#jiu jitsu however was very much a physical problem it hurt too much and i kept almost passing out

[silly-lil-scribbles]

man i miss jiu jitsu. and aerials. i think i might just miss being able to do stuff actually

[nomand-berserka]

A little openly honest abridged intro in to me and dealing with my head and my black dog.

I am the newly appointed Team Leader for West Yorkshire with the guys at Veterans Hike. @veteranshike

Ive found a love for hiking over the past few months, since this crazy lockdown here in the UK.

I have struggled a lot over the years since leaving the Army, still dont feel like I fit into the bracket called Civvie. I know that may sound a little cliche. But it is exactly what it is.

I joined the forces straight from school. There was nothing for me where I lived, and with a long proud military history in my family, I felt it's what I'd always wanted and knew in my early to mid teens, that I'd join up.

I felt I did pretty well, considering pretty much everyone I knew, thought that I wouldnt even make it past selection. Well I pissed on their parade let me tell ya.

I'm not going to go into the ins and out of my career. But the tours I did, were SFOR (peacekeeping) Bosnia 98 and Op Agricola Kosovo 99.

Now with that, I've seen some pretty fkd up stuff at the ages of 18 and 19.. But you crack on and get the job the done. Get back home and continue as normal.

Now upon leaving the Army, I felt very lost. Ended up going from job to job, due to not being able to fit in with or liking the people I worked with. Often getting pushed out because of having a different mindset... This turned into a serious dislike for people in general. There was no bond, no brotherhood, everyone out for themselves and didnt care who they fkd over to get what they wanted.

This became the time I started with the heavy drinking and the stupid violence, infact the drink and the violence became the reason I lost my family and almost ended up 6 feet under.

The violence continued, as I just hated everyone... for lots of different reasons. This then led to me serving time on a couple of occasions. But it still continued after being locked up... I didnt see it as a problem, as I just thought "I wont take peoples shit", and I'll show anyone who tries to give me shit. That it will lead to getting hurt. Jump forward to being left for dead with 2 stab wounds... Yes it got that bad. Maybe I was asking for my way out?

Jump forward a year or so of living a dark time.

Its then i got into martial arts (Muay Thai under the tutilage of master Ronnie Green 5 time world champion), a friend of mine didnt want to see me locked up again. Or with more perforations than a "Tetley Tea bag". This became my drive again, I'd found something I could focus on and put myself, my whole self into again.

First session in, I was hooked. Had my first full contact fight at just over 6 months and had plenty thereafter, still have the copy of my official invite to the 2013 world championships. This was my crowing glory moment... This is where I'd found the focus to not be that drunked violent ass hat. My fitness went through the roof and I felt good again for the first time in years

Injury got me though, put me right back to not being able to train. Even ended my career, I tried to train again, but way too soon. Causing myself more problems. Taking even longer to get back to 100%

My anger started to creep back, the bad food the drinking... and yes the violence. then jump again forward to going back to prison for a very violent episode in 2015. Where 2 people got badly hurt. I pleaded guilty. I tried to reach out for help before the day in court. But it was too little too late...

However, in prison this time in 2016 I asked for help. Where can i get it, and who can help me the most.. There was a small eager group called Care after Combat, they concentrate on helping Veterans, who are sent to prison. During and after release. (I'll go into them at a later date).

I've kept my nose clean since then, was officially Dignosed with PTSD in 2017, so done a few local therapy courses Anger Management, CBT but still no actual PTSD help as of yet. Combat Stress, I think may have forgotten about me hahaha.

But the thought of prison!!!! id rather not go back ever again. Plus I'm getting on now, and not a 25 year old dick head. Eith a chip on his shoulder about civvies anymore.

Jump forward again, to present Covid 19 times.

I'm a joiner now put myself through College 12 years ago. The outdoors have always agreed with me. But after a work accident last year in August I had 14 weeks sat at home gaining weight. Bordem drinking and eating shit and the head started to go again. But thankfully got back to work early December.

In March 2020 and we get Furloughed. For however long it may take.

So I gave myself THE talking to. Stay off the booze (well not completely hehe). Keep yourself busy. Find a focus in something, anything. Just dont he that dickhead again.

So here I am, I spend at least 3 days a week walking the Pennines and the moors between my beloved Yorkshire and the dark soggy lands of Lancahire. Its literally 20 minutes from my door to where I park the motor. My head still goes south, but more into the low mood and hating myself for allowing what I'd done in the past. I've had depression for years, but it was always over shadowed by my stupidity. So when it does that, i hit my local park and do 10 laps (8 miles) of that. Or just get my pack ready and hit the trails. Often doing around 15-20 miles.

Now I've started with a small Daystack and have started adding weight, carring 15kg. plus 3 litre camelback, food stuff and inclement weather gear. Its north of England the weather does what it wants. "If tha dunt lyk weather, jus bloody wait 20 minutes It'l change". hahaha.

Doing this has given me more drive in my fitness and massively boosted my mental state. Plus the escape from the rat race bollox that we all have to live through. More and more people have started to notice my weight loss. Down from 20 stone to just over 17 stone. Now I'm as round as I am tall, but for a fat lad I've been told I'm pretty fit... Guess all those years in the Army, years of Muay Thai and Kempo Jiu Jitsu. It must have left some form of conditioning and muscle memory. So this again boosts me. I'm now picking up the weights at home and even got a bike... so this new found fitness is a fantastic feeling again... it's not just about keeping busy anymore, it's about showing people. Who I'd alienated during all these years, that I'm not the same guy, and they are wanting to come on hikes with me now

(Its also pushed me to train for the 3 peaks... but that's another story for another time)

It's also the biggest Therapy I can give myself, sometimes I go it alone and sometimes I have company. The outdoors is literally where I feel at my easiest and most peaceful... The benefits are there for everyone who knows me, to see. Its physically demanding, but it's so peaceful. If I bump into other people, there is always a nod a smile and a "morning/afternoon" exchanged. Not all people are nob heads haha!

I cant stress enough how good it feels to keep occupied physically and mentally, buy doing something I never thought I'd do...

It's become my passion... I'm looking into longer routes all the time, and now looking at some proper outdoors gear. Better rucksack even a tent. If being up the hills for a few hours or just a day, makes me feel things are better. Then surely a couple of days and nights will be even better...Right?

I want to thank anyone who takes the time to reads this, however you see it. Be it on insta, Tumbler or FB. So cheers guys and gals.

We all have hardships, we all need that help at some point. Go out and find what makes it all better, please guys. We all deserve to smile for what ever reason.

Who knows, we may even cross trails someday. You'll always get a smile and a nod from me.

Steve

The Nomad Beserka

[rollheavymartialarts]

What Are the Best Martial Arts for Self-Defense?

Based on my research, the best martial art for pure self-defense is Krav Maga.

If all you want to do is learn how to defeat someone, then Krav Maga is the one for you.

The best martial art for health and live-sparring, while also learning self-defense is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ).

If you want to learn some useful self-defense skills along with improving your health and being able to spar with others, then BJJ is the best.

Here’s the rundown of all the ones we’ve considered:

Mixed Martial Arts

Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) is a new sport that came into being in the 1990s. They shouldn’t be regarded as a separate martial art, however. It’s a sport more than art. It includes striking, throwing, grappling, etc. 

The official beginning of MMA (1) goes back to the establishment of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). With the first championship held in 1993, and Royce Gracie demolishing the competition, a new chapter in fighting began. 

MMA gained a lot of popularity in the 90s and has become one of the highest paying sporting events in the world. At this point, some of the most famous fighters include Khabib Nurmagomedov, Ronda Rousey, Connor McGregor, and Georges St. Pierre.

MMA has blurred the lines between fighting styles. It has allowed fighters to experiment with different techniques and blows to counter restrictive fighting styles. Due to the relaxation of rules, MMA has resulted in fighters melding techniques and finding the combinations that best work for them. As a result, the sport has garnered a lot of notoriety.

Pros and Cons

The most significant benefit of learning Mixed Martial Arts is the exposure to different forms of martial arts. The best part about MMA is that it doesn’t restrict you to one fighting style. That’s the point of learning fighting: to open up to as many techniques as possible.

By training MMA, you can learn the disadvantages and problems with each martial art.

As far as cons are concerned, MMA is a particularly violent sport, according to the National Institute of Health. BJJ has an injury rate of up to 38.6 per 1000 contact or fight participations. Compared to that, MMA has an injury rate of 28.6 per 100 fight participations. It’s particularly detrimental to the face, with nearly 48% of all injuries being facial lacerations.

According to a study conducted by the University of Toronto, MMA fighters get traumatic brain injuries in one-third of professional bouts. Others have reported that brain injuries aren’t as common. One study done by the University of Alberta revealed that it’s much safer than boxing. 

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, or Jiu-Jitsu, is a modern martial art. It was developed in the early 20th century by the Gracie family in Brazil. Though its roots lie in Japanese Jujitsu and Judo, it has become a wholly different martial art.

In 1909, Japanese Martial artist Geo Omori began teaching Judo. Judo itself was supposed to be a much less militarized form of Japanese Jujitsu, developed for disarmed Samurai. One of his students, Mitsuo Maeda, traveled to Brazil and opened his dojo in 1914. There, he began to teach Carlos Gracie, the son of a friend.

Other members of the Gracie family learned Judo as well and made improvements to the form.

It was improved upon so that smaller people could defeat bigger people.

Thus Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) came to be.

Through training and hard work, the Gracie family became more and more famous.

In the 1990s, with the establishment of UFC, they achieved global fame. There, Royce Gracie, a descendant of Carlos, demolished the competition. This feat brought BJJ to the world stage.

Pros and Cons

Hailed as a sport that has changed the game for martial arts, BJJ is considered one of the most effective martial arts in the world due to the lack of dependence on strength.

BJJ practitioners can be tall, short, fat, thin, etc.

Since BJJ emphasizes groundwork and involves the development of flexibility in muscles, it’s considered a very healthy sport. It’s also a very safe sport since the chances of injury are significantly less than boxing, MMA, or Judo.

There is no striking in BJJ, so you wouldn’t be learning how to punch or kick.

Tae Kwan Do

Tae Kwan Do, or Taekwondo, originates from Korea. It originated as a combative sport in the 40s and 50s. The name came from fighting schools that originated in the time called Kwans. The schools opened up in Seoul (South Korea) after the WWII Japanese Occupation ended. 

Teaching martial arts was forbidden during the occupation.

Hence, reopening these schools was seen as a return to tradition and freedom. Tae Kwan Do thus became a sport that combined a lot of martial arts traditions from Korea.

These included Taekkyon, Subak, and Gwonbeop. These three styles emphasized head-height kicking, jumping, and fast kicking techniques.

Pros and Cons

Tae Kwan Do, mainly a striking sport, teaches the identification of specific pressure points on the body. It is an excellent sport for self-defense in this regard. It also helps to improve agility and reflexes and strength and stamina.

However, since it barely focuses on punching, it does leave you open to an opponent’s close-range attacks. 

Karate

Karate is one of the most well known martial arts in the west. The film ‘The Karate Kid’ popularized the sport in the United States. Karate originated in the 14th century in Okinawa, Japan.

The sport is a striking art that includes punching, kicking, knee striking, and elbow striking.

Pros and Cons

Karate is a very safe martial art and is great for learning self-defense. It is much less injury-prone than Kung Fu, Tae Kwon Do, and even Aikido. 

A major con of the sport is that you will have trouble finding legitimate instructors. Most dojos in the west teach the sport for point-scoring.

You’ll need to find an instructor that also teaches self-defense techniques.

Boxing

Boxing is a striking sport without a doubt. It involves a lot of bobbing and weaving, but it’s mainly about throwing punches.

The first signs of boxing were seen in the 3rd Millennium BC in Iraq. There, depictions of fights with fists are shown in caves. Other representations of the sport are seen in Classic Vedic scripts like the Ramayana. 

However, the sport, as it exists today, was popularized in London, England, in the 16th century. There it became a sport taught in schools and universities. Boxing champions were touted as heroes and were labeled strong men. It’s one of the most popular sports in the world today, having gone through a golden age in the 20th century. 

Pros and Cons

Boxing is one of the most disciplining sports around. It requires an extensive buildup of muscle, a strict diet, and agility. It’s not for nothing that Muhammad Ali’s motto was “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” Boxing, of course, makes you tough. However, there are just too many cons to the sport to ignore. 

Boxing is considered as one of the most violent sports in the world. It is proven without a doubt that it causes traumatic brain injuries and has even ended in fatalities. In1995, an estimated 500 boxers had died in the ring. The injury rate in boxing is 17.1 per 100 boxer matches. The majority of these injuries (51%) are facial lacerations. 

While that injury rate may be lower than MMA, boxing is still considered the more physically damaging sport. According to the American Association of Neurological Surgeons, 90% of all boxers sustain a brain injury. If you’ve watched any of the Rocky films, you’ll know that’s a topic that comes up regularly. 

Muhammad Ali, arguably the greatest boxer that ever lived, also got Parkinson’s disease as a result of boxing. If you are taking up the sport, know the consequences that you will probably endure. 

Krav Maga

Krav Maga is a fighting style that isn’t as popular as other sports. It was invented specifically for the Israel Defense Forces (IDF). It’s a form of unarmed combat that is designed to disable the opponent. The Hebrew phrase Krav Maga translates to contact combat.

While Krav Maga is designed to produce maximum force and impact, it is not a unique type of martial art. It was created by combining various aspects of wrestling, boxing, Aikido, Karate, and Judo.

Pros and Cons

Krav Maga is considered a practical art for self-defense. Its emphasis on aggression and takedowns helps practitioners become adept at fighting larger opponents. However, one legitimate con is that there are very few genuine instructors of the sport outside the IDF.

Another benefit of Krav Maga is that it can be learned in a very short time. The art has been designed so that soldiers can learn it very quickly. For instance, some schools even offer a two-week training course within the army.

A legitimate con of Krav Maga is that it is designed to hurt opponents. Due to its use in the army, it’s not intended for point-scoring. It’s intended to hurt enemies seriously.

This is why the sport allows for hits on the groin, hair pulling, biting, and spitting. Gouging and pinching are even allowed. This makes the sport very violent and not suitable for community sport.

If you live in a particularly violent area and want to learn how to defend yourself, Krav Maga is the best. However, if you’re going to learn a sport with your children, give this a pass. 

How to Choose the Best One for You

If you’re asking me which one you should choose, I’m going to be biased and say BJJ. I can back it up with all the statistics you want, but my bias will stay.

So instead, I’ll tell a simple truth. The best martial art that you can choose is the one you’re most comfortable with. 

I’m not saying don’t do your research and go in blind; I’m saying work for it. If you want something, you can enjoy with your kids and learn self-defense simultaneously, go for something you love.

If you’re going to learn self-defense to beat an opponent, learn Krav Maga. If you want to learn a sport that will help your health and fitness, any martial art will do.

[lunar-root]

“I don’t know how I expected a rape victim to act, but I didn’t expect her to be so funny. Or to be punk, in this kinda sexy bleached blonde but kind of too lazy to really care sort of way. Or to be so up front.

“I may be a lesbian because of what happened to me, I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter at this point.”

I guess, maybe in some way, I didn’t expect her to be so over it. Part of me, unconsciously, believed people who had been raped were irrecoverably broken, and she wasn’t. I had an ex boyfriend who said he thought rapists should be subjected to capital punishment, which I suppose is a more extreme articulation of that unconscious belief. Once a woman has been raped, she has been destroyed.

People aren’t destroyed through being raped though. They suffer immensely, but they are just as much themselves after the rape as before.

Another rape victim I dated was a butch woman who had just adopted a kitten that completely befuddled her. When I went back to her apartment, the kitten was everywhere attacking everything.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’ve historically been more of a dog person.”

She was pretty open about her anger towards men, and her sexual orientation was difficult to quantify because her attractions included “any gender that’s not cis male.” Can’t say I blamed her. But, despite her anger, she was completely and fully her. Even if she drank too much, and even if she hated men, her fundamental essence was untouched.

How I think of women who have been raped contrasts greatly with how I think of men who have experienced non sexual violence. One of my male friends was standing outside a club when he was hit from behind. He fell down, and two guys came up and kicked the shit out of him before running away.

I think that event changed him in some ways. We used to do jiu jitsu together, but he had a particular drive that I think was borne of that experience. He’s very good, I think he teaches it now. Yet, when men get beat up, I don’t ever entertain the impression that some part of them may have been destroyed. (I actually think there may be an opposite problem, namely men not getting emotional support because we don’t take their trauma seriously. I’ll have to write about that later.) If a man’s behavior changes after an attack, we don’t use this as evidence to support an unconscious belief that he is broken. If you told someone that a man had learned jiu jitsu after being attacked, I think the vibe would be “well, that’s pretty reasonable.” If a bisexual woman decided to date only women after being raped, the vibe would be “oh, she’s broken.”

This belief in the “brokenness” of those have experienced sexual trauma is highly damaging. None of us want to be broken. I don’t want to be broken. And, at least for me personally, this belief in the uniquely destructive power of sexual trauma prevented me from honestly confronting some of my more difficult sexual experiences.

A few years ago, I was out getting drunk with a bunch of male friends, and one of them offered to let me crash at his place. He was someone I trusted, someone I’d been friends with for years. When we got back to his place, suddenly he was all over me, and he’d managed to get his fingers into my vagina before I was able to physically restrain him. I remember confusion, and then shock at realizing his fingers were inside of me. And, I remember how he wilted when I stopped him. He shrank with shame, and I felt so guilty. I spent the night, but I couldn’t sleep, and slipped out at 6am after giving him a kiss on the head.

Then, I brushed it off. I had years of therapy after that, and never brought it up because I didn’t think it was significant. Yet, there were a few differences. I didn’t like being touched anymore. I stopped dating men, and then stopped dating anyone. I lost all sexual desire, and have been single now for about a year and a half.

I also started meditating. “Crying” has been a big part of my meditation practice. Just, nameless, faceless crying with no discernible reason. I sat a meditation retreat for 7 days, and the first 5 days were spent crying. I was completely exhausted, and in discussions with my teacher I basically said “I can’t keep doing this” and she basically said “keep trying.” Then, sometime around the fifth day, I stopped crying. I had expected some sort of catharsis, or release, or knowledge or something, but it wasn’t like that. I just stopped. And, after that I felt better. Not totally better, not like, I don’t still cry sometimes. It was just like — this nameless sadness that seemed to have no bottom ran out, and where it had been there was nothing.

Shortly after my retreat, I was reading a Savage Love where a woman talked about a male friend of hers trying to finger her when he was drunk. Dan Savage told her she’d been the victim of sexual assault or attempted sexual assault. And, when I read that, I was like “how can she have been sexually assaulted? That’s exactly like what happened to me, but I wasn’t…” So, I looked up sexual assault. Apparently if someone touches your vagina against your will, that’s sexual assault.

I pondered over that. I read about what happened emotionally to people who had been sexually assaulted, and a lot of it fit with my experience. The blocking it out. The justifying. The guilt, the aversion to touch, and hyposexual desire. They were all common responses from people who had been sexually assaulted. And, when I read about that, I felt relief. These mysterious things that I had been feeling had a source. I also think that I was so lucky to have gone on those dates with those women, because I already had a deep understanding that people who have experienced sexual violence aren’t any less awesome or less complete than those who haven’t experienced it. Without that understanding, I think admitting to yourself that you have experienced sexual violence is harder, because you also have to think of yourself as “broken.”

I continued to wonder about why I had been so dismissive about how painful I found that experience, and at the heart of it was “it was just a more extreme version of how I always feel with men.” I came out as bisexual when I was around 12 years old (or “was outed” I should say) and ever since then, I have faced a lot of unwanted sexual attention. People accused me of just being bisexual “for attention” despite my own lack of agency around coming out, and despite the fact that they were the ones giving me all the attention. Boys asked me to kiss other girls, and initially I complied. I was 12. I didn’t know better. When I got to high school, I was regularly asked for threesomes before ever losing my virginity. Boys would sometimes grope my breasts, or put their hands up my skirt, or make loud public comments about my body.

Eventually, I learned to fight back. I remember one time, after being called flat chested, shouting back at the guy “we can’t all have tits as big as yours!” and watching him flush deeply. Additionally, I was on the wrestling team with a bunch of guys who respected me for my wholehearted commitment to the sport, and I think that helped. Having a bunch of big, jock friends made people less inclined to fuck with me. Still, between the ages of about 12–14, I had been bombarded with so much sexual harassment that I had normalized the feeling of it. I knew I didn’t like it, but it didn’t feel strange. It felt familiar.

In retrospect, I think I may have had an especially bad run because I am a bisexual woman. Bisexual women experience a disproportionately high amount of sexual violence compared to straight and lesbian women, and that innately makes sense to me. I was repeatedly singled out for sexual attention because I was bisexual and, as the only out bisexual woman in the grade, I was a single target for the many boys who were fascinated by female bisexuality.

Anyway, I had already normalized the sensation of sexually directed harassment before I was even a teenager. It’s very particular sensation, but hard to describe —for me, it’s almost like nausea mixed with sadness and shock. I cried the first few times I felt it, but it soon became so common that I started numbing myself to it. By the time I was in high school, I was already fairly numb.

So, when I started dating men for real, I was already primed to not complain when I felt this feeling. Sometimes, however, it was so bad it broke through my numbness. When I young, one of my early boyfriends pressured me for sex. We were lying in bed, and he kept asking over and over again. I can’t remember if I explicitly said yes, or if at some point I just stopped saying no, but he ended up mounting my un-responsive corpse and pounding me until he came.

“How was it?” he asked me.

“It hurt,” I said. Then, he became really sad.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he kept saying over and over. I said nothing, and just lay there, but resolved never to say yes when I didn’t want sex again. It was a horrible feeling, probably one of the most horrible things I’d ever felt at the time. I think something in me closed that day, and I could never be really open with him again.

The thing was, despite whatever lie he told me or told himself, he knew I didn’t want to have sex with him. He knew I didn’t usually lie there like a dead fish. He could tell when I was wincing in pain. When I told him I had been in pain afterwards, he showed no surprise. I had only articulated what he already knew but was pretending he didn’t. Yet, for a man to seek his own sexual gratification from my body while knowing, but not caring, that it was causing me pain seemed so normal by that point that it didn’t seem like a big deal. There’s a word for what happened to me that day (sexual coercion) which was useful for me to discover.

But, what was more useful was actually another Dan Savage letter (I totally ❤ you, Dan!) It was a letter from a guy blaming his girlfriend from backing out of an orgy after she had said she was ok, but was giving clear signs that she wasn’t.

Your girlfriend wasn’t okay that night, CIC, and you knew it. She was telling you what you wanted to hear, CIC, and you knew it. You should’ve called the whole thing off, CIC, and you know it.

The idea that, if someone knew I didn’t want to do something sexual that they shouldn’t do it, was completely alien to me, and yet made total sense. Would I continue with an activity if my partner clearly didn’t want me to?…”