#iwaizumiangst

[mymegumi]

cross my heart

pairing: iwaizumi hajime x gn!reader

genre: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 1.0k words

warnings: selene plays fast and loose with past tense and present tense because some things are flashbacks and some arent (flashbacks are now included in italics for ease) no idk wtf is happening in this fic: also i don’t really condone what reader does in this fic pls do not follow in their footsteps

note: i’m probs gonna write a few fics based on SOUR and this is just the first one giggles <3 mwah love y’all

There’s a hole in your heart, you think to yourself as you stare at the sky. A suspiciously spiky haired hole that seems to cave and crash and carve itself into your skin with every second that passes before your eyes.

You remember a lot of your youth, unfortunately that means that you remember a lot of the stupid shit you’d gotten into before you had decided to get your act together and pick your feet up off the ground when you walked, instead of scuffing them and leaving your mark in the world. You remember the way you answered his every beck and call, the way you were attached at the hip, and the way that you had done anything to just be someone that could stand at his side.

It’s pathetic, really, when you look back at it now. There was something about the way his laughter would bounce against the walls of your room that made you want to hold him in your hands, to never let him leave. When he smiled at you, teeth showing and the slightly chipped front tooth from when Oikawa had thrown a football at his face, it made you think of sunrises and sunsets on a warm summer night.

“Do you think,” he had started with his head turned towards the star-speckled sky, “that we’re going to make it out of this town?”

The thought had made something close to hope blossom in your chest—the notion that it was a we and not just a me.

“I think, as long as the two of us stick together,” you responded, eyes tracing the curve of his nose and the slide of his cheeks, “we can make it anywhere.”

Looking back at it, Iwaizumi had looked forwards, towards the sky and towards what else the world had to offer him, while you had kept your gaze on him. It was always, ever on him.

When he left your small town, left the safety that the village offered to you and to the future you’d have, you weren’t surprised. You had been more surprised that he hadn’t even thought to take you with him.

You twirl a dandelion stem in your hand, watching the white puffs fly off of the stem. In a perfect world, where he had promised to love you and cherish you for as long as you both lived, you’d be sitting here with him at your side. Yet, you’re stuck in the small town you’ve grown up in, trapped and suffocated in a world that was too small for the both of you to flourish.

“Still stuck in this town?” Hanamaki had asked you, hand curled around a coffee cup. “Surprised, you seemed like you were too big and bad for us.”

You laughed into your own cup, one hand holding it up while the other one rested one the table lightly. If he noticed your fingers twitch, he said nothing of it. “Well, sometimes I think I’m still here because I’m waiting.”

“Still playing guessing games?” His eyes were filled with mirth, one eyebrow raised as he tilted his head towards you slightly. “I’ll bite, though—waiting for what?”

The look of amusement morphed into something softer around the edges, a bit more pitying and the sight of it makes your stomach turn. Turning your gaze away from him, you tapped your nail on the table as you sighed. If there was one thing you hated the most, it was the look of pity when people asked why you stayed.

“What I was always waiting for, Makki. I was waiting for him.”

You’re glad Hanamaki made it to the city. He’s too big, too bright to let the country life damper his shine. You think somewhere along the line, yours had been tamped out with a harsh foot, unforgiving and cruel in its hubris. As if mocking you for the want you felt in your chest, taking the hope in a careful hand before it crushed the life out of it.

The sun setting brings a different level of cooling, the breeze an effortlessly calming effect on you as you sit out on the porch in front of the house you’d inherited from your parents. All you could hear was the sound of your own heart beating, and the cicadas’ song that was the backdrop to the otherwise peaceful atmosphere.

The crunch of shoes on gravel isn’t even enough to pull you from your quiet reverie, instead content to let your head tilt back towards the full moon showering you in her love. The stars surrounding her twinkled, as if trying to let you in on a secret you couldn’t understand yet, and when Iwaizumi’s familiar weight made the porch creak and moan beside you, you start to think you have an inkling of what they were whispering to you.

“Hi.”

His smile is brilliant, as efflorescent and as breathtaking as the day you had said goodbye to him. The years had weathered his boyish charm, instead turning it into a rough sort of handsomeness—the fat of his face had faded to jagged edges and sharp lines.

“Hi.” You respond, turning away from his smile, for fear of being sucked back into him—back into the person you had been in your youth, that had followed him to the ends of the earth and back for a lick of attention. “Welcome home.”

“I think,” he starts, head turning back to the star-lit sky in your peripheral view, “that I finally am.”

There’s a lot being unsaid—years of miscommunication and radio silence, and yet now, you think there’s more of a chance than when you were a kid. A chance for something, anything more than the one-sided relationship you’d allowed to consume your youth. You’re older now—more worldly, if you will—and you think that instead of just giving, just offering all you have to Iwaizumi, perhaps this time there would be take as well.

For now, you’re both looking at each other, as opposed to the moon herself.