#ive purposefully not looked at the months other than january just to make sure it was bad and it looks like its quotes from the show along

[jacobglaser]

If anyone's in the market for an official 2023 SPN calender I am now the proud owner of 3 courtesy of myself, @drunknoah and my mum. Fuck me.

[btsslowburnfic]

BTBY Chapter 14

Series Summary: For Namjoon, the moment he set his sights on being the #1 rapper, he pushed the symbol to the side and hated it. Love should be chosen, not forced on you. He didn’t believe in fate and this mark on his wrist was a big “fuck you” to all that.

Chapter Summary: Let’s have a throwdown in your hospital room

Previous chapter here 

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You didn’t even realize you had been flirting with Namjoon so you move right along as though nothing had happened. “Ben! Oh my gosh. I was so worried about you. Come here,” you open your arms for a hug and he slowly walks over, pulling you against his side awkwardly.

Namjoon puts his hands on his thighs and stands up, giving Ben a nod of the head. “Well I’ll leave you two to it.”

“No man, you don’t have to go anywhere,” Ben responds, pulling back from you. “I’m sure [y/n] really appreciates having you here. Don’t you?”

Ah, the forced implied question that Ben now wants you to answer. You feel like he's being a little aggressive even though the words he’s saying seem friendly enough. You move along, “Of course. I do. Hey,” you turn back to Ben and shake his arm, “Where were you? We’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Xavier even went to the apartment. I was really worried.” You look up at him.

“Why does Xavier think he can just go to our apartment?” Ben deflects.

You laugh a bit, an awkward sound of disbelief. “Um because I asked him to. I thought you might be hurt or something. You know he and Joe have a key and house-sit for us all the time. Why are you being such a weirdo? Is it because Namjoon’s here?” You gesture over towards the chair side of the room.

Namjoon has been busying himself with looking at the ceiling, looking at his phone, really anything to distract himself from the sheer awkwardness in the room until he hears his name again. “I’m going to go ahead and grab dinner with Tae. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Oh, ok. Bye,” You say as he walks out. Ben just stands there, shaking his leg slightly. “Hey. This is my first time seeing you since I woke up from a coma. Why are you being such a weirdo?”

“Uh I don’t know? Maybe because you apparently found your soulmate in January and didn’t think to say anything to me. Not when you found out. Not when I proposed. Nothing.” He says, his voice tinged with anger.

You look up at him confused, “We agreed we didn’t care. Meeting my soulmate didn’t change how I felt about you so I didn’t think it mattered.”

Ben presses his lips together, “Did you tell Xavier?” He raises his eyebrows, as though he doesn’t already know the answer.

You scoff, “Why do you keep bringing Xavier into this?”

“You always bring Xavier into everything,” he retorts.

“He’s my best friend. I’m not going to justify the conversations I choose to have with him, or the fact that he has a key to our house when you and I both agreed on it last year. You keep making this about other people.” You are starting to become angry. And your head is beginning to throb. 

“You know what. Coming here was a bad idea.” Ben says, backing up to the door.

Your head hurts so bad. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, ok? I just didn’t want it to change anything between us. I love you. I don’t love Namjoon. I barely know him. Why does it matter so much to you?.”

“It just does. You should have told me,” he raises his voice. “I’ve been operating under this assumption that everything was the same for 6 months.”

“Everything is the same!” you yell. You also push the morphine button a bit. This is way too much activity for today. Your heart rate and blood pressure monitors are also beginning to climb.

“It’s not! I can't believe I sat by your bed for 3 days waiting for you to wake up.”

“Oh really? I’m sorry, did you have somewhere else important to be? Sorry me getting fucking run over was such a big inconvenience for you.” You can’t believe you are having this argument. You especially can’t believe you are having this argument while you are in a hospital bed with an IV still attached. You begin to get grey spots in the periphery of your vision.

“How did he know to come here, huh?”

You shake your head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“How did that guy, Namwhatever, know to come to this hospital? Did Xavier tell him?”

“Jesus Christ. It’s all about Xavier again. Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t know how he knew ok? I didn’t ask because it doesn’t matter to me.”

“You’re so fucking selfish. You think you can have me and a soulmate? You think I should keep sacrificing my time for you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? WE SAID WE DIDN’T CARE. I MEANT IT.” You are beginning to feel your eyes get wet and you can hear the beeps ever increasing on the machines next to you.

Ben gets closer to you, you have never seen him so angry before. “You don’t fucking understand anything...I could have been…” 

“Hey. I think that’s enough Ben.” You hear Namjoon’s deep voice in the room again. “You’re screaming at a girl who just woke up from a coma. She’s clearly in pain. If you want to argue with someone, argue with me.” His voice remains calm and steady even though he feels his hands shaking with anger and hides them behind his back.

You just sit there crying and trying to get your breathing back under control.  Oh God, is there going to be a fight in your hospital room?

Ben turns to face Namjoon, his voice calm and icy. “I’m sorry, did anybody ask you to be here?”

Namjoon looks past Ben and over at you, trying to assess what you want to happen. “No, but I don’t think anyone asked you to come in here and scream at [Y/N] either. She literally just got out of a coma.”

“Fuck you dude. I don’t know you. She doesn’t really know you either. No one asked you to come here.” Ben responds.

“Just stop.” You say from the bed. Your head feels like it’s exploding from the inside out. “Ben I want you to leave.”

“Excuse me?” He turns back around.

“You’re being a dick. Just leave.” You say and it sounds more sad than angry. “I don’t have the energy to fight with you. Just be mad at me. It’s fine. I don’t care anymore.” The morphine is starting to kick in and your eyelids begin to close.

Ben rubs his hand along his jawline, opening and closing his mouth a few times while trying to form thoughts.

“Look, I’m sorry she didn’t tell you.” Namjoon, ever the diplomat, tries to smooth things over.

“Yeah whatever.” He throws his hands up in the air, “she’s all yours dude.” He walks out, purposefully bumping up against Namjoon’s shoulder on the way out. 

Namjoon sighs and walks back over to the chair he’s called home for the past few days. He had been riding down the elevator when he suddenly became overwhelmed with sadness, anger, and fear. He also started to get a killer fucking headache so he figured he should come back and see if everything was ok. He had tried to respect your guys’ privacy right up until he heard the vitals monitors pace continue to climb. When Ben started to yell at you and call you selfish, Namjoon had had enough. Ben clearly had some shit going on. Your soulmate had only known you for a short period of time, but he knew that was one thing you weren’t.

Namjoon took out his phone.

[NJ]: Well Ben showed up. 

[X]: That’s great, finally. Where was he?

[NJ]: No idea. He wouldn’t say. And not great. He screamed at [Y/N]. Is this normal for them?

[X]...............

[X]: I am going to fucking murder him. I am going to run over him in a car, put it in reverse, and do it again. 

[X]: I’ll be over there in a while, I have two more classes to teach. Rafael should be there soon also. Thanks. I’m so fucking angry.

Namjoon kept scrolling through his phone. A nurse came in to check on you. “How’s she been doing?”

He smiles politely and looks up. “She’s ok. She had to use some of the morphine earlier, she got a little upset.”

“Well that’s understandable. Poor thing’s been through a lot.” The nurse takes down some information and steps back out.

Namjoon texts Tae to confirm their dinner plans and then begins to play a movie on his phone.

About an hour later, Rafael shows up. “Hey.” He says shyly. “I don’t know if we really met last time you were here. I was the sound guy for you guys.”

“Hi there,” Namjoon stands up. “Namjoon. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Rafael,” the two shake hands. 

Namjoon can tell Rafael isn’t much of a talker, unlike your friend Xavier. 

“If it’s ok with you I’m going to take off to go meet my friend for dinner.”

“Of course. Thanks for coming to support [Y/N]. I know it was probably really hard for you to make it here.” Rafael says thoughtfully as Namjoon heads towards the door.

“It was no problem. I’m glad I came,” Namjoon responds. And to his own surprise, he actually means it. NEXT CHAPTER

Tag list: @calling-dips-on-j-hope  @ghostkat23  @cuteipat @marianeamine  @thisisval    @almonte12  @themisunderstoodblackswan​  @bobbyboops​

[machinakrp]

>> OPEN OH NOEUL’S FILE …

:// AGE — 24 :// OCCUPATION — beat cop / undercover cop :// CLASS — elysium native

>> LOADING DEVELOPMENT …

:// MODIFICATIONS —

out of lack of money alone, noeul doesn’t have any personal augmentations. any money he did manage to save up went towards any augmentations he found necessary for his little sister instead. as a result, all of noeul’s current augmentations were added and paid for by the station out of necessity.

cyberoptic camera: neo seoul’s answer to the police body camera’s of yore, these are required for all officers to install. technically, they’re supposed to keep it on at all times on-duty, indicated by a little red light glowing on the skin in the corner of their eye. when on, it records everything he see’s and uploads it all to the precinct’s cloud. when he was chosen to undercover, they upgraded the camera, allowing the red light to be off even while he’s recording.

hidden built-in compartment: again, something he was given after his undercover assignment, the augmentation replaces part of his upper leg with a small metallic compartment, allowing him to stow away his gun. it acts as an undetectable holster, as his skin was placed over the metallic door to disguise it naturally. to open the compartment, he has a small trigger behind his right ear that will activate only when he places his right hand’s index finger on it for one second. this allows for easy access and ensures no one else aside from himself can accidentally (or purposefully) open it.

cyberaudio: implemented as built-in chips into both of his ears and yet again something that was given after his latest assignment, this augmentation grants him a wider radius of hearing, as well as improving his sound recognition. he’s better able to distinguish wind or other odd sounds from actual human footsteps, for example, and his hearing radius has expanded to as far as he can see, though the sound gets slightly muddled and harder to recognize the farther it is. but should he need to, he is able to adjust the radius if he wants to make it smaller and his hearing more accurate as well.

radio link: another required installation for officers, the radio link replaces the walkie talkies of days past. it’s an upgraded feature of his cyberaudio augmentation chips, only audible in his right ear and can be toggled on/off by a fingerprint sensor chip in his left wrist. on default, it was only wired directly to his precinct’s frequency, but he has had it jailbroken to allow connection to other frequencies, most notably to his sister’s radio link.

>> LOADING BIOGRAPHY …

tw verbal abuse, death, child abandonment and neglect

POLICE REPORT [ CASE NO. 21460930 ]

first incident: the birth of oh noeul

– [ details of event ]

on the last day of september, year 2146 at 0928 hours, lee miran gave life to a baby boy she later named oh noeul. the husband was no where to be found, claiming his inability to get out of work even for the birth of his first son. miran did not seem to mind, mumbling something about understanding and not being able to afford rent that month and desperately needing those paid hours. upon hearing this, the nurse moved swiftly to get them discharged (read: kicked out), pulling iv’s and wires out and shoving a barely bathed, still crying noeul into his mother’s arms. they were left out on the street slick with rain and grime within the following thirty minutes, the door to the underground ‘hospital’ locked behind them.

miran walked home, singing old lullabies to her son all the way there. but the lock would not turn for her key.

– [ actions taken ]

oh kyungsub, noeul’s father, got up from his desk at his precinct’s station and caved for the first time, but certainly not the last. there has always been more money in dirty bribes than in honest hours, after all. one simple write-off gathered him more than enough to slam hard cash onto their landlord’s desk in a fit of anger. later, he sold his morals for retribution too, for making sure that same underground hospital’s door was locked for good.

second incident: noise complaints lodged towards the oh family’s semi-basement home

– [ details of event ]

on the 15th day of august, year 2152 at 0314 hours, the neighbors living just feet away from the oh family called the police to complain about loud noises from the semi-basement keeping them up. this was not the first or last time they called.

oh kyungsub had just returned home, reportedly smelling like alcohol and smoke. upon arrival, he started yelling at his wife and waking up oh noeul (six years old) to do just the same. that only instigated further yelling until the argument went from being angry at noeul’s existence forcing him to go against his own morals, to blaming miran for doing nothing all day and being useless at even taking care of their child. then, it devolved to him almost threatening noeul to cry for christ’s sake, because did he have no shame for what he’s done to their family?

noeul just shook his head, silent. he had already run out of tears over this repeated event. instead, he waited for his father’s slurred words to wind down. he waited for his mother to retreat back to their room, resigned and listless like she’d always been since noeul could recently remember, leaving him to take care of the mess left behind as usual. when his father collapsed against their tattered couch and knocked a few bottles on the side table over, noeul righted his head and tossed a blanket over him, dutifully picking up the broken bottle glass soon after.

the sun rose before noeul finished and rather than going to sleep, he scoured the kitchen for something to cook for the first meal of the day.

– [ actions taken ]

there were no actions taken by the police regarding the noise complaint, because of course not. they wouldn’t betray one of their own, especially not one willing to accept even the dirtiest of bribes if it meant money to keep a roof over his head. even if he complained constantly about hating it, about feeling vile.

noeul, on the other hand, made a promise to himself to not become his dad. he went out of his way to be an upstanding citizen in a crooked city, picking trash up off the streets, giving even the smallest scraps of food he could to any of the homeless he came across, buying old school earplugs for his neighbors and telling them about some affordable hearing augmentations he researched. he bottled his anger instead of projecting it, pressure slowly building inside him, waiting to burst.

noeul grew up and cared for himself and his parents because they couldn’t do it themselves.

third incident: the birth of oh goeul

– [ details of event ]

on the 13th day of january, year 2153, lee miran gave life to a baby girl she later named oh goeul. the husband was no where to be found. miran said nothing about it this time. in fact she barely said a word. the baby was an accident, and noeul, then eight years old, was the only one to welcome her warmly. he cradled her before their mom even did and whispered promises to shield her, to care for her, promises he intended to keep (promises he wished were made to him).

because her presence meant another mouth to feed, another body to clothe. meant more money. meant more selling of oh kyungsub’s soul, if there was even anything left. and so, verbal fights continued like they always had. tension grew further, became palpable, insufferable.

on the 13th day of january, year 2158, lee miran left.

– [ actions taken ]

oh kyungsub did not notice her absence until three days later, and all he did was laugh and mutter something about it being about damn time. the yelling didn’t stop, though, chorused this time by little oh goeul’s cries. miran’s absence didn’t mean he could quit being an informant, could quit turning his cheek away from crimes. he was in too deep now, and there were still 2 extra mouths to feed. and so it continued.

nothing changed, no different course of action was taken.

noeul continued to bottle his emotions because he had no time to process them.

noeul continued to raise goeul and watch after his dad when he came home wasted in the middle of the night because someone had to.

noeul became atlas, holding the weight of his world on his twelve year old shoulders and tried so hard not to buckle under it.  

fourth incident: assault with deadly weapon in a corner convenience store

– [ details of event ]

on the 13th day of january, year 2158, it rained. on the 14th day of january, year 2159, it poured. at 2309 hours in a dimly lit convenience store, officer oh kyungsub called in for backup. by the time they arrived, it was too late. they roped off the store, made a mess of its produce, burned the surveillance footage, and called it an open and shut case. robbery gone haywire, they said. wrong place, wrong time. they failed to report that the store was a front for a particularly prominent drug lord at the time that kyungsub may have wronged.

either way, the oh siblings were left completely on their own.

– [ actions taken ]

noeul didn’t grieve again. not healthily, anyway. not at first. someone had to take care of goeul, someone had to be strong for her and there was no one else now but him. their aunt moved in with them, but she might as well shouldn’t have. she was less equipped to be a parental figure than noeul was at thirteen, and could barely cover their rent.

so, noeul took to the streets. not to pick pocket or swipe snacks from the convenience stores nearby, but to look for any odd jobs people would allow a child to do. babysitting, cleaning rooms, handing out flyers, whatever was available.

(and still, it was barely enough).

fifth incident: disturbance at a vr café

– [ details of event ]

on the 20th of june, year 2162 witnesses reported a fight breaking out in the alleyway beside a bootleg vr café. at the center of the incident was oh noeul, lips cut up bloody and knuckles even more so.

but he was not a victim. in fact, he laughed when familiar police officers arrived.

the other assailant, even bloodier and swollen, claimed noeul antagonized him relentlessly as if purposefully trying to pick a fight. that it was all noeul’s fault and he was just defending himself. in the end, the officers let him go and took noeul into the precinct for the countless time in the past two years.

old pals of his father, they questioned what was going on with him. but he couldn’t tell them because he barely knew himself. he didn’t realize that the pressure he built up inside finally popped, that he finally buckled under the weight on his shoulders he’s held for years. didn’t realize he was releasing all that bided anger, all that bottled stress through his bloody fists.

so he just shrugged, silently picking at his scabs until they released him once again.

– [ actions taken ]

on that particular day, no action was taken.

but on the following one, noeul picked another argument with someone larger than him he had no business fighting with. this time, it didn’t end with a call to the police. it ended with him limping back home, coughing blood and applying pressure to an open wound on his chest.

it was two in the morning by the time he made it home and the way his heart sunk when goeul opened the door ached more than all his injuries combined. the way she helped him in, a bowl of warm water and a rag already set up at the table reminded him too much of himself at her age. only, now, he became his dad. he broke his promise.

noeul vowed that night to not do it again.

sixth incident: noeul joins the force

– [ details of incident ]

on the tenth of february in the year 2168, oh noeul officially joined the elysium police force in the same precinct as his father before him. at 21, he joined a bit later than he’d hoped on account of the officers blocking his entrance every year, though noeul was none the wiser and persevered because part-time jobs weren’t going to cut it for long.

he and goeul had moved out of the semi-basement they used to call home into a larger and marginally cleaner apartment nearby as soon as he turned 18. he had saved for that moment, wanting to provide better for goeul. but his savings depleted quickly, forcing them to move to a smaller apartment at 19, and then to a studio at 20, having to take out a loan from someone he shouldn’t have.

and so joining the force was his goal. surely, he thought, a steady career would pay more.

but being stuck with demeaning beat cop duties and receiving paychecks barely larger than his part time gigs quickly proved him wrong. whispers of bribes made it his way soon enough, and still he vowed not to take them. hard, honest work, he figured, he foolishly hoped, would rise him through the ranks, would get him that detective badge he desperately wanted. as if it was the only thing that could serve as proof he was not – and never would be again – his father.

– [ actions taken ]

noeul worked hard.

that was it, and it got him no where.

nearly three years later, he was still viewed as a rookie, still given tasks to patrol the streets and not much more. it’s always been hard to climb the ranks playing fair in this city, after all, but that didn’t make the feeling of defeat discourage him any less. but in some ways, it helped him understand his father. helped him understand why he did it. why he caved, why he drank. and on occasion, he considered it himself. just small bribes, maybe. from one-time offenders, people who truly didn’t mean to, who didn’t affect the city at large.

but he never could.

so when the opportunity came for him to go undercover and infiltrate the dealings around the afterlife and ambrosia, he took it. he saw it as a turning point, a stepping stone to get him at least one rung up the ladder.

there was one problem: goeul.

but then at seventeen, his sister insisted she’d be fine living on her own. that he shouldn’t give this opportunity up on account of her, that he’d sacrificed enough for her already. he hated that he’d be on the complete other side of the city away from her, in an area that didn’t know his name, his face – but in the end, he caved. he needed to.

now, he’s been undercover for a few months, slowly making acquaintances with people he ought to arrest. he knew to begin with it’d make him feel dirty, but he didn’t anticipate everything else. didn’t anticipate the aggressive urges he bottled back up after that shameful night in his teenage years to slowly bubble again in his blood and clench his fists. didn’t anticipate just how hard it would be to resist temptation when living right in the dirty thick of elysium.