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ecotone99 · 5 years

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[HR] STRAIGHT RED LINES

WARNING!!! THIS STORY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART!

Trigger warnings: Extreme self-harm/self-mutilation, generous amounts of blood and blood loss, driving under the influence, and death. This story is in no way attempting to glorify, romanticize, or in any way encourage self-harm and is a complete work of fiction. Proceed with caution.

Straight Red Lines

Written by Cyndi4U

My feet pound against the whirring floor beneath me, my heavy breathing even louder than the music in my ears.

I want to rest, but I know I can't.

Not yet.

I feel my chest tighten as if I need to cough, but I know there's no way I can without breaking out into a coughing fit, so I fight it.

My hair is becoming untucked from behind my ears, and the gentle tickle of a few loose strands of hair makes me want to itch my face.

Finally, I hear the loud BEEEEEP of the treadmill, and the track beneath me slows to a halt.

I take a moment to breathe; my sides ache worse than I've ever felt before.'Good. You deserve that.'I collapse onto a bench, my music slowing to a stop. I take my earbuds out and set them atop my drawstring bag beside me on the bench. I feel like crying, but I'd rather not cry at the gym. Someone sits down beside me, though I don't look over. I instead focus on my breathing, making sure I don't cry.

"Whoa, Lexi, you alright?"I turn to face Jayden, the dude who sat down next to me. We're both regulars here and have chatted more than a few times while working out. I take a deep breath before responding."I dunno, man." I sound exhausted, not just physically but emotionally."You were runnin' for over an hour; you shouldn't push yourself like that y'know! You'll hurt yourself!"I open my mouth to respond, but just close it, not enough motivation to reply.'I should hurt.'Jayden laughs awkwardly for a second, then quiets down after a second. I still don't look away from the floor, my breathing beginning to slow. Jaiden looks at me for a second, before speaking up again."Hey, if you're feelin' down, there's this sweet new punching bag! I don't know if you've seen it yet, it's great to just go to town on the thing when you're feelin' out of it!" He says chipperly."Thanks, man, maybe I'll go check it out." I sigh.

Jayden looks around in the uncomfortable silence between us, unsure of why I'm not continuing the conversation."Soooooo, how's Jenny doin' these days? She finally gettin' enough sleep?" I wish he'd take the hint that I don't want to talk at the moment, especially now that he's brought up Jenny. At the sound of her name, my chest tightens, and I feel the sort of pressure in my face and stomach that comes right before you start to cry hard. I push back that feeling with everything I've got.

Suddenly a voice from across the gym calls out."Yo, Jay, you coming or what?!""Gimme a minute, bro!" Jayden yells back.

"Hey, Lexi?" I finally turn to face him and am met with an unexpected look of worry on Jayden's face. "I gotta go, the guys and I are headin' out, you should really try that punching bag tip if you're up for it, though!""Mk, see ya around, man. Thanks." I say, mustering up all the smile I can to try and make him not worry. He's really sweet, for a bro dude.

I look back to the floor, and hear him as he jumps up and catches up with his friends, their chatter nothing but unintelligible noise in the background of my thoughts.

'You deserve this hurt.'

I sit, stewing on that phrase inside my head for a minute, two minutes, a half-hour, I don't know. Despite how long it was, it felt like ages. I force myself to my feet, the throbbing pain in my thighs and chest screaming that I stop. I sigh heavily, and grab my bag, and begin making my way to the changing rooms.

I push open the door, and after confirming nobody's inside, I toss my bag onto the bench inside the booth. I step in, locking the door behind me.

I do my best not to look in the mirror; I don't think I can stand to look at myself. I pick up my bag and begin to rustle through it for my change of clothes. I finally pull out what I was looking for, a change of clean clothes, and Jenny's hoodie with the main character of her favorite RPG on it. Seeing it, smelling the faint smell of peach tea from all the times she spilled her favorite drink on herself while playing or working, the dams burst. I feel hot tears quickly building up in my eyes, my vision getting distorted.'She was always such a clutz.' I chuckle, the tears searing down my cheeks. I sniffle, doing my best not to start bawling.

"You never deserved her," An unfamiliar voice chimes.

My heart stops, and a yelp of shock escapes my mouth. I jump away from the bench and come face-to-face with a pale woman I've never seen before. Her fair skin and dark eyes gnaw at me, with lilac hair and a short violet dress. She uncrosses her legs and stands, her slim figure towering above me. She laughs, the bittersweet sound rings out but somehow doesn't cause an echo despite the fact we're inside a locker room changing booth.

"You're crying?? I never pegged you for a wimp," her words slice through me."How–...? Who are you?..." I choke out my words just barely, and she laughs again. She steps closer, and I step back.

"Just listen to yourself, you're a stuttering mess!~" Her sickly-sweet tone paired with her sly grin make me nervous, and her eyes are wide and empty behind her dark purple irides and constricted pupils.

She reaches out towards my face, and I try to back away, but I'm stopped by the cold glass mirror on the wall. Black sleeves cover her arms from her wrists to mid-biceps. Her icy fingers brush my face, and her hand cups my cheek."What... What do you want?..." I forcefully mutter, trying to remain composure. Normally, I'd throw this lady out of here, no problem, but... I'm vulnerable right now.

She moves closer to me, looking me right in the eyes, her cold gaze putting a lump in my throat."What do I want?~" She giggles. My heavy breathing echoes throughout the empty locker room, but her giggles remain loud and unaltered as if the sound is within my skull."That doesn't matter, what matters is..." she slowly pulls her hand from my face to my shoulder, her other hand landing on the opposite side. She pulls me away from the wall, her grin growing wider.

"I know what you did, and I can help you." She says quietly, looking down into my eyes, my soul. Her eyes widen with delight at my fear and confusion. Her pupils are twitching with a certain unnaturalness.

I feel my chest tighten again, and tears start to stream down my face to my chin. I begin to hyperventilate, my mind panicking to make sense of what she said.'She can't know, she can't know!!'

She cackles, her hollow voice ringing in my ears."She can know," she says slowly, savoring my reaction with each word.

"How did you–?!" I start to say. Suddenly, she clamps down hard on my shoulders, her fingertips digging into my collar. She quickly leans not inches from my face, her eyes twitching with a dangerous delight in my fearful expression. My senses flood with static, with only her face and voice breaking the white noise around me.

"I KNOW YOU KILLED HER!! IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"

She lets free a blood-curdling laugh, slowly moving closer to me. I scream, but no sound comes out. Her laugh pierces my eardrums, and I can't move no matter how hard I try. I cry out again; my voice drowned out entirely by the white noise. I begin to sob, and suddenly her laugh cuts off, the static around me back to inside the changing room. She gasps, and I continue to cry, my voice faint but present.

"Awww, are you scared?? I told you I could help you; if anything, I should be scared of you! You killed your girlfriend!" She chuckles again, and I gasp for air, trying to stop my crying. Her grip on my shoulders loosen, and she turns me to face the mirror behind me.

I'm met with a pathetic, sniveling mess, shaking with fear and shame. My tears stain my gray workout tank top, and the woman stands tall behind me, creeping up on my smaller form. She smirks as we meet eyes in the mirror.

"Look at yourself! If Jenny saw you now, she'd be disgusted!~" She says with a chilling amusement.'She's right...'"I am right!!" she laughs.

"But I digress, I've gotten off track. I'm here to help you, Lexi," she says flatly. Her sudden change in tone jars me, but with the thought of 'help,' I finally stop sobbing.

She lets go of my shoulders and lightly steps to my side, her smile beginning to widen again."I'll put your strength to the test, Lexi. You thought pushing yourself on that treadmill for an hour gave you the pain you deserve, but it didn't."

I gulp the lump in my throat away and sniffle."What... What do you mean?..."

She giggles."You hate that damn treadmill, don't you? But I know how you can hurt yourself and enjoy it! You want to feel pain, right? You think you deserve it! But if you keep up what you've been doing, you'll hate yourself!"

I sniffle again and wipe my tears.

"Well?! Aren't you interested?!"She laughs, her pupils constricting, her twisted smile growing. She knows I am.

"Tell me what I need to do," I say flatly, seeing a look of determination come across my face in the mirror.

The woman grins fully and giggles."Well then... " she turns me around to face her and then steps back. She reaches up and grabs the top of her sleeve on her left arm, and begins to pull it towards her wrist to take it off. "What you need is..." she pulls the sleeve off of her arm, revealing hundreds of deep, fresh cuts, haphazardly placed between her elbow and wrist. She pulls off the other sleeve showing the same thing on her right.

"STRAIGHT RED LINES!!!"

She's suddenly overcome with a look of lust and pleasure in seeing the wounds parting her soft, pale skin. My heart skips a beat; terror and curiosity assault my thoughts. I feel like I can't breathe, like someone is sitting on my chest. She begins to breathe faster and faster as blood drips down her forearms and wrists. She raises her arms, watching the deep red blood run down her skin with a gluttonous stare. I can't help but stare too, something about seeing all those tears in her skin, the dark crimson streaks of blood across her wrists... I...

Suddenly, she jolts her head to look me in the eyes. The eerie twitching of her eyes, her body shaking with anticipation and excitement, her chest pulsing with each rapid, shallow, shaky breath, it's like a beautiful, insane, horrifying nightmare.

'What the hell–?!'I snap back to reality and back away from her, fear consuming me."That– that's insane!! You're insane!!" I scream. She steps closer to me, and I move towards the door."I'm insane?? You killed someone!!" she screeches, psychotic giggles interrupting her as she speaks. She giggles again, and I turn to open the door.

I reach for the handle, my heart pounding in my chest. I begin to swing the door open and lunge out.

Suddenly, a pitch-black, oily, inky hand shoots in front of me, slamming the door shut. I jump away into the corner of the changing room, and the arm slithers back to the woman before it solidifies into her sliced arm, blood pouring towards her elbow."Why are you leaving?? I know your thoughts. I know that you're curious!!"

"No! No! That's not true, I... You're crazy! Let me go!" I stutter, backing into the corner. She inches closer, and I realize I'm trapped.'She's wrong, I don't want that! I can't; I'm not a monster!'

"LIAR!!" she yells. "Don't lie to yourself, Lexi!! You know you want to try it!!" She towers over me, and I slide down to sit on the floor.

'She must be right, I was so entranced by the blood when she first took off the sleeves... But I can't cut myself, that's insane!... "

"It's not crazy, Lexi, when you try it you'll love it!~" her voice becomes sweet again, and the cognitive dissonance in my mind makes my head spin. She grabs my arm, and I jerk away, but her grip doesn't loosen."Stop resisting; I'm trying to help you! You'll see the light; you just have to try it!!" She spits.

She jerks me to my feet, then sits me down on the bench. I sniffle, tears starting to build up again. The blood from the woman's arms splatter the floor, and she reaches her fist towards me. She giggles sporadically, and I start to feel lightheaded.

She unclenches her fist, opening it to reveal a clean silver pocket knife."Take it, take it!!" she commands, seemingly unable to wait any longer. I reach my hand up to take it, my body shivering with anticipation and terror. As my hand gets closer, her shaky breaths get faster, and everything but the woman and the knife become static again. My fingers brush the cold metal of the pocket knife, and I carefully grip the closed blade. I lift it off of her hand, and the woman lets loose a chilling laugh, throwing her arms outwards as if preparing to embrace me.

I clumsily open the knife, revealing the curved edge. I grip the handle of the blade, my hands shaking more than ever before. I raise the blade to my bare arm, inching the knife closer to my soft skin. The chilled metal contacts my arm, the cool touch of the knife's edge calming me a little.'Just push the blade in, then slide it down. Just push the blade in, then slide it down.' I chant inside my head, trying to psyche myself up."Yes!... YES!..." the woman murmurs. Tears start to flow down my cheeks again.'I... I can't!... This is too extreme, this is wrong!!' I start to pull the knife away from my arm, and the static and white noise disappears.

Suddenly, the woman's hand slams down on my wrist, gripping it tightly. I yelp, her fingers digging into my arm."I can tell you're feeling scared, Lexi," she says sweetly, her grasp loosening slightly. "Let me guide your hand," she coos."I don't know, I–" I stutter, her fragile yet powerful hand moving my right hand and knife back towards my left arm.

The blade presses into my arm, and I can't tell if it's punctured my skin yet, but the cold metal still soothes my nerves a bit. However, I'm still shaking and fearful."I... I don't... Wait... Stop..." I cry, desperately trying to defy my powerlessness in this situation."Don't worry. Sure, it'll sting, but that fades fast. Afterward, you'll feel wonderful!!~" she sings, pressing the knife-edge deeper into my forearm. She pulls my hand back slowly, and the knife begins to slice through my skin, parting the flesh and leaving a straight cut as it moves across my arm.'Pain... The pain... I... I deserve this.' As the thought crosses my consciousness, the woman giggles happily.

I feel like I'm going to vomit. The stinging, the blood, the pain, all of it I can handle. It was the wonder, the pleasure, the love I feel of the cold metal ripping through my skin, of the sting of my inner flesh being exposed to the air, the warm blood building up inside the newly formed valley within my skin that made me sick.

I exhale loudly, the tension inside me releasing like a punctured water tank. My muscles relax, causing me to slouch down the bench.'It hurts... But it feels...'

"Amazing..." The words escape my lips, and I hear the woman squee with joy at my words. She lets go of my wrist, and my hand falls limp on the bench beside me, the knife still in my grasp. Blood begins to overflow from the wound, and my left arm slides down onto the bench as well. My breathing gets faster, and I start to feel better with every passing second."I see it in your eyes, you've fallen in love!! You feel incredible, don't you?!" She cries excitedly.

"It hurts, but..." I murmur, staring at my reflection in the mirror. My face is more blushed than when Jenny first kissed me, but I have an unabashed expression of bliss rather than the embarrassment and love I felt back then."Yes, yes...!!" The woman says breathlessly, waiting excitedly for me to finish."It's fantastic!..." I finish, my heart pounding uncontrollably with surprise and craving.

I raise my right hand, the bloodied blade glistening hungrily.

The woman cackles, "The pain, the ecstasy, the euphoria, truly ephemeral, isn't it?!" Within the edge of my vision, I see her form begin to dissolve into inky blackness, a void-like goop that drips skyward rather than towards the floor, the droplets evaporating before they can fall too far."M-m... More!..." I whisper greedily. "More!!" I raise my left arm in front of my chest, the bloody streaks from the first cut staining my skin. I feel like I can't control myself like I'm moving without thinking to. My right hand jolts towards my left arm, the knife poised just millimeters above an untouched patch of skin on my underarm below my wrist. I feel my heart get faster with just the sight of the silver blade close to my skin.

I hastily push the knife edge into my skin, my warm blood on the knife from the first cut dripping onto the new site on my arm. I eagerly slide the blade down my underarm, the feeling of my skin separating causing a sensation of twisted ecstasy. I shakily exhale, the thrill almost too much for me to handle.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I look up from the new part in my skin to the inky, gooey shadow that used to be the woman. Its eyes are a blinding white with nothing but small, crimson pupils to indicate where it's looking; its mouth, nothing but equally white light. Its abyssal body hovers slightly above the ground, and it moves with an unnatural swiftness and fluidity. Suddenly, it lunges toward me, it's pulsating form filling my vision. Its face bears the same structure as the woman but is entirely jet black."Doesn't it make your heart race?! Don't you feel alive?!" she laughs. I nod eagerly.

"Well, what are you waiting for?! Do it again!!!"

I leap to my feet, my thoughts nothing but a frenzy for straight red lines. I run the knife across my arm again, and again, and again, across my forearm, my wrist, my underarm, I switch hands after my left arm becomes so bloody I can't tell what's a cut and what's skin, then slice my right arm once, twice, ten times, twenty times, thirty, forty, I can't even count how many times any more, my insatiable appetite for straight red lines only growing bigger and bigger with every cut, and when my arms are mutilated into bloody messes I still want MORE, I NEED MORE, I rip though my pant legs to reveal pure, unharmed skin covering my thighs, and the shadow cackles maniacally or maybe that's me, oh what the hell, why not, I let out a psychotic laugh unlike anything before because oh my god it hurts so much, oh my god it feels so good, and laughing lets out the pleasure and euphoria that's building up inside my body, my body feels like it's on fire, like I'm being consumed from the inside out, like a state of living that's been forbidden, hidden and locked away from me until now, a state of living that feels better than anything I've ever felt, and I can't stop cutting into my arms, my wrists, my thighs, letting the blood out, LET IT OUT, and I deserve this overwhelming pain that's battling the bliss for control over my brain, and my clothes and hands and face are covered in blood, the floor is covered in blood, the floor and walls fall away to reveal TV static, and the mirror reflects my obsessive and panicked slicing through my skin, and the shadow has it's hands on my shoulders and is watching with just as much lust as I feel for these straight red lines, these goddamned STRAIGHT RED LINES, the stench of iron and infection is so strong that I feel sick, and upon meeting my reflection's gaze I slow to a stop for a moment, extending my arms outwards to reveal the straight red lines covering every inch of my arms, my wrists, my thighs, and the shadow whispers in my ear, "Nobody else can know, if anybody finds out you'll be shut out, abandoned, and alone!~" I don't respond, I can't respond, the joy and pleasure too overwhelming to talk, instead, I just breathe, breathe so very fast, breathing like I just ran a marathon, my cheeks so blushed it's a wonder I have enough blood to blush and bleed simultaneously, my eyes shivering and twitching with that same unnatural energy that the woman looked at me with before, my shaky, shallow breaths pushing my chest up and down, and I just stare at myself in the mirror, stare at the STRAIGHT RED LINES.

The shadow laughs slyly."I'm glad to see you took my help to heart." The shadow moves its hands from my shoulders to my face, cupping my cheeks with it's weird, fluctuating, liquid fingers. My head feels light, my vision is blurring, and despite the unbearable pain my face still sports a pleasured expression. Tears of pain have been streaming down my face, but I didn't even noticed until now. The floor around me is completely flooded in my blood. The shadow begins to giggle, floating higher behind me, fading from my sight. As it floats higher and higher, it becomes more transparent, before disappearing completely, the sensation of it's writhing abyssal liquid hands fading away too. It's all fading. My vision is fading, my consciousness is fading, my pain is fading, my ecstasy is fading, my world is fading. I feel myself stumble and fall, but I never hit the floor.

I sit up in my seat, pulling my aching body off of the dashboard. My eyes sting from the smoke, and I'm bleeding but I don't know where from.'Jenny!!'

I spin to face the passenger's seat and see my girlfriend, Jenny, unconscious in the passenger seat, a large gash in her forehead and the car crumpled in around her lower torso and legs."Jenny!!" I yell, my throat and voice are hoarse and scratchy from breathing in the fumes. I shake her body, her shirt singed from the flames surrounding us."Jenny!! Please, wake up!!" Tears from the smoke turn to tears of worry and guilt. "Jenny, please!!" I shake her again, the look of pain petrified into her face, her lifeless eyes, it breaks my heart. I begin sobbing."Please... Jenny, you have to be okay... Please wake up..." I sob into her shoulder, hugging her and wishing this to be a bad dream.

'Please wake up...'

My sobbing is joined with a chorus of police sirens approaching the car wreck we're within. I continue to bawl."Jenny, please!!!" I scream, my aching body heaving to try and breathe inside this fire.

I hear voices outside the car, barely loud enough to hear over the flames and my cries of agony. Suddenly, a hand grabs me by the collar of my shirt, and I'm pulled away from Jenny."NO! JENNY!!" I scream again, but my rescuer doesn't care what I say. Jenny slips from my grasp, falling limp in her seat, and I scream.'Jenny, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...'

I'm carefully lied down on the grass on the side of the road, and medical professionals crowd around me. I can't stop crying, and my body aches too much to move anymore. The voices of the police and nurses echo through my head."Whoa, what the hell happened here?!" One of the policemen cry. A breathalyzer is forced into my mouth, and after a couple of seconds, I'm pulled to my feet and cuffed."It looks like she went crazy and cut herself a fuckton!" One of the nurses yells.'Wait, what?...'

I'm tossed into the back of a police cruiser and get a glimpse of firemen carrying Jenny out of the car, her lower half completely crushed and mangled, her lifeless corpse charred and disfigured.

"JENNYYYYYY!!!"

I scream, but no sound comes out. I hear a policeman yell, "Quick, somebody grab some bandages! She's still breathing, but she's losing blood fast!!" Another yells back, "Medical help is on the way, hon, just hang in there!" My head feels light. I hear a policeman vomit, and another go "Jesus Christ, that's a lot of blood!!"

My consciousness begins to fade, and my vision flickers between screaming and crying in the back of a police car to lying on the floor; policemen and nurses surrounding me inside a bloody locker room. A strangely familiar voice begins to chant, the voice getting louder and louder as my flickering vision begins to fade.

"Straight red lines, straight red lines, across your arms, your wrists, your thighs, straight red lines, straight red lines, you fall in love with every slice, straight red lines, straight red lines, hide them with excuses and lies, straight red lines, straight red lines, you'll learn to lust for straight red lines."

The End

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