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turtlethor-blog · 6 years

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@jacquesooo remember when you said I wouldn’t do it?? Well, I’m going to but in headcanon format bc yall are too much of a mess for me to write without commentary LMAO. I haven’t used tumblr in so long, you should thank me.

Anyway here’s your indulgent love simon au, imma blast

also how come you don’t have a ship name, im lowkey salty

First of all, Jacqueline’s obviously-yes-obviously-not Simon and Luisa’s gonna be Bram, they just have to switch personalities (GET IT B/C SIMON WAS JACQUE((LINE))S)

Anyway, we know the story, Jacqueline sees luisa’s tumblr, she becomes Whipped™, she admires the blogger from afar as you do

But HECC she doesn’t know that this bitch is gonna become her bitch soon enough b/c look ma they go to the sAMe sCHoOL

And at the same school, they hate each other b/c Jacqueline’s a lil overachieving freshman piece of shit & luisa’s a loud ass mexican that’s sick & tired of everything

10 dollars that jacqueline’s group talks smack about luisa’s tall ass in jacqueline’s language class (”she wears ripped jeans all the time, it makes her seem taller, s o W h Y”)

bonus if luisa does the same tbh (mexican people are so mean, the fuck)

Jacqueline opens up Luisa's tumblr (not knowing it’s irl luisa, you goddamn slow cabALLo), she’s in the ask box, and look she’s typing out her feelings on anon b/c she’s a disaster gay but she’s trying!!

Guess what, the ask goes through (”your ask has been received :)”)

Jacqueline screams for the next week or so b/c Luisa replies but luisa should make her scream someway else soon enough u know? 👀

So you know, she’ll just keep sending anons b/c she can and she sucks

On the other hand, Jacqueline tells tumblr!Luisa a funny story that there’s a school!Luisa at her school and “holYYyy god she’s so annoying, and she looks like you from your selfies but you’re prettier b/c school!Luisa looks like an orc dw dw” (omg fdsafdfsg)

And tumblr!Luisa tells Jacqueline “there’s a different Jacqueline at my school tOO and she’s so stuck up and she’s so short and i know you are too but it’s okay, you’re better than the irl Jacqueline i k N o W”

Jacqueline sweetie i know you say Luisa’s dense but you’re McSlow and she’s McDense (even in this au)

You guys talk about mango discourse and Luisa’s drinking habits (as in water not alcohol sdffdsf) and that applies in this au too

Plus I’ll never forget when Jacqueline called Luisa “50 shades of puta”

No emails, just anons with the panda sign off

Just slow slow burn in the form of two slow gays b/c they know they live in the same area but they won’t tell each other where

you’re probs wondering: who tf is martin here?? easy, themselves

?? why??? BECAUSE JACQUELINE WON’T TELL LUISA SHE’S GAY FOR HER AND LUISA’S TOO LUISA TO COME OUT

but for angst reasons let’s say for some reason they connect two and two because a Martin has told them :0

and Jacqueline realizes the Luisa she hated at school b/c she was too tall and too annoying was the same Luisa she was sending anons to

and Luisa realizes the Jacqueline at school that was constantly sideyeing her and giving her attitude was the same Jacqueline that told her ily and goodnight everyday

Honey you know they both aren’t functional as it is, this would destroy their brains and hearts

Idk what the hell would be going in Luisa’s life but Jacqueline’s fuckboy friends find out

You know that scene in love simon where Simon’s friends get mad at him but he holds it together until he realizes he lost Blue, and that’s when he starts bawling?

That would be jacqueline

are we sure that this is an au anymore wtf

BUT jacqueline is stubborn as hell and she won’t talk to luisa online and at school no more (so in a sense she’s also like bram 🤔)

and it hurts her like hell b/c it shows, she’s not enjoying going out or playing lacrosse no more b/c she loves luisa sm so like,,, wyd pretending you don’t

So this lil shit gets love sick and thinks about kissing luisa on top of a ferris wheel or you know just,,, gay in general

But you know whats even gayer than a ferris wheel?? STARGAZING

god bless tumblr friends

they set them up somehow, it’s an awkward car ride to the hills, but when they get there the stars were so bright and jacqueline automatically points out which constellation was which like it was second nature

luisa thinks she’s a dork

jacqueline thinks she’s a lot more interesting than every star in the sky

but she’s also vehemently aware of the hand holding hers (gay)

they’re cuddled at the back open trunk with a warm blanket and speaking so damn softly to each other (gayer)

and they say “i love you” a couple dozen times and they kiss and everything feels fuzzy & warm & sweet (gAYEST)

like lemme paint a picture for yall: they have the same weighted blanket draped on their shoulders and they’re kissing so softly b/c they were so scared of losing each other and jacquelines fingertips are dragging themselves under luisa’s shirt even tho she knows full well luisa’s ticklish

it’s such a fuzzy & warm feeling to be kissing someone you know full well is your soulmate, just saying

and it feels even greater knowing you’ll never lose each again

probs how bram & simon felt, but just saying, gay it up even more, yall

they don’t leave beside each other for a very long time

the next day they go buy iced coffee together

#marc writes #look ma new tag #penisprkr #jacquesooo

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