#ive tried a few things like adding 8 seconds of silence to the beginning of posts but that doesnt work

[funky-vg-beats]

I am in dire need of a way to like, muck up audio files to get them past tumblr's copyright system. I know it can be done, I saw some poll blog upload One Winged Angel by doing that, I just don't know how to do it myself.

[ashisbaeee]

Her Part 11

a/n: hello lovelies, my goodness, it has been forever since I’ve last been on here and more importantly since updated this series. thank you all so much for being so understanding and patient for my absence, I greatly appreciate it. 

here is the long awaited part 11, I truly hope you all enjoy it and that it was worth the wait.💗as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated, I love hearing what you guys think of the chapter. 

sorry for any errors 

word count: 4.1k(eek!)

italics are Y/N’s thoughts 

for those who are interested, I will have the previous parts here: 

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10

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Shock, disbelief coursed through you, completely taking over your frame. What was once your cozy home became uncomfortable,  wishing you were still out, albeit your feet were killing you, anywhere else than your quiet home and away from him.  You could feel his eyes on you, but you dared not look. You had glued your eyes to the ground; wishing this was some terrible dream. You didn’t need this, not right now. If you were being frank, this was possibly the worst time as he will eventually take in your full appearance, your bump in full display. You never wanted to see his face now and certainly not ever. This wouldn’t be good for you, and ultimately, this wouldn’t be good for the baby.  Stood right smack in the middle was the last person on earth you prayed you’d never see again. Shock and anger coursed through you. You could feel your heart racing, your breathing was becoming erratic. You noticed your quickened heartbeat; you could feel it pulsing in your carotid arteries, you were beginning to get a massive migraine and you were becoming a bit nauseous. The room started to spin, it was as if you were back in your first trimester of pregnancy again. 

Quick, let me find a garbage can in the event I hurl my guts out. 

You pushed that thought to the back of your mind as you took in the man that broke your heart invading your home. And how your sister let him in?! She must have been out of her damn mind. No good was to come out of this. But that was a discussion for a later time. 

What is he doing here?! You exclaimed.  

“Please Y/N, let me explain” your sister pleads.  

“Then get to it” you spoke, your patience gone the moment you stepped foot into your home. 

“I saw him while I was at the grocery store. Actually, he saw me and approached me.”

“That doesn’t explain as to how he got here. Meeting at the grocery store doesn’t lead into coming into my home” you interjected. 

“I’m getting to that part, so please, just listen” she spoke, while he stood silent a few feet from the both of you. 

“He came up to me and asked me how you were doing. Before I could even respond, he said he had seen you with me.  He knew that we were both around the area as he had seen pictures of us”

“Pictures from where?!”you interrupted yet again, but you didn’t care. 

“Uh, a fan had sent them to me” finally, the man had broken his silence.

Your head snapped so quickly you were surprised it didn’t crack or something possibly worse. 

“What??!! A fan?! A fan! How on earth did they even get a picture? Explain”

“A fan had seen you a couple times, or at least that’s what she told me. She sent the pictures-- err- she sent me DMs of you both via Instagram, and this isn’t the first time she has DMed me.  One day, as I quickly scrolled passed through my DMs, your name caught my eye. Without thinking, I clicked on the message and that was when I saw your pictures, it was a picture of you smiling. I thought it was a joke, some skilled photoshop or something. My curiosity got the best of me and I couldn’t bear the unknown and the ‘what ifs’  and I was driving myself lad so I think a couple of days later, I sent her a message asking where she saw you. Which brings us to where we are now” 

“So she freely sent you the town I’m at?!”

“Well, uhm, yeah. Uh. Yes, she did. Please, calm down”

“I can’t calm down” your voice rising. 

“I don’t get why you’re so angry”

Oh hell no. He did not just say that. 

“Angry? Want to know why I’m so angry? It’s because what she did was an invasion of privacy?”

“You know, out of all the people in this room, I should be the one that’s angry. Angry that you left me without a trace. How you deliberately went to all extents to erase yourself from the world. You went completely ghost on me. You went to great lengths to make sure that I would never be able to find you ever again.  Do you know how sick and worried I was? I didn’t know if you were okay and there was no way for me to find out. God forbid something happened to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Knowing or not knowing if you were okay or not killed me. So yeah, I am angry, and understandably so” his voice matching yours. 

“When did you feel that? When did all those emotions hit you? Huh? Please, enlighten me. Right after I did everything I could to ensure you would never find me again? Don’t act like you cared since the beginning. Clearly you did not care that day when you and the group realized a whole while later that you had left me at the Jimmy Kimmel studio. I get that you were so excited for the movie, trust me, I understand but it really seemed like the movie mattered more than me. Not to sound jealous or anything. But really, I felt like I was invisible and in my opinion, it seemed like a total waste of time and money flying out to you, and that day was a total wake up call; I got your message, loud and clear. A part of me thinks that maybe you’ve never really cared for me, uh, but only you know that answer. But it seems like you have a lot to say, so by all means, Tom, please, entertain me, since I clearly  don’t have anything else better to do” the sarcasm clearly evident in your tone. “You were so preoccupied with the movie and talking about the love scenes and all the places you were all about to visit, how it was working alongside Jake Gyllenhaal, that of course you’d forget me. It was as if I was never there, I felt invisible. Like I was an afterthought, it was stupid of me to think that I mattered to you. I regret flying out to see you, that is time and money I can’t take back”

“Oh stop that, don’t be dumb” he says exasperatedly. 

Just as you were about to reply, you stopped in your tracks.  Your pent up anger greatly affecting you and ultimately the baby too, all of your emotions consuming your entire being that you felt sharp pains running at your side. It was as if  someone had ran up to you and stabbed you in your ribs. You kneel to the ground clutching the right side of your body as you hunch over in pain. Your sister notices your sudden moves and rushes to your side, she tries to calm you down, and tells you to do some deep breathing exercises but you can’t, the pain was too unbearable. 

You ended up changing positions and curled yourself into a fetal position as you clutched your side. You were in agony, the pain was so excruciating that you started crying. Panic courses to all three of you. Seeing you in this state killed him. If there was one thing he hated, it was seeing you in pain and upset; and here you were, feeling both. Something was definitely wrong. He and your sister decided to take you to the hospital. He offers to drive while your sister tries to help you calm down and relax. Instinctively, he scoops you up from where you were and carried you bridal style; he carries you into the backseat of the car and buckles you up. While waiting for your sister, he quickly typed the nearest hospital address in his phone GPS, and in a matter of seconds, he got the car up and running and began his route.

You could feel yourself profusely sweating. Your body was shaking uncontrollably, assuming that you were becoming hypothermic because of this added stress, your body’s defense mechanism in complete overdrive. Your heart was racing, as you put your index and middle finger in the inner aspect of your wrist, just below your left thumb, you felt the pulsations. Your pulse was bounding, you couldn’t even count your heartbeat, it was just beating erratically. 

It must be somewhere in the 150s or higher. Who knows. Baby, I hope you’re alright in there. We are on our way to the hospital. I truly hope and pray that you’re not in any distress, I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you, I don’t know what I’d do if I find out you aren’t okay. I can’t bear the thought of possibly losing you. God knows what I would do if I find out you aren’t okay. Please, baby, mommy’s begging you, please be okay, for You thought to yourself, as a few tears fell, ultimately landing on your sweater. 

It felt like forever, but you finally arrived at the hospital. Tom pulled into the entrance to the Emergency Department and quickly ran in to get help. Within minutes you saw 3 people running towards the car with a stretcher. They assisted you into the stretcher safely and brought you in, Tom rushing alongside you all, matching the strides of the hospital staff and your sister in tow. Immediately you were brought into your room and you were hooked up to the monitors. More staff came in to get an IV line inserted as well get blood and urine samples for routine testing. They took off the sweater you were wearing and quickly put on a hospital gown. They realized you were expecting, so they planned to get the OB resident involved in your case. 

Everything and everyone was moving rather quickly, you began to feel dizzy again. Without warning, you started to vomit. Your fight or flight instincts kicking into maximum overdrive, your body’s internal homeostasis all out of whack. You assume that this was your body’s weird way of dealing with this distress. 

If there was one thing you got from this pregnancy, it was that stress plus your body was not a good mix. You got extremely ill whenever your body’s homeostasis was out of the norm. Your body’s way of dealing with the stress/situation at hand. 

In the midst of your body retching, getting rid of all the contents of your stomach, you happened to muster up enough energy to look up at the monitor. Heart rate 198, Blood pressure 180/120. Holy shit. One of the nurses had hooked up an external fetal monitor to your bump; the alarms were going off as soon as it turned on, as per the monitor, your baby’s heart rate was 175. That was out of the norm; normal fetal heart rate is 120-160. How you were still awake and conscious and aware of your surroundings was beyond you. A person with those vital signs usually pass out, goes into cardiac arrest or have a stroke. They were then immediately intubated, had a foley catheter and had a central line inserted instead of just a peripheral line and whisked into the  critical care unit. It was almost shocking that you hadn’t passed out or lose consciousness. You’ve seen it happen countless times, I guess you were one of the rare cases. 

You end up passing out. While you are unconscious, he meets up with your sister and the doctors, your sister informed him that she got in contact with your parents and that they were on their way. 

The doctors waited for your parents to arrive before leading you all into a private room to talk about their plan once all the test results come in. After discussing your plan of care, they brought him into your room, and that, at that moment, was when he took in your appearance. That was when he saw your bump, you’re pregnant. 

Had it really been that long since he last saw you? So many thoughts ran rampant in his mind. Who was the baby’s father? Will he be coming to meet up with your family? Will he sit beside you and wait until you woke up? His consuming thoughts elicited the pain he worked so hard to suppress. The love of his life was having a baby with someone that was not him. His lifelong dream to marry you and start a family with was shattered; now becoming his worst nightmare. In just a short time, he would come face to face with the lucky man who now has you. 

After some time, you wake up. Your family rushed to your side and held you tightly, relieved that you regained consciousness. He stood in the back of the room and watched the moment. 

You were consumed with talking with your parents that you didn’t realize he left the room. He leaves and heads to the nurse’s station to alert them that you’ve woken up. 

He comes in to let your parents know that your nurse was paging the residents to let them know you were awake. As he spoke, he dared not look at your direction. He maintained eye contact with your parents. As you lie in bed, you took in his image. Never in a million years did you think you would bump into him again. After all this time, he managed to stay the same. The same lanky, curly headed fool that you were once in love with. You could see the look on his face; the look of heartbrokenness, mixed with him being a little more pale than usual. He looked so hurt, so empty. Every single one of your family members felt it too. They knew that it wasn’t their business, but just like everyone else(everyone that mattered), they loved and shipped the idea of you both, and seeing the two of you apart and so broken, broke them too. 

He whispered something to them and left your room. 

It had been quite some time and he still had not returned to your room. Worried, you send your sister to look for him, or at least see if he was okay, or if he had left(again), without saying goodbye. 

She obliges to your wish and leaves your room. About 100 feet from your room, she sees his frame in one of the chairs. He sat in one of the chairs in the hospital waiting room, his hands brought up to his face. As your sister made her way to the seat beside him, she rested her hand on his shoulder. Shocked at the action, he looks up. With flushed cheeks and red eyes, he locked eyes with hers. She couldn’t help it, it wasn’t long before she started crying too. 

“How is she doing?” 

“She seems okay, she’s talking to mom and dad right now. She was wondering where you went, so she sent me to find you. Are you going to go back?” 

“N-no, I don’t think so. I don’t think that’ll be good for her. I think it is best that I leave, please send her my regards and well wishes; also, please tell her I send my congratulations, she’s going to be such an amazing mother. I’ve never doubted that, not in the slightest bit. She was always so good with kids” his voice quivered, the agony clearly evident. 

“I know it’s hard, but please. Just go in, I’m sure she would like to see you and thank you for taking her here. What do you have to lose?”

He sat silent, contemplating his decisions. 

What does he have to lose?

“Okay, I’ll go in”

Content with his answer, she nods her head. 

“Y/S/N, can I ask you something? Is, is, she still angry? Is she still upset about what happened? I want to explain myself, but I don’t know if that will do more harm than good. Things clearly did not go as I had hoped it would earlier today, I mean come on, look where it landed us- I mean her, and her baby. I don’t want to stress her out any more. She doesn’t need that, she needs to focus on getting better, for herself and the baby. I am afraid to ask her, but what is she having? A boy or girl?” 

“I don’t know, really. I don’t, I, I uh haven’t asked her. I feel like it’s none of my business, y’know? Like I don’t want to bring it up and upset her or something. Try and see if she’s willing to listen, you honestly never know unless you ask and try again. Anyways, she’s having a girl. We are all so excited. I swear, the baby isn’t born yet but she’s already so spoiled. I can’t even imagine how it’ll be when she’s actually here” 

“Uhm, yeah, maybe I’ll ask her. I’m going to take it one step at a time”

She gets up from her seat and waits for him. It wasn’t long before they arrived back into your room. 

She enters first and takes her seat right by your parents. He shuts the door and stands in his original spot. 

You knew you needed to have a conversation with him, to continue with the conversation you both had before coming to the ED. 

Your whole family sensed some kind of tension in the air. They figured you both needed to have this conversation, even though both parties were hesitant. 

Your parents tell you that they were going to grab some dinner and needed your sister to come along with them, making up an excuse really, so that you and him were left with no choice but to talk. It was a long time coming. Well needed too. 

The three of them left, leaving you and him. You could feel the awkwardness in the air. 

You figured he was going to leave. 

“Do-do you want me to keep you company until they return?” he finally spoke 

“Uh, it’s up to you. You can leave if you want. I’ll be okay, I’m hooked to the monitors, so the doctors and nurses on the unit can keep an eye out on me. If anything happens, they have everyone’s numbers, so they’ll get in contact with them. You must be exhausted” 

“Actually, I’m okay. But if you want me to leave so you can rest, I can. Maybe I’ll stop by tomorrow, if you want me to”

“I’m actually okay too. If you want to come by again tomorrow, you can. Uh, I. Uh, I, I just want to say thank you. Y’know, for taking me here”

“Y-yeah, of-of course. I’m sorry; for what I said earlier. You’re not dumb, not in the slightest”

“I’m sorry too”

“Can we talk?”

“I thought that was what we were doing?”

“I mean, like talk, talk”

“About?”

“Us. About everything” 

You remained silent. 

He took this opportunity to explain himself. When else was he going to have the chance to do so? 

Your sister’s words replaying in his head. 

“I know there are no sorries in this world can truly express how terrible I feel about what happened and what I did. I’m sorry it took me getting to the hotel to realize your absence. I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner. Sorry that I didn’t try hard enough to find you. How I’ve let you in an unknown place by yourself. Because of what I did I missed out on what was the biggest day of your life. I would have loved to have been there on your graduation day, cheering for you from the stands because I am so unbelievably proud of you. All of your hard work, blood, sweat and tears paid off. If I could go back in time and change everything, I would. I would do so in a heartbeat, because that shouldn’t have happened” he sobs. 

Tears pool in your eyes as well. This was a long time coming. As much as you hated the idea, it needed to be done, for both your sakes. 

“I can never blame you. That, this, is your career. This is what you’re meant to do in this life. This is your calling. Who am I to ever take that away from you? You worked so tirelessly and so hard to get to where you are now. You are so passionate in everything that you do, and that movie was no different. It definitely showed, it was a really good movie. Look, it’s in the past now, I’ve moved on. I’ve accepted it, and I’m okay.. And I think you should stop beating yourself up for what happened and carry on. Don’t be too hard on yourself” you spoke, your voice barely a whisper. 

“I can’t. I just can’t” he whimpered. 

Silence. 

“So Y/S/N told me you’re having a baby girl. Congratulations. You are going to be such an incredible mom, I’ve seen you with kids, you are such a natural... Did you find a name for her yet?” 

“Uh, thank you, yes I did. Her name is Arielle Rose”

“That such a lovely name, darling”

Darling. His favorite term of endearment for you. 

“Uh, I’m sorry. It just slipped” he says, trying to save himself from the uncomfortableness. 

Oh how you’ve missed that name. 

“uhm, thanks”

Great, now things are awkward again. Ugh. 

“So, is your boyfriend on his way?”

“What boyfriend?”

“The baby’s father, is he on his way?”

“No. He doesn’t exist”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know”

“It’s fine. Yeah no, he will not be a part of her life. I know she’ll probably ask when she is older, but we will cross that mountain when the time comes”

“I know it’s none of my business, but did something happen?”

“Just as you said, it is none of your business; but we just didn’t work out, that’s all”

Y/N, tell him the truth. He deserves to know.  He has the right to know, he is the father. Even though things fell apart between you both, you need to not be selfish and not rob her of her father and his amazing family. 

“I’m sorry”

“Yeah”

Just as you were about to speak, a knock caught both your attentions. 

The OB doctor as well as your nurse came in. They told you that you were going to be admitted for the night for observation. They asked if you needed anything else from them before they left, shaking your head and reminded you for like the hundredth time that night that if you needed anything to press the red button in the remote and a staff would be in to assist you. 

You thanked them as they proceeded out the door. 

“So how far along are you?”

“6 months” “Did you have your gender reveal or baby shower yet?”

“My sister and I are actually planning my gender reveal. My parents don’t know. We are supposed to have it in about 2 weeks”

“Oh that sounds great, how are you revealing?”

“With pink balloons inside of a huge white box, after the countdown, we will untie the strings and the top of the box will open, revealing and releasing the balloons.  The color theme is pink, blue and white, we are planning to have different things and foods that are pink and blue to see which one each guest thinks I am having and games where people can guess what I’m having”

“That sounds like so much fun”

“Yeah, it does. I can’t wait. In a way, I just want it to be over, this was beyond stressful trying to plan. I think I need to make a mental note of this for her first birthday party” you let out a small laugh. 

He locks eyes with you and smiles. 

He saw how tired you looked, and opted to pause the conversation, you needed to rest. Pleased with how your conversation went. He still had some questions, but decided that he will defer them to a later time. 

He shut the light off and told you to take it easy. He told you that he would stay with you until your family came back. He greeted you goodnight and tucked you in. 

You thanked him once again and began to drift off. 

You woke up in the middle of the night and saw him asleep beside you. He rested his head at the foot of your bed. You were surprised to see him, you thought he would be long gone, assuming that your sister or your mom was going to spend the night with you. 

The exhaustion clearly taking its full effect on your body, your eyes barely staying open, even in just that mere moment. You pulled your blanket up to your neck as you rested your head back on your pillow, welcoming your slumber again. 

G’night, Tom.

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