#ive seen it before. it dipped me in milk

[lohotine]

Hello, can I request Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader who likes to dance pls? Since I imagine Shadow Milk Cookie dancing around a lot, I thought a dancing Reader would be perfect for him!

Have a nice day/evening/night! 👋🏼😁

AN: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, I LEGIT STARTED JUMPING UP AND DOWN WHEN I GOT THIS REQUEST. IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO WRITE S.M.C, AND NOW I FINNALY HAVE ONE! AH, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR THIS REQUEST ☆☆☆☆☆ IM GOING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE AND ADD HEADCANONS AT THE BOTTOM TOO ☆☆☆☆☆♡♡♡♡ XOXOXO TYSM ILY.

Shadow Milk Cookie x GN! Reader. ONESHOT

Warnings: None

-Doll-

Stars shone whimsically in the sky, and the cool night breeze could be felt all around you. A quiet melody was playing from the stage inside. Standing on a balcony was you, elegantly twirling and stepping from side to side. Though your eyes were closed, you did not need them. It was song that guided you, not your sight. It was peaceful, until somebody grabbed one of your hands and forcefully spun you around.

Your eyes shot open and you could see the person who interrupted your dance standing right infront of you. Cold hands, shades of blue, crazed eyes. It was none other than Shadow Milk Cookie.

"Is this what my doll has been up to? You know, I've been looking all over for you," he would say. One of his hands were on your waist while the other was holding your own. His eyes looked deep into your eyes, and a smile could be seen on the blue cookie's face.

"I thought you were still doing your show," you would explain to him.

"Dove, I finished a while ago. I wanted to meet up with you immediately after, but you hid away on this balcony! I was a little worried," informed Shadow Milk Cookie.

"Ah, sorry." You would smile wryly.

"What's that look for?" He'd snap, beginning to pout.

"It's just funny how much you want to be around me. I didn't think you liked me that much!"

Shadow Milk would roll his eyes.

"You are so silly. Why wouldn't I enjoy being around my favorite doll? You're perfect."

He would spin you around once again and start the steps to a familiar dance. The two of you would recite this dance all of the time, so the steps have already been memorized by heart.

It was the first dance that Shadow Milk did with you.

"Dancing again? You seem to like it a lot," He'd chime as he continued to spin around with you.

"That's because I do like it a lot. Though, it's much more enjoyable with you."

Shadow Milk Cookie couldn't help but snicker. "I know. I'm a joy to be around~"

He would dip you backwards and stare into your eyes.

"But, I suppose I also enjoy our time together."

He would bring you back up to your feet and continue the hypnotic dance.

How much time has past since you two first began dancing?

The two of you had no plans on stopping any time soon, but it just had to start raining. It wasn't even a light mist that would make things more romantic. It was heavy.

"Uhg, what a pain." Shadow Milk would say through a glare. He quickly lead both of you back indoors, but the damage had been done.

"I'm so sorry doll. If I knew there was going to be rain, I would have lead us inside earlier."

"It's fine, really. I was starting to get sleepy anyway," You'd explain to him.

His eyes would widen for a moment before he picked you up into his arms. You would have started shouting at him to let you go, but something else caught your attention first.

"Ack! Shadow Milk, you are freezing!"

He couldn't help but snicker.

"Sorry button, I run cold."

Shadow Milk Cookie would place a kiss on your forehead before starting to walk both of you to your shared room.

After the two of you changed into more dry clothing, Shadow Milk immediately wrapped you up in a bunch of blankets.

"I can't have my little doll getting sick now!" He'd say as he began to cuddle up next to you.

"You're still cold.." you would whine, trying to scoot away from him.

"I know that, silly! That's why you have to share the warmth..." He'd say back, holding you closer.

He was so annoying sometimes.

But of course you still loved him.

Headcanons!

Loves dancing with you so much!

Sometimes he'll see you randomly dancing on stage, and he can't help but join in

Will 100% spin and dip you

But if on the off chance you spin him...

He gets flustered

Will make up the excuse that it just caught him off guard

But you know he's flustered since his hands turn warm...

He is NEVER warm

Loves to flirt with you while you dance

And likes giving you silly little nicknames like: button, doll, dove, star, and when he's in a silly mood, silly billy.

His favorite greeting is spinning you around or random hugs from behind

Acts like a cat

He's clingy and needy like one as well

Seriously panics if he loses you for over an hour

You have to make up for it with kisses

Man also gets jealous SO easily.

Death stares and constant harassment towards the other party

He never does this infront of you though

OKAY, I DID IT! AGAIN, THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE. PLEASE REQUEST MORE SHADOW MILK COOKIE FROM ME. I WILL GLADLY WRITE IT 😍

[xgryffinwhore]

september nights

request:  i was wondering if you could write another soft bill smut? i don’t really have a specific plot in mind, we’re just really lacking content on tumblr rn :( in some really precarious place where they don’t want to get caught

warnings: soft smut, like i mean very soft.

word count: 2118

before your lips met bill denbrough’s, love was always, to say the least, a conundrum. lets be real for second, boys wasted your time, and you let them. only the cute ones of course. you are a hopeless romantic, drunk off of molly ringwald and john travolta films. you wanted any relationship you had to be just like the movies.

through your heart breaks, your best friends stood by you, your losers. eddie, richie, bev, stan, ben, and bill. for each tear you shed a punch was thrown to the man who caused it, they were protective over you. bill the most though, he always got so defensive when you were in the mix. all throughout middle & high school, bill has had to deal with every guy who even dares to think about breaking your heart.

“its not fair bill” you wailed into your pillow. he stroked your back and hushed you, his eyes welling with tears. “im never fucking good enough for any guy and its so fucking sad!” your complaints being cut off mid sentence by a choked out cry. “y-y/n. all of y-your boyfriend are i-idiots. anyone w-who would d-d-do this to you isnt w-worth your t-time. anyone w-would be the luckiest in the w-world to have y-you in their life” you picked your head up and looked at him with swollen lips and blood shot eyes “there no one out there for me bill, no one.” 

he bit his lip, fighting back any tears dripping from his eyes “they j-just dont see how p-pretty you are. how g-gentle and caring and s-s-sweet, and h-how your face c-can light up any room. theyre f-fucking idiots, and you d-deserve m-more.” you clearly thought he was being nice, because you could take a MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN hint, so you replied “i wish there was someone out there like you, for me, that thinks of me the way you do.” 

he furrowed his brows, tossing his head back and running his fingers furiously through his hair. “d-dammit y/n!” he cursed “cant you s-see what ive b-been trying to say? w-w-what ive been t-trying to say f-for the last f-five years!?!” your expression was bewildered, your brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure out what he meant. his frustration got the best of him, he got up and stormed out the door,  feeling embarrassed and stupid for trying to make you understand how he felt.

he was half way out your front door, fuming for his keys lodged deep into his front pocket; when suddenly:

“bill!”

his head turned at the call of his name, “y-y/n please i d-”

smack.

your lips locked with his, he rain pouring heavily outside. bills lips stilled at the contact, but this lasted briefly, he deepened this kiss by pulling you in to his abdomen by your mid back. your bunched the front of his base ball t shirt with your fists, and he did the same but with your hair.

the rest is basically history.

now six months later, and you couldnt have been happier. bill knew how to treat you, nights out twice a week (you always wanted to pay but bill insisted,) holding your hand to and from classes, he let you borrow have his varsity baseball jacket, which smelt just like him and was a little too big for you. 

when he would drop you off and your classes, he would always grab your hand and transfer a tiny piece of paper into your palm. when you got into class to unfold it, it was always a cute little message about his love for you. 

bill had it bad for you, everyone knew that, and you loved every minute of it. he met every and any standard you had, and exceeded your expectations. 

it was september, still warm enough in derry to wear shorts, so you and your friends thought of a last hurrah for the ending of the summery weather.

“camp out, its nearly perfect” Richie exclaimed. eddie rolled his eyes “like youve ever been near anything perfect toizer, do you even know what perfect means?” richie shoved eddie “yeah eddie i actually have. have you seen amanda’s tits?”

 you tuned out richie and eddies bickering as you’re boyfriend cleared his throat. “you g-gonna go?” he said into your ear, “only if you promise to wear bug spray bill, you know how bad-” he cut you off with a kiss, his mouth forming a small smile at how cute you were. “get a room, honestly” stan poked, pda wasn’t his favorite... “at least i h-have something to k-kiss aye s-stannie”

you arrived at the edge of the forest, parking your car at the last parking ish space. you walked toward the sounds of ben and richie fighting, and came to see that richie really went all out. three tents, sticks for a fire, and more snacks than anyone needed. 

you all spent the remanence of the daylight dancing in the light sky, sharing stories, and eating waaaay too many chips. it was dark now, you all huddled in a circle near the fire; making small talk and trying not to admit you were all very tired.

“ok folks, im off to bed” richie yawned “me stan eddie n’ mike will take the green tent, bev and ben in the red.” richie paused and smirked over at you and bill, you were tangled in his limbs, golfed in his navy blue pull over. “and uh- heh- billy boy and y/n in the yellow tent eh?” you could practically feel bills eye roll, god richie was so immature.

“w-we dont have to s-sleep in the s-s-same tent, i c-can ask ben if he’d s-switch” you look up at bill and reassure him “bill no- its not a big deal, right?” he tucks your hair behind your ear and kisses the side of your temple “c-course not.”

you both went into the tent, bill began to unroll the blankets you both had packed tightly into your bags. You both set up your makeshift bed, bill leaned against a pile of pillows while you hugged his side, your face buried in his neck. his smell was absolutely intoxicating; his skin had remanence of his milk and honey body wash, but it was slightly overpowered by wintergreen, clove, and his bourbon cologne. 

you were like this for around an hour, the orange crank-powered lantern being the only source of light. you switch positions though, you now laid your head on his lap, reading a magazine you stole from the hair salon. he watched your eyes scan every letter, when you read something funny you’d huff to yourself, and when something was intresting you stuck your tongue out from between your teeth. he adored you.

“d-dont stay up t-too late” he stroked your hair off your shoulder “we have t-to have you w-well r-r-rested.” you sat up from beside him, as he adjusted the pillows and took off his pull over, then his pants. he got under the covers and waited for you.

“nice donut boxers” you laughed. “s-shut up” he blushed and regreted not changing them when he had the chance. you turned around took off your shirt, you were shy about how you looked, but it was just bill. it was just bill. you heard his breath hitch, his eagerness radiating off his body onto yours. the air became tense as you unzipped your pants and threw them to the corner. you turned around, bills pupils growing until you were completely facing him.

“yeah i know. mine are boring” you laugh nervously, brushing your hair behind your ear and getting under the covers next to him. he didnt respond, he couldnt take his eyes off of you.you began to sit up again “i can go put back on-” “n-no!” he interrupts, his blush taking up his entire face.

“i j-j-just cant b-believe i g-get to see something s-so special” he gulped “s-so b-b-b-beautiful.”

you grabbed him by his shoulders and kissed him, hard. youve been with boys before, i mean youve dated plenty of people. but no one ever called your body special. hot, yeah. nice, yeah. beautiful, sure. but no one ever thought that it was special. 

bill was a kind boy, the most you two have ever done is get each other off with your hands, always clothed. bill never asked to see more, he felt lucky enough just to make you feel good, and that was enough for him. so when you felt the heat of his hands hovering over your body but not touching it, you new you’d have to call the shots tonight.

“bill,” you laid down “just touch me everywhere, please.” he crawled in between your legs, kneeling so that he could lean over your face “m-my pleasure.”

he traced your collar, leaving small, delicate, kisses to make up for what his fingers left behind as they trailed. he kissed the valley between your breasts, licking slow striped down your skin. he picked up your upper back a little and cocked his head to the side, you nodded and he unclipped your bra. he sat their with his mouth open, taking in the view. you blushed and muttered “hey, keep that mouth to good use.” he dipped down and sucked on your nipples, his mouth felt so good against your skin grazed with goosebumps. he was gingerly with his tongue, it was sexy, it was romantic. he kissed down your stomach, his fingers sweeping down your sides. you could see his member pressing against his boxers, the pressure made him wince every once in a while. his fingers met your panties and he hooked them. again, he looked up for permission, you nodded once again. 

he brought your underwear down your legs and off, looking back to see what he had relieved. he licked his lips, getting ready to please you more than he already did. but you felt bad, bill always gave gave and gave. “its ok, im ready right now.” bill looked up at you in shock, he wasnt expecting you’d want to go all the way. “y/n, y-youre sure?” you lean up and kiss his lips, swiping your tongue against his bottom lip “please.”

he pulled down his boxers eagerly, his member sprung out to hit his stomach. he lined up with you, checking once more that it was ok. then he pushed in, bottoming out. he felt bigger than you thought, of course he was well endowed, but he filled you up so well. you mewled, the pain and pleasure making a delicious feeling that made your toes curl.

he waited, but began slowly moving after a bit. he grunted, feeling you wrapped around him was something he’d never be able to get out of his head he thought to himself. he grunted “f-fuck this feels g-good’ he grunted, his breath becoming heavy and full of lust. with every stroke, you felt yourself get more and more lost in the bliss he made you feel. “youre making me feel so good  bill” you moan, the sound of his name coming out of your mouth driving him absolutely crazy. he speeds up, loving the view of your face contorting in pleasure and your body moving with his. 

he couldnt help but feel admiration to you, your hair formed a halo around your head, and the sweat that coated your skin made you glisten in the orange light. “im t-the luckiest in the world” he husks, holding your cheek. 

you felt the knot in your core coming undone, “bill im close” you strain, trying not to be too loud so you dont wake your friends. he moved your leg up to his shoulder, hitting you from a different, deeper angle. his fingers went to your clit, making you bite your had to stop you from screaming. “you l-look so p-pretty y/n, t-taking me s-so well. making y-you feel so good.” “so good bill” you repeat, drunken off his cock and fingers. 

without warning, you came came, your legs spazzing as you moaned “fuck bill” he followed, his hips stuttering, as he cried out into your shoulder. he pulled out and laid next to you, both of you breathing heavily and coming off your highs. 

“y/n” he looked at you “t-that was really j-just wow- thank y-you.” you kissed him, chaste and sweet “that was great yeah?” “it w-was perfect babe. t-thank you f-for t-that. i love you y-y/n.”

“i love you too bill.”

he sat up, his fingers dancing on your inner thigh.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

“c-can we p-please do t-that again?”

[whatcouldgowrong-ohthat]

Us and Andie Ch. 5

Summary: Bucky works as an Avenger because it’s what’s right. He feels he has sins he’ll never be able to make up for, but he’ll spend the rest of his life trying. However, his life takes an unexpected turn when he comes across Andie, the daughter of recently divorced Y/N. The life he had once “maintained” in hopes of surviving changes as his heart warms for a tough-as-nails nurse and her wonderful daughter.

Word Count: 3227 words

Warnings: Reader and Bucky interaction! There is angst and mentions of abuse. 

A/N: There is a lot more angst in this chapter just because Y/N’s telling Bucky hers and Andie’s history. And guys - this divorce story is based off of real events from someone I’m very close to. I wish it wasn’t real, but it is. I actually downplayed it for this particular story. But single parents? Victims of abuse? They deserve all of our love and support because they work their asses off just trying their best.

Series Masterlist - Masterlist

Seeing an Avenger run errands was something that one wouldn’t label as “normal”. Ever. A giant of a man attempting to squeeze past other shoppers in skinny aisles? Natasha quietly appearing wherever she needed to do something as simple as grab a carton of milk? And God forbid a billionaire playboy like Tony go shopping on his own for something as trivial as frozen pizza. In fact, Sam might have been the only Avenger that Y/N could picture and it might be the slightest bit, maybe just maybe, normal.

But this particular Avenger? Bucky? It seemed…improbable? Impossible? Inconceivable. That was the word.

Maybe Y/N needed to stop watching The Princess Bride with Andie.

She watched as Bucky looked over her list, grabbing things from shelves and tossing them in the basket. Several women had noticed him. It was hard not to. The guy was massive. And Y/N had to admit, it was nice having him around. It was weird – she barely knew anything about him, but he was determined to help her.

“Tell me something.”

Bucky looked up, raising an eyebrow as she grabbed two bags of M&Ms. One peanut butter, the other dark chocolate. He wondered if they were both Andie’s favorites or if one was maybe hers. “Like what?” He looked back at her, handing her the list before pushing the cart.

She started scratching things off, shrugging. “Something not related to Hydra? Or the Avengers?” As interesting as it now was to say she met with and hung out with the Avengers, she still preferred normal. There was no denying that. And the idea of knowing something like that about Bucky? The idea made her smile.

“I like sweet things.”

That wasn’t what she was expecting. Y/N stepped in front of the cart, hopping on it and allowing him to push her. “I need an explanation behind that. I thought everyone likes sweets. At least to some degree, right?”

Bucky pulled the cart to a stop, surprised when she hopped up. However, despite his surprise, he had to admit that it was cute. He’d seen her wild and worried, but Bucky had yet to see her relax. To act less like a mom and more like…herself? There was a better way to word that, he was sure of it. He crossed his arms and leaned against it, trying to find the right words before realizing he still owed her an explanation. “Hydra didn’t exactly go out of their way to give me good food. Mostly it was IV nutrients or stuff that could hardly even qualify as food.”

Her heart sank at that. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the hero gig. “Oh…”

“Yeah, so when I got out I just…I promised myself I wouldn’t live like that anymore. I want to enjoy things and it turns out sweets became one of those…things.”

Y/N smiled at that. “I’ll make those pancakes for you. That Andie likes so much.”

Bucky looked up at her, eyes wide and jaw dropped. She didn’t – “You don’t – “

“What, you’re the only person that’s able to do nice things?” She hopped off the cart, crossing her arms. “Not happening. Besides, baking is one of those things I do.”

“Even in that tiny ass kitchen?” Y/N gaped at him and he cringed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

But it turned out, Bucky’s apology wasn’t even necessary. Y/N was laughing and swatted his arm, earning a small jump from him. “Yes, actually, I do bake even in that ‘tiny ass kitchen’.”

Bucky felt something in his stomach when he heard her laugh like that. Not only was it sweet, but he was the cause of it. He was the cause of bringing that smile to her face. “How do you have the time?”

“I don’t,” she told him, still laughing without a shred of embarrassment. “But I make it. Whether it means losing some shut eye or not – the nurses are willing to pay me to make stuff for their kids’ bake sales.”

Bucky pushed the cart, absolutely dumbfounded by this woman. She had no superpowers, no abilities, and no reason to be such a good person. And yet here she was. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as good as you.”

Y/N laughed again, shaking her head. “I’m just trying to do my best, Buck. Whatever that is.”

Silence fell as they rounded the corner and went towards the cold section. Y/N was immediately rubbing her hands together, oblivious to the fact that Bucky was watching her. He wanted to tell her more, talk to her more.

“I also like goats.”

Y/N whipped her head around, already smiling at that new detail. “Goats? Is there a story behind this?”

“Um…after the Accords I went to Wakanda and that’s where I met Shuri. She’s the princess there…Really good kid. You’d like her. And…”

Bucky continued with his story. His movements became more animated and relaxed as she listened to him. It was a side of Bucky she never could have predicted. But it seemed the more time she spent with him, the more she realized there was a lot about Bucky she couldn’t predict. And a lot more that she wanted to find out.

-.-.-

After grocery shopping and finally dropping everything off at the apartment, Bucky insisted on taking Y/N out for food. It was a weird moment for him. Normally he stayed in, avoiding eyes and people that were far too curious. But this time that wasn’t the case. He actually wanted to be out. He wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to be seen with Y/N or if he wanted to spoil her. Maybe it was a mix of the two.

“Here’s your order,” the waitress said, placing two burgers, fries, and two shakes on the table.

Y/N thanked her, looking around at the quaint little diner. How did Bucky find this place? “I feel like we’re going to be caught in this endless cycle of being too nice to each other,” she joked, taking a fry. She dipped it in her shake and took a bite, smiling when she saw that look of complete confusion on his face. Had he even heard what she just said? “Try it before you judge.”

Bucky snorted, but did as she said. What he didn’t expect was to actually enjoy it. And judging by the highly entertained look on her face, he wasn’t exactly hiding it.

“Exactly. So quit your judging.”

They were so at ease with each other. It felt like they’d known one another for years. “So…you asked me questions earlier. Can I ask you now?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment before forcing herself to relax. It was Bucky. What was the worst thing he could ask? “Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“…Why did you and Andie’s dad get a divorce?”

Y/N’s whole body froze when she heard that question. This was why she didn’t make new friends. New friends asked personal questions. New friends asked about that damn ex-husband of hers. But Bucky meant well…She was sure he did. She had to remember that he was from a time when divorce just wasn’t done.

And she was from a time when it was always done.

“Well…” Wow, things felt heavy. Her chest felt tight.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky murmured. He leaned forward when he noticed how quickly her body language changed. “I didn’t want to upset you. Or bring up bad memories. I just…” His tongue ran across his lip as he struggled to find the words. Why was he always stumbling? Why was he always at a loss for words? “I was raised in a time where marriage was it. You were stuck with it. And even though Hydra brainwashed me, it became one of those things that was kind of ingrained in my beliefs. Even when I didn’t know what those were.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I was curious what would bring someone to end a relationship when they’re supposed to be in love.”

“Abuse.”

Bucky looked up, fixating on her features. There was only one tear, already fallen and gone. Strands of her hair fell in front of her face. She looked raw. His whole body was rigid as he repeated that one word in his head. Abuse. Who the fuck would abuse her? Who would be such a coward? She wasn’t a superhero. She wasn’t like him. Or a soldier or anything like that. She didn’t have a job that deserved cruelty. So why…? Bucky clenched his jaw at the sharp pain from his hair, realizing he’d been pulling because of his anger.

“Do you want the whole story?”

“You – Y/N, you’re under no obligation to share that with me.”

“I know,” she told him with the smallest nod. “I’m very well aware of that. And if it were anyone else, I probably wouldn’t. But I’m sitting across from a man who lived with seventy years of abuse. If anyone would get it, I’m pretty sure it’s you.”

He slumped in his chair, surprised that she would trust him with something like this. There was something about this that made him feel…pride? Confidence? Of all the people to trust, she was choosing him. And he never would have expected it. He never would have had the guts to believe it. Though first, he had to ask, “Did he hurt Andie?”

“Hell no.” The words were held with nothing less than total conviction. “I divorced him before he got the chance.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more to the story than that?”

“’Cause there is? My ex…” She picked at her food, suddenly losing her appetite. “God, he knew how to work the system. Played it like a game. He was verbally and emotionally abusive…Never touched me hard enough to leave a bruise. Just enough to make a point or get me scared.”

Silence passed for a few minutes. Bucky watched her, willing to listen to anything she had to tell him.  But just like any of the Avengers, that wall that she had torn down came right back up just as quick.

She shrugged, taking a sip of her water. Her stomach lurched. She felt sick. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.” Bucky bit his lip, reaching across the table. His hand found her arm, squeezing gently. Learning about this, he had so much more to ask. Why would Andie try to see her dad? Why did Y/N wait till Andie was three?

“You’re not the first person to give me that look, you know,” Y/N murmured. A hollow laugh slipped free. She pulled her arm away from his grip, ignoring how comforting it felt. She hugged herself. “Part of my marriage included isolating me from my family. I was nineteen when we got married, so I didn’t know any better. God, I was so naïve. I was practically brainwashed into believing that was how marriage was supposed to be. I didn’t know any better and – “ She faltered, realizing what she had said. “I’m sorry, that was really tacky. I could’ve chosen a better word.”

Bucky frowned. What was she talking about? Oh. He chuckled, shaking his head. “If brainwashing is a good word to describe what you went through, then use it. You’re not hurting my feelings.”

She smiled ever so slightly. It hurt to see her like this. Looking so broken. Taking a shaky breath, she looked around at the near empty diner. The few people that were there weren’t paying attention to them. It was comforting. She felt like she could confide in him even with where they were. “I didn’t really care what he was doing to me, you know? I was numb after five years. I didn’t talk to anyone outside of his friends. It was just my life. But then I got pregnant with Andie. And he changed. He started treating me better…like I was a person instead of property.”

Bucky’s hands clenched on his thighs. Everything in his body wanted to move next to Y/N, to hug her and let her know that nothing that happened was right. But the way she talked about it? He knew she was aware. He knew she wasn’t that same girl anymore. God, how different would things have been if they had met all those years ago? “What changed?”

“I think actually having Andie burst some bubble of his. The reality of a daughter? Especially a mutant showing their abilities so young? He wasn’t prepared for it and,” she shrugged again, defeated. “He blamed me for her having a gift. I didn’t even care that she did, but when I reminded him that it was the male’s genetics that determined someone being a boy or girl? Someone being a mutant? That was when things went back to what I was used to. He didn’t drink or anything, but he was…so angry. And I wasn’t going to put her through that. She had just turned three and I filed. So then he threatened to take her from me.”

Bucky’s heart sank. How much of this was a reality for other women? How many women had to be as strong as Y/N? How many chose to stay? How many weren’t even able to make a choice? “How,” His voice caught in his throat. “How did you get him to…”

“To leave us alone?” He nodded, at a complete loss for words. “He doesn’t have to pay child support. And I have complete control of visitation rights. It mattered once, but not so much now. Andie…she wants a relationship, but it’ll never happen.”

Bucky ran a hand over his face, trying to wrap his head around everything. She gave up child support and was taking care of a kid while living in New York. On her own. Wow. He scratched his jaw, unable to wrap his mind around how someone could go through all of that. It was a different type of torture. Bewildered, he asked, “Why would she even want to see him?”

“Because he remarried,” she sighed. “And he has two boys. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely honest with my daughter about everything involving her father. I have raised her to be able to defend herself no matter what. She is very aware of everything.” Y/N hesitated, only able to imagine what could have gone on in Andie’s head the day her dad refused to meet her. “But she has a father who has no interest in meeting her because of things out of her control. He raises two boys and, from what I know, he loves them and his wife. He treats his new family great. At thirty-five, I still can’t help the sting I feel from that. I can only imagine what she feels.”

“She’s an awesome kid.”

Y/N laughed, tears welling in her eyes. “Yeah, I know. And she’s been wanting to meet him since she was eight. She’s been wanting to meet her brothers for just as long, but…”

“He won’t let her.”

It was a statement, not a question. He didn’t need to ask because the answer was so irritatingly obvious. What an ass. Andie was sneaking out to see what she was missing. She was trying to create a relationship with someone who didn’t want her. The thought of that, the realization, made him sick to his stomach.

Y/N let out a sharp exhale, realizing how heavy things had gotten. She had shared her story, sure, but normally in bits and pieces. It wasn’t normally such word vomit. “I can’t believe I told you all of that. It is nothing like what you went through.”

“Don’t start with all of that,” Bucky argued, shocking her into silence. “Trauma is trauma. Nothing makes what you and Andie went through any less valid. And you can’t argue. ‘Cause I’m the Winter Soldier and who better to ‘get it’ than me?”

She laughed at that, a hint of a smile reappearing when he threw her words back around. Oh, how surprising this man was. Taking a sip of her drink, she asked, “You are unnaturally kind, you realize that, right?”

“Or maybe I’m just less of a dick than the guys you spend time with.”

Y/N snorted, choking on her water and falling into a coughing fit as Bucky winced. Maybe that was too far? “That was great,” she told him, wiping away the tears that had fallen before.

In only seconds, she looked completely different. No longer broken. Any tension that had been there was gone. She was already moving on from it. Maybe that was because she already had eight years behind her.

Leaning back in her seat, she checked her phone. “I need to go get Andie from school.”

Bucky nodded, pulling out his wallet and dropping a couple twenties. “Do you want company?”

She smiled as they stood and made their way outside. As weird as it was to share something like picking Andie up, Y/N found herself wanting to. Andie liked Bucky. And Y/N felt like she could trust him. Especially after confiding everything to him. Honestly, she told him, “I would really like that.”

“Then lead the way.”

And she did. Her hand reached down and grabbed his, immediately catching Bucky’s attention and sending him on alert. He expected her to let go at some point, only making sure he stuck by through the crowds. And while he did his best to follow the route, memorizing it in case he would one day get Andie on his own, he was absolutely giddy.

She never let go of his hand.

-.-.-

That night, Tony was working late in the lab as always. While tinkering away at his suit, he had a hologram of a few documents pulled up. He was passively studying, something absolutely normal for him. It helped him focus. At least, that was the excuse he was giving himself. He preferred this sort of thing after all. But what he hadn’t been expecting was F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerting him of someone else’s arrival.

He looked up, swiping away the reports he’d been memorizing. Fixating back on the suit, he asked, “What are you doing here?”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He shoved a hand in his pocket, the other nervously running through his hair. He didn’t like the idea of coming to Tony for a favor. He really didn’t. It isn’t for you. It’s for Andie and Y/N. “You like Andie and her mom, right?”

Tony glanced up, lifting the goggles and propping them on his head. “Yeah. Y/N seems like a good mom and Andie’s been a riot ever since I met her.” He pushed the chair he sat in, rolling across the floor and landing at his desk. He set the tools down and rose to his feet, wiping his hands clean on his pants. He could always buy another pair. “Why, what’s up?”

“I have a favor to ask…”

Tony leaned against his desk. “For them? Name it.”

And Bucky did. He described everything he felt Tony needed to know. He knew the Stark had a big heart, witnessed how he had taken Peter under his wing. He wanted to do something similar for these two. And judging by the look on Tony’s face, he was more than willing.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tag List:

@mr-robot-x​ @lets--be-honest @buckyssoul @purplekitten30 @amnahs9695 @booktease21 @niahmariec

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer IV: Crow

The message I sent to the number listed on the website was simple.

“Meet me. Takamagahara. Midnight.  - Tamayori”

I didn’t doubt he would show up. Few people knew my stage name, but Chisei became aware of it when he visited the Takamagahara on that fateful night when the dragon awoke near Tokyo and near flattened the place with a volcanic eruption and a tsunami.

But the Takamagahara only looked better after the destruction. New tile, new walls, an enlarged stage with shows with a very high production value. Lights, pyrotecnics, smoke and twice the number of dancers.

They served me wine but I declined it with a shake of my head.

I turned to watch Mr. Humpback greeting guests. He was missing an arm, no doubt after coming under attack from the Death Servitors that had rampaged through this place that fateful night. Still, he’d lost none of his spirit, greeting clients with his fanciful bows, flair and gusto.

There was someone sitting in the booth behind me. They weren’t doing anything or watching the show. They were alone. It was unusual. That was probably either Saeki or one of the Hydra goons. I took a deep breath and let it out, eyes roaming the room. Johann’s voice echoed in my mind.

Your enemies will read your eyes.

I turned my face back to the stage again. Acrobats were performing a tough contortion routine Bending their backs easily in a full circle while another performer jumped through them like they were hoops.

“Hopefully no one will be set on fire tonight.”

I looked up. A woman in a kimono approached with a fan over her face.

“Tamayori-hime. May I join you?”

I nodded and she slid into my booth.

As soon as she did, her fan lowered every so slightly and the pitch of her voice suddenly dipped. “It really is you.”

I blinked and blinked again. “Crow?!”

“SHHH! Don’t~...” He glanced around. “Don’t call me that! It’s Saeki Ryuuji now!”

I clapped my hand over my mouth. “Sorry. Wow, you make a good lady.”

“Shut up. I don’t have much time. Why are you calling me here?!”

I swallowed. “I’m in trouble. I’m in hiding with a group of people claiming to be the true Gen Clan. I don’t know the history, but they’re willing to keep me in hiding so long as I arrange a meeting with Chisei. Can you help please?”

He sighed deeply. “Yes and no. Chisei keeps a near invisible profile now. And your situation is complicated by your husband and your own actions.” His expression sobered. “Hydra can’t afford another war with the Academy. We’re still very weak.”

I lowered my eyes. Ru’yi took that moment to stir and squeak. I kept her in a large purse after getting her good and milk-drunk before this meeting. Crow’s head lifted. 

“You brought the baby with you?!”

“Yes! Of course! I wasn’t going to leave her with them...” 

Crow’s eyes lit up. “Can I see her? Please!” He clasped his hands in front of his face in the most ridiculous plea I’d ever seen a man make. The women’s make up just made him look more like a clown.

“Oh... you can see but you can’t touch... or take.” I warned him, passing the purse across the table.

Crow peered into the bag cooing. “Aww... she’s so cute... Can I hold her? I mean... after we leave?”

I chuckled in surprise. “I guess?”

He passed the purse back to me. “Hydra can’t support you, but I know how much you mean to Chisei. The Academy is breathing down our necks right now because they know too. I’ve sworn to turn you over once you’re caught.”

I nodded. He raised a finger. 

“But... I’ve been stalling. You say you’re hiding but we’ve actually known where you were this whole time and that you’ve been looking for Chisei. Kaguya has been scrubbing the records as soon as anything comes up about your whereabouts. I planted that phone number on the sunscreen website, hoping you’d call.”

My shoulders drooped. “For real?”

“You can’t hide from the Academy without our help, Carli.” He said, eyes soft with sympathy.

“What do I need to do?”

“My plan is to tell the Academy that we’ve captured you and we’re going to use you as bait to lure Lu Mingfei to us. That way we don’t have to turn you over right away.” He smiled.

My eyes widened. “Like... right now? But... what about Aoi Gen?”

“That crazy lady?! Forget her.”

I shifted my eyes away. “Is she really crazy? What happened to the old Gen clan before Tachibana got here?”

“Gang war. They got raided, they got wiped out.”

“But if you believe Chime and Chisei survived, why not her?” I asked.

Crow sat back. “Look this is none of your business. You’re not really in a position to bargain.”

“Maybe not... but... I remember what happened with the Devil Clan and the saying, ‘A child that is hated by her family will burn down the house to feel their warmth.’ Why make that same mistake again? Why ignore her? If Chisei knew about this, he would hear her out. But he doesn’t know about it. Does he?”

“It’s one of the messier parts of our history. We may never know the truth.”

“Tachibana killed my family. I can’t be the only one.” I shook my head. I leaned forward. “Let me meet him. After that, you can... capture me.” I smiled.

Crow sighed deeply, glancing away. “Okay. Go up to the mountain shrine on Sunday Night. There will be the fire walking festival. Chisei attends every year. That’s all I’ll tell you.” 

“Thanks. Will anyone else be there?”

“Oh....” Crows eyes widened. “You can bet on it.”

We left the Takamagahara together. I opened my purse and let the ‘lady’ hold and fuss over Ru’Yi.

“I never thought you’d like kids...”

“I LOVE kids. And she’s a doll! Look at that little face!” He blew a raspberry in her cheeks. He looked at me, a smile playing on his lips and in that look I saw that he wasn’t going to let Cassell College take me way.

[thegreenfairy13]

No Country For Heroes - Part 2

Last week @justsimplymeagain gave me the prompt ‘beg’ and I wrote a one-shot. I am sorry to announce that I decided to turn this one-shot into a full story. You can find the previous chapter here on Ao3.

I raised the rating to an M for the subject matter and following chapters. 

Summary: when Gotham is cut off from the mainland, the GCPD decides to turn Jim in in exchange for the Penguins protection.

It’s fitting, in a way. They dragged him in half-dead, they are keeping him half-alive now. 

Jim isn’t sure how long he has been there. He only knows his entire body is burning up while his teeth won’t start clattering. The blanket they gave him is not big enough to cover him entirely. Not that it would do anything anyway to keep him warm, sweat-sodden as it is. 

Now and then, a doctor comes. At least Jim believes he’s a doctor. He can’t even tell if it’s night or day when he arrives, for the room he’s being kept in has no windows. It’s a small cell - only big enough for a single bed, a toilet, and a sink. 

The medic arrives and tends to Jim’s wound. By this point, the detective barely whimpers when he carves out the puss with a sharp scoop. He tells Jim he’s sorry and that they ran out of antibiotics. Jim takes a good look at his face, notes the eerie smile, and doesn’t believe him for a single second. He looks somehow familiar but before he can figure out who it might be, he passes out.

Small blessings. 

When he wakes up, Jim thinks he can hear Harvey’s voice and Cobblepot. “Now you’ve seen him,” the Penguin snarls, clearly exasperated. “It’s not due to my men’s doings he’s in this dire condition,” he adds. “I’ll keep my promise, I’ll keep him alive,” Cobblepot finishes solemnly and Jim shudders. It sounds like a threat. 

He makes it to the toilet the next time he regains consciousness and even manages to drink some water from the tap before collapsing again. 

When waking up again, he’s hooked to an IV, and his head is spinning.

Oswald is watching him from the door, a wide, toothy grin plastered all over his face. 

“Itsy bitsy, toothy teeth,” Jim thinks in his half-delirious state. He starts laughing. ‘Toothy teeth’, that sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? They are sharp like daggers, though, and oh so pearly-white. Jim remembers when they used to be yellow, and full of stains. Oswald hadn’t had the money for a dentist back then. Now, they look like rows and rows of knives carved from ivory. 

Jim waits for him to unhinge his jaw and swallow him whole.  

He blinks, sits up, and shakes his head in an attempt to sober up enough to deal with the gangster. 

“What do you want from me?” he snaps, more harshly than is probably wise. But then given his current state, he’s as threatening as a kitten hissing at a snake. 

As expected, Oswald’s smile merely widens in response, mocking him. “What I want?” he drawls, studying the detective intently. 

Pushing himself from the wall, he limps closer. The bed dips under his weight, and just like that, he’s sitting next to Jim, so close he can feel the other man’s warmth. The detective tries to move away, to get some space between the two of them, but Oswald is having none of it. 

He catches Jim’s bruised hand in his gloved one, inspects the blue and black marks blossoming on his knuckles. Pressing down in a silent warning, he halts the former cop in his tracks. 

To an innocent bystander, they’d look serene, like two old friends united in worry for each other’s fate.  

Jim gasps softly when Oswald increases the pressure. The motion could be comforting.

“What I want,” he repeats pensively. “There are a lot of answers to this question, detective,” he ponders. “So I’m sorry,” he says, directing his gaze at the man next to him, “this might take some time.”

“Then go on,” Jim urges through gritted teeth and Oswald smirks.

“So much bravado,” the mobster acknowledges. “Even now.” Leaning in closely, he whispers, “I can see the fear in your eyes.” 

Jim wants to jerk away from his grasp but Oswald’s fingers clench around him like a vice.

“Do you think someone will save you?” he asks haughtily. “Do you think someone will bust through that door, knock me out, and carry you to safety?” He yanks the detective closer, until he’s all but breathing into his face. “I’ll tell you a secret, Jim. All these good people, those honest Gothamites you kept safe for months didn’t hesitate to sacrifice you. That freedom, that justice you offered them, meant nothing to them. Even Harvey couldn’t deny the temptation of exchanging you for a chance to have his old life, his old comfort back.”

Jim’s eyes widen in shock before he finally pulls his hand free. 

“Liar!” he growls. 

The Penguin tilts his head and sighs, pity written all over his features. “He couldn’t wait to take the bribes off my hands once they appointed him Captain, don’t you remember? I promised him to keep you alive, and that I did.” He nods, obviously pleased with himself. 

Getting up from the bed, Oswald starts pacing the room. “I have been this city’s mayor before,” he mutters. “I did good, kept the crime-rates low and the streets safe. I built hospitals and renewed the streets, staffed schools. The moment Ed shot me it was all forgotten,” he reminisces bitterly. 

“They couldn’t wait to toss me back into the gutter, to depict me as a monster. Do you think it would be different with you?” he scoffs, turning to Jim. “I had been their hero and their villain and so have you,” he challenges. 

“They will carry you on their shoulders and praise your name as long as you benefit them, James. And when I demanded you, they decided that indeed, you have always been the villain to keep them from getting reconnected with the mainland.” 

Shaking his head fondly, he walks back to the bed. “This city makes or breaks you,” he whispers, placing his hands on Jim’s shoulders.

“So, pray tell, why do you want me?” the cop urges. 

Oswald opens his mouth and closes it again, seemingly staring at a point in the distance. 

“I want revenge, Jim,” he admits softly. “I need retaliation for Arkham, for every time you betrayed me, rejected my friendship…” His voice breaks off and Jim feels a cold shiver running down his spine. 

Tilting his head, he inspects the former detective. “I never wanted your death,” he confesses. “Not even when I put the bounty on your head. I dreaded the possibility of someone dragging your cold, lifeless body into my house.”

Unshed tears glisten in the mobster’s eyes. Reaching out, he touches Jim’s face hesitantly, starts following the lines of his features with long, cold digits. The cop lets him, frozen in fear by the implications of the Penguin’s request.

“You were the rare exception in this city. The good, good man. Sure, you’d make your hands dirty, turn to me when there was no one else to turn to, but once you had gotten what you wanted, you’d betray me to my face.”

Swallowing heavily, Jim tries regaining his voice. He’s still feverish, weak, can feel the cold sweat dripping down his forehead. “And you allowed it,” he rasps out. “Every time. And you always knew right from the start that it would end that way.”

The Penguin smiles, sadly, longingly. “I had always so much hope,” he whispers. “So much hope you’d realize how much I used to love you.” 

When leaning forward, Jim thinks he’ll kiss him again. The cop’s mouth drops open. He knew, of course, he knew. What kind of detective would he be if he didn’t realize what had been obvious for so long? It would probably be a good moment to remind Oswald of that fact, of him being a detective - or of all the times he looked the other way when the Penguin committed another crime. 

His mouth runs dry though when the other man starts running his hands down his torso. “I had a stepmother, briefly,” he shares. “I had also stepsiblings,” he carries on. “They poisoned my father. So I cut them into little pieces and fed them to their mother.” 

The smile contorting his features when sharing this tidbit of information will haunt Jim Gordon forever. 

“That was after Arkham,” he declares. “They made me good there, Jim,” he adds, directing his gaze back at the detective. “They took apart my entire being, my personality, my very core, and pieced it back together according to their vision.”

Jim wants to protest how they obviously didn’t achieve anything there but keeps his mouth shut for once. This time, he’s smart enough not to taunt the mobster even more.

“Grace, my stepmother, in a way she helped me becoming myself again,” he muses. “When they released me, I felt sane - but never just quite.” His lower lip quivers and Jim wonders if he should offer some comfort. Finally making a decision, he places a slightly trembling hand above the one still laying on his torso. 

Gratefully, Oswald squeezes his fingers lightly. 

“There was always something off with me though, when they released me. Did you ever dring rotten milk from a box? It tastes normal at first, but then you smack your lips, and it’s there, this slightly sour, rotten taste. You need a moment to catch on, because your body wants to taste this regular milk so badly. At some point, you have to swallow, though. And there’s the clump, and you can’t continue pretending.” 

With a sigh, he lays down next to Jim. “My father was a good man, like my mother. They could have never harmed anyone. So, so good...just like you.” 

Burying his head in Jim’s neck, he inhales deeply. The cop stiffens, before awkwardly patting his back, unsure how to answer all that. 

“Grace, she accused me of being a rapist.” The criminal shudders in silent disgust. “I protested, of course. Yet she looked at me that way, as if I only hadn’t committed this particular crime yet.” 

Oswald’s voice is full of desperation when he speaks again. “Who would be as pathetic as to take love by force. But looking at you,” his voice breaks off when reaching again for Jim, hunger written all over his face. “I want you so much.” 

The cop swallows. Whatever he says now, whatever he does, is crucial. Somehow he knows that even a false movement could end him for good. 

Suddenly, Oswald jumps from the bed as if something had bitten him. Straightening out his suit, he narrows his eyes at Jim. “I could make you want me to,” he blurts out. “I learned everything I need at Arkham, I watched Victor doing his magic,” he shares. Working himself up into an excited frenzy, he starts pacing the room and Jim has had enough of it. 

“You want to what?” he snorts, appalled. “Brainwash me into loving you?” The words come out too harshly, and Jim realizes his mistake instantly, but nevertheless too late. 

Oswald halts in his tracks, eyes wild and as feverish as Jim feels. “Yes! Yes!” he exclaims. “Exactly that.”

Jim Gordon had been afraid of the Penguin before. When he had only been an overeager little umbrella-boy, a creep who used to lurk in the dark, stalking him and his then-fiancée, he had been repulsed, disgusted even with him, yet now, he learns what true terror means. 

With a shudder, he pulls the blanket around his shoulders, presses his entire body against the bed-frame. He feels like a child, hiding in his bed from the monsters, too terrified to get up and turn the lights on. Except, this monster is standing before him in broad light, entirely unwilling to go away.

But there’s not only fear. Even if he rarely admits it, Jim knows somewhere deep inside of him that he helped to shape this particular monster that came to haunt him today. This beast had been molded from grief and betrayal. The cop recognizes a broken heart when he sees one, and a part of him wants to reach out, give in, and grant him his wish. 

And there’s another part, one Jim keeps hidden even from himself. It would probably be wise to speak about it right now, but just like his gangster, he is a fool, full of hope. 

[medea10]

My Review of The Rising of the Shield Hero

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Yeah, this warning because apparently I curse more than normal here. That should give you a fun indicator of what you’re in for.

Is this a joke? Is Medea really going to watch a recent Isekai anime?

No joke. I am. Yeah, since just about every Isekai I’ve ever watched was made before the year 2012, I thought it was time. And in case you’re not hip to the lingo, Isekai is where a random person is transported to a strange world (different from their’s) and go on an adventure. Things like Escaflowne, InuYasha, Fushigi Yugi, Kyou Kara Maou, and to a far-lesser extent, Sword Art Online! But because I haven’t watched anything made past 2012, and haven’t watched things like Konosuba, ReZero, or Overlord, my knowledge is shit and I should be ashamed.

So I’m going to start with one of 2019’s best animes, The Rising of the Shield Hero.

Naofumi Iwatani was checking out light novels when he was transported into another world. But unlike many other Isekais with this similar setup, Naofumi isn’t alone.

He and three other boys (from alternate timelines of Japan) are transported as well to the kingdom of Melromarc. These four boys are going to be the saviors of the kingdom as the “Four Cardinal Heroes” where they must combat against these entities known as “waves”. However, Naofumi is seen as the weakling from the very beginning due to being the holder of the shield (and is now known as the “Shield Hero”). But it goes even further than that! The king of Melromarc immediately shows his disdain for the shield hero due to the previous shield hero doing something to him. I don’t know what, just fuck the king. The kingdom, the other heroes, and the people of the kingdom did just about everything to Naofumi to make him feel like trash. If he was on fire, they wouldn’t even spit on him to put him out!

Being the lowest-level weapon user, no one will join his team and even if they did…they would swindle him, set him up for failure, and spread the worst lie you could ever lie about. But Naofumi can’t return home due to all four weapon users must be there until they defeat the waves. So Naofumi is stuck in a new world where literally everyone hates him or fears him.

That is until he buys a slave (named Raphtalia) and their EXP points can grow. Along the way, he obtains an egg that hatches into a filolial (later named Filo) who has the ability of turning into a human female. And every now and then, the second princess of Melromarc (named Melty) will come along with Naofumi. Trust me, she’s the nice one in that family.

Let’s watch the struggles and rising of the Shield Hero!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: So this is licensed by Crunchyroll (but I think FUNimation dipped it’s cookie in this milk). I know these two companies divorced some time ago, but FUNimation sees no problem piggy-backing off of Crunchyroll when they get a hit. And yes, this got an English dub and because of that, YES I watched the whole thing dubbed! Done by the good folks in L.A.! I gotta say this was a well-done dub. Well, they did one thing right by hiring Erica Mendez to play Raphtalia. Just about everything Mendez plays is friggin’ gold! Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Naofumi is played by Kaito Ishikawa (known for Kiawe on Pokemon SM, Genos on One Punch Man, Mitsuo on Golden Time, Urui on Tokyo Ghoul :re, Sakakibara on Assassination Classroom, and Rinne on Kyokai no Rinne)

*Raphtalia is played by Asami Seto (known for Officer Jenny on Pokemon SM, Mado on Tokyo Ghoul, Young Yukiatsu on Anohana, and Shizu Delta on Overlord)

*Filo is played by Rina Hidaka (known for Last Order on Index/Railgun, Ririchiyo on Inu x Boku SS, Kohane on xxxHOLiC, Silica on SAO, Nemesis on To Love Ru: Darkness, and Urara on Food Wars)

*Melty is played by Maaya Uchida (known for Norman on The Promised Neverland, Rikka on Chunibyo, Rui on Domestic Girlfriend, Frenda on Railgun, Yoshino on Food Wars, Irina on High School DxD, and Yusa on Charlotte)

ENGLISH CAST: *Naofumi is played by Billy Kametz (known for Jousuke/JoJo on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Part IV, Osomatsu on Mr. Osomatsu, Metal Lee on Boruto, and Galo on Promare)

*Raphtalia is played by Erica Mendez (known for Ryuko on Kill la Kill, Haruka/Uranus on Sailor Moon redub, Emma on The Promised Neverland, Nico on Love Live, Yuuki on SAO II, and Tsubaki on Your Lie in April)

*Filo is played by Brianna Knickerbocker (known for Rem on Re:Zero, Akane on Durarara x2, Arisa on Love Live, Anna on The Promised Neverland, Iori on Charlotte, and Erica on Berserk 2016)

*Melty is played by Jackie Lastra (known for Conny on The Promised Neverland and Selka on SAO: Alicization)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: I know I’m gonna have fun with the next category, but I think I spent most of this series hating on several people where I forgot to pick a character I liked.

Well folks, I gotta say that I loved Raphtalia. And after her, Filo! Then Elhart, Queen Melromarc, Melty, and Fitoria! With the exception of Elhart, it’s all women! That’s rare! Don’t worry, there’s one woman that has received a restraining order from this category. On with the worst!

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Y’all know what’s coming!

DISLIKED CHARACTER: Prior to watching this series, I have gotten several warnings about one particular character! Princess Malty or Myne, whatever people call her. This woman is despised throughout the anime community and even going so far as to say she’s on “horrible character” status left only to infamous characters like Griffith, Makoto Itou, and Shou Tucker. And I’m like, “WOW, what did she do, kill a pope?” I mean seriously, how bad could she possibly…?!

*one episode later*

FUCK THIS BITCH: Oh this bitch can burn at the stake for all I care! Yes, everyone else who treated Naofumi like shit can go jump off a bridge. Because I hold no sympathy for towns-idiots that treat a hero with no respect (as I’ve said before with One Punch Man and Dragon Ball Z)! But Myne just took that zero respect and pushed it to a crispy 425 degrees of fuck-roast! In the first episode, she seemed genuine with pitying Naofumi because no one would join his team. That didn’t even last a whole day. Myne ends up faking a rape by lying to the kingdom that Naofumi sexually assaulted her.

Faking a RAPE!

Faking a FUCKING RAPE!

Bitch, this is 2019 (I KNOW IT AIN’T THAT IN THIS KINGDOM, I’M JUST FUCKING PISSED). Faking a rape is a big, fat, NO-NO!

After he spends the little money he had on her to buy equipment, she double-crosses him by setting him up for immediate trouble and switches to the Spear-Hero side. Well fuck you too, you skank! Have fun with your dickhead Spear Hero. And may that be the last time I ever see you!

*several episodes later*

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! You cheating, lying, slut! Just when you think she can’t possibly get any worse, this bitch takes worse and shoves it off a fucking cliff. As if faking an assault wasn’t bad enough, screwing townspeople for your own gain is another story. She would take over a whole town and give no fucks if it’s destroyed by her or her fuck-face spear-hero. Add to that fuck-cake, every time you run into Naofumi, you find some way to screw him over time and time again. This bitch tampered with a fight between the shield and spear hero so that Naofumi could fail and they could steal his only team member away from him! You have your father, the church, your dickhead boy-toy of yours, and the royals wrapped around your little finger. Myne just continues to be worse than tainted peanut butter. I wish she would catch the worst STD imaginable and die a painful death!

*several more episodes later*

AAAAAAAH gabba da da ffuuuu worble BITCH FACE gararba fruznuss SET FIRE plskay adkkin aidnnlwjsnda UP DONALD TRUMP’S ASS galidamdh amoiejwm wwwaasosoh A POPCICLE! FUCK! AAkajrriaja DIDIA LEJHE KLHAEHAE FYUEEajejioqih3hv SSLLSHE3V ADKDKDDHEI333!!!!

Oh, you do not want a translation from my…whatever the fuck I just wrote. Just know that Princess Malty or Myne is worse than hemroids up the ass. I can’t believe this woman is still around, breathing and shit. Also, I’m tempted in re-writing my Top 10 Least Favorite Anime Character list because Myne would definitely be at #4 after Griffith from Berserk.

Okay…Okay…I think I’m calm now.

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE CUT THIS FUCKING CUNT’S HEAD OFF LIKE A CHICKEN IN CHINA TOWN?!

Now I’m calm! Now then…

ANYONE ELSE WHO NEEDS TO DIE IN THIS SERIES?: So obviously I hate Bitch and Trash (Myne and the King). And I have the same kind of respect for the townspeople who treat Naofumi like shit. I ain’t got time to be dealing with townsidiots again. But if there was anyone else that should get a mention of how much I want for them to be set on fire and I’ll just sit there drinking my ginger ale, it would be Motoyasu.

Now by no means do I hate him more than Miss Bitch over here. But I hate him on the same level as Shinji from the Fate series (which is now teetering on my top 10). I question why he’s still alive and why no one has introduced his face to a jagged boulder. Unlike the other heroes Ren and Itsuki, this guy has got a vendetta against Naofumi from the get-go. And this was like before the sexual alligations came about. After that incident, this fuckturd tries at every turn to make Naofumi’s life worse than it already is by stealing away his crew and challenging him every chance he gets. And when he’s not doing that, he’s screwing over the townspeople and doing very little to be a “hero” (which is his freakin’ title). Then again, Ren and Itsuki aren’t great heroes either, it’s just I really need to lay into Spear-Dick for the shit he’s done.

SHIPPING: Hmm…aaaaahhhh….eeeeee…urrrrggggh…

Naofumi x Raphtalia: I know Naofumi doesn’t see Raphtalia as a romantic partner and more as a partner on his team, but Raphtalia doesn’t see it that way. She is 100% loyal to Master Naofumi. Who could blame her? Naofumi saved her from a lifetime of enslavement and cured her from an illness she’s had for years. She’s grateful and every other hero is crap in her eyes! She’s worshipped the shield hero since she was younger when she would hear stories about the shield hero. So imagine her worry every time Naofumi talks about going back to his home world, she gets horribly upset. Me being very skeptical here, I can’t really imagine this going any further than team partners. I can’t see at the end of the day Naofumi staying in Melromarc forever or Raphtalia somehow returning to Naofumi’s world when all of this ends. So for now, I’m just going to see where this takes us.

FUNNIEST MOMENT: Whenever Motoyasu gets conked in his frank-and-two-beans by Filo! If anyone deserves to be whammed in the nuts, it’s Motoyasu.

SADDEST MOMENT: I don’t usually mention sad moments in anime anymore, but one moment touched me and that was episode 15 where we learned a little more about Raphtalia’s past. Raphtalia, even after losing her parents in a wave attack, she tries her best to keep a smile on her face. But shortly after that, she and many other demi-humans were taken away from their homes and sold off to a nobleman. This is when we see some pretty inhumane moments where Raphtalia and many of her friends are whipped for the fun of it, starved to death, and sold off to traders.

In this episode, we learn about a few of Raphtalia’s friends (Keel and Rifana) from her younger days. The day Raphtalia got sold off, it looked like Rifana was teetering towards death. When the Shield Hero’s party came to rescue the surviving demi-humans (like Keel), Raphtalia went to see if Rifana could possibly be alive. And if the disturbing picture of Rifana’s skeleton doesn’t churn your stomach, I really don’t know what will. God damn, that was just messed up!

I CANNOT TELL A LIE, THIS ANIME HURT: I know I have sadistic tendencies and take joy in the misery of others. But I seriously cannot enjoy any second of the humiliation and degredation given to Naofumi. And it was because of the abuse put on the Shield Hero that made me feel sick to my stomach just watching all this happen to this guy. I thought it would last for a few episodes at the most, but it carried on a lot further than I imagined. Almost to the very end! And every episode you put on, you just wish for some kind of karma to kick in or for one more person to be nice to Naofumi or something, anything to happen!

But because the king has a vendetta against the previous Shield Hero, Naofumi has had to pay a heavy toll by having every horrible crime or offense thrown at him including rape, murder, attempted murder, cheating, witchcraft, and treason. AND HE COMMITTED NONE OF THESE OFFENSES! So you spend just about 20 episodes watching this poor boy having to go through this hell. I can’t even imagine having to go through this kind of torment and some of these moments make me ill in my stomach and quite pissed off. So like I said, this anime hurts to watch.

ENDING: As it turns out, the kingdom is corrupt under the rule of the king and his daughter, Princess Cunt (yeah, BIG shocker there). How corrupt? Well, they were in cahoots with the church that had their own religion praising only 3 of the Heroes (guess which one they don’t praise)! That was until the pope decided that everything must be wiped away because they are “unclean”. That includes the monarchy, the heroes, and their crew! Thankfully, they were able to put an end to this cult, with a little help from the true leader of Melromarc, Queen Mirelia of Melromarc. She finally shows herself and her powers on the battlefield. And now ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the moment everyone and their mama have been waiting for.

JUSTICE IS SERVED: With the queen’s return, come some harsh sentences to her own family. Her husband, the king and her daughter, Princess Malty! I gotta tell you, seeing these two in chains makes my heart so happy. The king was guilty of summoning the four heroes prematurely and causing a lot of harm to the kingdom of Melromarc with the church. Then the queen puts a seal on Myne’s chest, giving her unimaginable pain whenever she lied. That still didn’t stop the bitch from lying! In one swoop, it’s proven that Naofumi was innocent the whole time and that the king and princess were worse than period cramps. And for their crimes, THEY ARE SENTENCED TO DEATH BY GUILLOTINE!

FUCK YEAH! BRING IT ON!

CUT THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF!

Yeah…unfortunately for my blood-lust self, that didn’t happen. Instead, Naofumi stopped the queen seconds before blood was to splatter. Claiming that the princess and king should be stripped from their titles and must go through life with new names! The king will be named “Trash” and Malty/Myne will be named “Bitch” (or “Whore” when she’s traveling). Okay, I guess it’s all good. With that, the church of the three heroes is abolished and handled a lot better than I thought.

But seriously Queenie, was it really, REALLY a good idea to keep your daughter alive? I know she’s your own daughter and you felt severe hesitation (in the anime) before calling for her execution. But for fuck’s sake, literally a day after she’s spared from the guillotine, she’s poisoning food meant for her sister Melty, Naofumi, and his friends!

IN THIS AFTERMATH: Now has Naofumi finally obtained acceptance throughout the kingdom? Yes and no! Yes, it’s true that the people of the land respected Naofumi after all he’s done. It’s just that some of the other heroes and castle men who still treat Naofumi with such disrespect. The queen wishes for all four heroes to be treated equally and to get along so that maybe they can defeat the waves without too much trouble. Hell, the queen of the filolials also said the same thing! I think Ren and Itsuki have kinda been on board with this for a while (even if they are kinda dickish about it). It’s just that Motoyasu’s still a condescending dick to Naofumi! Sigh!

FINAL WAVE ATTACK: Final one for now! On their way to another land, Naofumi ends up getting chummy with two travelers (L’Arc and Therese).

We meet these fuckers three episodes before the finale.

They’re bad guys, aren’t they?!

Something like that! Yeah, the next wave attack was coming up real quick. And the heroes have to go up against Glass again (the woman who caused a lot of trouble in the midway point of the series). But it turns out L’Arc and Therese are in cahoots with Glass. But it gets really…complicated here!

Glass and L’Arc are both fan and scythe heroes from another world. And they’re destroying the waves on this side along with destroying the people of this world to prevent catastrophy in their world. Yeah, finale time guys! How many parallel worlds and heroes are there?

READ THE LIGHT NOVEL!

Fuck me! Well, Naofumi and the other hammy heroes were able to stop the wave attack once more. And we even get to watch Queen Melromarc in action again! In this aftermath, Naofumi gets a new member on his team. Yes, it’s another female, but at least this one is older than all the other girls that hang with him (making this a little less ewwwie). Rishia was abandoned by Itsuki’s team for…reasons. So she’s going to join Naofumi after she helped in the last wave attack. And we get some last-moment hopeful scenes as we see things that give me hope for people in this series. Raphtalia’s old friends and homeland is getting back into the swing of things and Naofumi will take control over the land. And we wait for this promoted second and third season Crunchyroll swears by. Seriously guys, when are we getting more Shield Hero?

DON’T KNOW! READ THE LIGHT NOVEL AND STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS!

If you can’t already tell, I liked this series! Yes it was unbelievably painful to watch certain things where all of these people gang up on Naofumi and screw him eight ways from Sunday, but I guess good stories have a little struggle. Except here, it’s a lot of struggling! It was an interesting tale and is giving me a little hope for the Isekai genre as a whole. Will I get into all the other recent ones so I can one day watch Isekai Quartet? Don’t get too cocky! I’ll stick to this and maybe head on over to Konosuba later on.

Rising of the Shield Hero was definitely a tale and I highly recommend it. It’s just that if you’re prone to anger when it comes to absolute injustice, half of this series might be a little unbearable to handle. But there were several great moments (particularly from Raphtalia) that kept me going with this series.

Especially episode 4! Best episode of the series! Her undying devotion for Naofumi was definitely one to behold! I can’t wait to learn more about these different kinds of worlds, kingdoms, and heroes in the upcoming stories. In the meantime I will await for these seasons two and three Crunchyroll assures us are coming…They are coming right? You guys weren’t just blowing smoke up our asses in the last CRX convention, right?

READ THE FUCKING LIGHT NOVEL, YOU AUTISTIC TWAT!

I can’t do it! There are too many chapters!

Currently, both FUNimation and Crunchyroll have the entire series subbed and dubbed.

Okay, great stuff! What’s next on my Amazon/Netflix…or Crunchyroll licensed anime!

Magical Girl Site?

Oh fuck. I heard about that first episode. This is gonna hurt.

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 6

"WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY"

Notes by me

- lovely set for the beginning. Vast wasteland

- jack using double sunglasses to look at the sun

- archeologist!Daniel is my favorite Daniel

- who is this guy

- no explanation as to who he is??? Hes just there???

- daniel had the opportunity to hear Latin spoken aloud a year ago??? I have a terrible memory when did this happen

- ok cool so Daniel is shot and we're having a good time but??? Still no explanation for this random guy

- when they all duck to avoid the vortex. Sg1 in sync

- LIGHTENING GATE

- "I have no idea, sir" some random side character got daniels line

- zapped back to breakfast!! This is what you get for eating cereal without milk!

- obsessed with how Daniel thinks Jack is the type of person to fake a blackout to get out of a conversation

- P4X 639 is the vast wasteland

- tealc remembers!!! Bc he also grabbed the dude as well as Jack right?? Im right

- "maybe he read your report?..."

Daniel:

- jack and tealc just listing things that are gonna happen

- watching this show in semi darkness always bites me in the ass fraiser shining a flashlight into the camera just made me fall off my bed

- malaki is the name of the random dude! Thank you for the info after 10 MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE

- nerd Daniel is cute❤ when he chases Jack to talk to him about the ancients

- apparently siler needs better glasses so he doesnt walk right into ppl. Daniel dropped all his notes!

- jack seems like he just does not care about anything at all in this ep . maybe RDA was having a bad day

- "it did send us back to 1969"

"Good year"

- sam: talks sciencey science

Jack and me: ??????

- LIGHTENING GATE

- "what do you think?" TIME LOOPS ARE ONE OF MY FAV TROPES YEESSS

- wait I need to pause the ep to put socks on my feet are cold

- when Jack predicts sg12 and hes off by like 8 seconds

- GODAMMIT fraiser and her stupid flashlight blinded me again

- daniel wrote down everything Jack said when he had ancient database brain damage

- *Daniel gets knocked over by siler a second time* "oops"

- *referring to tealc* "is this the face of a crazy man????"

- I dont trust this malaki at all

- "what kind of archeologist carries a weapon?"

"I do"

"......bad example"

- daniel ranting *time loops back* daniel ranting

- Jack getting more mad with every loop

- I was ready for the flashlight this time

- "I ask you....what could POSSIBLY be in my eye that could explain this??"

- jack going to find Daniel before Daniel finds him ❤

- if I hadnt seen gifs of this ep, I would think sams plan would work. But since ive seen gifs of parts that havnt happened yet I assume it doesnt work.

- what could be stopping them from dialing out 🤔 I'm gonna solve the mystery before they do

- "thats just how I feel about it" what is Daniel talking about I want to know

- jack: my recording didnt work :(

Tealc: TOLD YOU SO

- them getting out of the loop rests on Jack and tealcs ability to listen to Daniel

- tealc getting wacked in the face every loop I'm cackling

- okay why does everyone in the sgc have glasses huh??? Bunch of nerds

- *spinning in chair* *juggling* *both juggling* this is just adhd

- "if we dont find a way out of this soon I'm gonna lose it.

Lose it.

It means go crazy.

Nuts.

Insane.

Bonzo.

No longer in possession of ones faculties.

3 fries short of a happy meal!

WACKO!"

- daniel giving them the idea that they can do whatever they want without consequences and mischievous music starting

- hes gonna seduce Sam pls I want it

- why is the first thing Jack does POTTERY????

- anything on the board and you go for pottery

- tealc cruising along with whatever Jack is doing

- ok so far its been pottery, biking thru the sgc , hitting golf balls thru the gate

- I was right ! HE DIPPED HER💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🚨JACK AND SAM KISS JACK AND SAM KISS���

- she totally went along with it too. I have eyes i saw it

- "what are you smiling at?" He be knowin how them lips taste 💋

- ancients caused this. So far all they do is start shit

- ok they invented a "time machine" and it failed and looped time instead so they just shut it off and left it on a random planet for some poor sucker to activate??? Why didnt they destroy it??

- all they have to do is press some buttons omg all that time with Daniel was pointless

- tealc: walks into a force shield

Malaki: 😎

- Jack is ready to murder

- "so you can be king of groundhog day?"

- HIS WIFE

- tealc ready to go home to BED

- no glasses daniel🤓

- sorry ur wife died bro but other ppl are in this loop too. Dont be selfish

- "I can.....touch her face again. Talk to her. Hear her laugh."

Jack knows how you feel bro but still

- "I LOST MY SON!" :(

- it was 2 buttons??? All of that????? And it was 2 buttons???? Smdh

- they ve been stuck in this time loop for 3 months!!! Jack missed so many simpsons episodes!!!

- daniel: what crazy things did you do bc you knew no one would remember ??

Jack: *silently stares at sam and eats oatmeal*

Tealc whump: repeatedly hit in face with door (only shown twice), walks into force shield, passed out

Daniel: stunned, passed out, dragged

🎶listening to Keep Me Crazy by Sheppard🎶 for jack slowly going insane but still using the loop to kiss Sam

🤓no glasses!Daniel for less than 10 minutes at end of episode

[disabled-queen-hc-blog]

I haven't seen an ED hc on here yet and I need to project a bit so here's this: at the begging all the queen boys were skinny as hell but as time went on the only one who remained that way was brian. and everyone assumed that it was all natural. what they didn't know was that brian consciously started eating less when he got to the age where people's metabolism usually slows down. he was well aware that his skinniness was part of his trademark look and decided he needed to keep it that way (1/3)

he started cutting down the amount and frequency of his meals but the others never noticed - brian had always been peculiar with food (not eating meat or unhealthy things etc.) so they assumed he ate at home whenever he refused the takeout they had in the studio. in the mid 80s they slowly start noticing that brian’s no longer just skinny, but also sickly looking but still don’t say anything, assuming he might have a stomach bug going on (touring can bring that on quite easily after all) (2/3)

then, a couple of months later, brian passes out in the studio and the boys finally connect the dots. they feel incredibly guilty for not noticing the signs and are determined to help brian recover. (3/3) //if you could please write something where the boys realise all this had been going on without them noticing and then try to figure out how to help brian out of this mess while he refuses to believe that he needs help at all (can be gen or you can add a ship if you’d like)

TW explicit mentions of Eating Disorders, Disordered Eating, Anorexia, Orthorexia, Hospitalization and excessive vulgar language. 

All your letters in the sand cannot heal me like your hand…

For my life still ahead, pity me…

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

Again.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

One more time. So you remember how you fucked up.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

24 ribs sticking out from grey ashen skin.

Brian’s bony finger traced over each one as he counted outloud, eyes focused on the full body mirror in front of him.

You remember how handsome you used to be? Remember when theyjutted out like a fucking Greek god? But you ruined it. You ate that chocolatecupcake like the pig you are and now you’re fat again. Fat and disgusting.

“One, two, three, four, five…”

It doesn’t matter if you cry about it. It won’t make you anyskinnier. Put on your running shoes, fat ass.

“Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two…”

RUN!

Brian wiped his face free of the tears, eye’s falling downto his bare feet. Skeletal but most people’s standards but bloated looking tohim. He had blisters on his heels from running a mile every morning, but itdidn’t matter. Pain was beauty, right?

♚

Of all the numbers, zero is the most beautiful. Brianthought that to himself as he ran around his neighborhood, the sun dipping inthe sky, crickets already chirping.

His knees hurt so bad, his chest was on fire and he was surehis blisters had reopened, but he had done this to himself. If he only atethings that were good, he wouldn’t have to run this second mile. If he juststopped inhaling anything that came into sight, he could be home right now,settling into a night’s rest.

But he was out here. In the cold English sunset, wearinglayers of jogging clothes to try and keep warm. He deserved this. Briandeserved this.

The day he hit his goal weight, he’d never have to do thisagain. He’d be doing zero laps.

♚

It was nearly midnight before he tempted to step on thescale.

The bathroom was so dark. Only trickles of moonlight pouredin from the window. He refused to turn on the lights since he weighed himselfnaked. Having to see his bare body was revolting. There was so much wrong withit. His legs were too chubby. His stomach so round. His cheeks akin to a hamster.It was better in the dark.

The cold metal of the scale sent a shiver up his body as hestepped onto it. He had to squint to see the number, but he was sure it hadgone up since this morning. That fucking cupcake.

8 stone.

Tears pricked his eyes. The number had gone down. Why was hestill so big?

So big.

Who could like someone so grotesque as him? With so muchskin? With so much fat?

Brian hugged himself, elbows tucking into his concavestomach.

He was disgusting.

♚

“You’re drinking your coffee black, Bri?” Roger asked, nosescrunched up as he peered into Brian’s coffee mug. Brian pulled the mug closerto him defensively but smiled and lolled his head as if nothing was wrong.

“You know I don’t drink milk, mate,” Brian said, taking asip of the acrid brew, forcing his brow to stay unfurrowed.

“Since when? Thought you were vegetarian, not one of thoseweird animal hippies,” Roger said eyes narrowed.

“Well, I’ve decided through research that the milk industryexploits cows. Did you know that mother cows and their c-“

“Yeah, yeah, alright. You could at least put a sugar or twoin there, you mad man,” Roger said with the wave of his hand, Brian’s plan atboring him with animal ethics having worked.

Brian smiled to himself, taking another sip. Roger was outof his mind if he thought he’d ever put sugar in anything he ate. Might as welleat straight fat. At least his little plan worked.

♚

“Brian, sweetheart, you look absolutely pale! Have you caughta cold?” Freddie said, a hand pressing against Brian’s clammy forehead. Brianducked away from the touch, laughing nonchalantly as he did.

“Perhaps? I feel, uh, fine. Maybe I’m just low in something,”he said as convincingly as possible. His fingers started to twiddle with the sleevesof his shirt that was far too big.

Freddie gave him a look he couldn’t decipher but he nodded.

“Well, you better rest up. Can’t have our main guydeveloping an ailment before our show tomorrow, huh?” Freddie said, a handstraying onto Brian’s bony shoulder. The touch made him erupt into goosebumps.

Did he know?

Does it matter?

♚

“Brian, we need to talk,” John said, his grey eyes big andstormy.

His gut dropped to the floor, heart pounding so hard itechoed in his ears. Was the gig up?

Brian wouldn’t go without a fight.

“What about?” he said casually, crossing one leg over theother, leaning back on the couch backstage.

John sat down next to him, uncomfortably close. Brian didn’tlike people touching him. It made it all the harder to hide.

John looked around to see if anyone was around before heleaned and whispered, “The crowds really big tonight. I, um, I’m kinda nervous,”

Oh sweet jesus. Thank god. Thank god.

The anxiety melted from Brian, a small smile growing on hisface.

“John, how old are you? You silly man,” He said jokinglybefore pulling John in for a hug.

The bassist grew rigid, not reciprocating. It’d only been a second,but the atmosphere grew bleak and heavy. John pulled away, face tightened infear. He looked over Brian for a second before he left in a hurry without somuch as a word.

Did he feel how skinny fat Brian was?

Who cares?

♚

Just because you finished a successful tour does not meanyou get to pig out. Look at all this food. It’s disgusting. Unhealthy. Do youwant to be fat? Don’t you want to be the skinny boy everyone knows and loves?

But I’m so hungry…

Hunger is good. Hunger means you’re strong. Hunger means you’rebeautiful. Hunger means you’re worth something.

I don’t feel good.

You won’t feel good if you get fat. If you stay fat.

I really don’t feel good.

Put that carrot down. Do you know how much sugar carrotshave? Do you want to poison your body with junk?

I think I’m gonna…

The after party for The Game fell silent. They’d all beendrinking, laughing, eating and a few other illegal activities when they heard athud. Hundred of eyes searched the room for the source of the noise untilsomeone spotted a collapsed Brian by the single veggie plate in the corner ofthe room.

Flurries of bodies and voices, yells and whispers erupted,some rushing to the phone, some running over to Brian.

Roger, Freddie and John surrounded their guitarist, panicfueling their every move.

“He’s bloody cold! Has someone called 999?” Roger shouted,rolling Brian over so he was on his back. It was a frighteningly easy task todo, the guy being light as a feather.

“Brian, sweetie, wake up please. Help is on the way, love.Stay with us, please,” Freddie pleaded, eyes misty as he held Brian’s handbetween his own, hoping to warm it up some.

John just stood next to the three, mouth and tongue seized,body trembling uncontrollably.

This is good. This is really good. Maybe soon you’ll benothing. Zero. A beautiful number. A beautiful state to be in.

♚

“…He was in fucking heart failure…”

“…electrolytes too low…”

“…emaciated…”

“…bone’s of a 60 year old…”

“And if he had died?”

“…you never said anything!”

“…was I supposed to know what this was?”

“He’s alive no thanks to any of you…”

♚

Brian’s eyes opened sluggishly, theonly thing he could seeing being an intense white light.

Was this it? Was he in heaven? Was allof this finally over? The pain and the cold and the empty stomachs and the migraines?Was that all gone now?

“He’s awake,” a mousy voice said.

Brian’s vision cleared, revealing awhite ceiling.

So he wasn’t dead.

He looked in the direction the voicecame, shivering when he saw it was John. His face was so swollen and so redfrom crying. It looked like he’d done a week’s worth. When their eyes met, Johnlet out a heart shattering sob, burying his face into Brian’s bed sheets. Theywere soaked.

Why was John crying so hard? He justpassed out was all. Nothing to be bent over.

His eyes scanned the room for other faces.

He found Roger’s. His eye bags wereunprecedented. His hair mused like he’d been trying to pull it out. Rogershrunk back into his chair, looking down at his shoes instead.

He didn’t have to look for Freddie.

Freddie walked up to Brian’s bed, hisface untelling. He looked at Brian’s IV, which he just now noticed he hadbefore he opened his mouth to speak. He faltered for a moment but spoke.

“Brian, I am so, so sorry,” he said,voice cracking, throat dry. He reached for Brian’s hand, but Brian pulled away,shaking his head.

“For what, Fred? I just passed out! It’sno one’s fault,” he said incredulously. They all looked like train wrecks for asimple blackout?

Freddie recoiled at Brian’s wordsbefore he softened again. His eyes parted from Brian’s, licking his lips. Whydidn’t anyone want to look at him?

“Brian…you didn’t pass out. You wentinto heart failure. You were in the ICU for 3 weeks in a coma. It…they had touse the electric paddles on you on two separate occasions,” his voice grewthick, obviously trying to push away the urge to cry and scream.

“They thought you weren’t going to makeit,” Freddie mouthed, his shoulders caving in as a few tears escaped down hischeeks.

Brian blinked before finally look downat himself.

Various bruises on his arm fromdifferent IV’s and blood draws Burn marks on his chest. And a line running downhis chest, all stitched and taped up.

A number 1, almost.

Not a zero.

He looked up to Freddie, jaw hanging.

“You needed a bypass, Bri,” Freddiesaid, a nervous hand rubbing his neck.

“W-Why?” Brian choked out, his mindhaving gone blank.

Roger snorted from across the room. “Youknow why,” he said bitterly.

And it was true. Brian knew why.

The room was quiet except for Deacy’smuffled sobs.

“I…I…the…I..can’t bloody think withyour crying, John!” Brian snapped. He didn’t mean it, he really didn’t.This..illness made him do horrible things. Nasty things.

John responded by growing smalleralthough his crying didn’t. Freddie wanted to bark back, but this wasn’t right.None of it was. Instead, he grabbed John and left the room. Roger was the onlyone who could talk to Brian about serious stuff anyways.

Brian gulped when the door slammedbehind the two. Now it was just him and R-

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Rogerasked, playing with the hem of his shirt. There was no malice in his voice.Just a simple question.

“I..didn’t think anything was wrong,”Brian said, which was the truth.

This, whatever it was, made the worldsplit in two. Reality and what went on his brain both felt real. He knew he wassick, but he wasn’t. He knew he was skinny but he wasn’t. He knew he was dyingbut he wasn’t. It was hard to know the truth sometimes. All the times. It washard to reach out when everything felt both okay and crumbling. Which was thetrue one?

Roger let out a puff of air from hisnose, eyes fluttering shut, desperate for sleep. In times of crisis, he seemedto be the only one capable of keeping their wits about, so he’d been on babysittingduty for nearly a month. He wanted his bed so bad.

He wanted his best friend too.

“That’s fair,” he said with a sigh.There was another silence between them before Roger got up and padded over toBrian’s bed side. He plopped himself onto the uncomfortably wet sheets but paidthem no mind, instead looking at the skeleton before him.

“We’re all really sorry, Brian. None ofus knew you were fighting a battle alone. We just thought…I don’t know what wewere thinking. But we thought you had a handle on whatever you were doing and thatwas wrong of us to just assume,”

“You needed us and we weren’t there.There’s only so much we can do about the past though, right? But we’re gonna behere for you from now on. When they send you to the psych w-“

“Psych ward?” Brian spat out, sittingup straighter in bed.

That’s where crazy people go. I’m notcrazy. I’m fine. I’m fine. I don’t belong there. They’ll make me eat. They’llmake me gain weight.

Roger just took in Brian’s anxiety, an uncharacteristicallygentle hand laying onto Brian’s bandaged chest.

With the sincerity and sweetness of amother, Roger said, “We almost lost you Brian. We almost had to bury you. We’renot going to let that happen again. You’re not going to leave us like that,”

Brian laid back against the bed, hisonly veiny and pale hand going over Roger’s.

Nothing felt real. Nothing made sense.Nothing was good. But he knew he could trust Roger. That infernal voice buzzingin his head might have been his constant companion, but Roger was his bestfriend. And best friends don’t lie.

Brian blinked away a few tears, hiswhole body tired, in pain and in a mental tug of war, but he said, “Okay,”Roger collapsed for the first time in weeks.

♚

John held onto Brian so tight, his faceburied into his neck. He would prefer to never let go, but he knew he had tosoon.

“Brian, I lo- you’re my best friend,okay? Get better?” he said before letting go. Brian smiled, patting his back.

Freddie came in for a hug next, meltinginto Brian’s embrace.

“I need my guitarist back. My soul brother,”Freddie said, kissing Brian’s cheek.

Lastly was Roger who just held out hishand for a shake. A firm one.

“See you soon, mate.”

Brian looked at all of them, taking intheir faces before he had to go. Wheeled out from the hospital and into the vanthat’d be taking him to the psychiatric ward.

The future ahead was scary and unknown,but he wanted to charge ahead. He wanted to live. For his friends, his family andmost importantly, himself. He wanted to play guitar and sing and eat and neverworry again.

All he wanted was to be four again.

Not zero.

Never zero.

Take heart my friend we love you

Though it seems like you’re alone

A million light’s above you

Smile down upon your home

[surveysonfleek]

1475.

1. My boy side I love hoodies. I love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. It’s hilarious when people get hurt. Shopping is torture Sad movies suck You own a car racing game. You played with hot wheels cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You owned a ds, ps2, ps3, n64, or sega.   You used to be obsessed with power rangers. You have watched sports on tv. Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice. You Hate Drama. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You used to collect hockey cards. Baggy sweats are cool to wear. It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. You talk with food in your mouth. You sleep with your socks on at night. You have fished at least once.

2. My girl side You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. You go to your mum to talk. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like going to the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. You cried watching the notebook. Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don’t like the movie star wars. You are/were in gymnastics. It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing high heel shoes. You used to play with dolls as little kid. You like putting make-up on others. You like being the star of everything. 3. Appearance I am shorter than 5′5″. I have many scars. I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have a tattoo. I am self-conscious about my appearance. I’ve had/have braces. I’ve been told i’m attractive by a complete stranger. I have more than two piercings.                                                                          I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

4. Experiences I’ve gotten lost in my city. I’ve seen a shooting star. I’ve wished on a shooting star. I’ve seen a meteor shower. I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I’ve been to a casino. I Always Get Mistaken As Much Older Than I Actually Am. I’ve been skydiving. I’ve gone skinny-dipping. I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car. I’ve been skiing. I’ve been in a musical. I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue. I’ve seen the northern lights. I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. I’ve played a prank on someone. I’ve ridden in a taxi. I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show. I’ve eaten sushi. I’ve been snowboarding. 5. Relationships I’m single. I’m in a relationship. I’m engaged. I’m married. I miss someone right now. I’ve Played With Someones Emotions On Purpose Before. I’ve gotten divorced. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. 6. Honesty/Crime I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I’ve snuck out I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve cheated while playing a game. I’ve ran a red light. I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight. I’ve been arrested. 7. Death and suicide I’m afraid of dying. I hate funerals. I’ve thought about how i would die. I’ve seen someone/something dying. I’ve had a near death experience. Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide. I’ve planned my own suicide before. I’ve written a eulogy for myself. 8. Random I can sing well   Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. I open up to others easily. My Parents Are Divorced. I watch the news. I don’t kill bugs. I sing in the shower. I am a morning person. Ive been abused. I paid for a cell phone ring tone. I am a sports fanatic. I twirl my hair. I care about grammar. I have “?”’s in my screen name. I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day. I bake well. My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange. I would wear pajamas to school.                                                                            I like Martha stewart. I know how to shoot a gun. I laugh at my own jokes. cause they’re funny I eat fast food weekly. I’ve not turned anything in and still got an a in a certain class. I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room. I am ticklish. I love white chocolate. I bite my nails. I’m good at remembering faces. I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates. I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[jaysurveys]

13.

1. My boy side I love hoodies. I love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. (I just love animals.) It’s hilarious when people get hurt. Shopping is torture Sad movies suck You own a car racing game. You played with hot wheels cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You owned a ds, ps2, ps3, n64, or sega.   You used to be obsessed with power rangers. You have watched sports on tv. Gory movies are cool. You go to your dad for advice. You Hate Drama. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You used to collect hockey cards. Baggy sweats are cool to wear. It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. You talk with food in your mouth. You sleep with your socks on at night.  You have fished at least once.

2. My girl side You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. You go to your mum to talk. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like going to the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. You cried watching the notebook. Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don’t like the movie star wars. You are/were in gymnastics. It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing high heel shoes. You used to play with dolls as little kid. You like putting make-up on others. You like being the star of everything. 3. Appearance I am shorter than 5′5″. I have many scars. I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have a tattoo. I am self-conscious about my appearance. I’ve had/have braces. I’ve been told i’m attractive by a complete stranger. I have more than two piercings. I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

4. Experiences I’ve gotten lost in my city. I’ve seen a shooting star. I’ve wished on a shooting star. I’ve seen a meteor shower. I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I’ve been to a casino. I Always Get Mistaken As Much Older Than I Actually Am. I’ve been skydiving. I’ve gone skinny-dipping. I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car. I’ve been skiing. I’ve been in a musical. I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue. I’ve seen the northern lights. I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. I’ve played a prank on someone. I’ve ridden in a taxi. I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show. I’ve eaten sushi. I’ve been snowboarding. 5. Relationships I’m single. I’m in a relationship. I’m engaged. I’m married. I miss someone right now. I’ve Played With Someones Emotions On Purpose Before. I’ve gotten divorced. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. 6. Honesty/Crime I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I’ve snuck out I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve cheated while playing a game. I’ve ran a red light. I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight. I’ve been arrested. 7. Death and suicide I’m afraid of dying. I hate funerals. I’ve thought about how i would die. I’ve seen someone/something dying. I’ve had a near death experience. Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide. I’ve planned my own suicide before. I’ve written a eulogy for myself. 8. Random I can sing well   Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. I open up to others easily. My Parents Are Divorced. I watch the news. I don’t kill bugs. I sing in the shower. I am a morning person. Ive been abused. I paid for a cell phone ring tone. I am a sports fanatic. I twirl my hair. I care about grammar. I have “?”’s in my screen name. I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day. I bake well. My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange. I would wear pajamas to school.                                                                            I like Martha stewart. I know how to shoot a gun. I laugh at my own jokes. cause they’re funny I eat fast food weekly. I’ve not turned anything in and still got an a in a certain class. I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room. I am ticklish. I love white chocolate. I bite my nails. I’m good at remembering faces. I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates. I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[jedimordsith]

Fic Snippet

From the fic I’ll write someday in which Mara has a son by Vader. This scene set at the Academy on Yavin IV.

“Mara?”

She started, hands instinctively flying to her weapons before she caught herself. “Skywalker.”

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He walked around the prep table and pulled over another stool. “Can I join you?”

She nodded, pensive.

“I’m glad you’re eating.” Luke slid onto the stool and propped his elbows on the table. “You missed dinner.” From the size of her plate, it didn’t look like she’d eaten much, but anything was better than skipping meals outright. He nodded toward the bowl sitting directly in front of her. “Don’t let me interrupt.”

Mara stared at the bowl. “I’m not sure I can eat them,” she finally said, tightly.

Luke cocked his head. “Something wrong with them?”

“No, just with me.”

There was a frustrated, almost angry undertone to her words that made Luke’s hackles rise. She was being too hard on herself again. He already knew better than to try a direct approach, though.

“You’ve got the sense,” he said, instead, nodding emphatically.

Pushing up, he headed to the conservator, moving things around until he found an opaque, unlabeled container in a back corner and the jar of berries. He could feel Mara’s eyes on his back, watching him as he gathered another bowl and couple spoons and carried everything back to the table.

“Berries,” he informed her, dishing a generous portion out for himself. “Should be served with fluffed cream. People think you can eat them naked but you can’t.” He set the jar of berries aside and popped open the second container. “Violet cream,” he scooped large dollops of thick, velvety cream the color of a Bespin sunset into each of their bowls. “Is the best. Blue’s pretty good.” Settling back onto his stool he made a face. “The white stuff on Coruscant is strange, though.”

“Orange,” Mara blurted. Her mouth twisted like she hadn’t meant to say it, but, committed, she continued, “Krils give orange milk. The cream is – works well. For desserts.”

“You are a connoisseur!” Luke exclaimed, pleased.

She shooked her head. “My -.” She stopped, emotions he couldn’t track coloring her sense. “Ian. You’ve met him.”

“Karrde’s nephew,” he nodded.

“He’s the connoisseur.” She prodded at a berry half-heartedly with a spoon. “He keeps lists,” she offered, quietly, after a moment. “He gets that from me.”

Luke smiled, imagining the little boy sitting with Mara learning the ins-and-outs of running his uncle’s business. His earnest face screwed up with concentration as she walked him through her neat, orderly processes.

“So it was his voice in your head warning you not to eat them,” Luke chuckled.

Mara’s sense tightened and she put down the spoon. Luke instantly knew he’d said something wrong, but he wasn’t sure why. He waited, falling into a shallow, meditative breathing pattern in hopes of keeping his own sense level and calm. Reassuring. They were friends – she’d tell him what she could. He just needed to give her space.

“Were your Aunt and Uncle strict? When you were young?”

“Yes,” Luke said honestly. “But they had to be. Tatooine was a dangerous place. All the more so for little boys with unexplained hunches and curiosity too big for their boots.” He hesitated. “Were your parents strict?”

Mara’s hands fisted and she pulled them into her lap. “I didn’t have parents. Only – I didn’t break rules. I couldn’t afford to.” She swallowed. “It wasn’t safe.”

Abused. Luke struggled to keep his own muscles from locking up. She was barely bigger than Leia - she’d have been tiny as a child. That someone could have raised a hand to her -. He took a deep breath. Let it out slowly. That was over, now. She had Talon.

“I didn’t master the exercise this afternoon,” she said, her voice low and strained. “Not even after – when everyone else left. I couldn’t do it.”  

Luke wanted to reassure her that it was fine – normal even. Only Kam and Kiriana Ti had gotten it right off, and they’d both had previous exposure to something similar. But the words caught in his throat, the Force urging him to wait.

“I still hear him,” she whispered, loathing deep in her voice. “Telling me I haven’t earned anything – I shouldn’t even have had dinner. I didn’t deserve it.”

Pain washed through him but, to his surprise, she picked up the spoon again resolutely. Dipping it into her bowl, she caught a single berry and giant gob of cream and then closed her eyes.

“You are dead,” she intoned, solemnly.

The air around them hushed with the feel of a powerful rite. Luke quickly filled is own spoon with berries and cream and closed his eyes.

“I am not yours, I am mine. My body is mine. My mind is mine. My power is mine.”

Luke half-opened one eye, unable to resist peeking as her voice gained strength and her sense evened out with the recitation.

“Yoieu kark cay wa saieu doyapa che dokahnag.“  

Shocked, Luke burst out laughing, both his eyes going wide as Mara emphatically stuffed the spoon in her mouth.

Mara lifted her chin, refusing to back down as she chewed, but pink tinged her cheeks – the only time he’d ever seen her blush.

“Koee goo doth kark cay wa saieu doyapa che dokahnag,” he said, raising his spoon in toast and then gulping down his own bite.

[abyssent]

Note: bold = yes, italics = sometimes/maybe

stereotypical masculine side.

You love hoodies. You love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. It’s hilarious when people get hurt. Shopping is torture. Sad movies suck. You own a car racing game. You played with hot wheels cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You owned a ds, ps2, n64, or sega.  You used to be obsessed with power rangers. You have watched sports on tv. Gory movies are cool. You go to your dad for advice. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You used to collect hockey cards. Baggy sweats are cool to wear. It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. You talk with food in your mouth. You sleep with your socks on at night. You have fished at least once.

stereotypical feminine side.

You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. You go to your mom to talk. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like going to the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. You cried watching the notebook. Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don’t like the movie star wars. You are/were in gymnastics. It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like don’t mind wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing high heel shoes. You used to play with dolls as little kid. You like putting make-up on others. You like being the star of everything.

appearance.

I am shorter than 5′5″. I have many scars. I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have a tattoo. I am self-conscious about my appearance. I’ve had/have braces. I’ve been told i’m attractive by a complete stranger. I have more than two piercings. I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

experiences.

I’ve gotten lost in my city. I’ve seen a shooting star. I’ve wished on a shooting star. I’ve seen a meteor shower. I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I’ve been to a casino. I’ve been skydiving. I’ve gone skinny-dipping. I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car. I’ve been skiing. I’ve been in a musical. I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue. I’ve seen the northern lights. I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. I’ve played a prank on someone. I’ve ridden in a taxi. I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show. I’ve eaten sushi. I’ve been snowboarding.

honesty / crime.

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I’ve snuck out. I’ve lied to my parents parental figure about where I am. I’ve cheated while playing a game. I’ve ran a red light. I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight. I’ve been arrested. (more like evaded arrest.)

death and suicide.

I’m afraid of dying. I hate funerals. I’ve witnessed someone/something dying. Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide. I’ve planned my own suicide before. I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

random.

I can sing well. Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. I open up to others easily. I watch the news. I don’t kill bugs. I sing in the shower. I am a morning person. I paid for a cell phone ring tone. I am a sports fanatic. I twirl my hair. I care about grammar. I have “?”’s in my screen name. I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day. I bake well. My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange. I would wear pajamas to school. I like martha stewart. I know how to shoot a gun. I laugh at my own jokes. I eat fast food weekly. I’ve not turned anything in and still got an a in a certain class. I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room. I am ticklish. I love white chocolate. I bite my nails. I’m good at remembering faces. I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates. I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[brightlytae]

3, 4, 7, 10, 12, 16, 19, 23, 26, 27, 31, 34, 37, 38, 40, 44, 48, 52, 56, 59, 60, 61, 64, 67, 69, 73, 77, 78, 83, 85, 88, 94, 97, 99!!

3) eye colour: Green

4) Do you like your name? Why? I do like my name! I feel like it suits me... like idk why but its nice and short and where I live, it’s rare so i feel kinda unique ahah

7) Hair colour: Blonde

10) Answered here!

12) What size bed do you have? double 

16) Favourite make up brands: Mac, morphe, anastasia beverly hills, revolution, Nyx, 

19) shoe size? uk size 6!

23) Answered here!

26) Pillow number: 4! 

27) Do you have a job? lol nope

31) answered here!

34) Favourite actress?

37) Read A lot? Fave Book? I do read a lot... or i used to before uni work took over my life. The Princess Bride.

38) Money or Brains? brains 100% intelligence is so attractive to me

40) How many times have you been to the hospital? far too many to count. Fun Fact! I’ve seen almost every single specialist department at the hospital! Also! most of the blood nurses recognise me so i get to skip the lines!

44) Biggest fear? gosh i have so many... 

48) Role Model? Lin Manuel Miranda and Shonda Rhimes

52) Dream Car? VW trekker 181

56) Rural areas or suburbs? i would normally say rural area but honestly im starting to think suburbs??

59) Do you smile for pictures? Always because i dont know how to pose any other way

60) How many pictures do you have on your phone? 1,359

61) Have you ever peed in the woods? I have not. I don’t even think ive ever been in the woods long enough to ever have to thankfully

64) Dipping sauce? bbq or perinaise (its a uk thing, look it up!)

67) Hobbies? at the minute all of my spare time is devoted to art, writing or music 

69) Instrument? I used to play piano

73) Do you want to get married? The thought would be nice but like im also not really sure...

77) Do you miss anyone right now? A few people...

78) Sleep with door open or closed? closed!

83) Regular or golden oreos? ive never had a golden oreo so gotta go with reg

85) What shirt are you wearing? Im actually wearing a mens department oversized striped jumper that is very cute and very comfortable

88) Do you like it when people play with your hair? No, not really at all tbh!

94) Answered Here!

97) chocolate type? Milk chocolate

99) Zodiac Sign? Cancer 

Thank  you!! 💕💕

[zrdu]

prompt; came to the gym to work out but holy god i can’t stop watching you do one armed push ups that’s so hot DD:

I don’t know WHY i completely butchered this prompt im sorry enjoy (also ive never written liam so forward this is new to me also im feelin it)

*

When Louis had insisted last week that the two of them should join the gym and start working their bodies, Zayn had been dubious. One week later, when he’s covered in sweat, every muscle in his body aching, he is absolutely livid.

‘I can’t believe you made me pay to torture myself for two hours! You said I would enjoy it!’

Louis just sighs at him, flicking a towel over his shoulder. ‘Don’t be so dramatic, it’ll be easier tomorrow. You just have to get your body used to it.’

'Tomorrow? You’re insane if you think I’m coming here again.’

Louis shrugs into a sweater, and passes Zayn’s to him. 'You’ve paid for your membership, can’t just waste all that money can you,’ Louis reprimands, 'Plus I need company, and the whole point of training your body is that it gets easier over time. You’ll be more ready for this tomorrow.’

The next day, Zayn was ready.

It was late in the evening when they got to the gym, the sun had long before set and the sky outside was pitch black. It was the only time both of them were off work at the same time, and Louis decides that quality time should be spent at the gym.

When they get inside, Louis’ waxing on about cardio while climbing onto a treadmill and Zayn sits down on the one beside him but doesn’t turn it on.

'What the hell are you doing?’ Louis snaps, looking down at Zayn who was comfortably propped on the foot of the treadmill.

'Keepin’ you company.’ Zayn responds, tugging his gym bag closer to him. 'Trust me, it’s better for both of us this way.’

He unzips the bag and pulls out a bag of doritos, 'Don’t mind me, just do you thing.’ Zayn says, opening the packet noisily. 'I’m just going to sit here and look out for gorgeous sweaty blokes.’

Louis just rolls his eyes, putting his attention to his workout and slipping his earbuds in.

For the first half of the session, it was pretty uneventful, Zayn just spends his time catching up with some episodes on his phone and snacking on toffee popcorn. This was a much better gym session than yesterday’s, he doesn’t know why he didn’t just do this earlier.

His attention is drawn away from his phone when two boys around his age walk in, the taller curly-haired one biting back a laugh when his eyes land on Zayn, surrounded by sugary snacks.

'Now that, I can get behind.’ He says to his friend, pointing a thumb over his shoulder as they walk past him.

'Shut up and get on the weights, Harry.’ The other one says. Zayn cranes his neck a little to get a better look at the friend who was being shadowed by Harry, and he’s positively drooling when he sees the back of a tight black tank too stretched over broad shoulders.

Zayn takes a sip of his chocolate milk to calm himself.

He learns a little while later, as the two friends talk to each other while lifting weights, that Gorgeous Muscled Dude is called Liam.

Zayn isn’t daydreaming about sighing that name into the other man’s mouth with a hand tucked between his thighs, he isn’t.

He is however, half an hour later, supporting a semi in his gym shorts when Liam starts doing pushups, and Zayn isn’t creepily watching him, Liam was in his line of sight constantly and he had no where else to look.

Liams bare shoulders were shining with sweat as the material of his top strained against his back, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he focused on his task.

His biceps were bulging and flexing sinfully, his skin tan and taught and delicious. Zayn thinks about how easily he could be man-handled by him as arousal tugs at his stomach.

'You done creepin’ on random dudes?’ Louis asks, flopping down beside him, his cheeks pink from exertion.

'Nah, still browsing.’ Zayn hums in response, popping a red Gummy Bear in his mouth. He chokes on it a little when Liam holds one arm behind his back and proceeds to do one-armed pushups.

'Damn,’ Louis whistles, 'You think he’ll give me pointers?’ He asks as he grabs Zayn’s sweets and shoves a handful in his mouth.

'You think he’ll give me his dick?’ Zayn counters.

'You’ve been ogling him very indiscreetly for the last hour, we’ll just have to see what he does with all this attention.’

Zayn stands by the benches in a secluded corner of the changing room as he waits for Louis to shower. He considers sitting down, but the varnished wood was covered in a layer of water or possibly sweat, and he wasn’t about to risk it.

'Hey.’

Zayn’s head snaps up from where he was longingly staring at the bench, and is met with a pair of familiar brown eyes.

Liam looks like he’s holding back an amused smile as he stops in front of Zayn, throwing his towel ober his shoulder and oh god – it’s never that hot when somebody else does it.

'Hi,’ Zayn manages to get out.

'Was wondering if you could help me out a little?’ Liam asks, and there’s something confident and knowing in his eyes. Zayn wishes he was more subtle with his ogling, because he was very much about to get chewed out for it.

Zayn just nods rapidly, trying to lean his arm back onto the tiled wall, but it’s wet and his elbow slips a little, so he’s back to standing upright with an embarrassed tint in his cheeks.

'See, I went a bit over-board with my workout today, I don’t usually like to push my mself too far but,’ Liam pauses, his eyes flickering from Zayn’s face to his chest, and then back up again. 'Felt as if I had an audience, you know?’

Zayn’s cheek burn with embarrassment but somehow that doesn’t stop the arousal pooling at the bottom of his stomach.

'So I worked to impress, and now I’m seeing black dots in my vision because my glucose levels have dropped.’ Liam moves forward ever so slightly, and Zayn swallows as he leans back on the wall to create some dostance between them. 'Any idea where I can get some sugar from?’

Zayn blinks at him for a second, because just a moment ago he was certain Liam was moving to him and now he isn’t quite certain, what if he really just needed some sugar so he doesn’t pass out on his way home? Zayn panics for a second, thinking about what sugary snacks he has left in his bag, but then Liam moves closer again, so close that their chests were almost pressed together.

He moves one leg in between Zayn’s, who sucks in a sharp breath at the contact, jutting forward a little for more friction.

Liam’s face was only inches apart now, and he moves slow enough that Zayn almost wants to grab him by his shirt and push their mouth together.

Liam is more tactful, though. His lips barely bursh against Zayn’s who lets out a little shuddering breath, then he pushes his tongue out and into Zayn’s mouth, licking the roof of his mouth in one swipe and pulling back again.

‘Strawberry,’ Liam notes, licking his own lips. 'Tastes good.’

'Gummy bears,’ Zayn blurts out out, and Liam smiles at him, amused.

'Think that’s enough sweet for me?’ Liam asks, bracing both of his hands either side of Zayn, hands pressed against the tiles.

'No,’ Zayn responds, almost desperately.

Liam smirks, making a humming noise as if to consider this.

Zayn makes an impatient noise, and he doesn’t know where he gets the courage from (probably from being trapped against the wall by the most attractive guy he’s ever seen) and leans forward to slot their mouths together.

Liam laughs into his mouth, putting his hands either side of Zayn’s face and kissing him with a filthy amount of tongue. He rolls his leg around Zayn’s crotch, eliciting an embarrassing whine from the boy.

'Liam, by the way.’ He says, pulling away from Zayn breathlessly. 'I don’t do gym hookups, usually.’

'Zayn.’ He replies. 'And I don’t do gym. At all.’

Liam grins at him, all pearly white teeth with wet pink lips stretched over them. He nips at Zayn’s jaw, Liam’s teeth dragging across his skin before he moves up to his mouth again, kissing him and licking at his tongue.

'Feeling better?’ Zayn asks with a smirk, when Liam pulls off him.

'Much better, yeah.’ He responds, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

His eyes drop to Zayn’s crotch then, where the bulge in his shorts was becoming increasingly obvious.

'Can’t leave you here high and dry then, can I?’

'No definitely, not.’ Zayn reorts, and his new found confidence makes another reappearance as he puts his hands on Liams shoulders (and swoons internally because they are are smooth and hard as the look) and pushes him backwards gently until they stumble into a shower stall.

Liam’s mouth is on his immediately, crowding him into a corner and digging his fingers into Zayn’s sides.

Zayn hisses out a gasp when Liam drags a finger across the waistband of his shorts teasingly before he dips his hand inside.

He cups Zayn’s cock from outside his boxers, squeezing slightly until he lets out a desperate keening sound.

'You were fantasising about this, weren’t you?’ Liam lets out gruffly into Zayn’s neck, sinking his teeth in gently.

'Yes -fuck, just-’ Zayn gets out breathlessly, ’Please,’

'Please, what?’ Liam asks, his voice sweet.

'Your hands-’ Zayn says desperately, as he grabs the waistband of his boxers with his shorts and pulls them down together.

Liam lets out a quiet breath of an amused laugh against his skin, before he wraps his hand around Zayn’s bare cock. His thumb swipes at the pre-come gathered at the head, and he spreads it across his dick as he starts tugging at his legnth.

'Fuck,’ Zayn groans, as Liam finds his pace and pumps his cock in a quick rhythm.

His breathless moans and Liam’s laboured breathing bounce around the little stall until Zayn let’s out a moan and Liam slaps a hand over his mouth to shush him.

He feels the bottom of his stomach tighten, and he bites down on the fleshy part of Liam’s palm to hold back the noise that threatens to escape him as his orgasm washes over him.

Liam moves his hand from his mouth and Zayn lets out a loud breathless gasp, slumping against the wall.

He shimmies his pants back on, as Liam runs the tap to tidy himself, a satisfied smirk on his face.

'What was that you said about gym hookups?’ Zayn asks, his voice sounding more shattered than he expected.

'You gave me the shot of sugar I needed, so I owed you, didn’t I?’

Zayn huffs out a laugh, unlocking the door and letting them out.

Louis stands on the other side of the room by the sink, his eyebrows raised and arms crossed over his chest.

'Really, Zayn?’ He asks, his eyes going from him to Liam.

Liam’s curly haired friend is by the benches, a blush on his cheeks as he eyes the two of them skeptically.

'Hey,’ Liam turns out thrns to him, 'Maybe we can do this again, without our mates as spectators.’

'Oh,’ Zayn says, his brows raised in surprise. 'Yes, definitely, that would be nice.’

'Oh, I will be there.’ Louis interrupts sharply. 'And I will be spectating.’

[surveyhoursss]

91.

1. My boy side

I love hoodies. I love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. It’s hilarious when people get hurt. Shopping is torture Sad movies suck You own a car racing game. You played with hot wheels cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You owned a ds, ps2, ps3, n64, or sega.   You used to be obsessed with power rangers. You have watched sports on tv. Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice. You Hate Drama. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You used to collect hockey cards. Baggy sweats are cool to wear. It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. You talk with food in your mouth. You sleep with your socks on at night. You have fished at least once.

2. My girl side

You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. You go to your mum to talk. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like going to the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. You cried watching the notebook. Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don’t like the movie star wars. You are/were in gymnastics. It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing high heel shoes. You used to play with dolls as little kid. You like putting make-up on others. You like being the star of everything.

3. Appearance

I am shorter than 5′5″. I have many scars. I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have a tattoo. I am self-conscious about my appearance. I’ve had/have braces. I’ve been told i’m attractive by a complete stranger. I have more than two piercings.                                                                         I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

4. Experiences

I’ve gotten lost in my city. I’ve seen a shooting star. I’ve wished on a shooting star. I’ve seen a meteor shower. I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I’ve been to a casino. I Always Get Mistaken As Much Older Than I Actually Am. I’ve been skydiving. I’ve gone skinny-dipping. I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car. I’ve been skiing. I’ve been in a musical. I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue. I’ve seen the northern lights. I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. I’ve played a prank on someone. I’ve ridden in a taxi. I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show. I’ve eaten sushi. I’ve been snowboarding.

5. Relationships

I’m single. I’m in a relationship. I’m engaged. I’m married. I miss someone right now. I’ve Played With Someones Emotions On Purpose Before. I’ve gotten divorced. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

6. Honesty/Crime

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I’ve snuck out I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve cheated while playing a game. I’ve ran a red light. I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight. I’ve been arrested.

7. Death and suicide

I’m afraid of dying. I hate funerals. I’ve thought about how i would die. I’ve seen someone/something dying. I’ve had a near death experience. Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide. I’ve planned my own suicide before. I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

8. Random

I can sing well   Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. I open up to others easily. My Parents Are Divorced. I watch the news. I don’t kill bugs. I sing in the shower. I am a morning person. Ive been abused. I paid for a cell phone ring tone. I am a sports fanatic. I twirl my hair. I care about grammar. I have “?”’s in my screen name. I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day. I bake well. My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange. I would wear pajamas to school.  I like Martha stewart. I know how to shoot a gun.

I laugh at my own jokes. cause they’re funny I eat fast food weekly. I’ve not turned anything in and still got an a in a certain class. I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room. I am ticklish. I love white chocolate. I bite my nails. I’m good at remembering faces. I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates. I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[nanalikessurveys]

1. My boy side I love hoodies. I love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. It’s hilarious when people get hurt. Shopping is torture Sad movies suck You own a car racing game. You played with hot wheels cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You owned a ds, ps2, ps3, n64, or sega.   You used to be obsessed with power rangers. You have watched sports on tv. Gory movies are cool.

You go to your dad for advice. You Hate Drama. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You used to collect hockey cards. Baggy sweats are cool to wear. It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. You talk with food in your mouth. You sleep with your socks on at night. You have fished at least once.

2. My girl side You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. You go to your mum to talk. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like going to the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. You cried watching the notebook. Dresses are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don’t like the movie star wars. You are/were in gymnastics. It takes you around one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing high heel shoes. You used to play with dolls as little kid. You like putting make-up on others. You like being the star of everything. 3. Appearance I am shorter than 5′5″. I have many scars. I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have a tattoo. I am self-conscious about my appearance. I’ve had/have braces. I’ve been told i’m attractive by a complete stranger. I have more than two piercings.                                                                           I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.

4. Experiences I’ve gotten lost in my city. I’ve seen a shooting star. I’ve wished on a shooting star. I’ve seen a meteor shower. I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts. I’ve been to a casino. I Always Get Mistaken As Much Older Than I Actually Am. I’ve been skydiving. I’ve gone skinny-dipping. I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car. I’ve been skiing. I’ve been in a musical. I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue. I’ve seen the northern lights. I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. I’ve played a prank on someone. I’ve ridden in a taxi. I’ve seen the rocky horror picture show. I’ve eaten sushi. I’ve been snowboarding. 5. Relationships I’m single. I’m in a relationship. I’m engaged. I’m married. I miss someone right now. I’ve Played With Someones Emotions On Purpose Before. I’ve gotten divorced. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. 6. Honesty/Crime I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I’ve snuck out I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. I’ve cheated while playing a game. I’ve ran a red light. I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight. I’ve been arrested. 7. Death and suicide I’m afraid of dying. I hate funerals. I’ve thought about how i would die. I’ve seen someone/something dying. I’ve had a near death experience. Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide. I’ve planned my own suicide before. I’ve written a eulogy for myself. 8. Random I can sing well   Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. I open up to others easily. My Parents Are Divorced. I watch the news. I don’t kill bugs. I sing in the shower. I am a morning person. Ive been abused. I paid for a cell phone ring tone. I am a sports fanatic. I twirl my hair. I care about grammar. I have “?”’s in my screen name. I’ve copied more than 30 cd’s in a day. I bake well. My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple, or orange. I would wear pajamas to school.                                                                             I like Martha stewart. I know how to shoot a gun. I laugh at my own jokes. cause they’re funny I eat fast food weekly. I’ve not turned anything in and still got an a in a certain class. I can’t sleep if there is a spider/cockroach in the room. I am ticklish. I love white chocolate. I bite my nails. I’m good at remembering faces. I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates. I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.