#john watson my belovedddd <3

[toastsrambles]

thinking about john watson today.

for three years (give or take), he knew that sherlock and william were alive. and he told nobody.

he spent about three years lying to the entirety of london. the only person he told was miss hudson. he didn’t even tell mycroft or louis.

he didn’t know if they were ever coming back. how long was he prepared to lie for? when would he have reached his breaking point?

and was it worse? knowing that sherlock, his best friend, was alive but never coming back? not gone but out of reach, with nothing to be done? there’s hope, but doesn’t that make it worse? he can’t grieve because sherlock is still out there, still alive, but how could he be happy when sherlock is still gone?

sherlock is alive but it doesn’t feel like it. john is still grieving, in a way, for three long years.