#ive spentnso much time feeling awful and hating myself and not enough time enjoying myself.
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gonna be 19 in less than a week. its hitting me. girl what tha fuck.
#i dont even know if this is a bad thing its just scary#ive gotten a couple goals in for the year? getting a boyfriend and opening commissions being the main two#but it feels like ive spent most of the past year struggling with depression and debilitating anxiety and. ueagh#ive spentnso much time feeling awful and hating myself and not enough time enjoying myself.#i still struggle with doing basic tasks both hobbywise and selfcare wise and just. ueaagh.#i feel gross and annoying and difficult to get along with and awkward and lazy and. uaaaghhhggh#itsso bad rn i cant even put into words how im feeling properly#ive been teetering back and forth on the edge of a depressive spiral a la december 2023 for the past month#and imscared im gonna hit that again. and not have a way to cope and rest through it this time#because i have finals and portfolio stuff and im moving#and i have to help my friend make sure that shes going to have a place to live over the summer#and i have to get my drivers license and i have to get working on community service hours and i have so so so so so much to do and. weh#im scared i wont be able to do any of it#lycan howls
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