#ive tried to write it out a few times but never got far but now!! I'm feeling capable 👀

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Still thinking about a silly long form fic that's like. You're an entomologist and Pouf is your study subject

[nanamiswidow]

a little nanami x reader smut for funsies.

an: i've never posted my writing on tumblr sooo a lil nervous about this. & its been so long since ive written smut, v rusty. i was also testing myself in the beginning to try and not use dialogue bc i feel like i use it too much so the beginning may be extra garbo. if this doesn't do well, pretend it didn't happen. boarder credit as well <3 the purple stars & the mdni

word count: 1,497

cw: (sleepy in the first half) unprotected sex (p in v), singular gendered term (kento calls reader 'sweet girl'), hair pulling, dirty talk, creampie, garbo smut (?) idk (if i missed any pls lemme know)

It was 1am by the time he finally stepped foot into the shared apartment. Nanami knew he wasn’t going to be greeted by you, but there were a few things out of place that let him know you had tried your hardest to stay up. The living room tv still displayed a quieted movie, a few lights still lit, and the person of the hour snoozing peacefully on the couch albeit looking a bit uncomfortable in their position.

He loosened his yellow tie as he wandered through the apartment, switching off the rest of the lights, and eventually making his way back towards the living room. He reached over, his fingers brushing your hair out of your face as he turned off the screen. You stirred just enough to catch a glimpse of the man before you which forced you out of your sleep almost entirely. You graced him with a sleepy smile which he was quick to return. You mumbled something about trying your hardest to stay awake until he came back, but he shook his head, his fingers finding your hair again to successfully move it completely from your face.

Nanami coaxed you up, finally wrapping his arms around you, pulling you flush against him. Despite having just woken up, you didn’t hesitate to find his tie, your face turning to concentration, a very sleepy version of it, as you undid it completely. It brought a sigh to him once your fingers moved to the first few buttons of his blue dress shirt. There was a comment about how tired he looked and he showed no effort to fight the accusations, leaning forward to press his face into your neck which was confirmation enough for you. There was a deep inhale from his end, taking in the scent that was just completely you. He could tell you had taken a shower before you had laid in wait for him. It brought him immediate comfort. You exhaled a laugh, your fingers burying themselves into his hair as you returned the physical affection. 

Relocating to the bedroom didn’t take any kind of effort. You reluctantly allowed him to disappear into the bathroom, he promised you a quick shower as you climbed into bed. He kept his promise, reappearing ten minutes later, completely ready for bed. If his attire hadn’t said so, the look on his face definitely did. 

Now, Nanami was ready to climb into bed himself. Sleep was not far off and he was looking forward to getting some shut eye. The second he got comfortable, he reached over and you didn’t waste any time snuggling up to him. You were met with the smell of his own conditioner and soap, smells that just instantly reminded you of him. You hummed in pure bliss with your nose pressed up against his cheek. 

Nanami was unphased by the closeness and, in fact, you weren’t close enough. One large hand dipped beneath the covers, his fingers finding your thigh to bring your one leg over his waist as he brought you flush against him once again. His hand lingered, fingertips pressing into the soft skin, and his thumb began to lazily caress your thigh. It was such an innocent thing, maybe even mindless, trying to coax the both of you into sleep faster, but it was doing the opposite.

Eventually, you sat up, straddling his waist now. He let out a huff, he didn’t want to deny you anything, but he made the argument of how late it was and how tired you looked. You scoffed, if anything, he was the one with the dark bags under his eyes, but you reassured him. Leaning down and pulling him into a kiss finally for the first time that night. The way Nanami held onto your waist was definitely contradicting his earlier statements. The kiss was innocent at first until you licked your way into his mouth which caused his grip on you to tighten. Soon enough, he was forcing you to rock your hips into him. The movements were slow, far too concentrated on the way the other tasted, until his grip on you was borderline painful.

Nanami leaned his head back as you pressed kisses into his cheek and down to his neck. Your fingers reached between the two of you as your fingers felt for the waistband of his pants, he assured you it wasn’t necessary, even apologizing for starting something he probably couldn’t finish. You shushed him, reassuring him with a few gentle kisses, watching his head dip back once again as your fingers wrapped around his cock. 

“Let me take care of you…” You whispered against him before pulling him into another kiss as you lifted your hips up. Discarding your panties before your hand wrapped around his cock again, running the tip through your slick folds a few times, whimpers spilling out of you as you did so. Nanami watched as you teased the both of you, his fingers running up your thighs before grasping onto your shirt, bunching it up so as to not block his view. He wanted to watch you sit on his cock. Wanted to watch the way you took him in and to watch your face contort with pleasure.

And you didn’t disappoint. You lowered yourself down onto him, the both of you gasping as your bodies connected and Nanami watched your eyebrows furrow and watched you bite down onto your lower lip. And you wasted no time, almost immediately beginning to move up and down on his length with ease. You were so warm… so wet. Just for him. 

A breathy moan escaped your lips as you leaned forward, burying your face into Nanami’s neck, your hips keeping a slow pace. One of Nanami’s arms wrapped around your upper body while the other held onto your hip, coaxing you to continue your slow movements. He buried his own face into your neck, breath hot against your ear, and inhaling your familiar scent.

“Missed you…” Nanami whispered into your ear, his hold on you tightening to better emphasize it.

You felt yourself melt further into him at the sound of his voice. The two of you had only been apart for a few hours, but you had missed him just as much and he could feel it in the way your body clung to him. Those few hours were usually spent worrying about him and it was always a sigh of relief seeing him come home in one piece.

“Just like that…” His voice breathy now as his hand tightened on your hip. “Feels so good…”

He felt your inner walls clench around his cock, making the both of you moan and causing your hips to falter in their lazy movements. Nanami continued his whispered praises into your ear in between shaky breaths and sighs of his own until your body tensed up, feeling that all too familiar warmth in the pit of your stomach, as you came around him.

The man beneath you didn’t give you any time to recover. His broad arms wrapped around your body tighter as he planted his feet on the bed and fucked up into you, spurred on by the feeling of your orgasm, the feeling of your pussy wrapped so tightly around him. His pace was brutal, the tiredness he felt just a few moments ago completely gone, replaced with the need to have you, his fingers digging into your sides. The overstimulation of it all was overwhelming, but intoxicating at the same time. 

“That’s my sweet girl… Always take me so well…” Nanami whispered out against you, one of his hands coming up to grab locks of your hair, pulling your face out from being hidden against him. “Tell me how badly you want my cum…” He continued, feeling his own orgasm building up. The sounds you were making, the creamy ring around the base of his cock, and the sound of skin against skin was becoming all too much. 

“I know you can do it, baby…” Nanami encouraged, emphasizing his words with a small tug of your hair. He could see the words just on the tip of your tongue.

“Need you to fill me up… want every drop…” You finally managed. He was utterly satisfied with your answer, proud even. He let your head drop back down to his neck as he wrapped his arms around you again, tighter, to finish fucking you properly. 

It didn’t take long for his thrusts to falter, a few curses escaping his lips under his breath as he filled you with his milky seed. The feeling of him filling you never seemed to get old. Once you both caught your breath, you lifted your head up, giving him a sleepy smile, one he didn’t hesitate to mirror. One of his hands reached up to caress your cheek before pulling you into a soft kiss that had you melting into him all over again.

[k-daydreams]

The Pursuit of Feeling Alive: IV. Hot and Cold

Pairing: Azriel x fem!reader

Synopsis: cousin to Rhysand and Morrigan, y/n was once her family’s golden child. Faced with trials and tribulations her whole life, she needed reprieve— a distraction. Until a surprise homecoming opens Pandora’s box, and gives y/n a reality check. Especially facing her once close friend Azriel. Friends to Enemies to lovers trope.

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: angst, language, mentions of abuse/trauma, the Court of Nightmares being the worst, noncanon events, and let me just add again ANGST, probably poorly proofread

Authors note: wakey wakey I’ve finally finished part 4!!! Sorry for the delay, it’s been a busy summer! I’ve been burning myself out a wee bit and found it difficult to keep up with the fic and power through writing tbh. Hopefully this was worth the wait. And for treat we get Azriel’s POV. 🫣 Thank you all for the patience and love you all still give!! 🩷

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

The Hewn City never failed to evoke an unsettling unease, sending a chill down your spine with every step. Shadows lurked within the ancient peaks, unseen eyes watching from hidden crevices. Despite this, you strived to maintain a composed façade, refusing to let the Court of Nightmares perceive your inner turmoil. The sensuous strains of music resonated from the throne room, each beat pounding in harmony with your racing heart. The murmurs of the crowd swelled, as Cassian, Mor, and Lucien led the way to the antechamber while Azriel and you trailed behind.

Azriel walked beside you, so close that your fingers practically brushed with every step. At times, his shadow grazed your pinky, leaving you wondering if he noticed. His face remained impassive, devoid of emotion, his gaze fixed ahead. You tried to mirror his demeanor, yet couldn't help stealing glances at him. What thoughts occupied his mind? Was he as nervous as you were? Could he sense the buzzing energy emanating from your side? Memories of the earlier encounter in the foyer flashed through your thoughts—his closeness, his breath on your face, his calloused hand on your hip, the overwhelming scent of cedar and mist. Your stomach did flips at the thought.

"Do you have a staring problem?" His voice broke the silence, his eyes still focused ahead. You realized you had indeed been staring at him.

"I could ask you the same," you retorted smoothly. "For someone who doesn't desire my presence, you seem to do a fair amount of staring." Satisfaction prickled through your body as a mischievous smirk adorned your lips. You fixed your gaze straight ahead now, focusing on the back of Lucien's head.

"I wouldn't call it staring," he replied.

"Then what would you call it?" you inquired, your smirk fading slightly.

"Observing," he stated simply.

"What observations have you made, then?" you challenged, crossing your arms. He remained silent for a few seconds, likely searching for an answer. Seizing the moment, you dared another glance at the shadowsinger and caught him looking at you, specifically at your pushed-up bust from your crossed arms. A glint sparked in your eyes, despite feeling a flush across your cheeks.

"Those observations," clarifying his previous statement. "Typical Illyrian man can despise a woman, yet still ogle her." You watched as his face contorted in anger, his wings rustling, shadows swirling with indifference as he tried to regain composure.

You knew that would irk him the most, knowing how far from the truth it was. He was unlike any Illyrian man you had ever encountered, a gentleman who treated the women in his life like royalty and with respect. But you had found enjoyment causing him some ire knowing how much he could hate his Illyrian roots at times. The group ahead halted at the entrance to the throne room, and before you got too close, you provocatively placed your hand on Azriel's bicep, stopping him. Sliding it up his arm and around his neck, drawing his ear close to your lips.

"It's alright, Shadowsinger. It happens to the best of men. Just don't let it distract you from your duties tonight. Remember, you're supposed to be my fearless protector," you whispered, a sultry tone lacing your words. You felt his jaw tense beneath your fingertips, letting them linger caressing his defined jawline before releasing him. With a concealed smile, you walked toward the group.

"We're just here to make an appearance," Mor reminded, her voice cutting through the tense air turning to face everyone. "Cass, Lucien first, then I'll go, Y/n, and Az last. Let's get this over with please." She turned back around, her gaze determined. Cassian and Lucien made their way towards the grand throne room, Azriel taking his place next to you. The sound of murmuring voices subsided as they entered, the weight of expectation filling the space. You stood tall, despite the ache in your feet, pinning your shoulders back and adopting a stoic expression that concealed the amusement you had just moments ago.

"The official emissary for the Night Court," Mor announced, signaling your turn to make your entrance alongside Azriel. You strode forward, finding solace in the rhythmic beat of the music that still echoed throughout the room. The murmurs grew louder as you traversed the court, determined not to let the disdainful gazes of the Court of Nightmares' courtiers shake your resolve. You were aware that your presence was not welcomed; they saw you as a traitor, the one they had discarded to the Spring Court in the first place. No matter how much you proved yourself worthy and tried to make amends.

The walk to the throne felt interminable, under the scrutiny of judgmental eyes. Finally, you halted before the imposing seat, looking out at the assembled courtiers as the music gradually faded away. Kier and your parents approached, their scowls evident, yet they bowed to you reluctantly.

"The first visit in months, and the High Lord sends us the traitor.” Your father sneered, he spoke to Kier. Your mother nodded in agreement, her features mirroring their shared distaste. Next to you, Azriel emitted a low snarl at their words.

“Good to see you too, Father.” A sweet smile on your lips not letting your already building annoyance show. "Rhysand sends warm wishes," you responded, your voice calm yet tinged with a hint of steel. "He had other pressing matters to attend to. So, I'll be handling our little check-in." Taking a seat on the throne like you always had to make a point. The seat was cold compared to your warm skin, making you sit more upright.

“Why would I dispel any matters to a whore who doesn’t know where their loyalties lie?” Kier said arrogantly. “You had been frolicking in the Day Court last I heard, probably another one of Helion’s play things that he got tired of.”

You traced the serpent that wrapped around the throne’s arm, “my matters in other courts shouldn’t concern you or who I run off with nonetheless.” You noted how Azriel’s shoulders tensed, and he became so still he didn’t look like he was even breathing.

"We thought Amarantha let you rot under the mountain," your mother interjected, her voice laced with venom. She added, “instead she made you even more of a traitorous whore.”

She appeared just as she did during your last encounter—hair braided into an oversized bun that nearly doubled the size of her head, eyes dark as onyx, and fragile as a delicate piece of paper, swathed in her customary high-collared black gown. She no longer resembled a fae; instead, she embodied the beautiful demon who haunts your nightmares, the one who torments you alongside the redheaded evil woman she spoke of in your said nightmares.

The court erupted into whispers, some even cackling at your mother's statement. Azriel took a step forward, his readiness to strike palpable, while your closest friends looked at you with anticipation. Your heart pounded in your chest, fueled by a fiery rage that surged through your veins. You couldn't let those memories of what that wicked woman had forced you to do consume you. Instead, you embraced the anger, allowing it to fuel your inner fire. "Give them hell, you've earned it, little star," the note from Rhysand and Feyre echoed in your mind.

The crowd hushed as they noticed the faelights start to flicker in the room, a familiar tingling prickled at you as a surge filled the room that seemed to hum in a whirring vibration. You could taste and smell the bitter tanginess of magic, leaving the room in a thick blanket of trepidation. You inhaled willing yourself to keep the powers at bay, this was your game to play and win; not theirs.

“Music, food, drinks for the courtiers.” You demanded, snapping your fingers, letting the sensuous music drown that hum in the room, and dishes appeared on the tables around the hall. “Celebrate!” Your tone brash, making some of the courtiers flinch and turn away from the scene before them.

Then you rose to your feet, resting a hand on Azriel’s bicep as you sauntered past him toward your parents. A silent command for him to not intervene.

“Must we ruin the courtier's night with frivolous family matters?” You scanned the room to see if any of them paid any mind, then turned your sight to your father and Kier. “Or we can go about our business?” Something in your eyes shifted, a glow that emanated the whirring vibration that everyone could still feel around them despite not hearing it over the music anymore.

“We have nothing to discuss,” your father cleared his throat. He stood his ground as best as he could.

“Is that so?” Inquisitively you looked at three crones in front of you. “Why did the High Lord and Lady send me here so urgently then?”

“At least with you.” Kier interjected, his diadem shining on top of his gold hair. You could feel both the thrum of his and your father’s power slithering through the whir of yours.

“I don’t know why Rhysand trusts formal duties with a treacherous whore.” Your mother spoke boredly.

"Takes a whore to know one, doesn't it?" your voice devoid of emotion as you stared directly into your mother's eyes.

There was no trace of mercy in your gaze as she grew wary, sensing the power simmering beneath your skin. Was it mere coincidence that she took aim at you blindly by the insult of “whore”, or did she truly comprehend the extent of the horrors you—as her daughter—had endured during those unbearable fifty years? Amarantha had forced you to engage in her dark machinations, most of the time leaving you feeling soiled, as if a layer of filth clung to your very being at the mere thought of it.

She began to stammer, her voice trembling. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

So much for not bringing up frivolous family matters.

"I never told Father?" you replied, feigning shock. A flicker of realization flashed across her face as she recognized your seriousness. She pleaded with you to stop, but it was too late. You had held onto this potent piece of blackmail, a weapon you had kept hidden for centuries, ignoring her tearful pleas.

"Do you remember when Beron was here to arrange Mor's marriage?" you mused aloud, placing a hand on your chin as if contemplating. "I found you and him in our personal library, with you bent over Father's favorite reading chair." You glanced at your father, observing his reaction as your words sank in.

The faelights in the chandeliers began to flicker more intensely, rattling globes they were contained in. The music had stopped with your increasing temper, everything you have felt the past week, years—hell over half a century bubbled over. All the pokes, prodes, and resentment from your family was too much. The volley of insults between you and Azriel. Feeling inadequate no matter where you trekked.

Power consumed you beneath your skin, seeming to take over every rational instinct. You glanced at Mor, who sat on the edge of her seat looking skeptical at what you had planned. Your gaze shifted to Kier, locking eyes with him. With a mischievous wink from you, his face drained of color.

"And what about the time I sneaked out of my room late at night and discovered Kier and Mother on the dining room table?" you continued, your voice sickeningly sweet. "You had breakfast where they had fucked only a few hours prior, Father."

You had received more lashings than you could count once your father went into his meetings that day from your mother. Your father's nostrils flared, and he turned to your mother and Kier. The courtiers stood, sensing the impending storm, their conversations growing quieter.

“But I’m a whore?” You laughed bitterly. “When all I’ve done since my husband was murdered was try to make right with this court to prove my loyalty. Under the mountain you don’t know what I sacrificed for this court. Rhys had his reasons for what he did, and I had mine.” By now your eyes burned and your throat tightened at the tears of anger wanting to spill. “But I’m a traitor?”

Your mother had begun shaking silently, looking at you with a wild look in her eyes. That didn’t stop your wrath upon her.

"Should I bring up Thanatos though?"

The mere mention was enough to make your mother scream and charge at you. Azriel and Cassian instinctively unsheathed their weapons, freezing only when the glass containing the faelights shattered.

The tingling and prickling turned to a crackling that had been building up underneath your skin almost all at once came to the surface, creating a feeling you hadn’t felt in years. The lights seemed to mirror your emotions and converge on your mother. The room plunged into darkness and shook as she cried out in pain, the light piercing her body. The gasps of the crowd filled the air as the room went pitch black.

The burning sensation within you gradually subsided to a dull crackling. Panting, your heart hammering, you caught your breath. Anger and duress swelled through you, but you felt a surge of pride through you too. Azriel's shadows caressed your shoulder trying to find you in the dark. Then gently his scarred hand pulled your shoulder back, ensuring your safety. Raising your hand, you waved it through the dark, willing radiant light to materialize at your fingertips. Orbs danced between your fingers as you sent them forth to illuminate the broken chandeliers and lights once more.

As the room regained its illumination, you surveyed your mother's unconscious body, twitching slightly. You hadn't killed her, only shocked her—quite literally. Your father and Kier stood staring at her in shock. You smoothed your dress, brushing away imaginary dirt, and turned to face Azriel, who still had his hand on your shoulder. In his eyes, you detected a hint of concern. You pushed his hand away, glancing at your friends who had seemed to approve. Mor tried to hide her amusement as she covered her mouth with her hand, while Cassian sheathed his weapons cautiously, his eyes darting around the room to make sure no one attacked. Lucien stood from his seat as he watched the scene in front of him in an awe.

"Consider that a warning to think twice before speaking to me, or you'll end up worse off than that traitorous whore.” Nonchalantly readjusting the diadem atop your head.

“You have gotten your wish, Kier. Wait for your High Lord and Lady, I’m sure they won’t be as pleasant as I was.” You grimaced walking past your family. No one dared to speak, still frozen in place as you wordlessly walked out of the throne room the only sound was the glass breaking even more beneath your heels.

You didn’t know where you were walking to, you were just letting your feet take you to wherever in the Hewn City. Was it a wise choice? Probably not, but you didn’t care to think about that. You knew the cavernous hallways like the back of your hand from when you were younger, and you had brought yourself to the only place that had brought you true solace back then. It was an abandoned library in a wing that wasn’t in use for many centuries and by the looks of it, it still hadn’t.

Cobwebs and dust were thick films on furniture and books, the elegantly crafted black mantle fireplace contained a mound of ashes that stirred as you closed the tall dark mahogany doors behind you. You held your hand out, letting the light dance from your fingers to ignite faelights around you like you had in the throne room before waving it to use magic to dust off the your favorite chair to sit in. Kicking off the excruciatingly uncomfortable heels, you tucked your legs underneath you as you sat in the worn leather and mahogany chair. Absent-mindedly tracing the serpents that wrapped up the arms, you just sat staring at the hollow fireplace.

You mulled over everything within the past week, then the past five years, and then the last fifty years… and then the last century. That’s all you seemed to do lately was think of the past. You were so deep in thought, you hadn’t heard the door creak open.

“Are you alright?” Azriel’s deep husky voice echoed concern through the small library. The rasp that always lingered in his words sending an unwarranted shiver through you not expecting anyone to follow you.

“Why would you care to know?” A bitter bite back as he took a seat across from you in the dusty chair.

“I am supposed to be your fearless protector tonight.” He braced his elbows on his knees trying to fit his wings within the seat.

“Right,” you trailed off still staring at the empty fireplace. “Well you don’t have to pretend to care.” You cleared your throat, a lump forming within it.

He chose to ignore your statement. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen that extent of your power.”

“She had it coming,” you mumbled.

“I know the healing process can be painful.”

Your head snapped up toward the Shadowsinger to find him already looking at you with the irritating intense look he always gave you.

“Are you trying to be funny?” You said dryly.

He made a gesture with his tragically beautiful scarred hands, “I just know from personal experience.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have used your shadowsinger abilities on me and you wouldn’t have had to find out the hard way?” There was an edge in your tone.

“And maybe,” he clicked his tongue. “Just maybe, if you wouldn’t have been so hellbent on trying to prove something—I wouldn’t have felt the need to use them?”

Your eyes narrowed at him, “I was trying to protect my high lord.”

He scoffed, “he didn’t want our help. He was protecting us, why do you think he didn’t let us know before it was too late?”

“Because I knew Amarantha!” You clenched your fists in your lap. The way she had try to slither into the Spring Court, she had once tried to befriend you. You saw right through her though.

“Then you should’ve known when you snuck under the mountain that it was a trap.” His voice was a lot calmer than yours.

“I was sick of standing back and watching. Watching my friends…my family helpless.” Your heart ached at the confession. “I was locked in a mansion during the Great War because my husband thought he knew better. I then stood back and watched as he plotted with his brothers and father to kill Rhys and his mother and sister without a way to reach any of you. I watched Rhys’ father get slain by Tamlin.”

“I was tired of being a damsel or treated like some dainty noble wife. I was stoned and chastised when I returned for it.” A tear slipped down your cheek finally as you quickly tried to wipe it away. “Yet I wanted to do something to prove to my friends and my court that I wasn’t some treacherous bitch like everyone assumed I was.”

You sniffled, “even with Hybern, Helion didn’t even let me do anything besides go to Dawn to help Nuan and then Adriata to help with human refuges. I begged for days to let me fight, but he insisted it was handled.”

Azriel was quiet, his gaze on you unwavering as he listened. You didn’t know why he stayed and or didn’t interrupt. He had only told you days prior he didn’t care to know what happened to you under the mountain so why did he care to listen about this?

“Like I said, you don’t have to pretend to care about what I have to say.” You untucked your legs, and crossed them instead. You wiped your tears away, embarrassed you let him see you like this.

“You never had to prove to us anything.” Was all Azriel said as he got up from his chair. His scaled armor that had glittered under the lights when he first entered now was matte from the dust. His siphons roared brightly as he walked out of the room without another word leaving you be.

That was the first civilized conversation you had for the first time in forever, at least on his part. You easily flew off the handle nowadays even the weeks prior to leaving the Day Court. Even if he didn’t care to listen, it was nice just to have him sit there and let you send your tangent off to the void of shadows. It felt familiar like the days before you two had played this hot and cold game. You sat there for who knew how long before Mor had found you with Lucien in tow.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

Azriel was beside himself with feelings, something that wasn’t out of the norm for him. He always did a good job at keeping his mask of cold on to hide them… except when it came to you. The friction and emotion you caused him drove him crazy. You made him reckless and irrational, often making him aggravated, and in the end taking it out on you.

He told you he didn’t want to hear what you had to say, but that’s all that consumed his brain. You were all that consumed his brain. And you were all that consumed him while he laid on the ground as you left him for dead to sneak under the mountain. He was the moth and you were the flame that constantly burned him everytime he was near you. But he couldn’t stop the concern that poured over him when it came to you. He hated to admit that to himself.

He had thought for a while that he did the same for Mor, but when he saw you for the first time since Rhys brought you back from the Spring Court—you had become a plague to his thoughts, something Mor never did to him. He had chalked it up to the fact he always carried a sense of protectiveness towards you, being the youngest of all of them.

Watching you try to be the obedient daughter, every little thing you did was monitored by your family. Especially after Mor sullied herself, they became merciless with you. When the high lord wasn’t around you suffered greatly at their hands if you did something that displeased them. Your mother was the worst of them when it came to punishments, sometimes he swore she was a reincarnated death-god.

You were right about one thing: she had it coming. He was surprised you didn’t do it sooner, feeling quite proud of you and couldn’t help but feel that pride rumble in his chest the moment you struck her down. He would’ve happily obliged to do the maiming for you if you hadn’t.

Walking through the cavernous halls, he rubbed the back of his arm subconsciously at a small mark not many noticed amongst his other tattoos.

A beam of light.

He saw the look in your eyes when you had mentioned you wanted to fight, how it hurt you. He couldn’t admit he was the reason to you yet, not if he wanted a round two of you two almost killing each other. He had realized how selfish he had been when he had made that bargain with Helion all those years ago.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

It had been nearly two years of radio silence from you, but he knew you were in the Day Court keeping yourself busy. Rhys had reassured him, his spies had let him know too. After Rhys came back without you from under the mountain, Azriel was ready to tear whatever and whoever apart to find you. You hadn’t wanted to be found though, and that thought alone killed him. He could’ve throttled a thousand more times by your power and it still would’ve hurt less than knowing you purposely didn’t contact him.

Now with war approaching again, he wasn’t sure if he’d see you again. He wanted and was going to do everything in his power to keep you safe; whether you wanted it or not. Even if it meant sparing a few white lies to his brothers and friends. All he told Mor before he left the House of Wind that morning was he was going to gather information from some of his spies.

His nerves got the best of him as he waited in the private dining area of the Day Court’s palace. He had reached out to Helion privately under the guise of wanting to discuss an urgent matter. It wasn’t so much a guise as he considered you an urgent matter.

“Spymaster,” Helion greeted, slipping into the room exuberantly. The gold bands wrapped around his biceps and that clipped his cobalt fabrics together glimmered in the warm Day light as he walked towards Azriel

He just nodded in greeting at the ethereal High Lord, his hands clasped behind his back respectively.

“Thank you for meeting me under these circumstances.” Was all he uttered trying to keep his mask of cold coolness. Helion held out his hand and he braced his scarred one in his in a firm shake.

“It was a surprise to receive your urgent correspondence, but not unwelcome.” He drawled, before gesturing to the small table by the veranda. “Take a seat, would you like a glass of wine?”

The spymaster only shook his head, causing Helion to shrug as they sat. His massive wings uncomfortably cramped in the small chair.

“More for me, war preparations have me so tense. I’m sure it’s weighing on your court as well?” He sighed, pouring himself a glass from the decanter that appeared at the table as they sat.

“We’re bearing,” tapping his fingers on the table, impatient. He was not in the mood for small talk.

Helion noted his behavior as he took a long sip before speaking again. “What are the urgent matters you’d like to discuss?”

“How is she?” Was all he asked, and Helion’s typical overly confident smile graced his features.

“Ah, urgent matters revolving around our beautiful light-shifter. I should've known.” Azriel fought the urge to bare his teeth when the lord said ‘our’. You were not his. He kept a lid on the icy rage boiling through his veins. “She fares well here, the Day Court sun suits her. Her glow puts Thesan’s to shame.”

He could only imagine, he thought rather sourly. Still feeling a bite of overprotectiveness deep down. The image of you letting the light kiss your skin when you two would walk around during the sunny days in Velaris filled his mind. How your smile seemed to glimmer even ten times brighter from your power. Or when the stars braced your skin when he’d offer to fly you to the townhouse after a long night at Rita’s and your feet had ached from dancing with Mor. A little star. He shoved the thoughts away, focusing on the matter at hand.

“What is her role in the upcoming battle?” His tone low, anticipating the response.

That feline-like smile on the High Lord’s face curled to a smirk, a glint in his eye. “I was planning to put her on the front line. I think it would be a therapeutic experience for her.”

“Is that wise?” Azriel tried to not sound worried or look wary. Therapeutic wouldn’t be the word he would’ve used himself, maybe traumatizing.

The inner circle had trained you well in physical training once you had come back to court all those centuries ago. You could easily keep up with an Illyrian warrior, and your magic was one of a kind. None of your family had your powers that had been still alive. Rhys and Amren couldn’t figure it out, even having you go to the Dawn Court to learn to control it. Thesan was only able to teach you so much since the light you were able to generate was still different from his. So you had spent hours on the roof of the House of Wind by yourself practicing. With an occasional visit from the inner circle to keep you company.

The male across from him only raised an eyebrow, “are you not confident in her abilities?”

For the first time in ages, the Spymaster had been at a loss for words. He knew you were capable, more than capable. You had proven it the day you struck him yards away and left him for dead. Just something in him couldn’t let you go out there or see you out there bloodied and battered. He certainly couldn’t imagine you close to death either.

Clearing his throat, Azriel spoke carefully. “She has never fought in a war.” He had hoped that was enough of a response.

“She’s been training.” Helion countered back, that glint still in his eye. “I saw what she could do under that mountain—all of us High Lords did. It’s a shame for Hybern that Tamlin’s brother locked her away during the first war.”

“Please,” Azriel couldn’t stop the plea coming out of his mouth.

That mischievous look then softened. As if he understood. “I don’t know what I would have her do, she would be furious to know she won’t be out there fighting.”

“Anything, I’d rather her be pissed than hurt or worse—” the Shadowsinger couldn’t finish the sentence.

Contemplative, Helion traced his finger around the rim of his glass. “Praytell, how far would you go to keep her safe?” That softened empathetic glaze in his eyes turned almost dangerous looking. “I know your court is quite fond of making bargains.”

Azriel narrowed his eyes, jaw tensed. “What is it you require from me, Helion?” He spoke through gritted teeth, an uneasy feeling rising in his stomach.

“I would still love a night with you, Cassian, and Mor.” The High Lord across from him said casually.

The uneasiness turned to queasiness, unsure of the intent behind the statement. He watched the male sit back in his chair, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “That would be quite unfair though.”

He asked after a moment of silence. “How about providing some intel for me? I have quite a laundry list of inquiries and no one has been able to track them down for me.”

“And she’ll stay off the battlefield?” Rubbing the back of his arm, scanning the warm skinned lord’s amber eyes for any evidence of deceit. Helion was an ally for some time with the Night Court, the Shadowsinger never put his full faith into the term ally. Nothing had been absolute to him.

“It will be difficult, but she won’t see Hybern.” The long dark haired male reassured him.

Azriel visibly relaxed from the words. The two had discussed the terms of the bargain and whom Azriel would be gathering information about. The list ranged from lovers that spited him to old debts that still needed to be settled, and no doubt would put Azriel into a frenzy after the war was over—if he made it. At least he didn’t have to think of the consequences of if you didn’t.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ

[x] previous chapter

Ahhhhh even tho this was tough to write and maybe not my best, I’m proud I beat the writers block for this!! I appreciate any feedback lovelies! Thoughts, opinions, likes, and reblogs!! Feel free to reply or message if I missed you in the taglist or want to be added 🩷🩷

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[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

[nickelstudy]

JLPT N1 Experience

So first of all, Happy New Year. It has been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been feeling depressed in the past few weeks, I think it's because of drawing? I feel like I haven't been performing well in art, and that it's hard to accept painful truth that I cannot please everyone- not that it matters on this blog, but it's WHY I decide to take some time to write an update here.

I was supposed to talk about my first experience with N1 but I got busy after. I caught up in many stuff, I guess, plus I was busy with my birthday and helping my family's work throughout the month. But now that it's over, let's talk shall we?

Before That

I haven't talked about my last week strategy, here's what I did.

Stopped learning Kanji and do the drills instead

Finished Shinkanzen Grammar in the first section. I had some days left, so I skimmed through the second section without doing the exercise (I did for A - D i think but- I definitely shouldn't)

Borrowed these two books (pic below). For reading, I did every bit of every question style (there were like 6 of them right? Short passage, Long, etc.)

And for listening, I tried to rush through it but I kinda gave up with the chapter III or IV I'm not sure.

I switched between two of them on the last day

FYI the blue book is actually fantastic! I think I've said it before but it has explanation for each answers. I think it's super cool.

Now For N1

Chapter 1: Before exam

For context, I travelled to the exam location alone, so I wasn't bounded by anyone and I could roam anywhere. I got out early, and arrived there pretty early. But walking from the entrance to the exam spot took a while, to the point where I doubted to myself if I was going in the right direction. There were many people there already. I think the morning peeps had already entered the room when I arrived.

I had lunch and... wander around (Typical Pikmin Bloom player). There wasn't much to do anyway. I decided to take a quick review of some onomatopoeia and other vocabs. I think at that point, nothing is more important than vocabs. It was a while before they allowed us to go up the building. Anyway, I SAW A KID in a highschooler outfit in front of the same room as mine! IM- I DON'T KNOW?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE THIS GOOD AT THAT AGE?? And of course we entered the room. I sat not so far from the entrance.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that they never announced to bring a mask but they asked everyone to wear it in the room?? Luckily, I had it on already.

Chapter 2: The Exam

Sorry for the long introduction haha. SO, starting off with vocabs, grammars, and reading. I skipped to grammar secion first because it's not too hard or too easy. It's all fuzzy now but I did okay(?)

There was あっての that's pretty easy. But there was one of them that bugged me and I was wrong on that one too. It's といたしまして... so weird, I didn't expect it to answer that. ALSO, HONORIFIC VERB CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD but i think i answered it right.

Then onto reading section because I was really scared if I couldn't finished it. It- took me a while to finish each of them but in a fair amount of time. It's like 10 minutes left that I switched to doing vocabs with a lightning speed because I FORGOT there was a fill in the blanks and not just guessing kanji's reading.

I almost got 誇張 (こちょう) wrong as こうちょう

There were 奇跡、偏り、矛盾、賄う、軽率 in which i had no problems

Filling the words is where I had problem due to hurriness. I missed the 快挙 cause I don't know the word.

見返り too, because there was a word that I thought it meant (repay) and not the first

I GOT ONOMATOPOEIA WRONG ANYwAY HECC YEA i didn't know what つくづく means so i went with きっかり or きっぱり im not sure

Also there was a sentence that was supposed to mean "His body condition was..." I thought it was "worsen" so I went with 崩れる except no it's the opposite "ほぐれる". I didn't know that word but i've seen it before it's the goodamn spirit's name from the game.

I didn't know what 尺度 means or how it is read but I got the meaning substitution right (yay) (it's standard)

Here's the fun one. デマ... THIS WORD THAT I NEED TO GUESS HOW IT IS USED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ITS MEANING. I tried to came up with the word this word could come from. Dermatologist? Demand? Theme??? (that's テーマ) I had no idea and got it wrong eventually. Can you guess?

It's "Demagogie", a German word meaning false rumor... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED. I asked one of my Japanese if she knew. Of course she did. She even gave me an alternative for it too... but I forgot. I only know that's it in katakana (im sorry)

Last minute i left one Mondai randomly answered!

For Choukai, it was so goddamn fast. I am certain that if it wasn't fast, it would be manageable for me. I honestly don't know if I scored it well or not, the last listening part were as hard as ever. ONE THING ABT IT THOUGH, there was a part where they were talking in a cafe about how the shop owner use a coffee beans? I think?

ANd FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT'S WITH THE BACKGROUND MUSIC??? My concentration was popped away, I kept glancing around wondering if what I was hearing was someone's phone or the tape's music. I don't even know what the question really was to be honest.

What's Next?

I- I don't know. I just need to wait for the result. But I'll try to slowly get back to learning a bit Korean and Japanese every day again. Probably need to brush up Memrise and Anki. At least 5 mins a day haha. Thanks for reading til here. Keep on learning! I'll make sure to do my best for learning languages this year too!

I don't have new year's resolution but I guess.. continue ASL? I got busy that I have no time to do it anymore. I doubt if I can do it, considering I'll be busy with internship next academic year.

Anyway, have a great year everyone. Hope you have a good luck and success with studying and anything you are willing to pursue this year.

[mschimdt]

Dejavu

ch. 1

mansk X reader

word count: 1.83k

IM GOING TO BE WRITING ABOUT QUARITCH SOON

I HAVWNT FOUND TOO MANY FANFICS ABOUT MANSK AND IK SOME OF YALL ARE SUFFERING SO I CAME TO THE RESQUE

WARNINGS:

nome for this chapter :))

you and mansk have been working together simce the first day in your navi body, although u werent close youd always be assigned together by the colonel. mansk was a very quiet man, he never really spoke unless he needed to, he isnt shy quiet hes just focused quiet. hes always very secretive, no one really knows much about him other than his close friends. evenn though hes quiet he speaks wisely and thinks before he speaks, unlike lyle that doesnt process a word before it splats out of his mouth. you could say me and mansk were friends. but not friends like FRIENDS were like working partner type of friends and we never really spoke outside of missions and work.

youd always notice mansk staring at u in the lunch hall, you honestly kind of have something for mansk, he makes me feel weirdly comfortable, just his presence is enough to make your day a good one.

Quaritch calls u and a few other members who included mansk."listen soldiers, i think i have an idea of where jake sully might be"

lyle stared at quaritch "how so colonel?"

quaritch makes eye contact with lyle and replies to lyles question "ive got a signal hes somewhere nearby, in the area we suspected him to be in a few weeks ago which means hea probably around here somewhere, we have a mission to complete, get ready and hop onto the helicopter, ill be there waiting"

you stare at quaritch and quickly run to your room which luckily isnt too far away from the meeting room, you wnter ur room and put on some armour. you didnt change your shorts though because youd be pretty useless for this mission and youll probably be askes to stand around somewhere, u didnt change because u doubted getting hurt when ur not allowed to do anything. you clipped ur chest armour on and quickly tied ur hair into two braids.

you quickly sprinted to the veichles room which had some of the helicopters and found that everyone has already arrived, you questioned how they did it but theres no time to spare, so u hopped on and strapped yourself to a seat while your tail went back and forth because of the excitement u were experiencing, the excitement of capturing jake sully and being over wirh quaritchs dumb hide and seek game with sully.

the helicopter has been in the air for 20 minutes now, no one has spoken the entire ride and it was all silent other than the helicopter noises, quaritch broke the silence, he had to scream so you and thw others would hear him ontop of the helicopter noise "ALRIGHT, Z DOG, LYLE, ME N' JA, WERE GONNA LOOK FOR SULLY. MANSK AND Y/N STAY BEHIND AND GUARD THE HELICOPTER" mansk stared at quaritch, you didnt know if he was staring at him because of his shades but u think hes looking at quaritch, mansk lets out an amnoyed sigh, you couldnt quite hear it but u could tell it was an annoyed one.

the helicopter was finally starting to land, you were going deaf from the loud helicppter noises even with the headphone things you were given to cancel out the noise, the helicopter hit the ground with a large thud and the engines were starting to slow down, everyonr was unbuckling theit seat belts and you did the same unbuckling your own.

your the last one to leave the helicopter after mansk, you were all outside now and quaritcg repeated "Y/N and mansk stay with the helicopter and gaurd it incase some navi bitch tries to destroy it, me and the rest are gonna go looking for sully because hes around here somewhere" he said with a blank expression

you and mansk have been standing next to the helicopter for around 40 minutes and it was getting really boring you havent exchanged a word with the man next to you and your both just staring into no where

suddenly you hear a noise in the trees around u. you and mansk both jolt up holding your guns towards where the sound was coming from, after a few minutes you put your guns down thinking it was just a gust of wind

you look to your right and there was a pandorian creature sprinting at u, it had claws, claws that looked like they could decapitate an entire human head, it was speeding at you. you let put a little "uhmmm" and mansk looks your way looking at the creature speeding towards u holding up his gun. it was already too late, the creature attacked your legs with its huge claws before mansk shot him. he was teying to scratch your chest but thankfully you were wearing the armour you put on earlier. you stared at your leg, then at the dead monster, then at mansk. mansk was already rushing towards you, you stared back at your now red legs from blood. mansk leans down to where you are on the floor "are yoy okay? that looks bad" in a shaky scared voice, you reply to his question on the verdge of crying from pain "u-uhm, yeah im fine but my leg clwarly isnt" theres tears building up in your eyes now. mansk leans down to look at the huge cut caused by the monsted on ur leg.

"i should fetch the first aid kit till quaritch and the rest get back because we cant leave them here" says mansk, he hops into the helicopter and grabs the first aid kit, he leaves the helicopter again sitting on the floor next to you, he lifts ur legs onto his thighs.

he gets some iodine to clean ur wound incase it gets infected, he puta it on a little cotton pad and rubs it all over youe wound. it kind of stung but u werent gonna complain because he was trying to help you after all

he finally wraps. ur bleeding legs in white medical wrap to try and stop the bleeding. the white wraps quickly turnes into red ones from thr amount of blood yoy were losing, it was a very deep cut and you were worried it might get infected.

"thanks for helping me i really appreciate it" you said with a smile plastered across your tear stained face "we shoukd probably call the others youre bleedimg too much and jake isnt really worth letting you die, we can get him later"

he holds up his walkie talkie typa thing and says sometjing into it, your too light headed to focus of anything he says. suddenly, everything went dark

you wake up after passing out, you arent on the ground anymore, your back in the helicopter with someone holding you in their lap, you slowly open your eyes to look at whoever was holding u. you were shocked to see it was mansk, mansk always seemed like a tough guy that wouldnt help anyone if it didnt benifit him, he stared down at you and smiled

you closed your eyes hoping youd wake up from your 'dream' just to find that ur still in mansks arms wrapped tightly, the helicopted landes and you could omly tell it did because of the large thud it made, quaritch had already called the medics to wait till you arrived to prevent further bloodloss

you were wuickly rushed into the small hospital, the mediics quickly unwrapped your leg and cleaned it while another one of the human medics was getting a huge needle ready to stitvh your leg before you lost too much blood' you looked to you right and saw mansk sitting on a chair next to the bed you were layed on, they stitched up your legs which was a very painful and long process, another nurse came into the rook you were in with a blood bag of your blood type. mansk stares at you, he keeps staring for a few minutes

"sorry about not killing that monster earlier, we should have looked around a bit better, im glad your okay though"

"thanks mansk, its not your fault, we killed the monster in the end though so its okay"

mansk smiled at you, he got up from his chair and walked over to you pulling you into a long warm hug, you quite enjoyes the hug he gave you, it was out of no where though youve never seen mansk hug anyone or look at anyone in the way hes always looked at you, it made u feel a bit special because you knew it wasnt a bad type of stare

after that day you and mansk bece closer, youd always hangout. work out together, eat together, and he quickly told you more about himself, you were quite surprised he actually did it because hes never told anyone that you know any of this type of stuff about him.

it was raining outside and you were sitting next to mansk on a sofa, you were both laughing at something on your tablets (phones but theyre big so they could fit navi hands) suddenly mansk put his arm around your shoulder pulling you a bit closer to him than you expected, you stopped laughing and  blushed a bit and mansk noticed it, he started rubbing your shoulder so he could see if he could make u blush any further, you stayed like this for a few minutes until mansk finally decided to speak "your enjoying than hm?"

you throw ur head down and look down onto your lap, you didnt want to show him how much you were blushing, thsn suddenly a warm hand grabs ur chin and turns it up and to the side, you try to fight back but yis grip is too strong, you find yourself staring at mansk, your faces were too close, he was repeatedly stearing at ur eyes, then your lips, your eyes, then your lips. he did this a few times until you spoke up "what are you doing?" mansk leans closer to your face waiting for premission to press your lips against his, you closed your eyes and he took it as a sign he could kiss yoy now.

he leans in and your lips touch, this was your first ever kiss, it felt bettee than what you expected it to feel like, you never thought mansk felt this way

he pulls back and hesitates for a second, then he says "i love you" staring at you with a soft facial feature, you then grab his shades and pull them off his face, youve only seen his eyes twice before this

he had the most gorgeous yelliw eyes, he looked sinilar to quaritcy but his facial features are so much softer than quaritch's.

you realize youve been staring at him for about a minute now, you hug him tightly and he hugs back, his body language telling you hes happy you gave him a positive response.

he pulls away from the hug first, "ive been meaning to tell you tjis for a while now, Y/N ive liked you for so long" i reply to his words "me too.."

[furymint]

2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

[josiedoe]

funny weird fursona from ages past hours while i wanna take this opportunity to share my art, i kinda also wanna reach out to everybody who had cringy neon old fursonas and oc's that they're embarrassed of or feel like they need to shittalk every time they mention them bc "theyre totally better at making characters now i swear!" this is my fursona splash. i've changed sonas a few times, but none of them will be as important to me as her. she's not there yet, but next year in february, on my birthday, she will be 9 years old. i made her feb 22nd of 2015, my 9th birthday. i stopped using her eventually, because i thought i'd grown out of her. i used to show her to people and laugh about how stereotypical of a mary sue she was, how she had a demon AND angel form, how i'd ship her with characters from whatever media i was interested in at the time, how she had super secret sparkle powers that could do anything and how she's "not me anymore" then i remembered how crushed i felt when my friends at the time first started calling her one. i was knee deep at that point in thinking mary sues were dumb, and felt really bad about it when a friend said she was a huge mary sue and how i should probably change her. they even got mad when i said i didnt want to and told me i "couldn't take criticism". ive tried so hard over the years to distance myself from her while trying not to be too hard on her, to enjoy her in an "ironic, more experienced way" and regard her as what NOT to do.

this is the first ever drawing i did of her. another oc of mine turns 9 on my bday, and ill do art of her too, but this is where i made her. she was a drawing of firestar that i got bored drawing and decided to slap some neons on from the ms paint advanced preset colors. as you can see, she hasn't really changed much. her name used to be colordrop, because i had a stuffed bunny around that time with the same name. i think i renamed her to splash because i liked splashkittyartist. is the art good? no. did i really care? not really! i didnt even know it was bad at the time, because it honestly wasn't. i just wasn't as far in my art journey as i am now. im glad i never deleted my deviantart account, and i plan at some point to go through and save the images that are important to me on a google drive of some kind. aslong as im able to remember and keep her, she's an important part of myself. she's still me, just from a different time, and also so much more than that. im not sad about her, not in a nostalgic "i wish i could go back way". im happy, if anything, because i only recently realized we shared a birthday. isn't that cool? to not only have an oc that was made on your birthday, but reaches milestones with you? when she turns 18, i'll be 27. when she's 27, i'll be 36. i think that's pretty neat. i think it's important for every artist, if they struggle with this, to look for their old oc's and fursonas and whatnot from when they were kids and instead of looking at them through a lens of "im better now, do you see how bad i used to be at this whole character making thing though? its funny.", instead be kind to your old creations and go "wow, i had alot of fun with you. i wonder if i can have even more." if you're able to, start using them again. write with them again, even if its small and silly and more out of whimsy and joy than actual plot development. i implore you to be kinder to kid you. even if kid you wasn't very kind themselves. if you would look at another kids drawing and oc and go "wow thats amazing! you're so creative!", then you should regard what you made then with the same enthusiasm. put your own work on the fridge if nobody else did. anyways, ramble over. i'm very passionate about this subject because i lived it, and i deeply enjoy reclaiming what i was made to feel embarrassed of. so moon darkraven, demon wolf with an anime scythe and scene bangs and red eyes and neon colors that don't mix, i think you're doing great. i hope you're doing well, wherever you are now, and that so is the person who made you. happy early birthday to me and my special little gal

[wiltking]

Hi!! I read Ariah by B.R. Sanders thanks to your rec and I absolutely adored it! Def one of my fav books ever?? I’ve tried to find information about the author and book 2 but so far everything seems a dead end (deleted accounts, abandoned pages, etc.) beside old interviews. Since you’re the one that read Ariah before, I was hoping that perhaps you know what happened? Thank you!

yes i believe the author has stepped away from writing entirely due to health issues, iirc. i dont remember where i read that or if that page still exists, since i was looking this up at the start of this year when i finished ariah. no idea if they gave more information in years prior, but it does unfortunately look like they have no plans to come back to writing.

as for their other books - there are a few, but they are very difficult to get your hands on, if they're not outright lost media.

there's even this ^ user-added entry on storygraph that implies there might be up to six books in the ariah (?) universe. but ive only ever seen Resistance be available in places like ebay or occasionally abebooks.

oddly enough, while looking this up again just now, i found paperback copies of both Extraction and Resistance on sale right now on amazon and decided to scoop those up. for research purposes. because ive never seen them available like that. and they seem to be print on demand, so now might be a good time to grab them if you're interested. it looks like you can read them with kindle unlimited too, if you have that.

but that's all ive got! maybe there's still a way to privately contact them to find out about the rest of the aerdh books, but i havent gone down that road yet.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi cas, it’s grieving anon. Here for the vibes today. TAYLOR SWIFT… I mean… 

So, ive had a few weird things happen. I got distracted and fell over, and injured myself so yay… and then I had the weirdest thing happen.

So I mentioned I got nightmares right? That I woke my mum up by shouting and sitting up in my sleep. So I have a bunk bed (small room- needed space for a desk). And a few days ago I had this creepy dream and legit propelled myself out of bed- still half asleep and panicking. Then had to climb back in. 

And last night I literally crawled from lying down to the other end of my bed and climbed over the bars and fell OVER and OFF my bed to the floor 😭

You know the length of like, a normal door? It was like that far that I fell. I woke up both my parents. 

IM 16! I shouldn’t be flying out of bed. Luckily i’m not too hurt tho. I remember the dream, I was just climbing over a fence, I couldn’t feel the floor but I knew it was there so I let go, and then I WOKE UP ON MY FUCKIGN FLOOR. 

Like whyyyyy.

Anyway. So Long, London. My first favourite. “HOW MUCH SAD DID YOU, think I had, did you, think I had in me, HOW MUCH TRAGEDY?”

Then, of course, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart. AMAZING. Yes.

And, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? 

So far, they’re my fav but i’m sure the others will claw their way into my heart too. 

Anyway, my sisters been annoying me. She seems annoyingly fine. She called all the injury’s i’ve been getting “pre-exam” injuries… NO! They’re post fucking death injuries. 

I know her, I know she’s suffering in silence. But it means whenever I see her, she seems fine. And it’s fucking annoying. 

I don’t know anymore. My mum, she said her nightmares went away after my Nans death when she went to a grief therapist or something. i’ve never gone to a therapist. I don’t know how it’d feel. And, I don’t really have the time. 

But I don’t want to wake up on my floor again. 

I feel like I blinked and my life became this mess I can’t control. And I have no energy to anymore. I lost all my fire. I used to strive to learn and care and participate. Now i’d happily rot away. Why bother. 

Anyway (that’s like the third time i’ve said that now 🤦‍♀️) “IM JUST GETTING COLOUR BACK INTO MY FACE IM JUST MAD AS HELL CAUSE I LOVED THIS PLACE” 

Writing these at the end of some of my days has been very stress relieving so thank you. I’ve bullied myself into not picking the scab on the horrid massive cut I got from falling over. I’ve refrained from pressing into the bruises I got from sleep falling/climbing off my stupid bed. 

“IS IT A WONDER I BROKE. LETS HEAR ONE MORE JOKE”

 This isn’t even my usual music vibe 😭

“DONT YOU WORRY FOLKS, WE TOOK OUT ALL HER TEETH” Iconic. 

“YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE.”

“YOU WOULDN’T LAST AN HOUR IN THE ASYLUM WHERE THEY RAISED ME”

Literally everything i’ve tried to do this week has failed. School work, running, sleeping.

I’m so tired. 

Hi hon! I'm so glad to hear from you! <3

Nightmares after a loss are SUPER common, and you're right to know that they don't have to do with exams. As far as therapy, I know you said you don't have time, and I used to say the same thing but then I got to thinking...

I wasted SO much time being sad, run down, anxious, depressed. Like I probably spent at least an hour a day in anxiety paralysis, you know? So devoting an hour a week to STOPPING those symptoms actually saves me time, in the long run.

It may not feel the same for you, but it's something to think about! <3

I'm so glad you like TTPD. Using music to cope is also super helpful. Screaming lyrics is so...emotionally rejuvinating.

Keep messaging me <3 I'm thinking of you!

[lohstandfound]

🥝🍔🍊

this got kinda long so

🥝Who are your literary influences, and have they shaped your own writing? I've said it before how M.L. Rio influenced the way I write dialogue. And playwrights and poets in general have had a slight influence on my fiction writing.

It feels easier to list influenced for my poetry. The main one for poetry is probably essa may ranapiri. Their first poetry collection, ransack, was focused on exploring gender through a non binary lens. Their second poetry collection, Echidna, is a mash up of Greek and Māori mythology and Christianity.

Also, in regards to poetry (mostly). My museum studies lecturers placed so much emphasis on being poetic and creative and bring wordsmiths when it came to writing assignments I had to convince myself to not write a 2000 word poem for a material culture study. However, the assignments focused on making museum labels gave me an idea for a poetry collection of writing museum labels for people I know. (Also, everything about my museum studies degree has 100% influenced deities au and I don't think I tried to hide that)

🍔What's a headcanon that hasn't made it into a published fic yet? I think most things find their way into a fic??

I think the only thing I haven't put into a fic is a potential concept for a few character's cultural heritage that is very much me projecting and very self-indulgent. The one I've put the most thought into is Jake and it is. Very much. Me projecting similar circumstances. I made a post about it a total of one time ages ago.

It stemmed from a random thought I had that if bmc was set in new Zealand, Jeremy and Michael would 100% go to Armageddon (which I guess is basically like comic con or any other convention). To which it lead me on a train of thought of what else would it look like if it was set in NZ and one of those concepts involved imagining them as Māori. The only one that really stuck with putting the characters back in, y'know, new jersey was Jake being white passing Māori with a huge disconnect from his whakapapa, knowing next to nothing about it. I have a lot of thoughts on it. But. y'know. Self indulgent projecting headcanons that will never make it into a fic. so ive never properly talked about it

in summary, i dont think there's a headcanon that i haven't managed to put into a fic yet.

🍊What's a story that changed significantly from its initial idea to the final draft? The basis of the poets fic is the same: Michael, Jake, Brooke, and Rich make up a poet quartet, working together to workshop poems and spitball ideas and perform at open mic nights. There's still a few unresolved issues between Jeremy and Michael, and Brooke and Chloe. And the poems are still the same.

The original version was so much more rushed and was resolved by Jake and Christine tricking everyone into a group therapy session.

I figured I could do it better, make it less rushed and actually take the time for mostly Jeremy Michael Brooke and Chloe to work out their feelings. Jeremy and Michael have already started, but I have plans for Brooke and Chloe (and Jake).

(In my mind, Rich and Jake have already worked through everything. Brooke and Jake are super close in this fic and I imagine Jake has written so many poems about Rich as a way of processing (what's this? Jake Dillinger has a healthy coping mechanism?) so by the time Rich approaches the trio to ask for help with his own poems, Jake doesn't hold as much anger and is much more willing to talk things through with Rich).

But now that I've taken it so far from the original plot, I'm not sure where it's going. I have a plan for an argument between Brooke and Chloe, and I want a Jake-centred chapter (but I need to write a Jake poem first)

[omegamoo]

HI ive gained brajnrot from your oc from only the little bit ive heard of them. if youd be alright with it could you tell me iotas lore? /nf tho!! (also ive been drawing them based on art you reblogged a few days ago and ive been having a lot of fun :D they have such a cool design and aa) ((also also first ask from me hello hello wonderful mutual))

I GOT SO FAR THROUGH WRITING THIS ASK AND THEN TUMBLR DELETED IT. anyways hiiiiii beloved mutual welcome to my inbox! im literally so honored u got brainrot from my silly girly.... please feel free to share ur art if u feel so inclinced... i'd cry /pos

hope its okay im about to. infodump. im putting it under the cut. this is so long this is so much more than u asked for hopefully tgm doesn't kill me for explaining the plot. lol

alright. lets go again. iota is a part of a project called the whittled pantheon, which tells the story of eleven gods-ish and their experiences. its kinda broadly complicated and im only here to tell iota lore rn so if you want more general lore check the "whittled pantheon" tag link in my pinned!

okay so iota. pronouns she/it/moon although i largely default to she. oops. its the goddess of the wild - deepest darkest nights, moon and stars, the forests. uncivilized area. grass taller than ur head. wildflowers. u get the idea. she has a brother, agathodaemon, who's the god of the tamed (he's written by the lovely lovely tgm). iota is very introverted and prefers to spend most of her time in the woods with her conditionally immortal wolfpack. moon doesn't interact with humans and is. so very uncivilized please do not bring moon into the court room oh god

whittled pantheon itself as a story is split into essentially two parts - the old world, where the gods are born and spend the most time, and the new world, where the gods flee after the destruction of the old world. in the old world, iota's very reclusive. this is where you see it vibing with its pack and being a woods girly. she interacts mostly with agathodaemon, as well as statikos (god of beasts, written by tweewig) and palaemon (water god). she does interact with the other gods but like. infrequently. and never with humans.

so time goes on. agathodaemon builds a giant city on the coast and its destroying natural resources and iota goes okay this is no longer cool. she and palaemon get together and confront daemon and they're like hey buddy. stop. agathodaemon temporarily stops and then comes back, resulting in a massive falling out between daemon and iota. then, palaemon dies mysteriously, and his death starts the destruction of the world, starting with a flood that wipes out daemon's city. lol karma i guess.

the catalyst is what we've been calling the destruction of the world (the balance of the world is fucked up. water dries up, world shatters from inside out). the gods kinda collectively get together for once and go alright. oh shit. and Leave. but in the process they leave iota behind

iota now has to survive the literal destruction of her entire known world. moon is the only god left on the old world, and she's surrounded by humans who fundamentally make no sense to it and also need/want it to save them. but iota cannot save them because she is one god left alone. she tries, though. she meets lots of humans one of whom it becomes like. very good ambiguous 'besties' with. this is fortuna. she changes iota's entire perception of the world. but you know the world is dying and all of the humans die and iotas immortality is like. dripping down the drain and she cannot find a way back. but daemon comes to the rescue because even after everythign he loves her. the whole rescue bit has a whole Other set of worldbuilding lore and explanations that i will not get into here just know that its a thing. they make it back to the new world and start to Heal.

im not going to explain anything else because spoilers. but. i think all this is good to talk about. hopefully. or tgm will fucking kill me /j. but yeah. god. this was somuch more than you asked for.......... well enjoy anyways <3

[i-sveikata]

hellooo! it’s 4 a.m in my country and i just have finished reading the last chapter of graveyards! i have a few questions if you feel okay to answer them (and my english is not perfect, hope i don’t make many mistakes)

i can see that vegas is very obsessed with pete. the way he sees pete as his equal and feels fascinated when pete fight backs is interesting. but where does vegas’s obsession come from? as far as i understand, they stayed in the safe house for a few days. how did he get SO obsessed with him to the point of going against his father for the first time in his life? can we say that he was in love with him when he did that?

i can see vegas’s obsession but i feel like pete is also obsessed with vegas, maybe not as much as vegas but he certainly can’t give up on him. why is that? where does his obsession and fixation on vegas come from?

did vegas and pete ever have an interaction before he kidnapped pete? or did you follow kp series’ plot for that? is it possible for vegas to actually have an interest for pete before all of these happened?

do you think there’s a limit for the things vegas would do for pete? i can see that he would do anything for him or to have him, but is there anything that he would not do no matter what?

what would vegas do if pete left him? after they got back together?

maybe it’s just me but vegas’ obsession towards pete is so magically fascinating and it made me obsessed too! i love these kind of plots a lot and yours is definitely the most interesting one! are you planning on writing vegas pete fictions in the near future? or do you have any recommendations to read (obsessed vegas plot)?

i actually had more questions but i don’t want to annoy you, plus my english is not good 😭 i hope you are having a wonderful day:)

for the word guessing game: “obsessed, ring, lead, sob or weep (are they different or the same words?😭) tears” please if you have it 🙏

hey there!! wow 4AM goodbye sleep hahahaha. of course happy to and your english is great!!

oh very good question! from memory they were in the safe house for a little over a week but yeah for a normal person that's nowhere near enough time to fall in love.

the way ive thought of it is that pete is the very first person to see all of vegas as he is, at his worst, at his ugliest, without flinching away or trying to kill him out of disgust or fear like so many other people have tried to do and that's where vegas' obsession stems from.

id say hes never once in his life felt seen before like this and so he's latched onto pete like a lifeline because pete makes him feel like more of himself without thinking that hes wrong or horrible or a failure. im not sure i would say that he was completely in love because obviously he was in a delusion about the situation but i do think it was a very obvious stepping stone to realising how vital pete was to him and how being around him makes him feel as opposed to say his father who constantly wants to squash him into the ground and make him smaller. by trying to kill pete his father set vegas even more against him than he meant to, because of course there was no way vegas was going to give up on the idea that someone could just accept him how he is and choose not to kill him. after pete did something like that, there was no way vegas would risk losing him.

pete is definitely to some extent hyperaware of vegas now but that stems from everything that happened between them and everything about himself that vegas has forced him to confront. pete knows vegas is inevitable but hes choosing how to accept that in a way that works for him. plus i think the second pete started to let himself care for him to actually be concerned for vegas' wellbeing was the moment he was gone. because thats such a innate part of him being a carer and once he pulled vegas into that small compartment of his where his grandmother, tankhun, chan and porsche already are there was no coming back.

nope they didnt really have any kind of meaningful interaction until vegas caught him. pete was trying too hard to stay under the radar and vegas didnt think he was all that interesting until he looked a bit closer

i honestly dont think vegas has a limit on what hed do for pete. not really. hes not very good with boundaries and he cares too much about pete to deny him anything. the real thing is whether or not pete would ask for something that would cross the line- but i dont really see him pushing beyond vegas' limits.

if pete left him and truly meant it i think vegas would be absolutely destroyed. it would take him a very long time to get over it or even to actually believe it. but if pete was serious i think he could back off. he would do it for pete, even if it was at his own expense and completely shattered him, he would put pete's needs above his own. even if that meant pete leaving him. but thats not likely to happen!

yeahhhhh i find it really fascinating too!! which is probably why i wrote a story this long delving into it hahahaha no i dont have anything else planned for the moment but that doesnt mean i wont. sorry im not good for recs i actually havent read all that much in the fandom tbh.

no worries feel free to ask more if you have them i dont mind!

Sure thing! I'll go with tears because we already did sob earlier and im pretty sure i havent used weep yet:

Pete doesn’t know what to say for that. It does sound plausible that Mr Kan could have been violently obsessed with Namphueng, but it’s also possible that Mr Korn has cleverly crafted the story to explain away his true actions and motivations.

\

"They all know you’re at the main family house in the thick of things and there’s already rumours spreading around here from the main family guards of a certain ring already being on your finger.”

\

Chan nods with the kind of acceptance that leads Pete to believe he was expecting this already. He knows Pete too well to be shocked by how he operates.

\

Macau seems to drink it like he’s not even aware of what’s happening and when he sets it back down, suddenly empty, he reaches up to dig his bent knuckles into the side of his eye, clearing away the tears that he doesn’t appear to want Pete to know about.

[salad-of-potatoes]

Intro Blog + Masterlist

Hey all- This is my general blog! Mostly spam and whatever fandom I’m really into at the time lol

Get the fuck off my blogs if you’re a terf or nazi. This will never be a safe place for you and you will never deserve one.

@meep-morp-p Serious posts Sideblog (Donation Posts, Vents, World Events)

@toony-times-for-mee regressor blog <3

Feel free to call me Mallard or LP

Current fandoms: Youtuber Egos, Ducktales 2017, We Bare Bears, Marvel Comics, Mario Bros. (Within Mario Bros- SMG4 and Stachebros), and VenturianTale

I like to write but rarely post lol, love posting my playlists though! Below is a masterlist of all my creative works I’ve posted so far c: will update whenever needed ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Egos

Markiplier Egos

Bingo Bongo 🧡 (A Bingle Playlist)

Goggles 💙 (A Bingle Playlist)

These two are story based, I tried having the same story be told from Bing and Googles different perspectives. C:

💖Darkstache🖤

THE OG BLACK & PINK COUPLE they mean the world to me.

Bing’s Skating Mix 🛹

Mostly meme songs lol. No story to this one!

  Erek Eric 💛

My man needs therapy stat. Playlist has a story!! He realizes his dads a chump, moves out, finds the manor and starts recovering with his new family. My man deserves a happy ending!!

Willy Warf ᕕ( ᐛ )/̵/’̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

No story to this one yet(?), just going on vibes for now. Inspired by etherealciel’s Wilford playlist!!

Building Something (Calmly for Once)

My first fic I’m posting publicly!! Hopefully will turn into a series, for now just a one off c:

Mario Bros

Mayo and Log

THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. The movies interpretation of their dynamic and relationship is PERFECT- I always hated the jokes that Mario is a jerk especially to Luigi. So these are just songs about what the bros go through/how they’re feeling in the movie.

Mario Brothers Plumbing Radio

POV the plumbers you hired are blasting The Beach Boys in your bathroom Just songs I think the boys would listen to, either while waiting in NY traffic or on the job!

Mayo Vibes

For the short king himself- just songs I like that remind me of him! I'm really proud of this one tbh, I feel like I really got his personality- theres also a few songs in here about Peach from his POV and 🥺

Weegee Vibes

This one I think I’ll reorder soon- same as Marios; His feels more depressing lol Ill find more happy songs for him eventually

Marvel

Rebecca / Becky / Rikki Barnes 🌠

I LOVE HER SOO MUCH Rikkis such a comfort for me <3. Very story based up to a point. After the first 50 songs its just extras I either need to remove or find a place for lol

Futurama

Frozen French Fry 👾

THE MOST SILLY. Ive kinned this man for so long I love him. Story based at the start, then just evolves into general vibe

This will be updated as I make more :D Thanks for reading / listening <3

[needlab7]

hi i just finished your vwbb fic and im in shambles

the way you wrote wolfwoods steadfast comforting presence, the hole of his absence, his gentle kindess, his everything... the way vash sees and feels about him is how i feel and felt about him while reading trimax and seeing the way i love him perfectly reflected in the way vash does was an absolutely indescribable experience i honestly dont know how to put into words

the trust and the 'of course he catches him', the warmth, every time vash describes something about him as dear or darling or calls him his dearest friend- wolfwood is so so loved, as he should be, as he deserves to be...

and their constant back and forth and how considerate and attentive they are of each other when one of them misses a step, the understanding between them even when they cant say the words, their little 'wolfwood' 'hm?' thing with vash calling his name for reassurance or just because he can and wolfwood always always answering it, 'and silently slipping the promise of every year he has left into the margins' oh god...

im crying writing this, ive cried multiple times while reading, i cried after finishing reading, and i will probably cry again thinking about wolfwood and this fic, thank you so unbelievably much

Hi!! Oh my goodness, I am also crying with you !! ;v;

You are so sweet, I don’t even know where to start. Thank you so much for saying all of that <3 I was dumb enough to open this at work and was frantically fanning my face like no! you cannot cry here!

I’m so glad that you saw a reflection of your feelings about Wolfwood in the way I wrote him and the way that Vash views him. I tried to make him as gentle and soft as I possibly could while maintaining his snappishness because he really is a very tenderhearted person who never got a chance to be. Life and circumstance forced him to be violently defensive of himself and those he loves, and that driving part of his personality and the fear behind it don’t go away. But now he gets to be protective in the gentle way of a big brother or of a dear friend

This is the kind of domestic life he always should have been allowed to have. And now he is able to shed a lot of his self-protective defenses and let himself be as vulnerable as he wants and to feel safe doing it, even if it’s uncomfortable or he stumbles along the way. Because Vash will be there to catch him, too

And of course Vash adores him. But he also sees Wolfwood as the flawed person that he is, and he loves him for and despite it. They annoy each other and piss each other off sometimes, but at the end of the day there is just so much love and care and respect. And it’s fun for them in a strange sort of way to get to be angry about things that matter, but things where the stakes are so far below the life and death level they are used to. Things that they can get past with a huffy conversation or a few hours spent ignoring one another

All of their unspoken communication and awareness drive me absolutely up the wall. I had so much fun trying to find ways that they could learn to fill out and grow together when they’ve both been confined to these restrictive roles for most of their lives. And how they can recognize in one another just how hard they’re trying, and be respectful of the difficulty and thankful for the effort. 

They just…they just love each other so much ;; and I wanted to give them this peaceful and mundane future where they get to be earnest and then embarrassed about it, and say goofy things and heartfelt things and to reach out for help in whatever clumsy ways they are learning to be okay with, and to know ultimately that they are understood and they are loved

This kind of devolved into me just rambling about vashwood…

But again, thank you so so much. Truly, I am so happy that I was able to touch you in some way with this fic, and I am indescribably grateful that you would take the time to let me know <3

[leclercenjoyer]

SWEATER STEALING

oh sweater stealing... one of my greater demons... i had originally planned it as a "3 times este stole pierre's sweater" type of fic (born of me thinking "hm, what if i wrote something borrowed again But More) but every time i tried to write it or outline it the pacing kept driving me insane so it's been on the backburner while i work on other things, and i'm not sure whether to distill it into One Time and make it like a. developing relationship to lovers type thing or whether to completely gut it for scraps and use the parts ive got for something else (ive already... pilfered parts of it for a different fic, so whichever one ends up getting written first ill cut those parts out of the other one with an x-acto knife.) i do LIKE most of the prose i have for it so far but i just cant make it cohere.

SNIPPET under the cut:

This is the first time he’s been at Pierre’s apartment and he feels a little awkward, standing there in the entryway, like a foreign body in Pierre’s life. This isn’t really something they do, historically, although they’ve hooked up a few times over the past few months since they’ve been teammates (however ill-advised it may be, and Esteban knows it’s not the best decision they’ve ever made, but he’s at a place in his life where he doesn’t have to deny himself this). So far it’s been meetups of convenience in hotel rooms, rushed encounters in their driver’s rooms, on one memorable occasion a sloppy blowjob in a maintenance closet at the Alpine headquarters at Enstone. But never anywhere permanent.

Never anywhere real.

“-in the guest bedroom– are you even listening to me?” Pierre chides, that stupid half smirk on his face that Esteban can never decide whether he wants to slap or kiss off his face. Esteban shakes himself out of his reverie, stepping further into the apartment, hoisting his bag further up his shoulder where it had started to slip.

“I was just. Looking around?” Esteban offers, and Pierre rolls his eyes.

“Well, look less. Like I was saying, you can drop your bag in the guest bedroom. I even changed the sheets,” and he says the last part jokingly, but the wheels start spinning in Esteban’s head. 

He’s not sure what he expected, or if he even expected anything at all, being asked over like this, whether he thought they would share a bed or not, whether this was even an attempted proposition or just Pierre’s own opaque way of trying to be companionable, if they really were just hanging out as something that keeps getting closer and closer to friends.

Esteban still isn’t quite sure where the lines are drawn, between estranged to former to sort of again friends, teammates but still kind of rivals and now occasional hookup. At this point, he’s not sure if there even are lines or, if there are, they keep morphing when he isn’t looking, or Pierre keeps moving them around, erasing and redrawing until they both end up tangled in the cross-hatching.