#jesus how long is this have i just been stream of.concioisness for an hour?

[razzleberryjam]

Neurotypicals are weird, they think everyone is just like me, but at the same time, they are also above everyone else.

I say "you get paid way more because you are a physically fit large male, you have a high labor value" and he says

"Anyone can do it, you just have to be willing to sit here for 12 hours a day, 72 hours a week" which first of all, literally being able to be at work for 72 hours a week is not something anyone can do, I would say that is actually something very little people are capable of doing and honestly, but I know he also works with heavy materials and in high temperatures, so I say

"I throw up and pass out from standing in the sun in summer too long, I could not do that work" so he says

"Women work in the lab, and they get paid more" which again, they undoubtedly have education to be doing that work, he's only in line for that promotion because he has education to be doing thay work. No one else on the factory floor is being promoted to lab work without a biology degree like you are, like can you not accept that there are things that have helped you? You HAVE to believe you are the same as everyone else. But because you're stronger, smarter and work harder, thats why YOU are doing better, nothing else. I think that's really why people can't examine their privilege, because you can have privileges in a shitty life.

I had a hard time with it myself as a child, because all around me was abuse, neglect, trauma, and suffering. We were dirt poor, Appalachian poverty, hungry, parents are divorced but they won't work together, mama's at work and my older sisters flew the coop at 18, so I'm 8 and left to care for myself and my 6 year old brother. I doubt it's an uncommon story, knowing how easy it is for families to be ground up in the system.

You know, it was genuinely stressful, in highschool we learned about privilege through the lens of an AP English curriculum, they don't teach progressive stuff like that in standard courses - I remember my ap history teacher complaining about how whitewashed even her honors course curriculum was, despite the fact that standard and honors courses, in a school that was 85% minority students and 15% asian and white, were largely made up of black and Hispanic students while in AP courses there were a handful of black students and a single Pakistani girl. (Also I know that Asian people are minorities but when comparing racial demographics to economic status, it was often American Asians who mingled with upper-class white students while first generation Filipino-Americans/other Asian people who were more recently migrated mingled with lower-class white students and other races. (Class is used in economic terms. Also this is all my anecdotal perspective from my community which I grew up in taking into account both school cliques as well as bus route/neighborhood information to determine affluence of family and mingling)

I forget my point, but I think it was something like, it was upsetting because I would have to read about privilege from privileged liberals who can't take any accountability in their perspective of any of their own privilege. From my perspective, I was a child. A tiny, white child, who was in a basement, fighting and shouting above me while I'm doing homework. I have no clothes to wear to school tomorrow because it had been raining for 2 weeks and we couldn't do laundry without sun to dry our clothes. We had no dryer, we had never had a dryer. So here I am, reading an article I'm trying to understand, written by an adult who is telling me that I have an undoubtedly more privileged life than him because of one aspect of our lives. It made me angry, and I think that anger is fair, and it's what a lot of working class people feel. I think I could have easily been swept into the alt right pipeline had I less critical thinking skills. I used to really enjoy watching sargon of akkad, I haven't watched him since 2016. I enjoyed his news segments at first because he sounded intelligent, he used articles and studies to say things that were fair. I didn't like that being gay was so politicized, I just wanted to be gay and for it to just be all everyone's own personal business - not in a don't ask don't tell way, but in a bearded lady walks down the street holding hands with a pregnant man and no one bats an eye. So when I watched his videos, he seemed to have a stoic perspective on everything, which I enjoyed.

I mentioned a Pakistani girl, she was my best friend from 7th through 12th grade. I loved her very much, she was the oldest sibling and the first born in America to her parents who immigrated from Pakistan. I thought she was the most beautiful woman when we we grew up but she was, not devout, but devoted to Islam. They had a prayer clock in their home, which was beautiful btw. I loved going over there, her dad had painted her bedroom pink and she had beautiful traditional dresses and tons of makeup. Her family actually had a decent amount of money due to her father's work. Her mother would cook delicious meals and call me habibi, she said I was beautiful and she was very sweet. I loved them all honestly, it was upsetting that my parents didn't like them because they were Islamic. When I watched Sargon of akkad, it would eventually become a time when England, where he lives, was under pressure to take in a large influx of refugees while conservatives lashed out with Islamophobia. When I listened to him talk about Islam, I thought this sounds terrible. I was raised Southern Baptist, and quite interested in biblical mythology. My friend and I would take long walks through her neighborhood, I could walk there from my neighborhood, they were nearby but hers was much nicer due to the fact that I lived in an older section 8 neighborhood. We would walk and talk about religion, exchanging ideas about Islam and Christianity. It was then that I realized that Islam is no different than Christianity, save for the fact that Christians stopped with Jesus for the belief that he is the son of God, whereas Muslims see Jesus as a prophet of God and continue their mythology in abrahamic fashion. I'm sure it's not just that simple, but that's as far as we got as highschoolers when comparing our two religions. And she wasn't incompatible with western culture as he says, not anymore than Christians raised with homophobia or sexism. She wasn't fundamentally different from me. She didn't not want to be my friend because I believed Jesus was the son of God, though she did jokingly tell me I could be a perfect Muslim if I just stopped believing that and read the Qur'an lol

I dont remember what the point was again, but I remember just shutting my laptop, straight up. I was like this guy sucks. He was basically saying my friend and her family shouldn't live here because of their religion. Which is bullshit. This community is ultra religious, and this is America- where you should be allowed to believe whatever religion you want. I never watched his videos again, and honestly I think that if you grew up in a similar state of abject poverty, but in a more intensely white area, it would probably be extremely easy to fall into that pipeline. You have so much anger and discomfort and frustration growing up, you know that the system is broken but you're uneducated - by that system - so you don't know what's causing it. And if you don't have experiences with people of other perspectives growing up - like I was blessed enough to experience growing up in a diverse community - its probably really easy to just believe what they're saying to you, and once it's ingrained, it's probably really hard to sand out.

I'm thankful that as a child I got to play and dance and sing with Mercedez, Vandreece, Martin, Fabian, Gracie, Daniella, Abraham, Joe, and Stephen. I'm thankful that I grew up with my sister and her husband's family, Maria, Cindy, Jennifer, Odilon, and the tios and the cousins and the tias and the babies. I'm thankful for all my friends who shaped who I am, James and Hefer. Isra and Andy, My first loves. Ceasar, and Stephen, and TJay and Joey, Owen, Tyric, and Diana and Tommy and Sadiq. I'm thankful for everyone I met, Martin (a different one lol), and Marcus and Sam, and Chris, Riki, Brandon, Val, Faustino, Chloe, Christian, Cameron and Derek. I always remember my childhood as having no friends, because a lot of my life has been colored by loneliness and emptiness. But my life has been filled with people, who come and go, who have given me so much to take with me. When I look at where everyone who I knew as children have gone as adults, I can clearly see how privilege has affected us all.

Take 3 people, Mercedez, myself, and my long time partner. We all grew up in the same neighborhood, the neighborhood had 4 sections, 2 sections were largely made up of section 8 housing, and as we got older that would expand into sections 3 and 4. I lived in what we'll call section 2. Section 1 is where all of my best friends lived, including mercedez who I was closest to. We were both wild and crazy kids. Fabian actually lived in section 1 though. But anyways I wasn't allowed to ride my bike into "section 1" because my parents knew that's where I was going to visit my black friends who they did not approve of. So I used to sneak across the woods to get to section 1 therefore "not riding my bike into section 1" so not technically breaking a rule.

Anyways, I dont remember the point, but I graduated next to mercedez because of our last names. I hadn't really talked to her since we were in elementary school. As we got older, I was pushed (or pulled) into honors and ap classes whereas, not uncommonly Mercedez ended up taking mostly standard or honors courses (I can't explain it now but it's basically like my parents used to use the demographics of the school to say that black kids were dumber but its like no white kids are systematically enrolled into higher level courses of education because they're perceived as smarter, thereby given more education to the point where they're only "smarter" on test scores because the education system has funneled all of its resources into exclusively educating students who's parents have the time/etc. To educate their children at home, push them into harder courses, etc. That is more common in Asian and upper class white households)

So its like, for my husband, who is a white male from a fairly low trauma household with moderate affluence, and has struggled with mental illness - he has a 2 year degree and makes 32+ an hour

I am a white autistic genderless female from a high abuse/high neglect household in poverty, I have multiple disabilities which would end up combining with low family support and abysmal levels of poverty to ultimately end my time at college very short. I had the raw intelligence and determination to blast through primary school despite hardships caused by autism/etc. But when it came down to college, I ultimately couldn't afford it. I had almost a full ride, I didn't owe them any money but I only had 300$ in my bank account for the entire semester without a meal plan. So I would ultimately slowly starve and begin failing classes as i spiraled into intense anxiety and depression. I lost 60 lbs from august-may when I dropped out a week before finals.

I dont remember the point of the story but I landed on my feet, on the edge of my cliff, I have a place to live, I rent a trailer by myself, I work and make 14$ an hour, and I love month to month and often have to borrow money from my husband.

I dont know what mercedez is doing now, but at graduation I remember she wasn't going to college, and granted I didn't finish college, but I doubt she's anywhere better than me, and if she is I'm honestly thankful and happy for her to be blessed like that.

I don't know that the point of any of this was, I know it was long, but well I guess I've just been thinking about life and human beings lately and it's making me, not sad but maybe melancholic. I just feel that there is so much wrong in the world, and I want to change it I want to show people who are distraught something in this world that I find beautiful, that maybe they might find beautiful too. I want to find joy and wonder, and I want to share it and experience it with other people. I want people to see each other and recognize the hardships we all share. I want to come together as a community, to rebuild and reform a stronger society. I want to share and to give and to celebrate. I want to be able to live without stress, I want others to be able to do that to. I want to partake in the arts, in song and dance. I know every human finds wonder and joy in something. Even nazis were moved by symphonies. Even Conservatives will turn their head at a sketch, in awe of the talent that could create such simple beauty as black ink sketched on white paper to reveal a woman's face. We are human beings, and human beings are animals. Technology does not remove us from animals, technology does not advance us beyond them, or take us farther than this Earth's crust, the dust from which we were all born.

We are not a blight on this planet, we are of it.

We need to care for the beauty and miracles of this nature as well as eachother,

to nurture is in our nature and it is only propaganda which has polarized our people apart and propagated this culture war of selfishness and rugged individuality to the point of the destruction of our nation and all civilization. And if this is my manifesto I hope that it can manifest some civil unrest amongst the working class so that we can rise past our prejudices and push by all the lies that they gaslit us to believe into leaving eachother behind so we can stop all of the infighting and rise to the size of an unstoppable high tide to wash away the grand banks and redistribute the sand back into the pockets of the everyman, call me Dale throwing pocket sand in your eyes and im running up on the times, don't need to carry a 9 cause I lunge for the thighs and use my power-hungry bite to take a chunk out of Elon musk, don't even let up as I grit my teeth into his artery, don't mind me I'm just giving him a taste of his own medicine, sucking on the blood of the lower men, now who's lower then? I've been starved for too long and I don't even know if this is a song and I dont care if it's wrong cause now I'm running up on Bezos on the phone cause his neck is unprotected with his hand holding his iPhone 11 up to the side of his Bald head and I headbutt him but he doesn't go down as easy, he's been training for this since he got queasy when he heard me say I eat meat, now he's been in the dojo learning Tai kwon do to self defend himself from his reckless selfish actions but im feral Jeffy I don't fight with style I just fuckin bite down on the neck of a nasty rich prick and rip his jugular out for dinner then I lick the blood off my lips and take a sip of water to wash down the taste of your vile body its like bile don't know how anybody could be so damn evil, but here we are you little weasel im a bobcat and it's hunting season.