#john light does things to my ovaries

[notmoreflippingelves]

Hercule Flambeau safe-cracking in “The Judgement of Man” (Father Brown S03, E10)

[feliciamontagues]

[aion-rsa]

Evil Season 2 Episode 2 Review: A Is for Angel

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This Evil review contains spoilers.

Evil Season 2 Episode 2

Evil season 2, episode 2, “A Is for Angel,” finds a new twist in the series’ main thrust. It is a monster-of-the-week installment which may result in an exorcism, but this time the intruding influence is not demonic. Raymond (Brandon J. Dirden), a parishioner at St. Johns, is possessed by an angel, or so he claims. On the surface, it may appear the presence may not be as malignant as a servant of Satan, but it is equally diabolical.

The designation of angels and demons, black and white magic, is a form of spiritual racism. During the course of the episode, Dr Kristen Bouchard (Katja Herbers) brings up the evils angels have done, according to the Bible, at the behest of God. She even cites Saint Augustine. Ben Shakir (Aasif Mandvi), of course, just gives her a quizzical look. While the show only cites a few examples, the most prevalent being Sodom and Gomora, it becomes apparent collateral damage has been evenly distributed. Raymond begins his ascent into angelic possession with a similar idea, he is giving away all his earthly possessions to help less fortunate souls. Bishop Thomas Marx (Peter Scolari) assigns David Acosta (Mike Colter) the task of deciphering deviltry.

“Are you the angel that wrestled with Jacob,” David asks the intrusive force inside the all-too faithful follower. Brandon J. Dirden is incredibly effective as Raymond. He is there and he isn’t there, and plays his part in a nether region. We can’t see what he sees, but we believe in the conviction of his sight. The sad arc of the archangel’s intrusion on the marriage plays out in the eyes of his wife, played by Joniece Abbott-Pratt. They are cinemascopes into the family drama. Two months from giving birth, she dims the lights of hope incrementally until there is nothing bright showing in her future.

Her arc is disproportionally sad, but also prophetically reflective on the persistent sins of the present. Raymond’s idea of living biblically only sets restrictions on her. Her ultimate fate also suffers from a vastly mis-measured distribution. That’s a lot of salt for a little lady, even if she is with child. “Who are you to question God,” the archangel asks when David ponders the innocent victims of almighty wrath. “God is the measure of just.”

The justice portrayed is fierce, and it shows the evil of a jealous god. When it’s pointed out that Sodom would have been spared if there were ten righteous people there, Raymond, as the archangel Michael, says “But there were not.” Kristen is right when she says this man poses a danger to the community. The angel of death makes V-Ger from the original Star Trek look tolerant. There’s no appeasing some creatures, especially when they enforce the belief that rebirth can only come after devastation.

The post-apocalyptic city which appears in the visions of the second bowl is very well rendered, and benefit from its sparse presentation. David’s visit from the archangel is effective because of the naturalness of Acosta’s reaction. The special effects-rendered figure is impressive, evoking the more Biblically accurate representations of other angels. But it is the reverence and fear in David’s body which sells it. When he drops to his knees, it is chilling, but only as an afterthought. He doesn’t fall into terror. He kneels in respect. It is an interesting juxtaposition in a horror series.

Much of why Evil works to scare an audience is because all of the suspense is as tilted as the camera angles. A passing train is very creepy during Kristen’s talk with a homicide cop, but David can reasonably ask a towering Lovecraftian-looking-creature, “are you the archangel?” The juxtaposition of suspense is crucial to the overall effect, brightening the darker places illuminates the shadows and throws shade on everything.

As frightening as any of the conceptual possibilities are, the humor wins out. “A Is for Angel” features top comedic talent, Andrea Martin and Aasif Mandvi. Their most dramatic moments are made more real by the comedy which infuses it. It is everyday humor, commonplace in any workplace, family or subway car. It informs the performances, grounding them without ever becoming comic relief. For that, Leland Townshend (Michael Emerson) steals the episode, as he sinks deeper into divine comedy. It really all builds up to his confession, and he’s hardly sorry for his offenses.

“Take your dried-up ovaries and crawl back under the rock that you came from,” Leland tells Kristen’s mother Sheryl (Christine Lahti) as he breaks their engagement in a wedding planner’s office. He says he only dated her to hurt Kristen, and now that she’s feeling the pain, he wants to pay it forward. Leland’s fall from disgrace is even more comedic, as he finds Sheryl may not be quite as injured as he thought. He also starts to miss the promised marital bliss when he notices the more adorable aspects of his former fiancée which he overlooked. “Die you stupid pig fuck,” she writes in blood on the wall of his office, and he is so smitten he wants to rush to confession.

Of course, before Leland gets to circle jerk around his appointed priest, he has to face down Sister Andrea, who is offended by his hygiene. “Nuns are irrelevant,” he tells her. “Go off and pray.” By the time he is sitting back-to-back with David riffing on old sins, Leland is fully on. He closes his schtick with the gag about the woman of the “Black persuasion,” named Julia. He convinced her she was a burden on her family and friends after becoming terminally ill. We wonder how David can keep himself from landing the punch line.

All the characters get comedy bits. David has to sit through the retelling of the plot of Scarface during practice confessions. “My middle name is trouble,” Kristen gets to say with an almost straight face. Who does she think she is, Elvis? We can nearly discern a curl in her upper lip. The death of Orson LeReaux, a major sub-arc in the proceedings, continues to unravel in unexpected ways. One of the interesting things about Evil is how a main character is a killer. Regardless of how justified it may have been, it’s very rare that a hero in a show, who is playing a former district attorney expert no less, is actually concealing a capital crime. But it is also a mortal sin, and Kristen asks David about the killing in a roundabout way while Ben adds the suspense from the sidelines.

“Pain is for tourists,” Sister Andrea says, and gives David harsh advice with her tough love. She points out how millions of people talk with God every day through prayer, but the impatient soon-to-be priest is trying to “force God to talk to you.” Her first suggestion is to allow the most lucid of dreams to dance to the beat of a metronome. This allows David to astrally travel through the sandy desert of time in a subtly theosophical sequence bridging faiths. We see figures of an ornate lamp and a locust, which foreshadows things to come.

The scopolamine patch overdose diagnosis is perfectly valid, but it doesn’t explain the connections David makes with the archangel. It also doesn’t explain why Raymond was able to save a family of strangers from a car wreck, or how he knew to burn a probable pedophile. “A Is for Angel” confirms the commitment Evil has to ambiguous explanations. As long as there are more questions than answers, balance remains uneasily stable, and emotionally satisfying.

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Evil airs Sundays on Paramount+.

The post Evil Season 2 Episode 2 Review: A Is for Angel appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[shirtlesssammy]

13x02: The Rising Son

Then:

Protect this precious nougat roll

Now:

In Crowley’s former throne room, minion demons stand around, getting drunk, waiting for Lucifer to return. The lights flicker, the doors flies open, and Colonel Sanders appears ready to reveal all 11 herbs and spices!

It’s Asmodeus! Poll: who else has been pronouncing it wrong since last season when they pronounced it wrong on the show? Also note the white suit. Color is insanely bold and symbolic in this episode. He makes it clear to the eager minions that the “grand old days of fire and brimstone are back.” I laugh, but am willing to give him a chance. He might be a fun and cool character --he’s not annoyingly overly campy and bad; he’s just temporarily written that way. He calls some demons forward, and without reason kills the rest. Hmm. Is that really the best way to get your inherently devious and constantly borderline rebellious followers to fall in line?

After the title card we find Baby Cas Jack sleeping in the back of the Impala as Sam stresses about his broken brother and Dean drives away his grief.

Dean is still Jack’s #1 anti. His desire to end “it” hurts way more than it should after one episode with the kid. Sam counters that Jack might be their only way to get their mom back. Sidenote: Remember all our -now seemingly void-- spec about nephilim power bringing back Cas? I’m still curious if this is still in play in some fashion? The show is making it clear there’s a connection between Jack and Cas. If Cas is in the Empty, and God ain’t listening, then what ultra-powerful supernatural creature could still work his magic?

Meanwhile, Mary is on the worst nature walk of her life.

Mary thinks Lucifer will eventually kill her, but he wants to exchange her for his son. Suddenly, a giant fireball flies through the air, separating Mary from her captor.

Back at Crowley’s former throne room (which is in an insane asylum in Jersey, right? Am I remembering this right? They’re not in Hell right now?), demon minion #1 reports that Lucifer is nowhere -not even the cage. Uh, what? So peeps can just pop in and out of that thing like it’s Starbucks now?

Asmodeus wants Jack found as well. Colonel Sanders is kinda fun, ok. His Scar scars are courtesy of Lucifer. Eager to please, he once released the shedim --”Hell’s most savage.” Also, creatures of Jewish folklore. Might we need Aaron Bass to help with their eventual downfall later this season? Please?  

Dean starts hallucinating sheep on the road so Sam makes him pull over and they check in to the visibly dingy Black Hat Hotel. Jack thinks it’s nice though. PROTECT. Here’s some meta on the colors of the hotel. I was particularly drawn to Dean checking out the YELLOW bathroom --you know, the place that Cas often reconnected with Dean over the years. This isn’t the first time that we’ve seen Dean check the bathroom either. Sure, it’s probably a good idea to check a fleabag hotel’s bathroom, especially if you’re a neat freak, but what’s this new Dean thinking? His hope is gone --maybe it’ll appear in the bathroom?

Jack gravitates for the TV, much like his father before him. ALL THE Awwwwwwsssss. He’s even watching Scooby Doo --which only breaks Dean’s wall of hatred for a millisecond. Dean kicks Jack to the couch and throws a bible at him. Jack opens to Song of Solomon. The lifelong atheist in me didn’t know the significance, but my lapsed Catholic partner in crime knew all. Sam tries to be a good parent and offers Jack a bed, but Jack declines and starts reading the history of his very messed up family.

In between TOTALLY ADORABLE mimicry sessions, Dean, Sam, and Jack discuss Lucifer, God, and the world. It’s an awkward bit of exposition that’s still totally worth it just to watch Jack shadow Dean. Stop winning me over kid. It’s going to hurt too much to say goodbye. Sam wonders about everything Jack is able to do. Jack is uncertain. They ask if he can teleport. “If you wanted to be on the other side of that door, right this instant, what would you do?” Dean asks. ...and Jack proceeds to walk over to the door, and walk outside. And then knock to be let back inside. What a nougat. Sam concludes, “You know, it’s possible he’s more human than we thought.” Sam lets him back in and Jack couldn’t be prouder.

Jack’s Power Profile (Update)

Glowing eyes

Glowing healing ability

Sonic scream

Ability to highly manipulate his body / rapid aging

Powers manifest instinctively when threatened

A smol bean

Too precious

Sweeter than nougat

Meanwhile, in the hallway, a mysterious figure approaches the boys. Sam and Dean are on high alert --only to find Donatello, the soulless prophet! My theory that he wouldn’t really miss or need his soul to function in the world proved somewhat right. He does miss it, but his high intelligence quotient allows him to ask “What would Mr. Rogers do?”, thus allowing him to navigate his moral ship correctly through life. He was enjoying retirement when he was hit with a blast of Not-Quite-God feelings, and had to find the source. “Maybe less human as we thought,” Dean concludes. Sam realizes that angels will find them sooner than later so he needs protection.

To the tattoo shop!

Sam pulls a full on Obi Wan, proposing that Jack’s powers can be used for good. He just needs to learn to control them --as he completely blows out the tattoo artist’s machines. In Jack’s defense: “It hurt.” “Ok, so sometimes things hurt, so you just man up and deal with it.” *do not picture John telling this to a 5 year old Dean**do not picture John telling this to a 5 year old Dean**do not picture John telling this to a 5 year old Dean**do not picture John telling this to a 5 year old Dean*

Jack accepts his fate of a painful existence and gets the tattoos, but they quickly disappear (I was about to ask why Cas’s didn’t heal, but he was human then. I wonder if they’re gone now that he’s an angel again? I guess it doesn’t matter now that he’s dead. *crying in corner*)

Back at the hotel, Sam, Dean, and Donatello stand around talking about Jack like he doesn’t exist. (Dean also talks about the small, inane domestic things he did with Cas, like go to the dentist. Sigh. Dean, you’re in so much pain, even the dentist is a memory worth sharing.) Sam keeps advocating for the little half-devil, but Dean is so far gone there’s no reasoning with him. Donatello mentions the Nature vs. Nurture conundrum --which will hopefully be more fully explored in a later episode. Jack gets tired of confrontation and disappears. So much like his father.

He relocates to outside the hotel, thinking about his mother and Castiel. Sam finds him and tries to reassure him about all that’s happening. I like how the Black Hat hotel sign was positioned between them. Does Jack wear the black hat? How right is Dean? (Not very when his emotions cloud the situation.) And in an episode where the new Big Bad is wearing white, what does it say about black? Jack wonders if he’s worth all this trouble? (Oof, he’s more like Dean than Dean will ever realize.)    

Dean, meanwhile, is at his old hangout the Black Spur Bar (he had many a good time during his summer of love there). He chats with the friendly waitress but takes off before drinking too much. And as he leaves the camera pans down to the real waitress, dead behind the bar. Colonel Sanders is in disguise and now knows where Team Free Nephilim is.

At the hotel Donatello knocks to the tune of Shave and a Haircut and Sam invites him in. Donatello is bright and sunny, his cheerful morning persona apparently undented by his lack of a soul. Sam inquires after Jack who stayed in Donatello’s room due to Dean Bean’s righteous anger. Well. Since Sam brought up Jack...Donatello is Mister Curious and Sam fills him in on Jack: he’s not allied with Lucifer, he loves his mom, and Jack can be molded towards goodness. “Molded, eh?” Donatello asks with interest.

Back in the darkest timeline, Mary’s exploring the wasteland when a guy jumps out with a gun. He asks her who she is and she tells him her name and that she’s a hunter. “Doubt it,” he says. “Ain’t never met a female hunter. Not many women period since the wars began.“ Which. Okay. FUCK YOU, Buckleming for implying that women couldn’t hack the apocalypse. I don’t know why I’m quibbling about the friggin’ apocalypse except that this seems to me like such an unnecessary detail - as though ovaries are an inherent barrier to survival. (Fires rage flame-ball at the TV.) Anyway, OF COURSE there’s a rape threat thrown in here as well. (Throws another fireball at the screen.) Mary doesn’t even get to rip out his organs. Lucifer does it for her. (Throws yet another fireball at the smoking remains of my TV screen.) Anyway. Lucifer tells her that they’re all in this together, kumbaya, etc. He attacks her with stomach cancer, probably, since that seems to be a favorite of angels.

Back at the hotel, Dean walks in with coffees and pastries. Although he was super eager to jet the night before, they’re apparently enjoying a lazy morning of research and coffee runs. Sam sits Dean down and tells him that they need to get on the same page. Sam insists that they’ve been at rock bottom before and they can “fix this.” Donatello swans into the room. He’d like to talk to Sam about Jack. Sam’s a bit confused. Didn’t they just have a heart to heart about Jack’s mental state? Donatello disagrees. He was out grabbing breakfast burritos. The three head to Donatello’s hotel room to find Jack missing. They determine that fake Donatello has absconded with Jack and are trying to figure out what to do when Donatello’s god radar bleeps on. He knows where Jack is! Quick! Wave him around like a celestial metal detector!

Dean grabs their stuff from the other hotel room when a tiny sound alerts him to an attacker. It’s a demon! Dean fights him off long enough for Sam to sneak up and stab the demon. Then Sam and Dean head out to save Donatello in the hallway. Dean whips an angel blade into the demon’s throat.

Hold for just a moment. *Fans self and replays the blade throw*

Okay, I’m back! In a lovely prairie the fake Donatello (aka Colonel Sanders) tells Jack that he needs to train himself to use his powers. How, Obi Wan? Donatello tells him that God had powerful soldiers - the shadim - that were locked away in Hell, and that God wants Jack to free them. Jack totally believes him, the eager smol bean that he is. He focuses his mojo on the patch of earth in front of him.

Dean, Sam, and Donatello race towards Jack and Colonel Sanders. They’re headed into Jasper, Wyoming which Sam notes, “according to Dad’s journal, Jasper is home to its very own gate to Hell which leads to a place where unimaginable evil” is imprisoned - the shadim. Awesome. (My esteemed co-blogger points out that for some reason Sam is toting around their dad’s journal. With their essentially photographic memories, why would they need to carry that around with them? I feel like this is a cheap play for nostalgia.)

I don’t have time to grumble, because in the darkest AU, a flight of angels arrives tricked out in military gear to question Lucifer and Mary. They don’t believe Lucifer when he says his name because Michael, in their reality, killed Lucifer already. Lucifer rolls his eyes and kills them all with a snap of his fingers. Suddenly there’s a WHAM BANG CRASH and something barrels into the earth. An angel flashes its wings and a man strides from the smoking hole. He’s shocked to see Lucifer. The two brothers meet each other...again.

Meanwhile, Jack starts to crack open the shadim’s gateway while Colonel Sanders jumps around for joy. A taloned hand begins to climb from the pit when Dean, Sam, and the real Donatello come up. Dean shoots Colonel Sanders and he bursts into his true form, then Darth Vader chokes the interlopers. This breaks Jack’s concentration and the pit closes up. His eyes angrily glow yellow at Colonel Sanders - who hasn’t stayed alive for this long because he’s stupid. Colonel Sanders zaps the fuck out of there.

Back in frowny face land Lucifer and Michael continue to circle each other. They punch each other to the sound effects of thunderclaps. Michael tells Lucifer he isn’t going to kill him. He needs him.

Back at the bunker Dean and Sam process the recent events. Sam tells him that Jack saved them. Dean’s convinced that Jack’s reactions - his powers - are reflexes. Dean’s not won over. He heads to bed, then hears something odd down the hall. He goes to investigate and finds Jack stabbing himself (uuuugh) repeatedly and then healing. It’s pretty awful, not gonna lie. Dean busts in, takes the knife, and tells him not to be an idiot. Dean’s horrified and puzzled. Jack wonders what he is and worries that he’ll hurt someone. Dean tells him that Sam thinks Jack can be saved and we address that Jack knows Dean doesn’t believe that. Dean tells him that if he’s right and they have to kill him, Dean will be the one to do it. I get a sense that in Dean’s mind, this is a mercy that would be swift and as painless as possible.

You Don’t Know Jack About Quotes:

You’re on the couch, sport.

God. He’s in here too. Is he famous or something?

Who needs a prophet of God when there’s no God?

Sometimes things hurt so you just man up and deal with it.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[adonisstyles]

Thigh riding!!! 👅

A/N: Thank you to @imaginemea-song also the Chris detail is for you *mwah*

You’d found some time off to finally visit Harry on tour. It was fortunate that his stop in Boston lined up with your time off. You loved Boston- it was the seat of the American Revolution and home to Sam and John Adams among others. So while Harry was doing promo and soundcheck you’d visit the local sights. After a day of sightseeing you did your hair and makeup and changed into a nice floral Gucci dress Harry Lambert had sent along for you. When you screeched into the pre-show party you saw Harry across the room in a matching yellow floral suit. You wanted to die. If you had a fashion weakness on Harry, it was a well-crafted yellow silk suit. The way the fabric hugged his thighs, you knew you were in trouble. You could feel the heat pooling in your pelvis and he hadn’t even looked at you yet.

He spotted you and waved with a smile. You made your way over, taking a small detour to grab a flute of champagne. As you got closer you realized Harry was talking to Chris Evans. Now you really wanted to die. Sure you knew he was from Boston but how did Harry know him. Nevermind, you didn’t want to know.

“Hey, love,” he spoke as he lent in to kiss your cheek. You promptly blushed and mumbled a greeting.

“Jus’ been chatting with Chris here,” he motioned. “This is my girlfriend.” Chris extended a hand which you shook and then internally died.

“Nice to meet you. Hate to dash but my date’s here and we should get seated,” Chris said giving Harry one of his trademark left boob grabs. “Thanks, man!”

Harry waved before looking back at you and taking in your fairly flustered appearance.

“What’s the matter love?” he queried. “You look you’ve just seen the ghost of David Bowie.”

“Well for starters I was running late so I ran here,” you paused for a breath. “Then I walk in and see that Harry’s played matchy-matchy with us,” you pause again. “And you know what you in yellow does to me.” He smirked evilly at this. He did in fact know.

“To top it off you’re talking to Chris Evans like I haven’t had embarrassing dreams about him.”

At the end of the rant Harry is positively bursting, his dimples on full display. He slips his hand to your lower back as he walks around the room greeting the few people in the room he hasn’t spoken to yet.

“Darling, Harry didn’t chose that dress, I did,” he corrected. “And I know you love Chris, may have invited him for just that purpose.” The smirk on his face was wider than Texas and you were so prepared to slap it off but instead you narrowed your eyes and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m gonna go find Lou,” you whispered. “At least she doesn’t make fun at my expense.”

You sashayed out of the room and off to the side stage. You didn’t see Harry’s appraising look. He enjoyed your body in yellow Gucci as much you enjoyed him in yellow Gucci.

You fiddled around with the band for a while as MUNA took the stage. You were purposefully avoiding Harry, you were a little upset with him but mostly your ovaries would explode if you and that yellow suit were too close for too long.

Once Harry took the stage you couldn’t take your eyes off him. Watching him dance, sing and joke his little heart out. You especially couldn’t take your eyes of his stupid thighs in those stupid trousers. Next time you and Lambert were in the same room he’d get an ear-full. When Sign of the Times started you knew the show was almost over. You crossed and uncrossed your legs. You shifted from side to side. You tucked your hands between your legs. No use, no use at all. The heat still roiled and soon you’d go mad.

As Harry pranced off stage, sweaty and high on adrenaline you snagged him by the pussy bow of his shirt and drug him to the green room. Once inside you locked the door and pushed him down on the couch. A predatory look on your face, Harry tucked his lower lip between his teeth and smirked both dimples on full display. You hiked up your skirt and straddled his lap.

“You have done nothing but make fun of me and look ridiculously good since I landed,” you moaned out. “So I’m just gonna take what I want.”

You rest your hips on his thigh and tilt your pelvis just slightly. You wrap your arms around Harry’s neck winding your fingers into his baby hairs. Harry watches you grind yourself, moaning when he feels the wetness start to seep through his trousers. One of his hands is on your hip giving you a rhythm and some extra pressure. The other finger makes its way into your underwear and presses your clit.

“Go on babe, take it,” he moans- watching your hooded lids and flushed cheeks.

You moan out with the mounting pressure in your belly push your pace. It’s so close you can feel it.

Harry pulls you in to him and begins nipping a hickey just behind your ear. The added sensation and the rumble of his moan pushes you over. Lights explode behind your eyelids and you drop your head back. Only your arms around his neck anchor you to Earth.

When you come to the first thing you register is Harry’s self-satisfied smirk.

“Thought I’d have to yell at Lambert the next time I saw him,” you remarked. “Maybe I’ll have to thank him instead.”

���Oi, it was my idea!” he interjected as the smirk dissolved into a pout.

“Or I could thank you, if you’d like,” you murmured.

“I think I’d like that very much,” he whispered with a searing kiss.

[badhomestuckfanfiction-blog]

Homestuck High - Chapter 3

Homestuck high Chapter 3: Dark magick and a lemon, a homestuck fanfic | FanFiction

this chapter contains ADULT CONTENT between john and rose!

~The author is either a child or a master of irony. I can't really tell

if u do not like it plz skip over it. im really enjoying riting this story but ill upload more 2morrow this is the last update for now I WANT REVIEWS

John and Rose were in a field holding hands and kissing.

~Check out this ADULT CONTENT YO!!!!!111!!

They were alone and the sun was high in the sky. Rose was in a long white dress and a sun hat and John was chasing her through corn and sunflowers.

~But weren't they holding hands? You can't hold hands with someone and be chasing them at the same time

He felt happy. She spun around and her silken gown brushed against the corn as she ran backwards in slow motion.

~How is that possible in real life

John went to grab her, but she moved out of the way and he stumbled over a giant cliff and fell into darkness.

~Woah what the hell. If the bottom is dark, that means it's a ravine, otherwise the sun would light it up. Why is there a giant ravine in a cornfield?

"John" a voice boomed as he hit the floor "I am the dark genie of precipice Araida!"

~Wat

Thunder boomed.

"You are yur frends are in GRAEVE DANGER" she said

~GRAEVE DANGER

"What do you mean!" John said he didnt want any harm to come to Rose so he was worried since they handnt had sex yet.

~Why is THIS your incentive to protect her?

"JADE IS PREGNANT WITH THE SON OF A DEVIL"

~Hey! Just because Dave has red eyes doesn't make him the Devil!

Aradia bombed

~Aradia bombed

as more thunder struck loudly "And Rose is NEXT"

"O M G" John giggled

~That is not the right reaction buddy

"you must destroy the dammed

~Dammed

incubes on a nigth when the moon is full and spill his blod onto Jade and make her drink it so it kills the baba!" Ariada proclaimed

~What the shit

"But WHO IS THE INUCUBS!" John demolished

~Why does the author always use really weird exclamation words?

as he clentched his fists.

Aradia glowed "You must find out for yourself john! UNLASH THE POWER FROM WITHIN AND DO NOT LET THE DEMON TANT YOUR ROSE OR SHE WILL WILT"

She handed him two plastic horns

~If they're Kanaya's horns and he uses them to flirt with Rose I will die happy

"When you put these on you will turn into my faithful demon sslayer ERIDAN"

~DAMMIT

she magistrated "He will serve you well"

"Ok" John said and he woke up

~IT WAS ALL A DREAM

"Oh your ok" Rose said and she hugged John

"What happened" John elaborated

~That's not what elaborate means

as Dave hugged him next.

Dave raged

~Every time the author uses a weird word to describe how someone says something an angel loses it's wings

"Dark magick came out of your mcdonnaldss burger and FOUND ITS WAY TO YOUR SOUL"

~What the hell

"How!" John demanded

~Through the power of TRANS FATS!!!

"we do not yet know" Tarvos clemenced "We think that by eating it it distrupted the forces within your purities"

~Or that

"oh my gog" John said seriously

~How do you say "oh my gog" seriously?

The next day at school the group sat in a dark corner away from everoyne else as hey tried to think what happened to Jonn. But John knew that deep down there was an demon after Rose's ovaries.

~That is one of the weirdest sentences I have ever read

He couldnt bare the thought of his love falling to such a trap.

"Maybe it was just food poisoning" Feferi helped

"No my legs began to shake with a need i have long forgotten when i saw the black aroma!" Tarvos said

~Wat

"Where are Jade?" Rose asked

Dave began to cry into Tarvos shoulder. John had a feeling in his gut that this was not a god sign.

~Quite the opposite, a demon sign

"She cheated on me with a college guy" he moaned into Tarvos. he was so upset.

~I only just realized that this entire setting of the trolls being on Earth and no one finding it at all weird makes no fucking sense

"OMG Dave" Vriska purred as she pulled his face into her boobs. Dave cried into them instead.

~What the fuck

"John we need to talk" Rose announced

"Ok" John said

They got up and went to a private part of the school where no one could see or hear them. John had a feeling that he would be getting lucky as some people call it but he knew he had to be carful. He couldnt risk getting his rose pregnant or the conseqences would be FATALITY.

"John" Rose moaned "Will u be my boyfriend?"

~Wait, you weren't already? Even after Out-of-character!Rose tried to have sex with you?

"Ok" John said

~Not "of course" or "I'd love to" or "absolutely", just "ok"

"So you will have sex with me then since thats what people do when they go out" Rose said

~That's quite a leap from "hey let's get to know each other better" to "hey let's fuck" but what do I know

John could not resist those gigantic bosoms in that tight school top were begging him to rip it off right here and plant his seed DEEP inside of her. but he had to control himself or things would get bad.

~This entire paragraph. Just. What. The. Fuck.

"I do not know Rose" John manifested "Maybe we should wait!"

"I AM TIRED OF WAITING FOR YOU JON. I WANT YOU TO PUT IT IN ME NOW."

~Rose, stop, this is sexual harassment

Rose did not need to say more. John teared open the girls school shirt and her boobies came springing out in a wave of bouncyness. They were like those bouncy balls, only they were softer. He ripped off her skirt and looked at her panties. there was water already dripping from her patnies and her thighs were wet.

~Oh dear god, it's getting worse

He took off his trousers and then ripped her panties into too feeling how wet they were between his hands. More water began leaking out of her flower while she moaned. She took off her bra and then pulled out Johns hard member and pressed it to her sacred area.

~Why do I do this to myself

"Put it in me Johnny!" she cried loudly.

~ROSE. STOP IT NOW

"Ok"

~Wow, John, you sure have a way with words!

John said and he put his shaft into her tight hole. It was hot and wet inside. She began orgasming and making sexual animal like noises.

~I did not expect this kind of thing to be in this story. This puts The Star Within's weird, overly-sexual make out scenes to shame

"Oh oh oh! Oh John! Pull it in a little deeper! Ooooooh yeah!" Rose exclamated.

~I can see why GeekToSpeak never made a part 3 to their reading

She clawed his back like a tigeress in heat and John contiued to deflower his sweet rose. He already felt close to consumating their love with his seed.

~John stop it now this is going to end badly

He could feel the water flowing out of her and onto the floor beneath them. It made him want to drink it all up and feed it to her.

~I have no words

he could not control himsellf any longer and they came together in one giiant orgasm.

~Does this mean it's over?

"JOOOOOOOOHN!" she moaned as he came deep within her carven, her flower oozing with the white liquid as he pulled out of her.

~This entire segment is fucked up on so many levels

"NO! John! Rose!" Jade's loud cry mewled.

~JADE, GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

They turned their sweaty heads

~I imagine some creepy scene of them with unchanging smiles slowly turning to her in sync

to see Jade struggling in the grasp of a man who looked more evil than ANY other man they had seen.

~I mean, you fought Lord Emglish, so I doubt that

His aura admitted a dark energy that made the clouds come together and boom lightening.

~That's not how science

"NOW THAT ROSE HAS BEEN GIVEN THE SEED I CAN PLANT MY SPAWN!" the evil man yelled

~Creep

"Sollux, it hath been a while!"

~That's some Caliborn-level shitty twist

Tarvos trembled as he, Feferi, Dave, Vriska and Gamzee all came running up to the area.

"John, use the power of my demon slayer to help Jade!" John heard aradia's voice call.

He reached into his pockets and pulled out the plastic horns and stuck them into his head. He felt himself morphing into a different being until he was no longer John but a purple capped man with thick rimmed glasses.

~the names ampora

~eridan ampora

~FUCK that sounded stupid, nevvermind

"Sollux" John's now deep Eridan voice boomed "It's time to duel.

john has transformed into eridan and sollux wants to plant his spawn! who will win! plz review and then u will find out!

~Was this story written by Karkat? Because it's CANCEROUS

~*badum, tchhhhhhhh*

~I’m not sure if I should tag this NSFW or not

[dwestfieldblog]

LIE BACK AND THINK OF...ENGLAND

Hello...Back once more from a jolly jaunt to the motherland, various weeks of mental and physical bad health interspersed with bursts of good humour and rabid hypo-mania. So nice to be trapped in my mind when alcohol free. So of course started smoking because I need some kind of pacifier. Back to Prague for blood tests again. Another temporary reprieve today, collapsing into coherence as all good systems should. Augmented chords are mysterious, the diminished are tension...unlike some sequences I could mention. Shame the owners of this site have used an algorithm to delete various pictures on my blog which involve nipples, regardless of whether they are actually from classical paintings. Art is being censored...Anyway...enjoying my middle aged adolescence, planning ahead for obsolescence...greetings to the readers from Canes Ventaci, why so Sirius? Smiling is healthy...

Who is the one who is living me now?   Da Free John

Religious news/olds...The pope says the church must never again hush up any abuse from its priests (in 2019, that's about (count them) one thousand, nine hundred and something days since the Church was founded with the help of a corrupt Emperor Constantine. Seems like a long time for a Christian group to get to show actual kindness, openness and morality huh? )Well Spotlight fans, it's a start eh? Compassion for your enemies and redemption for all. Or not.  

Only found out last month that the word Guru literally means heavy. As in serious. Hmm...or OM AH HUM if you prefer. Well Buddha looks quite hefty eh?

Asshat in Syria appears to have won and sees no shame in having started a war in which hundreds of thousands of his own people have been murdered and/or 'vanished', all for the sake of putting shopkeepers and students who protested for more freedom in their place. Chemical weapons, mass genocide and now a puppet state of Iran and Russia. Well, otherwise it would have been beholden to the USA and that is never a good thing either, ask Britain. Perhaps we can leave America after Europe and become the proud third world prison island to which we have been heading for the last few decades. Oh I am in a good mood this evening.

WOOL..a nice little village in England...received a letter from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) politely suggesting/demanding that they change their name, as the way in which wool is sheared from sheep is aggressive and cruel. Etc. As if being under attack from the Far Left and Right is not enough, the vegans and snowflakes are rising fast to destroy the last vestigial tails of sanity. 1984 meets the Matrix and Kafka and Huxley have a love/hate-child. For the record, I despise tally ho 'good sport' fox hunting as much as I do animal liberation maniacs. (Yes, I do like animals,...wolves, hawks, black panthers, butterflies, intelligent dogs and dolphins. And Krtek.) Wool will keep their name. So far. Amen. Oh Man...

Gender neutral EU parliament...most words with 'man' in them have all been replaced with less 'specific' terms. When I was a boy and I heard the term Mankind, I never thought of men, I thought of people all over the world. Shame so many adults cannot do this too...but wait, the EU...they have substituted mankind with Humanity. (Doesn't that have man in it too?) I would LOVE  to be present at one of these meetings where such semantically diseased people meet to waste life with such pointless new guidelines and turn a psychic death ray on them.  

At some point, one hopes that folk will swing back away from these extremes and find the middle path of balance. But I don't think it is likely. People will always have ideas because they have brains of varying types and according to nature or nurture and their egos, can make the most mind screwingly dumb thoughts into reality...but for this to happen in a widespread way, requires someone at the end of the process, who, when presented with such, has to approve of, validate, wave it on as a new legally accepted norm. These are some of the people with whom I would most like to have 'a word'. Know what I mean?

Meanwhile new buzz phrases abound...'I self identify as a'...fill in the blank. Choose your gender, you don't even have to have an operation or hormone replacement, just announce it to the universe and be free. However, an opinion is not a truth. (of course I include my own writings in this) If you KNOW you are in the wrong body, CHANGE your body. Hands up (in the air) all those who can remember a time when 'Gender fluid' just meant... fill in the blank again.  

Reminds me that Israel is still trying to push the fallacy (into a new globally accepted law) that criticising its government or latest in a line of corrupt leaders equates with racist anti Semitism. It isn't. No more than saying something critical of Angela Merkel for her immigration policy would mean the speaker is a sexist/misogynist. Or a hater of Germans. Same way that mentioning a self identifying sportswoman with a penis who has not yet had the op or hormone therapy is still a man until they commit fully to the sex they feel and know they are and is perhaps not ok to compete with other women while testosterone is in their blood...is not 'transphobic', just stating the obvious. And...

Lesbians who refuse to sleep with a self identifying woman with a penis are also not transphobic, they are making a choice about who and what they will sleep with. If one is not turned on by another human being, then they are not turned on by them. Of course, this is just an opinion and therefore quite possibly not a truth. But it seems reasonable and inoffensive eh? Unless you are a radical transpansexual. In which case my truthful opinion is that all radicals are mentally unstable dangerous lunatics to be avoided. Or try beetroot and carrot juice to eliminate the free radicals....

(That all said, I recall reading some years ago that one of the ultimate forms of humanity/was to be both sexes as one. So who knows? Not me, I never lost control, ha ha. Face to face with the womb man who sold the world. Would bring a whole new meaning to 'go f yourself'. Hermaphrodites come together in the end, alpha/ omega...)

'Nine months to get out, he said, and the rest of our fool lives trying to get back in'.

Perhaps this could be wonderful, with all identities blending into one understanding of life on this planet, were it not for the surplus of those types who will use every opportunity to mislead and manipulate for profit and power. At a school in Brighton (of course) in England, plans have been approved to teach children that all genders can menstruate. Yes, really. Why should 'girls' have all the fun eh? This is where we seem to be heading at greater and greater speed. Absolute bollocks/ovaries being taught as factual lessons. (Hmmm...a brief look with a third eye at history and stories accepted as fact and it can be seen that this is not all that new.)  

Putin's evil genius plan to continue being president after his term runs out (under current constitutional rules) is to absorb Belorusssia. Russia thus becoming a new federation which will need a new constitution and to hold an election which he will win. When that runs out, no doubt he will take over/invade/absorb Ukraine etc totally and go on until he is dead. Or everyone else is. Alpha males, huh?  

Speaking of which...More hours of CNN and their seemingly accurate reportage of all the utter, dreadful bullcrap from the useful idiot (for Moscow) Trump. Gleefully dissecting every nonsense statement from the blonde succubus's poison mouth. January 23rd, America remains in shutdown as he plays chicken with his entire country. Who will blink first? Reptiles can go for a long time without this. 'Waves of inquiries' look set to begin against the madman. 'Impeach the mother......' indeed. But after such a concentrated amount of watching and reading the news and the colossal amount of  negative light, ah do believe I have had enuff again.  

'I am He that was and is and shall be'. Apparently, Beethoven had this written down by his own hand on his desk from Egyptian Book of the Dead. 'Serenity is a problem when you've been this close to Heaven.'

('....thus, while the tangible has advantages, it is the intangible that makes it useful' Tao te Ching. Perhaps I will (or should) leave more blanks in this. Does every void need to be filled? China is now on the dark side of the moon, that just asks for a song to be written. Feel safe? Huawei, ha ha ha to everyone who bought their stuff.)

The Czech Republic (while still Czechoslovakia) had a Velvet Revolution, Russia has Pussy Riot and Britain has...? The old cliché true for the greater part was that in the First World War, the common soldiery were 'lions led by donkeys'. These days the majority of the 'common' folk seem like donkeys being led by the greedy into a knackers yard to be slaughtered for meat and glue. Here comes Brexit on a wave of misplaced expectation of regaining control over our destiny. Seems unlikely when the group mind of my country has sunk so deep into entropy, but that is just an opinion. Arf. 'Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way'.Roger Waters.

The young are still in favour of Corbybn and his highly dubious vision, regardless of the radical Momentum behind him who are very likely being supported financially by the Kremlin. Goddess bless our proud snowflake youth! Not going to be many 'safe spaces' available kids if he wins...Socialism with an inhuman face. Students in the West have yet to learn how evil this stuff is. For decades they have demonstrated against fascists real and imaginary, Conservative Thatcher policy, Republican reactionary hogwash etc. Perhaps they need to experience at first hand just what their student brethren in the East did from the end of the second world war to 1989. And beyond. The far Left sucks as hard as the far Right. Not all revolutionaries are as cool as Che Guevara. Kids, study China, Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea and other Socialist paradises, (if only for one hot hour) their governments kill a considerable amount more of their own people than do the democratic Western governments. There is a reason for this. All governments seek to control the narrative of what is taught in schools but not all of them kill you for questioning the story.  

Perhaps we deserve it, Britain has been coasting along, running on empty for a very long time now. The two faced 'civilised' Christian moral vacuum is being filled with many other equally unpleasant qualities. Optimism becomes a serious challenge when you are aware that some times various fires must run their course in order to burn out. Like Man. Just hope that the scorched earth policy of most of the global mode of thinking allows a spring to appear in the future. Or get the world leaders to an Alice in Wonderland party for mushroom tea. That might very well speed up the process of illumination before the Rubicon is crossed. Perhaps it has been.  

'Intelligence is the capacity to receive, decode and transmit information efficiently.' So how well are we all doing as a race? Call Pleaides 666 023 093...

True communication only possible between equals....all on different circuits...

Meow she said. Woof, he replied.  

Love from the dog star.  

[gossipnetwork-blog]

Dancing With the Stars Eliminates Another Celeb On One of the Weirdest Nights Ever

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/dancing-with-the-stars-eliminates-another-celeb-on-one-of-the-weirdest-nights-ever/

Dancing With the Stars Eliminates Another Celeb On One of the Weirdest Nights Ever

Welcome to Latin night!

Dancing With the Stars‘ grueling two-night second week continued on Tuesday, Sept. 26, and it wasn’t an easy night, as the judges were hitting the celebs with critiques as hard as they were hitting  the piñata backstage, particularly Len Goodman, who was coming off particularly curmudgeonly. And we couldn’t help but wonder if host Tom Bergeron was right when he asked the judges if they had hit happy hour before the taping, as they all seemed to be a little…loopy? Come on, Bruno Tonioli even fell off his chair after laughing so hard. Must be a day that ends in -y! (Perhaps they were not used to this grueling two-night schedule after so many seasons off of it?)

Still, happ hour or not, another couple was kicked out of the competition by night’s end: So long, Debbie Gibson and Alan Bersten, who followed in Barbara Corcoran and Keo Motsepe‘s footsteps straight out of the ballroom.

“This show in this sort amount of time and this guy right here, I feel like I got my life back, so I am so thrilled and we’re going to keep dancing,” Debbie, who suffers from Lyme disease, said after her elimination. 

Here’s a rundown of all of the night’s performances:

Nikki Bella and Artem Chigvintsev: 18/30 While she has no problem being sexy in the ring, the E! reality star did admit to being nervous about getting so close to her partner in their samba. “I’ve been with John Cena for five years now, and I haven’t bumped and grinded another man since then,” she said. 

Victoria Arlen and Val Chmerkovskiy: 20/30 One of  the early frontrunners was nervous about the rumba as it was “the dance of love,” according to her partner. But the judges liked seeing the new side of her, with Carrie Ann Inaba saying, “There was a vulnerability to you when you dance, I feel like I get to know you, and I think that’s really important in this journey.” Oh, and guess what? It was Victoria’s birthday, with the show presenting her with a big cake…and flowers from Taylor Swift . That’s right, Taylor sent Victoria a birthday gift after she danced to “Look What You Made Me Do” during Monday’s show. Best. Birthday. Gift. Ever.

Derek Fisher and Sharna Burgess: 19/30 After landing at the bottom of the leaderboard on Monday, the NBA legend bounced back with his paso doble, definitely improving. 

Sasha Pieterse and Gleb Savchenko: 22/30 Sasha and Gleb went to prom with their samba to “Most Girls” on Tuesday night, with Sasha opened up about dealing with cyber-bullying after she gained “70-ish pounds” in two years, later being diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), with one of the main symptoms being weight gain. “Most importantly, I’m feeling like me again,” Sasha said, revealing she had lost 15 pounds since starting the show. She earned one of the only positive comments from Len Goodman, who told her she had “sparkle.” 

Nick Lachey and Peta Murgatroyd: 19/30 Peta was hoping Nick could channel his first date charm that he used on wife Vanessa Lachey for their Argentine tango (except he couldn’t even remember it). But the ballroom was not happy with the judges’ comments, especially Len’s, or their scores. And they weren’t happy at the end of the two hours, when it was revealed Nick and Peta were in the bottom two. Uh-oh!

Jordan Fisher and Lindsay Arnold: 24/30 OK, so we can all agree the Hamilton star definitely has a real shot at taking home the mirrorball trophy, right? His samba was high energy and fun, with the crowd giving him a standing ovation. “You light up the room,” Bruno Tonioli said. (Also, let’s all side-eye Len complaining over Jordan training in tennis shoes.) 

ABC

Drew Scott and Emma Slater: 21/30 “It’s going to be getting sexy…but not really,” the Property Brothers star said ahead of his rumba. And ahead of his performance, Emma forced him to get a spray-tan as his stomach was “so pale.” You’re not an official cast member until you get a spray tan, right? The prep resulted in Drew’s “best dance” so far, per Len. Oh, and Bruno fell off his seat during Carrie Ann’s subtly shady critique of this performance, capping off truly one of the weirdest outings from this judging panel we’ve seen in 25 seasons. 

Debbie Gibson and Alan Bersten: 21/30 The couple, who were eliminated later in the show, hoped to put their chemistry on full-display during their Argentine tango, as it was praised by the judges in their previous outings. And Carrie Ann liked seeing the more “aggressive” side of the singer, with Len then calling her “a little strumpet.” Whoa, Len! Unfortunately, her best dance of the season was also her last. Womp-womp!

Vanessa Lachey and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: 23/30 Maks  was hoping to bring out Vanessa’s inner-party girl, the one she used to be when she worked at MTV in New York City, for the couple’s salsa, hoping to keep their streak of strong performances going. And they did just that, with Len calling Vanessa “a contender,” and Bruno telling her she “outshone” Maks. (Still, a 7, Bruno? Really?!)

Terrell Owens and Cheryl Burke: 19/30 Saying he is “a sexy individual,” Terrell was ready to get sexy with his samba, donning a fireman costume in the beginning of his performance. While Carrie Ann said it was “sexy,” she is still hoping to see more from the NFL legend. And Len does want to see more from the couple, cheekily saying, “Terrell and Cheryl, I hope you’re not in peril!”

Lindsey Stirling and Mark Ballas: 24/30 Though she comes from a “conservative family,” Lindsey was ready to do a sexy salsa for Latin night. “There’s going to be a lot of hips moving,” she said. And the violinist proved to be another strong contender this season, with Bruno saying  their dance left him “breathless,” and Carrie Ann calling it “incredible.” We were happy to see the judges make up for last night’s underwhelming scores, with Lindsey and Mark tying for second place.

Frankie Muniz and Witney Carson: 25/30 And we have the first nine of the season! Yes, Malcolm, he of the middle, earned the first nine from Bruno for his cha-cha. Could Frankie win this whole thing?!

DWTS airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.

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[notmoreflippingelves]

[feliciamontagues]

This photo (courtesty RadioTimes)  coupled with the fact that IMDB lists the S5 finale episode title as “The Penitant Man” makes me think that we may finally (finally!!!!) be getting the Flambeau-redemption-arc that we are so long overdue. (The melancholy look in Flamby’s eyes makes me especially feel that it’s coming).

As some of you may know,  Book!Canon Flambeau eventually changes his ways and becomes a private detective (and Fr. B’s unofficial partner), thanks to Fr. Brown’s ruthless persistence in reforming him. 

And as I for one was first introduced to the show through book!canon, I’ve literally been waiting for Flamby’s redemption-arc with bated breath since his introduction.  But have been especially curious to see how it come about, since show!Flamby is undeniably a far more complex character than his book counterpart in that so much of his criminal activities are wrapped up in his personal demons.

[notmoreflippingelves]

Father Brown + recent google searches

↳ Hercule Flambeau (Part 1)