#jay’s silly little college experience

[star-sim]

boy's night ☆ riki nishimura

☆ summary: riki had no game, no rizz, which was why he employed the help of his six friends to text you. warning: having seven boys on the phone trying to text a girl does not give good results! ☆ genre: fluff, all enhypen members make an appearance, boys being boys, very stupid, it's getting rizzy in here but clearly i have negative game ☆ warning(s)? no just silliness :3 ☆ word count: 1.7k words

"Oh my god, she texted me!" was the sentence that completely destroyed Jake Sim's house.

Tonight, Riki was having a sleepover at Jake's house. It was supposed to be a chill night, a night in which Riki could bask in his friends' presence before they went off to college again.

There were many perks to being the youngest in his friend group. It seemed like Heeseung, Jay, and Jake forever saw him as their baby, after all, when they all met as children, Riki was a snotty little four year-old, constantly tattling on the older boys. Regardless, it was nearly impossible for them to not fuss over him, constantly asking if he ate yet or if he needed help. Sunghoon teased the ever-living shit out of Riki, sure, but the older boy never hesitated to take Riki's side whenever there was an argument. Sunoo and Jungwon were closest to Riki in age, but that didn't stop them from watching over him closely, like mother cats stalking their cubs.

Though, there was one thing that Riki had to admit that he hated about being the youngest: he was the most inexperienced.

Whenever his friends got their 'firsts,' he was always too young to care. It seemed like all his friends got to experience their first crushes and heartbreaks almost simultaneously, only for them to not be there when Riki had his.

Even when he was now a senior in high school, he had absolutely no idea how to talk to girls.

He'd heard all the stories about Heeseung and his antics at college, all the flirting tips that Jake liked to give out to Sunghoon and Jay, and all the crazed texts that Sunoo and Jungwon sent as they went through relationships.

Even so, Riki had never experienced teenage love for himself.

Enter: You.

You were the cute girl that sat in front of him in his Macroeconomics class. If it wasn't for the fact that Riki absolutely hated Macro, he would blame the fact that you were just so pretty that he couldn't bring himself to focus on the lecture about the New York Stock Exchange.

Initially, Riki had no intention of pursuing you.

You were cute, obviously, but hearing you talk to your partner in class was enough for him. Plus, it wasn't like Riki had any experience— even if he wanted to talk to you, he had no idea how to!

Except, thanks to his nosy friends, your name had been discussed what felt like a million times by the end of the week.

"So... [Name], eh?" was the first thing Sunghoon said as Riki's camera turned on during their weekly weekend FaceTime calls.

"This is so exciting, Riki," Heeseung said as he joined the call.

"Wait, how do you know her again?" Sunoo's voice cut in. "Sorry, my Wi-Fi is bad. You said you know her from Macro?"

With a little more prying, his friends managed to get a middle-school level confession out of Riki.

"I-I just think she's really pretty, and like, she's really smart," Riki huffed, "I don't think she likes me like that— I've never even spoken to her! Like, I can't talk to women, I straight up am a mess and the other day—oh my god— she looked at me and I think I almost passed out. What do I do? I actually cannot do thi—

".... But you think she's pretty, right?"

And that's how Riki managed to get your phone number. With the help of his friends (that felt more like them feeding into his delusions), he worked up the courage to stutter out a simple question.

And when you smiled, nodding enthusiastically as you typed your contact into his phone, Riki felt his soul leave his body.

So, it wasn’t hard to imagine the havoc that engulfed Jake Sim's house (the place of the sleepover) as Riki's phone pinged, your contact name showing up.

It was already late at night, so the boys were raiding Jake's pantry to get midnight snacks. 

The moment that Riki announced that you had just, in fact, texted him first, everyone stopped in their tracks.

"Oh shit!" Jay shouted as he jumped over Jake's sofa, bowl of cereal still in hand.

The sound of crashing as Heeseung knocked over the ramen cups, as well as cutlery dropping abruptly and cabinets slamming filled the house.

"Oi, don't mess up my kitchen!" Jake yelled as his feet pounded against his stairs, scrambling so fast that he practically glided downstairs. After Jungwon spilled milk on his shirt, he was half-way through putting on a new shirt as he clambered down.

"What did she—" Sunoo pushed Jay out of the way, knocking the older boy over as he plopped down next to Riki on the living room carpet and peeked over his shoulder— "What did she say?!"

Within seconds, all six of his friends were huddled around Riki, pushing each other out of the way to catch a glimpse of what you said.

"Move your fatass head!"

"I can't see!"

As his friends argued, Riki stared at his phone, chewing on his bottom lip. His heart was pounding in his chest. He only saw the notification, and didn't see what you said yet.

What if you said something crazy, like "I just found out about that one time in first grade when you peed yourself at the playground" even though Riki and all his friends agreed to never speak of that incident again?! Or, what if you confessed your everlasting love for him in a long paragraph?

His head was spinning.

"Wait, did you open the message yet?!" Jungwon abruptly yelled into Riki's ear.

"No..." Riki answered slowly, watching the way all of his friends' once tense faces soften with relief.

"Oh my god," Jake sighed in relief.

"Phhhhheeewww!" Heeseung said dramatically.

"Why?" Riki frowned. "What's wrong with opening the message?"

"[Name] can see if you read her message if you open it," Sunghoon said matter-of-factly. 

"Why is that a bad thing?"

All of his friends groaned.

They taught him a trick: swipe just enough so that he could see the message, but not enough that the system marks it as read.

Hey, was all you said, much to Riki's relief.

"What do I say?" Riki asked, clutching his phone. His eyes flickered to his friends as he sucked his bottom lip under his teeth pensively. "How do I respond to this?"

"Just say 'hey' back!" Jay blurted.

"No!" Heeseung shook his head profusely. "Anything but that!"

"Why not? You want him to say haiiii instead?" Sunghoon nudged the older boy.

"No, no, no!" Jungwon reached across to smack Sunghoon's knee. "All of you are wrong."

Jungwon turned to Riki. "Just respond with an emoji."

They all groaned loudly.

"Okay, anything but a goddamn emoji!"

Riki ended up typing out a simple hey in response. He had to make Sunoo press send for him, squeezing his eyes shut. Riki immediately shut his phone off, placing it face down.

"I don't want to see if she responds or not!" Riki moaned. 

Within a minute or two, his phone pinged again.

"She responded!"

Even though you only asked, How was your day?, the entire house was once again invigorated. The boys shrieked, whooping and hitting Riki's shoulder, so loud that the house probably shook.

"Oh my god, it's happening!"

"Ouuuuu, she wants you, Riki!"

"Everyone shut the fuck up, it's time to lock in, oh my god it's actually happening—"

And just as everyone settled back down, ready to give Riki their mind-blowing advice, his phone dinged again.

[Attachment: 1 photo]. It was a silly picture of you, one of those cute ones that showed your eyes, clearly taken on the spot. 

"OHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shewantsyousobadohmygo—"

According to Jake, if a girl sends you a picture of herself, no matter how silly or cute it is, she is head over heels for you.

"One message at a time!" Jay yelled over Jake's shoulder as they tried to figure out how to respond. "You need to answer her question first and then respond to the picture!"

"No! Don't respond to the picture!" Sunghoon, who was all the way in the guest bathroom, yelled from behind the bathroom door, his voice both booming and muffled. "She'll think you're weird!"

"I agree," Sunoo said.

"I agree," Jungwon mocked him in a nasally voice, earning a slap to the shoulder. "Just heart the picture!"

But their arguing fell upon deaf ears.

"Riki, what are you doing?!"

Riki was on his own, his heart beating at the tip of his fingers.

I hung out with my friends today and it was fun, how was yours? was his first response. Pressing on the picture, he responded, You look cute.

When Riki glanced over at his friends, they were sprawled across the floor, crying aloud dramatically.

"It's over."

"You're insane."

"Fumbled."

Riki threw a pillow at them. "I didn't fumble— Oh shoot, she's typing!"

The house was once again filled with screaming and crashing as they scampered to Riki's side.

You typed for a few moments. Everyone was at the edge of their seat, simply begging to see how you'd respond. But then, you stopped.

"Good game, guys."

"100% over."

Riki chewed on his thumb, his eyes glued to his phone screen. Did he creep you out? Was it weird for him to say that you looked cute? Did he fuck up?

But then you finally replied.

My day was just filled with homework, very boring, you replied. Maybe if I spent it with you it would have been more fun.

Oh.

My.

God.

Riki's hands shook as he typed back another response, completely ignoring the complete and utter disaster around him. He didn't know what came over him. He wouldn't say any of the things that he typed out loud, let alone to your face. It was like he was possessed by some spirit that gave him the courage to type. Without even noticing it, his heart was palpitating in his chest, his entire face, neck, and ears covered in a red shade.

I'm free tomorrow, he typed. 

"RIKI WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU—"

Okay, you simply responded. 12PM. The Block. Let's have fun.

"D-Did she just ask you out?"

Riki glanced at this phone, then at his friends, who stared at him with eyes as wide as saucers and their jaws dropped to the floor, then back at his phone. He blinked. "Yeah."

"Yes?!"

Riki blinked again. "Yeah."

.

.

.

And then it hit him.

"Oh my god, [Name] asked me out...!"

[toogardencrusade]

Haven’t posted in here awhile so hi… this is just a silent Sharena art dump, I’m looking forward to making more of these sillies. I made a silent Sharena animatic (Sharena is my oc and is Silent bob’s Girlfriend) this animatic highlights how Jay and silent Bob met Sharena (I possibly might make them polyamorous I’m still thinking…..)

See they’re literally the cutest ever oughh 😭😭😭 anyways here is Sharena’s bio and I also used a relationship chart for them.

Name: Sharena Durán

Age: 23

DOB: July 19, 1975

Relationship status: taken, Silent Bob

Pet peeves: hates when Jay tries to make a move, doesn’t like to be ignored, hates loud noises, hates when people feel bad for her, and hates that she can’t tell whether or not silent Bob is mad at her or not because of his silence and his emotionless expression.

Sexuality: bisexual

Pronouns:she/her

Hobbies: crocheting, singing, scrapbooking, photography, flower picking, and hanging out with her boyfriend.

Love language: physical touch, food giving, talking about music, exchanging cigarettes, long talks about life, and smoking weed and making out

Lore: Sharena moved to America after middle school in ‘87 because her father had gotten a job opportunity in New Jersey and her family thought it was also time to upgrade their world experience and get Sharena into a good college. By 1992 she graduated and got a major for dermatology, she owned her own apartment and was in her little sisters band as a vocalist, called rotting rosebuds.

Ethnicity: hispanic

Origin of birth: Chile

And yes I had to add the comic version of bob, just look how silly he is 😔

[secretficblogs]

Intro!

*masterlist below the cut*

Hey! My name is Jay, and I've enjoyed writing to blow off some steam! Thought I'd start sharing! I'd love more moots, so never hesitate to reach out (especially to trade hcs/story ideas!). I thought I'd dump some info about me below!

I'm in college and I work in the medical field! (So posts are pretty spaced out)

Struggle with maladaptive daydreaming, so writing down some of my daydreams helps turn an unfortunate symptom into art! That means a lot of my different inserts have different personalities!

I have loads of other hobbies, including drawing, gaming, reading, etc!

I planned to have this account for my silly little copaganda shows but may branch out!

I'd be so down to help proofread fics!

I like hearing feedback on my work! Feel free to leave comments!

If you like a fic I write and want to continue it! Please do! Tag me in them, I would love to read it! I like the idea of a fic snowballing into something more collaborative!

I'm a man, so if I misrepresent an experience (especially for my F!readers) please let me know!

Masterlist

Will update as time goes on!

Swat

David "Deacon" Kay

Single Dad Energy (Fluff) (Fem Reader)

First Date Jitters (Fluff) (Fem Reader) (Single Dad Energy Pt 2!)

Dominique Luca

Nicki Minaj Once Said (light angst to fluff) (Trans F. Reader!)

[wemblingfool]

New take and origin for Harley Quinn that bypasses the need for a redemption arc and cuts out Joker altogether. Still dark and extremely violent, she's still a brutal killer.

Harleen grew up in an abusive environment. Maybe if not directly by her parents, then enabled by them by allowing abusers around her, and not believing her. A terrible track record at school with bullies, and some bad experiences with boyfriends.

But, she survived childhood, though not without cracks. Because no one ever believed her, she wanted to be the one who will believe abused kids. So she goes to college and becomes a child psychologist, working for the state. Listening to these heart wrenching stories, trying her best to be kind, friendly, and upbeat, and even silly, so they feel safe enough to open up to her and let her in. Doing everything in her power, and even edging around legality to help get them to safe environments.

Even reaching out to the Themescera Consulate (figuring an island full of warrior lesbians would love to have some "free kids"), who while sympathetic, decline on the grounds that no country on earth would allow them to just take children.

And then, she has a really bad week when several of her cases goes south, badly. Culminating when one of her kids goes missing, and the father she's fought against for months wins sole custody simply because he outspent the mother. On the court steps, he calls her a clown as he takes his kids away.

Nothing else to do except go home to her rescue cat that some tasteless idiot named Joker (but my puddin's just a little sweetie)

Those words echo in her mind. That night in the bathroom, instead of her nightly cry, she's just... finally broken.

Clown.

What's wrong with bein' a clown? Kids like clowns. Clowns make everyone happy.

Then she starts laughing. Why is she laughing? Why won't the laughing stop? If she's a clown, may as well look the part, right Mistah Jay?

Grabs a bat and heads out the door, to make sure that he doesn't get those kids. That the state has nowhere else to send them except back to their mother. I'm sure his brains will go with my new red suit.

[gowithgabby]

Remember the Daze.

Character BIO(s):

Kylie Julien McCarthy

17 years old

Born on September 2nd

Nickname: Ky pronounced like “Kai” (by everyone) Kay-Jay (only by Sav and Jessa), Jewels (by Noah)

Goals: Yale, aspiring to be a Doctor

Interests: Reading, Baking, Beach Days, Mathematics, Literature, Pizza

Crushing on Noah Collins, her best friend since Kindergarten

Summary: One of the best students at Laguna Beach High School, Kylie is articulate, well spoken, mannered, good at multitasking, fairly great at planning, and organized. The kid has a good heart and a good head on her shoulders. A straight A student, member of the school decathlon team, the senior class VP. Kylie is very sweet, honorable, and level headed often acting as the voice of reason in the female portion of her friends. Kylie was born to a successful lawyer, George McCarthy and his partner, Christopher Julien, a ambitious magazine editor. They used a surrogate to have their children, Kylie does know of her birth mother and maintains a relationship with her but she loves her fathers very much. She has a little sister named Violet, who is starting her freshman year at Laguna Beach HS. In all of her 17 years, Kylie has been very complacent in her actions. This year, she is hoping to take the big step in really getting what she wants. She just hopes that it doesn’t blow up in her face. 

Noah Joseph Collins

18 years old

Born on June 27th

Nickname: Joey, Jojo (Only by Kylie and his mom)

Goals: Yale, aspiring to be a Lawyer

Interests: Listening to music before his time, Pizza, Video Games, Reading, Writing, Debating, and Traveling.

Crushing on Kylie McCarthy, his best friend since Kindergarten

Summary: You might think Kylie is the best student at Laguna, but Noah is her academic rival. While he is on the basketball team, he doesn’t care much for the glory that sports brings, not neglecting his athletic skills. He prefers to bury himself with books, educating himself and enriching his mind. You would think him and Kylie would be trying to tear each other down to be the best but it’s actually the exact opposite, they work off each other and build together. This is mainly due to being each other’s best friends since kindergarten, having fond memories of each other. Noah split his lunch with Kylie when she forgot hers on their first day and they’ve been tight ever since. He has dreams of Yale, his father’s alma mater. He is gifted, the editor of the school’s newspaper and he is the senior class President. He is the son of New York Times best selling author, Layla Shaw-Collins and her equally successful husband, Duane Collins, who made his wealth being the most sought out talent agent in LA. He has an older brother named Aaron whom is starting his junior year at Cornell and an older sister named Luna who is a sophomore at Spelman college, a historic black college.

Savanna Wyatt Birkhart

17 years old

Born on October 31st

Nickname: Sav, Savvy, Wyatt (by Ethan)  

Goal: UCLA, aspiring to be a Model

Interests: Modeling, Singing, Cheerleading, Bonfires, Volunteering, Traveling, Shopping, Horror Movies, Yoga, Romance Movies, Makeup, Sage, Hot Wings, Indian Food.

Dating Levi James, boyfriend of 4 years. Crushing on her best friend, Ethan Mahoney (possibly)

Summary: What’s to say about Savanna Birkhart that hasn’t been said already?, dubbed the golden girl of her senior class due to her being head cheerleader and girlfriend of arrogant, Levi, the football star. She makes good grades to keep her GPA somewhat untouchable, she dreams of UCLA. Daughter of Carter Birkhart, a successful property realtor and his award winning actress wife, Farrah Sayers-Birkhart. From the time that the biracial girl was placed in her mother’s arms as a baby, she was genetically “blessed”, taking the best of both parents. Doomed to be popular of her face and wealth, don’t think she feeds into the stereotype of high school. Far from entitled and spoiled, she’s openly friendly, down to earth, charitable, honest, warm, caring, and very naive…especially when it comes to her boyfriend, Levi. Everyone is friends with Sav, she’s a good person to be around. She has an older brother named Silas, who is climbing the ladder to be a PR agent in LA, alma mater of USC and she has a 10 year old younger brother named Six, who was born on Christmas Day. Lately, she’s been finding herself in a somewhat love triangle, between her boyfriend whom she loves and her best friend, Ethan, who she also loves but she’s not sure if it’s friendly love or something more. She’s best friends with Ethan, Cali, Kylie, Noah, and Jessa but gets along with everyone fairly well.

Levi Nathaniel James

18 years old

Born on May 15th

Nickname: LJ

Goal(s): winning the state championship, Stanford, aspires to be CEO of his father’s company

Interests: Partying, Drinking, Working out, Having Sex, Traveling, Sushi, Indian Food, Sports

Dating Savanna Birkhart, girlfriend of 4 years. Unbeknownst to his naive girlfriend, he tends to cheat on her when he goes on family trips or with his dad out of town. He does love her but sometimes he cheats.

Summary: Born to a pair of sun-kissed blonde power couple, Levi is the son of Fortune 500 - Forbes listed CEO of JamesCo, William James and his former model turned socialite wife, Uma Peterson-James. From the day that he was born, Levi has been told that he is powerful, he has money and a lot of it. There hasn’t been anything he wasn’t given, awarded, provided. Textbook jock, Levi excelled in football (mainly), basketball, lacrosse, soccer, and surfs in his free time. He’s QB of the football team and he relishes in the fact that he has Sav on his arm, he’s perfect and he only wants the best for his ego. He mainly focuses on his girlfriend, sex, parties (lots of them), drinking, and sports. He is not the best friend you would want however, very few outside of their friend group knows how he got Sav, by betraying his former best friend from childhood, Ethan, who still harbors a love for Savanna. Recently, he’s been noticing Ethan’s less than quiet advances on Sav. He doesn’t like it, but he has also been holding in secrets from his girlfriend, his cheating and a deeper one that might not only fuck up his relationship with Savanna but destroy the bonds that are deep rooted with their friend group. Levi does have a softer side that only his parents, Savanna, and his sister get to see. He has a little sister named Chelsie, who is a gymnastics prodigy in the making at only 12 years old. He’s best friends with Talan, he’s friends with everyone but he doesn’t care too much for Ethan still being accepted in their group of friends.

Maia Genevieve Langley

18 years old

Born on July 5th

Nickname: Mai, Langley

Goal: Juilliard, aspiring to be an Actress

Interests: Flowers, Hot Girls, Cute Boys, Designing, Makeup, Sneakers, Cupcakes, Acting, Slumber Parties, and experimenting with different hair colors

Crushing on Bodhi Desai and her female classmate, Hanna Richardson

Summary: Everything about Maia screams sensitive, mainly Kylie’s best friends but she does hold close friendships with everyone in the group, Maia is overly sensitive, fiercely loyal, a ride or die friend, and occasionally shy. A little bit on the hyperactive side, openly bisexual and her parents are okay with it, modern day hippies…what can you say?! She had her first same sex experience with a girl at summer camp when she was in the 7th grade. Her friends do tend to walk on eggshells with her due to her over-sensitivity to avoid triggering her. A flair for the dramatics, Maia knows her name will be in lights one day. She wanted to just move to LA and not go to college but her parents are still a little old-fashioned and want her to be educated and perfect her craft before she attempts the struggling actress thing. She was born to a Japanese-American Self help guru named Mina Sato-Langley and a English father named Jeremiah Langley, he was a footballer in England before transitioning to the states and settling into ESPN anchor fame. Maia is the eldest of four children, having two younger identical twin brothers named Hunter and Finn Langley, who are freshmen at Laguna Beach high school. She has a younger sister named Bay Langley who is 6 years old, Maia was 12 years old when her sister was born, she was a what you call a “surprise” baby. Maia has spent the last four years in awe of Bodhi but he doesn’t pick up on her flirtatious banter or he ignores it to avoid hurting her feelings.

Bodhi Abraham Desai

18 years old

Born on March 19th

Nickname: Bo

Goal: Cornell, this school is said to have the best culinary arts program; aspiring to be a Chef with his own restaurant

Interests: Mixology, Baking, Cooking, Soul Music, R&B, Comic Books, Alternative music, Old movies, joking

Crushing on Cali Hernandez

Summary: Known as the Lovable Goofball, Bodhi is down to earth, laidback, friendly, and most of all, silly. He is the son of British Indian award winning Bollywood turned Hollywood actor named Deepak Desai and his acclaimed Screenwriter wife, welsh-Irish wife, Alys Davies-Desai. He has a younger sister named Billie, named after his parents love for Billie Holiday, who is 11 years old. Bodhi dreams of being a chef one day with a restaurant similar to Wolfgang or Gordon, his culinary idols. He would love to take his culinary skills abroad and studying in France, India, Italy, and many other countries. He is quite skilled in mixology, teaching himself the art of mixing drinks from YouTube and picking up tricks from hired bartenders at his parents parties and events. He makes decent grades enough to make his parents proud, he excels in chemistry having a love for science since he was in elementary school. He surfs in his alone time and is a beast on the beach when it comes to frisbee and volleyball. He’s best friends with Noah and Ethan. Close friend with everyone else in the group.

Calista Pilar Hernandez

17 years old

Born on December 31st, a New Year’s Eve baby

Nickname: Cali

Goal: UCLA or USC, aspiring to be a Decorator

Interests: Shopping, Makeup, Vlogging, Chinese Food, Boba Tea, Cheerleading, Beach Nights, Partying.

Dating Talan Everett, boyfriend of 4 years. Crushing on someone in the group but refusing to say it

Summary: Calista is the hot-headed BFF to Savanna Birkhart, while they’re both cheerleaders and share some interests, but ultimately are opposite, where Savanna is down to earth and warm, Cali tends to come off as spoiled and cold. Outspoken, brash, a slick mouth and sarcasm stewed to perfection. Do not call her a spicy Latina, she hates the way Hollywood has stereotyped women with attitude. She’s fiery and will let you know about your wrongs, proud of her heritage. She’s of Mexican-Cuban descent and Swedish through her mother. Cali has a younger brother named Javi, who is a sophomore at Laguna Beach High. Raised by her single father, Javier Hernandez Sr, a famous architect that made his wealth building homes and iconic businesses for the elite. Her mother, Enya Nilsson was a influential fashion designer with several collections, one even named after her daughter, Calista. She lost her mom at 8 years old, making her father a widow. He buried himself into his work and left his cards accessibly to his kids, Cali stepped up and helped her various nannies with her younger brother who was only 6 when their mom died. Like her best friend, she’s sexually active with her boyfriend, Talan. She and Savanna were already going to be best friends, due to their mothers. Enya and Farrah being friends. Farrah even walked on the runway for her designer friend a few times, somehow falling pregnant with their daughters weirdly around the same time. She’s been having issues with her boyfriend, Talan lately.

Talan Gray Everett

18 years old

Born on April 10th

Nickname: Tal

Goal: Wharton Business School, aspires to be Advertising Executive

Interests: Drawing, Gardening, Growing his own Weed strains, Smoking pot, Surfing, Painting, Working out

Dating Cali Hernandez, girlfriend of 4 years. Crushing on Jessa Filipov, his best friend of 6 years.

Summary: Talan is by far the most reliable guy next to Noah in his group of his friends. Son of A-List Party Planner, Britney Westin-Everett and successful Nightclub-Exotic Strip owning Mogul, Alan Everett. Talan has a younger sister named, Serena who is 15 years old and a sophomore at Laguna Beach HS and a older half brother on his father’s side, Gilliam, nicknamed Gill, who’s a senior at NYU. Talan spends his days smoking weed, drawing, surfing, skate-boarding, playing volleyball, and mainly keeping his GF, Cali and his best friend, Jessa from ripping each other’s hair out. While he knows Cali is not always a BITCH on wheels and Jessa is not only known for her body count, he doesn’t understand why the young women don’t care to much for him having the other in his life. He often wonders had his life would have been different if he chose Jessa over Cali back in the summer of 9th grade. Would Cali even still be his friend?. He knows they’re both different outside of school and when they’re alone with him. Don’t let his pot smoking ways fool you, Talan is very articulate, calculated, wise…even honorable. He has a green-thumb and he frequently grows his own cannabis in grow houses on the shores of Laguna. He does plan on going to study business. He’s a skilled artist and creative with everything. He’s sexually active and you would think with how close he is with Jessa, he cheated on Cali. But he has not, he’s been extremely faithful to his girlfriend, he does love her. Even though lately they have been on murky waters.

Jessa Beatrix Filipov

17 years old

Born on September 23rd

Nickname: J, JJ, Jess, Bea

Goal: NYU or FIT, aspires to be a Stylist

Interests: Dancing, Twerking, Parties, Salads, Gyros, Burgers, Cheerleading, Beach Days, Themed parties, Hip Hop, Pop music

Crushing on Talan Everett, her best friend of 6 years. Despite him having a GF, Cali

Summary: Jessa was not born in Laguna Beach, Cali will let you and everyone know this information. But she was born in the Nation’s capital to a pair of Bulgarian-American parents, her mother was a high society debutante, Petia Alferov-Filipov and her father, Darian Filipov, was the son of a Oil tycoon who was working his way to senator in his state of DC. However her high society days were cut short when her parents were killed in a car crash when she was 12 years old. Not having any family that was willingly to take her in on the east coast, Jessa was placed in care with her paternal aunt, Yoana Filipov, who was 23 years old at the time. Her aunt is old enough to be her older sister and is not much of a guardian. Her aunt is an heiress who doesn’t need to work, naturally she let her niece do whatever she wants. Only showing up to parent-guardian type things if it’s really needed, signing permission slips and sending her niece money. Jessa quickly made friends in the first few weeks of moving to LB, quickly making her debut as the 10th friend in their group of 9. Jessa “grew up and out” developing physically before the other girls in the group, making her unwisely the first one to adhere to her sexual exploration and interests. She briefly dated Noah, even took his virginity in 9th grade before letting him go as he continued to love Kylie from afar. She does not believe in labels or dating unless she’s really in love and she’s only been in love with one person, Talan for as long as she can remember. A cheerleader, a party girl, and sexually liberated (her words), Jessa is not everyone’s cup of tea…mainly Cali’s. She and Cali actually share a lot in common, both being confident in their looks on the outside but insecure on the inside, sexually active, slick mouthed and sharp tongued, you would think they’d be the best of friends…but they aren’t and Talan is the reason. Plus she also never really like Cali due to her attitude and spoiled demeanor and ability to keep secrets and lie, she is however best friends with Sav and Maia and occasionally Kylie, as she respects the girl’s morals and values to wait. She’s got a good heart and she does believe in love, having seen it firsthand with her parents. She doesn’t want to rush into something that will bite her in the ass. Until it’s something real, mainly with Talan, she doesn’t want a relationship, keeping it casual.

Ethan Lewis Mahoney

18 years old

Born on April 22nd

Nickname: E, Ma-Honey (by Sav…a childhood nickname because she mispronounced his surname in pre-K) and Mahone (by Sav and Noah)

Goal: NYFA or USA, aspires to be a director

Interests: Photography, Smoking Weed, Directing, Writing, Making Films, Comic Books, Hot Wings, Tacos, Horror Movies, and Spicy Foods

Crushing on Savanna Birkhart, his best friend since Pre-K.

Summary: Ethan prefers to spend his time, directing school plays, photographing things, his muse is often Savanna, often taking a lot of her photos for her portfolio. But he’s not a creep about it, she asks him and he obliges because he loves her and knows that she will be a phenomenal model one day. He works for the school newspaper as the head photographer after Noah asked him to when his OG photographer graduated two years ago. While no desires to be a sports guy, Ethan does enjoy watching them. He’s more on the artistic side, preferring to be on the opposing side like behind his lenses or making the productions. He’s the son of Celebrity Chef, Eleanor White (formerly Mahoney) and her philandering Award winning Actor ex husband, Lyle Mahoney. Ethan is the middle of three children that the couple bore before divorcing, he has an older sister named Isla Mahoney who’s currently working at Vogue as a social media advisor, and he has a younger brother named Noel Mahoney who’s the same as age as Sav’s younger brother, Six. He has dated in the past and even had sex a few times, but none of them compared…compared to Savanna. She’s been the object of his affection since he was in preschool, he loved her even before he knew what love was. They even shared their first kiss together. Ethan was right on track with own planning tactics to telling Savanna how he felt until Levi happened. Levi was at one point his best friend, he swooped in and asserted his claim on Savanna, buying her off with lavish gifts and court side seats. He didn’t blame Sav, Levi gave her a story of lies that he always been in love with her and he was too scared to make a move, the gifts didn’t get her…the lies of Levi did. From then on, Ethan had to watch the girl of his dreams be paraded around like a trophy by his former best friend. Things have been rocky ever since, with both guys only getting along for the sake of Savanna. But he wants it’s to be different especially after he hears some interesting news about Levi’s infidelity…he’s just hoping Savanna will believe him and not Levi.

[alphasmoonlit-selfships]

HEHEHE, 1, 12, 20! 🥰🙈

Ah dear @nameless-shrimp! You always know how to make my day with your sweet words and asks! I appreciate you especially in letting me ramble about my f/o's and self ship! 🥺

I do hope you enjoy knowing more about AtsuDany and DanyJay 🥰🤍

Little Note: I'll go ahead and talk on Digimon College!Au for DanyJay!

1. Who cooks the most? 🍲

Dany definitely cooks a fair amount in both relationships! I feel like she may have more time in BSD, so she definitely makes a lot of dishes for her and Atsushi! Atsushi doesn't like her doing all the work even if he is tired, she has to tie him to the table to keep him from helping sometimes keke.

Granted, there are moments where she is the one that is tired and sleepy from the day that Atsushi takes over for her.

I feel like a majority of the time, they are always helping each other out in the kitchen! He definitely loves her so much more when she makes him some tasty Chazuki~ UwU he craves it every other week now. 🍲

In Digimon College!AU, I feel like both Dany and Jay have a fair share of cooking experience. Considering they both live in different floors/rooms at their apartments, they both had to make their own cooking for a while before they met. Jason especially, as he was feeding his sister too, and occasionally making food for Lidia and Tom, who also shared the 4x4 apartment. 🥘🍔

Dany being on her own for the first time, has made decent food for herself, and Darkwolfmon, later on! But admittedly does eat rather poorly as the semesters go on a head 😅 (ie. literally me).

I think once a budding friendship is made between DanyJay, Jay is definitely makes the food for Dany, especially considering she is very busy with her uni. architecture classes, she barely has time to eat food ;;;w;;; WHEN SHE KNOWS SHE SHULD BE EATING!!

Often times, when Dany is making the food, it is often a distraction and procrastination from her projects ;;w;; Jason comprehends this and helps her out to ease her building stress and even stays with her after so she doesn't feel alone, even with Darkwolfmon at her side. That's love my friend uwu, but this is also prior to the Digital World arc so... they just oblivious friends ;;w;; not to say this is not how their relationship wouldn't be lol.

12. Any pet names? 🐯🐺

kekeke ahhhh you know there is~ you know am such a sap for being called Darling by my tiger mans and stormy mans like ahh,,, am a puddle melting U////w///U

For AtsuDany

Danielle's nicknames for Atsushi are: Atsu-kun, Mi Tigre (My Tiger), Sushi, My Dear, Love, My Moon.

Atsushi's nicknames for Danielle are: Darling, Dany, Love, Mi Estrella, Mika-chan, Kitten.

For DanyJay:

Danielle's nicknames for Jason: Sparky, My Gentle Storm, My Dearest Jay, Mi lluvia (My Rain)

Jason's nicknames for Danielle: Darling, My Moon, My Love, My Always and Forever, Nightlight

20. Who said I love you first? 💕

Maybe I am cheesy and hopelessly longing for love and affection that I have long decreed my f/o's being the ones to say "I love you" first ;;;w;;; and in that contrasting fashion, I also realized how terrified I am of saying "I love you" first to someone out of that scary fear of being rejected ;;w;; but my f/o's, my dearest Atsushi and my dearest Jason, they love me so much and reassure me that I don't have to say it back when they say it first 🥺🥺🤍🤍

Essentially, Atsushi and Jason are the first to say "I love you" to Dany <3 the amount of surprise and almost question I beg to them that they do makes me cry ;;;w;;; and, of course, am quick to jump and reassure them that the feeling is mutual, but the words just can't come out right then and there. Actions have always been something better of me to do, so I leap in for a sweet and soft kiss that I hope is enough to show that I love them so much. and I say it over and over that I do return their feelings, that it feels like flying, a weightless and light feeling. 🤍

Ah and the smile and silly look on their faces, that is enough for mi tigre and gentle storm ;;w;; for now. They deserve all the love and affection neither got so much of in their past and I want to be the one to love them and be with them through thick and thin. Through always and forever <3

Nevertheless, when Dany does say, "Te amo, te amo con todo mi corazon y mi vida," Atsushi and Jason know how true and real it is! 💕💕🤍🤍

Again, many thanks for this my dearest friend! I hope you enjoyed these little responses to my self ships ;;w;; ah how I love a tiger and stormy wolf so much 🤍 it is astronomical and precious <3

[nellie-elizabeth]

Modern Family: Baby Steps (11x15)

There are only so many different ways I can discuss how this final season has felt stagnant and uninspired... but there was actually one good plot thread here, I suppose!

Cons:

I want to talk about Alex. Rarely have I felt like a main character on a television show has been so poorly utilized. Who even is Alex? In this episode, she goes back to her old college, encounters some protesters and her old professor Arvin, who make her realize that she's working for a big unethical company. So she decides to work for Arvin's research team instead, using her smarts for good instead of evil. Okay... what a nice little plot arc for Alex. Too bad it all happens in one episode. Did I know that Alex felt ethical qualms about her job before now? Did I know this was a dilemma for her? She also talks about her "glow up," about how going back to the school triumphant and successful will be a big moment for her. Is that something I knew she needed/wanted? Is she searching for validation? Alex's colleges years on the show were so strangely framed and never really properly set up, so...

Bottom line is, this is fine. Alex taking a job that will make her less money but will be helping the world seems like a great move for anyone to make. But I don't know this person. I haven't really gotten to know her as an adult.

Also, apparently Haley is back at work after having the babies - that feels like it could have been a big moment, but it's brushed past like it's no big deal. And another thing... I don't want to be That Person who brings the room down, but all the jokes about Haley's company and their alternative/holistic lifestyle stuff... it's supposed to be a parody of Gwyneth Paltrow's "goop" thing, and other similar ideas. We're all supposed to chuckle when Haley points out that none of the company's employees are actually scientists and yet they're selling things for people to put into their bodies. But the thing is? That shit is straight-up predatory. People paying money for pills and products that do nothing, or even actively harm? It's a serious issue! I just wanted to point that out, because there's really no nuance provided for the fact that Haley works for an evil company, even as Alex is taken to task for the same thing.

Claire's story-line is in some way like Alex's, in that it feels perfectly fine for this to be the next step for the character, but it's so shoe-horned, and so uninspired. Basically, she wants to work for a company that sells organizational products, but she gets her foot stuck in a broken stair, so Jay and Phil help to bring her bookcase over behind her so she can Skype and pretend to be in her office for her interview. From there it's just stupid slapstick. Jay is having an allergic reaction to a mushroom, so Claire has to keep making excuses for the bookcase moving, or for Jay sneezing... and then the whole thing falls apart, Claire is honest, and she gets the job. I don't know... does this just feel like a retread of the same story beats we've done for Claire over and over again? She's never going to be fulfilled staying at home, so she gets a job, she's high-powered but trying to balance work/life, she quits the job, now she's looking for a new one? Okay... cool, I guess. Also, we get jokes made at the expense of people with compulsive disorders. Thanks, I hate it.

Pros:

One thing I will say for Alex's story-line is that it was nice to see Arvin again. The whole bit where Arvin is just casually talking with Haley and Alex, and Haley seems to truly believe that Arvin is still hung up on her, was pretty hilarious. I also like how he was polite, and only joined in the protest to save face, but later when he was alone with Alex he admitted his real opinion about her life choices. That was a nice little re-direct.

While Claire's portion of the episode was mostly boring and also too silly for my taste, I did like the little hints of chaos in Claire's life. Dylan needing to get upstairs to the baby, and Luke continuing to fall down the stairs, only for everyone to shrug it off, relieved that it wasn't Dylan or Gloria or one of the babies... that did make me chuckle!

The big success story of this episode is Cam and Mitchell's plot thread. I'm still kind of miffed/frustrated that they apparently aren't going the route of having them move away at the end of the show, because that would have been an interesting status quo shift. But I will admit, this episode got me right in the feels. Everything that happens is predictable, but it's no less powerful for that. Basically, Cam and Mitchell struggle with the decision about adopting a baby boy. They hem and haw, and ultimately decide that if it were the right thing, the decision wouldn't be so challenging... but then the adoption agency calls, and when Mitchell answers to tell them no, they both look at each other and just... know what the right thing to do is. They're having a baby, and they're also buying a bigger house!

There were just a lot of moments I loved here. Cam and Mitchell lying in bed, talking about prose and cons... one of their "pros" was finding out for sure how much of Lily's personality is their fault, and how much is on her! And then speaking of, when they go to talk to Lily, she is immediately supportive, but then points out how old they will be if they have a baby now, by the time that baby is grown.

And then there's the way Gloria gets involved. They go to talk to her about it, since she has experience having a baby a bit later in life, but end up enamored with the house she's in the middle of showing. They start to imagine a future with this new house, and a new baby, and things start to spiral. Gloria is in the background, doing her sale's pitch. I thought that was a fantastic way to integrate Gloria's progress and character development. It's something I wish the show could pull off successfully more often.

So yeah - Cam and Mitchell deciding to adopt a new baby is about as emotionally manipulative as you can get, but I have allowed myself to be emotionally manipulated. While the moment of their big decision was a success in my eyes, the rest of this episode was pretty much a swing and a miss.

7/10

[clutfysvad-gd-adv-blog]

Canceled Con!

First of all, Canceled Con was awesome! I took all my paint & canvases outside with me Saturday & Sunday & had it in the background playing. It was fun & inspirational & think this should become a consistent podcast of some sort. I’m writing about 2 creator’s that I took a lot from.

The first creator I listened to was Danielle Evans. I was inspired with her work when I did my recycle alphabet & she was the very first person on Canceled Con, so I thought that was pretty cool. She was an art director for 8 years and now she focuses on food object lettering. Her background during the interview was donuts; also, her maiden name is Dunkin so her career choice is pretty on point if I say so myself.

People like to call her a “Design Humanitarian,” taking what she perceives at a human scale through human experience. To her, designing is like chicken wire; you can make art that is beautiful and flip it into something silly whether it be food, sports, mental health issues. Six months ago her inspiration was trying to team up with people who don't look like her. The idea behind that is that you're trying to spread the idea & help to other people you wouldn’t expect to like your product. What can we do to still have those markets? Expand. Find people you wouldn’t expect. People are anxious, especially in times like these. She explains that you want to connect with people who don’t look like you to expand your market.

Currently, her inspiration is touching people without touching people, mentally. What does design mean on a global, community or personal scale? Taking something that is very serious going on, like the pandemic, and make your mark on the creative process. She looks for future industries. People and industries are hungry for content (muralists, workshops, experience spaces, web experiences). She explains, pitch to these industries! If you have any good ideas shoot your shot & go for it. 

As an artist, naturally, she sometimes feels anxious about her work and she holds on it, which she realizes is a problem.  She explains that time is an illusion & there is a lot of power in that. Of course not every single person is going to love what you put out but you’re killing yourself if you don't put it out there because someone will love it. Wipe that “holding onto it” and strip it clean-put it out there. Play Jay-Z’s “Onto the Next One” and apply it. Seize the moment.  You have the opportunity to access what your advantages are. It’s about finding what your jam is & looking deep into it-maximizing it to the fullest. She explains, have a niche, however, apply your other skills and think outside the box as well. You’re good for all types of things (for example, photography). Put your skills outside of your niche and brand out because your skills are not confined in a box. You’re open & can do all sorts of things- not just lettering with food objects. 

The second creator I listened to was Lauren Hom. She is a professional graphic designer, lettering artist & muralist (woot woot!). I actually had no idea who she was & now I am obsessed with her....too much? Probably. She’s great. Her “start” of her career story is unreal. She was in college and got drunk one night with her roommate and came up with the idea of making a blog about lovely little lies we like to tell ourselves. Her blog is called “Daily Dishonesty.” She started the idea thinking no one would see it but it was a hit. A huge hit. 

In her session, she showed how she started a quick lettering mural “Yeah” & her process behind it. Being very familiar with the mural process, I had much respect for how she talked about how much labor and effort murals can be. It is my absolute favorite thing to do in the world, but it’s exhausting and very time consuming. Listening to someone who knows the process and details behind it made me feels right at home.

[ahumanexperiencemoment]

“I was a Civil War Reenactor”

Around the time I was 16 years old, I was at the annual Mustang car show they use to put on at the local mall. My dad had a 69 Mustang Mach One that he entered every year and since he was a member of the local mustang club, we (mostly he) were always there working or trying to do something to help out like inspect cars for judging or pick up trash. He had a beautiful car; the color was gulf stream aqua blue and boy could it go fast. I think my dad had several tickets to prove it. In fact, I liked his car and our times together doing those shows so much, that when I was overseas making cha-ching, I bought myself a ‘69 Mustang, so we could continue to share the experience. However, less than a year after I got back from my time in the dirt, he sold his and mine… well, it now sits in the garage. I must confess, I am not a car guy like my dad was. It’s a beautiful garage ornament though.

Anyway, when I was 16, I overheard someone at the car show talking about Civil War reenacting. I loved history growing up and I still do but this was at the time that the internet wasn’t what it is today and getting information at the touch of a button just wasn’t there. You actually had to sort of be in the know to know of anything. I went right over to learn what I could about reenacting. The guy, in turn, got me in touch with another fellow that was closer to my age… well, he was in college but a lot closer to my age than most reenactors. He told me how to get involved and what it took to become a reenactor. He also told me that there was an event in Selma, Alabama coming up.

Now I had an over-protective mother… and to be honest, I am so thankful she was. When I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to go to people’s houses until she met their parents or do a lot of things. Up until a couple of years before this, she was pretty much a single parent as my parents were divorced and my dad was in the Navy other places. She lessened the iron grip as I got older but actually allowing me to go with folks that she didn’t know to an event in another state? I thought it would never happen. But this guy took the time to stop and meet my mom in person to explain the group he was with and what they did, etc. Lo and behold, my mom consented and let me go.

I officially joined the 2nd Florida Company A, The Pensacola Rifles. For new members, uniforms and accouterments (gear) were borrowed from other members of the group until one was able to get their own gear. I was no different; I borrowed and looked like I wore hand-me- downs. Everything looked slightly too big or small, but I was proud. I loved it. So, for reenacting groups, they usually represent two units, one from the north and one from the south, depending on how many people show up to an event and what side needs help to fill. 2nd Florida’s counterpart was the 75th New York. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I think that is what it was. We were good ol’ southern boys and I could probably count on one hand how many times we wore the blue.

I remember the first event like it was yesterday. We drove all the way up to Selma from Pensacola and when we got there, we walked across the battlefield to where everyone was camped. Civil War reenacting is or at least was, very family-oriented for the most part. There were some groups that took it way too seriously and other groups that didn’t take it seriously enough but the group I ended up with had a great group of people that weren’t too far in either direction. They were there to have fun, fellowship and have a good time. I met the Captain of our group. He was an older gentleman, but I was 16; everyone was older. He was sitting at a makeshift table pouring black powder into paper cartridges to be used later. He also had an Army or Navy Colt six shooter that he was messing with that I was fascinated by.

I then met a family who had their kids with them. The wife was super sweet and friendly and the kids…. Well they were kids and me being an older kid, I didn’t pay them any attention. Families usually brought family-sized tents made out of canvas. The thing about reenacting, it was about trying to be as period as possible so no new tents for us. Jay, the guy that met my mom and let me ride with him had his own “A” frame tent and we shared that. I met another guy there who was in his younger 20s, maybe the same age as Jay, I am not sure, but I think he was in the Navy at some point. He was a nice guy, but he was different. He always had a pleasant, slack smile and he was always talking about creating a Naval Civil War Reenacting group. He never did though, sadly. I found out years later, after I had gone across the world, that he died of a drug overdose or something like that. At any rate, it was unexpected news when I heard about it.

That first night we set our camp up, cooked dinner on the campfire and sang long into the night. It was exciting; it really felt like you stepped back in time surrounded by people in period dress and playing period music. You could almost imagine how it might have really been in the 1860s, though there probably wasn’t as much enjoyment back then.

By the time it was time to go to sleep that night, it was super late. It did not take long to pass out… however, again, before the advent of technology and all its glory, we didn’t have weather apps that told us about storms on the horizon. We woke up a couple hours later from a deep stupor to the sound of heavy rain on the tent and wind billowing the walls of the tent in and out rapidly. It was a strong and surprise thunderstorm that came from nowhere. The kind of lightning that when it struck, it blinded everything. We grabbed onto the wooden poles that held the tent up to add stability to the shaking tent. The tent shook so hard that the front pole actually snapped in two! Then before long, while dealing with that, a small stream started to pool around our feet coming from one side of the tent and flow out the other side. It wasn’t long before we were ankle deep and trying to keep things from floating out the front of the tent. It was complete pandemonium.

We knew we had to get out of there. We quickly secured what we could and ran for the vehicle, which required running about a quarter of a mile to the parking area in the dark with lightning flashing. There are times in life where you question your choices and wonder, “How the heck did I end up here?” This was one of those times. After running and being blinded every few minutes, praying to God that we wouldn’t be struck as we ran, we made it to the safety of the vehicle. We were wet, miserable and tired. We were also hungry after all that, so we drove over to the local Denny’s to eat. We must have looked like a sight. Here we were wearing 1860 attire, wet, miserable-looking, slowly moseying to our table to eat at 2 or 3 in the morning. It’s funny now…. Well, it was funny then too. The absurdity of it, along with the relief of not getting hurt.

The next day, we found out that they suspected that there might have been a small tornado that tore through the camp. Apparently, it had hit sutler row ( the Civil War related tent shops that were all congregated together) and while it destroyed some tents, nobody was hurt.

The next morning, after sleeping in the car the remainder of the night, we returned to camp and quickly moved our tent to higher ground. Thankfully, Jay had another upright tent pole that took the place of the broken one and we were back on track.

So, every Civil War Reenactment that I have ever been a part of usually consisted of two battles, one on Saturday and one on Sunday with a military ball usually Saturday nights. In the time leading up to the first battle, we conducted close order drill and rifle maneuvers. It was so cool. Not really, but to a 16 year old boy, it was. The uniforms were made of wool and let me tell you something, I gained such a new, profound understanding and appreciation for those that fought in the Civil War. That uniform was itchy, scratchy and if you had a sunburn on your neck… well it just made it worse. But surprisingly, once you sweat into the uniform, it would actually cool you off when the wind blew.

On Saturday afternoon, the time of the battle finally came, and I fell in next to Jay. In reenacting, they say that your first battle is when you see the elephant! I wasn’t sure what that meant but, sure, ok. Also, for new folks, they would take black powder and rub it on newbie faces so everyone knew that you were a neophyte. I wasn’t sure if this was the case. They may have been using my inexperience against me for a good laugh, but I did begin to see others with black powder on their face, so maybe they weren’t.

The cannons started to roar, and musket gun fire started popping off in the distance. It had begun. We marched up an embankment and crested a hill and over to the left, they had a specially built farmhouse on the battlefield between us and confederates that they lit afire. They even had special charges set in the ground where dirt would explode to simulate a cannonball landing. I wasn’t expecting all this. I was just mesmerized by everything. Boom! Shot! Fire Crackle! Dirt Flying! Oh, I have to keep moving with everyone! And I did.

We advanced and retreated several times and then finally, we set up for the final charge. When they yelled “Charge!” we were just to start running and charge the confederates who were behind field fortifications. In Civil War Reenacting, there is no set time to “die.” When you have had enough, you just fall down spectacularly and lay there until the battle is over. Now, there are times when a cannon goes off nearby and you feel silly if you stay up, when you know it would have gotten you had it been real, so you fall then too.

So, here I was in my first battle surrounded by people I didn’t really know and on the front end of the charge. I remember thinking, “Ok. I will just stay by my buddy Jay…oh there he goes…. Where did he go! I am by myself! Oh no!” I am running across the field and me being younger, I could run a little faster. I quickly found myself by myself and not too far from the entrenched. I got so close I could see their eyes… yup, and then the thought hit me. Dude, It’s time. And I died spectacularly. I don’t know if it was spectacular, I just kind of rolled forward and laid still.

Shortly after that, the battle came to an end and it was time to get ready for the military ball. And if you thought the reenactment battlefield was an experience for a young man, the military ball was equally as important an experience, but completely opposite. Men and women would dress up with all the pomp they could with 1860 uniforms and clothing. True southern belles showed up in their hoop dresses, including young women around my age. The whole thing was amazing. People in period dress at a restored plantation house, listening to period music, dancing the Virginia reel. I loved learning to dance and I danced with anyone and everyone I could. I even met a couple of cute girls and had good conversation. Sadly, I never saw them again after that night at other events I attended. That’s another thing about reenacting, it becomes sort of a small town of friends, where they meet at different events and enjoy each other’s time and in time, start to reminisce about earlier experiences.

In retrospect, I am so grateful that I was able to participate in these events. They just instilled the love of history and learning even more in my life. I met interesting people and listened to interesting stories. A couple of years later, I joined the military and never did another event, but I have such great memories.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

It's like everytime some shit goes bad or I feel wronged, my head starts spiraling, spinning like grandma's record player.

Thinking bout Jay, Ayunna, Terrell, Tatyana, My old jobs, sometimes in that exact order...

Just anything that pisses me off or feels similar and I'm ready to strike again, I'm ready to beat some ass for making my heart feel cold, feel numb like this.

The idea that people don't care about my well being, my mental health, just like these 4 idiots.

I want them executed from my life, burned like witches at the stake for causing me pain in my brain, my heart, the headaches....the tears I don't tell anybody about from remembering every single little thing about when they wronged me, they played me, Jay pushed me away, taty pushed me off of her and told me she didn't want me to touch her, Ayunna using me and Jay not caring cause they were doing it too....Its like I can't even yell at them anymore or tell them how it feels to be hurt a year or more after they hit me on my back. That spot Jay hit me at....

I'll always remember and that's what sucks. And these assholes don't even give a fuck because it's not their pain.

If they could take a walk in my shoes, with my enormous brain remembering everything and everything playing in my head like silly school children in my class, talking about my past, what I wanna be, where I wanna be, and then time is calling you but you don't even know if you're actually in the wrong class or distracted from what's the truth.

I hate looking through bad mirrors, they make you see that I chose to be with them all. All four of them and I did not like it. I dated Terrell to get over the fact that Jay didn't want a commitment with me but still wanted me to be the groupie, the friend, dragging me in, leading me on whenever I would try to actually get the relationship I deserved. A real life, hugging, loving, kissing boyfriend from which I thought was him, I thought it was Teddy and it wasn't right. He ended up revealing his true self that he tried to hide from me, and all I ever wanted to do with him was to forget Jay, stop liking Jay, and be treated to a date by somebody who actually wants to kiss me whenever we want to, hold my hand, walk me down the street, proud to claim me and make me feel special, like it was just him and me. And Teddy cuddled me all night long, he even hugged me. Sex felt so much nicer with him because he let me do whatever I wanted to with him and we even did public stuff. Like there was no rules and I was so happy to be finally treated and wanted that 1st couple of weeks with him. Jay never let me do any of that with them because of Ayunna, but real talk I think it was because of Jay's dysphoria and intimacy issues as the reason why we never made out, never held hands, and Jay only hugged me once out of 2yrs of us being friends and I've never met a person who had such a serious against, against approach to commitment, sex, kissing, or even just me asking them some personal questions about their past. It was like they were so scared for me to see them without the masks on masks they wear around Ayunna and especially other people's families.

Jay wasn't the right man I was looking for to have a family with, even though I got so close to them, but they weren't close to me. Only time Jay revealed something was when they figured I was gonna leave or date somebody else.

which also leads to my other rebound Taty, who I just blocked on insta cause I hate seeing her face now since she won't do the reciprocal courtesy of returning me my only hoodie from College. I want it back cause it's mine, and I alreadypaid $10 to get hers sent back. She's slow and petty. and it's already been a year since I broke up with her. At first I thought we could be friends after breakup, but I realized her being the nicest girl.....at first.....then switching up on me, blowing me off, not talking, ignoring texts for hrs just to play video games after I already waited to text her when she usually got up at 3pm or 5pm due to her lupus....that should have ended sooner because I wanted a gf to do gf stuff with, like yes, serious relationship with somebody who actually went out of their way to sow me a handmade pillow by herself and even wrote a beautiful love letter, like I always wanted to have from someone who means alot to me. Poetry included.

I really thought taty wouldn't let me down and was serious about me like she had meant in her gifts and attention in the beginning. I didn't like how after she told me her depression was making her disconnect from me, that she goes and hangs out with her friends more, not really making plans with me anymore, like I was the one planning quality time...

And she didn't care how that made me feel and I felt so alone about it. Like they went on a trip up in the great lakes and she didn't think to ask me if I wanted to come and other people bfs went....like wow

Slowly cutting me off, like if you were losing interest in me why not say so, so I could end it earlier?

And then she goes to tell me she's dating her married friend, whose wedding we were supposed to go to together. Like no wonder, you blew off quality time with me to go stay at her house after the bridal shower? And I took a 40 min ride all the way up there to come see you....like get your priorities straight.

Obviously I didn't matter that much to you, so yea I broke up with you.

There's only so many times I can tolerate being blown off or pushed away and then I go ghost, I go cold and numb, and yes the truth is revealed, and then I turn into a bitch. And I hate getting like that. Especially if I'm over on the other side, by myself, cause weren't communicating with me.

And I hate her for that shit too. Cause she thinks she did nothing wrong. As if she has every right to keep my Hoodie, my personal property, just because you don't feel like it. Your grandma practically still takes care of you. We ain't a good match either.

so now I'm alone....no new friends yet....still bitching.

cause I don't know if the next time I trust somebody, are they gonna use me, make fun of me like JA, take my money, hurt my soul, and showoff that they care in front of my face, but really out here doing shit behind your back for themselves...

I don't trust anybody right now, not even family so much too. And I don't wanna go down that road.

Maybe I just need to go in the gym like Hodgetwins and get so swollen and buffed up that it won't matter how exes used to treat you in your old body. They can't disrespect in my new one, cause Imma feel 10x better, and 10x stronger than before. Cause I don't want no immature, shallow fuckboats try to treat love like its a business or a silly little ass girl who don't even know the 1st thing about true, mature relationships like I've seen or had to deal with all by myself.

I've never had a partner who treated me like their future was present and that I was the only woman they needed in their life to really make my dream of real true love come true. And I'm disappointed in everybody who let me down and to believing that the right one for me is gonna treat me right, and not hurt me like the dumb bitches they all were. I hate them for that. They make me wanna give up my love for love and just work without even really going for anything because it's scary.

It's scary knowing that even when someone who asks you out, tells you they like you, hugs you and kisses you, can switch up on you and not think you're the one that whole experience you were with them.

I trusted everyone and they hurt me right back.

And they didn't care

And I can't make them see that, how unfair it was to be always waiting, being treated like I was so unwanted, but just want me to be there when they wanted me to.

It hurts that I can't call or see Jay face to face to actually get closure on why the fuck did you play with my head for so long and my heart for so many years, while you jeopardized every sexual relationship I'll ever have later on in life because I can't trust another man, another girl, who kisses me or even touches me because I'll always think I need to wait or runaway before they hurt me like you did me. Lying to me with a smile, a kiss meant nothing to you, but it did to me and you knew that. You steady manipulated and led me on, thinking that we could just move on from the damage because you didn't want to say sorry or treat me better, or do things right. You always acted like when I tried to call you out, I was too emotional, too sensitive when honestly the stuff that you said, the things you did, I could have sent you to jail for.

You're a dirty, low down thief, a tyrant, an opportunist. And I hate every single piece of shit who reminds me of you. The sociopathic, sadist, Narcissist with dissociative identity disorder that they probably need to see a psychiatrist for to get that checked every year. Jay abused me and used me, and I thought the power of love would have brought us together in peace, in good harmony, able to speak our minds freely and friendly, be on one accord with each other.

But Jay's too sick in the head to even care or even Apologize and own up to what they said. Felt like chutes and ladders, always going up and down and around my old self for them. Even bringing my child like self into the bedroom, the one I should have kept protected.

Jay is nothing but a coward, a weakling. Changing their name to escape the past they brought upon themselves or was inflicted on them by someone else. Never really showing who they truly are or who they care for, except Ayunna. Just like playing cards. They played themselves when they thought I could never change, I could never learn who they were, when they repeat the same moves in different stories.

Jay never thought that I could outgrow them and they not know where I am or who I'm bringing a baby home to, or who I am today. Jay needs help, medicine, therapy and a solid family home.

And I have to keep forgiving even on days like today when it's hard to not think about grandma and me not wanting to go to this interview because I don't need anymore pressure 🙃

..

[philomathstudies]

Introduction: Hi! I’m Annie, I recently graduated as valedictorian of a class of almost 700, and I’m about to be a freshman at Johns Hopkins (go blue jays!!). High school was some of the best and worst moments of my life, and looking back, there are so many things that I wish I’d done and things that made me successful, so I wanted to share them! Of course, disclaimer, these tips may not apply to everyone!

(These tips generally apply to all classes, but if you have a specific subject you want tips on, I’ve taken these AP courses: european history, world history, us gov’t, macroeconomics, lang, lit, calc ab, chemistry, physics 1, physics c, environmental science, art: drawing, biology, human geography, chinese, and art history. Feel free to message me!)

College applications are a crapshoot- I can’t begin to tell you the number of incredible, brilliant people with extraordinary, international level achievements that got denied at top schools in favor of those lacking those accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean those who got in don’t have qualities that earned them a spot, it just speaks to the unpredictable nature of the college application process. When deans of admission at top schools openly say they could reject all admitted students and build the same exemplary class from the waitlist, or that they have enough qualified applicants to fill 3 or 4 classes with, there’s a certain amount of luck involved. Therefore I urge all rising seniors to go into this process realizing that the odds are not in your favor. I went into the process with too much blind hope, too confident in my ability to be that lucky 1 in 10 (or less) that would gain admission, and I was sorely disappointed. So that leads me to my next tip…

Don’t do things just for your college application- Those slim acceptance rates are the exact reason I urge you not to join things solely for how good they look on a college application. It seems counterintuitive; wouldn’t they give you a better chance of acceptance? However, my point is not to dissuade you from extracurriculars, but rather to commit to ones that genuinely make you happy. As I wrote above, the process is so competitive that even international achievements may mean rejection, so don’t waste your high school experience by dedicating so much time and effort to something that you feel obligated to do.

Try everything your freshman and sophomore year- My biggest regret is not joining clubs where my passions lie simply because I was too lazy or scared of things like public speaking my freshman year. It’s much more intimidating to join as upperclassmen, and you may not be able to participate at all the levels/in all the ways people who have dedicated 3-4 years can. Even if you don’t think its for you (like debate for me because of my fear of public speaking), I urge you to expand your horizons and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Many clubs give you great opportunities to build leadership, public speaking, etc. skills and to find your passions.

Know both sides of the flashcard- I learned this tip from my organic chemistry class, and I’d never though about how useful it is. For example, if you’re memorizing polyatomic ions, it’s extremely important that you know both the formula and the name, as either version may show up on the exam. Not doing this also makes the weaknesses in your memorization evident- whenever I study vocab, I tend to glance at the side with the term and only memorize the definition. This meant that when I was given only the definitions, I couldn’t remember the word they defined, because I was so used to being given the vocab word and responding with the definition. 

The first lecture of the unit is one of the most important for STEM classes- I know the beginning of the unit can often seem like the perfect time to tune out, as it goes over information you’ve previously learned or the easiest material of the topic, but it often forms the foundation for everything else in the unit. For example, the first lecture on a stoichiometry unit will probably teach you dimensional analysis, a skill integral to calculating molecular or empirical formulas, moles or grams of a substance, etc. 

Buy/sell books secondhand- Everyone knows how expensive college textbooks are, but between SAT and AP prep books, and books for English, high school books can cost quite a bit of money too. Unless they redesigned the exam recently, you absolutely don’t need the newest edition of the review book, so buy from upperclassmen and then sell it to underclassmen the following year.

Learn to self study- Unless you’re really lucky, you’re guaranteed to have a teacher who doesn’t teach, teaches badly, or whose teaching style just doesn’t work for you. Personally, I find that self learning, especially if I’m struggling because resources such as textbooks and online explanations, and videos seem to contradict, really helps me understand the topic throughly. In AP bio, my teacher had us create claymation videos on the processes of cellular respiration and photosynthesis independently. It was incredibly frustrating and confusing because all the resources described the cycles in varying degrees of details, but I felt like I genuinely understood the topic, instead of having been spoon-fed the information and memorizing it. Obviously, this method isn’t very efficient for frequent use, but the key is to try to understand the material independently instead of going to the teacher the moment you hit a snag. 

Keep your backpack/binders/notebooks reasonably organized- When teachers ask for homework to be passed up and you have to dig through mountains of papers in your backpack, not only is that super stressful, but a lot of teachers won’t let you turn it in after they have already collected all the papers. I was definitely guilty of being lazy and just stuffing papers, once I got them, into my backpack instead of taking a few seconds to slide them into a binder, and as a result I got 0s on lots of homework because either I couldn’t find it at the time or because everything was so messy I didn’t remember there was homework. Try to have some sort of organization system going on or at least a homework folder, because those 0s add up and can be the difference between an 89 and 90. 

You’re gonna get senioritis, badly, and that’s ok- I’ve always been the type of person who did every homework assignment and was very focused on grades, so the idea that I would completely let myself ago seemed absurd to me. Don’t underestimate what senior year does to you. I can honestly count on one hand the econ worksheets that I actually turned in during senior year, and I made my first B in a grading period during the spring. I was very stressed about how awful my grades were, but unable to muster the energy to do anything about it. And you know what, it’s ok. It’s senior year, you can give yourself a break. Yes, your senior grades are still important for college applications, so don’t go from straight A’s to straight C’s, but for the most part, all the hard work is behind you. Do keep in mind that these habits may haunt you when you’re a college freshman. I haven’t started classes yet, but based on how little I studied for the math placement exam for my college, senioitis doesn’t magically end when you graduate, so don’t let it get completely out of control during the year. 

Learn how to do math without a calculator- If you take either of the AP Calculuses or the SAT, you need to master this skill because there are sections of the exams that are strictly non-calculator.  Beyond that, when you get to calculus, you’ll be introduced to complicated concepts, where not being able to multiply by hand will drag you down. 

Keep old notes- Not only for finals, but some topics are very interdisciplinary, like biochemistry, so it’s very important that you have a working knowledge of both biology and chemistry. As you take advanced classes, such as for me, taking physics c after physics 1, it will be assumed that you have completely mastered the basics, and they will be skipped or referenced very quickly. It is very useful to look at notes on the basics, which provide the foundation for the advanced material you learn. 

Invest in a whiteboard- Whenever I was learning about processes or cycles, from the Krebs cycle to organic chemistry mechanisms, it was really useful to practice drawing the steps over and over again. Then when it came to the test, I could do a brain dump and draw out the information as a reference. 

Understand formulas instead of blindly memorizing- This basically has physics and calculus written all over it. In physics, you should be given formula charts during exams, and in any case, something like F=ma isn’t terribly hard to memorize. The problem comes when there are a multitude of formulas that are derived from one of the fundamental equations. Of course, deriving from scratch each time is incredibly tedious, but I want to dissuade you from simply memorizing it or storing it on your calculator, because that means you probably don’t understand the physics behind it. What makes physics so difficult and different from any other subject you’ve taken is that every problem will have a slightly different scenario that tests your understanding of the physics behind it. 

Use all the time given to you during tests- I know I hate looking back through my test because I just get so bored halfway through, but missing points because of silly mistakes is honestly the most frustrating thing ever when you had plenty of time to check. Depending on if I have time, I like to cover my original work and resolve the question. If checking answers is not your thing, try slowing now when you first see each question, and checking your work briefly each step. 

Form study groups- Talking about something, especially teaching it to someone, always helped me remember something so much better than reading it on paper. It’s also so important to have second interpretations of the information you’re studying to ensure that you don’t make a huge misconception.  

AP students: released/practice exams are your best friend- Obviously, they’re the best resources for studying for the AP exam, but they’re also a great tool for a hint at what your teacher’s tests may look like. AP teachers have access to tons of College Board material and will often use questions directly from old exams. 

If you start getting confused during a lecture- Many times this is because I didn’t pay attention during the very beginning, so I’m missing that important foundation I talked about in the previous tip. Of course, I typically wouldn’t recommend doing things other than listening to what is currently being taught, but in this case, I would just get more confused and it’s a waste of time. So I discretely go back to my previous notes and focus on understanding them. 

The most stressful part of schoolwork is just thinking about your assignments- There’s always specific period of time that threatens to kill me- a week where I had two competitions simultaneously, in cities 3 hours apart. When you’re taking 7 AP classes at the same time, just reading over your to-do list will make you want to cry. Even on a normal day, as I go to classes throughout the day and my list of homework gets longer and longer, it makes me so stressed to where I’m planning out how to finish everything and I’m no longer listening in class. It overwhelmed me so much that I just wanted to take a nap and avoid school. But every single time, stressing about the work I have is 1000x worse than sitting down and actually going through each task. I find that what had seemed impossible before was very doable, and many times I even finished early enough to relax before bed. Keep a positive mindset, don’t underestimate your abilities, and have the discipline to start working immediately on the hardest days, and you’ll be fine. Of course, this doesn’t mean that the workload that is able to be handled by one person can work for another, and things like mental illnesses are things I have no experience in, so this is definitely just something that worked for me and is not applicable to everyone. 

Best of luck with high school! If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask!

My AP World masterpost

Asks I’ve answered about school

[aturnoftheearth]

i just finished college

[cicadacreativemag]

The commodification of Black pain: Why "White Fragility" falls short

Jay Serrano, Editorial Director

In the midst of yet another reckoning with the antiblackness that permeates every corner of the U.S., many people have scrambled for ways to make sense of it all. For some, it is a familiar topic of conversation, one that has shaped their entire life. For others, it is an abstract knowledge they may only be exploring for the first time.

For these individuals, self-education has become a common prescription. Social media users who are more well versed in the topic of antiblack racism have curated various reading lists with recommended reading for nonblack people. One title has popped up in several of these posts, often floating to the top of the list. I recognized it from when it hit the New York Times Best Seller List in 2018 and stayed there for over a year. It stirred some controversy then, but it has since reemerged in the wake of the George Floyd protests, once again becoming a best seller, highly recommended and rated on Amazon and endlessly passed around on my Facebook feed.

The book is called “White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism,” written by a White academic named Robin DiAngelo. You’ve likely heard of this book before—or, at the very least, have heard of its central thesis. Her primary assertion is that White people are inherently complicit in racism and that they must do work to dismantle this, defining resistance to this concept “white fragility” or “white defensiveness.”

I am not the target audience for this book and withheld critique because I did not have a strong opinion of it. I’m mixed AfroLatine and thought there was no reason for me to read a simplified version of racism for reluctant White people, but as it became more and more famous, I noticed insidious things about it. Reading it validated some of my more cynical analyses of the narcissism of neoliberal elite establishments, but it also deeply confused me. It appears I was not alone.

The critiques of the book vary. One common critique is some variation of “racism is not that bad, and I’m upset at being implicated.” I view this critique as fundamentally absurd, ahistorical, and demonstrably false. Another critique, primarily presented on the Left, is that DiAngelo uses corporate framing to offer a prescriptive non-solution to a problem that could be more effectively solved by addressing workers’ rights and establishing socialized policy. The idea is that class solidarity supersedes racial solidarity and that to proclaim otherwise is playing into corporate division tactics and identity politics. The Left has very scant media representation and, perhaps predictably, the voices that have succeeded have been almost exclusively White. It is not shocking to me, then, that their critique correctly analyzes DiAngelo’s poor framing and conflict of interest but fails to diagnose the real pervasiveness and seriousness of antiblackness.

I think the real problem with “White Fragility” is that is reads as a self-congratulatory Racism 101 course that centers the White experience above all and sanitizes the experience of people of color, especially Black people—ironically, likely to be more palatable for a White audience. The book is incredibly repetitive and condescending, entirely satisfied in its commodification of racism in the U.S. and once you realize how much money she’s made from this book and how much it has brought her fame, it feels openly exploitative.

Centering the White Experience

DiAngelo is a White woman. A White author being the primary spokesman for people of color would seem to undermine the ethos of the book, which often emphasizes listening to us. There is a strong narcissistic streak to the entire narrative; it is all about White people, even as we are being finger wagged at about how we leave people of color out of conversations about their own oppression.

We hear plenty about white privilege, white fragility, white tears, white guilt, etc. But we hear very little from or about people of color’s experiences outside of being oppression boards. She offers few positive stories about people of color—instead, every interaction regarding racism is combative and confrontational. There’s also a creepiness to the way in which nonwhite people are reduced to props in the backdrop of White people’s journey towards enlightenment.

There is an incredible irony in watching groups of rich White elites argue amongst themselves about racism. There is even more irony is watching the critique of these people come from other White people and watching their arguments still miss the point. It’s a bizarre reminder that we aren’t allowed to be the protagonist even in stories ostensibly about us. DiAngelo didn’t write about us. She wrote about White people’s feelings about us.

The Corporate Angle

This is part of the Left critique of DiAngelo’s work that is actually quite prudent. DiAngelo fills her books with anecdotes of defensive workers she met during her stint as a corporate diversity trainer. She, bizarrely, appears to offer her advice as a corporate consultant without acknowledging this approach would be inappropriate with family and friends. She doesn’t appear to acknowledge this because she doesn’t realize it, which makes it even more concerning.

Prescribed lines come across as insincere and almost cartoonishly silly, furthering the impression that this is about optics and sounding woke rather than about effecting meaningful change. She also often paints coworkers as being the harbingers of inequality but fails to ever acknowledge the way corporations are plagued by systemic racism. To eliminate racism from the workplace would require a reckoning with the capitalist structures that have historically disenfranchised people of color, particularly Black and brown people.

She even often frames racism as…microaggressions in the workplace. Sure, this happens and yes, it is inappropriate and negatively affects people of color. However, it betrays a bias in which it is clear she believes the more overt types of racism—lynching, hate crimes, wrongful termination, being denied housing, poor access to medical care, higher mortality rates, etc.—are either less important or less common than corporate microaggressions. We don’t need to protect ourselves from a lawsuit. We need to foster more empathy for people of color. Now, more than ever, what we need is for White people to see the humanity of Black people. This book does not give us the tools to make that happen.

The Political Divide

Part of what makes this book stand out and, I believe, part of why this book was so instinctively rejected by the Left is because there is a huge ideological rift between the Democratic Party and progressives. DiAngelo incorrectly defines “progressives,” couching it into the term “White progressives,” which feels as though it is intentionally avoiding Martin Luther King Jr.’s naming of “the White moderate.”

Through subtleties like that, it becomes apparent that DiAngelo has a political ideology that is notoriously infantilizing and condescending towards people of color and is diametrically opposed to the politics of racial justice groups, which are typically Leftist in nature. The New York Times is a moderate outlet with a clear ideological bend, and it feels like no coincidence that this book was widely covered by the publication and then began increasing in sales. To be entirely fair, the New York Times and other more moderate outlets have praised Black literature and showcased it, helping to garner attention, but they can be problematic vessels.

One of the largest critiques of White moderates is that they are often incredibly complicit in systems of racism and inequality, but instead of addressing these issues head-on, they offer strong rhetoric that they do not practice nor seem to truly believe. This political divide is, despite popular belief, not a new one. Again, Martin Luther King Jr. criticized White moderates, and although DiAngelo often says the “correct” answer, her rhetoric is insidious in its insincerity.

Letting White Academics Set the Conversation

The fetishization of academia and intelligence that pervades a substantial wing of the Left and Liberals is often our own undoing—we are so impressed by the intellectual novelty of a topic we presume the argument is more substantive than it truly is. We view intelligence as authority, granting them implicit trust. While this instinct is a reasonable one, it is ultimately part of the problem.

When we offer academics a disproportionately large amount of credibility, we allow them to set the tone of the conversation. Perhaps this would be appropriate in the case of something like neurobiology or electrical engineering, but when discussing race issues, particularly the systemic kind, academia is hardly the authority. Colleges uphold and perpetuate systemic racism in complicated, nuanced ways, which is not the primary topic of this piece, but remains incredibly relevant. When considering how this book became so famous, one must consider the systems of power that allowed a White academic to set the narrative.

This critique is substantially reduced with Black academics and other nonwhite academics, but even then, the discourse can be divorced from material realities or become corroded by stewing in a context that is implicitly hostile towards antiracism.

Offering No Solutions—What was the Goal?

DiAngelo very conspicuously offers no solutions as to how to actually improve the material conditions of Black people. She only appears to encourage self-flagellation to absolve oneself of any accidental racism while engaging in said racism. Feeling guilty is centering your fragile white feelings, she insists, as she continues intentionally provoking guilt and centering the White experience. She paints the reader into a corner by taking the possibility of criticism off the table and gives them nothing but the recommendation they attend her pricey racial sensitivity seminars.

It comes across as being provocative for the sake of being provocative and really, the idea is a self-defeating one. The theory of White fragility is fundamentally unprovable because any critique of it is an apparent confirmation of itself. It does not encourage dialogue or move the needle—it simply alienates for the sake of establishing one’s own moral superiority.

At the end of the day, this is a book that reviews the same concepts over and over without offering any suggestions on how to help advance the liberation of nonwhite people. It doesn’t seem interested in endearing itself to the reader and is, in fact, openly hostile towards the reader, who is ostensibly trying to unlearn their racism. It is difficult to believe her goal is to convert the layman. She simply presents her narrow realm of corporate moderate ideology that abstracts our experiences with racism to make White people feel guilty and buy her books so she can profit off our pain while talking about us like cardboard cutouts.

If we are to assume the goal is self-education, there are far better books written by authors of color which we can and should be reading instead.

----------------------------------------------------

Recommended Reading

As Black Lives Matter is the focal point of this newsletter and the framing I had in mind when critiquing “White Fragility,” I am recommending specifically Black pieces. Many Black liberation writers are Leftists, which comes across in their writings, and I strongly believe we need to reclaim that space on the Left. We must be able to discuss our lived experiences without it being erased as being mere identity politics. A great first step is getting truly educated and building genuine empathy for Black people. Here are some of cornerstone pieces that are actually written by Black people, many of whom were/are Black academics and/or activists:

“Are Prisons Obsolete?” – Angela Davis

“The Fire Next Time” – James Baldwin

“Ain't I a Woman? Black Women and Feminism” – bell hooks

“The Autobiography of Malcolm X” – Malcolm X with Alex Haley

“Report from the Bahamas” – June Jordan

“When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir” – Patrisse Khan-Cullors

“Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics” – Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw 

“How to Be an Antiracist” – Ibram X. Kendi

“Between the World and Me” – Ta-Nehisi Coates

This doesn’t begin to scratch the surface and there are many pieces specifically on intersectionality, exploring queer Black identity, Black feminism, Black disability activism, capitalism’s effects on Black people, etc. At some point, we will hopefully explore some of these concepts in depth here.

[obsessedauthorchan-blog]

Shakespearean - Update

AO3 | Wattpad | FanFiction

Chapter 5 - Tim

Story Summary:

Jason didn't know how he managed to get into college at all, let alone such a good one, but he was determined not to mess it up.

Of course, it was after he made that decision that everything went to hell.

Chapter Summary:

Timmy's POV! Yay!

Tim puts Jay's phone number to good use, has a mini-heart-attack, and then does his hair up all nice.

It's not a date...

Probably.

Story:

Tim was actually kind of happy.

He hadn't been able to say that in a long time, if ever. When his parents were still alive, his dad worked a lot, his mom socialized, and the staff changed every year or two because his mom was picky and easily angered. When they died, he was obviously upset. He mourned and grieved for a long time, which eventually stopped when he became part of Bruce's family. Dick was actually a pretty cool older brother, Alfred was kind of like a grandfather to him, and he had bonded with Bruce as they worked together to find his parents' killer.

Over the years he got more siblings. Steph, Cass, Damian, and even Babs came to be family over the years. Steph was cool, fun to argue with, and always doing crazy things. Cass was dependable, sturdy, and the least judgmental person Tim had ever met. Babs was the most badass surrogate sister anyone could ever have, and she totally understood his love for technology and computers. Even Damian had his upsides, though the little brat didn't show it very often.

As Clark and his son, Connor, became like a second family, Tim's life improved even further. He had had few good friends in his life before Connor. Bart was a good friend, but he lived so far away that it prevented them from really being close, and he was the kind of guy that was fun to hang out with but hard to be serious with. Connor could do whatever was needed of him, and he could do it well.

But he still couldn't really say he was happy. Content, maybe. He didn't really have much to complain about, and even if he did, he wouldn't ever have let himself. There were lots of good things in his life, but there was a certain weight that had hung over him like a cloud, a weight he had never been able to name, and still couldn't.

But something about Jason...

He made Tim smile and laugh. He didn't treat him like a rich kid, didn't treat him like he was fragile because of what happened to his parents. Con didn't do either of those things either, but Con was different anyway, being practically family and having grown up in close proximity to the Waynes and other wealthy families.

Tim could tell Jason had lived a hard life. There was a certain glint in his gray eyes, the glint of steel, that spoke of experience, knowledge, and pain beyond what Tim could imagine. But there was also a certain light, a measure of determination to not let the worst times overcome the good, to not let his past mess up his future, to move forward, move on, and move upward towards a potential that was obvious just by looking at him.

Tim couldn't help but smile as he looked at Jason's contact in his phone. Jason Todd. It was a good name. Tim liked it. Regardless, Tim liked nicknames for contacts even more. He smirked to himself as he changed it from Jason's name to, 'Shakespeare from the Hood'.

He thought about texting him. Jason had offered him his number in the first place, had actually said that Tim could text him, and Tim had a feeling he hadn't meant that Tim could only text him about studying. Still, Tim had just seen him yesterday. He didn't want to give a certain impression (which may or may not be accurate) that he might like Jason beyond the way people like each other in general, beyond a friendly way. Tim didn't even know if Jason liked guys. And Tim was probably overreacting and being dramatic, but he really didn't know for sure if he was. He had exactly zero experiences with this sort of thing.

It would not fall outside Tim's normal experience with luck for Jason to be straight as a steel pole (those weren’t exactly bendy). Tim really hoped he wasn't, but his experience also told him hope was a dangerous thing.

He sighed, no less conflicted than he had been before. He decided to screw it and sent off a quick text.

"Hi."

Tim decided holding his breath might not be the wisest choice for his health, so he tried to make himself busy. Unfortunately, the only work he really had to do was reading for his Shakespeare class, which would not help distract him from Jason.

Tim's phone beeped. He picked it up faster than he had thought possible and quickly read the text. "Hey, Timbo. What's up?"

Timbo? Really?

"Trying to avoid my Shakespeare, actually. Wbu?"

It took less time for Jason to respond than Tim had expected. Only a few seconds after he sent the text he got a reply. " I'm about to head to work. Working at a library doesn't involve nearly as much reading as I had foolishly hoped. "

Tim snorted. No, it hadn't looked like Jason had gotten any time to read at all yesterday. After he had gotten subtly called back to work (and, sadly, away from Tim), he had seen him many times. Whenever they were in the same area of the library, Jason would shoot him little smiles or random silly faces. Tim could tell that Jason was really just trying to make him laugh loud enough to bother the other patrons (like the utter asshole he was), but Tim couldn't help feeling sort of special every time Jason made a rude gesture in regards to his co-worker and apparent boss.

"No job is as glamorous as it seems. Sucks."

"And what kind of non-glamorous jobs have you worked?"

Tim wasn't sure if Jason was being judgmental or skeptical because Tim was rich or if he was actually just curious if Tim had ever worked. That’s why he kind of hated texting. No body language, no tone of voice, no real cues of any kind. He hoped it was the latter possibility, but he wasn't sure he could blame him if it was the first. Still, it's frustrating when everyone applies Hollywood stereotypes to real life people.

" I currently work for the school's IT department, actually. Before that, I did freelance photography, which isn't as great as it sounds. Especially since it involves people. I don't like people."

" Dude, rly? Do you work at all this afternoon? Bc I got a ton of viruses on my laptop and I've been meaning to head down there to get it dealt with. "

Tim raised an eyebrow, but he couldn't help but smile. That text implied that Jason wanted to see him. Today, even.

"Yeah, actually, from 3 to 10."

"I get off at 4 2day. I'll be there by 530."

Tim's eyes widened. What? What the actual what? Jason was coming to see him at work? At work?! Tim's work uniform was not attractive. What the hell was he supposed to do? And why was he low-key freaking out about seeing Jason?

"K. I guess I'll see you then." At least he didn't sound like he was freaking out over text. Maybe texting wasn't so bad after all.

"Awesome. I'm at work now, so I gtg. c u later, Timmy." Oh, lovely. Another nickname. He actually kind of liked it. He only disliked those nicknames when Dick or Damian were giving them to him.

"c ya."

Tim sighed and put his phone away, a small smile on his face. As his eyes caught on his Shakespeare homework, he groaned. At least now he had something to look forward to at work.

After wasting a good long forever pretending to read Romeo and Juliet, he got up and headed towards the bathroom with a comb and some gel. There wasn't anything he could do about khakis and a polo, but the least he could do was fix his hair.

AO3 | Wattpad | FanFiction

[allthislove]

Dis Kpop rant bout to be real unappealing to most of my followers lol 

But bear with me, y’all. If I go long, I’ll make a jump.

Y’all, I’m old. Okay? Like, let me tell you how old. I’ve been a K-pop stan for 10 years, no exaggeration. Literally, my first introduction to K-pop was one of my friends when I was a teenager sending me a BoA song because he thought I’d like her. This was literally 2007 (or maybe even 2006??? IDK) I have my biases from over the years, but also, I know pretty much who were the hottest groups/solo artists at the time. Like, when time passes and you get a little more removed from your biases, you can report honestly (I also just so happened to stan a couple of the hottest, but that’s par for the course. They’re the hottest for reasons.)

So, literally, when I see newer K-pop fans say artists like BIGBANG, EXO, Super Junior, and SHINee were irrelevant, or are currently, I get a little dumbfounded. Literally at some point, or even now, these were the hottest boybands in Korea. Many of them, in much of Asia. 

Wait, let me clear one thing up. I’m K-pop Rip Van Winkle. That’s a story about a man who falls asleep for a very long time, and wakes up to a very different world. So, my long sleep was college. For a while, while I was in college, I stanned K-pop hard, still. I even went to concerts when I had time off from classes, traded photocards with friends, downloaded songs on iTunes... Then, school got more serious when I started in my major. I had almost no free time outside of it (theatre major = death lol), and so I stanned online very little. I still sometimes watched YouTube videos or downloaded songs I liked, but my fandom became very casual. And y’all, this is a big deal for me. I mean, I was THAT fangirl. I had all the merch, spammed all the comments sections, wrote all the fanfiction, saved money so I could fly across the country to go to concerts, ran stan twitters and tumblrs, like, I was an all-in fan. By somewhere around 2014/15, I had no choice but to chill on that. It was either that, or, like, not have perfect grades, and perfect grades were my LIFE. No joke. 

So, in December of 2016, I graduated from college (university, for non-Americans), and I was ECSTATIC, and I’ve been doing well, having been accepted to grad school and done all this fun shit. So, of course, I went back to stanning. But, yenno, I just went back to stanning Marvel hard online, at first. (Did I mention Marvel? Yeah, I was a k-pop and Marvel fangirl, lol. Real man-catching shit. It’s why they’re always in my DMs, amirite?) Occasionally, I’d check back in with K-pop when something cool happened with a group I loved. Or something fuckING SAD AS FUCK, like 2NE1 FUCKING DISBANDING WTF YG???

But I noticed something. This newer group that I sorta liked when I checked out of K-pop standom had blown up. But, with their newfound fame and success came a new, horrible group of stans. Y’all might get mad, I remember Kpop savagery... but that group is BTS.

Don’t get me wrong. K-pop been like this. Fanwars are like... ubiquitous with K-pop. It’s really funny, when you’ve been far removed from K-pop for a prolonged period of time. Like, the rose-colored glasses come off and you see the shit for what it is, and it’s just dumb as fuck. Like, everyone who isn’t a k-pop stan thinks k-pop is dumb as fuck, or either irrelevant, and everyone who is a k-pop stan thinks all other k-pop is dumb as fuck or irrelevant other than who they stan. It’s counter-productive, crab-in-a-barrel shit. 

And like, I’ve been heavy in black tumblr/twitter during my K-hiatus, too, and like, I’m so used to the positivity shit, like supporting other black women/woc and supporting black-owned business and also feminist twitter/tumblr, like sisterhood and supporting and uplifting each other. So, seeing people essentially on the same team literally tearing each other down and saying how lame/ugly/untalented/irrelevant/whatever the fuck the other thing is, it’s like jarring AF now. 

(Also, K-pop... itself, and often the fandom, it’s just toxic in many ways. Racially... like, the weird racial shit still happens in 2017, and many kpop fans write that shit off. Also, with queer shit, like... the weird, fetishy way people act about queerness vs the straight up homophobic way people react to the idea of legitimate queerness in kpop, and like... lot’s of shit, but that’s a topic for another rant.)

But anyway, BTS stans. Listen, I liked BTS back in like 2014 or whatever, right before I checked out, for school. At the time, they were relatively new (rookies, even), and they had a growing fandom, but yenno, that’s normal for pretty much every newer idol group. My point is: I thought BTS were cool. That “American Hustle Life” or whatever it was was fun to watch, if mildly problematic, but eh, everything hip-hop in Korea is mildly problematic.

So, when I came back and saw them thriving, I was kinda happy. I knew they had increasing fans (many of my classmates who liked K-pop liked BTS, among other groups... often including the earlier ones I mentioned, and then shit like Monsta X and Ikon.), but I had no idea they were like... competitive with EXO until I really had this free time to stan again.

Going long, so it’s under a cut, if you GAF. I write a lot (I’m literally a writer, and writing a lot is beautiful, ask Alexander Hamilton, ask Leo Tolstoy, ask ya mama).

But then the Armys. Mostly on twitter, like, I don’t really see y’all on tumblr. I don’t follow a ton of K-pop twitters, on this blog. (I have an old stan tumblr that I sorta forgot the password to, so IDK.)

IDK, like I said, I’m old. So maybe this is a teenager thing? But there’s this obsession with calling everyone, literally every idol group outside of BTS, irrelevant.

Also, there’s this obsession with believing BTS is the only idol group to make it alone (going platinum with no features!) or, basically, without a Big 3 label to back them. OR, that none of the other idol groups struggled to gain their positions. 

Both things are silly, and to me, say you’re not a k-pop fan. Which is fine. I “wasn’t a k-pop fan” for probably the last two years. I was pretty much just watching for 2NE1 updates, or BIGBANG news via alerts on my phone, and whatnot.

But, if you are a K-pop fan, and you consider yourself a K-pop fan (like I was, pre-2015), you ought to really know better. I consider myself a bit of a k-pop historian. No, seriously, my concentration in college was pretty much performance studies/dramaturgy; which if you know what that means, it means I’m the nerd that wants to know how performers in Renaissance Italy got costumes, and what connection the play Hamlet has to Shakespeare’s relationship with his own son, Hamnet. So, when I obsessed over K-pop, I literally STUDIED it. Like, I read actual books and journal articles about hallyu, that’s the kind of nerd I am. So, here it what I know that I know about K-pop.

You do have idol groups who benefited from the level of fame their Big 3 label gave them, and especially the big idol groups that label had before them (that’s kinda... Ikon, Winner, EXO... not that they didn’t have their own journeys, but the BIGBANG, Suju/SHINee bump really benefited those groups.)

But then you have BIGBANG, and Block B. BIGBANG is a group that literally started out flopping. They began in a time when YG was a hip-hop label, and the idea of them putting out an idol group was laughable. The most similar thing YG had at the time was 1Tym, and that wasn’t an idol group, but a hip-hop group. BIGBANG was an experiment, for Yang Hyun Suk. He wanted to bring a different flavor to idol groups, who at the time, were essentially Korean versions of the Backstreet Boys. Mind you, this was around 2005, when the decision was made. So, he took his kid rappers G-Dragon and Taeyang, and his kid singer Daesung, and he brought in underground rapper T.O.P, former SM trainee/reality TV contestant Seungri, and another kid he had as a trainee, Hyunseung. Some of them were not happy that they were going to be in an idol group, as they had joined YG because it was a hip-hop label and they wanted to be rappers. (Yes, Taeyang was a rapper. He became the main singer of the group because Teddy and them thought he had a nice singing voice. Mind you, they were still very young, at this time.) Hyunseung actually got cut, and eventually went on to be a Troublemaker (lol). 

BIGBANG debuted to mix reviews. They were weird, ugly (compared to other idols), and people didn’t really get them. They had some fans, but again, that’s not what idol groups were. Idol groups were, well, TVXQ. 

Then, G-Dragon happened. YG let GD play around with music a lot, and he wrote these two songs. YG liked them, so he told GD that BIGBANG would record them. GD wasn’t happy about that, either. He thought they’d be his solos. But, it was still a big opportunity for a kid his age to get their songs produced (again, at THIS time, idols did not write their own songs. Idols barely had autonomy at all, back then. These days, a lot of idols write songs.)

Those songs were “Lies” and “Haru Haru”. Both were smash hits. I’m talking, burn up the charts, blow up, K-pop-will-never-be-the-same hits. 

Let me remind you, I was actually a k-pop fan, by then. I literally remember the shift. I was stanning Rain, at the time, because he was different than all the other idols.... who were still mostly doing cutesy shit, and a lot of ballad. 

When BIGBANG blew up (I wasn’t their fan, yet), other companies followed suit, and started changing up their boyband format. The first was probably 2PM (I DID stan them... because, yenno, Rain was JYP, and so were 2PM.). That sorta hip-hop slant to k-pop groups, it was added largely because BIGBANG changed the game. Don’t get me wrong, those guys were already JYP trainees, for the most part (Jay Park was actually a JYP trainee at the same time that GD and Taeyang were YG trainees; y’all probably know the story about YG and JYP planning to make them a trio.) But, I still say most of the hip-hop style in k-pop, specifically, came from BIGBANG. Obviously, there were already hip-hop groups, but they were hip-hop, and the genre wasn’t really crossing with K-pop in a significant way. 

Yadda yadda, Heartbreaker, Alive, GD&TOP, the rest is history, IDK.

Now, Block B. My in-depth knowledge of them isn’t as great, but I know their story.

Block B was another project-group. Cho PD, also, wanted to make a hip-hop idol group. But his idea, I guess, was to go more of a pure hip-hop direction than BIGBANG. (As you probably know, BIGBANG are genre chameleons, while Block B lean much more heavily hip-hop than BIGBANG. This isn’t commenting on anyone’s ability. Block B can cross genres well, and the hip-hop members of BIGBANG do it well, too.)

So, Block B comes out, and you know, they have kind of a smash debut (not on like a MONSTER ROOKIES level, but they did damn good.) But also, immediately, they have controversy... mostly over dumb shit like “you copied BIGBANG!” (Which is also really funny, because Cho PD and Yang Goon actually had beef of some sort. Which also made it awkward, because Block B members actively tried not to mention BIGBANG, even though several of them like BIGBANG. And I think vice versa.)

But, Block B can’t be held down. Like, no. Seriously. So, the thrived, until the fire nation attacked. There was controversy over statements made, over their song contents, all this shit. It seemed like Block B was going to end before they started, which was tragic because there’s a lot of talent there, and nobody wanted to lose them. 

Then, just as things started to look up, again, Block B had had enough with their label, Brand New Stardom (or just Stardom). They straight up weren’t getting paid. They were literally hungry, having to scrounge or ask their parents for food, transportation, etc. It was a mess. So, eventually, they left Stardom, and the CEO committed suicide. It got really ugly. 

It really, again, seemed like Block B might be over before they even started. Which was a shame, because honestly Zico. Zico was a talent that didn’t need to be wasted (this is not shade to the other members, but seriously. Zico was their GD, he’s the Zion.T, he’s the Tablo, and if you’re a kpop fan, you SHOULD know what that means, and what kind of musician he is.)

But again. Block B can’t be held down. They rose, once again. Triumphantly. They came out with “Very Good”, which, like, GOT THEM ON BILLBOARD, and one them their first music show award, and like, blew them up.

And I don’t think you guys understand how much we all cried when “Be The Light” came out. 

And, yenno, lot’s of good things, the rest is history, yadda yadda.

These are just two stories, but yea, no, BTS isn’t the first, or last, to claw their way up from nothing, from obscurity, from relative doom. (I didn’t even talk about all the career-ending scandals that both of these groups had, that they survived and overcame. Seriously, BIGBANG almost legitimately ended in 2011. Why do you think they came out with ALIVE in 2012?)

“But, random old-head kpop fan,” you might be thinking, “nobody did for hallyu what MY BIAS-”

but let me stop you right there, see, because that’s cRAZY, to me. Hallyu been poppin since, like, IDK 2002 or 2003.

Like, who are the Hallyu Kings? DBSK/TVXQ. That’s just Kpop 101. They are practically the reason for Hallyu.

Let me give you some major Hallyu players from the past, eh, 15 or so years. DBSK, HOT, Rain, Se7en, BoA, Super Junior, SNSD/Girl’s Generation, Wonder Girls, BIGBANG, 2NE1, SHINee, EXO. Are there other realllly popular idol groups? Sure. Infinite, VIXX, BAP, f(x), just to name a few. But if you really get down to it, who was leading Hallyu all those years? These are the major players. These are the people whose music, style, popularity, made the world look at K-pop. I PROMISE you. I mean, look up Stephen Colbert’s rivalry with Rain. Look up Cassies record in Guinness for largest fan club in the world. Look up BoA’s dance chart topping US debut. Look up these people’s fame in Japan. In China. In South America. These names WERE k-pop, some still are. (Big daddy Rain/Bi has Hollywood movies, for fucks sake. Don’t you talk to me about Hallyu!)

“But, old lady,” you say to me, “I never heard of them, then!”

I know. And plenty of people, today, haven’t heard of K-pop, outside of Korea and regions where the idols are mainstream. But, yeah, the fact that a lil black girl in North Carolina in 2007 could be listening to BoA, before we had stan twitter and tumblr and YouTube was a baby that only had random uploads and when all my k-pop updates had to come from forums.... that just further proves that hallyu was already a thing. Also, my dear, I bet you’re a LOT younger than me. You could’ve been, like, 5, in 2007. I was in high school. I’m in my mid-20s, many of you are teenagers. That’s also really lovely. I love that K-pop is continuing through the generations, and didn’t burn out as a fad (which is what people have been saying ever since I bought my first Rain album.)

So, what I’m saying is... even if it’s uncomfortable for you to admit... your faves, whether that’s BTS, or Monsta X, or Ikon, or Black Pink, or whatever, ABSOLUTELY owe their success to the HUGE Hallyu strides made by: DBSK, HOT, Rain, Se7en, BoA, Super Junior, SNSD, Wonder Girls, BIGBANG, 2NE1, SHINee, and EXO. THERE WOULD NOT BE ACCESS TO KPOP OUTSIDE OF KOREA if it wasn’t for OUR presence back then. Us, in the US and Canada, and Europe, and South America, who struggled in forums just to get morsels of BoA or Rain music, who tediously translated variety shows featuring BIGBANG and Suju before there were official uploads, who made our faves SO POPULAR that shit like KCON, allkpop, and soompi were created to give us better access to them, who made such a loud impact that companies started making official twitters and YouTube channels for their idols.

I literally watched ALL OF THAT unfold. It all unfolded before my eyes in the last 10 years. It’s INCREDIBLY RIDICULOUS to suggest that shit didn’t emerge because of hallyu; because hallyu was emerging. That’s why you were even able to FIND small idol groups that didn’t come from big companies. In 2007, if you were an idol group from a small company, you’d better pray you got good variety slots to garner interest. Now, it’s par for the course for them to easily connect with fans through shit like YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram (even shit like weibo, which isn’t Korean, but to reach other Asian fans.)

I’m not even going to get into skill, talent, and respect for position because of these things (because that’s a deeper convo, and look where we are already, son and daughter!)

Just... even if you never want to pick up a SHINee album, or watch a BIGBANG MV, let’s not resign ourselves to some foolish notion that every newer idol group owes not their very existence to these cats. This is not a commentary on talent, effort, or anything else. But realistically, you likely wouldn’t have even found them. They also may have never been formed (the influx of foreign fans also brought on an influx of new idol groups. That’s why there are literally hundreds of idol groups, now, versus when, say BIGBANG debuted. There’s so much pie, that everyone is jumping at the chance to get a slice. If there were only fans in Korea, new bands would still emerge, but way fewer, and less frequently.) 

Also: it is entirely possible to stan your bias group AND acknowledge the impact that seniors had on them. Wanna see me do it? BIGBANG is my bias group, but they would NOT exist without 1Tym, or DBSK. DBSK is THE boy band model. Yes, there are earlier idol groups, and ones just as big (OMG I LEFT OUT SHINHWA, WHICH IS BLASPHEMY), but DBSK CHANGED the fucking GAME, for K-pop idol bands. They’re the blueprint. 1Tym is literally the styling for every hip-hop influence group in Korea (them and Epik High, but BIGBANG is more directly styled after 1Tym). Besides that, 1Tym is the band that bore Teddy Park, who gave BIGBANG much of their early sound, and to this day helps write many YG artists’ music. If 1TYM or DBSK had never existed, there’s a large chance BIGBANG never would’ve existed. 

And, if DBSK didn’t blow up so hard, there’s a large chance BIGBANG would’ve never gotten as much international interest, especially in the early days. (The same could be said for their connection to 1Tym, who actually introduced them in the States at an early YG Concert.)

**small amendment: BIGBANG also owe a lot to Se7en, who was their big bro when they needed it most, and also fixed their names right on up. (I believe he named several members, and saved them from Yang Goon’s terrible naming. Seriously, TOP was gonna be Mark. Which is fine, if your name is Mark, but his name is Seunghyun, and YG just liked the name Mark for some reason. Se7en saved TOP’s life.)

So, can y’all soothe my old ass heart and at least pretend to understand the history of the genre you claim to love? Is that alright? Can that be a thing?

No? Y’all hate me, now? Okay... 

Till next time, K-poppers!

[thesinglesjukebox]

SHAWN WASABI FT. RAYCHEL JAY - SQUEEZ®

[6.29]

"Hey QT"; "Doctor Pepper"; "Cola"; "Goya Soda"; "Soda Pop"; "Soda"; "Pop"; this: which fizzy drink anthem shall reign supreme?

Will Rivitz: The hyper-bubbly electronic pop of Moving Castle and its associated artists is one of the best developments of the past few years. They act like a funhouse mirror for the PC Music camp, in which the latter's streamlined saccharine perfection is reimagined without a hint of irony -- which is to say it's everything that makes PC Music great without anything that makes PC Music obnoxious. The "Hey QT" comparisons that bubble up with "Squeez®" are obvious, but subject matter and musical stylings constitute pretty much their only proper similarities. Whereas the Sophie/A.G. Cook project presents its product tongue firmly in cheek, ostensible skewering of consumerism oozing out of every nasal vocal swoop, Shawn Wasabi and Raychel Jay treat their central conceit as more a jumping-off point to bigger and better things. It's not about the soda -- it's about the effervescence and jolts of sucrose, it's about capturing the childish idealism of a Coke ad sans the cold and calculated marketing goals, it's about making things meant to be shared. Detached irony is the absolute worst, and bless Shawn Wasabi's heart for recognizing that. [9]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The rare song from a semi-popular YouTube person (albeit, one whose channel is focused on music) that makes me think, "Ok yeah it's kind of cool that this random no name was able to make a song and get it out there to a wider audience." It's cutesy, PC Music-lite pop that's mostly charming because of its low stakes context. Raychel Jay's voice is limited, but that's kind of the point, right? [6]

John Seroff: Video may have Killed the Radio Star but YouTube got kids out here auditioning to make jingles. Raychel Jay and her ly-ly-lyrics are frankly bad but, if I'm reading the cultural tea leaves correctly, that's all the better to chant along with? As someone who identifies as pro-pop music but anti-Pop Art, I'm torn as to whether this sort of blithely infantilized effervescence is more or less preferable to PC Music's vacuum sealed formalism. I guess the fact that I keep hitting replay answers my question. [6]

Alfred Soto: "Squeez®" has the effervescence of Savage Garden's "I Want You" but lacks the bubble pop electricity of what the average K-pop star would've injected in the first verse. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: Shawn Wasabi's music is first and foremost about giving the listener a good time, but he goes a step further than your typical mash-up artist in finding ways to wring genuine pathos out of pop cultural detritus. Amidst the ricocheting ruckus of "Marble Soda," a message faintly emerges: these songs, these shows, these websites you waste your time on are not incidental to your experience of the world; they, and the connections formed through them, are integral to it. Maybe not the kind of thing a Burkean conservative or orthodox Marxist would endorse, but it speaks to something real and abiding, even if it's through the language of silly memes. On "Squeez®," Wasabi leaves the borrowing behind and sets out to codify this ersatz humanism, with the help of a performer who seems to intuitively understand his vision. Raychel Jay is more girl-next-door than powerhouse vocalist, which is all too appropriate for a song where the stakes are kept deliberately small. She dispatches an intrusive thought about rent like it were a pop-up ad, and her emotional peak comes in the form of the line "can we date 'til it rains gingerade." The latter is part of a commitment to beverage puns that's as whimsical as it is dizzying; I had to look online to make sure this was a real drink and that I wasn't just mishearing "ginger ale." It's at this point where I'm supposed to mention that these are all thinly veiled sexual metaphors and the entire song is an analogy for a no-strings-attached relationship, which is not wrong. But the lewdness is filtered through such a thick layer of lyrical abstraction and repetition -- "pop pop pop pop POP pop" -- that it ends up sounding entirely chaste, almost to the point of incorporeality. Pair this with the affably antiseptic production and one begins to get the idea that this may just be about a delicious summer drink after all. You might even go a step further and say that, with its simultaneous acceptance of sexual maturity and avoidance of its coarse biological implications, "Squeez®" could function as a rare but necessary example of an asexual pride anthem. It's doubtful this was the intent, but that sparkling violin outro is open-hearted enough to embrace just about any interpretation you want to give it. [9]

Crystal Leww: Shawn Wasabi's Mixmag Lab set in late 2016 felt like the last bits of a wave of dance music that was committed to being weird and fast but still good. The LA EDM scene really sunk very deep into various nostalgia waves over the last few years from straight up pop punk to brostep. "Squeez®" sounds like some kind of strain of PC Music pop, leaning more heavily into the dance side, but without the pretension of that crew circa 2013. Shawn Wasabi has the ability to be thrilling at times (the videos of him playing with a Midi Fighter are incredible), but this is like eating an undercooked s'more -- too fluffy and a little cold. [5]

Will Adams: I remember when Four Loko was a thing: a nefarious alcoholic beverage that would get you fucked up. It was banned in several states upon the discovery that combining stimulants with malt liquor is pretty dangerous. Eventually, in the early '10s, Four Loko returned to shelves but without the caffeine or guarana, and no longer marketed as an energy drink. This happened just before I started college, and before I started drinking. As a rowdy college kid I felt a slight twinge of regret for never being able to try the original concoction. Sometime after my 21st birthday, I bought my first can of the new, safe version of Four Loko. Turns out that even with all the harmful, insidious crap removed, it still tasted awful. [3]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]