#jennafornia

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waterfalls are even prettier when you almost die on train tracks to get there. #jennafornia

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This was last Sunday in San Francisco.🌞 Today it’s storming, but that’s okay because we need the rain.🌈🌧

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I love the Bay Area. All of the Bay Area.

#jennafornia

Mount Tamalpais, California

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This is a view that never gets old. Even when it’s windy and nose-runningly cold. #poetsofinstagram. . . #jennafornia #icantfeelmyface #california #pinkhair #beach #aesthetic #colors

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I didn’t actually drink any of this pink margarita thing but it matched my new hairdo so… #jennafornia #jennaforniafresh

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I can pretend it’s already spring. #jennafornia #mural #flowers #california (at Capitola, California)

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The Year of Jennafornia!

No more reintegration blues…

Nothing could have prepared me for what it would be like to return home after 4 years abroad through Europe, Africa, Asia and living in Madagascar. 

I’d heard over and over that it would be hard. So much so, that it seemed like a cliché. Peace Corps even had workshops on “returning home” before we left Madagascar. I’d heard people say it, but it never registered in my stubborn mind. 

Why would coming home be hard? Adjusting to a new country, city, or lifestyle is something I had done numerous times. It’s always challenging. That was to be expected. I knew it would be a rollercoaster of horrendous emotions, but I always did it. I always survived to tell the emotionally charged tale to anyone who would listen and watch me fling around my arms in a fit of storytelling rage. 

So now I would be coming home. Home: A place I already had a relationship with. A place I loved. A place where people knew me. I would be coming home to Pacifica, a gorgeous coastal town a few miles south of San Francisco. A place I’d longed for and dreamt of while away. I would be in the golden state of California. Life would be gold. 

…

I spent 2017 with the mindset of “no commitments.” For Seinfeld fans, it was the “Year of the Summer of George!” I could do anything.

And that’s pretty much what I did. 

I left Madagascar in April with no concrete plans. I traveled for 6 months through Africa and Asia and thought maybe I would live in Hawaii. I had relatives there that kept encouraging me to stay. I was intrigued by the idea of staying in a warm, tropical world. I could most likely work in either sustainable events or sustainable tourism there, the two career paths I concurrently develop. And worst (best?) of all, I was pursuing a love I have never written about on my blog. 

While I was away, especially in the last year and a half, I’d stayed in touch with someone I’d always had a powerful and confusing relationship with. He was my main support. He was the only person I knew in America who took the time to understand what I was doing in Madagascar and abroad. He meant the world to me. (And that’s a lot coming from a “world traveler”). 

He was finishing his 3 years of Marine Corps Pilot training and would be stationed in Hawaii. After years of video calls, letters, music, and smiles flinging across continents, I thought it was finally time to see him again. 

It was terrifying at times. But I truly believed it was right, so I made it happen.

…

Things in Hawaii didn’t go well. I had to walk away from the fantasy. 

Then I was home in California. I thought it was all I wanted. 

Home. 

In California. 

A job in San Francisco planning events, childhood friends, city friends, a warm bed, a car, a refrigerator filled with fruits and vegetables… 

These past three months since I have been home have been difficult. I felt so empowered while I was traveling. I’d been feeling invincible. But suddenly I was in a place that looked familiar, and I didn’t fit. All of my incredible experiences didn’t matter in the same way here. 

I’d been gone. I’d done things. I was back, and that’s all people saw. 

I was not welcomed home to a hero’s welcome. My parent’s didn’t even get out of the car to hug me at the airport. 

It’s been challenging to reunite with friends because in four years of time, people’s lives have changed drastically. Everyone is busy. Actually busy. My friends are working at time-consuming jobs and some have serious relationships. 

Here I am, back and knocking on doors, squeaking: “pay attention to me.” 

Being unemployed while traveling felt okay, but being unemployed as an adult in America felt wrong. My first goal was to get a job. I worked at various events around San Francisco through a staffing agency and a catering company. The staffing agency ended up connecting me to a PR firm looking for an event planner. After a month of returning interviews, I landed a job. 

I had a real, adult job in my field! I had health insurance! I was starting to fit in? I signed the offer exactly two months after returning home. I know I got very lucky. I hadn’t been mentally ready to apply for jobs in my field and I never had to. Struggling to readjust plus job searching is absolutely brutal.

I’ve had this job for a month now. I am using my brain in ways I couldn’t for years. The work is fast-paced and technology based. It’s been overwhelming at times, but it’s a wonderful gig. I work in a modern office in downtown San Francisco. My coworkers are super cool and ambitious. I enjoy it all.

Though, getting a job didn’t automatically cure my depression and “reintegration blues.” Suddenly my days were full of skyscrapers and spreadsheets. I was a cog in the wheel. I still felt dead inside. 

Now 2018 has rolled around. I have been back for 3 months exactly. I am feeling more settled. 

One day when I was driving to work a few weeks ago, the sky was pink over the ocean and I realized that I am so lucky to be where I am. I almost died taking a photo of the incredible view. 

I’d had an epiphany. I needed to start seeing California through a traveler’s eyes. 

It was time to fall back in love with California. I didn’t need the shallow coldness of skyscrapers in winter to define me. I didn’t need to drown in apps and google docs as a way of life. I didn’t need to have a pity party of confusion for my complicated relationship with what happened in Hawaii. 

I needed to get out and explore California. I needed to be here, where I am.

So I decided to start reaching out to friends more. I decided to start messaging back guys who have asked for my number. I decided to go on a hiking-buddy-searching rampage. And now I’m going to go outside. I am going to see California. I am going to make this place my home in a new way, using all that I have learned from traveling and the crazy experiences I have had. It’s been a week and I’ve already had a series of hikes and dates. Ironically my favorite new hiking buddy is another Marine. I think servicemen just get it. They’ve had to move around and adjust too.

…Life is funny. Anything can happen, but I’m off to a good start!

It’s the Year of Jennafornia! Come fall in love with California with me!

Happy New Year!

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The eye of the day is going to sleep. #masoandro #matahari #jennafornia

Pacifica State Beach, California

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Masoandro = the eye of the day = the sun 🌞.

Does this mean winter is over???

#jennafornia

Capitola, California

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Redwood you like to explore with me?

El Corte de Madera Open Space, California

#jennafornia

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Fog, smog, morning jog. #california #jennafornia #nature #neature #pacifica

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In the Spirit of America we had some @dominos pizza before this. It made taking all of the stairs in this neighborhood a truly painful experience. #domiNOs #america #jennafornia

Moraga Steps, San Francisco, California

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“I don’t know if they love each other or are fighting for sun”-Ben. 🍃 @ El Corte De Madera Open Space, California

#jennafornia

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Sunrise from a highrise. #soma #sanfrancisco #jennafornia

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I spend my days surrounded by skyscrapers, but I see this every morning. #california #jennafornia #commute #pacifica

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California Beach and Breakfast.

Mori Point, Pacifica, California