#jerry was the ill considered and borderline emotionally abusive boyfriend of his 20s

[waugh-bao]

Man, Jerry Lewis sucks. He was not funny. Dean’s reaction shots were funnier than anything Jerry ever did.

And Frank and Dean were blood brothers and life partners. Their relationship is 100x better than any Jerry Lewis nonsense.

Humor is often subjective and I wouldn't criticize a person (or France) for finding Jerry Lewis funny, but I will say that I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. I don't find him funny and he/whatever character(s) he played make me so uncomfortable that I just cannot watch him. The voice alone makes me squirm.

On the relationship question, I feel much more confident making strong assertions. (RIP my inbox for that choice).

Just from a cursory view, Jerry and Dean were together for ten years, during a significant portion of which their relationship was more or less dysfunctional. We also don't have a great sense of their personal closeness, because most of our information about their relationship comes only from one side (ie Jerry) with an agenda of its own to push. Meanwhile, Frank and Dean met the same year Dean met Jerry, and were in some sort of professional partnership/contact for about 35 years, friends for 45. Literally Dean's last public appearance was to wish Frank a happy 75th birthday.

Jerry was always very invested in downplaying the importance and depth of Dean's relationship with Frank. I mean, it's not unexpected when you see that he titled his book about Dean, published in 2005, Dean & Me: A Love Story. The book is hilariously un-self aware but that could be its own 10k word analysis. Suffice to say that he describes himself, post-break up, as the person that was "closer to Dean Martin than anyone else" and Dean as “my partner and best friend", asserting a claim on him long after 20 years of radio silence and another 20 of occasional awkward interactions.

Whereas he argued that "where Frank was concerned, Dean could never totally let down his guard. And — in a not totally healthy way — Frank was drawn to that reserve." Never mind that he wasn't anywhere near close enough to Dean post-1956 to know jack about the workings of his personal relationship with Frank, the idea of Jerry Fucking Lewis criticizing anyone for having unhealthy interpersonal relationships is so deranged it's laughable. (Oh yeah, and Frank was the one who engineered Dean and Jerry's 'reunion' in 1976 and convinced Dean to do it/stayed with him through the whole appearance).

Professionally, jettisoning Jerry was one of the best things that ever happened to Dean. He went from second fiddle straightman in a popular duo to a genuine solo star, with hit records, popular TV shows, blockbuster movies, and in person residencies (with the Rat Pack and alone) that regularly sold out. Frank was hugely supportive of this and did everything he could to personally show it for Dean, including making an appearance on his first television show. In contrast to many of the later Martin-Lewis sets, Dean and Frank were known for working well as a team, and the Rat Pack movie sets, like Oceans Eleven, were notorious mostly for being good fun. Frank conducted the orchestra and picked the musicians for Dean's most critically acclaimed albums.

On a personal level they were likely each other's most important relationships. Frank had mental health issues. He was open about it: "Being an 18-karat manic-depressive and having lived a life of violent emotional contradictions, I have an over-acute capacity for sadness as well as elation." Dean supported him through those and his sense of humor/natural placidity were a huge boon to Frank in bad times. When Frank's mother, whom he was very close to, died in a plane crash, Dean stayed with him through the search for the wreckage, helped him through the funeral, etc. And when Dean's son, Dean Paul, died in a flight training accident years later, Frank did the same. He tried his best to pull him out of his depressive spiral.

It's evident in the everyday, too. They had neighboring houses in Pam Springs and raised their kids together. Frank had matching pinkie rings made for them and Dean never took his off. Jeanne, Dean's wife, said that "Frank adored Dean, Frank wanted to be with Dean all the time" and Deana, his daughter, called Frank his "closest friend." Frank was the last person Dean ever spoke to before he died, and Frank told his bodyguard, who asked why he was laughing so much after the end of their conversation, that even though Dean was the ill one he had managed to make Frank feel better: "That cuckoo bastard is still telling jokes…He’s sick and he’s still making wisecracks. I love him."

"We’re practically like brothers. Everything we do, we do together. We always keep in touch with each other and our families are always together. Well, we’re brothers. Everything is Frank and Dean."-Dean Martin

“Dean has been like the air I breathe, always there, always close by. He was my brother not by blood, but by choice.”-Frank Sinatra