#ive seen some other people talk about this and i deeply empathize cause im there with you :(

[maxellminidisc]

It's such an idk shitty time if you're somebody who has insane anxiety about any sort of doomsday rhetoric cause of religious trauma or like general issues of paranoia that are triggered by stuff like that. Its damn near unavoidable online rn and you feel really stupid for getting fucked up even if people are joking about it :/

[originallyjustolookatmemes]

Thank you!

Grief is a very large theme of S.A.S.S. (its a working title, and is an acronym of the main characters' names Spice, Autumn, Sam, and Sugar)

I personally have not lost anyone i care about, the closest loss to me personally being my previous cat (which was the only death that's gotten me to cry) and even then, i was hit by it months after the fact and was 11 at the time. So i don't quite have a point of reference.

My "bestie" as i'll call them would be my equivalent of what Autumn eventually means to Spice, and i've based their friendship mainly off that. (im aware we're potentially co-dependent, but we aren't harmful for each other as far as i know) I've done the most reputationally/life situation self destructive things to stay in contact with them and id walk through hell and back if they needed me to. And its cause they've seen my worst thoughts, worst urges, and not left me or viewed me differently and fought to stay in contact with me as well. They are my world. i would not be living today without them. Any other "friend" ive got i could get cut off from and i'd be stable, them? My life is ruined, i don't see a reason to exist. (which might be the BPD) But they are the sole person i can actually somewhat strongly empathize with (cognitively) at times (it fluctuates depending on the situation they've told me about, but I'd never be an ass to them and i always give some sort of answer that shows i cared even if i didn't and take the energy to listen even if I'd rather do anything else). Everyone else gets the social expected responses.

i operate heavily on "friendship is a two-way street." i refuse to take more than i give because then that's emotionally abusing the other person (to me). But unless someone else puts the first foot forward, im not extending an offer of acquaintanceship. I don't consider many people true friends, most are just "people i talk to" or "know of" but pro-socials view friendship differently than i do and treat it as a causal term. So to them maybe im "a friend" but they aren't to me and i'm aware that's an asshole thing to say and i have a very deeply inset fear of being the same as an abuser of mine, so i call them "friends".

To me, a friend is someone who will hunt down your place of learning to make sure you didn't kill yourself and will drive over 40 minutes to pick you up when you call them from a stranger's phone.

i place great value in being not judgmental. i have a "passing" amount of cognitive empathy that i mask with, and non-existent affective empathy. i care a lot about making sure i don't hurt others (even if i could care less about the person specifically), because that means I'm the same as those that hurt me and i never want to be them. But if i view someone as a bad person, all that goes out the window and i will not care about hurting them in any way. Ive been told by my sole friend over and over that that im a "good person" but its been a struggle to not laugh it off. i've embraced being the "fucked up" child so much that its hard to believe me being called a "good person".

Anyway, got sidetracked.

Grief is the main experience I'm needing research for since i have genuinely no experience with it, but any and all details help immensely. I haven't lost the person i care about. Spice loses half of the people he does, and i don't have any points of reference for how he may deal with it.

(do @ me when you become a vtuber, i'd sub/follow in a heartbeat)

For everyone with ASPD, you deserve good representation.

Help me write you an Aroallo ASPD character that represents how we can heal and be ourselves to spite our trauma without having to bend down to prosocials.

How can you help? Reblog with ramblings or comment about your personal experience of living as a pwASPD. if you aren't a pwASPD, reblogs and likes still help!

i've tried my best to do the research necessary, but the amount of ableist sites that get shoved in my face with a basic google search has pissed me off. im taking matters into my own hands and asking y'all directly for your experiences.

I haven't gone for an ASPD diagnosis because it is simply not in the cards for me right now, and would potentially be harmful for me, but i check many boxes. However, due to a likely BPD and ADHD co-morbidity i dont trust myself enough to write a solely ASPD character based off only my own experiences.

Thoughts, advice, encouragement, all is appreciated.

(Post made by Shawdios on YT)

Spice (legal name Simon) is a felinefolk/birdfolk hybrid who works as a bartender for his side of the bakery-bar Sugar & Spice that him and his caretaker formed. He grew up bouncing around in the foster system and treated like a oddity to hide due to his odd mix of genetics. But his last caretaker, Sugar, he grew to see as a genuine mother to him because she was the first to believe his side of the story and not treat him like an "Other".

Due to his feline side, he often was found hunting down squirrels, birds, and rodents as a young child. Some of which he toyed with as they died, others he simply bit and killed. This behavior off put many of his foster parents and got him transferred around to different homes quite a lot. Spice was quite the delinquent as a child, he often was provoked into fights that he most of the time lost. (The first time around at least.) But he always got a cruel form of revenge depending on the bully who knocked him down. The fighting got worse once he hit middle school, to the point where he was once expelled for half blinding another child with his claws (and going home with a broken wing and shoulder himself) By the time he's finished highschool, Sugar had adopted him and done her best to help him mellow out and process his traumas from bouncing around the system and being treated like a thing to be tamed. But, he still gets in enough trouble to gain a Conduct Disorder Diagnosis and later after he graduates an Antisocial diagnosis.

The entirety of his moral system as an adult is built on what would or would not disappoint Sugar. He's perfectly content to live out his short life baking with his mother figure, mixing drinks, and curled up by a sunny window with his nose burried in books till his bad genetics kill him, but Sugar tries to get him to at least try to interact with others. And he holds her in such high respect that he does his best to maintain a good reputation with those that stop at the bar.

His care for the world revolves solely around himself and Sugar till a birdfolk with one wing named Autumn violently enters his life (and Re-enters Sugar's) and then violently leaves it five years later.