#jesus christ. like three hours ago it was under 6k

[antisocialxconstruct]

is this why random people keep following me today

[philthepegacornfics]

Stained Hearts

Michael Clifford x Reader

Summary: What happens when Michael tells his FWB he loves her?

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, implied sex, mentions of past abuse, angst

Word Count: 6k

A/N: @galcalirwin​ and I wrote this together! What inspired it was a conversation we had about the songs “i love you” by Billie Eilish and “Why Won’t You Love Me?” by 5 Seconds of Summer.

~Michael���s POV~

“Fuck!” I giggled, rolling onto my back, tucking my arms under my head.

“That good, huh?” she giggled with me, snuggling into my side.

“Always,” I murmured, moving my hand to run my fingers through her hair. “Gonna miss you when I’m gone.”

“You fuckin’ better.”

“I always do, don’t I?”

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at that. Pretty good fuck, too,” she winked before kissing at my jawline.

I laughed loudly, hooking my fingers under her chin and bringing her up for a proper kiss.  “Fuck, I love you,” I breathed, before going in for another kiss.

She pushed against me, rolling out of bed, her feet hitting the floor. She didn’t say a word as she quickly shimmied into her jeans, throwing her shirt on over her head as she headed for the door, her things gathered up in her arms.

“(Y/n)?” I asked in confusion while my mind caught up with the last 30 seconds. Oh, shit… “(Y/n)!” I scrambled to my feet but the front door was already slamming shut. I slumped back down on the bed. “Fuck!”

~Y/N’s POV~

Panic consumed me as I booked it out the door and drove home. He said those words. Words that we agreed to never say. Friends with benefits. That’s all we were. Nothing more.

My heart was racing. What the hell did I do for this to happen?

“Maybe he was joking?” I said aloud, questioning everything as I entered the threshold to my home.

No, if he was joking he would’ve laughed his way through saying it. He can never tell a joke with a straight face.

“Fuck!” I yelled, throwing my purse across the room. The items in it spilled onto the floor where it landed.

Tears streaming down my face, I ran into my room and locked the door behind me. Michael has a key to my place and the last thing I wanted was to see him. He ruined everything!

Not bothering to change, I climbed into my bed. My thoughts were racing a million miles an hour. The last time this happened, things ended badly. Very badly.

“I love you,” he said when I caught him in bed with another woman.

“I love you,” he would claim every time he beat me when I tried to leave.

“I love you!” his voice echoed in my head for years to come.

~Michael’s POV~

You're still coming in a few weeks, right?

I stared at the message, waiting for a reply that never came. I sighed, swiping my thumb up my screen to hit the airplane icon on my phone before clicking it shut. I sighed again as I leaned my head against the glass of the plane’s window. “Fuck…” I muttered. Then I scoffed at myself. Really Mike? Fuck? That’s the only thing you’ve been saying for the last 6 hours.

“Jesus, who died?” Ashton’s voice asked me.

I opened my eyes that I hadn’t realized I had closed to peer back at the man frowning at me. He may have been frowning, but his hazel eyes were lit with humor. “I fucked up, Ash. I said the words we promised to never say.”

“Oh, shit…” The humor vanished as he took a seat across me from, resting a hand comfortingly on my knee. “Did you at least mean them?”

I swatted his hand off of me. “Of course I fuckin’ meant them!”

He raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, fuck. Well, what’s the problem then exactly?”

“I wasn’t supposed to! That was the deal. Just sex. Keep the loneliness controllable. No real emotions. And I fucked it up!”

“Okay, back up. What exactly happened that made you say it in the first place?”

“Well, we had sex.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“And I dunno. We were just lying there like we always do. Joking with each other about how I better miss her and shit. And then, I dunno… it just sorta slipped.”

“Sorta slipped? How do those words just sorta slip?”

“Fuck if I know. But she just… she feels so good in my arms, mate. And I guess for a second I just wanted to pretend what it would be like if things were different. If I could have all of her.”

“So you didn’t mean it, then?”

“No, I did. That’s the problem. Like I know I should apologize, but I can’t. Because I don’t know how to apologize for saying something I meant to say. Like ‘whoops, sorry I let you in on how I’ve been feeling, my bad, you weren’t supposed to know’? I don’t know what to do, Ash. All I know is that I fucked up probably the closest thing I’ve ever had to the real thing. Three stupid fuckin’ words! If I ever met him, I swear I’ll kill him.”

“Not if she gets to him first, you won’t,” he chuckled. “Look, mate, and I know it’s easier said than done, but just try and move past it. Maybe this’ll all blow over by the time we head back home.”

“She’s gonna be with us in a month,” I reminded him.

“Shit… well, who knows what’ll happen a month from now.”

“Ash?”

“Yeah, Mike?”

“I appreciate all this,” I gestured about the man. “But, can I be left alone now?”

“Sure thing, buddy.” He patted at my leg as he got up and went over to bother Calum and Luke.

I clicked my phone, my home screen lighting up to a picture of her smiling brightly at me.

“We’ll never be lonely, right?” 

“Never.”

Course. Wouldn’t miss it.

I smiled at the notification. Maybe Ashton was right. Maybe this could blow over if either of us could pretend it never happened in the first place.

The plane rumbled and I turned my attention to the window, watching as the ground rushed by, then grew smaller and smaller as we climbed higher and higher. I felt a tear start to roll down my cheek, so I hurriedly wiped at my face, sniffing back even more. Or maybe we could just pretend she loved me too.

~Y/N’s POV~

In front of me were dark chocolate double doors. From the other side I could hear an orchestra playing a beautiful melody. I looked down at my hands to see myself holding a bouquet of cream coloured roses. 

I then notice that I’m wearing a beautiful dress. The top is white with intricate lace and pearl beading that overlap onto the skirt. The skirt was long and cream coloured to match the roses.

My cheeks started hurting because of how much I was smiling. Suddenly the band began playing louder, causing my heart to accelerate. The double doors opened slowly to reveal a beautiful ballroom that was decorated from top to bottom in whites and creams. Rows of chairs sat on both sides of the room creating an aisle for me to walk down.

I looked up to see Michael standing at the end of the aisle waiting. He hadn’t seen me yet. I start walking faster. He’s wearing a white tuxedo. His hair is combed, but still slightly messy as it always is. He turns and sees me. A smile breaks across his face as tears well up in his eyes. It takes everything in me to not drop the bouquet and run to him.

As I reach him, he steps forward and takes my arm. Walking me the last couple of steps. I turn and face him, basking in his presence. In the corner of my eye, I see a man I assume is a priest. He’s talking, but I don’t pay any attention. I was too busy studying Michael. And Michael was studying me back with bright green eyes.

“I love you,” he mouthed.

“I love you too,” I mouthed back.

I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing on my nightstand. I let out a groan as I rolled over to see who could be calling me at this ungodly hour. The screen was lit up with my best friend’s face. I let out a heavy sigh before answering.

“What’s up?” I grumbled.

“(Y/n)!” She squealed into the phone.

“Jesus Christ, woman. What do you want?!” I snapped.

“Well good morning to you too,” she giggled.

“Rosa, it is,” I pull my phone away to look at the time, “Holy shit, it is five in the goddamn morning. What do you want?”

“Well, I have news and I couldn’t wait anymore to tell you.”

“And that is?”

“I’m engaged!” she cheered into the phone.

Hurt panged into my chest as my dream flooded back to me. I stared blankly at the wall, not saying anything to Rosa about her news. My thoughts were racing. I could feel tears well up in my eyes.

“(Y/n)?” Rosa called out, bringing me back to the moment.

“Sorry, I zoned out for a second.”

“What’s wrong?” she sighed.

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” I mumbled.

“No because if I told you this two weeks ago, you would’ve been screaming. It’s Michael, isn’t it?”

“I can’t get him out of my head,” I sobbed as I continued to tell her about my dream.

“Honey, you need to talk to him.”

“Rosa, I ran. There’s nothing to say!”

“He’ll forgive you if you just talk to him. You’re still going on part of the tour, yeah?”

“Yeah. He asked me if I still planned on it, and I told him yes.”

“See! He wants you there. Just talk to him.”

“I don’t want to,” I admitted to her.

“Avoiding this isn’t going to solve anything,” she said sympathetically.

“You’re right.”

“I know that, Girl! Now, I’m going to let you go back to sleep. Dream about my wedding for me, okay?”

“Okay.”

With that we hung up. Before laying back down to sleep, I decided to check the notifications on my phone. I had three missed calls from two in the morning. All from Michael. I quickly made a mental note to text him in the morning before I left for work.

I sighed as I sat my purse on the kitchen counter after returning home from work. It had been another long day. It didn’t help that that was the night I was going to be flying out to see Michael.

“Leave it to me to wait until the last minute to pack,” I muttered to myself as I headed to the bedroom. Once I got to the door, I hovered my hand above the doorknob. Do I really want to go?

I shook the thought of staying here out of my head. You promised Michael that you’d go.

Without waiting another moment, I quickly opened the door and made my way in. Grabbing my suitcase, I shoved as much clothes as I could fit in it. I was going to be spending the rest of their tour with them, so I needed as many outfits as I could get. I then took a backpack and filled it with the rest of my essentials. As I packed, I let my mind wander. Mostly in thoughts about Michael and trying to figure out what I was going to say to him.

“Shit, I forgot to text Michael about him calling me!” I groaned. “He probably thinks that I hate him.”

A sudden knock at my front door pulled me away from my thoughts. I made my way to it and opened it to find Rosa on the other side.

“Why didn’t you just let yourself in?” I asked.

“With you being so stuck in your head, I didn’t want to scare you,” she shrugged.

“Well thanks for that. My stuff is in my room, let me go grab it.”

After grabbing my things, we took a silent trek to her car. It wasn’t until she started driving that Rosa spoke again.

“Did you talk to him?” she asked.

“No, I forgot…”

“How do you forget something like that?”

“He called me at two in the morning last night. I didn’t hear. I told myself I’d text him before going to work, but I woke up late. And I just kinda forgot,” I explained.

The rest of the car ride was silent until we got to the airport. I thanked her for giving me a ride and we made small talk until I had to go through security. Right before I went though, I took a picture with her and made an Instagram post. I then made my way to the gate and boarded the plane. Michael was always nice enough to buy me a first class seat.

After the flight had taken off, I motioned for the stewardess and asked her to get me wine. To keep the wine coming. My plan was to get drunk enough to pass out. I couldn’t be alone with my thoughts any more. They were all about Michael and what I may or may not feel for him. One thing I knew for sure though, was that I missed him. My body yearned to be held the way he holds me.

When I was half way through my second glass, the person next to me decided to make small talk, “Going to be up all night?” 

“Not the plan,” I gestured to my glass. “But, red eyes tend to do that to you.”

“Where are you headed?”

“Just seeing some friends. What about you?”

“I’m going home.”

“That’s nice,” I said before finishing my glass. “I wish we never learned to fly.”

“Fear of flying?” they laughed.

“Fear of what’s to come when we land,” I gave them a tight lipped smile before turning in my seat to end the conversation.

I made my way through the airport begrudgingly until I heard Michael shouting my name. When I spotted him, he was waving his arms in the air to further get my attention. A smile spread across my face at seeing him act like his goofy self. I quickly made my way over to them excited to see him, but as I got closer, my steps felt heavier. Every instinct in my body was telling me to turn away and run.

“Hey!” Michael said, pulling me into a hug the moment I got close. I returned his hug as quickly as I could. Not squeezing hard like I normally do to try and get it over with.

“Hey,” I mumbled.

As we let go, I saw Ashton walk up. An escape! I smiled at him.

“Hey, Ash!” I pulled him into one of my signature hugs.

“Hey, love. How was your flight?” he asked me as we pulled apart.

“Oh, it was great!” I lied. I quickly told him stories of previous flights I had. I didn’t want to admit that I spent most of it drunk and crying.

~Michael’s POV~

“Dude, would you relax?” Ashton scolded, looking at my leg that kept jostling his.

“Shit, sorry,” I mumbled, pressing my palm flat against my leg to keep it from bouncing, but my other leg started it back up again.

“Jesus, you’re a fuckin’ mess, Mike…”

“Well, she hasn’t answered like any of my texts.”

“Did you call her?”

“Yeah, and she didn’t answer. I mean, I realized after that I had called her at like 2 in the morning, but still.”

“Hey, Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re not hanging out outside an airport just for fun, are we? Like, (Y/n) got on the plane?”

I nodded. “Yeah. She made a post about catching her flight. I just don’t get why she can tell me that she’s still coming and then fuckin’ ignore me. Like I know she’s coming out to be with all of us and shit, but…”

“But we all know who she really comes for, and if she’s been ignoring you, then why is she bothering?” Ashton supplied.

“Exactly…”

“Well… maybe whatever she wants to say, she wants to wait to say it in person.”

I sighed, hoping he was right. “Shit, I see her!” I scrambled out of the car. “(Y/n)!” I shouted, waving my arms over my head to get her attention.

Her head lifted at the sound of my voice and she quickened her pace.

“Hey!” I smiled, pulling her in for a hug the moment she was close.

Her arms wrapped limply around my shoulders. “Hey…” she mumbled.

I felt myself deflate as I let her go. I bit my tongue when she noticed Ashton, perking right up. “Hey, Ash!” she beamed, giving him the hug that held all the warmth in the world.

“Hey, love. How was your flight?”

“Oh, it was great!” She started prattling off every detail of her travel, which sounded more like a mixture of other stories she had told us. I paid special care to pick up on any new details, wondering why she was hiding the truth of her most recent flight experience as Ashton and I took her bags and placed them in the trunk before we all climbed back in the car. 

When her leg pressed up against mine, I was willing to believe that she was just nervous about being around me given everything. But when I rested my hand on top of hers, she not only moved her hand away, but crossed her leg, shifting in her seat to give Ashton her full attention and effectively shutting me out.

“Mate? Mike? Michael!” Ashton shouted in my ear.

I flinched away, swatting at him like I would an annoying fly. “Fuck! What?!”

“You’ve been sulking all night. The last three days, really.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious…”

“Have you talked to her?”

“She doesn’t wanna talk to me, Ash.”

“How do you know that? She’s here, isn’t she?”

“Because I just do, alright?!” I snapped, slamming the beer bottle I’d been spinning in my palm down on the table and rising to my feet. “You think you know everything, but you don’t! You don’t know her! I do! And she doesn’t wanna fuckin’ talk to me because she fuckin’ hates me! Because the last guy who told her he loved her was a fuckin’ liar and that’s all she knows! All she knows to associate with those words is hate! And since I’m the one who said ‘em, guess who’s on the receiving end of that hatred? Me! Can’t you see that I’m losing a whole lot more than just some girl?! So, yeah! Sorry if my sulking is bringing you down, but I think I’m entitled to sulk when my world is fuckin’ fallin apart!” I knew people were turning their attention to watch me scream at Ashton, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about the tears streaming down my face either. All I cared about was the pain in my chest threatening to break me wide open. Hell, if I had just yelled at Ashton in public, maybe I already had.

To Ashton’s credit, he just stood there, letting me go off. “Are you done?” he asked, his voice terrifyingly calm as I stood in front of him, my chest heaving.

“Yeah,” I answered, keeping my voice low as I felt the shame wash over me. Ashton was only looking out for me, and I knew that. “Sorry for yelling…”

His hand clapped on my shoulder. “Aw, it’s alright, buddy. C’mon, I’ll round everyone up and we’ll head back to the hotel.”

I nodded, watching him turn to leave me at the table. “Hey, Ash?” I called out.

“Hmm?” he asked, turning back around.

“Thanks. For listening and stuff. I know I’m getting on everyone’s nerves.”

“You’re not getting on anyone's nerves, Mike. You’re just going through it. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

I chuckled a little, shaking my head. “Well, forgive me if I don’t hold my breath.”

~Y/N POV~

“I’m going to get another drink,” I told Calum and Luke before standing up from our table and heading towards the bar.

I only took a few steps when I suddenly heard Michael yelling. I frowned and took a few more steps to get closer to hear better.

“You don’t know her! I do! And she doesn’t wanna fuckin’ talk to me because she fuckin’ hates me!” he snaps.

Is he talking about me? I take a few more steps until he’s in sight. In front of him, I see Ashton whose jaw is set as he just let’s Michael continue to yell at him.

“Because the last guy who told her he loved her was a fuckin’ liar and that’s all she knows! All she knows to associate with those words is hate! And since I’m the one who said ‘em, guess who’s on the receiving end of that hatred? Me!”

He’s definitely talking about me…

“Can’t you see that I’m losing a whole lot more than just some girl?! So, yeah! Sorry if my sulking is bringing you down, but I think I’m entitled to sulk when my world is fuckin’ fallin apart!” he finished. His chest was heaving as tears trailed down his face.

My heart felt like it was ripped in half. Tears started rolling down my own face. I turned on my heel and ran out to the patio of the bar. I didn’t want to become part of the scene that Michael just created. The air outside was nice and cool. I tried taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down, but they ended up more like hiccups. I leaned over the railing, feeling sick to my stomach.

“(Y/n)?” Ashton’s voice called out for me after a few minutes.

I turned back to look at him and the frown he was wearing deepend in concern as he walked up to me. I leaned over the railing again.

He started rubbing my back and asked, “Are you okay?”

“No!” I cried. Tears started falling faster.

“What’s wrong?” he pulled me into a hug. I buried my head into his shoulders and cried on his shirt. He continued rubbing my back as he held me.

“I don’t know what to do!”

“Are you talking about Michael?”

I nodded my head and Ashton let out a heavy sigh, “You need to talk to him.”

“I can’t!”

He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me out an arms length away. With his hands still on my shoulders, he looked me in the eyes, “You have to.”

“I know,” I sniffled, wiping my eyes. “I know I have to, but I’m just so scared.”

“Why are you scared?”

“I hurt him, Ash. I hurt him bad. I don’t know how he’d ever forgive me.”

“He will-”

“Let’s say he does. Then what? He thinks I hate him. He’s always going to wonder if I do or not. Which I don’t. I could never hate him. When I’m with him, it’s like nothing else in the world matters. My heart races and I get butterflies in my stomach, yet I’m so happy and comfortable at the same time. I like him, Ash. I like him so much it hurts. It’s killed me not being close to him this past month. I want him in my life. I can’t imagine a future without him! I even had a dream that I married him! And that scares me. What if he doesn’t want the same thing? What if it doesn’t work out? What if I can never differentiate between him and my ex?” I cried.

“Have you ever thought about the fact that he’s probably just as scared as you?” Ashton asked. “He cares about you a lot, (Y/n). You’ve known Michael for years! He’s not like your ex, and I know that you know that.”

“Michael’s the first man I trusted after him…”

“Just talk to him.”

“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered.

He let out another sigh, “Come on, everyone is waiting for us. We’re going back to the hotel.”

~Michael’s POV~

I ducked into the bathroom as Ashton went to round everyone up. I gripped the sink as I peered at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and the tears I had shed had left track marks down my cheeks. I splashed water in my face to try to clear some of it up, hoping to pass for drunk rather than someone who had just sob-screamed at his friend in a public space. A feat that probably would work out better if I had actually gotten drunk. But I’d been scared to have anything beyond a single beer because I was afraid of how I would feel in a drunk state. I was already drowning sober, I didn’t want to risk hurting more than I already did, or confessing more things I was better off not confessing. 

I gave myself one good last stare before I threw on my sweatshirt, pulling up the hood to hide more of my face.

I found Calum and Luke towards the front of the bar, waiting expectantly. “Where’s everyone else?” I asked.

“Ash is getting (Y/n) from outside,” Calum answered. “You alright?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine.”

Calum and Luke shared a look, before shaking their heads. “No, you’re not. But, whatever it is, you and (Y/n) will figure it out. You’ve been friends for too long to not bounce back from this,” Luke told me.

“I hope you’re right…” I sighed. Unfortunately, I had the sinking feeling that the conversation that would need to happen for me and (Y/n) to “bounce back” wasn’t one with a happy ending. Sure, the regression to basic pleasantries was killing me from the inside out, but at least it meant we were still in each other’s lives. Which, come to think about was how I had gotten into this mess in the first place. Wanting whatever part of herself she was willing to give me no matter how badly I wanted more because it was better than not having her at all. And yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to regret saying “I love you” to her. That was the one small comfort I could take away from all this pain. And all I could do was cling to the hope that she believed me.

I felt what small composure I’d been able to reassemble crack when I saw (Y/n) walking towards us with Ashton, and the wave of shame washed over me again. It wasn’t fair how the sweetest arrangement of eight letters had completely shattered us both. 

Ashton kept nudging me into her as we walked the block and a half back to the hotel, constantly clearing his throat as obnoxiously as possible. “Alright, I get it…” I growled at him under my breath, knocking my shoulder roughly into his.

“Then fuckin’ do something,” he muttered back, practically shoving me into her.

“Shit, sorry,” I mumbled, my hands going to catch her as she stumbled, throwing a glare at Ashton.

“Ss fine,” she sniffed, moving a step out of reach from me. “Sidewalk’s really uneven. Dark. Hard to see.”

“You okay?” I asked stupidly.

“Are you?” she countered. She drew her jacket tighter around her and picked up her pace to hurry into the hotel with Calum and Luke.

“No…” I answered, and my feet stopped carrying me forward.

“What the fuck?” Ashton questioned, hands going to my shoulders to keep pushing me forward. In front of us, Calum raised an eyebrow in silent question as an elevator arrived. Ashton waved him off.

“I tried…” I told him, tilting my head upwards like gravity would keep new tears from spilling.

“Try harder!” he hissed, as we waited for another elevator.

“Try harder how, Ash?! Talking things out doesn’t work if she doesn’t talk back! In fact, the only thing that’s kinda working is keeping my mouth fuckin’ shut. Like I should’ve to begin with…”

“Oh, don’t pull that shit! It wasn’t a slip of the tongue when you told her you loved her and we all know that. You meant to say them because you meant for her to hear them. You two just need to stop acting like you can sweep this under the rug.”

I shoved him into the elevator as the doors dinged open, hard. “We need to stop acting like we can sweep this under the rug?! You’re the one who keeps forcing our hands!”

“I’m not forcing shit! I’m trying to help you guys ‘cause I care about you!”

“Well I didn’t ask for your help!”

“Ask me if I give a fuck!” He slammed his fist into the buttons and the elevator started moving upwards. “Look…” his voice was soft when he spoke again. “You can hate me if you want to. This shit between you and (Y/n) is between you and her. You’re both adults. But you told her that you loved her for a reason. And she still came here for a reason. And if you two want to keep pussyfooting around the truth until one of you dies, that’s your choice to make. But you’re both my friends, and I’m not just gonna sit in silence when you’re both hurting.”

“It’s not you I hate, Ash… it’s him. I hate him so much. I hate what he did to her. And I hate that no matter what I do, I’ll never be enough. I’m not good at a lot of things. I know that. I’ve accepted that. But the one thing... the one thing I know I’m good at is loving her. It’s the greatest thing I’ll ever do.”

“So, tell her that,” he said as we stepped off the elevator and walked towards our room.

“Ash, you don’t get it… my greatest isn’t enough. I’m not enough. And I can hate him and blame him all I want, but it doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t good enough to be hers before him, and I’m still not good enough now. All I am is a distraction. So, I guess I’m good at two things...”

His jaw set as he pulled out the key card to let us into the room. “Well, lucky for you, I’m good at a few things myself.”

The look in his eyes frightened me. “Ash… what are y-”

He held up his hand, cutting me off. “(Y/n)?” he called out.

“Yeah?” she asked, poking her head out of the bathroom.

“Could you c’mere a second?” he asked as he opened up the closet and hung up his jacket.

“Ash, what are you doing?” I asked again as she came over to us with a confused, “What’s up?”

“Remember,” he said, grabbing our arms. “It’s not me you hate.” Then, he pushed us both forward, quickly shutting us inside.

“Ashton!” she gasped in surprise.

I rammed my shoulder into the door, but he must have been sitting in front of it because it didn’t budge. “Ashton! Open the bloody door!”

“No!”

She pounded her fists against the wood. “Ashton! This isn’t funny! Let us out!”

“I will once you two figure out your mess! Don’t worry, I won’t eavesdrop. Just text me when you’re done.”

“ASHTON!”

~Y/N POV~

“It’s no use (Y/n), he’s not going to let us out if we’re struggling,” Michael said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

“I’m going to kill him,” I muttered, stopping my banging on the door.

“That makes two of us,” he sighed.

We moved so we were facing each other, leaning against either side of the closet. Even in the low lighting, I could still make out Michael’s figure. I could tell he was looking at me too.

“Do you think there’s a light in here?” I asked, breaking the silence that engulfed us.

“I don’t think so, and if there was, I think the switch would be on the other side of the door,” he answered.

I sighed and started feeling my pockets for my phone, coming up short. I let out a huff of annoyance.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I just breathed,” I shot.

“That’s not how you breathe. That was you huffing about something.”

A small smile crept onto my face. “I can’t hide anything from you, huh?”

“Nope.”

“I was going to pull out my phone and use the flashlight, but it got left out there,” I gestured to the door.

I watched Michael’s figure shift around until he pulled something out of his pockets. Suddenly a screen lit up, indicating that it was his phone. He quickly turned on the flashlight and shined it at me.

“Is that better?”

“No,” I giggled, blocking my eyes from the light. “Now I can’t see you at all.”

“Shit, sorry,” he mumbled, pointing the light at the floor.

Michael shuffled to his left before sliding his back down the wall until he was seated on the floor. I mimicked his movements and shuffled the opposite directions until my shoulder was pressed against the door frame. Michael then placed his phone on the ground between us.

With the light, I was then able to see his face. His eyes were glossed over with red surrounding the green. There were tear trails on his cheeks. I absentmindedly reached a hand over and cupped his cheek.

“Crying isn’t like you,” I murmured.

“I couldn’t help it,” he whispered, leaning into my touch.

I stroked his cheekbone with my thumb a couple of times before pulling my hand back. Michael appeared to deflate at the loss of contact.

“I’m sorry,” We both said at the same time.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked.

“Because I scared you off. I put a stress on us, that never should’ve been an issue,” he explained.

“Don’t be sorry. You only said the truth. I should be-” my voice broke. I cleared my throat as tears started to roll down my cheeks. “I’m the one who ran. I’m the one who created all of this drama because of something we both felt.”

“You mean that-”

“Yes,” I cut him off. “At least I’m pretty sure.”

He nodded his head, asking me to continue.

“I really like you a lot, Mikey. When you’re not around, I feel like I can’t breathe. Whenever I imagine my future, it’s always will you. I’ve been having dreams of us getting married, for crying out loud! And that scares me. I don’t know what to do. You said those words, and I panicked. For a moment all I could think about was him.”

Michael’s fists clenched the moment I brought up my ex. I put my hand on top of his before continuing.

“But you’re not him, and I know that. I fucked up and ran. I hurt you so bad and that hurt me. Because I was hurt, I got defensive, and I continued to hurt you. And I am so, so sorry. Michael, I don’t know how you’ll ever be able to forgive me.”

Tears were now streaming down my face. I looked up at Michael to see that he was crying as well.

“You’re already forgiven,” he said, grabbing my arm to pull me closer.

I shifted my body to allow myself to be pulled closer. Michael wrapped his arms around me. We wept into each other’s shoulders. 

After a little bit, I pulled away slightly to get Mikey to look at me. The moment he was looking at me, I smashed my lips against his. The kiss was salty from our tears, and held so much emotion. My heart started racing as butterflies erupted in my stomach.

We kissed until we were out of air. With our foreheads pressed together, a smile spread across my face.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I admitted to him.

“I’ve missed you too. Now, let’s get out of this closet.”

~~~~~~~~~

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