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whumpster-fire · 2 years ago

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How to Swear Like a Steam Engine (And Other Sentient Locomotive Slang)

If there’s one thing engines enjoy doing, it’s complaining and insulting each other, and they’ve developed their own slang to do it. Phrases like “fusspot,” “cinders and ashes!” and “bossy boiler” are common in the Railway Series, but there are many other terms.

The following list of phrases and expressions are commonly used by engines on American railroads, in particular on the Jefferson Great Divide Railway in the mountain west of the US. Some may be common in Sodor and the rest of Britain as well, others are specific to America. There are other lists on the internet documenting the various IRL slang used by human employees, and a lot of that is used by engines as well, but this is specifically the slang terms that were more or less developed within the locomotive subculture.

All Smoke and No Steam: All show and no substance. A person or engine who talks a good game or puts a lot of effort into appearing to be helpful but can’t back it up. An engine that’s making a huge cloud of smoke and a lot of noise looks impressive but if what’s coming out the smokestack is all smoke and no steam it’s not actually doing any work. Can also mean empty words or promises that won’t be fulfilled in the abstract.

“He’s all smoke and no steam!” = talks a good game, is all hat and no cattle, etc.

“That rule’s all smoke and no steam” can mean a rule isn’t / won’t be enforced, or that it will be enforced but it doesn’t actually make things better and is just a way of looking like something’s being done. E.g. “The new safety regulations are all smoke and no steam, management’s still going to come down harder for being late than for safety violations.”

“Their threats are all smoke and no steam” (when referring to customers/clients/workers) = they complain loudly but they’re not actually going to do anything like stop buying tickets, or ship freight by other means, or quit, or strike.

Amtrash: Derogatory term for Amtrak and its engines, used by freight railroad engines. Amtrak is the USA’s quasi-nationalized long-distance passenger rail network. Most of the track it runs on is owned by other railroads which are freight-only, and there’s quite a bit of resentment between them. See also: Useless Pacific, Nofucks Southern, Satan Fe, All Trains Smell Funny, Borington Northern, Misery Pacific, Criminally Slow and X-pensive, Southern Pathetic, Big Nasty Stupid Fuckers. The US only had its railroads forced into a Get Along T-shirt for like three years and that was during WWI-era, so there are a lot of rivalries between different railroads there.

Ballast Plow: A large truck, especially a flatbed, that stalls at a crossing – because if it gets hit it’s likely to bend around the engine’s front and be dragged down the track instead of getting thrown aside, digging into the embankment and scattering ballast everywhere.

Buckled Rail: A buckled rail (usually happens due to thermal expansion of the track in a heatwave) is at a minimum extremely painful to run over and can often damage engines or rolling stock and derail trains. “I need that like a buckled rail!”

Cattle Cars / Cattle: Derogatory term for a passenger train / passengers, particularly unruly and annoying passengers. Engines aren’t supposed to say this within earshot of passengers (and coaches get offended too).

Cowboy / Car Wrangler / Rodeo Clown: Shunter/switcher engines. Definitely popularized in the American West.

Did you fill your Tender/Bunker from the Ash Pit?: Ash doesn’t burn and would make a mess all over the cab. Basically translates to “Who pissed in your cornflakes?”Can also refer to an engine who has no steam or energy.

“Did you fill your bunker from the ash pit this morning? You’ve done nothing but complain and insult everyone all day!”

“Did you fill your tender from the ash pit today? I might as well be pulling this train by myself!”

Did They Fill Your Tender With Rocks?: Less profane version of the above.

Drink Hard Water: Hard water, i.e. water with lots of mineral content, is not good for a steam engine because mineral deposits (boiler sludge and scale) can accumulate in the boiler and other plumbing and be very uncomfortable / difficult to clean out.

“Go drink hard water!” = Go jump in a lake / go to hell / go fuck yourself. Basically “go somewhere else and have a miserable time while you’re there.”

“I’d rather drink hard water!” or “That’s like drinking hard water!” = Hell No.

Dry Crownsheet: VERY strong expression meaning an engine is tired or frustrated to the breaking point and about to lose their temper. “My crownsheet’s dry” could be compared to “I’m going to blow a fuse” or “Blow my stack” but that doesn’t cover the intensity. The crownsheet is the top of a locomotive’s firebox, and allowing the water level in the boiler to drop low enough that the crownsheet is exposed can cause it to overheat, weaken, and fail, which is a common cause of boiler explosions. If that weren’t bad enough water suddenly being reintroduced to an overheated crown sheet can flash to steam and cause a catastrophic pressure spike. Blowing a fuse means a safety mechanism has activated to prevent catastrophe. A steam locomotive with a dry crownsheet means the safety mechanisms have already failed and is on the verge of a devastating explosion. Used figuratively, means an engine has run out of ability to cope with stress and is one more tiny irritation away from taking it out on whoever’s unlucky enough to have added the proverbial final straw, or just anyone nearby, without regard to consequences for themselves.

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t your fault. He rolled into the yard with his crownsheet dry” = He wasn’t angry because of you, he was already angry and something was going to set him off sooner or later.

“Listen, I got a dry crownsheet from my last train. If any of you cars start anything I’m about ready to jump the track into the river and pull you all along with me.”

“Please just get me out of this station! My crownsheet’s about dry and if I have to hear the passengers complaining I don’t think I can take it!”

Find a Scrapyard: This basically means “Kill yourself,” so… not a very nice thing to say.

Fire Me Dry: Basically equivalent to “Fuck me” as an expression of exasperation. If an engine’s fire was lit with no water in the boiler at all, it might not cause an explosion but would still destroy the firebox. Apparently Furness Railway No. 1 was severely damaged and later scrapped due to this.

Flatlanders: Insult used on many mountain railways to make fun of engines and crews from plains regions who aren’t used to running the difficult routes.

“Boy, if those flatlanders think one in one-twenty’s a hill, I can’t wait to see ‘em coming up the pass!”

“They way some of these flatlanders talk you’d think you can’t climb anything over 1% without cog wheels.”

General Sherman, Sherman’s Army, Sherman’s Necktie: Refers to “Sherman’s Neckties,” a tactic of destroying sections of rail by heating them and twisting or bending them until they were unusable. This phrase is pretty much US-specific, and likely originated with engines used in the US Civil War picking up the term from humans, but has spread to subsequent generations of engines who often weren’t taught the historical context and only knew that Sherman was a man who commanded an army and destroyed a lot of railroad track. General Sherman and his army have become almost folkloric figures that various causes of track wear and failure are attributed to, sort of like Jack Frost. Can also refer to incompetent track maintenance / rough and poorly maintained track, or to the crews and vehicles responsible for it. Though they sometimes use the term for an engine who’s particularly hard on the rails or otherwise damages the track.

“That crew really did a General Sherman of a job with these rails.” = Sarcastically saying the maintenance crew made the rails even worse.

“Be careful at that junction, it’s a real Sherman’s Necktie.”

“Ouch! Who laid these ties, General Sherman?”

“That new road-rail’s a real General Sherman. Take any track he’s been over slow or you might break an axle.”

“Hey, General Sherman, try checking a switch is set right before you barge into it.”

“In case you’re wondering why the spur’s been closed all day, General Sherman over here spun his wheels ‘til he damn near hit ballast.” (Diesels in multiple unit operation can occasionally spin their wheels on a stopped train for so long they grind/melt halfway through the rails)

“They ought to put you in a siding and necktie the rails” (similar to “They should lock you up and throw away the key)

“Keep an eye on the track ahead of you: General Sherman’s hard at work on days like this” = a warning given in very hot weather that could cause buckling of the rails.

Getting the Rails Painted: A euphemism for a person or animal being run over by a train. Alternately: “Paint my wheels” or “Paint my pilot.” Obviously no sane engine wants this to happen but some engines use this phrase as gallows humor between each other. Occasionally said to humans who break safety rules by a furious engine.

“What the hell are you doing walking between moving freight cars? You almost painted the rails back there!”

“I heard they got the rails painted at the 58th Street Crossing?” “Yeah. From what I heard, poor guy must’ve been drunk and fell asleep on the tracks. They didn’t say whose train it was but Robbie’s been in the shed all week.”

“Some idiot ducked under the crossing gates on a bike and just about painted my pilot.”

“I got my pilot painted by a herd of deer yesterday. I swear, once they get on the track they must think they’re a train, they just run along it!”

Go Get Your Ash Pan Raked: Removing the ash that collects under an engine’s firebox could be considered the closest steam engine equivalent to using the bathroom, but the connotations aren’t quite the same. Cleaning out the ash pan is a task firemen hate, so telling an engine to get their ash pan raked basically means “Go be someone else’s problem for a while (instead of mine)” Basically translates to "Fuck off."

Hotbox / Hot Axle: A hotbox or hot axle is an overheating axle and/or bearing box, usually on rolling stock but sometimes on engines. “One hot axle stops a train” is a common proverb that means a small missed detail can cause a massive inconvenience or impediment – compare to “For want of a nail” or “One bad apple spoils the barrel.” It doesn’t matter how many cars are on a train, a single hotbox can force the entire thing to stop until the problem is fixed. In slang use, of course, a hotbox can refer to anything small and seemingly irrelevant that manages to cause a disproportionate amount of annoyance, delay, or wasted time. It could be a physical object, a rule or procedure or an event. It is also a common insult: sometimes directed at engines, but more often at people or other vehicles. It basically means “killjoy” or “wet blanket,” with a specific connotation of “You and your opinion aren’t important but you are holding everyone else back / ruining things for everyone by making a ton of noise.” Common examples of hotboxes include an overly officious inspector or manager, a broken down road vehicle blocking a grade crossing, a track maintenance crew that’s working slowly and blocking multiple trains, a small weather event that still sometimes manages to delay everything, or an unruly passenger who causes an entire train to be stopped on their account (or unsuccessfully demands it be).

“Sorry I’m so late. Some drunk hotbox picked a fight with the conductor and the cops had to drag him off the train.”

“Will you quit being such a hot axle? Everyone else is enjoying the roundhouse party, if you don’t like it just sleep outside!”

“They’d better fix those jammed points soon, they’re hotboxing the whole damn yard!” (note: the use of "hotbox" as a verb among engines probably predates the drug usage)

Icicles In My Smokebox: Hyperbolic complaining about cold weather. There are many parts of a steam engine that are susceptible to things freezing where they shouldn’t, such as the feed hoses from the tender, water tanks, and possibly journal boxes and other running gear could feel stiff and numb if the oil gets cold enough. Naturally, when engines are complaining about the cold they’ll claim the hottest parts of them, which have absolutely no chance of freezing while their fire is lit, are freezing. Other variants include “Frost in my flues,” “If they put ice cream in my firebox it wouldn’t melt,” and “Cold enough to freeze your smoke halfway up the stack,” and “So cold a snowman could fire me all day long” (standing next to a firebox door shoveling coal is hot work, if it’s that cold in the cab it’s pretty darn cold)

Idiot Siding: Off the rails, specifically a safety siding where the rails end in a sand or gravel bed, or wherever a train that runs over trap points / catch points / derailers gets sent. These devices intentionally derail an uncontrolled or runaway train to prevent it from obstructing a main line or endangering people further down the track. If a train ends up here either somebody didn’t check the switch alignment, moved when they weren’t supposed to, or lost control of their train, hence the name.

If it gets any hotter my fireman’s gonna be out of a job: Hyperbolic complaining about the weather – implying that the heat of the sun on an engine’s boiler is enough to raise steam without them needing a fire.

In My Cab: Sarcastic way of saying another engine (usually) or a non-crew human is being bossy, or controlling and/or micromanaging, or giving advice on things that are none of their business. Basically meaning “You’re acting like you think you’re my driver.”

“Get out of my cab, I can sort these cars how I want!”

“Manager’s been in my cab all week.”

“Who let you in my cab?”

“Yeah, sure thing. Hey, while you’re up there in my cab, why don’tcha polish my gauges?”

Lionel Lines / Lionels: Derogatory term for narrow-gauge railways and trains, named after the popular brand of toy and model trains. Visitors to the JGD are strongly advised to NOT use this term around the resident standard-gauge engines. They are very protective of their narrow-gauge friends due to certain incidents in the past.

No Ashpan: e.g. “You’ve been running with no ashpan all day” or “He ain’t got no ashpan.” The ash pan is a tray underneath a steam engine’s firebox that collects ash and cinders that fall through the grates. An engine with no ashpan would leave a trail of red-hot cinders everywhere it went, which could be scattered by the wind from a train at speed, starting fires around the track – especially in the dry climate where the JGD is! Basically it means someone leaves a trail of destruction wherever they go. This is a very strong way of calling someone clumsy or incompetent (as in “You fuck up everything you touch”). It can also be used to refer to someone who’s rude, tactless, cruel, or toxic.

Pulling With Your Regulator: Wasting effort, doing more work than you need to. A steam engine’s power can be controlled using the regulator/throttle (reducing available steam pressure / flow rate to the valves) or by using the valve gear control (the “Johnson Bar”) to reduce the amount of time the valves are open. Controlling power and speed using the Johnson Bar (admitting small amounts of high-pressure steam into the cylinders) is more efficient than using the throttle (letting lots of low-pressure steam into the cylinders).

“Sure, you could shunt those cars like that, but you’ll be pulling with your regulator. Those grain hoppers are going out tomorrow morning and you’ll have to get ‘em out from behind everything else.”

Put on a Liquid Diet: A coal-fired or wood-fired steam engine being converted to an oil burner.

Rolling Dumpster: Insulting term for a tender. Not like a slur against tender engines, in fact it’s probably mostly tender engines who use it. E.g. “Why don’t you get that rolling dumpster off that siding and do some work for once?”

Sand in my fire and coal on my wheels: An engine feeling sick, confused, or discombobulated. Ironically oil-fired engines do actually periodically get sand thrown in their fire to clean their tubes out.

Scalding: Yelling at someone, dressing them down, treating them with cruelty. Engines can’t be physically scalded, but they know the meaning from the injuries that escaping steam can cause to humans.

“I’m sick of that stationmaster. He scalded me and my crew for running two minutes behind schedule without even asking why!”

“Geez, ask a simple question, get a scalding.”

“If that switchman isn’t fired tonight, he’ll wish he had been after the scalding I give him next time he see him. Throwing a train onto a siding at that speed could’ve derailed me, not to mention if there’d been a train there!"

Slug: Someone who blindly follows orders with no initiative or independent thought, or a yes-man or toadie. Used by diesels. A slug is an extra motor unit that can be coupled to a diesel-electric engine that draws excess power from it to provide extra traction while shunting, but a slug is not alive in the same way that tenders aren’t alive.

“Oh, company policy says, the rulebook says – quit being such a slug and live a little!”

“Yeah, the guy’s just Bernie’s slug. Always following him around hoping to be noticed. Pathetic.”

Smoke out the Stack: Similar to Water Under the Bridge. Expression meaning something’s in the past and no longer relevant.

“Hey, sorry about this morning.” “Ahh, don’t worry, that’s smoke out the stack."

Squishies: A very rude way of referring to careless yard workers and light road or rail vehicles, as well as people who trespass on tracks.

Sugar in My Fuel Tank: An unpleasant surprise. Originated in petrol-powered vehicles, but spread to diesel locomotives even though sugar in a diesel tank doesn’t really cause that much damage.

Teakettle: Insulting term for steam engines, especially small ones.

Tender-first: Doing something totally wrong, i.e. Ass-backwards. This one translates very literally. A tender engine running backwards can’t see very well and neither can its crew.

This Train’s Leaving. You can be on it, beside it, or under it: Means “My mind is made up. You can either help or leave me alone, but if you get in the way there’s going to be serious trouble.”

Thrown: Throwing a switch is what changing it from one direction to another is called, but when an engine talks about getting thrown it means being switched in an unexpected or unwanted direction, particularly at high speed. Like other types of sentient vehicle engines need a human operator to move with full control, but they also run on rails and cannot “steer.” In essence a train moves in one dimension while a car or boat moves in two and an aircraft moves in three. Even the most free-spirited engines don’t usually truly want the ability to go any which way: they like the certainty and predictability of knowing where moving forward will take them. However, engines do value the limited autonomy they do have. An engine can’t control itself without a driver, but as anyone who’s read the Railway Series will know, it is extremely difficult to move an unwilling engine. Thomas and James had runaway incidents because they were either trying to move without a driver on purpose or didn’t realize there was no one at the controls, and once they had made the choice to let themselves start moving, they couldn’t change the state of their controls by themselves. But an engine won’t move without their consent. Switches are a different matter. An engine is reliant on someone outside the cab to set the points, and being sent down the “wrong track” against their will feels very violating to many engines in a way that being physically pushed or pulled by another vehicle doesn’t. It’s like being manhandled. There is an expectation that switch operators follow the instructions of either an engine, their crew, or the dispatcher or yardmaster who is expected to tell the engine in advance where they are supposed to go. It’s also physically a jarring and unpleasant out-of-control feeling for an engine even when traveling at a safe speed – basically the train equivalent of going up or down a staircase and expecting another step that isn’t there, or suddenly hydroplaning or hitting a patch of ice in a car, or having your feet start to slide out from under you. And it’s often downright dangerous, either because a train is moving too fast for the curve of the switch and is derailed or because it’s sent into a collision on the other track or off the end of a siding (e.g. the Flying Kipper crash). Engines being engines, the term is also used hyperbolically to complain about an abrupt change of routing or scheduling with little warning, e.g. “Well, nobody told us about the special using my regular platform, until the last signal, they just threw me to Platform Five!” or “Today’s ore train was late. Dispatch gave them the tunnel instead of me so they didn’t have to stop going uphill, but I didn’t hear about it until they threw me on the passing siding!” It can also be used figuratively, similar to “thrown off track” or “thrown off,” to describe an unpleasant surprise or failure of communication.

Traveling In Style: Slang for a vehicle, especially a locomotive, being transported on a flatbed.

Tubes in a Twist / Knot: Expression of an engine (or human) being irritated, or feeling sick.

“What’s gt your tubes in a twist this morning?”

“That’ll put a knot in the foreman’s tubes for sure!”

“Are you feeling okay? You look like you’ve got a knot in your tubes!”

Turf Train: Affectionate term for farm tractors pulling multiple trailers or appliances.

Turn Your Grates: Implying that an engine has a buildup of ash on their firebox grates that is preventing their fire from getting enough air – almost always used figuratively to imply the engine’s mind is clogged with useless thoughts or strong emotions that are keeping them from thinking clearly. Or that they’re just being an idiot.

“Turn your grates before you run your mouth” = Think before you speak, in particular about whether you’re coming from a place of emotion or bias.

“Turn your grates and look at the track” = You have your mind on something other than what you’re doing, stop thinking about that and concentrate.

“Your cars are right on Spur 7 like I told you, turn your grates and look again!”

“I know the last diesel who visited was rude, but let’s turn our grates and keep an open mind about the new ones.”

Yoopers and Burlies: These are JGD-specific slang. The railroad connects to two major interstate railroads, Union Pacific and the Burlington Northern and Santa Fe Railway (BNSF). At some point some engine heard about the word “Yooper” to describe people from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, decided to start calling engines and employees from Union Pacific this, and the name stuck. “Burlies” are BNSF engines. Prior to the 1995 merge of Burlington Northern and the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway, the term was used for Burlington Northern, but there wasn’t really a term for Santa Fe engines other than “Santas” or “S-Fs.” A few engines tried to get “Reindeer” adopted as a term but it never caught on. Yoopers and Burlies are common on the JGD because both railways have trackage rights on one or more of its major routes.

You Got Your Valve Gear Backwards On the Left Side: Steam locomotives reverse by using their valve gear to change the timing of their valves. If one somehow had its valve gear operating backwards on one side, one cylinder would be trying to go in reverse and the other forward and it wouldn’t get anywhere. Used figuratively to mean “You’re sabotaging yourself” or “You’re the cause of your own problems.” Mostly used by older engines.

#Railway Series Fandom #TTTE fandom #worldbuilding #JGD Lore

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jgroffdaily · 1 year ago

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Your intrepid team of JGD-ers are currently in the Big Apple, the home of Broadway, New York City! And, as if that wasn’t exciting enough, tonight we got to watch our very own reason for (online) existence, Mr Jonathan Drew Groff, strutting his (*frank*ly awesome) stuff in Merrily We Roll Along, at the Hudson Theatre on 44th Street, NYC!

For those who are unaware, Jonathan Groff Daily is made up of a team of two who live on literally opposite sides of the world - one in Australia and one in the UK. And while that allows for excellent coverage of breaking news (there is always at least one of us awake!), it has somewhat hindered our attempts to meet in real life - not helped by the pandemic that was raging at the time that we first “met”, three years ago.

Until now! In fact, until Wednesday of this week, when we both checked into the same hotel (all meticulously planned; not serendipity), into rooms directly above/below one another (that bit was serendipity), and began our NYC adventure together!

After a great deal of chatting, and far too much walking (and one inadvertent trip to Long Island City - nobody should ever leave me in charge of navigation!), tonight was the night for us to see the show together (in fact, my partner in crime had already seen it, last week, but this was our first time as a team).

First I should mention the theatre (this particular one is spelt that way, despite being in America - I’m not 100% sure why). It is so beautiful and elegant, and provides a wonderful setting in which the show can unfold.

And oh my goodness, what a show it is! As you will have all seen from the various glowing reviews online (with more surely to come next week, once the press embargo is lifted) this is an absolute tour de force and it was a such a privilege and a pleasure to watch this fabulous cast being utterly and completely fabulous.

First, of course, our boy. Well, we knew he could act. We knew he could sing. We knew he was prone to spit a little while doing both of those things. And all of that was also 100% true tonight!

I won’t include any spoilers in this review/ramble, as I hope that many of you will also get the chance to see it in person.

As you may have noticed, we try to keep this account relatively sober and professional (well, as sober and professional as a fan account on Tumblr can truly be, I guess!). However, as the more emotional one in our pairing, and in deference to this very special occasion, I don’t mind admitting that when Jonathan first came on stage I was all a-flutter. I haven’t seen him live and in person before, and I think I spent the first 8-10 minutes with the knuckles of my left hand in my mouth.

As you will all have seen in the press photos, etc, he spends almost the entire show wearing black trousers and a white button down shirt, and it’s a great look on him (but then, what isn’t?!). Without getting too excited here in “public”, on this jointly-run account, I will just say that his legs go on for miles and miles, and his giant hands stand out beautifully against the monochrome outfit.

And, again without spoilers, as he walked down to the very front of the stage and stared out, unseeing, over the heads of the audience, the drama behind him crescendoed and tears glittered in his eyes. At less than ten minutes in, I knew then that we were in the safest of safe (giant) hands, and yet, at the same time, our emotions were going to be played like fiddles.

(Speaking of which, the orchestra, tucked away in an “upstairs room”on the set, were absolutely sublime.)

The show rocks along really well, with honestly no weak performances at all. The ensemble are incredible and one thing that we really admired about this version was the way in which they all seemed to have been given permission to allow elements of their personalities to shine through. Although most of the supporting actors play multiple characters, and those are by no means interchangeable, I still felt that, to a good extent, I was also watching individuals who I knew and cared about from the start.

I must confess that I found that I couldn’t take my eyes off Lindsay whenever she was on stage (which did feel a little like a betrayal, when I was literally wearing a “Jgroffdaily” pin badge 🙄!) - she is just mesmerising: funny, sad, expressive, sympathetic and just a tiny bit broken by life and love. For those who have seen the full London version of the show on YouTube, I felt that this Mary was far less brittle, even from the first scenes, when she could otherwise come across as hard to love. The warmth, humour and humanity of the character came out in spades in Lindsay’s performance, and I was truly floored by her - to the extent that, during the whole of the one song that she sings with Jonathan and Katie Rose, I got to the end and realised that I had been watching solely her throughout, despite the fact that my reason for leaving my family behind (for five days, not forever!) and flying 3,000 miles to NYC, was 12 feet to the right of her on stage. (We are going again on Saturday - I need to make sure that I keep my eyes on Jonathan next time!).

Daniel is also just so good. His American accent is (to my British ears) impeccable, and he has great comic timing and physical comedy. His voice is fantastic, too, and he does an outstanding job with Franklin Shepherd Inc. All in all, I was incredibly impressed by Dan and thought that he more than held his own in the show.

My only slight criticism of the show (which is no reflection whatsoever on the actors) is that I would have liked a little longer to sit with one particularly tragic moment in Act One. Despite being a person who is shaky, giggly and butterflies-in-the-stomach-y at the simple sight of her hero stepping onto a stage, it takes me a few minutes to build up to proper crying, and I felt that I was jolted out of that feeling a little too quickly by the friends’ singing in an attempt to cheer up their heartbroken friend.

Katie Rose and Krystal Joy both had really difficult jobs to do, particularly Katie who is dropped into the show immediately before having to act in a very challenging, emotional scene. Both were stunning and their voices just soared, although Katie’s also cracked with emotion when it needed to, which was incredibly effective and moving.

The little boy who played Frank Junior at tonight’s performance was excellent, and got a lot of love from the audience. As the parent of a seven year old myself, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him and his family to be juggling these late nights and, to be honest, quite a bit of sitting around during the show itself - and all at the age of only just five. They are all doing a great job.

And now for Jonathan. My (our) lovely Jonathan. Well, he absolutely smashed this whole performance right out of the park and over the East River. His voice was impeccable. His acting, as always, was moving, deft and brilliant - and that in a show where, although he is undoubtedly the “lead” character (whatever the order of the names above the title may suggest…), he spends a lot of time staring off stage or standing, stunned, as various other characters shout at him / flirt with him / cry hysterically over him. He does that so well (and if that doesn’t sound like damning with faint praise, I don’t know what does - in my defence it is now past 1am and my body clock thinks it is 6am!).

Potentially controversial point here: I felt that, during a-song-that-will-remain-nameless-for-spoiler-related-reasons (in Act One), Jonathan was not playing the piano himself (ie it was being played by the orchestra, and other instruments then come in behind it), but during Good Thing Going and Who Wants to Live in New York in Act Two, it *was* him playing. It is, however, incredibly hard to tell due to the placement of the piano on the stage, and I would be very interested to hear what others think on this topic.

Overall the show was just stunning. The audience seemed very engaged throughout, and it seems that they were also paying attention, judging by the gasps and laughs at later call-backs to earlier scenes. As he was signing autographs after the show, Dan said that it had been a great audience tonight (he might say that every night, of course!).

I am so glad that I will get to see it again at Saturday’s matinee, as I am sure that there were so many details and nuances (and entire performances of beautiful songs - sorry, Jonathan!) that I missed this time around.

Just a note on the stage door situation. It was all very organised and calm; much more so than I had expected. Dan came along the line to his waiting car, autographing playbills and taking selfies with people as he went, and he seemed just adorable and so pleasant and friendly with everyone. From what I could see, everyone was very respectful and polite, and everyone who wanted something signed seemed to get it. At one point someone shouted out that Merrily is their favourite ever show, and Daniel took time to pick her out of the crowd and thank her personally, saying that they all find it a privilege to be in the show.

Jonathan and Lindsay did not stage door tonight, but apparently “sneaked out the front” (as, of course, they are fully entitled to do). As I don’t think he is likely to come to see the fans at the stage door following a matinee performance, I suspect that I won’t now get a chance to show Jonathan my “jgroffdaily” pin badge - which he may think is for the best!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, Steven Sater was in the audience tonight, sitting behind and to the right of us. I’m sure that he was bursting with pride, to see Jonathan shine as bright as he does.

#merrily we roll along #jonathan groff #daniel radcliffe #lindsay mendez

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