#ive watched it literally hundreds of times i feel like ive caught *every* detail there is to talk abt

[scatterpatter]

Sometimes I see people still making tblt content and my heart go BRRRRRRR

[mamthew]

On Final Fantasy XIV and Asymmetrical Memory

I plan to spoil large chunks of Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn and its expansions in the following write-up. I will probably go most in-depth into the Heavensward expansion, but I expect to at least allude to plot details from other expansions in such a way that people who haven’t yet played them might work out what happens, so steer clear if you don’t want that to happen.

Every time I play a Final Fantasy game, I constantly think about what a remake/demake would look like. The cutoff for this is between IX and X – from X on, I parse out a potential demake in the style of VI or IX, while from IX earlier, I think about what a potential remake of the game could look like. I figure this cutoff is pretty indicative of what I most enjoy about Final Fantasy games. I really like the ATB battle systems of IV through IX, but I want the stories to be presented with voice acting and cinematic cutscenes (I was a little disappointed in the gameplay depicted in the XVI trailer for that reason, but that’s only sorta tangentially related).

I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in the potential for a demake as when playing FFXIV. The game is an MMORPG, and I do not like MMOs, so that’s definitely part of it. I kept thinking in the back of my mind that I would much rather be going through dungeons with the characters accompanying my character in the story, rather than the random fellow players rushing me through them. The developers, clearly, had heard this criticism before. As the game progresses into newer updates, more options become available to make the story feel more like a single-player experience, culminating in the ability to choose to explore dungeons with a party of NPCs and a story explanation for why randos appear around the protagonist for boss fights (neither of which apply retroactively, unfortunately).

Over the course of the game, then, I went from wishing I could play a game with this story in the style of VI or IX to wishing I could play this game, but developed from the beginning by the developers who made the Shadowbringers expansion with six years of experience under their belts. That’s not to say I don’t sometimes fantasize about the ways this story could be handled in a more traditional style, but with Shadowbringers, the game has essentially become a single-player game I am made to experience next to other players, which is much more bearable than a traditional MMO.

Like many games in the series, FFXIV is about memory, but it tackles this theme in a very different way from most. Rather than focusing on amnesia or memories fading, it looks instead at the conflicts that arise from asymmetric memories.

The second expansion, Heavensward, is about a holy war fought for centuries between dragons and humans (slash-elves). Over the course of the story, it is revealed that the main disagreement in this holy war arose from the differences in the lifespans between these two species. The humans have developed a religion explaining to them why dragons attack them every few decades, in which it is taught that their original king was murdered by the dragon Nidhogg, and one of his loyal knights took the dragon’s eye in revenge. The dragons, this religion teaches, are a scourge on the earth. It is heretical to consort with them in any way, and those who do often change into dragons themselves. Thus, from the humans’ perspective, not only are humans and dragons locked in a constant war, but the dragons are the aggressors for attacking every few years and for turning their own fellows against them.

Dragons, however, live for a much longer time than humans. Nidhogg is, in fact, still alive, as are several of his siblings, and his father. The dragons are at war with the humans because those many centuries past, the humans discovered that they could gain strength by killing and eating the dragons, and they did just that to Nidhogg’s sister. There is an asymmetry of memory to this conflict, meaning neither side is truly in the wrong. The humans, who only live for a hundred years or so, can only remember the dragons’ attacks to their cities. From their perspective, they are attacked by these monsters without reason. The dragons, however, still vividly remember the inciting incident of the conflict. The wound of the murder of Ratatoskr is still fresh, to them.

The game has an overarching conflict that’s framed in much the same way: neither party believes themselves to be at fault because the discrepancy in their respective lifespans has created an asymmetry of memory. Summons in the FFXIV universe take on different forms depending on what stories the summoner had heard about the god, meaning that the look and behavior of staples like Shiva and Ifrit can vary wildly depending on the memories of their worshippers. The game suggests, too, that the perfect empire would be one that can create and manipulate this asymmetry of memory, to have subjects who do not remember ever having not been subjects, but who the imperial structure still remembers are not sovereign citizens.

Difference in experience can allow for this asymmetry in memory, too. The protagonist has counterparts in parallel worlds, but each of these counterparts is, by any metric, their own person, with their own life and experiences. The protagonist’s power allows them to view others’ memories, which works well as an expository tool, but also maintains in the forefront of the player’s mind that everyone’s actions and ideologies are informed by their experiences and memories. Our diversity, the game reminds us, is literally a product of an asymmetry of memory.

This way of exploring memory is a pretty stark departure from the rest of the series; it’s much more subtle than the series’ usual focus on the acts of forgetting or chronicling experiences. This theme was absolutely informed by FFXIV’s status as an MMO; I can watch as hundreds of fellow players experience the same story events in radically different ways. Everyone’s protagonist is a different race with a different name, aesthetic, and class. They start in different towns, each of which has its own unique first thirty or so story quests. How we each experience dungeons and bosses is determined by our “role” - do we deal damage, or heal, or sponge damage from enemies? Our characters essentially do everything alone but with company, and we can stand and watch as others’ characters criss-cross fields, spawning enemies only they can attack, or standing in front of random NPCs, experiencing stories we ourselves are not seeing. Some players are “legacy players,” and the story is very different for them, as it is a continuation of a story us newcomers cannot access.

While this theme was made for the MMO medium, though, I think it is also well-suited to the Final Fantasy series as a whole. We all experience the series very differently. Some were introduced through Final Fantasy I on an NES in the ‘80s, others were introduced through VI, or X. Some were introduced through Kingdom Hearts, or Super Smash Bros, or a Dissidia arcade machine. We all picture a different character when we think of Cid, whether that’s the spandex-clad Cid from IV, the cantankerous astronaut from VII, or the cranky garage-owner from XV. When a Final Fantasy game references a previous game, we all might have different games we connect that reference back to, informed by our differing memories and past experiences.

I saw a complaint once that FFXIV fails to be its own game because it is too caught up in nostalgia. It would rather remind people of other games than stand as its own game. I disagree, especially when it comes to the stories of Heavensward on. I find it and Shadowbringers to have some of the better plots the series has ever done, with characters who earn their right to stand among the most iconic characters in the series.

I do think, however, that it is impossible to play a game in a long-running series without your experience being affected by your memories of other games in that series. Humans naturally have a tendency to seek out and find patterns, and we write connections and patterns into series, pretty much by definition. This is what I do when I imagine remakes and demakes while playing Final Fantasy games. I use my memories of other games to inform my understanding of the one I am playing. I find throughlines between vastly different games and cross the yawning void of divergence to imagine what it would be like if they weren’t so different after all.

[5hineesback]

feel korea fanacc 2017 (exid biased)

this is going to be a very detailed fanacc of the full day, including the bad events which took place before the concert

first off let me say that kpop fans are honestly such lovely people. i came across a few bad eggs during the day but overall everyone was amazing. i arrived earlier than my friend and i made friends so quickly with the people who were in front of me in the queue, and i ended up spending the whole concert with them

secondly let me say that the organisation of this concert was an absolute joke, specifically the queueing. it was terrible, the worst organisation i’ve seen in a long time. they originally had one queue for everything, then created a ‘concert’ queue and made people move, then when the daytime event queue had died down we got moved back to where we originally were - except there was no guidance. everyone just ran for it. people at the front ended up at the back and people who’d just arrived got to the front. there was also a severe problem of people pushing in at the front - there was no barrier to block it and when we complained the security didn’t even try to do anything about it. 

i got to the venue at around 12:15, joined the only queue there was, was then moved to the ‘concert’ queue at around 12:45, was very near the front and managed to stay in basically the same place when we got moved back to our original line. then waited for about 6 hours, filled with events such as, as ive mentioned, people pushing in at the front and pretending they were there the whole time, the barrier being widened to such a degree at the front that there was no order at all

then came the worse part. we were lining up around the back of the building, and they wanted to move us to the front doors. so they stood back, and told us to go. everyone ran, again. i got pushed into walls and an open door, girls were falling over or hurting themselves on the barriers as everyone tried to get through. we had been asking them throughout the day how they were planning to get us in - we suggested sending us in groups of 10 or 20, or just making sure we all got to the doors one at a time. instead there was hundreds of people running to the doors, filling up the street because there was no barrier there to meet us. again, i managed to keep my place, pretty much, but a lot of people lost theirs, including girls at the front who had been there since 6am to queue. then despite the street being full of fans, they then told us to get in single file. which was fucking stupid because it wasnt possible. not unless they moved everyone forward enough, past the doors, to make enough room to move everyone against the wall, or move people backwards from the back of the queue, which literally went around the whole block. we eventually got in by them just giving up and letting us in one at a time with as little pushing as possible

but anyway, thats enough of that, although i will be complaining officially online lmao

okay the actual concert. by some miracle, i just got to the barrier, i got the last space. but myself and a couple of girls to my left were in the worst place to be at the barrier - in front of us was a camera man officially recording for the tv screen above, so during the concert idols would often be blocked by the camera which will be shown in my exid fancams lmao. but hey, i was at the barrier, i can’t complain. the distance from the barrier to the stage was about 10 feet i think, it was pretty large tbh so im rly glad i got to be there. we also got given water by very nice security thank u security

they were showing mvs for about an hour while we waited. if you were there, the first scream @ jeonghwa’s appearance in any mv was always me jsyk dklfjhdskj

when the concert started, there was a taekwondo performance which was a m a z i n g, they were breaking wood with their feet and at one point i was scared the broken wood would hit me lmao

after that, hani came on mc’ing, along with two other guys who i don’t know. the moment she appeared i Died. she was wearing such a pretty white dress, shes so angelic and cute and beautiful. she came out to mc after every performance, except it was just the guys when exid was about to perform. she spoke about going to see the disadvantaged kids yesterday and one of the guys was like “hanis not just beautiful, she has a beautiful heart” and hani said “the most beautiful is everyone here!” jdksa shes honestly a Dream

knk was first to perform, then snuper, then exid, then highlight. i’m not gonna pretend i was really there to see anyone but exid, because i wasn’t. but i did hearts to all the idols and i really enjoyed all their performances. knk sang knock first which is the only song i like by them so to hear it was so great. they’re such good dancers and they’re all very pretty

after knk, hani and the guys introduced a “special performance because london has gone through some hardships recently”. it was hyerin singing “you raise me up” and it was so beautiful i would have cried if i weren’t so focused on filming haha

then it was snuper’s turn to perform. i only know platonic love, so i enjoyed that, but i was pretty clueless about the rest of the songs. i still liked it tho. during one of their songs they brought a fan on stage to sing to her and also threw roses to the crowd. according to my friend who was a bit further back one of the members aimed one at her but a girl in front of her caught it lol. one of the members was so funny idk his name but fans threw a signed uk flag at the stage and he put it on like a cape and he came over to our section loads. hes my bias now but who is he

after that (i think??), knk came back on to perform a cover of an ed sheeran song which i don’t know the name of. everyone sang with them and it was rly Nice

then my girls!!! arrived and i screamed So Loud it was too much. they’re all so beautiful, but u kno i love my girl jeonghwa and omg... pictures and videos dont do her justice at all shes honestly Ethereal i went into shock and i almost teared up. i saw a girl so beautiful i started crying???

they started with hot pink and i could kinda feel how empty it was without solji but it was still amazing to see the four of them. then they moved onto night rather than day, then ah yeah, then finally up and down. i was trying So Hard to get interaction, i made eye contact with jeonghwa a few times and every time i was givin her hearts... she just kinda glanced over me tho.... its ok i still love u

the girl next to me got So much interaction, from l.e especially. she had a homemade exid fan sign and l.e seemed to love it haha. i probably should have made something too

exid’s performance seemed to go so quickly, i filmed most of their songs and some of their talk. i haven’t even watched the videos yet i’m gonna die

after exid, there was a performance with snuper and a group of girl dancers who i think won a competition during the day? they did dance covers of a few bts songs

then highlight came on and performed two of their new songs, before two of their old ones. i rly enjoyed the old ones, the new ones... they were okay but i liked being reminded of their old image as beast. i think this was when one of them motioned for us to clap, i was one of the first to start so he looked at me was he was walking our way and nodded at me which was cool lol. i think it was highlight anyway.... and i think it was that time... honestly the boy groups... kinda mushed together for me i could even begin to tell you which member it was. i made eye contact with a few guys of the various groups so i cant rly remember specifically

during highlights performance this annoying girl came up behind me and was literally pushing against me, trying to move my hair, touching my arms and back before eventually asking if i could move over. i did, but i later found out that the girl had literally somehow managed to get to the barrier from the back. she was rude as hell. also there was fireworks during the performance which scared the crap out of me i was like that compilation vid of chanyeol

after highlight, there was an encore where all the groups came out and threw balls and balloons. knk was in front of our section and exid were next to them more towards the middle. i feel bad for saying it but i ... rly wanted exid in front of me lmao. i did hearts towards them and here is where i might have got interaction from hani but im not sure???? she looked in my direction as i was looking at her and making a heart with my hands and she grinned and did a thumbs up but im not sure it was at me it might have been someone near me. i like to think it was at me tho. people around me got a lot of interaction with different idols but i didnt?? thats going back to diy stuff tho, ppl around me had created signs and written messages on paper and stuff so i guess thats where that came from. i rly would have done something too for exid but i didnt think id be that close, never mind at the barrier so i didn’t see much point

there was also confetti flying from a machine right in front of me and i accidentally dropped my exid fan sign i was given in the queue over the barrier so i caught confetti in my bag to take home instead lol. the annoying girl was still there and still annoying, she threw something at knk she’d made and one of the members got it and she started screaming and crying and yelling i love u which i wouldnt mind but... after the way she was so rude to me (and as i found out later, other ppl) nah why does she deserve that lmao. she also ended up getting a ball since security came over with two that had dropped and she said the yellow was hers... it wasnt she even asked me who signed it lmao

overall it was a really good concert and i cant wait to watch the videos back. it had ups and downs but despite having to miss london pride for it i dont regret going. i got to meet some great people and ofc i got to see my Special Girls in the flesh... they said they’d come back soon i hope so. ive drunk so much water tonight and im about to go and drink more also i can’t walk