#jemima del mar hernandez

[stargazing-sapphire2]

For What I Have Become

Based on @raresvtm's angst prompts - "I don't know how to open up. I've built too many walls around myself".

Dedicated to my darling mutual @thatonesillyducko. Here's hoping you enjoy!

Jemíma Ámbar del Mar Hernández - @thatonesillyducko

Henry and Beth Ashford - Me

Keegan, the Ghosts - Activision

Title taken from "Take Me Back To Eden" by Sleep Token

****************

It all happened in the blink of an eye.

He barely processed as mortar fire struck the building he had been safely perched in, hidden from the enemy's eye. Or so he thought.

His feet were no longer touching ground, and he was soon falling amongst the collapsing debris, only being able to muster a pained cry as he fell, shrapnel slicing through his gear and into his flesh, as well as the heat from the blast began to singe at him.

Keegan landed hard, a sharp gasp ripping itself from his chest, before several pounds of debris began falling onto him. He barely managed to roll out of the way, as larger chunks would have no doubt crushed him to death. But he was still struck, and his knees buckled as he went forward, faceplanting into the dusty earth with a pained grunt.

Something hard collided to the back of his head, and his vision blacked out.

So this is how I die, he thought bitterly. He did not know whether to laugh or yell.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe, with a heavy weight pressing down on his back.

After everything I've been through, dying by suffocation. Just my fucking luck.

He opened his eyes, squinting as he attempted to adjust his vision in the darkness. A harsh cough escaped him, wincing as dust was flung into his face and he instinctively closed his eyes again.

There was a faint crackling noise in his ear, although static was the only thing audible.

"-Keegan-!"

Was that Henry?

"-Can....hear me...!"

A wheeze escaped his throat.

"Hope you like...digging me out, old man," he managed to grunt out, heaving a heavy groan as he felt debris continue to exert pressure against his back.

I can't breathe.

He was going to die.

Not here...not like this...

There was silence around him, before his ears perked when he thought he heard something.

Comin' for me, Death? Well, here I am.

A harsh light broke through the cracks, as the debris was slowly being removed. He opened his eyes, squinting harshly as he attempted to adjust his vision.

"He's here!"

He did not recognize the voice, in his haze. Black spots began dotting his vision, and a weak breath escaped him.

The last thing he saw were the silhouettes of people, before he gave way to unconsciousness.

~*~

Fear was an emotion Jemíma rarely experienced.

It was only when they had pulled Keegan out of there, and seeing him in that state, heartbeat faint and unconscious...she had been shaken to her core.

Sure, there were times the man often got under her skin, but in the end, he was a fellow Ghost and her comrade, someone she had come to consider a friend. That would apply to the rest of the team, had they been in a similar situation.

It had been 36 hours since then, and while they were told Keegan would pull through (Tough bastard, that he was), she could not shake the feeling of worry.

"Keep pacing like that, and you'll dig yourself a ditch."

Jemíma came to an abrupt halt. She had not been realizing that she had been pacing outside the infirmary, and she turned to the owner of the voice, none other than Beth.

The younger woman stood a few feet from her, watching her silently. Although the eldest Ashford twin's expression was stoic, she could see the hint of concern and sympathy in her eyes.

This irked Jemíma somewhat.

I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me; I'm not the one whose hurt.

Her stomach dropped at the thought, and she glanced over her shoulder back at the infirmary.

Please, please be all right...

"You should go see him," Beth piped up, as if she read her thoughts.

Jemíma paused, narrowing her eyes as she looked back at her.

"...What?" She questioned

"I said," Beth reiterated. "Go in there and see him. You're getting yourself worked up, so maybe seeing him should calm you down."

Jemíma scowled at her.

You little shit, she thought.

"...You keep this between us, understand?" She huffed out, glaring at Beth.

The younger woman snickered, and Jemíma resisted the urge to leap over and strangle her.

Sometimes she wondered how she managed to put up with her.

"My lips are sealed, but it's not me who'll be gossiping," Beth responded, shrugging as she stuffed her hands in her pockets.

Jemíma huffed, rolling her eyes.

For a moment, she hesitated, before she turned on her heel and entered the infirmary, pushing aside the tent flaps.

Her eyes laid on where Keegan laid, and her heart sank.

He had been stripped of his gear, so they could dress and wrap the injuries he sustained; an IV was hooked into his bicep, steadily pumping fluids into his body.

But above all else, his face looked peaceful, less tense and hardened as he slept.

Jemíma chewed her lip, slowly making her way towards the cot. She stood there at his side, contemplating on what she should do.

Should she wait there, until one of the medics kicked her out? Or wait until Keegan woke up, so she knew she was at least still kicking.

"Didn't...expect to see you here.."

Her eyes snapped over when she heard him speak, his voice raspy from a lack of use. His eyes opened, piercing blue meeting her dark eyes.

Jemíma's heart skipped a beat.

"Someone had to keep you company," she quipped back, holding one hand against her hip as she leaned against the frame of the cot.

He raised a brow.

"Oh, yeah?"

She felt her face heat up, and she glanced away, rubbing the back of her neck.

"...Yeah," she said softly.

There was a heavy silence in the air, and for a moment, Jemíma was beginning to regret coming in here.

While they seemed to both vehemently deny having anything in common, there was no doubt that the struggle to open up to one another was there in that very moment.

It was much easier to hide behind the mask, than it was to let others see your true self in its raw, vulnerable form.

For once, Jemíma felt lost, clueless on what to do.

She took a deep breath.

"I, uh...should probably leave," she spoke up, straightening her posture as she turned to exit.

"Jemíma, wait."

She froze as she heard Keegan speak. She did not look at him, only she stood still, waiting for him to say what he wanted.

There was an uncomfortable silence around them, as Keegan contemplated on what to say. He closed his eyes, breathing heavily through his nostrils.

"Stay...please."

Jemíma immediately glanced back at him, surprise set on her face as he said this.

He wants me to stay? I never thought...

No, she will not screw this up.

She turned around fully, awkwardly pushing a few strands of hair out of her face. A soft smile formed on her face, warmth engulfing her chest.

"Of course," she whispered.