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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 7 years ago

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T&L part 7: Denial

Part 6

Warnings: none

Word count: 1722

Hey, heart. Are you listening? You and I are officially at war.

- Colleen Hoover, Maybe Someday

Paul’s POV

I was sitting on a log trying to enjoy Rachel snuggling up to me, but it felt unnatural. Without even noticing, my eyes fixated on the fire burning in front of me just as the one that was lit inside of me ever since this morning. Who knew that I’d get hit with a car at the crack of dawn just as I finished patrol?

I never thought I’d imprint. Hell I never wanted an imprint. I had to watch Sam and Jared imprint and all of a sudden the were like lap dogs. I liked my freedom, I liked my unattached lifestyle and if Sam wasn’t so adamant about it, I’d still be the player I was before shifting. Regardless of that, here I was…I had an imprint.

I could be her protector and maybe her friend, but that would still put me at risk of falling for her…protector it is. I’ll make sure she’s alive, the rest is up to her. I saw she could take care of herself, cause she can hit….hard. It didn’t really hurt much, it pissed me off tho’.

My first thought was:“Who the hell she thinks she is? She HIT ME with her CAR, and then what? Tries to finish the job with a slap?!“

Ugh…I mean sure I hit her car, but it was understandable…who wouldn’t be pissed?! And the fog that surrounded us rendered my wolf sight useless, because till I shifted and the fog suddenly cleared I had yet to see her. All I could tell before was her height..she was short..like almost a foot shorter then me, but then I shifted, the fog cleared and I looked into her eyes.

I swear time stood still as this girl that’s barely 5'3’’ captivated me. Flashes of our future moved in front of my eyes, some quickly, others almost in slow motion. People usually say their life flashes before their eyes before they die, for us it’s when we meet the ‘one’. Pff….the ONE. THE one…THE ONE… who can say that there really is such a thing as a soulmate? Maybe imprinting was based on our instinct to mate in order to continue to grow as a pack and our imprints are just those we could produce better, stronger and faster future kids with…Was this really true love or a constant state of lust combined with blind loyalty. Watching those flashes of us running around the beach where I spin her around as she laughs wholeheartedly, or the look of love and admiration she gives me when I catch her before she hits the ground after tripping during a walk in the woods, watching her hair flow freely as she runs before me laughing like a little child turning to look at me with a weird glow in her eyes. A lot of those flashes were more with her back turned on me, I couldn’t see her face at all times, but I knew she was happy from her sweet, joyful laughter, chuckles and giggles.

But I wasn’t a man meant for soulmates, I was too short tempered, I could put her in danger. I was disloyal before, I’d break her heart, I mean here I am, sitting next to my girlfriend thinking about a different girl. How could I do to Rach what Sam did to Leah? It may not have been my choice but it would still hurt her just the same. On the other side, how would I ever know if whatever I felt for Arya was real? What if all those feelings are just derived from the bond?

I know I like Rachel, it’s real. Would my love for Arya be real?

Somewhere in the background I hear Seth greet Jacob and the leech-lover and…Arya? I turned around so fast I almost knocked Rachel on the ground. But at the moment I didn’t care, she was all that mattered. I finally saw her…all of her instead of just her eyes..And she was looking back. My heart did a flip inside my chest, feeling almost like it wanted to jump out and fly straight to her hands.

She was still fun-sized compared to me, but in a way, it made her seem more fragile. Her long, thick, wavy black hair was falling over her shoulders down to her mid-section shinning like the sea at night, taking my breath away as the light breeze was playing with strands of hair that were framing her beautiful face. Her skin is pale, but not as pale as Bella’s. Her eyes were like a maze you couldn’t help but get lost in and as she looked into my eyes I could feel her searching deep into my soul.

Her eyes were focused on me as she stood staring as though she was assessing me. I noticed her biting her lower lip, oh how I wanted to be the one to do so. I knew I was hooked, but there was no way in hell I was going to just lay down and surrender. I am not a lap dog, nor a servant and definitely not a..what the?! My train of though was interrupted by Rachel’s kiss. It was a hard, possessive kiss meant to show everyone around that I belonged to her.

Soon Arya joined us and Billy started the tales. I glanced at her, partly because I couldn’t take my eyes of her and partly because I wanted to see her reaction to the explanation she was craving. I felt her fear when I imprinted, but I also felt it fade as she walked up to me. Any other girl would turn and run as fast as possible in the opposite direction screaming, some would faint or vomit, but no…my imprint walked straight up to me and actually pet me. I’m not sure if the bond created called her to do so or if she was crazy as hell, but she didn’t run. Watching her now, I could see her chubby cheeks glowed softly as she smiled.

All of a sudden Embry showed up from behind putting his arms around her and pulling her into a hug. How dare he touch my imprint like that?! I start shaking and breathing heavily as I watch her fall back in utter surprise just as Embry releases her. This makes me even more angry and I unintentionally growl loudly for everyone to hear. She looks at me again with a worried look and I feel my heart slow down, calming me down just enough not to burst into a wolf. I was angry about her apparent closeness with Embry and even more about him getting her hurt.

Considering the girl now holding my hand and whispering she wants to go home, I turned around. I knew it was my fault really…I’m the one fighting the imprint, I’m the one living in denial thinking I could be her protector and nothing more. But as every part of my body wants to be near her, my brain is still screaming at me to fight. Sam said it takes time to break the wolf’s will if he fights it, but he loses eventually…every time. Was I delaying the inevitable? I cast her another look as I walk away from her, feeling actual physical pain caused by the ever growing distance between us.

That night I couldn’t sleep. Was she okay? Did she already drift away into her own dream world? Was I in that world? I had to know. I shifted and ran to Sam’s. He was there, already smirking at me.

„Told you the bond is too strong. You’re already losing the battle. Just stop fighting it, it will cause less pain for all three of you. Oh, and her room is on the other side looking over the forest. Good night Paul.“

Walking under her window I saw her silhouette as she was turning off the lights. An annoying whimper escaped me as I thought about how close she was, but so far at the same time. She probably heard it as all of a sudden her window opened and her head poked out, her hair put into a long braid swaying in the wind. I jumped and hid just in time, after which she left the window opened and went to bed. I spent that night under her window in my wolf form, making sure she was safe.

Arya’s POV

Sitting in my room watching all the selfies I took with the guys down at the beach I didn’t feel like a cast out anymore. Even after they all told me their age, which took me by surprise. Embry, Quil and Jacob were all 17 or about to turn 17, while Seth was 15! Only Paul and Jared were 18 like me, oh Bella and Kim as well. While Leah was a bit older, about to hit the 23 mark.

They all look so grown up, their features sharp, and they all look like brothers. Everyone had the same black cropped hair, their tall muscular built and not to mention their tattoos. But I could still see the boyish features beneath all those muscles and occasional scowls.

Regardless of the age difference I felt like a part of the group. Joking with Quil and talking with Embry, running around with Seth…it just felt right. Still smiling I shut my phone and the lights off and jumped on the bed. Just as I closed my eyes shut I heard a small whimper outside. Thinking it was a wounded animal I run up to the window opening it wide peaking outside. I couldn’t see much in the dark and I waited in case I heard the sound again.

Hoping it was just the wind I get back to the bed leaving the window open for the fresh smell of pine trees to fill the room. With a distant sound of trees swaying in the wind I fell asleep and dreamed of a certain dark silvered wolf fighting for my life against those red eyes that haunted me.

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