#ive seen other people wearing the same clothes as me before. but. never a clown and never on tv.

[slugsinsuits]

Please excuse the poor photo quality. But. I own those trousers??? This clown has my trousers.

[always5hineee]

Depreciation- Chapter 9: Reader Insert

Chapter warnings: Intense or adult themes

Word count: 1715

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       The trial date was not a pleasant one. The entire night before and the morning of, her stomach was turning violently, causing her to avoid eating any breakfast. She knew it wasn't good for her, but it couldn't be helped. If she threw up in court, she could be ejected, which is the last thing she needed. She called the real lawyer as soon as possible to make sure their connection was adequate.

       This would be the hardest part for her. She needed to do everything he told her down to the tiniest details. WayV's lives hung in the balance. She hadn't been able to arrange a meeting with them before the events, so she would just have to hope they were prepared for the things to come. The last she'd heard, Henry had been revived, but he was still refusing to eat, only accepting a slight drink of water after basically being forced to ingest it. They had put him on an IV for a few hours, but he was still weak.

       She only realized a few hours before the trial that she didn't have anything to wear. Going into her room, she noticed that most of the clothes Lucas had provided to her were jeans, sweatpants, and t-shirts. None of those were really quite appropriate for such a serious occasion. The women's wardrobe downstairs were sealed up, which left her with only one dress out and available for her to use... the blue one.

       With a vile taste in her mouth, she pulled it on, looking at herself in the mirror as she recollected the last time she'd worn it. Thankfully, it had been cleaned since, but it still carried awful connotations. There was no choice, she had to suffer. Putting on sensible makeup and gathering her things, she made her way to the courtroom. When she arrived, there were only a few minutes left before the trial. This was her intention. While it may have paid off to be earlier, she knew she wouldn't be able to stomach it.

       She was seated near the band at the front of the room, although she was meant to be active during the trial, so she didn't really have a chance to talk to them. She glanced over once, feeling all of their eyes sliding over her form, giving her the chance to see Kun mouth a slight, 'you'll be fine'. At least, that's what she saw. Before she knew it, opening statements were underway.

       "Your honor," the lawyer from the discovery period stated boldly. She was already annoying Y/N, to the point where she had to clench her fists out of sight to keep from seeming stressed. "I intend to prove that these five men, as well as their late and hospitalized associates, are guilty of the charges against them. These include harassment, assault, battery, kidnapping, rape, murder, and human trafficking, as was read to them along with their rights upon their arrest." The judge nodded, accepting this as an adequate opening statement.

       "You may call your first witness."

       "We'd like to start by questioning Qian Kun." The questioning went on for what felt like an hour to Y/N. The prosecution methodically called up every remaining member of WayV, one by one running through the facts again and again. She was sure the jury had to be sick of hearing the same story by now, but it was evident she was looking for a loophole. The man in her bluetooth agreed as much. What she didn't expect, though, was the first witness after that.

       "Next, I call Y/N (L/N) to the stand." Eyes widening, she heard the man in her ear whisper, objection.

       "Objection!"

       "On what grounds?" The judge asked.

       "The tribunal has proper objection when the trier of fact may be confused or misled by a lawyer serving as both advocate and witness. The opposing party has proper objection where the combination of roles may prejudice that party's rights in the litigation. A witness is required to testify on the basis of personal knowledge, while an advocate is expected to explain and comment on evidence given by others. It may not be clear whether a statement by an advocate-witness should be taken as proof or as an analysis of the proof."

       Basically, what she was saying was that, by using her as a witness, the lawyer would be confusing the jury on which parts of her arguments were testimony, and which were legal advocacy. It was a valid argument, and she had already gained the permission to act as an advocate by the tribunal, (a fancy word for the court). Therefore, it was well within their rights to object.

       "Objection sustained, for the time being." The judge agreed. "Let the record show that, should your testimony become integral to the case, the objection will be reevaluated." She nodded curtly in thanks.

       Annoyed, but not giving up, the lawyer continued to go through witnesses. The next ones were women Y/N had never seen before in her life. There were a total of four, all of varying ages. She found it difficult to remember any of their names. As far as she picked up, the first two had been sold into slavery and escaped their masters, one had been supposedly attempted upon, but not caught, and the final claimed to have been raped by YangYang of all people.

       "I would like to cross-examine the witnesses." Y/N stated as the trial continued. Speaking to the first girl, she kept her cool. She didn't have a choice in this moment but to follow every direction, take note of every answer and movement. She was starting to wish she had eaten. Still, now wasn't the time to think about this. There was a good- no, a near 100% chance at least one of these witnesses wouldn't hold up in court. She just had to figure out which one.

       The first and second were the most difficult. With similar, yet vague stories about being picked up in seedy areas, thrown into a van, and suddenly being awoken under the direction of a new master, it was nearly impossible to confirm or deny their honesty. While they were under oath, words were easily brushed a side. Hell, WayV was doing it right now.

       The fourth witness was where she started to get lucky. The man in her earbud told her to demand a medical examination in regards to the rape, and she almost immediately recanted her charges. This didn't look good for them, and the jury was swaying. The final, most pivotal testimony, though, was the third. This girl, around the age of 20 or so if she had to guess, had claimed to have almost been kidnapped at a WayV concert, but got away. Thankfully, she had someone on the outside able to pull her any details she wanted. This could be her ticket.

       "Miss, can you tell me exactly what happened on the night in question?" Sniffling with a fair amount of dramatics, she pushed her faded green hair away from her face. She needed to get her roots redone, her makeup was a walking disaster, and her outfit screamed koreaboo. Not only that, but her little show was basically terrible.

       "Yes... I went to go see WayV in Seoul because I am-" She paused, letting her eyelids flutter. "I was one of their biggest fans. At the end of the show, I went to go look around, because I wanted to experience it for as long as possible. I found the entrance to the back parking lot, and who did I find there but Xuxi himself!" The use of his name- especially one that wasn't his stage name- by this trash? It made her sick to her stomach. Still, she continued.

       "Go on?"

       "He pushed me up against the stadium wall and asked me if I wanted to get on the tour bus with him. Of course I said yes, but when we got on, I noticed like, five other girls! Of course, he didn't like any of them as much as me, but it was super fishy, so I tried to leave. He grabbed me and told me that I couldn't go, so I jerked my arm away and ran for dear life!"

       So much for being a great lawyer- the prosecution had really put this clown up here? As a serious witness? She became more confident as she saw the jury's faces fall and scrunch, evidently feeling the same way about this girls as she did. Now for the closer...

       "Miss, I'll remind you that you're under oath. And in light of that, I'd like to put forth these facts: on the night in question, exactly twenty four minutes after the closing song, the entirety of WayV was escorted to the front foyer for a two-hour fansign, giving them a direct alibi for your timeframe backed by hundreds, if not thousands of witnesses." The judge's eyebrows raised as she waited for the witness' statement. When none came, the judge called the room's attention.

       "Lying under oath is a federal crime that could be met with a probation, fine, or a prison sentence up to five years. You will be taken for further investigation, and your rights will be read to you." Y/N suppressed a smile as the girl was escorted through the main floor of the courtroom. She knew she should be professional, leave it at that, but she couldn't help it. Just before the girl exited through the side door, Y/N yelled,        

       "And keep Lucas's name out of your mouth!" With a slight murmur starting anew in the room, the judge slammed the gavel onto the desk.

       "Order in my court! Miss Y/N, may I remind you that you are at risk of being held in contempt?"

       "Yes, I apologize." She quickly muttered, already embarrassed by the action. As she said this, though, the other lawyer smirked, stepping up.

       "Your honor, we'd like to speak to one more person, if that's alright."

       "Of course, the trial may continue." Nodding the lady thanked her, spinning around to face the faces in the seats.

       "The prosecution calls Wong Yuk-Hei to the stand."

Go to Chapter 10

[bosstoaster]

Oooo, fun! How about a scooby doo/mystery gang au? ~sleepyhunk

Teddy, I love you.

0) It’s not a one-to-one

In one universe, there four teenagers and their dog.  In another, there’s five teenagers-ish.  And-

Look, most of all, no one is anyone.  Shiro’s not Freddy - he has the closest thing to his position, maybe, has his tendency to play the hero of the story.  Shiro’s never cast himself in that role, though, merely stepped into it out of duty, plays leader mostly by gritting his teeth and refusing to let anything else through.  Pidge has shades of Velma - small, wears glasses, the main brains of the group.  But she’s never had Velma’s shy streak, was never anything but loud and proud, even when it hurt.  And anyone who bumped into her wouldn’t leave her on her knees, but punching back.

It falls apart even more for the rest.  

They don’t fit those roles.  They fit their own.  They wouldn’t have it any other way.

(read more below)

I) It’s Keith’s van, but Pidge’s idea

Keith got the van from his dad.  It was part of the inheritance he got when he was 18, along with the middle-of-nowhere shack and the abandonment issues.

Having a van makes him ‘the friend with a car’, no matter how much Keith protests it.  No one else has one at the university.  Shiro was a city kid who still isn’t used to not being able to catch public transit wherever he wants to go, so he’s never bothered.  Lance had a car (his parents had a car, more like), but it went to into trust for his next-youngest nephew when he went to school, so he didn’t bring it.  Hunk has a car, but he honestly hates driving anyway, and he lives too far away not to fly (though he hates that too), and his isn’t available.   Pidge is a freshman, and therefore not allowed to have a car on campus anyway, and-

Look, there’s just no one else with a car.  And it sucks, because it means everyone needs a ride and Keith feels obligated to give it.

So when Pidge has her bright idea, Keith has no choice.

“Just look at the news report!” She cries, eyes bright and nearly feverish.  “Have you not seen any of it?  There’s already memes.  Pictures of a ghost attack, Keith!  From less than an hour away!”

Keith stares down at her laptop, then sighs deeply.  “Seriously?  You know this is going to be like- that balloon boy or whatever.”

Staring up at him, Pidge’s eyes go very big and her bottom lip juts out.  Because she’s evil.  “Keith, this could be history.  Do you really want to miss it?”

Dammit all.

“Okay, but we’re bringing Shiro.”  Keith doesn’t want to do it at all, but Shiro is at least capable of wrangling Pidge at her worst.  When he’s ready to go, Shiro will oblige.

Pidge nods immediately, grinning like the sun.  “Awesome!  Lance and Hunk already said they’d come too.”

Great.

II)  The ghost is fake.  But the thrill isn’t.

“A man in a mask,” Lance cackles, piling into the back of the van.  Keith’s actually not sure that the weird side-facing seats back there are actually legal.  He knows the way Lance and Pidge have been flopping around on the mattress during the drive is definitely illegal.

(He really needs to get rid of that thing, or at least replace it, because gross)

Hunk presses his forehead to the window, snickering too.  “I know!  I can’t believe someone actually did that!  For, for- some stupid land rights?  ‘Well, guess this place is haunted, I’ll sell after all’.  Yeah right!”

Grinning, Shiro climbs into the driver’s seat, because he likes night driving in the van more than Keith.  Both his natural hands grip the steering wheel tight to counter the adrenaline tremor.   “Might have worked before the internet.  Ah, well.”

“Still!”  Lance enthusiastically punches the air, just barely missing making a dent in the ceiling.  “I can’t believe you tackled that guy!”

“He startled me,” is Shiro’s mild response, but his shark’s grin is anything but polite.

Pidge gave a low sigh.  “It’s disappointing.  He faked it pretty well.  I honestly thought-”

“Ghosts aren’t real,” Keith repeats, for probably the hundredth time that night.

Crossing his arm, Lance snorts.  “That’s what you think.  Just ‘cause this one is fake-”

Pidge points to him, head bobbing.  “Right! Here, there’s another place down the hallway with all these reports-”

“Is there?” Shiro asked, eyes flashing and grin still too wide.  “On the way?”

Picking his head up, Hunk considers them all.  “Are you really thinking… it’s like two AM.”

Keith glances over the group, then clips himself into the passenger side seat. “We don’t have class tomorrow.”

“True,” Pidge agrees, her smile just as vicious as Shiro’s.  “It’d only be an extra hour, tops.”

They don’t get back to school until Monday morning.

They make the paper, and they actually make a little money from the grateful theater owner.

III) It just grows from there.

Shiro is the first to graduate.  He’s also the one with the most credibility (and money, though he’s shady about that part).  He doesn’t go out solving any mysteries without them, but he does trademark a couple of names and get the van repainted.  They don’t go out unless they can pick him up somewhere else.

Keith is next.  He thinks about the courses he took, about the aeronautics degree he just spent so much money to get.  He thinks about the mix of reviews from his professors, ‘brilliant and driven’ in the same breath as ‘frustratingly stubborn’.

He throws all of it away without a second thought.  He and Shiro start doing research on the side, learn to fix up the ancient van (finally replacing that mattress), while working side jobs.

Lance, Hunk and Pidge graduate together, with Pidge taking summer classes to catch up.

Then, they’re not just a bunch of random college kids running out at night.

They’re Mystery Paladins Incorporated.

IV) Mystery solving doesn’t pay the bills.  But the internet does.

“Get that camera out of my face,” Keith snaps, shoving his palm over the lens.

Lance yelps and pulls it back.   Pulling out the cleaning cloth, he rubs over it, scowling right back.  “Dude, don’t smudge it.  You’ll ruin our footage.”

Ignoring that, Keith steps closer to Shiro, watching Pidge through the corner of his eyes.  This was the closet they’d been able to coordinate some weird reports to an actual location, and Pidge had been nearly bouncing to check it out for weeks.

Besides him, Shiro is alert, flashlight in one hand, the other hold over his gun holster.  He has his preferences, and wandering around the woods in the middle of the night isn’t it.  Shiro likes the weird ones, the killer clowns in abandoned amusement parks, giant lobster monsters attacking port towns.  Creepy weirdos in the woods?  Too likely to be something mundane and dangerous.

Keith relates.

“Guys?” Hunk called.  He holds a microphone in one hand, the other pressing one side his headphones harder onto his ear.  “I think I hear voices ahead.”

Immediately, Lance grins and bounds ahead, surprisingly quiet.

Cursing under his breath, Shiro darts after.

There’s a crack in the distance, and a scream of pain.

Keith knows it’s Shiro.

V) Sometimes, the mysteries are people. Bad people.  And Mystery Hunting is dangerous.

Keith leans back in his chair, rubbing his eyes.  The tiny hospital room is full with the five of them.  Hunk takes up one chair, head back as he breathes deeply and slowly.  Pidge his crashed mostly in his lap, her legs danging over one of the arm rests and her head on Hunk’s shoulder.  From here, he can’t tell if she’s asleep or just has her eyes cracked.

On Shiro’s other side, Lance is gripping the sheets of Shiro’s bed, eyes roaming over his face again.

Now he has a much shorter haircut, with white streaked through what’s left of his bangs.  The wound over his nose is finally healing, but when the nurses change the bandages, Keith knows it’ll scar.

And his arm is gone.

“Hey,” Keith murmurs gently.  “You okay?”

Lance looks up at him and swallows.  The he shakes his head.  “He’s going to be so mad when he wakes up,” he managed, voice small and surprisingly young.

“No he’s not,” Keith shoots back, because it’s true.  It’s Shiro.  “He knew what he was doing.”

Shaking his head, Lance screws his eyes shut.  “If I hadn’t been so focused on that camera-”

It’s a useless train of thought.  Taking a pen off the counter, Keith throws it.  It hits Lance in the forehead and bounces off. “Yeah, the shot that pays for gas and food.  You were doing your job.  Shiro’s not going to be mad.”

Lance doesn’t seem to be certain of that, but he finally nods, rubbing his forehead.  “What now?”  He asks.

Keith doesn’t know.

But when Shiro wakes up, he does.

VI) They’re Mystery Paladins Incorporated.  Then and After.

Bonus) Aliens are Real and So Can You.

“Holy shit,” Lance breathes, shining on the woman climbing out of the ship.  The light catches on the pink markings on her face and the earrings dangling from her long, pointed ears.

Pidge whoops.  “Finally!  One of them is real!”

“Well,” Keith mutters.  “I’ll be damned.”