#joel miller deserves a happy ending with his daughter | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

punkshort · 3 months ago

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Roommates | 10. just us two

Pairing: (ex)pornstar!joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You and Joel settle into your new lives together.

Chapter Warnings: language, alcohol and food consumption, massive quantities of fluff, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex (reader is on BC), oral sex (f!receiving), spanking, pussy pronouns, multiple orgasms, some sex tape action 👀

WC: 7.1K

A/N: Okay, we've reached the end of the road for these two! I can't believe I'm wrapping up another fic, jfc. Thank you so much for sticking around and expressing so much love and excitement for this story. It means so much to me that I'm able to share this part of myself with people who are just as happy as me about these characters. This chapter wasn't really necessary, most loose ends are already tied up but they deserved to be happy, so this entire chapter is just love and fluff and smut. Shout out to @txtattoostark for listening to me yap and for the watermelon moonshine inspo. Enjoy, and thanks again ❤️

Series Masterlist

One Month Later

Joel smiled to himself as he watched you in the kitchen with his mom from his spot in the living room. The old radio next to the sink, dusty and missing two buttons, was softly playing jazz music while you both worked on dinner. It wasn't the trailer park he grew up in. The small ranch house his mother bought with the life insurance money she received after his father passed away wasn't too bad. He begged her for years to let him give her some money, to buy her a place closer to town, to pay for new appliances at the very least, but she always refused. Instead, he found himself visiting her whenever he had a few days off so he could fix the sink or the washer or cut the grass.

He didn't mind. It was a good excuse to come visit. He enjoyed catching up and spending time with her.

But now, with you? Watching the way you seamlessly moved around the kitchen, laughing with his mom and stirring things in pots while swaying your hips in those tight denim shorts... yeah, this was different. This was much better.

"Hey, brother," Tommy said from behind, startling him out of his rosy daydream. Joel stood with a smile to engulf Tommy in a hug once he kicked off his shoes.

"You look tan," he remarked, then reached for Maria and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"New Orleans was sunny," Tommy said, holding some bottle of clear alcohol in his hand. "Brought back some moonshine. Watermelon. Mama's favorite."

"Oh, Tommy! Maria! You're back!" their mother cried from the kitchen before wiping her hands on a towel and hurrying over to the front door, her worn out blue slippers catching on the rug as she walked. "How was your honeymoon?" she asked after she squeezed them both within an inch of their lives.

"Amazing," Maria said happily. "We had such a great time. Have you ever been?"

Mrs. Miller shook her head. "Maybe James will take me one day."

"Is he here?" Tommy asked, handing his mother the liquor.

"No, he's visiting his daughter out of town this weekend. Come on, I have some snacks out."

The four of them entered the kitchen and you swiveled around with a big smile. Setting down the wooden spoon you were holding, you threw your arms around Maria's neck, then Tommy's.

"How was it?" you asked them, your eyes sparkling with excitement.

You and Maria fell into an animated conversation about some haunted ghost tour when Tommy cleared his throat and propped his hands on his hips.

The pair of you stopped talking to look at him questioningly, then realization dawned on you. You smirked and shook your head before digging into your back pocket to pull out a folded bill and slapped it into his palm.

"You were right, Tommy."

He laughed and tucked the money into his shirt pocket.

"Thought you mighta forgot."

Joel frowned and looked between the two of you curiously, but Maria seemed to know exactly what was going on because she was already chuckling to herself.

You glanced over at Joel, who was eating a cracker with cheese, and your expression softened. "Best hundred bucks I ever lost."

"The hell you givin' him a hundred bucks for?" Joel asked incredulously, but you just slipped your arms around his waist and rested your chin against his chest with a smile.

"I lost a bet," you told him.

He practically melted into a puddle under your touch. He couldn't get enough. After a year of denying yourselves or sneaking around, it felt so good to be open. He refused to ever take it for granted, so he tilted your face up and pressed a tender kiss against your lips. He felt your mouth twitch into a smile when Tommy groaned in fake disgust.

"Thought we were the newlyweds here."

You broke the kiss to shoot him a look over your shoulder.

"Try and keep up."

Joel tossed his head back and laughed, then released his hold on you so you could return to the stove. Maria washed her hands and picked up a knife to chop vegetables and Tommy reached for the bottle of moonshine their mother left on the counter.

"Let's crack into this," he said, and Joel nodded. He weaved through the kitchen to open up the cupboard where the glasses were kept, grabbing five tumblers. You were swaying again with the music and you gently knocked into him with your hips, just enough to tease him, and he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Watch yourself, baby," he warned with a wink before placing the glasses down next to Tommy so he could pour.

Joel couldn't remember a time he had seen his mother look so happy. The five of them sat around her dining room table, a table made for four but you all squeezed in, knees knocking together underneath, arms brushing against one another, and it felt perfect.

He leaned back in his chair after finishing his food, one arm draped along the back of your chair, his other hand loosely holding his glass of moonshine and he smiled. He tried to pay attention to Maria and his brother tell stories about their honeymoon, but he had a hard time looking away from you. Eventually, he stopped trying. His gaze slid down your face, admiring your smile and the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed.

He was so fucking lucky.

Tearing his eyes away to bring his glass to his lips, he caught his mother watching him across the table with a knowing smile. She winked at him before giving Tommy her attention once again and Joel felt his face warm.

Once dinner was over, he and Tommy stood to clear everyone's plates. A habit that was formed early on in their lives. Whoever didn't cook had to clean up.

After the dishes were done and the leftovers were packed away, the two brothers refilled their glasses and wandered out to the back porch where their mother, you and Maria had ended up.

Maria and Mrs. Miller were strolling around the yard, their mother pointing out plants and flowers and telling Maria some long winded story about each. The deer hate this one. Cindy up the street cut a chunk of this out of her garden for me, can you believe how big it is now? I got this from Home Depot on clearance half dead, look how good it's doing.

"Better go save her," Tommy murmured before jogging down the steps. Joel plopped himself next to you on the porch with a sigh and clinked your glasses together.

"Lucky you already got the flower tour earlier," he told you.

You bit your lip and chuckled. "She really loves her garden."

The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes. The sun was setting and you could hear the crickets coming to life all around you. Birds swooped anxiously overhead, rushing back to their nests for the night. A cool breeze floated through the air, rustling your hair and making you shiver.

"C'mere," he murmured, patting his thigh. You smirked and shook your head but put your glass down and stood to perch on his leg, wrapping your arms around his neck lovingly and giving him a chaste kiss.

He hummed in approval and licked his lips. "Taste good."

"Like watermelon?" you asked, fingers twisting around the long strands of hair on the back of his head.

He nodded. "And you."

You kissed him once again, lingering a bit longer that time so you could fully appreciate the softness of his lips between yours and breathing in deep the scent of soap still stuck to his skin.

Then voices began to grow louder behind you, indicating your alone time was coming to an end.

Tommy stumbled on the stairs leading up the porch and you turned around on Joel's lap. He wrapped his arms around your waist, keeping you right where you were, before teasing his brother.

"Better take it easy. You been out for two weeks at work, you ain't callin' in tomorrow 'cause you're hungover."

Tommy rolled his eyes and took your abandoned chair.

"Yes, boss."

"How are things at the bar, Joel?" his mother asked, sitting down with a sigh. "I'm so glad you found some work I can actually tell my girlfriends about without lying."

You stifled a giggle and glanced at Maria, who was also trying to hold back her laughter.

"Good, Mama," Joel said, ignoring her other comment. His chin came to rest over your shoulder as he spoke. "The remodel is done. Opened up the room so there's a place to dance. Easier for customers to move around. Everyone's been real excited to see the changes. Been busy."

"He's been working so hard, too," you added, twisting to your side so your fingers could lovingly rake through the hair on the back of his neck. "Some days I don't even see him."

Mrs. Miller gave you a sympathetic look but you could tell she was proud of her oldest son for venturing outside his comfort zone and applying himself.

"So you're all moved in, I take it?" Maria asked, and you nodded.

"Didn't really have much. Most of my things were still packed from when I moved out."

"She's been sprucin' up the place, too. You oughta see it," Joel said fondly. "Got pretty lookin' art on the walls, fluffy pillows and blankets for the couch. Actually got some food in the damn fridge, too."

Tommy laughed heartily. "That mean you'll stop swipin' fries and shit from the kitchen?"

"Hey, I'm payin' for those fries. I'll take 'em if I want 'em," he said with a scowl, then looked up at you, his eyes softening. "But it's nice to have dinner waitin' for me at home," he added, bringing a smile to your face.

"You were always terrible at cooking," you teased, tugging on his earlobe playfully between your fingers.

The night dragged on, the stars lit up the quiet night sky and Mrs. Miller eventually began to yawn, indicating it was time to head home.

Home.

It felt so right to think of it that way. It was where you belonged. But you knew it wasn't simply the house. You could have been living in a shack and you would still be just as happy because it was with him.

Joel gripped your thigh while he drove his truck with one hand on the steering wheel. The windows were down, the wind whipped at your face, tangling your hair when you turned your head to gaze over at him.

"See anythin' you like?" he teased when he spotted you admiring him from the corner of his eye.

You giggled and felt his fingers squeeze your bare leg.

"You know what I want?"

The corner of his mouth tugged upwards and his eyes darkened with excitement. "What's that, sweetheart?"

You seductively ran your palm up his arm, sighing at the way his muscles twitched under your fingertips.

"I would really, really love... a vegetable garden."

You laughed at the way his face fell in mock disappointment.

"I'll build you a vegetable garden," he finally said as he turned onto your street.

"Really?" you asked with a huge smile. He nodded and shot you a wink.

"'Course. Whatever you want, baby."

Joel stayed true to his word. About a week later you woke up on Saturday morning to the distant sound of a hammer beating a piece of wood in the backyard. Stretching a lazy arm out to your side, you pouted when you found Joel was missing.

Then the pieces slowly clicked together.

It was a rare weekend off for him. You had been talking about it for the past few days. He was looking forward to Tommy returning to work so he wouldn't be so short staffed and he could relax with you for two whole days. You didn't come up with any plans except laying in bed, ordering takeout and watching movies, content to just spend time together. But Joel sweetly surprised you by waking up early, something he absolutely detested, so he could build you the vegetable garden you asked for.

You lightly padded down the steps still clad in your tank top and shorts to grab a mug from the cupboard. The coffee pot sizzled with heat when you plucked it from the burner, half the liquid already gone. Once you fixed it the way you liked, you walked out onto the back deck and leaned over the railing, your mug cupped in both hands, to fully appreciate the sight before you.

Joel had his back to you as he crouched over a simple rectangular wooden frame on the ground. You could see the sweat collecting on the back of his neck and it made your mouth water. As your eyes traveled lower, you noticed the dark patches in his shirt forming at his collar and between his shoulder blades, making your thighs clench together while he worked, completely oblivious to you watching him, listening to him grunt and sigh when he lifted a new piece of wood.

You swallowed thickly before taking a sip of your coffee, your eyes never leaving his form while he stood to stretch his back. He lifted his hat from his head and wiped his brow with the back of his forearm and you sunk your teeth into your lower lip. Something was so fucking hot about him getting all sweaty and worked up, but on that particular day? When he was making you something, sacrificing his rare down time just for you? It lit a fire inside you that couldn't be tamed.

Before he noticed, you scooted back inside to fill up a glass of ice water. With your hand hovering over the door handle, you got an idea that sent a jolt of arousal right through you. Without giving yourself a chance to overthink it, you pulled down your shorts and underwear, kicking your panties off to land on the couch, and shimmied your shorts back on.

Your pulse was fucking racing with excitement when you stepped outside once again, but this time you made sure to make a little noise so Joel would hear you. When the door clicked shut, he turned around and grinned before setting down his tools and stepping into the shade.

"Thank you, darlin'," he murmured when you handed him the water.

"You're welcome," you replied, your hands clasping behind your back as you practically vibrated in place with nervous energy. His eyes flicked down your body curiously right when he was finishing up his drink.

"Sleep okay?" he asked, sensing something was off while he set the glass down on the deck.

"Mhmm," you said, a nervous grin spreading across your face. "Missed you, though."

He chuckled and wiped some sweat away from his face with the bottom of his shirt. Your mouth went dry and your eyes instantly locked onto his tanned stomach and the dark smattering of curls that led below his waistband. The sleep shorts you were wearing were thin. If they were a lighter color, you could probably see right through them if you really looked. As it turned out, they were also terrible at absorbing moisture because they were sticking uncomfortably to your inner thighs while you waited for him to notice.

"Huh?" you said when you realized he was speaking.

He shook his head and dropped his shirt back down. "I said, I'm makin' you the damn garden you wanted."

You inched forward and took his hand in yours. "Well, do you think it can wait? Because I need to show you something inside that needs your help."

Somehow, he was still not picking up what you were implying.

"Baby, I'm on a roll. I just need another hour, maybe two-"

You tugged the hand you were holding between your legs and his eyes widened when he felt the wetness waiting for him there.

"Sorry. Got tired of being subtle," you told him with a playful smirk. He whipped his head around, checking to see if any of the neighbors were out tending to their lawns or enjoying their morning coffee on their patios while his fingers hooked around the soaked material.

You saw in his face the exact moment he realized you were bare underneath your shorts. It was like his brain was buffering, desperately trying to calculate how long he allowed you to stand there practically begging to be fucked while he rambled on about a goddamn garden. The surprise in his features slowly faded into the hazy, lust filled gaze you were so familiar with, and you smiled triumphantly.

"Get your ass inside right fuckin' now before I do somethin' that'll get us both thrown in jail," he growled, something primal shifting in his face while his body flooded with arousal, his need for you dripping heavier in his veins with each steady beat of his heart.

You squeaked and covered your ass when he swat at you from behind, then you hurried past him, back into the house.

Looking back on it, to think you would have made it upstairs to your bedroom was comical. His hands grabbed your hips halfway up the carpeted steps, pulling you down as you laughed giddily and pretended to try to fight off his attack, clawing fruitlessly at the stairs while he smiled into your lower back where his mouth was alternating kisses and bites across your skin.

"You wanted attention, you got it," he mumbled before yanking your shorts down and sinking his teeth into the flesh of your ass. Not enough to really hurt, but enough to make you yelp in surprise and leave a few linear indents in your skin.

Joel usually took his time with you. He preferred it that way. He liked to watch your face as he tormented you between your legs. He liked to see what new sounds he could pull from your throat when he changed an angle.

But not that day.

No, that day he yanked your shorts all the way off, tossing them over his shoulder and down the steps before grabbing your hips with his hands, all rough and sweaty from working outside.

You braced yourself for the inevitable stretch, the welcome yet slightly painful intrusion that you yearned for, but what happened next shocked you.

Your eyes widened and you gasped when you felt his mouth descend on your pussy from behind, his tongue immediately setting an intense pace, which was a change from the way he usually ate you. But speed and passion weren't the only variation. He never, ever went down on you from behind before.

"I- J-Joel, what are... oh," you moaned, eyes fluttering closed as he lapped eagerly at your core. Instinctively, you spread your hips and sunk down further onto his mouth. Your cheek was rubbing harshly against the carpet and your lips were parted, allowing a small trail of drool to trickle down your chin. If you had any awareness left, you might have cared, but the pleasure he was building between your legs left your brain completely numb.

"Oh, fuck yes, Joel - keep going, just like that," you groaned, reaching behind you blindly to grab a fistful of his hair. "Fuck you and that fucking mouth," you gasped when his tongue flatted against your clit. He chuckled against your core but didn't stop. His hand slid up the back of your thigh and gave your cheek a firm jiggle before smacking his palm down across your ass. You jolted forward, your forehead bumping up against the next step, and cried out for more so he did it again, but on the other side.

"You like that?" he panted, pulling away from you for just a moment to catch his breath. You arched your back, giving him a generous view of the mess he left between your legs and he was afraid for the first time ever that he might come completely untouched. He inhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of his nose when he saw your cunt pulse, calling to him like a goddamn siren at sea. "Fuck, so beautiful," he growled before closing his eyes and picking up right where he left off.

His thumbs spread your lips so his tongue could tease your entrance, scooping up your arousal and rutting his hips against the stairs, eating you like he was about to go off to war.

"I'm... oh, shit, Joel!" you exclaimed, pulling at his hair roughly so he wouldn't dare try to stop when you were so close to your climax. And he could sense it. He was good at that. He knew what you needed sometimes before you even knew. So once again, he brought his palm down sharply across your ass, a little harder that time but not too much. Just enough to leave a few seconds of sting, electrifying your nerve endings and pulling you over the edge.

Two tears rolled down your cheeks when you came. The little bit of pain from his hand and the carpet digging into your cheek and knees mixed with your pleasure in such a way that it left you breathless.

Finally, once he felt your legs begin to tremble and whimpers fell from your lips, he pulled away with a deep gasp. His eyes were pinned to the way your pussy looked; all drenched with a combination of his spit and your release, and he cursed under his breath.

"She looks so fuckin' good, baby, wish you could see what I see," he murmured, mesmerized as he continued to stare without any shame. You hardly had any of your senses. Your breath was ragged and your throat was dry but still, you tilted your chin and whispered, "show me."

A wide smile stretched across his face and his eyes lit up.

"Yeah? You'd let me take a picture of this pretty pussy?" he asked, but he was already digging in his back pocket for his phone. You nodded, eyes still closed.

When both his hands left your waist, you arched your back a bit more and spread your legs, presenting yourself to him. You heard a deep groan rumble from his chest and he whispered, "fuckin' natural, baby," before you heard the shutter on his phone. One, two, three times at least you heard the familiar little click, click, then he leaned over your slumped body and slid his phone in front of your face.

"See? Look at you. Look at what I get to see," he murmured into your ear. Your eyes opened and widened as you stared at your wrecked pussy on the screen.

"Oh, wow," you breathed, not expecting at all to find it sexy, but you did. You fucking did. "Look at what you did to me," you said, craning your neck over your shoulder. His eyes flickered with heat and his mouth crashed down onto yours.

"Just wait til I split you open on my cock," he said, his voice rumbling against your back. "Have you all stuffed full with my cum. Now that's a pretty sight."

You groaned and shakily pushed yourself up.

"I'm begging you, please, Joel... do not fuck me on these stairs. My knees are killing me."

He laughed and helped you stand, legs wobbling just a little.

"Nah. I got an idea and we can't do it here."

You laid underneath the covers in bed, your lower half still bare and your tank top still on while you nervously chewed on your lower lip, watching Joel at the foot of the bed tinker with a camcorder he had buried somewhere in his closet that he swore up and down he never used with anyone else.

Never wanted to before, he had said when you eyed it suspiciously after he explained he swiped it from a set when it was used as a prop in one of his films years ago.

"Battery's dead but I'll just leave it plugged in," he said, then he flipped out the little screen tucked into the side of the device and swiveled it around so it was facing out. He set it on his end table and adjusted it until he was satisfied with the angle, then looked over his shoulder with a grin.

"You sure?" he clarified again. Your eyes flickered from him to the camera, then back again.

"Yeah," you squeaked, your voice very clearly betraying you. His gaze softened and he leaned across the bed to press a chaste kiss against your forehead.

"We don't gotta do this," he assured you. "I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."

"No," you replied, shaking your head. "I want to, I'm just nervous."

He scoffed and readjusted himself so he was lying next to you, blocking the idle camera.

"Nothin' to be nervous 'bout. It's just for me 'n you," he murmured before cupping your face and pressing his lips tenderly against yours. When his tongue swiped over your bottom lip, you sighed and looped your arms around his neck, melting into his embrace and deepening the kiss. His hand slid down from your cheek to squeeze your breast, groaning a little when he pinched your nipple through the fabric of your tank top.

His lips dragged down to your jaw, his teeth grazing your throat until he found a spot he liked and latched on while pushing the sheets from your body. The anticipation bubbled up while his hand continued to travel lower, your legs instinctively falling open for him. You finally relaxed when he successfully distracted you with his fingers through your folds and gasped as he slid two inside you with ease.

"Oh, yeah, you're ready for me," he moaned into your neck, his erection bordering on painful. He exhaled shakily when one of your hands wrapped around his length and began to gently stroke him, your palm so soft and warm that he almost forgot about the camera.

"C'mon, baby, sit up f'me," he said, pulling his hand from between your legs and leaning back so he could kick his jeans off. You scrambled to sit, your breaths coming in shallow pants as you watched him tug his shirt over his head. When he reached for the hem of your tank top, he paused and turned to tap the record button on the camcorder. Instantly, your limbs went rigid and your hands fell to your lap, covering yourself, but when he turned back to you he pinched your chin in his fingers, pulling your nervous gaze from the camera lens.

"Eyes on me," he told you, his voice low and deep, sending a shiver down your spine.

You nodded and raised your arms so he could peel off your tank top. He tossed it onto the floor and sat back on his heels to admire the way your tits sat exposed to him, his eyes darkening when your nipples hardened with arousal. He lunged forward and took one in his mouth, his hot, wet tongue lavishing your pebbled skin before switching to the other one. You tipped your head back and moaned, mouth open as you stared up blankly at the ceiling, your fingers rising to get tangled in his hair.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, planting little kisses all over your chest and circling his arms around your ribs, tugging you closer. You wrapped your legs around his waist, trembling when his cock pressed between your bodies, his erection sliding through your wet heat and suddenly you couldn't breathe.

"I-I need you," you whimpered, weakly lifting your hips into his lap.

"I know, baby, I know," he hummed. One hand dropped to cup your ass so he could reposition his legs underneath you, then flexed his hips so the tip of his cock lined up with your opening. "Want me to fuck you just like this? Sittin' in my lap?"

You nodded, your eyelids heavy with desire as you tightened your grip around his neck. The second he pressed into you, you gasped. He watched with adoration as your eyebrows pinched together in concentration, breathing deep and slow as you relaxed and slowly took him.

"Joel," you whispered, jaw slack. "Joel, I love you."

He moaned and pulled your hips flush with his, forcing you to take the last few inches all at once. "I love you, too, baby. Christ, you're incredible. Fuckin' look at you."

Look at you. His words made you remember the camera. Your eyes flickered over to the little rectangular screen, the outline of your bodies perfectly centered, and you swallowed tightly.

"Pretend like it's the mirror," he whispered in your ear as he began to gently rock in and out, "just like the mirror at the hotel, okay?"

You nodded and sighed, your shoulders loosening and your muscles relaxing as you began to roll your hips in rhythm with his. He tightened his grip around your middle, his body engulfing you in warmth. You rested your head on his shoulder as he continued to fuck you nice and slow, stretching you out around him, reaching depths that had you reeling.

This was it. There was nothing else outside those four walls. You had everything you ever wanted right there. The way he kissed you, touched you, made love to you always left you feeling so safe. Deep down, you always knew he was the missing piece in your life, the mysterious thing you kept searching for in others and were always left disappointed. Because nobody else ever loved you and cared for you the way he did.

"I'm so lucky to have you," you told him, your tongue dragging up his neck, collecting the dried sweat with a moan. You began to bounce in his lap a little faster and he immediately matched your pace with thrusts of his own.

"I'm the one who's lucky," he said through clenched teeth. He exhaled heavily through his nose and tucked his chin to his chest so he could watch himself disappear inside your cunt. "So soft. Softest pussy. So fuckin' warm and wet, you feel so good. Goddamnit, every fuckin' time..."

You smiled to yourself as you listened to him ramble. "Maybe we're both lucky."

He chuckled and you gasped when his cock brushed up against that one spot that made you see stars. You feverishly grabbed his face with both hands and bit desperately at his lower lip, pulling it between your teeth and making him groan.

Your body was loose and pliant now, so with more confidence you quickened the roll of your hips, relishing in the way his cock felt dragging in and out of you, how your clit rubbed against the coarse hair at his base, in the noises you managed to pull from his throat each time your skin slapped together.

"Yeah, that's it, baby. Show me what you like. Oh, good girl," he groaned, hands sliding up your back to hold you as you began to lose yourself. He could see it in the look in your eyes and the way your fingers dug into his shoulders.

It was the most beautiful fucking thing.

Your body moved perfectly in tandem with his, your sharp gasps and his deep groans filling the room, the camera long forgotten by now.

"Oh, god, I'm close," you whimpered as you felt the heat that had been building begin to quickly creep up and spread through your stomach. "Oh, fuck. Oh, god... Joel, don't stop, please..." you begged, your breath coming in ragged gasps as your vision began to blur.

"I ain't stoppin'. C'mon, give it to me, lemme feel you," he growled. He snapped steadily into you now, each thrust punctuated by a grunt while his eyes locked on yours, watching with pride as you crumbled and fell apart, your walls squeezing him so beautifully as you came that it nearly pulled him right over the edge with you.

It happened fast. One second you were in his lap, your body tingling with the aftershocks of your orgasm and the next he had pulled out of you and flipped you onto your hands and knees. Only when you felt his thick cock slide back inside did you fully realize you had switched positions. And shit, taking him from that particular angle always was so much more intense, but combined with the fact that your new view included the camera in the corner of your eye made everything so much more powerful.

You could fucking see him now and you couldn't look away, completely entranced with the way his face looked as he slammed into you. His mouth hung open as he looked down at you with what could only be described as complete and utter desire. You could feel his hand running up the length of your spine but you could also see the look of worship in his eye, the way his face twisted in pleasure when he watched your ass ripple from the force of his hips, and you felt a heavy wave suddenly crash over you once again.

"Oh, fuck!" Joel groaned loudly as he watched another orgasm shoot through you. His hands grabbed at your waist to try to keep you still, but you were trembling everywhere and you couldn't hold yourself up any longer.

You fell onto your elbows, the side of your face pressing into the bed while he held up your hips, fucking into you harder now that he could tell you were spent. "I'm gonna come, baby, I'm -" he cut himself off with a desperate whine, the buildup from the past hour or so becoming too much and causing his release to intensify.

Your bodies finally stilled and he pumped you full of his spend, his groans getting caught in his throat as he pulsed inside you. He watched in a daze when his cum started to leak out even though he was still inside, and without thinking, he snatched the camera from the bedside table so he could get a close up.

"Fuckin' hell, baby," he whispered hoarsely, chest heaving and hands shaking as he held the camera at his chest, pointing it down to where you were connected. "So glad you're back on the pill. Fuckin' beautiful, all full of me like this. Shit," he muttered, swiping a finger to collect some of his release to rub it over your clit. With a whine, your body jolted forward and he chuckled before dropping his hand, knowing you were too overstimulated.

"Joel," you whispered tiredly. Your eyelids were heavy and your thighs were shaking from the effort of holding yourself up.

"I know, baby, just one more thing and then I'll clean you up," he promised. He took a deep breath and steadied the camera before slipping out of you.

He made a pained noise in the back of his throat when he watched through the lens the way your body leaked of him, your pussy all swollen and stretched out, completely fucked, messy and used.

"Jesus," he croaked, wishing he could keep filming but your body sagged forward and he stopped the recording before tossing the camera onto the other side of the bed so he could check on you.

"You alright?"

You nodded, eyes closed, lips bitten raw, hair a complete mess but you still wore a satisfied smile.

"Tired. I think I'm gonna just..." you yawned and stretched out your shaky limbs. "Just gonna close my eyes for a sec."

He grinned and stood up to go to the bathroom, plucking a couple clean washcloths from the linen closet and wetting them both under the faucet so he could clean himself up with one and take the other back to you.

"Did you eat?" he asked softly as he gently and carefully dragged the washcloth through your thighs. You shook your head, eyes still closed. "I'm gonna go make you somethin'. Gotta eat, honey," he whispered before kissing the top of your head and covering you with the sheet. But by the time he came back upstairs with a bagel and cream cheese, you were fast asleep.

So you're getting married, then?

Well, he hasn't really asked me, not in so many words.

Four, you mean?

Huh?

Well, that's how many it takes: will you marry me?

Your eyes fluttered open when you heard two familiar voices reciting an even more familiar dialogue from the television, the volume turned down so low, you could hear the neighbor's dog barking from four houses down.

Joel shifted in bed next to you as quietly as he could, unaware you had awoken. You peered up at him, hair all messy, chest still bare, and you smiled when you caught him stifling a laugh at Audrey Hepburn.

"Hey," you said, voice coming out rougher than you expected, so you cleared your throat. He immediately muted the television and turned toward you, grinning as his eyes raked up and down your sleep-addled face.

"Hey, yourself," he said softly. He pushed the hair off your face, letting his thumb linger on your cheek while he continued to examine you closely. "Feelin' okay?"

You nodded and yawned, stretching your sore legs out underneath the blankets. "You fucked me into a coma."

He laughed heartily and rubbed his palm over his chest, embarrassment flushing his bronzed skin.

"But I guess that's what I get for shacking up with a pornstar," you added with a giggle. He tossed his head back and laughed even louder at that and you couldn't resist, his happiness too infectious. You inched forward and nuzzled into his side, his arm dropping to wrap around your shoulders.

When the laughter died down, he gazed lovingly at you and, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear, reminded you, "ex-pornstar, but I suppose old habits die hard, huh?"

"Mm, maybe, but that's okay," you said, tracing light, invisible patterns on his stomach. "It's nothing I can't handle."

He cocked an eyebrow at you and smirked. "Careful, or I might have'ta hold you to that."

"Bring it on, superstar," you whispered before leaning up and pressing a gentle, soft kiss against his mouth. You licked your lips and hummed before looking up at him through your lashes. "Cream cheese?"

"I made you a bagel, but you fell asleep," he admitted, "but figured we could relax the rest of the day. Order in, watch movies... just like we said we would."

"I don't remember saying we would do all that naked," you teased.

"Thought that was implied, baby," he said with a frown. "You shacked up with a pornstar, what'd you expect?"

What did you expect? Did you ever imagine your life would turn out the way it did? Sitting in bed with a sheet wrapped around you, eating Chinese food and watching a Turner Classic Movies marathon with the man of your dreams? You always wished for it; before you met, after you became friends, while you were carrying on an illicit affair, and even when you weren't on speaking terms, you always, always wished for it. But did you ever really think it would come true?

You couldn't really remember, and at that point, it didn't matter. Because you didn't care how you got there, just as long as you were together, you were happy.

You did exactly what he said you would do. You stayed in bed until the sun began to set, wasting the whole day away curled into his side watching old movies and pointing out your favorite parts, exactly the way you used to.

It was around nine when Joel suggested going out for ice cream. Let's get out, stretch our legs and walk along the river, he had said after vowing to finish your vegetable garden the next day.

And on your way out, your hands fused together even while he struggled to lock the door one handed, you looked at the chairs on his porch and smiled to yourself.

"What's that for?" he asked, tapping your cheek lovingly while you walked side by side to his truck.

"Nothing, it's stupid," you told him with a shrug.

"Ain't nothin' you got to say is stupid to me."

You sighed when he let your hand go so you could round the truck and hop into the passenger seat. After you clicked your seatbelt into place, he put the keys in the ignition but waited to turn it on. Instead, he looked at you expectantly with his eyebrows raised.

"Fine," you mumbled, "I'm gonna sound fucking crazy, but... fine."

"Oh, well now this I gotta hear," he said.

You gave him a look before turning in your seat to face him. "The chairs on your porch." He nodded.

"So far, not crazy."

You rolled your eyes. "Remember when I came by to drop off the shirts for the Jack and Jill party?"

He nodded again and you could feel the self-consciousness begin to creep up.

"We weren't on great terms back then. I had just found out you bought a house. I felt like I hardly even knew you anymore. And I was so damn nervous, I didn't want to fuck things up even more than I already had, but when I saw you had two..." You paused when you saw the flicker of understanding cross his face. "I thought you maybe found someone else. I know. It's crazy, like I said."

Joel smiled and reached his hand across the seat to lace together with yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles.

"Got the second one for you."

Your eyes snapped up to his in surprise.

"What?" you breathed.

He gave you a shrug and tilted his head bashfully. "I was just waitin' for you."

Tears welled in your eyes as you fumbled with the seatbelt, unbuckling yourself so you could stretch your body over to his seat and pull him into a deep kiss.

"I thought I lost you," you whispered against his mouth, and he chuckled.

"You didn't. I was all yours that very first night, sweetheart."

You didn't even try to deny it. He was right. It seemed so obvious now. Why didn't you see it back then? But before you began to mentally chastise yourself for being so bullheaded, you stopped. You couldn't change the past, something you've been learning to accept in therapy for months now, but what you could do was focus on your future. And while you sat next to Joel as he drove towards your favorite ice cream place in town, windows down and stars twinkling in the sky, you smiled because your future together looked pretty damn bright.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #joel miller fanfic #joel tlou #joel miller tlou #joel x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #the last of us au #roommates fic

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honeyedmiller · 8 months ago

Text

A Burning Desire part three

firefighter!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

rating: 18+, minors dni.

warnings: joel miller au, firefighter!joel, reader feels anxious for a bit, feelings, fluff, the miller brothers line dancing (that deserves its own warning bc whew... anyway), the cowboy hat rule!!!, slight smut (joel and reader get touchy and rub up on each other, making out, fingering), no use of y/n.

word count: 5.6k

synopsis: joel invites you over for a barbecue, and you end up unexpectedly meeting sarah while also rekindling with someone from your past. it isn’t until you talk about joel aloud to someone who isn’t your sister that you realize how deeply you feel for him.

a/n: thank u to @endlessthxxghts for letting me brainstorm about this chapter, and giving me the cowboy hat rule idea... ;)

You were nervous.

Nervous as hell.

The slightly anxious part of you wanted so desperately to back out of today’s plans, but you promised Joel you’d be at his place.

He was throwing a barbecue at his house and had invited you, and originally, Sarah wasn’t supposed to be there. Her friend got sick, so she ended up staying home.

You hadn’t known Joel for more than a month at this point, and the prospect of meeting his daughter and being introduced as the “woman he’s been dating but not quite his girlfriend” terrified you.

The last thing you wanted was for Sarah to dislike you, because you couldn’t bear the thought of the one person in Joel’s life who’s opinion mattered most to him not being very fond of you.

Joel said she’d been okay with him dating and only wanted to see him happy, but wasn’t it too soon? The last thing you wanted was to wedge yourself between the father-daughter duo.

Then again, your feelings for Joel had hit you full-force, and you were in it with him—for him. You’d cried to your sister over the phone about being scared of feeling things too fast, but she reassured you: if you know, you know.

Nobody has ever made you feel the way Joel makes you feel. Your thoughts may’ve been repetitive with what you felt, but that’s how you knew you were so sure about him. He was a breath of fresh air in a place full of smoke (no pun intended).

You were just worried what Sarah would think. Some might think it’s ridiculous to let a fourteen-year-old’s opinion matter so much in this circumstance, but that girl was Joel’s whole world. Her opinion of you mattered and could quite literally make or break your relationship with Joel.

You’d be devastated if it didn’t work out.

You nervously tapped on the steering wheel as you stopped at the last stop sign before turning onto Joel’s street.

The quaint neighborhood just outside of the city was chalk-full of cookie cutter homes, looking like it belonged in a friendly neighborhood magazine.

Several cars were parked in front of his house, but he’d texted you to park in his driveway beside his truck. It was sweet that he saved that spot for you. Another truck was parked in the driveway as well, and you assumed by default that it was Tommy’s.

You grabbed the tray of cookies out of the passenger seat after you’d gotten out and smoothed your sundress to straighten it out. Joel said everyone at the firehouse loved your cookies, especially him and Tommy, so you made them as a surprise to bring for a dessert option today.

Nerves coursed through your veins as you made your way up the front steps of his porch, ringing the doorbell. The chime went off in the house with a muffled “I’ll get it!” coming from the other side of the door.

A few seconds later, the door opened and you were met with a smiling Tommy.

“Hey there sweetheart, c’mon in.” He stepped aside and you thanked him as you entered the house. It was your first time over, so you took a second to take in your surroundings.

Many family photos clung neatly to the walls, the leather couches in the living room adorned with quilted blankets, an array of DVD’s scattered around the entertainment center, a well-worn but gorgeous coffee table that sat atop the huge area rug, and the mantle above the fireplace full of trinkets from past trips and a few of Sarah’s soccer trophies.

You smiled as you took in the scene before you, really admiring how cozy the home looked. It looked lived in and well loved, and it was all very much Joel. Simple, yet homey and functional.

“Ooh, are those the same cookies you made for us back at the firehouse?” Tommy motions to the tray in your hand, bringing you back to present time.

“They are. Thought I’d surprise you and Joel with these again.” You laugh as Tommy’s eyes light up, leading you to the kitchen.

“Don’t blame me if these are all gone by the end of the night. You should give your recipe to Sarah. She loves to bake.” He groans as he takes a cookie from the tray, biting into it.

You have to stifle a laugh at his genuine reaction. You knew your cookies were decent, but not as good as the Miller brothers made them out to be.

“Speaking of, where’s your counterpart?” You teasingly ask, too shy to go into the backyard and introduce yourself to the array of people chatting and having a good time.

You didn’t do too well in new settings, so it would take you a little while to warm up.

“Ah, he’s cookin’ on the grill.” Tommy jerks his head toward the sliding glass door that leads out the backyard, and you follow in his footsteps as you walk up to the main man of the gathering.

“Oh Jooooeeellll,” Tommy calls out with you in tow, “Found your girlfriend for ya.” He teases, and your heart skips a beat at that. You’re just dating the man. It wasn’t anything official yet, and somehow it just seemed so fitting.

Joel didn’t correct Tommy either, which you took note of as his gaze averted to yours. A smile immediately spread onto his lips and he pulled you into a hug, kissing your forehead. You took a second to study the contrast of his tan skin against the white linen shirt he was wearing with the first few buttons undone, and the Raybans that sat comfortably on his face. You held in a groan, because fuck he looked so good, once again. Does this man ever look bad?

“Hey baby.”

Your face heats at the public display of affection, but it dawned on you that he was never trying to hide you or keep you a mystery like you were doing to him.

Well, your sister knew about him of course, but everyone else in your family didn’t have the faintest idea. They were too overbearing sometimes, and you wanted to be official with Joel before you even said a word to anyone about him.

“Hi handsome. I brought some cookies but left them inside. Thought I could surprise you again with them.” You grin at him, and he smiles as he pulls you into his side.

“I’m gonna let you two lovebirds have a moment to yourselves. Gonna go find my lady and introduce you to her.” Tommy pretends to tip an invisible cowboy hat and sends a wink your way. You huff a laugh and shake your head at his wit.

“He always that charismatic?” You question, and Joel laughs.

“It’s even worse when he’s drunk.” He rolls his eyes, and you bury your smile in his bicep. You wrap your arm around his back as you watch him work the grill, flipping hamburgers and chicken that are seasoned to perfection.

“‘M glad you could make it today, darlin’. Was startin’ to miss ya real bad. Those twenty four hour shifts kick my ass, I tell ya.” He sighs and gives your body a light, playful shake.

“Of course, Joel. I missed you too.” You gave his shoulder a kiss before Tommy called your name to avert your attention to him. Your eyes flit to the woman he has his arm wrapped around, and your eyes widen in shock.

“This is my girl–”

“Maria?” You interrupt Tommy, and her smile spreads wide.

“Oh my god! Hey you! How long has it been?” She’s laughing as you two embrace each other while the Miller brothers give each other a confused glance.

“Four years I think? How are you?” You grin, separating from her, holding onto her forearms.

“Wow I can’t believe it’s been that long. I’m great! Just dealing with this guy over here,” She juts her chin over to Tommy, and his eyes flicker between you two.

“Sooo you two know each other?” He asks, and you both laugh in unison.

“We used to work together at the same company. Our cubicles were across from each other.” Maria explains, and you nod along.

“Well I’ll be damned. Small world!” Tommy grins, patting Joel on the back harshly. Joel glares at his brother and rolls his eyes, turning back to the grill to take the food off and place it into the foil pans next to him.

“Dad, is the food done yet? You hear a voice call, and you stiffen up immediately. Maria notices your change in demeanor and gives your arm a squeeze of reassurance, which you exchange for a weak smile.

A curly-haired girl with bright green eyes comes into view. He turns to look at her and nods, motioning to the foil pans.

“Lemme fix you up a plate. But first, I want you to meet someone.” He says, and he holds his hand out to you. Maria releases your arm so you can step forward and grab Joel’s hand, and Sarah’s bright green eyes meet your gaze.

“This is the woman I’ve been datin’. Darlin’, this is my daughter Sarah.”

You extend your hand to her with a sincere smile, hoping she didn’t pick up on your nerves.

“Ah, so you’re the woman my dad can’t stop talking about!” She laughs, flashing you her gorgeous smile.

“Oh really?” You quirk an eyebrow up and look at Joel, nudging him playfully.

He raises his hands in defense, “Guilty as charged.” You huff a laugh at Joel and shift your gaze back to Sarah.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you as well.”

“Do you mind if I steal her for a second, dad?” Sarah asks, and you can’t help but feel extremely anxious. You genuinely don’t think a fourteen year old has ever made you so frazzled with nerves like this before.

You follow her to the lounge chairs by the pool, taking a seat across the one she sat in.

She slaps her thighs with her hands, a small smile evading her lips.

“So,” She starts, seemingly collecting her thoughts. “This isn’t some ‘what are your intentions with my dad’ intervention, I promise. But, like, I really hope you’re serious about him.” She looks at you with apprehension in her eyes, and you’re a bit taken aback by her words.

You could’ve guessed this was coming. Judging from what Joel has told you about their relationship, it was only fitting that she’d be so protective of him.

“I’ve seen him get hurt before. Not just by what my mother did, but with other women, too. I honestly think you’re the first woman who didn’t skip out on him after finding out he has a kid.”

“That would never make me run. Your bond with your father is something that’s so strong, and I would never want to come between that. I can promise you that your dad has a better chance at breaking my heart than I do breaking his.”

“He won’t. He’s a good man and he deserves someone kindhearted like you. I can tell you are. I’m glad you two found each other. I haven’t seen him this happy and relaxed in… a long time.” Sarah laughs, and you can’t help but smile at her admission.

“I pinky promise I’ll treat him great. He’s a real special guy, and I like him a lot.” You hold your pinky out to her, and with a beaming smile, she hooks her pinky with yours and gives it a little shake.

“I know. It’s just nice to finally see him getting his feelings reciprocated back to him. Most women only romanticize the uniform he wears and not the person he actually is.”

“Well, I gotta say, they all definitely missed out on an amazing man.” And part of you was thankful for that, which is something you didn’t want to admit aloud.

Because if it weren’t for those women in his past that didn’t work out with him, you would’ve never had a chance with him. You glance over at Joel, and he was chatting with some other guests. You couldn’t help admire him and his calm, happy demeanor.

As if he senses you looking, he turns his head in your direction to meet your gaze and winks. You offer him a soft smile before turning back to Sarah.

“They are, but something tells me you’re here to stay. Not saying that to like, I don’t know, scare you off or anything, but you and him really do make a nice couple.”

“Actually,” You huff a laugh and glance over at him once more, “He hasn’t asked me to be official or anything yet. I am here for the long haul, though, and I want you to know that I respect you and your relationship with your dad. I wouldn’t ever want to overstep any boundaries.”

Sarah groans and huffs, rolling her eyes as she looks over at Joel. “This man, I swear. Want me to yell at him for you?” The mischievous glint in her eye tells you she would actually do so.

You shake your head with a laugh, and she puts her hand on your shoulder as she leans forward.

“Also, you don’t need to worry about overstepping. It’s… nice having someone else around. I appreciate you saying you respect our relationship, though. Dad was always apprehensive about bringing women over because my opinion means so much to him. You’ve got my approval in the bag, though.”

“I appreciate that, Sarah. I’m sorry if meeting me was too soon or awkward for you. I wasn’t expecting to exchange pleasantries today.” She grins and waves her hand between your bodies at your words.

��Nonsense. I’ve been pretty excited to meet you, seeing as you have my dad crushing like a teenage boy again. I just want him to be happy, and I know he is with you.” She throws her arm over your shoulders, and you immediately reciprocate the hug.

Admitting to Sarah that you were in this for the long haul even shocked you. It’s not that you didn’t want to be, but your love life in the past hasn’t exactly been to your liking. Joel is different, though, and seeing that he has people in his corner who love and care about him tells you that they’d go to great lengths to protect him.

It was crystal clear that both of you wanted whatever was going on between you two. You were apprehensive to put your all into it.

You’ve been known to pull back when things got serious. It was a defense mechanism to protect your heart and peace.

You knew you were falling, but the million dollar question still remained: would Joel catch you?

You were pulled out of your thoughts when Sarah separated herself from you.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” She says, and she coaxes you to follow her back to the grill where Joel and Tommy stood.

“Everythin’ good?” Joel asks, slinging his arm around your shoulder. You nod and offer him a smile.

You were about to go after you plated your food, but Joel shook his head and gently pulled you back to him.

“Uh uh, where you goin’?” He has a goofy grin on his lips as he pulls you in, giving you a kiss. You can’t help but laugh against his lips and gently push him away.

“There’s people here, Joel!” You playfully tsk, and he squints his eyes.

“What, I can’t kiss my girl?”

My girl. The phrase made butterflies swirl in your stomach and heat to rise to your face.

“Never said that, but technically, I’m not your girl yet.” You quirk an eyebrow at him.

Tommy laughs and nudges Joel, “Damn brother, you haven’t asked her to be official yet? Hell’s wrong with ya? Hop to it!”

“Coming from someone who didn’t settle down until like a year ago. Shut up you little shit.” Joel huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Was watin’ for the right one! Then this beauty changed my life in the best way possible and put me in my place,” Tommy pulls Maria into his side, kissing her cheek. She rolls her eyes and nudges him playfully, walking back into the house before Tommy points at you. “‘N this missy right here is gonna do the exact same for ya. Don’t be ‘fraid to put him in his place, sweetheart, he needs it.” Tommy howls with laughter as Joel glares at him.

“So fuckin’ dramatic.” Joel mumbles under his breath.

“So what, you don’t want me to put you in your place?” You’re enjoying seeing him squirm a little as your hand traces circles over the white linen that clings to his back.

“Nah, it ain’t that. You can put me in my place anytime, baby.” He winks, and you immediately pick up on the innuendo behind his voice.

“You’re fighting with fire, Mr. Miller.” You murmur to him, and his hand moves down to your ass to give it a subtle, playful squeeze.

“‘S my job, baby.”

“Don’t think this is one you can put out.” You wink at him before walking away to join Maria in the house.

“Okay, you have to tell me everything,” Maria situates herself on the couch with a glass of wine. You sit down next to her and tuck your legs under yourself, smoothing your dress out before leaning your head on your fist. “How in the world did you and Joel become a thing? What happened to that one guy that you used to tell me about?”

You laugh at her enthusiasm toward your love life, inhaling a deep breath before diving into the story about your shitty ex and all the stupid trust issues he gave you. He really did a number on you, which is why you were so content with being single and thriving. You told Maria that you kept your guard up to protect yourself and your heart, because the last thing you wanted was to give your all to someone once again, only to be burned. Maria put her hand on your knee as a reassuring smile spread across her lips.

“Honey, I can promise you that that man standing out there has it bad for you. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been seeing each other. I can see it in the way he looks at you,” Your gaze trails out to the backyard as Joel sips on a beer, talking with Tommy and a few others who you presume are the neighbors before Maria’s voice pulls your attention back to her, “Joel is a good man, and despite the way you both have been hurt in the past, you still both found each other and gave this,” She waves her hands to gesture between you and him, “A chance. Lord knows that man could use a good woman like you in his life.”

You felt the sting behind your eyes immediately. Maria’s words were nothing short of assuring, and she smiles as you wipe your tears with a small laugh.

“Baby, just because you finally got the flame on your candle to burn bright again, doesn’t mean he’s going to dim yours. His is finally strong on its own, too. I know that you’re so independent and you’ve been used to it for some time now, but let his flame make yours even stronger. You can be stronger together.”

And you knew she was right. The clarity blindsided you, but you got your answer: Joel would one hundred percent, undoubtedly catch you.

A few hours later, the sun had started to set and the neighbors went back to their respective homes, leaving you, Maria, Tommy, Joel and Sarah left. You and Maria insisted you help clean up even though Joel and Tommy both told you it wasn’t necessary. You both waved them off and got everything put away and washed in less than an hour.

Maria refilled her glass of wine as you poured yourself one and both went to settle back onto the couch, Joel and Tommy in tow. Sarah came running down the stairs and up to Joel, a pleading look strewn across her features.

“Kelly invited me over to a night swim and slumber party. Can I go? Please?” She had a hopeful look as she clasped her hands together to shake them, silently begging Joel to say yes.

“I thought she was sick?” He asked, running his hands over the stubble on his chin.

“No dad, Sasha is the one that’s sick.”

You tried to stifle a laugh at her ‘duh’ tone, so you just bit your lip and stared at him. He sighed and looked at you, his demeanor changing in the slightest.

“Sure, but please check in with me every few hours or so. Do I need to drop you off?” He asks, resting his beer bottle on his thigh.

“Thank you!” She throws her arms around him, and he grunts as he returns the hug. “No, Kelly’s mom offered to pick me up. She can drop me back off tomorrow, too.” She says, and before Joel can get another word in, she rushes back upstairs.

Joel sighs as he leans back into the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Teenagers.” He grumbles, taking a swig of his beer. You pat his thigh and lean into him, giving him a smile.

“Well now that it’s just goin’ to be adults, why don’t we get the real party started,” Tommy wiggles his brows, and all three of you look at him in confusion. “‘S a joke, people. Sheesh. How ‘bout some music, though.” He connects his phone to the speaker sitting on one of the shelves, playing a mix of late 90’s and country music.

Joel finds himself leaning into you as one of his hands slips below the hem of your dress, drawing circles into the skin of your thigh. His touch sends a shiver down your spine and he looks at you with a quirked brow, clearly pleased with your reaction to his touch.

You got turned on so easily now. It wasn’t fair. Just one look alone from the older Miller brother could have your panties around your ankles in milliseconds, and you truly weren’t above begging him to touch you.

The smug smirk on his face told you he knew it, too, but you both agreed to take things slow. You couldn’t even remember why you agreed to such a thing, because the tension between you two had been through the roof since your date at the fair. You truly didn’t know how much self restraint you had.

Maria’s laugh had ripped through your thoughts, earning your undivided attention.

“No way. I don’t believe you.” She says, laughing at Tommy.

“‘S true! Joel and I are a couple ‘a Austin’s finest line dancers.” Tommy shrugs, looking over at Joel.

“Those days are long over, brother.” Joel groans, leaning his head back onto the couch.

“Bullshit. Betcha still know how to dance to Brooks & Dunn.”

“Even if I did—”

“C’mon cowboy, show us what you got.” You tease, and Joel shakes his head.

“Mm mm. Won’t do it unless you ladies do it with us.” He negotiates, and your eyes flit to Maria who smiles upside down and shrugs her shoulders.

“Wouldn’t hurt to learn.” She says, and you nod in agreement.

“It’s settled then.” Tommy slaps his thighs, standing up and offering his hand to Maria. Tommy tosses Joel his Stetson off of the coat rack which Joel catches with ease, putting it onto his head as he grins at you, offering his hand to help you stand up.

“Hey dad! Kelly’s mom is here– oh god, are you and Uncle Tommy line dancing again?” She groans, and Joel holds his hands up in defense.

“Uncle Tommy coaxed me into it and these lovely ladies here wanna learn. Not my fault.”

Sarah rolls her eyes and looks between you and Maria. “Good luck with these two knuckleheads. It was nice to meet you!” She says as she heads for the door.

“You too!” You call back.

“Text me when you get there, please.” Joel calls out to her, and she says ‘kay!’ before the front door shuts behind her. Tommy plays the familiar tune of Boot Scootin’ Boogie, and Joel stands next to him before they start to dance in sync. They both hold on to the front of the waistbands of their pants where their belts would presumably be as their footwork syncs up perfectly.

You and Maria watch in awe as they move together effortlessly, mentally noting the moves they’re repeating. Maria nudges you and you look at her with a shit-eating grin on your face.

“Girl, are you seeing this? Got damn near ten degrees hotter in here just watching my man dance.”

“Tell me about it. If Joel and I weren’t taking it slow, I’d probably jump his bones right now.”

“More power to you. I couldn’t do that even if I tried my damndest.”

“Trust me, it’s hard. Especially when he looks like… that.” You stare at Joel as he lets the familiar movements flow through his bones, dancing on beat to the upbeat song. He looks at you and shoots you a wink, making you bite your lip to hide your smile.

“C’mon ladies.” Tommy waves you both over, and you both join in with them. It takes a couple of tries to sync up with Joel, but you’re eventually moving with him. He takes your hand and spins you, pulling you into him as he presses you flush against his chest.

You smirk at him and pluck his Stetson off of his head, putting it onto yours. Joel moves his hand to the small of your back, causing you to practically grind into him while you dance. You bite your lip and bat your lashes as you can feel the tension in Joel’s body that desperately needs relief. He shakes his head with a chuckle, leaning in as his lips brush your ear.

“Ever heard of the cowboy hat rule, baby?” His voice is raspy and low. He noses at your jawline before leaving a kiss below your ear, pulling his face back into your view.

You shake your head no, and as the song ends, he gives Tommy a look before intertwining your hand with his to lead you upstairs.

“Joel—” You start, but as soon as you step into his bedroom, he closes the door and locks it. He cages you in between both of his strong arms, hands resting on either side of your head as he pops his knee out. It’s dangerously close to your aching cunt, and if you moved forward just a bit, you could easily grind yourself onto him.

The thought was tempting but your mind went blank, the close proximity between you both making your head spin.

“The cowboy hat rule,” He starts, leaning down to kiss your neck, “Is when a lady takes a man’s cowboy hat off of his head n’ puts it on herself. Means that the lady wants to be with the man and essentially wants to do more with him.”

“M-more?” Your breath catches in your throat as his hot tongue glides over the warmth of your neck. You’re beginning to pant harder, hands twitching at your sides, aching to touch him.

“Mhm.” He slots his thigh between your legs, and you can’t help the soft moan that bubbles in your throat at the delicious friction.

“Had a whole romantic thing planned in my head on how to ask you to be my girl, but fuck baby, I can’t wait no more. I know it ain’t been long, but I really want you to be mine. ‘N I sure would love to be your man.”

Your brain starts to function a little better, so you bring your hands up to cup his face. You can’t help the grin that spreads on your lips, Joel mirroring you.

“Don’t need fancy. Just need you, baby. I’d love to be yours, Joel.”

And he steals a searing kiss from you, arms wrapping around you as he moves you both backwards toward his bed. He takes his hat off of your head before setting it on his dresser, sitting down on his bed as you follow suit and straddle him. His hands hold onto your thighs, teasing you as they move underneath the hemline of your dress.

His lips separate from yours and he buries his face into your neck, kissing and licking your soft flesh as he grabs a handful of your ass. You can’t help but grind yourself into him like last time, the carnal desire for him shredding through you as your self-restraint dwindles down to nearly nothing.

“I-I know we said slow, but baby, can I touch you?” He asks, and you fervently nod your head. Your thoughts were so jumbled that you couldn’t be bothered to form a coherent response. Your senses were all-consumed by this man under you—your boyfriend. You smile at the thought before your jaw goes slack when his hand moves your underwear to the side, fingers sliding through your slick folds.

You bite your lip to stifle the whine that shoots through your chest, heart leaping into your throat. You knew it wouldn’t take much for you to come undone if Joel kept teasing you the way he did.

“Shit, baby, you’re so fuckin’ wet. This all for me, pretty girl?” He asks, his Southern drawl as thick as honey, darkened eyes meeting yours.

“Yes.” You cry, rutting your hips against his fingers.

“Can I?” He asks, prodding the tip of his fingers at your entrance. You nod once again, gripping onto his shoulders as you begin to leave kisses across his neck and collarbone. He slides a finger down to the knuckle in you effortlessly, and you can’t help but nip at his neck as the sensation courses through your body.

His one finger alone could reach places yours never could, and it made you dizzy. He slipped another finger into you, the stretch stinging in the slightest as you rocked onto his hand.

“So fuckin’ tight, baby. There you go.” Joel guides you as he begins to move his own fingers, curling them in your warmth. He was hitting that spot that you could barely ever reach, making your eyes roll to the back of your skull as your head fell back, panting his name repeatedly as you felt the coil already tightening in your core.

“So fuckin’ pretty, hm? My girl is so gorgeous like this, gettin’ herself off on my fingers. Look like a fuckin’ angel, darlin’. Such a good girl.” Joel praises you, and your head snaps up as your eyes meet his. He has a devilish smirk on his lips as you thread your fingers through his curls, smashing your lips to his. He groans into the kiss and picks up the pace of his fingers, your arousal now dripping down to his wrist. He felt your pussy clench around his digits, and he was coaxing you to come undone.

“That’s it baby. Can feel ya, I know you wanna cum. Give it t’me.” He says, and he swallows your moans in a kiss as the band snaps in your core, body convulsing as you ride out your orgasm.

You’re breathless as you slump against him, kissing his neck repeatedly as you try and catch your breath.

He slowly slides his fingers out of you and you moan at the loss of fullness, gaze meeting his once again. He slips his fingers coated in your arousal into his mouth, eyes fluttering shut as he tastes you. He leans in to kiss you, and you can easily taste yourself on his tongue.

“So fuckin’ sweet. Can I taste all of ya?” He asks, and you don’t even think twice before you nod. He flips you around onto the bed, kneeling onto the floor as he hooks both of his fingers into the waistband of your panties. You’re about to lift your hips so he can slide them off of you when a sharp knock on his door sounds.

He groans and sits on his haunches, forehead falling onto your thigh. You giggle and sit up, running your hands through his curls.

“What, Tommy?” Joel calls out, and Tommy laughs on the other side of the door.

“Jus’ lettin’ ya know Maria ‘n I are gonna stay in the guest bedroom. The hell are you doin’ in there?”

Joel gets up with a grunt and stalks toward his bedroom door, unlocking it before swinging it open.

“None of your goddamn business. That’s what.” Joel rolls his eyes, and Tommy raises his hands in defense.

“Shit, my bad!” He looks past Joel and winks at you, and your face heats up immediately.

“You have five seconds to get out of my face before I beat your ass. Fuckin’ cockblock.” Joel grumbles, glaring at his brother.

“Fair. Carry on. Wrap it before you tap it!” He turns on his heel and trudges down the stairs, and Joel turns back around to look at you, face beet red.

“Ignore him.” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Noted,” You pat the spot next to you and he rejoins you on the bed. “Now where were we?”

tags: @ilovepedro ; @nostalxgic ; @endlessthxxghts ; @punkshort ; @pamasaur ; @clawdee ; @pascalpvnk ; @bensonispunk ; @merz-8 ; @darkblue-tennesseee ; @buckyispunk ; @untamedheart81 ; @picketniffler ; @fluffygoffpanda ; @paleidiot ; @typewriter83 ; @lizzie-cakes ; @sawymredfox ; @keylimebeag ; @nandan11 ; @pedropascalsbbg ; @pimosworld ; @yxtkiwiyxt ; @anoverwhelmingdin

divider by @saradika-graphics

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagines #joel miller fanfic #joel miller imagine #joel miller au #firefighter!joel #firefighter!joel miller #joel miller smut #fic: a burning desire

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stylesispunk · 26 days ago

Text

Silent strain | part vi

Outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

previous chapter | next chapter

summary: Your relationship with Joel is in a thin line, some truths are confessed, some words are thrown but you're there for each other at the end.

w.c: 13,3k

warnings: angst, reader feels insecure, mentions of depression, fluff, not proofreading. Paragraphs in bold indicate flashbacks. Not the best chapter.

a/n: This chapter is not intense, not my best but it is emotional and we can see reader struggling with her emotions (because hormones and sadness) I think this chapter feels like a filler. It is a filler chapter, sorry. I wrote it in a rush. HOWEVER, at the same time, it ends the tension between Joel and reader. New things will happen, and yes, Paul will have what he deserves. Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. Happy reading.

dividers by @/saradika-graphics

There was something strange in the way Joel’s presence since he had come back.

You knew something happened out there. You could see it in his brown eyes, there was something behind the spark, perhaps a lie surfing beneath just for you not to catch a glimpse of it.

The way Ellie had closed herself off wasn’t something you had expected either.

It was a complicated mix, one that stirred a knot of unease in your stomach. You could sense the tension hanging in the air like a storm cloud waiting to burst. The moments you’d shared as a family felt overshadowed by something unspoken, a weight that pressed heavily on both Joel and Ellie.

At first, you had brushed it off as a natural adjustment period, after all, Joel had been gone for so long, and Ellie was grappling with her own feelings about what may had happened out there. But the more the days passed, the more you realized it ran deeper than that.

You found yourself stealing glances at Joel when he thought you weren’t looking, trying to decipher what lay behind his guarded demeanor. There were times when his smile would falter, a flicker of pain crossing his face before he masked it with a joke or a playful jab. And when he looked at Ellie, you could see a flicker of something darker, a shadow of guilt that crept in when he thought no one would notice.

He looked at her with the adoration a father should look at her daughter, but with the guilt of failing her.

And he looked at Rosie with hurt.

You couldn’t help but feel like the two of you were ghosts haunting him, memories of what he had lost and what he was trying so desperately to hold onto. The laughter and giggles you shared with Rosie should have brought him joy, but instead, they seemed to amplify the shadows lurking behind his eyes. It hurt to witness the internal struggle, the love he had for his daughter and the sorrow of knowing he had failed to protect her before she was even born.

You knew he felt guilty since the other night when that stupid flicker of doubt crept upon him, but you had you brushed it off for his sake, and for your own. You thought things would be better then. You had been together again; he had made love to you but you felt useless.

There was a distance that was never there before and it crumbled you.

It had been two weeks.

And it hurt.

Looking at Joel hurt.

Talking to Ellie hurt

An even looking at your daughter hurt.

The things between him and Ellie had shifted, leaving you feeling increasingly isolated. You noticed how Joel and Ellie seemed to retreat into their own world, while you stood on the outside, watching them from a distance. You tried to push through it, but even looking at Rosie had begun to hurt, every cry and fuss reminding you of how Paul’s words had lingered, twisting your mind, making you doubt yourself. Maybe Joel and Ellie were pulling away because they saw something in you, something broken, something not enough.

You weren’t the family you had become during those months you spent outside. Not the one you dreamt of it.

you prepared dinner for the three of you. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but you wanted to create a sense of normalcy, to find a connection again. As the minutes ticked by, the food grew cold on the table, and neither Joel nor Ellie showed up. Rosie started to cry, her wails sharp and insistent. You tried to feed her, but she refused, turning her head away. Frustration bubbled up inside you, and soon it felt like too much. You couldn’t calm her, and the weight of everything came crashing down.

Tears blurred your vision as you desperately tried to soothe Rosie, but nothing worked. You began to cry yourself, feeling utterly defeated when Joel finally walked in, his footsteps heavy with the weight of the day.

“What’s wrong with her?” Joel asked, his voice tinged with concern but also an edge of impatience.

You could barely look at him through your tears. “I don’t know,” you choked out. “She doesn’t want to leech… I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Joel stepped closer; his face drawn into a tight expression. “Give her to me,” he said firmly, reaching out. “You’re going to stress her out.”

The words hit you like a slap. You froze, staring at him in disbelief. “You’ve known her for two weeks, Joel,” you said, your voice trembling with hurt. “You don’t know what she wants.”

Joel’s face darkened, a flash of irritation crossing his features. “I know better,” he shot back, his tone almost dismissive. “I’ve been a father before. I know what a baby needs.”

The implication that you didn’t know what you were doing as a mother stung so deeply that it left you momentarily speechless. Your hands shook as you handed Rosie over to him, the words you wanted to say lodged painfully in your throat. As he took her, your gaze shifted to the table, the cold food sitting there, untouched. You had tried so hard to make something work tonight, to find a way to bridge the growing distance, but now it felt like all your efforts were in vain.

Joel glanced at the table, his eyes landing on the uneaten meal, and you saw the realization hit him. His face softened, his anger dissipating as the weight of what just happened sank in. “I—” he started, trying to find the words, but you couldn’t listen. You couldn’t stand the sight of him trying to fix something he didn’t understand.

You walked back into the house, your feet heavy with exhaustion, both physical and emotional. You could hear Joel calling after you, his voice soft but filled with so much urgency. “Wait,” he pleaded, but you didn’t stop.

You couldn’t.

The weight of everything he’d said crushed you. It wasn’t just about this moment; it was days of him being distant, of feeling like you were carrying it all alone. You had done it for so long, and now, with him back, it felt like nothing had changed.

You reached the bedroom, stepping inside before turning and quietly closing the door. With trembling hands, you locked it. The soft click of the lock echoed in the stillness of the room. It wasn’t a loud sound, but it might as well have been a final barrier between you and Joel.

“Hey… hey, open the door,” Joel called from the other side, his voice thick with desperation. “Please, just talk to me.”

But you couldn’t answer. Not now. You pressed your back against the door, sliding down to the floor as your knees gave way, the tears spilling out uncontrollably. You hugged your arms around your knees, trying to hold yourself together, but it felt impossible.

“Come on,” Joel begged, his voice muffled by the door but still pleading. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I—damn it—just open the door. We can talk.”

Outside, you could hear Joel’s hand resting against the door, as if he was trying to feel your presence on the other side. “I don’t know what to say to fix this,” he admitted, his voice cracking. “But I need you to know that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here all night if I have to.”

But the space between you felt vast. Even though you knew he was just on the other side of the door, it was as if he were miles away. The crying from Rosie grew louder, and you could hear the frustration in Joel’s voice.

“Please… don’t do this,” he whispered.

But you still didn’t answer. You couldn’t. And in that moment, the only sound filling the void between you and Joel was Rosie’s cries. They echoed through the house, a reminder of the tiny life you were both trying to protect, yet somehow feeling further apart from each other than ever before.

You sat there, leaning against the door, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on you. When had it all become too much? You weren’t this weak before. You were strong, you had to be. You had been through so much, survived so much, and yet here you were, crumbling under the pressure of emotions that you couldn’t control.

You didn’t know when you had let it all get to this point. When the doubts, the fears, and the weight of trying to be enough, both for Rosie and for Joel, had started to consume you. It was like you had been holding it together for so long, and now, everything was unraveling.

You used to pride yourself on being able to handle it all. But now… now you felt like you were drowning. The tears wouldn’t stop, and you hated that. You hated feeling this weak, hated that your emotions had taken the best of you. That you couldn’t just push it down and be the strong person you had always been.

Rosie’s cries brought you back to the moment, but even her soft whimpers only made the ache in your chest deepen. You wanted to get up, to soothe her, but you felt so drained, so completely overwhelmed, that you couldn’t even move.

The sound of Joel’s voice, still pleading softly from the other side of the door, was like a distant echo in the back of your mind. You could hear his pain, but it was almost too much to bear. You knew he was hurting too, but how could you comfort him or your daughter when you couldn’t even find the strength to comfort yourself?

You rested your head against the cool wood of the door, closing your eyes, trying to pull yourself together. But every time you thought you could, that tight feeling in your chest came back, choking you with a flood of emotions you couldn’t control.

“I don’t know when I became this weak,” you whispered to yourself, your voice barely audible over the sound of Rosie’s cries and Joel’s muffled pleas.

Somewhere deep down, you knew you weren’t weak. You were tired, tired of carrying it all on your own, tired of pretending to be okay when you weren’t. But in this moment, it was hard to remember that. Hard to remember the strength that had gotten you this far.

Paul’s words echoed in your mind like an unwelcome refrain, twisting and turning until they felt like a noose tightening around your thoughts. “You can’t do this alone.” “He won’t come back.” Each phrase replayed like a haunting melody, suffocating your resolve.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block them out, but they clung to you like shadows. “You’re not strong enough for this. You’re just going to end up hurt.” The memories of those moments, his condescending tone, the way he had looked at you as if you were fragile, were like needles piercing through the fragile veneer you had built around yourself.

But you weren’t fragile. You had survived against all odds, faced every challenge thrown your way, and yet here you were, paralyzed by a single man’s cruel words. You had spent nights comforting Rosie when she cried, soothing her fears, and yet, when it came to yourself, you found it impossible to extend that same compassion.

The weight of it all felt unbearable. You were torn between the love you felt for Rosie and Joel and the crippling fear that you were failing them both. The thought of losing Joel again, of having him walk away because you couldn’t hold it together, made your heart race with panic.

What if Paul was right? What if you were a burden? The nagging doubts clawed at your mind, urging you to believe that you were unworthy of the love and support surrounding you. “He left you.”

You let out a choked sob, unable to suppress the flood of emotions any longer. “I can’t… I can’t do this,” you murmured, the words slipping out between shaky breaths. You felt like you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty, gasping for air but finding none.

Just then, Rosie’s cries escalated, piercing through your turmoil. The sound broke through the fog of despair, a reminder that she needed you, that you were her mother.

With a shaky breath, you pushed off the door and stood up and opened the door, immediately facing Joel with despair in his eyes.

Joel's heart sank at the sight of you, tears streaming down your cheeks as you cradled Rosie in your arms. He stepped forward, his hands reaching out instinctively. “I’m here,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m here.”

You could see the concern etched across his features, but all you felt was an overwhelming wave of emotion that threatened to engulf you. “She just wanted her mother,” you whispered, your voice shaking. “I don’t know how to do this, Joel. I thought I could, but…”

Joel’s heart ached at your vulnerability. He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around you and Rosie, pulling you both into a tight embrace. “You’re doing better than you think,” he murmured into your hair. “You’re a great mother. I’ve seen it. I see the way you care for her.”

You leaned into Joel’s embrace, but the warmth of his body only made the tears flow harder. “You don’t understand,” you sobbed, pulling away slightly to look into his eyes. “I don’t feel like a great mother. Every time I look at her, it hurts. I thought I could handle it.”

Joel’s expression shifted to one of concern as he took a step back, his hands gently resting on your shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. This isn’t easy for any of us. But I promise you, you’re not alone in this. You’ve been doing everything you can.”

You shook your head, the frustration bubbling to the surface. “But I’m not doing enough! I can hear Paul’s words in my head, telling me I can’t do this alone, that you wouldn’t come back for me-”

“But I’m here, I came back.” He spoke, his tone reassuring your doubts.

You shook your head, “No you didn’t. You’re just half of what you were before.”

Joel’s expression faltered, hurt flickering across his features. “I know I’m not the same,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I’m trying. I’m here, and I want to be here for you and Rosie. You have to believe that.”

You stepped back, shaking your head as the tears streamed down your face. “But it doesn’t feel like enough. I thought you’d come back ready to fight for us, but instead, it feels like I’m still alone. You’re not the person I fell in love with. You’ve got so many walls up, and I don’t know how to break through them.”

“I’m trying to let those walls down,” he said, desperation creeping into his voice. “But it’s hard, okay? I’ve been through things you can’t even begin to understand, and I’m just trying to process it all. But I don’t want to lose you, too.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. “You’re not going to lose me because I’m not going anywhere. I’m stuck here, Joel! Stuck with all these feelings and fears, and you’re acting like you don’t even want to try.”

He ran a hand through his hair, frustration and pain evident in his posture. “You think I don’t want to try? I want to be the man you need me to be, but I’m struggling, too. I can’t just forget everything that’s happened out there. I don’t know how to just turn it off.”

“I know you’re struggling,” you said, your voice breaking. “But I need you to at least try to meet me halfway.”

As Rosie’s cries grew louder, each wail felt like a reminder of the weight pressing down on both of you. You could hear her distress echoing your own turmoil, amplifying the emotions swirling in your chest. You wiped your tears, feeling the frustration mix with the overwhelming love you had for your daughter.

“I can’t handle this right now, Joel,” you said, your voice trembling as you tried to maintain your composure.

Joel's face softened, and he stepped closer, his hands reaching out tentatively. “Let me help, then. Please. I don’t want you to feel like you’re carrying this alone. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

You glanced down at Rosie, who was now whimpering, her little fists clenched as she squirmed in her crib. The sight made your heart ache, and the tears flowed more freely.

"I wish I would have died that day instead of Tess" you replied, walking back to the room.

Joel’s face twisted in pain at your words, his eyes clouding with grief and regret. He stepped closer, desperation in his voice. "Don't say that. Don’t ever say that. You��re the reason we’ve made it this far. Without you… I don’t know what I’d be."

But your mind was spinning, tangled in the emotions you couldn’t unravel. Rosie’s cries felt like a mirror of your own inner turmoil, and each sob felt like a weight pressing deeper on your chest. You rubbed at your face, trying to push away the tears that kept falling. “I’m tired, Joel,” you whispered, your voice barely above a breath.

Joel looked down at Rosie, who had quieted slightly but still whimpered softly, her tiny face scrunched in discomfort. He exhaled slowly, his hands trembling as he reached out toward you but then let them fall back to his sides. I should have helped sooner. I didn’t—" His voice caught in his throat. "I didn’t realize how much you needed me to be here."

You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping you. "No, Joel, you didn’t. And now, I don’t know if you ever really will be. You’re here, but half of you is still somewhere out there, and I don’t know how to reach that part of you.”

Your hands trembled as you held Rosie, her soft whimpers clawing at your already frayed nerves. The exhaustion, the hurt, the overwhelming sense of responsibility, it was all crashing down on you. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Just make her stop crying,” you whispered, your voice breaking as you handed Rosie to Joel, your arms suddenly feeling too weak to hold her any longer. The moment Joel took her from you, the sob you had been holding in finally escaped. Your chest tightened, and for a second, everything seemed to blur around you.

Before Joel could respond, your body gave way to the exhaustion consuming you for so long. Your vision darkened as you slumped forward, your world fading into black as you passed out.

You pressed yourself against the cold, concrete wall of the Quarantine Zone, your heart pounding in your chest as you listened to the footsteps of the guards patrolling nearby. You had always been good at finding places to hide, but lately, the tension in the air had made even your usual spots feel less safe.

You had come to the trading post with the intention of scrounging up some supplies for yourself, but you had miscalculated the risks. Now, hiding from the guards had become a habit—one you were starting to regret.

Just as you thought you were in the clear, you heard a voice from behind you. “What are you doing back here?”

You turned to find a man standing a few feet away, his brow furrowed with curiosity. He was older than you, with a rugged look that spoke of hard living, and something in his eyes hinted at a depth of experience.

“Just… hiding,” you replied, trying to sound casual even though your heart raced at the prospect of being caught.

He chuckled softly, a sound that was surprisingly comforting. “You’re gonna get yourself into trouble doing that. You know the guards won’t hesitate to drag you in if they catch you.”

“I’m not afraid of them,” you said defiantly, but your voice wavered slightly.

“Yeah? You sure about that?” He stepped closer, his gaze assessing you. “You think you can take them on?”

You shrugged, feeling a mix of bravado and fear. “I can handle myself.”

He raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “Maybe. But it’s always better to have someone watching your back.”

You looked at him, searching for any hint of deceit in his expression, but all you saw was honesty and a hint of amusement. “And what’s your name?” you asked, intrigued despite yourself.

“Joel,” he replied, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a faint smile. “And you’re a long way from safe out here, kid.”

“Kid? I’m not a kid,” you retorted, crossing your arms.

“Sure you’re not,” he said, amusement dancing in his eyes. “But you’d be surprised how fast things can go sideways in this world. Better to be careful.”

Just then, the guards’ voices echoed down the hallway, and you felt your stomach drop. Without thinking, you grabbed Joel’s arm and pulled him into the small space behind some crates.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice low, a mix of surprise and approval.

“Hiding,” you whispered, your breath quickening as the guards drew closer.

He didn’t protest, instead leaning in slightly, his presence solid and reassuring. The guards passed by, their footsteps fading into the distance, and you let out a shaky breath.

“That was close,” you muttered, still pressed against him.

He glanced down at you, the tension of the moment breaking slightly. “You know, if you keep this up, I might have to start charging you for my help.”

You looked up at him, catching the flicker of a smile on his lips. “Yeah, right. You’re just as likely to get caught with me around.”

Joel chuckled, shaking his head. “Maybe. But I think I can manage.”

When the coast was clear, you cautiously peeked out from behind the crates. “Thanks for that,” you said, a bit shyly. “I didn’t expect to find someone like you back here.”

When you finally stirred, your head throbbed, and for a moment, everything felt hazy. You blinked, your vision blurry as you slowly came back to consciousness. The room was dim, and you struggled to remember what had happened, but as your senses sharpened, you realized you were lying on the couch. You felt something cold against your forehead—a damp cloth—and when you turned your head slightly, you were met with Paul’s concerned face.

“Hey,” he said softly, crouching next to the couch, his hand still holding the cloth. “You gave us a scare.”

Confusion swirled in your mind. “Paul?” Your voice was hoarse, and you winced at how weak it sounded. “What are you doing here?”

Paul sighed, his expression serious but gentle. “Joel was a mess. He didn’t know what to do, so he came and got me.” He glanced over his shoulder, where you saw Joel standing by the doorway, his face a mix of guilt and helplessness. His eyes were fixed on you, but he didn’t say a word.

The memory of what had happened earlier hit you like a punch to the gut. The crying, the exhaustion, the overwhelming sense of defeat—and then nothing. You tried to sit up, but Paul gently pushed you back down.

“Take it easy,” he urged. “You’ve been out for a while.”

Rosie’s soft whimpers caught your attention, and you turned your head to see her in Joel’s arms. He was gently bouncing her, trying to soothe her, but his eyes kept darting back to you. You could see the strain on his face, the weight of everything that had happened between you both etched into every line of his expression.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, even though you felt anything but fine. You wanted to tell Paul to leave, to tell Joel that you didn’t need him to bring someone else to take care of you, but the words stuck in your throat.

Paul raised an eyebrow. “You passed out from exhaustion. That’s not ‘fine,’ and you know it.” He glanced at Joel again before turning back to you. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard. You don’t even have your spark anymore” he added, carrying a sense of undertone that made your anger raise.

The insinuation stung, and beneath your exhaustion, frustration flared to life. How dare he stand there and judge you? How dare he talk about something he couldn’t possibly understand? You’d been doing everything you could to hold it together, to take care of Rosie, to keep going. But now, with the weight of his words, it felt like everything was crumbling.

Your hands clenched into fists as you sat up, despite Paul’s earlier insistence that you rest. “Get out of my house.”

Paul raised his hands, backing off a little, but there was still something in his expression that fueled your frustration. “I’m just saying you don’t have to do this all alone.”

“I know I don’t!” you shot back. You don’t know what it’s like—” Your voice caught in your throat, and you couldn’t finish. The exhaustion, the frustration, the overwhelming sense of failure all clashed inside of you.

Joel, who had been standing silently with Rosie, stepped forward, his voice quiet but firm. “I think that’s enough.” There was a tension in his tone, something protective.

Paul’s expression shifted, his calm demeanor faltering as he glanced between you and Joel. “You deserve someone who’s going to actually be there for you,” he said, his voice laced with an edge of condescension. “Not someone who’s half here, someone who’s too wrapped up in their own demons to care for you or Rosie.” He shot a pointed look at Joel, clearly implying that he wasn’t the man for you.

That was it. Joel’s face hardened, his jaw clenched tight. Without a word, he gently placed Rosie down in her crib, making sure she was safe, and then he turned back toward Paul. The tension in the room thickened, and before you could react, Joel strode forward with purpose.

“Joel, don’t—” you started, but it was too late.

In one swift movement, Joel’s fist connected with Paul’s jaw, sending him stumbling backward. The force of the punch was strong, a raw release of all the frustration and anger Joel had been holding back. Paul let out a grunt of pain, clutching his face as he tried to steady himself.

“Get out,” Joel growled, his voice low and dangerous. His usually composed demeanor was gone, replaced by a fierce protectiveness. “You don’t come into our home and tell her what she deserves.”

Paul straightened up, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth, his eyes filled with a mix of shock and anger. “You think this is going to change anything?” he spat, glaring at Joel. “She deserves better than you, and deep down, you know it.”

Joel took a step closer, his fists still clenched, but you quickly moved between them, your heart racing. “Stop,” you said, your voice trembling. You couldn’t deal with this right now—the fighting, the anger, the tension.

Paul shot one last glare at Joel before turning his gaze toward you. “You know where to find me when you finally realize what you deserve.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked out, leaving the door wide open behind him.

For a moment, there was silence. You stood there, your body tense, your mind racing. Joel was still breathing heavily, the adrenaline from the confrontation clearly not yet faded. He glanced down at you, his face softening as he saw the strain and exhaustion in your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Joel said quietly, his voice rough. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

You didn’t respond immediately, the weight of everything pressing down on you again. Finally, you took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. "Don't listen to him, you deserve me. But right now, Joel, you’re being an asshole." you said walking back to the bedroom.

He opened his mouth to respond, but the exhaustion in your face, the weight you were carrying, silenced him. You didn’t wait for an answer. Turning away, you walked back toward the bedroom, the thud of your footsteps matching the heavy thrum of your heartbeat. You could feel his gaze on you, but you didn’t turn around. The last few days had taken their toll, and you were too drained to face another argument.

As you reached the bedroom door, you paused for a moment, your hand resting on the frame. You wanted to say more, to explain the hurt and frustration swirling inside you, but the words felt stuck, tangled in the knot of emotions you’d been holding in for too long.

Without looking back, you stepped into the room and shut the door softly behind you. The quiet click of the lock felt like a small barrier between you and the chaos outside, but even in the solitude of the bedroom, the weight of everything pressed down on you.

You walked over to the bed, your legs heavy with exhaustion, and sat on the edge. Your body ached, not from any physical strain but from the emotional toll of everything you’d been through. The fight with Paul, the tension with Joel, the constant pressure to be strong for Rosie, it was all catching up with you.

You buried your face in your hands, letting out a shaky breath as the tears threatened to spill over again. “I just want things to be okay,” you whispered to yourself, but the room offered no answers, no relief from the storm raging inside you.

The next morning, you woke up to the soft sound of Rosie stirring in her crib. The sunlight was just beginning to filter through the curtains, casting a soft, golden glow over the room. You blinked a few times, feeling the remnants of exhaustion still clinging to you, but instinctively, you moved to tend to your daughter.

Rosie let out a little whimper as you gently lifted her into your arms, and you rocked her softly, humming a quiet tune. The peace of the early morning felt like a small reprieve from the storm of emotions from the night before. For a moment, it was just you and her, the world outside the bedroom door distant.

As you fed Rosie, your eyes drifted to the slightly open door, and a thought crossed your mind. Once she had finished and you had settled her back down, you quietly left the room, padding down the hallway in your socks.

You stopped when you reached the living room, your heart giving a little tug at the sight before you. Joel was asleep on the couch, his body curled up slightly, his face turned away from the room. His breathing was slow and even, but there was something about the way he lay there, like the weight of everything had finally knocked him down, that made your heart ache.

He looked so tired, the lines of stress etched into his face even in sleep. For a long moment, you just stood there, watching him. Despite everything, despite the arguments and the walls between you, there was still that pull, the part of you that loved him so deeply it hurt.

But you couldn’t ignore how broken things had become, how much distance had grown between you, and how helpless you’d felt in the middle of it all. You didn’t know how to fix it, but seeing him there, so vulnerable, softened something inside you.

You approached the couch slowly, hesitant. You didn’t want to wake him, not yet. But you stood by the edge of the couch, looking down at him, your fingers tightening around the fabric of your sleeves as you tried to figure out what to do next.

The tension between you two from the night before still hung in the air, but for the first time in days, you felt a flicker of hope. Maybe it wasn’t too late to reach him. Maybe there was still a way back to each other.

In the kitchen, you set about making a quiet breakfast, keeping your movements soft and deliberate. The sound of eggs sizzling in the pan and the aroma of fresh coffee filled the air, creating a sense of normalcy that had been absent for a while. It was strange how these small routines—things you used to take for granted—now felt like lifelines.

As you stirred the coffee, your mind wandered back to the tension from the day before. Paul’s words, Joel’s anger, your own emotional breakdown—it all swirled around in your head like a storm you couldn’t quite escape. You felt the familiar knot tighten in your chest, but you took a deep breath, grounding yourself in the simple task of making breakfast.

You heard a soft shuffle behind you and turned to see Joel standing in the doorway, his hair tousled from sleep, his expression a mix of fatigue and hesitation. He looked at you for a moment, then glanced down at his feet, clearly unsure of what to say after everything that had happened.

"I... didn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was going to come back to bed."

You nodded, not entirely sure how to respond. Part of you wanted to tell him it was okay, that you understood, but another part of you was still so hurt, so weighed down by everything that had been left unsaid between you.

Instead, you turned back to the stove, flipping the eggs onto a plate. "Breakfast is almost ready," you said quietly, keeping your tone neutral.

Joel hesitated for a moment before stepping closer. "Look, about last night..." he started, his voice soft but filled with the weight of everything unsaid.

You kept your back to him, focusing on pouring the coffee. "Let’s not do this right now, Joel. I don’t have the energy to fight today."

"It’s not about fighting," he said, his voice a little firmer now. "I just... I know I’ve been distant. I know I haven’t been the man you need me to be, and I hate that I’m making you feel like you’re alone in this. You’re not. I’m here, even when it doesn’t seem like it."

You finally turned to face him, your eyes searching his face for the sincerity behind his words. He looked tired, his brown eyes filled with a mix of regret and something deeper—something that reminded you of the man you fell in love with.

"Then why does it feel like you’re somewhere else?" you asked softly, your voice tinged with the vulnerability you’d been trying to hide.

Joel took a slow breath, stepping closer until he was standing right in front of you. "Because part of me is," he admitted, his voice rough. "There are things I’ve been holding onto—things from out there, from everything I’ve done to keep us safe. I thought I was protecting you by keeping it all inside, but I can see now that it’s only been pushing you away."

You swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat.

He nodded; his eyes filled with emotion. "I’m trying, I swear. But I’m scared—scared that if you knew everything, you’d see me differently."

You reached out then, placing a hand on his chest. "I already know you, Joel. I know what you’ve done, and I still love you. But we can’t keep doing this—this back and forth, this shutting each other out. It’s breaking us."

Joel looked down at your hand on his chest, covering it with his own. "I don’t want to lose you," he said quietly, his voice raw with emotion.

“You’re losing me now” you whispered.

Joel’s expression shifted, a flicker of something dark passing over his face, and his hand tightened slightly around yours. For a moment, the room felt impossibly still, as if the world itself was holding its breath. He looked away, his gaze drifting toward the window, avoiding your eyes as though what he was about to say was too much to bear.

“I lied,” Joel said, his voice low and strained, barely louder than a whisper. “To Ellie… about what happened with the Fireflies.”

You blinked, confusion rippling through you, trying to grasp what he meant. "What do you mean you lied?"

His jaw clenched as he struggled to find the words. “I told her they couldn’t find a cure. That they ran some tests and it didn’t work. But… that wasn’t the truth.”

A sick feeling churned in your stomach, your heart racing as you tried to process what he was telling you. "Joel... what are you saying?" you asked, your voice shaky, almost afraid to hear the answer.

He looked at you then, his brown eyes filled with guilt, the weight of it crushing him. “They were going to use her… to make the cure. But to do that, they would’ve had to kill her.”

The air seemed to rush out of the room as the realization hit you. "Oh my God," you breathed, stepping back slightly, your hand slipping from his chest. "You... you stopped them."

Joel nodded, his face tight with regret. "I didn’t give them a choice. I couldn’t let them take her life, even if it meant sacrificing the chance for a cure. I killed them. All of them.”

You stood there, frozen, your mind reeling as you tried to comprehend the enormity of what he had done. The weight of his decision, the lives lost, the potential cure for humanity—gone because he couldn’t bear to lose Ellie. It was a truth that hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you breathless and disoriented.

"She doesn’t know, does she?" you whispered, your voice barely audible. "Ellie doesn’t know the truth."

Joel shook his head, his eyes filled with pain. "No. She still thinks there was nothing they could do. She trusts me… and I’ve been lying to her this whole time."

You covered your mouth with your hand, feeling a mix of emotions crashing over you—shock, anger, sorrow, and something deeper, something you couldn’t quite name. You knew how much Ellie meant to Joel, how much she had become like a daughter to him. But this… this was something else. He had taken away her choice, her right to know the truth about her own life.

"Joel," you said, your voice trembling with disbelief. "You... you took that choice away from her. You lied to protect her, but... what if she finds out? What then?"

"I know," Joel rasped, his voice cracking. "I know what I did, and I know it was wrong. But I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t go through that again."

You stared at him, seeing the brokenness in his eyes, the depth of his fear and guilt. He had made an impossible choice—one that had saved Ellie’s life but had cost him a piece of his soul. And now, that lie hung between you, heavy and suffocating.

"I didn’t tell you because... because I didn’t want you to look at me like this," Joel continued, his voice faltering. "Like I’m a monster."

Tears filled your eyes, but you blinked them back, trying to hold yourself together. "You’re not a monster, Joel," you said, your voice hoarse. "But this... this is so much more than I ever thought you were carrying. And it’s not just your burden to bear. You should have told me."

"I know," Joel whispered, stepping closer, his eyes pleading with you. "I’m telling you now because... because I can’t keep this from you anymore. I can’t keep shutting you out, not after everything we’ve been through."

You closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to process the weight of his confession. When you opened them, you met his gaze, your voice soft but firm. "You lied to her to protect her. But you can’t keep lying, Joel. Not to me, and not to Ellie. Eventually, she’s going to find out. And when that happens… what are you going to do?"

Joel’s face crumpled, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his guilt. "I don’t know," he admitted, his voice barely audible. "But I’m terrified of losing her. And now… I’m terrified of losing you, too."

You stood there, staring at the man you loved, the man who had fought to protect the people he cared about, even if it meant making choices that would haunt him for the rest of his life. You didn’t know how to feel, didn’t know what to say, but one thing was clear, you couldn’t go back to how things were.

“And what made you think you couldn't trust me with this?” You asked him things were.

Joel sighed heavily, his arms still wrapped around you, but he didn’t meet your eyes. He pulled back slightly, his expression a mixture of guilt and fear. “It wasn’t about trust,” he said, his voice quiet and thick with emotion. “It was… fear.”

You frowned, your heart tightening at his words. “Fear of what? Of me? Of what I’d think of you?”

He shook his head, finally meeting your gaze, his eyes full of vulnerability you rarely saw in him. “No. I wasn’t afraid of you. I was afraid of losing you too. Of you seeing me for who I really am.”

You stared at him, taken aback. "Joel, I already know who you are. I've seen you at your best and your worst. You’ve always trusted me with everything, so why was this different?"

He hesitated; his voice low. "Because this… this was somethin' darker. I crossed a line that I never wanted to cross again. I did it for Ellie, but it doesn’t change what it makes me. And I didn’t want you to look at me and see a monster."

Your chest tightened at his words, and you reached up to cup his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. "Joel, you’re not a monster," you said firmly, your voice soft but steady. "You did what you thought was right, even if it wasn’t easy to understand. I may not agree with what you did, but I can’t blame you for wanting to protect her."

His eyes searched yours, as if seeking reassurance that he wasn’t beyond redemption. "You’re not scared of what I did?"

"I’m not scared of you," you said softly, stroking your thumb over his cheek. "But I need you to trust me with the truth, even when it’s ugly. Because if we don’t have that, then what do we have?"

Joel closed his eyes briefly, his face showing the toll of carrying that burden alone for so long. When he opened them again, there was a flicker of relief in his gaze, as if a weight had finally been lifted. "I should’ve told you sooner," he admitted, his voice raw with regret. "I just didn’t want to lose you too."

"You won’t lose me, Joel," you whispered.

You held him tightly, feeling the weight of his guilt and fear in the way he clung to you. His body trembled slightly, and you knew how much it took for him to open up, to let you see this side of him.

"I won’t tell her,”You whispered softly, your voice calm but firm. "I’ll carry this for you, Joel. But when you’re ready, when you feel like you can… promise me you’ll try to tell her."

Joel’s breath hitched, and he buried his face in your shoulder, his grip on you tightening as if he was afraid to let go. After a long pause, he finally nodded against you. "I promise," he murmured, his voice rough. "I’ll try."

You pulled back slightly, just enough to look into his eyes, your hands still resting gently on his shoulders. "That’s all I need, Joel," you said softly. "We’ll get through this together, just like everything else."

His eyes softened, and for the first time in what felt like a long while, you saw a glimmer of hope in them. He leaned in, resting his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin. "I don’t deserve you," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

You smiled faintly, brushing a strand of his hair away from his face. "You do," you whispered back. "You always have."

For a moment, the world outside didn’t matter. It was just the two of you, finding your way back to each other after everything you’d been through. And in that silence, you knew that, despite all the pain and mistakes, your bond was stronger than ever. You would carry this burden together, and when the time came, you would both face the truth with the same strength you’d always relied on.

He kissed your forehead gently, lingering there as if grounding himself in the moment. "Thank you," he said quietly.

You allowed him to get a hold of you for as long as he needed. You loved him enough for that, but you couldn’t help but feel the fear creeping upon you. The consequences this would have in the aftermath terrified you, but you would hold it for him, and for Ellie.

It was late, and the dim lights of the QZ barely flickered through the cracks in the old apartment. You had gotten used to the sounds of the place—the distant hum of generators, the occasional shouts from outside, and the ever-present sense of unease that came with living in a world so broken. But tonight was different. Tess wouldn’t be coming back, and you had already resigned yourself to the familiar routine of finding a corner to sleep in, far from Joel’s space.

You were in the middle of pulling the blanket over yourself when you heard Joel’s footsteps behind you. They were quieter than usual, hesitant almost, and you looked up, surprised to see him standing at the door of the bedroom.

He didn’t speak at first, just lingered there, his silhouette framed by the faint light from the hallway. You could see the tension in his posture, the way his hands fidgeted at his sides as if he was wrestling with something he couldn’t quite say.

As you settled under the thin blankets, the memory of that kiss—just days ago—lingered between you, unspoken but heavy in the air. It had taken you both by surprise, neither of you expecting it, but there had been something in Joel’s eyes that night, a shift, a quiet understanding. That kiss had been his way of telling you, without words, that he trusted you in a way he hadn’t trusted anyone in a long time. It wasn’t just about desire; it was about letting you in, allowing you to see a side of him he kept hidden from the world.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he cleared his throat. “You… uh, you don’t have to sleep out there tonight,” he said, his voice rough but softer than you were used to hearing from him. "There’s enough room in here."

You blinked, unsure if you’d heard him right. You’d been sharing this space for a while now, but you’d always kept a respectful distance. Joel had never given any indication that he wanted it otherwise, and you had assumed it was just easier that way. Safer, maybe.

But there he was, standing in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and the bed behind him. There was something vulnerable in the way he stood, as if this was a question he wasn’t used to asking.

“Are you…you… want me to sleep in there?” you asked, your voice quiet, not wanting to misread the moment.

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s late. Cold too. Just thought… it’d be more comfortable. For both of us.”

Your heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t just about comfort, you could tell. There was a layer of unspoken words in his offer, a need for connection in a world that had stripped so much away.

After a moment of hesitation, you nodded, rising slowly from the corner you’d claimed. “Okay,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel stepped aside as you walked past him, letting you into the small, cramped bedroom. The bed wasn’t much—just a thin mattress and some worn blankets.

You slid under the covers, feeling the tension in the room as Joel stood there, watching you for a second longer before moving toward the other side of the bed. He lay down beside you, his body stiff and awkward at first, like he didn’t quite know how to do this. You could feel the space between you, but it was less about the physical distance and more about the emotional walls that had been built between you both over time.

For a while, neither of you said anything. The silence was heavy, filled with all the things neither of you could say. But there was something comforting in it too—a quiet understanding that, despite everything, you weren’t alone.

Just as you were starting to relax, Joel’s voice broke the silence. “I’m not good at this,” he muttered, his tone laced with self-doubt. "But I want to… I mean, I’m trying."

You turned your head to look at him, catching the faint outline of his face in the darkness. There was something so raw, so real in his words that it made your chest tighten. “Me too,” you whispered back.

He let out a long breath, as if relieved by your answer, and shifted slightly closer. Not enough to touch, but enough that the space between you felt a little smaller, a little less daunting.

You stared at the ceiling for a moment longer, your thoughts racing, trying to figure out what to say or do to break the barrier between you. And then, just as you were about to speak, you felt the bed shift as Joel turned towards you. His presence was suddenly much closer, and before you could react, his hand reached out, tentative, brushing against your arm.

You turned your head to look at him again, and even in the dim light, you could see the hesitation in his eyes. It was like he was battling with himself, wanting to reach out but not knowing if it was okay to do so.

Without thinking, you moved closer, closing the small gap between you. You could feel the warmth of his body now, the roughness of his breath as he fought against the vulnerability of the moment. And then, suddenly, his lips were on yours—soft but insistent, as if he couldn’t hold back any longer.

It was different from the first kiss. This one wasn’t hesitant or uncertain. This was Joel making a decision, deciding to let you in just a little more, to tear down one more wall. His hand cupped the side of your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he deepened the kiss, pouring everything he couldn’t say into that single moment.

When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, both of you breathing heavily. For a long moment, neither of you said anything, the intimacy of the kiss settling around you like a blanket. You felt his hand tighten slightly on your face, a silent plea for you to understand everything he was struggling to say.

It had been a long morning since Joel left for patrol. You hadn’t said much to each other before he walked out the door, but the look he gave you was enough to tell you that he was trying—really trying to work through the mess that lay between you. It was a fragile peace, but you both knew there was no quick fix.

Rosie had been especially fussy, and after finally settling her down for a nap, you decided to go for a walk to clear your head. The weight of the past few days lingered like a storm cloud, and with Joel out, you found yourself restless, searching for some sense of normalcy. A visit to Maria seemed like a good way to pass the time. She’d always had a calming presence, and you could use some of her wisdom, especially after everything that had happened.

As you made your way through the winding streets of Jackson, the crisp autumn air nipping at your skin, you tried to shake off the lingering emotions. The town was peaceful, the sound of hammers and voices in the distance as people continued with their daily tasks. You could almost pretend everything was fine for a moment, that life was simple here.

But as you turned a corner, that fragile peace shattered.

There he was. Paul.

He was standing by the fence, talking to one of the other settlers, but the moment he saw you, his expression shifted. His eyes narrowed, and a smirk played at the corners of his lips as he excused himself from the conversation and made his way toward you.

Your stomach dropped. The last thing you wanted was to deal with him right now, not after everything that had happened with Joel. But Paul was relentless, always showing up when you least wanted him around. His words from the previous night still echoed in your mind—the way he had implied that Joel wasn’t enough for you, that you deserved better.

You squared your shoulders and tried to keep walking, hoping he’d get the hint and leave you alone. But of course, Paul never made things that easy.

“Heading somewhere?” Paul called out as he fell into step beside you, his tone casual but laced with that same undertone of smugness that had set you off before.

“I’m busy, Paul,” you replied, not bothering to look at him. “I don’t have time for this.”

He chuckled softly, the sound grating on your nerves. “You always seem to be busy these days. What, too wrapped up in playing house with Joel to even talk?”

Your jaw clenched, but you kept your gaze forward, refusing to engage.

“Come on,” Paul pressed, his voice lowering slightly as he leaned in, “you and I both know you deserve better than this. You’ve been through so much, and for what? To be stuck with a man who can’t even give you what you need? You’re not happy, and everyone can see it.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, your blood boiling. “Stop,” you hissed, turning to face him now. “I don’t care what you think you know, Paul, but you don’t get to talk about my life like that. Joel’s my husband, and I’m not interested in whatever it is you think you can offer.”

Paul’s expression hardened for a moment, but then he shrugged, the smirk never quite leaving his face. “I’m just trying to help. You don’t have to settle for less, you know? I see the way you look—tired, worn down. You’re not the same woman I met when you first came here. He’s changed you.”

His words hit deeper than you wanted to admit, poking at the insecurities you’d been grappling with for so long. You knew you were tired, knew you and Joel were struggling, but you weren’t about to let Paul twist that into something it wasn’t.

“I don’t need your help,” you said, your voice low and firm. “And I’m not some broken woman waiting for you to swoop in and save me. I’m stronger than you think.”

Paul scoffed, shaking his head. “You think you’re strong? Look at you. You’re exhausted. You’re barely holding it together. How long until Joel drags you down with him? You deserve more than that, and you know it.”

You took a step back, your heart racing with a mix of anger and hurt. “This conversation is over, Paul. Leave me alone.”

But just as you turned to walk away, his hand shot out, grabbing your arm. It wasn’t forceful, but it was enough to stop you in your tracks.

“I’m serious,” he said, his voice low and almost pleading now. “You don’t have to keep doing this. You don’t have to keep pretending that everything’s okay with him. I can give you a life, a real one. No more hiding, no more fear. You could be happy.”

You yanked your arm free, stepping back, your eyes blazing with anger. “I am happy, Paul,” you said, your voice shaking with emotion. “Or at least I’m trying to be. But I don’t need you or anyone else telling me what I should feel or what I deserve.”

Paul’s smirk faded then, his face hardening as he realized he wasn’t getting through to you. “Fine,” he muttered, stepping back. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you when it all falls apart.”

Without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing there, your heart pounding in your chest.

You stood there for a moment, trying to collect yourself. The encounter had left you rattled, the anger still simmering beneath your skin. But as much as Paul’s words had gotten under your skin, you knew he was wrong

You found your way to Maria’s house, still feeling the tension from the encounter with Paul clinging to your skin. When she opened the door, her face softened immediately, recognizing the weariness in your expression. She welcomed you in without hesitation, her hand resting gently on her growing belly as she led you inside.

“How’re you holding up?” Maria asked, her voice filled with genuine concern as she guided you to sit down at the kitchen table.

You forced a small smile, trying to shake off the weight of everything. “I’m… managing. How about you? How’s the pregnancy going?”

Maria’s face lit up slightly, her hand instinctively moving to rub her belly. “It’s been good, mostly. Tiring, of course. But Tommy’s been helping a lot, and the baby’s healthy, so I can’t complain.” She paused, giving you a knowing look. “But something tells me you didn’t come here just to check in on me.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I just needed to get out of the house. Things have been… rough.”

Maria didn’t press, simply nodding as she sat across from you. “It’s not easy, I know that much. You and Joel have been through a lot.”

You stared down at your hands, feeling the familiar sting of frustration building inside you again. “Yeah, we have. But it feels like everything’s falling apart, and I don’t know how to keep it together.”

There was a long silence between you, the weight of your words settling into the space. Maria’s eyes softened, understanding far beyond what she needed to say. She didn’t offer advice or try to fix things—she just listened. And in that moment, it was exactly what you needed.

After a few more minutes of small talk, you glanced at Rosie, who had been dozing off in her carrier. The sight of her, so small and peaceful, tugged at your heart, but it also made you feel even more trapped. You needed space to breathe, to think.

“Maria,” you said hesitantly, “could you… could you take care of Rosie for a little while? I just need some time. I won’t be gone long, I promise.”

Maria’s brows furrowed slightly, concern creeping into her expression, but she didn’t question you. “Of course,” she said gently, reaching for Rosie’s carrier. “You go do what you need to do. She’ll be safe with me.”

You nodded, grateful, but you couldn’t shake the guilt that tugged at you as you handed Rosie over. You hated feeling like you were running away, but the walls in Jackson were closing in on you, and you needed a break—just a moment to clear your head.

After making sure everything was set for Rosie, you thanked Maria again and left the house, the cool air of Jackson hitting your face as you stepped outside. Your heart raced as you made your way through the town, your mind already spinning with the familiar plan that had once been second nature to you.

Sneaking out of from a place wasn’t something you’d done in a long time, but the muscle memory kicked in as soon as you approached the outer edge of the settlement. You knew the weak points, the places where the patrols didn’t keep a close eye. You’d used these routes before in different places, and now that you needed you were going to use your skills for it.

You slipped through a wall, your pulse quickening as you moved into the wilderness beyond the walls of Jackson. The trees were thick, their branches swaying in the gentle breeze, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. Out here, there were no arguments, no pressure, no expectations. Just the quiet hum of nature, the sound of your boots crunching softly against the earth.

You didn’t go far, just enough to feel like you were truly alone, away from the weight of everything you’d been carrying. You found a small clearing, the sun filtering through the leaves in soft beams, and you sank down onto a fallen log, finally letting yourself exhale.

Out here, with nothing but the wind and the trees, you felt like you could finally breathe again. The emotions you’d been holding in for so long came crashing down, and before you could stop them, the tears started to fall.

It was quiet. Peaceful. And for a little while, you allowed yourself to let go.

The sun was starting to set by the time Joel returned from patrol, his body aching from the long day. He walked toward the house, expecting to hear the familiar sounds of Rosie’s coos or your footsteps in the background. But as he approached the front door, the sight of Maria standing there, cradling Rosie in her arms, made something in his stomach drop.

Rosie stirred in Maria’s arms, her tiny face scrunching up as if sensing the tension in the air. Joel’s heart raced, and he immediately scanned the area, looking for you, but you were nowhere to be seen. His brow furrowed, the unease settling deep in his gut as he stepped forward.

Tommy, who had been standing a few feet behind Maria, crossed his arms, his expression tense as he waited for Joel to notice him. When Joel finally turned to him, there was a flicker of understanding in Tommy’s eyes, like he knew something Joel didn’t.

"Where is she?" Joel’s voice was rough, laced with a mixture of confusion and dread. His gaze darted back to Maria, then to Tommy, searching for answers.

Maria shifted her weight, carefully rocking Rosie as she spoke, her voice soft but firm. “She left earlier today. Came to me, asked if I could take care of Rosie for a bit.”

Joel’s stomach twisted, and his mind immediately jumped to the worst. “She left? Alone?”

Maria hesitated for a moment, her eyes locking with Joel’s before she nodded. “She needed space, Joel. She didn’t say much, but… I could tell she was feeling overwhelmed. She didn’t say where she was going, just that she needed some time to herself.”

Joel’s chest tightened, and he felt the anger and fear rise up inside of him. “And you just let her go?” His voice was louder now, filled with an edge of panic. “Did she leave Jackson by herself?”

Tommy stepped forward, putting a hand on Joel’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “Easy, man. She’s done this before, you know that. She knows how to take care of herself.”

“But not now!” Joel snapped, shrugging off Tommy’s hand. “Not with everything that’s happened! Not with—” He stopped himself, his voice cracking as the weight of it all bore down on him. He thought of everything you’d been through, everything you hadn’t told him, and the fear that he had pushed you too far gnawed at him.

Maria spoke up again, her tone steady but understanding. “She needed a break, Joel. She’s not running away. She just needed time to think, to breathe. You know how hard things have been on her. She wouldn’t leave Rosie behind unless she trusted me to take care of her.”

Joel’s jaw clenched, and he paced for a moment, his mind spinning with the endless possibilities of where you could’ve gone. His fists tightened, and he cursed under his breath. The image of you out there alone, with nothing but your thoughts and the dangers beyond Jackson’s walls, filled him with a panic he hadn’t felt in years.

Tommy, sensing Joel’s desperation, spoke quietly, trying to offer some reassurance. “We can go look for her, Joel. You know she’s probably out in the woods, where she always goes when she needs some space.”

Joel ran a hand over his face, frustration and worry etched into every line of his features. He glanced at Rosie, who was now peacefully asleep in Maria’s arms, and the sight of his daughter’s small, fragile form made his heart twist painfully.

“I shouldn’t have left,” Joel muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “I shouldn’t have left her like this.”

Maria shook her head, her voice soft but firm. “This isn’t your fault, Joel. She just needed time. But she’ll be back.”

Joel swallowed hard, guilt gnawing at him as the weight of everything settled on his shoulders. He glanced at Tommy; his eyes filled with a silent plea. “I’m gonna find her.”

Outside, the world felt vast and overwhelming. You wandered through the familiar paths of the woods, your mind swirling with thoughts and emotions you couldn’t quite grasp. The trees stood tall and silent around you, their shadows stretching out like dark fingers, reflecting the turmoil inside your heart.

You thought of your sister, of the bond you once shared, and how her absence left a gaping hole in your life. Memories of laughter and warmth collided with the stark reality of survival in this harsh world. There was a time when everything felt different, when hope seemed tangible rather than just a flicker of light in the distance.

But now, all you could feel was the weight of responsibility pressing down on you like a heavy cloak. Rosie was a precious gift, but taking care of her felt like an insurmountable task some days. You loved her fiercely, but there were moments when the exhaustion threatened to overwhelm you, the anxiety about whether you were doing enough gnawing at the edges of your mind. Would you be able to protect her? Could you give her the life she deserved in a world filled with danger and uncertainty?

You leaned against a sturdy tree, closing your eyes for a moment, letting the cool breeze brush against your skin. In the silence, you could almost hear your sister’s laughter, the way she used to tease you about everything and nothing. If she were here, she would know what to say to make things feel right again. She would tell you that you were stronger than you thought, that you could handle this, even on the toughest days.

But she wasn’t here, and the loneliness crept in, wrapping around you like a cold shroud. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were losing yourself, that you were more than just a mother now. You were a woman who had once fought fiercely for her own survival, for the lives of those she loved. You felt like you were at a crossroads, and you didn’t know which path to take.

As you pushed yourself off the tree and began walking again, your thoughts drifted back to Rosie. Every time you looked into her eyes, you saw hope, innocence, and a future that felt uncertain. You wanted to be the mother she deserved, to show her love and strength, but the weight of the world felt too heavy to carry alone.

You stopped again, this time looking up at the sky. The sun was starting to dip below the horizon, casting warm hues of orange and pink across the landscape. It was beautiful and calming, a stark contrast to the chaos in your heart. You took a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill your lungs, trying to ground yourself in the moment.

But just as the beauty around you began to ease your mind, the thoughts of Joel flooded back in. The way he had looked at you when you left, the pain etched into his features. You could feel the weight of his unspoken fears, his struggles, and the barriers he had built around himself. You understood that he was fighting his own demons, just as you were.

Maybe you both needed to find a way back to each other, to break through the walls that had formed between you in this chaotic world. But how could you do that when you felt so lost?

As the last rays of sun disappeared, darkness began to settle in, and a chill crept into the air. It was time to head back, back to the warmth of the home you had built with Joel and Rosie. You took one last look at the fading light, hoping that by returning, you could find a way to reconnect, to start rebuilding what had felt broken for so long.

As you made your way back through the woods, the tranquility of the setting sun was abruptly interrupted by a soft but unmistakable sound—a twig snapping underfoot, somewhere off to your right. Your heart quickened, instinctively alerting you to the potential danger lurking in the shadows.

You paused, scanning the area around you, the fading light casting long shadows among the trees. The woods felt eerily silent for a moment, as if the world was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. The last rays of sun slipped away, and you strained to listen, your pulse pounding in your ears.

Another sound—a branch rustling, followed by the faint crunch of leaves. You took a step back, instinctively reaching for the small knife tucked into your belt. Your breath hitched as adrenaline coursed through you, heightening your senses.

"Hello?" you called out, your voice steady despite the fear creeping in. The response was silence, thick and heavy, adding to your anxiety. You couldn’t afford to let your guard down.

Your mind raced through the possibilities. It could be an animal, or worse—another person, someone with malicious intent. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. You were not helpless; you had survived this long for a reason.

You shifted your weight, ready to either fight or flee if necessary. “If you’re out there, you’d better show yourself!” you warned, your voice firm.

Suddenly, the underbrush shifted again, and a figure emerged from the trees, stepping into the dim light. Your heart dropped as recognition washed over you.

Joel emerged from the shadows, his expression a mix of concern and relief, and before he could say something. You felt a rush of conflicting emotions. The comfort of seeing him clashed with the frustration that had built up over the day. “I just needed some air,” you replied defensively. “Is that a crime?” you paused, “How did you know I was here?”

Joel stepped into the clearing, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly as he took in the sight of you. The mix of relief and frustration on his face mirrored your own. “It’s not the first time I find you hiding” he smiled at the memory of your first encounter.

You couldn’t help but feel a flicker of warmth at the memory he invoked. It was a different time, a different life when the world felt a bit less heavy. You recalled the first time you’d met Joel, crouched in the shadows of the quarantine zone, evading guards after a botched trade.

He had stumbled upon you, a rugged man with a wary gaze, just as you had thought you’d gotten away. You could still picture his surprised expression when he found you hiding behind a pile of crates. “What are you doing back here?” he had asked, his voice low and gravelly.

“Just… waiting for the right moment to slip away,” you had replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the pounding of your heart.

“Seems like you’ve got a knack for getting into trouble,” he’d said, a hint of amusement in his tone. It had taken you aback, how this stranger could see through your bravado with just a few words.

You shook your head to push away the nostalgia, forcing your focus back to the present. “That was a long time ago,” you said, your voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions churning inside you. “Things are different now.”

“I know they are,” Joel replied, his gaze unwavering. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t take a breather sometimes. It doesn’t make you weak.”

You stood up straighter, still holding the knife but no longer on edge. “I needed to clear my head,” you replied, your voice calm but firm. “I needed to feel like I could still do this. Like I’m not just—”

“Just what?” Joel interrupted, stepping closer. His voice softened, and for the first time in days, you saw the raw emotion in his eyes. “You’re more than just a mother, you know that.”

You swallowed hard, the weight of his words hitting you. “It doesn’t feel that way,” you admitted, your voice wavering. “I’ve lost myself, Joel. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know if I can do this—be a mother, be what Rosie needs. Be what you need.”

Joel’s face softened, and he closed the distance between you, his hand reaching out to gently touch your arm. “You don’t have to do it alone,” he said, his voice low. “I’m here. I’ve always been here.”

You shook your head, pulling back slightly, the doubt still gnawing at you. “But it’s not the same. You were gone, and I— I handled everything, but it feels like I’m failing now. I’m not enough.”

Joel stepped closer again, his hand reaching out to cradle your face. “You’re more than enough,” he whispered, his eyes searching yours. “I know it’s been hard, and I know I haven’t been the easiest to deal with. But you’ve been strong. You’ve done more than anyone could ask. And you don’t have to prove anything to anyone—not to me, not to Paul, not to yourself.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, the vulnerability and exhaustion finally catching up to you. “I just… I just wanted to remember who I was before all of this. Before I became—”

Joel cut you off, his voice soft but firm. “You haven’t lost who you are. You’re still you, just… more. More love, more strength, more everything.”

His words hit you in a way you hadn’t expected. The knife slipped from your hand, falling to the ground with a soft thud. You reached up, covering your face with your hands as the tears came, the weight of everything finally crashing down on you.

Joel didn’t hesitate. He pulled you into his arms, holding you close as you cried into his chest, his hands running gently through your hair. “You don’t have to carry this alone,” he murmured. “I’ve got you.”

For the first time in a long time, you believed him.

After what felt like hours but was probably only minutes, you pulled back, wiping your eyes. Joel looked at you with such tenderness, his thumb brushing away a stray tear. “Come on,” he said softly. “Let’s go home.”

You nodded.

Joel leaned in, his eyes searching yours for a moment, as if he was asking for permission. You held your breath, feeling the tension in the air shift, charged with an unspoken understanding. Then, he closed the distance, pressing his lips to yours gently.

The kiss was soft at first, hesitant but filled with a warmth that spread through you like sunlight breaking through the clouds. You melted against him, feeling the weight of the world start to lift as you leaned into his embrace.

He pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against yours. “There’s that spark I’ve been missing,” he whispered, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

You chuckled softly, feeling a mixture of relief and affection.

“I love you,” Joel said, his voice earnest and filled with emotion. “I’m sorry for everything—everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said that made you feel alone. You deserve so much more than I’ve given you.”

His admission hung in the air, and you could feel your heart swell at his words. “You’re the reason I’m alive, Joel,” you replied softly. “I don’t think I would have made it this far without you. You gave me hope when I thought I had lost it all.”

He shook his head, his eyes glistening with sincerity. “No, you don’t understand. I don’t know where I’d be without you. You saved me in ways I can’t even begin to explain. You brought light back into my life when all I felt was darkness.”

A lump formed in your throat, and you felt the tears welling up again. “We saved each other, Joel. This isn’t just you. We’re in this together, and we always will be.”

He smiled, a mixture of relief and gratitude in his expression. “Together, then,” he said, the weight of his past starting to lift as he looked into your eyes.

Joel leaned in once more, capturing your lips in a more passionate kiss, filled with the promise

“Just promise me you won’t go hiding again,” he said, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Because I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

You laughed lightly, a sound that felt foreign but welcomed. “Deal. I’ll try to stay where you can find me.”

“Good,” he replied, a satisfied grin spreading across his face. “Now, let’s get back to our girl before she thinks we’ve run off to join the circus.”

You chuckled at the thought, the tension that had hung over you both starting to fade. “I think she’d prefer a home-cooked meal over a circus,” you said, feeling lighter as you linked your arm with his.

“Home-cooked meals it is, then,” Joel agreed, guiding you back through the trees, the path familiar beneath your feet. “And maybe some ice cream for dessert. I think we’ve earned it.”

As you walked, hand in hand, you felt a warmth blooming in your chest, a sense of hope that had been absent for far too long. The forest around you seemed to come alive, birds chirping and leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, echoing the newfound peace settling within you.

You reached the edge of the woods, the lights of Jackson glowing softly in the distance, and as you stepped back into that familiar world, you knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, you would face them together.

With a smile, you glanced up at Joel, and in that moment, you realized that home wasn’t just a place—it was wherever the two of you were together. “Let’s go home,” you said, feeling the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.

“Yeah,” Joel replied, his expression softening as he looked at you. “Home.”

Tags 💌: @jasminedragoon @orcasoul @missladym1981 @hiroikegawa @eleganthottubfun @lumpypoll @cuteanimalmama @thespookywookies @goodvibesonly421 @karaslqve @greenwitchfromthewoods @somedayheaven @bambisweethearts @joelsteinfeld @guelyury @biapascal @picketniffler @mrsyixingunicorn10 @httpvomitello @kulekehe @callmecath1 @persephone-girl @colmiillo @pedroswife69 @keileighr @capswife @fallout-girl219 @sullyselena @cymbalta-slut @my-tearsricochet

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cowgurrrl · 11 months ago

Text

Something in the Orange

Pairing: Joel Miller x art teacher!reader

Author's note: this might become a mini series idk idk

Summary: A parent-teacher conference leads to trouble [4.0k]

Warnings: no outbreak! au, teacher things, Ellie being a little loner, Joel the Menace making a return, Joel gets both his daughters in this one because it's what he deserves, flirty flirt, i think that's it???

You feel like you've been running a million miles a minute since you got in this morning. The second you could unlock the door, at least three students spilled into your room and chaotically ran to the kiln to collect their most recent pottery projects. One of them ended up shattering (the exact one you warned Colin about, but he didn't listen), and, as per high school custom, they were all screaming about it. You consoled the students just in time for your principal to walk by and ask about lesson plans which made you scramble through your backpack for your notebook even though you knew damn well there wasn't a single lesson plan in there. "Do you always have those lights on?" Principal Martinez asked, gesturing to the room's fairy lights and orange lamps. Leave it to administration to want to avoid art classrooms so much that they don't even know about the Big Light Philosophy.

Since then, it's been class after class. You only have one more period before your planning period and then, finally, the end of the day. There are a hundred things to do, but you can't focus on any of them. You got so caught up in managing your classroom and helping students with the hardest parts of their portfolio work that you almost forgot you had a parent meeting scheduled during your planning period.

Calling in parents for meetings about their children may be your least favorite part of your job. It makes you feel like a bad teacher, and parents usually don't feel great about getting called in on a workday to talk about their kid. Luckily, Ellie's dad, Joel, seemed more than happy to take time to talk about her. You rack your mind for his occupation as you add some detail to a canvas you've been hiding in your office and working on when you can. Was he a blue-collar worker? Or was he another stuck-up Austin transplant parent who's gonna accuse you of lying? He'd make the fifth parent who's made you cry this semester.

A knock on your locked door pulls you from your thoughts, and you quickly put away your painting before answering the door. "I told you she was in here!" One of your students, Dina, announces as she and a posse of three other kids you don't recognize push their way into the room. "Miss, you've gotta take that thing off your door; otherwise, people are gonna think you went home!"

"You mean the sign that says, 'planning period. Do not enter?'" You ask, and she snaps her fingers.

"That's the one." She says as she and her friends start putting their backpacks down at one of your high tables. You sigh and kick the door stopper into the threshold.

"You guys can't stay here. I have a meeting in five minutes."

"With who?"

"None of your business."

"Miss!" Dina acts wounded, and you cross your arms over your chest, your keys jingling around your neck in the process.

"I am an adult with a college degree and the debt to show for it. You are a teenager with a still-developing brain. You have to listen to me," you say. "Wait, whose class are you supposed to be in right now?"

"Mr. Flynn's."

"Guys!" You groan before walking over to your desk and quickly writing up a hall pass for them. "I know you don't like math-"

"No, we don't like Mr. Flynn." Dina cuts you off.

"Or math!" One of her friends adds, and you shoot them a (loving) disapproving look.

"Whatever you don't like, you can't keep hiding out here. Mr. Flynn is two seconds away from trying to get me fired for how often I let his kids in here during class, and I actually like this job, so," you rip the hall pass off the pad and hand it to Dina. As they pack their stuff up, a tall, bearded man steps into your classroom and makes eye contact with you. "Out, out, out! I love you. You're gonna change the world one day, but please get out." You blow them kisses as you usher them out of the room.

"Are you Ellie's art teacher?" He asks, a confused look on his face, and you nod.

"Yes, I am. Sorry about that. They're still figuring out that I have work to get done even when I don't have a class," you explain, a little breathless from running all over the place and getting caught off-guard. You really do try to act a little more professional with parents, but the kids threw you off. The kettle whistling behind your desk doesn't make it any better. "Is there anything I can get you? Coffee? Tea?" You pick up a random mug off your desk but find it full of murky water. "Paint water?"

"Are you allowed to have an electric kettle in here?" He asks, and you laugh nervously as you find a clean mug and your tea box.

"I won't tell if you won't." You say. He stands there awkwardly as you pour yourself some tea, and you realize you didn't pull a chair up for him. "Um, we can sit..." you glance around your messy classroom until you find a clear table and gesture toward it. "Here." He follows your lead, and you take a deep breath as you sit down.

"You gonna be okay?" He asks, the hint of a smirk on his lips. His curly hair looks golden brown in the low light, and his round eyes have a little knowing twinkle. You take another breath to compose yourself and nod.

"Yes. Sorry. It's been a long day."

"Don't worry bout it. I'm sure they run you ragged."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Well, you do have paint in your hair." He says, and panic seizes in your chest. You're never more aware of how crazy your job can be until you meet Real Adults. Even if you can't remember what he does for a living, you still have to admit that you look a little silly next to each other: you, with your paint-stained sunflower dress and markered hands, and him, with his black shirt and jeans. He doesn't have any apparent stains or splatters on his clothes, but he's broad with thick biceps. He must work with his hands or something within that capacity. You clear your throat and try to get back on track with the meeting.

"Uh, so Mr. Miller, the reason I called you here today was to talk to you about Ellie," you start. "First, I just wanna say that she is an amazing student. She always does her work and engages thoughtfully with the material. I really do enjoy having her in class."

"Well, that's certainly good to hear. She talks a whole lot bout this class and you, so... it's nice to place a face to the name," he says, adjusting his position on the stool. "But I have a feelin' you didn't call me down here just to tell me how great my kid is."

"She is great. She's extremely talented, smart, and funny, but she spends more time in my classroom during lunch than anything else. I'm worried about her making friends and finding a community here at school. I've tried convincing her to join the art club, but she's hesitant. During class, she just sits with her headphones in and draws. She really doesn't like talking to anybody but me." You wait for blame to be assigned to you or get lectured, but it never comes. He just sighs, and he deflates a little in his chair.

"She's been through a lot this year. Well, her whole life, really, but 'specially recently," he says dejectedly. "What can I do for her?"

"There's an art show this Friday night here at the school. It'll all be student work from across the district. I thought if maybe you or... whatever adults she has at home came with her to this, she might feel more comfortable talking to her peers or even want to submit some of her own stuff."

"We can do that. I'll get off work early and ask her uncle if he wants to come," he's quick with his solution, and you're a little shocked. You rarely get parents, let alone fathers, who act this swiftly when something is going on with their kids. "Is there anythin' else goin' on that I should know bout?"

"Uh, no. Like I said, she's a great kid. You should be really proud." You say, and the concerned wrinkle between his eyebrows disappears with a proud smile.

"Thank you," he mumbles, suddenly shy. "And thanks for carin' so much bout her. It's nice to know she's got someone lookin' out for her here." You don't know what to say, so you just nod and stare at him. You know, like an idiot. It takes a chuckle from him to snap you out of your thoughts, and blood rushes to your cheeks.

"Yes, of course. She's a good kid." You say.

"You said that already."

"I bet you'd be a little scatterbrained if you were at the mercy of two hundred teenagers all day."

"You're absolutely right. I would be," he says, smirking devastatingly. "Someone ought to get you a coffee or somethin' if you're dealing with all that."

"People like you should go argue with the school board. I'm sure you'd be popular with all the teachers."

"That'd be a first. I think I might've been the least favorite parent for all of my girls' teachers."

"Well, I find that hard to believe."

"Yeah?" He asks, leaning forward just a little, and you nod, smiling. Your brain struggles to come up with something to say, and you're a little embarrassed at your silence, but luckily, your projector saves the day by buzzing loudly and making the picture on the board cut in and out. You mumble a quick apology before getting up and climbing up on a desk to jiggle a piece back into place. You hear Joel curse behind you, and when you turn to see what the problem is, you see him holding his arms out behind you. "Do you stand on desks often?"

"Only every day. I haven't fallen yet this year." You laugh at his exasperated expression and turn back to the projector. It's still making a weird noise, so you move it around a little more, moving the desk under your feet, and Joel stabilizes it with a sigh.

"How long has it been doin' that?"

"Couple months. I keep putting in maintenance requests, but nobody ever comes to fix it."

"I can fix it for ya," he says simply, and you look down at him. "I've got tools in my truck. It wouldn't take long at all."

"Really?" You ask, and he nods.

"It'd make me feel better knowin' you're not almost breakin' your neck every day."

"You mean, standing on a decades-old desk to mess with an ancient piece of equipment isn't OSHA compliant?"

"Please," he says, grabbing your ankle when the desk wobbles under you, and you laugh at his worry. "Let me fix it for you before you give me a heart attack." You think about declining and just putting in another work order, but the likelihood that anyone would actually come and fix it is slim to none. Plus, you really shouldn't be climbing on top of desks every day. You pretend to think it over for a few more seconds just to watch the worry play across his features as his grip on your ankle gets tighter.

"Only if you really mean it."

"I really mean it," he says, offering you his other hand. "Now, would you please get down?"

"Fine." You say and take his hand. You bend to safely get yourself down, but Joel moves his other hand from your ankle to your waist and basically hoists you to the ground. Once your feet touch the floor, he doesn't let you go immediately like he's trying to figure out if you somehow got hurt when he wasn't looking. There's a part of your brain that's aware of how inappropriate this would look to any passersby, but you're also highly aware of how warm his big hand is on your hip.

"Ya alright?" He asks softly, and you nod, taking a conscious step back from his arms.

"Yes, thank you."

"Good," he says, also taking a step back. "Let me go get my tools, and I'll get that fixed for you."

"Perfect. I'll be here." You stand there, staring at each other awkwardly, for another moment before he turns on his heels and walks out of the classroom. The second he's out of your line of sight, you bury your head in your hands and start silently freaking out.

What the fuck are you doing? How did a parent-teacher meeting turn into him hauling you off a desk and offering to fix your projector? Technically, nothing incriminating has happened, and it needs to stay that way. It doesn't matter if you think he's attractive or like how he worries about everything. He's Ellie's dad. Teachers have gotten fired for much less than this, and you're not willing to risk your career because of one guy.

When he gets back with his toolbox, you're sitting at your desk and sorting through assignments like a reasonable adult. He doesn't say anything as he climbs up on the same desk you were standing on and begins messing with the mechanics of the equipment. You each work in silence for a few minutes before a screw clatters to the ground, and he grumbles something under his breath. "Do you mind..." he starts, pointing toward the lost piece.

"Not at all." You cover your anxiety with your chipper teacher voice and search for the screw with your phone flashlight. You find it tucked between canvases, carefully pick it up, and walk over to where he's standing, waiting for him to be ready for it.

"It looks like it's just an old piece in here. I'm sure you can order a new one, and I can come back and install it if ya want," he explains, looking down at you. You probably look stupid just standing there with a tiny screw in your hand, but he doesn't laugh. "D'you mind handing me that tool to your right?" He asks, and you blindly reach for the tool you think he's talking about. "Your other right." He corrects, and you flush in embarrassment.

"Sorry. I never was a very good woodshop student." You say, and he laughs once he has the tool in hand.

"My girls are the same way. Just askin' ‘em to hold a flashlight while I work on their car is like pullin' teeth," he says fondly. "Speaking of which, is there a reason the lights aren't on in here?"

"The lamp light is less harsh, and it helps students focus. Plus, nobody likes coming into a bright classroom first thing in the morning." You explain, and he hums.

"If I'd had a teacher like you growing up, I would've been at school much more than I was."

"You didn't like school?"

"Hated it," he says, opening his hand for the screw. Once you drop the tiny thing into his large palm, he straightens up, and you can barely hear it going back into its rightful place. "'S a miracle I graduated."

"That was me in college."

"Now, I don't believe that for a second."

"Really?" You laugh, and he nods.

"Someone like you, with your pretty dresses and all that empathy, was meant to be a teacher."

"I wasn't always like this," you evade the compliment despite the butterflies in your stomach. "Being a teacher was never on my radar until I graduated. A lot of my life was never on my radar until then." He puts the hood of the projector back on and climbs down from the desk until he's standing in front of you again, wiping his hands on a red handkerchief from his toolbox.

"Well, with the way you carry yourself, I never woulda guessed." He says. He opens his mouth to say something more, but the sharp tone of the bell ringing cuts him off. You jump at the sound and look at the clock as if it were wrong.

"I'm so sorry. Time must've gotten away from me. Thank you so much again, Mr. Miller, for coming in to talk with me and looking at the projector. I hope to see you and Ellie on Friday." You say quickly as the sound of rowdy kids fills the hallway, and you hold your hand out to him. He takes it and squeezes it firmly.

"You can call me Joel. Mr. Miller makes me feel old." He says, and you smile. He doesn't look old, unlike the other dads you've encountered. Sure, he's got some gray at his temples and in his beard, but it suits him.

"Joel, it is then." You resolve. His hand lingers in yours for a little too long before finally pulling away. "Well, Joel, unless you want to elbow through teenagers, I'd suggest you hide out here for a few more minutes." He does happily, even helping you carry supplies to your car once the hallways have cleared out enough. He's a proper gentleman, slinging your backpack over his shoulder and opening doors for you. You part only once everything is in your trunk, and he bids you goodnight with a charming smile that fills your thoughts on your drive home.

Ellie surprises you the next day as you're setting up the classroom. Normally, she isn't in until right before the bell rings, so seeing her this early is a little bit of a shock. The ink staining her hands is not. "Hey, dude. What's going on?" You ask. "Did you get breakfast from the cafeteria today? I heard Mrs. Hodges has those French toast sticks that everyone loves. You can probably get two servings if you run."

"No, I already ate. My dad and uncle had to leave early this morning, so we got breakfast. Speaking of which," she says as she takes off her backpack and pulls a cup of iced coffee out of her water bottle pocket. "This is for you. We didn't know what you liked, so we got a vanilla latte or something."

"Oh, El! You didn't have to do that. Thank you, honey." You say, and she sets it on your desk for you to enjoy once you don't have paintbrushes in hand. "If this is your way of getting a good grade on your piece, I already told you that you have nothing to worry about."

"It wasn't my idea. It was my dad's." She says nonchalantly before moving to the back of the classroom to get her sketch book. You, however, are confused and secretly pleased that Joel thought of you when he didn't have to. You find a message scribbled on the side when you reach for the cup to take a sip.

Thanks again. See you Friday. -J

You turn to hide your smile from Ellie, but she's so deep in her work that you doubt she would've noticed anyway. You put some music on, and you and Ellie work silently on your projects until the bell rings and the day starts.

The rest of the week goes by without a hitch, meaning that nobody accidentally ingested paint, and you only had to have one Come to Jesus talk with your Art 1 class. When Friday night rolls around, you're excited to see all the students work and treat yourself by wearing a new shirt with black scribbles all over it and black dress pants. You figure you should look as art teachery as possible for an art teacher event.

By the time you get to the school, the hallways are buzzing with students dragging their parents from one piece to another and administrators praising their art programs even though you know not one of them has seen the inside of an art classroom in months. You make small talk with some of your students and their parents before finding a way out of the conversation and letting yourself wander through the makeshift gallery. You love your kids, but you really don't want them breathing down your neck as you look at all the art. You're almost at the end when you hear a familiar voice calling your name, and you turn to find Ellie walking toward you with Joel and, who you assume to be her uncle, next to her.

"Hey, kid! I'm so happy to see you here!" You say sincerely, and she smiles shyly. You turn to her uncle and hold your hand out to introduce yourself.

"Tommy. We sure have heard a whole lot bout you at home." He says with a smirk, and you laugh.

"All good things, I hope."

"Of course. Ellie just bout worships the ground you walk on," he says. "Joel was singin' your praises, too."

"Alright, I think that's enough. Why don't y'all go walk around, and I'll catch up with ya?" He suggests, and Tommy chuckles. Another teacher calls Ellie's name from down the hallway, and she's quick to drag Tommy off to meet him, leaving you and Joel alone. He's replaced his black shirt with a light blue dress shirt, and it looks like he's recently trimmed his beard. He looks nice.

"Singing praises, huh?" You raise your eyebrows at him, and he smiles sheepishly. "Thank you for the coffee the other morning, by the way. It was a really nice surprise."

"Figured it was the least I could do to thank you for takin' such good care of my girl."

"Well, thank you. I owe you."

"You don't owe me a thing," he says. "Although, Tommy was a little upset that I didn't bill you for lookin' at the projector."

"Was he?" You ask, and he nods.

"Oh, yeah," he laughs. "Said next time I should, at least, ask you on a date."

"Mr. Miller-"

"I thought you agreed to call me Joel." He raises his eyebrows in a silent challenge, and you shake your head, fighting a smile.

"Joel, while I'm flattered by the offer from someone so handsome-"

"You think I'm handsome?"

"I can't date my students' parents." You say, ignoring his question, but even then, the playful look on his face doesn't fade. "Well, I can leave you to it. I know Ellie will probably want to show you around."

"Right. Of course," he says. "It's really nice to see you."

"You, too. I'm just glad I didn't have paint in my hair this time."

"I don't know. I thought it was kinda cute." You feel yourself blush at his words, but you have to shut it down before it can become anything more than flattery. You take a deep breath and try not to let that stupid smirk weaken your knees as he watches you.

"Goodnight, Joel."

"Goodnight, ma'am." He says, tipping his head politely before sauntering down the hallway like he owns the place. Trouble, you think to yourself. But you can handle trouble. It's in your job description, for Christ's sake.

So, you brush off the flirting and try to ignore how his kindness and sweet words made you feel. You absolutely cannot flirt with the parent of one of your students. Dating is completely off the table. You can handle this like an adult. You have to.

After a cold shower and a leftover dinner, you check your email once more before going to bed that night. Sitting in your inbox with alarming clarity is an email from Ellie with the subject line: Art Club. Her email is somehow just as short as her subject line.

Simply, "When can I start -E."

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha

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creedslove · 1 year ago

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The Millers 💖

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: an insight of Joel's married life with you and fatherhood of a little boy

Inspired by this post after I fell in love with the idea of Joel being a dad to a baby boy 💙

Warnings: fluff and Joel Miller being the best husband and father in the world

A/N: idk besties, I love Joel and I want him to be happy 😭🥺

1.6k words

When Joel had Sarah, everything was harder; he was too young to take that much of a responsibility by himself and yet he did it. Giving up his dream and short term plans, he saw himself seeking a steady job to provide for himself and his baby daughter, and for that he worked hard. Joel Miller had to work his ass off in order to make sure his family would be well taken care of. However, he loved that tiny little baby girl with all his heart, and it was that love that gave him the strength and the perseverance to fight things off and make sure his daughter had everything he could give her. Luckily to him, he did a pretty good job at raising her, stated fact as she blossomed into a beautiful, lovely and kind-hearted young woman, who gave him nothing but happiness and pride when she managed to get into a top-notch university, after all, she was the smartest kid he'd ever met.

He didn't know exactly what to do after he dropped her off in college, returning to the home that had been filled with her presence, her laughter, her joy and her things, was now a home Joel would have to live in alone and occasionally sharing with his laid-back brother. He was still fairly young, he had a successful business and he thought he would spend his next decades leading a quiet, comfortable life, with a lot of work, some fun, some night stands and that was it.

Meeting you wasn't planned, but it ended up being one of the best, sweetest surprises life had given him, and still, he had never thought it would end up in marriage. He figured you two would be together until you got tired of him and found someone better, he wouldn't blame you, he always thought you deserved more, even if it broke his heart. Turns out you didn't want anyone better, younger or wealthier, you wanted him, exactly like he wanted you, so despite Joel being a stubborn man, you showed him your love and you ended up married to the love of your life. Not bad at all.

However, he had never thought of having a second child. Not that he was against it, but he just figured it wouldn't happen at all, he had gone through all of it with Sarah, so he didn't see himself restarting it from the very beginning… that is until you came with a positive pregnancy test and Joel realized he was going to be a father. You were going to be a mother and you two would become parents. It took him some seconds to let the news sink in, he was shocked, he was not going to lie… he knew you two should've discussed the possibility of having kids and how that would affect your marriage and daily life, but since you were already pregnant, he saw that ship had already sailed.

He was terrified, but also couldn't hide the fact he was so happy to be doing that with you, before he knew it would be different than the first time, where he had to handle a newborn on his own and became a single parent, instead you would do it as a couple, together, building up a family, you were about to become The Millers and he fucking loved that.

Over the course of his life, Joel had to learn to be a girl dad, task that wasn't easy at all, he had no idea one day he would have to learn about Disney princesses, and Barbies, and My Little Pony shit and all the sparkly glittery Sarah was so crazy about when she was a kid. And for a rough guy like himself, he had done a decent job. Which was why his whole perspective had changed the moment he learned you and him were having a little boy.

Joel felt like his heart had stopped for a moment, it was the second time you nearly gave him a heart attack during your marriage. It was so new to him, to know that in a matter of months he was having a little boy. He thought of all the things he would like to do some day, such as teach him how to play the guitar, take him to sports matches, play soccer after Sunday lunches, take him to work… there was just an infinity of things he could try. He was excited.

When you and Joel decided to turn the guest room into nursery, was when he began wondering if his son would be the dinosaur kind of kid, or if he would be into space stuff, animals, or whatever, and just to be safe, Joel bought some of each of the items; that way his little boy could choose whatever he wanted and Joel would be a proud dad not matter what.

Three years after you broke the news to him, Joel prepared himself to leave home and come back home every night to his beautiful wife and his sweet little toddler. It terrified him how time flew by and in the blink of an eye, his beautiful Samuel Miller went from a tiny little baby, to a sweet chatty toddler, and in a matter of time he would become a teen and then an adult. It felt like an exaggeration, but that was what happened to Sarah. He just didn't want to miss out on his son's life, he didn't want to waste precious family moments by working too much. Money was a need, but so was his family, and that was why Joel hated the fact he had to work until that late, he knew you would be gladly waiting for him, but Sammy would be just asleep by the time he finally made it back home. He sighed, as he really enjoyed spending time playing trucks, cars, or blocks with his little man.

He got off his truck and walked to the door, opening it to find a nearly quiet home, the sound of TV was there, though it was low enough for him to be aware you were still awake, but he was sure his boy was already in bed. That was why it made Joel so surprise to moment he saw a tiny little thing waddling towards him, his messy little brown curls showed he had already got cuddles from his mommy, which caused him to he sleepy, judging by the way he rubbed his tired little brown eyes - exactly like Joel's.

"Daddy?" He whispered and smiled tiredly the moment he spotted Joel, rushing to him and hugging him tight, giggling adorably the moment his daddy lifted him up and tiny arms wrapped around Joel's neck. "Miss you daddy"

"Miss you too, Sammy… were you nice to your mommy? Did you take good care of her?" He saw his son nodding obediently and you resting against the doorframe, smiling at them. Your heart was a puddle of love each time you saw how good Joel was with your little boy. You walked to them, caressing Sammy's head gently and pecked Joel's lips

"There's dinner for you" you winked at your husband and got his plate out of the oven, as it was still warm and placed it on the table. You walked to him and tried taking Sammy, but he shook his head "no mommy, stay with daddy please" he gave you the puppy eyes and then turned to Joel "can we play trucks after dinner, daddy?" He asked with a yawn and rested his little body against his dad's stomach, fighting sleep as hard as he could.

While Joel ate, Sammy just stayed quiet, his small hands gripping his daddy's wrist and holding his watch. He shook his head when Joel offered him some food, all he wanted was to play trucks with his daddy.

Joel was still hungry and he was eager to finish that amazing plate you'd made him, but he couldn't simply continue eating while his boy wanted to spend precious time with him. He wrapped his arm gently around Sammy's tummy and got up, taking his son with him

"Daddy is done eating, let's play now, okay? But let's play in your room because our trucks are so noisy and we can't bother mommy" he tickled his son, as he used his trick to convince Sammy to play a little in bed before tucking him in. Sammy on the other hand, could barely contain his excitement, he rubbed his tired eyes once more, but this time the giggles came easy as he was taken to his bed by his father. He sat down comfortably and asked Joel to pick his yellow and blue truck: it was his favorite, given by his big sister Sarah on his last birthday. The man smiled at the thought of it, how his kids were adorable, even if the age gap between them was expressive, Sarah was every bit of sweet to her baby brother, and Sammy simply loved her. He handed his son the truck and sat by the edge of the bed. As they engaged in the activity, Sammy told his daddy silly nothings, giggled and smiled, until he was overpowered by sleep. He lay down in bed, and Joel placed the truck on the floor, taking the fluffy dinosaur blanket and covered Sammy. His big hand caressed his son's beautiful face. He might look like Joel, but he was every bit of sweet and lovely as his mommy, you, the woman Joel loved the most and he was so thankful for having given him the best present a man could have: a family.

"Night night daddy"

"Night Sammy, daddy loves you"

"I love you too, daddy"

____

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egcdeath · 2 years ago

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cupid’s arrow

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: you and joel have your first valentine’s day together. (part of the soccer parents alternate universe)

warnings: alternate universe: no apocalypse, established relationship, domesticity, so much fluff. be prepared to call your dentist.

word count: 7.5k

author’s note: happy extremely late valentine’s day!!! i tried to incorporate a little bit of all the requests i got for this fic, so special thank you to everyone who helped make this fic happen!!

technically the timelines don’t really line up from this fic and the l word (many i love you’s are uttered) but you know what. it’s valentine’s day. valentine’s day magic ✨

“So, what’s your Valentine’s Day plan this year?” Sarah asked on her otherwise quiet commute to school.

Joel drew his attention away from the road to glance at his daughter and smiled to himself, just the slightest bit. He always found it oddly endearing to see just how invested his and your daughter were into your relationship. At this point, it was no secret that Sarah and Chloe had worked hard to set you and him up a multitude of times, and Joel certainly wasn’t mad about it. If anything, he was grateful for your kids being nosy and sharp enough to know when to make a move when you and himself clearly could not.

“Well I want our first one to be a good one, so I booked a reservation at this really nice restaurant. Pretty expensive, pretty hard to get into, but she deserves the best,” Joel said with a deceptively nonchalant tone.

Joel couldn’t even lie—he was proud of himself. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had spent Valentine’s day with anyone other than his daughter, and he’d booked the reservation the moment that it was available. The restaurant really was notorious for being hard to get into on a non-holiday, let alone Valentine’s Day, so he was sure you would appreciate the subtle-yet-grand gesture.

“Dad,” Sarah began, her tone slightly apprehensive as if she were preparing to break bad news to him. “I know this is your first Valentine’s Day in forever, but a restaurant is just… it isn’t enough anymore.”

“What?” Joel asked, slightly taken aback. Given that he hadn’t had a serious relationship in some time, and was more than slightly insecure about his ability to be as good of a partner as you expected, hearing his daughter explain that a fancy dinner wasn’t enough in the modern dating scene was jarring at the least, and terrifying at the most.

“Don’t worry. You’re lucky that your daughter is full of ideas. We’re gonna give your woman a perfect Valentine’s day.”

At your daughter’s request, you were painting Chloe’s nails to match the upcoming holiday to the absolute best of your ability. You tried your best, but your hand-eye coordination wasn’t amazing, so the best of your ability ended up being a set of pink nails with one red finger–but your daughter was enjoying the process regardless.

“So mom,” Chloe began, fanning one hand as she attempted to speed up the process of drying her nails. “What’re you getting Joel for Valentine’s day?”

“I was thinking of taking him on a date to his favorite cafe. Something a little more relaxed,” you lightly dabbed some acetone where you’d gotten some polish on her skin.

“That’s sweet but… are you sure Joel wants that? I mean, you two always go there. It’s not particularly romantic.”

It wasn’t exactly shocking that you weren’t great with big romantic gestures. Nathan had been morally opposed to them, or too lazy for them, or something that ensured no one ever did anything romantic for you, and in return, you very rarely did anything romantic for him. Given that the last time you spent a Valentine’s Day (or anniversary… really any day that called for romance) with someone was with him, you weren’t even really sure where to start.

“Oh,” you thought aloud, trying to process the idea that small gestures wouldn’t really do justice to portray just how much you loved and appreciated your partner. “I guess you’re right.”

“Let me help you,” she insisted, excitedly grabbing onto your arm as her eyes lit up.

Well, it wasn’t like Chloe wasn’t good at these things. If it wasn’t for her and Sarah’s intervention, you and Joel never would’ve been together in the first place. It certainly wouldn’t kill you to let her help you out in this field.

“Okay, fine,” you agreed, playing up your reluctance.

“Yay!” she cheered. “This is gonna be so fun.”

You certainly hoped it would be.

On the morning of Valentine’s day, you were somewhat surprised when your alarm went off and you found Joel’s side of the bed to be both empty and cold.

Considering that your plan was to wake up early to leave a gift in the kitchen before Joel had the chance to get there, your Valentine’s Day plans weren’t off to the best start. You immediately rolled out of bed and suppressed the groan you wanted to let out at the sweet smell wafting up from the kitchen—both from anticipation of something delicious waiting for you, and the knowledge that your plan had been foiled.

After doing some rummaging through his closet, you managed to find the box of the coffee machine that you’d hidden, and hesitantly began your trek downstairs, knowing that your big reveal would be slightly less ideal. When you arrived in the kitchen, Joel was standing at the stove and diligently working on something. He glanced back at you, and a smile instantly formed on his lips at the sight of you—bed hair, old pajamas, and all.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” he greeted, setting his spatula down and coming over to give you a tight embrace. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” you said right back, relaxing into his hug despite the large box in your hands slightly obstructing it. “What’re you doing?”

“It’s a surprise,” Joel stated plainly, stepping back to look at what you were holding. “What’s this?”

“Your gift. I know you love coffee more than you love any person who’s in this house right now, so it’s time for you to get rid of your archaic machine. This is a Nespresso. Very modern and very good, or so I’ve heard,” you extended your hands to offer the box, which he gladly accepted

Joel examined it, the smile on his face not even faltering for a moment. With all this smiling, you were sure his cheeks would hurt by the end of the day. “Thank you so much. I can’t wait to use this,” he set down the box on the counter then gave you a peck. “Now, go back upstairs so I can finish working on your surprise.”

“Mm, sounds good,” you hummed, still fighting sleepiness as you retreated back up the stairs.

Well, your gift reveal may not have gone exactly the way you wanted it to, but you were pleased to see that Joel was still happy with what you gave him. Chloe would be proud.

“What is this?” Sarah asked, looking down at her plate of oddly shaped pink pancakes.

It was clear that this was what Joel had gotten up early to work on—Valentine’s Day themed pancakes. Although there was clearly an attempt at making what you could only assume were hearts, the pancakes came out as blobs more than anything else.

“…Hearts?” Joel suggested, sounding very unsure of his answer as he sipped his cup of coffee (made by his brand new machine).

“Dad…” Sarah trailed off, pushing around parts of her pancake.

“Are you gonna eat them or not?” Joel retorted, obviously a little less than enthusiastic about the reaction to the pancakes he’d gotten up early to work on, and worked quite hard on.

“I’m not gonna say no to breakfast.”

“I tried my best. It’s harder than it looks, okay?”

“They’re cute,” you interrupted. “It’s the thought that counts. I love them,” you hummed. The least you could do was support Joel in his romantic endeavors. Sure, the pancakes didn’t look amazing, but it really was a sweet gesture. And maybe they didn’t look the best, but they certainly tasted good.

Sarah didn’t exactly look like she believed you, and she glanced skeptically at Chloe, who was quietly giggling at the oddly shaped amoebas on her plate.

“I’m not an artist,” Joel explained, almost apologetically as your kids picked at their pancakes.

“We can tell,” Chloe murmured, earning herself a glare from you and a giggle from her friend.

“I never asked you to be one,” you assured. “It’s abstract. And it’s good enough for me.”

Joel quickly pecked your lips, eliciting a collective ‘ew!’ from the table.

“Alright, that’s enough from you two. Finish up quickly so we can get you to school on time,” you instructed.

The girls reluctantly agreed and finished up their abstract plates without much more protest or teasing before grabbing their last few items and heading off to the car.

“Did you actually like it? You can be honest with me,” Joel asked as you finished off your mug of coffee.

“I was being honest! I really did love it. It’s sweet that you put so much effort into doing something nice for me. Waking up all early, being in the kitchen all morning… I bet doing pancake art is pretty difficult.”

“It is, and you’d never guess that it is. The batter kinda just runs all over the place,” he explained, grabbing your empty dish and dropping it off at the sink. You got out of your seat and followed him over to where he stood, attempting to assure him that you really did enjoy the thoughtfulness of his gesture.

“Well, I love that you tried so hard to make something nice for me to wake up to,” you took a step closer to Joel, giving him a brief little peck to show your appreciation. “And I love you.” you leaned in for one slightly longer kiss and Joel’s hands softly cupped your cheeks as the kiss deepened.

Joel finally pulled away, dropping his hands down from your cheeks to your hands so he could hold them. “As much as I’d like to kiss you all morning, we do have two kids waiting to be taken to school sitting in my backseat right now.”

“Unfortunately, you’re right,” you sighed. “Can we pick up where we left off when we get back?”

“Of course,” he agreed, beginning to lead you out the door.

Although your morning plans may have fallen through, your plan to pick up on your make-out session certainly did not, which was how you found yourselves waiting for the shower to warm up so you could hop in together and wash off the ever present scent of sweat and sex.

“It’s been too long since we last showered together,” you remarked, testing out the heat of the water with the palm of your hand before taking a step inside.

“It’s just that my shower is so small,” he explained, following you into the shower. “And we always end up thinking showering together is better than it actually is.”

“It is small, but I like being this close to you,” you countered, hugging him from behind. “We’re bonding. Don’t you like bonding with me?”

“I do, until one of us slips, and won’t stop talking about how they almost died for an entire day,” he set his hands on top of yours as you embraced him.

“That was once, Joel. One time!” you exclaimed, breaking away from your partner to reach for his shampoo.

“One time too many,” he responded.

Although ‘almost dying’ was a bit of an over-dramatization, it certainly wasn’t fun to fall in the shower. The day began as a slow Sunday morning at Joel’s place. Your daughter was at Nathan’s for the weekend, and Sarah had been at a sleepover with some friends. Given that the two of you had the house to yourselves, you certainly made the most of it before heading to the shower to clean yourselves up. Halfway through Joel assisting you in exfoliating your legs, you were met with the sound of a door opening and closing downstairs, making you practically leap out of your skin, and lose your balance, leading you to fall pretty hard. Joel helped you up and immediately began to take care of you, and granted you weren’t too badly injured, but you refused to let Joel forget the time you dramatically tripped in the shower because Sarah got home from her sleepover a little early.

“I can’t believe you’re treating me like this on Valentine’s Day,” you sighed, pouring some shampoo and reaching into his hair to massage his scalp. “We should probably break up.”

“I agree,” Joel practically sighed, relaxed from the way your fingers were working in his hair. “I think it’s for the best.”

“Okay, I’ll let the girls know when we get out of the shower. The parents that they worked so hard to set up are never going to see or speak to each other ever again,” you said the words very seriously, but the way you were massaging Joel’s scalp told a completely different story.

“Sounds like a plan,” Joel purred, letting you work your magic as you played with his hair. “You’re too good at this. Why don’t I let you do my hair more often?”

“Psht, you're preaching to the choir here,” you reached forward to rinse off your hands. “For the record, this is one of your Valentine’s gifts. Savor it while you can. Especially before we finalize our breakup.”

“I’m savoring,” he insisted.

You two took your time in the shower, truly enjoying an endeavor you didn’t often do with each other. By the time you finally stepped out, the water had dropped several degrees, and you were both becoming human prunes.

Just moments after Joel wrapped his towel around his hips, he had disappeared back into his room, leaving you peeking past the bathroom door to see what he was up to. It certainly wasn’t unheard of for one of you to get ready without the other, but you preferred to have his presence with you in that humid little bathroom.

Joel came back just a few moments later, slightly more dressed, and now wielding a flat, red box.

“I got you something,” he announced as he joined you at the sink, bashfully looking down at the item in his hands.

“Oh?” you said curiously, glancing at the box as Joel slowly opened it, revealing a thin, silver necklace with what looked like a small diamond attached to it.

“It’s a necklace,” he explained, beginning to lift the dainty accessory out of the box so that he could fully display it to you.

You were immediately taken aback by it, an involuntary, “It’s beautiful,” slipping from your lips.

“Can I put it on you?” Joel asked cautiously. You eagerly agreed, excited to have a little piece of Joel on you at all times. You turned around and lifted up the back of your hair so that he could gently wrap the necklace around your neck, and he fumbled a bit with the clasp until it was just right.

“I love it,” you expressed, observing it in the mirror and running a finger against the chain of the necklace as you fully took it in. “This is too nice.”

“Nothing is too nice for you, my love.”

“You are such a sap,” you laughed, leaning forward to get a good look at the accessory and fully admire its beauty.

“And you love that about me,” Joel punctuated his sentence with a kiss to your cheek, leading you to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“You’re right. I do. Thank you,” you said, still checking yourself out with your new piece of jewelry.

“Can I take you somewhere?” you asked, glancing over at your partner in the mirror as he reached for his toothbrush.

“Sure. Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” you said with a knowing smile.

“So, where are we going?” Joel asked as you drove, the sunglasses on your nose preventing him from getting a good read on you.

“What part of surprise do you not get?” you teased, glancing over at him with a smirk. “We’re almost there. Hold your horses.”

Eventually, you pulled up to a little strip of businesses, and grabbed Joel’s hand as you led him out of the car and through a door.

You two were instantly hit with the smell of fragranced oil and the sound of rain from a sound maker as you walked further into the dim location. It was clear to you that Joel was still more confused than anything else.

“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Joel asked you in a whisper.

“Yes Joel, we are,” you laughed softly at his apprehension. To be fair, he didn’t have an idea of where he was or what you were making him do, but that didn’t make his nerves any less entertaining.

“And where exactly is that?” he followed up.

“We’re getting massages! C’mon,” you beckoned him to follow you up to a desk, where a bored-looking receptionist checked you in.

The two of you sat next to each other in the waiting room, waiting for your masseuses to prepare your room.

“What made you pick this?” Joel asked curiously.

“I dunno, you’re always telling me how sore you are after work. I thought maybe this would help your pain a little. It’s also very relaxing. You’re gonna love it and have a great time.”

There really weren’t too many problems you found that a nice massage at this salon couldn’t fix. When you found the time in your busy schedule to treat yourself to something nice and do a little self care, a deep tissue massage was always one of the first things you decided on doing. It was only a matter of time before you brought Joel along with you, and when you casually mentioned something about Joel to your masseuse, she did mention wanting to see him. Although, Chloe was the one to put the puzzle pieces together to you and suggest the couples’ massage.

“So you’ve done this before?” Joel questioned, still looking somewhere between a little cynical and a little trepidatious.

“Mhm,” you hummed, already imagining yourself getting every kink and bump in your back teased out.

“Walk me through it,” he suggested, seeming a little more comforted knowing that you had actually done this before.

“Well, we go in, they leave, and we strip down to our comfort level, then they just give us a nice deep tissue massage. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but it starts feeling pretty good pretty quickly.”

Joel’s expression circled back to slightly skeptical, his brow raised and eyes slightly squinted as he looked at you.

“Don’t make that face! You’re gonna love it. And I’m literally gonna be right next to you. When I called to book this, the receptionist said that the massage tables are so close together, we could hold hands the whole time if we wanted to.”

“Alright, fine. But if I hate it, I get to say that I told you so.”

“Okay, deal,” you agreed.

Your massage was going so well, you swore you were on a different planet. Sure, you didn’t have a very physically labor intensive job, but all the stress you'd accumulated over the last… however long always seemed to find itself stuck in your body. The massage was doing exactly what it needed to in terms of getting it out.

Joel groaned your name, his voice slightly distorted by his face being buried in the head pillow. “I take back everything I said.”

“I know,” you responded, far too gone to even really process what he was saying.

Walking out of that studio, you felt like a brand new person. Maybe that person was a little oily, but you felt like your body had gone under a complete transformation in just that hour.

“I can’t tell if I want to take a nap or run a marathon,” you exclaimed, stretching out your rejuvenated limbs.

“That was an amazing gift. Can we make this a V-Day tradition?” Joel asked, opening the car door for you.

“Hell yeah,” you agreed, getting into the passenger’s seat and breathing out a heavy sigh. “To think you thought you wouldn’t like it. Now I get to say I told you so.”

“Fair. I deserve it. That was life changing. I could marry you for thinking of that.”

Chloe actually thought of that, but Joel didn’t need to know that. For all you cared, he could keep thinking that you were the romantic genius.

“So what’s next on the agenda?”

“Just sit and wait. It’s a bit of a drive, so maybe you can get in that nap you wanted.”

You unsurprisingly slept like a rock after that massage. So much so, that you woke up to Joel softly saying your name and gently shaking your shoulder as he attempted to let you know that you’d arrived at your next destination.

When you opened your eyes, you were met with a an interesting looking building in front of you, one you’d seen in tourism handouts, but hadn’t yet visited for yourself—despite the many times you said you wanted to.

“Is this an art museum?” you asked aloud despite already knowing the answer.

Joel simply flashed you a toothy grin before popping out of the car, walking around it, and opening the door for you.

“I know you’ve been saying you want to come visit for a while,” he explained, slipping his hand into yours while you walked inside.

“I don’t know why I’m so surprised that you actually listen to me. Thank you,” you expressed.

You and Joel took your time walking around the museum, exploring the exhibits, reading the labels on pieces, and taking in all of the interesting and beautiful art. It was refreshing to come to a museum and not be rushed the whole time by an impatient daughter or disinterested spouse, and Joel expressing every now and then that despite being surrounded by so much beauty and artwork, you were the prettiest thing in the museum certainly enhanced your experience.

The two of you entered an exhibit that was obviously targeted towards children as you approached the end of the building, and your eyes immediately fell on a station that was clearly designed for kids to use. You walked towards it, and plopped down on one side of the tiny table before Joel sat down right across from you.

“Isn’t this for kids?” he asked you, his knees audibly creaking as he attempted to get comfortable on his tiny stool.

“Whatever. They’re all at school anyway. Or at least, they should be,” you grabbed a marker that was on your side of the divider, along with a piece of paper. “Wanna draw each other?”

“Haven’t we already established today that there’s not an artistic bone in my body?”

“C’mon, Joel,” you pleaded. “Please? As a Valentine’s Day gift?”

“Fine. Only because I love you. But you’re not allowed to laugh.”

“Swear,” you agreed despite knowing that it was more likely than not that you were going to laugh. While Joel reached for his own writing utensil and paper, you set your hand in front of the timer on the desk, giving you both five minutes to work on your portrait.

The man across from you focused deeply on his paper, looking pensively and seriously down at his paper and up at you every now and then rather than actually putting his marker to the paper.

After five minutes, the built-in alarm went off, and you both put your markers down, evaluating the work you had done.

“I don’t know if you want to see this. It’s really bad,” Joel confessed, awkwardly moving the paper out of your direct eyeline.

“It’s definitely not! Here, we’ll show each other at the same time. On the count of three?”

The two of you lifted your papers at the same time, and you involuntarily giggled when you looked at Joel’s. It was more or less an extremely basic stick figure with hearts around it. To be frank, your picture of Joel was basically the same.

“Hey, part of our agreement is that you wouldn’t laugh!” Joel said in between laughter of his own.

“Joel, you’re laughing too!” you giggled, the two of you progressively laughing harder until your stomachs were hurting. Eventually, you were able to catch your breath and collect yourself enough to get some actual words out. “Here, let’s swap. I wanna put this on my fridge.”

“Please don’t,” Joel gasped as he tried to catch his breath. “I don’t think I’ll ever live that down with our daughters.”

“Oh honey,” you responded, still fighting your fits of giggles. “That was the plan.”

After your museum date, you and Joel grabbed a quick lunch at a nearby cafe before heading back to the girls’ school to pick them up. You’d agreed to split up for the rest of the afternoon so that you had time to prepare for a nicer dinner in the evening.

It had been a long time since you’d dressed up like this. Although it was fun to get all dolled up, to put on a new matching set of lingerie under a new, formfitting dress, spend a good amount of time working on your makeup at your vanity, and take your time doing your hair, you couldn’t shake off the nervous feeling you were getting.

“Mom! Joel’s here!” Chloe yelled from your living room.

“You can let him in! I need to finish something up.”

You heard the familiar sound of conversation between Joel, Sarah, and Chloe while you finished up applying your lipstick, taking deep breaths as you did so. You just needed to see Joel, then you would feel better. To be quite honest, you were slightly intimidated by the restaurant he’d picked that night. Obviously you knew how exclusive and difficult to get in it was, but with how elite it was, part of you worried that you would stick out like a sore thumb.

But Joel had clearly worked so hard on making this night perfect for you, so you weren’t going to let a few nerves get you down. You grabbed your purse and headed downstairs, where your partner stood in your living room listening to your kids.

“Wow,” Joel said involuntarily when his eyes fell upon you. He immediately took a few steps towards you, setting a hand on your waist as he admired you.

“I don’t know why it always surprises me when I see how gross you guys are,” Chloe said, somewhere between a laugh and a cringe. “Okay, it’s time for you to get going. You don’t want to miss your reservation,” your daughter was practically pushing the two of you out the door, a little too enthusiastic to have the two of you gone. “Bye now!”

You finally were able to get a good look at Joel once you’d been shoved out of the door. He looked amazing in a well fitted suit, and a bouquet of red roses in hand.

“You look so handsome,” you gushed as you accepted his flowers. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing. I mean, you always look gorgeous, but you somehow found a way to look even more amazing.”

“Well thank you!” you giggled, letting Joel open the door to his car for you like the gentleman he was.

Joel sat down in the driver's seat, and began to head in the direction of the restaurant. Despite how late you were on the road, it seemed like traffic in the city was particularly bad. You and Joel kept up a light conversation, but the elephant in the room was clearly the traffic, and the fact that with every passing minute, the traffic only seemed to grow.

Your eyes flicked around in a cycle between the traffic ahead of you, your hot, but increasingly anxious date, and the clock on the dashboard. With just a few minutes until the time of your reservation, you finally piped up.

“Do you think we’re gonna make it on time?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” Joel answered quickly, his nerves quite obvious from the speed of his speech. He then followed it up with a slightly less agitated, “I hope so.”

“You know what? I’ll call and let them know we’re running late,” you suggested, reaching for your phone as if that would solve all issues.

That would make things better, right? You knew all that went into Joel getting this reservation, and you weren’t just gonna let it all slip away because of a little traffic.

You pressed your device to your ear and the phone rang once, then twice, then three times before you were informed by a robotic voice that the line was busy.

The scene of traffic didn’t seem to be getting any better either, with the cars in front of you essentially coming to a full stop every now and then. Time was quickly passing by, yet you weren’t making much progress distance-wise.

You called again to no avail, and attempted to maintain your composure. They would pick up soon enough, and you would get to your reservation on time, and you and Joel would have a lovely evening at that very fancy, exclusive restaurant.

Finally, someone on the other line picked up. You breathed out a sigh of relief as you were finally able to connect with an actual person, and attempt to explain your situation to them.

“We are aware of the car accident and the traffic jam it caused. However, regardless of external circumstances, our grace periods only last ten minutes. Unfortunately we’ve already given away your table to someone else on the waitlist. Our deepest and sincerest apologies.”

You looked over at Joel helplessly, disappointed to deliver the news about something he’d been so excited for for so long.

“Okay, thank you,” you said, quickly hanging up. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing you said to Joel. “They gave our table away.”

“You’re joking,” he said almost flatly, clearly in disbelief that something he’d worked so hard to plan for had slipped through his fingers so easily, and over circumstances that were completely out of his control.

“I’m sorry. We were later than their grace period. But it’s okay! We can just go somewhere else. I’ve heard about a few good restaurants nearby?”

“It’s Valentine’s day. They’re all gonna be fully booked,” he sighed, defeat clear in his tone. “Should I just turn around?”

“No! Right now I’m hungry enough that I’d eat your shoe if you put it in front of me with some silverware. Just… take me anywhere. Maybe somewhere you like? Preferably without a long line?”

Joel fell silent as he thought for a moment, trying to come up with a location that he enjoyed that wouldn’t be particularly busy that evening. As he pondered, a light bulb seemed to go off in his mind, leading him to turn his vehicle around and begin to take you elsewhere.

Your heels clicked against the pavement as Joel took your hand and led you towards a food truck. The smoky aromas hitting your nose were nothing short of heavenly, and if Joel believed that it was good, you were definitely taking his word for it.

“Is that… Joel, is that you?” the man in the window asked in disbelief as the two of you approached.

“It is,” he confirmed, a bit shyly.

“Damn, man! I almost didn’t recognize you all dressed up! What’s the-“ his eyes fell upon you, and his face lit up as he put the pieces together. “Who’s this?”

Joel introduced you by name, and wrapped an arm around you subconsciously. “We’re just celebrating Valentine’s Day.”

“Well you picked the right spot. Nice to meet you, sweetheart. I’m Louis.”

“Hi Louis. You know Joel?” you asked, curious about the camaraderie the pair seemed to have.

“I practically watched him grow up, so yeah, I guess so,” he flashed the two of you a smile, the look he gave Joel slightly more knowing than the soft one he offered you. “What’re we ordering tonight?”

Joel looked at you and shrugged, giving you the go-ahead for anything. It wasn’t like he wasn’t planning on spending a whole mortgage and kidney worth on food at the restaurant you had a reservation at.

You ordered a few different things from his menu, led more by your eyes and nose than your stomach. Louis nodded as you spoke before calling something out to the people working by the grill, and maintaining his position at the window so he could talk to you two.

“Why haven’t I met your friend before, Joel?” Louis asked, teasing in his voice.

“Well, obviously I was waiting for the most romantic day of the year to bring her here,” he looked away from his family friend and back to you. “You know, most people say that bringing your partner here is basically like having a ring in your hand and dropping to one knee.”

“Oh?” you laughed. “I’m flattered. Are you proposing to me?”

“No, not yet,” Joel shot a wink at you, and you felt a slight warmth rise to your cheeks. Of course, he was joking, but if he asked you in that moment to marry him, you’d probably say yes.

“Depending on how good this is, I may be proposing to you, Louis,” you teased, deflecting from the fantasy of marrying your partner.

“Hey! No need for that. Joel’ll bring you to one of my barbecues this summer. I promise you’ll eat so much of my food that you’ll never even want to even think about it again. Right, Joel?”

“Correct. Why do you think it’s been so long since I’ve visited you last?”

“Oh, excuses, excuses,” Louis dismissed, glancing back over his shoulder at the employee preparing your food. “Well lovebirds, since it’s Valentine’s Day, how’d you meet?” he questioned curiously, leaning further onto the ledge so he could get a good look at you and Joel.

“Our kids played soccer together on the same team, so we met through arguing like, all the time,” you laughed, glancing over at Joel who seemed just the slightest bit embarrassed at your frankness of your unconventional meet-cute.

“It sounds kinda bad when you put it like that. We were basically flirt-arguing,” Joel attempted to explain.

“Maybe you were. I was just arguing. But eventually our girls became friends, and we were forced to spend more time together, and I realized he’s not half bad,” you were downplaying just how much you adored the man standing next to you for a bit of comedic effect, but the quick look the two of you shared seemed to communicate everything it needed to for Louis.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Joel said, cracking an adoring half-smile at you.

“That is too damn sweet,” Louis expressed as he looked between the two of you. He had to do a bit of reading in between the lines, but it was clear to him that the two of you were a rather happy pair, as evidenced by your comfortable body language and the fond teasing. He was clearly quite pleased to see Joel as happy as he was with you. “As much as I’d like to chat and hear more, your order is unfortunately ready. We’ll catch up another time?”

Louis turned around to grab your boxes, and leaned back over the ledge to pass them to Joel.

“Of course. If I don’t get back around sometime soon, we’ll definitely be at one of your barbecues this summer.”

“Good,” Louis nodded. “And before you head back home, stop back over here. I’ll make Sarah her favorite, and something for your daughter too!” he offered you both.

Louis’ barbecue was no joke. You and Joel absolutely demolished everything that was ordered as you laid in the bed of his truck, sat on the blankets Joel had packed for a previous picnic and had never seemed to put back.

“Why hadn’t you brought me here sooner?” you asked, sauce on the edges of your lips. “I feel like a brand new person after this.”

Joel reached over, dabbing at your mouth with a napkin to clean up what you missed. “I told you, this is like serious engagement food. If I brought you here too early on, I might’ve scared you off by moving too fast,” he jokingly explained as he set down the napkin and dragged himself a little closer to you.

You playfully rolled your eyes at the explanation, but leaned onto Joel regardless. “Yeah, whatever,” you muttered, setting your head on his shoulder and looking up at the night sky.

“Do you remember that night when you helped me out with making the team dinner?” Joel seemingly asked out of the blue, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“I do,” you nodded, glancing away from the sky and instead looking at Joel. “We’re a pretty great team.”

“We are,” Joel agreed, pausing for a moment. “Do you remember when I asked you out for the first time?”

“Of course I do.”

“I was so nervous. I really liked you a lot, but I wasn’t completely sure you’d say yes, and I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we’d been working on, or make things awkward for the girls. I just kept looking at the sky so I wouldn’t see you and think about all of those things,” he confessed, looking to the sky as he spoke.

“Are you nervous now?” you asked, noticing him watch the stars above you.

“No,” he assured you. “It’s just really beautiful out here tonight. Really clear.”

You leaned in closer, practically sitting on the lap of the man next to you at that point, “Do you see anything good up there?”

“Yeah,” Joel answered, his words blowing a few strands of hair as he spoke.

“Show me?” you asked, curiously peering up at the sky to attempt to see what Joel might’ve been seeing.

“Of course,” he agreed. “Well that right there is the big dipper. And the little dipper, too.”

“Where?” you asked, despite seeing it clearly. You had stargazed with Joel a handful of times, and he always did this cute thing when he saw something that you couldn’t see—grabbing your hand and leaning into you while he pointed out the stars with your own fingers, essentially cuddling you as he did so. His knowledge of what he was looking for, the competency in his actions, and the proximity he kept with you always drove you a little bit wild, and you’d be a fool to turn down an opportunity of getting that side of him out.

Joel took the bait, not even realizing that it was bait. He gently guided your arm to point out the constellation, speaking quietly next to your ear as he narrated what he was seeing. It was taking everything in you not to jump his bones then and there as he helped you see each set of stars.

After a period of pointing out constellations to each other, the two of you finally seemed to run out of observations to make, leaving you quietly sharing space on the blanket laid out in the bed of Joel’s truck.

“This has been my favorite Valentine’s day ever,” you expressed, gazing up at the stars with far less effort than you’d had previously. “I do love spending the day with you, but you really went out of your way to make today sweet. I appreciate it.”

“Hey, I can’t take all the credit. You are the one who arranged that absolutely life changing massage, and the Nespresso machine was great too. I will definitely be using it all the time now.”

“You know, it’s so weird. I used to hate Valentine’s day. Dread it every year because I just knew I’d be disappointed. But you changed that for me. Maybe it’s all the stuff we got to do, but I honestly think I’d be happy doing laundry or something with you today, as long as it meant I’d get to be with you.”

You were thoroughly exhausted after your day of Valentine’s activities, paired with the digestion you were going through after all of that dangerously delicious barbecue you and Joel had consumed. It was safe to say that the ride back to your place was a quiet one, only filled with the occasional uncomfortable grunt or a comment reminiscing on how good your dinner was.

By the time you opened your door, you were shocked to find your living room completely uprooted and transformed into a massive pillow fort. Your daughters, who conveniently were sitting inside of the fort, didn’t seem to notice you as you came in, as they were far too caught up in the Hallmark movie they were watching. Eventually, the sound of feet shuffling caught their attention, and the pair were out of the fort in record time.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” they both cheered, making jazz hands towards the fort.

“To commemorate your first date, we built you a new and improved pillow fort,” Sarah explained, as she continued to Vanna White their creation.

“This time, it’s big enough for all of us. You’ve had enough alone time today,” Chloe expressed. “Come, come! Are you ready for the tour?”

Your kids showed you the inside of the fort, and there honestly wasn’t much to see. However, it was still quite impressive that they’d managed to pull off putting together such a big fort in such a short period of time.

“But before we lay down, go change into pajamas. No one should be in a pillow fort in a suit. That’s just ridiculous,” Sarah remarked

“You heard the girl, go!” Chloe emphasized, herding you two upstairs without even giving you time to voice any sort of protest.

“You really went all out this year,” Joel gushed as he followed you into your bedroom.

Hearing him say that did make you feel a little guilty. Sure he didn’t need to know that Chloe had done most of the heavy lifting when it came to celebrating this holiday, but it felt wrong to keep things from him—even something as small as not coming up with original ideas.

“Joel, I have to tell you something,” you began hesitantly as he unzipped your dress.

“Oh no. Are you breaking up with me? Are you pregnant?” he glanced at you over your shoulder.

“No! And no, that’s just my food baby. It’s just that… basically everything I did for you today, Chloe helped me come up with. I was gonna get you a box of chocolates, show you this number,” you gestured at the lingerie revealed by your fallen dress, “then call it a day.”

“You wanna know the truth?” he asked before reaching into your dresser and tossing you a set of pajamas. “I needed Sarah’s help for almost everything today, too. Obviously it was a great day, but… I don’t need fancy things from you or huge romantic gestures, despite what our children might think. Your love alone is plenty.”

“Promise?” you asked, pulling on your pajama shirt.

“Swear.”

“Can we shake on doing a massage and getting barbecue next Valentine’s Day, nothing more and nothing less?”

“That sounds perfect,” Joel agreed, shaking your hand to drive in the point of your agreement. “Now let’s go check out that pillow fort.”

Chloe and Sarah snuggled against you as a new, cheesy rom-com played out on the television in front of you.

“So, how was your V-Day?” Chloe asked, looking between you and Joel mischievously. Obviously, the kids were curious about the fruits of their labor, and you genuinely could not blame them. With all the effort they’d put into making your day great, they deserved to know just how pleasant it was.

“It was amazing,” you confirmed, squeezing your daughter’s shoulder.

“We couldn’t have done it without you two,” Joel added, tossing a not-so-subtle wink at Sarah.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Sarah asked with a slightly uncomfortable laugh.

“It means that you two are hopeless romantics, and without your guys’ help, we would’ve had a painfully boring Valentine’s Day,” you explained.

“Can you blame us for wanting to help you two old farts out? You haven’t celebrated this holiday in like 200 years,” Chloe retorted.

“Nothing wrong with that,” you affirmed. “You guys are good eggs. Is it too late to ask you both to be my Valentine?”

“Yes,” Chloe deadpanned.

“Nope,” Sarah said, popping her ‘p’. “But only if you get us heart-shaped boxes of chocolate.”

“I think that can be arranged. Right, Joel?” you asked.

“Fine. I’ll pick up some discounted chocolates after work tomorrow,” Joel said it begrudgingly, but deep down you knew that his softie heart was bursting with love for your family.

“Thank you. Happy Valentine’s day, my lovely loves,” you expressed, pulling the girls next to you closer to emphasize your point.

“Ew, mom,” Chloe squealed, only egging you on to pepper her cheeks in kisses.

This had by far been your favorite Valentine’s Day, and it really wasn’t even close. When you were surrounded by your favorite people in the world, doing something ridiculously thoughtful and sentimental, there was no way you could ever ask for more.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fluff #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us hbo #pedro pascal x reader

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tightjeansjavi · 2 years ago

Text

𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 𝕛𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕤 𝕟’𝕋𝕖𝕩𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟛

The Importance of Groundwork and Vanilla Lattes

♡ 𓃗 ♡

Pre! Outbreak Joel x horseback riding instructor f!reader

A/N: this chapter is filled with SO much horsey knowledge! Heavily focused on horsemanship skills and groundwork. This was something that I was taught while I worked at the therapy barn and it’s truly so special to watch in action. ♡

~word count : 4.8k~

Summary: Joel Miller, single father; total soft dad has an astronomically enormous crush on you, his daughters horseback riding instructor.

Warnings: soft! Joel, shy! Joel, fluff, flirting, slow burn, eventual established relationship, single! Father Joel, protective! Joel, he’s so sweet your teeth will hurt! Joel, eventual smut, some angst, no y/n, +18 minors dni !

blue jeans playlist:

Austin, Texas

Joel Miller called you early Saturday morning, an hour before Sarah’s first riding lesson.

You unashamedly already had his number saved in your phone. He had your contact saved in his phone as well. Thank god Sarah didn’t know because she would surely tease him for it.

You had just started to bring the horses in from turn-out. You firmly believed that all horses deserved to have the freedom to run, to spend time away from humans where they could just be themselves in nature. That’s why everyday, at the end of each day, you’d turn them out overnight. You made sure to give them time in the pasture during the day when they weren’t working, or being exercised.

These horses were undoubtedly your children and you would do anything to ensure they had a safe, happy horse life.

When Joel had given you a rung, everyone except Frankie had been brought back in. He was the most shy, and polite of the six horses. He always would hang out in the far back, away from the gate. You grabbed his navy blue halter from the hook on the metal gate. Each horse had their name engraved on a thin piece of copper. The name plates were light weight, and were on the cheek piece of their halters.

Frankie was comfortably grazing as you approached him, you let him know of your presence by gently placing your hand on his shoulder, stroking his soft fur. “Hey, pal. How are we this morning? You wanna come on in now, or should we hang out and make the other boys wait a little longer for their grain?”

You gently placed the nylon lead rope over his withers, making sure the end of the rope didn’t dangle too low. This is when you felt your phone buzzing in your back pocket. You had a feeling it was Joel Miller and when you saw his name flash on your phone screen, you couldn’t hide your smile.

“Hey, darlin’ it’s Joel.”

You gently leaned against Frankie’s side as he continued to peacefully graze.

“Hey, Joel. To what do I owe the pleasure? Sarah’s lesson isn’t for another hour. I hope you’re not calling to cancel on me or anything like that. I’d be pretty disappointed if that were to be the case. Oh, and Joel? I know it's you calling. I have your name saved in my contacts.”

Joel could feel his cheeks turning red as he sat in his truck, behind at least 20 cars in the Starbucks drive through. He couldn’t help but let out a light chuckle when you confirmed that you had his name saved in your contacts.

“Oh, it’s kinda uh–Texas thing to start a phone call off with your name. Don’t worry darlin’ I'm not calling to cancel Sarah’s lesson, I promise. I’m callin’ cause i’m currently in the Starbucks drive through and was wonderin’ if you’d like a coffee or something? Damn line is like 20 cars long, but I didn’t want to assume your order and get you the wrong thing–”

Joel was going to be the death of you. You were absolutely certain of it.

“A Texas thing, huh? Well, I'm relieved that you weren’t calling to cancel on me. I’m actually hanging out with Frankie in the pasture right now. Think we’re gonna have a bit of a lazy morning.” Your heart positively swelled in your chest when Joel offered to get you a coffee.

“Joel, that’s awfully kind of you. I’m sure whatever ended up getting me, I would enjoy it. If it’s not too much trouble, I'll take a grande vanilla latte, with soy milk if they have it.”

“Well, it might also be a thing outside of Texas, probably. Just goin’ off of how my Ma raised me. How is Frankie? He’s the one that doesn’t do well with loud, sudden noises right? Oh and it’s no trouble at all darlin’ figured I would uh– put the offer out there since y’know, i’m already in line. You said a vanilla latte with soy milk? Hope i’m not oversteppin’ or anythin’ but are ya dairy free?”

You couldn’t help but smile softly when Joel had asked about how Frankie was doing, and the fact that he remembered what you told him, and Sarah, about Frankie. “He’s doing alright. You’re correct, he’s the one that doesn’t do well with any loud noises. Spooks very easily. Anyway, he likes to hang back far from the gate while the other boys are brought in. So I usually get to spend a small part of my morning with him. You’re not overstepping at all, Joel. I’m actually a vegetarian. I’ve been one for about 6 years? Who’s really counting though right?”

“That’s really nice that you get to spend a bit of your mornin’ with him. Sounds pretty peaceful. You’ve been a vegetarian for 6 years? Wow, that’s actually pretty cool. I imagine it takes a lot of dedication? I ain’t gonna be that asshole that brings up how he could never live without a steak or somethin. I imagine you hear a lot of that bullshit from other people.”

You gave Frankie a light pat on his neck as he lifted his head up slightly. You were holding your phone against your ear, with your shoulder, while you slowly and carefully brought Frankie’s halter around his head, clipping the metal hook around the metal ring so that the halter would stay in place around his head.

“It really is. He’s easy to talk to. Never have to worry about him speaking back or anything like that. I happen to think he’s a fantastic listener.” You laughed softly against the receiver.

“Yeah, it honestly does take a ton of dedication but after the first few months I started to really get in a groove with it. I appreciate you not being that asshole, because I cannot even begin to tell you how many guys I have encountered who say the classic, ‘oh I could never give up meat because I love steak too much’ or some shit like that. I truly appreciate you being respectful.”

Joel was comfortably resting his head back against the worn leather of the driver's seat. He could easily listen to you talk for hours. He was lightly tapping his fingers against his steering wheel, while his other hand held his phone against his ear.

“Well, I wish that I could spend every mornin’ talkin’ to you and Frankie. I bet you guys have the best conversations.” He chuckled. “Guys like that can be real assholes, huh? I’ll never understand it honestly. Sorry that you’ve had to deal with ‘em darlin.’”

“Well, we could always make these phone calls a regular thing? Only if uh, that’s something you’d be interested in doing? It’s alright Joel, I don’t even bother giving them any thought. They aren’t worth my time, or my energy.”

Joel was in slight disbelief when you had suggested that you and him could make these phone calls a regular occurrence. He definitely wasn’t against the idea, not even in the slightest.

“I mean, if you’re interested and comfortable with that, then I’m all in. Maybe you can educate me with some more horse facts? I wanna be able to show my kid up one of these days.”

“So is it safe for me to call it a date? A phone date? I’d happily throw all the horse facts at you Joel. We can easily make sure that you show your kid up with all the horse knowledge.”

Were you really asking Joel Miller out on a date? The crisp morning air really had you feeling particularly ballsy.

Joel paused from your words. You could tell he was thinking them over and you could imagine his brows furrowing in, his lips pursing slightly.

“Are you askin’ me out on a date right now?”

“I think that’s definitely what I’m asking you Joel.”

“Never had someone ask me out on a phone date. That’s a new one.”

“There’s a first for everything, isn’t there? Besides, it’ll just be for me to educate you on more horse facts. Nothing too crazy for you to handle, right?”

You both knew it was definitely going to be more than just horse facts.

“Right, just for the horse facts. Nothin’ more.”

You took your lower lip between your teeth as you thought over your response . Be cool, be casual, don’t come across as overly excited. You could totally handle this.

Frankie had paused his grazing, lifting his head as he turned towards you, letting out a soft nicker.

“Hey, Joel? I think Frankie is ready to head inside. I’ll see you in a bit, okay? Thank you for the latte by the way. It’s a very sweet gesture.”

Oh, you were a little too good at switching the conversation up. It seemed to come to you as a second nature.

“Oh, yeah of course darlin’, I don’t wanna keep you from your job. Hopefully they have your soy milk as well and It’s the least I can do, you’re making my kid extremely happy and I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem at all Joel. I’m really looking forward to getting to teach her.”

He was finally the next in line to order. He had no recollection of how much time he had already spent talking to you on the phone.

“Alright darlin’ I’m next in line. See ya in a bit!”

“See you in a bit, and thank you again.”

You had quietly ended the call, slipping your phone back into your jeans pocket as you let out a sigh.

“Hey Frankie? Do you think it’s wrong for me to have this little crush? I mean, it’s not gonna go anywhere right? I’m just gonna teach his daughter proper horsemanship skills, and so what if I end up admiring her dad from afar? That’s not breaking any rules technically. It’s just a harmless crush. How bad could it really get?”

Frankie responded with a low, soft nicker as he gently nudged your shoulder with his nose, affectionately.

“Yeah, okay you’re right. Ezra said the same thing the other day. You guys must have been talking about it together huh?” You gave him a light pat on his neck as you grasped the lead rope between your hands, leading him out of the pasture, and back to the stables.

Starbucks luckily had soy milk for your vanilla latte, and Joel was visibly relieved. He would have felt absolutely terrible if he couldn’t get you the drink you wanted.

Joel and Sarah had arrived at the stables a little after 8:30. By this time, all the horses had been fed, and you were in your office, planning out the lesson schedule for the day ahead.

You looked up from your notebook when you heard the front door creak open. Joel and Sarah’s face popped up outside the window of your office. He had your latte in hand as he waved.

You gave him a soft smile and waved back, setting your notebook to the side, as you stood up from your chair, and headed out of your office area.

“Goodmorning!”

“Mornin’, darlin.’ You’re in luck, Starbucks had soy milk.” He held the vanilla latte out to you. Just based on Sarah’s little grin, you could tell that she had given her dad hell for getting you this latte.

“Oh man, that’s great news. I never know when they’re gonna actually have any in store, y’know? Thank you again.” You took the latte from his grasp, your fingers lightly brushing his.

“S’not a problem at all.”

You took a small sip as you looked at Sarah.

“Alright kiddo, are you excited for your first lesson? We’re gonna focus on some ground work skills before we get you up in the saddle. Does that sound good to you?”

“Oh, yeah! I read that groundwork is super important, right? That sounds great to me!”

“It definitely is important for developing good horsemanship skills. Plus, your horse will already have developed a sense of trust with you and once you're in the saddle, you’ll be a true team. I think we’re going to start the groundwork training with Frankie. He could use it anyway.”

“Frankie is the super sweet one that is good with kids, but is afraid of loud noises?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah, that’s him. He’s a really good boy and is eager to learn, just like you.”

You brought Sarah, and Joel to the stalls once more, stopping outside of Frankie’s stall.

“First thing I’m gonna teach you is how to properly put on a halter. It’s pretty easy and if he did happen to spook, he would be able to break free. The halters are specifically designed to break with a given amount of force. Let’s say, he ends up getting caught on something outside, or in his stall. He’d panic a little, but the main thing to remember is that he can still break free from the halter.”

“Aren’t there some halters that aren’t designed to break though?”

You nodded, grabbing Frankie’s halter off the hook on his stall as you pulled open his stall door. “There are some on the market, but it’s risky to use them and definitely not worth risking the horses life. Too many accidents have happened because a horse couldn’t break free from their halter.”

You stepped into Frankie’s stall, standing alongside him as you demonstrated how to properly put his halter on.

“So you’re gonna stand alongside him just like this, and we wanna have some form of control just in case he were to try and run out of the stall.” You looped the lead rope around his neck loosely. “He’s pretty good about not leaving his stall so we don’t have to worry about that. Next, we’re gonna slip the nose band around him gently, followed by the head piece. You wanna make sure that his ears don’t accidentally get stuck.”

You slipped the nose band, followed by the headpiece of the halter over Frankie’s ears before grabbing the metal clip, and attached it to the ring on the other side. Joel and Sarah were watching what you were doing very closely.

“Oh, that does look pretty simple! Can I try it out?” Sarah asked.

“Course you can kiddo. I’ll stay in here with you just for a safety measure, okay?” You unclipped Frankie’s halter, slipping it off his head and handed it to Sarah.

Sarah was a good listener, you came to find shortly after. She was able to slip Frankie’s halter on with ease. Next you showed her how to properly hold the lead rope, making sure her fingers weren’t wrapped around it because on the off chance he did spook, you didn’t want Joel’s kid to lose any fingers.”

“So you’re gonna want to hold the top part close to his chin, not super close where he has restricted head movement, but you still want to have some control.”

You gently adjusted Sarah’s grip on the rope and Joel greatly appreciated how attentive you were being towards his daughter. He could tell how you were solely focused on teaching her, and he could tell his kid appreciated it as well.

“You think you’re ready to lead him out of his stall? Keep your eyes forward and walk alongside him. He’s not one to pull on the rope either so you’ll be okay.”

Sarah nodded, taking a deep breath as she stood alongside Frankie, who was patiently waiting for her to lead him out.

Sarah had no problem leading Frankie out of his stall as she walked alongside him, keeping her eyes forward, just like you said.

“Good job, kiddo.” You and Joel had praised her at the same time causing Sarah to let out a soft giggle.

“We’re gonna lead him just down the aisle and to the indoor arena. Take it nice and slow, okay? You’re in charge, not him.”

You walked alongside Sarah as she led him down the aisle and stopped outside the gate of the indoor arena. Joel was on the side of you as you stepped in front, grabbing the latch to the gate before you pushed it open.

“Go on and lead him there and I’ll get the gate behind you, okay?”

Sarah nodded, talking softly to Frankie as she led him inside the arena. Telling him how handsome he was as she came to a halt, and gave him a soft pet on the neck as a reward for being a good boy.

You turned to Joel while you held the gate open. “You’re more than welcome to come inside if you’re comfortable. It’s perfectly safe. We’re gonna be working in that back fenced area over there. Or if you’d rather sit up top over there, that’s fine as well.”

Joel glanced over at his baby girl and Frankie, who clearly took a liking to this little girl. You did say that he loved kids after all. His gaze settled on you finally as he nodded.

“I’ll come on in, if that’s alright? Pretty curious to see what this whole groundwork thing is all about.”

You smiled at him, standing off to the side as he walked into the arena. Once the two of you were inside, you pulled the gate back in and latched it behind you quietly. “It’s pretty cool once you see it all come together. You’d never imagine just how much a horse will put its trust into you when you’re at their eye level. It’s truly incredible.”

“Do they see you as like..they’re equal when you’re at their eye level?” He asked as the three of you, and Frankie, walked back to the fenced off section of the arena.

“Not exactly. They’ll view you as their leader, the top horse of the herd and then they’ll follow you anywhere. All of a horse's trust will be put into you once that bond is established. Depending on the horse, this can take a few times, or a hundred. I’ve been working with Frankie for a while now so he and I are pretty familiar with each other.”

Joel thought this was pretty fucking cool. If he knew more about groundwork, he would totally be geeking out with you right now.

“So the end goal is like a partnership? A mutual respect for one another?”

“Absolutely. The end goal is a mutual respect for one another. Horses really are sensitive creatures and they can pick up on our own emotions relatively quickly. That’s why groundwork is crucial in the beginning. If he can trust you on the ground, he can trust you in the saddle.”

“Excuse my language but that’s really fuckin’ cool darlin.’”

When Sarah heard her dad swear, she turned around to look back at him with a slight disapproving look. “That’s a quarter in the swear jar for you dad.”

You let out a light laugh. “It is really freaking cool. You’re absolutely right.”

Joel fought the urge to roll his eyes at his daughter's request for him to put a quarter in the swear jar.

“How about ya focus on your horse, okay kiddo? I’ll put a quarter in the swear jar once we get home. You got it.”

“If I had a swear jar at home, mine would be spilling over the brim.” You chimed in.

“I don’t doubt that in my mind for one second, darlin.’”

He really wanted to say that you had quite the mouth on you, but he refrained because it wouldn’t have been appropriate, and certainly not something to be said in front of his kid. Maybe he’d get to tell you another time.

“Alright Sarah, I’m gonna take Frankie from you now okay? You and your dad are gonna watch from outside the fence, Just for today. Next lesson we’ll get you in there with Frankie and you’ll be telling him what to do.”

Sarah handed off Frankie’s lead rope to you before she went and stood alongside her dad, leaning and whispering to him, “this is going to be so freaking cool. I just know it. I think she’s gonna do this thing called a join up with him? I read about it in one of my books.”

Joel wrapped his arm around his daughter’s shoulder, gently pulling her into his side. “I definitely think whatever it is we’re about to see, is going to be freaking cool.”

You brought Frankie into the closed off section of the arena, closing the gate behind you and unclipping his lead rope, and setting it down along the side of the fence. Frankie was already anticipating the training, and started to walk around the rail, his body language relaxed.

You grabbed one of the lunge whips from alongside the fence, holding it in your left hand, as it was the direction Frankie was walking along the rail. “Before we get started, I just want to clarify that we don’t use whips to scare, intimidate, or harm our horses. They’re used as encouragement and if needed, a gentle reminder of who’s boss.”

Joel and Sarah watched in pure wonderment as you got to work. You had gently flicked the whip lightly against the ground causing Frankie to lift his head up from his once relaxed position as he quickened his walking pace.

“You see how his ear is already turned in towards me? This shows me that he’s actively listening to me. Body language is big for these guys. I want to show him that I’m the boss, without coming across as a threat. I’m going to keep my shoulders back, and eyes on him the whole time.”

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth and Frankie broke out in a light trot as he circled the arena.

“Some of these guys will try and mess with me. What I mean by that is if they come into my ‘space,’ and I want them to stay out on the rail so if they do get too close, I just give them a gentle reminder with a flick of the whip.”

“Does Javi P give you trouble with this kinda stuff?” Joel asked.

“All the time. He’s gotten better with respecting me but some days are far better than others. Frankie, on the other hand, lives to work. He loves his job.”

You clicked your tongue once more and Frankie broke out into a canter, circling the rail a few times.

“If you want them to slow down, or stop, what do you do? I know there’s the command ‘woah’ but does that always work?” Sarah asked as she was enthusiastically watching you.

“You can say woah. That usually will do the trick, but Frankie does better with non verbal cues. So if I want him to slow down, I take a deep inhale, slowly exhale and relax my shoulders.”

You slowly inhaled, exhaled and relaxed your shoulders and much to Joel and Sarah’s surprise, Frankie had slowed his pace down to a relaxed walk again.

It was pure magic, maybe even witchcraft to their eyes.

“So he..sensed your body language change? Just like that? You relaxed your shoulders and in turn, he slowed down? That’s so cool..never thought that was even possible darlin.’”

“Yep. I meant what I said about them being extremely sensitive to body language. They pick up on all of our little movements and emotions. They’re like sponges in that sense. They soak it all up.”

“That’s wicked.” Sarah whispered.

“Wizard.” Joel whispered to her.

“Now when I want him to turn around and go the other direction, I lower the whip, switch the hand it’s in, and turn my shoulder in towards him. If he respects me, he’ll turn his head in towards me when he’s changing directions. Javi P is notorious for giving me some horse butt and it’s a sign that he doesn’t respect me.”

“So in horse language, he’s giving you the finger? What a bastard.” Joel said with a light chuckle.

“In horse language yeah, he’s giving me the finger.”

You switched the whip into your other hand, turning your shoulder in towards Frankie. He sensed your movement, and turned his head facing you, showing a sign of respect as he seamlessly changed directions.

Joel was amazed with you once again. You were fucking cool as shit.

“Now, my favorite part and the most rewarding part in my opinion, is the join up. So once you're done exercising your horse, and he’s clearly shown respect for you, you’re going to drop your whip on the ground, slowly turn your back towards him with your arms at your sides. If successful, he will walk up to you, showing a sign of submission by licking his lips, and or lowering his head. You can face him and reward him with a good pet. He’s put his full trust into you and when you start to walk away, he will follow you without any need for aid.”

Sarah was visibly excited to see this part of the training and she tugged on her dads arm lightly and whispered, “this is the part I was telling you about dad! The join up. This is going to be soo cool!”

You were standing in the middle of the arena as you gently dropped your whip into the sand and turned your back so it was facing Frankie. Your shoulders were relaxed, and your arms were down at your sides, palm outstretched in his direction.

The only sound you could hear was the soft footsteps of Frankie’s hooves approaching you. When felt his nose nudge your open palm, you slowly turned around, and gave him a good pet, kissing his forehead. “Thatta boy. You did so well for me fella. Extra treats later, okay?” You spoke softly to him.

Joel and Sarah watched as you took a few steps back, and Frankie immediately followed you. It was pretty cool to see Frankie put all his trust into you like this, following you willingly around the arena.

Joel couldn’t help but softly clap. He was absolutely amazed.

“That was pretty freaking cool darlin.’ Does the join up happen every time?”

“On most occasions, yes. Sometimes it doesn’t and when that happens, I would send him back on the rail and do it all over again. Frankie, as you just saw, is a very good boy. Javi P and I have yet to successfully join up, but I’m going to work him through it.”

After the lesson was finished, you brought Frankie back to his stall, giving Sarah the carrot to feed to him.

“That seriously was one of the coolest things I have ever seen darlin’ and I’m not just saying that to boost your ego or anything like that. Genuinely, that was awesome. Is Sarah gonna eventually be able to do that?”

You leaned against the side of Frankie’s stall, your arms casually crossed against your chest as you nodded.

“I know you genuinely mean it Joel. I could tell by all the questions you were asking earlier that you were fascinated. Sarah will definitely be able to do that eventually. I think her and Frankie can work really well together for this part of training. I’ll eventually be moving her onto Ezra because he’s perfect with beginners.”

Joel smiled at you before glancing over at his kid who was giving Frankie all the love and pets that he deserved.

“I can’t wait to see her be able to do what you just did.”

“I can’t wait either and I bet it will happen sooner than you think.”

“I’m counting on that darlin.’”

Joel had paid you for Sarah’s lesson and he may or may not have paid you a little extra, despite your protests, and trying to hand him the money back. He insisted you keep it.

Sarah was already back inside her dad’s truck as you were walking Joel out.

“So, about that phone date thing that you suggested, do ya still wanna do it?” Joel had casually asked you, his tone even keeled.

“Yeah, of course. We can still do that Joel.”

“Cool. I’ll uh—I’ll call you tomorrow then? Same time?”

“Same time works for me.”

“Perfect, I’ll talk to ya then darlin.’”

“Sounds good and see you next Saturday!”

Joel definitely wanted to come up with an excuse to see you sooner than that. He just was going to have to figure out a really fucking good one.

“See ya!” He waved before heading over to his truck.

So, phone dates with Joel Miller were about to greet you every morning. You definitely weren’t complaining about that, not even in the slightest. Any excuse to talk to Joel was a good one in your eyes.

Part 4:

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allwaswell16 · 11 months ago

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All the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in December 2023. You can listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 including the fics on this month’s fic roundup which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #57 | ko-fi | fic recs

— Louis/Harry —

⊹ Heart Beat by @allwaswell16

(E, 33k, kid fic) When Harry returns to start a music academy in his hometown, he finds himself face to face with his high school crush—and his charming daughter who wants to learn to play the drums.

⊹ Snow In Love by @lululawrence

(NR, 33k, fake relationship) An advent fic featuring childhood friends, fake dating turned actual dating, really horrible secret keeping, and a winter weather surprise.

⊹ You Ain’t Gotta Feel Fear Just Mingle by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 32, coworkers) Harry has been at his dream job for less than three months, and he knows two things for sure; first, his project manager doesn't know what he's doing, and second, someone in the office is apparently pure evil, and no one will tell Harry who it is.

⊹ 'tis the damn season by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf

(E, 17k, girl direction) Harry returns to her small hometown over the holiday season and starts to think about the road not taken.

⊹ The Lonely Dance of My Despair (series) by The_Halcyonic_Lachesist / @chai-hat-tea

(G/T, 11k, Eroda) Louis lives a lonely life until he might find something that shows him that he might not be alone in his misery. Or did he?

⊹ Ride My Sleigh Tonight by @kingsofeverything

(E, 9k, sugar daddy) In exchange for free food and drinks at Liam’s office holiday party, Harry pretends to be his boyfriend. But this is not that story.

⊹ You smile all the time ('cause how can you not show it?) by thebreadvan / @thebreadvansstuff

(E, 9k, dentist/patient) Harry never liked dentists, until now.

⊹ don’t let the fire die by @nouies

(E, 8k, fantasy au) Harry makes a long trip to take back what is his.

⊹ I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm by @haloeverlasting

(NR, 7k, neighbors) Louis' heat is out, Harry's a terrible upstairs neighbor, and an empty Christmas tree is the perfect excuse to fall in love.

⊹ Unleashing Adoration by hazzahtomlinson / @itsnotreal

(E, 6k, songwriter Louis) Louis’ schedule has gotten a bit busy lately, so he trusts that Niall will find someone who can take care of his dog, Clifford, a few days a week.

⊹ I Want You to Linger by @insightfulinsomniac

(E, 6k, omegaverse) A friends-to-lovers fic in which oblivious alpha Louis courts his best friend, nests with the gifts he gets him, and is faced with the reality that sometimes telling someone you love them doesn’t go to plan (but turns out better in the end anyway).

⊹ Red by @disgruntledkittenface

(E, 4k, exes) Louis is wallowing after the breakup. He's never felt this kind of heartbreak before. All he wants to do is lie on his couch and listen to Taylor Swift alone.

⊹ Perfect, For Now by @parmahamlarrie

(T, 4k, omegaverse) Moving to a new city is always hard, being away from home, finding your new community - none of it is easy. Dealing with all of this while being touch deprived is even more difficult.

⊹ Oh Little Town of BATHlehem by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(G, 2k, Christmas shopping) Louis Tomlinson needs a small pink bathtub. He needs it.

— Rare Pairs —

⊹ Jump! by @reminiscingintherain

(M, 15k, Louis/Tommy Longhurst) “I absolutely know what this means, lad,” he replied, his voice gentle and supportive. “The way you’re reacting to being out there? That’s exactly why I chose you for the support slot.” He gave a reassuring squeeze. “You deserve this, okay?”

⊹ softer than satin by cinnamons / @sunbellylou

(E, 4k, Louis/Joel Miller) “Wanna go back to bed,” Louis whispered languidly, voice partly muffled by his boyfriend’s lips on his.

⊹ One by @allwaswell16

(E, 4k, Louis/Tommy Shelby) When omega Louis Tomlinson becomes pregnant after an unexpected encounter, he decides his only option is to flee his pack. But Tommy Shelby, pack alpha of the Peaky Blinders, might not be willing to let him go so easily.

⊹ Daydream by @allwaswell16

(T, 2k, Zayn/Louis) Every Thursday, Louis nods hello to her fellow regulars at Horan’s Cafe, one of whom is the woman of her dreams.

⊹ Baking Memories by @haztobegood

(T, 2k, Louis/Jack Cochrane) After a long day of songwriting, Jack convinces Louis to bake mince pies together.

⊹ Chaos by @haztobegood

(M, 100 words, Louis/OMC [bodyguard]) Against the barricade, it’s complete chaos.

#28th appreciation #1dficvillage #trackinghappily #trackinghome #hltracks #ficsfor4am

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elliewritessncries · 11 months ago

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Invisible string | pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x (mostly)gn!reader

After many months of constant fighting Joel’s wife, Evelyn, has had enough, she runs away and leaves him and baby Sarah alone when they most need her. Sarah is barely 4 months old and even though Joel is an excellent father, he still needs help with his daughter while he works. Luckily his neighbor is more than happy to help out the now single father.

Part 2

Pre-outbreak, perhaps even no outbreak at all. Joel just turned/is about to turn 20. Young reader too. Kind of slow burn. No use of y/n. Clichés all over.

Warnings: swearing, parental abandonment. Brief mention of miscarriage. English is not my first language.

Note: I’ve been meaning to write more but I’m honestly too busy or afraid of criticism so I end up posting a chapter or two on ao3 and never coming back. But I’m on vacation and I miss tumblr so here I am.

Dividers by: firefly graphics

Sometimes, life takes turns leading you to places you never thought you'd find yourself in, but it doesn't have to be bad. That you had learned.

The first turn life took (and you were actually aware of it) was mid-college, and that one, well… It was actually a bad thing.

Two years earlier, you decided to travel across the country to study. It wasn't the most convenient thing geographically. It was a 24-hour drive without stops, but you made 32 in your parents' old van the first time they took you to see the campus, then it took you 4 days to get there with your best friend at the start of the first semester. It was a long way, which meant no Christmas vacation at home, no traveling for spring break, and an expensive plane ticket every summer that you had to pay yourself because, oh, surprise! It wasn't also the most convenient thing because money was tight at home, and Penn State wasn't cheap. Still, you wanted to go there, so your parents made an incredible effort to get you where you wanted. And a year and a half later, it wasn't viable anymore, so you dropped out and returned home to work.

The second life's turn happened when you were 20, and it came to you completely by surprise, without any involvement on your part, but still, you had to deal with the consequences.

You had been out of college for about seven months. It was mid-January, and you were walking home from work, watching the Christmas lights attached to rooftops fight the wind that threatened to rip them off and have them flying around. It was windier than usual, a chill wind that cut to the bone, perhaps foreshadowing the day's events.

When you reached home, you expected to be greeted by the warmth of home but, instead, you found it colder than the outside as your mom shouted like crazy in Spanish (a common thing in your household) at your dad, who just sat at the dining table with his head hung low (also a common thing). What wasn't expected was you and your siblings taking your mom's side as you found out the reason behind the yelling: your 52-year-old dad, the "most devoted father and husband of the community," was behind your family’s financial struggle, him and his mistress. That day, your mom sloppily packed your dad's things and threw him on the street. He didn't deserve more than that.

Life kept on going after that, kind of.

Many turns came after that day, more than you could ever count, and life was getting dizzier by the minute until a chilly day in late October that reminded you of the fateful day your dad ran out. Once again, you found yourself walking home from work, like in January, almost 8 months ago. You stopped half a block away from your house, fighting in vain with your beaten-down walkman, trying to play your tape until you heard muffled screams in a nearby house, something reminiscent of that day, too.

You didn't want to pry, but curiosity got the best of you, so you stayed there pretending to fix your things.

You knew the house belonged to the Keereys, but they hadn't lived there for a while. At the moment, a young couple rented it. You knew them too, not only because they were your neighbors but because both went to school with you, all the way from kindergarten to High School.

Evelyn and Joel Miller were high school sweethearts, together since their Freshman year, maybe before. They were a grade below you, but even going to the same school, you had never cared too much about their life and relationship, too busy with your own teenage drama and organizing prom and whatnot. Still, throughout the years, your mom and Diana Miller, Joel's mom, remained good friends, keeping you in all the gossip.

Evelyn's parents never liked Joel that much, and Joel never liked her parents, either. When she got pregnant at 17, they hated each other even more. Joel dropped out of High School and started to work to support a family that didn't come. The baby was never born, but they stayed together, even got married after turning 18, and when he thought of getting a GED to continue his education, they got pregnant again. Their baby was born mid-summer, and you and your family were invited to the baby shower but sent a present instead, too occupied with your family drama to go.

After the baby shower, Diana Miller didn't need to call your mom to update her on all of her son's problems because the young couple moved out of the Millers' house into their own (rented) home four houses down the block from yours, to receive their baby in peace. But peace was the last thing they had, with their baby crying more times than not, Evelyn wanting to opt-out, Joel trying to keep things together for the sake of their daughter, and you and your neighbors were the first ones to know about all their discussions.

Now, even with your headphones on, you could make up some of the phrases that Evelyn screamed, things about her wanting more, him not being enough, wishing for a better life, and wanting to leave once and for all. And before you could decide whether it was better to keep listening to bring fresh gossip home or leave the couple alone to their issues, the decision was made for you by an angry Evelyn getting out of the house in a hurry.

"-and I'm tired of you, and your house, and your stupid daughter that never shuts up!"

"Don't talk about her like that, Evelyn! Like it or not, she's your daughter. You can run away from her!"

"I'm not running away from her. I'm running away from you and this miserable life, you big, fucking, worthless idiot!"

"Evelyn, don't go! Evelyn! If you go now, don't even think about coming back! I mean it!"

"Oh honey, count on it!"

And she meant it too because while they were screaming at each other, she threw into their shared pick-up truck a bunch of clothes, a suitcase, and many plastic bags with, one could only assume, the rest of her things.

All the screaming had attracted the attention of passersby and neighbors alike. Yet, if they weren't paying attention before, the loud tire squeal of the truck as Evelyn backed out of the driveway did the trick, making everyone who was paying attention turn to the couple's house, scared by the sudden noise.

The truck drove loudly into the distance, leaving behind a deafening silence. Not even the birds dared to make any noise for a moment, afraid to upset the young man even more, but life had to keep going, even if it seemed to have stopped for him. People kept on walking, neighbors pretended to have been doing anything else rather than listening to the conversation and went on with their day, but you kept looking at the door, where an angry Joel Miller stood, not knowing what to do with life now, only distracted by the cries of his daughter, so he turned around and shut his door angrily leaving you standing in the middle of the street thinking how his life had taken a turn now too and wishing him the best of luck.

#joel miller x reader #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #no outbreak!joel miller #pre outbreak!joel #sarah miller #gn!reader #90s-ish vibes #super inaccurate descriptions of texas

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stylesispunk · 9 months ago

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"The not so invisible string" part 5

Not outbreak! Joel Miller x F! Reader

previous chapter | next chapter | series masterlist

summary: you and Joel were made right for each other at the wrong time. Now, thirteen years later your paths crossed when both of your daughters get in trouble at school. Would be the right time for you now?

word count: 4k

warnings: angst, cheating, serious talk. "Doe" is her nickname. No proof reading haha

a/n: Hello! Here's chapter 5! I hope you like it, sorry for the all the wait, I've been dealing with some things. This one is more like a filler chapter and I'll be back with another one on Tuesday! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. Happy reading 💌 Remember my dms and asks are always open for you

dividers by @/saradika.

It has already been a week since you found out about Dwight’s family, and since then, you have not spoken to him. He had sent messages and had been calling you, begging you to let him explain himself. But you ignore them; instead, you initiated the divorce process with a lawyer, and you were waiting for this chapter of your life to finally be over. Even when you couldn’t bear the feeling of something you touched becoming ashes again, how a shame it was for you to be an insignificant target to fool.

The truth was that Dwight was a source of light entering through your window at some point. The very first night you met him, he was a gentleman, and he treated you well until he stopped. However, the unfaithful path he had chosen for the both of you was something you could not forgive. Your marriage was ending like all the other love stories you were part of.

And that was one of the worst parts of being an adult: having to pick up the broken pieces of you by yourself, save them in your pocket, and continue with your life because it doesn’t matter how exhausted you are or not; you have to continue because you are a woman and no little child is allowed to cry anymore.

During all this week, you had been staying at Joel’s house. He reassured me that it was okay for him to sleep on the couch and insisted that you take the bed. Joel had been acting as a supportive friend throughout this difficult situation, offering a listening ear whenever you needed to vent and a shoulder to cry on, but still, the string pulling you together was burning in your finger, and for him, it seemed okay to pretend that the kiss you almost gave him didn’t happen.

As you lay in bed one night, staring up at the ceiling, thoughts of Dwight and the life you had envisioned together flooded your mind. You couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and betrayal, but deep down, you knew that you deserved better than someone who couldn't stay faithful.

After all, you thought you deserved it. You had been physically faithful to him, but you always knew your heart belonged to Joel since the moment you met him, and loving a man while staying married to another was another type of treason.

All wells end badly if they are built on lies.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

You almost dropped your cup of coffee when you heard Joel's voice saying your name.

"What?" You inquired, perplexed.

"I told you I'm leaving and taking the girls to school; are you coming?"

"No, I have to see Dwight in an hour," you said. Joel's face sank slightly at the mention of Dwight's name, as if poison had flowed from your lips. "You know, divorce things," you said somberly.

Joel nodded in agreement, although his expression revealed a tinge of anguish. "I understand," he replied softly. "Just remember, you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you, no matter what.

Touched by his constant support, you smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Joel. I sincerely appreciate everything you have done for me. And thank you for taking Tara to school."

As Joel gathered his belongings and prepared to go, you couldn't help but feel grateful for having him back in your life. Despite the distress you were experiencing, knowing you had someone like him by your side gave you the resilience to face whatever lay ahead.

With a deep breath, you prepared for the meeting with Dwight, reaffirming your courage and telling yourself that you deserved better than the pain he had caused you. And as you saw Joel leaving, you couldn't help but feel like the story was repeating itself, as if you weren't deserving of permanent love.

The mood at the lawyer's office, where you sat across from Dwight, was strained. The air seemed heavy with unspoken thoughts and repressed feelings. Dwight squirmed uneasily in his seat, avoiding your gaze and fidgeting with the papers in front of him.

You took a deep breath, ready for the talk that needed to take place. "Dwight," you said, your voice firm but laced with bitterness, "we both understand why we're here. "This marriage... is over."

Dwight finally caught your stare, and you could feel the guilt and regret in his eyes. "I know," he replied softly, just above a whisper. "I messed up, and I apologize. I don't expect you to forgive me, but just know that I didn't mean to hurt you."

Your heart was crushed at his words, but you knew forgiveness would never come. "Yeah, I bet you didn't mean to have a child with another woman," you responded, your tone strict. "But apologies are not going to fix the damage already done. We need to move forward with the divorce, and I want you to tell Tara about your child."

Dwight nodded, a sense of resignation washing over him. "I understand," he replied, his voice full of remorse. "I will sign any paper that is required and won't disagree with it. I only want you to be happy, even if it is without me."

As you left the lawyer's office, without saying a word to him, Dwight turned to you with an eager expression in his eyes. "Can I have Tara over for dinner tonight?" he requested cautiously. "I want to tell her the truth and start making amends."

You hesitated for a moment, considering your alternatives. Regardless of the hurt and betrayal, you believed Tara deserved to know the truth about her father. And perhaps, by confronting the truth together, you would be able to repair the wounds that have been done to your family.

You sighed and nodded, an overwhelming feeling of conviction coming over you. "Yes, Dwight," you replied gently. "You can have Tara over for tonight.

Dwight nodded, a thankful smile flashing over his lips. "Thank you," he replied genuinely. "I won't let you down."

"I don't trust you, and if you make my daughter cry, I will fucking kill you, Dwight." You spoke with a steely tone to emphasize the importance of your warning.

Dwight's smile faded as he gulped and nodded his head. "I know I've let you both down," he muttered gently, his expression gloomy. "But I swear, I'll do everything I can to make things right. "I love Tara and would never do anything to hurt her."

You kept his stare for a minute, looking for any sign of sincerity. You slowly nodded, accepting his words with cautious apprehension. "But you did," you responded, your tone softening slightly. "Tara deserves nothing less than your best. "You are her father; act like one."

Dwight nodded firmly; his expression full of purpose. "I won't let you down," he said, his voice full of tenacity.

With a final nod, you turned and walked away, an avalanche of emotions spinning inside you. While you couldn't ignore the pain and treachery he'd caused you, you couldn't resist the flicker of optimism washing over you.

"Hey, pretty lady, can you help me with something?" Tommy spoke while reaching over to your desk.

"What is it?" you asked, in an unnecessarily harsh tone, as Tommy lifted his gaze to meet the sadness in your eyes and laid his papers aside.

"Okay. What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"Nothing but a soon-to-be divorce," you responded, faking a smile as if you had said something amusing, but Tommy did not laugh or smile.

"What?" you asked. "Okay, I'm kind of stressed with some things."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he replied quietly, his voice full of sympathy. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."

You felt a rush of gratitude rush over you after Tommy's offer of support.

Despite the facade you had been trying to keep up, the weight of recent events had taken its toll, and it felt good to finally share your burden with someone else.

"Is it because of my brother, or not? What about his date tonight?"

"Joel has a date tonight." you said, your heart cracking slightly.

Tommy's face furrowed with worry as he noticed your reaction. "Yes, he mentioned it earlier. He said he was going out with someone he had recently met."

The news made your heart sink as a range of emotions swirled inside you. "Oh," was all you could say, attempting to cover up the twinge of pain that stabbed your chest.

Tommy sensed a shift in your attitude, and his expression softened with understanding. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew since you are staying at his house."

"It's okay, Tommy," you said, attempting a forced smile.

However, it was not okay.

Not long after that, Joel came to the office door, ready to go, and drew your attention with a glance around the room. Without saying anything, he gestured for Tommy to join him, and the two of them rushed toward the exit.

You couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment as you observed them leave together, a reminder that you'd also lost him along the way.

As they approached the door, Joel paused and returned his gaze to you, his face softening as he did so, and despite the hurt and confusion whirling inside you, you managed to muster a small, strained smile in response.

"See you later," Joel murmured, his tone tinged with concern.

You nodded in answer, attempting to cover up the chaos that was growing within you. "See you," you said, the words seeming flat on your tongue.

Joel and Tommy disappeared in just one glance, leaving you alone in the office with your thoughts.

Maybe it was time for you to move on, leave his house, and even leave this town.

As the night fell, you found yourself lost in your thoughts, the events of the day weighing heavily on your mind. The sound of the door opening pulled you from your reverie, and you looked up to see Joel entering the house.

"Hey," he greeted you, his voice warm but tinged with concern as he noticed the somber expression on your face. "How was your day?"

You forced a smile, trying to mask the turmoil brewing inside you. "It was alright," you replied vaguely, avoiding his gaze.

Joel furrowed his brows, sensing that something was amiss. "Where are the girls?”

“Uhm. Sarah is upstairs doing homework”

“And Tara?" he asked, his tone filled with curiosity.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "She's at Dwight's," you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel's expression tensed slightly at the mention of Dwight's name, a flicker of emotion passing through his eyes before he composed himself. "Oh," was all he said, his voice neutral.

A heavy silence settled between you, the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air. Sensing the tension, you took a deep breath and decided to break the silence.

"So, uh, how was your date?" you asked, trying to sound casual despite the knot of jealousy tightening in your chest.

Joel's brows furrowed in confusion, his eyes searching yours for any hint of jest. "Date?" he echoed; his voice tinged with surprise.

Your heart sank at his reaction, realizing that perhaps you had misunderstood or misheard earlier. "Yeah, Tommy mentioned it,” you explained, trying to keep your tone light despite the growing unease in your stomach.

As you mentioned Tommy's observation, Joel's expression softened, understanding dawning in his eyes. “There was no date; I was actually still working at this dude’s house.”

“Then why did he? you began.

“Were you jealous?” he interrupted

You paused, caught off guard by Joel's interruption. The question hung in the air, heavy with implications. Your heart raced as you considered how to respond, unsure whether to admit the truth or deflect his inquiry.

"I... I don't know," you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Would it be bad? I mean, would it be that bad for me to have a date?” he teased, smirking at you.

Joel's teasing tone caught you off guard, and you felt a range of emotions rushing up inside you. Part of you wanted to dismiss his inquiry with a casual reply, while another part wanted to express how sensitive you are and hurt.

"Maybe" you said, your voice tinged with sorrow.

Joel's humorous tone faded when he understood the importance of his words. He reached out and gently grabbed your hand, and you automatically retreated, feeling a flash of weakness and uneasiness. His gaze shifted, and his eyes showed fear.

"I think that it's better if I go to stay at my parents' house." You said, a lump developing in your throat as you battled to hold back your tears.

"I think it's better if I go to stay at my parents' house." You announced, a lump growing in your throat as you tried to hold back tears. "I just... I need some space right now," you explained, your voice trembling with passion. "I need time to think about my feelings and figure things out."

He chuckled gently. "I think you're being dramatic." Joel's giggle broke the tension, leaving you taken aback and irritated. The lump in your throat became bigger as tears welled up in your eyes, and your heart ached from the burden of his words.

"You don't understand," you exclaimed, your voice shaking with emotion.

"Then make me!" he exclaimed. "I thought you were going to be happier without him, but it seems like you're just a gosht."

"Oh my god, I'm sorry for being sad over the fact that the man I was married to for the last years of my life built another family behind my back as if I were nothing!"

"Dwight doesn't deserve you; he never did," Joel said.

As Joel's remarks hung in the air, a tight silence fell over the room, interrupted only by the sound of your heavy breathing. His attempts to lighten the situation had only deepened the wound in your heart, leaving you feeling even more alone and misunderstood than before.

The tears that had been threatening to spill over finally let loose, running down your cheeks in silent streams as you battled to control yourself. Joel's words were like a punch in the face, a burning reminder of the treason and heartache you'd experienced at Dwight's hands.

"Oh, and who deserves me then?" You said, "Tell me; I want to know."

Joel just stated, "Someone better,” deep down knowing it was him.

"Like you?" you questioned.

"You can trust me," he reassured.

"No, I can't because I don't know you!" you stated.

"I'm the same Joel you met," he said back, trying to stop the storm from coming between you both.

"The one who became a ghost or broke my heart? Which one?" you demanded, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Look, I understand you are afraid of things, but if you think I'm going to say I wish I could get back in time and regret having my daughter for one second, you're crazy." He merely pointed out,

You chuckled as tears flowed down your cheeks. You tried to wipe them away, attempting to remain calm as you stared at Joel, hoping for some form of understanding.

"I never wanted you to regret having Sarah," you replied quietly, your voice tinged with sadness. “I know she's the best thing that ever happened to you.”

Joel's face softened in reaction to your words, with an instant of guilt running through his eyes as he saw the pain on your face. He reached out carefully, his hand gliding in the air between you as a silent gesture of comfort and understanding.

As Joel's palm finally touched yours, a sense of warmth and connection poured over you, spanning the gap that had threatened to separate you. In that moment, you sensed a glimmer of joy and a fresh belief in the possibilities of mending and healing.

"I know," Joel said quietly, his voice full of honesty. "And I am grateful for her every day. But that doesn't change how I feel about you or us. He paused. "Actually, there's something I need to confess."

"What do you mean?" you inquired, your tone barely above a whisper.

Joel took a long breath, his gaze never leaving yours as he began speaking. "Do you remember those nights I was working late? I wasn't only working, Doe. I was saving money."

Confusion flared in your eyes as you attempted to process his words. "Save money? For what?"

"For a ring," Joel said, his voice full of remorse and vulnerability. "I was planning to propose to you."

The air in your lungs became still as Joel's words sank in. Joel had kept this secret from you all these years, while you were struggling with self-esteem issues.

Tears welled in your eyes. "Did you buy before I left that night we broke?" you whispered, your voice thick with emotion.

He nodded. "I wanted everything to be perfect," Joel confessed, his eyes filled with grief. "But then... things got complicated." "And I thought... I thought I had lost my chance with you."

"But you let me go," you stated, sounding weak due to the weight of your words, heavy with the distress of the past.

Joel's face softened, and his eyes reflected the grief that filled his heart. "I know, and I'll always regret that," he said, his voice tinged with sadness.

His eyebrows seemed to furrow with remorse as he took a look at your intense stare. "I was a coward," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I let my fear control me, and in doing so, I lost the most important thing I had in my life."

The vulnerability in Joel's admission resonated with the ache in your own heart. For years, you had carried the weight of his absence, wondering what could have been if only he had been brave enough to fight for you.

"I should have fought for us," Joel continued, his gaze locked with yours. "But I was too afraid of losing you, so I let you slip away."

“I need space, Joel,” you said. “And I deserve to be loved, so I’m not going to follow you or anybody else unless you show me that.”

Joel's shoulders sagged with the weight of your words, his eyes reflecting a mixture of regret and understanding. "I understand," he whispered, his voice heavy with remorse. "You deserve to be loved, and I've failed you in that regard."

As you spoke, a sense of clarity washed over you, a realization that you owed it to yourself to prioritize your own healing and well-being. You had spent too long waiting for someone else to validate your worth, and now you were ready to take control your choices.

"I won't ask you to follow me," Joel replied, his tone filled with resignation. "But I hope that someday I can show you the love and respect you deserve."

As you walked downstairs, the weight of your decision weighed heavily on your shoulders. Each step seemed like a bitter reminder of the past and an uncertain future. But with every stride, you felt a fresh resolution grow within you—a drive to reclaim control of your own life.

When you reached the bottom of the steps, you paused to collect your thoughts before heading toward the door. The sound of your footsteps echoed in the still room, providing an abrupt contrast to the turbulent emotions racing within you.

However, as you reached for the doorknob, a voice stopped you in your tracks.

"Doe, wait."

You turned to see Joel standing in the doorway, his expression full of anguish.

You turned to see Joel standing in the doorway, his expression full of anguish. His eyes pleaded with you, silently begging for the opportunity to set things right.

"I need to go," you replied, just above a whisper. "I cannot stay here, Joel."

Joel took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. "I understand," he replied, his voice tinged with regret. "You need space, but I have to tell you this before."

You hesitated, divided between the urge to leave and the need to hear Joel's words. With a disturbed heart, you nodded, quietly encouraging him to speak.

"I made a mistake that night," Joel said, his voice shaking with emotion. "I should've fought for you, Doe. I should have told you how much you meant to me instead of letting you leave."

You broke down in tears when you heard Joel's confession. For years, you had felt the weight of his absence, wondering if things could have turned out differently if he had been brave enough to fight for you.

"I'm sorry," Joel said quietly, his voice barely audible. "I'm so sorry for letting you go." He breathed in. "So that's why I'm doing this now."

“What?” you asked.

You furrowed your brow, attempting to make sense of his captivating comment. Before you could utter another word, Joel closed the distance between you, his movements swift yet gentle.

In an instant, his lips touched yours in a delicate kiss—a muttered plea for forgiveness and a promise of reconciliation. The world around you appeared to fade away as the warmth of his touch embraced you, washing away the layers of doubt and uncertainty that had tortured your heart for so long.

Joel knew words weren’t enough for you right now, and this swift action was the only way he found to pour and show all the love and promises he couldn’t save those years, being sealed in this very right moment.

Not letting you go this time was his first attempt to bring you back and offer you the life and love you deserved.

For a little moment, time stood still, and all that mattered was what you shared with Joel—a bond that transcended through the years.

Joel pulled away, his gaze fixed on yours, looking for any sign of recognition. His breath merged with yours, stealing what he believed was his. A silent exchange of emotions spoke volumes without the use of words.

"I can't let you go," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Not again, please stay with me," he pleaded, holding your face with his hands.

Joel's words lingered heavily in the air, echoing his desperation and need. You noticed a genuine desperation in his request, one that mirrored your own. You had ached for reassurance of his love for so long, and now as he stood before you, baring his soul, you couldn't resist the pull of your heart toward him.

"I don't want to leave," you said, just above a whisper. "But I need to know that this time is different, Joel. I need to know if you are willing to fight for us."

Joel nodded; his eyes full of purpose. "I am," he declared, his voice filled with passion. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right between us, to prove to you that you're the one I want, now and always."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you met Joel's soulful gaze and noticed the depth of his love and honesty reflected in you. You lifted your hand while taking in the warmth of his face under your fingertips.

Feeling the warmth of Joel's touch under your fingertips, you took a deep breath, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions swirling within you. Despite the overwhelming rush of love and longing, you knew that you needed time to process everything that had happened—to settle the chaos in your heart and mind.

"I need time," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly with emotion. "Time to process everything that's happened, time to heal, and time to figure out what I want."

Joel's expression softened, and his gaze filled with understanding. "I understand," he said softly, his voice a soothing balm to your frazzled nerves. "Take all the time you need, baby. I'll be here waiting for you, I promise.”

Sarah

“Guys, it worked! They talked things out!”

Tara

No way! Seriously?

Tommy

So, my lie worked? What happened?

Sarah

They kissed! My dad is over the moon!

Tara

OMG, really?! I can't believe it!

Tommy

Wow, I didn't think our little plan would actually work.

Sarah

We just needed to give them a little push.

Tommy

We? I lied for you little girls.

Tara

I'm so happy for them. They belong together.

Tommy

Yeah, they do. Let's just hope they figure things out soon.

tags 💌: @joeldjarin @missladym1981 @yomiyasxx @aliengirl99 @lola8888673 @nottodaysattan @picketniffler @violinchick @sadgirlcheesecake @caitlynsixxx @luvwanda @sarahhxx03

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fangerine · 2 years ago

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spoilers ahead for the last of us ep. 6!

i’m gonna be honest. not a huge fan of this departure from the game. i get it but it also felt like a forced set-up to tlou p2/tlou s2. don’t get me wrong, the set design in this episode is fucking magnificent, and the acting is great but it just felt a little out of place. mind you, i’m not a huge fan of tlou p2 so that could also be why i’m not completely in love with tonight’s episode.

anywayssss, let’s get into a quick analysis or whatever these things are that i’ve been writing for the past month or so.

i think it was an interesting but important choice to open the episode up with henry’s death. it felt a little like a nightmare sequence and it gave me a little bit of a jolt, not gonna lie. i felt like joel, a bit, when he gets those nightmares of sarah. something i don’t want to see but i’m forced to.

this episode deals with a lot of things: guilt, family tension, community (or communism as joel puts it), trust but most importantly, what life can be like away from the horrors of the world.

i absolutely loved the couple in the beginning. i hadn’t laughed that hard in the series until that scene. i just adored the juxtaposition of all this horrible, traumatizing shit we’ve witnessed in the series thus far and this couple who are extremely calm for being held at gunpoint in their home. they trust each other and make soup for people who intrude their home. i love it.

during a conversation before arriving at jackson, ellie asks what joel is going to do once this cure is made. it’s a cute moment. one of the more wholesome moments from joel. he just wants a farmhouse away from all the shit, and have his sheep. simple life.

a simple life that he can’t even have in his dreams because they’re replaced by nightmares of his past.

and this is kind of the core to joel. he is a man who is constantly connected to the past despite trying to ignore it and push it down at every turn. he seems to want to let go of it but when you try and push down pain like that, it ends up sticking even further. i mean, even his watch is stuck on the time of the most traumatic point of his life: losing sarah.

she is a ghost that haunts him instead of being a guardian angel that could bring him comfort. it’s heartbreaking to watch.

as we progress through his and ellie’s time in jackson, we see a reversal of attitudes from them both. joel is initially just happy to see his brother but as time goes on, he starts to reject this way of living because it simply doesn’t fit with his worldview that he’s carried for the past 20 years. ellie on the other hand is incredibly hostile at the beginning, more or less because she’s an annoying (lovingly) 14-year-old but also because i think she’s trying to emulate joel. but as she spends more time there, she sees the all the good things this world can have. things she’s never had.

the two are both seeing this reality that not everything is complete shit and they’re reacting to it in very different ways.

and then we see this small collapse of joel. he becomes vulnerable in front of the only person he can afford to be. he shares his fears. his guilt. and if you listen between the pauses of his heart wrenching confessions to tommy, the love he still has in his heart for his daughter, and now, that is spreading to ellie.

but then he closes back up because he is “the contractor”. he builds things. he fixes things. and he thinks that his vulnerability is something that needs to be fixed and nipped in the bud.

this life that he could have is something he thinks he’s not even close to deserving of. and maybe he isn’t. maybe joel miller is a shitty person who brutally kills people because he believes that is the only form of protection. maybe he is truly an old grump who is meant to be alone with sheep that he can “control”.

but he still cares. he gives a shit. and i think that’s why he starts to lighten up a little more when he and ellie leave jackson.

but now he’s on the brink of death. he will only survive if someone else cares. if someone else gives a shit about him and thinks he deserves to live. and that someone is ellie; a 14-year-old girl who he is scared to death of caring about. he might not be able to afford being vulnerable to her, like he is with tommy, because that could cost him his heart all over again.

and that’s something he won’t be able to survive through again.

#the last of us #the last of us spoilers #tlou #tlou spoilers #the last of us show #the last of us hbo #tlou show #tlou hbo #joel miller #tommy miller #ellie williams #pedro pascal #gabriel luna #bella ramsey

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creedslove · 1 year ago

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MEANT TO BE ❤️‍🔥

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You and Joel seemed you were meant to be, but he broke your heart thinking he was doing you a favor. You're back in town and Tommy ends up inviting you to his brother's birthday party

(I don't know if this will be a series or not, but enjoy it ❤️)

Warnings: screwed up timeline (no outbreak but the story takes place nowadays, Joel's in his mid/late forties, Sarah is in her late teens/early twenties), age gap (reader is in her mid/late 20s because well, she's me), angst, hurt, breakups, broken hearts, two idiots in love, fluff

A/N: I don't know besties, this is just a very specific scenario that got stuck with me for DAYS because all I do is daydream I'm Joel's housewife and well, I had to write it down eventually because just imagining it wasn't enough I had to share. Also, this is extremely self-inserted so I'm sorry if you guys don't like it but I deserve to be happy with Joel 😭

3.2k words

"So, you're breaking up with me Joel? Is that it?" You asked him, pacing the living room, trying to hold back your tears and not let the anxiety get the best of you just yet, and instead, look at the situation with a rational attitude. Joel couldn't possibly be breaking up with you, not after the time you spent together, - a short one, you had to admit, but it was enough to see you two were meant to be together. Everyone seemed to agree. His brother was nothing but nice and sweet to you, sometimes even protective of you, as if you were his sibling and not Joel, his daughter was thrilled to see her dad in a relationship after a lifetime of loneliness, even if you didn't see each other very often, only when Sarah was home from her school breaks, always making Joel the proudest dad to see her impeccable grades, a clear reflection of the scholarship she got, she was always so friendly, treating well the woman his dad loved, because she knew he deserved to be happy.

And your family? They really liked Joel too. Your parents admired him for being so hardworking and successful in his business, the way he managed to raise a daughter by himself and your grandmother simply loved Joel. She was a supporter of your relationship from the beginning, always telling you to ignore any mean comments you might get just because he was older than you or anything like that, she just loved to see how good Joel was to you, how happy he made you and what a gentleman he was whenever he visited your family, despite being nervous and blushing slightly like a young boy. And for that, your grandma always baked him cookies or cakes, just a small, sweet way to thank him for being so good to you.

So it came as a shock, when he broke up with you.

"Yes, Y/N I'm breaking up with you" he said simply and looked down, his heart clenched and he felt so upset to be letting you go, but he knew he had to, you had been offered a great job, a great opportunity, high salary and you couldn't just stay with him, living a small town housewife life, you had so much potential, you were so pretty and full of life, Joel didn't want to trap you there, you deserved better than that, you deserved to be successful and free, and not with an old guy like him, Joel didn't have the same education you did and he felt bad about it, he would never want to embarrass you because of it.

"You and I are never gonna work, we had our fun, it was nice, but you want to live your life and I've already loved through all that. I've been married and I'm not marrying you, Y/N. You want kids and I don't want any more kids, we're incompatible, can't you see that?" He said "just take your job and go live your life, think of us as an adventure and nothing else…"

You swallowed and took one step forward, grabbing his shirt and making him look at you "w-was I just an adventure to you?" You needed to know the truth, it didn't feel like just an adventure to you at least, it felt like true love, intense and real. You thought Joel was the real deal, you thought that maybe you found each other and you would stay together, of course the opportunity you received was good, but you were ready to give it all up. You'd never thought of your life together as something bad, you liked the simple, you liked the calm quiet evenings with Joel, you liked waiting for him with dinner ready after a long day of work, and all that because you loved Joel and up until then you assumed he loved you too. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, his hand running through his hair as he sighed

"Yes, you were an adventure, you were a hot young girl giving me your attention and your body, I enjoyed it a lot at first, but now it's just getting old" he sighed, hating himself for breaking your heart, but he also knew that was the only way you would leave him behind and start living your life. He was lying, he would marry you, he had actually already bought a ring, a very simple one though, he wished he could buy you something better, but he had gone with the cheapest option and now he felt ashamed of it.

"Just… don't make this too hard on the two of us, leave and take the job, you will be happier that way" Joel turned his back at you and waited until he heard you slamming the door. He sighed and tried blinking back his tears, he hated to seem weak and vulnerable around whoever it was.

•••

Eight months had passed ever since you broke up with Joel, or rather Joel broke up with you. Eight months you'd left Austin behind and moved to a bigger city, got into a better-paid job and made more money. Eight months you were earning well but you were feeling miserable, because you were away from your family, your friends and the man you loved, even if he didn't love you back, even if you were nothing but an adventure to him, you still missed him everyday.

It wasn't just the sex - although that party took a heavy toll on you, as it was so intense, good and hot. You had never been fucked properly until Joel Miller fucked you, that was for sure. But you missed the everyday with him. The domesticity with him, the evenings spent together, the lazy weekends you would stay in his bed, just cuddling, sleeping, fucking and doing it all over again. You missed how his big, rough hands would hold you at night, how you would snuggle closer looking for his warmth, or how you'd play with his hair as Joel rested his head on your lap whenever he watched some cheesy action movie.

Yes, the money was good, you couldn't deny it was good being able to pay for your expenses and also save money and also spoil yourself to clothes, shoes, restaurants and anything else really, that part was great, but you would be lying if you said you wouldn't trade that for a happy life with Joel in a heartbeat; you hated to be still in love with him, he didn't deserve your love, you knew that. He had treated you just like an adventure, like an ordinary affair he could enjoy as he pleased and then discard you once he got tired of it. Still, it puzzled you how genuine he seemed, how caring and lovely he was towards you, how he actually made you believe he loved you. You felt cheated, tricked, and embarrassed to think you were so easy to fool like Joel had done to you.

One of the perks of your job, was able to take a few short trips to your hometown every couple of months, it was good to revisit your family, especially after your grandmother fell ill and you felt the need to see her as much as you could, but with those trips back to town always brought your fear of encountering Joel.

You didn't know how you'd react to seeing him again, maybe you would feel emotional? Or sad? Would your heart still beat fast? Probably a mix of those all.

You shook your head wanting to push those thoughts aside and got ready to enter the clothes store downtown when you heard someone calling your name. You knew that voice, but thought maybe you were just confused, but still, you turned around and saw as a smiley Tommy Miller walked towards you

"Y/N hey… you look great! Nice seeing you?" He was definitely the friendly brother.

"Hey Tommy, I missed you. How've you been?"

"Good.." he placed his hand on his hips - very similar to his brother - and the two of you made some small talk, catching up on things as you hadn't seen each other in nearly a year. "So listen… it's Joel's birthday today, I don't know if you remember" you nodded with a sad smile "and well, I'm throwing him a party tonight, maybe you should show up, I know he was a dick to you, but I'm sure he didn't mean it, he misses you a lot" you bit your lips and shrugged softly, and Tommy didn't need to say anything else. He just hugged you goodbye and told you again how nice it was to see you.

•••

"You did what?" Joel asked with annoyance and shock as his brother stood in his kitchen, a bottle of beer in hand as he placed the plastic bag with a few things for Joel's party that night. Tommy blew the air out of his mouth and scratched the back of his neck "what? You like her, I mean, no, you love her, Joel, so I thought you'd appreciate it if she showed up, it would be like a nice present to you after all" he shrugged simply as it made perfect sense in his mind. Joel, on the other hand, couldn't believe how stupid his brother was. How could he simply invite you as if nothing had gone on between the two of you.

"First you simply plan a party without even asking me, inviting a bunch of people I don't even know-"

"Because you have no friends…" Tommy interrupted and it made Joel's blood boil, he gritted his teeth and took a deep breath

"What I am saying is that I didn't want a party and now I will have to face a party I didn't want and possibly with the presence of a girl whose heart I broke and-"

"You broke her heart because you are a moron" Tommy shrugged again and folded his arms "you are a real big fat moron who can't see shit even if it's hanging in front of you! You love her and she loves you, and don't give me that pathetic talk about you not wanting to trap her because I know you bought her a fucking ring, Joel! A ring! And if you had proposed she'd be here, either planning the things for your wedding or you'd be already married, and don't start with the shitty baby talk either because you practically drool when you see her holding a kid, I'm sure if she asked you'd be on your second Miller kid right now!" Tommy told his brother, running out of patience at how stubborn his older brother was "so yeah, I invited Y/N and I doubt she'll come because you are a dick and you don't deserve her attention, in fact you don't even deserve this party, I was just trying to do something nice for you, so I'm sorry I'm such a terrible brother" Tommy groaned and went upstairs.

Joel didn't want to admit it, but he did spend the whole day checking his phone every five minutes to see if he'd get any messages from you. Joel was a man to receive and give phone calls, he didn't like texting, but most people insisted on doing that so he had to surrender, even his daughter would rather text than call, which Joel hated but he had to do it eventually. On your birthday, Joel spent the whole day battling if he should text you or not, on one hand he didn't want to simply pretend he had forgotten about your special day; on the other hand he didn't want to make things weird between the two of you, well, more like, more weird. What was he supposed to say?

"Hey babe, happy birthday 🎈 I know I said you were just an adventure but I miss you"

No, that'd be too awkward, so eventually he went to bed that day and ended up not texting you.

Another thing Joel didn't also want to admit was how he had showered, applied some cologne and put on the flannel shirt you always told him looked good in him before the party started. Fortunately, his argument with Tommy didn't change any of his plans and in the evening people started to arrive. Joel smiled politely, made some small talk, thanked people for the gifts but he kept glancing at the door frequently, always in hopes to see you walking in. He felt so stupid for even expecting that, so he tried focusing on his party. He saw the girls his brother had invited but didn't care about any of them; they all chatted and giggled and Joel watched it from afar as if he were an outsider at his own birthday party. Joel grabbed a beer and walked outside, sitting by the front steps and watched as the hours passed by and people eventually began leaving the party. He just enjoyed his own presence, knowing you wouldn't come, clearly you'd never come again and he had to face that, at the same time he silently thought of what his life had been like and what was left for him to do in the future, when a voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Joel?" You called him, hesitantly at first, as you swallowed and looked around, it was kind of crazy to show up at your ex's birthday party after he dumped you in a cruel way like he did, but you also felt like you had to do it, ever since Tommy had invited you, something in your heart begged and screamed for you to go see Joel even if it was the last time.

When he saw you, his eyes widened, he didn't trust them at first thinking it was just a trick of his longing imagination, but as you walked towards him, he could see you were real. And you looked gorgeous, making that fool old man's heart beat fast.

"Darlin'..." He said but you placed your index finger gently against his lips, the way his beard tickled you brought a warmth within and you felt like you could melt at that moment.

"I'm here just to wish you a happy birthday" you said with a sad smile and handed him a bag. Joel frowned softly, clueless to what it was but a soft smile appeared on his face as he saw it was his watch. He had forgotten about it as it had been so long since the last time he saw it.

"Remember your watch stopped working after we jumped in the pool on the last fourth of July we spent together? I had it fixed but then we bro-" you interrupted yourself "anyway, I know it's been a while but it's yours"

"Thank you darlin' I don't even know what to say… it's already a gift you're here tonight" Joel could swear he was blushing and that embarrassed him, he was a grown man and shouldn't be acting like that, but still, there he was.

"Did you get the cake?" You questioned him curiously and only then Joel noticed you had a second bag in hands

"I forgot" he rubbed the back of his neck and you laughed softly, that was just so Joel it felt kind of stupid.

"So this is yours too…" you offered him the second to which he grabbed it even more puzzled. Two presents? Joel Miller was a simple man, and quite shy, he didn't know how to act properly when he was given gifts, let alone two in a row and especially when it came from you.

It was his turn to laugh when he found a box with cupcakes inside. He raised his eyes from them and smiled at you, taking you by the hand with no warning and sitting you next to him, on the front step.

He helped himself to one and insisted for you to take another, and even if you should have just wished him a happy birthday and driven back home, you obliged and took a small bite of yours, and that cupcake was indeed really good.

After the cupcakes were long gone, you and Joel still caught up on everything: he told you about his job and you told him about yours; you asked him about Sarah and he asked you about your grandmother's health, just random, ordinary things like it should be between two people who once knew everything about each other and now spent long enough apart to step on eggshells around each other. Though the party had pretty much ended, Tommy's playlist was still at full steam inside the house and when Joel recognized that guitar strumming he smiled, the lyrics coming back to him as it took him back to one of his favorite moments with you.

"Listen, it's our song"

"What?" You frowned softly "our song? What do you mean?" You questioned curiously not exactly knowing where he wanted to get.

"Californication, it's our song" he blushed softly and felt upset to see that maybe you didn't remember the summer night you spent listening to music sitting in the back of his truck, and how you two sang it together. Maybe that wasn't as special to you as it was to him, but at that night he'd felt so young, so full of life and hope. You finally nodded and closed your eyes, listening to it and thinking of the same sweet memory you and Joel shared.

"I just didn't know it was our song, Joel" you said amused and he shrugged, getting to his favorite part of the song and taking your hand in his, your eyes locked as his lips moved

"Marry me girl, be my fairy to the world, be my very own constellation"

He sang along, even if it wasn't a romantic song, that part was for you, it had always been for you. When he saw you sing that specific part of the song for the first time he knew he wanted to marry you, he wanted you to be his fairy to his world and be his very own constellation. It was cheesy, but he didn't care, he was just in love at the time, and he continued so.

You blushed and looked down, knowing it was time to go, but before you could get up, he squeezed your hand gently

"Do you want to get inside?" His eyes were full of hope, maybe and just maybe you could say yes and you could maybe pick up from where you left off but you shook your head "I'm sorry, I have to go Joel" you got up and ignored his sad eyes, even if they were your weakness, you two were finished and there was nothing you could do about it.

"Joel?" You called one last time and he got up, walking to you, still hopeful you'd give him any crumble of affection.

"Yeah?" His voice was a soft purr, the anticipation burning bright inside of him

"Happy birthday" you said and went to your car, leaving him standing there, his mind full of might-have-beens and his heart breaking as it did every time you walked away from him.

_____

A/N: don't yell at me besties, i've had this idea of joel being sure he would want to marry reader (me/us) while listening to this part of the song and Californication is a very delicate subject as I sang this song in a karaoke session at the mall yesterday in front of hundreds of people and I was so nervous at first but then I relaxed and had such a great time and it was amazing 😭 I know it's not a romantic song but I want those lyrics to be about joel and his beautiful wife 😭 I hope you've liked it besties ❤️

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