#jeans edggey phase on tumblr rp

[jean-heron-viq]

It must be simultaneously very good and terribly difficult for you to watch Harry getting better with the help of Kim because on one hand after all those years he’s finally getting better but in the other it’s not because of you, it’s Kim. After years of suffering taking him home drunk and repairing the damage done to the precinct by his behavior he finally gets better but no thanks to you, so you probably can’t help thinking, maybe you’re just not enough? Maybe you’re not worth getting better for?

4:28am god damn. Fuck me. I don't know what you want me to say to that. Sure I'm glad to see that sorry sack of shit slowly get better and recover but yeah it hurts like a bich to see him with someone else. All the hell in the RCM we saw, the all nighters. The benders and pulling his ass back to work and dealing with his hangovers and drug usage. You get to a point where you're so fucking depressed yourself around a man who acts like he has nothing to live for so recklessly and simultaneously solving an ungodly amount of cases with you. A washed up shell of a man who takes you down with you while also having good times too. Incredible highs and adrenaline rushes. Constant action, constant dopamine rushes. Then the deep and deadly lows where ypu drag eachother back from hell. You yell him everything, he tells you everything.You go through a lot with a man and one day he snaps. He tells you and everyone else to get lost. Detect or die. And then goes on his worst bender yet. He forgets. Not just you, but everything. You lose a person who plays a massive role in your life and see him get better with a man hes known for three fucking days. And they fall for each other. It's hard. In Martinaise I lost my fucking partner. I don't know where that leaves me.

[jean-heron-viq]

Self care day🥴🤪

[jean-heron-viq]

Dontt listrn tp anythong I ssy,, I am nevver soberr ans grt soòoppopoo emotipnal on herr thst you nevrr knoww if its truee. St worrk mm good and more soberrr but on hrre sll you depressedd peoppple makr me tealize hiw sad ans aline I sm without himm💔💔

Sny pist concrrning Harry's relatiinshipss tske with a grainnn of salttt because I sm a sad sad lonely msn withoyr him💔💔

All his exs sre extremely bangable thoughhhh, he has good tsste in people🫣🥺🥲💔😒

[jean-heron-viq]

Do you ever fear Kim will become just like you?

Absolutely. But there's something about him that makes their dynamic,,, different. Kim doesn't crack under Harry's unending pressure unless it's things that won't harm them. That's where we differ. Harry and i would self destruct together. Kim may feel like he's self destructing when situations go wrong but he will never do hard drugs with harry, he will never encourage or drink along side harry. We enabled eachother in the worst ways and Kim's iron will and morals would never let him. He holds himself to much higher standards than myself i guess.

[jean-heron-viq]

Jean, do you like to wear wigs, long blond wigs. I want to see you in a wig. Jean.

Yeah of have the blond one from when I pretended to be G-bevy but I actually have pictures Jude and harry told when shopping for the wig because we needed it for a case

Art by @turtle-ask

Thank you so much for the amazing artwork!!!!!

[jean-heron-viq]

Might get this for my apartment😌

My mom got tired of me making fun of her “Live Laugh Love” sign and modified it.

[jean-heron-viq]

Maybe you can do it like Harry, drink so much that drive to amnesia. Well, at the very least you can be reborn anew like him

Why would I do that when I know how deeply it affects those around me. Why would I put Jude, trant, or the rest of the precinct through that experience again? It's completely unprofessional, and sure I'd technically still be alive, I'd have to depend on someone to re-educate me on the world around me.

Plus, who knows if I'd actually be able to recreate that outcome? Harrys stunt was reckless and could have resulted in a much worse outcome. He's lucky to be alive. .y body doesn't have the same tolerance of alcohol as his as He's a more seasoned drinker than I. For all I know, I'd be dead at the end because I wouldn't be as lucky as he is, I never have been, nor will I ever be.

[jean-heron-viq]

I understand ur grief, Jean. but in my experience, u'll learn that ure better off without him- both of u are. it hurts right now, but I don't think u or harry were good for each other. but what do I know? in any case, hope u can find some time to relax and feel good:)

[jean-heron-viq]

If you stare into the abyss, would it stare back? What happened to those who lost in them? Have they found their way home? Have you?

The abyss is always staring, even when you're not looking. It watches. Waits. Slowly creeps in when no one is looking. For those who know they're staring into the abyss, they slowly start to enter it. The further in you are, the more reckless you begin to act. That makes it easier to spiral. You don't notice how differently you're acting until it's almost too late.

Sure, some come out the other end, but they're never the same. The ones who find their way home are damaged and broken, fragile. Forever changed. But for some it is possible. Because after life comes death, and after death comes life again.

Even after leaving the abyss, it still watches and waits to absorb you whole again. I don't know if you ever find your way back or if you mysteriously find where you're supposed to be.

Either way, some are enthralled by the beauty and mystery of the unknown while others live in fear of it. Neither is the better way to live because as soon as you come face to face with the abyss, who knows how much it will change you.

[jean-heron-viq]

It's the pale

[jean-heron-viq]

You’re such a wet cigarette

Thanks, 5hats exactly how I feel

[jean-heron-viq]

Why are you mourning for someone who is still living? He is still there, at the corner of your eyes. What is stopping you, dear officer?

Because physically he's still harry but mentally, he has no fucking clue who I am. He knows my name and that I work at the precinct with him. Other than that he's no the same. He's changed so much in Martinaise that I barely recognize him. He doesn't want me around. Sure he kind of told me about the hanged man case but he didn't actually know why he was telling me. Sure we still work together and I see him almost daily but the man I knew died in Martinaise and the man who returned from Martinaise is completely different. He still has a lot of the same core interests and still acts simular but my god, that's not my harry. He's different and Sure maybe he's getting better but, maybe getting better mean losing me or cutting me out of his life outside of the precinct. Maybe getting better means I don't have someone to wallow in our depression with anymore. Sure the same physical body returned but, the mind of my harry is gone and I don't know if he'll ever be back again. He's my fucking partner and sure he was a piece of shit who wasn't the greatest to be around the closer he got to Martinaise but that doesn't change the fact that i care so deeply for him and it hurts to see him change this much, I wasn't there for the tribunal l, I treated him like shit when we first actually talked again. What if he holds that against Me? Idk. It's just fucking complicated

[jean-heron-viq]

NFHDHSGVDHRHRVE STOP MAKING ME CRY

What did I do?🫥 I just answered the question, it's not like I'm still thinking about how he's a new person who has forgotten you and all the time you shared. You told eachother everything. You depended on eachother. You saved eachothers lives both on and off of duty. Its not like you're seeing this man change and be better like you've been trying to help him do but does it without you, without any knowledge of you. Hell, he thinks you're a God damn firefighter at first. You lost someone who you shared many long nights at the precinct and then afterwards getting high and drunk and making bad decisions with eachother*khm we don't need to talk any further on that, that's a completely different story I do not want to get into* and you see him thrive with this incredible lieutenant and they work so well. They have eachother now.

[jean-heron-viq]

Khm.... yes please.....

Pacing back and forth solemnly considering this offer

[jean-heron-viq]

You are a very worrying man you worry me a lot

I jussst finished at tge precinct and gptt some menthol cigarettess and I'mm veryu sober and totally finee🚬🥃🍺

[jean-heron-viq]

Why are you like this

Have you gone outside?