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no6secretsanta · 2 years ago

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Days and Days

For @kjoofi! You asked for cute and comfortable snowy walks– IT WOUND UP A TEENSY BIT ANGSTY because…post-canon, but I hope the gentleness between them balances that out. I hope you enjoy!!!!!!! <3 SAF (JomyMarquisShin (twt))

—

It happens innocently enough. They’re laying in bed, limbs tangled. Shion’s resting his head on Nezumi’s chest, fingers curled in his undershirt.

He says, “Winter really came fast this year.”

Nezumi’s about to huff out something sarcastic before the realization hits him: it’s been five years since he returned to No.6. The thought comes unbidden, sudden as lightning, but it lingers.

Something in him argues: that can’t be right, he just got here.

He does the math in his head, runs through each winter he spent on his own, and each winter he spent with Shion. Five years. He’s really been back for five years. The thought constricts around him, tight enough it’s suddenly hard to breathe.

“Your heart really picked up there,” Shion says, head lifting. He’s too observant, as always. “Everything okay?”

“Just fine,” Nezumi mumbles, turning onto his side. He takes a few measured breaths. It’s only time— one day bleeding into the next. Nothing worth wringing his hands about.

The thing is, time never seemed to pass so quickly before. A miserable stormy night and twenty minutes of impossible conversation had felt huge enough to change the entire trajectory of Nezumi’s life, once. His childhood had been rough and endless— every day a fight to survive. One single winter had forced him to confront every foundational aspect of himself— what he was willing to destroy, and what would destroy him.

On some nights, he still feels like he’s sixteen, bleeding out on a table with Shion begging him to open his eyes. On others, he’s four, still clinging to the old woman’s shoulders, hiding his face in her back and sobbing from the stench of burnt skin and hair.

He isn’t though. Nezumi is twenty-five. He’s lived in No.6 longer than he’s ever been away from it.

How? How could he have let that happen, after everything?

“Nezumi?” Shion asks. “Really, are you okay?”

Nezumi doesn’t know how to answer. It’s the middle of the night after a boring day. Realizations aren’t supposed to happen on such ordinary evenings. Shion’s knees are pressed into the back of his and Nezumi’s brain is made of smoke and collapsing metal. Soft lips brush his neck, and the world quiets somewhat. Both of them should be sleeping.

“I’m just—” he starts, uncertain. “Just in my head. Don’t worry about it.”

He still can’t breathe quite right. Shion waits several minutes before untangling from him.

“Hey, let’s get some air,” he says, and it almost feels like too easy of a solution. Sleep isn’t going to come like this though, so Nezumi just nods.

—

They fall into a rhythm, walking in aimless circles around the city as Shion points out new and old projects neither of them can remember if they’ve already talked about. They did this last year too, when Nezumi found Shion trembling in the kitchen, coffee dripping down the wall as he hunched over a broken mug— just looking at the pieces.

Better our wall than Yoming’s face, Nezumi had said.

Maybe, Shion had replied.

Nezumi didn’t even try to argue.

Now, they walk and chat. Snow silently falls around them, until Nezumi realizes Shion’s nose is red from the chill in the air. Nezumi motions to a bench and wraps his scarf over Shion’s face, throwing the bottom of it over his head just to be annoying.

“Hey!’ Shion complains, catching his hand with a laugh. He shakes off the scarf and looks at him, eyes shining with some combination of light concern and torrential kindness.

“Nezumi, did I say something I shouldn’t have?” He asks, and Nezumi’s stomach lurches.

“You said winter arrived quickly which, last I checked, is hardly a criminal act, Your Majesty.”

“Then what was it?”

Nezumi glances away. How can he even begin to start explaining this? Shion’s shoulder brushes his, and his thoughts attempt to settle.

“I didn’t think I’d be in the city this long.”

“Do you not…want to be?”

It isn’t an easy question. Nezumi hesitates, and sees exactly how that affects Shion. He doesn’t wince, but stares hard at the worn brown loafers he’d thrown on in their impromptu rush into the cold.

“I don’t want to keep you, you know.”

Shion’s voice, to his credit, is fairly light— but there’s a tightness to his expression that Nezumi doesn’t immediately know how to read. He knows it’s there intentionally. Shion’s still loosely holding his hand and Nezumi tangles their fingers, rolling his eyes.

“Slow down. I’m not a house pet Shion. You couldn’t just keep me even if you wanted to. I just haven’t thought about it. It caught me off-guard.”

Shion’s shoulders relax as he looks at their hands. He tilts his head, eyebrows raising in genuine curiosity.

“You really haven’t thought about it? All these years and you never made the choice to stay or go?”

“I’ve told you before, haven’t I? There’s no use in planning for a future that might not arrive. I’ve just been living day-to-day.”

“For five years?”

“For twenty-five years,” Nezumi replied, a touch acerbic. “Clearly it’s not the same for you. Let me guess, you started planning ten years into the future the moment I showed up at your window.”

“Plans change,” Shion replies, docile. “But I have imagined a future, and you’re definitely in it. I thought that much would be obvious.”

“Oh, it is. Your subtly has certainly improved over the years, but not when it’s pointed in my direction.”

“Hm. Well, just in case, I love you, and I want to live with you for the rest of my life. I hope that’s clear.”

Nezumi pinches the bridge of his nose, willing the heat in his cheeks to be properly masked by the cold. “You’ve really doubled-down on the exact opposite of my personal philosophy, haven’t you? I told you not to plan a year ahead, and you just gave me a lifetime. Without hesitation.”

“I think a little disagreement is healthy in a relationship.” Shion grins. “Especially when it’s something I’m serious about. You can keep living day-to-day though— I don’t mind.”

“Why not?” Nezumi asks, eyebrows raising. Shion’s face is close, forehead resting against his. Nezumi loses himself in white eyelashes.

“Because you’re still here,” Shion says, smiling. “As long as that’s true, I’m happy.”

“And if that changes? If I have to leave?”

Shion hesitates, a quiet sadness folding into his expression. “Then it changes. I told you, I don’t want to keep you. I love you, but sometimes that means accepting the limits of what my own desires can influence.”

Nezumi’s heart squeezes. He combs through Shion’s hair, damp from the snow. He should have brought a hat; they should get inside.

“If that changes,” he finds himself saying instead, voice a low whisper. “Then you should come with me. Wherever I go. If you want— I can’t say I’m particularly interested in holding you hostage either.”

Shion’s eyes widen, and Nezumi’s brushing their lips together before either of them can point out all the reasons why this is a ridiculous offer. They have promises, commitments to ghosts and a bee-shaped otherworldly being capable of leveling the whole city.

But as Shion kisses him back, eager and passionate, Nezumi thinks of his earlier words — plans change. They do, and they have, whether Nezumi makes them or not.

So what’s the harm in allowing himself just one?

#no.6 #no6 #no 6 #no. 6 #nezumi #shion #nezushi #kjoofi #jomymarquisshin #no. 6 secret santa

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