#ivy's gonna put this in a sppowerpoint with all the fun slide transitions

[regicidal-defenestration]

Mechtober Day 21 - Weapons

@mechtober2022

What's The Favourite Way In Which You've Been Killed?, an investigation by Ivy Alexandria.

Captain-

No.

What?

Last time you did that you said it was because calling me captain had a 100% success rate when you wanted something from me. I'm not falling for it again.

I can wait.

…

God, okay, fuck it. I hate you. What do you want?

Thank you. What's the best way you've ever been killed?

Can I say a point in the future? Wait- no, that time last week. Final answer.

You have 604,800 seconds and 4 deaths to choose from. Which: plasma gun, stabbing, poison, or Raph's fancy laser sword?

Eh, 's not that deep. Pick any.

You are a terrible research participant.

*

Do you remember the time with the flamethrower?

An incredible case of arson gone wrong, yes. You really lived up to your name.

A pile of ashes? Yeah, but it was fucking hilarious. Best way I've done myself in yet.

Thank you for your contribution. This has a 53% chance of being the shortest interview I'll conduct today.

*

Am I interrupting anything?

If we leave it too long, the water will reach the francium and produce a violent reaction that will likely blow out the windows and result in us being sucked out into the void of space, where we'll implode, if we haven't already been caught in the blast.

I'm glad you're having fun. Before we all die painfully and explosively though, what's the best way in which you've been killed?

Marius' vivisection was fun!

Didn't you survive that one? You kept on poking fun at his shoddy scalpel handling.

Ah, good point. Then… that time Tim crushed me with a steamroller. It really sorted my back pain out.

*

Oh! Am I going to be part of your project!

You're the only one I have left, actually! I predict you will be 112.3% more useful than Jonny was.

I will try, old chap! 

So, favourite way you've been killed?

Every way is my favourite, when you fellows kill me! It's all rather fun pretending to be killed by you all. That's because I know you'll be around when I wake up! 

I think that would put me off in all honesty, but that's sweet. Follow up question: what if the rest of us weren't there?

What ever do you mean?

Well- statistically speaking, none of us will live forever. What if you were the last one standing?

I don't think I'd enjoy that very much at all. Maybe I'd go back to being a lower case toy soldier, and then it wouldn't be so bad, because I wouldn't know what I was missing anymore. It isn't fun pretending to be real on your own.

….I suppose not. Maybe Sartre was wrong when he said "hell is other people" (Huis Clos, 1943)

How did you say ( with your mouth!