#jem starling i know you

[sil-te-plait-tue-moi]

oh god i just watched The Starling Girl oh god

i have thoughts about jem and her dad

everything was SO. i don’t think i can ever watch that movie again it took me a couple tries to finish because i kept pausing to wail and sob, it was awful

i don’t think i’ve ever seen a piece of media depict a father/daughter relationship that way that well (in my humble opinion). seeing your daddy almost as a god. knowing he could lift you out of Situations. maybe not the brunt of it, maybe not straight away, but you know he could if he just woke up, and so you trust him. because you know that deep down, under it all, he’s gentle just like you and he KNOWS you and he understands why you do things, not like working out a math problem or anything but because he just is you and you are him. oh god

if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that you’re alike, who’s to say?? at least you have one person who gets you, but he’s known you your whole life and you’ve only known him for a fraction of his, so it’s not reciprocated and there’s that huge cavern of guilt cutting through your chest. does he love you or hate you? depends on the day. depends how he’s feeling about his life

and then the special hurt of seeing him down on his knees, having to haul him back up to his feet, see him cry or go way too still and quiet, or having to accept his apology to you. not disappointed, but just shocked, because you realise that he’s not a god and he can’t save you. even if he was a god, he couldn’t save you, because he couldn’t even save himself. and you want to save him but you don’t know how, and then you realise that that’s maybe how he felt about you the entire time he was watching you grow up

you’re young so you don’t know about all the things out to get you, or things that might trip you up accidentally, and you realise that neither did your daddy. you always figured that you’d get wiser as you got older, but now you realise that you’re gonna have to fight blind.

but yeah, also, the weird terror of maybe ending up like him. is the defect hereditary? who’s fault is it? half doomed on my daddy’s side. and all the similarities start to feel like signs

anyway i ugly cried when jem pulled up outside that ugly little bar. she’s dancing to Feel Everything, in the way her daddy probably played and sang to Feel Everything, and that made them conduits for something magical. Maybe it was worship. maybe it was God

(if you ever want to watch this movie, keep in mind that there’s a lot that could make it really hard 🤘🤘🤘 religious trauma and abuse, grooming, pls just know what you’re getting into 🙏🙏)

[lewmagoo]

my thoughts on the starling girl (spoilers)

i want to preface this by saying that i come from a very religious background. we’re talking church on sunday morning and sunday night, bible study every wednesday, etc. i related heavily to the subject matter in this film so a lot of this might be coming from a very personal point of view.

also, please do not expect a streamlined, structured review from me, my thoughts are very jumbled and i jump back and forth a lot in this post.

going into it i knew it was meant to make the audience uncomfortable. but holy hell, did they nail the cringe factor on the head. it was extremely tense. i was on the edge of my seat for the entire film, wondering what was going to happen. they did an excellent job of setting up that tension to keep the viewer on their toes.

casting was fantastic. eliza scanlen did a wonderful job, i could feel jem’s inner turmoil throughout the entire film, and i was rooting for her, hoping she’d make the right decision for herself in the end. she portrayed the struggle of a young christian girl dealing with “sexual sin” quite well. i related to her heavily in that sense because it’s something i struggled with for most of my teen years and into adulthood. but you aren’t here to listen to my woes, so on with my thoughts!

lewis was very convincing in this role. he was magnetic and disarming and i understood why jem was attracted to him. in the end, owen had literally no remorse for what he did. he knows he’s a predator and he doesn’t care. he was only concerned about himself. there’s a scene at the end in which the church has jem stand before them and ask for forgiveness for what she did (victim blaming at its ugliest), and owen has the audacity to come up and say “i forgive you” and he can’t even bring himself make eye contact with her. it filled me with a rage i can’t even begin to describe. if he can make me hate him with every fiber of my being for almost 2 hours of a movie, i’d say that’s a good performance.

jimmi simpson and wrenn schmidt, jem’s parents, stood out to me as well. especially wrenn. her anguish and desperation at the end when jem left was heartbreaking.

on to the film itself!

i think they hit the nail on the head with the portrayal of patriarchal, religious ideals. while this isn’t a film for everyone, i think it’s a very important story, and it sheds light on something that is unfortunately all too common. the story is basically told from her point of view which i think was the right choice.

i heavily related to jem as she struggled with navigating her sexuality. she’s right at the precipice of her own sexual awakening, and then owen comes along at just the right (wrong) time, and he’s handsome and charming and he’s been away in puerto rico, so there’s an appeal there that she’s drawn to immediately. she starts fixating on him, developing a crush. and he realizes this early on, and takes advantage of her crush. he doesn’t even bother to control himself. the whole time he maintains this schtick of “god wants us to be together” and it’s maddening.

the sex scenes are not overly gratuitous, but but i will say i have a bone to pick with the first sex scene they showed. there’s not really any nudity and it happens in a dark car (it also doesn’t last that long), but i feel like they could’ve shown the lead up and then had the act itself happen off camera, to let the viewer come to the conclusion as to what was happening on their own. it certainly made for an uncomfortable moment, and i was fighting so hard not to skip it because i almost couldn’t handle it. afterwards you see them both clothed and jem reaches between her legs and notices she’s bleeding because of the sex. so, again i would’ve preferred if it had happened off screen, and then showed the aftermath. it’s still possible to portray the unfortunate situation without showing it.

however i appreciated that there wasn’t nudity. they did not sexualize this teenage girl or her body, even when she was dancing. it was tasteful, unlike some teen shows and movies (looking at you, euphoria). dancing is a big part of this film, which i thought was interesting. there’s a lot of focus on how jem feels criticized and controlled because of her body. owen’s wife tells her she’s drawing too much attention to her body when dancing. her mom tells her she’s too focused on herself. i think part of why she’s drawn to owen is because he doesn’t make her feel shameful about her body. he makes her feel seen and desired.

i think the subject matter was portrayed well. specifically the victim blaming aspect. when everyone finds out about what’s happening between jem and owen, they all point their fingers are her. she’s the one with sin in her heart. she’s the one who needs to ask for forgiveness. owen isn’t held responsible whatsoever, aside from being asked to give up his position as youth pastor and his wife threatening to leave him. but again that’s all made out to be jem’s fault. she is made to stand before the church and ask for forgiveness. it’s really difficult to watch. and then, of course, as i mentioned above, owen comes up to say he forgives her and the anguish on her face is just heart wrenching. i feel that that scene hit me the hardest out of all of them.

her suffering the blame for what he did was unfortunately a very accurate portrayal of what actually happens in situations like these. men like this get off scot free all the time. girls are shamed for leading these men “astray.” the men suffer hardly any consequences. but part of me wishes the movie had gone a different route and shown owen getting in trouble for what he did, just to change up the narrative. the only justice that gets served is him getting punched in the nose by jem’s mom. but i do think it’s important to shed light on the victim blaming aspect and portray a very dark reality that still takes place in our world today.

this film portrayed growing up in a fundamentalist community very well. i don’t feel that it sensationalized it. it felt like it came from a very personal point of view. i know that the director has said she experienced a similar situation and i think that translates into the movie.

this is by no means an extensive or cohesive review just some jumbled thoughts i had about the movie. would i watch it again? probably not, i think it’s just one of those movies i can only watch once and it will stay with me for a long, long time.

if you have religious or sexual trauma, this may not be the film for you. it dredged up a lot of memories i’d long since forgotten of growing up in a christian community. i related to many things in this film. i found myself saying “i’ve experienced that” or “i know others who’ve experienced that” throughout the entire film. it hit very close to home and it affected me more than i realized it was going to. if you don’t think you can handle it, don’t watch it. it’s almost 2 hours of anxiety and discomfort because you know that it can’t possibly end well for anyone involved.

in short, great film, but difficult to watch.

[jeonggukingdom]

splinters of love • day XX [kth]

pairing  ⟶ kim taehyung x fem!Reader

summary  ⟶ a collection of drabbles (one for each day of April) based on prompts by an online prompts’ generator site. Specifically  ⟶  • day XX ↳ in which Taehyung hogs all the blankets so you are forced to cling on to him for dear life in search of some warmth.

genre  ⟶ fluff, a little tiny bit of crack

rating  ⟶ G

word count ⟶  853 words

warnings  ⟶ none except for taehyung being the squishiest baby ever

series masterlist  ⟶ here  (links on mobile may not work, if you’re looking for all the works in this series, you can click on the “!splintersoflove” tag and you’ll find them all there!)

author’s note  ⟶ I know your bias is Namjoon but today’s drabble is for another Kim. Either way, if you are reading this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEM ANON ♥

It’s the deep shiver that runs down your spine all of a sudden that startles you, forcing your eyes to open as you hug yourself in the darkness of the room, a deep pout forming on your lips.

Without even having to look you know that the warm covers that were enveloping you just mere seconds before you woke up are now completely tucked around your boyfriend, at the other end of the bed.

You heave out a sigh, turn around to fix your gaze on his back and send daggers his way because damn, this happens every single night.

One moment you are peacefully asleep and the other you are dying of cold with no possibility of reprieve because Taehyung has proved to be the most stubborn sleeper ever.

You inch closer to him, wrap your fingers around the covers and try to pull them your way to at least get him to turn towards you.

The thing is, Taehyung is a very heavy sleeper and waking him up is already a task in the morning, let alone so late in the night when his sleep is at its heaviest.

“Taehyungie,” you try, the pout on your lips deepening as you pull onto him a tad bit more.

As expected, not a single response comes your way.

You sigh again, tug on the covers even more getting him to inch towards you but he is not budging, hell, he’s not even mumbling in his sleep as he usually would.

“Come on, give me some of the covers, baby,” you coo in his ear but alas, your words fall on deaf ears and you let your body fall flat on the bed once more in defeat.

On most nights you’d just hug yourself, inch a bit closer to him and fall back asleep but tonight it’s just too cold and you are already shivering.

“Taehyung!” You raise your voice a little, shake him under the covers but all you get in return is utter gibberish, a grunt and his body turning completely away from you.

“Oh come on!” You utter under your breath, gritting your teeth in frustration.

You stare at his back for a few seconds, close your eyes as you take in a deep breath and then force yourself to get up from the bed, circle it and then fall back on it right in front of Taehyung.

A little devilish smile spreads on your lips then as you slowly inch your fingers towards him until the icy tips touch his warm skin, starling him awake.

His eyes snap open before you and you chuckle at the shocked and wounded expression there as you inch closer to him.

“Jesus, ________, are you sure you’re alive? You’re so cold,” his voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper and it’s a sound that always makes you feel warmer on the inside but… not even that suffices to warm up your body, tonight.

“Wonder whose fault is that…” you retort, visibly pouting before him.

The expression on your face must be adorable in his eyes judging by the way he immediately smiles as his eyes fill with utter adoration.

“I’ll let you keep the covers if you keep me in your arms,” you suggest, your eyebrows rising a little suggestively as you dare to inch forward a little bit more as to feel his warmth embrace you already.

Taehyung cracks into a smile, opens his arms wide and welcomes you right in between them, covering the both of you with the thick blankets.

“Hey,” he says as your noses brush together and you feel yourself blush under his gaze. It’s amazing how he still has the same effect on you even after all these years together.

“Hey,” you murmur back, tilting your head up a little bit so to bump the tip of your nose against his, making him chuckle.

His fingers close around your frame, fist the fabric of your pyjamas and you sigh in contentment at the warmth that suddenly envelopes you whole.

Taehyung’s lips find yours then, his eyes closing as his body starts to relax once more against yours.

The kiss is brief and chaste but sweet like honey and you find yourself biting your bottom lip to keep his taste there, savour it until you are fast asleep in his embrace.

“I’m sorry I keep stealing the covers,” he whispers after a few seconds and you smile to him, closing your eyes as you relax in his embrace, rest your head on his arm and press your forehead against his chest.

“It’s ok, as long as you hold me like this, you can keep them.”

Those words earn a chuckle from Taehyung and grant you an even tighter embrace as he sighs while resting his chin on top of your head.

You fall asleep with a deep smile on your lips and you don’t even need to look to know there is one on his thin lips as well, mirroring your very own.

“Good night, baby,” he whispers and just like that, you fall asleep in his tender embrace.

Copyright © 2020 by jeonggukingdom. All rights reserved. Do not repost, do not steal, do not translate without consent.

[pizzapartyfanfiction]

The Menagerie Song List

1. Snowbird- Swan and Starling

2.Falling In Love with a Stranger - Starling

3.You Belong to Me - Waxwing

4.Heaven Knows - Heron

5.Disobedient - Jay

6.When it's Only Me and The Music- Stlng

7.Destiny - Swan

8.Magic - Waxwing

9. I Hate Myself for Loving You - Jay

10.Don't Leave Me This Way - Heron

11.Who is He Kissing? - Starling

12.Now - Everyone

Credits to Oringal Source Material for music:Anne Murray, Jem and The Holigrams, Carly Simon, Donna Summer, Steven Universe, The Stingers, Joan Jett, and Thelma Houston.

[shapechangcr]

phyxisopened :

will sure LOVES his parabatai, but he couldn’t have strayed from the path at a worse time. one moment jem was right behind him, having his back like he ALWAYS did, the next he was all alone in a strangely well-lit alleyway on his own. turning in a small circle, he furrowed his eyebrows slightly. “james? abandoning me in the middle of an investigation is UNACCEPTABLE. i could get kidnapped. what would even do without me?” he wondered aloud, waiting for the familiar voice to clear his whereabouts — and yet there was nothing. a strange feeling washed over him, feeling C O L D all over as he began to retrace his steps. he really was sure that he would stumble over him, caught up in something, just not having HEARD that will had called for him. nothing happened to jem, surely. that wouldn’t happen. he would’ve FELT it and besides… it just wouldn’t. his thoughts were spinning and it certainly didn’t help that he couldn’t actually find his way like he usually did. it wasn’t like the streets were UNFAMILIAR to him, but they were — different. he crossed more people than he ever did and frankly, their wardrobe screamed a fashion trend that actually has yet to reach them. will more and more began to question his own SANITY when he entered the building. a small voice had told him to go in there, whether it was just because it appeared to be M O R E like something he knew from the london he knew or because he convinced himself that the bond has pulled him inside didn’t matter. his footsteps remained quiet on old wood, not even a creak announcing his presence. carefully raising the witchlight, already meaning to call out for any possible owners or even possibly his missing parabatai he was silenced by another voice. the one of a woman. starling in his steps, he couldn’t keep his face untouched from the deep CONFUSION he felt upon knowing the voice and yet feeling like he heard it for the first time. “— i’m sorry, miss, but is this building one of your name? because i have no intention of hurting you, this i can assure you.”

the bright light appeared to completely light up the room, had tessa not been distracted by this entrancing light, she would have noticed the true AGE of the building.but most importantly, the location of it. with the vase held tightly, she urged the stranger on, the fear that was nestled within her chest being pushed down further by the pure STUBBORNNESS and honestly, the desire to be home right now. not new york but-- the institute. her real home. with her eyes squinting to try and make out the shadow, the sound of the voice made not only the vase held clutched in her hand drop --- but her HEART as well. the shattering of the vase did not even startle her, her wide eyes finally making out the man who stood before her. from his dark hair to the hauntingly blue eyes, tessa swallowed loudly before speaking. “william?” her voice was a bit shaking, though growing in strength as she came back to the situation at hand. “where ON EARTH were you?” she closed the distance quite furiously, her tall stature still quite small compared to his but the ferocity in her movements would not go unnoticed. “you seem to have sobered up. good on you.” she exclaimed, the sarcasm harsh. “i suppose you finally decided it would be best to choose in out of character decision and actually be responsible.” although it appeared to tessa that should would be coming off as HOSTILE, she felt as though she must be. for jem. who would overlook-- or better yet, FORGIVE will’s actions. “how could you?” her face was now but inches from him, averting her gaze as best as possible in any attempt to remain in her own mind. “he loves you and you MOCK his pain? his fatal curse?” her eyes moved to meet his, tessa’s glare remained cold-- fueled by the anger she felt for jem -- and the anger nestled within her heart, exclusively for william.

[lewmagoo]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the starling girl. I felt very much the same way. I was kind of startled by how relatable it was and how many memories it dredged up. One other thing that really struck me was the way the film handled parental substance abuse and just the denial from Jem's mom until something really bad happened and the fact that Jem could see her dad struggling to be this changed person and fulfill this patriarchal role that he's supposed to have he even though it's clearly not what he really wanted and she she has this concern for him and doesn't know how to address it. There were some beautiful moments of them connecting with each other, but then so many uncomfortable moments that were so hard to watch too, especially when Jem confronts him. It was such a complex relationship that really hit home for me

that was one thing i neglected to mention. her relationship with her dad also struck me. it really fits the narrative that is often in religious circles, where they don’t acknowledge the problem until it’s too late. “oh you just need to seek the lord” or “just read your bible!” are prescribed cures for that sort of thing. but it never addresses the root issue. it was sad to watch her dad struggle and spiral out of control throughout the whole movie. and seeing how jem was the only one who actually noticed and acknowledged it was also sad. her mom didn’t react until it was too late. just a tragic situation all around.