Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me
James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?
Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?
James Potter: yes
Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??
James Potter: i’d be okay with that
James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme
James Potter: lil and jim and their kin
Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television
Sirius Black to Babe: u know it’s extremely rude to fuck in the house while ur babysitter is downstairs watching ur kid
James Potter to Hot Stuff: i don’t pay u to complain
Sirius Black: u are literally not paying me
Sirius Black: i am doing this out of love for this little banshee
James Potter: we made u godfather. and u can have dibs if i knock lily up 2nite
Sirius Black: fine but at least play some music or smth christ what are u doing to her?????
Lily Potter to The Other Woman: Quit texting James while we’re fucking
Lily Potter: Tho he is surprisingly good at multitasking
Sirius Black to Sugar Tits: only if u make him call u daddy
Lily Potter: Deal
James Potter to James Has A Daddy Kink: lupin will you look after harry next weekend? sirius is permanently banned from babysitting
Sirius Black: Still godfather m8
James Potter: not anymore remus is godfather now
Peter Pettigrew: am i not on the list??
James Potter: you will get on the list once u stop screaming every time he poos
Peter Pettigrew: fair enough
Remus Lupin: Can I be godfather when Harry’s like ten? Babies are terrifying
Sirius Black: i will not stand for this betrayal
Sirius Black changed the chat name to James Wanked To McGonagall For All Of Year 9.
Peter Pettigrew: pretty sure it was longer than year 9 👀👀👀👀
James Potter: it’s not embarrassing if ur not ashamed
Remus Lupin: If you’re gonna text me at work at least leave my colleagues’ names out of the group chat
Peter Pettigrew: should u b texting while ur teaching?
Remus Lupin: The kids are using their phones to film for a presentation it’s fine probably
Sirius Black: see potter? he’s already showing he’s bad w/ kids he’s gonna let harry on the internet unsupervised
James Potter: harry is 1
Sirius Black: ur never too young 2 start developing abandonment issues
Remus Lupin changed the chat name to Sirius Wanked to Yugioh in Sixth Form.
Sirius Black: listen here u little shit
James Potter to Ginger Spice: lily look!!!
Lily Potter to Daddy’s Girl: U have sent me 12 pictures of Harry dressed as a penguin in the past 2 minutes
Lily Potter: (((And I have loved every single 1 of them our baby is the cutest?!?!)))
James Potter: i fucking know right
James Potter: legitimately he’s better than other babies
Lily Potter: Our baby could take the Longbottoms baby in a fight
James Potter: our baby could take DUMBLEDORE in a fight
Lily Potter: I mean ur right but
Lily Potter: In what situation would our son be fighting the headmaster of our secondary school
James Potter: idk but he’d fuckin wreck him have u seen how hard he pulls on hair he’d rip that beard right the fuck off
Lily Potter: Tru
Remus Lupin to Jimbo: How did you get i’m a furry to autocorrect to i’m a furry
Remus Lupin: DAMN IT I MEAN I’M A FURRY
James Potter to Dances with Wolves: we’ve all known for a long time remus i’m not here to judge u
Remus Lupin: I’M NOT A FURRY
Remus Lupin: I’M A FURRY
James Potter: u seem to be experiencing some conflicting emotions
Remus Lupin: I’m trying to say I’M S I C K
James Potter: of hiding ur true nature as a furry? we’re sick of ur denial as well mate
Remus Lupin: You are officially disowned
James Potter: ur not my real dad
Peter Pettigrew to Remus is a Furry: so are u like a brony or do u dress up as a wolf and sniff people?
James Potter: the 2nd one definitely
Sirius Black: idk man i think i saw him eyeing one of harry’s picture books the other day
Sirius Black: does red riding hood get u going
Petter Pettigrew: lmao
Remus Lupin: Potter I’m gonna murder you
James Potter: just try it my son will avenge me
Sirius Black: oooooo he’s got u remus what r u gonna do fight a baby
Remus Lupin: I will explain to Harry about how his father was a bellend and he will take my side
James Potter: lies. harry will never doubt my honour. just the other day peter sneezed on me and harry bit him
Peter Pettigrew: thought he bit me bc hes teething?
James Potter: irrelevant
James Potter to Never Furget: remus did u change all my profile pics to screencaps from bambi
Remus Lupin to Jimmy Neutron: Why do you ask?
James Potter: bc everyone is commenting on them but i can’t see them or take them down what did u do
Remus Lupin: Maybe the universe did this to you James
Remus Lupin: The world is trying to tell you who the real furry here is
Remus Lupin to Jimothy: Did you buy me a fucking bunny?
James Potter to Froot Lupes: remus i know ur new to pet ownership but bunnies aren’t for fucking
Remus Lupin: James. Why did someone deliver a rabbit to my house
James Potter: i thought u could use some company
James Potter: since ur both
Remus Lupin: DO NOT
James Potter: furry
Remus Lupin: I’m moving to Australia
Remus Lupin to James is Not One of Us: Just because I’m keeping the bunny doesn’t mean you’re forgiven
Remus Lupin: It’s for the children. My students have fallen in love with it
Sirius Black: sure ““““ur students””” fell in love with it
Sirius Black: speaking of children who r u gonna turn to now potter
Sirius Black: if i’m banned from babysitting and u and remus r on the outs
James Potter: pete’s still here
Peter Pettigrew: yeah im still here
Sirius Black: peter tell me how you change a nappy without looking at wikihow
Peter Pettigrew: um
James Potter: our house has wifi?
Lily Potter to Bambi: Peter Pettigrew is not babysitting for us ever again
Lily Potter: He flushed a disposable nappy today
Lily Potter: Naked Sunday is canceled
James Potter to Faline: but it’s the day of our lord lily
James Potter to Boyz II Men: congratulations sirius ur hereby reinstated as godfather
Sirius Black: good bc i’m thinking of getting a sidecar for my motorbike
James Potter: harry is not allowed on ur motorbike until he is at least 9
Remus Lupin: I think you’re forgetting how Harry got home from the hospital
James Potter: fine. harry is allowed if both lily and i are also on it
Peter Pettigrew: #parenting
Peter Pettigrew: i got fired today btw
James Potter: what? why???
Sirius Black: what did u do
Remus Lupin: Are you alright?
Peter Pettigrew: im fine
Peter Pettigrew: director was just looking for “something else”
Sirius Black: that’s shit
James Potter: sorry pete
Remus Lupin: Is there anything we can do to help?
Peter Pettigrew: idk maybe we could just hang out and talk?
James Potter: sure we can do that
Sirius Black: i’m not good w/ emotional intimacy
Sirius Black: how do u feel abt alcohol?
James Potter to Meri Jaan: i msis u
James Potter: ur os pretty
Lily Potter to You Are My Soniya: It’s 2am love
James Potter: i kno btu thsi is v importnat
Lily Potter: What is it?
James Potter: i lvoe sirius
Lily Potter: Unbelievable
James Potter: and u!!11111
James Potter: also im srory if i pee on hte rose bsushes a gain
Sirius Black to Blossom Powerpuff: just so u know we’ve taken james’s phone from him
Sirius Black: but he says i’ve gotta tell u that ur his favourite wife
Lily Potter to Mojo Jojo: I’m his only wife
Sirius Black: james says ‘irrelevant’
James Potter to Heart Eyes: love u’ve gotta stop sexting me while i’m w/ clients
Lily Potter to Poop Emoji: Why’s that?
James Potter: i’m developing some kind of pavlovian response
James Potter: every time i look at a surrealist painting i get an erection
Lily Potter: Paint me like one of ur french abstractions from reality
James Potter: sex fiend
Lily Potter: U love it
Remus Lupin to Lil Wayne: You and James need to stop have things delivered to my house
Remus Lupin: I promise you I can feed myself without a 15 year old dropping off a week’s worth of groceries
Lily Potter to R. Kelly: Bread and chocolate is not a diet Remus
Remus Lupin: It has kept me alive this long
Lily Potter: Ur lucky we don’t have u move in. James says ur too skinny these days
Remus Lupin: James is built like a broomstick
Lily Potter: ...
Lily Potter: I want to defend him bc he is my husband but.... u right
Remus Lupin: Then will you stop trying to parent me
Lily Potter: Don’t talk back to ur mother Lupin
James Potter to The Lady from the Bee Movie: evans r u wearing my jeans again
Lily Potter to Jerry Seinfield: No
James Potter: ur having a picnic with bathilda in her garden and harry and i are in our sitting room w/ the curtains open i can literally see u
Lily Potter: Maybe these are mine
James Potter: i’m almost a foot taller than u and ur jeans r not that long
Lily Potter: If they r ur jeans what are you going to do about it
James Potter: ur gonna catch these hands
James Potter: in ur own bc i love u
James Potter: but i still want my jeans back
Lily Potter: I want my pre-baby figure back m8
James Potter: touché
Sirius Black to Cars 2: pete how would u feel abt modeling
Peter Pettigrew to The Lion King: funny
Peter Pettigrew: hard to get an acting job thats not typecast
Sirius Black: i’m srs
Sirius Black: i mean. u know what i mean
Peter Petitgrew: modelings fine. i’ve done some hand stuff
Sirius Black: sometimes when reg can’t make a job his agency will offer it to me
Sirius Black: and i told them i wouldn’t do it unless i could bring a friend
Peter Pettigrew: thanks... u didnt have to do that
Sirius Black: don’t make it weird peter just take the job
Sirius Black to Peter Does Hand Stuff: i’m handsome right
Sirius Black: like i am good looking
James Potter: tru
Remus Lupin: yeah
Sirius Black: then how did i get kicked off a photoshoot so they could take more pictures of pettigrew
Peter Pettigrew: dorcas said it was bc ur face is too unnatural
Peter Pettigrew: no one looks like that in real life
Sirius Black: i look like this in real life!!!
Peter Pettigrew: anyway dorcas told me they want me to be the face of the whole campaign which is cool
James Potter: that’s fantastic pete!!
Remus Lupin: Congrats Peter!
Sirius Black: i can’t believe u would sell me out
Peter Pettigrew: were all just trying to survive capitalism sirius
Sirius Black: so money is worth more than our friendship
James Potter: sirius u don’t even like modelling
Remus Lupin: Also you don’t need the money, you’ve got your inheritance and your radio work
Sirius Black: i like to know who has a price they can be bought for
Sirius Black: in case one of us ends up murdered
James Potter: walburga really fucked u up huh
Lily Potter to Put A Ring On It: R u on your way home?
James Potter to Crazy In Love: on the tube
James Potter: did u want takeaway again? bc i kno the chinese made u sick the other night so maybe i can just get u soup?
Lily Potter: No I’m fine I just wanted to know when you were coming back
Lily Potter: I have news
James Potter: tell me. the man beside me is cutting his hair and it’s getting on my trousers. i could do with good news
Lily Potter: I’ll tell u when ur home
James Potter: evans u can’t just dangle news in front of me like that and then take it away i demand answers
Lily Potter: It’s in-person news
James Potter: r we getting divorced? is this bc i said prefer 7/11 to formation
Lily Potter: That is definitely grounds for divorce but no
James Potter: lily ur worrying me. is everything ok???
James Potter: i’m gonna call
James Potter: i’m losing service hold on
Lily Potter: James we’re going to have another baby
James Potter: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
James Potter: i love you. i can’t hold u yet so i’m gonna hug the haircut man
Lily Potter: <3 <3 <3
James Potter: i may have just told him we’d name our baby after him how do u feel abt the name christobal
Lily Potter: Hard pass
James Potter: u said that abt me once and now i’ve impregnated u twice so i’m gonna tell him maybe
Lily Potter changed the chat name to Sirius Has Dibs.
Sirius Black: r u hitting on me evans
Sirius Black: u do realize ur husband is also on this chat. i mean i’m up for a menage a potter but what will we tell harry
Peter Pettigrew: james’s parents like adopted u this is definitely some kind of incest
Sirius Black: “Definitely Some Kind of Incest” is the black family motto
Remus Lupin: Tbh I’m surprised you don’t have a tail
Sirius Black: how do u kno that i don’t u don’t kno my life
Lily Potter: It’s good 2 know our children will have positive role models
James Potter: it’s too late for harry we’ll just have to get better friends with this one
Peter Pettigrew: ????????
Sirius Black: ur not
Sirius Black: U ARE
Remus Lupin: Congratulations?!
Sirius Black: UR HAVING A FETUS
Peter Pettigrew: BLIMEY CONGRATS
Remus Lupin: Wasn’t Harry born literally yesterday? You guys are like rabbits
Sirius Black: i can’t believe evans is ““in trouble”” again this is wild i bet it’s bc euphemia used all those metaphors while giving u the sex talk
James Potter: papa don’t preach
Sirius Black: i love it when u call me papa
Sirius Black: wait do i have dibs bc of.... u guys r disgusting
Lily Potter: Does that mean u don’t want dibs?
Sirius Black: NO I HAVE DIBS ON ALL POTTER CHILDREN NOW AND FOREVER THEY’RE GONNA BE MY ARMY TO FIGHT REMUS’S SECONDARY SCHOOL KIDS
Remus Lupin: I can’t in good conscience send eleven-year-olds to war but on the other hand you’re on
Peter Pettigrew: £5 on the fetus
Lily Potter: £1000 on the fetus Potter Progeny United
James Potter: this is why i married u
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