#jdjzjsejssjw

[hellamorte]

a little update on my writing process (or lack thereof) to get it off my mind lol

brief info on my writing background: i had been writing some little pieces sporadically for the past fifteen-ish years mostly in my native language but i could never commit myself to writing deeming myself incapable of it 🥲 but in march some important thing happened, and it unlocked my writing potential + i came back to reading and mastering my english. i even enrolled in the creative writing courses, it was fun and i learned many things, but since then i've been writing mostly blog posts about literature in my native tongue, and even through i did improve a lot, i have almost zero experience in 1) writing fiction 2) writing in english. so!

for the past weeks i have developed at least three solid and complex ideas for different stories but i kept discarding them for being objectively too difficult and too long for me to write now when i'm just getting into writing, and it's like a vicious circle lmao: i think that i need a simpler idea -> i pick something new -> it grows bigger and bigger the more i think about it -> i discard the idea thinking i need something simpler 😐 it frustrates the hell out of me, i want to write something simple and clear but i overcomplicate things because it's just how my mind works!! uh!!!

another thing is that i keep researching and researching feeling like i'm not ready to write yet: i don't know this character inside out, blah blah i don't know every possible piece of lore blah blah etc. i know it's mostly anxiety and self-doubt talking, i forced myself to write little drafts of various scenes that i could imagine at that particular moment, and it helped! but i still feel like i need to know 100% and then some, otherwise my story would be wrong and invalid 😀 yeah, fun!!

writing in english is so fucking difficult, at some point i just want to break in tears because i can't find the right words or grammar to express my idea, or i just can't remember the particular collocation, and I feel like everyone will pick up on my stupid mistakes and i don't know english at all 🥲 sometimes i wonder why i torture myself so much lol

i know i just need to write as much as possible but i can't even find satisfying prompts to write at least drabbles because my mind wants everything complex 😭 im gonna go insane fr

all in all i realize my issues are not even related to the writing craft but are psychological in nature and i need to deal with my perfectionism first and foremost but I just needed to vent about it all somewhere lol

possible solutions:

i will try to look for the right prompts and force myself to work around one idea

deadlines!!! it should help me with churning out something instead of constant researching and preparing

just trust myself more and stop being so harsh on myself and such a control freak oh my god 😭