#jessie taking away my dream of wes and new york in the finale together

[rationales]

[houseof-harry]

What Happens in Jersey Pt. 5 | G.D.

A/N - listen people, it’s been a rough one. I’ve rewrote and reread this thing literally for days, but she’s finally here to rock the boat. Please enjoy and lmk what you think! Read the last part here

Word Count- 5.1K

Warnings - none

Recap:

You could feel the butterflies in your stomach from the smile he gave you, knowing how into music he is and how difficult he finds it to give up the aux power. You made sure to pick songs you knew everyone would love, lightening the slightly weird mood that had settled over you guys that morning. Maybe today wouldn’t be as awkward as you anticipated.

***

The car ride was nice, Jessie and Ethan filling up most of the time with their bantering. Grayson would look over at you at every red light to make sure you looked okay, not wanting you to feel sick from his driving. You kept your eyes focused out the window, a soft smile gracing your lips. He could tell you were up in your head, but he didn’t want to ask what was going on in front of the guys.

Once you get your train tickets and stand at the right track, Grayson decides to pick your brain a bit while Jessie and Ethan argue about which one of them is better at mini golf.

“Everything good?”

You look up at him, your arms crossed over your chest but your focus instantly falling on his face. No matter how confused or annoyed you may be, he was nice to look at. “Yeah,” you mumble, barely audible.

He rolls his eyes, his hand moving to the hip farthest from him to bring you closer to him. He raises his brows. “So you’re just not gonna tell me? Wanna help you so you can enjoy today.” His tone is soft and meaningful as it matches the concern written in the wrinkles of his forehead. He truly did want you to have a good time today.

You, however, knew that bringing up what was bothering you would totally ruin the day, so you do your best to put on a brave face. “Gray, promise it’s nothing important. Or something you can’t fix right now. We’re gonna have a really good day today.” Your smile is unconvincing as you look up at him, the wind from the train arriving causing your hair to fly all around you.

“Just know that anything that upsets you is important, and if it’s important to you then it’s important to me,” he nearly yells, the sounds of the train almost drowning out his voice anyway.

You nod and follow behind him and Jessie onto the train, Ethan following right behind you. Jessie manages to find four seats facing one another and sits in the farthest seat. Grayson sits across from him, leaving you to pick who to sit next to.

You look between him and Jessie, biting your lip. They are both looking at you, expectant of you to sit next to them and not even realizing the situation they’ve put you in. Before you can decide for yourself, Ethan pipes up. “Sit here, facing backwards will probably make you feel sick, no?” He motions to the seat next to Grayson and you nod, deciding the logic made sense.

Jessie, however, was still disappointed. After a car ride without you, he was hoping to have the train ride to talk about your week apart. He wanted to hear about your appointment and your time with Anna. And more importantly he just wanted some time with you.

Grayson took it upon himself to wrap his arm around your back, pulling you so that your thighs were flush against one another. Your body leaned into him as you watch the world fly past you through the window. Your hand rested on his thigh, the connection between coming naturally, almost like you didn’t even have to think about it when he was there.

Jessie sat opposite you guys, watching while Ethan talked his ear off, the topic of conversation totally escaping him because his mind was clouded with thoughts of you. He regrets ever vouching for Grayson.

Jessie is convinced Grayson is glorifying this whole situation. It seems like a dream now, something he’s always wanted, until it gets old and he moves onto something new. Then, he’s back in LA and you’re alone raising your baby. Well, you wouldn’t be alone because Jessie will be there for you. He just doesn’t want you to get hurt, but he thinks it’s unavoidable. He’s even tried to voice these concerns to you. But you always shut them down before you can talk about it, admitting you worry about the same thing but don’t want to assume the worst of Grayson.

Which is the only reason you’re cuddled up to him now. Maybe he had a good reason for not spending the night with you last night. Maybe tomorrow you’d wake up and he’d stay to cuddle you until you wake up because you don’t have any plans. If he even wants to sleep in the same bed again. Oh my god what if you snore and that’s why he left? I mean he snores, that’s something you found out about him last night so he can’t even-

“Y/N?” His voice pulls you out of your thoughts, making you shake your head and squeeze your eyes shut for a second. When you open them, you look up at him and smile.

“Yeah?”

“Are you gonna tell me what’s happening up there before we get there or are you gonna be out of it all day?” His fingers rub over your side even though you can barely feel it through your coat, but he did more for his own comfort, to feel you next to him.

You press your lips together, looking over at Ethan and Jessie for a moment, catching Jessie’s gaze. You give him a sheepish smile before looking back at Grayson.

His heart sinks instantly. She loves Jessie, he thinks. He feels like he’s spiraling for a second, but manages to keep his cool on the outside. He was starting to question everything you’d done together and what it meant to you. Is that why you were acting like you were this morning? Because you saw Jessie instead of him when you woke up and remembered how you felt?

“Can we talk about it later?” You concede, knowing he won’t give up. He just nods, looking out the window again. You don’t move away from him, which he appreciates because he’s not sure how much longer you’ll let him do this.

The train ride is pretty quiet the rest of the way, Ethan speaking for all of you. Once your trained pulled into the station, you all exit and start to walk to the street.

“So, what are we even doing today?” You ask.

“I was thinking we could walk around Central Park, pick you up a pretzel or something to tide you over until dinner and hit the MnM store on the way to get you some chocolate, know you’ve been loving it lately,” Grayson lists, his hand on your lower back as you walk out onto the streets of New York City. The smell of cigarettes and subways feels familiar, the commotion all around you somewhat comforting. It was so easy to be invisible, going about your day while everyone else did the same. It didn’t matter that you were pregnant because there were so many other pregnant people, and there were definitely people who drew more attention than you and the boys. You guys could just have a normal day.

“Sounds good, a pretzel sounds really good right now.” You smile at him, the aura of the city taking over. It was hard for anything to get to you when you were here, there was always too much going on to ever focus on one thing, whether it be good or bad.

And it managed to distract you from every look you got from both Grayson and Jessie, and ignore the fact that Grayson literally bought you $75 worth of chocolate and then your pretzel (with mustard, he remembered the story you told him once about eating soft pretzels with mustard only), you even were able to act like they weren’t brooding at each other. They reminded you a bit of toads, their chests (and egos) inflating whenever they had your full attention around the other. It was weird and uncomfortable and you didn’t understand what was happening or why, but you hated it.

So you stuck with Ethan for most of the afternoon. He was funny and lighthearted and was managing to even make you laugh despite the lingering thoughts at the back of your brain reminding you of the two men fighting for your attention.

Dinner made it difficult to do so, though. You were all going to be sitting facing one another in one conversation the whole time. You also had to pick your seat again. You even tried to get yourself in the back of the line when you were being led to your table, but they were too chivalrous for that.

When you got to the table, Grayson and Jessie had situated themselves the same exact way they sat on the train; facing one another and leaving you to only pick one of them. You quickly find yourself sitting next to Grayson again, justifying it to yourself by thinking it’s because it was the farther seat, so it was the polite thing to do for Ethan.

“Excited for tonight?” Grayson asks you, his hand falling to your thigh. He’d revealed to you in the park that he got you all Rangers tickets.

“Yeah, haven’t been to a game in so long. It’ll be a lot of fun,” you smile at him before grabbing your menu. Maybe you can hide behind it until the end of dinner.

Grayson had picked an Italian restaurant because you’ve been loving tomato sauce. It was really surprising to you how much he’d remember from all your conversations when you’d say things you don’t even remember.

“Wanna share a fried calamari app, Y/N?” Jessie asks as he also skims his menu. You two would always split an appetizer you both wanted so you could enjoy it while still having room to eat your entrée.

However, the thought of any seafood was really unappealing at the moment, and it was clear by the look on your face that you were uninterested in having calamari.

“How about we split a salad instead?” Grayson pipes up, noticing your distaste for what Jessie offered. You nod, but before you can reply, Jessie is cutting in.

“Oh, you’re one of those guys. Gonna try and make her eat healthy for the baby and shit?” He chuckles, but the undertone of his comment is judgmental.

“No, bro. Salad can taste good. And I mean it doesn’t hurt to eat vegetables no matter who you are, but she’s an adult and can make her own decisions for herself.” They both turn to you, expectant of an answer.

“Salads good,” you murmur, feeling uncomfortable with the number of eyes on you waiting to hear your appetizer of choice.

Jessie rolls his eyes and Grayson has a triumphant look on his face. Suddenly, you stand, putting your menu and napkin on the table. “Gotta use the bathroom,” you excuse yourself, walking away and heading straight for the back of the restaurant. They were fighting over you and it was stupid because they were going to have to get along forever now. Hell, they’re supposed to be friends anyways.

You enter the bathroom and decide to actually go while you’re there, prolonging your stay as long as possible. You guys had an early reservation because of the game, so the restaurant and thankfully the bathroom weren’t packed. You had a moment to yourself while you stood in front of the mirror, watching yourself.

If you were to travel back in time and tell your junior year self you’d be here right now, old you would have laughed in your own face. Not only were you terrified of the fact that you were pregnant, but now some of the most important people in your life were basically fighting and it was over you. It felt lonely, like they didn’t actually care about how you felt like you were some prize they could win at the end of all this.

You decide you should probably leave the bathroom before they come looking for you thinking something is wrong, and when you step out you’re immediately slamming into someone’s chest.

“Sor-“ you stop when you see it’s Grayson, his arms coming to your biceps to brace you. “Sorry,” you manage to get out fully.

“I should be the one apologizing.” The frown is evident on his face as he doesn’t let go of you, bringing you to the side of the hallway so that people can still enter the bathroom.

“No Gray, it’s fine. I just wanna eat.” Your voice is defeated and Grayson can hear it, his heart breaking a bit knowing he played a role in it.

“It’s not fine, Y/N. Are you okay? You were in there a while.” You nod, still refusing to look him in the eye. “Please say it, gotta hear it. I was worried.”

“I’m okay, just needed a second to think,” you sigh out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to leave the table. I could just see you didn’t want calamari but I know you love appetizers and that you’ll probably get pasta and I already was gonna get a salad but obviously I’d wanna share with you so I just wanted to offer it-“

“Grayson.” He shuts up at that, not used to hearing his full name from you after the past few days. You finally meet his eyes, your face serious. “I want the salad, we can share the salad.” This seems to relax him a bit, but his grip is still tight on you, like he doesn’t want you to walk away again. “You and Jessie need to figure out whatever weird shit is going on between you, though because you guys are friends, for starters, and you’re both going to be involved in the baby’s life and I’m not letting my baby be exposed to some stupid ego competition. I hate not being treated like a human being”

Grayson sighs, letting go of your arms just to wrap them around you. He pulls you to his chest, his arms rubbing your back. You timidly accept his embrace, unable to deny yourself of the warmth you’ve missed since last night.

“You’re right, it’s all stupid. I don’t even know what it’s about. I obviously see you as a human being and want to treat you that way. I didn’t mean to make you feel like we don’t, you’re amazing and I was being selfish. I’m sorry we made you uncomfortable, please come back and eat salad or whatever you want, because you’re the one growing a baby so you get to pick-“

“Grayson.” He bites his lip, looking down at you expectantly. “I know I can eat whatever I want. So can we go back and order because I’m fucking hungry.” You smile up at him, rubbing his back. You decide that now isn’t the time to have the discussion you know is coming, you were literally in the hallway of a restaurant. Maybe tomorrow.

He nods, letting go of you so you can both start walking. When you get back to the table, Jessie has a sheepish smile on his face.

You determine it’s best to let him sit in his discomfort for a while because he should have known better. He was your fucking best friend, and he was swinging dicks with the father of your baby. They were both acting childish, and as much as you’d like the practice before you give birth, you don’t need it from them.

The server comes to take your drink orders, and Jessie is the only one who gets a beer. You look between Ethan and Grayson, the question on your face without the words leaving your lips.

“I didn’t drink a lot before, but it feels unfair for me to drink anything when you can’t. Everything’s a team effort,” Grayson explains, and you feel your heart rate pick up. That was something he was doing for you without even discussing it, you had no idea he’d been completely sober this whole time. You look to Ethan, waiting to hear his explanation.

“He’s my twin.” He motions to Grayson with his chin. “Plus, I don’t ever want to feel like I did after New Year’s Eve.” He visibly shudders and you giggle, remembering what Grayson had told you about his brother’s state the morning after you slept together.

“That’s cute guys, you don’t have to,” you say, but you all know you’re really talking to Grayson. You’re sure if Ethan wanted to drink he would, but Grayson is the one doing it for you.

“Okay but I’m definitely doing this with you because it’s one of the few things I can do, and you’re gonna let me.” Grayson’s arm falls on the back of your chair, his eyes unwavering from your face.

Before you can respond, the server is back with your drinks and is asking what you want to eat. You let them all order while you quickly skim the menu for the first time that night. You go for a dish you know and love, not wanting to try something new the baby won’t like when you’re about to go to a hockey game.

“So how into hockey are you? Am I gonna have to hold you back if the other team wins today?” Grayson tries to keep a straight face as he asks you, but the thought of you getting so into the game makes him want to laugh. You don’t come across as an aggressive person.

“Oh, she’s pretty chill with hockey. Don’t ever take her to a Giants game though, she thinks she’s a pro football player even though she’s never played a day in her life,” Jessie chuckles.

“Shut up, I’ve watched my whole life and you know I can throw a better spiral than you. You just hate that I embarrass you at all our tailgates,” you retaliate, the smile unhidden on your face.

“Alright, alright, let me live,” Jessie holds his hands up in fake surrender before sipping his beer.

“Well now I have to bring you to a football game,” Grayson laughs, curiosity written across his face.

“I don’t get that bad, I’m just a bit competitive,” you shrug. Jessie tries to hold back his laugh but fails, his amusement pushing past his teeth that held his bottom lip.

“You’re such a liar. You scare me when you’re competitive. And when you drive,” he explains.

“I drive efficiently, not aggressively. And I like to win,” you defend yourself, your lips in a pout.

“You just wait Gray, it’s like a whole other person,” Jessie jokes, his eyes not leaving you the whole time.

“I’m excited, like a girl with passion.”

“Thank you! That’s a good way to say it, yeah. I’m just passionate, Jess,” you exclaim, flipping Jessie off before putting your hand on Grayson’s thigh. You don’t even realize you’ve done it before your hand is on the fabric of his pants. He doesn’t seem to mind, though, so you leave it there.

“There’s no denying that,” his smile is genuine and before you can say anything, your salad is placed in front of Grayson.

“Ooh, I’m starving,” you mumble, leaning over to move the bowl to be between he both of you. Grayson doesn’t move at first, his eyes still on Jessie as he thinks about what he said. What did he mean? How does Jessie know you’re passionate? Is he overthinking this? 100%. Is he gonna be able to stop himself from thinking about it? No.

“How much dressing?” You ask him, which immediately pulls him from his thoughts, the domestic nature of the question tugging at his heart. It’s just a salad, but he likes that you’re gonna eat it together.

“However much you want,” he smiles at you and watches you pour some dressing over your salad. He was happy to be the reason you were happy, even if it was just because he got you food. You a woman of simple wants.

He starts eating as well, so that you don’t get creeped out from him watching you eat. He’s keeping his cool, not overwhelming you. Maybe that’s why breakfast in bed was interrupted, it would have scared you or something.

Unfortunately, the salad doesn’t last as long as you want it to and it definitely doesn’t satiate you. Luckily for you, the entrees came out soon after and you’re able to finally have your first real meal of the day. It was good, and you all were able to get along and have a good time throughout the whole thing.

“We gotta go if we wanna be on time,” Ethan says after you all had finished eating. You nod standing and getting your jacket back on. Grayson had refused to let you pay for your food (again), so the check had already been covered. You could feel your excitement slowly building inside of you. You loved sports events like this, the energy was incredible and it made you feel like you could just have fun and put your energy into something different than normal.

They were always something you did with your family when you were younger, but they stopped bringing you as you got older. It made you sad, it was one of the few things everyone made time for, but even that became less important than whatever everyone else had going on in their lives. Grayson didn’t even know that part, in fact he knew very little about your family. You hadn’t even told your parents you were pregnant yet, and you didn’t want to explain why to him. So you do your best to talk about them as little as possible. The only thing you had told him is that you used to go a lot as a kid when he asked what teams you supported after the super bowl.

“Ready for the game?” Grayson asks as you walk into MSG, his hand on your hip. The crowd was large as everyone chatted with excitement and he was scared of losing you.

You nod eagerly, smiling at him. “Of course I am. The question is are you ready to experience watching hockey with me?”

He laughs, squeezing your hip. “Of course. Who knows, maybe this will be our thing. We can bring strawberry to games, too.” His free hand goes to your stomach and you feel like you could melt into the escalator. It’s like he always knew what to say even though you hadn’t told him what it means to be here with him now and what it would mean to come with your new family together.

“That would be really nice,” you breathe out, and the emotion is clear in your voice. His brows draw together in concern as he picks up on it immediately.

“What?”

You giggle, sniffling and looking away from him. You refuse to cry right now, not when everything feels good. “Nothing. You just always manage to say the right thing. It would be really nice to do this all with our baby.”

Grayson decides before he gets all mushy to just give you a kiss on the cheek. He could feel the other two watching you and didn’t think it was appropriate to act all couply in public. Especially when he had no idea what you were.

You made that especially difficult when you were watching the game, however, because he thought it was the cutest thing ever. You were animated and excited the whole time, and Jessie had been right you got way too into it, acting like you were a literal hockey player. He couldn’t imagine what you watching football was like if this was your tame self. But he found it endearing that you could get so into something that at the end of the day was just some fun. He admired that about you, how you let yourself have fun. Most people didn’t let themselves do that anymore.

He even let himself have fun too. When you’d grab him and stand, he’d stand with you. He even went so crazy as to share a soda with you even though it wasn’t Sunday. He didn’t care though because the soda made you happy and it tasted really good.

And you really were having a good time. You were in a good section, everyone was super invested in the game and would shout with you. Ethan and Jessie would follow suit, chanting when they were supposed to and booing when the other team scored. It made you feel so much better after your afternoon with them. Maybe it was because you could finally sit next to Grayson and Jessie at the same time, and they were separated by you so they didn’t really talk, but you didn’t care. It felt normal again. Jessie was your best friend and Grayson was, well, your Grayson. Whatever that meant.

All too soon, though, the fun was over. The game ended (the Rangers won thank god, or else the journey home would have been way sadder than it needed to be), and soon you were following the flock of people out of the arena. As he had done all day, Grayson put his arm around you to keep you close. However, the crowd was more intense than it had been earlier, so you held onto Jessie’s hand as well as he held Ethan’s shoulder. Ethan was leading you all, trying to get you out as quick as possible so that you could get to the train station and get home.

Once you get outside, you feel instant relief, the air no less humid or polluted but somehow still refreshing. You’re able to slow down a bit as you let go of Jessie. Grayson keeps his grip on you, which doesn’t surprise you. Not with how he’s been acting all day since you got here.

“So you and Jessie are good again?” You ask him as you walk, making sure the other two are far enough ahead of you so that they don’t hear your conversation.

He shrugs. “I don’t know, I realized how stupid I was acting. I haven’t spoken to him about it or anything, but I never wanna do anything that would upset you like that. Even if I have to put my ego aside,” he chuckles.

“Well I appreciate it either way, I can talk to him tomorrow if you want. Sometimes I truly don’t understand men,” you shake your head, a joking smirk on your face anyways.

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him. Isn’t the first time we’ve done this whole dance.” You raise your brows, looking for more. “You know, the whole fighting over a girl thing. We unfortunately have similar taste in women.”

You nod, digesting everything he said and even more trying to understand what he meant with what he said. Not only was he implying that he would fight for you because he wanted you, but he also thought Jessie was fighting for you.

“Wait what? What do you mean?” You’d rather know what he’s thinking than assume, that’s gotten you nowhere today.

“In middle school we liked the same girl and I even was able to get her on a date first but I blew her off to make vines, so I kinda fucked that one up.” He laughs at the memory, enjoying the thoughts of his middle school life.

“You think you’re fighting over me like that?”

“What other way is there to fight over you?” He asks, genuinely curious.

“I don’t know, just for my attention. Jessie and I aren’t like that, that ship sailed before it even docked.” You look at Jessie’s back, questioning if what you said was the truth.

“Y/N,” he laughs, his body literally shaking against you. “I’m like 85% sure he’s in love with you. Eh, more like 95% sure. I was pretty sure you were in love with him too this morning.” The frown on his face was prominent as he thinks about how you brushed him off at breakfast.

“He is not, you liar. And I am definitely not in love with him. He’s like a little brother to me, sometimes even like a son when he’s really drunk. And this morning I was…” He bites his lip, waiting to hear what you have to say.  “I was just sad at you,” you huff, almost like a child. If they get to throw a fit then so do you.

“Sad at me? Why? Is that even possible, what does it mean to be sad at someone?” You can tell he’s truly trying to figure out what you were saying.

“When I woke up you weren’t there. Again. And I just thought you would be this time,” you try to sound as casual as possible so he can’t see the genuine disappointment on your face.

“Oh my god,” he giggles, gripping your hand that was right in front of him, kissing the back of it. “I was planning on bringing you breakfast in bed before Jessie came, but he got there early and you don’t even like pancakes right now and then they ate them all instead.”

Your cheeks flush as he tells his story, the reality of the situation hitting you. It makes sense with how he acted the rest of the day, back to his usual self. Now you felt bad for assuming he’d done that to you when he knew he wasn’t that person.

“What, you think I one and done-d you again?” He laughs at his own joke, but stops when he realizes you’re not laughing. “Y/N, I wouldn’t do that. Not again at least. I regretted doing it the first time before I knew you were pregnant. I stayed the whole night, and I promise to do it again tonight.”

“Oh you think you’re getting into my pants again tonight?” He’s grateful for your humor coming back, his shoulders relaxing. He didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

“No, just meant I’d cuddle you all night if you’ll let me. Not that I’d complain if there were no pants.”

Your giggles are cut off by Jessie. “Can I talk to you, Y/N?”

Read the next part here!

[hellagoodhaylor]

My Experience Meeting Taylor Swift.

On November 13, 2017, I FINALLY did it. I finally met Taylor Alison Swift. ON November 11th, my friend Jessie ( @ouatofthewoods ) invited me to attend a super top secret event in New York City and I of course bought a plan ticket almost instantly. I flew into town late Sunday night and went back to Jessie’s apartment to sleep.

On Monday morning, we got up and got ready and then headed to the Taylor Swift Pop Up Shop. We got to take a bunch of cute photos with Taylor’s props and shop around. While standing around at the pop up shop, Bethany ( @swiftkitten13 ) walked in and I freaked out. Neither of us knew the other was coming. Bethany and I are both from Texas and literally just a few weeks before she was talking about we didn’t have any luck with secret sessions or events that are Taylor related. Neither of us knew the other was coming.

After the pop up shop, we went and ate at Meltshop while I was waiting for Jessie to get out of class. She got over of her class and we went back to her apartment to get ready. We got ready and then went to the secret meet up spot. We had absolutely NO idea what was going on. We got to the meet up spot and I saw Bethany, Hannah, Sarah, Tori, and Jess and once again, I freaked out at how many of my friends were there! We got into our line, got our wristbands, went through security, and lined up to get on the bus.

In this line, they gave us what they called “bus bands”. They put a white wristband on my wrist, checked for my “bus band” and then they let us on the bus. They were obviously playing Reputation on the bus and we were all jamming out. 

Once everyone got on the bus, two girls who were working the event hopped on and told us we were going to a top secret location to view the new “Making of a Song” video before everyone else. After they told us that, they let us jam out to Reputation the rest of the ride.

The event ended up being on top of the pop up shop. When we got to the location, we checked in our coats and got our wristbands registered. I went from there to get a “Reputation spritzer” which was champagne/wine with a rock candy sucker in it. From there, I went and saw all of my friends. WE were all excited and had no idea what to expect. Jessie ran into people that worked for Taylor and said hello while I got cookie dough from the cookie dough bar. As I was eating my cookie dough, one the girls Jessie knew that worked for Taylor came up and said “If I were you guys, I would be by the screens soon.” So Jessie and I walked back and got a seat in the very front and center. 

About 10 minutes later, a girl came out and explained that we were going to watch a few “never before seen” videos. We got to watch the “I Did Something Bad” Making of a Song, an extended cut of the Secret Sessions video, and the full version of Taylor’s performance of “New Year’s Day” at the Rhode Island secret session. As soon as the video ended, Taylor walked out from behind a curtain and everyone freaked out.

She came around and touched our hands and then took the mic and talked about how crazy and exciting this week had been and thanked everyone for all the time they spent loving her. She talked about her happiness and you could see how genuinely happy she was. 

Then... she said she was so thankful that we came and said she wanted to say hi and take pictures with everyone. Everyone FREAKED OUT! So she said “see you soon!” and a lady came onstage and explained how it was all going to work. The “bus pass” was actually our meet and greet wristband. They took us in by the color of our wristband. Green wristband went first so Jessie and I hung around with our friends. My favorite thing was Steph looking at Jessie and I and saying “god dammit, motherfucking finally.” lol

We got our things and noticed that Andrea, Taylor’s mom, was standing around meeting people so we went and got pictures with her. Scott, her dad, was also waiting to meet fans but while we were waiting to get a picture with him, they announced that it was time for the white wristbands to line up to meet Taylor so Jessie and I ran to the line.

While in the line, we met Tree, her manager. She saw me and said “we’ve met before, right?” and I said “no” and she said “you look really familiar, it must be the red hair.” and we talked a little bit before keeping up with the line. When it was close to time, the lady Jessie knew that told us to sit by the stage cut off our “bus pass” and then took down our wristband number. 

Then... it was finally time. The security guard outside of the curtains opened the curtain and I saw her. She pulled me in for a giant hug, then rubbed my arms and said “the dress is BEEEEAUTIFUL on you!” and I said “thank you!” and Jessie came in and hugged her and said she saw her on Saturday Night Live and Taylor thanked her for coming. Then I told her she did a great job and she said “thank you so much!” and then I said “I just have to tell you... I picked up a guitar because of you.” and she said “Aw!” and held her heart and smiled. Then I said “the first song I ever learned was fifteen.” and she said “siiiiick! That was SO long ago!” and then we took our photo and I said “i am an idiot and forgot my contacts at home so I have to take my glasses off.” and she said “girl, I’ve been there! I get it. Then I got Lasik.” and then we took our picture and I started to walk away and Jessie told her a personal story and she grabbed Jessie’s hand and pulled her back in for a hug. Then Taylor looked at me and said “You guys are beautiful!” and I blew her a kiss and she smiled and did a cute little dance. Then the curtain closed and we walked out and I just lost it.

I was sobbing and we got recorded/interviewed by ATT/DirecTVNow. Then Jessie and I made a video to remember everything before calling our parents while sobbing. After that, I went to find all my friends and they were all so happy for me. I was STILL sobbing! While standing there, Jess came up behind me, hugged me, and said “I TOLD you it would happen!” and I lost it even more. Those moments with my friends were so incredible.

After that, we hung around for a little bit until they started to kick us out. We started to leave and we got gift bags exactly like the Secret Sessions ones! We started to walk to the Subway and Jess and her guest, Igor, called out to us and we stood and talked to them for a while before getting on the Subway. Down at our train, a bunch of people from the party were gathered and we all stood around and talked before getting on the train together. It was so fun, but when we reached our stop, I had to say goodbye. It was truly the best night of my life. I’ll never forget this night that came straight out of a dream.

[amyrizz]

2017

A Late Snow Day Reflection on 2017. I didn’t want to put this on my facebook, twitter on instagram where a lot of people follow me so here we go, a tiny bit more private. 

2017 Definitely had its ups and downs. I had some really good days, some really shitty days and some okay days. My Mental Health and anxiety weren’t fantastic. I left my therapist in February planning on finding a new one ASAP but I never did. 2018 I plan on finding a new therapist sooner and hopefully find one that clicks with me better. I experienced some new challenges at my job. I love my job but man it’s been harder this year. I have been tested at my job and it’s been making me question things a lot more than I did before than I started in 2015. I still figuring those things out in this school year(since i’m a para) and hopefully they will be figured out when the school year ends in June. I learned that money is a huge problem for me. I am not very good with money and I definitely need to figure out a way to make more money, spend less and save more. I definitely need to also learn how to save for big events that I really want to attend so that when they come up I’m not struggling to figure out how to afford them.(Long weekend cons and traveling mostly). I learned that a lot more things make me emotional than they used to and that’s okay but it’s just a bit newer and different for me to handle. (Hopefully a new therapist can help with that). I learned that I REALLY have a tough time with change(of any kind) but that sometimes it’s necessary. I learned that time is so fucking precious. You really have no idea how much longer you have left with people, animals, where you’re living, etc( all kinds of things). I’m not just talking about deaths but also friendships ending, people moving away, etc. 

 I gained a lot more confidence with my singing voice. I have been singing my whole life but I used to be really shy and more nervous about singing in front of people by myself. I got to have some vocal lessons and a workshop from two Broadway Actors, Jeremy Jordan and  James Snyder, who I look up to. Jeremy Jordan, my favorite Broadway Actor of all time, actually told me that I have a Very Nice Voice. That was a HUGE confidence booster and special moment for me.  I also returned to the stage in July, first time since college,  and got my own solo song in the show. It had been a dream of mine for almost 20 years to have my own solo song in a show and it finally happened. I gained SO much confidence from that show. It was an amazing experience for me. I really developed a strong bond to the Supernatural Family. I am in it for life now! My friends who I met at SPN Con in 2016 and I gained even closer in 2017. I talk to a few one of them every day. I also met some of my SPN Family in person who I have been talking to online for a while at SPN Con in September. And of course I met totally new people who are fucking amazing people as well. Speaking of Supernatural, I learned that some things are worth waiting for even if it’s for a REALLY Long time. (waiting for cons are AWFUL but always worth it). I learned that being selfish is okay in certain circumstances. Your mental health and taking care of yourself is so fucking important. And you don’t need to say sorry for your feelings, those are not something you should be apologizing for. I’m still catching myself for say sorry about my feelings but I’m trying to correct it every-time it happens since it’s been a habit for so long. I learned that being on my phone and social media all the time isn’t extremely mentally healthy and it’s been affecting so many of my relationships. I learned that if you are in a negative environment do whatever you can to ignore it and escape it if you can. That whining and complaining is not attractive, just like it’s not with the preschoolers I teach. 

Here’s more of a breakdown now of my 2017 by month and numbers:

January 2017:

15th- Matt and I went on a staycation to Rye Brook, NY over MLK weekend even though I was getting over the stomach bug. 

20th- I FINALLY saw Waitress with my friend Tara. I even got to see Jessie Mueller before she left. It was incredible and extremely emotional.

26th-29th- Broadway Con weekend Year 2 with Nicole! I got to meet James Monroe Igleheart and Adam Jacobs after seeing Aladdin. I got amazing photos with Ben Cameron and Anthony Rapp. I learned how to do musical improv. I met amazing friends, stalked Darren Criss and many other amazing memories!

February 2017:

4th- FINALLY saw Dear Evan Hansen with my family. Holy shit Ben Platt is a god, that is all. I sobbed throughout most of the show.

6th- Saw Lacey Sturm’s solo show also with Stitched up Heart. It was an incredible show and worth it staying up late on a Monday and going into work the next day :P

10th-12th- Surprise trip from Matt to go to Providence, Rhode Island. We saw my favorite play on tour, The  Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, which was amazing to see again. We went to another favorite of mine, the Bodies Exhibit, which was fucking amazing and so cool again! We went to Monster Mini Golf, which Matt introduced me too, and had a blast. We watched the Grammy’s. And we met up with my Grandma in the snow to have lunch. 

13th- Had an online Galentines Day Celebration with Ashley, Rose and Tessy. We made waffles and watched the Galentines Day episodes together on Rabbit. Matt also surprised me with a celebration dessert for my half birthday. 

18th- Saw Newsies the movie, Jeremy Jordan version, with Rachel, Nicole, Matt and Rachel’s boyfriend in New York City. TONS of fangirling was involved! 

19th- Met up with Audrey in Trumbull. We hung out for the first time since meeting at SPN con 2016. We went to the Trumbull Mall and went to a trampoline park.

26th- Yearly  Watch the Oscars with Matt. 

March 2017

8th- Saw Amaranthe’s headlining tour in NYC with Matt and Veronica. I also fell in love with their openers, Citizen Zero and Smash into Pieces. Totally worth also going on a Wednesday and then going to work the next day :P

18th- Saw Amelie with Nicole. Phillipa Soo and Adam Chanler Berat were awesome! We also bought last minute tickets to see Phantom of the Opera at the box office and got box seats! It was super spontaneous and fun! 

23rd-Saw Enter Shikari’s headlining tour in NYC with Veronica and Matt. My 3rd or 4th time seeing Enter Shikari live, they’re always fun and crazy too :P

25th- FINALLY saw HAMILTON after  buying tickets nine and a half months in advance. Taran Killam was hysterical as King George.  Matt and I went to Ninja NY after to eat, it had been a long time since we had been there too. 

April 2017: 

1st- Saw Chanticleer in Westport with Matt :)

7th-10th- Went to Boston with Alec, Nishant and Matt. Nishant got his first pedicure with me. Nishant and I drove the boat on the duck tour. Had a blast at the Edward Kennedy Museum. Stayed in an Air B and B for the first time( 2 actually), sleepover!

10th- Won the Lottery to see In Transit for the second time. I found out at the stagedoor that they had announced closing for that weekend before our show started :(

12th- Met Christian for the first time when we went to see Your Name together with Matt, Keela and Brendan. 

15th- Spontaneous trip to New Jersey with Matt. We had really good food on the water front and played mini golf. 

19th- Won the Lottery to see Groundhog Day, even though Andy Karl was not in it. Fell in love with the show. Worth going on a weeknight :P

21st- Had a Voice Lesson with Eliana from Leave’s Eyes before their show. Nishant cooked us a meal in his apartment, so proud of him. Saw Sabaton’s headlining tour with Leave’s Eyes opening for them. 

29th- Saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Broadway with Matt. 

May 2017

1st- Reunited with my cousin Bobby years later and met his wife and daughter for the first time. 

9th- Saw my favorite band The Classic Crime after waiting a REALLY long time to see them live again. I also took a very nice and deserved personal day.

15th- Broadway Bakes at Schmackary’s and saw Jeremy Jordan preform in a Classic Stage Company Benefit Song at Lincoln Center. 

21st- My Baby Sister Graduates from College!

25th-29th-  Visited Ashley in Brockport, NY with Abby for Memorial Day weekend. Went in the Lockport Caves where they had a boat ride inside! Ashley got her first professional pedicure with me. We went go karting, garbage plates, dave and busters, RIC roc fest, etc.

June 2017

4th- Did my second annual Kidney Walk with Matt in Hamden, CT. Nishant came to CT for dinner later that night. 

6th- Finally Met Donny for the first time. Me, Christian, Matt and Donny had dinner at Bar Taco. I met my spirit animal :)

9th-11th- Anniversary trip to Shelton, CT. Went to Pride in the Park in Norwalk. We rode the waterslide in our hotel so much! We found a really cool sports arcade where we played mini golf and arcade games. Also the Tony’s were this weekend too!

25th- NYC Gay Pride Parade with Amy. And did a workshop with JEREMY JORDAN where he told me that “You have a very nice voice”. I later had dinner with my Uncle. 

July 2017

2nd- I took Audrey to her first broadway show, Chicago, Then we saw The Station Breaks in NYC. 

11th- Lost my sweet, sweet guinea pig Coco Bean Marie :(

14th-15th- Returned to the stage in Perfect the Cabaret at the Carriage House Theatre. :)

23rd- Saw Korn, Stone Sour and Skillet in Hartford, CT with Matt, Brendan and Shute. 

25th- Saw Citizen Zero’s first headlining tour in NYC with Matt.

27th- Matt and our first wedding of the year. Jay’s wedding in NJ. Stayed over with Jamel and Pat, sleepover and a gorgeous hotel. We had a BLAST at this wedding!

28th- Explored NJ with Matt, Jamel and Pat. 

29th- Vocal Few’s Living Room Tour in  NYC with Matt. 

August 2017:

3rd- Broadway in Bryant Park with Nicole. Found a Sing a long in Byrant Park after. 

5th- GISHWHES starts, my first time!

10th- Broadway in Bryant Park with Nicole and Danielle. Sing a long in Bryant Park. Saw Bandstand. 

11th- Breaking Bad RV Bar with Matt in Brooklyn.

13th- My 27th Birthday. Went to Medieval Times for the first time to celebrate my birthday with Matt, Veronica, Christian, Pat and Kate. Had a fucking blast!

19th-20th- Flame Con in NYC, first time. I also went to 54 below for the first time to see Jeremy Jordan preform! He recognized me too, oh boy:P 

22nd-26th- Summer Vacation to Seattle with Matt for our first time. Went to a Cat Cafe for the first time. I also did a yoga class in the cat cafe. Went to the top of the space needle. Museum of Pop Culture. Amazon Bookstore. Saw Idina Menzel in concert. Kerry Park. Went to the first Starbucks store ever. Rode on a monorail. Gum Wall. Museum of Science where we saw Terracotta Warriors. 

September 2017:

1st- Saw Flamingos at the Maritime Aquarium with Matt and Brendan

9th- The Play that Goes Wrong with Matt followed by Groundhog Day, which i won the lottery for again. I finally got to see Andy Karl in Groundhog Day.

17th- Saw Miss Saigon with Nicole. I couldn’t stop sobbing at this show. Fell in love with Eva Noblezada and I got to meet her too after.

21st-24th- SUPERNATURAL CON in New Jersey, FINALLY! Met Thor the Impala. Met Ruth and got to ask her a question at her panel. Got a shower cap from Ruth and a hug after. Won the lottery to ask Jared and Jensen a question. Got to ask Misha a question when he did a last minute panel. Saw Jensen sing at Saturday Night Special. 

29th- Alec visits! Went to the View taping with him and Nishant. Met Adam Scott after he taped on the show. Epica/Lacuna Coil show with Alec, Matt and Veronica.

30th- Walked the Brooklyn Bridge at night with Alec and Nishant. went to the MET museum with Alec. 

October 2017:

1st- saw  A Bronx Tale with Alec and Nishant

7th- New York Comic Con with Nii, Matt and Christian. Met Robbie Thompson :)

8th- Elsie Fest with Nicole. Got a beautiful photo with Darren Criss before.

14th- Scott’s birthday celebration with Rebecca and Kate. Went to see Rags at the Goodspeed Opera House in East Haddam, CT.

19th-22nd- Gilmore Girls Fan Festival in Kent, CT. Audrey also came over the day before to watch the SPN episode with me. Got a Jet Tub in my room. stress tap dancing class. Todd Lowe preformed with his guitar for us. Coffee Monologues. Face timed with Lauren Graham.

26th- Rocky Horror at Avon Theatre with Matt and Rob.

28th- Brian and Ashley’s wedding in Long island, City. Our hotel had a beautiful rooftop view. 

November 2017:

2nd- Saw A Perfect Circle with Matt at Barclays Center in Brooklyn

3rd- Tom and Stephanie’s wedding in Long Island.

10th- Finally saw Evanescence with Veronica and Matt in Brooklyn.

18th- Anime NYC with Nii, Matt, Brendan, Christian, Pat and Jamel. First year ever. cosplayed as L from Death Note. Sleepover at an Air B and B in Weehawken, NJ.

22nd- Macy’s Balloons with Nicole. Saw Kinky Boots with OBC members Stark Sands and Billy Porter.

29th- Saw Anastasia with Matt, Rob and Ashley

December 2017:

1st- Chanticleer in NYC with Matt

2nd- Trumbull Mall, Matching Leggings, Milkcraft and Wonderland at Roseville with Chris and Audrey :) First time hanging out with Chris outside of Con!

10th- NYC- Museum of Natural History with Nicole and Matt to see Mummies! Beautiful with Nicole to see Kara Lindsay. James Barbour’s Christmas Show with Kate at Birdland.

17th- First Annual Darien Carols by Candlelight. Such a magical and special time.

23rd- NYC Tourist Adventure with Matt to see Bryant Park, Rockefellar Tree, Saint Patrick’s Cathedral and Saxs Fifth Avenue. 

24th- Brunch at Greenwich Hyatt with Matt and his Mom. Christmas house adventure in the hail to a Milford house and Wonderland at Roseville.

31st- Shute’s house to celebrate with Pat and Matt before they move away :(

Summing everything up:

I traveled to:

1.) Providence, Rhode Island

2.) Boston, Massachusetts

3.) New Jersey- various towns

4.) Brockport, NY/Rochester, NY

5.) Seattle, Washington

6.) Kent, CT

7.) Shelton, CT

Shows I worked on:

1.) Baby at DAC

2.) Sylvia at DAC

3.) Perfect Cabaret with Lipstick Project

Shows I saw on Broadway:

1.) Waitress

2.) Aladdin(second time)

3.) Dear Evan Hansen

4.) Amelie

5.) Phantom of the Opera(not the first time)

6.) In Transit(second time)

7.) Groundhog Day(saw it twice!)

8.) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

9.) Chicago(second time)

10.) Bandstand

11.) The Play that Goes Wrong

12.) Miss Saigon

13.) A Bronx Tale

14.) Anastasia

15.) Beautiful

16.) Kinky Boots(second time)

Concerts I saw: 1.) Lacey Sturm/Stitched up Heart- NYC

2.) Amaranthe/Citizen Zero- NYC

3.) Enter Shikari- NYC

4.) Chanticleer(saw them twice!)- NYC and Westport, CT

5.) Sabaton/Leave’s Eyes- NYC

6.) The Classic Crime- Hamden, CT

7.) The Station Breaks- NYC

8.) Stone Sour, Skillet and Korn- Hartford, CT

9.) Citizen Zero- NYC

10.) Vocal Few- NYC

11.) Idina Menzel- Washington

12.) Epica/Lacuna Coil- NYC

13.) Elsie Fest- NYC

14.) A Perfect Circle- Brooklyn, NY

15.) Evanesence- Brooklyn, NY

I went to 3 weddings: Jay, Tom and Stephanie’s and Ashley and Brian’s

Conventions I went to:

1.) Broadway Con- January 2017 in NYC

2.) Flame Con- August 2017 in NYC

3.) Supernatural Con- September 2017 in NJ

4.) New York Comic Con October 2017

5.) Gilmore Girls Fan Festival October 2017

6.) Anime NYC November 2017

Here’s to 2018 I cannot wait! :)

[fathersonholygore]

BBC Two’s Peaky Blinders Season 4, Episode 5: “The Duel” Directed by David Caffrey Written by Steven Knight

* For a recap & review of the previous episode, “Dangerous” – click here * For a recap & review of the next episode, “The Company” – click here As Tommy Shelby (Cillian Murphy) heads out, he’s tailed by a truck containing Luca Changretta (Adrien Brody) and his men, armed to the teeth. When he pulls into Artillery Square, there’s a machine gun waiting for him up on the stairs. He gets to it and starts laying down fire. Inside the apartment are other assorted goods, already stashed. Quietly, Changretta and his boys track Mr. Shelby. Except one of their men is shot down soon. Meanwhile, around them people are living in these apartments, terrified by the gunfire. A cat and mouse game ensues between the lone Blinder and the Italians. More of the latter start dying, too. One tense fucking sequence. Until they find themselves in an alley, alone. But it isn’t long before the coppers turn up. Luca flees, and Inspector Moss (Tony Pitts) turns up declaring: “The rule of law has been restored.” Also letting Mr. OBE himself go free. Tom goes home, then he and Polly (Helen McCrory) reveal their previous plan, to lure Luca in after he wrote a letter to her trying to arrange a double-cross situation. Ah, it’s all clear now!

There’s a bit of news for Mr. Shelby, as well. Lizzie Stark (Natasha O’Keeffe) tells him about the pregnancy. He’s not unhappy, not thrilled. However, he is ready to support her, to bring about some life rather than all the death he knows so well. He’s re-experiencing all the horrors of World War I again, right there at home. What about Arthur (Paul Anderson)? He’s hard on the booze, the cocaine. Wasting away. “I need you to save me,” he tells Linda (Kate Phillips) when he stumbles back at night drunk off his ass. Polly takes Michael (Finn Cole) out to the gypsies and Aberama Gold (Aidan Gillen). He’s not exactly into the whole thing, yet he has to do something. Changretta wants to kill them all, he already got within inches of Michael, too. He’s got gypsy blood, so he’s welcomed into their community. And Pol looks like she’s found herself that inappropriate fuck she talked about before, in none other than Mr. Gold. The two of them hang out by the river in the woods. He catches a rabbit to cook. Before that, they get busy once she lays down a few rules, including keep Michael safe, alive. “A beautiful ghost you are, and free.” Luca goes to see Alfie Solomons (Tom Hardy), who’s busy devoting a little time to self-imposed blindness. Y’know, because he’s not quirky enough (I love it). It’s all about him always asserting dominance, no matter to whom he’s talking. He makes sure he’s always, somehow, on top of things. It’s interesting to see the Jewish baker and the Italian gangster interact. Luca’s amused, a little. Enough to entertain distributing alcohol over in New York for him. In turn, Alfie helps with the “assassination of a dear friend.” Always the businessman. Things don’t really go so great, and it’s not entirely clear where the Jew stands at the end of their conversation.

We see Ada (Sophie Rundle) picked up, mistreated, then she has to speak with Colonel Ben Younger (Kingsley Ben-Adir) about her family’s “immediate future” and such things. The woman is not about to back down to the British Army; she’s a fucking Shelby! She doesn’t have as much reach as she believes, but still, she is fearless. And not long until she’s free again. So she goes right to see Tommy about the Brits wanting to recruit her, or some other mad shit. Turns out Younger has been “given Birmingham” by Churchill, the King. Soldiers are going to hit the streets. Will Tom “stop the revolution with his cock” like his sister chastises? He hopes to get names from Jessie Eden (Charlie Murphy), then give them over to the British. If so, he has a $2-million contract to supply vehicles to the British Forces overseas. At the scrapyard, Tom and Jessie sit for a meal together. He’s even cooking. He gives her a guarantee of withdrawing the cuts, plus parity between the sexes. So long as she tells him about socialism, all that jazz. He speaks of suffrage, “women with serious faces everywhere.” Leading into talking about revolution, so on, he expresses wanting to help with the real fighting, believing she knows people who hope to do the same. They eat together, they listen to music, drink. Tom talks about himself, his dreams as a boy. Jessie mentions the Italian girl Tom loved all those years ago. Afterwards, they have a dance, they embrace. But I wonder, will he find himself caught in a place where he doesn’t want to give up Jessie an her people? Will he begin to feel too much for her? That night is the fight between Goliath (Dino Kelly) and young Bonnie Gold (Jack Rowan). The ring is setup, Arthur has the shop running smoothly, and Johnny Dogs (Packy Lee) is taking all the bets. What could go wrong, right? Season 4 finale is next week. Guaranteed to be absolute madness! Something big’s going to happen. Just can’t tell what, not for sure. Several ideas run through my mind, though I’m sure Knight is going to come out with the unexpected. “The Company” is next.

Peaky Blinders – Season 4, Episode 5: “The Duel” BBC Two's Peaky Blinders Season 4, Episode 5: "The Duel" Directed by David Caffrey…

[usnewsaggregator-blog]

Parents of Sandy victims revisit street where children lost lives

New Post has been published on http://usnewsaggregator.com/parents-of-sandy-victims-revisit-street-where-children-lost-lives/

Parents of Sandy victims revisit street where children lost lives

On each anniversary of Hurricane Sandy, Francine Streich and Marcia Sikowitz return to the Brooklyn street where they each lost a child.

Streich, Sikowitz, their relatives and their children’s friends write messages in chalk on the sidewalk, read poetry, sing songs and share stories about the 24-year-old victims of the storm that ravaged the region on Oct. 29, 2012.

The memorials are gut-wrenching but necessary for the two moms. They want to keep their children’s memories alive — especially as they see them miss out on so many of life’s milestones.

“I am always thinking about him and whether it’s his birthday or family events at weddings and nieces and nephews having children,” Sikowitz said of her son, Jake Vogelman.

Breezy Point Sandy victims still wait on NYC to Build It Back

Marcia Sikowitz, mother of Sandy victim Jake Vogelman, holds a photo of her son, in his bedroom.

(Debbie Egan-Chin/New York Daily News)

“Jake’s not going to get married, not going to have kids.”

Jake and Streich’s daughter, Jessie Streich-Kest, were killed when a tree fell on them on the night of the storm. They had been out walking Jessie’s dog, Max, in Ditmas Park, Brooklyn, and planned on watching a movie when they returned to her apartment.

Five Years Later, How Does Hurricane Sandy Compare to Other Major Storms?

They were among the city’s 44 Sandy victims.

A look back at Hurricane Sandy’s toll on NYC five years later

Some drowned in the flooding. Some were electrocuted. Some died of medical conditions when the power went out and they waited in darkness for help.

Staten Island nurse Glenda Moore lost her two young children — Brandon, 2, and Connor, 4 — when they got out of her stalled SUV during the storm. Surging water ripped the boys from her arms. The mother later said she banged on doors for help but was turned away.

Jessie Streich-Kest and Jacob Vogelman were both tragically killed while out walking Jessie’s dog when Hurricane Sandy hit Brooklyn.

(Obtained by NY Daily News)

Another victim, parking attendant Anthony Narh, drowned in a Tribeca garage when he stayed behind after his co-workers fled.

Off-duty cop Artur Kasprzak, 28, safely led relatives up to the attic of his Staten Island home. He then went down to the basement, where officials believe he died after live wires touched floodwaters.

Hurricane Sandy victims living in limbo nearly five years later

Sikowitz and Streich, who have become close friends since the tragedy, said the lost lives don’t get enough attention. The news coverage and press conferences focus on the billions of dollars needed to repair or replace homes that were badly damaged or swept away during Sandy. The human toll is rarely mentioned, they said.

“You can rebuild those things, even if it takes longer than five years,” Streich said. “You never get back the lives that are lost. And there is no value that you can put on that.”

Hurricane Sandy: Remembering the historic storm and its aftermath

Families of victims are still overwhelmed by grief.

“Every time I have time by myself, I sit and cry,” said Elsa St. John, 59, of Manhattan. “My mother was the most important thing for me.”

Mom of Queens student killed by tree during Sandy settles suit

Herminia St. John died on the night of Sandy. A Panamanian immigrant, she was 75 and had 14 grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren. She and her daughter shared an apartment on the 22nd floor of a high-rise in the Phipps Houses in the East Village.

When the electricity went out during the storm, their night descended into chaos. The oxygen tank Herminia needed to breathe malfunctioned, and her daughter was unable to reach an operator when she called 911.

Brandon and Connor Moore, 2 and 4, were swept away in a flood when Hurricane Sandy hit. At left, the boys’ mother Glenda is seen at their funeral.

(Handout)

In desperation, Herminia’s grandson ran to get help, but it took 45 minutes for an ambulance to come. When paramedics arrived, Herminia was already dead.

Elsa hugged and kissed her mother in her final moments. Then she listened as Herminia took her last breaths.

Hurricane Sandy victims living in limbo nearly five years later

“Those three little breaths, I remember every year,” Elsa said.

Jake Vogelman and Jessie Streich-Kest had been friends since the seventh grade. They were amazing kids by all accounts, their moms said.

Sikowitz described her son — a Brooklyn College graduate student who loved theater production and studied technical lighting and set design — as an “old soul.”

After Sandy, people whom she had never met would come up to her to recall a kind act her son had done.

New food hall shows Financial District is recovering from Sandy

“A lot of his good deeds, I didn’t find out about until he died,” said Sikowitz, a housing court judge who lives in Park Slope. “He was really a kind, nonjudgmental person where he accepted people for who they were.”

Streich’s home in Ditmas Park is a shrine to her daughter’s creativity and the effect she had on others. The walls are filled with Jessie’s paintings and art projects.

Jessie graduated from the University of Pennsylvania and then earned a master’s degree in special education from Hunter College.

Her mom said she overcame an anxiety disorder and immersed herself in causes she believed in. She volunteered on the campaigns of President Barack Obama and state Attorney General Eric Schneiderman. She spent summers working for the advocacy group Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now.

Judge: NYC not at fault for Sandy-ruined evidence in 2012 shootin

“She was an amazing organizer, actually, but she really loved to teach,” Streich said.

She had started her “dream job” as a teacher at the Bushwick School for Social Justice in Brooklyn 2 1/2 months before she died.

“She was incredible with kids. Kids just loved her,” Streich said.

After her death, Jessie’s students wrote letters to Streich to tell her how much she had inspired them.

Renovated South Ferry station reopens five years after Sandy

Artur Kasprzak rescued his relatives during Sandy, only to be tragically killed when he went into the basement of their Staten Island home.

(NYPD)

Streich suffered another deep loss just five weeks after losing her daughter when her husband, Jon Kest, a beloved community advocate, died of cancer.

She still lives in the home where she and her husband raised their two children. Her son lives with his friends in a rental unit above her home.

Max, Jessie’s now 7-year-old dog, survived the storm despite suffering a skull injury. The pit-shepherd mix that Jessie adopted from a rescue shelter in the Bronx lives with Streich.

“She was crazy about all animals,” Streich said. “From when she was a kid, she used to stroke snails.”

De Blasio defends design head’s return to Columbia job

Streich and Sikowitz didn’t know each other before the tragedy. Their friendship blossomed when Streich found an item of Jake’s and called Sikowitz.

“We just connected,” Streich said. “We would text each other all the time about how s—-y we were feeling.”

Elsa St. John lost her mother Herminia St. John when Hurricane Sandy knocked out power in their East Village home.

(Debbie Egan-Chin/New York Daily News)

Now they see each other at least once a month and attend a bereavement group together.

“You spend your whole life doing everything you can to protect your child,” Sikowitz said.

Long Island Hurricane Sandy victims say FEMA wrongly tossed claim

“When my child needed me, I wasn’t there to protect him. I think we both struggle with that feeling knowing that we couldn’t protect them.”

Francine Streich is pictured with her dog beside a photo of her deceased daughter, Jessie, as the five year anniversary of Hurricane Sandy approaches. 

(Debbie Egan-Chin/New York Daily News)

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