#jack from mass effect(whatisherlastname)

[thewheezingbubbledragon]

More Mass Effect Commentary with Bro

Important info: We started ME3 and I forgot to log the end of ME2 bc I am a fool

Me @ the uploaded Shepard model: I hate her eyebrows and her neck is too thick. what. the heck. I didnt sign up for this.

Me: your walk cycle hurts me and I hate it please go away

Me: Bioware. hun. bby. Sweetie. I love you. but why.

Armor: *Looks like Iron man*

Me: *gASP* BRO I WANNA BE IRON MAN

Bro: we will be iron man. We will save up 55,000 credits and be iron man.

Bro: and then we will purchase the iron man shuttle mod.

Bro: and then we will finally be iron man.

Me: Well. Iron woman. Bc our Shepard is a girl.

Bro: well yes.

Estiban, a side character: I had a husband back home. Collectors killed him.

Me: well dang. Casual gay character is casual. Alright then. Way to go ME3.

Bro, seeing the galaxy map for the first time: *GASP* IT'S LIKE GALACTIC CONQUEST(og Battlefront 2)

Me: *sCrEAMING*

Bro, watching Turians getting slaughtered by the reaper forces: Oh no

Me, seeing Reaper nyooming thrateningly toward one cruiser: OH no

Reaper, approaching a Turian cruiser and menacingly opening it's claw arms as it blasts it out of the sky: OH YEEEAAS

Glyph: *exists*

Me, vibrating and about to cry: I W I L L G L A D L Y D I E F O R H I M

Garrus: *appears*

Me, shrieking: GARRUUUSSSS!!!! HEY GARRUS!!! HI!!!!

Garrus: I jave a family on my home planet. My father, a sister...

Me, seconds away from combustion: GARRUS HAS A SISTER AND I'M GOING TO C R Y

Me, upon first seeing a brute: OH IT'S A BEEEG BOII

Brute: *deep throated guttural roar*

Me: AN ANGRY BOI

Brute: *jumps*

Bro, panicking and running away at -3 health: IT CAN JUMP. IT J U M P S.

Me: w h a t.

Joker: Edi's gone offline she's not responding--

Me: EDI EDI NO EDI EDI EDI EDI EDI COME BACK EDI NO I WILL CRY IF SHE'S DEAD NONONONO

Edi: *inhabits a new robot body and is now an android*

Me:..........

Me: nice

Shepard: You should test out your new body before accomoanying me on any missions Edi.

Edi, her robot body with *ahem* exaggerated feminine features: I will do that. Joker would like to see this vessel. *walks off*

Shepard, actually for real in the game: Yeah I bet he will...

Me: I mEAN-- YOU'RE NOT WRONG...

Me: I'm sorry. I don't trust Admiral Hackett. He could be amazing but he's too suspicious.

The Elusive Man: Let's get the secret tech that causes mind problems and makes people go crazy and use it to defeat the Reapers, who are immune to this technology and also invented it.

Me, Bro, Shepard, and the entire galaxy: That is a terrible idea what the hecc is wrong with you.

Elusive Man: you just dont get it do you. Youre dooming humanity with your refusal to see the truth.

Me, Bro, Shepard, and the entire galaxy, sipping on our tea and defeating the Reapers without using their tech bc we arent idiots: Uh-huh. For sure.

ME3 production team: *makes Liara's boobs bigger*

Me: thanks I hate it.

Jack: *has a new life as a teacher at a military school*

Jack: *teaches biotic kids*

Jack: *will die AND/OR kill for her kids without a single second of thought*

Jack's kids: *would probably do the same and have enormous respect and companionship with her*

Jack: *is becoming a much better person and even cuts down on her language around them bc that was one of the things she agreed to upon getting the job and loves her kids so much she doesnt care*

Me:

Me: IN THIS HOUSE WE DRINK RESPECT GOOD CHARACTERS/GOOD CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT JUICE!!

Me, every time something happens in mass effect(all games): OKAY BUT MASS EFFECT IS SUCH A GOOD GAME AND--

[thewheezingbubbledragon]

Introducing: Quotes From Me And My Brother While We Play The Mass Effect Series

Me, referring to a mech self-destructing: big 'splosion. Beeg explosion boi

Both of us, every single time we listen to 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' bc it's funny: Turn around~ *spins character/camera like a CD player on crack*

Jacob(tough reliable friendly bro character): We need to get down there! *large Explosion*

My brother (who henceforth will be called Bro): Mmmmmnnnnnno we don't.

Me, returning to the room after going off to look for snacks: Did I miss anything?

Bro: explosions.

Me: so nothing important then?

Bro: no not really.

Bro: that's what heroes do right? Steal all people's stuff from their apartments when they've been imobalized by aliens?

Me: oo we got the zippy boiz

Harbinger: Pain is an illusion.

Me: So's time, success, and happiness what's your point.

Harbinger: assuming direct control.

Bro: when someone posts a meme.

Me: what does that mean??

Bro: I dunno it just felt like something you'd say.

Me: where's everybody gone? We havent killed all of them yet have we?

Bro: we did.

Me: oh nice.

Civilian with Boston accent for some reason: The Collectors...? You mean theyre real? I always thought they were propaganda to keep us in alliance space...

Me: like the moon.

There was a mindless zombie husk Naruto running

Bro: I wanna know what glove iss~

Harbinger(big bad, big ego, big mad) taking possession of one of its drone footsoldiers: we are harbinger.

Me: and we are done with your crap.

Mordin(chatty scientist nerd character): Ooaf.

Harbinger: This is what you face.

Bro: Who's whatchuface?

Harbinger: You will know pain, Shepard.

Jack(angry murderous character) using the exact perfect random mid-fight dialogue option: My favorite thing.

Mordin: Target was immune. Problematic.

Bro: I wanna know what looove iiiiss~ *gets shot* That was not love.

Me: don't be rude they dont have emotions.

The Illusive Man(shifty chatacter with a very 'holier than thou' aesthetic) lecturing Shepard for being Paragon and Exisiting: Be careful, the collectors may be watching you.

Me: to be fair, who isnt at this point. *camera zooms out and we see Jacob standing off to the side* Short-arms-Magee overhere sure is.

Me: GARRUS !!!

Bro: GARRUS !!!

Both of us, singing: He's the best! Arouund~ no one else is quite like Ga-a-rrus~