#ivelovedyouforsolong

[inlivingwritenow]

Not the same is about the worst kind of heartbreak. It’s about timing. Sometimes you don’t fall out of love. Sometimes no one cheats, or betrays one another. Sometimes you want something to work with every fiber of your body, but it just doesn’t. You’re just not the same. Then add queerness, coming out, and the complexities of self acceptance into an already complicated enough thing such as love and relationships. It’s absolutely gut wrenching and heart shattering. To be still so in love, but wrong for each other. To love someone so much, but be in the wrong timing. To just not be at the point in your life where you’re able to love yourself enough to love someone else.

[inlivingwritenow]

🥲💙

In my Aces era again. And pairing this album with my slow, consistent GLG readings ahaha 🌈

Growing up gay in a small suburb in Utah was deeply painful and terrifying.  When we started making this album, I had no idea that I would be telling that story.  What started out as me exploring my anxiety, asking myself questions to try and figure out why I was having panic attacks, turned into painful and cathartic reflection of my youth, making its way out through melodies and guitar lines. The truth is that my teenage years were very full of dread and inner turmoil. My nights were spent on my knees praying in desperation that these feelings would go away. My days were spent trying to hide my big dark secret. There was something about me that I was never going to tell anyone, a massive piece of me that I’d die with. I was gay and deep down I knew that was never gonna change.  So I escaped through music. This was the thing I was good at. When I was on stage, I didn’t have to think about my future. I didn’t have to think about being an outcast, of losing everything, my salvation included.  I wish I would have had Suburban Blues when I was a teenager. This song is for anyone who’s ever felt like this; now, in the past, and hopefully not in the future. This song is for that 14 year old girl laying awake in tears until the sun came up. There is a place for you in the world. There is a version of your life that’s so full of love, self acceptance, and hope. There is a community full of people waiting to tell you that your queerness is one of the most special and sacred things about you. There is, I promise.

[inlivingwritenow]

me during pride 🏳️‍🌈