#jeanne renshaw

[buffster]

I Will Remember You (ATS 1.08)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Ah, Buffy on Angel (in more ways than one). I wish this had occurred more often during Angel’s run. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate this title? It’s just so sad. I thought this was a great episode--definitely one of my favorites of the season.

I didn’t really care for the Buffy and Angel relationship as we saw it (though it did have its cuteness) but I have to admit I’m intrigued by Buffy and Angel in later seasons. By that time both of them had really grown to appreciate the burden they carry and Buffy had pretty much figured out her life was never going to be normal (though Chosen did eventually end with the possibility). 

There’s some talk this episode that they would focus on each other rather than the people they need to save, giving us an interesting theme of a hero needing to be alone in order to be effective. It’s strange that we get this message since Buffy’s entire story is about rejecting this idea. But we do see her struggle to set aside her relationship with Dawn for the world in season five...but I’m also not sure if a person cut off from the world would continue to care enough to keep saving it...I don’t know. It’s an interesting dilemma. 

Buffy and Angel have very similar, very isolating positions in the later seasons and it would have been interesting to see how they worked. Right now you’re probably thinking “but the curse! duh!” but don’t you think they could have put some effort into getting rid of that? Honestly even if he and Buffy decided to go their separate ways more effort should have been given to de-cursing Angel. That shit is dangerous. But enough about could-have-beens.

Angel: Look, Buffy will always going to be a part of me, and that's never going to change. But she's human and I'm - not. And that's also never going to change. We said our good-byes, no need to stir any of this up again.

In a scene we will see repeated (when Buffy dies) Cordelia worries about Angel after he’s interacted with Buffy. She worries even more because he doesn’t seem that upset. He and Buffy have both accepted that they can’t be a couple, which explains the low drama. All of the back and forth was about holding on to what couldn’t be. But then Buffy arrives.

Buffy: What is this? Some new torment you cooked up just for me?

Angel: No, I don't want to torment..

Buffy: What is it? You can see me, but I can't see you? What are we playing here?

Angel: We're not. I'm not playing anything. I wrestled with this decision.. 

Buffy: Which you made without me.

Angel: I tried to do what I thought was right. It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you know? It's kind of a long story.

This conversation was interesting given that it could very well have taken place after the episode. Even after Buffy confronts him for not including her he goes and makes yet another decision without her. And though she may have eventually agreed to take back the day, I really don’t know if she would have agreed to forget it. It probably did make it easier for her, but still...she should have gotten to decide whether she wanted to remember. I’m not sure the minute he gave her counts. If Buffy and Angel ever did become a couple they’d have to work on Angel thinking he can make decisions for the both of them. He’s not exactly used to partnerships. 

Angel: No. I-It is confusing. And I.. When we're apart - it’s easier. It hurts - every day. But I live with it. And now you're - you're right here - and I can actually reach out.. and - it's more then confusing - it's unbearable.

Buffy: But we have to bear, right? I mean, what else can we do?  It doesn't work with us. It can't.

Angel: No, I-I can't give you a life, or a future or anything a real girl would want. 

Buffy: No matter how much we miss each other.

Angel: Or what we feel in the moment.

Angel and Buffy decide to separate when being together becomes too much, after which (of course) Angel becomes human. 

Angel’s life has been one hardship after another and it’s left him pessimistic about any sort of happiness for himself. He’s afraid to even hope he could have it. Just like when Angel got the gem, Doyle is excited and Angel is reluctant. He decides to head under the post office to meet with the Powers That Be. But when they confirm it’s the real deal he heads straight to Buffy and they kiss in the sun. 

Cordelia: This plant was thriving just this morning. Now look at it. I'm telling you where she leads, dark forces follow.

Doyle: Buffy gave it mites?

Cordelia: How else do you explain it? 

Doyle: Jealousy?

Cordelia: I'm jealous of her?  Oh, please!

I actually think it makes sense that Cordelia would be jealous of Buffy. Back in high school Buffy’s duty seemed like a burden, but now that Cordy’s life isn’t turning out as perfect as planned her purpose and specialness could be enviable. But we don’t get enough Cordelia and Buffy to explore this (which is a shame, since Buffy could have used a lesson in how hard life is even without the slayer burden). We get more evidence that she is jealous later in the episode:

Cordelia: Maybe it’s time that you grew up and realized that you can’t have everything. You can’t have Angel and save the world.

Buffy always finds Cordelia’s comments so off base she hardly gives them any thought, but I think the Scoobies sometimes think along the same lines and just don’t voice it. Buffy is so locked into seeing slaying as a burden she doesn’t realize other people don’t.

After an initial indulgence in his new-found mortality Angel returns to doubt. He wants to keep his distance from Buffy because he’s afraid to be happy and have it fall apart. But hormones take over and we finally get to see a blissed out Buffy and Angel. It was really cute, but there wasn’t enough time to see what they would really be like as a couple and what their obstacles would be.

Buffy: Angel? This is the first time I ever really felt this way.

Angel: What way?

Buffy: Just like I've always wanted to.  Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend.  It's perfect.

This was one of the saddest lines. We’ll see Buffy get the normal boyfriend in season four of Buffy, but I just don’t think she ever had the connection with Riley she had with Angel. Doyle returns to tell Angel that the demon is back.

Doyle: Don't you want to wake the girl?

Angel:  Not for the world.

Angel does the stupid thing and runs off to try and fight alone. If he had remained human there definitely would be some conflict where he refused to accept being benched in the fight against evil. He goes back to the Powers That Be and learns a fight is coming and Buffy will die.

Angel: Look I can't protect her or anyone this way, not as a man.

PTB Woman: You're asking to be what you were, a demon with a soul, because of the Slayer?

PTB Man: Oh, this is a matter of love.  It does not concern us.

Angel: Yes, it does. The Mohra demon came to take a warrior from your cause - and it succeeded. I'm no good to you like this.  I know you have it in your power to make this right.  Please.

PTB Man: What is done can not be undone. 

PTB Woman: What is not yet done can be avoided.

PTB Man: Temporal folds are not to indulge at - the whims of lower beings. 

PTB Woman: You are wrong.  This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he has ever known for another.  He is not a lower being.

I’m not trying to take away from Angel’s heroics here (and I don’t deny he loves Buffy and wants to protect her) but I also think we should examine how Angel’s fear of happiness probably played a role in this decision as well. It’s a major issue I don’t recall the show ever dealing with. Another factor is his newfound love of heroics, likely stemming from his question of Why Am I Here since returning from hell (”it’s bad for the people we’re meant to help”).

Angel tells Buffy what’s going to happen. She eventually accepts it, but given that she only had a minute it’s hard to know what she really wanted. The day never existed for her and it’s on Angel alone to remember it. I think Buffy would have wanted to remember what they shared, no matter how painful. 

Buffy: Given enough time we should be able to...

Angel: Forget.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: Buffy claims she’s going to see her father, but since we never hear about this again I’d say it’s just a thin excuse to see Angel. Despite not facing a vampire she brings a stake to fight the demon because she’s comfortable with it. She mentions that she used to fantasize about Angel becoming human.

Angel: As a human he loves chocolate but hates yogurt.

Allen Francis Doyle: He is excited about his new unemployment and wants to go make his mark on the world.

Cordelia Chase: She’s upset about losing her job, which has brought her way more happiness than the whole wide world did. 

[thenewbuzwuzz]

Tick Tock

Question for Bangel fans: why is IWRY practically written in iambic pentameter? What? Why?

There is so little and so much of time. They say I’m free, released from fealty to live and die as any mortal man. If it has happened, was it meant to be?

I have this whole new life in front of me, and now I don’t know what my purpose is. But I’d give every drop of happiness and love, to know you won’t get hurt again.

And that is all there really is to say. There is so little and so much of time.

This is a very basic reshuffling of David Greenwalt and Jeanne Renshaw’s dialogue for Angel the Series 1.08 I Will Remember You, and "Tick Tock" is a ba-rosebuds prompt that I found through @iwillrememberyoumarathon.