossing at the middle of the block. To look at this diagram, I wouldn't see that a ticket would have been issued. By the diagram and what's in the report, the violation was the pedestrian."

Pena's father, Ramon Pena, 74, gave a different version of events Thursday morning. He was not there to witness the collision but talked to witnesses shortly after.

Frank Pena was waiting for a bus at the corner of Leopard and Staples when he decided to cross the street to a convenience store to get a soda, his father said.

"He looked both ways and here came the judge," Ramon Pena said.

City Councilman Mike Hummell, an attorney, who was serving as the assigned prosecutor in Banales' court at the time of the accident, went to the scene shortly after it happened.

He could not remember if Banales had called him or if he happened upon the accident on his way home.

"The only thing I recall is the guy had a Big Red," Hummell said. "When I got there, there was Big Red all over the car and at first glance it was a scary thing. Looking closer it was just a soft drink."

Ramon Pena said he had difficulty finding a lawyer to take his son's case. "I saw a lawyer every day on TV, Mike Butler. At first he refused to take the case but then he decided to."

Mike Butler, who now practices in San Antonio, did not return repeated phone calls this week.

But Jeffrey DeVillez, who was an investigator and insurance negotiator for Butler's law practice at the time, remembered the 1990 accident.

"They were accusing the kid and the kid's family was accusing Banales, saying that he was not watching," DeVillez said. "He was a judge and the kid was (disabled). They couldn't put the kid on trial. They wanted to avoid that at all costs. So we asked for the total amount of the policy and said let's move on."

Ramon Pena said Banales had a $100,000 insurance policy. Lawyer's fees and hospital bills carved Frank Pena's share down to a little more than $47,000, Ramon Pena said.

"Frank, he's still limping today and he got a rod in his leg," Ramon Pena said. Note: This story was originally published June 13, 2008.

Return to top

Quote:CORPUS CHRISTI — District Judge J. Manuel Bañales will receive a traffic ticket but no criminal charges are being considered in his June 5 collision with a highway department worker, a police captain said Friday. The judge's Cadillac DeVille was traveling 71 mph six seconds before the collision, according to information downloaded Friday from an electronic information storage device in the car known as a "black box," police Capt. Mike McKinney said. Black boxes are standard on recent-model cars. The collision occurred on a curve where the posted recommended speed is 40 mph, but the legal limit is 65 mph, McKinney said. The recommended speeds on curves such as the accident site are on yellow advisory signs posted by the Texas Department of Transportation to increase safety, but are not enforceable, McKinney said. The offense in the citation will be failure to maintain a single lane of travel, a Class C misdemeanor issued when a driver weaves or veers off the road, McKinney said. The offense won't be speeding; the car was traveling 6 mph over the speed limit and the police department normally doesn't cite for that amount at freeway speeds, he said. McKinney said the ticket likely will be issued Monday. The accident occurred about 2:45 p.m. June 5 as Bañales entered the ramp connecting South Padre Island Drive to southbound Interstate 37. Police said his car slid off the pavement and struck Martin Garcia, 34, who remains in serious condition at Christus Spohn Hospital Memorial's intensive care unit. Bañales' car also hit a pole and a transportation truck near Garcia, a Texas Department of Transportation employee.

racerfink

1:04p, 6/17/08

L

I know what I'm doing if I'm a lawyer and I ever have a case in front of him...

LoneStarFree

2:56a, 6/18/08

L

Knew that was coming.

davisgary 87

1:16p, 6/18/08

H

Teflon, bullet-proof, hispanic politicos and power -brokers in this town who think they are above the law make me sick....and they are everywhere.

cmohle

6:51a, 6/21/08

H

AG

I'm enraged by this, but I live in MS and we have our own problems. Did live in CC for 12 years though, before in was consumed by our friends from the south. "57"

Peter Gibbons

11:04a, 6/26/08

L

A 34-year-old transportation department worker critically injured after a car driven by District Judge J. Manuel Bañales slid off the pavement and hit him was taken to an Austin hospital Wednesday for further surgery. Martin Garcia was crouched next to a Texas Department of Transportation heavy-duty pickup parked near a ramp connecting Padre Island Drive to southbound Interstate 37 when he was struck June 5. Garcia was hospitalized at Christus Spohn Hospital Memorial until Wednesday, when he was taken to Brackenridge Hospital in Austin for surgery related to pelvic injuries, highway department spokesman Cliff Bost said. Garcia arrived at the Austin facility Wednesday afternoon. Friday, Houston attorney Richard Mithoff, who is representing Garcia and his family, said Garcia's once critical condition had improved and that doctors were further stabilizing him before moving him to another facility for advanced surgery related to "multiple and serious pelvic fractures." Mithoff said Friday that Garcia was off of a ventilator and conscious but not alert. Garcia also suffered an injured left knee and lower leg, punctured intestines and fluid buildup in his lungs, Mithoff said. Bañales received a traffic ticket for "unsafe change from a direct course," a Class C misdemeanor citation related to the accident, police said.

LoneStarFree

11:23a, 6/26/08

Fall92

5:24p, 7/23/08

H

AG

Mithoff is a bad@ss mofo. One of his associates is an Aggie. Glad the family went outside of C-town for a lawyer. Word to my peeps on the southside.

huisache

1:44p, 7/24/08

L

That ramp is a hazard because nobody drives the posted speed and there is always gravel lying around. So if you have to slow down suddenly you have a problem.  As for charging Banales with something more serious, ask yourself if you would want them to charge somebody who was not a judge with aggravated assault for driving in the same fashion that everybody else does. The choice in charges is either the class c misdemeanor or a third degree felony. There may be a wreckless driving charge somewhere in between. But if you go out there and watch the traffic, everybody goes through there too fast to stop if something pops up. The best way to handle it is to charge him with the traffic offense and let them work it out as a civil matter, which is the only way the guy who got hurt will benefit anyway. And I will second the bit about the Houston lawyer. He is very good.

rmag8205

3:11p, 7/24/08

A

AG

I drove past that accident pretty soon after it happened (the cops had just arrived). The cars were just clumps of metal and I thought for sure everyone involved was dead. This makes me so angry!!!

 Lsal

David Cutliffe

in Billy Liucci's TexAgs Premium

DEFENZORMAGAZINE

YOUR BLOG FOR SOUTH TEXAS!EL DEFENZOR SAYS: STOP THE NETWORK FOR PROFIT SCHEMES http://www.sos.state.tx.us/elections/voter/reqvr.shtml Voter Registrars Office For more Information: Call the Nueces County Voter Registrar's Office at (361) 888-0404. 901 Leopard Corpus Christi, TX 78401

Saturday, July 4, 2009

BANALES EXPOSED

    The Picture of Manuel Banales Almost Says"Maximum Sentences For Those That Can't Afford to Buy Me, but For Those Who Can, the Jails are Overcrowded""

CARLOS VALDEZ THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY FROM CORPUS CHRISTI EXPOSING BANALES TENTACLES AND HIS DEALINGS WITH HIS CRONEYS TO GIVE CELIS THE BREAK HE NEEDED. CORRUPTION RUNNING DEEP IN BANALES 3 DECADE REIGN OF TERROR IN THE COURTROOM.

Below is the article by San Antonio reporter John MacCormack who also has followed the Celis story since 2007. Apparently Banales has been bought and paid for by the Celis Camp and not just Darrell Barger who appeared in front of him on hundreds of cases while his children worked for Barger and never disclosed that to the other attorneys.

 Can Tina Trevino or Angelica Hernandez or a host of other strong Latina Candidates finally expose Banales for what he is and his reign of terror over lawyers and people who couldn't afford to influence him who faced stiff sentences?. Maximum Manuel indicated that the jails were too overcrowded for Celis but yet he placed many in jail for much more minor offenses. The hypocrisy runs deep and his political days may be short.

 By John MacCormack - Express-News CORPUS CHRISTI Over the past two decades, many a South Texas defendant has feared a sentencing by state District Judge Manuel Bañales, who's known for meting out harsh and creative punishments. In 1993, the judge made headlines by sentencing a first-offense drug smuggler caught with 54 pounds of marijuana to 54 years in prison. The conviction later was overturned and the man went free. Eight years later, Banalesales again made national news by ordering sex offenders in Nueces County to place signs describing their offenses in front of their homes and on their cars. Other offenders have been ordered to serve lengthy jail sentences in small installments, year after year, during the Christmas holidays. He'sa no-nonsense judge who is very severe in sentencing. Very harsh,said Albert Pena III, a veteran criminal defense lawyer. Thus, when Banales appeared to show leniency this spring after stepping into a high-profile case involving the state's most prominent fake lawyer, Mauricio Celis, the natural legal order shuddered. That's not the Judge Banales I've known all these years. It's a different one. Maybe he's mellowing, said Pena, one of the few willing to speak on the record. Banales' deepening role in the case has triggered a public showdown with prosecutor Carlos Valdez. The longtime Nueces County district attorney wants Banalesoff the case, claiming he hasn't been impartial. I'm doing something that has not been done before. And when you take on a judge publicly, there may be consequences later, Valdez said. Impersonating a lawyer The improbable figure at the center of it all is Celis, a man who overcame his modest origins to open his own Corpus Christi law firm, earn an estimated $10 million mostly in case referral fees from lawyers and play the role of high-dollar rainmaker in Democratic political circles. He did it all with brains and chutzpah, without even being a lawyer. After he was denounced as a fraud two years ago, Celis added a colorful subplot to the story by chasing down a nude woman, who had fled his hot tub, while flashing a police badge and clad only in a bath robe. As the criminal charges and civil suits piled up, Celis insisted he had a law degree from Mexico, dropping that claim only after being convicted of 14 felony counts of impersonating a lawyer. The trial was heard by visiting Judge Mark Luitjen who was appointed by Bañales. However, in May, just before the Celis sentencing, Banales removed Luitjen on a recusal motion. The defense also asked for a new trial, claiming in both motions that Luitjen had been unfair. As proof, seven jurors testified that he showed bias against Celis, and Banales took over the case. But where Luitjen had outlined a sentence of a year in jail, probation and restitution of more than $1 million, Banales gave Celis 10 years' probation and reduced restitution to proven claims by victims. It was almost identical to what the jury had recommended for Celis, who faces at least three more trials on related charges. Assumingthat what Mr. Valdez says is true, that this defendant is a con artist of the greatest magnitude, that in and of itself does not warrant incarceration,Banalessaid at sentencing, noting the offenses did not involve violence or injury, and that local jails were crowded. To some local lawyers, it didn't add up, but because Banales' reputation for harshness extends to his critics, few would speak on the record. This was not business as usual. I think he did the guy (Celis) a favor. If this had been Joe Blow off the streets, he'd be doing his year in jail, one veteran defense lawyer said. Said another lawyer, Banales is a stinker all the way around. Maybe Luitjen rolled his eyes a little bit, but that's never been grounds for recusal.

But not everyone thinks the sentence of probation was out of line. Mauricio Celis isn't going to harm anyone, said James Granberry, who has practiced before Banales I didn't get a lot of heartburn about him not going to jail. Those beds are for people who keep me awake night, prying in my windows, he said. The nuclear option While online conspiracy theorists in Corpus Christi speculated wildly this spring about dirty deals in the Celis case, Valdez activated what he called “the nuclear option. Days before a June 26 hearing on a new trial for Celis, he filed a motion to remove Bañales, claiming his impartiality was suspect. “Judge Banales came in and undid everything that Judge Luitjen had done. And if he grants the motion for a new trial, we're back to Square 1,he said. In his motion, Valdez outlined the judge's financial and social links with various defense lawyers who have an interest in the Celis case, foremost Tony Canales, the lead defense lawyer. The things we have raised went on outside the courtcampaign contributions, socializing with the judge, and the possibility that Judge Banales is in line for a federal judgeship and that Tony Canales would be the perfect conduit to help him,Valdez said. A man of expansive ego and ambition, Bañales lost out on a bid in 1993 to become a federal judge in Corpus Christi. Rumors floating around town have him as possible replacement for U.S. District Judge Hayden Head Jr. who is expected to step down in October. Because Canales is a member of a state judicial selection committee and a reputed kingmaker, he is well positioned to help Banales, according to Valdez. “And if he thinks Tony can get him in, Tony is in the perfect place to get what he wants from the judge. It just doesn't look right,said. Canales and Banales declined to be interviewed for this article. In their response to the recusal motion, Celis' lawyers say it was filed too late, that taking campaign contributions from lawyers isn't grounds for recusal, and neither are the judge's social ties. The real bloodshed might lie ahead, because last week Banales declined to step down. “The state presents no legal basis upon which I should recuse myself, he wrote. This throws the recusal issue to Chief Supreme Court Justice Wallace Jefferson, who either will hear the issue himself or assign another judge. In a full-blown hearing, reputations are likely to be harmed. According to District Judge John Hyde of Midland, a recognized authority on recusals, several aspects of the legal drama playing out in Corpus Christi are noteworthy. “I don't think I've ever seen a case where a recusal occurred at the end of a trial,†he said, after reviewing some pleadings. Normally, he said, appellate courts are the remedy for alleged trial bias. “The fact that the motion for a new trial is almost a mirror image of the recusal motion indicates those are matters for an appellate ruling, he said. He said it's not customary for an administrative judge who grants a recusal to then assign himself the case. He also found the issues of outside influence raised by Valdez unsettling. On the whole, the entire case is not helping the image of the judiciary, Hyde said.

Posted by HOMERO VILLARREAL at 8:47 AM 

Labels: Corruption, Favoritism, John McCormack, manuel Banales, mauricio celis, Maximum Manuel, On the Take,Reversal, Tony Canales

2 COMMENTS:

 Anonymous said...

Put it simply, Banales is the biggest arrogant prick that has ever come out of South Texas. He needs to go down for the true asshole that he is and he needs to be disgraced so that all people remember is a corrupt judge who crippled two men and buys prostitutes.

July 4, 2009 at 10:27 AM

 Anonymous said...

Finally, Banales is exposed nationally for being the most corrupt and hypocritical judge there is. People when will we all stand up and get him out like we did his lamebrain wife? How many men does he have to cripple? How many prostitutes does he have to get caught with? How many shady deals with lawyers must he make? Time to stop corruption in this town. From Caserunning to corrupt judges it is all coming down. He also runs the most inefficient court around. People we MUST GET HIM OUT!!! SOMEONE RUN AGAINST HIM THAT CAN WIN!! A strong young lawyer who is honest! Come on. Save us!!! Banalesmustgo

July 4, 2009 at 10:41 AM

DEFENZORMAGAZINE: BANALES EXPOSED

eldefenzor.blogspot.com/2009/07/banales-exposed.html

00001. 

Jul 4, 2009 - The Picture of Manuel Banales Almost Says"Maximum Sentences For Those ... has feared a sentencing by state District Judge Manuel Bañales, who's known for ... open his own Corpus Christi law firm, earn an estimated $10 million mostly in .... is a corrupt judge who crippled two men and buys prostitutes.

Judge Tom Greenwell, Just What Would Cause Suicide?

There are some very disturbing indicators in the investigation of the suicide of Judge Tom Greenwell. The public has a right to know what has transpired.

Could Judge Tom Greenwell be involved in child abuse? Maybe even child molestation or child porn? Could this be a judge who used his office to abuse under age boys, just as in nearby Victoria County Sheriff Mike Ratcliff did for nearly a decade in Victoria with support from the former D.A., George Filley, an old schoolmate of mine gone bad. Mike Ratcliff had even been a former insurance client of mine.   Wouldn’t the corruption and environment of mutual cover-up by judges in the Nueces County Courthouse have encouraged these issues in Judge Greenwell’s life that caused him to commit suicide, no matter what the reasons were.   Was the rampant corruption in the Nueces Courthouse an invitation to excess?

The Nueces County Sheriff stated there were two people of interest then cuts off all information.   The judges in the area, en masse, did show up at Greenwell’s memorial service, in their robes.   The services were on Thursday, July 25, 2013.     It could be out of respect of a fellow judge or, it could be a circling of the wagons.  My 20 years of experience provides insight that it is more likely a ‘Circling of the Wagons’.

In the last known poll on a national basis of trial attorneys, Corpus Christi area was voted second most judicially corrupt area in the U.S..  This is right after Janet Reno’s Dade County and just a little worse than Obama’s Chicago.   The commonality among all of these is than none of the judges in those areas will take a stand to address and remove their corrupt cronies.   That makes all of them bad, just like one bad and murderous cop being tolerated in a police department, makes the whole department just as bad.   I believe the rampant corruption in the Nueces County Courthouse, in the middle of downtown Corpus Christi, can point the way to some of the reasons for Judge Greenwell’s demise.

Let me lay out the public information that has been made to date on the Greenwell suicide, and some of the speculation that experience in the Nueces County Courthouse justifies.

First is a 2004 article in the Corpus Christi Caller times discussing sex offenses that went to trial in 2003 “and the 58% overall conviction rate.  Judge Greenwell heard 7 AND HAD NO CONVICTIONS OF ANY IN HIS COURT:

“Judge Tom Greenwell of the 319th District Court did not see a single conviction in seven sexual abuse trials in his court in 2003.

But the lawyers are not to blame, he said.

“Before they come to the courthouse, these cases should be investigated better,” Greenwell said. “A number of these cases are not winnable cases. There’s too much doubt, too many loose ends.”

Who could be to blame for that failure?   The statistics for not getting a single conviction are not good.   I have been spent a good bit of time in courtrooms over the past two decades.   A crafty judge can greatly influence by whose objections he sustains or overrules, as just one of the many tools of manipulation.

Judge Greenwell was heavily in debt. His much younger life partner was in periodic trouble with the law. His partner was arrested at least once. It is rumored that there were several times the judge’s partner would have gone to jail were it not for the judge’s influence. Only a few years back, Judge Greenwell stated that his live in partner,  Mr. Albert Fuentez, was like a SON to the judge.  The age disparity is that great between the judge and his house partner.

The family of Judge Greenwell’s partner has stated Greenwell had been diagnosed with cancer.   If that is true, why wouldn’t that be a part of the public statements of the Sheriff and other officials investigating the judge’s suicide?  Wouldn’t that be a great excuse to deflect questioning of the situation such as is being done here?

For comparison of the current systems that are coming into play of the cover-up of other local pedophile officials:  The judge, Texas District Judge Robert Cheshire, in my original divorce openly stated he partied with and was a good friend of Sheriff Mike Ratcliff and the Victoria City Attorney. This judge, Robert Cheshire, is the one who gave my child to her mother who testified the molestation of our two year old child by a serial molester of at least 4 other little girls was ‘humorous’ and ‘appropriate’. The judge gave me visitation over half my child’s time, but gave all authority and custody to the mother, who had moved in with our daughter’s convicted molester. I was given most of my child’s time to ‘protect’ her, but my ex was given all authority and denied my child protective access to me.   During this same period,  unknown to the public, young males were complaining and being ignored by the D.A. that Sheriff Ratcliff was molesting them.

Here is a bit more about Michael Ratcliff that puts the handling of the Judge Tom Greenwell Suicide into more focus:

Victoria Advocate Article on Mike Ratcliff Conviction

The Victoria Advocate article in the link above even addresses the very real need of the public to be fully aware of the various issues of corruption, criminality, and even just poor lifestyle choices.

Let us go through the data already provided; the several most likely possibilities for Judge Greenwell’s suicide, and the commonalities upon which circumstantial evidence can be built.

Sheriff Ratcliff, when finally exposed by the Texas Rangers, had support from the City Attorney, Police Chief, and a Police Lieutenant who all reportedly threatened the lives of the witnesses if they testified. There was an informational black-out. Mike Ratcliff was allowed to plea bargain for something other than the egregious sexual offenses he committed and was sentenced to a two year prison sentence, in his own home. We see a repeat of this wall of silence and the public’s need to know in Greenwell’s suicide.

Both deceased Judge Greenwell and former Sheriff Ratcliff fit the second greatest commonality of sex offenders and child molesters, they are homosexual.   Ratcliff was bisexual which is just a subset of homosexual.   The CDC terms male homosexuals as MSMs (Males having SEX with Males) and determines an individual for medical tracking purposes is MSM if they have had a voluntary same sex experience within the past 5 years.

The greatest single commonality of both homosexuals and of sex offenders is that they were raised in a single mother home.    I am unaware of whether Mike Ratcliff or Tom Greenwell were raised in single mother homes.

Of course, both  of these commonalities are taboo to discuss in polite society and very definitely not part of any discussion our very liberal media will allow.  The discussions are aimed at continuing to claim the Emperor’s new suit of clothes is lovely, even though the naked truth is there for everyone to see.  With the homosexual agenda and feminism, there is to be no dialogue, only the monologue from the most extreme activists of those two sister groups.

The molester of my two year old child was both raised in a single mother home and bisexual.  That was no coincidence, he fit the two greatest commonalities of sex offenders and child molesters.   It would have been unique had the molester NOT fit into both of those two categories.    In Victoria County, that molester, even though he had multiples of convictions was given only ‘deferred adjudication’ upon conviction of all the molestations in Victoria County.   He was also given deferred adjudication for his convictions in McKinney, Colin County, Texas.   It is believed he may have been one of Sheriff Ratcliff’s underage male “partners” who receive special protections in Victoria, Texas.  He molested at least two other girls for which he was adjudicated with no incarceration over the two years following his molestation of my child.

In the instance of Judge Greenwell, The Sheriff of Nueces County has stated he will not provide further information at this time, 7/22/2013, on the apparent suicide of Judge Tom Greenwell. People in the courthouse have gone silent. It is reminiscent of what happened when Mike Ratcliff was indicted for pedophilia for using the county hospital cell as his playroom with under-aged males. Mike also would lure young males out of their homes claiming to be women wanting sex and with the power of his badge and gun, force himself on these young boys.  A juvenile probation officer for the molester of my child claimed Mike would spend long hours alone, behind closed doors with boys in the lock-down juvenile facility at the Victoria Airport Industrial Park.  The officer was very distraught at what he believed was happening to those boys with Mike and none of the local officials would act or investigate.

Mike was promising the boys he would get them preferred consideration on their offenses with the D.A. and that he, Mike Ratcliff, would pay for their legal defense if needed.

What is being kept from the public in Judge Greenwell’s suicide?

The Ratcliff story, in relation to the known facts on Judge Greenwell  makes one wonder  about  the judge’s young male live-in partner, Mr. Albert Fuentes, who was so much younger than the judge that he called the young man, his son.   So we now have another very important and telling piece of the puzzle as to why Greenwell may have killed himself, and it is tied to another commonality among the homosexual community the media does not want to discuss, the propensity of a very large percentage of homosexuals to openly state a desire to have sex with very young males, under age males.

Judge Greenwell lived in a modest home and drove a modest car, though his partner had a nice SUV. The judge had a $140,000 salary from the State and additional money, supposedly from the county. His life style was well below his income, yet Judge Greenwell was heavily in debt. The local Sheriff’s office and media have stated there may have been extortion involved. If so, if it were debt or drugs the Bar and Judiciary would protect and cover for him. If it were his homosexual relationship, it would be very unlikely in today’s climate his support would even experience a hiccup.  It might even improve his electability.  This was not a hidden fact. How could this be used for black mail or extortion?   It couldn’t.

So we come to the speculative aspect of what would cause a powerful, known homosexual state official, arguably more powerful than the governor, to pay blackmail and then to kill himself? The information held by an extortionist must have been very real and very well documented against the judge

If it were drugs, both the bar and the Texas Judicial Conduct Commission allow attorneys and judges to keep their licenses and positions if they attend their treatment programs, whether or not they manage to kick their habit. Both institutions have periodically had advertisements on their front pages for drug and alcohol treatment programs to keep them from damaging their careers. No one cares about addicts and drunks on the bench any longer.

It is very common for judges to be deep in debt and there are many gray areas where judges can obtain large sums of money and have all of officialdom  turn a blind eye on acts that would have Joe or Jane Citizen in the lockup for decades. Just look at Judge Bobby Galvan’s home in the ‘millionaire only’ section of Ocean Drive with the massive water front homes on the seawall as an example of unexplained wealth of a former Federal Drug Prosecutor and now a local Judge and his wife who had been a prosecutor and only middle income attorney.

Judge Greenwell interjected himself into some very sticky and smelly corruption tar.    He worked to help retaliate against a local attorney for exposing Judge William Adams and Judge Bobby Galvan.

Judge Galvan was accused by a young boy of trying to force the child to make false allegations of sexual abuse against his mother, Jennifer Flores-Lamb and her attorney, David Sibley. This effort to falsely accuse the client and her attorney is believed in retaliation for exposing undue influence in Galvan’s court by the attorneys who accompanied Galvan to the intimidation and witness tampering effort. There was physical evidence, table tickets and a complete lack of alibis and/or denials by all parties. There were waiters who were witnesses who corroborated the child’s testimony. The meeting was at the child’s favorite restaurant and the waiters knew the father and son. Men are sent to death row for less evidence and no witnesses. More on the topics of Judges Bobby Galvan, William Adams, Dick Alcala, and Tom Greenwell in other of my blogs on these judges.

It is unlikely that Judge Greenwell’s problems, debts, and eventual suicide were connected with debt or drugs. It is unlikely that the judge committed suicide over a possible breakup with his much younger male partner who had the much nicer vehicle and no known job and seemed to be the one running up large debts. What good looking lazy young hustler wouldn’t take the place of Greenwell’s lover in a heartbeat for lots of money and big SUV?

It is very unlikely that Judge Greenwell’s problems were merely judicial corruption on the bench.  The extremely egregious and well documented corruptions of Judges Adams and Galvan point to how insulated Texas Judges are from accountability.  And, I do have material indicating corruption in Greenwell’s court that is shocking to the public but laughably common to the judges in the area.

There is indication of corruption and attorney’s having undue influence in Judge Greenwell’s court. Judge Tom Greenwell was the subject of Attorney Larry Adams (no known family connection with Judge William Adams the judge who beat his disabled daughter) statements that he knew ahead of time that Judge Greenwell would make some very strong and unsubstantiated findings against local Corpus Christi attorney, Mr. David Sibley.   Mr. Sibley had been trying to get Judge Adams of Rockport removed from the bench before Judge Adams daughter put the infamous video on YouTube of her father, Judge William Adams, beating his M.S. afflicted daughter. So, it appears we can rule out any real concern that possible discovery of his corruption would create such a fear as to lead to suicide.   Corruption and a sexually charged beating of a disabled teenage daughter did not get Judge Adams sanctioned.  Here is the video of the brutal and very perverted beating of by Adams of his own 16 year old M.S. afflicted child:  Judge Adams Child Beating Video

And, we are back to the possibility of child molestation or child porn.

The case where Judge Greenwell wrongfully sanctioned Mr. Sibley is cause #

Mr. Sibley represented a father from Washington State trying to see his son in Corpus Christi in the face of a very spiteful and vengeful ex-wife with a wealthy new husband. The boy’s father, an electrician would make trips from the upper Northwest to Corpus Christi to see his son and the boy’s mother would hide the child. Just a petty meanness that cost the father immensely.

This is typical of a child abusing mother and these acts are themselves a form of very serious child abuse with life long destructive implications for the children.  It is a form of abuse called Parental Alienation and can create generational problems and dysfunctions as well as destroy the child’s potential for a happy and healthy life.  See the associated blog entries listed above on Single Mothers for insight into the data the liberal media and demagogic vote buying politicians won’t tell you.   The prognosis for children of single mothers is statistically very bad.  It does not mean that all children of single mothers will turn out badly, it just means that a single mother greatly handicaps the potential for her children to lead productive and happy lives.   95% of prostitutes and drug addicts are raised in single mother homes.

The father, Robert Johnson,  who was being assisted by Mr. Sibley in Judge Greenwell’s court is from a small town near Seattle. The father had not seen his son for years because of the mother’s moving from state to state and refusal to allow the custodial father to see his son she was wrongly keeping from him.

The father had primary custody. The father had another son from another relationship. This other son died after being hit by a car. The grieving father let the mother of his younger son keep the boy for a year while he grieved. When he wanted his son back, the mother had moved to another state and refused to allow the son to return to the custodial father and filed in her new state for custody. The mother was allowed to change venue and then to change custody. She later moved to Corpus Christi where the case was placed in Judge Greenwell’s court.

The mother’s attorney was Larry Adams. The mother’s new husband is a senior pilot for an airline with an income usually in the multiples of hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Judge Greenwell sat on an initial hearing where the father flew in from Seattle in an effort to see his son.

The judge’s verbal orders were that the father ‘could‘ see his son over the next 60 days. When the order was written up by the opposition attorney who had the judge sign it without running it past the father’s attorney, Mr. David Sibley, the order stated the father ‘had‘ to see the child a set number of times in the next 30 days.

The opposition attorney, Larry Adams, did not send the father a copy of the order until a day or two before the end of the 30 day period. The Nueces County District Clerk reportedly refused to provide a copy to the father or his attorney until the fraudulent requirement period was beyond the physical ability for the father to comply, even if he had the money to make the requisite number of trips in 30 days on an electrician’s pay.

I was not in attendance, but as presented by parties present, on the first opportunity after the discovery of this fraudulently presented order that Greenwell signed, Mr. Sibley went to court on Mr. Johnson’s behalf to attempt to undo the damage. Before the hearing was to start, Mr. Adams, the mother’s attorney, tells the court manager that this hearing wouldn’t take long, even though Mr. Sibley had considerable information to present to the judge on the fraud committed by Mr. Adams and Mr. Adams wrongful actions to prevent a father from seeing his child after years of the child being denied access to his loving father.

Mr. Adams asked the judge for a sanction against Mr. Sibley for delay of judicial process, the very acts of Mr. Adams, himself. Judge Greenwell granted this. This was the weapon then used by the Bar in its efforts to disbar Mr. Sibley. Other judges in the Nueces County Courthouse were upset and angered at this. Mr. Sibley was known for taking up important cases for people with little or no money. This casew as one of those cases.

However, this is garden variety corruption for Corpus Christi and the counties surrounding the city. This would not be a reason for the suicide, other judges still on the bench in the area would be in prison for many years for committing even worse corruptions, if it weren’t for their power. I do not think the extortion and suicide resulted from corruption on the bench.

It appears we keep coming back to the most critical of possibilities, the only thing that would trump the judge’s power, open him up for extortion, and cause him to commit suicide, would be some form of child sexual abuse.

What else are we left to believe?

MY SITES

www.corpuschristioutreachministries.blogspot.com  [Main site]

https://www.facebook.com/john.chiarello.5?ref=bookmarks

https://ccoutreach87.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZ4GsqTEVWRm0HxQTLsifvg

https://twitter.com/ccoutreach87

https://plus.google.com/108013627259688810902/posts

https://vimeo.com/user37400385

https://www.pinterest.com/ccoutreach87/

https://www.linkedin.com/home?trk=hb_logo

http://johnchiarello.tumblr.com/

https://medium.com/@johnchiarello

http://ccoutreach.over-blog.com/

https://www.reddit.com/user/ccoutreach87

https://ccoutreach.yolasite.com/

https://ccoutreach87.jimdo.com/

https://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/jchiarello

 Note- Please do me a favor, those who read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read them on- Thanks- John.#

[chiliconsharls]

Im looking for this Havana Eva but tell me about it. Is it good?

ok Listen, im gonna talk to you about this stupid 2010 film that made me realize (tho, not in that moment cause i was 15) that i am polyamorous as hell:

so this comedy/drama-ish film is about Eva (Prakriti Maduro) who is a seamstress in la Habana, Cuba (the film is a venezuelan-cuban production) & has an strict dad & has the struggles of every average cuban (economical & professional; she wants to be a big clothes designer). She’s a bit shy outside of her circle of friends but overall she’s very decided, strong-willed, smart & talented girl. 

Eva has a boyfriend which is safe to assume she’s been dating for a long time, called Angel (Carlos Enrique Almirante), who’s an absolute sweetheart but has a lot of financial issues (it’s said in the movie he’s an architect but it doesn’t look like he has a proper every-day job so they’re mostly short on money). Angel’s been building them a house through the whole movie, & they’re suppossed to get married once he does, but since they have money issues, it’s taken him forever & Eva’s kind of annoyed about this so they’re going through a rough patch when Jorge comes along. 

Jorge (Juan Carlos García) is a total fuckboy lmao but he does have good feelings, he’s a Cuban-born venezuelan bussinessman who is introduced to our leading lady as a photographer (he lies to her). Jorge was sent by some company to take pics of some old properties of said company to sell/demolish them to turn them into something else. But he falls for Eva through the movie, seduces her, causes her to dump Angel (& call of their wedding) & quit her job (tho, really, it was more about her than it was about Jorge), & then he leaves – she finds out when he’s gone so she’s heart-broken. 

Then comes along Teresa (Yuliet Cruz), who’s the complete heart of the film. She’s Eva’s friend, a lawyer who embraces her sexyness & it’s said to be a sex-worker but it’s never really clear if she is so, idk. Teresa’s completely awesome & supportive of Eva & she’s All About Eva loving both Angel & Jorge, which, really, I need to find me some friend like her. 

With Jorge gone, Eva starts working on something (I wont give away with in case you wanna actually watch the film) & Angel comes back to help her, because he still loves her. Then she starts to re-candle her feelings for him but she is Very Clear with him about them (her feelings): 

Which Angel shows no problem with & they reconnect (they have sex); all happiness. 

Until Jorge comes back from Venezuela & then Angel gets all defensive because of the -plot thing they built- & Eva (Angel’s afraid Jorge’s gonna take all of those things away from him) 

They have a very masculine fight in which they stay like this for way longer than necessary: 

Which Teresa, like me, finds really amusing: 

Eva & Jorge have a discussion in which he apologizes for everything he did (& does something -plot important-) & she also tells him where she stands about her feelings for them, saying: “You opened me to the world, but Angel helped me build my own”. To which he suggests her that she should stay with Angel, then, but she kisses him instead. Later on, Angel & Jorge have another short macho-scene (this one) asking Eva to choose, which she shuts them off saying she won’t & that she’s gonna be either with both of them or none. 

Then the -plot continues- & Angel & Jorge don’t address the relationships issues, merely stand side-by-side while Eva deals with some stuff on her own & look at each other like this:

(I mean, the movie doesn’t really aim at a Triad deal but like, at least these guys stop being the basic Alpha-males when they’re worried about Eva & like come together to be nice boyfriends)

Then Teresa shows up again & asks Eva if she’s ever gonna choose. Then Eva tells her she won’t because “Why do I have to choose if I can have them both?” But then Teresa tells her, matter-of-factly, that she’s (eva) pregnant, & that she’s gonna have to explain that to her child. They wonder who the child is from but then Eva decides, again: 

And Teresa, being her awesome self, responds: 

Then the movie ends with the shot of all three of them, dressed in fancy wedding clothes (Jorge’s & Angel’s match), driving off into the sunset, all happy & my heart is all complety Fuzzy & jelaous bc i wanna get me that

anyways, the movie really is a funny ride with some bit of drama that will make u go :( possibly (i dont wanna give spoilers) & the plot, tho I don’t explain so much of it here, it’s simple but interesting. I would def recommend it for a lazy afternoon, if you feel like watching foreign, indie films, but it’s not like it’s gonna completely change your life if you/when you see it. 

[chrancecriber]

Radio NET Bulgaria (November 16, 2022)

23:58 EVERETTE HARP - Wait 4 U 23:54 PIECES OF A DREAM - In Too Deep 23:50 DEAN JAMES - Planet Smooth 23:46 COOL SPRING JAZZ QUARTET - Angels We Have Heard On High 23:43 JS FLOYD - Sunrise 23:38 LIN ROUNTREE - Release 23:35 BENNETT B - Above The Clouds 23:30 ROB SABADO - Spice Of Life 23:26 BOB BALDWIN - Unthinkable 23:22 DEAN GRECH - What Do You Want This Year For Christmas 23:18 TOM BRAXTON - The J Factor 23:13 PETER WHITE - Our Dance 23:09 BONEY JAMES - Fortuneteller 23:05 BK JACKSON - Feelin' Saxy 23:00 EUGE GROOVE - Gimme 6 22:58 STAN CROWN - Not Invented Love (Original Mix) 22:56 SPOR - Pacifica (Acoustic Version) 22:50 TONY IGY - Astronomia (Chillout Mix) 22:47 ASKERY - With You 22:41 SIMON LE GREC - Decisions (Delor Mix) 22:36 ASTRID SURYANTO - Distant Bar (Original Mix) 22:33 SOUND BEHAVIOUR - Arena 22:28 D-PULSE - Velocity Of Love (Original) 22:24 SKYE - Feel Good Inc 22:19 SINOPTIK MUSIC - Black Islands 22:15 SOTY - Circle (Original Mix) 22:11 SIMON G - Crazy (Original Mix) 22:08 TRACEY THORN - Night Time (Original Mix) 22:01 TRENTEMOLLER - Miss You (Lulu Rouge Feat. Asger Baden Remix) 21:55 TRANZLIFT - Heaven's Shore (Magdelayna's Chilled Remake) 21:50 SMOOTH DELUXE - Dream Of Insomnia 21:46 TOKYO COUNTERPOINT - To The Sky (Lemongrass Free Bird Remix) 21:43 HIATUS & SHURA - Fortune's Fool 21:38 HESS IS MORE - Yes Boss 21:33 HEIKO - Miles Away 21:28 CAFE DEL MAR - Mandalay (Beautiful) 21:22 GREEN POINT ORCHESTRA - Miriam Dub 21:18 YORK, ASHENI - Iceflowers (Original Mix) 21:13 CHAKRA - I Am (Vox Mix) 21:08 REY SALINERO - Total Delight 21:03 CHICANE, TRACY ACKERMAN - No Ordinary Morning (Original Mix) 20:56 VITODITO, SARA POLLINO - The Song I Promised You (Chillout Mix) 20:53 CHICANE, KATE WALSH - Playing Fields (Original Mix) 20:50 MOTIF, LENA BELGART - Halo (Original Mix) 20:44 BEN GOLD, SENADEE - Today (Chilled Datt Remix) 20:40 POCHILL - Constanta 78 20:36 PIXALEND - Maritime Sadness 20:31 PETE MURRAY - So Beautiful (Acoustic Version) 20:28 VITO FOGNINI, CARI - True To Myself (Original Mix) 20:22 VLAD ZHUKOV - Nothing (W&D Chill Out Vocal Mix) 20:17 TITIYO - Come Along (Naid Remix) 20:11 RED - Pieces 20:05 PREMASARA COUNCIL - Sensual Ecstasy 20:00 PAUL ADAM - Backwards (Original Mix) 19:55 NUAGE, N4M3 - Sunday Morning (Original Mix) 19:52 MODJO - Lady (Acoustic Version) 19:49 CLAES ROSEN, NATALIE PERIS - Stay (Original Mix) 19:44 GABRIELA MENDEZ FUENTE - Romance in Ibiza (Orchester Lite Edit) 19:38 20SABANCI - As Faces Fade (Domenico Cascarino & Luca Lombardi Chill Out Remix) 19:34 PAROV STELAR - You Got Me There 19:30 HARD GREY, HOUSE REPUBLIC - Music Sounds Better With You (Eat More Cake Remix) 19:26 GUSHI, RAFFUNK - Travel (Lemongrass Couch Remix) 19:24 HARDWELL, COLLIN McLOUGHLIN - Call Me A Spaceman (Unplugged Version) 19:20 OCEAN DRIVE, DJ ORISKA - Without You (Acoustic Version) 19:16 COSMIC GATE, EMMA HEWITT - Be Your Sound (Live Acoustic Version) 19:12 NOMOSK - Don't Hold Back (Soty & Seven24 Chillout Remix) 19:08 CUEBRICK - Safe (C-Systems Alternative Mix) 19:02 NO HORIZONS, SHEEMA - Summer Son 18:57 NITIN SAWHNEY - Breathing Light 18:54 NIK LLOYD - Number 1 (Acoustic Cover) 18:45 RED BUDDHA, LINDA WONG ENSEMBLE - Stone Buddha 18:40 REUNITED - Sing It Back (Shazz Man Chill Mix) 18:34 RAYAN MYERS - Pleasant Calmness (Original Mix) 18:29 POLISHED CHROME - Secret Of Sound (Album Version) 18:24 RICHARD MARX - Right Here Waiting 18:20 RUSSELL SIMINS - Comfortable Place 18:17 RUTH ANN - Beautiful 18:13 DJ CHART, DOBA, PRINCESS LARISSA - Danger Games 18:07 BRAVE - The Muse (Chill Out Mix) 18:04 DISCO FRIES, NIKO THE KID - The Light (Acoustic Version) 18:01 DEEP'N PURE, RADBOY - R We Ever Gonna Be (Original Mix) 17:57 MAX MILLION - Do You Believe (Original Mix) 17:53 ZAZA, JORGE NAVA - Broken (Chill Mix) 17:50 ZARA TAYLOR, SNATT & VIX - No Angel (Zetandel Chill Out Mix) 17:46 JIMMY ROQSTA, THALYA HILL - Endless Summer Dance (El Gambrero Remix) 17:40 ATB - Remember That Day 17:36 FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE - Seven Devils 17:30 TENISHIA, KIRSTY HAWKSHAW - Falling (Original Mix) 17:25 YIRUMA - River Flows In You (N-Drew Fate Remix) 17:21 YIRUMA, RUVIN - River Flows In You 17:16 LEO ROJAS - Friendship 17:12 KENNY G - My Heart Will Go On 17:08 IIO - Rapture (Lametta Made 2 Chill Remix) 17:04 RADIO KILLER - Lonely Heart (Kenny Hayes Nitelite Mix) 17:00 OXYGENE - The Ocean (Goldtripp Remix) 16:58 MEKIEL REUBEN - Zoraida (A Feel for Hope) 16:54 CAROL ALBERT - Love Again 16:50 2UNES - Rock Steady 16:46 MICHAEL MCDONALD - This Christmas 16:42 DARRYL WILLIAMS - Now or Never (feat. Jonathan Fritzen) 16:38 JOHN NOVELLO - Shuffle the Deck 16:33 RON OTIS - That Feels Good 16:29 JAZZ IN PINK - Roll Out 16:24 NORTH 2UNES WOODALL - 102 Degree 16:21 TOM SCOTT - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 16:17 FUNKTASTIC PLAYERS - Glad I Met You Tonight 16:13 RICK HABANA - White Sand 16:08 LOWELL HOPPER - Unconditional 16:04 JOHN E. LAWRENCE - Take Em by Storm 16:00 CHILLAXING JAZZ KOLLEKTION - Send My Love 15:58 PETER WHITE - Lovely Day 15:53 KEITH SLATTERY - It'll Be Alright feat. Everette Harp 15:49 KENNEY POLSON - Innocence 15:45 JUSTIN YOUNG - Sleight Ride 15:41 VINCENT IOIA - All Day Music 15:37 EDGARDO CINTRON - Together Again 15:32 CHUCK LOEB - John Leslie (For Wes Montgomery) 15:28 DANIEL CHIA - Life's a Beach 15:24 WILL DONATO - Will Power 15:21 K.VIO, TIM TONIC - Little Snow Flake, Little White Coat 15:17 BRYAN LUBECK - Smoocha 15:13 BONEY JAMES - Drumline 15:09 BK JACKSON - Sounds Of Love 15:04 EUGE GROOVE - Push It Forward 15:00 DREAMING IN COLOUR - Back in the Day (feat. Michael Scherer) 14:59 DARRIUS JAMAR - Back To Love 14:55 DOMINIC CAMARDELLA - I Long 4U 14:51 LES SABLER - Keep Pushin' 14:48 HARPER, GUS AND GOMEZ - Christmas Dream 14:44 SAM BASSMAN JENKINS - Northbound 14:40 SEAN U - Sunburst 14:36 U - NAM 14:31 BIRDS OF A FEATHER - See You Soon 14:27 ADAM HAWLEY - I Don't Mind (Feat. Euge Groove) 14:23 MORGAN JAMES - White Christmas 14:18 DERRICK HARVIN - New Found Love 14:12 BOBBY WELLS - Bella's Pier 14:08 DANNY LERMAN - Snoopy's Dance 14:04 ANDRE DELANO - When Jadon Smiles 14:00 ERIC MARIENTHAL - 21 Ocean Front 13:57 JEREMY HECTOR - I'll Remember 13:53 DAVE BRADSHAW JR. - West Coast Jammin' 13:49 PETER WHITE - How Does It Feel 13:44 RONNY JORDAN - Silent Night 13:41 BEN TANKARD - Like the Dew 13:36 FREDDIE FOX - Sensual 13:32 ANDREY CHMUT - Song For A Friend (feat. U 13:28 GARY MEGGS - Having A Good Day 13:23 DEMETRIUS NABORS - Overjoyed (feat. Doobie Powell) 13:21 SYLVIA BENNETT - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! 13:17 BRYAN LUBECK - Vineyard Romance 13:13 BONEY JAMES - A Little Attitude 13:09 BK JACKSON - Wait For You 13:04 EUGE GROOVE - Religify 13:00 GABRIEL MARK HASSELBACH - Chill@Will (Raincoast Mix) 12:58 NATE WHITE - Kupenda 12:53 STEVE WATSON - Playtime 12:48 DANA FIELDS - O Holy Night 12:44 RONALD BOO HINKSON - How Can I (Smooth Instrumental) 12:40 ALTHEA RENE - Rock with You 12:35 CHRIS GODBER - Soul Searchin 12:31 FRANK SUTTON - Its Gonna Be A Lovely Day 12:22 SMOOTH SOUL HOLIDAY - Oh Come All Ye Faithful 12:17 UNDER THE LAKE - Diego Nuevo 12:13 CHRIS 'BIG DOG' DAVIS - You Just Smile 12:09 PHILLIP DOC MARTIN - After the Rain 12:04 BILLYRAY SHEPPARD - On My Way Now 12:00 KIRK WHALUM - Desperately 11:57 ROCCO VENTRELLA - Where is The Love 11:54 MAYSA - Joy To The World 11:47 PETER WHITE - Ramon's Revenge 11:43 DAVID PETROSYAN - Dancing with My Soul 11:38 CHASE HUNA - Can't Take My Eyes Off You 11:35 LOUIE FITZGERALD - Keepin' the Groove On 11:29 GEREY JOHNSON - Missing You 11:24 DR. SAXLOVE - Little Drummer Boy 11:19 GERRY SMOOTH - Shifting Gears 11:13 BRYAN LUBECK - Nothing Can Come Between Us 11:09 BONEY JAMES - The Moment 11:05 BK JACKSON - Before I Let Go 11:00 EUGE GROOVE - A Summer's Nights Dream 10:57 EARL KLUGH - I'm Ready For Your Love 10:53 MARQUEAL JORDAN - Come Ride with Me 10:50 CHRISTMAS CAROLS - Christmas Bells 10:47 MARC ANTOINE - Groovy Sunday 10:42 GINO ROSARIA - Pool Party 10:38 GARY MEEK - Midnight Sky 10:33 HIROSHIMA - Brighter Days 10:29 JAKOB MAGNUSSON - Caption This 10:25 DANIEL D. - Let It Snow 10:20 JAREZ - Mr. Sexy Saxy 10:16 KEN POWE - Wish You Were Here 10:12 YULARA - Bridges To Shambhala 10:07 EJAZZ ARTISTRY - Need You Now 10:00 JEFFERY SMITH - Smooth Jazz Soul 09:56 DONALD HAYES - Anytime Anyplace 09:52 DWIGHT SIRLS - In Black & White 09:45 NATHAN WOODWARD - O, Holy Night 09:40 PETER WHITE - Mission 2 Mars 09:35 CHASE HUNA - Into the Sun 09:30 BUTCH, RHONDA COLEMAN - Bean's Groove 09:26 JULIAN VAUGHN - Waiting For You 09:22 GEREY JOHNSON - Like We Used Too 09:19 TON SMITH - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (feat. Preston Smith and Oliver Scott) 09:15 DON VINO - Worried (Feat. Tye Platinum) 09:11 SKINNY HIGHTOWER - Force 09:08 BRYAN LUBECK - Top Down 09:04 BONEY JAMES - Hand In Hand 09:00 BK JACKSON - Believe That 08:54 EUGE GROOVE - Knocki Knocki Who's There 08:50 JACK JEZZRO - Happy Holiday 08:45 MICHAEL ROSS - On the Beach with You 08:40 TIM BOWMAN - Rapture 08:37 SHAWN RAIFORD - Magic Man 08:32 SPECIAL EFX - Deep as the Night 08:27 EARNEST WALKER JR - Bourbon Chill 08:23 BRADLEY LEIGHTON - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 08:17 MICHAEL MANSON - Sundance 08:13 ILYA SEROV - Heat (feat. DAVE KOZ) 08:09 A & MARK R. HARRIS - Westside Memoirs (feat. Ignacio Nunez & Dean Rickard) 08:03 DARREN RAHN - Give 'n' Take 08:00 SPONTANEOUS GROOVIN' COMBUSTION - Guaruja 07:57 AVENUE BLUE - That's the Way of the World (feat. Jeff Golub) 07:53 PEET PROJECT - Heavy Rain 07:49 GARY METZ - Cruisin' 07:45 SHIN GIWON CHRISTMAS CAROL COLLECTION - Winter Wonderland 07:41 ACOUSTIC ALCHEMY - The Crossing 07:37 BRETTINA - New Day 07:32 PETER WHITE - Reunion 07:28 CHASE HUNA - Mirage 07:23 BUTCH, RHONDA COLEMAN - Train 07:21 JONATHAN BUTLER - Deck The Halls 07:17 GEREY JOHNSON - Silk Dress 07:12 DON VINO - They Were Here (Feat. Vicky Sampson) 07:08 CHRISTIAN DE MESONES, DEBORA GALAN - Sweetnight 07:04 BRYAN LUBECK - Noon Groove 07:00 BONEY JAMES - Futuresoul 06:57 BK JACKSON - Find Your Way 06:51 EUGE GROOVE - Faithful Central 06:47 PEGGY DUQUESNEL - Christmas Is Here 06:42 JAY ROWE, MARION MEADOWS - The Reunion 06:37 CHAZZY GREEN - It's Time to Play 06:33 GARY PALMER - Misunderstanding 06:29 JEFF LORBER FUSION - Mind Reader 06:25 EVAN CARYDAKIS - Will I See You Again 06:22 ART MORRIS - Silent Night 06:17 J. WHITE - Keep Shining 06:13 PAUL TAYLOR - Countdown 06:08 POP'N BOSSA - It Will Rain 06:04 MARION MEADOWS - On the Uptown 06:00 CAL HARRIS JR. - The Touch 05:55 LISA ADDEO - What Cha' Know About That 05:51 JOE MCBRIDE, THE TEXAS RHYTHM CLUB - Oi Gata 05:46 MARK ETHEREDGE - For Your Love (Feat. Chuck Loeb) 05:42 YOLANDA RABUN - Wishing You a Very Merry Christmas 05:38 ERIC DARIUS - Broke Down 05:35 PAUL TUVMAN - Here Comes the Sun 05:31 JEANETTE HARRIS - 12 57 (feat. Marcus Anderson) 05:27 MARCIN NOWAKOWSKI - Give And Take 05:24 DAVE KOZ - Summertime in NYC 05:20 AARON BING - White Christmas 05:16 JODY MAYFIELD - Sunshine and Rain (feat. Heidi McLaughlin) 05:12 AL DEGREGORIS - Tranquility 05:08 PETER WHITE - Mister Magic 05:04 ROB TARDIK - Let's Get Together 05:00 QUINTIN GERARD W. - Candlelight Flight with Me 04:57 EUGE GROOVE - Another Sad Love Song 04:52 JOY RIDE - Bisso Baba 04:49 VANN BURCHFIELD - Being With You 04:45 SHAKATAK - Blue Christmas 04:41 WALTER BEASLEY - Barack's Groove 04:36 WARREN HILL - La Dolce Vita 04:32 DAVID BENOIT - Long Journey Home 04:27 JOYCE COOLING - Mm 04:23 DANCING FANTASY - Bon Voyage 04:21 JAMES BOWMAN III - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 04:17 WILL SUMNER - Pier Groove 04:12 DIRK K - Blu Sky 04:08 BRAD ALEXANDER - Sunrise on I15 04:03 KIM WATERS - Easy Going 04:00 BRIAN SIMPSON - Whisper To Me 03:59 PAOLO RUSTICHELLI - My Geisha 03:54 PATRICK YANDALL - You're Never Alone 03:50 THREESTYLE - Vision (feat. Magdalena Chovancova & Robert Fertl) 03:44 KIM SCOTT - Butterfly 03:39 JEFF KASHIWA - You're The One 03:35 ANDRE CAVOR - Without a Doubt 03:31 ZOLBERT - Something 03:26 RAGAN WHITESIDE - Call Me (vocal) 03:22 TONY SAUNDERS - My Real Love 03:18 R.L. WALKER - Only Have Eyes 03:13 ROBERTO VAZQUEZ - Between Two Worlds 03:09 GERALD ALBRIGHT - Where Did We Go Wrong 03:04 PETER WHITE - Pedro Blanco 03:00 WAYMAN TISDALE - If You Want Me to Stay (feat. Kirk Whalum) 03:00 ANDY SNITZER - September '79 02:55 LAWSON ROLLINS - Quest 02:51 ROBERTO RESTUCCIA - Arrival 02:47 ENNY - What's Love Got to Do with It (feat. Marcus Anderson & Matt Cusson) 02:42 TERENCE YOUNG - Love Ballad 02:38 JACKIEM JOYNER - Addicted 02:33 RICK BRAUN - Far Away Places 02:29 ROBERT CHRISTA - Goblins' World 02:25 MARCUS ANDERSON - A Brighter Smile 02:20 PATRICK BRADLEY - Song of May (feat. Darren Rahn) 02:17 DREW DAVIDSEN - InnerSpace 02:12 JACOB WEBB - My Feelings 02:08 JOEL THIBAULT - Summer Vibes 02:04 CHRISTOPHE GOZE - Bossa Roma 02:00 BLAKE AARON - Drive 01:58 THE SMOOTH JAZZ ALLEY - Smooth Jazz Alley 01:54 JAMES LLOYD - Play It Forward 01:50 DR. DAVE, THE HOUSECALL BAND - Almost Trinidad (Revisited Version) 01:45 JAZMIN GHENT - Work Wit' It 01:42 DARRON COOKIE - Pressure Point 01:37 JEFF RYAN - Blue Wave 01:33 RONNY SMITH - Forever Friends 01:27 EVERETT B WALTERS - It's Yo Time 01:23 FRANK MCCOMB - Just Ride (For George Duke) 01:17 JAZZ FUNK SOUL - Fall Departs 01:13 MEZZOFORTE - High Season 01:09 GERALD ALBRIGHT - The Gospel 01:04 PETER WHITE - Kinda Sweet 01:00 CINDY BRADLEY - The Little Things 00:58 GREGG KARUKAS - Your Sweet Smile 00:52 NELSON RANGELL - Like No Tomorrow 00:48 MARK JAIMES - Midnight Rendezvous 00:44 CHRIS STANDRING - Have Your Cake And Eat It 00:39 JIM ADKINS - Passing Through 00:34 GREG MANNING - Bahia 00:30 DANIEL DOMENGE - Patchwork 00:26 BRIAN BROMBERG - Never Give Up 00:21 NAJEE - Isla Hermosa 00:17 ALEXANDER ZONJIC - Motor City Sway 00:13 DEE BROWN - Surrender 00:09 RICHARD ELLIOT - Living Inside Myself 00:04 REZA KHAN - Imaginary Road 00:00 DEON YATES - The Night