#james teotfw

[j1992hutch]

what can you assume about me based on my "literally me" characters :3

[eamons-redguitar]

thank you cas for this insight (adrian greensmith and mark mckenna supremacy)

[finnickodaair]

ALYSSA & JAMES (THE END OF THE F***ING WORLD)

[lavender-romancer]

Hello I couldn’t find your request terms or anything but I was wondering if you still wrote for teotfw? If so could I request a James x reader where she’s traveling with both James and Alyssa and maybe reader gets hurt in Clive’s house before he goes and finds Alyssa? Maybe he comes onto her and she punches him? And maybe they all comfort eachother the next day or something??

Comfort

James x Reader CW: blood, death, attempted assault

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

James had always thought he was a psychopath, wanting to hurt everyone near him so he kept people at arm's length. Maybe it stemmed from his mother killing herself in front of him… it was probably that. But either way he didn't think so obsessively about killing people anymore, not since you kissed. It was very awkward and out of place plus you ran away afterwards but something changed within James from that day onwards.

"You're fucking joking," Alyssa started laughing way too loud and you nodded, staring into the dark with a blank look on your face. "You kissed him!" She yelled in-between fits of laughter.

"I'm such an idiot," you groaned and began rubbing your temples.

"You're fucking hilarious," Alyssa leant back on the bench and fell off the back of it, laughing even more.

"You daft bitch," you smiled and pulled her back onto the bench.

"How was it?" She tried to hide her smile behind her hand but you just rolled your eyes.

"It was so fucking awkward I want to shoot myself." You covered your face with your hands.

"Go on," she took her jacket off and handed it to you. "Scream into this. I always used to scream into my pillow after one interaction with Tony. It muffled it enough."

You took the jacket in your hands and folded it over a few times before putting it close to your mouth and pressing it to your face before screaming into it. You took a deep breath and gave her back the jacket.

"I need alcohol," you said with a disappointed look on your face.

"Well we can hardly afford food let alone shots so unless you're willing to go whore yourself out in the toilets. I'd focus on other things," Alyssa hit you on the back twice before standing up "Come on, we should head out."

"I'm not getting in the car now!" You half yelled half hissed.

"Oh you're so fucking dramatic, James will be weird and awkward. He's always weird and awkward. You're the one who needs to act normal." Alyssa reasoned as she walked off to find James, you sat down with a huff.

The car journey was horrifically awkward even when Alyssa would try to fill the silence as she often would, it came out as hollow. You were beginning to reconsider even being on this sort of expedition with them. After a few hours Alyssa was asleep in the backseat and even though it was about 2am you couldn't sleep with the atmosphere being like it was.

"I'm-" you started

"I wanted-" James said at the same time and you both smiled.

"I'm sorry, I ambushed you in such a… unfair way and I wanted to apologise," you looked at him as his hands tightened on the wheel, his face beautifully highlighted every few meters with the orange street lamps.

"Oh. Are you regretting it?" James asked, eyes fixed forward and you considered your answer for a bit too long. "I'll take that as an unanswered yes then." He said quietly.

You weren't sure how to bridge the knowledge gap of whether he wanted to kiss you and the fact that you did want to kiss him but didn't like making a fool of yourself. It was a lot of information for your brain to process and you'd never been good at thinking quickly unless it was a gut reaction like how you felt when you kissed him. It now felt as if it had been too long to say anything that would make it better, you turned slightly and leant your head on the window, watching the orange street lights go by.

"Fuck sake!" Alyssa's outburst woke you up with a start

"What! What is it?" You turned around, eyes wide adjusting to the morning light.

"We've run out of fucking petrol." She groaned and you sighed.

"Loud fucker," you muttered and Alyssa hit your head. "Ow!"

"We should start walking," James said, putting the car with no petrol in it into neutral and putting the handbrake on.

"We're on a flat road, why are you even doing that?" Alyssa asked with a confused look on her face.

"It might still roll back, it's road safety." James reasoned and you saw Alyssa roll her eyes in the rear view mirror making you smirk.

"Well, come on." You opened the door and started walking down the road, hands in your pockets. Even after a long nap you still felt that tightness in your chest that rose up to your throat whenever you saw James. The tightness made you feel like you wanted to cry because of the feeling of uncertainty between the two of you.

"Why are you running off?" Alyssa asked when she caught up with you.

"I think I just need some space away from him to get over all this." Your face must've looked dismally unhappy at that moment.

"Come on, it was just a kiss. It can't be that awkward between you, you're both nearly adults." Alyssa frowned and you nodded.

"It's not that. It's the feeling of rejection in all of it. After the kiss his face was fucking unreadable but it wasn't exactly happy." You looked up at the sky and took a deepth breath in. "Crushes feel so fucking adolescent but they still persist."

"I don't think I've ever had a crush on anyone so far. I like attention for a few hours and then I just want to be on my own again." Alyssa replied, looking at you.

"You don't strike me as someone who would be interested in teenage relationships." You smiled at her and she rolled her eyes.

"I almost hate that you're right. C'mon, let's cut through here, looks reyt posh." Alyssa headed towards a gap in some bushes and you stopped hands on your hips in confusion.

"A bush looks posh?" You called after her and she gave you a death stare.

"Where's she off to then?" James asked and it made you jump.

"Uh…not sure. She's um… off on a whim I think." You said quickly before following Alyssa and leaving James to look longingly at you as you walked away from him.

You walked for about 30 minutes before Alyssa spotted a large modern looking house. "Jackpot," you heard her say quietly and you couldn't think why it could possibly be one.

"How do you know?" James asked.

"Know what?" Alyssa asked, peering through one of the windows.

"He means how do you know it's safe?" You continued and James couldn't help but want to reach out to your hand.

"Post has built up, dust everywhere. I don't see why it wouldn't be." Alyssa reasoned as you followed her to the front of the house.

"Is breaking and entering a good way to lie low?" James asked and you couldn't tell if he was trying to be sarcastic or genuine.

"You worry too much." Alyssa shook her head before picking up a rock and smiling at you.

"Alyssa. Come on. You can't be-" Then she broke a window and opened the door. "Fuck sake." You muttered with a smirk.

"Who has this many pictures of himself in his own house?" Alyssa asked as the three of you stood in the front room.

"A narcissist," you replied, picking up the photo and looking at the man. "If he's the owner anyway. Otherwise it's more of a creepy shrine."

"No, it's him. His post says Koch, so does the book." James pointed to the book that was next to the photo.

"Okay, so we've established who lives here can we stop being weird please." Alyssa groaned and headed into another room as James turned to follow her, you put a hand on his shoulder.

"James, wait." You said quietly and he turned around. "I wanted to say I didn't-"

"I know I'm bad at reading people, but I'm good at observing. You're uncomfortable around me now. You don't need to keep apologising, it's okay." He couldn't seem to reach your eyes and you couldn't get the words out before he turned around and left. James looked through some cabinets before finding a video camera, he sat down on the stairs and opened it, wondering if there was some kind of home video or something. What he saw terrified him immensely, he quickly closed it and put it back in the cabinet.

You walked over to the sofa and sat down, opening the side table to find some spirits- maybe they could lift yours. When Alyssa and James came back in you had set out some vodka and rum and some shot glasses.

"It's finally time for us to get drunk with each other," you grinned and Alyssa practically bounded over to join.

"Come on James!" Alyssa called as she poured out some vodka shots.

"This is a terrible idea." He said as he sat next to you on the sofa.

"I think it could be very fun." You said picking up one of the shot glasses.

Many drinks later Alyssa was passed out asleep on the sofa, you and James were sitting together listening to the music you'd put on and playing never have I ever.

"Okay, never have I ever… punched my dad in the face." You said to him with a raised eyebrow and he almost regrettably took a shot.

"God, vodka tastes like acetone." He grimaced and you giggled. "Never have I ever slapped someone?" You sighed before taking a drink.

"That's a fucking given, me and my sister are always getting into fights like that! Another!" You exclaimed as you slammed down the shot glass and it suddenly broke in your hand "Oh shit."

"Okay, open your hand. Have you got any glass stuck?" He asked, turning your hand around to look at your palm.

"I don't think so, but I do think I might be bleeding. I fear I shall die!" You clasped your hands dramatically before wincing at the feeling of your cut hand.

"Come with me, I'm sure there's a first aid kit in the bathroom." James stood up and helped you to your feet, when you stood up you were both extremely close and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him again. But you didn't, after last time even your tipsy brain would think twice. As you sat on the toilet and James opened the first aid kit you looked up at him and how the shape of his jaw was so perfectly framed by his ears, this could be seen as an odd observation but you were tipsy so you allowed yourself to look up at him with a stupid smile.

“Why are you smiling like that?” James asked as he knelt in front of you and began disinfecting your cuts.

“You’re just so… mhmm.” You make a humming noise and put your free hand on his face which seemed to surprise him because his eyes shot up to meet yours.

“And what does, mhmm, mean?” He asked, going back to disinfecting your hand.

"You're so pretty," you leant back on the toilet and giggled, James didn't seem to know how to respond so you closed your eyes through the silence.

"There's a bed upstairs," you said as you stumbled out of the bathroom.

"You should head up," James said as he headed towards the front room.

"You should come with me-eeeeee." You pleaded and he shook his head.

"No, you need to sleep. Come on." James gestured for you to stand up and as you did you stumbled a bit and giggled before following him upstairs. James took you to a bedroom and sat you down on the bed. "Try to sleep the drunkness off. Your hand is going to ache tomorrow but it'll be okay."

"Okay," you looked up at him adoringly as James looked back at you with a slightly awkward slightly uncomfortable expression before walking out.

You lay back on the bed in a drunken happiness that your anxieties and overthinking couldn't penetrate. The feelings you had towards James didn't feel fully developed but they were definitely there and hard to ignore. In your head he had always worked best with direct expressions of feelings with minimal subtext. But just kissing him had seemed to be a foolish decision.

A few hours later James quietly came into the bedroom. You were lying on your front, a little bit of drool on the pillow under you and your hand hanging over the side as you star-fished the rest of your body. It didn't surprise him that you slept like this, unashamed of taking up space.

When you kissed him he didn't know how to react. Whether he should go with his gut reaction of pulling you into another kiss or just sort of stand there. Unfortunately he went with the latter and there was no way back from that.

He slowly lay down on the floor and looked up at your hand twitching every now and then. Even your hands looked pretty. He was so frustrated with his own brain for not responding the way he should have when you kissed him. James just wanted you to understand how he felt and that he-

A car pulled up outside and James' eyes opened wide as he heard the front door open. He shuffled under the bed and pulled his hunting knife from his ankle holster, holding it in somewhat prepared terror. He couldn't help his own fear even though he wanted to save you so desperately he was terrified of being found himself. The light turned on and he saw someone with very shiny formal shoes walk in and heard you gasp.

"How did you get in here?" The man asked in an accusatory voice, James supposed he had a right to be a bit accusatory considering you were literally sleeping in his bed.

"I-I." You stuttered but couldn't seem to get the words out.

"Shh, shh. It's okay. You just gave me a fright, if I'd know it was someone who looked like… you. I might not have been so worried." The man placed down the fire poker against the nightstand and James gulped, frozen in terror.

"I'm sorry." You whispered in a terrified voice and the man walked closer to the bed.

"That's alright. You on your own?" He asked and you quickly replied with, yes.

The man closed the door and James could only look in horror as he sat down on the bed next to you. All he could think about was the videos on the camera, the horrifying images of bondage and pain he assumed this man put other women through.

"Have you eaten my porridge too, Goldilocks?" He asked with a laugh that sent a shiver up James' spine.

"What the fuck?" You replied, almost whispering and the man tutted.

"No language like that, you're too pretty for that. Just stay still." He made some sort of movement and the bed creaked. James was waiting for when he should try to help you but what could he do? Stab this man and be a hero? What would that do?

"Please don't." You sounded as if you were about to cry.

"Don't do what?" The man asked in a condescending tone that made James even more angry. "Are you going to make this more difficult?" He asked more aggressively this time and made another movement that made the bed creak and you began protesting.

You weren't sure what was happening now, as soon as this man closed the door you panicked but whatever this was it was no longer safe.

"You don't want to make this difficult." The man threatened and you pulled your arms away from him, he lurched forward to grab them again and you punched him in the nose. "You fucking bitch!" He exclaimed with a bloody nose before jumping forward on top of you. Putting all of his weight on top of you so you could hardly breath, pinning you down with an incredible amount of force.

You were screaming at this point, screaming for James or Alyssa or just help. He put his hand over your mouth and you bit down hard, he responded to that by punching you in the ribs with his good hand and you cried out closing your eyes.

Suddenly the door flew open and a warm liquid sprayed onto your face. The pressure on your arms was gone, the weight was gone. You opened your eyes and saw James standing there with a knife in his hand and Alyssa with a large bookend, both with blood on them. The man was staggering backwards holding his throat that was gushing with blood. Dark, deep red blood sputtered out of his mouth and his throat, running down his chest and onto the floor. Then you looked at yourself, covered in the same deep red blood and you began to panic. Hyperventilating and eyes wide as you looked at this man fall to his knees and then the floor. You could only assume he was dead and could only grip the bed sheets in pure terror.

The three of you looked at each other in silence for a few seconds. Having no idea how to react to what had just happened. Alyssa was the first to move, she crouched down in front of you and she was speaking but you couldn't hear. You couldn't hear anything aside from the sound of your heartbeat in your ears. She took your hands and stood you up. Taking you to the bathroom she sat you on the toilet and took off your blood stained t-shirt. She got into the bath and all you could look at -as she used the shower to wash you- was the blood. The blood was everywhere. All over the porcelain of the bath and your hands and nails and legs and feet. It was all you could see and all you could smell.

Whilst you changed your clothes in the bathroom, Alyssa and James worked in efficient silence. Washing all of the clothes and sheets with blood on them, bleaching and cleaning the floor, wiping down every surface they had touched the whole night and generally cleaning up. The two knew how serious this situation was but talking about it was acknowledging it happened and they simply weren't ready to do that.

As morning approached the three of you were sitting outside by the pool in a line and in silence. Alyssa had a hand over yours and your other hand was held in James'. Alyssa mentioned something about getting a drink and walked inside, you took a deep breath and lay backwards on the concrete, James joined you.

"Well that was fucking insane." You said finally and James let out a strained laugh.

"That's one way to put it." He replied. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I mean when he was making you uncomfortable."

"That's one way to put it." You imitated how James had said the same sentence and looked at him with a small smile. "Why did you do what you did?" You asked, after wondering for so long.

"He was going to hurt you." James looked at you and searched your eyes for annoyance or anger, assuming he had fucked up again.

"How do you know that?" You asked.

"There were these videos I found. Of him hurting women, I didn't want it to happen to you." James squeezed your hand tighter and you moved closer to him until you were nearly nose to nose.

"I was just lucky you and Alyssa were there, even after I punched him he was still going to hurt me." You sighed and closed your eyes.

"I wouldn't let that happen." James whispered and you opened your eyes, seeing him looking at your lips.

"I wouldn't let anyone hurt you either." You whispered, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb.

The morning air was crisp, you felt a slight chill but nothing could take your attention away from what was in front of you. James leant forward slightly and kissed you softly. It was tender. Nothing like the hurried kiss you had given him two nights previous. James put a hand on your cheek and you both turned onto your side, intertwining your legs together. When you pulled apart you sat up and just hugged one another. Nothing like a bloody murder to bring two people together…

"Awh did I miss it!" Alyssa exclaimed as she came outside.

[moondenss]

[gracieblood]

bisexual alyssa and asexual demiromantic james. if you even care.

also i can just imagine alyssa coming out to james like-

alyssa: *slams door open dramatically* i like girls. james: you’re a lesbian? alyssa: *rolls eyes* no dipshit. i’m dating you aren’t i. i’m bisexual. james: oh. okay then.

and then they just go back to whatever they were doing before

[m0ths4gavin]

This is so real

[the-wanderer]

[riverjr125-blog]

More miis (not ocs)

[bhonk]

the irony of alex lawther being the sweetest person yet playing actually deranged people is insane to me

[yantao-enthusiast]

hey teotfw fandom (nonexistent) who up relating down bad by taylor to james and alyssa…. because it’s literally exactly them. i’m waiting for an full video of them to this song btw

[empanadasdehumita]

james from teotfw thinking that he's a psychopath when he's really just autistic and traumatized is kind of a mood

[thediamondarcher]

james from teotfw and nick nelson are so demisexual, there's literally no way I'm changing my mind because I've been having these hc ever since i first saw those characters

[lavender-romancer]

Hi! Can I request a teotfw imagine James x reader where you’re pregnant? Maybe after his dad dies or when he’s recovering on the hospital? Thanks!

Typical

James x Reader

CW: pregnancy, abortion possibility, stress

Just after James' dad died you began getting sick in the mornings and it was horrifically ironic how typical this was for your life

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

It was typical, fucking typical of your body to do this to you now of all days! James' dad was hardly dead a day before your body decided to give you those two taunting red lines on the stupid piss stick. You'd got the flu just before your GCSE exams started and then a few years later just before your A Levels you got tonsillitis. You were convinced at this point that your body was just the main saboteur in your life who always gave you some kind of issue that never quite fit with the circumstance you were in because it hated you.

Under normal circumstances you didn't know how James would react but under these circumstances? You didn't even think he'd want to keep it. Did you want to keep it? You weren't sure. Either way it had happened and you weren't going to tell him straight away because Jesus Christ it would be bad timing.

You'd only been dating for three years and how could either of you know if you wanted a little monster crawling out of your vagina when you were both only 20. James wasn't the type to lead and you most certainly were the leader out of the two of you, he would just go with whatever decision you made. On one hand that was brilliant, very supportive and progressive but you wanted his true opinion, you didn't want him to resent a child you had together if he wasn't ready. How the shit were you supposed to get out of this one? You decided to message Alyssa, her cynicism would be welcomed by you at this point.

You: I need your help with something...

Alyssa:oh god what's happened now?

You:I'm pretty sure I'm 🤰🏾

Alyssa: shit

Alyssa: have you taken a test?

You: yeah so I'm pretty certain

Alyssa: have you told James?

You: not yet

Alyssa: you need too Y/n, like you definitely need too

You: I know I do but it's just after his dad I don't know if it's the right time or if I should wait

Alyssa:god it's like my brother and sister having a baby together, the thought of you two having sex is just 🤢

You: alright Alyssa fgs, I don't know what to do or how long to wait to tell him

Alyssa:if I were you I'd tell him as soon as possible so he has time to like digest the information

You:I think I might give myself a few days, do a few more tests and then tell him so I'm sure and I'm not messing around with his head

Alyssa: yeah tbf doing a few more tests seems logical but you just need to calm down and let yourself process it too because it's a shit load of information to deal with

You: yeah thanks I needed someone to just talk straight with me because I don't know if I can even tell my parents

Alyssa: yeah I definitely wouldn't be telling mine ahah ☠️

You: alright, I'll let you know what I end up doing, talk to you soon xx

Alyssa: talk soon xx

You had to decide how to act around James when you left this bathroom and even that was daunting for you. The little two bedroom flat you and James lived in together didn't have to many places where you could be alone and think about everything. You flushed the toilet and hid the stick in your pocket, too worried to put it into the little bin in the bathroom.

Looking at yourself in the mirror you tried to breath in and out but you couldn't believe this had happened. The feeling of guilt was so deep in your stomach even though you knew it wasn't a case of fault you couldn't help but feel it was yours. James wouldn't choose to have a baby when his dad's body wasn't even cold and you didn't know if he would be honest about his feelings about the pregnancy.

You excited the bathroom anxiously and walked into the front room where James was watching some shit nonsense TV. He smiled at you as you entered and you put a fake smile on as you approached him and sat next to him.

"You alright? You were in there a while?" James asked as you shuffled down and leant your head on his lap.

"Yeah, stomachs just playing up," you said softly and James started to stroke your hair as a way to comfort you.

It made you want to cry how tender he was with you, he would never hurt you or want to hurt you and you couldn't understand why he cared about you so much. You were both so young but you were happy with one another and your very small peripheral of friends you had together. But James...he was your person, he understood you most of the time and always let you know that you could tell him anything. You'd never felt so much affection from someone and yet you were scared you might loose it even though he'd never given you reason to believe that.

"What do you want for dinner?" James asked, cutting through your self deprecating thoughts.

"Uh...not sure. Comfort food probably, I'm not feeling the best at the moment and I know you aren't either so maybe just some pizzas for us?" You asked and James smiled, leaning down and kissing you on the temple.

James could tell something was wrong but he didn't want to press you for answers until you wanted to tell him. Most of the time you'd come around sooner or later and open up to him and he usually didn't press you for answers because it made you close up more. But after his dad's death he'd realised he couldn't mince his words anymore, there wasn't any time to be secretive or wait for answers because we were all dying or just waiting for death. He knew sooner or later he needed to ask you what was wrong.

You brought the pizza delivery into the front room a few hours later and James smiled up at you as he took his boxes. Sitting down next to him you watched TV and just ate pizza without really using your brain, you needed that thought eating numbness that evening crap TV gave you. Any thoughts going through your brain were purely self deprecating and pathetic. Pregnancy or abortion weren't the end of your life but you couldn't help but feel that either decision would be the wrong one, you just wished it had never happened and you didn't have to go through this horrible process.

The following day you went to the doctor's for an emergency appointment because you felt like you were losing your mind and you were too scared to do another test at home.

"So your results are coming up positive for pregnancy," The doctor told you as she sat back down at her desk "Do you want any information on your options from here?"

"I mean, I think I know what they are. I'm just...I'm scared about what my boyfriend will say," your eyes started to water and you put your head in your hands "He's just lost his dad and I don't know when to tell him or when is the right time."

"Here, take some tissues," she offered you a box and you took a few "Well, you're only at around 2-3 weeks right now, then you have until 23 weeks to make a termination decision so you have time to come to terms with this. However I would make note of when it's around 20 weeks just incase you and your boyfriend need that time to have a conversation."

"That's true, I do have some time I just feel so guilty like I'm not being honest with him and I just don't know how to have this conversation because we're so young." You wiped your eyes and looked at the floor as your legs dangled off the side of the examination bed. You felt like a child swinging your legs, still mentally dealing with issues like you always had with avoidance.

"You know this is your decision, it's more of your own ethical decision to tell your boyfriend. Even though I would reccomend informing them, it doesn't mean it's required or anything like that." She told you with a supportive smile and you nodded.

"I think it's just the language I would use to tell him that I'm struggling with. Like I don't know if he would see it as a blessing or a mistake you know?" You rubbed your temples.

"Have you ever brought up the idea of children to him? Just trying to gauge his opinion of having a pregnancy." She asked and you shook your head.

"Oh god was I supposed too? Is that a normal conversation Jesus Christ we're so weird. I've never even considered it and I know that's stupid but I've always been on the pill and had no issues so I guess I didn't want to see it as a possibility." You put your head in your hands and groaned.

"You have a lot of options, I'm going to give you these leaflets about different options and if you read through these at the right time you can have the discussion with your partner." She handed over three leaflets.

You got into your car with your paperwork of the positive test and the leaflets and just cried, you sobbed for the life you had now taken from you and James because whatever you chose to do it would completely change everything. You had three options, three pathways that could change your life forever and you didn't know which was the right choice. How were you supposed to know what to do when this had never happened before and had never been on your radar like it was now?

The 'morning sickness' before had just been feeling nauseous but now you were actively bring sick basically every morning for weeks on end and there was no way to hide it. You just had to pretend you had some kind of flu or food poisoning everytime. Having to hide your cravings was getting mentally exhausting at around 6 weeks, you decided olives and strawberries were the ideal meal for you one night. James had looked at the food with a curious expression but didn't press you for any answers. You were getting worried he would never bring it up and that meant you'd actually have to say something to him.

One day at around 8 weeks you found yourself holding your stomach whilst watching television as James came in from work. Your front door opened into your front room and he immediately saw you cradling your stomach and the collection of weird foods out in front of you like pineapple and chili flakes. It made him anxious, even more than usual.

"Y/n, is there something you need to talk to me about?" James asked as he sat down next to you.

"What do you mean, lovely?" You asked innocently as your muscles tensed up.

"The being sick, the weird food you've been eating lately and holding your stomach I just..." He trailed off.

"What this?" You asked as you sat up gesturing to the pineapple "No, this is a Mexican food or treat or something, fruit or sweets with something spicy. It's totally normal but I think it reacted weirdly with my stomach which is why I'm holding it." You put on an anxious smile and James did an over dramatic breath out.

"Well that's good, I thought you were pregnant for a minute there ahah. That would be a nightmare. I mean, at some point yeah sure but we're not exactly ready for all that are we!" James exclaimed as he stood up and went into the kitchen.

"Yeah, that's true." You muttered as your eyes started to well up and you started to control your breathing.

Over the last few weeks despite the sickness and the pains you'd got quite at home with the idea of a baby in your lives. The idea seemed to work in your head but you couldn't tell if it was the hormones or your real opinions at this point. He said it would be a nightmare, why would he use such harsh language for something that could conceivably happen by accident?

You walked out of the front room into your bedroom and took the three leaflets out of your bag, taking them into the bathroom to read again. They were all purely informative without any kind of religious affiliation or anything like that but you couldn't ignore that it seemed you and your boyfriend's end goal for a pregnancy would be different. He seemed to want an abortion, it wasn't a fair judgment because he didn't know you were pregnant but what else were you supposed to think?

You began to silently cry gripping the leaflet for abortions tightly, there were 2 clinics near enough to you but you had to get picked up by someone and you weren't sure who too pick. Alyssa was probably your only choice but fuck, you were going to want to see James so badly. Could you really do this without telling him? Should you even bother telling him? Maybe it would be less bother for him if you just got rid of it. God...calling it 'IT' was a mindfuck. You'd got used to calling the little clump of cells Aubrey or Brie and you didn't know if you were ready to let go. It was pathetic really, were you really that scared to tell your boyfriend about something that was literally the size of a raspberry.

You: I really need to talk to you, like in person.

Alyssa: yeah sure, want me to come over?

You: nah I'll come over to yours

Alyssa: okay, head over whenever:)

You arrived at Alyssa's flat with eyes full of tears and she quickly let you inside and got you some tea after sitting you down on the sofa.

"What's going on, Y/n?" She asked.

"He doesn't want a baby," you started crying and Alyssa got you a tissue

"Fuck sake, what did he say?"

"He thought I was pregnant and I lied and said I wasn't and he acted like it was a relief, like he was happy about it. And now...I just think he'd want me to have an abortion but I don't know if I can." You held your hands over your face and cried.

"So you haven't technically told him?" Alyssa asked.

"He said it would be a nightmare just at the thought of it." You said softly and Alyssa swore under her breath.

"I'm going to kill him, like I'm actually going to stab his face. Why is he so dense?" She rolled her eyes and you laughed slightly.

"I have no idea but fuck, he was so relieved when I said I wasn't pregnant, Alyssa. How am I supposed to tell him now?" You asked.

"I don't think it's a case of how are you supposed to, I think if you love him you need to tell him. You don't know how he's going to react in the actual situation. James is a fucking idiot if our friendship has taught me anything he often says things without thinking about the ramifications." Alyssa sat down next to you and gripped your hand.

"Maybe you're right but I just don't know what to do." You leant on her shoulder and cried.

You were 15 weeks and you and James had never felt further apart. You hardly talked, you slept most of the day whilst he seemed to be taking more shifts at work. Nothing felt right and you just wanted to run away, not have to think about any of this stupid shit like having an out of body experience where you could escape. You had decided to book an appointment with the abortion clinic and tell Alyssa when you were already there to pick you up afterwards. In your mind it was the most logical way to resolve the issue that had been pulling you and James apart. Maybe a baby wasn't right at this point, maybe your little apple size clump of cells wasn't worth all this trouble.

Fuck it was stressful trying to make a decision that would impact the rest of your life but you couldn't cope with the fact that it was tearing your relationship apart.

James knew everything was wrong, he knew something bad happened because everything was different and you weren't communicating the same with him as you had before. He was finishing up for the day at work and grabbed some food for dinner before getting into his car and just leaning his head on the steering wheel in defeat. He loved you so unexplainably, so deeply that he would do anything for you but you had seemed so distant lately and that only meant one thing. You had grown tired of all his shit and you wanted out. James knew that it was only a matter of time before you left him. His phone ringing cut through his thoughts.

"Hello?" James answered.

"Get down to the fucking St Clems clinic you fucking idiot! She's going to get rid of it!" Alyssa yelled down the phone "I'm already on my way there but she needs you dumbfuck."

"What are you talking about?" James asked, perplexed.

"Your girlfriend is about to have an abortion because you said having a baby with her would be a nightmare, James. If you care at all about this stupid cell clump you need to get there right now!" Alyssa yelled and James could hear her yelling at the traffic as well. He wasn't quite at the point of acceptance, more guilt.

"How long has she been pregnant?" James asked as he started his car.

"Like 15 weeks or some shit. I don't know, she needs your support regardless of what she chooses to do. She needs you James!"

That was all James needed to speed over to the clinic where he already saw Alyssa's car parked off to the side. James didn't know what he wanted as he ran up the steps, he didn't know if he wanted a baby or an abortion either way he couldn't believe he had been so fucking dense and not believed his gut. He knew you'd been pregnant, he just didn't want to understand or try too. He was a coward.

"James?" He heard your voice as he came through the doors into the waiting room before walking over to you and enveloping you in a massive hug.

"I told you he would come," Alyssa said with a smile.

"Can we please talk about this? I know the situation I just want us too communicate." James asked and you nodded with tears in your eyes.

"I've missed you so much," you said softly as your eyes began to let tears loose.

"I've missed you too lovely."

"Let's go home now," you told James as you stood up and held his hand.

"Okay." James smiled down at you.

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

AN: I'm a huge believer in the right to choose and if anything I'm a big abortion supporter. This story is more to understand how daunting the choices you make with pregnancy are when you're on your own.

[urlocal-llama]

dread.

[gracieblood]

trying to figure out who the best teotfw main character is but the main characters are james and alyssa so they’re both the best 💞💞